i came to get down i’m not internationally
known but i’m known to rock a microphone
oh it’s crisp and
clean with no caffeine it’s better than the
other brands i have seen it’s not a different
color like all the rest is the rat
coolest and best seven up
who sings that
third grade is that a real friends from third grade
for a walk in the garden
give me some point back
smelling more pretty
i’m looking to you feeling shitty so i’m like
what’s wrong man
i don’t mind if you tell me just stop following
yeah go smile
for yourself this is some second hand smell you dig
you talk too loud
in the movies would you please be a little bit consider
rich you found a bit
too much to think something’s on the blink
cause you got way too many dirty dishes in
yeah you need fumigation or some hard
going depths up investigation
don’t say it man just do it
wanna curl up in this warm fluid
you talk too loud in the movies
would you please be a little bit considerate
you talk too loud in the
movies would you please be a little bit considerate
talk too loud
in the movies would you please be a little bit
you talk too loud
in the movies would you please be a little bit
stop look look again someone’s looking at me through
your eyeballs and that
certain little something might go
wrong with you
you let it don’t forget it like mom i need a towel
next i use new towels on the floor
one two one two one two one
story here mad
flavor motherfucker started i gotta get mad
flavor in the house ladies and gentlemen
how you guys doing alright this is
the joe rogan experience podcast with brian rikel
aka red band
with our special guest joe coco
diaz aka mad flavor
aka planet rock
aka joey karate
sponsored as always by the
flashlight i
don’t know why i have to hold this up to the
microphone or to the because
a lot of people have seen it for the
first time right now
okay i do every time though
i don’t know why i do it i just keep holding it up
most of the people probably listen on itunes anyway
but um or the zoom
i don’t want to be
microsoft racist
right yeah totally
is there some
something here in the
background yeah
oh that’s a song
sorry it’s the show yeah
anyway flashlight
calm if you go to my website joe rogan
net there’s
a link and if you order this it gives you 15
off and code
really good if you fuck it
and one other thing
just a little shout out
because when i spoke to one of the owners chris
he said they were gonna come up with some new ideas
you know like when you buy a box of campbell
soup and shit
on the side of
it yeah it gives you the directions for campbell’s soup
but it also gives you directions for
other things you could do
and i was thinking
about other
things you could do
like you could take this out and put ice cubes in there
and fuck it you follow me a lot of people
haven’t invented that yet that ice cubes yeah it’s
ice cubes i
wouldn’t do it
but i know for
some people you put ice cubes inside a fucking drink
you put some ice cubes you
shake it up and you fuck it with dry ice
or green tea heated
you know i’m saying
cause it feels nice on your dick
oh let’s say you had a
rough night the
night before you banged 18 hookers
and your fucking dick is
bleeding you put
epsom salt in there with warm water
and you fuck the epsom salt
just a couple different recipes we have for you
at joe rogan
experience not that i
would try this shit
i know a lot of you fucking
freaks would try this
stuff at home i know redman would
definitely try it i
wouldn’t try ice cubes that
would make it
shrink and be sad well whatever the fuck
maybe somebody stepped on your dick at an
mma contest
wouldn’t dry ice burn your dick
well that’s some people like that shit talk
20 years ago i went to a club
to get quaaludes
and i walked in i’ll
never forget
it was called ramrod
it was a gay bar in the city
we were kids we were like 18 that’s the
first time i seen a dude with a cape on
i thought it was the coolest fucking
thing in the
world a man had a cape on
and i walked into this club
and before we walked in there
was a fetish club on the side there was a guy in a tub
that had a sign on him that said spit on me
that was his fetish for people to spit on
so here’s the beauty
i’m standing there
you know your jaws
going you’re drinking
you know you had to pee and also they see
twenty guys
standing on line for the fucking bathroom i
asked when i go listen
well let’s just ask the guy in the tub
if we could pee on
so i walked over to the guys can i ask you a question
do you mind if we pee on you the guys go
right ahead
there was a
point that night
i looked at him he had a circle of guys just you know
those guys that don’t want to wait online
like fuck it just pee on
when i left the guy had
three inches of pee in the fucking tub
the sign was all fucking melted
like the black
ink would have been melted
it was this guy wanted people to spit on him we
ended up pissing on him
and i pissed on him i’m guilty
of i don’t give a fuck he didn’t suck my dick and then
i would piss on anybody
i don’t give a fuck he seems like the luckiest man
alive oh please but that’s a
crazy ass fetish but
you never know
some people’s
chicken is another man’s gumbo you know i’m saying
i don’t like pissing on
myself but this guy wanted you to piss and spit on him
wow what is that
that’s crazy shit that’s
crazy shit that when i was in seattle
on wednesday
nights at the comedy club they had a fetish
club afterward
and there’s a couple times i stayed people fucking
crazy it ain’t my bag of tricks
you know but people go
crazy they put
clips on their nipples and
all that i’m not into that fucking shit but some people
where’s all that shit coming from
what’s all that come from
i don’t know the same people who are in
orders i don’t know i don’t know what
these people
fucking come
from it’s just a broken
brain like someone who just wants to
shock the shit out of everybody
i don’t know like sometimes you’re sitting there
going well i need some action in my sex life
fucking people in the ass just ain’t enough no more
i just wanna go
around and have
people piss all over me yeah like all that shit or
come on me fuck
man like my boy and it wasn’t really
the guy that wasn’t what the guy’s intentions were
the guy just wanted people to spit on him
wow i just took it to the next
level because
i’m crafty like how
about dudes
who like girls to beat the fuck out yeah there’s people
there’s a lot of them
lot of them
do to like girls to beat the shit out of them
kick them in the balls
punch them in the face
it’s fucking
there’s so many
videos online
dudes love that i go for
until like the
third smack and i lose my mind
fucking punch it
right in the
throat you know
what are you fucking
kidding me that’s a
weird instinct that is why
we fight with chicks
smack them around
or for them to
smack the fuck out of you yeah
but what are you
gonna do this people that animals all over
there’s people that only
fight with their
spouses they don’t
fight with other people they just
fight with their spouses
you know with
everybody else they like resolve arguments
with their spouses
they beat the fuck out of each other yeah
sorry i was doing some business
what were you doing
oh i got a plug
it was loose on the laptop
and it was only coming out of the left
speaker so now it’s coming out of the
right but only for
you stream oh
sorry fuckin
TikTok sorry used to
you stream so
you’ve been having a
successful podcast lately
how’s it going very good sir
you guys no
what the fuck i’m
gonna say you
just funny man very good
sir just the way you say what do you want me to say
what do you guys talk
about like what’s the
whole well what’s
the joey diaz podcast it’s with felicia
michael felicia michael who’s a hilarious comedian
and it’s called
beauty she’s
the bob cools the other
of the thing
she controls the fucking
thing cause she’s nice and white
you know the
celtics were winning in the fifties
they had four fucking
black guys jumping up and down
but the guy who was the hang wrangler was
whatever the guy just said the little
bob cuz he was the
white point guard
right you know he was five foot five
you wouldn’t listen to him
but he fucking controls you know he pulled the rings in
you know i’m saying so she’s like the
brain puller
and i go fucking nuts i don’t i know so little
about sports
no no we don’t talk
about sports on no i mean
no it’s just it’s just
i just use that
you know i just used it now i
should know
no you don’t have to know you were you fucking born
i just used a wild analogy
about it you know i’m saying
what’s up red band you’re all fucking spots
of there’s a fucking big
group of people that don’t get into any
sports at all
no sports no nothing and when you talk to him
about it just like
no i’m not really into
sports except for the
ufc i’m that person
you know i’m more than surprised at how many
people are just like that how many people don’t like
going to sports
but this there’s people that you
would never
expect that were like big ufc fans
like that i
would think
would be like like
above this right
like mike judd
the guy created beavis and butt head and you know
the the the fox show what is that fox animated show
king of the hill
king of the hill and
you know so many fucking movies
he’s a huge fan i hung out with him in austin
oh really when yeah
well i met him
before too oh really yeah i met him a long time ago
on newsradio he was
hanging out with
paul simms and they were playing instruments together
and this is when i was in full
mike judd man lust
because this is when he had
done beavis and butt head
so i was a full on fanboy
you know i was like oh man it’s fucking mike judd
his beavis and butt head
to me was the funniest cartoon of all time yeah totally
funniest animated
show corn julio
dude i remember
crying laughing
laughing so hard i couldn’t breathe
watching my show and i didn’t even
smoke pot back then wow
i didn’t even that was
the best part
about beavis and bud
getting really
stoned and watching beavis and bud
dude i got a i did something for whoever did beavis
about it something for mtv
and they hooked me up with
every episode ever on vhs wow
they gave me
boxes of them
and me and this
chick that i was dating
this is when i
first moved here
and me and this chick
i was dating just sat
in front of the tv all day we
ordered pizza
i didn’t even have a couch
and we watched
these episodes
every episode of beavis and butter
crying laughing wow
so hanging out with him
i was like this guy likes the ufc like
i would have thought you’d been
above that sir i can’t believe
you haven’t seen mediocracy yet have you
idiocracy no no
you got it you got it
if you you’re a fan of him
yeah and your theories and how you
think the world is and
stuff it combine
those two it’s that
movie yeah everybody
told me well i a lot of people actually accused me
of stealing my bit
about dumb people out bleeding
smart people but luckily
i had it on dvd before that
movie came out so no one can say oh
when did the accuracy come out
about four years ago but i think
three years ago
about was it’s the it’s the it
came to stick
world yeah yeah and it came and went
right to video i believe you know what man i read
for that look it’s a the
you know the theory that people are
dumb people are out breeding
smart people it’s not just mine but was it
just it was at the
movie where they wanted
mixed races
no no no no it’s a
movie where dumb people take over
like it’s eventually there’s no
smart people left
which is basically just like my bed
but you know everybody sees that everybody’s
you know that’s
the number one concern that an intelligent person has
is that look how many
dumb people are having kids look how many dumb people
are in your
school system clogging up
the system with
their fucking
kids that are already
predestined for retardation
just by the way you’ve raised them you’ve just fucked
their heads up it’s
been raising
what they’re
supposed to also
lately i’ve been
watching a little bit more
television just so i
could be in the fucking loop
instead of criticizing i’ve been
watching more television
it’s fucking
scary guys reality
tv i’ve been
watching the
like for the
first time i didn’t know who
these people were
and i wanted to see what this is
about that is the goofiest
fucking show ever
yeah it’s ridiculous there is some shows out there
but i’ll tell you what shows kicking that hoard is
how can you let yourself go you know what’s sad
makes me sad
about the kardashian show is
bruce jenner
oh he’s a bruce
jenner was a
motherfucker a
he was a fucking one of the
greatest olympians ever
what did he do the decathlon
is that what he did what the fuck did he do
the fight through he through spears
he did a super
athlete a real
true super he’s
still a bad
just got caught up he got the plastic surgery i mean i
yeah i don’t that’s just
how can one deteriorate to that
point everybody
wears his last
nobility even
young kid a
shoot this fucking botox shit
we were talking
about that could that girl heidi
heidi montag
yeah that’s what we do we talk
about her one
i know we’re talking
about it because she
apparently is friends with
brian’s friend
esther yeah
her sister podcast
together her sister
you up see ringo
for a while
for no that’s ivy hollywood whatever no no
no no that’s
from the hills
yeah you’re talking
about the one that’s in playboy
yeah i don’t know
these people i
tried guys the one
was on that show
the girls next door i
went to a party the
other day i don’t
think we didn’t talk
about this how
crazy have you ever been to a
crazy hollywood
party like you know just
thousands of thousands of dollars were
spent on a party
i was at a party the
other day that there was baby
tigers that’s how
crazy it was like burlesque dancers
the biggest
sushi bar you’ll ever see
and baby tigers walking around
and i was like
that’s ridiculous
and then you walk out and just like oh there’s
nicki hilton
i guess if you’re
gonna have a
party and nicki hilton’s coming to a party
you have to get baby tigers
or she will be pissed off or something
you know cause
these girls have this fame now
where like the
kardashians and
stuff like that
where they go to parties and they
expect certain
things parties are weird man
parties are
weird when you’re going to
basically a club
that is someone’s house
i mean that’s what parties are
you bring your
friends and
it turns to this gigantic conversation pit of people
those are so strange man
when you don’t know people
you don’t know who’s there
there’s 100
200 people in your house
hey how many parties you’ve been over like that
that was i’ve been to like two
like the south park guys had a
party once where everyone was
dressed like moulin rouge
and they were like
everyone spent like 400
per costume at
least kind of
party it was cool you walked in
it looked like a circus
that was the
first one i went to and the
second one was this one the last one i went to was
they had staff that
was trying to keep people out of the rest of the house
they would have
staff that would
stand there with
their hands behind
their back so
they couldn’t go upstairs
you couldn’t go rummaging through
the bedrooms
and shit but they had like a living room area
where you were allowed to go to
and then some big
crazy ass backyard
and just some
nutty rich motherfucker
that just wants to have a
bunch of people over his
house no i hate
dancers on poles
you know that i hate fuck
very strange man
since i was a kid i
never really
they’re very strange i don’t like people at my
house either for a party
yeah every time the door opens
everyone’s head
turned towards the door like who’s coming
who’s it gonna be look who it is who’s it gonna be
oh it’s her there
she is i saw her in that
magazine she looks fat in person
oh my goodness she’s had some work done well a
party here and a
party where
these people are
watching it is
you guys go to a
party that’s normal
somebody puke somebody catches
a beat the purse gets robbed
that’s a fucking party
when you go to
these parties here with
these worthless
and they’re all walking around
thinking that they and it’s fucking amazing
it’s amazing that people
stand on line for
hours to go into a club
these are the
things that take me
and i get baffled by
like i wouldn’t wait fucking ten minutes to eat dinner
never mind stand
get in a fucking club
by the time i’m
standing the acid kicked in i
wouldn’t waste my fucking time
if i’m not walking in i don’t
wanna be there man
that’s a strange
thing about club
shit with big ass lines you know and then vip
tables and and whatever when i was a kid you did
coke in the bathroom that was the fucking vip all right
that was vip now you
gotta have a vip table
it’s fifteen hundred just to sit
you gotta be behind the
velvet ropes a hundred for
a bottle what if i fucking want water
listen man if you
wanna live like you’re in an r kelly
video oh fuck rules
there’s no rules i once was
i was once in one of
those lines
where i was with two girls
and we waited in line like an hour
to get into this club
and then they
get to i get to the
front and they go
the two girls can come you have to wait
and i waited for another half hour
til i get in
i get in and then they’re like and the girls
are already with guys no no the girls were like this
place sucks let’s go i’m like no
where was this
i don’t remember miscellaneous hollywood bar
wow you’re fucking
crazy that’s brutal
that’s brutal
there’s this one place
