Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

hi everybody
can I hear us
hey there we are ladies and gentlemen
tardy but here nonetheless
sort of it’s like halfway through because
the the one on u stream says 3:00 and this one says
and I said it 2:00 because I’m an idiot
but it’s supposed to be 3:00 so we figure we’ll start
somewhere around now
it’s all about
checking out the Twitter that I defined out when really
shit’s going on
well that’s ridiculous
burn because some people have lives
and they can’t just be on the fucking Twitter
all the time looking for you to do shit
have you met people that have their Twitter setup
so when people twit
they automatically get like a text message
yeah that’s retarded
I don’t know people get mad at me
sometimes you mean you’re tweeting too much
man it’s blowing up my phone I have to take you off
yeah that’s ridiculous why would you have
I think maybe
in the beginning
it was almost like an instant message for people
you know yeah like or not
but it really that’s just text messaging
that’s someone who you know text messaging
but text messaging to all their friends right
and then it got crazy
you know
it’s a strange way of communicating man
Twitter is one of the weirdest fucking inventions
that the internet has ever spurned
spurned sperm word spurring give birth to shit out
it’s amazing
it’s just it’s so simple keep it to 140 characters
so that
you know you don’t get too fucking verbose and stupid
you learn how to edit your shit you know
you can’t have these long
run on you ever read someone’s blogs
and even my own blogs ramble so much
too much sometimes
some people
your blogs are for smart people that you know
like like readers like I have to be in a reader mode
yeah you know like
most of the time I’m in more of a video
me too I don’t want to read people bullshit
I don’t want to read anything like I write
but it’s
sometimes I do
I think and when I have
to write it I have to write it whatever though
if I’m writing something
it’s just because that’s what I’m thinking about
and I’ve been fucking with it and I’ve been
rolling around in my head
you know and they might not be correct
I have no idea
most of my ideas are just pure speculation
but the only way to really
be honest about it is to write it in a blog
you can’t like tell people stuff like that
you start talking to people
about your theories and you saw your nut
but at least if you write it down for whatever reason
it looks more thought out
yeah isn’t that weird
you know
have you just tell people that you think that
technology some sort of a symbiotic light
form that’s existing with us
and eventually it’s gonna overcome us
and then everybody’s looking at it like
we control it always
you know no no
like those terminator movies those guys got it right
like that’s like super possible
it really is I mean
no one wants to believe it
but if you look at how fucking chaotic human life is
and not
not really in america
you know this is a pretty badass country
but if you watch like documentaries on like
that vice squad
guide to Liberia is that what it was
what is the
the website that did we talk about that last week
what was it about those vice tv guys
those guys that go to Liberia
and talk
about all the cannibalism and shit that’s going on
there seems like you did
I think we did talk about it
yeah if you haven’t seen it
well I’m gonna
find the link and throw it up anyway
because it’s so crazy
here is that link also that you
talked about last
week that somebody said that you didn’t
did you ever
which they were like this link’s not working
a lot of people were like
forget what it was about
maybe the lions that you were talking about the lions
last week that the ampt up
oh yeah really
that was the wrong way
maybe it was that one there was a few there was
I just remember because somebody said that they saw it
it was amazing maybe they
googled it or something
maybe yeah maybe they were smart
they’re like oh maybe we should use google
if we’re talking about something
I’ll give you the wrong link
let me know I’m sorry
that’s that is annoying
we try and figure out what it is
yeah but most of the time google works out pretty well
don’t you feel like a little
genius when you figure out where they fucked up though
you go back to the url and you go
oh there’s including the bottom part of that
and you gotta
copy and paste the whole thing and put in your browser
it’s like your little solves a little bit
a little puzzle that’s for you oh cool
that’s a papaya kombucha which it’s good for you
or is it mango
papaya keeping it real
what’s up Twitter people the fuck’s cracking huh
how’s life that lion shit was crazy
yeah if you haven’t seen what we’re talking about
with the lion shit
there was a these gigantic lions that lived
in africa
and they got cut off from the rest of the continent
and there was
stuck on an island
and there were like regular sized lines at first
they presume
and because they were on the island with only
water buffalo
water buffalo hard as fuck to kill
so these lines got gigantic
they grew fucking huge from taking down
water buffaloes
it’s really pretty fucking spooky stuff
mm hmm you know
it’s intense like
they looked like like the hulk
they didn’t look real like those mice yeah yeah
those mice that have that mile statin thing that they
like those dogs those whippets when they do those
experiments on them
and they make them look like cartoons
have you ever seen that
disease I guess it would be that
makes you grow fast
like they just showed this
woman that was 12 years old
but she looked like she was 62 and a smoker
yeah it’s not that
it has to do with the fat in your skin
it doesn’t have to do with growing fast
it has to do with the fat in your skin
when you get older
one of the things that happens is
the fat leaves your skin
and these people
who are like thirteen and twelve and little babies even
they have this disease where
that’s how their body like
starts treating it right away
so their skin starts to behave like an old person skin
it was weird though
I felt so bad for it because she was really
like and her mother had it too it’s terrible
super rare though so don’t worry about it
yeah but it’s pretty freaky when you
find diseases like that
you know but this Liberia shit man
if you haven’t seen this
I have to throw this link up because
it’s one of the
gnarliest fucking documentaries I’ve ever seen ever
and these guys
I think their shows called vice guide tv
yeah vice guide the library I’m gonna give you exactly
she watched the last last night
yes I did
without giving any spoilers what do you think
no spoilers no spoilers
I think
I’m getting tired of it
you are yeah so you didn’t find exciting last night
it was exciting but I was like come on
you just jump it back in time and
you know people are dead but then they’re not
and like come on really
yeah you know I’m saying it’s like really
that’s what’s going on now
when that one thing was the one thing and he was like
I’m sorry for being that thing
that was crazy yeah
but it was like
a certain point time I was like god damn
this is like comical
yeah it’s like it was caricature
you know what I really hated
also is how many commercials there were there were
like every 3min there was a commercial in the future
hopefully you could like go alright
no I don’t want commercials I want pop up ads on my tv
you know
pretty nutty because that was just like you were
into it out of it
into it out of it
yeah it is pretty nutty
yeah you gotta watch it on dvr and even then
you gotta fast forward through them
commercials are a very
inefficient way of reaching people
because you’re in the shit out
you know I mean it does if you stuff enough shit
down our throats we’ll eventually
take it but putting it on in the middle of like
shows and stuff like that
what if you could go to like a group
once a month for
like 10min and they just
showed you a bunch of products
and then they’re like all right
no more advertising for you
on the internet or for the tv
just because you
you know you went to like a
group meeting
just so
advertisers can sell their products to you in person
yeah you know what I mean like this is coke here
taste it yeah
all right so we won’t advertise your tv anymore
well I think there’s
maybe a better way would be to do it
the way they do it at the movies
where they show you the ads first
yeah and then the movie yeah but you have to watch it
that’s the thing now but still
it’s like once the show begins you shut the fuck up
right you know when you go to the movies the concede
what you’re conceding is that you give them money
so they’re only gonna annoy you in the beginning
and then they’re gonna stop annoying you
they’re gonna let the thing play out in its full form
which is the most enjoyable way
when you appreciate any
at a coca cola or any one of those people
just stepped in and said listen
we all know the tv shows are better
when you let them play from the beginning to end
you don’t want to interrupt them with commercial
all the time
how about we’ll do this
we’ll advertise the beginning thank you very much
I hope you enjoy our product
hope you enjoy this movie
bam yeah
that’s how it’s supposed to be yeah
they got it nailed these movie guys got it nailed
these tv guys were tarted
you’d be putting shit on the middle of the fucking show
stupid it was jump
yeah and it was so bad last night that I was just like
really this is getting
insane every 15min and come on
it wasn’t even 15min maybe
maybe every hour
if you’re gonna have a 2h show every hour
throw on a few commercials
fuck it it pretty much
was 1h or show
1h of commercials but they build it as a 2h event
yeah well
you know it’s a lot of money man it’s a lot of money
I wasn’t
I really enjoyed the series up until now
especially early on
I felt it was
it’s like a really creative series
but I gotta admit that last
night just seems kind of like hokey
it’s like
you know the Chinese guy who doesn’t like this
oh I don’t want to say anything right
no yes you got to replace everything
blah blah blah blah blah I’m not no spoilers
I don’t want to give it away if you haven’t seen it
so that’s what I think
it’s still a great show
still I mean even though it seems hokey it’s still fun
but at a certain point time the whole premise is hokey
I mean come on it’s silly
it’s ridiculous it’s a suspension of disbelief show
yeah you know
you jumping back in time with nuclear weapons
what the fuck you doing
you know what
you can just hit that thing and you go back in time
oh okay cool
you know yeah
it’s just utter nonsense
it’s like I want to
I want to talk about it
but there’s something I want to talk about about
I’m trying to censor it but I there’s no way to do it
yeah you can’t
you can’t well
how did you did you enjoy it
yeah I did I was so pissed off about the commercials
that kind of upset me and I was very upset
I like being in a world
and not imagine watching avatar in every
5min you gotta take commercial
no you’re absolutely right
it’s ridiculous
there’s got to be a better way to sell shit
yeah that’s not the best way to sell shit that’s stupid
yeah they think that just by you know
by conditioning people to be used to
interrupting it over and over again
that’s the best way make us watch it in the beginning
yeah they’re like we’re not gonna watch it anyway
then you have a webcam
setup on top of your tv that detects if you’re
sitting there watching it
you know yeah
people get excited for previews
man I get excited for the whole preview
I don’t know why
but I get excited I’m more amped up
to see the wolf man this year than I think
like anything
man that looks awesome
can you do it
that’s gonna be like a new gang sign
dude do the wolf man
dude it looks sick
it looks cool because it’s like old school the wolf man
you know and that rick baker did all the makeup
he’s that
dude who did star wars and he’s done like everything
he did an american werewolf in London and this is like
real old school makeup
you know it’s not like cgi like parts or cgi
like the transformation
is cgid when it becomes the wolfman
but then it’s like a dude in an outfit
you know and rick bakers the master that shit
when I was
a little kid I used to want to be a makeup artist
I used to want really those Hollywood guys that made
did you do the makeup of the guy on the hog video
how dare you but I used to want to do like
werewolf masks and shit and
like special effects movie special effects mask stuff
I thought that was the coolest shit ever
I wanted to do that for a while
man I was a big fan of that guy rick baker
he’s the dude
he’s doing this movie
too so this movie’s gonna be the shit
yeah it looks good
fuck it that’s like benicia del toro’s a badass
there’s a probably part where he sings like a wolf man
song or something like that
benicio del toro can act as fucking ass off that dude
you know he’s one of those dudes like
when he’s playing like angry or crazy
like he goes so far
you would worry that he’s gonna like
you’d worry he’s gonna do something fucking crazy
you know
now when he’s in a role
he’s one of those dudes it’s like
I always look forward to his movies like
whatever it is he knows how to do it
acting such a tricky thing
you know isn’t it like some actors you like
really look forward to seeing him in movies
you know yeah definitely it’s a weird thing
sisty spacestick
some dude’s getting like super obsessed with it
how about like those guys
guys are like super obsessed with movies
movie trivian shit
you know what’s really gay is that gross
is that there’s a gench
a volta movie
that’s coming out where it’s a love story
and it uses a cross movie reference
that’s how bad it is
he’s like imparison goes
I always like a roy island with cheese and I’m like oh
no well yeah oh my god it was like oh
that’s gross gench a volta seems to be losing his mind
I would love to talk to
that how dare he ruined a character
you know what I mean
he’s not ruining and then he’s creating a new one
I don’t think he’s ruining it you can’t ruin it
what it is is
a slice of time
and now you go back and you can see it
that’s as gross as commercials to me
well he was good in that pal in 123 movie
if you didn’t see that pal in 123 movie
here was fucking good in it
man he plays a good psycho
anybody didn’t like is the hurt locker
have you seen that
I didn’t see it run it on amazon I already have it
I already have it I got it
everybody says it’s the best movie ever
it’s so slow and boring it’s like
hey let’s go to one mission oh don’t say anymore
no no this is not really nothing
go to one mission oh let’s go to another mission
oh let’s go to another mission that end
like it’s like why am I watching this
like I felt like I was just watching you know what
I felt like that with
no country for old men
yeah I never saw that
no country for old men is like listen
I know what you’re trying to do
I know you’re trying to be crafty
I know you’re trying to be unconventional
but here’s the deal
when I go to movies
I want you to stick with the fucking framework
okay right here’s good
guys and bad guys and maybe monsters okay
and at the end good guys win any questions okay
make your shit okay I like watching good guys win
you fucking weirdo
I don’t watch
I don’t like watching people just drive off
the whole thing’s fake
all right
are you pretending that well in the real world
things will turn out
well this isn’t the real world stupid
this is a goddamn fucking movie
and I want a good ending right
I want an interesting ending with a fucking conclusion
avatar avatar
I’ve talked to so many gut people
that have been in the military that are
pissed off at that movie for killing
what they say represents u
s soldiers
but yet nowhere in there did they say they’re like us
or anything they’re just an army you know
that’s a good point
really when you think about yeah
they’re mad like well they say who are
whatever that no
well the one guy who was a fucking marine
but he was well a blue guy
I can see it I can see it but
it’s like all right dude
calm down their smurfs you know
yeah but well that’s this
he’s got a point man
you could see it that way because you’re not
a military right
that’s what I’m saying
I especially a military person
in the middle of two wars that they may not support
yeah there’s a lot of people
that are in the military
they don’t think we should be there anymore right
a lot of people
yeah but I think avatar
in general is just like it was like gi joe
you know it wasn’t real us army troops
you know there’s no reason to get mad
they’re just an army
they’re representing like a space army or something
yeah it was so much in future it was like
1000 year old man
it was too
human like if you want to be real yeah but it’s like
I don’t think you don’t get mad predator yeah but
could you imagine though for real
if there was such a planet and there was
such a mineral and there were
mercenaries who were going to that planet
if it wasn’t broadcast to us
we don’t know what the fuck is going on in afghanistan
every day we don’t know about these
crazy drones their fire and missiles into Pakistan
I mean this is real stuff that’s on the news
it seems like science fiction
this is going on every day in other parts of the world
and how that ain’t that much different man
it ain’t that much different
it’s people that don’t know people
jacking people for their shit
yeah you know
and that’s what’s going on right now
and that’s what was going on in the movie
it’s not that unrealistic
you know
in fact it might be
it might be generous
the idea that they would go so far as
to make artificial ones to try to be friends with them
more like kill him more like kill him
I mean that’s what people do
I mean that movie painted a much more
a much brighter picture of humanity
than the real humanity
the real humanity we’re not making like arab clones
and we’re operating them with remote control
to go in and infiltrate the taliban and go hey guys
like what’s strong with being american
maybe we can all be cool you know
you know
I mean if the United States government you know had
that kind of insight and innovation
into the human bonnie
could you imagine the kind of shit that they would do
they would just make
billions and billions of republicans
they would just start
cloning republicans in making them
and operating them with remote control
republican girls fucking all the important guys
getting all their deals past
just that’s what they would do
you’re shaking really
robot girl
that’s what they would do man
that’s an avatar for the real life if that if they
we don’t we’re not that nice
okay we’re not gonna make fake arabs
you know it’s not gonna happen
or fake whoever the fuck we’re fighting
we’re gonna figure out a reason
to convince everybody on this side
that those people are evil
that’s what we’ve always done
those people are evil and then we jack them
you know I mean it’s it’s fucking amazing at the
same game can go on
for so long and in this age of information
it can still be passed off as like
you know as the important thing to do
you know the important thing to do at a certain point
is to try to fucking help everybody
try to get all these countries to
chill the fuck out
but that’s never gonna happen
man because they live in somewhere that sucks
and when you live somewhere that really sucks
there’s a lot of goddamn conflict
you know that’s just a fact
they’ve got a terrible fucking role of the dice
and they’re living in a part of the world that stuck
hundreds and hundreds of years ago
they’ve got technology but they’ve got chaos and
you know it doesn’t
it’s just a mess they’ve been fighting forever
they’ve been fighting forever over there man
I mean that’s what they do
that’s what these fucking people do
in the middle east
war has been going on the middle east for so long
like you talked to israelis like due to
