my dad wasn’t in love i’m right
no ain’t that shit
yeah go to my chair your little boy
you help me wear a job like that’s
a
shame
begging stealing like cheats
trying to keep you trying to seizure
spend the love with your ass keep nice
i really hate your ass right now
no wait that’s shit
chicken
why why why why
i love you i still love you
no wait that’s the shame
damn that was
awesome that’s a good goddamn song that is the
first time i
heard that song isn’t it great the
first time i
heard it and it got me i love it
even just the
video if you ever see the
video it’s just words
it like it’s just words but yet you get into the words
you know what
i really a masterpiece i’m not into soulful
music like that
usually but that’s a good song i’m already
thinking about
like remix it into like a disturbed or prom
remix or something why
would you wanna fuck that
ladies and gentlemen this podcast sponsored once
always every time
by the podcast
by the flashlight
and it’s saturday
this is an impromptu
podcast we decided to put together and
brian just threw on that song he said you have
to listen to it it was so good just listening to the
first couple
seconds of it that we had to play the whole
thing i fucking love that dude remember when he
first heard this
song crazy yeah that was bad
oh shit that’s
god damn see
whatever his name i remember when bj
penn i forget who he was
fighting i think he was fighting matt hughes
but he came out to that crazy song
and i was like
god damn that’s a good song
cee lo green is his name from gnarls barkley
i guess you know i wonder what the edited version’s
gonna sound like are they just gonna bleep
are they just gonna bleep it out or change the words or
something you know what i don’t
think they need to do that anymore
radio’s dead yeah
you know i mean the people that are on radio
right now a lot of them are doing podcasts
and it’s eventually
gonna go to that regular
terrestrial radio
they’ve just fucking
they’ve gotten
so busy with it and fucked with it so much that they’ve
crushed it there’s
no you can’t fuck around on the
radio anymore you can’t have fun
you get sued
so it’s like
why can’t you
say fuck you you remember the the who song
remember what was the song that had fuck in it
i i don’t remember who are you now
who the fuck are you
right they played that shit on the
radio when i was a kid really because it was the who
wow because who
are you hoop
hoop you know
that you get to the
point goes who the fuck are you
they kept that on the
radio right
you can’t do it now but
with this song you
could probably just put like
hat sounds instead of
fuck and would
still work i listen
like but i listen to that
who the fuck are you song i listen to that who song the
other day and they did get it was on the
radio and they did get it they
got fuck they
twisted the fuck they
took like a pace out of the fuck
so how the fuck are you
you know there’s
it’s it’s sort of there but it’s not there
right you can get away with it hmm
that sounds
so good fuck
it man just let it get on the internet get it
become mp3s and playing clubs it’ll be gigantic
a satellite
radio you know
eddie how much
money did you
spend last night on junk food
two hundred
and fifty dollars
but it wasn’t all junk food that was some
that was a two
twelve packs of water
wow so that’s like six dollars right
you had you had a
picture on your twitter you guys got to
check it out
where it’s just like junk food tons and tons of
junk yeah that was no i didn’t set that up i decided i
realized it’s i
never go grocery
shopping ever
and but when i did back in the day
you never do it
stoned and hungry because you end up buying a
bunch of shit you would
never eat it just
stacks up and just stays in your
house everything
sounds good
like you know what
i’m gonna get some fucking
hamburger helper you know
get every flavor
all this shit you
would never eat
so i ended up doing that last
night and spent
250 bucks on just
shit pitcher’s
great you feel so bad
about yourself
after you yeah
bought a lot of cereal
a peanut butter captain crunch i mean
that was the big box of
lucky charms a huge box was 2 99
how the fuck are you
gonna turn that down i ate
three krispy kreme donuts in one sitting the
other night
the big ones chocolate
cream filled
oh they were so fucking good
they were so good but it’s
right away as soon as you’re done you feel like such a
piece of shit oh yeah you
never feel good
at done to my body always you’re
always feel like shit you just throwing
sludge in the
machine it’s like fucking a fat
chick you never
gonna feel good
after after you feel like jumping out of lover
if you love her
eddie well if you’re in love with her
and cause she’s only fat
cause she got pregnant
maybe you’re fat
too and that’s what you can get
you gotta do what you gotta do
with some dudes it’s not
worth it for them to get
skinny to fuck a
skinny girl they’re like you know what
i like being fat i’ll just fuck a fat chick
yeah that’s good thank god
well there’s everybody’s got different
taste man some
some girls like
really heroin looking dudes that’s like a look
like fat bitches are
angry enough man
we need to talk they’re banging the shit out of them
calm them down
some of them are
angry dude some are just sad
they just lash out
how would you like it
how about the fat
chick that’s hanging out with three hot
chicks at a club
how about that chick
monster the pack
killing it for everybody just destroying the
night to crush the night
i used to do a bit about them
about girls cock blocking
back i don’t think i recorded that
god damn it cock blocking is so acceptable
so except for women it’s accepted
like if you don’t cock block then you have like no
honor almost you know
but for guys if you cock block
you can get punched
but you can cock
block another guy if he’s trying to fuck your
girlfriend that
seems to be acceptable i’ve seen a lot of that
where a guy’s hanging out with a girl but they’re
just friends and the dude will try to cock buck anyway
i’ve never seen that happen
that again explain
dude is friends with the girl say you are a
young single man out in the town and you meet a
young lady and she’s attractive
and she’s here oh these are just my friends
and she’s with a
girlfriend and a guy friend the guy friend
like will almost always cock buck
unless he’s like super cool
and thinks you’re super cool
most guy friends hanging out with a girl
are just dudes who haven’t
really been successful in fucking that girl
they’re gonna be very upset if you are
and it’s usually if she’s pretty
for sure if he’s around or if he’s young
what are the odds he has his shit together enough
that he’s cool with her being attracted to
other people other than him
if he’s handsome and she’s pretty what are the odds
it’s fucking zero the odd zero
they’re just there’s some twisted
love triangle with her friend and
he really wants to fuck her but he can’t no whooped
watch friend
it’s cool some
dudes will be friends with chick so long
like hot one
i’ve done that too for decades
i was i was friends with the chick from
like nineteen
ninety four and i finally fucked her in two
thousand it took me
six years of detail
and i wanted to
the whole time i wanted i was waiting
but she was so
funny and so cool we actually i
like hanging out with her well there’s a and eventually
i broke her
house a game afoot with some
smart women some
smart women just
they’re so tired
of the bullshit that guys do that they will fuck with
you and will drag you around if you want to fuck them
they just want to see how much
effort you put it how long you willing to
stick around and to them it’s like
it’s almost a commodity they’re giving up
like if you fuck if she fucks you now you’re not
gonna take her seriously anymore
you’re just
gonna be like one of the
other girls that
she fucks but if she just strings you around forever
then you’re her little plaything you’re her little
buddy and we kiss
every now and then what’s the big deal
we’re friends who kiss well how
about if you
haven’t kissed and then you
think like fuck i’m
gonna make that move
after being
friends for four
years on you make a move and she turns you down damn
that’s brutal
yeah we’re friends yeah you mean this
whole time you’ve been trying to fuck me exactly
i go crazy i was in the moment
yeah that’s never good
you go out there
and you try to kiss and she just turned she
doesn’t turn her head all the way just a little bit
it’s like bam she just gives you the jaw
it’s always right
there that moment you’re like damn she didn’t respond
the way i wish she would
have it’s always a
weird thing with
human beings when one person
wants to be with the
other person whether
it’s friendship or whether it’s sexually and the
other person’s not into it that’s the worst
it’s the worst
thing to watch in a
movie it’s the most uncomfortable
thing to watch
it just makes you ah
when you see a friend of yours that’s getting fucking
just done over you see it coming
man i gotta just
watch this happen shit
yeah it’s the worst
it’s like if you love a
check and all of a sudden she
doesn’t love you anymore
there’s nothing she can
steal from you that hurts more than that
you could light my fucking
house on fire now i’ll be like there’s a hotel
i’m gonna be
okay i’m a little disoriented i can’t believe my
house is burnt to the ground
but i’m gonna be okay and
pull that fucking
deep love away and then give it to someone else oh
did that have
babies with someone else
the last time that happened was 1995 and it fucking
crushed me i
wrote a terrible
song oh and put her on a cassette
and left it on her doorstep
begging her
to come back
to me and it
was darkness
dark dude i
would i had to
sleep with valium
during this to get it over she just left me
aren’t you glad she didn’t have a twitter back then
can you imagine like oh my god
check out on my this facebook just left
on my facebook
doesn’t have a
limit is much of a limit
can write a lot of shit when people
break up on twitter
stupid thing
celebrities
break up on
fucking twitter because they come together on twitter
and they’re back on
that’s a good one babe oh
sweet baby love you babe
and they go back and forth
while the whole
world is watching him go back and forth
who does that all the time who
tito and jenna
jameson that’s what i’m talking about
back and forth all the time and then when they
break up they have to make an announcement
you have to say something because they’re not
tweeting together anymore
they’re not hooking each
other up in the tweet
so then they have to announce that they’re no longer
going out that’s
fucking hilarious
really strange
speaking of twitter what happened to
steve age’s
twitter he just deleted his
whole entire account and it was like fuck twitter
and i’m deleting my facebook also
and then the
other day i’m like why haven’t i
heard from him in a while
and he just got it
back on the twitter like a
month later
or something he’s like i had to get back on twitter to
talk about this
movie i just saw
and now he has like 2 000 friends but didn’t he like
have like like
a million yeah something like that he just deleted all
those why did he do that he did twitter suicide like
but why did
he do that was there a reason i don’t know that’s
there’s some
people that feel like we’re too connected man
there’s some people that don’t like it they resent it
they want the old
school way where people
just like you they like you they like you you know
when i have to talk all day i don’t have to be fucking
tweeting back and forth from you
i’ll do a johnny carson interview
and sit down with them and if you
like me or like me you know they don’t want to get into
the whole social
media thing
i i disagree with that i mean well i
think i disagree
with it too but for some people it’s like
their privacy
is just um there’s people that aren’t on
twitter i know
people that are not
fucking barely on computers
they are not even on the goddamn computer they
still you could live that life if you want
you could totally
disconnect sure my mom
doesn’t even know how to get texts
i sent my mom a text
like a month ago
and she finally just responded
omg i didn’t know i got texts
my mom doesn’t get text messages
my mom just figured that out like last week
she’ll send the same text
twice cause she’s not
sure how maybe you didn’t go through let me send it
again right right
maybe didn’t go
through it let me send it
again it’s like a fucking letter my mom’s scared of the
price i’m like mom it’s 5
for like 500 text messages you
could just do
that plan and she goes no i just can’t afford 500
five dollars a
month i’m like mom
think of all the
stamps all the cards you
saved me five dollars a
month she doesn’t
understand it she has
to have a text seminar to go to or something
yeah some people just don’t give a fuck
about technology
so maybe that’s what it was
maybe he just felt like too compressed
you know maybe too
to attach to people it wasn’t too long
where it was all
about fucking fan mail and like opening up like
mail and going
for whatever reason that
stuff always
creep me out
but but this does not
creep me out like
communicating with people on an even
level and message boards and
you know and twitter and
stuff like that i like that that’s fun
it’s fun yeah it’s interesting
you know i mean
you can’t respond to everybody it’s impossible it’s
virtually impossible
some people get mad because of it and i
understand you getting
annoyed but
there’s no way i
could respond everybody i
wouldn’t have time to do shit i
wouldn’t have time to
write anything
wouldn’t be able to work out
wouldn’t have time to get anything done there’s
just no fucking way you keep up there’s just no way
but it’s still
it’s a fun way to
give what you can give you know and it’s a fun way not
many not that that’s
anything you’re giving it’s so special but
you know just
to be able to communicate with people and just
the amount of information
that you get now it’s just so much different than when
our parents were growing up there
was nothing like fucking ghettogaggers com that someone
could just click a link
to you remember when that guy did that to me on twitter
some guy goes hey is this triangle okay
this guy doing this triangle okay i
click on it and
this little
skinny white dude
who’s got this
chick i saw
she’s like this really ghetto looking
chick and he’s fucking her
mouth and there’s a whole
site dedicated
to skinny white dudes
fucking the shit out of
these ghetto
black chicks there’s a whole site
there’s not nothing to
call what’s
no gaggers dot com
you know email me that yeah
it’s the strangest fucking
world i can watch it
it’s like watching
dolphins get harpooned and shit
how hard shit like that was for your dad to see
how shit like that my mom
for my mom to see
how hard that was when they were growing up
to get a ghetto gaggers
photo it was impossible
you couldn’t find it
and if you tried looking for you’d probably get
arrested you probably get locked up in some fbi sting
you know i mean
how hard was it to get
really obscene
shit it was
really hard
every time i
think that then you see
these historic
photos of bondage
houses from the 1910s have you ever seen that they
did shit they
still did shit but i don’t
think it was easy
to see it i
think you had to get deep into that
world before you got into the bondage
houses you had to be
trusted into the
circle of fucking
freaks and weirdos willing to tie each
other up and fuck
their faces and do whatever they do
it’s probably
a lot of drawings back then of that though
they would have to be made
before before 1835 there was no cameras
right so there was all drawings yeah there were
stacks and stacks of drawings
maybe it was just all talk
maybe it was just all written word you know
i know they did they did have like some sort of
light porn like literature
can you imagine how
happy people were when they invented morse code
they must thought that was like magic right
remember when we were kids that’s like alien
super technology you know what i mean
they sent a wire in the old west remember that shit
that’s crazy you send a letter by wire
how crazy is that
i wonder how complex smoke signals got
was there a language there
i mean how many
symbols are there can you make with
smoke well there’s this dude that lives in alaska
there’s this dude that lives in alaska
and he was on a
jack corralt
show on the
road whatever it was called what was it called
you remember that show no
it was caught on the road
and it was like a cbs show scout
would go to all
these different places
and he went to alaska to talk to this prospector
and this guy
spends like five six months
alone by himself in alaska
and then comes back into town
and he says
when he comes back into town he can read people’s minds
it doesn’t last forever but he can do it for a
short period of time
because he’s not talking to anyone out there
and he learns how to tune into thoughts
hmm what the fuck
can he prove this yeah right
i mean no i would
like to yeah
i know this dude
in the woods again
yeah i mean it’s ridiculous
but i think there’s something there
not that this guy can actually read your mind
but i think
there’s obviously something else
going on just besides words
he needs to be on that show
stan lee’s superhumans
try to describe
what it feels like when you know someone’s full of shit
we know when someone’s
lying to you
you know that
weird feeling when someone’s
lying to you pantomimes
yeah yeah but even not even pantomimes
just something
just something
you just a hunch
you know just a
weird vibe a feeling
you’re tuning into something you know
what is it that you have to do to get really
super sensitive to be able to do that all
the time though is there like exercises that you can do
to try to tune in paranoid
more paranoid
seriously if you’re
paranoid you’re watching
every single flinch of
every single move something else is making you know
cause you’re paranoid
about everything you’re
watching every hand
motion you start getting overly sensitive
you know yeah but that’s
not good but i’m saying is to be able to read it like
all the time to be able to tune into it all the time
it’s got to be something that people getting close to
you know a long
time ago i was reading that there’s this one guy
i forget who he was
some saint character and
he was one of the
first guys that knew how to read without talking
and that was
one of the ways that they thought this guy was divine
because he could
look at the
scripture and he
could close it and then
speak of the words
and they were like well this is
proof this guy’s divine because he
doesn’t even have to read it aloud
and what it was is he was just the
first guy who figured out how to read
without talking
to us it’s like a totally normal thing
we think that’s what we always do
but a long time ago
you know thousands
of years ago i mean who knows how long
that was like really hard to do
like you couldn’t just look at something and just like
think in your head oh that’s a poster for the
ultimate doom
you would have to say the
ultimate doom
you’d have to
spell it out
how strange is that
it’s ridiculous that’s like a technique
that’s a technique somebody figured out
we just take it for granted
just reading
you imagine if
everywhere you go people had to read aloud
how goddamn annoying would that be you’re on a
plane and everyone’s got their own book
and you gotta tune in
to whatever these fucking people are reading stupid
romance novel you’re trying to read your shit
you know what i’m thinking
i’m thinking of like
when was toilet
paper invented
and what did different
cultures use to wipe their ass over the centuries well
the bidet is considered the way to go
everywhere but here
now i’m talking about ancient england ass wiping
ancient ass wiping well they must use rivers
sticks rocks twigs faces
maybe nothing you have to shit by a river
there wasn’t a river nearby
and no one did you have a shit ass maybe the
whole reason why people wipe it all is because
they want someone to eat
their ass we’re the only animal who
understands how good that feels
that’s why we keep our ass
cleaned we used to drag them by the hair don’t you
think they would make it
would make them clean your ass you know
clean my ass you know that’s how the cavemen
probably wipe their ass
brian you know
like i mean they used to
drag went through caveman
would force they were tools they were tools
to the women were tools yeah the
women were tools that’s why they were
dragging by the hair they didn’t care
i don’t think that
was the first guy to wipe his ass
it was some caveman
he was a gay guy who’s gay caveman
just trying
to let me just clean this
place up it’s such a mess
you ever walk it
lather it up palm
flounds and shit you ever walk into a public restroom
and think it’s
were part of like a gay joke
you know because like
why do we all have to pull out our dicks
you know everyone is so
no matter how old you are
if you’re standing next to a
bunch of people and you pull out your dick
it just there’s
still there’s a little
there’s a touch
of insecurity
right just a little touch
there’s a touch of
weirdness i got
this like why can’t we have compartments like
well the weird
thing is that you know for sure that dudes have sucked
other dudes dicks in these very bathrooms yeah
we play our dicks gay dudes must love going that’s what
public restaurants are such a turn off
don’t you think that’s why they’re doing
about because
dudes are pulling dicks out
dicks out everywhere
yeah for them it’s just like if you
could go into a
chick’s room exactly oh
that’s what i’m thinking is a big fucking gay joke
gay dude designed the
first public restroom yeah but don’t you think
locker rooms are worse way
worse because at least peeing you have something
to do locker rooms are just kind of like getting
dressed and talking about
clothing same yeah locker
rooms are bad too i mean you
should have your own
private booth some
urinals have walls
where you can’t see
other dudes dick
than some brand new
stadiums the
brand new stadiums and
you have a trough
everyone’s pulling out
their dicks
there was this dude that i used to do
taekwondo with back in the day and he was a male dancer
and he always used to
creep people out
because he would be like he
would get he
would take a shower
and then he
would just like
stroll around
the bathroom with his
chest out like this
stroll around sometimes you
would stretch out
naked he’d be fucking
naked bro and this company
stretches legs out
and his fucking his dick
i mean he probably had like a hundred fat
chick suck it a day and some guys
you know i mean this guy was a male dancer
and he definitely had guys that
that asked him to dance
because he told me that’s the best way he
could make money he
doesn’t like to do it i don’t like to do it man
that’s where a lot of
money so this
guy’s like just
straight around
straight around the bathroom with his elephant dick
he looked like an elephant’s
trunk just flop it it was like three
quarters hard all the time
this dude just