in hollywood that’s cool it’s like a bondage
type dance club
you walk in there is net
above the the bar
where people
naked girls are just climbing
above you so you’re
drinking and looking
up there’s just like spider man’s on top of you it’s
crazy wow that’s
crazy yeah weird
weird fucking
parties like that man there’s that’s like a big social
thing like who
could put on the craziest one
who can have you know
baby tigers
right you know the one i want to
just have holes
an ice cube that melts
the fuck is that
like an ice
sculpture like once the ice
sculpture is done the party
are you fucking kidding the
party’s over when i say it’s fucking over
party’s over when fucking papa
does his last fucking line that’s when it’s fucking
over fucking over
ice sculpture
are you fucking kidding me it’s a swan
oh please it’s a beautiful swan
ice at angels melt it is
amazing art
and it’s temporary just
like life it’s amazing what they’ve done to parties
people think a party
should be and how they
stand online
you wait an hour so you go to a
party for four
hours you maybe
if you’re a regular person get four fucking
drinks at the bar
by the time the bartender comes to you and you give a
it’s amazing and you’re
gonna go all do all this shit
think i’ve told the
story about the very first big
party that i ever went to i was in high school
i think i’ve told the
story before have i
it was a big brawl that broke out
i was with my pal
jimmy wallace
who was sully
on the message board and
me and him and this kid john batarako
we went to this part of this iranian kid through
this iranian kid had just
moved into town his family was very very wealthy
and he just
wanted to make some friends
so he decided he was
gonna throw a
party cause his parents
weren’t home
well this kid
was like you know like 14 15 years old or something
so he throws this fucking
party and has
just like five different high
schools there
like the entire
class like seniors
juniors everyone’s
underage everyone’s
drinking the
place is mobbed
and people are
stealing shit left and
right alright so this
place is flooded
with horny drunk
teenagers and it’s a mansion
it’s a mansion
in like this
incredible old boston neighborhood with this giant lawn
i mean it is a huge fucking place
and right in the middle of this this party
these kids are
drunk and one
chick says something fucked up to some dude
and the dude says something
fucked up to her i don’t remember what the words were
but i remember
something she did to him she either
smacked him or she
threw a drink in his face
i forgotten
because the
right hand that he hit her with
is embedded in my
brain there’s no room for anything else
this dude knew how to punch
and whatever she did to him i
think she hit him
maybe she hit him
he fucking uncorked one on her face
i’ve never seen a dude
knock a chick out like this before
he knocked a
chick out like she was a dude
boom just connected on her face with like this
perfect punch
and her arms went out
her body dropped she went totally
unconscious this dude caught her as she went
and then it was on
it was just on it was
tables were flying
glass was breaking
people were diving onto
piles of people
and it was like a fucking
movie i was like
covering my ears and
sneaking my way through the
house bro it was brawls
everywhere you looked it’s like that one punch
lit a fire that
these kids were just looking for a reason to fight
and people started
screaming at people and then
piling on top of people
and girls were fucking hitting people with
their shoes and
people were diving off piles and
other piles that’s a party jack
i got outside my friends were all cut up and shit
the fuck out of here
they just gotten through a pile
you know like dudes were just
piling on to each
other dudes are just
fighting it became like
like they got infected with that rage shit from 28 days
later wow which is
a party like that it’s tough to
stand on land for a fucking hour
just stealing vcrs and
we saw people
walking out with shit we saw them walking out with shit
they just robbed this dude’s house
he knew nobody he just
moved there
it was nuts
it was not and i’m just i’m just
thankful that nobody fucking jumped on me that’s all
i mean easily i
could have been at the bottom one of
those piles there was no logic to
those piles
those piles are just
wild chimp add alcohol
who’s this fucking prick
this fucking
prick from newton north
thinks he’s
gonna come down here
we run shit here
you know what the scariest
thing about that
whole thing is
zero cell phones
so that was like
those are good days
you had ten minutes to get your fucking car leave
and nobody took a
picture of your
license plate
you know you can hit somebody with a
chair you got
eight minutes
just to get the fuck the
bad time is back down when someone
stole your car they
stole your car
right that’s it that shit’s
gone son there’s no internet you can’t put the license
plate online
and mobile me
to find my car take
your shit man one of the biggest lessons i ever learned
i never drank
again on new year’s
never after i seen that one new years i went to a
party like that
it was very chill
everybody was having a good time
and also one of my buddies couldn’t
drink he started
drinking and he
started spitting on the
floor oh no
the people that the person said something to him
and he put like
two hundred dollars in the person said something to him
like really
he goes either i take my
money and leave
while fucking
he started some shit next
thing you know all
fight broke out
that’s the first time fuck mike tyson
danny biankulo bit my friend’s ear off that
night we had to
drive him to the hospital and with a baggie with icing
in the bottom of his
earlobe was in the
thing and he kept holding on for the car saying
as soon as i get
stitched up
i’m gonna go back there and fuck him up
it was one of
those times
the kid bit him in the ear
it was hanging
he’s got his ear and a baggie with heist
and he’s like
i hope this fucking doctor hurries
up cause i’m
gonna go back to his house
and knock the fuck out of him
he just beat you up ten times
to stop you the
tenth time he bit your fucking ear
cause he couldn’t take it no more
he didn’t know what else to tell the fucking kid
but i remember that i
never drank on new years
again i was like i never
wanna be in that position
there’s some dudes that just don’t give up no
this motherfucker till this day won’t give up
you have to kill him with a
stick but he was
covered in blood
they broke him up and he
would say okay i’m all
right he wipe his lip he’d wipe his face
they’d say go over and
shake danny’s hand
he go over to
danny said danny i’m sorry
but your mother
still a cunt
let’s go one
more fucking time
and then they do it
again for 20 minutes
the kid would
beat the fuck out of them again
all right get me all
right i’ll stop
danny will go you’re
gonna stop this time here
break it up towels ice
massages you know
stitch with to be there
and while stitch is showing them up here let me go
shake his hand bro
yeah it’s over you know what
your mother
still has vd in her asshole
jesus fucking christ
he just beat you up ten fucking times
and that’s how bad it was and i
never ever ever drag
again on new year’s dog
that’s the east
coast thing yeah
that’s a some east
coast i’ve ever taken
rocky marshino
jeans and his parents were like
where were his friends and we’re like
look at our shirt
it’s covered with fucking blood
you know i’m saying like we were holding on to him
for dear life
some people with
their kids is just like having a pitbull that gets to
leave the house and go wherever the fuck it wants right
you know with some people you know
there’s some people that have some
crazy fucking kids
could you imagine if you had a
crazy kid where
every time he was leaving the
house you knew he’s
gonna come home
covered in blood
his knuckles all fucked up
screaming and yelling at
three o’clock in the morning i just have a
feeling that if that
was to happen to me like if it got really bad that i
would be like
all right i’m taking
you to the orphanage or whatever like i feel like i
would give up
if the kid was like this little redhead kid getting in
fights every day and what
yeah you say that man
i want to shit i want this anymore
i’m going to canada
and doing crack
you have to be a real
piece of shit to give your kid up
people don’t give
their kids up
they keep trying but that’s what i’m scared of
i feel like i
would do that that’s excitement
your kid fucking getting in
trouble what
that’s exciting
your kid having some fucking drama
what kind of
let me ask you something you want to have a fag
fucking kid
is that what you want you want your kid to
really you want your kid to have some fucking opinion
even an early age and to
him to have some some opinion
there’s gonna be some problem somewhere
along the line guy
yeah that’s true you had your own fucking opinions at
eight nine i know you
and so i don’t know
about fucking you
but i know i did
i told people what the fuck
was on my mind i know you did you grew up by yourself
you want your kids that i see
these kids listen
before i was
driving i seen this kid jewish kid with a yamagon
walking around like a fucking momo with sandals on
i almost pulled over and grab them by the
shirt and said
you’re a fucking jew
act like it you dumb fuck
walking around like
some fucking dumpy wimpy dude
i’ve seen some
people you want
these fucking kids to
you act like
like a fucking juke
what mug somebody wants those
shoes or something
in a minute
you’re walking
around like a fucking bumpy dumpy and not
that’s a bumpy i
saw fucking mook
with little sandals on
look at these fucking kids
wow you want half of
these kids to be your fucking kids
what are you
about fucking
johnson shit
i’m just saying it’s not
what they dress like
but you know this kid’s a fucking
mook walking around he’s a
mook you could tell
by his body is that racist
mook no i think
it’s a mook i
think he’s a
fucking moron
what the fuck you’ve been
lying on me for six years you don’t know what a fucking
mook is jesus fucking christ
why would i know that you know what i’m saying
these fucking kids around you texting all fucking day
and drinking energy
drinks you need
these fucking kids
these kids can’t even work they’re so fucking worthless
you want this shit
in your life you want your kid to have a little opinion
and to stick up for himself
you want your
fucking principal to call home and say hey man
your teacher your kid suspended because he told the
teacher he didn’t believe that
or he didn’t believe what he was saying or something
and then you talk to him and you
level him out
but you don’t want half
these fucking kids to the
sheep fucking nukes
i don’t want no fucking kids that’s a half a sheep
i understand that
what i’m talking
about is crazy kids
what kind of
crazy kid what’s a
what’s a crazy you
never grew up with a
crazy kid i am a fucking
crazy kid look at me
what are you talking
about what’s a
crazy kid a kid that’s gonna
cause problems all the time it’s not
gonna cause problems i just dennis
the menace dennis the
kids causing
problems all the time it’s
scary to let my
kid out i don’t like fires
i didn’t do nothing like that i didn’t mug
other kids or
or rape little fucking girls
i was a fucking kid that like to have a good time um
yeah me too i was an
idiot i was an
idiot when i was a kid why were you an idiot
ah i used to
drive too fast i had always had hot rods
i spun one out in
front of the
school and smashed it into a tree
right in front of the
school and broke the car in half wow
there’s no way
a 17 year old i
think i was maybe 16
shouldn’t be able to have
a car like that what kind of car did you have 68 442
is it a regret of yours
no because everybody
lived but they didn’t have to
you know that that car you
could have hit
somebody yeah
oh that car
could have hit somebody
we were all
fucking idiots
the car was a
piece of shit the problem was i didn’t know how to
drive when it was raining when it when the cars
hydroplane because it had shitty
back tires on it
and i hit the gas and the car just lost it
it just spun out and there was
no way i can control it i didn’t know what i was doing
there was no way
i should have had that kind of a car the kind of
power those cars have
old muscle cars like that
what was the
what was the my
first car was a muscle car went
straight to muscle cars man my
first car was a 73 chevelle
i’m an idiot dude
i didn’t want something that gives the economy i was
i had no guidance growing up i was
pure instincts
my mind was like what’s the craziest shit i could get
you can imagine
and fuck yeah
i wanted like high cubic inches
you know what is it it’s a four hundred to four hundred
holly eight
fifty double pumper holy shit let’s get that
i wanted him
i just wanted hot rods man
that’s to me was like there was cars
that were like just they would get you around but they
wouldn’t do anything for you
and then there was hot rods
like why would you have a car that
wouldn’t do anything for you
when you could have a car that
every time you look at it you go holy shit
you know but they’re just such a nightmare
you really shouldn’t be allowed to drive one
if you’re sixteen
seventeen years old that’s a death trap
is crazy engine
in this little retard
brain of mine
and i’m sixteen
and i’m allowed to have this fucking
metal monstrous
death machine out there
with a bunch of people with
their kids out there walking in the streets and
there’s no way there’s no way kids
should be able to have that kind of power i had a
1981 renault alliance
and my cousin was just gonna like donate it to charity
but she i bought it off of her for a dollar for i
guess for some reason that you can
you have to pay something right
for some reason and
and it was all beat up and my dad’s like
this is your
first car you have to redo this
whole entire car to make it look new
and stuff like that i’ll
show you how to do it but you have to do all the work
we took side
panels off and i took
that putty that molding putty and i had to re sculpt
this renault alliance
wow like you bonded it yeah bonded the
whole car we made
you like earn it yeah
yeah yeah and so but
at the end of it it looked like a
brand new renault alliance
really it was like
it was a renault alliance
it was still
funny because
then i went to a station
wagon with wood on the sides i had a
bunch of cars that were like big american muscle cars
a bunch of them in a row
and then i got i always said they were always
pieces of shit
the one that i
crashed in front of the tree
or into the tree rather was the best one
that was the nicest one that i had
the ones afterwards were just shit
boxes most of them
cause i was broke but
i got an audi fox
do you know what that is yeah
it’s a little tiny
front wheel
drive car manual
it was my first manual
and it was my first
really well engineered car
and it was the
first car that i
drove i was like what a
piece of shit
these fucking american cars are
god like you don’t realize like what a hunk of shit
you know it is to drive
a seventy barracuda
like all stock
and everything with
stock brakes and
stock suspension
those things
are just barely connected to the road they’re just
all over the fucking place
taking corners with them is a nightmare the
steering is numb you have no idea
where it’s going
and you take that and then you go to like a little tiny
car that’s like well engineered and handles
well it’s like wow this is an amazing difference
and that car was a
piece of shit
you know but it was still
it was so much better
and then i started to
appreciate cars that
weren’t powerful
i didn’t have to be that
powerful to me
i just realized
the toyota supra i
think was my favorite car
growing up that was fun that was my
first expensive car that i got really
yeah when i got on tv
when i was on newsradia that was the
first expensive car i got i got a toyota supra
i was like holy shit i have a fucking toyota supra
with the crazy
space wing on the back of it i
heard they’re
bringing it back i
heard the supra is coming back really
i heard that a couple of
months ago well you know they have that
lexus if you’ve
never seen it that lf
they they have this new
lexus that’s in
this incredible
piece of engineering i mean it’s like 400 000
and you’re not even allowed to buy it apparently
what you have to do is you have to
lease it and you have to pay the entire
lease portion up front
and you get it for two years and it’s like 260 000
and you have to pay for it for like two years
my numbers might be off
but you lease it for two years
and then at
the end of two years you get an option to buy it
it’s this fucking insane
new japanese
supercar it’s like
500 plus horsepower
it sounds like
it’s like a
supercar it’s like the next
generation of car how long
until apple makes the car
i card you know that’s on the works that’s on the
table somewhere in some german
do you think so i
absolutely think so
look at the segway imagine
apple mixing in with the car
electronics and
combining with another car company to have
just the ultimate
car i think they
should just
stick with fucking computer and it
would be the gayest
thing ever it’d be like what’s those
things that everyone has now i’ll hear the hybrids
oh yeah prius
it’ll be just like that
everyone have
the same fucking car oh my god
my first car
was a fucking 73 monte
carlo black on
black leather
500 down 200
a month i got it from the bank
i drove the car for two