living israel like ari talks about a lot of time
those motherfuckers are hard
you know those people are different
you know those those people are experiencing war
on a daily basis
man that’s like a part of their their culture almost
you know it’s like this conflict has been
going on for so fucking long over there
and it’s almost impossible to see a way
without evolving without evolving
as a species
it’s almost impossible to see a way it’s going to end
it just keeps going
it doesn’t show any sign of letting up
you know if you looked at it as you know as a wave
you know
and you see the wave bouncing back and forth like
it doesn’t seem like it’s going away
it seems like there’s always some bullshit going down
as always this motherfucker is mad at that motherfucker
and he’s gonna launch bombs
it just it seems like it takes a little time off
and then it bounces right back
and palestine once they land back
and and
the settler is an old shit
someone got run over by a tank
you know it’s like it’s always there
this spring backing forth
violent tension is always there
and it’s like some’s got to be done
at the core of that shit
something’s gonna be done unless you you
I mean unless that’s what people really want
unless people what they really want is conflict
maybe that’s just human nature you know
that’s possible right
so avatar is nicer than people
bring it back around
avatar is nicer than people
I think I don’t think we would make fake people
to deal with our enemy
we would fucking kill him
so for people that say that that’s uhmep
people in the padlight
mercenaries man
that’s a that’s crazy job
those kinds of space mercenaries motherfucker
don’t you play doom
all right those dudes are serious
space mercenaries
that’s an excellent character
if you’re playing quick three
you know it’d be a space marine fuck yeah bitch
tough characters
so I have an eight year old poll
that was revisited recently
it was about pooping right yeah
poop standing or poops sitting
are wiping standing Austin
it’s pretty funny though it’s gain popularity again
do you wipe standing up or sitting down
we you know how I wipe motherfucker
we’ve talked about this
I know but I don’t think we’ve talked on this
I stand up to wipe it to get a good goddamn wipe in
yeah I’ll tell you this
I was using those flushable wipes
mm hmm you know to keep my butt nice
and fresh and tightening
you got fifty-fifty it
those aren’t good man
you got fifty-fifty it no no no
even if you fifty-fifty
it the problem with those
wipes is can’t really flush them
oh yeah they’re not flushable
they’re real flushable
they call them flush and bowling but
I’ve had a podge in my house twice
that’s how stupid I yeah
those bitches
they pack up in your pipes you can’t flush them
you know how many are you using
like 15 I wipe my ass a lock to the wall ships
but you can’t do that so then the only other option is
you have to either have a bad day which I have
you do you never use
why don’t you use it
I would totally love one as well
because I’m an american
I think it’s great
it’s like hey
as american I want to faucet up my butthole
it doesn’t even look remotely comfortable or inviting
French are so hard
whoever the fuck invented that ask cleaning machine
they’re hard people men
because that thing is just polished
it’s white and there’s like steel and chrome
it doesn’t look like
anywhere you want to put your asshole
really yeah it’s not like warm and soft and inviting
place your asshole here we’ll clean it off for you
wow no it looks like metal and fucking it’s 2010
if you’re gonna you need a better
way to clean my asshole with a machine
then this stupid little
monster looking thing
it looks like a torture contraption
it looks like a faucet and looks like someone’s gonna
shove that other
stick right up your asshole
and you turn it on
and water goes inside your body or something
I mean that’s what it looks like
this would just make like
a robot asian face head that just
eats your ass like you put your ass open and clean it
you just like lean your butt against it
and there’s like yeah
clean it clean it
it looks like it looks like lucy lou
what about for girls though we need something for girls
would it be a black grind
you think glasses are the same one
you use the asian girl no they
wouldn’t want to
that’s a dirty bitch that cleans her husband’s asshole
I guarantee if there was an asshole cleaning machine
and it was a woman’s face
like a really hot asian woman
well your wife would want her own
asshole cleaning machine
right next to it
you sent a page magic johnson
or you sent a picture
a photo to the manufacturer of your father
and they sent back the father
could you imagine if you could do that
I mean why can’t you do that soon in the future
I guarantee you in the future
there’s gonna be toileties that look like celebrities
and right they can eat your asshole
it’s julia roberts
look to it please somebody Twitter this down
that this is the future
because we’re gonna forget this
Twitter me this please
toilet seats that look like celebrities
and they clean your asshole
that is the future genetic like fatewick
they’re so close to
replicating different parts of human beings
you know they created a woman’s bladder
took her bladder and they used stem cells
and they created they took a piece of her bladder
they created a big bladder for her
yeah I mean what they’re doing doing incredible things
now that’s gonna be able
that’s gonna be able to happen
you’re gonna have to be able to have puff daddy
in your asshole
it’s gonna look like
like those wax figures like that’s famous really
except it’s gonna feel like flesh right and
they’re gonna have emotions
and all he wants to do is lick your asshole
that’s it and they have
but they have emotions like something
they would like cry and be sad like
julia robert’s face no no no
who would you have if you had it
if you had the ability to buy any celebrity
to meghan fox immediately megan fox
but as a gag gif I would get my friends like hey
I got the rapper at pitt
that would be brutal though
if like what if your friends really like food
it’s not even a real person
bro I know fuck
hey I want my asshole clean
I like it
what do you give a shit it’s not even a real guy
because it’s
image the guys images eat your ass who would you do
I don’t know man I have to think about that
I would go right for megan fox but I would also have
like a different one for special occasion
maybe I’ll go at tracy
laura’s right when she became legal
oh I was thinking tracy chapman
that’s like tracy chapman
tracy lords looks like the craziest porno story ever
you know that story
I was thinking of the violin player from gay mantis
I met her on a vh one thing
one of those
they did a bunch of shows called the list
and I got to sit down
with rob halford from judas priest
he was one of the
guests meatloaf was one of the guests
and I hosted it and she was on to she’s one of the guys
she’s very nice
very she seems like a like a normal human
but she was so super hot man when she was young who
I don’t think she’s not super out now
it’s pretty hot now but god damn
when she was young it was just ridiculous
she got an opponent like 16 lied about her age
they’re all illegal yeah
I’ve never seen one or have on my computer ever
yeah I mean it should be illegal
I totally understand I’m with you
just plenty of porn out
so funny back then though
the seventies looked like an old
lady you know like
like I you look back at seventies videos
those kids don’t look like kids
they look like older
women like cougars or something like that
really like their hair and their makeup
yeah they did dress crazy
but it’s so fascinating man
those old porns are fascinating
yo ladana mmm
you like that one
I like her she’s she’s always favorite too I think yeah
I just like her because she’s like real
he’s like hey look here’s a picture of my butthole
you’re like what very real
yeah she’ll shock you with her Tours
yes she’s got great Twitter so you don’t follow her
it’s yeah she’s like not safe for work
and you click on it
and it’s a gaping butthole with cum
dribbling out you like
yeah kind of like yeah that’s kind of not safe to work
talk about you know understatement of the year award
you know like okay hold on if you don’t want to see
a gaping butthole
dot dot dot
it was funny cause she was doing an asshole
movie and she was like practicing all week
and she’s like I kind of practiced more into like
a fist upper ass
god bless her
god bless you girl
keep going with it
three d porn coming soon it is coming soon man
I was at the the sony store
there’s a sony store at the mall
and they have the three DTV
you put glasses on and you turn them on with a button
and it’s just like watching avatar in three day
it’s fucking insane
they had sports on
I had soccer
and the soccer balls fucking flying by you
I mean it’s really wicked
it’s just like so much more immersive
it’s really
really cool and that’s gonna be on tv soon man
it’s coming out this summer in 2010
they’re gonna have the the first units out
and then it’s gonna just explode
so crazy they’re gonna be filming shit and trey d
everything’s gonna be in three d
I got something to add to the old crop dusting theory
I was thinking of this the other day
it was like the crop dusting pot on people
no I mean it works
shit kim trails okay
I got something I did the whole kim trails discussing
I thought of you there tonight
so if you’re going to like spray this shit over cities
you know where
people are going to be like what the fuck is that
wouldn’t you do it at night
I would do that
but I guess it’s okay
so we do it when everyone could see it and is awake
or should we do it three in the morning
well that’s part of the evil or well plan
you know
the evil plan is that they sprayed right above them
they willingly
you know allow these politicians to control them
with a sprave from the sky
you know who really
really really believes that shit is prints
princes like crazy about chemtrails
he was like you know
so crazy we would all be in the ghetto
and everybody would be playing and having a good time
and then they started spraying that shit over our heads
and all sudden everybody was fighting
like why are we fighting
what’s it about like what
the fuck are you talking about
all right
people always fight there’s always violence like what
are you insane
any place where people are poor people are violent
shut the fuck up
like you really
think that they’re spraying shit from the sky
that’s making people in poor communities be violent
people believe some nutty shit
can you imagine being stuck in
an elevator with prints that would
be crazy we love it for like he’s a genius
we love to
just be in that guy’s presence and just talk to him
a fascinating dude
but sometimes even dudes who are geniuses at anything
whether it’s
playing chess or you know being a martial artist
there’s sometimes there’s something
wrong with them to get them there
there’s something
about getting really amazing at something
people that are the very very best at something
who almost all crazy
it’s really hard not to be you know
could you imagine
if you were like
the best in the world like a lance armstrong type
dude how’s that dude not fucking crazy
and then he made pancakes out of your pancake story
what pancakes wasn’t
about waking up in the morning
making a devil’s pancakes
oh that story yeah I can’t tell you that
yeah that would be so rude
a personal story lace gentleman I protect my friends
who is joe rogan who are you man
how dare you todd jones
who am I yeah man who
maybe that wasn’t like thinking deep start
no I didn’t think it was joe
he ain’t thinking deep
it’s being mean to me
but if you ask if you ask I say you either man
but fuck you man
but if you ask that same question to john malkovich
you’d be like
who was john malkovich
I’ll tell you you know like you would really
look at that different product I gotta reboot this up
my shit is wax
dude how awesome is that
dana white’s playing all the pride shit on spidey dude
the prides are so much awesome man
I’ve been addicted to it there’s so much fun
I showed brian the
the difference between the rules
brian was on why I talked about in my blog
where when the dude tried to stomp the dude he went
he could do that
remember yeah I was really stone and no I pre warned me
the next thing I know
this guy’s like stopping this guy’s brain
and I’m like whoa whoa
you see trying to kill the guy
it was pretty fucked up
it was pretty fucked up
it’s like when you watch those
those pride fights like they were pretty fucked up
you know it’s like well let’s go ufc
you see like that
yeah but you know there’s something about
the way they did it man I like it
I love the fact that they did 10min rounds
the first round is 10min that’s great
that’s how it should be
well you know and everybody says no bullshit because
it’s too hard on the fighters
I don’t necessarily know if that’s true
you know there’s a lot of times where
a momentum is being established and
it’s been established and
you would like to see where it goes
you don’t want to see them like fuel up and
have some water in
the corner I want to see where it goes from there
from there if a dude works for like 4min
it finally gets the guy out of the ground
or if a guy gets take down immediately
and a dude
finally gets up and there’s only 20 seconds left
and then the dude starts bombing on him
and then the guy who took him down is tired
I want to see what the fuck is happening
keep going you know
I mean that’s what
I think that’s what the best guys would want
the best guys would want to see that
they would want to see
a big ass 10min around
in the interest of the safety of the fighters
though they’re gonna take less damage in a 5min round
that’s why I accept it
I accept the unified rules because if you look at it
like in terms of like what’s
what’s gonna be the most palatable for the american
for the american public
yeah that’s the most palatable 5min rounds you know
five rounds for championship fights
I totally agree with all that stuff
the only thing
sometimes I think
that I would substitute knees on the ground for elbows
I think knees from that position
when you’re holding on to a guy
and you can name in the face
elbows on the ground
cut that shit how to do
and sometimes they they fuck up fights
you know they they
they’ll end a fight early that was like
a really good fight and it’s because of a cot
I mean usually that doesn’t happen
but in case you know
the ufc is so much better about that than boxing though
any kind of a bad cut and they’ll stop the fight
like right away
ufc lets stefan strew fight
and he had like a hatchet wound in his head
I mean it was a giant cut
it was a giant cut and then let the fight go
and he eventually got the dude down and choked him out
and it was an incredible fight
I mean he was busted wide open covered with blood
it was insane
and after it was over
the guy was so dizzy he had lost so much blood
he could barely talk
to me and I was talking to him after the fight
it was incredible
now they would never let that happen in a boxing match
and I think it was
kind of crazy that that fight took place in Germany
because the germans were
kind of reluctant
to have the ufc there
and then I was like thinking like wow
this is one of the bloodiest fights ever
and you know
this is where it’s gonna take place
yeah the place where they’re apprehensive about it
you know apparently a bunch of German dudes came
down to see the ufc
in vegas and you know they didn’t like it
they thought it was
horrific and violent
what’s kind of like pink spinning with the water
did you see that on the grammy dude
that girl’s so talented
that’s pretty amazing though she’s very talented yeah
she’s something about her
her performance charisma
like what she walks on stage is like
you have to like step back
yeah you know she’s got it whatever it is
she’s got it she’s hot
she’s she’s like
there’s something about just the way that she like
just walks on stage
and sings so confidently and so calmly like her energy
it’s like that’s a girl that’s born to perform
that bitch can perform her fucking ass off
and then when she goes up in the air you’re gonna go
oh well the other ones are gonna do the acrobatics
she ain’t gonna do shit
she’s just kind of kind of like it lifted up
no she gets all fucking crazy
and she’s like in this half naked outfit
and she dunked and wanted
and she’s spinning around
and then she turns up
she’s spinning with her head down
and she’s singing at the same time
that’s that’s the banish bitch in music period
everybody else shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up man
pink just owned all those bitches
all of them lady gaga sit the fuck down
would you not see what happened
can you do that if you can’t shut up
lady gaga is pretty good too I didn’t see it
that fucking poker face song made me want to
punch holes through walls
I likely no worry you don’t like it all you want fella
it’s not my cup of tea
boo my my my poker face
I love I love chick songs I love when chick sing
yeah people get in my car and I think it’s a joke
dude you gotta get this
CD leitigrat led
sales told me yeah I think maybe I told you already
yeah like tig
Twitter recently yeah
dave fucking jam man yeah
like punk chicks punk chicks yeah
oh dude I’m all over that that
teagraph I love chicks with like great voices
like people would get my car
and like I have cheryl crow on
and they would think it’s a joke
like what are you joking oh my god I like this long
it’s good CD
it is her voice is like her voice is like comforting
you know her voice makes you want to like
feel like you’re gonna cut it up in the corner
in front of the fire
sarah mclacken
she’s giving you a big hug with her voice you know
it’s French foot of time the breeders
the what the breeders remember them
the ones that sing
that had a big song in nineties
I mean last splash dananananananananana
they were like big and then they just went away
yeah I think it’s really hard
to keep a musical band together
you know I know eddie has a hard time
like keeping he does a
bunch of different projects all at the same time
so the desert ever has to rely on any one person
and he runs all of them
it’s got to be super hard to keep a bunch of people
who are like wanting to be stars and you know
wanting to
just can’t wait to get rich and get nutty and
fucking lose their marvels
and think that they’re the reason
why this band’s there
in the first place
and how many arguments like that happen in bands
you know yeah
they’re all nuts
they’re all they want to be the outfit so very
rare that a band like can really
you know like a food
fighter’s band or something like that could really
come together
and just be that’s just badass band
and keep it together and make good music
so hard
you know it seems like
bands bands are good for like
they’re good for like a couple of cds
and then it just gets rough
for most of them
the rare few can just keep jamming on you know
the rare few like the rolling stones
just keep it together forever
that’s nuts
you know
like they don’t go out like
the crazy thing about the rolling stones is
they’re going out like a young rock band
like they they fucking
you know mick jagger still bounces around on stage
and yelling and shit
like he’s an incredible shape
you know that’s that’s the amazing thing about how
the stones are doing it
it’s not like he’s just
you know
decided in his
you know later years
he’s just gonna stand there and sing this song
I still fucking running around
and he still takes his shirt off and shit and he
looks like a monster
you know he looks like a bunch of knees yeah
he just glued a bunch of knees like
put the fall on lotion in the basket guy
yeah that’s hilarious
but he’s got like a six pack of chit
yeah the dude has to be in insane shape to do that act