walk around nothing’s gayer than that that’s what
about that owl that you posted on twitter the
other day that
in the mexican
that was a witch they talk
about that shit that’s just
crazy yeah apparently it’s some
crazy owl it’s
a bunch of different names for it i think
someone said it’s a frog owl and someone said it’s a
thorny owl or something like that i
guess it’s a
what are you talking
about it’s from australia
i posted some
video up on my twitter
some dude sent it to me
it’s a mexican news
story about
this animal they don’t know what it is and they
think it’s a witch
and it’s just this crazy owl
it’s it’s a really
weird looking it’s like a
flashlight here let me
pull the bird
i’ll pull it up on my twitter
while we’re talking so you can see it
cause it’s just so strange it
doesn’t look like a real animal
less like bird it looks like a little dragon from a
harry potter movie
like a half lizard half bird
that’s come to life and it’s like you know finding you
flashlight should make one of
these birds a
totally legit
picture oh you know it’s a
video man it’s a real animal
and there is there’s
videos of them
oh they found
more than one
oh you know it’s an
animal it’s a real animal in australia it’s just this
freaky looking owl
it’s called like a
tawny owl or something like that and people
why was it in the mexican news because i
guess they didn’t know what it was whoever it was
i mean it’s you know the mexican version of like some
local you know news
story where a
bunch of yahoos are
out there with cameras like we have cappedia which
look at this fucking
thing they’re holding it down
but let me let me pull it up real quick
he’s like why i
gotta be mexican man
eddie got very sensitive eddie
brown was a mexican
i don’t know if you i
don’t appreciate some of
those remarks dude the tone you
know i used to
think you were joking with me when i
first moved here used
to always tell me you were mexican and i was like haha
that’s his joke
you really never
believed it well what’s really
funny is when he meets
chicks he tells him he’s half japanese
and half eskimo he says yeah majapaho
the story is always different
it’s always like
you know my father was
you know a soldier his father was in
world war ii
this always
makes him crazy
as a kid i always
used to tell people i was half japanese
half eskimo
really is it
kind of like
sweaty and jabber
sweat this brian can
you i don’t know why i did strange reptilian bird
found in mexico
put your microphone on it
no but it better if you do it though you know you
can plug into it remember yeah
i thought you meant
no just so the people can hear it because eddie
speaks spanish he’ll know what
they’re saying it says mexico
yeah yeah no it isn’t mexico
i thought you
said it was an australia well it’s just an animal
i mean it lives in australia and someone
found one in mexico
oh shit i mean animals that live in australia
can survive must have
gotten a cargo boat
yeah probably something like that right
yeah it’s amazing how many different animals come from
everywhere there’s
so much of sparrows in hawaii that aren’t from there
all the pigs in hawaii they’re not from there
okay got it
okay here we go
so i know what she’s saying what she saying was big
i think it’s a witch
his eyes are whatever
i don’t understand the newscasters at all but
regular people they speak
to correct really
i only understand ghetto spanish i don’t understand
proper spanish that well dude you keep it so straight
you know what i mean give you props to that form
you know what i’m saying
there it is there it is look at this thing
this is the bird
i mean it really does looks like a lizard
it looks like yeah it looks like a flying lizard
but it’s called a i think it’s called a
tawny owl awesome
it’s a real bird man
freaky ass looking bird i wanna see it fly
i put a hat on it look at it it’s pretty dope
i mean it’s what’s really funny is i put i put it up on
twitter alright kill it brian
i put it up on twitter and dudes
most people like what the fuck was that
and then some
people had an answer for what the fuck it was
would you fuck one of
those if it was drugged up and not it
wouldn’t bite you probably
frogs figured it out
it was really drugged up have you ever seen people i
mean frogs am i say yeah
none of them
fucking the frogs
in the chimp
that’s what i meant
frog fucking
i can’t find how smart are
fucking chimps
if so he wants to twitter this
while we’re live here so he wants to it is
tell me what the fuck that owl is so i can look it up
because it’s not a
tawny owl it’s something else
coney owl is just a pretty normal looking
owl but i know it’s some kind of fucking freaky owl
that we didn’t know
existed right
throw that shit up on put it son how
crazy is it the chimps figured out how to fuck frogs
and chimps are
super smart chimps smoke
cigarettes man you ever see that no i
haven’t seen that at all chimps
smokes cigarettes you give chimps
cigarettes they like them you see the
video the other day somebody incredible
somebody else of it
somebody dropped a game boy
into a chimp cage in san francisco and there’s like
video and photos of like just chimp just
sitting there playing game boy and like the baby chimp
leg sitting on the
border watching
god they’re like really
really really really really really really
stupid people
yeah but way
stronger way more violent
way more violent
they’re like nine year old we can’t even
understand how
strong they are
apparently like oh a hundred
and fifty pound chimp
is as strong as a five hundred pound man
just try to wrap your head around that
what a five hundred
pound man would feel like
it sounds stupid that there’s no way all depends on
those five hundred
pounds like muscle
or five right
brock lives
what’s the biggest
body shoulder
has there been like a dude all yoked
no fat totally
shredded and four hundred pounds
i’m sure there must be really yeah i
would imagine at this
point but not fat
not powerless i
would imagine there’s somebody that’s doing that
like the biggest bodybuilder ever i’m sure
we can find it will google it
brian google the biggest bodybuilder ever
we’re gonna find this out brian
it’s totally possible
biggest and what is it like
the average
competitive bodybuilder when they’re competing
are they what 5
body fat what’s the average
to be totally ripped
you got to be really good like
5 2 3 3 when
i was when i was doing taekwondo
and when i was cutting weight to make
i was fighting
at 140 pounds
and i really didn’t weigh 140
pounds and i was really
skinny i was very thin
at the time to a very lean low body fat i
was four and a half percent body fat when they told me
like this is getting kind of low like
you know you can’t really get much
lower than that
and be like competitive in anything well one place
those guys steer
those guys don’t do anything though they’re not
you know i’m saying they’re just posing
so they can get really
low like unhealthy low they get to like 3 i think
they’re like
about to pass out on yeah
they do pass out they pass out all the time
those guys are dehydrated as fuck man
it’s like it looks
i mean i’m not into the bodybuilding look it’s a little
ridiculous but you know
as just an aesthetic
just like looking at it like it’s like
like wow look
what that guy’s done with all his work and
sculpted his body it’s kind of fucking
freaky that’s quincy
taylor that was 2009’s
largest one at least
and how much is it
one ten no
doesn’t three hundred
and forty pounds whoa with a five percent body fat whoa
that’s probably
that’s probably the biggest right there
pretty big well bump sap was what was he like 375
it was bob’s
happy to speak
he was about 375 350
but he had a lot of fat
he was never shredded
well he wasn’t and when he first came out and fought
no gear i would not say he had a lot of fat
he wasn’t shredded he had a little bit
but he was so swole
dude do you remember
how big bobsapp was fuck yeah for people who hadn’t
who don’t know what we’re talking
about there was a dude
who fought out of seattle
washington and he only
had a run of only a few years because it was just this
chemically fueled fucking
suicide mission there was no way he
could keep it up
there was no way
no way you could be that big for that many years
how long can you keep that up he was
he was a fucking nightmare for a
while 375 18
months it was a bob zap
gonna take over the
world he was
so big he crushed ernestohus
twice in a kickboxing match
straight kickboxing he beat
ernesto houst
that’s how strong he was
that his sheer
might was enough to bully
houston to a corner and just
smash him he was more feared
than brock lesnar is
today yeah he
was before that car went fight
he was feared and it was cool because he would lose
you know he
would come really close to
smashing guys like no guerra
and then he
would gas out no
guerra got that arm body like
oh shit without
no guerra fight
remember we
watched it here we had a
party here yes
and we were all oh no no no it was we were all at
larry’s house it was
larry’s house
we were watching this shit live
and right when that
started i was just no way
right when he was getting his ass kicked in the
first 45 seconds i’m like no way
no guerra is
gonna win he’s too big
he’s too big
he’s done he’s too big i said that like 50 times
he’s just too big
he’s too big we were
freaking out it was the craziest
fight ever because here
noguerra was the
pride champion at the time
noguerra back then was the number one
heavyweight in the
world nobody had beaten him yet
he was strangling everybody in the jiu jitsu
community fucking
loved him it
was exactly exactly here was this guy was a big
heavyweight 23240
pounds and he was strangling
like high level
wrestlers like mark coleman
off his back
no guerra was the
first big guy
to have a very dangerous
car yeah he
started jacking he was
the first two
and he can take it
he can take it son
nogueira was the
jiu jitsu savior
how about nogueiro crokob
how about that
fight takes it for that
first round takes
it takes it
where’d he brought
took before it was a 10 minute
round bro this is the
pride system is a 10
minute round
wasn’t unusual rules was it that was a regular 10
minute round
right yep and
and nogueira
before no gareth
busted out the
whole like the general consensus in the
mma community was
the guard ain’t shit no
more you can’t you can’t have guys
off your back yeah people still
believe that people believe
that the guard
is dead people actually said that they believe in a
large percentage of the
population did you see the wc
yes dude anthony pettis how
about pettis is that fucking
trying mother
fuck how about
those jackie
chan yes he
touches the ground he’s doing jet
league yeah
yeah in the cage yeah
no he does it’s
effective that a lot of guys don’t like to do it
is that double
roundhouse kick
shogun does that
sometimes you see
me do that that’s crazy
that’s a python don’t move that’s an old school
saying a lot of
styles have it but that’s
always thought to be like really flashy
but it’s kind of high percentage
if you can touch him with the
first kick if you hit the guy with the
first kick the
second kick is
right there i
just most guys don’t want to do that in
mma because they’re
gonna get taken down
god doesn’t give a fuck anthony pet
is is amazing his
fucking guard is so
nasty it’s so quick
like how he
throws up that triangle like every time
shane roller had his harm in their pets
threaten with a triangle
real tight real tight and
shane roller
is no joke no joke
strong as fuck
and shane roller
tested him to he clipped him a couple hard times
and chased him down but
pet has kept his
shit together
just fought
smart didn’t get in any
silly brawls
when he got tagged he moved away
you know it was a
great fight
they didn’t show it on the card
but it was on the
undercard i don’t know why they didn’t show it
hobby vasquez
against the
mackins what
happened i don’t even know what happened dude
hobby vasquez is
gonna tear some
ass i’m telling you so
he’s gonna tear some ass
hobby vasquez
and me grew up
you know in the
southern california
jiu jitsu scene
he was the most feared guy
in my division to my category we were
rivals i went
against him four times
and he beat me all four times
he was amazing
one of those four times i
think i won
you know it’s the
the match and on my dvd
but he technically won on
points but whatever
but anyways
i always knew i knew
explain what do you mean why did you
think you won when he won
well that was the
match where
i pull i pull
guard and he passes my
guard and puts the knee on the belly
so that’s five nothing right away
and then i recovered guard
then i put him
right into the
truck now he’s caught in the twister
you know i was
he was up 5 nothing but
i’m in the truck
so you had him and
for folks who don’t know
when you’re in the
truck when you’re in the twister
you’ve got the guy in a very vulnerable situation
it’s the position it’s like there’s a few positions at
jiu jitsu where you’re in a lot of trouble
when a guy has your back when a guy has your
mount for anybody
doesn’t know jiu jitsu
one of them that’s really
weird is this position called it was
originally the guillotine from wrestling
right yes but
eddie has turned it into a pretty high percentage
submission move for guys who don’t
understand the position
hobby understands the position but
the referees and the rules were not set up to
think that that was a dangerous spot
exactly and
so he’s up five nothing because he passed my
guard and put me on the belt
then i from him passing
he over committed i took
i went put one hook in
how many times does a guy have
to get tapped in that position before they recognize
that that’s a dangerous position for someone to be in
if i’m trying to get
to a position that we call
at 10th planet
jiu jitsu we call the truck
and this is a step
right before you lock a guy up in a twister
how many times do guys
have to get
tapped from that spot before they recognize that or
do you think that if there’s
a lot of old school
shit going on
where they don’t
want to add any new dangerous positions
it takes a lot of time to add the
truck to your game
and to master it
it takes a lot of time
the only way you’re
going to master it
is if for some
personal reason you fall in love with it and you
just attach yourself to it and you just want to do it
or you got to have an instructor
shoving it down your
throat in a in a curriculum
that eventually
you know he
understands is all about
numbers that’s
for someone developing but what i’m talking
about incorporating it into like if you you have a
jiu jitsu competition why are
why do they not recognize that position as
its position
because not enough people are doing it
but still if you
tell if you explain to them what you’re trying to do
it seems like
jujitsu community
should be the they don’t
understand the
position they don’t
understand that’s
silly right
not that many people are doing it it takes
that’s what i was talking about
very few people are good at
right but if i didn’t
spend the time but it’s
commonly acknowledged at this
point that’s a
significant
submission move that’s a real move
everybody knows that
twist is a real move
you know what it’s
starting to get
legit now because katsumura in
japan he just
twisted somebody
and there have been four or five
twisters i think now in m and m i
think everybody’s
kind of acknowledged that it’s a real position
yeah and once you acknowledge that it’s a real position
here’s another one how
about when matt
hughes got ricardo almeida in that schultz
headlock you saw that right
and put him to
sleep we talked about that
now if a guy gets
that now that head and arm if he knows that position
he’s like at a near submission
if he’s like a matt hughes type character that was
never like a near
submission position
that was like a position of control that
front headlock well
there’s a lot
of things you
could do there
front headlock i mean you
could switch
dars in anaconda
yeah there’s a lot of shit there but that’s a new one
but again for that
move to really take off i mean you’re seeing it you’re
smart guy you see it it’s legit
but to get to that
legitimacy personally
with that move is
going to take a lot of practice and
people especially
mma fighters they just don’t have
the time to add to
spend to add new techniques to
their arsenal
cause they’re always
training for yeah they gotta
do kickboxing they
gotta run they
gotta slam tires with
sledgehammers they gotta
roll up hills they
gotta drag logs
all that shit
to add a new
a system to your ground game
you’re gonna have to find some time
and 20 minutes a day
an hour a week maybe
they’re just not doing it that’s all
just yeah i talked to jake
shields about this we had a long interview
for that thing i’m doing for
ufc com it’s a
thing called
ufc ultimate insider
and it’s me
interviewing a lot of guys this week it’s dana
white next week it’s
james tony that one was fucking hilarious
but interviewing jake
shields we talked
about the idea of a
specialist we talked
about the and i said that he you know he’s a specialist
you know anderson
silva’s specialist
crocus specialist
these guys who are really really good at one thing
and then they
start learning the rest of the things
you know and
he said that he believes that that’s the best way to go
what do you
think about that what’s the best way to go to be a
specialist to be awesome at one
thing instead of trying to
learn mixed martial arts
learn jiu jitsu
learn kickboxing
learn wrestling
find one thing get it
all depends
what you want to do i mean
are you trying to
raise a kid
to become an
mma fighter
are you thirty years old
and do you just
wanna do like no no
no no no what what i’m talking
about is what he was talking
about for mma
fighter for mma
because that
he believes that the best way to go is to be a
specialist or something
like he’s like the
level jujutsu that i’m at is what he said
is like you know it’s gonna take
these guys they’re not gonna
reach that level
is basically what you’re saying they were
not with regular
training they’re not
gonna reach that
level so if it turns into a ground game he’s always
gonna be able to dominate them
and you know and with the jake shield
style like jake
shields is a
he’s a powerful fucking dude
if he gets guys down in a
nasty position he can
squash people you know
he’s a powerful
motherfucker the difference between jake
shields and
other wrestlers that we’ve seen come and go
is that he got really good at passing the
guard and getting to the
mount and getting to the back and mastering chokes
he understood that
that’s the way you’re
gonna survive in this
sport you could be a wrestler
and when you know
you’ve been all american
every goddamn year
maybe a champ
every goddamn year if you don’t
learn how to
submit people and pass the
guard you will
never survive
if you don’t
learn how to pass the
guard you will
never survive
if you’re an mma
fighter if you’re not doing
what george st
pierre is doing if
that is the
ultimate game plan
he trains in the ultimate
optimal way
you know if you’re a wrestler
if you’re a
wrestler a college
wrestler and you’re not doing what gsp is doing
after the takedown
you’re never
gonna make it look at you
there’s a school
like a tito or tees
school of thought where
tito just stays in guys guard and
smashes them from
that position and he’s really good at it as far as guys
who are good at beating guys up in the
guard like prime
tito and his
prime he’s one of the very best that
it’s very hard
but if you look at
tito’s a bad
motherfucker but if you look at his
fights he’s not grounded
on anybody in his last he hasn’t
that hasn’t worked well it
doesn’t work well definitely
he’s had some real issues with his health i mean who
knows it’s gonna
be for me back but for me
again what about shao
sun and anderson silva
there’s a perfect example part two or one
the fight yes
that’s a perfect example yeah
lingered in the garden if
kills son and been in the game at least
eight years
if from day one if he would have just
fell in love
with the art of passing
it’s just like the art of takedown
let me propose this just as devil’s advocate what
about guys who say that
a guy’s guard like anderson
said was a very very difficult guard to pass
and chair was pushing a
pretty furious pace
what if he was
thinking that this
would just expand too much energy and worry
about getting caught so he’s not even gonna try to pass
he’s just gonna hold him down try to beat him up
until he finds his opening well if he if
you’re asking what his strategy should have been
at what point and how much
training like if he would actually worked on his
passing and master the passing
and he’s been doing it for five years
if he’s been working and mastering
passing for five years i go dude pass is guard
but if he says i’m
about to fight anderson silva i
haven’t really been working on passing like stay in his
guard if you try to pass you’ll probably fuck up
just if you
could stand half
guard just stay there don’t try
i wouldn’t advise
someone to pass if they
weren’t good at it
right but i mean just for mma
i mean just
for the sake of arguing you get a guy like chelsea
who is this badass
wrestler is a
powerhouse one of the very best guys have
taken dudes down and
beats a lot of guys up like that
first round he stayed inside anderson’s
guard and he beat him up
you know he beat him up from inside there
he worked him over
and he’s really good at that
what if he thinks that he’s
good enough at defending and
he fucked up and made a mistake but he’s good enough at
defending to do that to the very best in the world and
he’s got it down
right now he knows what he’s doing
right now when he
starts adding a bunch of
stuff to it like passing
he’s worried
about you know
maybe this take too much energy i mean just
devil’s advocate
again a five
round fight
again he hasn’t been working on his
this is what i
would do i’d go you know what a rematch is
coming up within six
months you think some
months time
maybe a year whatever it is
whatever it
is well if ever we don’t really know whatever
rematch yeah
well they might they
might not have it okay well
let’s assume
you have to
prepare for it
because he’s out there
people want to see it so you
would say i would
work on passing your guard
if you were
passing a guard
like now and then by the time the
fight happened i
would analyze his passing
and if this passing was
still lacking
within a year i’d go
okay just do the
same shit you did last time we’ll try to pull out so
your thought is that anybody who’s as good as cheryl
sutton is at wrestling
could get that good at
jiu jitsu and be even more dominant
just be a guy who
could if he
could hold you down to your
guard he could really
mount you too he
could really take you back
look what gsp is doing
after the takedown
look what jake
shields is doing
after the takedown
and look what you know even
then there’s
wrestlers that got really good at
passing the
guard got really good at getting to the
mount but they
haven’t really mastered any