months like a pimp i had the electric package
with the windows i had the roof
and one day in the middle of the
winter i went over the city to get some weed
and i went and
we were smoking so i put the sunroof up
and all of a
sudden the sunroof went back
and the window started
going up and down
like the electrical
system was sizzled
i told my buddy fuck it put your
thing we’re out of here
i swear to god it was in a blizzard
i went back there
three days later the car had a foot of snow on it
and all the windows one window was shut
the rest of the window come in like a day
later the sun came out
i went back two days later with a tow truck
there was nothing
nothing it was the back
it look like a fucking chicken
the day after thanksgiving it was just bone
they took everything joe
the seats the upholstery
the fucking black around it it was just the tires
the whatever that the axles they took everything
they left the body on bricks
that was it i
never heard from the bank i never paid it off
it never came back
it never came back in my credit thing
it was his advantage just poof
poof i never paid for it i went years
later to get credit like is there
check bank of fucking america with not nothing well
nothing how’s that possible
fucking ask me
i left the car there with a
with five dollars for whatever it is five dollars
in those days
like all you had to do is go by
george washington bridge and under the bridge
you left your car there with the keys in it
with a half a tank of gas and leave like a nickel bag
your car you go back to the next day they would be
nothing there
nothing vanish
you can get fucking bonnie fife on it they
wouldn’t find your car
in new york they would demolish your car
like that yeah
there’s some little shops in new york little body
shops like this and cause honestly
up in brooklyn they’re like rat dens you’re done yeah
you can find like a broken down
street a broken down car
drive it into one of these
places they’ll give you 100 cash and 24 guests
and you’ll never see that car
again though
anybody involved in a junkyard in a junkyard it’s yeah
the guys involved in
a junkyard that dude knows how to get rid of look for
two i just want something anybody
i just watched something on cnbc
about how big
the airbag business was five years ago
before they put the numbers on it
you have no idea people even
steer oh my god
people stealing airbags like it was
going out of
style i mean just taking your airbags
yeah did it
worth a lot of money
fifteen hundred apart what
really so i give it to you you saw 1500
you rob them you take it to a guy he gives you
three and he
sells at 1500
wow and everybody’s
in on the scam because nobody wanted to pay 2500
wow so a guy could
steal one and sell it for 15
stealing 20 a day oh my god
he’s doing that holy shit yeah
who’s doing that some dude is making
thirty thousand dollars that’s who’s doing
that’s incredible guy had a ring airbag
they got so big that
he had to get an office and eventually got popped
because he was so big he was sending them out
across the country
he went online
he went on fucking line
airbags for sale
next day delivery
yeah this guy was
so you say no my need
whatever car you have i want a
2010 airbag for car given your
order by the next day he’d send out a robber to go
steal it and send
you the airbags overnight like it was a fucking csnbc
a one hour special
how bad this shit
was craziness
fucking airbags
how did he think he was not
gonna get caught if he had a
bunch of people working for him yeah
you would have to do that
ninja style
you have to only be you that’s a business
where you can’t have too much growth
if you want to go around around
stealing you got to be the one who
understands where to
steal when to do it
how the alarm where
the stealer
people yeah
he had of course
of course not
why would they work for him why
would they work for
him the ones are
gonna get arrested you sat around
all day and waited
for him to say here
go get a 68 chevelle here go get a brunette
here go get an 89 subaru
and they just
drive around
until they find it there it is
there it is
now you don’t even have to need like a color
so did they do it at
night everything at night
don’t know i
didn’t fucking say really
but it’s just amazing that
you know even like if you go over to that who
you know iraq and iran
years ago they
found that when they went
over there that all the cars they were driving with
stolen cars in the states
wow that they were just sending the
whole cars over there so when cars get robbed here
and we’re like it’s in mexico no it’s not
it’s a cab in fucking iraq
and iran and
sudan and all
those countries
that’s where the
stolen cars from here go in a
tank you know
scary it’s amazing
and everybody’s in on it and here we’re
thinking that
oh my fucking car got robbed i left my fucking kids
pictures in there whatever the fuck
and that’s what they do with your shit
you know it’s fucking amazing that uh
and every day they
come up with a new fucking scam whether it’s online
i read something that people doing
online that’s just fucking amazing now the internet
has really destroyed scammering here’s a new
facebook scam that i just witnessed last night
people who get hacked accounts on facebook
you’ll be on facebook
and something a little chat will pop up and like dude
check this out and then they put a link
and it goes to like the log in page of facebook again
and so now they’re attacking through chats on facebook
like it looks like they’re chatting to you
wow so watch out for that one
because she
the person i was with almost did i was like no wait a
second why are you logging back in you know
whoa so watch out for facebooks
yeah those are
tricky man what is that a
virus how do they do that
somebody gets hacked and i
think it just grows and grows and grows like a
virus yeah like one person got hacked and then
those person friends and they connect
to websites
or the websites
the ones that are trying to set you up like how’s it
how you get into that what it’s doing is
yeah i don’t know it’s like
collecting information i think
about people probably
because someone told me that sometimes you’ll go to a
legit website and a
legit website will have been hacked with this
thing right
i don’t know i don’t
think what i don’t
think it’s that i
think it’s like
almost like a spam bot that somebody puts on facebook
okay myspace
used to do so they can’t do that to your website
where you would go to redband com
and all the
sudden it would say hey you
know log in
know to facebook or something like that
unless that your server got
completely overtaken that’s what
would be yeah or there’s
your website coding got somehow
can they can’t they invent the
virus it does that like
every time someone wants to
click on a link
it opens up a window ask them to log into something
absolutely that’s why your servers have to have good
virus software and detections and
what a tricky
world we live in i’m petrified of the computer
petrified just fucking petrified of it
yeah i don’t put my name on there like there’s
things i want to
order and shit
i just i read
about all this
stuff on there
i don’t know anything about it
so it even scares me more
that even scares
me what do you have
photos of you what if you have
drawings writings you know what do you have that you
would really worried
about getting out
i don’t know what is the big deal you people make
about i don’t know what the fuck to do i
bet he has a lot of
videos like webcam
videos of him
just sitting there like recording dancing i think
no no he’s got like
the whole tonetta
series jelly
no no i’m sorry
what happened
to you what can i get from you nothing writing mostly
my writings are you know
that’s just the most intimate thing on my computer
i’m gonna have to quiet these kids up
it’s okay what do you understand
me and joey
will talk about cats
fucking house
and it’s deaf fucking house
i know it’s their house so
what do you want from me we’re imposing in the misses
should have tell told
this children out there you know saying
we should shut up in here
these fucking people don’t know nothing about kids
right away he’s
dropping knowledge you know
about fucking kids that’s that fucking
house so old
school this is
their house we’re over here like bothering them
this is four o’clock i don’t know if you look this is
their fucking time
when we were kids at four o’clock you coming to my
house tell me to shut up bitch
i got bitch
i got popeye
on i’ll stab you you understand
they don’t i’m saying is don’t play in
front of my door
right oh that
cute kids let them do what they do this is
their house
what are you
gonna do right
i like i like the
background noise
brain is so old
school excuse me
joey so old school
right and beyond
fbi and a ruler
you’re so old
school like it’s like almost like
like you have your own
defined set of rules yeah and you
still use myspace
yeah do you
still use myspace
dude he pimps myspace on
twitter dude really pimp
it bro you gotta
bring the motherfuckers to you
you know what
i’m saying enough is enough if you put it up you
gotta have something
there’s nothing
wrong with myspace and i’m
gonna tell you why
because in a year it’ll be back
yeah but you know in a year it’ll be back
and then all you momos that got rid of your page
are you or you fucking
mooks me happy
i have my friends and then some
i’ve been paying attention all this time
why are people getting off my
because you see here
joey here’s a perfect example
to get off when you you’re
dead hardy lost two in a row
you do not hang out with him
you know what i’m saying so what
gotta hang on my all your friends
aren’t real
all your friends are real
those are robots
it what do you
think those fucking momos on facebook are
gonna hang out with you
and bail you out and get somebody to head
with a stick
i don’t think so you fuck
go fuck yourself with your friends you just
wanna get out there and tell people what’s happening
and facebook there’s
still people
alive and kicking to
their old school
bitch i still got
eight track tape
i’ll send you a podcast on an eight
track and shit
that’s the problem with you fucking kids
everything has to be fashionable
stock fashionable
they got to come to your fucking
world that’s what we’re serving here
sorry about the
phone it ain’t me this time
you this time
you know what i’m saying
what’s fashionable anymore i
gotta have a fucking
goatee and shave my head and have an earring what
the fuck we
do what we do that’s
why we do form spring is very fashionable that’s why
people are special
that’s why we’re special because we’re fucking free man
we gotta have a voice
joey you registered to vote in
california that was fucking
hysterical you said that
somebody called me yesterday from sacramento
here people
listen i’ve got
total all of
it all together by five felonies
you know i’m saying
total like all together and out of 52
states that ain’t fucking bad
there’s only 56 yeah
even if i have one of
these there’s 50
that’s less than 10
i was only 50
and two of them are questionable
right so there’s 52
54 whatever last can of hawaii i got
fired yesterday i got a call for
stolen i got a call
from sacramento yesterday
yeah asking me
if i was interested
in working the election for one of
those cocktails
meg whitman
oh that’s hilarious
i don’t even know what oh
my god you should say yes i was
thinking about it but
they threw me off i was
stoned and they were asking me a
bunch of personal questions
like what if i’m a republican
you know i don’t even know what
the fuck you say
cuban i’m cuban
from miami of
course i’m a
republic miami
i never went
to miami i went around that
i went around
that motherfucker
where did you land
new york city
with fucking jay z and the chicken
but it’s so
close to miami you can
claim my god
i don’t it’s like if you live
if you live in
san bernardino
know that shit
if you lived in san bernardino
and they were
in north carolina and some
chick was where you’re from
you go la so did
did you ever play
stickball when you live in new york city
yes you did
and i took that everybody
you take the fucking
thing off the chairs
you see that
thing joe’s got in his
chairs that it’s on the bottom
of your chair
so don’t slip
you take that out
you unscrew from your dad’s workbench
and you take it to the hardware
store for a quarter
they take the
screw out of it
and you take that metal
thing and you take a crayon with whatever your color is
mine was burgundy red in
those days and you melt the crayon into the middle
and then you go out and play
those fucking
things on the
street in new york
where they have one two
six nine ball
nine ball without the fucking stick
so you play that for
money that’s how i made
money in the first and
second grade
that would be
good with your finger i always thought
stickball was like baseball and you have
you have stickball
which is automatics
it’s you know that’s a single
if i hit your
mother’s fucking pot roast
it’s a double
i was very lucky
that there was not a pool hall anywhere
near my house when i was growing up very lucky
because i didn’t get into pool till i was 21 years old
after i’d hurt my knee
i tore my acl
and i couldn’t do taekwondo for a
while i couldn’t kickbox
so i needed something to do with my time
you know just something to just for my
all i was doing was doing
stand up so i
started doing this i
started i started
playing pool if i was like
seven eight years old and i
started playing pool i
would have been fucked i would have
never paid attention in school
i would have
just been obsessed with playing that fucking game
and i’ve been like one of
those dudes like
every pool hall you go to there’s some kid
who’s just caught in
school and he’s
just sitting around waiting for somebody to gamble
all over the country
they’re just sitting around for you
wanna play a game
wanna play a game
and it’s all just
about that’s just like
how they fulfill
their competitive instincts and desires
they just get caught up in games and gambling for pool
and then you ever
watch that episode of the twilight zone
there was a twilight zone
where a pool hustler yes like played for his soul
yeah and you know and it turned out that who was the
last time of the episode
who isn’t it we talked
about this already you and i just got jonathan winters
jonathan with this was the
devil yeah and jack
clubman was the pool
player he wanted
to be the best
nice yeah and this guy
was like a dead guy and he came back to play him right
and the the the
thing was he had already lost
because he had he
devoted his entire life to just playing pool
he’d wasted his life
he’d wasted his life playing this game
so he’d lost anyway
and it was like wow it’s like
you don’t realize like
there’s certain
things that you can get obsessed with
and you know and it’s fun and you
enjoy it and you can you can have a
good time you can play golf on the weekends and it can
add flavor to your life
or you could just get caught up in it and that becomes
everything you know
and gambling when you’re a kid when you’re a young kid
how many guys you know that you
were a kid that all they wanted to do was play cards
all they wanted
to do was find games all they wanted to do was gamble
go to the track
race track horse track yeah
everybody was gambling when you were kids fuck yeah
i didn’t live with the
i i really uh one
thing i really i
never told you about that
my mom had the bar
and from the ages of like
seven to ten i was very i got hooked on pool but it was
the reason why i stopped playing
pool was because i got really creepy
it overtook me
oh yeah i used to get into pool and i
would say things to people about them
that was creepy like as i was playing
one day i went home and i
checked myself my
mother asked me she goes what the fuck is that
why you just your competitive
drive it really
taught me i
never wanted that feeling ever again
like it stopped me from being that competitive
it’s not just balls
going into a hole
there’s something
about pool there’s a reason why everybody has this
thing about pool being a manly game you know i’m saying
like to certain games like
who gives a fuck if you’re good at donkey kong no one’s
gonna be impressed
but like you know i’m saying
if a girl beats you donkey kong what the fuck who cares
a girl beat you at pool though
that’s a totally different world
there’s something very manly
about being able to control that ball
being able to keep your composure being able to pocket
those difficult shots
being able to run out
that’s a manly
thing that’s
being able to keep your shit together and keep
everything tightly tuned
it’s almost like a moving yoga sort of a thing
i’d be so much
more pissed if a girl beat me at donkey kong
really would you
i’d be like this is horrible
what is happening to me that’s just
cause you’re a super nerd
right like it
should be smack
plug i agree if
a girl beat me
at quake that
would be way
worse than pass
quake would be way
worse than poole for me but that
was quake was a bigger obsession than poole was because
i didn’t always have to
you know i couldn’t
always get people to play me in poole
like sometimes i’d go to the pool hall
and there’d be no one to play
you’d have to sit
around and wait or you’d have to practice by yourself
and maybe someone will come in and
you know this guy can’t play him he’s too good
or he won’t give up a spot or i’m looking for a new
with playing quake
you just get