that’s incredible man
mcjagger still keeping it out there
so is what’s his name
and all those guys
greenstone yeah yeah he’s still out there
doing crazy 4h concerts and shit
you know what man those guys have people that love them
there’s people
there’s people that have fans
and then there’s people
like bruce bringsteen that have people
that worship him
and live for
the fact that bruce bringstein is alive
and their whole day
revolves around springstein
and they probably post on a message board somewhere
and their message board name is probably like b
springstein or something like that
you know I’m saying
or some obscure nickname that they know
that bruce bringsteen had when he was younger
that they dropped after a while
you know I’m saying
you know the fucking
the long island expressway
whatever the fuck it would be you know whatever
they would call them
people get nutty man
you know
people get nutty about people especially jersey guys
he’s from fucking jersey bruce brinks he’s from jersey
still lives in jersey and loves jersey
they get fucking crazy jersey people are so crazy
there’s savages
there’s savages
that’s why I was born by the way don’t get angry
I’m talking about me
I just saw a kitchen nightmares that was in jersey
and the whole family was just out
of their minds
there’s some of the toughest guys that fight
in the ufc here from jersey
really frankie edgar jim miller dan miller
those guys are all jersey guys they’re fucking savages
there are different kinds of dudes
they will fight you
they will fucking punch you in the head
it’s like it’s a totally different type of human being
than like the average dude that grows up
in California
people are so much more relaxing California
so much friendly or so much nicer
jersey people will punch you in your fucking head
it’s not all of them you know
and they’re not bad guys
they’re not you know they’re not mean
they’re just there’s a level of tension
in certain towns
philly’s another one
there’s a level of tension in philly
you know that
the dudes who come out of there are
you know so many badasses come out of Philadelphia
boxers joe frazer came out of Philadelphia
bernard hopkins came out of Philadelphia
and mma got eddie alvarez
comes out of Philadelphia
and Philadelphia is filled with fucking animals
you know that’s that’s a crazy ass tough town
it’s weird how there’s towns like that
isn’t it there’s certain talents that just have
like like you know no one thinks of like
San Francisco is being like aggressive
you know you know what I’m saying like
it’s like that’s kind of a relaxed town
you’d almost feel like if you got
mugged in San Francisco
you’re a pussy
but no there’s like regular people in San Francisco
there’s violence there too
but some places just way more violent right
Columbus you grew up in Columbus Ohio yeah was that
that was the tents in the winter
no not really but the worst is I like Cleveland
like cleveland’s getting bad in but Michigan
driving through Michigan to go to the casinos
that was scary like cars on fire and houses
they got bears walking through Detroit
they spotted bears in the city of Detroit
there’s so many abandoned houses that
bears are starting to move back around
that’s nuts yeah
bears in Detroit
wow that’s a spooky shit man that’s like one of my bits
it really is
that’s like the the bit I have about the the
the dumb people out bringing smart people
the smart people die off and everything shuts down
and then the dumb people are stuck there
but in this case
it’s poor unfortunate people that were actually born
in this one town
it’s happening so fast
you know Detroit is falling apart like this insane rate
and it’s not getting any better
it’s like it’s the
they say that it’s over 50% joblessness in Detroit
because they report like 20 something %
but the rest of them are just people who have stopped
they stop counting them after like a year
it’s crazy man
it’s scary you know
we used to make the coolest fucking cars ever
if you compare just on a coolest factor
like some of the cars that america was making
in like nineteen sixty nine and then like alpha mayo
those gay looking pieces of shit
those goofy looking clunk boxes
take a nineteen sixty seven corvette over
all those bitches
you know america was making some radical fucking cars
67 vet 69 camaro
those fights still making pretty good pretty good cars
starting to a jay k just got news today that she has
two recalls on her toyota
and she’s like holy shit
I have one of these cars
and she’s like what am I supposed to do
and they’re like
well you know just drive careful and
and she’s like whoa
have you heard dads get stuck on their gas
they’re not even
saying that there’s some people that are saying that
whatever programming
is steve wazniac
I said that he’s figured out that it’s a software error
oh my and so now we’re thinking wait
our cars would go crazy over software now
oh my you got you got pc in your car
now it’s got a virus and now I can
control your car and lock the doors
oh my god I didn’t even think about that
somebody could bluetooth your fucking car yeah
and you’d hack your car because
I went right next to you
they could hack your car
lock the doors like mission impossible
style on the shut off the breaks
yeah wonder
what the
fuck they can do to stop shit like that from happen
dude that’s craziness
I didn’t even think about that
and did you hear that 9 1 1 call of
the people that
we’re in one of the cars that led to the recall
there’s a 9 1 1 call that you can listen to
where the guys like hi
we’re going down the three work we’re going about 120
our brakes aren’t working we can’t turn off the car
and we’re
we’re going towards the end of the freeway and we’re
well we’re going through an intersection
uh hap like family of forers like that
all I want to hear about this awful
all because of this toyota bullshit
I don’t want to hear about this man
yeah that’s scary as fuck man yeah
check out google
9 1 1 call toyota recall jesus
well I have a lexus
I mean lexus is made by toyota right
I think actually it was a lexus that jesus
have you checked to see if your car’s on a recall list
no you better do it right now
jessica just did today two two recalls on her car
get the fuck I swear to god doing it with lexus
and the lexus was the one that was in that car accident
what yeah
I’m pretty sure
here let’s google that
alexis where you come 9 1 1 call
tell you the lexus it’s a matte recall it’s a matte
they’re not saying anything about a software thing
steve wazniak pull up the link where wazniak said that
about a software it’s on in gadget yesterday
let’s post it up for people
because this is kind of important
okay otherwise we could get in trouble all right
not really but
then we not for sale he said that if he didn’t no
we could say he fucking says he likes this like cock
you know how do you say that
see you just made something up about him
you can’t be saying that I didn’t make that up fine
I’m talking about steve waznik my dog
oh you two dog you guys tight
yeah I didn’t know boo my dog you seen that they added
multi touch to the
that new
google phone yeah
just like an iphone does the same thing
yeah it’s about time now
nobody owns the right to do that
nobody owns that
supposedly apple had the us patent on it
so so what are they selling that’s all these people
it’s probably
but I don’t know if that’s all speculation
actually it’s probably gizmodo that had it
you can’t find that your motherfucker
google this is gizmo
google it bitch
this is one
this is no way to run a fucking internet show is
gentlemen what we’re gonna find out which cars were
we’re recalled
and whether or not steve waznag actually
said it was a software issue
yep that’s scary it really pissed
that’s scary shit because that guy’s a super genius
one of the guys who helped create apple
you know and
you know that’s not something that harry yeah
would say lightly
toyota to borrow steve wozniak’s priest for a week no
that’s not it
there yeah
no that’s software duplicate
that ain’t any of that
that’s it yep
toyota prius has scary
software program he can duplicate
told the crowd of von tischel cellation
problem in the prius
oh it’s not under a recall
this is software it’s not a bad accelerator pedal
it’s very scary
toyota has had
toyota has this accelerator problem
we’ve all heard about
I have many models
a prius that got recalled but I have a new model
didn’t get recalled
this model has an accelerator that goes wild
but only under certain conditions of cruise control
and I can repeat it over and over again safely
whoa holy shit
that’s fucking terrifying
so that’s what’s the greatest thing about old cars
old cars are fucking terrible to drive
like my old 1970 barracuda
yeah but
there’s something
about old cars where there’s no computer running
nothing there’s like a direct experience
between you and the engine you know
and I’m saying like those old the old
the sound of the engine
everything about it connected to the car
it was all connected
there ain’t no fucking computers gonna save you bitch
it’s just a car
you better not get crazy
the better I think you can you know
take that turn
too quick and
you know the wheels will lock up on the outside
so you’ll be alright
no you’re fuck man
that’s not gonna save you
one of the many reasons not to buy a prius
you know what’s really interesting
I think it was a prius that they did
they did this because a prius is a hybrid right
yes yeah that was a prius then they took a prius
this was a lot they did this on top gear that
fucking awesome car show on the bbc
if you haven’t seen it it’s like
you could get it on bbc
I’m like do you get it in direct tv
they have like bbc america
and it’s an awesome car show
and they did this test where they took a prius
and they ran it around a track as fast as it could go
as fast as they could get it to go around the track
and they followed it with a bmw
m three which has a big v eight
and they found out
that all
the if the bmw all the bmw had to do was to stay
at the same pace is the prius just keep up with it
that’s all it had to do
well when they measured the miles per gown the bmw
got more miles per gown than the prius
it’s like when you drive it fast
it’s like it’s a piece of shit
it’s like
yeah there’s no reason to there’s no reason to
on the long run
the price also
costs so much more
money that you’ll be spending on the car that
it’s not even worth the money you save on gas
they’re gross looking too and it was
I think they said it was like the difference from like
the prius was only getting like 14 miles to the gallon
and the bmw got like 17 or 18
yeah by the way I posted the
those deep quality on those numbers
steve woz in the act video
has posted at my Twitter which is backslash red band
well I’m gonna retweet retweet my shit
retweet fucker you know how we do
and what’s awesome weird talking about the ipad now
so a manufacturer
that’s going to fix ipads
he has a company that fixes iphones
fixes like a third party warranty guy
did you tweet that
yeah I
just got a just got just now
just because you’re using that
oh good
go to my Twitter page
do it how you’re supposed to do it
that’s gross and use a Twitter page
if you don’t use tweet deck man you live in so 2000
I don’t twit that much
oh yeah whatever
lies I forget what I sang yeah because you’re stoned
oh so this ipad manufacturer that is going to fix ipads
he fix his iphones
just got a shipment of replacement bezels for the ipad
so if you ever have to replace that
and it has a spot for a camera in it
damn and that
the software has
caused to a camera and all those other things
so the ipad they might not even be done with the ipad
like it’s gonna come out with a camera
and all these other things
probably damn that’s what it looks like
so this is just the beginning
so the first one is just this plain one
the first one was not finished is why a lot of people
are thinking like it was like a prototype
because that’s why it’s two months away and stuff
they were still
this is all this
sounds like some fucking conspiracy’s type of shot
some marketing shit too
probably think probably
why would you do that though
why would you release a crappy one
or you’re not a crappy one
people are gonna be talking about it every time
there’s like a new rumor you know like oh now it has a
well maybe they’ll hold off
a few months and then come on with
a version too
maybe they’ll do that
but if they’re
doing anything
like the iphone it’s probably once a year you know
they got it down man they got people their bitches
apple has more people their bitches
than any other company in the world
did you see the spy shot of the next iphone
which is funny
because I was just thinking how
I’m a little bit of an apple bitch
I’m gonna be honest with you
they got me a little
I get all all fucking hyped up and I finally
have a new announcement
I get fired up
I don’t remember
the last time I ever got fired up for anything
that microsoft max
it’s funny because these photos
I get released like this photo
the next iphone is so awful
it could be just like a box on the ground
and it’s like people are freaking out about it this
you know what’s really funny people
yeah what is that what the fuck that is
what would people
are hilarious about that looks like an iphone man
people were torted I know
who gives a shit whether these windows or mac
everybody gets nutty
that’s what’s really crazy about all the shit is that
people pick teams
you know with their own team windows or team mac like
what the fuck do you care like really
why does everybody want everybody else using the same
if you don’t prefer it that’s fine I don’t give a fuck
I have taken pictures and had a picture online
you know of me
on a laptop and you see the little apple thing
oh joe what the fuck do you know you use mac so gay
like what you’re upset at the choice of computer I make
yeah like what weird
what I’m on the wrong computer team
really we have computer teams
we team up for everything
we are fucking dumb
god damn people are dumb
we argue over fucking operating systems
people get mad if you choose the wrong brand of car
like there’s dudes who get
mad at their buddies for buying chevies
the fuck bro ford for life
yeah we were ford for life bro we were ford for life
those dumb assholes
they have like the picture of the calvin and hobbs
peeing on the chevy logo
you know and it’s weird thing
there’s just
certain things that are like like coke and pepsi
dude pepsi
what the fuck what the fuck is wrong with you
is there a definitive difference
between the two of them
who cares when they come out of a fountain
when you go to like a sub shop
and you get you know you get
right in the fountain
that could be anything
yeah that’s not diet coke
what the fuck is that
that doesn’t taste like anything like die coke
yeah it’s like there’s a certain amount of sweetener
a certain amount of collar and just shut the fuck
up and drink it right you know that’s pig slop man
that’s from shit
you only drink because you’re starving or you’re drunk
yeah some motherfuckers people are so goddamn dumb
us included sometimes but not as much
not as much as last year
moving forward for the future always trying to evolve
hey ho
did you see that video of this
somebody filmed at a space shuttle blowing up
yeah it’s pretty trippy those two old george
something’s weird there
joe in trouble
george treble
like I shot him hangering up in the hall
when it exploded in the sky
and started spinning around in separate pieces
that’s not trouble no
ow it’s split into like a heart
brighter than usual
guys sound like jiminy crickey I know haley pinoke
I’m not gonna get in trouble
you’ve got to go to school okie
oh come here and look at this
is that trouble in this guy
what a horrible track there’s my handkerchief
there was like a feet
the woman not to belittle the challenger exploding
I remember
I was watching that I was at this girl’s house
I was like it was nineteen eighty six so I was
it wasn’t 86
yeah I wasn’t I was just like 19 years old
completely lost
it had no idea what I was doing in my life
I had a hard time getting laid
very difficult
so this ex girlfriend
who lived like an hour and a half away
and I was talking
around the phone and we were talking dirty
and she wanted me to drive up the visitor
I was such a fucking long drive and it was the winter
it was snowing out
and I’m an idiot and I went out there and
completely forgot what I was talking about
how high am I
we’re watching challenger
so we’re sitting there and
we’re sitting there
in front of television in the morning
and she goes to the bathroom
and I turn on a tv and right
when I turn on a tv it fucking exploded
it was that 2nd wow right
when I turned on the tv
they were showing it and I don’t know if
it was a replay
I don’t think it was
it’s hard to remember
but I remember like
very clearly at the moment I turned on tv the image
of the thing exploding was happening right there
and you were seeing in spiral and you were like
what the fuck is that
it was like a weird like what is that
what’s going on over there
and then people start talking about it
and then it took like a while before
they just flat out admitted okay
everybody’s dead like that shit just blew up
like I think for a while they were like
you know wondering whether or not the people
had survived if the capsule had made it to the ground
you know they’re looking for parachutes and shit
it was all sorts of different kind of reports
but I remember thinking holy shit
those people just got
shot through the fucking air and exploded in the sky
what a crazy way to go
what a crazy thing to do
you know it’s so weird when I saw it
I saw it with a bunch of people
and we all had to watch tv because we were
in middle school
and then happened and I went start crying
and I just remember
like oh what’s going on
and the teachers were all freaking because
you couldn’t like just text your mom
like hey mom do you know what happened
so you had to get like these birds and tied messages
yeah you grab the runner
a man who swift a foot knows the way home
here’s the letter
quickly run
so amazing how back in the day you just had no
communication with friends and family
you called people
and if you got a whole of them you got a whole of them
yeah and if you didn’t
I mean
it must have been so easy to get away with everything
back then tell everything
I was thinking about having a sex who you were
when I was
teenager I would have sex in public places because I
wasn’t allowed to have sex at home
so I’d go to behind little
caesar’s pizza and fuck behind beside the dumpster
and one time this guy came out was like shocked like he
worked at the pizza place it goes
oh I’m sorry
you want some pizza
cause he thought we were homeless or something
oh my god
but I’m thinking nowadays you on the ground
lying on yeah lang on or it was just like god
but but now ground on the dirt
did we used to do it a movie thing
they see doing new atheists all the time
like you just get her to like climb on top
and you go see fern gaully
you know because no one else is sitting during the day
watching fern gaully
but you’re in the back half of fern gaully having sex
but nowadays can you imagine
I can’t do that because it’ll be filmed on YouTube on
you porn is like everyone is filming and
I wonder if kids are having a hard time
finding places to have sex without
like cameras are being caught
it’s not it’s not like naturally
you know
what’s really fucked up is this whole sexting thing
with young kids
and what’s happening
if you don’t know is that these young kids are sending
you know you give a
13 year old a cell phone
they’re gonna take pictures of their dicks you know
right they gonna send to girls
girls are gonna take pictures of their pussy
they gonna send the boys
it’s like school musical girl
there’s always gonna be one freak bitch in the class