submissions yet
and that well
maybe now today yes but so far
sean shirk is one of the best passers in mma
that motherfucker was slicing through
black belt’s
guards he’s a
great passer
he just needs to develop more go to
chokes real simple that
could happen he just got to put the time
and john fitch
same thing john fitch is at
the stage of his development where
he’s getting really good at passing and getting
the back and getting them out
he just needs to keep
going keep working you’re almost there
get two or three moves
put a thousand
reps in each and boom they’re in your pocket it’s
science well i
think he is
doing that i
think he is doing that
development
is getting better at
everything yeah yeah eventually you’re
gonna see john fitch
have one or two really good
submissions that he’s killing people with
and then you’re like damn
it’s coming
along he’s gonna jake
shield is already there he’s gonna be
breaking guys too jake
shield is the furthest
wrestler so far
right now in
mma all the
wrestlers jake
is not only mastered passing
but jake gets to the back beautifully
gets to the
mount beautifully and has some go to shit
his guillotines are badass
he’s got i mean doris from hell he does that
crazy one arm guillotine
where you grab the guy’s chin
and you post out in
front of his head and you pull it up
tito ortiz used that
way back on yuki condo remember that and then jake is
still looking to expand his game because even
at the point
where jake is
the future is
going to be jake standard
after people see it that’s
going to be the standard
and the people that are
going to pop through
are the ones that not only have jake shields
but then they got like
seven eight
other little
transitions that end up in kills too
you know that’s
the future these kids that are
training now like
those ruff o brothers
holy shit those
ruff o’gravory mcdonald’s yeah
there’s a perfect
example there’s a dude who grew up doing mixed
martial arts now
yeah there’s a lot of kids
right now like tori
victor son oh yeah holy shit
holy davila
yeah victor davila the guy
was the he’s my
he does my job for
the spanish broadcast he’s the son coolest fucking guy
he has three sons one of them is
named vanderleigh
he’s the spanish joe rogan
one of them is
named vanderley
his name is victor he’s one of the
greatest guys he’s one of the
greatest guys ever
his sons are awesome they’re just they just worship
mma he’s got
one 10 year old son 30
and then he’s got two
younger sons like
three and four they’re really really young but
before they
could walk they were already
throwing combinations he is raising
three killers and dory
holy shit he’s 10
i’m talking to a 10 year old
and he’s breaking down
other people’s performance and how
like at tournaments he’s
breaking down
other people’s performances
how they missed the electric chair
why the old
school didn’t work
he’s pointing a
chair in old
school or all techniques yeah
yeah and i’m sitting there having
a philosophical
conversation with a 10 year old
he’s very he’s a very good
father and he’s there all the time with his kids and
he’s genuinely enthusiastic
about his kids he takes his son all over the
place he’s a
super fucking cool
human being
he had a great time with that guy
that’s when i got really into mexico
when i got really into all this border violence
when i really really got into it was talking
to him because
when we first met him
victor was living in juarez
which is like the bad town
the bad border town
and he said it was horrifying they have to
drive at night with
their dome light on
so that people
can see inside your car and they know there’s no
enemy in your car
because there’s just all this
drug violence back and forth he said it was terrifying
and it took him a long time to get to the united
states to get to move here
to work for the ufc
he was like working for the
ufc and then
going back to juarez just
fearing for his life yeah like so close
to like the
the perfect fucking gig ever he’s a guy was a huge
mixed martial arts fan well he’s fucked ten
times he’s an
mma fighter a
fighter had a
martial art
school in mexico and he’s rolled it
jim a gang of times
he’s opening up 10th planet in el paso
texas that’s
the spanish
joe rogan is
gonna be the head instructor
10th planet el paso that’s in the works
right now he’s looking for
could not meet a nicer
human being and this guy was living when we met
him he was living in a war zone
essentially
he’s living in the middle of a drug
zone excellent
teacher he translated for me in argentina when i did
a few seminars down there
and we worked together like fucking
abbot and costello
man it was just
fucking perfect i have this that’s awesome you know
cause my spanish
sucks i need
that i would
throw an occasional
spanish here and there but
i don’t wanna go too deep and
sound like an
idiot so i kept it english
but viktor was
right there was like
man we work together like a broadcast team
not stepping over each
other he knew the
the puncture
he would add some
shit that i missed that i was here i’m like damn dude
he’s a bad motherfucker man but his sons
he’s raising some nightmares
yeah but very respectful and very cool they’re not
gonna be thugs they’re just
gonna be little killers
he’s just such a nice guy
and that’s one of the coolest things
about this job working for the ufc
we work with so many cool people man
those road trips are fun as fuck oh yeah
it’s a giant family of like 100 ufc
employees yeah and
everywhere you
go like the
story is i mean
there’s the in the cage everybody sees in the cage
but there’s so much shit going
on and around the
ufc the production and
all the different people that work for
them like when they
argue with each other
i’m online i’m online right now
what the fuck you get your shit together
we going five
i love that shit i love it when the producer
bruce connell
and or the director
anthony jaredona when they
you missed the when
they start fucking with goldie
no when they
start yelling at each
other really it’s hilarious you know they fuck with
goldie sometimes i hear goldie
literally next to me even though he’s pressing
the you know the direct
i can hear his voice yeah
cause you don’t
know you fucking told me i’m fuck i’m here
right now what
the fuck oh yeah
i love those arguments i just sit in the back just
dying of laughter but it’s
everybody’s friendly they’re like they like little
you know wives and husbands
bitching each
other but they love each
other it’s like oh yeah
super super cool relationship
like there’s no one that goes
guys here again
like there’s not one guy like that everyone
super fucking cool the
whole crew is awesome everybody all
those guys in the
production it’s the
greatest traveling road
roadshow ever
i mean we’re like it’s like a carnival
you know it’s like a
traveling carnival now
it used to be a
vegas thing
for the longest time we’re doing most of
yeah man i can’t believe that
i almost walked away from it almost
i’m glad you didn’t
what eddie does if you don’t know is
eddie when the
fights are going on
there’s always like a really important
positional move that we want to show
in the replay
transition transition
setups could be
striking too
cause you do that too
right you don’t just do
no striking
they don’t need me for the
striking i’ll add my two cents on different
angles but they don’t need me
that was the ground
stuff if you
watched like the one that he wasn’t at
was the one
where brock
lesnar fought
shane carwin and the
truck missed
this really important transition
him getting out of the half
guard and going this
is when i quit
i worked for the ufc for
seven years
it’s been wonderful i love everybody dana lorenzo
frank their kids
everybody i love them to
death they are the
greatest motherfuckers on the planet
for doing what they did for
mma in my life
i’ve been working with them for
seven years
you know and then
i thought it was time to move on
and i thought it was time to
leave the production
truck and start
my fire i just wanted to
court you know it’s time
i had guys in the main card and they
started blowing up and i’m like shit
because you got a help
right well we
found a way to let you do both
which is really the
ideal thing because
i quit for one shot
but the play by
the rather the playback
the replays
they were missing like a lot of the
transitions if you don’t
understand jiu
jitsu if you don’t know it
then you’re not
going to be able to pick up what was important
about a series of moves all you’re
going to see is oh here’s the checkmate
but there’s all this shit that’s
going on before the checkmate
and that’s like what makes
mma so interesting
yeah you see
like a guy setting a guy up for something you see a guy
goes for the single and he grabs his leg and this is
where he fucked up he got his arm through
and here he cinches it
and he rolls into
the gator roll whatever the technique you’re looking at
what’s cool is to be able to see
all the steps
especially when it’s a difficult path
to see all the cool steps
the guy had to get through to get
to what the
final submission is
before i started
supervising the replays
if someone got caught in a triangle that’s a
submission move
the replay would be the guy tapping in the triangle
and i just got used to
watching the
ufc i would just rewind it
if you wanted to see the
setup you can’t
wait for the replay you got to rewind it manually
and check out the
setup but when i
started you know
the guys in the
truck they’re awesome guys they just don’t train
jiu jitsu they just
they’re just not
they just don’t
understand yeah
and like other
sports i mean you know like if you’re
watching a boxing
match you really need to see the combination
that finish the guy off that’s what you need to see
yeah well jiu
jitsu it’s like
you’re never sure
where to start it
you know as he
started here
well here’s
where he ends it so let’s just do it a couple
seconds before that and then show the ending
yeah jujitsu
for people who don’t know
it’s one of the most interesting
things to try to
learn and get
good at because it’s one of the most humbling things
where you realize that no matter what you do you’re
never going to know it all it’s impossible
like you can
think you know all the
punches in the world
you can box and
there’s only a certain amount
of ways you can move your hands when you’re hitting
things with your knuckles
there’s a finite number and there’s a
bunch of different combinations
a bunch of different
ways to set people up and to hit people with
things that they’re not expecting
it means no
taking away from the art of boxing
but what jujitsu is it’s so
weird it’s like
there’s so many positions to fuck somebody up
there’s so many ways to
choke somebody to take an arm to
fuck their leg up to
there’s so many different counters
to so many different positions
it’s really
never ending and that
sounds ridiculous when you tell people that it’s
never ending
but there’s always new moves
i’ve been doing
jiu jitsu now
since ninety eight
and there’s
always there shit now
that nobody had then nobody was doing it’s always
changing it’s always
evolving yeah
it really is like
chess it really is like
a game chess
we’re trying to kill each
other it’s like
chess but like the
chess board like
is your buzz
alive and it grew and it
changed and
it always changed and
the shapes and the powers of the different
pieces always
changed and it’s growing in different directions
yeah that’s what jujitsu is like
yeah that’s also it’s like
that makes sense but it
does make sense
cause it’s like
it’s super tactical it’s just
never changes
right it makes
sense yeah you
might always go
with some big
giant wrestler dude you
gotta roll a totally different game
you know you go
against some jeff glover character and you
gotta watch your p’s and q’s then next
thing you’re
going with some
big giant gorilla guy and you kind
of try to figure out how to attack him off your back
totally different moves totally
different people is there new moves in the actual
world of chess
now is there can
anyone’s come up no there’s like certain
there’s right there’s no new moves
and poker there’s no new moves but there’s strategies
i think they probably
they’re they’re creative with
their strategies i
think i don’t know
chess enough to
understand how many different moves there are but i
understand there’s like
thousands if not millions is there different
i just said is there like
newer forms of
chess like it’s like chess
but it’s different and they have different the
pieces have different powers whatever
it’s always the same
it’s different so much
it doesn’t have really a chinese
checkers version of
chess really
or just chinese
super i wonder this chinese
chess times a hundred like it’s
super crazy
super technical and
i watched a video once
where a dude
was in a whole room
he’s that guy that runs that website with
marcella garcia marcel
garcia has that website with that guy josh i forget his
name something fisher
well he was in the
movie searching for
bobby fisher was
based on his life
i forget josh’s last name forgive me
but he’s a brown belt
under marcelo and he’s fanatical
about jiu jitsu
and he talks
about jiu jitsu he was a
chess master
so he talks
about jiu jitsu the same way he talks
about chess
and he was talking
about playing
chess that one time he did a demonstration
where he played 40 fucking games at the same time
there’s all
these people in a room i
think it was 40 forgive me if
i had the wrong number that’s incredible but
a bunch of different
games altogether i believe he said it was 40
and he was wandering around his room playing all
these games like he
would move to the next table
make his move move to the next
table make his move
and he said that all
these things
just kind of flowed together and it all became one
giant big game
so yeah that’s your answer yeah you can
play 40 fucking different people he starts
stacking your
chest that’s a dude who’s taking it to another
level he was talking my
brain just started hurting i just wanted to take a nap
i was listening to him talk
about it i was like i just want to take a nap
i bet that dude has bad breath
i bet he doesn’t
i bet he’s fucking perfect
the guy’s a genius
i bet he brushes
and flosses
he never skips a day
and he’s becoming a jiu
jitsu master now too he’s obsessed with jiu jitsu can i
can i plug is it a
good time to plug my
seminar yeah where’s your child
my next seminar is in rochester it’s
gonna be a ten planet rochester the name of the
mma academies empire
september 18th saturday
september 18th my new websites
up and running 10th planetjj com
free techniques
till october 1st all the techniques for free the
whole world can have them
everything that’s on the website
so that’s till
october 1st
that’s about it for me
this website
or this podcast is always a strange podcast
where people don’t know anything about
mma or jiu jitsu and
we get into these
conversations like the ham sandwich in the
truck and the douchebag
these are all
jiu jitsu moves one of the funniest things
about you know
training at 10th planet is all the moves are
almost all of them are ridiculously named
i mean some of them make
sense you know
but we have quite a few ridiculous yeah
some names that i’m in
control like i’m i
anytime someone says that i’m like damn it
well there’s
crackhead control which has come up in the wec
frank mere how to call it crackhead
control did he
yeah he called it he
said this is what
eddie bravo
refers to as crackhead control
why is crackhead control so bad of a name well how
about when i said rape
choke when i said that’s way
worse everybody got upset
but that’s what it is
yeah why is anything
upsetting if that’s what it is
with crackhead control the reason why we call it the
crackhead control is the idea was that
it’s a very
good position from the bottom we got the guy tied up
good and proper
and that was
it’s a good
position that you’d want to be in if there was a
crazy crackhead trying to beat
the fuck out of you because when you lock him up in
crackhead control he really
doesn’t have any options to beat
on he can’t move he’s
completely helpless so that’s why i was
crackhead he’s tied up tight
so we call it
crackhead control
and then this retard control
if the crackhead control ain’t working right
retard control
and crackhead control probably around the same equal
it’s equal we used to
think that retard was better because of a gable
grip hmm maybe
you know what i
should test
i should test there’s a move that’s
gonna get done
in the octagon eventually called the douchebag and it’s
one of the best ways to take a guy’s arm when you’re
in what we call the spider web when you’re in the
when you’re in side
mount on a guy
and you’re trying to attack his arm
and you got an arm and you’re
lying on your back and he’s
on his back and you can’t get his arm straightened out
there’s this awesome move called the douchebag
where you take your foot
you stick it in the dude’s face like
a douchebag
right is not
on his neck and then you pop it out and it works
great and eventually
we’re gonna figure it out
super hype and
we were gonna see a douchebag in mma
and you know it before it wherever these
and happens i’m
gonna have to say this is i’m
sorry ladies and gentlemen
i’m your kids
this is called the douchebag
and that’s what it is it’s
funny that a douchebag is a bad word that’s hilarious
is it well it’s
kind of unpleasant
considering
china cleansing device
once i clean
someone’s old
yeah it offends
women douche
commercials
right i think it offends some women
some women just don’t want you talking
about vaginas period
dudes are very rarely
upset when chicks are talking
about dicks and dick products and
even if you’re making fun of the
size of dicks
dudes don’t get upset
but any conversation that a man has
about a woman’s vagina it better
either be technical he better be the father of her
children or
you know i’m saying
like you can’t just talk
about chicks pussies
so you call a douchebag that’s something that
cleans out a pussy
that’s a fucking terrible insult
don’t talk about my
emptiness shh
be quiet all of vagina is just
empty there’s no sack there’s no ball there’s a hole
empty that’s a terrible way to look at it
emptiness no it’s
enveloping it’s just love
covering your cock
nothing it’s not nothing it’s getting rid of the
nothing it’s closing in on the deck
it’s not nothing that’s a very significant
thing it’s a trapeze that space
it’s like a
venus flytra
there will be no
space once the
union is made that’s why
a girl with an excellent
pussy is always
gonna need a deck to
that was beautiful i
did thank have you ever put a balloon
like definitely
he’s definitely
standing up for women like
i represented the fucking scumbags yo bro it’s not
empty brother
it’s not empty it’s a beautiful thing
now like fake
poultry on you
it looks like it’s
empty but really it was
everything my
grandmother raised me and she’s
basically my best friend
and i just fucking can’t see you talk
about women like that man
not while she’s still
alive that was a move that dudes would do
where they would
stand up for
women just to be a cunt
when it didn’t make any
sense there was one time
where i was at a bar with a couple
comics and this one dude who wasn’t very
funny but he was very
self righteous
these girls were
drunk as fuck and they were just being really loud and
obnoxious at the comedy show and then they decided to
drive home and i’m like oh check out
these fucking pigs that’s what i said you know that’s
what i felt i felt like they were pigs there were loud
angry mean chicks heckling at the comedy
show and then they were getting in a car to drive home
the guys like hey man
i don’t wanna be around you if you
wanna talk about
women like that
what are you talking
about i’m not talking about
women in general
i’m talking
about these
three shitty
human beings that have been yelling and they’re
drunk as fuck now they’re
gonna drive and
maybe slam into a fucking family
and you know blow a car up they were heckling and you
smashed them
oh yeah well
i don’t remember if i
smashed them
cause these are the
early days of my heckling
my heckling
skills were not that good back then dude
this is 1991
90 91 i’d only been
doing comedy a couple of years what do you personally
think about
cheryl sunns
ability to talk shit
fucking unprecedented
really i’ve never seen
a professional athlete talk as much shit get me to
laugh as much
jails on and made me
laugh more than ninety percent of the comedians i know
when he would
start talking shit
how about when fucking jim rome
jail son says that he
thinks that
lance armstrong
took drugs and he
cheated and you know he
took steroids and that’s why he lost the ball to cancer
so he realizes
after he said that he’s probably
should have said that he’s saying all kinds of
crazy shit to get attention and it’s a fucking
genius ploy
i mean the guy’s a
smart dude right
he’s running
he runs for office as a republican
he says crazy shit like you know i’m a republican
and i don’t lie on my back when a man between my legs
like he says
crazy shit like that and it’s funny
so anyway he says all this shit
about lance armstrong
and then he realizes fuck what do i do what do i do
so he brainstorms and says i’m just
gonna deny it
so he gets on jim rome show he goes i did not say that
lance armstrong and i i’ve
known lance i
worked out with
lance at the nike
training facility
and somebody
plays him for the fucking tape
and she also
goes maybe i have a bad
connection but that
doesn’t sound like me that fella
sounded hispanic
fucking hilarious
he’s a crusher
dude when he when he gets up and does
those question and answer things
nobody’s better than him he’s got prepared material
he’s good wow he’s a fucking
genius man he’s the best shit talker ever if he won
god damn that guy would be rich as fuck
that guy as the ufc middleweight champion
would be the richest the biggest
draw in all of mma
because no one could talk shit like him
brock lesnar is always gonna be the biggest
he’s just fucking larger than life monster character
but chill center would be right up there
with all those sarah palin douchebags all those fucking
crazy tea party assholes you think he’s a
i would hate it
if i had to go into a shit
talking contest with hail son and i was like damn this
might get ugly
this guy got a battle
i got a battle
like wow this
would be on
i don’t know man i
wouldn’t like it i don’t like it that’s a
tough fight
i would like
it is there a
sport like that
where you just talk shit
on someone like you just come at em you just contact
your mom can’t hurt someone
you can’t hurt someone who knows themselves
like real shit like talking like a yo mama show
but you really got into
what shit talking really
is is calling somebody out on something or getting
somebody on some shit that they’re not addressing
but if you’re addressing
everything and you’re honest it’s
very hard to talk shit on someone who’s pretty honest
about themselves
cause you talk shit on
like a good comic