online anytime you want you just hop online and play
you need to buy
the new call of duty next week or i can’t i’m scared
i saw this fucking ad
for the new star wars game there
was a star wars game ad that they showed during the ufc
it looks so
oh forest unleashed 2
oh my god the fucking graphics i don’t know
if this was in game footage or if it’s one of those
tricky things
where they like pretend it’s in game footage
but it’s not really it’s just like some animation
about the game they created
right the last one was pretty good
but that’s not my cup of tea too much i like the
first person
shooters more and
unless they change that i don’t it’s not a
first person
shooter to with
third person
shooter where it’s like from behind the person oh
i don’t like
those yeah yeah
those aren’t as fun to me
i want to see everybody else i want to see it as if
i’m seeing it i don’t need to see my character that’s
stupid you know
i might want to see the hand in
front of me with the gun
i kind of like that looking
quake sometimes
when you see the hand in
front of you with the gun like
sometimes it’s easier
it’s easier to remember
what you have too like you don’t remember if you have a
lightning gun or if you have a rail gun
sometimes i
would just have it
where i’d only see the crosshair
but that’s the most most fun game the way that’s
the most fun way to play it to me because it’s the most
immersive cause that’s how we see
things we don’t
see our body outside our body running around that’s
ridiculous yeah
doesn’t even feel like me
but when i’m playing quake
and it’s just me
you know it’s a
crosshair and i’m running down hallways and shit
it’s too exciting
can’t do it
scary dude you
should do it and now
do it in 3d
that’s the best when
playing first person
shooters in 3d on the
tv oh i’m sure it’s amazing
sure it’s give you like
crazy eyesight it
would probably fuck with your eyeballs yeah
it’s intense though you feel way more
immersed into it a lot of guys when they’re playing
quick they kill all the graphics
they would kill
all the graphics and make it look really flat
and the idea
would be that so that the
opponent would show up better
and so that
their processor
their computer
would lose it
absolutely but
that looks terrible yeah but
they’re more in it for the numbers they’re offered
that look like
the railgun looks like you only see like a straight
line to it there’s like a lot of the graphics are gone
lame have you ever played a
video game joey
no not even pac man
pac man yes we
pac man frenzy
back in the day you
were pac man i’m the
other one mrs pac man
it’s anybody
who got good at that
quake game and
started playing it anybody
would get hooked
it is so exciting
cause it’s so 3d
you know the
thing about
first person shooters
especially ones like quake
it’s like you can do
things like
you can run around you can jump
you can rocket jump
shoot down off the
ground and go flying through the air and land on things
i mean this is a
completely three
world and most of
these maps that you’re
fighting on
they have all these
levels to them
layers and levels and you
travel back and forth and up and down
and you’re running down
these corridors it’s all in real time
fighting other people
it’s so exciting
you really need to play some new
video games
yeah i can’t
cause if you really
think that highly
of quake’s graphics in a
world quake
4 is pretty dope
i know right even
quake 4 you take
quake 4 the
best machine you can possibly buy you take that
times that probably by 2 million
and then that’s where
video games are now really
yeah which games are really like
there’s just
so like call of duty is one that i personally love
it’s amazing i mean
it’s so realistic it’s just so
immersive you met
when we saw
the lands another one that you would
totally fucking love
remember when
we saw gears of war before it even came out
yeah gears of
war way early
our buddy cliffy b
from epic games who’s a cool
gotta game on
yeah i would love to have him on the podcast he’s just
one of the nicest guys ever
and just super cool
friendly dude we met him
and he showed us a
bunch of shit it was before gears of war ever came out
and he was like you know
what did he
what was it well we’re
about to fuck doom in the ass
right that’s
because doom 3d it just came out oh
yeah i forgot all
about that yeah
i remember that and he was showing us the gears of war
stuff and we were like oh my goodness
yeah that was like
eight months before that game was even
released or something
or announced
and you don’t realize what hard work is
until you see game developers
you see the amount of
hours they put in
like tim willets
from id software and todd hollands head and all
those guys and john carmack
you know having
again to hang around with them
getting to go to like id software and see like
where they make the game
first of all it’s so humbling how fucking badass
these guys are
like the designs and all the
crazy graphics and all the
things they’re constructing
i remember we went there
to id before doom 3 came out and they were showing us
some demo versions of it
just fucking amazing shit
just the artwork
but then you talk to them you’re like
how much time do you guys
spend working this
and they’re like it’s like 16 hour days
every day we work on
sundays yeah
they work constantly man
until they take time off and go on vacation
it’s amazing how much
they’re kind of like
south park for like
eight months you know
and then there’s like even when it comes to
everything in hollywood
like any kind of cgi or computer graphics it seems like
they’re all like that like i know somebody that’s doing
harry potter 3d right now
and it’s just like
nineteen hour
shifts yo what’s up with that man
if you had kids
and you know it’s like you
motherfuckers need to hire more people
like this is ridiculous
why is this guy
gonna work sixteen hours
don’t you guys
make like a billion dollars a year doing this
shit i mean how much how many fucking
video games do they make
you know video games make
a fuckload of
money man did you ever play into playing the new
ufc game with you in it and
no fuck around with
it no i’m scared i told you i’m scared of games man
i love it cause i don’t
wanna get fucking hooked i don’t
wanna have people over come on
let’s play some ufc
and then all sudden
the sun’s up and
birds are chirping and i can’t believe i’m
still awake my eyeballs are shot and i
sleep till three in the afternoon
yeah i did that i did that for years
i love it because i do it in
target they have a ufc
demo that’s constantly playing
and so i was in
target the other day
shopping and
suddenly i hear your
voice like behind me
going oh no
or something like that
what the fuck what’s my voice
i don’t know
isn’t that what you probably do
well we actually
did two things we did it so i have to go in
start working on it
again oh really
yeah we’re working on a new one soon they just
i think next
month i start wow
what we do is we play
certain clips of
fighters like doing
stuff and you call the action
while it’s actually happening
you do that
and then you also like make imaginary scenarios
like imaginary scenarios like heel hook
transitions to the arm bar
and watch out
to the back and we’re trying to come up with a
bunch of different
possibilities for that and then we have
descriptions of this fighter
taken on this guy
and this fighter
like endless combinations so
there’s so many hours
it put into the game i mean just ridiculous
stupid hours now
dude when you guys
filmed it was there any easter eggs that you know of
where you had like
weird scripts that you
wrote that was like all
right why am i doing this this is weird
no that’s a good question though
that’s a good question
cause there’s a lot of easter eggs in games
right yeah there’s actually a
bunch of games there’s a list of like the top 10 i
think was on crack com
of the top 10 like
easter eggs that were took
the longest to find like there was one that was just
found the other day from some
nes game you know from
i don’t get easter eggs man i don’t get it
if you want to
put something on
like an eddie bravo on his
twister the dvd twister
he had the the
easter egg was
brian callum doing that gay brazilian
jiu jitsu instructor all right
you know remember that you
know right which is hilarious
dude why wouldn’t you
just put that on the yeah that seems yeah easter eggs
should be just little
things maybe
that’s a video
why would you hide that somewhere deep in your
way you have to
press control alt
delete to get to it or something
what do you have to
press to get to easter eggs
usually it’s just up
arrows like you have to hit the
arrow right down
yeah but you have to do it in the
right order
right like down
down left right
it depends sometimes fuck
you fuck you for making me look for shit like that
that’s right what the
fuck something
if you got something show me put it out there
yeah what the fuck
my treasure hunt all
of something
out there what is this shit with
what you see
embarrass yourself to your
daughters and shit see i know
the bosses yeah
you go out there you say you can’t talk no
you don’t look at you we don’t say
this motherfucker you don’t
say that you look at the wife and you go
then the wife will tell you
later oh okay really
are you fucking
serious she
doesn’t i’ve
had them all goddamn day running up and down
running around
target they heard your
voice yelling and
screaming they thought it was you there
what are you nuts and looking
nice and quiet
you can’t say that to the kids just
you know i told
you don’t say anything to the kids nothing
they run the fucking place
hey joe have you ever
heard of something called geocaching
i think that’s what geocaching
no it’s this
whole thing and
this is one of
these weird
things that you would
never know existed
unless you just ran across it
it’s like a game that the whole
earth or whatever is the playing field
and these people
put gps coordinates
to different
boxes or treasures throughout
the horn i’ve
heard about this it’s so
crazy so what it is there’s maps and
there’s websites that you go to that you try to find
these little
boxes that spread out
throughout cities everywhere
and then you get to one of
these boxes
you open it up and i
think you signed like your name on it and then you look
sometimes there’s little treasures or presents in there
or you add things to this little box
like a cool badge or
diamond or something not a real diamond but whatever
and then it’s like this whole
game that people play it’s called geocaching
and there’s iphone apps for it
it’s so weird i’ve always wanted to do it
or at least look at a box and see what’s inside of it
if you weren’t
worried about people being
stalked and you weren’t
worried about like
nuts on the internet
you could have a pretty dope tv show
where you like give out coordinates
right now and and
you know you tell this dude
where to go and then you release that information
on the internet and he’s got to go do something
and people from the internet will help him out all
right but then
the problem is you just have some nut
who would just be like
you and i are brothers in another life i have
eaten crystals and seen his vision
maybe fucking followed you around
everywhere you
could have issues
with that dude you know and if he knew that he
could get on
television by helping you and
becoming your friend yeah you know
but you can have a pretty dope tv show like that that
would be cool
you have to you can’t that’s no
filter though
internet show
yeah reason to have tv show well you mean yeah i
guess i don’t know man i mean it’s
exciting dude
tv is still what you’re getting from tv the tv
it’s not like there’s not
gonna be tv anymore what it is
gonna be is that internet and tv sort of
emerge together
yeah you know because tv’s
still cool because you’ve got
first of all you got
experience producers
people who know how to film
things correctly people who know how to
write scripts
you’ve got all
these talented
motherfuckers so it’s
never gonna
go away if the shit they’re producing is really cool
it’s just somehow another they’re all
gonna merge together
but you’re not
gonna get rid of tv the idea of getting rid of tv
who’s gonna make lost
who’s gonna make no
it’s gonna be though
that’s an example you go to
jimmy kimmel’s website you can watch
every single one of his episodes
way way way back you know right so
that’s just
gonna get to a
point where they’re not broadcasting tv to like kid
that’s all i
wanna fucking do is
watch jimmy kimmel you know what i’m saying
listen let’s get down and fucking
dirty here cocksuckers
what so like
it’s gonna get to a
point where
they’re just not broadcasting it anymore there’s no
cable companies it’s just
gonna be like
every show has
their own website
for sure jimmy camel’s
yeah state of
jimmy kimmel
and channel and
then there’s
gonna be people who set up networks online
where it’s just like you connects online to
television and
it’s an alternative word
google tv apple tv
bam shazam so
right now your website
might have some cool youtube
videos but imagine it in the future
being a channel yeah
i mean we always said that that’s probably what’s
gonna happen
right that everyone’s
gonna get their own channel
the websites
literally will be like channels and everyone’s
gonna have their own little fucking thing
that’s why it’s
gonna be a real problem like i reality show
like if apple reduces a
thing produces some new
thing where you make your own reality show
like it’s a fucking hat
and you put this hat on
and it’s got like a little
thing and there’s a camera right in
front of you and you just
carry it around
with you and it broadcasts wirelessly on the 4g network
that’s what justin tv
started off as
he did that one guy
one guy 24 hours a day he was his own tv
what i’m saying is that apple
would create an app like
not an app but
a device like a new
version of you know like they have the ipad some new
crazy thing
and this thing would be
i reality show
your own reality show
it would edit it for you
you’d be able to
you know do it all with
voice commands and shit cut edit
rewind delete
broadcast totally
yeah it’ll show it to you
a little heads up display
right in front of you
would you like to send this
online right now yes bam
do it online
right from there
that’s when we’re
gonna have real attention whores
who’s gonna you know who’s
gonna do the nuttiest
shit on their reality show
to get people to
watch them totally
and there’s some people out there that will become
famous they can’t get a reality show
right now you
think well hey
you know all you
have to do nowadays is get a reality show and you’re
famous yeah try getting a reality show shithead
you think it’s that easy
you gotta be like kim
kardashian you
gotta suck some
black dick you
gotta fuck it
you gotta get people interested in you you
gotta get that big fat
white ass naked in
front of the
tv what is it
what are people
gonna see every week also
she shows that big
dick going into
yeah big dick
going into a pretty face gobble gobble gobble
that chick just went for it she just like how
about this come on
seven i’m gonna be
a fake porn star
i got a porn porn star
with an out
you know you’re
gonna watch me fuck
but it’s only because it was an accident
you’re not supposed to see me fuck shut
down and then she just
slings it out there all those
crazy bitches showing
their pussy when they’re getting out of cars
i mean they just
took hoard them
to like the next level
but when they
raise the bar
that’s yeah
that’s how hard
it is to get a reality show
you got to do something
like that and you got to be there you got to be in this
the soup of hollywood you can’t
start a reality show like that from nebraska no one’s
gonna give a fuck
this is just not
gonna happen
well everybody shot reality shows even octa mom
now you have to be fucking interesting
something has now you have to
be interesting now you have to be interesting or
crazy you could
shoot a reality show but now you have to be interesting
yeah you know like i was saying to
have been watching a couple of shows lately i
understand these fucking people crazy
hey let me tell you something
i just want to mention one thing
that this is the year of the mexican
the miss america philippe
sparza winning last
comic standing
the dishwasher
el compadre
choo choo getting off on that one
pound of coke deal
with the racial profiling
and now your boy
cain motherfucking
velasquez on saturday night
it’s the year of the mexican mexicans are taking over
the fucking just a matter of time
so many of them it’s the year of the fucking mexican
but the way
he took over was amazing
i couldn’t call that in a million
years that’s why you didn’t see a joey karate video
cause i really couldn’t call that
he’s a beast man
i would have lost a lot of
money at that ufc
you know who
first told me
about this well i had
heard good things
about him i’d
heard like this
guy’s really good you know this guy is very talented
this guy works really hard this guy’s very dedicated
but you hear that
about a lot of guys
for certain guys to
stand out cain
was always a guy that
stood out like you’d remember him
like people would talk
about him like before when he had
his very first
fight in the ufc
but phil baroni
was talking to me
and i think we’re in germany
and we were sitting around talking and he was just
going off about how good cain is
he’s like he’s
the real fucking deal he’s the best in the world