it’s willing to take it to the next
level alright
there’s always one girl whose dad just was not around
and she needs male attention
and she needs it extremely bad and she’s willing to
fucking loke out
we are so lucky because
my shit would have been everywhere
there would be live video
let me just have sex on webcams if this happened yeah
it gets pretty crazy
it could get pretty crazy
you know it’s just really wrong that kids when
you’re that young
you make all kinds of fucking mistakes people
they do all kinds of stupid shit you’re dumb
the fact that
kids today like what anything you say and do back then
is like that shit is like a record forever
you know
any any blog you write any myspace picks you post up
like that shit’s a record of you
for the rest of your life
you know and for some kids they fuck up and
picture of them sucking a dick
and then some dude who
ordinarily would like really love this chick
but it can’t get over the fact that this is
picture that every
one of his friends has
of her sucking her ex boyfriend’s cock and it’s online
I mean he just freaks out he can’t fucking deal with it
and that ruins the relationship
because this dude can’t deal with the fact
there’s a picture
online than anybody could say
or have his wife
you know the mother of his children supposedly someday
socket some other guy’s
dick especially if it’s a black guy
then we go back to the julia roberts something about it
hurtin hurtin
you know black eyes let’s be honest
you know
for the most part except for obviously brock lesner
he says that brock lesner is like
a white guy with black eyes genetics
check this shit out
this is a great email I got today for you blad
listen man we’re in a very tricky subject
he just interrupt me when we’re talking about genetics
black people until I clarify that I’m not a racist
how dare you okay
it’s very important
it’s going to go into another medical thing
it’s a funny thing that you would think that people
would think that
like saying that a black
eye having a bigger dick and a black eye being better
sexually and
more troublesome to white dudes
why how would that be racist
wouldn’t that be positive for black eyes
could you imagine what people were saying
that about you
alright that’s just why is it racist though
he’s digging so
but there’s a lot of people that if you say that
if you put it that way like
there’s people that would think that black
eyes being oversexual
or black eyes being
more well and down
hold on this is done let me shut this off
is that your pager making that noise
I don’t have the pager anymore son
and keep that shit up for lamp
what the fuck
what the fuck got sucker
put away the whip the poem’s dead
anyway ladies and gentlemen
what were we talking about plot guys dicks
if you’re not scared you’re not paying attention
go online there’s some incredible
fucking porn out there where you can’t believe
that’s really that guy’s dead
how many black guy porn
well there’s a lot of stuff if it’s fake though
like yeah
yeah there’s a lot of them that’s fake
and there’s a lot of them that are
real giant dicks
there’s a lot of them doing
there’s some dudes like
what’s that guy’s name
lexington steels dicks like 14 inches long
and it’s like like an arm
it’s huge it’s gigantic
that’s real there’s no white guys like that online
you know
because even like john holmes want to go old school
john holmes had a big dick
but he would let club you with it
he wasn’t stabbing you with it
it was so big it never totally got hard
it was like an elephant’s trunk
it never got hard it was disappointing
he had like these super hot checks
and they were trying to suck his dick
but he was all heroin
doubt with this
giant rubber monster dick just trying to
snake it into their mouths
you know it was never like
a black guy’s giant dick
right black guy’s giant dick is
that things gonna do something
some shit’s going down
have you been to the playboy mansion before yeah
I was there a couple times for the strike force fights
I went there for once I had to do
a fear factor broadcast it was early in the morning
for a marijuana project
were you going to told me that like
everything’s like so antique like the old yeah yeah
there’s something cool about it
I mean there’s something
ridiculous about that
they haven’t upgraded it and change it for the time
but there’s something kind of cool about a toe
because if you really stop and think about
I mean this is just a party house right right
like isn’t it kind of dope that this is the same
phone from 1970
I mean it’s a fucking
it’s like a rotary phone and shit now
you know
or if it’s a push button phone I can’t remember
it’s a rotary
a push button
but if it’s push
but it’s some old whack ass look and shit
you know but that’s kind of cool
because it makes you part of it
like yeah that’s you know they should upgrade it
that’s not even cool anymore
that’s shit to tired
but there’s so much history to it
that it’s almost like a living museum
to like Hollywood
you know I mean think about how many people
parted in that place
you know
that’s like where james khan was always hanging out
polyshore polyshore
and fucking have you seen the biodone thing first
is always hanging out there
have you seen
the biodome thing that’s been a banded by scientist
remember that
thing like the movie
the biodome was all about the indoor dome
those with polyshore yeah steven yeah
that’s a real dome though that’s a real biodone really
yeah and now it’s like a bandit
and like they showed it and had to do so
this is like where they were doing experiments
or seeing people
could live together
right and they banded it
what happened in those experiments
I don’t know
I thought that was a funny movie at the time
I thought biodone
was silly yeah it was funny
andrew dice clay’s old movie ford pharaoh
that was funny where he’s jumping off the building
he’s like my hair my hair
back when that came out I was a dice clay fan
not that I’m not anymore but I am
I am still I think he’s hilarious
I’ve got to see him
I’ve got to see dice the common store
so many nights go up and
who is just just crushing people in the audience
he’s a nut he’s a fun dude
you know I like his whole thing
I like his whole
his whole attitude is demeanor
I think he’s hilarious but when I was a kid he was
gigantic there was no comedian
the kids were more excited about when I was a kid
then dice clay
when dice clay blew up
and when he started doing like masses square garden
and shit that’s all
anybody talked about dude
there was kids all day in school
everybody built like you know what’s in the bowl
bitch you know people would say it everywhere
yeah I mean something
everybody was doing vice clay lines
you do a good dice clay
I’ve been around him so many years
you know at the comedy store
that was one of the craziest things about
being a kid and being a fan of his and then being
you know then starting to be an amateur comedian
and then you know doing
getting paid gigs
after a couple of years and then moving to California
new years and years later is that
I would go on and I would have to introduce dice
you know like the comic store
the way it used to work and still does
but the way
it works is each comic brings up the next comic
so like I got brought on stage by martin lawrence
I was one of the first time somebody
famous ever did it
and you know
he brought me on stage and I was like holy shit
like martin lawrence just
said my name and brought me
I was like to me
that was like a crazy deal
like you know
see that guy in tv and movies
and also I’m shaking his hand
and now I gotta go on stage after
him and nobody knows who the fuck I am
but dice clay was the coolest that was the craziest
one ever
that was like you know getting there who’s next
who joe rogan who the fuck is joe rogan
and I don’t remember how it said it
but when he brought me on stage it was like holy shit
dice fucking clay just brought me on stage
like that was
to me that was a fun moment
that was a crazy moment comedy you know
when I was a kid that guy was
the most hyped up comic ever
mark gaden yes
you did open up for me in
mark hayden is gonna freak out
he keeps insisting that this mark gaiden guy is not him
but whoever this mark gaiden guy is
I think he’s representing mark hayden very well
so I’m gonna keep pretending that he is him
who is joe rogan you doing stand up in c
o before the verses oh who is joe rogan hmm
is that like how these kids are talking these days
who is joe rogan
is that like a new way of talking to people
that doesn’t make any sense
that sounds cool that does kind of sound cool
you know if what is your name dude
car perversion car perversion
who is car perversion
you know
if that’s what you say when you see people and said
hey what’s up dude say
who is joe rogan
I do instead of a colorado
yeah I’ll be doing it somewhere
I don’t have anything booked but I will definitely be
there the night before
whatever the
I think the ufc fights are on a Sunday night I think
I’m not sure
but whatever night they’re on the night before
that whether it’s Saturday or Friday
I’ll be doing stand up
and I’ll put it on Twitter
and I’ll let you bitches know
have you heard of the cat that has predicted over
50 deaths in a nursing home
you know what that’s like
that’s like predicting alcoholics are gonna drink
that’s ridiculous that’s a terrible fucking prediction
no no no tell that fucking faggot cat
to go predict and I know what he’s doing
he curls up around people when they gotta die
yeah right when they’re about to die it’s luck
they’re dying
they drop it like flies here 1000 years olds
they’re a bunch of old people
living with other old people that are dying
well it’s not a fun environment
it just goes back to the whole weird thing about how
animals might have
senses that we don’t even know about them
they might they might call like one that video
the dog in the area it might be or it might be
these people are hanging on by a thread
so thin that we’re gonna cat hops in their lap
whoa fuck it I’m doom
and they just kick the bucket that night
yeah that’s possible too
man you gotta admit it’s impossible
can you discuss vaporizers I would recommend vaporizers
the volcano is a very
good one but it’s sometimes kind of a pain in the ass
I mean at the end of the day
you don’t want to be that guy that’s
sucking out of a plastic bag
it just seems like a junky move
I’m not a fan right
it seems like junky behavior
to be sucking out of a plastic bag
something seems wrong
but there’s another vaporizer that I enjoy
it’s like a glass pipe
like a glass lip
like sort of like a bong with a tube attached to it
and you stick it on this thing and
yeah that’s cool right that’s a cool one
you know why I like about that one you don’t need
you don’t need like five friends around
you need to get high
you know like when that bag fills up
you don’t know when to stop right
you know you keep sucking it in
and then you’re too high
and then you’re like I can’t even think
all right that’s not good
the other vaporizer you can take one hit
and bam and you know what’s up
I like that one better
but if you got a party you got a bunch of people
hanging around
and you’re all medical patrons panvidibongs
if you got a bunch of people around then
the volcanoes the shit
then it’s perfect
we’re all being junkies together
man let’s all suck out of this plastic bag
it’s weird well I’ll keep it together
yeah this is
weird about sucking out of a plastic bag to me
I’m just like you know I like a joint
just give me a joint that’s cool
I’m a fan of the joint too
you know what I like joints because
first of all because you don’t have to keep lighting it
and I hate the taste of lighter fluid
yeah you know that shit’s nasty
like if you have a glass pipe and you keep
tasting that lighter for you
yeah that should ain’t good for you
no it’s not
especially when it’s like someone has a zippo
yeah you’re like oh really
you got a zippo that should ain’t good for you
man I don’t like it
I like joints I’m converted joints man
I like that share with a match you know if I can
or if I’m doing it with a lighter
I get it real quick and I let it sit from it and then
I think there’s a residue man that gets
on the weed with those lighters
and I think that shit’s bad for you
it’s probably
worse for you than smoking for some people
like for your lungs
it’s got to be very unhealthy man
it’s like a toxic fume you’re inhaling
you know that ain’t good
you know we don’t
there’s no studies done on
you know
how many times you can fucking suck off lighter fluid
breathe it into your lungs and not do permanent damage
you know
joints bitches
matches and joints
stop fucking around matches and joints or
go with the vaporizer
if you don’t know what the vaporizer is
the beautiful thing is there’s no fire
there’s no smoke it’s like a mist and what it is is
you pack the the product the maribana
and put two into this little
filtered area
and then you connect that to this machine
and then it heats up and then
you inhale and it’s literally like mist
and that mist is just the pure thc
it’s a very heavy experience
it’s very
like you’ll come up with some of your craziest thoughts
on vaporized weed
except the only thing crazier is eating it
when you eat it
that’s the craziest
I don’t like that anymore
eating it gets scary
we’ve talked about that if I heard a nutmeg yeah man
your mama oh one
oh 8 9 3 yeah
yeah I heard you can get high off a nutmeg
somehow or another
one of the guys on our message board hr
I think he did it he tried it and documented it
he said it was really tripping
it lasted a long time and it grows
I think anything that’s really good
people would be doing it left and right
and I think this plenty should to get high on right
you know we don’t
but the one thing that I think is interesting
they came up with a new marijuana
it’s a synthetic marijuana and it gives you
like the same effects as regular marijuana
but you don’t test positive
really yeah and they’re trying to
they’re scrambling right now and make it illegal
and they call it k two
it’s called k two named after that mountain
and it’s a synthetic version of marijuana
so if you have if you’re a cop
if you have a government job and you have to
piss test all the time
you could smoke this shit
I used to in Ohio had to test test all the time
I need to go to the store and buy this shit
and like let me have serious man
why would we be keeping pots from smoking weed
if any bunny should be smoking weed
it’s cops if anybody what
cops should be smoking weed
cops should be smoking weed
fuck yeah but the people that calm down
yeah but these are like calm the fuck down
these are like intense people on weed
you know like to be a cop
you kind of have to be like a bully like I’m not always
I know a lot of guys
who became cops and a lot of them became cops because
it’s good money
and they’re tough guys
they do martial arts and they figure you know what
I can handle most situations I’m pretty friendly
I can handle this
this is good money it’s a good career
I could set myself up
have a nice pension
you gotta look at it realistically people
look at it it’s an economic choice for a lot of people
you know I have a lot of buddies that became cops
it’s an economic choice
they just
there’s a lot of people like it’s a great job man
if you can get it in a Boston police department
that’s good fucking money you make a nice living
you know you can get some
some detail work you know on the side
you know on weekends and shit like that
you pick up big money
you know guarding places and shit like that
and it’s a good job man
mm hmm it’s not all douchebag so
but there’s a lot of douchebags that work for
better cops that if they were stoned would be horrible
maybe not man
maybe they’d be more sensitive weeds not for everyone
that’s for sure
it’s not it’s not forever well they don’t have to do it
but I think you know
if they wanted to
if they wanted to mell out of the weekend
like surplicope
remember when surpacode got high back in the seventies
surfaco didn’t have
they didn’t have a drug test for superco
albichino when he was a cop
he’s a sinner smoking weed with his girl
hanging out just like that movie super fly
don’t you remember yeah
I’ve never seen super fly
you’ve never seen super fly laser gentlemen
if you ever seen it you only watch
one black sploitation movie from the seventies
it should be super
fly it’s one of the most
goddamn brilliant films to have ever been created and
when you’re high
it becomes a motherfucking masterpiece
because it’s real
I mean
this is a real move where they’re playing off real
cool cats and one time this guy says
you know I got everything about getting out of the game
I got off the thing I ever wanted
my hall my vines a white woman like you
my hall my vines
a white with my hall my car
my vines my clothes and a white women like you
wow it’s genius dude it’s hilarious
it’s such a bad movie it’s so fucking good
it’s so bad and so real like
you can take like a parody like airplane
and they’ll be funny
but they’ll never be as funny as something
that’s supposed to be good
but isn’t and it’s funny on accident
there’s something
about those that’s like a different kind of funny
you know they mean
like a holy shit funny
like what the fuck were they thinking funny
you know and superfly is one of the best of that
like sort of like show girls is
you know show girls you see
show girls and it’s like what the fuck are they doing
this is this movie’s crazy
you know and it’s one of them
what other movies are like that
well I just can’t believe
some of the movies from the eighties
I just can’t believe people actually bought like
you know like the howard the duck movie I’m like
are you serious
it’s a cartoon or
a comic book though it’s marvel yeah I know
but I can’t believe
yeah but he was cool in the seventies man
and the cool in the eighties too
when I was a kid I was a howard duck fan
I would buy howard the duck really books
yeah that’s weird
I was a marvel comics fan
and howard the duck was a big
part of marvel comics who had
drifted in and out of all sorts of comic books
they did a lot of like
cool shit with howard the duck
I saw that movie in the theater and it was great
because I was a kid and he was like I remember
he pulled out condoms
he’s like oh docky and I’m like yeah condoms
dude howard the duck was cool when I was a kid
because he was a duck but he was like adult
he was like a creepy duck
you know he was trying to get laid
I never read it
how was the duck as dope
I was a huge marvel
spider man nicely I love the x men
I love spider man
the hulk was a big the hulk fan
a big conan the barbarian fan
god damn I loved conan
you know I wish someone would have done
someone would do a real conan
like almost in the style gladiator
you know I’m saying like
a real high end
not a cheeseball one
I think they’re doing another one
but it seems I don’t know
it’s got the rock in it
I hate to be prejudiced
oh you mean the fairy guy
this is conan now
and there’s an image of him as conan
and I mean he certainly looks the part
and who knows maybe he could pull it off
but there’s a certain amount of movies
when you do a certain amount of kids movies
you know after a while I just gotta go
it’s hard for me to watch you and something
when you’re crazy
you know
he’s making crazy money and I just don’t want it
actually did good though
fake aggression
conan the barbarian
if you ever read the book that would be an awesome
I was a big fan of the books
this guy roberty howard
wrote him and he was this
mad genius who was super depressed
wrote all these books
and I think he was only like
36 when he blew his fucking brains out
just couldn’t take it anymore
I just lived a terrible life
lived at his mother
was super depressed apparently
and just wrote these incredible fantasy books about
you know