talk shit on a doug stanhope
or something like that doug will tell you what’s
wrong with him
a hundred times
worse than you
could ever tell him what’s
wrong with you and then
he’ll fuck with you
like if you pick on
doug doug will go you know
about being an alcoholic
doug will go
deep into how fucking
crazy he is deep into what’s
wrong with being an outclog
deep into how weak
he feels when he takes that six beer of the morning
he’ll go deep into it and then
will turn on you
you’re fucked because he just took away you’re not
going to say anything better than what he said
about himself
and then he’s
going to shred you
because he’s 100 times
smarter than you and he’s done this
every day of his life for the last 20 years
it’s really like doing
jiu jitsu against a
white belt it’s
like ever take a
break i don’t
think he’s a
monster doug
yeah he takes little breaks
he goes to bisbee
he’s been talking
about moving to austin
texas we’re talking
about doug stanhope
fantastic comedian and
a good friend
of mine and we were co hosts on one of the
worst shows on
television the
second version of the man show
a couple haters on the internet
were on a thread
about my website or something like that
and one guy comes on and says
why don’t you post
his match with leo vera
to watch a real ass
whipping or something like that
how come he
doesn’t post that oh this is your
match with leo
vera yeah and i’m like dude
why don’t you
check out the
intro to my dvd
i showed me getting fucked up i put it on my
intro dude why don’t you
watch that that’s
funny how many people do that
maybe um is
draco lino speaking of
which is fighting tonight he’s on the
strike force oh shit
yeah he’s making a comeback how old is that dude
you know what i didn’t even know i
heard about the rakulin oh
my whole like
my whole jiu
jitsu career i was on
stage someone
nice like forty two
he’s not that old okay
how old john
chuck yeah i
guess john talks
about forty two as well
it’s cool seeing all
these old school
jiu jitsu guys it’s cool seeing all
these good guys and oh and you know what
who the fuck there’s another
fight that just
got announced that it’s a fucking awesome
fight efrain
escadera is
fighting that
that sick jujitsu kid
who’s that kid who just fought recently on versus
the brazilian really young kid 20 years old hot
i don’t know
who this is
what some of
you fucks out there in la
la lands you know who it is put that shit up on twitter
i don’t know what the guy’s name was but anyways
gonna fight a
frame in austin
texas ufc spike
night austin
yeah there’s a couple new brazilians coming out
on the prelims that people don’t get to watch
generally sometimes they
throw them up but
i think i know you’re talking
about there’s a couple yeah
lightweight brazilians that
that are on fire
right now i forget
their names though
yeah i forget the dude’s name i
think one is like
like charles
only that it’s
right yes charles
only that is it that
dude okay that’s exactly the kid we’re talking about
and he submitted who the hell do you
submit i forget
god was good though
he locked him up
quick anyway
dude i’m the
worst fucking
the worst with there’s
so many different names or so many different dudes
i want to give a
quick shout out to matt horowitz for
choking out
tyler’s lateos last week for
those of you who missed it it was
the biggest win of his career
nobody deserves it more than
matt he works harder than anybody i know and he has
you know no one has an open mind like
matt horowitz so
i love you man
if you don’t know who matt horwich is my horwich
is one of the
weirdest guys ever that’s fighting
and he was in the
ufc for a bit
and lost a couple of squeaky
close decisions
got the boot but he’s just the strangest
coolest nicest friendliest guy
and every time you talk
to him is like well the universe is a beautiful place
and stars and
galaxies are all connected together and one
timely pulse all
bring us closer to love
and to the future
yeah and you’re like okay
all right man
like but he believes it like he said
shit like that like that’s really what’s on his mind
the universe is a beautiful thing
fucking who
has less ego than that
guy no one he has zero ego and his ground i mean his
stand up needs a lot of work
still but his
wrestling and his
jiu jitsu especially
is looking dangerous
thing to do
what he did tal’isalatus not just to
catch him and take his back and strangle him but
to put him in bad positions over and over
again and survive when he was in that arm triangle
he had his back a couple times he had him
in jew claw
he did great i think
talus latex
did not expect him to be that good on the ground
i think he underestimated how good his ground game is i
think he looked at some other
fights and he thought he was
going to be able to stalemate with him in the ground
but you know harwich
just attacks he attacks
his fucking
guard looks so good man
when he went to that hit
the hazelet
which is the move off the
oma plaza which is a
shoulder lock
rolling with him is
amazing he calls out
like in every position he’ll call out and we’ll talk
about what’s
going on in the position
what he should do
and what i’m
gonna do well
right now he’s got me in
crackhead control
he’s trying to get my hand to the
mat oh the zombie worked
and now he’s probably
going to try to
clear my neck and get me into
invisible call i
should probably keep my posture up
i mean he’ll
narrate the whole role
it’s incredible
yeah he’s a
he does that all the time i want to give a
shout out to the frog
mouth ow the frog
mouth did you find it
yes the papawn
frog mouth is that what it’s called yeah
did you get a
picture of it p a p u a n
p a p u a n
this is what we’re talking
about early in the show
ladies and gentlemen
this fucking mexican witch
p u what p a p
u a n frog mouth
so if i can give a shout out to tyrone
what does that mean
tyrone oh well there’s the thing okay it
doesn’t really look like that no not really
i mean it looks weird but it doesn’t look nearly as
weird as the one that was in that video look
this just looks like a fucked up looking owl
maybe the one was just an extreme version
of yeah it’s kind of like i don’t know if you saw that
picture that’s
floating around
right now of a pig
that looks like the face is like
gotten in a car accident
but that’s actually what the face looks like it looks
speaking a car accident
heidi montage
plastic surgeon
died this week
because he was twittering
about his dog and he fell off a
cliff that was his last twitter
his last twitter
that was his last twitter
right before he fell off the
cliff yeah he was on top
of a mountain with his dog and he took this photo of
his dog like overlooking this
sweet like hill on pch
and then that was his last twitter
and then he
something happened
where he fell off the
side of the road probably involving a cell phone but
well how do you know
that it wasn’t everyone saying that he was twittering
right when the
crash happened
which most likely
he was twittering and fell
off the cliff
just fall off
exactly the
exact what was moments before he twittered
and then they
showed that so you say no what are you saying
i don’t think he was twittering
while he’s driving as i was fuck
yeah he was what are you talking
about what other explanation do you have for the guy
i’m driving off a cliff
you’re so crazy
brian you just
argued that you don’t even have any evidence
of course he was
doing that what’s your evidence
the guy was
twittering he
drove off a
cliff that’s
the evidence is he twittered when he was in his car
right that means
he was driving and twittering for sure okay
if you’re in your car
and that’s when the twitter goes off and it’s
right before you crash
but he’s saying
he’s saying how do you
prove that the twitter
wasn’t right before he got
that’s what the
news article said
no no i know no so so the
proof is he
drove off the cliff
that’s the proof the
proof is he was
and then moments
earlier he was
put that together like
even if the twitter
making the twitter didn’t
cause him to
drive off the
cliff the type of person
that would be in his fucking car twittering
about his dog
that type of person is not paying attention
and if it’s not that it’s
gonna be something else it’s
gonna be him
trying to make a
phone call or him getting a
phone call or him
changing the station or him
looking for something on the navigation
system he’s a fucking idiot
or he was damn
you have a lot
of hatred for this guy that died that just
might have been
twitter makes me
crazy when i
see people texting and twittering when they’re driving
it drives me nuts
some fucking lady did this
when she was working for one of the improvs and she
was taking me to the publicity she was a very nice lady
and in the middle of fucking the highway
this bitch starts
steering with her knees
two hands on
the texting
i go hey hey hey you gotta stop
like you can’t do it shows i’m really good at this
like the fuck you are
the fuck you really good at this like stop
pull over get me out of the car
there’s no way
you’re not paying attention
that’s nuts
you’re gonna have two hands
off the fucking
steering wheel
you’re gonna be
steering with your knees
while you do this
yeah you know
she’s just touching it with her knuckles
like kind of like
sort of steering like this if you’re gonna test
while you drive you
gotta do it with one hand
come on what the fuck you thinking
you know what i’ll be honest with you man
i’ll be honest with you
i i text through
fucking maholand dude
stop i turn that
man through
going through my
hole and stoned
as fuck stop doing that no
no i’m just listen
to what you
gotta do man that’s what you
gotta do that’s what i do
when i get in my car
i throw my fucking
phone in the seat
i don’t even look at that shit
and if it rings it goes through the boot
system if it rings
i can press a button and talk to somebody
but i don’t fuck with
it in la it’s way
different though
in la it’s way different
the reason you’re like this
probably is because you were
you did it there were times that you did do it
and you fucking looked up and you were on the
other side of
the fucking road
no i’ve never done that
but no never
got to those
points no no i’ve
never done that but
there’s what
i don’t like the
temptation to do it because when i’m at home
and my phone is just sitting there i want to
check twitter
but i’ll find myself
checking twitter
there’s a million
things that i
should be doing
but because i have the access to it and because it’s
right there
it’s very hard to
avoid for me i’m very indulgent like that
so i don’t want
to be in my car like looking through twitter
i know me i
would do it
i would start
replying to people in
ohio though the driving was so boring that you
could read a book
seriously you never
do that because anything can happen i try to tie
some red lights red
lights boom up 12
you can get one out of the red
light that’s
totally off the record as long
as long as you’re not doing it
while you’re actually driving
trying to finish the last
three words
just the last
three words we’re
almost there almost there and then you’re driving dude
it’s it’s very dangerous they
gotta have voice
activated they do
that’s the future
they do the android the new android
system apparently
it works not just for that it works for
navigation works for a
bunch of different
things you can
write notes to yourself
iphone’s gonna handle that shit
maybe well you know what
iphone does a lot of cool shit
that i like i like the fact that you can record notes
the little recording
icon what is it called can i see your notes
the one that’s on the
front page record
voice memos
is that what it is
voice memos
and that shit that’s what it is and
voice memos keys up to your computer so i record shows
and then all i have to do is
stick it into my computer or if i have an idea
i record it on that i
stick it into my computer and i have a record of it
and then i back it up with mobile
me it’s like you can’t fucking make a cd really quick
it’s the convenient
you could have if you wanted to
yeah i mean if you
want to make a really shitty cd and release it for free
no no no cd
for the car
you know you
could drive around and listen to it
unless you got it all yeah
three dollars no
apple does a lot of cool shit
but this google android man
those fucking
things are coming
close man they’ve got a lot of cool new features that
apple doesn’t have yet
does iphone or
apple do they make like a
like a badass car
system that
is no how cool
would that be
an apple car
stereo dude that
would be the shit
well you kind
of already have one it’s called the iphone you know
i didn’t use that the same way
you don’t can’t just
the sound i mean
you can can’t just
tell it like
my lexus i can just
press a button and tell it
where i want to go
i could say you know
irvine well yeah
using gps software on the iphone i have
navigon where you
has like you know but you have to
touch your phone
off just touch a button on the
steering wheel
if we could get it so that
everything was
voice operated
and you didn’t have to take your hand off
the steering
wheel ever that
would be the move the problem with
the iphone is
you gotta fuck around with this little tiny device and
focus on this little
that’s right in
front of you as opposed to
this whole world that’s
headed towards you going 70
miles an hour
that’s what fucks you up
about driving and texting
you focus on this little
thing and then
every time you
look up you have to regain all your bearings
the crazy thing is that
we’ve accepted
talking while we’re driving with
if you got a headset or you got a
system like yours
we’re allowing that
as long as you got your eyes on the road
you can talk because then they
would have to outlaw talking to the guy sitting shotgun
right like you can’t talk in the car
and the worst can
imagine that if you
couldn’t talk in your car the words are too dangerous
when you have it over your loud
stereo systems it’s like you’re in the
world of listening
like so if they’re downtown and it’s like busy singing
you wouldn’t be allowed to sing to a song
i listen to people and i talk to people on my
phone all the time through the
stereo system i don’t
think it’s any different than me having
a person in the car that i’m having a conversation with
what about why
would it be what
about outlawing playing drums on your
steering wheel
who doesn’t do that
right they’re
gonna have to outlaw that shit
right you’re not
fully controlled of vehicle a
cop can pull you over your fucking
listening to
some rock you only have to have two hands on the
steering wheel
right you don’t even have to have two hands
you don’t have
to be ten and two you have to be seatbelt and that’s
about it really yeah i
never really knew that i mean they assume that you’re
gonna control the
vehicle but i don’t
think that you have to control in any
particular way
if you want to get
fruity and have like a little ring that you
stick your finger through and
drive around town like this you can’t wear
shades while you
drive what if they say do you remember the
thing called the suicide
wheel do you remember
thing called the suicide wheel
when i was a kid well
a couple dudes who had hot rods had a little
thing called a suicide wheel
and what it was is like a little tiny wheel
that was on the
steering wheel
and you would
steer with this little tiny
wheel but that
wheel spun itself
so like you this fucking car
would spin all over the
place holding on to this thing
they call it a suicide wheel
that’s crazy
i think that’s a cholo
thing no no
hot rod steering
wheels when i was a kid
you know the little chain
all any of my friends want
wanted was one of
those fucking
stupid old american
hot rods that’s all anybody wanted all my old cars my
first cars my
first car was a 1973 chevelle
and then i had a 68 442
and then i had a
buick skylark and i had a chevelle
all and a barracuda all
my cars were like old hot rods
hey you know all of a
sudden i think them
chain steering walls with the fucking dude
they were dope
those old cars man
they suck like my barracuda
sucks driving it
they handle like shit
they’re totally dangerous
they don’t break as well as rare cars they’re
super super
heavy you know
it’s like a really
antiquated sort of a way of constructing a car but
but there’s something
about it man
there’s something
about those cars do rappers
bling out their
steering wheel ever
oh yeah they
put diamonds
on their steering
wheel they do all
kinds do that
on the steering
wheel man that you
watch tvs on their
watch mtv cribs
no dudes has
steering wheels on
their fucking
with a big like
seven inch screen
where they’re watching
videos on their
steering wheel
illegal now
you driving around some
other joint watching scarface on your fucking
steering wheel assholes
i think it’s bad that eddie bravos texted
this motherfuckers
watching scarface for the one billionth time
those like the best episode of curb my enthusiasm
when crazy eyes killer
remember when larry david met crazy eyes killer
and he had him over the house is
explained his floor
is my floor is made out of some some floor shit
so i’m just playing with a big flat
screen play scarface twenty five
like twenty four seven
have you ever seen the one
where he gets caught with a hooker
and weed in the car no
oh that’s the best one i
saw that one that’s
old that’s a good one
the old ones the best ones
because a genius
it’s not that many dudes like that
just it’s so hard to get really good at making
those kind of comedies
you know it’s like
every time there’s a new sitcom it’s out she’s
i want to give it a shot i want to give him a chance
but how many people are good at that you know
so hard especially on regular tv it’s so hard
to do anything controversial on regular tv now have you
heard bait car
what is that the new show bait car
bait car yeah it’s where they
spell it b ait
c a r yeah it’s
where they take a car
and they set it up they’ve done it in like cops before
where they take it and set it up and then
these people go to
steal it and
everything locks you know what
i saw it’s not
that good it
sounds great it’s
a great pitch but
they can’t um
they don’t want to go on high speed
chases so what they do is they just turn off the car
yeah but that’s kind of cool you
know just be
trapped in cars i like that though
i don’t want high
speed chase yeah
slamming into some fucking kids i want a high
speed chase man
you know what i t
bone middle
because it’s i t i t
watched one i go i erased all that shit i go this is
boring all you
ever tivo steven seagal lawman
no oh you fucked
up it off the air yes you got to get that on
dvd or get it on itunes i’ll get it you got to get it
you got to get it it’s g man seagal
he’s a real cop
steven seagal is a cop
it’s incredible
now what do you think
what do you think
about anderson
silva walking out steven i think as
it was awesome
do you think
that was kind of like it was a cop
like a funny
thing if it was he will
never tell you
he would never admit it
but or is he a
real like a genuine fan of
when i went to interview anderson silva
at blackhouse
anderson silva
i’m not bullshitting
for half an hour was in character as helio gracie
for half an hour i would love
to and they said that he had done it for the last two
hours and he was yelling
jiu jitsu jiu
jitsu is my life
boss wigwad
and he starts talking in portuguese
all these different
things yelling out and he’s doing it no bullshit for
thirty fucking straight minutes
he’s a joker man
he thinks everything is
funny that guy is always playing around so what do you
think steven seagal thought
you thought he was like damn was he
honored like shit he really wants me
i really think that
anastasil has
taken notes why steven
seagal’s telling him how to kick people in the knees
that’s the dumbest
thing in the
world the animus zilba may very well be the
greatest fighter that has ever
graced the face of the planet
there may not be another guy ever that has ever lived
that is on that guy’s
skill level and that’s no bullshit
that’s some real shit
are you really
think he wants to listen stevens to go
tell him to
twist wrist and shit
that’s crazy shit it’s
someone’s gotta walk out with fucking gently
right it’s funny
but i think he probably respects him as a martial
artist maybe
look people can tell you all kinds of
things and they
might be retarded they
might be half
crazy but every
now and then they’ll say something that you can use
you know every now and then
i’ve had a lot
of dumb people say some really useful shit to me
and i just it’s like
a matter of being able to cherry pick that out of the
out of the other
diarrhea they’re spewing
man with all the
crazy techniques that are being proven
that were once thought of as jokes like we were talking
about before
all the weird shit
at first we
never thought that head kicks
would ever work and then you know
marco who was
oh no no marcos was the leg kicks
no i thought leg kicks
would work marco will
ask him prove that
now everyone leg kicks judo there’s no judo before carl
and then there was no
there was no
head was judo i
was the first guy to head
kick everyone at one
point we thought head kicks
would never work
and they would
never work in real
fights like that was all for the
movies no one kicked anybody in the head
that you’re
gonna get taken down
their low percentage
now people are
not getting on yeah there’s a
bunch of different
things and then
the balls the new one is the
kakuda kakuda
kicking with a
front kick we thought
those kicks were jokes like a few years ago and now
we never did because
semi schilt has been taking guys out with that in k1
forever and
i think most people looked at
the fact that he was so tall
like that’s why they were mmm
that’s what i thought i go you know what
he’s so tall
he’s making
these weird kicks work he’s just
gonna poke people i didn’t
quite think that i thought it was real
cause he uses it on high
level guys well most
people thought
bother hari with that
most people
thought those
traditional karate
kicks were a joke
you know there’s
a thread where
people with
fighters only
magazine said that he’s
gonna come back to the
ufc he’s talking
about yeah yeah
i read that i don’t
know if you make
265 and then the latest
huge now you know
that we’ve had turning sidekicks proven turning
like kang lee he’s proving the turning sidekicks are
legit after other
people have done it too but now it’s totally legit
now you got
anthony pettis doing the fucking jackie chan
kicks yeah that
crazy kick that he did he
leaned down
literally where he was like
touching the ground and kicked like a
split over his head
and fucking caught
shane roller it
was one of the craziest kicks i’ve ever seen so i mean
who the fuck knows
maybe let a keto
grab your fucking hand and
twist it and dude flips a keto shit
does that have a chance
people are practicing if there’s people
maybe if you got a guy who is like a real good
wrestler with a real good base who really
understood a keto and
you let him grab a hold of you yeah i bet he
could do it it’s just not that high percentage
