Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

start broadcast
and then
update to update the twitter
and then i always like to watch my own channel
so let’s go to your own channel
so you can see what the chat is
and then i press pause on that you know on this
no no yeah
and then update your internet tonight
update my internet go to the faster one
you’re gonna get addicted to oh nice colors
pretty
pretty pretty
this is a little stick before
twenty one minutes ago that’s twick c
now people are gonna ask questions it’s just gonna
twitter
website
what is my u string
yeah just click
or go back to the other page you know
zepha but that’s not it
i think this one is it
or that one is it yeah
you don’t want to have too many windows open
because you’re gonna be killing your internet well
it’s killing right now yeah
so i would except that one and that one
maybe even close your tweet dick
well
not tweet dick i guess it only upstates every once in a while
i’m a lot in right
she already
say you’re already getting it
i think that’s huge
yeah
oh you got screen burn in
huh you got screen burn in
what are you talking about
go back to your message board for a second
that tatted on the way right
see that yeah what is that looks like screen burning right
but it’s only the image that’s boil
i think this is transparency issue
okay what is the channel though
this isn’t the channel it is right
try upstream
upstream
tv backslash channel joe rogan life
like yeah right there you could try it out yeah
yeah
just
kill that
damn this is so as fuck right now yeah
and then when we get fancy
we could put your website up dresser
we put graphics and all that stuff
this is slow as fuck
pause that one screen you know
where we’re watching yourself live yeah
okay
hi
so this is how you guys doing
hi we’re doing great
it’s cold
hi everybody
if you want to watch the chat
you click on this
and
people get chat live you know
that’s good
oh oh oh oh oh
we are
broadcasting live
this is my office
this is
brian recal
ak redband
hollow world
the fuck is going on
oh the questions are coming in now
how are you guys doing we’re doing swell
i don’t think we’re quite high enough for this
off camera marijuana use
pull it into the camera
the fuck is that fire in this room
what’s going on
ask how is the quality sound and video wise
yeah how’s the quality sound
video wise does it sound alright can you see us all right
当当当
someone says they’re already hard that’s amazing
we got some way hard dude
look at this
this is not this
see this car here uh huh and this
guy’s above that but this guy isn’t on this
what’s that all about see
yeah
huh
so weird
dead air bad brogan where is gold
yeah we just started this it’s not very good i apologize
it’s that person probably no it’s not see is this guy right here
more red see
good sound quality yeah the video and oh see different guy
this guy has tweeted his tweet tweets not coming through
oh that might be yeah that might be something weird
i was talking about the where they said the sound and video
snowflakes falling or a bit annoying oh come on
it’s christmas
video and sound are okay but the snowflakes are annoying
does everybody feel like the snowflakes are annoying is just
one dude that’s kind of
you know anal about what he looks at on a screen
come on that’s beautiful snowflakes
merry christmas you fucks
how you doing everybody
merry christmas my friend
you gonna change it yeah
we’ll just add something else go with bubbles
two of bubbles up
bubbles bubbles
we’ll add bubbles and
there it’s just for that dude
and then we’ll add a clock for that guy this is for two thousand
no we don’t need a clock kill the clock
clocks ridiculous
anyways you can go through it and then if you want to unexit
we’ll take him off
oh this is good
comic book what’s comic that makes you look like a comic book
that’s okay yeah
so then you can see scroll down
that’s all larry
bubbles and snowflakes
flame on let’s see what flame on does that’s really fire
that’s okay
hmm
glow shall we glow no shall not
and you could change like
sometimes they have options so if you wanted to glow less
you could drag that
oh let’s go to the matrix
black hell coppers jardinker maybe
it’s just a matrix though where did i go yeah
see if you oh this is terrible yeah
terrible idea
nasa
it’s an asset just don’t
pixelate
pop art always look gross
thermal thought bubble there you go
and then you can type in what you want right there i love it
okay that’s good
how much does the shit is annoying
probably the bubbles the bubbles are annoying and
me just sit in front of the fucking computer
just go and how about this
how about that’s annoying there’s people watching this like
why don’t you show them this awesome box at somebody yeah
this is an awesome box that
some
wonderful couple harry got me
i’m not sure if the dude made it or the girl made it
but this is like a killer stash box that
these two cool people gave me well
actually the guy made it
because the girl made the pipe now remember
the girl’s a glass bruh blow up
what is this wild box with like this cool alex gray art on it
and it’s like a really trippy stash box
and some guy made it to me and
gave it to me after one of his shows
i wish i knew to do his name
because this is very cool and the box has like
a little place where you would keep your tobacco
and she made me this
killer little pipe
and he made a get it away from the snowflakes
but whoever they are if they’re watching this highly unlikely
but nobody’s watching this
thank you what we have ten people in here now
is it so a hundred thirteen are ready wow okay
this is like
a hundred thirteen peoples like a show at a comic club now
i feel pressure
hundred thirteen people’s like we have to be
we have to be entertaining so
let’s read the torter feed and see what the fuck is up bitches
let’s see the stash how dare you it’s not a stash
this is medicine
it’s this is called train wreck
you see right there and you see right there
this if you don’t know if you’re from out of town
that red cross in the marijuana leave
this is medical
marijuana so this is totally legal in the state of california
it’s pretty trippy because
you drive down the street
and i was driving down the street yesterday
and we were looking for places
where we could
you know like we could see how many places are near my house
there’s like fucking
twenty places within a
couple miles of my house that i can go
and a lot of them they just say
collective on it they’ll say like
you know west hills collective or you know
fucking dick street collective whatever
and it’ll have a red cross and that’s all you need to know
and everybody knows that it’s weed they have green letters
everybody uses green letters
and they’re everywhere and you go
and if you have one of these right here
this is brian’s if you see this
this is a real legitimate recommendation from a doctor and this
all you do is you go to a doctor you say
marijuana helps me sleep whatever
and the doctor will give you one of these
legitimate recommendations
a legal prescription in the state of california from marijuana
and then you go to these places and
some of them
you can pay with a fucking credit card it’s the trippiest thing
ever
you buy weed with a credit card and you’re like
what year is this
it’s two thousand and nine
but the rest of the country is still living in the dark ages
colorado is catching up colorado has a bunch of places now
colorado actually is going to open up
medical marijuana restaurant
and they’re gonna open up some thirty thousand square foot weed
superstore and boulders
fucking gigantic it’s like three stories isn’t texas
even doing like a vote soon or yes
yeah
a lot of people are trying you know a lot of states are trying
massachusetts recently made it they decriminalized it it was
they don’t have any medical law yet there
but now it’s completely
not legal but it’s not illegal
it’s a weird thing like
you’re not allowed to sell it like possession is one thing
but selling it
is a different thing you’re still not allowed to sell it
which is fine like people fucking grow it you know really
fucking hunter s thompson had it right
hunter s thompson when he was running for sheriff
he was saying that no drug
good enough to be taken should be allowed to be sold
that was like a law that he was going to pass an aspen
and he was going to call aspen fat city
he was going to change the name of aspen to fat city
he was going to tear up all the roads
and sod the streets so there was all dirt roads everywhere
he fucking
lost by four hundred votes it’s only four hundred votes
if he won if he was
the sheriff of aspen that would have been fucking bad ass
but one of the things that he wanted to have was that
any drug that
you can take that is good enough to be taken it should be legal
and he’s fucking totally right
you know if people want weed
it should be
people should trade things for weed or you know what fuck it
you should be able to buy it if you want to
but the problem with that is
you know then you’re gonna get some
really unscrupulous people that just want to sell pot