far off lands and a fucking conqueror who could
not be beaten with destroyed cut men down
fight monsters and shit and
oh fucking all these chicks and drank and wine
and it just he was just like a human
but yet hyper
human character
that represented all of this guy’s frustrations
fucking genius shit man
you know especially if you think
about the fact that guy was writing
into fifties you know
and then they by the time they made it a movie
you know harold swanson hay was like
damn dude why are you so modeled I feel big
that’s ridiculous you know
what’s the what’s the reason for that
yeah that’s not kona and kona is a
kona is more like a george Saint Pierre type build
did you like to
Georgia that’s kind of gay
more like
james irvin’s build that would be a good conan you know
like thick but looks like an athlete you know
like a hershel walker like hershel walker
yeah how about that motherfucker
47 years old dude has his first mma fight
beats a shit ass
I’m young boy
hershel walker’s 40 fucking seven dude
and he looks like a goliath
he still just swole as fucking chiseled and
those cotton dudes down
that guy’s a super athlete
they should be saving his dna
I don’t know how many kids that guys have
how many kids do you have
does he have kids have no idea if he doesn’t have kids
they need to get the guy to shoot some
loads into some cups
for sure right
don’t you think
get him you imagine if you got
herschel walker and one of the william sisters
they fell in love and I mean I don’t
know no disrespect to her so I believe he’s married
and I don’t know if the williams sisters are married
so let’s just hypothetically
make them in not in the real world
this is the fake world nobody get upset
but I’m saying
you get two
athletes like that and put their genetics together
it would be incredible
like you ever you know who lucia riker is
lucia riker is a female boxer
yeah this chick could punch like harder than men
she was incredible
she was so good
all the other female boxers avoided the fuck out of her
this is back in the tanya harding days
this chick was like
leaps and bounds above other female boxers
she was just a freak athlete
I don’t remember what nationality she was
I feel like I want to say
something latin american
all right she but she was from holland
but I don’t remember what her nationality
totally guessing
she was a dark skin chick
but god damn she was just his fucking freak athlete
just beat the fuck out of chick she even fought dudes
she got flat line though
she fought a dude and the dude connected on her john
just she went nighty night and it was weird to see man
yeah she was attacking
she was trying to cut this dude down
and the dude just bang
and she just flatlined stiffened up and face planted
yeah but it looked like before the flatline
like she was getting the best of the dude
the dude just hit too hard
there’s a thing about bone structure I think you know
like if you one of things
if you meet you meet a guy like that’s a big puncher
like I met michael moore once
michael moore was the
boxing heavyweight champion in the world
he was the light heavyweight champion at one time two
for a long time
he was a badass as the light heavyweight
I just couldn’t keep cutting the way he was too big
but he was like one of the best light heavyweights ever
but he’s got like a frame
like you meet that dude his like frame is heavy
you know his fists are heavy his shoulders heavy
that’s the type of dude when he hits you it’s just boom
there’s so much
there’s so much to him you know I’m saying
and a check even if a chick is really talented
ultimately they’re not built the same way
you know so just makes you think
like a chick like that like a lucia riker
you know matching her up with like an anderson silva
some other freak athlete you know whoo
god damn
I sound like some sort of a genetic engineer
I’m trying to mix future warriors
it’s gonna happen
it is gonna be like well you know what’s gonna happen
it’s gonna happen in a laboratory before
it’s gonna happen
with two people having sex it’s
not gonna happen
the old fashioned way
where the gladiator meets the warrior princess
it’s not gonna happen like that
the way it’s gonna happen now is you know
you’re gonna someone’s gonna take the attributes
you’re gonna get some
fat dumpy dude you know who’s got a little dick
but he’s got a lot of money because he’s crazy
and he’s invested all of his time
to learning the stock market and swindling people
and he’s gonna have children
that are like psychotic warrior
genius offspring
because he’s gonna like manipulate all
his shitty genes
and it’s gonna
create some super offspring
and why he’s a fucking his young wife and killing him
brock lesner is conan
yeah brock lesnar is conan
that would be a real conan
yeah that’s a real conan
that’s exactly what I’m talking about
like brock lesner is like
did somebody put that up there
yeah whoever put that up there we lost already
money Japan yeah
yeah money Japan that’s your correct sir
that’s the perfect bill
that’s what you’re talking about
just a big
giant motherfucker doesn’t look like a body builder
looks like a dude he’ll smash you
you know like the best fighters
I don’t want to say all of them
but most of them don’t look that ripped
you know I think when you accept george same pierre
he’s fucking chiseled
but like bj when it is in his best shape
he still has like a good layer of
fat on him and bj I think also has thick skin too
I mean this one of the reasons why bj doesn’t cut that
easy you know nobody
nobody’s got like a tougher face in bj
bjable fight like a five round fucking war
and come out of it like a couple of scratches
like it’s crazy
yeah you know
I mean it ain’t just that he’s
he’s fucking awesome which it is
I mean he is
but there’s something about that dude’s genetics
you know
everybody’s got different genetics man
that’s because
that’s one of the most amazing things about life
is the variation of human beings
I mean that we vary so much more than any other animal
if you look at like
the only animal that comes close is dogs
and dogs
supposedly are like that because we engineered them
you know which makes you
wonder what the fuck made so many people so different
because we vary so much
I mean the fact that
a Chinese midget
could have sex with tequilo neil and make another baby
and that baby would look like a combination of those
two and there’s that much variation
between like pigmies and women from Iceland you know
like mister vascustones ex wife
brigitte nelson
that big giant icelandic door dick looking chick
you know the that that her own flavor flave
they can have babies
you know they mean they’re so different
they’re so much diversity
there’s no other animal like
that except dogs you know rhinos
they look like rhinos you know what I’m saying
some fish look different
you know you get a small mouth bass
fucks a large mouth bass
they get crazy to get freaky with it
you know and you get a hybrid that’s possible
tigers and lions make lygers
but for the most part man
human beings are we’re the most diverse
we’re all weird fucking species
it’s kind of incredible too
when you think about the fact there’s so many of us
we think there’s so many humans you would think by now
we would all be a big
fucking blurry mess
it’s crazy when you see like countries like
asian countries where almost everyone
has a very similar appearance
you know almost everyone has dark hair
almost everyone is you know
within a certain height it’s changing now
like a Japan they’re making big giant dudes now
big giant athletic dudes
a lot of them are changing their diet too
I think it has something to do with that
look at you you motherfucker
what kind of show we run here man
the phone ringing how dare you
how dare you do do do do do
what is this guy saying do do do do fish I fuck talk
ladies and gentlemen what does that mean sir
I shouldn’t encourage that guy he’s fucking not
why are you encouraging him joe talk about nabiru
listen folks I’m gonna tell you right now nabiro
is not gonna save you okay
it’s not happening it’s not
it’s a myth not nabiro is a myth
I don’t know if nabiro is the truth but there’s
that we have in our head about someone coming down
and fixing everything
I don’t think that shit’s happening
I think we’re looking for daddy to come down
and throw down the
rescue boat and pull us out of this mess
and I think that’s why people look at
if you don’t know what nabiro it is
there’s people that believe that there’s a planet
that’s in an elliptical orbit
and every 3600 years it travels between
mars and jupiter
travels like very close to earth or
between us and mars rather
and this gigantic huge planet is responsible for
many many catastrophic events in earth’s history
and it’s also responsible for
beings called the anunaki to come from this planet and
go on earth and
create human beings with genetic engineering
I mean it’s some fascinating shit it’s all from
the sumerian text
and the sumerian text is the oldest known
written language
it’s like it’s called quniform
and they write it in these like little weird strokes
they one of the oldest civilizations that we know of
they had the first astronomy
the first astrology including they had detailed
depictions of the solar system
with like planets in all the right orbits
they had like mars and they had pluto
they even had pluto we
didn’t know about pluto until 1970
and they had a drawing of pluto
that was carved in the stone or that was
rolled onto a tablet
6000 years ago 5000 years ago
I mean it’s really really crazy stuff
and when
this guy zachariah sitchen
and this is where it gets controversial
cause some guys who are
scholars who are
language scientists and guys who are
archaeologists breaking down
ancient languages and trying to
figure out the roots of the word
they don’t necessarily believe
that sitchen’s right and they think that maybe he’s
you know
leaped lept to some conclusions and his depictions
I don’t know I have
no knowledge when it comes to foreign languages
so I don’t understand the argument
so I see it back and forth and I
it’s fascinating to me
it’s interesting you can’t prove it
who the fuck knows
but what is interesting is that culture
the samarian culture is crazy
they had the first everything
the first mathematics
they had the first use of the wheel
what the fuck bro shut your shit off man
jesus how dare you anyway
who the fuck knows
what’s more fascinating than this idea of a planet
because there’s not enough evidence
there’s another planet
but there is enough evidence that these people
back then 6000 years ago
had some amazing
view of the world
they had some amazing technology
they knew about the dna
the double helix of the dna that was
their sign for
medicine their sign for pharmacy
they drew a caducius which they still used today
as a sign of medicine
that’s crazy shit man
they had all these depictions of
there was like large people
with small
people in their laps and the small people had tails
and you know the people that look at these go look
this is genetic engineering the giants
they made the monkey to
the dna of the alien they created this hybrid look
maybe maybe
they just drawn a fucking
big guy with a monkey in his
lap and make the monkey like curious
george and look like a person
you know what the fuck man how
how can you tell me that
that’s exactly what that hits him and it could be
their cartoon
this is their little character
this is the crazy monkey that looks like a human
once I asked stupid questions
sit in my lap
that could be it right
I forgot what you’re talking to beeru bitch
you don’t even pay attention to me anymore you
got so deep in the stuff that like halfway through
I’m like all right
just my brain is
can’t even catch up anymore
to be honest with you
half the time
I don’t know what I started talking about
by the time we get to the end
what I found is that mcconduet ladies and gentlemen
these thoughts come to me and I just have to let it go
that’s the sort of sounds
faggy who sounds completely faggy
but that really is the truth
you know like
the better I get at comedy
the more I feel like
I’m not really responsible for what I’m doing
it’s like I gotta just do the work
I gotta write and I gotta perform enough
but when I get it
when I nail it and whatever it is
that when I tune back into the frequency
whatever it is
I just ride it
it’s like
it’s almost like the easiest thing in the world
it’s difficult to maintain
it’s you got to maintain your enthusiasm and
maintain your writing and maintain your performing
but when you’re in that groove
when you lock in and it’s the fucking show it’s fun
bam when that’s going on that’s just a ride
you just ride and a ride you’re not
you’re not doing anything
I don’t feel like it’s like if I dig a hole
in the dirt in the backyard
I feel like I just did something
you know I started that fucking hole it sucked every
dig but I got to the end
I give this feeling a satisfaction
when I go offstage
I never have like a feeling of satisfaction
I always have a feeling it whoo
that was crazy
yeah like yeah it’s like like a road something
like I just got off a crazy ride
you know
you don’t you know
I’d be like wow that was fun
that was cool set that was great audience
but I never feel like I just did anything
I always feel like I just wrote a crazy ride
you know that’s what it feels like
you know that’s like you have to
do it enough so that you’re comfortable enough
so that when you get up
it’s all smooth you know
you’re all it’s all fun
you know what you’re talking about
you know what you want to say you know
you’re working on what you want to say all the time
so that it’s always fresh
so it’s always relevant in your mind
so that enthusiasm is there
and if the enthusiasm is there
and then the audience is enthusiastic
and then you lock
those things together
and then you just ride it
once you get the laugh start going
you just start ride it and so much fun
it’s like you’re skiing downhill
I think you’re gonna get a seguette
on your left yeah
I don’t want to go with it
did you live in mountains
you could be
like all up in the mountain chasing coyotes
I want to be able to jump off right and quick
you gotta get a segue
I had a crazy jaguar dream last night man really
I had a dream that jaguars
big ones were trying to break into my house
I’m having
a very strange apocalyptic dreams lately really
not serious ones because I survived the apocalypse
like the real apocalyptic dream is everything
I’ve been having dreams pretty much at all lately
once I remember
for some reason
yeah I get every now and then I get these
the system fails
dreams you know right
every now and then like some mad max type shit
and maybe it’s just because
all these assholes are screaming
the sky is falling
you know
one of the things that was really interesting I was
listening to some
recordings of hunter s
thompson speaking at the university of colorado
and like it was like nineteen seventy four
and he was talking about you know
like the cfr which is like supposedly
the group of people that control the world
you know the global bankers
the buildup or group that type of shit
and he was talking about
you know like
what’s going on overseas
and what the United States is up to and
how corrupt the political system
is and how it’s probably
you know if it goes this way much longer
the country’s going to fall apart
but then you look at like
30 years later
it’s like still the same shit
yeah it’s still the same shit right
it’s like is it getting any worse
well there’s more people
so it seems to accelerate a little bit
because there’s more activity
there’s more humans
but it all seems to be going along the same lines
you know this the sky is falling crazy shit like really
I mean what takes something big marin
if it takes something
big you’re probably gonna be dead anyway
this guy’s really gonna be falling
it takes like a meteor
we need like a volcano like a yellowstone
which by the way ready for this
this is January 17th
there’s been over 1600 earthquakes in yellowstone
wow what’s coming fuck it’s common
if you don’t know yellowstone is a giant volcano see
nobody ever taught me this in school
do they ever teach you this in school
do you remember this
yeah do you yeah the caldera
the whole volcano thing that it’s gonna blow yeah yeah
I think it’s weird when you live there too
it’s like a lot of people can’t live there because
they’re in constant fear of it too
how could you not I forget who it was I think it was
adam corollar somebody or
was talking about when I was in high school
I don’t well I’m older than you how would you
don’t tell these people though they’re cruel
so I’m 7 years old in you
so you have to think about it like if we were
in high school
like I was in high school earlier than you
they probably didn’t even know yet
one of the things they found out about with these
yellowstone is they had satellite images
and when they took satellite images
that’s when they realized that
what they were dealing with was
a caldera which was a volcano that was so explosive
that the top literally disappeared
like be like
Hawaii but Hawaii fucking explodes and it’s just flat
I mean that’s how big this volcano is
it’s 300 miles across
that’s insane
and when it blows up you imagine 300 miles of explosion
straight up into the air
lava everything would be okay here
no we’d be fucked the whole continent would be fucked
we’d be fucked if we would have like a good like
1h slow lava or it’s no it wouldn’t be lava
you would be fucked because the ash would rain
and fuck everything up
it would kill animals
it would pollute the water supply
so what would fuck everything
I don’t know you think about it how much
it’s like heavy heavy like soot is like snow
okay except it’s much heavier so roofs would collapse
wow so you would get like you know
two three feet of soot that would come down
and even if you stayed inside your house and relaxed
your house
would very likely get crushed from this fucking soot
this soot would be thousands and thousands of pounds
on your roof
so it’s going to cave your fucking house in
you can’t breathe outside
the sky is filled with soot
you don’t understand everywhere
and it’s heavy thick shit
volcanic ash soot
you’re fucked
you’re fucked and it covers the continent
it comes over us like I said yeah
how long does it do you have any idea
well they know that there’s been
smaller ones where it’s just
killed a lot of things
and then there’s been these gigantic
earth shattering ones
every six to 800,000 years
and the last time there was one was 600,000 years ago
what if it was something like
it wouldn’t hit you for like a week
and so you just
slowly get out and people stay away they’re going
fuck what you do you would have to leave the continent
yeah well
I think you could be okay
if you could get off in north america
you could go to europe
if you knew that shit was going down
and you could get on a plane
and fly to england
just take your family and that’d be a crazy movie
evacuating the whole United States
well you know there’s a rock shelf in africa
that if it breaks off
they have these
these underwater landslides occur
where these big shelves
these mountains fall off and it’s happened
thousands of times throughout history
well if this one particular rock
flat this this whole area which they
predict one day will break off and go into the
ocean it’s one particular side of a mountain
if it does that
it’s gonna create a
gigantic tsunami
that engulfs the whole east coast of the United States
like miles in
it’s just gonna just
miles in water
I mean it’s just a gigantic chunk of rock
pouring into the ocean and these
fucking waves that are like a mile high
just gonna roll in and
wreck everything
it’s gonna be insane
or it’s just gonna be mildly irritating
you know it’s gonna be insane
it’s gonna be insane and it’s probably gonna happen