grabbing wrist and
twisting them
and flipping people by twisting
is that possible
why not man look if they can do it in a demonstration
if a body can physically move that way in the
right scenario with the
right dude who’s the
right amount of
skill and strength and he pulls it off in the
right dude who’s not suspecting it
and gets caught
and goes with it yeah it can happen anything can happen
do you think we’re
gonna see it in the next couple years
probably not
i think we’ll see some wing chung some fucking
chain fists
some i think
wing chung from the mount
could work like
some trapping hands from the mount
back this from the
mount we really
haven’t seen that because remember
in the mount
everybody punched the same way
back in the day
they punched
with hooks like just
this sloppy hook
wing chung actually makes
sense to practice from the
mount because it’s all that little
close hand fighting
and you can’t move and bob and
weave like you can in boxing you’re really kind of
stuck in a rigid position
while you’re jacking a guy
so it really probably is
maybe the art for it
if a guy was a really badass
wing chun guy
and he got awesome at
jiu jitsu and developed a sick mount
you probably that’s what i’m talking
about wing chung
from the mount
trapping hands for
the mount might work
what if you look
they were like lost records
and that’s what wing chung was for just people just
started doing it
standing it’s
never gonna work
standing if you
imagine we see some dude
mount somebody and just fucking
do one of these they’re
hammer fisting remember then the hammer fist came in
so people were
starting to hammer fist from the
mount no one
did that before
hammer fists to the jaws put people out left and
right all over the place
this jumping hammer fist on a guy that just got
knocked out
those are the deadliest ones
this is something that you tweeted me
about the other day
that i wanted to talk about
you watched that
brian gumble
thing on brain damage oh my god
whoa i didn’t realize how common
brain damage is
the crazy thing is you expect it
from football players because
getting a concussion in football is
totally normal
they you know like steve
young had like five or six concussions
you know troy
aikman they finally
go because they have too many fucking concussions
they go like mma
fighters do
quarterbacks like how many more times can this guy get
knocked out
and then they finally just can’t do it no more
you know and
when they get
knocked out too it’s like they got hit by a bus
yeah but now they just proven this is the
brian gobble thing
they just proved
you would think that you know there’s a lot of
these a lot of football players they end up
losing all their
they get end up
going through a slow paralysis and
it’s the slowest
death sentence ever
steve smith used
to be the running back for the raiders i remember him
he can’t move at all
he stares at a computer and
spells out words
it was amazing
you got a tivo it’s
bryant gumble’s real sports
they finally found
proof of why this is happening
cause every time you get
jacked in the
brain or get
knocked out
there’s some
toxic proteins that form
on your brain and if they leak into your spine
you’re fucked
it’s like lou gehrig’s disease it’s the same
thing i think it’s a a
ls or something like that yeah you
would tell us
you would tell me that lou gehrig
had so you’re
thinking like it
doesn’t make
sense lou gehrig played baseball
like he’s not playing football it’s the most gentle
sport ever but it turns out
that he had
he got knocked out brutally
six different times they reported it in newspapers
brutal concussions
where he got beamed by
fastballs slid into
second base and collided heads with the
other guy where he’s
knocked out for five minutes
they needed
smelling salts to wake him up
six different times
and he never took a day off
you know everyone talk
about they always talk
about his streak
the luke eric
streak where he played like
over 2 000 games straight so
he would come
back from the concussion always play the next game
he never took any time off
so that’s why he died of what he died
he had some protein toxin
stuff i could be
i don’t remember to why a
lot of people get it by the way who’ve
never had we
should just clarify people who’ve
never had impact like stephen
hawking’s stephen
hawking’s has lgbt
and obviously
nobody fucking beat the shit out of that dude
you never know
maybe as a kid he got
smacked around
maybe you dumb
motherfucker
you dumb motherfucker imagine that
smart guy world
you ain’t smart you
think you’re fucking smart
the fuck shut the fuck
up steven go to your room before i beat your ass with
those fucking science books
i will beat
your ass if you read another fucking physics book
he probably got his ass beat
knocked out steven
steve i don’t
think that probably happened
i’m just gonna
state my opinion
you think it did
brian yeah have you ever been
knocked unconscious
no never well
check this out soccer players
from the collisions with like 60 mile an hour balls
they’re hitting him with
their head all the time
soccer players go down left and
right from the shoot
they go through a slow process
with a certain death
there’s no way you can
yeah well what people
need to realize is it’s not even concussions it’s just
repeated blows to the head jarring blows to the head
and the crazy
thing is check
out this coincidence
and how common it really is
there’s this football player who had
the diseases
slowly dying
his best friend
was a boxer a
great white hope boxer that fought all the
greats larry
holmes george ford
joe i forget this guy’s name he had a mustache
famous white boxer that got
knocked out from canada
yes george of all
yes that guy
is best friends is football player
you know he
watched them he fucking
watched him go through the chimney
still not dead
but now he finally can’t move nothing slowly
no no he died
and as soon as he died
this motherfucker gets it
the boxer has it now
yeah he can walk slowly he’s
still walking and
he’s slowly
losing control
of his muscles
that’s crazy
you know they really
need to take that into consideration when it comes to
mma and boxers
mma fighters you know we don’t we
haven’t seen that happen yet we
haven’t seen
the one case of a guy getting really fucked up
but if if people keep
fighting it’s
gonna keep happening there’s no way to
avoid it in
boxing and boxing they get hit so hard in the head
it they just die on the way
after the fight
on the way to the hospital they don’t even go through
lou gehrig’s disease
they just die way
quicker well you actually know what i
mean it’s way worse
actually no they’re unrelated
it’s a different type of ailment when you
the problem with
these guys that are dying is
almost all of them are cutting weight
no but what i’m saying is i’m not saying it’s the same
thing i’m just saying it’s totally different but it’s
worse than the slow
death cause they just
whatever it is from cutting weight and all that shit
that means you die
over the fight no
some guys get the slow
death but the guys get the slow
death aren’t
it’s a different
sort of a damage joe
mcclellan yeah
mcclellan cut what
about that yeah
mcclellan cut
a nasty amount of weight
clown was like
famous for being like one of the biggest guys i
think he was
fighting one
seventy five
right one seventy five
and he was so he was a cronk guy there was this
fight with nigel ben yeah nigel ben he hit nigel
ben with everything but the
kitchen sink but nigel
ben wouldn’t go away
nigel ben there he’s an english
black guy with the
jerry curl remember that’s it
is jerry curls with his
dreadlocks what
no no he didn’t have
dreadlocks it may have just been the
sweat and it looked like a jerry curl
but it looked like he was
fighting with a jerry
didn’t mitch
blood green
fight with a
jerry curl i
think yes i
think he fought
tyson with jerry curls
those are old
school man remember with uh
they had to make that shitty
legal though
right jerry
curls getting in everyone’s eyes
well it’s greasy
isn’t it yeah oh yeah man
yeah that stuff is really nasty
hey eddie have you ever straighten your hair with like
conditioner or straightening
black person hair straightening shit
it’s craziness
i just blow
dried straight
i think it’s dreads bro
i need a yeah
he’s got like dreads
he’s just got like some
crazy natty hair
is that nigel ben yeah
he was a bad
motherfucker
yeah you’re
right it was
dreads he got
knocked down like
shit like he
twice in the
first round
the first round was a war
watch nigel band gerald
mcclellan watch that fucking that’s the the
fight that changed roy
jones style
a lot of people think roy
jones like saw that
fight was like fuck getting hurt
you know watch his
friend get all fucked up this is the guy who’s gonna
fight eventually that was like a
super fight that was being talked about
you know who do you
think had the best defense ever in boxing
pernow whitaker no hopkins
higher than pernelle
witteker yeah i
think hopkins has the best defense
but brunel whitaker
could stand in
front of guys yeah and he
could you know
he could keep from getting hit but
you know what
roll with guys but
he wasn’t doing that to a guy like hopkins
you know what i like
about what i like
about hopkins is hopkins
doesn’t take any
stupid chances
you know a lot of guys
think that certain
styles are boring
you know like
like some people you
know think that
you know like
like the john fitch
style like john
fitch wins ugly takes guys down beats them out
pounds on them
but sometimes it goes to decision
but i think that’s
still beautiful
that guy’s imposing his shit on that guy
and what i like
about a guy like hopkins
he shuts everybody else’s bullshit down
hardly ever gets hit
stands right in
front of you and if you’re like a feliz
trinidad that opens up too much on him he’ll
break you he’ll
break you to
knock you the fuck out
and if you tighten up like roy
jones okay you’ll get the decision
but that guy just beat you you
know and he does that to everybody i like john fitch
but i like him a lot more once he gets really good with
submissions
i’m gonna be a
giant look who’s
fighting though he’s
fighting monsters she fought
tiago alves
tiago is so fucking hard to finish he’s so big and
strong and powerful
you know just even hold that
motherfucker down it’s getting like near impossible
if he didn’t come in overweight and look so fucking
drawn out you know who not this guy’s a
beast man you know
the that fought
cost check that guy’s a fucking savage
you gotta strive
to be if you’re grappling and you wanna
maximize your ground fighting
skills strive
to be as good as
marcella garcia
it’s real simple
marcella garcia is
the greatest
no gi grappler
of all time
no one’s even fucking close
he’s a master of many
submissions
speaking of
which jacquere
is fighting tim kennedy tonight we’re
gonna watch that oh shit
right afterwards we get some
pizza jacquere
another motherfucker but
technically
even though jacquere
beat marcella garcia
he’s just my overall
marcella garcia has more
polished mastered weapons
so everyone
should strive
yeah but it’s pretty
close i agree
but jaqar is
still fucking incredible
jaqar right now
jaqar is awesome
definitely top five in the
world at submissions his heart is
crazy too here’s a guy who got his arm broken by
hydra gracie he
broke his arm and he finished the fucking
match and one arm points
he was willing to let his fucking arm get broken in a
jiu jitsu match
i mean what do they get paid for a
jiu jitsu match
you know nothing and this guy’s like go
ahead snap my arm
bitch free acai
for life free
acai with raw oatmeal
you get the mix
and the top guys get granola
too with that
oh that’s top
not everyone
they’re savages
competing in a fucking
one of the best
sports in the
world that nobody cares about
it’s one of the
weirdest things that people don’t care
about submission grappling you
would think that
boxing is pretty
popular i mean obviously hugely popular on its own
and it’s a segment of
mma why isn’t
submission grappling
why hasn’t someone figured out a way
to promote high
level submission grappling like
jacare like
marcella garcia
jake shields
those type of
dudes who just attack guys and finish them off
that shit’s
exciting well rico
chipperelli
was doing that the professional
submission league it looked great
and he needed
randy couture to
you know be the poster boy
and it would have worked with
randy couture because
randy couture
retired for a minute
and randy couture
said okay i’m retired but i’m gonna
still want to compete
and submission grappling is the way to go
and rico chipper
i was like man i’m
gonna make this guy headline
every show and he did a couple shows
he just needs
a headline you know what rico
rico if you’re
listening out there anybody that knows rico
get marcelo garcia to headline your shit
revolve it around
marcelo garcia yeah but that’s the difference is
randy couture
is huge with the general
population you can have
randy couture
grappling in
the general
populations
you could make it
successful with
marcella garcia you
could but he’s that big yes huge
no but he’s not with regular people
randy couture
successful with regular
human beings
definitely the initial
the initial blow
you know would be from the right
but that the problem is that’s what you need in
order to get something off the ground
you need a guy like that you can’t just
take chances and let people eventually grow to love i
think you run out of money
i think you
could do it
marcella garcia
you can’t you can’t do something you don’t
think so no you have to have something that people are
gonna look at all
these guys that are
fighting in bellator
they got killers in bellator
they got these
hector lumbars
fighting in bellator
crushing people
nobody’s paying attention no one’s talking
about it back
to lumbar if he was in the fucking
ufc would be
in sports illustrated
right now he’s a fucking cuban immigrant
who was fighting for the cuban
olympic judo
team i believe
fucking destroyer 5’9
185 pounds shredded
ridiculous muscles move so fucking fast
blasted jay
sylve out in like six
seconds he’s
crushing people dude
crushing people in bellator
nobody gives a fuck you know why
because it’s bellator and
nobody knows what it is you go
ask a million people on the
street what’s bellator
well he might be there for 10 years
and still people
might not know
where bellator
is and that will be the end of his competitive
prime that’s the problem
you can’t just
say like oh we’re
going to start this
thing and because we have
marcella garcia it’s
going to be huge
because no one’s
going to just fucking pay to see jiu jitsu
they’re not
going to do it if they’re not practicing
jiu jitsu so you’d be
limited to only practitioners
so you have
a tiny percentage of the
population is willing to buy your product on television
much less than we’re willing to buy an mma
fight because
mma you get
the fans you get people who actually
trained in it themselves and then you get all these
wahoos who want
to see people get the fuck beat out of them so
you get the
whole cross section
but if you get a guy like marcel
garcia you’re only
going to get people into jujutsu
initially you know how many stars were nothing one day
and they blow up the next day with them
right the reason the
ufc is huge
is they have the
money for the marketing
and they put faces out there if someone came
along with that kind of
money and that kind of power
marcela garcia
could be an
instant star overnight all
these guys were nothing one day
they’re stars the next day just because they were on tv
but all you got to be
example i’m talking
about guys getting
knocked the fuck
out of course
no one watches that
bellator was on
be on fox sports but if but if bellator
were gonna have grappling
you have to be on what espn to become successful
well is bellator
successful i
guess it’s on
if it’s unsuccessful well then i don’t know why not
you you started off this conversation with saying
submission grappling
should be fucking cute i’m saying
it’s really hard to make something popular
no no i know i say
bella tour success the hard the hard
part is numbers are enough to keep it on
television the hard part isn’t actually getting
the cage and putting the show on the hard part is
marketing like
exactly that’s what i’m
saying market
on having a
great product look at strike
force cantile
tours got a lot of
great fighters i’ve
watched bellator
and there’s some fun
fights to watch
but if you are they getting sued by the ufc
i probably shouldn’t be talking about them
never what i’m saying
did you know the
story you know the
story with ken bavia
that’s fucking strange dude
have yeah i don’t know
what really happened so we probably shouldn’t talk yeah
yeah exactly that
crazy fuck i
don’t know nothing i know nothing all i know is
the ufc fucking rules
yeah exactly you
have some rules and
but i’m looking forward to
strike for tonight
brian you gonna stay over i’m
gonna wrestle
you gonna get in your
underwear sup so
i think i’m
gonna see that movie
date night what
eat pray love my dick son
everything good i
can pick out
after this man yeah everything’s great
actually have you seen the
movie date night
about bill burr’s in
it are you are
you talking to me for real burr’s i seen the
movie date night yeah
i love bill
burr but that’s not
a cop in it i’ve done a lot of shit i’m not
proud of either phil
i don’t know
maybe it’s good
i like the comedy
i’m just kidding it’s just comedy date
night’s the one the
steve carell one
right it looks like it’d be
funny tina fey
i’m only fucking around i saw the
did we talk
about it the fucking
stallone movie
oh no no can you see
it oh yeah i saw it oh
what the fuck is
that i’m black
i’m blanking out my wild hauls
i’m trying to delete it off my hard
drive and look i love randy couture
okay i love
randy couture
and i think randy couture has a
definite possibility for
a giant career as an action star
to do to get out
a real life
plenty good
really plenty good to me i bought it
all i want to see is him beating the fuck out of people
he’s a real badass
he’s fucking
he’s clean and healthy
and fucking looks
great for his
age you guys a goddamn
movie star i
think for sure
randy couture
could be a giant
movie star for sure i
he’s beloved
after that guy retires
if he just decides to
giant fucking action moves what arnold
could act better
shit shit now
romantic comedies
maybe not anyway it
was it was i
think you can do romantic comedy
i love you chicks
wanna fuck him that’s all he needs to just needs to be
funny and how they
wanna fuck him he’s a fucking gladiator
right look at that ear
so the movie was
that said the
movie was wretched it
was disgusting was
it worse than the a team
this is what
i said i didn’t see the a team it was like you took
every cliche
in an acting movie
threw it together
you had a 12 year old
piece it together
and then you just
ground it up and
stuffed it up
stallone’s asshole with like one of
those pastry bags
he just diarrhea splattered onto the
screen i mean that was the
movie it was so dumb i
would never want to see that
again when he
actually blow up
shit tried to
lose more shit than anything
so vest just
alone actually
tried to steal the
script from one of my students
yeah tell that’s
one of the reason why i brought this up
tell this whole
whole story
by the way that
motherfucker
should not be
proud of that script
yeah what the fuck
no no he said
they changed
everything he
said they butchered
him changed i’m sure
they did i’m sure that they hammered ugly but you know
what tell the
whole sylvester
stallone put out his management team or whatever
allegedly yes
allegedly well
they went to
court this is what happened
okay they went to court
you say what
so you don’t get to allegedly just say
allegedly this is what your but
i’m helping you
so that’s just
alone put out an app
he’s looking for
an action thriller or whatever an action movie
sure you had a lot of guys come through his office
dave callaham
you look at the credits he’s
my purple belt
low pan is his nickname on the internet anyways he
writes scripts
he met with
sylvester stallone
they rejected the
script but then for some reason
he decided to
keep the script
and not give
dave callham
any credit and he was
shopping this you know he was
he was basically
going around town saying he’s got a
script he wrote the
script and he’s getting all
these stars make you work and all
these guys to do it and
so he seems like a big shot you know
and and then
dave callaham’s people
found out they took him to court
so russia’s long try to fucking
fight it and
they usually win
according to dave callaham
writers usually lose in
these kind of situations
and the evidence was so
clear that you know
they were in
court or one
in court and
you know yet if you look at the credits it says
original story by dave
callaham screenplay
dave callaham
sylvester did
he get money
from the film also
i’m sure i don’t know what his deal was but
basically sylvester
try to steal his
script you know what killed me when
i read all these people that loved it
yeah i read all
these people online that loved it
and i was like really
like you didn’t see like
everything coming like the
thing with arnold was kind of funny
it was kind of fun with
bruce wilson on what’s his problem
he wants to be president
that shit was
funny that was a
funny line it was good but that’s it
other than that it was like a
bunch of shit that you saw it coming a million
miles away you know
stallones never gonna die
this is ridiculous
when he went
back to save the girl you’re like what the fuck
you should have
saw scott pilgrim
and he went back to save the girl
and he didn’t even fuck her and that’s just un american
gonna go all
the way to another country and risk your life and your
friends lives and she loves you and she hugs on you
you don’t even fuck are you
leave her there on the island
that shit’s ridiculous
you just came back in a
plane with guns
and fucked up everyone in her town
risking your life
rescued her
while her father was murdered you don’t even fuck her
that’s ridiculous that was offensive to me
that was offense that offended me
what kind of a
movie are you making here you
should have fucked her like he
saved her life exactly
that’s fucking communism
man you fly into a country and you risk your life
for the hottest
chick on the planet and she
doesn’t even fuck you when it’s over
you just flew from another country
land in this shitty little island
and get shot at
you don’t even
fuck her and she wants to fuck you pretty sure
she got nothing to live for she got nothing
going on there
get a drunk that’d be a cool
thing to text to your
girlfriend right i’m
gonna fuck you tonight like i
saved your life
wow you could pretend
i tried i tried you
tres it out you
roll rope role play
yeah you ever do role playing
no no yeah i
don’t get that i’m the telephone repair man that that
kind of shit you got like
dress up and shit
some dudes do
it man they go out and buy outfits and shit