you know they just want to sell it
and they
didn’t want to make profit off of it and then it becomes
like anything else
they try to cut out the competition
like one of the weed stores
that i go to there’s a guy right next door to them
opened up like i’m talking like right next door
like there’s maybe like one storefront between
two wheat stores
and the guys pissed off and he’s fucking this guy’s a dick
that’s totally not in the spirit of
you know what marijuana is supposed to be
i mean you’re not supposed to be opening up right next to
stordo dude until his competition
but he shouldn’t be like fuck that dude
you know what’s that dude doing
he’s just another dude selling weed
yeah i shouldn’t be doing it right next to you yes correct but
don’t be an asshole
you’re fucking selling weed pal
you know
you ain’t fixing the world
hunterist thompson is my hero and i’m planning full sleeves
of ralph steedman art are you really wow
that’s a fucking good idea
steadman
steadman or steedman i forget i say his name is his steedman
fucking i love his art his arts perfectly goes like
what’s the word i’m looking for compliments
hunter s thompson’s writing you know that guy
just
fucking nailed it from the very first time they worked together
when they did that
the kentucky derby is decadent and depraved from that story
all the way on to fear and loathing in las vegas that
ralph guy he fucking nailed it
he was hanging with hunter he totally got the vibe that
hunter was writing
he totally got where hunter was seeing things
you know
i just started getting into hunter as thompson really recently
i was i guess maybe a year and a half ago i was
staying in a hotel room in seattle
and i ordered up ganzo on
the paper view in the hotel
just because that nothing else looked good
said fuck it i’ll just check this out and
immediately became a hunterist thompson fan
start reading his books and
i’m reading the one i’m reading out
the one i’m reading now is this one great shark hunt
it’s great it’s got everything in there it’s got
a bunch of his different shit
fear and loadings in there
the kentucky derbies in there
a lot a lot of great stores like a collection of his works
the quintessential
well it’s need to open grow homes with retail fronts yeah
man keep it all easy that’s what i’m talking about
if you never been to a grow room before
i’ve only been to one grow room
it was pretty interesting there was
a place in la
where
it was a full service place you can get a prescription there
you could get weed there and you could
they could get weed there and they grew it
so there was like this
back room where they had all these lights set up
it was pretty fucking trippy man
like it was a big ass room
and it was filled with these plants and they were all lit up
and you walked through the plants and
like yeah they were alive
you know they’re living plants but it felt like
like they were conscious like maybe it was because i was really
high
that might be but
maybe because i was really high i was able to tune into it
but it was it was a very
weird sensation
it felt like i was around
like living entities
like it didn’t just
feel like they were plants it felt like they were alive
you know it was very strange it’s cool
i thought about
i was like
that’d be cool to have something like that in my house
but that’s pretty illegal
federally at least
you know
if they caught you with a bunch of plants in your house
you know they’d be like hey
bitch what are you doing with those
you’re allowed to have a bunch
you can have like up to six plants
you actually allowed that more
because you have that x special oh
that’s right i have an exemption
because i’m a fucking real stoner
is two of these fucking with us here
now but you can totally turn off that second one this one yeah
sorry folks getting organized this is the first time
i’m always threatening to do some shit like this and i never
fall through
why were the ufc ring girls fired
i do not know they were very nice
all of them were two girls were fired they left ariani who was
very nice person as well
i’ve been friends with her for years she’s super cool chick
and hot very hot
probably
classically beautiful like it doesn’t get any more beautiful
her face very nice person
too you can follow her on twitter she’s on the twitter
she’s the one with the fake wig still working
why’d you talk about fake wig
how dare you first of all how dare you
how dare you fuck with her whole career
the one with the fake wig
she has a fake wig what are you talking about
the one with the big hair
the seventies hair she looks like she has seventies hair i am
she just started like maybe oh the belonging yeah
her name was logan
she did not have fake hair that was her hair that was real yeah
she just had some curly hair and that’s how she wears it
very nice girl i thought they land a housewives thing
you know how that wigs are back
so i thought that was one of those
you might be right
you might be right
in land
you ever watched that housewives with land show oh
there’s nothing like first of all
there’s nothing like white girls
around black girls when they start talking black
i love that shit
i love when white guys do it
i love when white girls do it to me it’s just like watching
chimps at the zoo when they fuck each other when they go crazy
it’s like wow
this is weird it’s interesting
when white people around black people they start acting black
there’s no better example than the stephens of gall show
holy shit if you see what he does that
he pulls up to a group of black people’s like what up
cause what’s going on oh
dude much love much love he talks black
like really condescendingly
and then you know when he’s in the car when the camera’s on
he’ll talk like buddhist
says it says like stupid shit you know
the the one monk was walking with the younger monk
and the younger monk says
what is the way of buddha
and so the older monk throws him in the water deep
he talks it like
he’s two totally different dudes he talks like the
steven cigar who’s like the mystical man
and the steven cigar
who is this fucking strange cop in louisiana he has a
southern accent that he uses part of the time part of the time
and then occasionally he drops the southern accent
and he goes with a full on black
accent like way he’s in the hood
but steven cigar is a fucking cop like for real
like he puts on a bulletproof vest
he gets in his fucking car and they go fight crime
and it’s like who is letting him do this
like how crazy
is it that all you have to have is a cup of fucking movies
have you seen his website
oh it’s genius yeah it’s awesome
is it stephensugal com
i think so i’ve seen jim can you see jim kerry’s website yeah
jim kerry has the most amazing website in the whole entire room
it’s a pretty cool
i’ve never seen a better website yeah it’s very very unique but
when i see websites like that
i wish i still tripped on shrooms all the time
because i would just sit in his website on yeah
no shit
beyond the mine’s eye
yeah the ciccles show is fuck
oh what the fuck oh
we’re gonna attacked
this behind me this sign
is a point of controversy from the mansion when i hosted
the i know is terrible
listen we thought it was terrible too
we got we got fucked
when we
when doug stan hope and i want to do that show they lie to us
they told us you can do nudity
we’ll blur it out
you can swear
we’ll beep it out we want you to go crazy we want to get sued
it’s gonna be great publicity
and then when we started doing it
first of all
janet jackson pulled her nipple out and everybody went
fucking crazy shit crazy
we’re still feeling the effects from that it’s amazing
like literally television got set back
a decade because of janet jackson’s nipple
and the big thing
was that they were showing it during the dinner hour
and children were watching well
isn’t like a woman’s nipple are we that fucking crazy
it’s not like she had a rifle up or pussy it’s a fucking nipple
you know that’s where baby’s feed it’s
is it that offensive that’s for babies
it is mass i mean talking about it
being during the dinner hour
somebody had a really good point when this happened like
he said isn’t that like the first meal
that’s like the dinner yeah i mean it’s breast
yeah you see that winning since you were a kid well
ever you know what especially having kids on my own now
when i see
mrs rogan make fucking milk with her tits and i’m like i see
the tits are dead to me i don’t suck on them anymore
but what’s more important
is that you look at them and you say that’s like
those are
that’s like where food comes from like it’s not offensive
but anyway this thing behind us make me hard
this is how fucking stupid they were
when we were doing this show
there was an argument
and we hit we came up
with a game show called make you make me hard
and what it was is the guy would be strapped into a chair
and he would have his box on his dick and with a
light would go off on the box
and you know the light would indicate that he has a boner
and so we’d have like midgets
eaten bananas and shit and oh
he’s getting hard you know