yeah you know
I mean it might not happen in our lifetime
yeah that’s exactly
but you can’t say either
so against it though not though
no no no there’s so many things
but there’s so many things do
there’s so many different things
the odds aren’t against it
you look at all of them together
the odds aren’t against it because
if you look at like meteors man they don’t know
when the fuck those are coming
they have no idea how many asteroids are out there
how many big chunks of fucking rock
and metal and iron are flying through space
and any one of those kajakas
and they’ve happened so many times over history
it’s been proven
there’s so many
planets that are scattered with craters
there’s no way we can predict it
there’s no I mean they could
martyr the sky and hope they catch most of them
but there’s always
ones that are sneaking right bias that we miss
it’s happening left and right man wow
what the fuck
that’s the government man
can you guys still hear us
that’s still recording
hmm well refresh your browser
refresh that
I don’t even know what the fuck we’re talking about
this is interrupting my flow
ladies and gentlemen
on a long time scale everything is inevitable
yeah that’s that’s that’s really
that dude just nailed it on the head
that guy money Japan again money Japan for the win
damn motherfuckers with money Japan
two good quotes he if he listens Japan he’s money
yo money money money
and if you talk to eddie about being in Japan
and how cool it was
no he just got back last night I haven’t seen him yet
I’d love to get a Japan yeah
he’s been in Japan though
when he used to work for pride
where did my Japan say
yeah long time scale everything is inevitable
that’s what people have to realize like
we know for sure that human beings have
a lifespan all right
you’re gonna die as much as you plan for the future
it’s what you’re gonna die
we know the planets have a lifespan as much as you plan
for the future
fucking sons eventually run into energy
it might take billions of years but
it’s gonna happen
and what we have to worry about is not just that
not just
earthquakes not just super volcanoes not just meteors
we have to worry about gamma ray
explosions we have to worry about
like supernovas
that happen out in space
that make these
giant gamma ray bursts and fucking flood the earth
crushing all our communication systems
crushing all our satellites
breaking everything
no wireless internet
no oprah everything shuts the fuck down
I mean that shit’s all possible
giant crazy solar flares there’s a
lot of shit that could fuck human beings up
you know there’s a lot of shit
you know and they say that
the polar ice caps have shifted more than once
in the past and they also say that
10,000 years ago during the last ice age
the north american continent like
half of it was under a mile of ice
I mean north america was fucked up
dude it was all ice you know
I mean that’s crazy shit
that’s only 10,000 years ago man
crazy things can happen
how would we stop
north america from turning all ice again
if the earth got that cold again
what the fuck would we do
what would we do turn on the heat
what the fuck would we do
what would we do
if all of a sudden north america started turning
into a fucking
mile high sheet wall of ice but odds are
dinosaurs would come back first
why why do you say that I don’t know what
listen bryan you can’t see that because
what makes these climate changes is very mysterious
most likely have nothing to worry about
maybe yes most likely
but there’s been some gigantic things
that’s the problem
I’m sure man at times I could
I could freak out about that shit
or I could just be like hey let’s
talk about real things that are freaking me out
that shit
I gotta pay my bill tomorrow you and do this tomorrow
I think people
avoid it though
I think people
it’s not just the fact that people
choose not to think about it
I think they typically avoided
so they don’t ever have to think about
like the real
the real big picture
the real big picture is very
frightening to a lot of people
you know there’s the big picture
like what are you gonna do with your life
and you know you’re gonna get married
you’re gonna have kids you know
you’re gonna get a good job
you’re gonna
now be able to put your kids through college
that’s the real picture and then the big picture
and the big picture is what the fuck are we doing
you know we’re involved in two wars it’s 2010
this is the age of information
we see everywhere that we’re being fucked
left and right
you know that
your bailout money is going to these corporations
the corporation ceos are taking
hundreds of millions of dollars in payouts for
bonuses and all this insanity and you’re like
what fucking bonus like that
they use the United States taxpayers
money to bail out the company
and now they get to get money they get bonuses
big giant checks for what for fucking up
like what kind of a criminal organization is this
and we’re accepting it
what the fuck is this country running under
that’s part a of the big picture
and then part b of the picture is
what the fuck we’re in space
that’s that’s the crazy one
the part b is
we are on a planet and this planet is one of
an infinite amount of planets
and an infinite amount of solar systems
and an infinite amount of galaxies
spread throughout an infinite amount of space
and that space and the universe itself
maybe some sort of a geometric pattern
that you
always get on the space thing
well that’s the most amazing thing
I do always get on a space thing
but it’s because I get on the space thing in life
when I think about life when I think about anything
when I think about
you know obama talking about gazing in the military
we must repeal
don’t ask don’t tell
finally gay people go to die too like this is nuts like
who the fuck wants to be in the military now
like at this point in time they’re saying to them
you know like oh look okay
we need gay people
let’s just be cool about this and you get gay people
we’re running out of people
who want to join the military
let’s get some gay people in it too right
you know the military I think in our grandparents era
you know I think they were you know they were at least
less under the illusion
that they were getting fucked you know this
I’ve talked to so many dudes that come back
and are so disillusioned
you know that pat tillman guy that’s the
best example ever
there’s a dude who’s a nfl football star
who decides that he wants to go fight for his country
the noblest of virtues
you know for a man
to want to represent his country in a time of need
to realize that he has to step up that
there are certain times in history where
men have to do things
and fuck all the glory from being an nfl player
he’s gonna do the right
thing and fight for his fucking country
and he goes over
there and gets killed and friendly fire
accidentally gets killed pretty quick too well
the crazy thing was how quickly he was
talking about how
fucked up it is over there
and how disillusion he is
and how it’s a mess
and his brother’s talking about it and they are
completely incompetent
and he was talking about how just a
completely unorganized it is over there
and chaonic and how he didn’t believe
you know in what he
what he joined up for the army in the first place
he was being tracked and that’s not what it was
and it was a fascinating fascinating fucking story
you know and that represents everything
that’s best about america
like a guy who is willing to look at it and say man
I need to fucking do something
fuck all this football playing
I’m gonna go over there I’m gonna make a difference
and then when he gets there he’s man enough to
go oh shit this is a mess
like this is not what I wanted
I’m not gonna
I’m not gonna be United States this bitch over this
this is craziness
this is chaos
and then he’s dead
you know I mean which is what happens
man you know you go to fucking warrant people die
it’s terrible
but it’s just at this point in time man
you know there’s got to be better ways around this
there’s got to be better ways to
and I don’t know what the fuck they are
what are you doing
let that shit back so we could see each other
okay I wanna read the fucking trap man
don’t be going on tmt
but I’m looking at yours so I don’t do like this
so we don’t look at two totally different things
like a couple of weird geeks
what about the ether
who’s doing the ether
that was a good nasa
I’m getting in a nas again lately
naus yeah you don’t like you need to move on man
you should listen to a kid cuddy
you could need to move on
I like there’s some good there’s some good music
I hate knives
I’ve overheard all too much of his stuff now
oh don’t be a bitch blind
she don’t get sick of the same music over I do
but I like I like going back to it on occasion
yeah I tried to listen to naz recently but I was like
how dare you
kid cuddy though I recommend kid cuddy kid cuddy
what does kid cuddy do this kid cuddy
he’s just a smooth little wrapper
okay this is the song
whenever I travel this is the move
you eat a pot cookie
like right before you get to the airport
so then you board
you’re not riding dirty
you know to worry about anybody arresting you
it doesn’t even kick in
till like an hour into the flight
you know an hour into the flight
then your barbecued and then that’s the best way to fly
I mean it’s not like
you’re gonna operate in the heavy machinery
or you’re gonna think about yourself
you’re gonna think about life
you can think about a lot of deep important shit
when you’re high on an airplane
that’s the only way I travel
this is the best way to do it
but then when I land every time I land
I land to this song
think about yourself you gotta think about life
you guys think about a lot of deep
oh that’s what
that’s me with the delay I don’t want to listen that
this hip hop is dead song by nas
as soon as I land
this is the best way to travel your barbecued
okay you’re contemplating your role in the universe
you know these different
characters walking through the airport
that’s a big
Dr Dre
beats headphones on
and I get out of the plane like this
makes it like a ride
you tell me you don’t like this
yeah but I’ve heard it 1 million times
you playing your shit same shit overnight
who gives this shit I like new music
yeah but there’s some classics bitch
this is a goddamn classic
look at this thing it’s like nirvana
what is the biggest one
tell me what the fuck is wrong with you
stream what you stream
get it together
people what
I know you’re free
this this is whack can I read this social stream
yes ryan l egg
10 I can but
here’s the deal son
we got to keep this bitch flowing
and sometimes we’re gonna look at what you have to say
and sometimes we’re not
and all right there’s no rhyme or reason
don’t get crazy
don’t spam let the universe be your guide son
that the universe beer guide
just went down a notch
and my book jamming to that
the other side I liked to listen to at all
fairness is jimi hendrix voodoo child
that’s another badass landing song
I used to have that one as my main one
I would land and listen to what and the other one is
it’s a little gay
tori amos crucify
I like that song
what is wrong
I like that song I like landed to tori amos
why do we
crucify ourselves
are playing the piano
oh sexy and white
sheets like sheets she’s white
I get to see you in
your car with your fanny pack on
blasting out the tori aim is most of the time
I don’t drive with my fanny pack on
the only time I do is
when I’m on the way to the airport
people like give the fanny pack a hard time
matt sarah I saw you on
your video blog which is fucking hilarious
leading up to this week’s ufc
and I’m very much
looking forward to your fight with frank trigg
but I saw you coming down on the fanny pack
my brother and you got to let it go
not wrong with fanny pack okay
the only reason
there is something wrong with a fanny pack
is because
you know you can’t get laid if you wear a fanny pack
so who gives a fuck
anybody that won’t fuck you
because you wear a fanny pack
you don’t want them
that’s what I have to say that’s a functional
piece of wardrobe
it’s excellent
you fucking strap that bitch on right there
and you got all your shit right here
it’s nice
it’s right there you go to the airport you take it off
bam you walk through the metal detector
I’m not saying you have to wear it every day
but if I wear it fuck you man
fuck you I got a fanny back on
I’ve worn that shit on stage before
people get all angry I think it’s a prop
I’m like you sent a prop this is my fanny pack bitch
it seems like it would be a prop
yeah because it’s very unstylish but guess what I’m
the reality as I’m a 42 year old mary dude
with a family
so you’re trying to cover you trying to cover your dick
I’m not trying to fuck you
I’m trying to walk into the airport
I’m trying to cover your pod place
you’re trying to cover your hog
we’re gonna have to pull that
fanny packs hide a boner really well not my boner bitch
maybe you’re boner
oh maybe I guess maybe maybe it would hurt
if you had like a cell phone digging into your dick
you know
I like more of like a little backpack sling box
it’s very rare that I walk with boners anymore though
that’s when I was a younger man
I said boners like you know
walk through the airport for some reason
just got this random boner cooking
I don’t get those random boners anymore
I get morning boners
but I’ll get no random daytime boners
especially if I do a lot of jujitsu
and that’s makes gigitsu sound very
gay because it kills your boner
I guess I never was
if you do a lot of gigitsu you’re tired all the time
you testosterones down
you know you’re worn out
and if you’re getting late all the time
do those two things
keep your bonus from just occurring randomly
but if you’re not getting laid and
you’re not even working out you’re not doing anything
your bonus will just start firing up
so let’s fuck come on
what’s up so fuck some bro who fuck bro
so bro get some turkey sliders
yeah if you’re not paying attention
if you’re not giving your dick the proper maintenance
work and you know
I had a joke that was in one of my cds from way back
I don’t remember which one
I think it was shiny but happy g hod
it was
you got a jerk off first
and then think about what you’re doing
you should always do that
it’s really important
because your biology will trick you
your biology will have you convinced that you should
go follow some
crazy grow home
lives in a bad neighborhood and leave your car on the
on the corner and her cousin’s gonna watch it like why
because you’re horny
you’ll do some dumb shit you’ll do some silly shit
you know and if you jerk off
you’re much less likely to do any of that
keep ever play racketball
no that’s the funny thing
you say that because I was just at a gym the other day
that had all these racquetball courts
and I was like that was like the first
times I’ve ever seen racquetball
oh really in a long time oh
you would seem like a be a scary racketball partner
you’d be one of those guys
no you know what man I don’t
this is why I don’t like my rack ball
I’ve had two knee surgeries oh yeah yeah
I’ve had both of my acls reconstructed
and I had another
miniscus surgery on my left knee and they work great
now I’m like I have no problem doing gigi too and
it’s their fun and it’s fine
but I think if I did stuff like that
like cutting back and forth all the time yeah
you run the risk of injuring yourself
you know jujitsu
I can kind of control the movements a little bit more
especially if you pull guard and you
control where your legs are going
you know when you’re
going back and forth like that
you’re putting tremendous amount of pressure
on your joints
you know any explosive movement like that
it’s really it’s like you know
it’s an interesting thing to watch athletically
but like for your body
eventually that shit’s gonna wear the fuck out of you
yeah you know
you know what’s the craziest thing
man you see like old football players man
you gotta respect the fucking dedication
that goes into that sport
the amount of pain those guys have to deal with
those guys get fucking clipped
you know I mean
some fucking football games that you see
like we see the clips on YouTube where dudes are
running full steam and just ugh
right into another dude and send him
smashing to the ground
and another guy fucking piles into it at
the same time you watching you just go jesus christ
your body your fucking body’s just gonna get mangled
and some of these guys like running backs
they’re like not that big dudes
you know these big fucking gorillas
you’re trying to get at them
football’s a crazy ass game man
you know when football will be the shit
when they can fix any injury
anything that haves anything that happens
they just zap you and it’s like they have
apple backup for your hard drive
that’s all they have for your life
right before you go into do anything dangerous
they back up your life
you know like a couple weeks ago
and then they reload you back into the grid
like oh I’m back
did you die yeah I died dude I fucked up
you know I got crazy
you know how crazy would that be
yeah I mean look if you believe in like ray kurtz wheel
and these futurists that believe that one day
you were going to be able to download consciousness
into a computer
I mean at a certain point in time it becomes
the real question becomes like what is reality then
if you’re downloaded into a computer
who keeps the computer on the computers
keep the computers on
and then we’re part of this new life
this new world that exists inside a fucking machine
and that your consciousness exists in a machine
and what happens the original version of your
what does gaia have planned for you after you die
do you really
go into some great well of souls and
you know and go into the next stage of existence
does that happen
and if that does happen
you already downloaded into the machine
does the well of souls accept you
or the well souls does listen
bitch I don’t accept software priority up in heaven
you can’t be copying my shit and putting on bit
torrent down on earth
and having all these you know
come on man your time’s up bitch
it’s over you have to move on
you know maybe it doesn’t accept you
if there’s a version of you
running in this parallel dimension
maybe heaven won’t accept you because you gotta let go
like that’s the whole idea
of living and dying is to know that
this is a stage
don’t be greedy don’t try to
live for 1000 years just get the fuck out of here
go go go go don’t download yourself stop it
you know it’s almost like a kid
who wants to go down the slide
and he’s holding onto the bag of the slide
and he wants to go down the slide
and hold on at the same time
well you can’t
either you go down the slide
or you hold on you’d be a bitch
so either you
download yourself in a computer lift forever
or you see what’s next like like
you’re supposed to
aubrey de grey
believes we will live forever in biological form
yeah I’ve seen that guy that professor aubrey de grey
day sleeper nineteen eighty eight
he’s that crazy English dude with a big long
crazy beard who drinks a lot of beer
yeah he’s a fascinating guy he’s um
you know some crazy mad scientist genius character who
is working on
changing human beings at the molecular level level
to prevent aging
to change
aging and working on all these different science
for our anti aging
and the idea is that if you can survive like
you know for a few years next 20 or 30 years
you’re likely that you could live forever
just really crazy just insane to think about
like so many people as it is right now you know
did you see pandorum
by the way
unsolicited plug here
hold on 2nd ladies and gentlemen
I’m gonna grab this bitch
so you know what the fuck I’m talking about
I watched this the other night on blu ray
it’s called pandorum and this is a movie that
kung li is in
and that’s I think