he goes i don’t give that up for anybody because
i watch him run through guys he goes i watch him
never get tired
i watch him do
these conditioning drills
and he’s the last one to get tired
when guys like josh cost
check and welterweights
and he was like
you never see that you
never see a
that can go
at the same pace as welterweights and beat them
in conditioning and endurance drills
he’s like the guy
never gets tired he goes it’s incredible he goes
he would get
him and cost check
both of them are
incredibly well conditioned
and he would like do as much as cost
check or more
that’s insane
you never hear
about a 240
pound guy that’s able to do that
know the 170
pound guys i mean that’s
where the real endurance is
you know that’s
where the a bit like
145 pound guys
those motherfuckers can go
go for you go
frankie edgar
try slowing
frankie edgar
down good luck
frankie egger
could go for 20
rounds if it was a fucking contest to see
frankie egger is very difficult to catch
you might be able to beat him in a decision
very difficult to grab a hold of very difficult to
catch in a submission
i mean he’s fast as fuck his footwork is good his
wrestling is good
if every fight was 25 rounds
frankie edgar
might not ever lose ever for the rest of his life
until he decides to retire
if he just keeps going
until one of you breaks
until one of you slows down it’s
gonna be you
motherfucker you just keep going
there’s certain guys at that weight
but you never hear
about that for 240
except kane kane’s the only guy i’ve ever
heard about that
as a heavyweight
you hear things
about brock lesnar
he’s a freak
like that his
like if you look at
his numbers like his ability to
i don’t remember what his combine numbers were
i have it on my computer
it don’t matter
but they’re insane
numbers fuck
knocked out of them
so the combine numbers don’t come into it
no what i’m
saying is confused
about all those numbers go out
the fucking window they do let me tell you something
you know what
what aka seen that i seen the
first fight with
shane carwin bro
that really fucked me up that
it all comes to you
right there
it all came to me as i was looking at them
right before they’re getting
ready to go i looked at my wife and i go
came alaska’s and then
knocked this
motherfucker out
and i didn’t
think that till
right there
yeah that’s why i didn’t do a video
and i thought about two
things a lot of people saw that i thought that
i thought that i seen what
shane did to him
and i think that this guy just said i’m
gonna do what
shane did with endurance and just get him before the
first round
right and i seen some of the
shane carla
fight that nobody fucking mentioned
yeah there’s one part in the
shane carla
fight when they get started
where shane
carlin hits him
and after he gets hit he goes
that motherfucking
never been hit before bitch
that motherfucker
that he told this was a
wrestling game
he ain’t never been hit before
did you know that
i didn’t think about that
think of an experienced
fighter when he gets hit
he’ll smile
he’ll go like this
he went like this
look at that
first fight
again when he fought carl
and that’s when i said oh
they just if
aka seen that they said they seen some
he don’t like get it
slight the fight
against somebody posted something on the
underground they
could have very well been
trolling i have no idea
but they said that
trolling is just
you post something
that’s not true to try to get people to bite
and then people
start arguing this is bullshit
and then you know you
laugh your ass off because you got a bunch of
idiots arguing over nonsense you know what
trolling used to mean by the way
it used to mean a guy that
chased after other men
really yeah because
when was that
online online i got in
trouble with the animal
pet or los angeles
pet police or whatever they’re called what
you got there’s pet police and somehow they got in
trouble what are they called you got in
trouble with the pet police
yeah yeah yeah
animal control
what happened
because people on the internet like outlaw and all
these people
were telling this poor girl in my
space that i like
tortured cats there was something like that oh that’s
right right so you had made a
fake video or something yeah i made a fake
video where i had a cat in a refrigerator and i
was like i keep it in the
freezer and
stuff like that
right but anyways
so they called animal control
at me and i had to explain to this guy that i was
trolling or they were
trolling people on the internet
and he goes trolling
and then he’s like
yeah and he goes
what’s trolling me and i’m like you know like joking
arcade and he goes oh well that meant something else
something else went back in my
day oh i see
the way before
the internet
way before the
internet talk
about she was trolling
what the yeah
well trolling is like
a lot of people
a lot of dudes will pretend to be girls
and they’ll get dudes to bite
so that you know like and then they’ll get to say some
ridiculous shit
and then at the end they’re like i’m a dude you faggot
no one’s coming to your house to suck your dick
you know there’s a lot of that and
doug stanhope did a whole bunch of trolling
against with pedophiles
he would do it there was a thing called baiting
org i don’t know if it’s
still around i think doug
wrote a book about it
i think he’s got a book doesn’t he
i think they
were doing a book or he has a book i’m not sure but
i know there’s a lot of his blogs that are
still available you
could find them online if you just go to
had this whole
thing where he would pretend to be little kids
and he would troll pedophiles
and then he would post it all online
like what were they trolling
about cambridge
oh so that somebody was trolling something
about brock lesnar
what they were saying was that
no one was allowed to
punch him in the face during time i’m telling you dog
that dude has never been lit up all his life
he’s always been the fucking biggest guy
in the room what about
this so nobody’s ever said to him come on cocksucker
let’s get it on do you think it’s possible that um
all the pro
wrestling that he did and you
know playing football for a little bit that he did too
do you think
maybe he suffered a
bunch of concussions
no bro he don’t
like that some people
never been hit
because they’ve always intimidated people
this motherfucker took it to him
i really don’t
think he’s coming back
i think his ego got busted up like
your boy against trinidad
against bernard hopkins
i don’t think so
he’s too ego tisco
this ego and this confident well you know he came
back i don’t i don’t know
about that because he came back better and
stronger after
frank mere tapped him that was a leg lock that wasn’t a
punch to the
fucking face bro it’s true big fucking difference
when you get
punched in the fucking face twice
and when they cut you and you
gotta see that
every time you shave
you see that
every time you
shave well i
don’t think
i don’t think he’s
gonna beat that guy
i don’t think he’s
going to beat that guy i
think the gap is too big
what i think about
when i see that guy
when i see the
two of them the way they performed when they were
fighting each other
i saw one guy who was like this
strong powerful fast guy
but he didn’t know exactly what to do with his body
he didn’t know
exactly how to handle situations he did know to do the
right thing
and the other dude who
maybe not as
strong as him
but pretty fucking strong
and has real good technique
everything he does perfect
everything he does is smart
all his footwork is
smart he can go at that same pace
and keep going he’s not
exploding a
shitload of energy that he can’t recover from
he paced himself better he handled it more
it’s like one guy’s a
black belt i’m looking at a
black belt in
mma and came velasquez
like a master
and in brock i’m looking at this
super powerful
purple belt
you know this is just
powerful guy
who could get away
with a lot of shit if you don’t have perfect technique
you you really won’t be able to stop him
but a guy like
kane has perfect technique that’s the difference i
think that the next guy they’re
gonna put him up
against which is what’s online is
frank me no
no no oh the brock
i thought you were saying cane and i’ll tell you what i
think frank
mayo take it from now because now
frank miril know
what to attack
straight adam throw a
bunch of fucking
punches and
punch him in the face fuck and listen
when i was a kid i grew up in north
bergen we played all the fucking i hate to say this
we played all the
black schools with
group four you play
passaic you play patterson
east side these are fucking
schools jack
you don’t go in there and just talk hi how are you
about chad there ain’t no chad at
these fucking schools
and the coaches
would tell us bro the
first player of the game
fire out like your fucking assholes on fire
and then you
establish that
you’ll see that they back off a little bit
and that’s right this
gonna happen to brock everybody seen that
if you’re a
great fighter
you’ve seen that karl
would have him in a way though
karl was too
fucking second
in adam karl and adam
and that question i
think that he’s
never been hit
i think he’s
never been fucking lit up well
well he is sparring with people though there’s
no sparring
with the call
he’s too big he’s broccoli
you think they just take it
easy on him
i got my nose broken
the sixth grade
it still hurts
it’s still fucking hurts all
right it still hurts my nose
and i didn’t know for years because i was doing coke
for years i thought
i was doing coke because i had pain and
in my heart oh i was
i doing coke from the fucking pain in my nose
i had my nose busted three
you aren’t doing
well the pain you
one time with
a fucking coke
cause you like coke that’s right
one time with
a fucking police
thing over here
let me tell you something that’s the newest
the latest theory
the last two years my fucking nose
has been hurting like really what is that pain from
it’s from fucking getting your nose broken
i knew in the
sixth grade i was
never gonna be a fucking
fighter it’s totally unrelated to all that coke
i know this is a joke you fuck
it’s a joke you fucking momo
what i’m saying is though that
it’s so weird that
the last two years my nose has really been fucking hurt
but i never
hit it by mistaken nothing lately but i remembered
when i broke it the pain i had
that when you fucking
break it let me tell you something
he got a cut in his eye he had a bloody nose
the worst thing
about having
your nose broken is if you have your nose broken
seven out of 10 times
they busted your
upper lip too
so you got snotty
blood you’re tasting
and salty blood fucking from your mouth
you remember that
taste for the rest
of your fucking life i don’t give a fuck who you are
and that’s not a fucking good taste
that taste always
equivalizes to something that ain’t good man
my nose has been fucking broken jack
and i tell you what it hurts
and he got fucking beat up the
other night
he got beat up dog
that last punch what he got he got that on the
floor i’ve watched that end ten times already
he got that on the fucking
floor he got hit
i don’t think he’s coming back like that i
think that fuck with him he’s
big viking ego
fucking shit somebody took it to you
it’s a different game now you get humble
and he may come back
strong but he’s
gonna let people
punch him in the fucking face now
watch that car when
fight when it’s on next time
watch it again on your computer
and you’ll see what i’m talking
about that nobody mentioned nobody mentioned it at all
he got hit one people did mention it a lot of people
got a coward
with he fucking
he went see
that means he’s
never been hit before
that means jack hmm
i don’t know about that man
i think you know it’s kind of it’s an interesting
thing because he was such a huge draw
you know and
still is such a huge draw because of pro wrestling and
everything like that that he was like rushed
right into the big leagues right away
like if really if you wanted to be
smart with a guy like that and you wanted to really
build them up correctly
you wouldn’t just do that with them you
would slowly work them in and then have them
fight for the
title once the demand was through the fucking roof
but they had that perfect
fight with him and
randy couture
it was such a perfect promotional fight
you know one of the greatest ever fucking hall of famer
fighting this new big young
crazy dude and holy shit can he beat him
or really randy was you know
i mean he was the heavyweight
champion but you know he was forty five i
think at the time and it’s like you know so it’s
past his prime to be
fighting a guy that’s this big in this athletic
this crazy so all of a
sudden brock
beats him and now brock is just at the top of the heap
with all these
ferocious lions who have been doing
mma for 10 years
nipping at his heels
and so there’s a big goddamn gap there
you know there’s
a few guys there that have a big ass gap
you know cain’s one of them
his full mma
game is at a way higher
level the time that he’s put in
the way he picks
things up he’s just
everything he does is perfect he’s a baby any
twenty six or
something like that
yeah fucking baby
yeah he’s a baby so
all you heavyweight
you better start
dropping down to two o five and shit yeah
it’s gonna be
scary for a
while good luck with all that and i just
want to tell people that when i don’t make a joy karate
video sometimes
it’s like sometimes
eddie’s out of town but the
other times is that i’m fucking stumped and i don’t
wanna give you bad info
i was gonna go with brock
i would have gone with brock i
would have gone with martin
kampman and
matt hamill
was the lock
of the year
let me tell you something anytime
tito fights
when you bet
again and i love tito
death i was one of his biggest fucking fans
but every time he
fights not just bet
against him dog
that’s his easy fucking lock
right there and i hate to say this
but it’s true
if i had 10 000 dollars i
would have bet it on fucking manhattan well that’s a no
brainer anymore man and
stamp style
you can always bet
stamp style
i’m not gonna sit there and be houdini
that was gonna
win great rock
against whatever
stamp style is always fucking good
there’s a casino that always got a line on sam
style those
motherfuckers always come down those guys
play to win sam
state just don’t hit too fucking hard
he hits hard as fuck
sam started hits very hard
he just fighting really good guys
you know i mean that duty fought paul
taylor that goes a
motherfucker he’s a
motherfucker that was a
great fight
the kids hear me yelling and
screaming yeah they can hear you
that’s alright
it’s alright
i’m sure they’ve been swept they know it’s
their uncle joey that’s fucking
crazy that’s
uncle joey that
campman shields
fight man cantman
could have won that
fight a lot of people thought that i was
hyping up shields
and that i wasn’t talking enough
about campman
i think you know i’m a
big camping fan that’s bullshit you and i were talking
about camping at dinner
friday i said to
you he ain’t no joke he’s from 10th tennessee
because i see
mike powell he’s
different mike
i like bro i love
mike from denmark bro i know i don’t know
these things you know
he’s a bad motherfucker i
think he’s a bad
he fought the
wrong fight in that
fight but he
could have won that
fight he could
have won it
jake shields was exhausted man he had cut 20
pounds in a day
to get down to 170 because you know he had been
fighting at 185
strike force and he put on
you said that during that break
put on some muscle man he
had a real hard time making that 170 a real hard time
he was dead in the water and
campman just
didn’t quite i
was you know i was really
thinking the camp was
gonna pull it off
you know i didn’t
want to say it you know i didn’t want to say before the
fight but when i saw what
shape jake was
in the way ins
right before he
went on i was like this guy looks like he has aids
like he looks like he’s dehydrated he looks like he’s
dead he looked terrible bro
i was shocked like he looks so terrible
that i saw him i
shook his hand i was like whoa
like there’s some guys that look
the worst i ever saw
was travis looter
when travis looter was gonna
fight anderson so yeah
listen man i he
weighed in twice
i was there for the
first weight in he looked terrible
he had dry chapped lips
he was gone to was sucked in
and then he
didn’t make weight and so he had another hour i
think or two
hours to make weight well
he tried to make weight another 45 minutes and then he
shuffled over to the
scale he couldn’t walk bro
he couldn’t walk
jake had to walk upstairs
to get to where the
stairs was and you
could see him
as he was walking upstairs it was like
it was awkward
it was awkward
watching him walk that’s how exhausting he was
and then he got on the scale
nothin like
what’s his face like
travis looter looked like he was dead
he looked like a zombie bro
he looked like a dead man that was walking he
looked like a guy
who had been poisoned
and 24 hours
after that he was supposed to be fighting
the baddest
motherfucker on the planet in anderson silva
in 24 hours
and he walks over and he
still can’t make weight he’s
still like a
pound and a half off there’s no way he can lose it
he’s just fucked
he just calculated it
wrong or you know he didn’t
lose enough fat or he didn’t
stick to his diet you
should have done
the weight watches tell him brian
should have
counted those fucking