it was kind of coin
but what we really the reason why we did it is
one of the gags was we had this really hot chick
and she climbs all over him the audience is going
fucking crazy they’re going nuts
and this really hot chick
at the end of this he pulls her tits out
he’s sucking under tits
whipped cream the whole deal
and then she pulls her panties off and she’s got a dick
and the audience goes crazy she was a tranny
and i mean i’ve never heard a bigger wave of disappointment
that when this
this tranny pulls out
this dick and she was taking all kinds of hormones
so it was like a dick that had been poisoned
it looked like dead it was like like dark
it was dark and shriveled up like it burned like chemically
burned like it was like a
little dead monkey dick when i smell it
and she pulled it out
and she starts like swinging it around
and the fucking audience went crazy and
the guy sitting in the chair
just had this look in his face of heart well
they approved all that
but what they wouldn’t approve is the name of the show
make me hard
they said that we had a name of the show make me stiff
like this is like an argument
like for real like there’s a difference like
they mean the same thing just make me stiff doesn’t sound
doesn’t sound quite as funny
really doesn’t matter i mean what’s the difference
but the point
was that they were willing to argue this that was a big
deal for them
and that shows you how these shows work
the best shows like
like stand up comedian so if you take a guy like dave
chapelle or you know cat williams or anybody any
good comic that you like
they write all their own shit
they write it
they perform they’re saying shit that they think is funny
they are the producer
they are the performer
they’re the whole ball of wax they’re the writer
they’re everything
and that’s why you get a pure product
because you get a product that’s from this dude’s mind well
what happens is when you like start working on a television show
these people that are working for the network
somebody has to work for the network
and you would assume that the people
at the very top of the food chain
are the perfect people for the job
but that’s not true
they’re just people that somehow never got that fucking job
and a lot of them they like to think that they know what’s good
they like to think they have an eye for and they always
want to put their footprint on it
they want to put their hand print on it they want to change
something
anything that
i think the background should be blue we’re gonna
ruin the whole show with this red background
and they’ll go crazy and they’ll fucking fight over this why
because they want to be the one to say well
it was me that decided for the blue background if
they didn’t go with that blue background
the show was shit am i right
and then the wife will agree with them
and they all get fucking pilled up together
this is what they argued over make me hard so this is
i got to keep this sign
because it was useless
because we had to change the sign to make me stiff
like it’s okay to pull out your fucking dick
it’s okay to have a guy strap to a chair
thinking a chick is on top of them
and this chick pulls out this wrinkled poison black dick
that’s okay but you can’t call it hard you have to call it stiff
it’s really that dumb it seems like i would be exaggerating but
that’s why dave chipel walked away from the shepel show
it’s just because
having when you’re a comic
having somebody else tell you what’s good and what’s bad
like there was one of the things we did in
the man show where we wanted joey diez
if you don’t know what joey diez is
his twitter is mad flavor
one word
at mad flavor
and joey diez is
one of the funniest dudes i’ve ever met in my life
he’s like one of the funniest human beings to ever live
and joey was
like three hundred fifty pounds he’s down to three hundred
but back then he was like three hundred fifty
and he would always get naked we get naked all the time
get naked on stage
and his balls literally
look like grapefruit in an old lady’s pannyos
i mean they’re fucking ridiculous
and he doesn’t shave them
but they have no hair on them
like he has no hair on his arms
no hair on his chest
and he’s fat as fuck
and we wanted to have him
introduce us to the beginning of his show
he kicks open this door
and comes out yelling let’s get this party started
and his balls are jingling and it’s fucking hilarious
first of all hilarious he’s joey’s hilarious
no matter what he could read doug stand
hopes that joey ds could read the phone book
and it’d be finer than most of the shit
you see on late night tv
and that’s toll true
but they were like that’s not funny what’s funny about this
this is not funny
no one’s gonna lie it was like a big argument
and i said listen let’s do two openings
we’ll do one regular opening
and then we’ll do one opening with joey well
we did the opening with joey and they went fucking crazy
of course everybody was screaming and laughing and young
and it said the tone
the tone that we wanted to have like this is
we’re just trying to have fun
we’re not you know we’re not trying to be relevant
or we’re just trying to have something
that people enjoy let’s have fun let’s have a fucking good time
but it was almost impossible to try to have that good time
when you have
you know other people like
that aren’t necessarily funny at all
and they’re like putting their input into what’s
what should be in this comedy show
so doug and i got fucked but
the most important thing is that we had a good time
and we came well
we were always good friends but we came great friends doing it
all right what else what’s going on here
the snowflakes what you don’t like the snowflakes
they’re dragging the video stream down oh
you know what you might be right dude
the snowflakes might be fucking us
freedom
no more snowflakes is that better everybody oh
sure it’s better my fucking my internet’s gay
you need to upgrade that i can’t believe you have
i haven’t done that i
live used to be on top of the game i live in a so i know
he used to have the fastest internet back when internet was
you know twenty eight k fifty six k used to have one back with
no i asked
the end first and i got a t one line installed in my house
t one that’s like where i’m fifty six k moses for
business lines i mean they only had it at businesses and
i live way the fuck outside la and
it took a long time for us to get like dsl and shit out here
like i couldn’t get cable i used to have to get satellite
direct tv
so so
they the only thing they had that was really
fast is this thing called a t one line
but it was a thousand bucks a month
that was a lot of news radio i was like i was totally new rich
you know i was like okay
so when that happened i was like okay
let’s do it thousand bucks a month come on
let’s do it and so i got this crazy
super fast internet pipe installed in my house
but now i got this gay dsl
this is not very powerful
i need to upgrade i’m gonna get some of that atntu vs loving
what else we got here much better is that much better
thank you good
yeah because once you get that then
that’s why i asked you to get a wi fi
check the dude in the background for a pulse
well it might be a vampire
team jacob
what the fuck is going on with america we have
rock stars that don’t fuck
all right the jonas brothers
we got vampires that don’t bite anybody
we have pop stars they can’t go to sleep so they they get
literally sedated every night we have golfers getting fucked
we got america
that’s freaking out
because an ugly rich guy is getting a lot of pussy
a cheating on his wife
he’s cheating on his wife he’s a black athlete
like is that really a big shot it’s ugly
it’s amazing that a guy like that
all you have to do is be good at something
and acquire a bunch of numbers and
he could fuck all these girls like he’s not even paying these
girls it’s incredible
because one of the girls was like asking for money
and he’s like i can’t help you
like he’s not even paying them
so he’s just like billionaire dude
and he’s banging these cocktail witches
and they’re struggling with their bills and he won’t even
fuck over any cash
like how hard would it be for tiger was just slip her ten grand
you know what’s the big deal she
lets you fuck her like do you have a mirror in your house
like you’re getting something out of this man
you get to fuck her
and all he wanted was just give him dick like that’s all
you get you get dick
you don’t get no money
and on one hand i gotta say the dude had a very strong pimp hand
you know that i kind of respect that
but on the other hand i would feel like
maybe she’d give her some money
maybe she wouldn’t
be making a fucking
tell all book if you were really nice to her
and you gave her the money that she needed
yeah tiger is handsome so says gay man synthesis
tiger is handsome
okay you know what he’s not ugly but he’s not like
he’s not jacob
looks kind of like a bug
he’s not a handsome man he’s unfortunate looking
you know i mean he’s
very well built he’s very athletic he’s obviously very
driven he’s got a lot of attractive qualities