how I found out about it the first time
and then
a dude named angry amadeus on my message board
made a post about it
and he’s a pretty smart guy
and he was talking about how great it was
I said alright fuck it I’ll give it a try
that guy is an intelligent dude and it’s a
horror film and kung li is in it dennis quaid is in it
and pretty goddamn fucking good movie man
what is it pretty fun fucking movie
it’s a horror movie in space
kind of surprised that it didn’t get
more people into it it was good
what’s the rotten tomato score
I didn’t even look let’s look
the rotten tomato score for pandoram
I pretty much trust that shit
rotten tomatoes yeah
it’s pretty good pretty accurate usually
what do I think about the nexus one
I think it’s got a lot of problems now
but once it comes to verizon
it might be interesting to see what happens
I’m kind of more excited about the tortu now I think
yeah you know the thing about the tortu
which means a lot to me is that
it’s a world phone
I need a world for my travel bitch
I’m international
and I’m saying sometimes I’ll be busy in my homies
in the uk whoa 28% I’m not tomatoes 28% damn consensus
while it might
prove somewhat satisfying for devout sci fi fans
pandorum’s bloated derivative plot
ultimately leaves it drifting in space
okay I completely disagree
yes it was not perfect nor was avatar
I’m not looking for perfect movies anymore
I’m looking for an escape I’m looking for some fun
if I want to be intellectually stimulated
it’s not gonna be from your gay fucking movie
it’s gonna be from a documentary it’s gonna be from
some real life shit
it’s gonna be from something on space
if I’m watching a movie
I want crazy shit
with monsters and explosions and I want excitement
and I want some tits
and that movie had all that
click on top critics and read some of the top little
hot bitch was kicking over his ass
top critics yeah
and then read some of the just little blurbs from what
their reviews are
because I’m kind of interested to see if
because if you like it so much
what they have to say about it
thanks for the tip
throughout some obvious questions pop up immediately
yeah no kidding
jesus christ folks
lazily derivative
perhaps perhaps a bit
but so what man
it’s like a fucking cheeseburger
way too much tori amos
soundtrack how dares ah now we know did they say that
my tory listen folks
yeah it’s the you know what I’m looking forward to
the wolf man okay
the wolf man with benicio del toro’s coming out
I know the fucking plot
I know it’s been done 1000 times before
I don’t give a shit
I want to escape I want to see the wolfman
I want to see like it’s an old school wolfman too
is he gonna be bad did you like the old ones
yeah I loved all of them dude
I loved american werewolf in London
I love the old wolf man
I love there’s so many different ones that came out
you know
there hasn’t been a good one at a long time though
those like in movies
the vampires and the fucking
those are cool looking werewolves
they’re kind of crazy looking
but they’re so cgi that’s hard to take them serious
they look dope but they look fake as fuck
you know
anyway a lot of people thought that movie sucked
you might think it sucks to be a huge team with fan
no but I like some science fiction
I love horror and science fiction movies aliens
I like that kind of oh old school aliens shit so good
but this was one that was like that that I hadn’t seen
so it was fun
man I’ll watch that shit again
I liked it I like that I like some stupid shit
stupid shit is not always bad folks
it’s like what I’m saying about cheeseburger
sometimes you want a fucking hot dog
sometimes you ain’t eat a gourmet meal
and you want to have a nice
healthy salad
first you want to have spring water with lemon in it
you want to feel good about yourself you want to feel
sometimes you want a fucking hot dog
and you want a hot dog with chili on it
and that shit’s good when you want it it’s good
you know it’s
pigass holes and horse dicks you don’t give a fuck
it tastes good and
when we got sour crowd in it and mustard
that’s what this fucking movie
I lived a hot dog
I live by a wiener snitzel
and have you ever been there
I think so it’s amazing
it’s pretty much whatever you want
david chicken corn dog hot dogs
oh yeah I think I went to one in colorado actually
yeah it was one of the first ones I went to corn beef
hot dog great colorado
okay unoriginal plot like carlos monsieur
how dare you your mama
well you were doing so well before that
let’s not bring up that fool
red band doesn’t like old music
oh I do like old music
you don’t know what you’re talking about
frank over there you know shit bro
I love beatles
mostly beatles with my favorite in zeppelin
is probably my 2nd favorite
old school old music
yeah dude whole lot of love
is one of my favorite songs of all time
there was something about the seventies man
they had a certain sixties and the seventies
they had a certain energy to their music
that like
what was representing the changes that were going on
the culture that we haven’t had in a long time
the thing about jimi hendrix
and the thing about the doors and the beetles
and all the zeppelin
the bands from that era is
like they really were
they were bursting to the scene and one of the most
one of the biggest changes in our human culture ever
like between the fifties and
the seventies
shit just went
haywire and whacked out of fucking control
and all of a sudden
there’s you know love power and stop the war
and everyone’s doing acid and
ken keazy and the fucking mary pranksters
and they’re all doing acid and
hanging out with fucking timothy leery
and hunter thompson
and everyone’s trying to change the world
and everybody’s fucking everybody left and right
and jimmy hendrix is on stage
junior’s jam into his guitar
doing the star spangled banner with his fucking guitar
it’s the craziest version of it ever
and there’s dirty hippies on
acid wallowing in the mud in front of them
I mean there was nothing like it
there was nothing like it before
it changed the culture
you know I said that music when I listen to it man
I feel that shit in it when I listen to
some old hendrix or some stones from that error
it’s like you feel the fucking the time
you feel that era
you know it’s like imprinted in the really
great art of that era
like voodoo child you know
like so many fucking songs
mothers little helper you know so many stone songs
brown sugar come on man
digital underground what
you just ruined the holes
you didn’t even know what you talked about
you know what I’m talking about dance
they were good
digital underground was good when they first came out
you know what else was good man
who does op
pewed naughty by nature naughty by nature was the shit
young city used to be the shit
yeah but naughty by nature
yes but I liked young nc a couple of songs
but naughty by nature
what I liked about them
was that dude’s flow was so original
3rd base
you know they couldn’t fuck with it like they’re just
that dude trench had that that rhythmic flow
that was like he made all the words rhyme cool
but he also did it almost like he was singing
like he was talking shit and singing at the same time
and doing it really
fast to show you that he’s good at it
you know I mean
he was like way more skilled than most of those guys
like way more transitions and way craftier
you know and when you have it with that do do do do
you know that you know what lpp
you know me that was a great fucking song man
that was a great fuck that’s a perfect example
that song I overkilled
never wanted to listen to that song again
now I could probably listen to you can live
yeah I know what you mean like back then
after a while I got on the radio and you’ll like
jesus christ
it’s like the poker face song it’s like enough
enough nwa express yourself express
oh I’m expressing with my full capabilities
and I’m living in correctional facilities
cause some don’t agree with how I
do this I get straight and meditate like I blew this
that shit was revolution in the morning just in black
you know what it was freaking me out
I first got into nwa
I’d heard about nwa like a little late to the game
and this was back when I was still fighting
and I was on the treadmill doing my workout and I had
the walkman on
it was a walkman back then a cassette one
and I was listening to it
I think I made a bit of CD player I don’t know
it definitely wasn’t an mp three player sony cassette
yeah it might have been a CD player I can’t recall
but I remember listening to
I think it was a cassette
I remember listening to and go god
these guys are so mean
like they’re all like anti white people
and white bitch and white
this what yeah
you know
they want to shoot people like wow this is crazy
I’m listening to music about
then I started getting into like ghetto boys and shit
it’s all like people want to kill people
iced tea there was nothing
before that you know like the rock stars of like
the sixties and the seventies
nobody ever talked about killing anybody
and then all sudden in the all these rappers
are killing people colors
I am a nightmare walking psychopath talking
that’s what naked and fuck tonight
yeah well that was like later stuff but
the early stuff that he came out with yeah
h u s t l e r l remember what’s the
two live crew
I used to listen to
like two live crew and it’s weird
like I grew up listening to black people
talk about sex
yeah it’s like kind of
talk nasty they’re my sex people were freaking out
people were put in two live crew in jail
for being too dirty
yeah they were so dirty
they wanted to lock them in cages and they did it
you know that’s how crazy Florida is and Florida
you can get oxycontins everywhere you fucking turn
you can go to a store you know right next to
you know fucking
apartment building
and they got a pain management center
and you got these pain management center
there’s all these oxycontin junkies
who’s sitting around wanting to get their shit
that’s okay but you can’t have a black
eye talking about eating pussy
getting his dick sucked
you know what is that
we’re terrified of that
stop doing that
why because I want to read the stream faggot sam
why do you keep fucking on
trying to read what people have to say
public enemy minus flavor flavor
don’t hate on flavor flavor just because he got paid
don’t hate on flavor because he figured out a way to
turn his eccentricities into a show
cool g rap cool g rap in dj polo fuck yeah
the beatles of the stones
depends on the mood sir
you know what do you think beatles are the stones
yeah million really
well the beaters are definitely stones too much
you know who I really liked
that I don’t think got enough credit with sound garden
I think sound garden love sound gardens sound gardens
there’s blow up the outside world
I’m sorry man that’s one of the greatest temple the dog
yes temple the dog was great
but blow up the outside world just that song alone
it’s one of the greatest songs ever man
they had some really
creative fucking songs and chris cornell
his voice just worked so well with that band
you know his other shift that he’s been doing
I’m not really into it yeah I can’t get into it at all
but god damn he was awesome with sound garden
you know his new shit that he did like
the pop shit like oh my oh
maybe I give the guy chance what’s fuck around
yeah people don’t know
sometimes you take chances
you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing
that new gorilla is this awful
is it yeah really
yeah god they were so good
the new it’s
just had like this guy screaming bluesy or
jazzy type bluesy stuff in it I don’t know
it’s pretty good
the first time I made out with a chick
I listened to the comfortably numb
pink fluid
I was watching
wwf No.2
yeah the basement of
my friend’s house the first time I read seth w f
No.2 whatever it used to be called which one was that
I don’t remember
but it was on the tv
and then it was
first time I ran so it was wrestling pro wrestling
yeah so you were fucking a pro wrestling
while pro wrestling was on wow
did she make like little muffled moans I liked it
that’s I don’t remember when I get too loud
so nobody could hear
so weird I don’t remember oh
it was like after
homecoming and my friend was upstairs having sex on the
family were just jamming it yeah so nobody was home
yes so then you put on a show you’re trying to
trying to make your friends here
how loud you are right
no I didn’t
I don’t think I just smack around shit
shut the fuck up the socket
yeah but let him know
you’re doing crazy shit down there
so they feel uncomfortable
it’s fine I don’t remember that I try to do that
try to kill your friend’s boner
just buy over over freaking
no in the room down the hall no
not at all
I’m a quiet sex man
you gotta gorilla fuck him every now and then dude
you probably scream in everything
while you’re having sex
yeah I’m quiet man I drill
I drill into a pillow a lot of rape jokes
lot of positional dominance
I’m very good at guard passing
I know what the fuck I’m doing
guard passing
it’s funny how you know
you can date one girl and
think that like it’s cool to choke girls
because that’s what they want
like choking choking like what I don’t like that at all
I don’t like that that’s confusing
now you don’t want it like that that was sex
ari ari she fear
yeah ari loves that he likes smacking girls too
yeah but it’s like slapping him in real life
yeah like slapping him when he’s boning him
I don’t want to connect those two things together
violence and sex
because I think you can connect things
in your head
you can set up little pathways and like it or not
they’re in there you know
I think sometimes dudes get obsessed with feet
you know I don’t know what the fuck
is that all about but it’s a thing
and dudes get horny and excited about feet
well that same shit can happen with slapping people
duncan likes to be spanked
you could date a girl and she likes you to slap her
and then you get into that and you
guys have logo sex
because you’re slapper and then fuck her on the ass
and she’s nutty
and then you know that’s your shit
now like you’re all
fired up and the next girl you’re trying to slap her
and fuck her in the ass
so you fucking asshole
you piece of shit and you’ve ruined
like the best relationship ever
why because you’re addicted to ass
fucking and slapping bitches
and that’s just wrong
man I need to
get your shit together
it’s funny how different every girl is too
cause some girls just want to be fucking other girls
like why are you doing it so rough
you know
some girls they want you to lick their clip like this
right they want you to go like this
and other girls who want you to lock on that thing
fucking shake your head like a wolf
they want you to punch it
they want you to get crazy with it
they want you to asshole they want to go nutty
you know some girls want they want the whole thing
they want fingers
they want you to fuck their face they want nutty shit
but if you try that with other girls you got problems
son that’s why I just let them take control
sometimes you gotta take a chance
sometimes you gotta roll the dice but you gotta know
how freaky a girl is
and some girls would have never done it before
but you just tried it
and then all sudden your party’s on
I would recommend as a man of experience in it
in his elder years
don’t get all excited about that ass fucking
that shit is not sanitary it’s not good for anybody
it’s only it doesn’t feel better
it’s just cause it’s taboo
that’s nutty that’s a trick
and it’s unsanitary
and you can ruin your wife’s butthole right
you could break that shit
they’re all gonna have problems shitting with like
20 years well you know dude when they get old due to
our gay a lot of gay dudes just go with the blow job
blow job jerking each other off
they give up their ass fucking yeah a lot of gay dudes
they’re like you don’t target your asshole pounded
some big dick lexington steel type character
ripping your asshole apart
you know and there’s a lot of that online
we were talking about
that about how easy it is to see porn online
like ass fuck porn
pam like within a couple clicks
you know all you have to do is just
put it in your google go to a site and it’s free
you just have to pay a lot of money
for like little
shitty ass tiny videos that you can download online
or magazines or sears catalogs you know
yeah but I mean the porn
just the evolution of porn over the last few years
I mean now you get like these
u porn sites and you know
porn hoses giant big pictures
I mean it’s a giant big image
and it’s high quality and it’s free
like how the fuck are they able to do that
who’s how
is everybody getting paid like how’s that work
and if that’s happening
who the fuck is buying porn these days is any
I mean what how down are their sales
if anybody needs a bailout porn and period it’s down
yeah there’s no reason for porn anymore
people have moved on
where people in with webcams are now
giving it for free on their Facebook page
well I’ve always said about porn
why would you need to make more porns
there’s like billions of porns
you couldn’t possibly have jerked off to all of them
it’s not even possible
there’s so many
unless you’re so goddamn specific
you know that like you follow one girl
and you know it’s
a fantasy adventure porn it’s all acted out
there’s only
three fuck scenes in the whole hour and a half movie
but there’s a lot of bad acting
there’s dudes who are into those
you know they follow like
one particular porn starting to get enduring
get obsessed by her and
go to meter at the avian awards and
sign autographs with them
you know some dudes just
lock on to one chick
but if it’s just
you’re just looking at jerkoff to stuff
you don’t have to ever make new porns
there’s plenty of porns
nobody seen them all
it’s impossible
yeah how many porns are there do you know twitterverse
anybody have any idea
yeah a lot of these porn stars
I’ve moved on to just paying per like
like this kind of web streaming
like you rent them for an hour
you’re like all right I want you to put
this at your butt hole
that’s a good move
I should probably do that
I wonder how much I can get something on the bottle
what was I talking about oh
tyler knight is a dude who’s a porn star
his name is tyler knight
he’s a guy who played
he was in the bill cosby one the bill cosby porn that
thomas ward was in
thomas ward played cosby
they did a porno and he’s a real cool dude he’s just
he’s his porn actor who is also a really good writer
he’s got this great
I don’t know his blog title unfortunately
but he’s
you know what
I’m gonna find it for you because
he’s really write some crazy shit
but he’s a really cool good
and he does jujitsu with us
at 10th plane and jujitsu in Hollywood
yeah he’s a really tough guy too
he boxed he had a boxing match with mario lopez
but mario laid them fangs on him
mario gave a beating
not a beating but he beat him
I shouldn’t say that let me
tyler mario lope has fight a lot
I think he has fought a bunch of times
he’s a tough dude man
he likes to box and he’s really athletic
he’s really good at it
he’s uh
here we go tyler knight
yeah how do you already have that in your bookmarks
I don’t here’s my buddy man don’t be gay
all right I’m gonna book here’s check
out tyler knight’s bug
all done started
it’s really interesting
stories because he’s a pornstar
but he’s a really intelligent dude and
a good writer and a really fucking cool guy
like a really nice guy
rogan board is not accepting new people to register
it’s not that’s what somebody’s just twitted
no it is I’ll accept people
you just gotta give me a day or two
I do it myself
because I don’t want anybody getting crazing
I don’t want to
keep track of this whole thing I’m gonna follow him
there we go follow entirely night
my large penis friend
I haven’t seen this cock all right here goes hold on
gonna steam how dare you