points these guys are
they got it down to science
they’re cutting
so much fucking weight they’re cutting 20
pounds you know a lot of them are cutting 20 pounds
and they do it slowly one of the
dongy yang a korean dude
who fought on the card he lost to chris kumozi
very very close and
controversial decision a lot of people thought that he
should have won
but he was at
legends on monday cut and wait
on monday on
monday and the
fight the wayne’s not
until friday
but he was at legends cut in weight already on
monday so that
motherfuckers losing like probably he’s probably losing
twenty pounds
and he’s doing it over a course of like five days
cause he looked huge when he got into the cage such a
giant muscle bound dude
you know it’s just
these guys have it down to
a science how to dehydrate yourself and then come back
so that was if kampman had a time
that was his time man he
could have won that fight
especially if he pushed away
and just started firing on him
in the third round
mccampman’s a badass striker
his fucking
striking is
clean man if you look at that paul
tiago fight
that’s a beautiful representation of his
skills because paul
tiago is like this
really rough and tumble bad
motherfucker and he’s got dynamite in his hands
knocked out josh costcheck
and martin cameron just picks him
apart dude picks him
apart standing
using his jab and leg kicks and just
angles like
everything i mean paul just got like out
class in the feet
he’s swinging
these wild i mean if they hit you you’re fucked
he’s swinging some
sledgehammers but
he ain’t even getting
close to hitting canman
and i was like man canton
skills are so much better than jake shields
as a kickboxer i just don’t know why
he was trying
to engage him and grappling you know he came
close a couple times
like i was like
maybe he’s gonna
prove me wrong it looks like you locked up a couple of
chokes almost he almost got it but
that motherfucker is so hard to tap
jake shields is so hard to tap
mayhem almost got him
mayhem had his back yes
and had a fully locked in
mayhem almost got him but
mayhem’s big
mayhem’s big as fuck
you know mayhem is a big one eighty five
and he’s strong and his
jiu jitsu is very very
underrated you know
i’ve had two guys that i rolled with just ran
right through me
mayhem and jake
shields both of them
both those guys were a fellow girls helpless
there’s nothing i
could do with them they’re just
too goddamn
strong jake
shields is a badass wrestler
he’s just his grappling and his
jiu jitsu is just his technique is awesome and he’s
strong as shit
he knows what the fuck he’s doing
and i’m like
and has a disadvantage there i wonder why he’s like
engaging this dude
if jake wasn’t like really beat down
i mean the fact
that jake was beat down like that he was
still able to get take down so
still able to
reverse position and
mount them and getting some dominant spots on
shows you how badass is grappling is
but campman’s kickboxing is like
like if jake
shield is like
a purple belt campman is a fucking straight
black belt in
stand up his
stand up is
crisp man he does
everything good
everything perfect the way he moves his footwork
there’s a big gap between him and jake
shields jake
shields is like
plaid punch
punch kick his
his body kicks pretty good on his left side
he throws good body kicks he’ll
throw some good leg kicks too
but really he’s
just trying to get the clinch and take your ass down
and if he’s too
tired to do that like in
that round with the
third round with camp
minute shields i thought campman
was gonna move away
i thought why
would he grapple
with him in this
round this is the
round where he
could jack him
cam is one of
those dudes though that like
he’s just like just outside the very very best
but he you could see him like
launch into
the very best like with any one big performance
you know i’m saying
like he’s one of
those guys like
like carlos
condit like carlos
condit just leaped into
one of the very best when he
knocked out dan hardy
when he knocked out dan hardy i was like okay this
motherfucker you know
everyone knew
he was a badass everyone knew he had that real
close fight with kampman
which was a fucking incredible war
and then the real
close fight with jake
ellenberger another fucking animal
ellenberger is a beast
so you knew that
carlos con it was a bad
motherfucker but when he
knocked out dan hardy was like okay this dude is
not only is he a bad
motherfucker but he’s
like getting better all the time he’s like hitting new
levels he’s
trained with john
jones like everyday
bad motherfuckers fuck yes
i didn’t make because
you know i would have done it with eddie
and i yeah you
can’t tell the truth i
couldn’t have told the
truth i could
have said that
i like listen i love dan hardy i think i do
talent to this shit
carlos conduit
i think showed me something that
was at jake
allenberg and we was getting beat up for the
first two rounds yes and
then back jackson said shit to him
hit him with a fucking
and this is silver type
elbow from the inside i was like
that kids got balls he’s got mad balls he’s got
bad balls college
college i would hate
to mix in an
alley with that
yeah cause he
might turn the
lights out on you permanently
he’s a type of guy that
might turn them out on you permanently
he’s a bad motherfucker something
about him scares the shit out he’s getting better
yes he is getting better
well he’s down in one of the best camps in the fucking
world yeah yeah
those guys don’t fuck around man and that
trevor whitman man
that guy is a very good
striking yes he is
he’s the weak
guy yeah i wanna give him a
shout out he’s a fucking yeah
and and he’s a bad
motherfucker i know he works with them and then also
fuck what is
spencer no shut up man
the fuck up
sorry princess
i feel like
an asshole for not remembering the guy’s name
which one the guy who’s the main guy
at jackson’s that’s the main
striking trainer because he’s a great guy
trevor whitman’s guy was a grudge
grudges in denver correct yeah right
i’m gonna have to google this real
quick because i got to give
that guy’s props because he’s doing an awesome job too
i want to give a prop to my man holly buzz
whatever your name is from australia on twitter
always sending
me love and shit looking out for all of us
here red bear and joe
who’s who’s that oh that’s that’s
i didn’t know what joe is looking at that
you put somebody up
red band what’s the matter you look all fucking the
sleep here what’s
going on no i’m just listening
you know i thought jake
shields lost that i
thought you take
shields you know
i thought for sure i
was pulling for camping with
everything i had because i love jake
shields but me too
camp is just this guy that he’s
right there you know
remember hanging out with mike wiggle john
thank you sorry
i’m a douchebag that
i smoke too much weed i forgot his name but he’s
a he’s a great
striking coach
he’s you know what i was really impressed with with
carlos condit
and that fight with dan hardy was the technique that he
threw that left hook with
if you look at
the both guys throw the
punch at the
exact same time really
but carlos was perfect
carlos was instead of coming wide he came
he came like with a perfect
angle to the
punch and it was perfect accuracy
and his other hand was up
you know he did it with perfect technique
and he nailed them he caught
him in the exchange and that’s like a perfect lesson
for people to learn
but if you if
that’s one of the most important
things is to concentrate on technique
yeah you can
knock guys out with
crazy wild loopy
shit you can you can
knock guys out with haymakers
where your fucking chin
is down and your hands are up if you connect you can
knock them out
but that’s not the best way to do
it the best way to do it is to use the proper technique
cause if you do that you have more of a chance
of knocking them out
if you have big
power and you’re fast
you can get away with some
goofy shit like roy
jones did when he was in his prime
but look what happened to roy
jones once he
started to slow down
when he didn’t have that
crazy athleticism
all of a sudden he couldn’t pull off what he could but
bernard hopkins still can
bernard hopkins
has perfect technique
if bernard hopkins had the athleticism of roy
jones jr i mean
maybe that’s
why bernard hopkins is bernard hopkins it’s like maybe
jiu jitsu guys they always say the best
jiu jitsu guys are the guys that aren’t physically
strong because they can’t pull off anything else
unless they have perfect technique
because it’s all
leverage and
techniques i’m sorry
are not strong
really yeah the most technical
guys are the guys that aren’t physically strong
the most technical guys if you want to
learn jiu jitsu you always want to
learn from a small guy
because big guys
have like kimuras and guillotines they do a lot of like
power jiu jitsu they will do a lot of
things that you can only get away with if you’re really
strong whereas a
small guy has no options
other than use perfect
leverage and perfect technique hmm
yeah so you should
learn you’re better off
you’re a bad
when you open up your little kung fu fucking
school cock sucker
i don’t want to
teach anybody man i don’t like
teaching you know it’s
funny because i
touch my daughter
do you really
sure yeah i know you
don’t kick by i teach
you know i’ve taught
friends and shit
but it’s you know the thing
about you know if you want to like be a
coach like a winkle john or
like a trevor whitman
man that’s your life dude you’re dedicating yourself to
these guys and to
their progress and it’s a very
thing but you got to be willing to
dedicate 100 that’s
the reason why i quit
teaching taekwondo
is because i
started doing
stand up comedy
and i realized that i was not
gonna be giving this 100 of my time anymore and i had a
bunch of guys that was leading in tournaments
and even though i had stopped
fighting taekwondo
tournaments and i was doing kickboxing
i was still
teaching at a taekwondo
school and i was
still leading people in tournaments
and so i would have
these kids that i’d coached and i’d
bring them to like
these beginner tournaments and i was
dedicating a lot
of time to it and i had a lot of people that had like
10 guys that were like really
competitive and a girl who was really competitive
and she was really good and i
spent a lot of time with them like many many
hours every week
you know like
at least three
nights four
nights a week
at least two
hours a night
just dedicated
to training with these kids
and working with them and i knew
that once i
started doing comedy
and i needed
i couldn’t be there at
night time because
i had to go to do a gig in connecticut
or i couldn’t be there
i’d have somebody else
teaching it for me i’m like they’re not
going to do it the way i do it
and this is not
gonna be the same
thing and this is not it’s not fair
and i don’t
wanna half ass it and i don’t
wanna feel shitty
about that the one
thing that it made me feel good
about my life ever
was martial arts
so i was like i can’t
not do this i can’t fuck this up
because i have to quit
i can’t like
do a shit job at this i can’t do a shit job at teaching
because to me it was like
one of the defining moments in my life that i wasn’t a
loser like when i was
teaching taekwondo at boston university
i was like i’m
teaching at
a university
like i’m like an
expert at something and i’m
teaching people that want to
learn this how to use it
it’s like one of the
first times
in my life i felt like i was
worth something you know
so there’s no way i
could fuck this up
so i could just quit
i just quit teaching
and that’s how
i feel like right now
i get interested
in strategy and i get interested when i see guys
fight what i
think is a very unintelligent
fight and they don’t have the proper coaching
they don’t have someone who’s
really mapped out of game plan
a lot of these dudes are really good
and because they’re really good they know what they can
do and they know what they want to do and they sort of
plot out their own plan in a fight
which is all well and good
but sometimes you need someone who’s also really good
also has a really good knowledge of this
and is outside of it looking in
because someone was outside with
greg jackson
who’s looking in
one of the reasons why
dave camarillo and bob cook they’re outside
they see the whole
thing and they’re very intelligent and they’re very
immersed in the game
like bob cook and dave camarillo
they break down
fighters they spend time
they go over tapes they analyze
shit and when it comes down to a
fight they’ve got a very intelligent strategy
and if you listen
to that strategy and you follow that game plan
you have a very good chance of winning
you know there’s
going to be variations shit’s
going to happen you’re
going to have to make adjustments
but of course you do that’s part of the game
you know there’s
gonna be shit happens okay you can’t take him down
listen you gotta kick that
motherfucker’s legs
okay if you can’t kick him down he wants to
stand up with you
he’s open for that inside leg kick
and then you have to have
you know here’s plan b okay now we’re here
okay you think you
broke your foot okay stop
throwing kicks
this is what you’re
gonna do you’re
gonna bait him
you’re gonna get him into exchange
and fire off the left hook
he’s open for a left hook you know what i’m saying
like they have this all
thought out they have it thought out like you have the
diet thought out
every 14 every plan
every time i mean it’s
amazing how there’s so much more to this than what you
would think you need the
and go hit the bag you know you have jiu jitsu
you have your strength and conditioning it’s amazing
how you know what
i noticed then and i don’t know if you notice i’m gonna
start doing a column
for pro mma
oh yeah yeah once a week or once a month
right just writing some
and it’s weird because what your
first column
gonna be about and i
and i noticed that
the last two years
every time i’ve gone to an
mma event with you
somebody else in the
ufc division
is losing away the trying to get healthy
this last time i went to austin you got bert
uh huh right
50 60 pounds
right our friend’s mom lost a
bunch of weights
right now and i seen another guy and then we have our
buddy deepest
quality who we’ve both lost
yeah he’s weak because of the sleep ab
so we and how
mma affects some people
like i was sick and
tired of going through
those fights
a really fat fuck when you see all
those people in shape
and then when i went to this last year of see
i even seen that they put
two different tables out
like they put
table with cookies and cakes
then they had
tables that like healthy
snacks and it’s so weird like
these people when you’re around this is what
mma has done for me
i’m not a fighter
and i don’t
wanna do jiu
jitsu or nothing
but being around
those guys you’re like fuck
i gotta be healthy whenever i
watch those ufc
you know twenty four
sevens whatever they are like
yeah i think it
definitely inspires people it inspires people
every time i go to a ufc event
somebody else is on a diet
or somebody else
is getting healthy or somebody else is eating healthy
and that’s what i’ve seen from mma
and it started with me
that ultimate
fight of the year
tate was on it
the kid that lost a hundred something
pounds from doing jiu jitsu
he’s not the
ufc no more
but he talked
about it he goes you know even if i just
final in this at
least people lose weight and try this
i forget what
his name was he had like a mohawk and a kid and he
really push love for the kid he made it to
todd hayes yeah he was he lost like a hundred
thirty pounds
yes he’s a bad
no no no no not todd hayes no no no
isn’t it josh shit
josh hayes i was
gonna talk to you
about josh bring the pain hey
what the fuck he
had a kid he had a mohawk with like
blond hair on it he had
and he really
loved his wife he seemed like a really
sincere guy
he lost a shitload of
weight a shitload of weight and it’s amazing
every time i go to
ufc event now
somebody else is on a diet
yeah he’s drinking water josh
haynes josh
bring the pain haynes
sorry josh it’s amazing how
it’s rubbed off on some people yeah he was on the same
season as tape yeah
that’s what i’m saying
it was on there with tape that’s why it
was weird how
every time i go i see somebody that’s just inspiring
to me you know i don’t know
yeah man i think
that’s one of the
things that i
would be interested in doing outside of
doing comedy
outside of like of all the
stuff that i get fascinated by a pool and all
that was that is one
thing that i
would get interested in doing
opening up a gym
training fighters
but and just being
sort of a greg jackson
type of guy having ideas and strategies and helping
people through
but that would have to be something i’m 100
dedicated you
can’t fuck around with that and half ass that man
that’s not something to have fast
you’re taking people who have a
limited window in the sport
a fighter can
fight from the time they’re 18 till they’re
most guys 38 48
48 if you’re andy 38 if you’re a normal human
you know so
you know that’s it you got 20 years
and during that time if you’re really into a
bunch of wars
cut that time down substantially
anytime you have a big war anytime you have a crazy
if that’s your style
you know you want a vandalee silva
like vandalee used to do in the early days
no matter what
it’s gonna shorten your career a bit you’re not
gonna be 48 years old