uber successful
but you can’t say that he’s
you know i mean like who’s classic you don’t like your guys
you don’t like your guys black
sure i do
if it was like that tyrice dude that actor dude that’s a very
handsome man that’s a handsome motherfucker
if you found out that he was
banging sixteen chicks across the country
you’d be like that’s it
only sixteen
figure you have fucking ten in each
town and he was plowing that guy’s a stud
you know but tiger doesn’t look like that
tiger doesn’t look like a male model he looks like
an unfortunate mix of ethnicities
hey but you know whatever
whatever
hey look
i’m that dude redband out please look i’m that dude from crawl
no the movie crawl cyclops
you know as the fucking shit that
pans labor ninth thing that had the eyes on his hands
that waremo del toro dude is pretty bad ass but
i gotta say his book sucks
the strain
really good book for like
the first hundred pages
and then you got tired of writing
it just fucking and just finished it like real sloppy
like really bad action scenes like
the killing the vampires like so easy it was really stupid
it was really good in the beginning
i was like what a great premise
the fucking airplane lands everybody in the plane is dead
they can’t figure out what’s going on
the alternative vampires
it takes over the whole city it’s pretty fucking badass
it’s one vampire like infected the whole plane
but then it just
turns into dog shit
most of the sixteen hose aren’t that attractive this
man is saying that
that guy was not banging
pretty girls he had a few stragglers in there
but overall
those chicks are pretty goddamn hot
you know better than what that person’s getting
this guy right here i mean he might be getting me there
but i mean
some of them like that rachel uchitail chick that chicks hot as
fuck
and then the other one that was on the reality tv she’s pretty
goddamn hot too
he had some pretty
pretty attractive women in his stable
what’s joeydia’s twitter game mad flavor
see this is one of the things that we can do
you can hit this text
okay add a new text
and so if anyone ever asked you can just type in oh
here we go i’ll tell you follow
and redband
i don’t even have a thousand yet you don’t know
i never pimped my twitter oh yeah you guys got a fall redband
and then you can shrink the size and
right below font sauce right here yeah
yeah if you just drag the thing left and right
there we go and then you can move the box
like maybe move it to the top or something
that’s wherever the location is over the bottom
you just click on the box and then drag it
no no did the other way wouldn’t do it
really hip position and then just drag
won’t let me down that black box
i know it won’t let me grab oh there
we go
news radio or fear factor
which show was more disgusting to work on ha ha ha ha
fear factor for sure
but fear factor paid more money
but news radio was way more fun news radio was a
news radio was like a privilege you know was like
what the whole time i was doing i was like i can’t even believe
first of all i couldn’t believe that i
was on a tv show that was just like
because i didn’t
didn’t really
do much acting before that i
acted on one other sitcom that i got from doing stand up comedy
and
in nineteen ninety four i’d only been doing comedy six years
so it’s like i was still pretty raw as a comedian
and also that i’m on this fucking tv show i was like whoa
and then i’m on the show
not only i’m on a tv show i’m on a tv show with phil hartman
and i was like
this is fucking nuts
you know and dave foley and andy deck i mean this is
a pretty incredible
job but fear fact it was just about game
please getting that paper
you know saying shit i know that paper
just like king moses get that paper
brittany murphy thoughts
you know what
i mean
i don’t have any thoughts until i find out what killed her
you know i mean
everybody says that it’s drugs i don’t know if it was drugs
i don’t think
the husband doesn’t want to have an autopsy
kind of strange you know
really strange you know
especially since obviously
there we’re gonna do one
anyways because it’s kind of like why did she die
yeah unless you kill her i mean
why doesn’t that guy want an autopsy if it was a murder case
then of course
he would want an autopsy right
you’d be like how do you
dive natural the only time way
you dive natural causes on you thirty two years old
is if you have like a serious health condition or
if you take something that kills you which is pretty natural
i’ve read that a lot of her close friends
stopped hanging out with her when she got
married to that guy because
of him so there’s something with this guy well
i’ve had some friends that have had some serious
drug problems in the past i had a friend that died from drugs
my best friend when i lived in new york
and he used to do heroin he used to do crack but mostly heroin
and he had like manageable problems with
coke and stuff like that
until you got on heroin and heroin just fucking
sealed his fate that shit that shit just gets in your blood
it becomes a part of you
i mean i’ve seen people
jones and for coke i’ve seen people jones for a lot of shit
but there’s something
really weird about watching people jones for heroin
i mean it’s it’s like they need water
like they’re in the desert and they need water
and when people get involved in this and apparently
that’s what a lot of
the hollywood
kids are doing a lot of them are doing fucking heroin
you know i don’t know what it’s all about
but it’s pretty spooky man
real alcoholics are pretty spooky too like when you wake up
and you’re not the first thing you drink is a beer
yeah
i’ve met a lot of alcoholics
i know a lot of alcoholics
i know a lot of functioning alcoholics
and i know a lot of people
that are just
you know just flat out drunks
especially comics you know
i’ve done a lot of comics that have had real alcohol problems
because they get free
booze and they’re out in clubs every night
and you know
alcohol gives you a liquid courage
and if you’re performing every night
you might be drinking every night or you’re drinking every night
you’re gonna have a fucking problem
eventually that shit’s gonna grab you
conspiracy theories are only theories until proven fact
yeah all
they they’re at real conspiracies
most conspiracy theories are stupid because people want to find
the mystery shit
they want to find bigfoot you know when meanwhile
there’s a bunch of real live animals
that are way more interesting than bigfoot
if bigfoot if we found bigfoot
the bigfoot would be in a fucking cage
right next to the monkeys at the zoo
if we found them if we really caught them
they would be like look
there’s a big ape
you know we got the short ape there’s a big ten foot tall ape
nobody would give a shit
but like killer whales if killer whales didn’t exist
and there was
some animal that people
talked about in legend that was as smart as people lived
in the ocean but breathed air
and had to come up for air
and doesn’t eat human being saves human beings
but kills everything else including great white sharks
a super intelligent being
that’s gigantic and murderous and runs the ocean
people would say fuck that that’s crazy that’s not real
that can’t be real
but it is real
we just know it’s real
and because the fact that we know it’s real
it’s not as interesting to people
people love mysteries we love discovering new shit
like the lockness monster
lockness monster doesn’t do shit
it doesn’t kill anybody it doesn’t do anything
every now that pokes its head out of the water and it was like
whoa i saw it everybody gets crazy
you know meanwhile
there’s fucking crocodiles that are real they’re alive
they’re gigantic they’re like fucking thirty feet long
they can hold their breath underwater for like hours at a time
they don’t have to eat for a year
i mean crocodiles are fucking crazy
they’re literally dinosaurs that are still alive today
they were the exact same ways they are now
hundreds of millions of years ago
nobody gives a fuck everybody’s looking for the logness monster
you know there’s something that people
really really get into
when it comes to conspiracies
you know and i’ve been guilty of it myself you know
like i used to really be into ufos and
all kinds of stuff like that until i kind of realized like
what i’m into is the unknown
what i’m into
is like somehow another is if there’s something that’s unknown
and i figured out and i find it and i know it’s proven and true
then somehow another you gain something from that
i guess you do to a certain extent if you can really prove it
but
mostly what it is is this weird desire that human beings have
for things to prove things
so it’s a very weird thing
conspiracy theory is like everybody’s always looking like for
all sorts of conspiracies that aren’t real
i know this also from
working where i’ve had people
like working with the usc
like people are always talking about the usc wants this
and joe rogan said that because the usc told them saying
the usc never tells me to say shit
they don’t they literally never
tell me what to say my job’s the craziest job ever