we’re just getting started some
all right that’s it the tyler knight thing
we’re gonna adjust a few more questions
and then we’re gonna get it
oh so we never been doing it for 2h man
hmm it’s only been doing it for 2h no I’m just saying
I’m just grind asking
where can I watch such great heights
what are you talking about son oh the video porno video
I’m sure you can
you porn or something
I mean those fucking things are everywhere
what I want to know about these things about these
u porns is how do they make money
and how do porns make money now I mean
are a lot of people
that are doing that a lot of people that are
they still like filming
things and paying for them
yeah I think right now it’s
things like the cosby show type porn
stuff where it has to be something
like a gag gift on those types
I wonder
man because they’re still filming a lot of them
derek’s always working
I wonder where I mean maybe
websites are eventually going to start
sponsoring their own porn
you know well
that’s why I say
most porn stars have gone to doing their own
webcam type no
but what I meant was
websites getting exclusive content deals with
porn stars of filming their own porns
you know
and like people get to writing suggestions you know
hey I want to watch
jesse james suck
lexington steals dick on a boat
wearing a Japanese samurai outfit
and okay we’re gonna film that
and they film that and put it online
I would never pay for it
there’s never even a pay for it
well you wouldn’t pay for it
but if you felt like you were creating it
you know maybe if it’s like when those build a shoe
websites where you can put your own
purple stripe on your night
if you go to your stream at night
you can find the same ship for free
man there’s a whole way
maybe this is the future how about this
maybe the future is
people will fuck live in front of you
you can tell them what to do
yeah but they do that right
they already
do that though no but I mean like hot chicks
yeah I mean there’s pretty good hot chicks come on
there’s a lot of websites that do that
girls like sit in front of the tv
there’s sit in front of the laptop
and then you go out tuck
it’s cocky yeah
that happens all the time it happens every day
yeah that’s been happening for a long time
there used to be thing whatever that pouch costs
this guy’s a dirty pervert
pow talk is that that’s all pile talk is
it’s people having sex going like
there’s like people that like
people to watch them have sex really
and people are just sitting there like
ah do it in her bud
and he’s like wow
and they do that
yeah that’s been happening since it’s like hey
well they’re gonna have to get on pal talk
that’s the problem
it’s not even not pal talk
I don’t think anymore they cut it out
well it’s on everything
now it’s on u stream it’s on justin tv
it’s on where the lengths
there’s actually links
there’s somebody posted a couple weeks
I want to watch people fuck
what isn’t about about fucking that’s so private
you know
it’s funny it’s like we want to do it so badly
everybody lives for it
we all acknowledge that we all live for it
but if anybody catches you doing it
anybody catches you engaging in that sort of pleasure
it’s so intimate revealing about you
it’s like we’re so terrified of revealing things
about ourselves
and that’s the big one
it’s people seeing you fuck
people seeing you know you suck someone’s pussy
seeing you fuckstone girl and ever suck your dick
oh crazy that’s craziness
you know there’s something about that that people
people associate that with like almost like madness
you know like the people that are willing to like watch
you know
stand there while people watch them fuck like wow
they’re crazy
to craze like they
could just do it perform in front of everybody
like dudes get creeped out
but if a guy
you’re at a party and everybody’s having a good time
it’s over your house
and this dude just goes crazy and pulls a stick
on this girl starts sucking it right at your party
you’re gonna like be uncomfortable
it’s gonna be nervous right
mmm why is that
if he had a like a knot in his neck he’s like oh
that was killing me
and his girlfriend was like
massaging them while you guys were all talking
that would be cool
like well we’re having a nice conversation
everything’s cool
she’s just making him feel better
but if she’s like I’m gonna suck my dick real quick
how come everybody can’t go ha ha ha ha ha
okay he’s getting opposed right there in front of us
ho ho ho ho ho
no everybody gets like really freaked out
because it feels too good
it’s like the backrob feels good
but sucking your dick is just too crazy
it’s kind of sticking our mouth
right in front of everybody
you know there’s something about that right
it’s weird clothes are weird too
it’s almost like
clothes and covering your dick
covering your pussy is like
just somehow another
we have intellectualized
that not only do we have to survive
in all these different climates
and we have to
you know make sure that we have
some stuff to cover us and keep us warm
but we also got to slow the fuck down
make it tougher to fuck
it can’t just be like right there
it can’t just be dicks hanging out
pussies hanging out because we’re just gonna fuck
you’re just gonna make too many people
even in like hot weather
it’s totally unacceptable
to walk
around naked everywhere and just start fucking people
at the supermarket
but that’s what would happen
if everybody was naked
if you lived in Florida but it’s 110 degrees
you don’t have to wear fucking clothes okay
and if there was no laws against wearing clothes
people just start walking on naked
people would fuck everywhere
they’d be fucking in bushes and trees
they’d fucking the car
there’d be
chicks sucking guys dicks while they were driving
everywhere you looked it would be going on
would be everywhere
there would be way
more crashes from getting your dick
suck driving than it would
be from twittering or from texting while driving
or it might be the exact opposite
and you’re seeing people’s floppy tits everywhere
you like oh look these oh floppy tits everywhere
I can’t see this floppy tits
yeah that’ll annoy you for about a day
and then you’re gonna want to get your dick sucked
all right trust me
trust me all right you’re gonna
you’re gonna fuck it might be corner
I might get Starbucks and I’m like
god everyone shits everywhere
yeah maybe you can’t handle it
maybe it’s it doesn’t do right next to
that big giant ass snake dick
here we go fucking this white boy in his
mouth while you’re trying to drill your latte
it’s gonna take 180 year old lady tit to
ruin my whole day
hmm come on you guys want your old lady tit
you say that
but if jessica bill’s naked fingernace off
right next to that 80 old lady
you’ll snap out of it
you forget about that old lady
jennifer view has a harry asshole
and it’s like I don’t mind
I got a razor and I got some free time
I don’t care she’s got a hairy bottle
I’ll get in there I’ll clean it all up
I’ll polish it down I’ll buff it
I’ll put a little cream on it
whatever she wants
wait I got a shaver that’s it
that’s kind of a weird thing that all women agree
that hair is gross it’s
like this is what we look like
god damn it okay we grow hair we grow
I mean some women like this kind of shit
like men to have hair
or men have an hairy chest or hairy legs
but they all agree that women with hair is gross
and there’s no one like
is like all syked up about girls being harry
some like that shit mary feet harry legs yeah
really but like they’re supposed to hippy dudes
really you think so oh fuck yeah man
wow well okay maybe
but you and almost universally
I mean there’s got to be a few exceptions
but almost universally
we’ve accepted the fact that girls harry is not sexy
right right
I don’t think so
I think the fucking harry is disgusting
that’s gonna have it like on their back
it’s not amazing though
but it’s amazing that we make girls take
stuff off their body that grows naturally
to perpetrate some new look
some new sleeker model that’s coming in the future
that’s less monkey
you know that’s clearly what we’re trying to do
when you’re in the shaved pussies and shaved legs and
even when dudes shave themselves down
and get all oiled up and
try to look all sexy
what you’re trying to do is you’re trying to get as far
away from the monkey as possible
you’re becoming some sleek
you know almost like silver surfer looking thing
you know where you’re you’re like evolving you
know you’re a form
you know you’re round and smooth and
you not hairy and fucking primitive
and ape like you know
like whatever we’re trying to do
weird like that’s like about evolution
we’re trying to get rid of as much monkey as possible
before we fuck you
we don’t want no crazy bitch
it’s gonna go nutty and eat the babies
we’re gonna
we want this bitch to get rid of all the hair
get rid of everything
what’s this shit
what shit you gonna bleach that
you bleach that no let’s just wax that shit
wax it watch it but
I’m gonna keep waxing it just we’re gonna shave it
we’re gonna get rid of it
we’re gonna give you hormones
get rid of that
you gotta get rid of all this
why is this down here
why are you here right there can you wax that
can you wax that
whatever we want to do
we want to make you as less monkey as possible
that’s weird man
you know I mean when you see like a big hairy dude
do you remember george the animal steel from wrestling
the animal steel was his fucking badass pro wrestler
and one of the things about him was he was so hairy
I mean it was incredible
he was like an animal he really was like a monkey
I mean he was just this
thick fucking ball
dude who had just hair everywhere his back his arm
he had been in a bunch of movies too
because he’s such a character
such a unique looking guy
but man
if there’s anybody that ever looked more like an ape
I mean he’s so hairy
like that’s why his nickname worked
I mean if it was the same guy
but you shaved all that hair off
you couldn’t call him george’s animal steel
it wouldn’t be naily as good
the part was cool was there
he was a fucking gorilla man it was crazy to see
three girls in a cup made you gag
this is one of those guys who fucks up everything
yeah you know you know those guys will tell you a story
who said fucking guy they hit three cups
five girls tracy morgan guy
you know
there was three girls one cup
I don’t need to see that I saw two girls
one cup that was but I don’t know
I’m surprisingly soft when it comes to shock six stuff
how dare you eddie strike
how dare you question my manhood
yeah no you’re right
you know what
I think too much
so when I see something really fucked up
I don’t just go there
faggot’s dead
I think of all the different
shit that led up to it and how it happened
and who did it
and what the fuck is going on
look dan cook is having us a live exclusive comedy show
oh order you have to pay for it whoa
wow that’s what they’re doing now
people are doing live shows and you pay for some people
when you know when you’re selling out
selling out
theaters there’s a reason he’s not selling out theater
she’s selling out arena arena
there’s a reason for that
you got a different beast you got people that are just
14 and ready to go
maybe it’s the ejaculation at the end
no one wants to get hit
I don’t know I know that guys talking about
like that was too long ago
sometimes people
post something
about what we were talking about 5min ago
we don’t remember
the fuck we were talking about 5min ago
Mr Hands is horrific
it is horrific if you haven’t seen it you must watch it
what are my thoughts on breast implants
is it a ridiculous concept
vic nor cow yeah it is right
breast implants
are one of the weirdest things about human beings
that it makes a girl more attractive
maybe stick some things under her chest
parts of her body and pressed forward in her larger
I like bigger nipples
do you like that I love it
oh do you like like
silver dollar ones or big pointy ones big silver dollar
those are great god these are awesome I like big tits
I like big tits you know
what’s strange is how many people
are getting butt jobs these days
apparently it’s like a real issue
butt job yeah I
hope you think coco has
butt job or do you think it’s real
no it’s real apparently that’s awesome
yeah she’s always had that
it’s not like there’s any
pictures of her back in the day right
you know she’s just got those freak genetics
but there was
a buddy mind and he was choking around with his
he’s been dating this girl for like four months
he’s choking around
would you get a butt job
like choking around about her ass being nice
and she goes ashley did
he’s like what
it turns out like girls are getting them left and right
to getting butt implants
to make their butt stick out more
how about you just go to the gym
you fucking lazy bitches okay
you crazy lazy bitches
put some weights on your back and do some
fucking squats okay
what is your whole 24h day filled
you can’t do some of this
yes you can you lazy bitch
don’t go to a fucking doctor’s office
have them cut hole in your snatch
and stuff some fucking airbags up there
that’s ridiculous
okay you need to go to the fucking gym
if you want to grow an ass
go to the fucking gym
jesus right
am I right brian no
no you like fake butts
I think there’s nothing wrong
with the difference between fake boobs and fake butts
I think you’re crazy
you’re not getting the real genetics
let me tell you something
it’s like fake steak okay
girls who have like a real juicy ass all right
that real the real wide hip small ways
those girls are freaks okay
that’s why guys are attracted to them
they have so much hormones in their body
they have so much going on
those girls are horny as fuck it’s nature
little wings big ass
that’s why you’re attracted to them because they’re
the most capable of giving birth
they have birthing hips and we find those attractive
and they have enough
fat on the ass to ensure that they’re gonna survive
during the pregnancy
we like that we like a little pumpness
it’s attractive to us
those that feels better
trust me those are freaks
but yeah that’s a real ass though that’s her real ass
I don’t think it is it is
dude it’s her real ass it’s been confirmed
scientists and
the fucking mythbusters got involved
they know it’s a real ass
fake tits look ridiculous
I think it’s like yo will not go tell anybody
it’s fake tits do ridiculous
but they still do look good
sometimes too
man you know I’m not gonna lie I know
as a human being
I know it’s
completely ludicrous that I find a girl
more attractive because
she’s got these
bags in her skin and they make her
tits hang out more but it’s still you do
you’re more attracted to the frame it’s like
there’s something going on in our bodies
there’s a frequency that
we try to hit physically that men try to hit
and women try to hit to make
themselves attractive to the opposite sex
whatever the fuck it is
we try to be in it we try to nail it
it’s being a certain way and being healthy and
smelling good
and also being a certain shape
there’s like women want a certain shape to men
there’s guys who get like pecking plants
because they can’t grow
don’t grow muscle very well I guess and they try to do
a lot of bench pressing
they get lazy and so they just stick these
plastic things in their chest
and make their own boobs grow out
and they have thanks for their arms too
and for their calfs
to make their bodies look bigger
I mean it’s all craziness
it’s all but it’s all desire to be loved
you know
it all comes from some weird thing we want to be
we want to be the desirable
shape that everybody’s looking for
very strange you know
what else we got here
the painting behind me what is it
it’s not a painting it’s a photograph
it says an american girl in Italy in 1951
and it’s by this lady ruth orkin
she took off a picture of this poor girl
walking down the street in american girl
and she’s in Italy
where my answer has serves from
all those fucking savages
and they’re all grabbing their dicks look at this look
at this picture man maxine
this guy’s grabbing his dick
and he’s making the
that face and these guys are all laughing
there’s an old guy
and he’s got a fucking cigarette out here like this
and these guys get his pants up to his rib cave
and they’re all
staring mercilessly at this one chick
and she walks through this fucking snake pit of men
this gauntlet of
shitty dudes just hanging out in the street
looking for trouble looking to
stick the dick in somebody
those people are savages
look at them they got loafers on with no socks
nineteen fifty one
and you know
when people talk to you about the good old days
and you know
you watch tv and you see father knows best
and you think that’s what people really like
now that’s what the people on tv were really like
this shit was still going on
human beings don’t get tricked
we’re not crazy
we’ve always been crazy
it’s not like this generation’s fucked up
every generation’s fucked up
so that’s why I like that picture
and on that note ladies and gentlemen
I think that should be it right
anything else
what about stick cam was a no go
what are you a stick cam junkie fella
is that your favorite tight
I don’t know if
I don’t know if stiff cam will be better
but you stream seems to be pretty good
except right now it’s frozen
no I just passed it okay
our upload is not as good as our downstream
that’s way more sinister than I expected
what is sinister what do I say
all right
the taliban is putting
explosives in women suicide bombers
this guy just said yeah
I did hear about that that’s pretty nutty yeah
I don’t know how they
I don’t know how they talked those chicks into it
I heard what they’re doing is they’re raping women
and they’re getting these women and
humiliating them and getting
them to the point where they
coco’s butt implants oh my goodness
this gentleman here just nailed it
we’re gonna find out if you’re correct sir
if this guy’s right
we got a fucking scandal on our hands
and this will be another case
by the way if it is right
a brian being able to spot the phony
brian is awesome at spotting the phony
brian spots more
fake shit on the internet
than anybody I’ve ever met in my life
I think that’s true
I think you deserve that designation
look at that dirty bitch
oh that’s her yep oh my god it’s a fake ass
fuck yeah oh my god
what makes you think that was real way to man
what makes you think that’s real really
oh my god
oh my god it’s so real oh jesus
cocoa before butt implants
god she ruined a perfect ass too
look at her ass for implant
it looks pretty fucking hot now
hell yeah it’s cartoon ass
that’s like pamela anderson back in the day
now that I find out there’s some bags of shit in there
no I’m not into it
I like the old one that one’s a beautiful ass
did you put it online
did you retweet that that gentleman
did you tweet that to me buddy I’ll retweet that shit
that’s pretty
pretty powerful so it looks like
coco has a goddamn button in plant
ladies and gentlemen
what the fuck man
what the fuck
is there anything sacred in this world anymore
hmm so dude Twitter that to me man my friend
Twitter that to joe rogan dot nit
and I’ll retweet it that coco’s butt implants thing
otherwise if you can post it post that link
post it on
our guy what is it I get it
I’ll do it right now
so that’s really what’s important
moral ladies and gentlemen
we went from space to coco’s button plants
that’s how we roll here
and the jaw world and podcast
I think that’s the end lazy gem
brian and I are going to go get something to eat
you hungry actually
now I might try that
beat the traffic beat traffic all right
producers of jill scott you can’t lead me
I don’t know who that is
I’m happy happy I don’t know who that is
ladies and gentlemen been
inundated by human beings and information
I wish you well in your battle
try to figure out what the fuck this is all about
until then see you next week
peace peeps