fighting like that that’s a different kind of
style i remember one
thing that you’ve always talked
about that is very you see it
shut this fridge off
this shit’s loud it’s the gyms that have the gym wars
the camps where they have gym wars
yeah you could see
those guys that
yeah they’re a little
seasoned and stuff but
they’ve been hitting the head a couple more times than
regular guys
and you can really
those gym wars are the ones that will
really kill you yeah you have to have guys that you’re
training with that you trust
and you have to
be careful not to hurt each
other you know guys hurt each
other sometimes
you know just
by accident
or just because they’re
training hard i mean that’s just
a part of the game
but you gotta be careful
with just gyms
where they just
basically fight
every week like
every week you’re
fighting every week two
three times a week you guys are
blasting each other
you know you’re
fighting you
basically get in and one good thing
about it is you get used to fighting
you get used to getting tagged
you get used to being in there in the pocket you’re
gonna be a tough
motherfucker to get in
the cage with
because this shit is
going down in your life
every day you’re used to it you’re used to full
blast blows
but on the other side
you can only do that for so long if you do that
and take big big shots all the time on a regular basis
your career gets
short and substantially
your brain is only set up
to take a certain amount of
abuse before there’s just way too much damage
and all the
stuff they’re finding out now
about football players
you know when they’re examining
their brains
after they die special i told you
about the luke game
oh yeah very amazing yeah
eddie told me
about that too
it was very intricate that special
fucking scary shit man
i watched the
other one where was that football player
i believe he played
for harvard
in college and then
after college he became a pro
wrestler and he suffered a gang of
and this is
one of the reasons why i brought up the brock
lesnar situation
because those guys suffer a lot of concussions a lot
they take a lot of hard shots
there’s a video of brock lesnar
where brock
lesnar is on top of the
third rope i don’t know who he was
wrestling against
but he was on top of the
third rope and he
jumps up through the air and does like a fucking three
flip but miss calculates and lands on his head
dude he’s three hundred
pounds okay
and he throws
himself through the air flips and lands on his head
he should be dead
he should be dead
you gotta see the
video here’s the
video if you watch the
video any normal person
would be dead
watch this shit
watch this shit we’re watching on youtube watch this
dude he landed on his head
he landed on his fucking head
he completely miscalculated the jump
completely and he landed on his head and
still finished the pin
i’ll retweet the link on my twitter
his brains you want to talk scrambled eggs
his brains should be a
small half cup of oatmeal
in the bottom of an empty bowl
they should be dead
it should have crushed his whole brain
i mean for me
if that was me or you and we did that we’d be dead
but that guy’s fine
that’s why i said like if that happened
during this one that we saw
how many times did he
accidentally bang his head
other times
these guys are gigantic dudes
and they’re
throwing each
other i mean people don’t realize the
abuse that people’s
bodies take on pro wrestling
the reason why a lot of
those guys get hooked on painkillers
pro wrestling is one of the most difficult
things to do in all of show business
even in all of
sports even though it’s not really a
sport i mean
per se i mean there’s predetermined outcomes
it still requires an incredible amount of athleticism
an incredible amount of work
these guys are on the road like
every night they’re on the road several
nights a week performing shows
throwing each
other through the air
they have to come up with new more
spectacular moves to satisfy people
that’s why they’re jumping off ropes they’re
jumping off the top of the fucking cage and they’re
flipping and doing this and
you grab my
ankles and i’m gonna
throw you through
the air and then you land on your back
and then i jump through my and i flip and i land on you
they fucking bunk heads and shit all the time
these guys are getting
knocked the fuck out in practice
what do you do well
put some ice on it and see tomorrow
and tomorrow you better
get your fucking
moves down if you want to keep your wwe
contract didn’t
he also play football too
yeah he played
i think he tried out for the vikings try
out for the vikings
listen to his numbers because this is
where it gets really
crazy okay i mean yeah brock is not like
the best mma
fighter he does not have the best
striking technique he does not have the best jiu jitsu
but when you
talk about just a
freak athlete
his 40 yard
sprint 46 seconds
225 pound bench
press he can do 43 reps
his vertical jump
35 inches his
broad jump 10
fucking feet 10 feet
do you imagine
this is at three hundred
pounds three hundred ten pounds
do you imagine
a fucking guy
three hundred ten pounds
throwing himself ten feet through the air
he still couldn’t stop that punch was
still couldn’t stop came so what the fuck
what are we talking
about here well it’s just jump
up and down
the ability
to lose your
body for when
he goes down i mean how long
the ability
to move your body keep saying that in the broadcast
about how good he moves
when all those fucking football players move like
yeah you see
those guys who
become linemen
you seen offensive
lineman this six oh yeah
two ninety and they
super athletes and
these motherfuckers they won’t like that
could you imagine if a michael vick wanted to get into
mma amazing how bad he
would fuck people up amazing oh
if a guy like that that
level of athlete
dedicated him i mean there are guys like that
is a few yeah there’s a few that are in there now but
those super athletes like a michael jordan
you know michael jordan decided
from the time he was well he had
to bet on himself to beat you
he’d have to bet on himself he probably would
michael jordan
would love that
shit he would
fight listen
cause his wife
could bet for him he
could go to
vegas and if he was fighting
he’s like put
everything on him he had a thousand people bet in the
phone that motherfucker would
he would beat liddell if he bet on himself
cause he bet
he was he hit liddell with a
chair dude he was
such an athlete
do you remember how he would
when he was the
first guy that
would literally fly through the fucking air
slamming in dunks
where you would see it on the highlight reels on
espn you would see it on the news
and people would just be
standing there shaking
their head going
how the fuck
could he do that
he was flying
with his tongue out
flying through the air
smashing that ball through there i mean
i didn’t even follow
basketball and all i saw
was that dude doing these
superhuman feats of athleticism
if that guy decide
you imagine the flying knee jordan can hit you with
jesus christ
could you imagine
the flying double knee
like a fucking jose aldo
style that michael jordan
could hit you with
if michael jordan
dedicated his time to that instead of basketball
god damn he’d be a bad
those guys are coming man
those guys are coming
those that’s the next wave of mma
the next wave of mma is the
super athlete phil
davis yeah john
john i mean john jones even
lesnar even
lesnar look
he doesn’t know the game
yet he’s relatively inexperienced he’s only had six
fights seven fights
you know that’s not that many
man that’s not that’s not not enough to be fighting
what is he got
he fought the the korean gentleman in his ufc debut
then he fought
frank meer and got leg blocked
and then he fought
keith haring and beat him on decision
then he fought
uh randy and he beat
randy got the title
and then he fought
frank mayer
again that’s five and then he fought is
it just six
and then he fought
six seven and the
seven eight
really i counted seven
either way it’s
relatively inexperienced and
right away thrust into the deep end of the they threw
me to the fucking the guy as an ncaa
national champion
had some serious technique there’s no way you become a
champion wrestler
if you’re just
strong because
those guys are just
strong too i mean
you have to have some serious technique so
he can learn
he just has to be brought up correctly
what he really
should have done with him
it’s hard with
heavyweights though
cause there’s not as many guys that are willing to
fight a guy like that
you know when you’re coming up like
who the fuck’s
gonna fight him and the king in the cage
what’s he gonna
learn out of that
you know what i mean
he’s gotta be tested somehow
so there’s like a
weird middle ground like you
gotta get him in bellator
you know what i’m saying
you gotta get him to
fight guys that are just a hair under
strike force
level just ahead
well strike
force in ufc
right now they’re pretty
close with alstar
alstar and phaidor
and for doom’s
capable of beating anybody if he gets them in the
right position
and josh barnett he’s a dangerous
there’s some dangerous guys
antonio de silva
you’re not quite the same
levels ufc but i
think that like
when a guy comes
up that’s got that much potential like a brock lesnar
like you know it’s like
you gotta you
gotta make sure that you take the most advantage
out of these physical gifts
you know you gotta
bring them up the
right way or just
throw them in like they did man
but like they did they made a
ton of money
i mean everybody made a
ton of money
but i just felt that
money they’re
about to make now with the fucking mexicans
is off the chart jack
yeah just opened up that
ufc latino with the pay per
view this is
perfect and they already when is it
super bowl sunday in new years
they’re putting fucking dos santos in this guy up
quick jack are they really oh yeah this is either
gonna be christmas or
i’ll fucking
it’ll either be new years or it’ll be
super roll weekend
super bowl for sure dude if it’s
super roll weekend
super bowl for
sure that shit
is going to be
crans and vidor
it would be yeah just junior
that shit is
gonna be crazy
that’s king kong
versus godzilla yeah that’s the
santos versus kane
velasquez might be i
might have a fucking
heart attack
i might not be able to get through the broadcast
i might i might just shit my
pants before we even
start i might just
i might just have uncontrollable diarrhea
about it for
super bowl they’re not gonna fuck
for y wait let’s
put it up there though santos is coming off a big
fight too that roy jones
or the roy nelson
fight rather
was a real good
fight for him because he got pushed
and he had to work he had to work for
three hard rounds
because roy nelson is no joke man roy nelson is a
powerful motherfucker and he can take it
dos santos hit him with some bombs
and he had to go
three hard rounds with him
it was like a real like grueling fight
where you know roy nelson hit him with some shots too
nelson was always there and always dangerous
who’s the new
year’s card dog
good question
against redhead
against frank
graymainer right yeah
i don’t know i don’t know exactly
what’s set up yet i
think it’s alternative right now
i’m not sure
carl would hurt his back
for 25 he did yeah he’s out of his next
fight really yeah when did this happen all
those heavy weights seen that
fight and fell off
their fucking face when did
this happen
like yesterday they all did that’s him
frank me a fellow
you sure carwyn
pulled out yeah
i thought carl
was a finer
oh no i won’t pulled out a one
twenty five
that sucks you
heard his back who else
somebody else pulled out a couple pull outs
really yeah carwin
pulls out a january co main wow
having some back pain had an
mri yesterday
do some damage that may require
you reading it yeah it says
i have some
damage that may really require surgery oh no
well you know he had some serious back problems
wrestling you know when he was
wrestling he had some serious back problems and
it’s one of the reasons why he
i think stopped playing football as well because
i think he played football for a bit
somebody else is hurt too
from one of the cars 24
kro cop interested in replacing carwin
versus nelson
whoa croakop wants to step in and
fight roy nelson
roy nelson might not croak
up the fuck out
right out back to croatia in that
crazy fucking
blanket ain’t that
crazy that you
would say that that’s crazy
is it crazy
to say that but
crazy talk he might
you know or krokov
might just come back with a fucking flurry
you never know when a guy’s done
because if you look alike alstar over
him a lot of people
counted alistair over him out
a lot of people said man this guy just keeps getting
knocked out by people surgeon
karatana of
knocked him out
chuck liddell
knocked him out i think
shogun stopped him once i mean there was just like
he had all these
fights where he was getting beat down
and i think
a lot of people said you know what this guy’s just done
and then he went up to
and then he got all
sudden dedicated
and then all of a
sudden he’s the baddest
motherfucker in k1
he’s the most dangerous guy
that’s fighting in
strike force
i think he’s more dangerous than any of
those other
strike force guys i know
phaidor is a
legend i know phaidor is a bad
motherfucker and i’m a phaidor fan
but i think phaedor
stands with all star over him i
think it’s night
night soldier i don’t
think you can hang in there with that guy i don’t
think you realize the level
striking that guy’s on
right now he’s been
training just straight k1 for a long time now
and competing and winning in
high level competition
against high
level competition
beating peter
ertz and shit
you know so
there’s a gang of
those dudes
right now that are bad
what’s up joe rogan drop it on me as shit croakop
could come back he
could come back
if as long as he can
still take punishment you know i mean
he got hit with a big knee from a big guy
you know but if he can
still take punishment
and he super
dedicates himself decides fuck this i’m coming back
you know i’m coming back with a
vengeance him
against roy nelson
could be fun i’m sitting there the
other day watching
tito against matt hamilton
i’ve always
loved matt hamilton
i like his work
ethic i always pull for him
and i’m watching
tito whatever and i’m
thinking about
fucking john
jones pick this guy up and
threw him around like a fucking
ragdoll like a ragdoll i
never i was thinking
about this this week i’m look at this
going this is
what’s come
later when john
jones handles dudes
it’s like you ever seen a like like a
strong bug like a beetle
pick another bug up but just kind of toss it around
like bugs can do
crazy shit to each
other like ants
could just pick other
ants up like they’re nothing and just toss them around
it doesn’t look like they’re even straining
that’s how it looks like when john
jones shows
people around that to that kid my
heart stopped dude
they fucking stop man his lateral drop when he gets
those double overhooks on you he hit
hootie hit with it he hit
the guy with that stefan
bonner stefan
bonner hit stefan
bonner with it he hit
gusma with it
gusma was his
first opponent in ufc
he apparently
kate fletcher told me that he hit it on
keith jardine in training
he said dude you can’t even believe it when you see it
keith is this big strong
powerful dude
and john jones just launches
them through the air
flips him over is he i mean
you know a lateral job is
you’re flipping a guy through the fucking air
feet up the
ankles flying
and he does that to
keith jardine on a regular he’s just that
strong he’s just
freak strong
freak technique
super smart
super humble dude
you know that’s the next
level man that
level of athleticism that comes with
those guys that’s the next
level that’s coming
right now john jones is
just like all
those other
super athletes in other
sports just like a jordan he’s just one of
these guys he’s just a bad
bad motherfucker with his mind
but that was
also have a downfall to
what they also have
there’s a dark side to
little have what you were talking
about before which is
they relied too much on the athleticism oh john
jones has a perfect
it draws as they’re more involved in it
that’s what
happens to michael vick for example did jordan rely
on technique i don’t know much
about basketball
did he was he a technique
guy or was he just an athletic guy he was very athletic
but he knew the game of basketball
he had to be he was
one of the greatest ever
school but what i
was saying was the
fighting sometimes
have very fast the hand
speed or they’re good with
their legs they move good
but they just don’t
the athleticism stops
and you’ll always lose the technique
right you know like you’ll
never be a gsp
right he’s a
great athlete but the
motherfucker got
great technique
his technique’s perfect it’s perfect you know
his guy john donna her the guy who handles he’s
he does a lot of the
training of gsp and
a lot of the strategy at gsp and he was brought in to
coach with gsp on this
season the ultimate
fighter you saw me as the
australian dude
right together
short yeah i’m sorry
new zealand guy
yes yeah he’s like
43 years old and jujutsu is this guy’s life and he’s
he’s a brilliant
motherfucker he lives on his mat i
heard he sleeps
on the mats when he takes naps and shit because he
teaches during the day
you know when he’s got no
classes he’s just
take her naps
room is a fucking man oh really where he
sleeps it might be