wife will wear something crazy
the pretender
shooting a cooking show in the
kitchen he just comes in
he’s crazy just rapes her in the
kitchen i remember when our one friend
that could be hot i
guess i remember one
friend or one friend
i don’t have a
threesome though
little hoboks friend yeah dude
you know to say that fuck
he used to come up to me go hey man
you should really try to put diapers on and get
slapped around a little and he was being serious
yeah we have this one friend that
he talked to me
about how hot it was to ball gag his chicken
whipper yeah he likes to whipper
i go how hard because i
leave marks
and he’s being serious i like
leaving marks and
stuff dude i’m a fan of that i like beating up like
the ass i like beating it all
up beating that
up really you
punch it what are you doing i don’t punch it i just the
the strongest
you probably mutant
fucking iron palm from the shower oh damn you
slap them that
hard in the ass the hard as hard as i can whoa
are you serious
girls like it
girls like it wow some girls
most most girls like it
most girls like that that is a strong
most okay let’s
clarify most girls who are willing to fuck you right
i see you can’t say most
girls i think
it’s natural
i think it’s natural that girls liked it
get you know fucked
rough no girls that
no girls that i fucked do
i’ve never had
i verbally i
verbally wait
they don’t like it really eddie has
eddie has his very specific type that he
dates exactly
he thinks that
that’s like a
generous section of the
population but it’s not oh no it’s not i’ve
tried i think so
no it’s like
it’s yours no i
don’t like it rough
okay some girls do some
girls i’m gonna say
do not i’m gonna say 75
of women like it
rough 75 of
women willing to fuck you yes
okay exactly
but that’s not 70
percent of all
women bro 5
that went to
five i’m just saying
that’s what i think but
the girls that are
attracted to you
there’s certain girls
who you’re their
ideal guy what are you saying
about the girls that are attracted to me i’m saying
those girls like to be
smacked around a little bit yeah
look it’s natural
look what are you there’s wild fucking
musician characters a
train killer
jiu jitsu expert
teaches people all around the
world what do you
think they want from you they want some
exotic crazy killer
dick they want you to do something nutty with them
they want to feel threatened those
bitches are nuts they want to be
stuffed in a corner
when we put a cradle and
force them to suck your dick and
so you’re saying
so you’re saying
a larger percentage of the
population likes it
think about
who the fuck you
want nice and
smooth who think
about who you are think
about who you like it’s all the girls i did like it
smooth i’ve tried
those are the girls you did
you guys are attacking look at
he’s pointing
listen no no no
i’m not attacking you at all i’m pumping you up look
what you are is a very specific type
i’m not attacking you in any way shape
or it’s quite the opposites
yeah but quite the opposite
i’m not attacking you at all what i’m saying is
those bitches want the genghis khan
treatment that’s why they’re coming they don’t
want it with me they’re not
there for the soft peck
guy who’s gonna
watch fucking cats
videos with them they make me scissor
hats i love cats too yeah
they make me scissor
them they’re like just
pull your dick up and scissor
me and i’m like
is that what you do
these scissor
assholes with them
they’re beautiful
they ever get
from they like i like to hold you from behind
no they get like
that i want to take you back they try to take you
away with the hooks
it’s more romantic
you can defend yourself
against a blue belt girl a what
a blue belt girl
if a girl was a blue belt he’s
not sure like like
you see rule
one rules are
ufc jujutsu
no just just jujutsu
she’s just trying to
she’s not even
gonna hit you she’s
gonna try i
think anyone
could jiu jitsu i don’t
i think if you know a little bit
jiu jitsu you’re
gonna be able to
fight somebody that’s a girl
jiu jitsu girl or
boy it depends
on some badass bitches yeah
listen blue
ladies out there
we are willing to give you 20
if you will
engage in a jiu jitsu
submissioning
grappling match at 10th planet jujitsu that
would be all hollywood
against brian this
video no you have to
be this is what you have to do
you have to be a blue
belt with less than two years of
training and
under 120 pounds
no you wanna do it
brian yeah no
there’s no reason to do
that i’ll give you
some lessons
no there’s no reason i’ll give
you some lessons
it’s not brian’s
i’ll give you lessons it’s not
brian’s i’ll play the
ufc video game
against a girl well if you want
look if it was
mma i’m sure you’d beat the shit
out of her because all you’d have to do is punch her
right the real
thing is like but you just
remember when we did that thing with
see more butts
and felicia
remember that
at the old legends yes
oh yes the reality
show felicia
oh who is one of john jacques machado’s
black belts
is a friend of ours and she’s a really really cool
chick and she’s a killer
she’s like 135
pounds she’s
strong as fuck
she’s like oh the kettlebells yeah
she’s crazy
crossfit girl and a serious jiu jitsu
black belt like she will fuck you up she’s the legit
and seymour butts was filming a reality show and
seymour butts is this porno star
he came to he came to the bomb squad and
we had him roll with a girl well
no he came up
he got a hold of me
cause he wanted
you know for the
for the show
i’m gonna go
learn jiu jitsu
for the show
and i’mma go
against the girl or something like that and
they film the reality show at the bomb
squad yes they came down to one of my
classes that’s
where the original ten planet was located in the bomb
squad so we filmed it he
he didn’t want to roll with us
right or he did well he
did he did not know what was
gonna happen what happened is he didn’t use any of it
he didn’t use any of him rolling with her in the
actual show he only came down a couple times you can’t
learn jiu jitsu in a couple
no but he didn’t
i thought the idea was that he was
gonna get humiliated by the girl and that was
gonna be fun but i don’t remember seeing any of that
did they put it on they never
heard it they
never heard it
never she killed she
crushed him
she just strangled him choked him armbarred him she did
everything to him but if there was no
lot rules then he
would have won
no not necessarily
no felicia really no
maybe with a blue belt girl no felicia is a
black belt dude you’re not
gonna be able to do the
odds are in her
favor anything
could happen yeah a big man
can like yeah you
might be in
the future you
know kicker yeah anything can happen you’re right but
the odds are she
put money you put
money on the
black belt check
if you don’t know how to
fight it’s one
thing if you’re a
fighter girls
black belt girls
go through guys that are really good at jiu jitsu
yeah it’s crazy to
watch like blue belts and
stuff a black belt chick
can run through a guy that’s been
trained two or
three years
easily it’s crazy to
watch those
really high end girls like attack dudes
like kira gracie
i hear crazy stories
just like embarrasses
guys all the time
for sure for sure she’s a fucking savage
she’s awesome and she’s hot as fuck
how ridiculous is that
hot as fuck and a
train killer and a gracie
whose kid is that is that hixon’s kid no
it’s henzo’s sisters
daughter henzo
sister henzo
sister flavia is like a
famous actress in brazil uh huh
she had akira
kira the father was
never around and kira
just kept the gracie name her mom’s
she’s a gracie her mom’s a
legit gracie you know her mom’s
super hot too man
when i went to brazil in in 2000
for the moondials is a purple belt
jean jacques
and henzo were
actually trying to hook me up with flavia kira’s mom
oh my god when i was 30
oh my god and kira was 14 at the time what kira was and
ever together we’re all hanging out yeah you shouldn’t
talk about this on
put a hit out on you
you fucking kissing and
telling to the whole why didn’t you
spank that that was out ten years ago spank
nothing ever happened you know what
we she couldn’t
speak english i didn’t
speak portuguese
are the the
attraction lasted for five minutes and then that was it
i think it’s really cool when you go to those
world jujutsu championships and even abu dhabi the
level that the chicks are fighting at the jujutsu
level is really really high
that’s so fun to
watch man chicks become like really dangerous killers
cause jiu jitsu is one of the
things it takes some strength to do
but it really takes technique and practice
and you know a girl can get to the
point where she could fucking kill a man
where she can dominate a man
doesn’t take that much doesn’t take that much
especially when you think about your legs
a girl has legs that are willing to
carry around her 130
pound body all day long
empty pussy
you know cyborg
doesn’t cyborg
doesn’t count
that doesn’t
count so but like shayna baszler i mean she does
count but she’s you know obviously
she’s a broad end of the spectrum
if you had a guess what would you say that’s all about
what cyborg
she doesn’t
you know she she
does everything she can
everything she can
enhance yes her strength yeah
or she’s just unusually very
strong genetically that’s possible to
pride is an awesome
pussy boner you know what’s gonna take to beat her some
crazy samoan chick
another chick that
has another chick that
does the same
things that she does in training some
fucking big german
bitch with big
broad shoulders and shit
you know someone someone from a hardy viking fucking
bloodline something
strong how crazy is
it that a badass
fighter like
uh what the fuck is her name
gina carano
hot and can fuck you hey how
about that’s a rare combination
cause usually the girls that can fuck you up are ugly
yeah it’s never hot
chicks that
could fuck him
except kira yeah
she’s like the only one
that can fuck up a lot of dudes in a
street fight a
standing brawl
street fight
she’ll kick off her pumps and fuck you up leg kick you
punch you in the face you don’t know how
embarrassing with that fucking beat
to get your ass kicked in
front of all
your friends at a club
by some hot chao
by a hot chick
she’ll fucking
ko you too she
could easily
ko a dude hey how
about this man why is it that there’s not that many
black chicks in
mma how many
black chicks are there in mma
every time i
watch strike
force it’s either
cyborg or there’s some
white chicks it’s i mean you don’t see that many it’s
gonna take a
black chick
to beat cyborg
they can for some
for sure classes
that might be it
i mean obviously this
black chicks can afford it but the ones who can
they want to fight
right you know it’s like its it hasn’t
permeated into the ghettos the way it has in
other cultures
in other countries you know in brazil and other
is permeated into
the the lower end people look at it as a way to like
you know and also
you know even
the people who
are educated and like damien maya comes from a wealthy
background he comes
but just the sheer
desire and drive to
fight for him you know so
it became exciting and interesting to him
it’s not necessarily with
chicks it takes a very special
chick to want to go in there and
throw down right now
at the level
the sport is for
women’s mma
right now it’s
so tiny there’s so few girls that are doing it
that like venus and serena
could jump into
mma and fuck
chicks up right away
within a year
venus or serena the biggest one can
fight cyborg
right within a year
did you just
all that bitch they
would fuck up chicks
they’ve been
trained for six years her
legs are like football like male football player legs
make it happen
could you imagine her leg kicking you
just digging in
you know boss root and
style big in that fucking chin in hatash
imagine what kind of damage she
could do the amount of
distance she
could cover so
quickly they
could easily get
tennis they
could easily get
bored of fucking
tennis and do some mma
well you know what they
could do it
could enhance
their training
for tennis it
could make them more explosive
if they decided to get into mma
just into muay thai and shit
just to enhance
their tennis
it would definitely enhance
their movement and then they fall in love with it
that’s the hope
get them into some
mma for training
and then have
them fall in love with it and then someone offers a big
money fight
can you imagine
their knees
their knees
would be like
fucking insane
your grip on that
tennis racket must be
death right
booty juice
grab that shit over the back of your neck and need you
that’s all they would need
if i was gonna
train lego let’s just
start with the knees get really good at the tide clench
get really good
at that and it will expand from there yeah
would you say the
booty clench
booty juice yeah man
can you imagine
the double legs of it
after a year
giant asses
from all that jumping
their double legs
would be like gsp
jesus fucking christ
pick up bitches in
the cage chicks
they would probably be the
greatest mma
imagine if they fought together like
minotaro and his brother do yeah
they would be insane
they would be the
crushers they
would have to eventually fight each
other that’d be the only way
there’s gotta
be some black
chicks out there fine
there’s gotta be there are
definitely are
definitely seen
black chicks
fighting mma
i just haven’t
seen the percentage is much lower than
than girls for some reason
within a white girls rather for some reason
it seems like more
white girls are
doing a lot of spanish girls doing a lot of japanese
chicks japanese very popular right
there’s some badass
japanese chicks magumi fuji
that bitch is bad chung
lee she’s bet what you just making people up
brian you never know what the fuck you’re talking
about chung lee
zolia fosto isn’t she
fighting tonight too
i don’t know
strike force
i don’t know
we could find out real
quick dan is
gonna get mad at
us for pumping up
strike force
so brian what goes through your mind when we’re talking
about all this
you know i always get
something every year i
start liking like i just recently
started liking
iced tea but i
haven’t got to the
grapefruit part
and i just wonder if that’s something that happens
later in life when you
start liking
grapefruits
what cause who fucking likes my dad likes to eat
grapefruits do you like to eat
grapefruits
well i love
grapefruits i
think they’re delicious
did you get a good one i
think did all
your life you like
grapefruits or did it come later
no i kind of like them when i was
young i used to
drink a lot of
grapefruit juice
i heard it was
even higher in vitamin c than orange
juice that might be not true
yeah bobby lashley’s fighting
who’d you say who’d you ask was fighting
zolia frasto
maybe she’s not
fighting i thought you
know i don’t see that i don’t see any girls in the car
andre gal val was supposed to be
fighting makako but makako didn’t show up
who’s gonna
fight him um
oh
andre galbal
damn an awesome thing i love andre caco
and makako is
banister jitsu
that’s a legend man yeah i wonder what happened
is the fight not on at all i
believe it’s not on it’s on the
undercard anyway and there’s no way to see the
undercard which sucks because some of these
songs sing about the ufc too
you could watch them online
after the event is over but there should be a way
that you could just tune in to just the
whole undercard
from the moment the first fight
starts first
fight at four
o’clock in the afternoon show me that shit
why are you saving that they don’t have that like
on a certain channel they have
it on ufc com
which i love the fact that you can always get any
fight you want on
ufc com that’s the shit but
me as a fan
if i find out that the
first fight of the
night is fuckin
two guys that i know i know
their name they’re
not like mainstream guys but i know they’re both badass
like hazlit and rick
story here’s a perfect example
that one aired
right did that air
i don’t remember
okay but if it didn’t
air imagine if that
fight was on the
undercard and it wasn’t airing
i would want to fucking see that
fight man what when it’s happening
i don’t want to go on the
underground and find the results out
after it and i can’t see the
video and they just
like on espn 3d if it’s being filmed in 3d
whoever i don’t know it’s but that’s a good idea
i mean i guess
this this must be a method to
their madness but the reality is man you
could just overdose on
mma if they wanted to show you
everything you
know the people
the people that are putting this together like the
people that are making
these decisions don’t
realize how important all these
fights are to the fans the hardcore fans we want
to see all of them it’s not like box it makes me sick
when i look at this card like this card is
nasty like i’m looking at the card there’s
great fights on the card i’m looking forward to it
then when i look down and i see i know it didn’t happen
but i look down i see galvald
versus fucking makako
i go oh shit that’s a badass fight
venetius magales
dracalin o versus
rocky long i want to see that fight how
come i can’t see it
you know the
crazy thing in makako
most people you know
newbies don’t
understand that
that were mma
soccer where
mma was at that’s
right where
mma was at back in the late nineties
in that the dark area
the dark period
mikako and pale landy
they were considered like
the shit the shit
waits out there they were insane they
knocked out matt
hughes in kuwait remember that you know another legend
valid is my
can i show yes can i show everybody the shirt
what do i do how do i show people the back of the
shirt turn around is a
if you just turn around
i look seated there’s
about this is dude
named waleed
ishmael who is a
legend carlson
grab when i was
training at carlson gracie’s
place way back
in ninety eight that’s when i
first met him when i
started working for the old ufc
he fought takahashi at that
ufc and like
ufc 12 and dolton alabama and
this dude is just one of the all time characters badass
jiu jitsu guy
choked hoist gracie
unconscious
but he’s famous for his
terrible english
he had a feud with high
end gracie this high
end his cock
his faggot his cock
i kill him his cock his faggot
that’s all he would
talk faggot
time gracie
you know i’m saying he’s not a real man
i got to the beach
i just walk with me and my
girlfriend go to beach
i see that cock
that faggot
standing there we need to find this
brian see if you can find this
waleed ismile
it’s no w w
a it’s waleed but it’s
spelled with a w w a l l i d
is hmao is is
i got is is
may i yeah and go on youtube and find like a
famous interview
is like hi gracie while he does mile high end why
you lying gracie
ry and gracie
you gotta listen to this guy talk
cause he’s goddamn hilarious
anyway he’s one of the coolest guys of all time and
a badass jiu jitsu guy
and he’s famous
to you and you
can say whatever you want when i mentioned it
i am gracie
is that cheeky
everybody know i beat him
one minute and a half
no i don’t know
don’t want to talk
about this chicken
you see those guys weak i told you
i told you to everybody well
remember the last time i come here
i say hey this guy is nothing
is a weak you know
everything i say
request everything i say before the fight
happen the fight
i just want everybody remind
everybody remember
everything i say before the
fight happened the fight
you know what i mean
you see i i told everybody
where to fight
i’ve been so hard
i show to everybody
now i can i
feel much better to the rest time much better
because i train
hard you know i’m not go to
party i don’t
no my friends call
me what can
i do i go to train
i just said this
oh let’s go to
no i go train
i’m worried
i need to train in bubble
instead have god
have a good talent
i know i have a heart
no i have a
heart to fight
there’s no doubt
about you see
maybe a lot of guys talk a lot of
no bullshit
serious like this guy hickson
grace hickson
inside the home not to go show up you know what i mean
you know i’m fight all the time
understand i’m fight
no i’m ready to fight
i’m not staying inside my home
because he wait you make mistakes
yeah he talked about she’s crazy i know i’m here
i understand this one guy asking me who guy you wanna
fight this guy up with the fight because imagine a bit
far grace’s i beat
hi and grace hikazi
i beat half grace
his guy his cousin
i beat his grace his cousin
i beat hoist
grace his brother
what are you gonna do nothing
come on man show up
damn he’s talking shit the hixon
whoa over to god whoa
that was a different video actually that was
that one before he talked he went after hixon and now
you talk shit about hixon i can’t believe that
for people who don’t know
hix and gracie
is like he’s like the god of jujitsu if you name
one guy that everybody says is just head and shoulders
above everybody else it’s hixon
no it’s hard to see man
hold on there
it says what it says is
don’t be coward
don’t run off the
fight that’s a one
lead ishmael
t shirt it’s on we got it
don’t be coward don’t run off the fight
then he had that printed
yeah like you sure you want to
spell it this is my friend for you
say don’t be coward
sir but it says don’t be coward
are you understand i know
don’t be a coward no don’t be coward not at a
okay i’m gonna have to have you initial this really
quick for me just put your initials right here
and right there and right there i’m not scared
you wanna take a look at it one more time
one more time
it’s perfect for him he probably
looks at it and goes that’s exactly what i wanna say
don’t be coward
don’t run off the fight
that’s fucking awesome it’s
brilliant i would
never i had one
and i lost it
and i’m so sad that i lost it now does he go home
and just be like
hey han how’s it
going i’m home he’s a
super cool guy
like is that
cool no no no
no no no it’s like a character cause the
camera comes on
he’s playing the camera camera
sort of like chao sun
in he’s the brazilian
chao sun and he’s talking shit in cellophytes
but he’s also talking shit because he’s a bad
motherfucker
this guy show
that he’s really gracie
completely unconscious yeah
caught hoist
gracie in a clock
choke in a jujutsu
match and put him to
sleep this is
after hoist became huge hoist was
giant because of the ufc
and he did this on the
beach in brazil in
front of everybody remember that
exactly and he’s
super nice every
time i run into him backstage at the
ufc and it happens a lot
generous friendly hugs
super super
happy guy i mean
he’s a jiu jitsu
legend for sure there’s
a handful of legends in
jiu jitsu but
waleed ishmael is
definitely a legend
just the fact that he choked out hoist
gracie like that and you know what as a
brown belt he went
against our master
john jacques machado
and he lost but it was a
close match and john jacques was a black belt
everybody was scared of john jacques at that
point no one wanted to step up as a
brown belt stepped up he lost but damn it was a battle
it wasn’t easy
his jujutsu is very
strong he’s just a bull
the bull of a man and he will
not give up and he gets cuts through dudes man he’s
strong as fuck