i’m just literally the guy who speaks for this
multi hundred million dollar sports company
and nobody tells me what to do
i show up and they tell me what the fights are
and i just do it i try to be professional as possible
i try not to swear occasionally you know it’ll slip up
with that but i’m trying not to swear
but all i’m trying to do is do commentary in the fights
the only thing they’ve ever told me what to do is
when they were trying to buy pride
and pride fucked them over
and there’s this big thing going on back and forth they said
don’t please
don’t mention pride by name you can mention all the fighters
but don’t mention pride by name
because they didn’t want to give
advertisement to that organization
which totally is
totally legitimate totally makes sense to me you know
but they don’t tell me like hype this guy up talk about that guy
don’t mention this guy’s name
and make sure you tell everybody
this guy this is the guy we want to win
there’s none of that there’s none of that zero so
i know that’s a conspiracy that people think is real
that’s not real i know
i know there’s a lot of other ones that people think is real
but there’s ones that are real
you know cam chaos are the ones that i’ve recently turned on yes
that whole thing you talked about the you know
yeah the hair yeah
there’s a lot of people
that would look at those things in the sky and go
what is that what are they doing well
i talked to a pilot
and i asked a pilot about it
and he gave me a very simple explanation
about how water
going through those jets
those jet engines at a certain altitude with certain
you know weather conditions
certain moisture all they have like humidity amidity
because baremetric pressure there’s all sorts of factors
but if it’s the right factors
there’s enough
enough water in it
it’ll create clouds like literally jets create clouds
so all these people like man they’re making clouds look
that’s what happens when jets flies through the fucking air
like the idea that they would be explained cities
poisoning people it’s like
don’t they live on the ground too
right they’re spraying themselves
spraying their families and stuff what do they have shots
they’re taking shots that they don’t get
they don’t experiment with weather but
the majority of the lines you see in the air definitely
there’s legitimate concerns about like that harp program
or they’re fucking
doing things to the ionosphere and you know
there’s for sure
they’re experimenting with weather
because we know that china has a successfully created rain
you know they’ve done successful weather operations so
there’s there are
absolutely real conspiracies
but there’s a lot of goofy ones man
and the problem is it’s very difficult for people
to once they made a decision about one something
like jfk you know oswald acted alone
and people just get that in their head oswald acted alone
it’s very difficult for them to look at contrary evidence
and take it into consideration
like it’s almost like there’s a competition going on they want
their side to be right
and people have a real hard time and our friend
that we were talking about
the chemtrails
didn’t want it but like we’re having an argument with him
while saying listen man
you don’t
know like you say well the research that i’ve done i’m like
you’re watching youtube clips is that what
constitutes research these days
you know
and he was like convinced that kem trails are real and i’m like
they make no sense and the other thing the pilot had that
was a good point was like he’s a pilot he’s like
believe me man pilates would be talking about it right
it wouldn’t be like something
that’s that easy you could just hire a god a fucking spray
every city in the world
every day of the week and they’re gonna keep their mouth shut
plus
all these reporters that are like getting pissed off at like
oil businesses for ripping off customers
what if that you were getting sprayed with poison
wouldn’t that reporter be crazy yeah
it researched reporter you know
it’s silly that’s i think chemtrails are a silly one
not to say they haven’t sprayed people before
not to say that
there haven’t been
some experiments where they’ve sprayed you know
certain bacteria or certain colds
you know over an area to see if they can get people sick well
why not
we know there’s a thing called operation midnight climax
that in the nineteen fifties
the cia ran fucking brothels
they ran hourhouses in new york
in san francisco and they ran these things
and what they did was
they ran the hourhouse so they can do lsd experiments on people
and so they unknowingly
gave these john’s acid
so these poor guys would go in there just to try to
give their you know
their hard earned money you know they probably
you know didn’t even have much paid just
whatever they had to get their dick sucked
and they’re getting dosed with acid
freaking the fuck out probably already feeling super guilty
probably half of them were married
and they just cheat otherwise
and they felt guilty about that
and then they’re dosed up with acid and
dealing with the reality of the situation
we know the cia did that this is
information that was released and the freedom information
act you look it up google it’s pretty interesting
it’s called operation midnight climax
and it’s just one of
many experiments that the cia did
unknowingly on american citizens taxpayers
and they’ve done it forever
and that’s how they do business
and guaranteed that if they did this back in nineteen fifty
they’re doing something like it now
it’s not like they changed it’s not like
these all these like conspiracies
all these things that the government’s done like
operation northwoods
operation northwards
was the thing that they proposed in the nineteen sixties
nineteen sixty two and this was
signed by the joint chiefs of staff and then vetoed by kennedy
and what it was was they were trying to get people
enthusiastic about a war against cuba so
they were planning on blowing up american ships
like real ships they were going to have
mock plane crashes
where they were going to blow up drones in the air
and they were going to blame it on the cubans
then we were going to say that all these people
died and they were going to take
the passengers and
put them under
false aliases and have pilots under false aliases and
that pilot was gonna give maydays and say he got shot down
look that up to it’s really interesting it’s called operation
northwoods and this was a real
plan that they had drafted in the nineteen sixties that
the department of defense drafted up
and the joint chiefsis half signed and kennedy vetoed it
and kenny was like you guys are fucking crazy like what
are you doing
like you’re gonna fake attacks in order to get people
to want to go to war with cuba and that’s
probably one of the reasons why they kill kennedy
you know who knows but
these are real conspiracies they’re real we know that
things are conspired on
the real problem
with conspiracies is nobody wants to look stupid
and when you say that
you believe something like you believe an alien abduction
or you believe
the government killed kennedy or you believe you know anything
nutty we didn’t land on the moon
when you say you don’t believe nutty things
people just automatically
label you a kook instead of looking at it and going okay
what has the government done they really have dosed
people with lsd
with other knowledge they really set up hour houses
the government
the cia did this
really they really
were faking attack they were planning on faking attacks
on american civilians
and blowing up american
ships and blaming on the cubans they really were gonna
attack guantanamo bay
attack soldiers
they were gonna fucking shoot mortars into guantanamo bay
you’re going to kill american soldiers
and blame it on the cubans
and get us to attack them that’s all real
so you gotta keep your eyes open
you gotta keep your mind open
and the problem with conspiracy theories is
people choose one side or the other
you know there’s a conspiracy or ridiculous
and i’m not believing this
or they go well
you know they are the conspiracies are real
and it’s usually not
that black or white it usually takes a lot of looking at
before you get to the real truth
and and the real truth is fucking sketchy
i mean
it’s real hard to have information
about a lot of things in this world
as much information as we have on the internet
there’s still a lot of shit
that you don’t get like bill mark twittered something today
that i was like this guy isn’t even
he’s incorrectly this has all been disproven
he twittered something
an anti christian thing
about mithra
and you know it’s like how fun
he says bill mars is even doing his research
like he’s twittering something that
everybody says
about mythra but it was disproven he gets his news by the paper
here it is mythra born twelve twenty five twelve disciples
died rose on mate on the third day
perform miracles known as a lamb
the way
the truth the light six hundred years before jesus christ
i see what his point is
his point is what he’s trying to say it’s like hey