and he’s a lot of
legend behind this guy
i heard that like he’s one of
these guys like us
like you know like as a
comic sometimes
the best material you get is
right about before you
close your fucking eyes
and you have a decision to make
either you could get up and
write the joke
or you could
get up and say to yourself i remember in the morning
right and then you don’t remember who gots in the
morning right
right it’s this
motherfucking takes it to the next
level he’s in bed
thinking of a move
right he’ll get up at four in the mornings
gonna dump start
rolling and
start rolling with the fucking duck you know whatever
just to see if
leverage or whatever
i heard he’s one of those guys
you know that
they credit him with inventing the darse
choke there’s a
choke that joe drc
is famous for because
mayhem miller
got caught in it by joe drc
and they brought it back and they
started calling it the darse
choke i talked
about it during the podcast
but apparently
what i’ve been informed
since i said this during the broadcast
is that donaher actually invented this
choke that he figured it out and he’s the
one who showed it to drc and drc showed it to mayhem
so donner he’s
a legend in
fighting a legend in
like he doesn’t
fight himself because he’s got a fucked up knee
but he’s a legend
amongst jujutsu
circles for being like one of the baddest
motherfuckers to deal with
well his theories are exactly they
mirror my theories
when it comes to mma
and it’s the theory that they espoused when
coaching this
show the ultimate fighter
they’re like
fuck all this
trying to be the
toughest you
know guy trying to
run up hills
the hardest and
throw bags of sand around the hardest
no what’s most important is your technique
the technique has to be the most important
and it’s not mental
toughness it’s not your ability to
hold your breath
underwater holding
onto rocks it’s technique technique and training
that technique
at a furious pace and you’ll develop you
learn how to
fight joe how do you
learn you learn
my fighting
you girl what’s the fucking
tool were you running up a hill that’s something i
never it’s great conditioning is
great there’s
something to strengthen conditioning to prevent
injuries and to give you a certain amount of strength
a certain amount of
power to utilize
those techniques
but when you
get past that technique is the most important
thing and these
guys you know this donna
her guy like talking to him just reinforces in my eyes
the importance of a
super dedicated coach
like a guy like him
you know a guy like him or a guy like greg jackson
especially don
her i’m a big fan of his as anna and greg’s
those guys are huge for a
fighter’s career
you know to find a wise guy
who is in that role he’s not he can’t compete he’s
got he was born with a fucked up knee like he literally
he can’t like
do strength and conditioning shit he can’t run
his knees fucked up he probably can’t take kicks in it
so he’s not gonna be
fighting but he’s fascinated by
it and he’s fascinated by it as a science just like you
would be fascinated by chess
as a science and that’s how he
breaks it down
it’s not about
toughness or ego
or any silliness like that
it’s all just about
executing the perfect technique and strategy you
watched the ultimate
fighter last week
yes they had a
knucklehead on there
and he walks around and he’s
tougher than the
other guy everybody says
avoid his fucking guillotine yeah
did you see what that yeah
i did what he do
he just dove in on
into the fucking gillard
yeah well it’s because you
came wild at him
and he just forced him into his
habits do you
think that that kid
could beat the fuck out of me
that kid with the guillotine
because it’s got a nasty gig
well he’s got a
weird way of holding it to
absolutely he he
doesn’t hold it like a normal guy does
he like turns it
so that the back
of the palm is facing the face and he pushes down on it
and it kind of
closes off both sides of the neck quicker
i’m fucking around with it a lot of guys did
nate diaz did that to
who the fuck did he fight
god damn it
irish hagriden
marcus davis marcus
david he did that same technique to
marcus davis he pushes his knuckles
he pushes like
he grabs a hold of his hand and pushes his hand
towards the neck and then that’s how he
closes it off
it’s like that’s the
thing about
jiu jitsu man
guys are constantly
coming up with new variations to techniques
constantly adding new ways to do it there’s like a
bunch of different
variations yeah
you can’t learn at all man
and that’s like
every guy has a different kind of
style some guys always
have the newest craziest moves and they have this
giant encyclopedia of moves they can hit you with
and there’s
other guys that only
hit a certain amount
of moves all the time like they go for arm triangles
chokes arm bar
they have three or four moves
you know that they only go to off
their back they have like armbar triangle that’s it
these are just only moves they go to
but they’re
nasty at them
you know like
no guerra no
guerra doesn’t do like
crazy wild stuff
his jiu jitsu is like
old school hicks and gracie style
jiu jitsu it’s like the real traditional jujitsu but
everything he does he does perfect
you know what i’m saying like
everything is perfect technique like
like i don’t see no
guerra doing
you know any
crazy like go
goplata rubber
guard sweep
shit like he’s
gonna just tap you with triangles tap you with arm bars
you know i’m
saying tap you with guillotines get your back
choke you out
all like the
standard shift like
hodger gracie same
thing all those
standard moves they just
hone them to a science you know
so there’s two
schools of thought
like hicks and gracie’s a perfect example
widely recognized as the
greatest jiu
jitsu guy ever
everybody says that
but hicks and gracie is
jiu jitsu that’s what he hits you with he
doesn’t hit you with some
crazy moves you
never saw before
he just goes to
three moves perfect
he knows everything he knows
everything but
his jiu jitsu is all very
standard old
school jiu jitsu
is perfect at it
everything he does
is perfect technique perfect position
he’s been there a billion times it’s a part of his dna
and everybody says the same thing
you don’t even know what the fuck
jiu jitsu is
until you roll with hickson
they say he just takes it to another
level he goes
you realize
there’s levels to this game
and you think you know what the levels are
until you roll
with a guy like hickson and you just realize
this motherfucker knows exactly what to do
every time you
move a certain way he knows exactly how to respond
and he does it
and you feel like you’re a
child you feel like you just
learned how to do this
and you getting
strangled meanwhile you’ve been putting in 10 years
you’ve been
going to the gym
three four days a week for 10 years
sweating your ass off
doing fucking running hills doing kettlebell
drills like i’m a bad
you like i’m 28 years old i did a
cycle of anevar
where’s hixon
and you roll with them and you just
rolled around like a little baby
like a little baby you don’t even know what the
fuck’s going on
all technique
they say you don’t feel any of his strength
you don’t even feel his strength
you don’t feel it it’s just all
sudden he’s
mounted on you
and you can’t
shake him off you try to
shake him off he
counters that shake
he’s also got an arm
trapped and you trying to
fight that arm all
sudden you’re in a triangle
it’s like you just
boom boom boom
boom boom and then he tapped and you’re like
i don’t even feel like he got tired
he didn’t even break a
sweat you’re exhausted
you just fought for your fucking life
against some
ever ever moving anaconda that’s
figuring out some new way to cut off your
blood and then boom tap
you have to tap
and then you just humiliate it
and you start back from scratch
technique technique
technique brother
technique technique
never shut up
fucking sponsor that
hit it flashlight
flashlight flashlight
check him out
like i said
and when you put ice cubes in there
and then you put a little bit of fucking come in there
and then you put out the
cells in this when you’re fucking it you get the apple
seltzer on your helmet wait a
minute wait a
minute the ice cube
effect from outside your helmet
you coming in and then you fucking
i don’t fucking know i don’t have this in my house
i’m just trying to
have i have one
for you it’s a blue i
want that one
we don’t want it
i’m not gonna
like that i don’t like board
i’m just i just have ideas do you
still even how
often you beat off on a regular basis once a week
once a week
really that’s it wow
why don’t you do it more for what
brian wants
wants to hear stories now
what did you do it to today
big on the beat
you’re not big on it no
i feel fucking guilty yeah
it’s always
a sad feeling it’s very sad when you beat off
a strip club and make them believe the
strip is gonna meet you at denny’s afterward
you don’t say that ain’t
never gonna happen
they never gonna fucking happen you always get that one
idiot done let’s go to denny
she said she’s
gonna meet me
fucking nobody
gonna meet you what’s up reds the game son
that’s the game the game
have you ever
dated a girl that that her
phone has emergency porn
videos just in case that she
doesn’t have internet and she has to masturbate
no don’t that’s disgusting for real
esther does that
do you think she wants the world to know this
oh i don’t know probably not
yeah that seems like you just routed her out bro
wow some chicks get
crazy with the porn though
they love it there’s
other girls that are offended by porn
some chicks get offended
some chicks get
crazy with it
it’s a weird thing huh
it’s a weird
thing some girls think
you need it like oh you needed to keep a relationships
there was a girl that i
dated in high
school and then
so like i ran into her many many years later
and somehow another you know she got on the subject of
getting bored
while she’s
married she was a
horse probably want to fuck
and she got on the subject of
you know watching porn when you’re married
and i’m like you guys
watch porn together she’s like oh yeah i mean
after a while you get just so
tired of each other
just want to
watch something else
like she was just it was like
sounded so gross
and they wonder
why the fucking husbands fucking some
tattooed pig
that’s why fucking filthy fucking animals that they are
old school ladies and gentlemen
all fuck joey g
has dropped old school
i don’t got time for this new show that was a strong
it was a strong two hour sprint joey
fucking threw it down today did i
yeah you did that was there was some
classic moments when i say
you said everything
you you said you there was some
classic goddamn moments it was
one of my favorite podcast really yeah
today why you blowing
smoke up my ass to do that
every time i come up people
security cameras on you made me
laugh my fucking ass fucking guy that was a good one
anyway i love
doing it with you guys it’s a lot of fun always
well what happens
what you do
nothing i was just getting your ending song
ready there’s
no way we can’t not do that
do how do people
get a hold of your they know how to fucking
get a hold of no they don’t they don’t beauty the
beast podcast we drop beauty and the
beast podcast goes on
dot com and beauty downloads com
or download online you guys
own beauty and the beast
calm how the
fuck did you get that i don’t fucking know beauty
come on dub
beast oh da oh
we just confused
the shit out
of the disney
i don’t know what you’re saying we get home
mickey’s gonna be my house
hey have you ever wondered
about that like what if you become famous
you might not be able to keep that name
like disney
might fuck with you guys
and dobby yeah
they might fuck with you guys
bitch when we get to it
who gives why not just have the joey
diaz and felicia podcast how
about you guys are awesome how
about booty
and the beast
shut up bro i don’t know why what is
with the fuck
what is why not just have you guys your names what
would it be better
beneficial to you guys if your name was on the podcast
you know who
the fuck knows
joey diaz and felicia
michael now
why confuse people just go to beating the
beast white
who gives a fuck just join your
people love you man
they know i love you they want
to find you
they want to find the
beast dot com they want
other people to be able to find you
on a twitter
i’m on myspace big like your tags
are off your tags are off nobody
where you are
matt flavor you need to get mad
flavor at twitter
at flavor at twitter
what’s my mad flame at
whatever what is your
i don’t know your facebook you
know we coco
dias at facebook yeah someone
couldn’t find you the
vaporizer dude yeah find you
he’s looking for you i
understand i couldn’t find i
think he sent you myspace message though
he jumped into the
waters of myspace
how could you find his message
i like the vaporizer i like the
vaporizer i just thought the well was a little too
small you know i
smoke 50 fucking bucks
jesus christ
vaporized weed is something so different to me i can’t
smoke a lot of it
every time i get
i do too many
vaporizer heads
i’m not comfortable i don’t like it what happens to you
get you fucking
spacey good i’m
gonna smoke that
whole battery i
can’t keep up
with the thoughts it’s like they’re coming too fast
so it’s like i need a
no no no no i like them around mid
level midstream
so that i can
still think
it’s when i get
super super
super high sometimes it’s like it takes me
an hour before i can enjoy it
because for the
first hour i’m just like whoa
it’s just moving
along too fast
it’s like there’s a
river of fish
swimming by me and they’re all little and i’m
trying to grab handfuls of them i can’t get one of them
i got the super off
flying by all the
vaporized that
motherfucker to death
and don’t forget people
we’re gonna be at the austin
yeah city next week
thursday friday and saturday
the fourth through the
sixth we’re
gonna be ripping
it the fuck up that’s not next week though
right now it is
yes it is it’s fucking halloween this
sunday gentlemen
all saints do
is monday we’re
going to fucking austin next wednesday
at six o’clock
we’ll be that 11
it’s halloween next sunday
sunday next
sunday bro yeah that’s what i said to you
okay so we’re
going the following week
which is next week isn’t it
next week yes
that’s what the oh yeah you’re
right it is next we’re going to
see my next
motherfucking week so get it
together five
fun phil shows
there’s a couple tickets left
jump on that bitch
right now that’s
right don’t forget next week
the flashlight
don’t forget beauty and the beast
don’t forget
i’m writing for pro mma
com with my man joe
what you need
to do fuck all this writing they just need
to get a camera and turn it on you and have you talk
and put it on but as a video blog
you can tell with this writing nonsense i love
right don’t
worry about well i know you love writing
dude what you got you can do that
if you like but
if they really want to get
the most out
of here what
the fuck is
this all you
gotta do is
roll that number i was
roll that number cocksucker
don’t worry
about changing names what are you
fucking border wars
roll that number
bitch i love your name
i don’t want you to change anymore i love you
right red band
how did you
become planet rock
what was that i don’t know who gave me planet rock i
thought you came up no
i’m mad flavor
from biggie
mad flavor you
definitely came up biggie gave me mad flavor 95
and then also joey karate
that’s right joey karate
i gave myself
before tommy karate
came up with that
mother who’s
tommy karate
tommy patera
the fucking
guy was in the witness relocation plan fuck him what
again what are you talking
about my crowd was
spilled milk some guy
tommy patera look him up
he wrote a book and he’s
tommy karate
what is this brian
this is mika
versus red one
is it good i don’t know i just
thought i’d play something i don’t know
remember you’re just
gonna take a chance yeah i’m taking a chance
why would you do that
cause that’s how
it’s gay as fuck
bro you’re so gay
that ruined
kill it and let’s wrap it up with that diane
word song again
it’s not connecting to your internet
right now that’s why i have it already
i love you guys
thank you very much for
watching the it’s not connected
to the internet
this is one of the best podcast i do i love
these fucking guys
especially rep band and rogan
you know what i’m saying
i’ll be right out there
princess we
enjoy the fuck out of doing it
thank you everybody for
tuning in we
appreciate it very much
and joey and i
again will see you next week
austin texas
we’re there for
three nights
thursday friday and saturday
what is this
brian this is mc chris oh you
is this like caviar
it’s an acquired taste yes i like it
getting lifted i’m a hickey come to hogwarts
i’m the kid you look up when you feel like getting
tricked up i got cockroach
thank you very much
ladies and gentlemen
we will see you
probably thursday
it looks like we’re gonna do another one on thursday
we’ve been doing most of two a week and
i appreciate the fuck out of
every time i come to the shows and
all the people that come up to me and tell me that they
really like the podcast well
that’s why we’re doing it we’re doing it for you guys
really means the
world to us we
enjoy the fuck out of doing it and we’re
gonna keep doing it
thank you very much and we’ll see you soon
thank you bye
bye big kiss
love you bitches bye
light is beating how it bounces