and one of the nicest guys ever we had a
great picture
it’s still on myspace page
my myspace page is like
it’s like an abandoned playground
but if you go into my
photos is one of us with waleed
who were all
screaming jiu jitsu
yeah it’s on my
myspace too
i got it up there it’s a classic
myspace com
the twister yeah
and if you want to find
eddie that’s
where it’s at damn this show’s been
going on for
an hour two
hours and 20 minutes
by the way joe you
gotta check out pet semon terry
no i don’t yes how
dare you i don’t
wanna know about that
funny or die no it’s not
funny or die you know i’ve been
reading i’m fucking hooked on
stephen king’s son
stephen king’s son is
named joe hill
and he’s a hard writer as well
really fucking good i’m reading this book called the
heart shaped box
somebody put it on the message board
they put that
his son’s a writer
so i said fuck it i’ll buy it on the ipad
i got the kindle
thing on the ipad
a fucking great book man just
like his dad it’s like he inherited
his dad’s brain
i mean it’s fucking
good dude i’m halfway into this book it’s a total
page maybe he
wrote it for his son you
would love it it’s
about a fucking rock star who
is like a goth dude who’s like into all kinds of creepy
weird shit like he’s got like
a head from
a guy who had been tortured and he puts fucking
like pens in the in the
skull sounds like
marilyn manson
exactly that kind of it’s just a
crazy old goth dude
and he buys
a ghost online
someone selling a dead man suit
and this woman is selling it saying that there’s a
ghost that comes
along with it
this guy thinks for a goof he’s
gonna buy this fucking suit and it’s
gonna be kinda cool
but the dead man actually does
haunt them dude
it’s fun man it’s a fucking
page turner it’s a good goddamn well written book
fucking something
about books man
you can get so deep into a
story with a book
that you just can’t get in a
movie i want to see
everything i love
movies i love the fact that it’s like a two hour ordeal
and it’s over
and i’m out of there like that was pretty cool they
wrapped it up nice
but there’s something fucking killer
about books man
i didn’t appreciate that for a long time
for a long time i didn’t
appreciate just
the flat imagination of sitting there reading text
but there’s something cool in that i like
how you build your own characters in your head see
that this person has a certain look to you
in your head that
is your own unique way of
thinking about what this
person looks like yeah and they can make some really
exciting shit that’s just
completely unrealistic for a regular
movie you don’t have to
have giant fucking special
effects budgets and have to be
crazy off the charts
but they’re just describing it with
their words and
creating this incredible picture
in your own head
you know what am i saying reading is good reading is
fundamental
ladies and gentlemen
this show like all shows bitches
brought to you by the
flashlight holla back
if you buy it online on joe rogan
net i believe you get fifteen percent off and
one of the reasons two reasons why we have to
sponsor our podcast one is because
we met with chris
the one of the guys who
runs that we’re gonna
hang out with
in austin we’re
gonna hang out with him in austin
texas when we go there for the ufc
just a super cool
chill dude and it just seemed like
and the other
thing was that i
think it’s a for real
legit good product i use it and
it’s way better than just beating off
and because i
think it’s ridiculous that people think that
there’s something
taboo about it i
think that’s silly
you know i don’t know what it is but there’s something
that i think is
absolutely ridiculous that people
think there’s something
silly about
pursuing pleasure
and we can you use it in the shower
fuck yes totally i
think that’s the
best spot we
should really talk to chris though
about getting a
flashlight owl version of it
could be your own personal
flashlight i always
yeah i was talking
about this book
and this is the book that i talked
about with dane cook and i’ve talked
about it with
other people before
i’ve given this book to a
bunch of my friends i give it to you brent
it’s called the war of art i want to give
it to you i want you to read this shit have you ever
given this book
for creative people it’s one of the best books
and i’m not getting
paid for this this is just my own recommendation
it’s a fucking fantastic book if you’re an artist
if you’re a comedian
if you’re ari and i were just having a conversation
about this today because ari took a
one of those
adderalls he took an adderall
which is why he can’t be here
today because he’s
cleaning up his house
that’s awesome really
yeah yeah ari’s been on a positive kick lately man
we’ve been having
some really cool conversations we had a really cool one
today we was talking
about like burring
like past enemies
like letting old grudges go and he’s trying to be
like more healthy with his mind
and we talked about
how you know it takes like
he is on this adderall
he takes an adderall now he wants to fucking
clean his house up he wants
a lot of material
and he was like it’s so
crazy that if you worked as an accountant
you would want
while you’re at work you
would want to
sneak away and
write jokes you
know but when
you’re not when you’re a comedian you don’t ever sit in
front of the fucking computer and actually
write jokes
it’s like you find a way to fuck off and not do it and
it’s all explained
by this book this book is a fascinating
look into the
psychology of
creativity not just
about writing
but i think it applies to any kind of art any kind of
thing where you’re supposed
to be dedicating a certain amount of time to thinking
about things
it’s fucking fantastic so i bought a
stack of them cause
i wanted to give dane cook one when he was here
and i couldn’t find it so i just bought a new
stack so just
google that shit buy it online i’m telling you it’s a
quick easy read
something like a hundred pages or some shit
it’s not much to it yeah a hundred and sixty
three pages
it’s not that
much and you know you can get a lot out of it just
from a couple of chapters you know you have to read the
whole thing just
listen to what that fucking guy says and just try it
just force yourself to create
there’s a lot of shit
going on that you
distract yourself with that’s not really that necessary
that’s my message for the day
thank you very much that’s my positive message
brian do you have anything to say before we
wrap this up
no check out my video though pets inventory
is it did you make this video yeah
oh okay it’s only a minute long that’s funny or die
one guy one cup sort of a
got in trouble with it already you got in trouble
already getting in trouble
please spell this video out for our friends pet p e t
and then the next word is symmetry but siemen
s e m e n t a r y
siemenary siemenary hmm
and what is it about
uh two young guys finding love
really yeah it’s funny yeah i’m
gonna watch it right now how long is it
put on your computer
how long is it one
minute long one minute long yeah okay we’re
gonna watch this then we’re gonna
we’re gonna give you our thoughts
about this and that’s how we’re gonna end the show
ladies and gentlemen this is on youtube
it’s funny or die
funny or die i can’t i’m not putting on youtube
cause it look good
fucked up what will happen you’ll see
is this illegal am i doing something
no no it’s not illegal at all
but it’s edited to look illegal
let’s type in pet semen terry
pet semen terry here it is we’re gonna watch it
but i can’t turn my volume on all right i can’t talk
while this is going that’s what’s going on
don’t watch it in close
okay what we’re watching
is brian and his friend ari and they’re fucking animals
oh my god
what the fuck is
wrong with you guys
oh my god you should be in jail
you should be in jail for that
alright you gotta see that
ladies and gentlemen that was just
i don’t want you to see this
okay i don’t want you to
watch it because i know you’ll feel less
about brian and i know you feel
you’ll think less about ari
explain that for me why is it pet semen
terry because they were fucking animals and
shooting semen inside of them did you watch the video
semen but it’s like cemetery
oh my god this is strange
you don’t know what we’re talking
about they played that live in
front of the last naughty show do they really
how do people react
people just
went crazy i guess they cheered
oh that people are in disgust
cheering laughing it was just it’s pretty raw
and it’s pretty funny though
tmz was there too it’s really what a tmz have to say
about you didn’t say anything that should have been
naked you almost you’re almost there
did you guys think
about being naked and i should have just done it
no aria actually took it too far like
i just wanted to fuck your cat for real yeah
he went to the bathroom with both the cat and the dog
afterwards and he said
he was just like giving him love and petting him both
shut up brian
i know when you’re making
things up you
can’t trick me
did you pull your dicks
out for real ever now i know i already did put this
is all legal
he pulled down his
pants but he
had box but you
could have hid
you could have hid
your cock with the dog
you know your cock
right it’s all
about anything
that’s eddie’s
lawyer he’s
gonna give you
advice this is how you get away with this it’s all
about editing you’re
going to make sure you hide your cock with the dog
if you saw the raw
video of it it’s
just us like give us love oh yeah love but we’re like
rocking while we’re doing it
when you’re making out with the cat and you got your
mouth over her
face actually was on the side of his
mouth and i was just
feel like you’re doing something wrong not that
we’re just giving him love
just giving him a little loving
that’s almost bestiality
it’s totally bestiality it’s
showtime bestiality
showtime bestiality
i was dating a girl once it was in one of those movies
i dated her and you know we broke we only
dated for a short period of time and then i saw her
on this movie like many many many many many years later
she was on one of those fucking
crazy late night porn
slash movies
where she was getting banged
some dude was
banging her in a bed but the position was all off
you know like
her dick his dick was like way down here i was like
his dick ain’t hitting that
pussy yeah close
but i was like look at this
dirty bitch
what a weird
job those chicks that only do that kind of porn
yeah that’s all they do
it’s like you know it’s just
terrible acting it
never goes inside it
never goes inside
she doesn’t let you go no
penetration
sorry see your pussy
and it’s totally cool dudes just like
grabbing his
taped balls i
think they taped
their dick to the side
i wonder what
dudes get hard
a buddy of mine did one of those
he had to do a
scene like that with the
chick and she goes you can fuck me if you want to
and he was like oh how many times have you said that
that’s all i can think of
you actually
can have sex in
those movies oh
yeah people do it all the time
apparently if you see there was that movie
what was the
there was nine and a half weeks with
mickey rourke and then there was
the sequel velvet violet some
wild orchid
no that’s it wow
very strong
very strong anyway
apparently mickey rourke
and his girlfriend were in that
movie mickey rourke
really fucked his
girlfriend in that
yeah everybody saw it
said but does that how
that happens
it probably
doesn’t happen
too much i know
you don’t notice
very often at all i
think mickey rourke was just
completely out of control then
he was boxing he had his fucking face implanted he was
going crazy remember
remember when he had
cheekbones put in
i can still i
think you’ve
got him removed yeah for sure
he doesn’t look
the same anymore if you go and look at there was
there was a period of time a dark period for
mickey rork he was in this tupac
movie and he was on steroids
it was gigantic
just jacked like a fucking professional bodybuilder
and he was playing like some
street fighter boxing character that was like
the the the bottom
you know he like
completely bottomed out and then came
back and i was in like iron man 2 and shit and he’s in
you know giant
blockbuster
movies and shit he’s like doing awesome
but for a long time he was like off the deep end
crazy after
he was a huge
huge two star huge a list
then went like kiss when kiss he went into
boxing at the end of kiss
where there were a joke
he became a joke
nobody wanted to work with them
and then apparently
robert rodriguez said like
you know i quit tarantino and
those dudes
they like to
bring in like
yeah weird characters john
travolta he
resurrected john travolta
yeah same thing john
travolta was kind of a joke make
you work is a badass actor he’s a bad
motherfucker
fuck yeah yeah we’ve been in this fucking the stevens
the stevens go
on still on
movie which is a
silly movie
even in that
movie mickey rourke
stole the scenes when he was in the
scenes he’s so real
i mean he’s such a
you know there’s
some dudes who are just so good at that acting thing
and he’s one of them
he’s a bad motherfucker at it
but he quit
in the middle of being a
giant movie star to become a boxer
he couldn’t get any parts
was that what it was
i think i think didn’t the
story is who knows if it’s true but the
story is he got
blackballed because
robert de niro
angel heart
they had like such a feud or whatever
that robert de niro
said this is a
story could be all
rumors that
robert de niro said like
basically if
whatever movie company he was signed with
if you work with that dude
again i’m not
gonna work with you so people
what that’s the
story you don’t
have a story like that you
gotta research that shit on the internet
have you heard the
story that’s like the rod stewart
stomach pun
we have to find this out
before we’re
gonna end the show
but before we
end the show we must find out this is true
otherwise we’re
spreading some
crazy rumor
i said about why
you work for i didn’t make that up i know
but let’s find out what the actual it’s like the gerbil
with which gear there’s no i know there is a real
rumor i’m sure somebody actually told it to you
but what is it just someone in the high school
mickey rourke
robert de niro
black ball black ball yeah that’s good
black ball from hollywood
i don’t believe this
what say ye twitter i will let you people answer
cause i know there’s some fucking movie buffs out there
i’m following you
i’m following the twitter feed
right now someone please tell me
if this is true or if this is horseshit
was mickey rourke
really black ball from hollywood ready
it’s not coming up with anything on google i wish
nobody gives a fuck
about this show dude no one’s paying attention
i’m asking for help
of getting nothing
let’s try everyone’s out
yeah maybe the show
ended a long time ago maybe we don’t realize it
but my wifi he’s shitty all week
east guys are ones going out to the bars per right now
to watch strike force
yeah so what’s happening prime it is
strike for starts in a half an hour oh shit
boom boom boom yeah nothing so i’m not seeing shit
no one has an answer for me all right you fucks
that’s how you guys want to do it all right
no one’s helping me man
how many people were watching the show brian
it was 900 last i looked that’s as good as we ever
gotta do ladies and gentlemen
and on that note
anything else to say
what do you got there nothing
joey diaz is
i was just gonna have some indie music for you
what is it is it gay no sounding gay let’s hear it
michael jackson
i was just talking with a
woman today
who says that
she believes that michael jackson was castrated
i believe it
she says there’s no way a man kissing like that
she was like a
woman who would know this kind of thing
like someone who’s very wise and in the business
what she believes he
was castrate
what a great excuse for someone who wants to be a
transsexual
yeah did i cut
my dick off no i’m not gay well do you know that
there’s a thing my
voice called the castrados there’s a type of singing
in in italy like
opera singing
where they castrate the boys and sell them
into like an indentured servitude to work as a castrado
that’s like a real
thing they they
i don’t know the entire details of it
but they take out your testicles
so you can reach higher
higher notes
this is a certain
sound that they have
hit that again
billie jean yeah
i mean just stop and
think about you’re just out there
surfing you fuck i was looking for a different song
this that’s a good one
okay there we go don’t you
think it’s a good one
think about this
if someone told you hey
this is my favorite man
i love how he sings
think about this think about michael jackson
think about this listen to this
think about if you
never knew michael
jackson ever you were raised in a fucking island
and then you come to la
and you hear
about this fucking
singer think
about you’d be
tripping the fuck
who is this
crypt is always a
marilyn manson type pop guy yeah like
marilyn manson they go no no
no he’s not
marilyn manson he’s
good in the bathroom
dude he went through
he went from
black to white in
front of the
whole world on
album covers
the biggest
albums in rock history or
music history he did it
you just put the
album covers the catherine yeah but
that’s that’s a disease that’s he’s got vitiligo
but what the really
crazy thing is he turned himself into a
freak in front of the
world yeah cut his face up
changed his chin he was the biggest
music star ever
bigger than
elvis bigger than
the beatles michael jackson’s number one with a bullet
no one’s been more talented
no one’s been more striking
and the guy became a
freak in front of the
world and he had an excuse
he became a
white guy i
mean look at the nose look at the hair look at the
color of the skin
i know a black girl who has
the same skin
disease she has
she has dark
brown makeup
she has dark
he did a bunch of
crazy shit too
i mean he did
a lot of shit to his face
he would never
admit it he said he only had like his nose
fixed cause it
so he could breathe better
yeah hit like a gang of shit and when he was on barbara
walters barbara
walters was
checking him on
michael what
do you look at what do you see when you look in the
mirror he goes
i don’t look in mirrors
oh my god he
said he don’t look in the mirror
but he was so fucking talented
that it wasn’t enough to
creep people out
people still wanted to hear this guy sing and
watch him dance
nobody ever
you can get away with a lot of shit if you
write good music
look at like
queen look at elton
john you can get away with a lot people would
you get away just being gay
now like a lot of singers are coming out and saying the
game no one cares like fuck that song is awesome yeah
no if michael
jackson came
out before he died and said he was gay some
people will but most people don’t need them most
people won’t yeah
but you know what had never
moved like michael jackson like remember when we
watched that
james brown
video with joey
james brown was
totally on another
place and another
dimension and another
but his was a very
masculine way
you know his was
oh you know there was some
there was sex and masculinity to it
this was like
feminine and beautiful and the way he moved was like so
like so pure like his movements were so fucking
crisp and he would hit him bang like
when you pull his
pants up and go up on the tip of his toes
and be like god damn damn
when he would moonwalk
and when he would moonwalk
he would just
glide so gracefully
i admit it though i had
never been a fan of michael jackson’s music
i’ve listened
all the songs a million times it’s not gonna
grow on me i’ve listened to this song a million times
never been a fan i went to go see that michael jackson
movie this is it
to make fun of it just to
be like i thought it was
gonna be just a
freak show man
i am a fan now of that
motherfucker’s
creativity the way
he commanded that
whole show all
these producers that
they’re just bowing down to him
everywhere he walked
he had command of
everything and
he’s an amazing performer i went in there to
laugh at him
i came out a big fan
still won’t buy any of his cds
it’s just not my vibe that
movie but god
damn he’s awesome
starting something
what is that song you want to be
starting something
which one is that
you want to be
starting something i
think i have that
i think the end of
the end of thriller the end of it he
breaks into this groove live
that’s fucking amazing that i
would take i
would fucking i mean that shit is just
amazing and he played it live i
never heard it before
i don’t think i’ve ever gotten to that
total end of thriller but
i was impressed
i became a fan as a performer he really took
things to like a
crazy place
where you were so confident that he was
absolutely in control of
every move that he made
there was like it was jaw
dropping to watch
it was like the way he
would move was so fucking he
choreographed all his shit
his dancing he
would make everyone
when they auditioned
motherfuckers
they all had to be they told him straight
up because you are an extension of michael jackson
you’re not trying to
bring no flavor
don’t try to
bring your own flavor into this
you are an extension of michael jackson
there’s certain parts of the songs
where everyone’s doing the same
thing he’s doing
and then they go off and then michael jackson has his
he’s got like sixteen bars where he
could freestyle no one tells him what to do he goes
i’m gonna be
right here going off
and then he gets back into the show and then it’s all
quarter ground
and then he comes down and goes
this is just my shit
i’m just gonna do
it was all his shit
he had the craziest
dance style ever no one’s ever
danced like michael jackson to songs and performed them
there’s never been anybody like that one it’s almost
like he had more inside him that he had to let out
so he was so tortured
like that’s what you
sense from his performance like it was so
powerful and
crisp and electric
and it was almost because he had so much
inner turmoil that
that’s how it came out
it came out in his movements it was something
about watching it
where you felt for him
you felt what he was doing
it wasn’t just
a guy dancing and a guy singing it’s like the intense
expression that he was
using to dance and sing
it’s like he was
reaching these emotional
points these emotional peaks
that you’re like fuck man that dude is out there
that motherfucker was so talented
that people were just like you know what he
might be fucking with kids so what
you know what
they put on
his house they
people forgave
his ass eddie
all to clarify something
sleeping over with kids and locking the door
people like whatever there’s no
proof there’s no
video whatever
eddie you didn’t like him up
until watching that
movie though
i never was a fan of his music that
movie is so shitty
i can’t what
are you talking
about this is what is it amazing that
movie is when the dumbest
movies dude you like
nacho libre
so shut the fuck up no come on
you like nacho
libre i never
okay but let’s not get
upset at each