there was no you
know there was no jesus christ this this
fable this myth has existed in many different forms
but the myth thing is totally wrong
because the myth thing if you just google
zeitgeist the movie debunked this guy gets really into
the mythology behind
you know in zeitgeist they talk about how jesus
really is basically the same
story as all these different stories before
and one of them was mythra and you know so
so bilmarre quoting on his thing that
mither was born twelve twenty five had twelve disciples well
if you go to this other site that this guy
seems like a really intelligent guy i don’t know if he’s right
but he’s talking about anybody’s researched at least
talking about the miss and the ledges of mythra are numerous
numerous in account and spans several different cultures
he says i ran into a brick wall of sorts trying to track down
any of this information
i cannot find any evidence
of his birthday being december
twenty fifth the only dates to correspond to him
are his festival on october eighth and another
on september twelve through sixteenth
a cattle pairing festival october twelve through sixteenth
there’s absolutely this important part
there’s absolutely no evidence anywhere
that he had twelve disciples or twelve of anything
for that matter no
mithras scholars seem to know about it
he was not born to a virgin
but rather out of solid rock
so i mean it’s it’s really
really interesting people like you know
there’s not there’s not enough research of information
people don’t really look these things up
they quote a little bit of something
they saw on the internet
and that’s the problem is there’s no there’s no way
you can have access to everything
there’s no way you can know about everything
it’s impossible
so there’s going to be a lot of shit
that you’re talking about you form
an opinion on
when you’re really just talking out of your ass
and that’s
where most people are when it comes to conspiracy theories
you know everything with everything
people talk either ass and because people have a
huge vested interest in being correct about things
you know people
hate being foolish the hate being the dumb one
the hate being uninformed
you know people love correcting people
they love like your is
you apostrophe r e as in you are you know okay
you’re a fucking awesome dude because you spotted that guy me
while i’ll do that all the time
that’s kind of why i like the iphone how it always
fucks up my texting and stuff like that
because then
people are starting to slowly less do it to me now because
everyone’s doing it
conspiracy theory with jesse ventura i haven’t seen it
i haven’t even brian didn’t like it it was alright
i don’t know jesse ventura is one of those dudes he thinks
because he’s a navy seal
or he’s a former navy seal
that he has inside information
i’m a former neighbor thrill
that opian anthony thing just really got to me on both sides
yeah you were upset at jim norton well
i was on both sides
that got me upset i thought they both handled
it it’s hard having a fucking intelligent conversation
seven o’clock in the morning got down
you know
whenever i do those morning radio shows i’m always like
like what am i even talking about like most half out of it
mumbling shit
it’s hard to wake the fuck up it’s like
you have to drink coffee if you’re gonna do
one of those morning radio shows
you really can’t go in sober
you gotta have
a little bit of that in a cup of coffee
mothra or rodan
i was more of a rodan
fan i thought mothra was kind of a faggy monster
big stupid moth that’s a dumbass
yeah i mean
why don’t i have a giant roach people like
roach as roaches are scary as fuck
why do you want to have a big stupid moth
you don’t the japanese had a bunch of crazy ass monsters
they still do they still do those
gods you know
they still turtle remember that turtle god says is that rodan
rodan to turtle yeah yeah
rodan’s a turtle
come on man the fucking turtle yeah
you know they still do the godzilla movies with the people
in the costume
i heard they still make them in japan
we have no confirmation
see this is another
another thing that we’re talking out of our ass
we don’t really have we’ve done no research you know
sick isn’t that what that means what’s a sick
what happens to the ice man
now you know i don’t know man i don’t know
is if i type on this is this gonna go to my twitter
ahan’s gonna twit okay
so how do i tell people to follow us on this thing
seat you can add new chat you can add new chat boxes
oh even on twitter yeah
i’m gonna post this on twitter get people to follow us
when you post on here
automatically makes the link it does yeah see
see how everyone has this link your link underneath it
is that cool okay
what is this hajio rogan net net what is that
that’s just what
you don’t have to put hajio rogan net net okay
being courageo yeah
that’s for other people so they don’t get nervous
when you put sick in like commas or
does that mean kind of or like approximate
excuse me when people write sick
sic
oh spelling incorrect oh
it’s when someone uses a poor gram where i pour spelling oh
it’s all this time i thought i’d miss
how high am i right now one to ten four
probably at four
yeah i’m at that hide at all not very high
there’s two hundred thirty you motherfuckers in here right now
we’re rolling strong bitches
two hundred thirty merry christmas
merry christmas to all of you
all right what else you might have a fan of gi kundo
i’m a fan of bruce lee i’m a fan of his idea
his idea to add all the mart i mean he was really
the original mixed martial artist
when i started out as a kid
i did karate and then i started doing taikwando
and each one of those
disciplines karate and taikwando wanted you to think that
their style was the best style the end all be all style karate
they didn’t want you training with taekwondo people
taekwondo people
they didn’t want you training with karate people
you know
judo people didn’t want you training with kung fu people
it was like everybody was like really attached to their style
so really
bruce lee and jekundo that’s the original mixed martial art
that’s the original guy to look at you know
all the different systems and take what’s useful about
from each one i mean bruce lee was a
he was a genius when it came to martial arts way
way way ahead of his time
i like this because the questions are slower and twitters yeah
this is pretty cool
this is the first time i’ve done this
like i said i’m always threatening to do this
but we’re doing it now
you motherfuckers
subverter talk more about hunter s thompson
i love that feeling where the truth just hits you
hunters thompson was a fucking genius
he was one of the very few dudes that really captured
the anxt of the sixties and the seventies
the nixon era and you know that
he was a part of the acid culture of the sixties
he was a part of the culture like
the san francisco hate ashbury movement where it’s like
everybody was doing acid all these people were like a good acid
so all these people were like really coming together
and they were really releasing their egos and their self
identity and kind of like
losing themselves in a movement and then
this hippy movement of the sixties
which seems like really stupid now
we look at it and it’s like god
look at these idiots of their long hair
and their stupid clothes
but what they were doing was they were
they were radically departing from the previous culture
i mean the difference between the fifties
and the sixties is fucking gigantic
the difference between like buddy holly and
jimmy hendrix is like
you know i mean that’s that’s another world
i mean that’s not like a ten year evolution
that’s an evolution that would have taken hundreds
or not maybe not even gotten there at all
it’s almost like
you they needed the drugs
they needed acid and mushrooms and pot
and payote they needed all that shit and heroin
to launch themselves like from one
one frequency
to the next one
and the sixties were a totally different frequency
when it came to music
when it came to culture
and that
set the stage
for what happened the seventies and the eighties
and with a really crappy music that came from
the the eighties and
some of them in the seventies but definitely the eighties like
what that is
is like this consciousness this incredible music where
these people were like really like tuning into the art of it
in the sixties like
more sixties music is like classic fucking shit
you know that you
you here today and you go god damn that’s a good song it’s like
they they really figured out how to tap into the real shit
know the real energy that makes
that makes art interesting that makes art resonate
and i think they did it with drugs and i think that
the decline in the seventies and certainly in the eighties
was because there was like a void left where the this this this
tuning in this connection to the real pure source was gone
you know it’s like whatever they had hit whatever frequency
they had nailed in the sixties
the echoes of it had died down by the time to eighties head
you know i think