other for liking one
thing the other person
doesn’t like i thought this is it was amazing i did not
watch the whole
thing i watched
a part of it
while i was getting
tattooed and i
found it pretty
fascinating i thought it was interesting
i thought it was an in
depth look at him talking and interacting
with people that you don’t get a chance to see in
real time i’ve seen it like 10 times well
you know like 10
different documentaries in the past
i haven’t but
for me it was you know what
maybe i liked it a lot and you didn’t
cause i’m a musician
yeah you know what i mean and i look
if it was about golf like if it was
about tiger woods and
you know you
might not like it but this golf fan
worshipped it
cause you know if that movie
came out when michael jackson was
alive he would be pissed off
cause that’s how bad that movie was
i don’t know
about that man
a lot of people like it joey diaz
rants and raves
about that movie
to him it was an
enjoyable experience
is that you got to see
that’s a show to
put together
i’ve seen a
lot of documentaries of michael jackson that was the
worst one that’s all i’m saying i
understand it was the
worst you but what i’m saying is
there’s a lot of people that thought it was fascinating
was done very
quickly and slapped together
but i think that’s part horrible
that’s part of the interesting
aspect of is a lot of
i wasn’t looking at the
production i was looking at
like all this lost footage of him backstage and
practicing and rehearsing there’s
a lot of putting it all together in the auditions that
was amazing shit the way it was all put together dude
i may be a retard
but when i left
that i cried a couple fucking times and i was like this
motherfucker is
when he started
breaking down and he’s like i’m like
i can understand why you
wouldn’t like it
brian because you’re not into that shit but i
could also understand why he
would love it because he really
is into this no no no i’m a big michael jackson fan of
every single
album right here on my computer
it’s just that i
found that the most
his poor production and i don’t
have a dog in this race because i honestly did not
watch the whole
thing i only
watched like
maybe twenty
thirty minutes ago
i’m just saying i
like it i was just amazed that
his whole career
that you didn’t like him but then seeing that
movie i still
don’t like his
music i still don’t like the
music what documentaries have you
not liked that i liked was there anything that i really
loved and you hated
was there anything that i really
loved that you hated i don’t think so
we have pretty similar taste
what movies
annoyed you that didn’t
annoy me anything
that you can think of
i know there’s been some
i’m more tolerant for retarded
movies than you are
you know what
movie i just saw for the
first time what
and that i liked
i was shocked
i’m not a zombie
movie fan at all zombieland
no no resident evil 1
oh that’s pretty good dude
i liked it did you
like it i like it
i didn’t like it
i liked it it was the first
it was the best excuse
for zombies did you
watch it i liked it i’m like okay was that did you
watch it with your
check yes did you
did you not see
zombie land
i saw that too it was cool
it was cool
but the excuses for the zombies
like i’d like the
scientific one from resident evil it was like a hot
you know the cutting edge of science there’s only
one there’s only one 28 days
later every
other zombie
movie needs to shut the fuck up
shine of the dead
yeah but that’s kind of
funny that’s not not the same as far as like
scary zombie
movies 28 days
later is this shit
you ever seen that i’m
not it’s the english movie
i don’t remember
the sequel wasn’t bad either not bad yeah not as good
but not bad
pretty fucking good man shoo
it’s a realistic scenario
it’s a biological
weapon that they’re
creating they’re testing out on chimpanzees and a
bunch of animal
rights activists
come in and
break into the testing lab and release the chimps
the chimps attack them and just
start ripping them
apart it’s some new drug called rage it’s a
biological weapon
takes off from the chimps gets into people
anything happens
spit gets in your eye
blood from a
person they bite you they get you’re infected instantly
and you become one of
these fucking
crazy zombies like a
super are they really are they
really really
zombies that their
eyes turn total red
they’re fucking just trying to eat dead
flesh really dude you
gotta watch it
there it’s it’s dope
and it’s believable
if you think
about the diseases that we have just think
about rabies
rabies will turn some raccoon
into some crazy
motherfucker that wants to come to your
house and try to kill you
people have been attacked by raccoons when
they’re on rabies they kill dogs when they’re on rabies
you think that’s zombie though
it seems like it’s just if
they came up with anything look if there’s a way that
you can change people’s behavior through a parasite
through introducing
some sort of a bacteria or disease into
their system
which we know you can
you know we know
about that cat parasite we’ve talked
about that from brazil
sure but isn’t
the definition of a zombie someone who is dead and then
later came back to life somehow that’s the part where
you gotta have
a good reason for you were dead well if a parasite
came in and took over your body
and if it wasn’t killing parasite you’d be dead if it’s
using if it hijacks your central nervous
system and kills your mind
and your mind no longer
exists literally there’s a parasite
living in your brain
connected to all your nervous
system and running your shit
remotely okay if they’re so they’re not
considered a zombie
sure yeah wouldn’t you think
i just have
some questions here
i don’t know the true
definition of
zombie a realistic
possibility there’s a fish that has a parasite
a bunch of fish rather and this parasite takes the
place of the fish’s tongue
and eats the tongue it’s the craziest
thing to look at
i forget what the name of it is but
if you google fish tongue parasite and then the fish
die because the
tongue is eating
crazy thing
the fish stay
alive because
this parasite becomes its tongue
and it helps it swallow food
it literally clings to the inside of its
mouth and takes the
place of its tongue
the fish no longer has a tongue
instead it has a parasite that helps it eat
because it needs it to get food down its
throat so it
doesn’t eat
all the food eats just
some of the food eat some of the food
so the fish
swims around catches
all this food and the parasite eats it with them and
but if the parasite
died or left
the fish is fucked it’s a giant
acidophilus
something but it eats
your tongue and
leaves you with nothing there
so the fish if the parasite decides to
commit suicide
and leave the fish’s mouth
the parasite
doesn’t there’s
no tongue anymore do parasites have parasites the most
it’s it’s an endless cycle
it’s a good question but do
amazonian hot
bitches have vaginal parasites did you see that
imagine that
walked the entire length of the amazon did you see that
i heard about it what the fuck
somebody get that guy a hobby
right there’s a 14 year old girl from holland i think
yeah from holland
who just got
permission to sail around the world
she’s 14 she’s
gonna sail around the world
the fuck is
wrong with people she’s dead
the fuck is
wrong with by yourself by yourself
she’s dead what the fuck is
wrong with people why do they want to do such
crazy dangerous
storm and you’re fucked
well just why do it
if you want
to get over to brazil or if you know you want to get to
china come on
are you getting a plane
why do you want why do you want to go buy a row boat
is that is that really
gonna be more of a drill
on the edge
yeah that’s like that’s
ridiculous fuck a
plane you’re not even
going on a good boat
you’re taking a
boat that has to get there by the wind that’s so stupid
that’s the dumbest you know what i
think is stupid too is
people like me and like you
who fucking hate getting on planes
and we like we hate
we do it so much that
we hate getting on a fucking rocket ship
with the craziest you ever we love
these views from the hollywood hills
houses and from the that
the you know the top of
mandalay bay look at this view
but we can get we get on a plane that
crushes all
those views
smashes them
and we’re like fuck this flight
we get an awesome view for two
people we hate it
because it kind of looks all the same it’s boring
yes it’s boring usually but
i try to retrain
my thought and try to
appreciate that sometimes i’m on a
plane and i look out the window i’m trying to
enjoy i put my ipod on
good music i just
focus on the beauty that you’ll
never you’ll never see
again the way the
clouds are formed
like it’s the
ultimate in
randomness like
clouds will
never be that moment will
never be like that again
the stars in the sun
they’re like
clocks they will always be there
clouds and all you know it’ll
never be the same ever
every moment is
i write some of my best shit in
planes i write some of my best shit in
planes looking out the window because it’s so humbling
yeah something
about the experience
this gives me this little extra
tingle of fear that i
think makes the writing better a
tingle of humility you know it’s just like
bitch you’re in a tube flying through air
above everything how we doing this especially
if you eat like a cookie
right before
before you take off or some straight hash oil
holy fuck i went to
teach a seminar in the uk long time ago and
drank this hash oil
i wanted it to go to sleep
and i had the i was so
lucky i got the
whole roll to myself is like fucking
first class i’m laying down in the
whole roll take this
whole jar of hash oil
like i’m gonna
sleep the whole way
i didn’t sleep
my eyes were closed
but it was the brightest shit i’ve ever seen it was
as bright as this no kidding and man i
dude i came up with the craziest shit
all the way to england just
put together this
stupid movie in my head remember i told you
about gang bang yeah i put
i ended up being a ripoff of mamma mia
but it was like my version of gang bang
and i couldn’t stop putting the
scenes together
putting the whole
story together developing the characters and everything
i couldn’t stop i wanted to go to
sleep but the
movie had to be done in my
fucking head
dude it was amazing dude when you eat something when
you eat weed and you are in a humbling situation like
that like when you’re in the air flying through the
air like that and you’re at high altitude too like i
think when you’re in a plane
it replicates
being in like denver
as far as like
the amount of air that you can get so you get
drunker and you get higher
so if you’re eating some shit and you get on a plane
oh my god i’ve had some life
changing experiences high as fuck on a plane
totally a lot of fucking ideas and decisions get made
hi i’m playing
a lot of life changing
shit dude which we
travel so much and how many times have you and i like
right about to get on a
plane eat a cookie get on the
plane like you feeling this yet not yet not yet
but we go to england dude that’s a must how
about what when we went to england once for the ufc
you gave me some shit like some breath
strips or whatever
and i went to sleep and sometimes that shit
doesn’t hit you for like
eight hours
it was like a delay
i woke up in england
i woke up in england
that’s probably what it was i woke up in england
and while we were
going through customs
i’m like there’s something
wrong with me
i thought there was something
wrong with me
all of a sudden hit
it hit like a fucking two ton brick
that is the
worst time ever to be high
what are you doing here
i’m like i don’t know
i’m not sure
eddie has a past
he got pulled over having a gun in his car totally
legit he was working for
a check cashing store
he was supposed to have a gun he wasn’t a criminal
but just because they caught him with a gun
that shits on his record so
every time we go to canada for the ufc
he gets pulled aside
what happened
what happened
the microphone’s dead
check check one two
your microphone stopped
no this shit’s
still working dude your
microphone stopped
i don’t know
what happened there it goes now it’s back what happened
right i don’t know
hello there we go back
anyway that’s
a good way to end this show this is a fucking
three hour show god damn it god damn it
strike forces in eight
this is officially the longest
of our podcast ever
i’m sorry hope you
enjoyed it um
i give one last
plug in plug it up
a new episode of ten planet kush
is will be out this week
for the next
ufc the boston show
starring joey karate
it’s hilarious
subscribe to my youtube youtube com slash
oh no youtube
com slash i forget
what is your
twister eddie
twister eddie
slash twister
eddie subscribe
the new one we’re
gonna change the name to mma wild
so i keep forgetting that
cause 10th planet
kush is pretty badass i say you keep it
cause people know it yeah you
think so yes
cause you told me
mma wild i had to remember it
three times
but when i go
looking for 10th planet kush i always know i
think it’s perfect
cause it’s got weed in there it’s got 10th planet it’s
everything son
well that’s what
joey wanted mma wild
joey’s trying
to get out of the don’t we don’t need to talk
about we cocksucker
i’m trying to get a sitcom
get something on the discovery
channel you
think that’s what it is
cocksucker the people of disney they’re that close
i don’t want to work anymore
motherfucker i don’t want to get on a
plane i’m 300
pounds i got a breathing
machine haha
any problem
uh i love you with all my
heart but do me a
favor take the fucking push off
take the fucking push off haha
anime wild it’s fucking wild it’s mma
come on let’s do this hey
those of you on twitter land
what do you think
should we keep a
tenth planet
could i should we go
joey’s listening to
agents joey’s trying to do the
right thing joey’s trying to get a gig
that’s who’s trying to do
trying to get a gig he
doesn’t like
brian brian like had some
video him smoking weed what happened with that brian
we have one
video where he was smoking weed in it and he made me
take it down take that down and
and i’m like wait don’t you have a show that you
interview pot
stores and you
smoke weed and pot
stores oh we had them all
taken down and i’m like he had them all
taken down yeah
maybe he’s trying to
clean this shit up
he had them
there’s nothing
wrong with it it’s beautiful
i think he should embrace it only go with it
you know what we
gotta do is figure out a way
to make joey
famous as a comic
you know it’s almost a
travesty when we go on the road and joey
in ari as well ari
should be a headliner too but
these guys are headliners they’re both headliners and
they’re opening for me
you know people
should be paying to see joey diaz
they should be
going and seeing joey diaz
do a 45 minute set
you know joey
doesn’t like to do long sets like that he’s a
monster for like fifteen
twenty minutes that’s what he’s best at
crushes yeah when
he opened when he opened for you
when you taped your last special
spot yeah i
never seen him
dominated if we oh
does anybody
have yeah i have it you have that i have that
where is it at
i told him i
should have been
on your next
on the dvd no no he
crushed this is what we’re
gonna do he wants
to make sure
he doesn’t have anything
except a couple of
showtime specials a little
10 minutes out and shit
he wants to make sure we’re
gonna do something with him i think at
sal’s comedy hole or something like that
but we set up some cameras
and have joey film there like two
nights in a row
and have a killer set and
i don’t think it
would be too hard to
convince dana to
produce like a joey
diaz little special little
spike special man
dude he was
hard to do a
spike special because they need a name
yes he would crush
what he would
crush on is some sort of a
television show
where people
get to know him but to do a one off special you
gotta have a name that’s unfortunately the problem
what we need to
do is get something and promote it through my website
and promote it through twitter and get it out there
you know and get comedy
central to do something with them that’s
what joey is is is rare
down and dirty
out there in the jungle comedian joey will go and do
20 minutes at a mexican restaurant tonight and
kill like joe rogan i got this fucking new
place i’m trying down near pasadena
you know it’s always like this fucking guy
louis alvarez
send me down there it’s the bomb
they got good pulled pork
and you fucking get a free sandwich you go on
stage do twenty minutes
and he’ll do fucking
twenty minutes for
fifty bucks here
although you know this guy
throws me a hundred i go down there
i go to san covina
go down there do a fucking set
he’s a wild man
so he’s like
always working on his act he’s always like hustling
he’s always
going from place to
place you know
joey’s always
putting new shit together he’s always like
piecing this out he’s like
he’s a real hustle
on the ground he’s a
comic hustling yeah he’s doing comedy hustling on the
grind picking up twos and ones and hundreds
fifties and slap it all together with
some fucking residuals you know what they’re filming
someone’s filming a documentary
on them all this week they’re falling to all
these gigs yeah yeah tell me about this
yeah that’s what they
should do someone
should do it he’s a real american original
there’s no dude he
should be gigantic
he’s that fucking funny
let me show you something here
this is what joey looked like when i met him
this was joey when i met him
joey was like 200 pounds
maybe maybe 220
he was a fucking like a thug looking
big pussy looking character
he was like a big football player dude yeah
and in the time that i knew him
in you know ten plus years
he gained fuck almost 200 pounds
and then he lost a hundred then he lost a hundred
which is incredible that’s incredible right now
how many people do that i mean the joey karate
that did the intros to dvd
and the joey karate now
totally different human
it’s half half his size it’s ridiculous
he was ginormous
what an unusual human being that guy is you know i mean
i am one of the things i’m very fortunate about
i mean i’m fortunate
about everything basically i’m the luckiest dude ever
but one of the
things i’m fortunate is all the cool
friends that i’ve managed to meet and be friends with
and keep in my life all the years
you know and you guys too you know you guys are both
good friends
of mine and i want to hug this out and just
be friends brian
pay attention
if you turn on the air conditioning we
could be your friends
oh i didn’t turn on yeah it’s pretty warm in here
but joey joey is one of
those rare dudes
where it’s like wow i
might not ever meet a guy like him ever
ever in my life
or you i don’t
think i’ll meet another you
oh and you ain’t
meeting another me
bitch i doubt
it another me either stupid
brian what is that hat
there’s like some
legend of zelda
what is it legend of zelda
hey did you hear about that guy that is suing
the hawaiian guy who is suing some
south korean game
company because he can’t function
he’s so addicted to this game that he can’t function
i can see that but
just allowing the lawsuit
though i can see that i can see that
but how the fuck can you sue someone
for making something awesome
all you’re saying is
you made something
so awesome that i don’t want to do the rest of my
shit but what if there was some kind of
clause in the
software that’s like okay you’ve been playing for
three days straight
you’re not allowed to
play for an hour let me play
what if i got money
what if i got
money and i have all the time in the
world and i just say you know what i’m
gonna do i’m
gonna play this fucking
crazy game for a full
month and i’m
gonna make a
documentary on it and that’s what i want to do
i want to eat and
sleep and play this game why can’t i do it
well you could get special
permission from the
game makes you’re
gonna make a documentary
but some of
these people are fucking really like
spending weeks out of time
and that’s on them dude if they
weren’t that they’d be picking scabs
or sticking
things up their ass people are crazy
people are fucking crazy
and if you came up with something that’s so awesome
that they just
wanna do it
every day and they forget to eat fuck them
fuck them you can’t sue for that that’s like anti
evolution whoever that judge is
that’s an anti
evolution motherfucker a
judge who allowed that lawsuit
that’s ridiculous well he
might be allowing it to happen just so he
so the video game
maker will win and no one else will be able to do it
is that true it
might be like that that
might be right
but that seems like
you would want to just
throw it out then instead of
pressing it right away
this is not
gonna be accepted you can’t sue someone for that
i mean there’s no legal
but you’re saying something so awesome
that i can’t go back to regular life i can’t function
internet’s getting to a
point though
where it’s like a drug like any
other i went without a dude for five days all i did is
i and you were
jones and weren’t
twitter twitter messages up no i was okay
i was in hawaii i was okay
we’re just fucking hanging out all day
all i did was go
on twitter like a little bit and look at some fucked up
videos and some people say
you know why
you still had to go
check but you know what i did
though i only did it with my ipad i didn’t go online
i didn’t fuck with my forum
i didn’t i didn’t go on i didn’t
it’ll go to
underground a little bit
there you go but
i didn’t do it nearly as much as i do during the day
it is but i
think it’s a good
try to do a week with zero
okay but why
just see if you can do it but i
could do it
i mean people have done it
yeah my grandfather
lived without his
whole life he
never got online
yeah but there’s
to death you’re in hawaii you could
could have done it easily
sometimes you sit down and you go i wonder what’s
going on on twitter
maybe somebody posted something life
changing must have information i must figure out
nonsense ghetto gaggers
calm sign i want to
see the next
thing i’m gonna hire
someone to sue me for being a dick
to do my music
that’s a good
no seven o’clock
strike force is on
right now we’re
gonna end this
go to what is the website
tenth planet jj com
free techniques till
october one all of them are free and if you
never done some
jiu jitsu find a
place near you there’s
tenth planet affiliates all over the
country if you can’t find that find another jiu jitsu
school it’s the fucking most fun
thing it’s great way to exercise
you don’t have to
think about doing boring shit like
going to the gym and riding a bike it makes it fun
brian redband com pet sematary
on funnier day pet sematary it is very
funny it’s very disturbing but brian is a
funny little character and he always makes
funny things and
thank you very much for
tuning in my friends we
appreciate it this is the extended
three hour version
of the podcast
never to be repeated
this is the one time we babbled all the way to
strike force
but i hope you guys
enjoyed it and
as always i love you bitches thank you