hunter as thompson had a fucking brilliant
story that he wrote a brilliant like
piece that he wrote
the wave the talking about how the sixties is like
was like like a wave and that
when the the sixties ended
you could see where the wave broke back like we’re
they thought that people
could be like where they saw the true potential of
humanity of the united states of
the human race in general
and he saw just roll back and go back to where it was
and that’s what it was
between the sixties and the symphonies you know
and he nailed that shit better than anybody
hunter s thompson’s words today
still when you look at like
especially what’s going on with the bush administration
and what was just like
the clearest evidence ever of
massive amounts of corruption and government where you know
it’s i mean
they they got us into a war that made no fucking sense i mean
and it was obvious like across the board the internet was
you know up the information was being
you know very easily transferred back and forth
and yet it still managed to go through
and
the way he felt about the nixon administration
i mean you literally could substitute nixon for bush
and then insert most of the shit that he said
into you know
there are only two thousands
raw sound does it sound shitty
what do you think about doing a radio show of my own
i would love to do a radio show
the only problem is i don’t think anybody wants to pay me
to do a radio show
i might have to do a radio show like this
because
right now i mean
adam corolla has a sweet setup where he does
podcast and he gets a lot of people to listen to it
and that might be a way to go because
satellite radio is struggling financially and
you know some people make money from it like
you know obviously howard stern makes a lot of money from it
and i think obey anthony make good money from it but
they don’t want to pay anybody else they’re not making
money so they don’t have the money to give out
so i think if i’m gonna do
any sort of turn that out
does it work
is that any better is that louder anybody
if i’m gonna do any sort of
a podcast or something like that it’s gonna be this
it’s gonna be like this
and i saw soldier boy do it it’s also yeah
remember that video
soldier point the guy in the background with his
gold necklace yeah
yeah man
soldier boy is fascinating to me if you don’t know soldier boy
he’s a rapper
a very young fellow who’s
wildly successful
made millions and millions of dogs
and he’s tattooed his entire body in like the course of
like a few months
like all the way up his neck and his face is tattooed and
his sleeves and his chest and everything
i mean he just tattooed the
fuck out of himself with like writing and shit
like really bad artwork
really really interesting he just
i guess he likes it he just went crazy how many times of day
do you think he makes it rain
makes it rain okay does it all day
he’s a small time multi
multi millionaire and he’s only like nineteen years old
and when he became rich and famous
he was only like seventeen
it’s he’s an interesting little study right there
when kimbo says all day what does it mean all day
that’s what it means it’s making it rain all day no
it doesn’t mean mate when kimbo says all day
when kimbo says all day it means he’s fucking dudes up all day
this is how we do
all day when he holds up them dukes
i got some pretty fucking sweet kimbo sliced t shirts
that i just got from my buddies at tap out
really yeah they’re upstairs though
um thanks show me your drawing
my drawings i can actually put those online
this is pretty bad i should put those
he just found his old drawings from when he was younger
and they were amazing
it’s some shit that i
made when i was a little kid
when i was well not a little kid i was like eighteen
say twit pick
oh i can choose a picture from here
yeah yeah i’ll put it up in my twitter
word
i was pretty blown away
he’s really good drawing
and he has these two drawings he did are just
amazing i mean i thought i was good back in the day but he
blows me out of the water back in the day well
cause i never used a technical pen
that’s part these technical pens are awesome yeah
that’s pretty secret yeah
you would love it when i
first started out
when i was i was a kid
i was really into comic books i wanted to be a comic book artist
big bad wolf three
oh cool you already scanned it yeah scanned it
upload a tweet photo it’s uploading
when i was uh this my fuck everything up my gang it’s service
it’s so slow
yeah look how slow this is because this is a big ass picture
it’s like three megs
two megs a second
charter yeah i got it i got a switch
you tweet stuff to you or use the chat oh
tweet stuff to me man don’t
don’t need people chat yeah
too many people chats that shit ain’t
that shit ain’t gonna work
tracy lee just sent me a text message
you guys know tracy lee
from
dana was in the chat you missed it oh
dana was in the chat how’s dana
i don’t know that’s not a real dana she thinks it’s a real dana
why do you think it’s a real dana
how dare you be dumb
how dare you welcome to the internet
can you my cheeseburger you know what
can i have cheeseburger dennis
got no fucking time to be my goddamn chat
prince say you’re a bomb
em i’m in the chat all right tracy i got you right here tracy
i’m in the chat too
the
chat
too and that wasn’t dana you dumb bitch
is tracy lee she’s the combat lifestyle photographer yeah
this is the best phone of all time
the iphone ladies and gentlemen
you really can’t fuck with it we’ve tried every other phone
i’m a technical fucking geek i’m a nerd i love phones
but there’s no phone that can fuck with the iphone there’s no
network that can fuck with varizon though
and that’s the real goddamn problem
so i don’t use the iphone as my main phone
i mostly use the iphone these days as like an internet
device i use it as like a little ten
mini laptop and shit
but for my phone
i use one of these blackberry storm twos
which as a phone is not nearly as good
it’s kind of funky
the typing on it’s not bad the storm
two is definitely better than the storm one
but man fucking
the network it’s a hundred times better
the varizon network
when i had at amp t like when i would drive to jujitsu at night
i drive the same way
and i gotta go through hollywood and my shit would drop out
three times on the way
to hollywood
three fucking times in twenty five thirty miles whatever
it is three times the shit would drop out with verizon
straight through never drops out doesn’t drop out anywhere
i get better reception inside buildings it’s just like better
it’s just better reception period
and it’s not like a little bit better
it’s like several times better you know
it’s like the amount of drop offs that i get with horizon are so
tiny in comparison to the at amp t ones att just
they just got fucked by that iphone that iphone just
overloaded their network overloaded shit out of it
and the things just they just drop you know what
something that atnt has been pushing lately but i and i agree
is not being able to use your data network
while you’re on the phone
varizon you can’t
when you’re on the phone
you can’t check your email and get new email or go on
twitter and get new twitters
while you’re on the phone
you can’t use your data and your phone together
at the same time
did you know that
no i didn’t know that’s huge
that’s bigger than a drop call once in a while i think
yeah that is bigger
you don’t have no idea what i’m talking
no data and not be able to use data talk about yeah
because what if you’re on the phone you can’t get
you can’t get emails or you’re on the phone yeah
that’s gay that’s
and verizon can’t fix that with their current network
yeah that’s gay
that’s why they had that thing
where they show that you can get on the phone
and go any apps look
but that sucks it does suck but i’ll take
being able to use the phone over that
i like using the phone i like look what i’m driving
i get my business done you know what i’m saying
i have to get shit done and i have to talk to people
and sometimes i have conference calls sometimes i do interviews
while i’m driving my car
you know like you would call me up
and you’ll say something like what’s that
how do you do this or something like i’m on
my porn i can’t go my you can’t do anything that’s weak yeah
it is weak but i’ll take that and have a signal i’ll take
not being able to bolt the same time
and have a strong signal right
i’ll take that
and that’s because the cdma
can’t handle two streams at the same time right well
the verizon actually uses older technology ctd actually
has a newer technology which is varizon’s kind of been
in trouble yeah slower network
can’t handle those two things at once
yeah but it still works better
but i’ll take it right four g
isn’t out yet here
somebody wrote soldier boy is a fucking douche
listen do you think you would be any better
if you were nineteen years old and you would be sort of like
millions of dollars he has a juice on the internet
though where he’s showing his money and
stuff he’s a nineteen year old kid
that’s worth millions of dollars like literally oh
yeah you can’t
we would both be i would be retarded
if i was that wrench when i was nineteen
because the john’s brothers are hypnotized by walt disney yes
they drank the disney cool aid yep
they don’t even get pussy
what’s the point
being rich and famous if you’re not even getting laid right
it’s ridiculous
we got rockstars don’t fuck
they fuck they fuck now when they get
married miss tracy leaves in here
she says the sound is fine everybody that’s in that chat
get the fuck out of there
because i’m not paying attention that shit
tweet it tweet it you dirty bitches
how come the tweet is an updating
you’re getting too many tweets per hour really probably
you probably have to go because if this thing’s open
you see two two programs or taking your apis okay
all right i’m gonna shut
shut this one off
i would shut that one this one alright
i’m shutting tweet deck off by tweet deck
all right let’s i’m just trying to optimize here
because like i told you guys
i got a terrible internet connection
but i’m not getting my goddamn twitters so let me update this
bitch right here here
oh here we go
all right you know what
once you get your updated internet
we’ll get you an up an hd camera to
the pope got laid out by a crazy woman
i didn’t i think it was a pope i think it was some
some some crazy trick tried to attack the pope
but some other dude
who was in government got hit in the face
with a statue in italy
what is this they put a ad in front of us they put advertising
what the fuck it’s the newest thing they put some
what are we advertising
this is because i was talking about soldier boy
is that really soldier boy
no soldier boy’s home music just chilling
on my shit
look at all my money
look at all my new sneakers
even the bottom of my sneakers is clean
yeah that’s bullshit
oh shit they’re advertising
please everybody click close on that advertisement fucking
and it don’t god damn heathen show where the
clothes button is race the upper lower
upper left corner right
if you see that that’s right
yeah close that close that shit fucking advertised
that’s one bad thing about you string because i don’t remember
justin tv having that
do they i don’t know justin tv is about to get in trouble with a
justin tv’s getting in trouble with something
they were mentioned in that usc yeah
they’re in trouble well
there it’s obvious
if you have a thousand like
they’re justin tv supposedly working
with the people that are owning the copyright material well
wouldn’t it be easy
if you
noticed that one of your chat rooms went from zero to two
thousand and like a second
you know mmm delete
delete
well
like i said you can’t fight the internet
people gonna figure out a way to put things online
they’re just gonna
i thought that was the real problem
was that people were
taking
a copy of it after the event and then uploading it torrents
but that’s not what the problem is problem is streaming
problem is if you have any streaming
you’re gonna have pirates dreaming yeah
we can’t stop that
i don’t think you can stop it
maybe you can
maybe you can stop it by
cutting back on those sites would probably
stop it substantially
but that’s gonna
kill those sites you know
it’s gonna kill you streams
gonna kill justin tv’s gonna kill those sites like this
where you can just stream anything
you motherfuckers wow
three hundred sixty four people this is like a pack
comedy club ladies and gentlemen nuts
all right let’s take some questions here dirty bitches
wow there’s a lot of goddamn good
what of this marijuana and it increasing brain cells you know
i don’t know if it increases brain cells
there’s been some research that suggests that
and it suggests it also
slows down the progression of all timers i don’t know
it does it does a lot of good for you
though that’s what people need to
understand there’s a lot of drugs that are terrible for you
marijuana is not one of them
marijuana does a lot of good things for you
it calms you down
it relaxes you it makes you take things
i just got a text from bruce buffer powerful
it makes you
makes you consider other
options it makes you consider other
possibilities it makes you think
about yourself
more it makes you think about
whether or not you’re being a douchebag
you know whether or not you’re behaving the right way
marijuana is good for it
does it give you extra brain cells i don’t know
i was gonna write
the copy of the cover of my
shiny happy jihad the first
name for that cd was gonna be weed made me smarter
i was gonna call it that
but i decided that was kind of like
that sentence doesn’t sound smart weed made me smarter yeah
it’s not supposed to be like a correct sentence it’s funny silly
i think that i’m gonna do a book
though called weed made me smarter
i think that’s the name of the book
you know because that’s like a good name for a book you know
that’s like a
it grabs you yeah
that’s something that would grab you you’d want to check it out
do i hear about rick simpson oil yeah it’s like help that
cures cancer or some shit
she melted
dan quinn play
what video games are my favorite of all time quake
i had i used to have a huge problem
that’s why i got a t one line installed in my house
i should play quick every day eight hours a day
did you watch that video
i posted where they go into the airport and just start
spraying people
and what game is that call of duty
the new one the new one
i’ve never played call of duty i don’t want to get addicted man
i got problems
i get addicted to everything i get addicted to pool
i used to play pool eight hours a day
more even sometimes
i used to get addicted to video games that’s why
i’m scared of golf i’ve never played golf
i’m terrified of that shit because i know dudes to play golf
they can’t they sit around all day and practice fake swinging
it’s they get addicted you know and i get
very badly addicted to games
so i try to leave my addictions to things that benefit me now
like pool i like pool
i don’t
play as much as i used to i just fuck around with it but like
jiu jitsu and stand up comedy i try to be more
i try to be addicted to things that are
beneficial to me
instead of things that are just gonna like eat up all my day
which is what pool used to be
for me and what video games used to be for me
i used to have real fucking problems
thank you i’m glad you enjoyed the drawing
i twittered a drawing that i made when i was
i think i was like eighteen and nineteen years old
i used to want to be a comic book artist red dragons
indeed red dragons
have you seen the new preview for the new karate kid movie
no i have not it’s black karate kid
they’re redoing the karate kid but the kid’s black
and i think it’s will smith’s kid yeah
it’s will smith’s kid
that’s awesome we’re easy
karate’s making a comeback man the oda machida yeah
don’t fuck with the karate kid man
it’s marijuana would bring
california out of bankruptcy do you really think
so don’t fuck with the karate kid
you say that like the karate kid was like some awesome moving
dude it’s a childhood memory
they fucked up gi joe
they fucked up transformers with gi joe
whole childhood was gi joe
yes and it was the worst movie ever no
but it made me before that movie what
was it before
which is a cartoon series cartoons
right
they didn’t really fuck it up
though they just made a bad move it was horrible
though it was awful
how fast could bjpen bdaoke man
i don’t know if there’s anybody at one fifty five
they can fuck a bjpen now now
that bj’s taken everything like super serious and training
like a dedicated athlete
he’s a destroyer
at one fifty five just nobody that’s even close to him
i mean no one’s even in
his frequency
he’s in the matrix right now
you know there’s certain dudes that get to a certain point
with confidence with experience
with skill technique
and then you add discipline and conditioning to that
they get to this
crazy place that very few people can reach this crazy high air
and that’s where bj pens at right now right
anderson silva too he’s another one
he’s just in this air
nobody can fuck with
that that’s what’s good about the ultimate fighter
though because it’s kind of bringing new people in that
unknown people you know yeah
but you know
there’s such a gigantic gap
between
these guys that have fought in these smaller organizations
and the guys at the top of the food chain
and you see like with fador million inco like it takes so many
years for a guy to become like the fador of today
and anderson silva’s a perfect example
that like anderson silva when he’s fighting in
pride i mean he got submitted by riochonan
takasi got him in a mounted triangle those dudes were
beating him dudes were submitting him
you know i mean he knocked out carlos dune
but he just didn’t look like the anderson silver of today
and he had to have those fights he had to have those losses
he had to get better
he had to rise
he had to really get his shit together
really focus on his jujitsu and
really become black belt on the ground
so he had this full package
so that he was totally confident and throwing his strikes
cause he didn’t worry at all about being on the ground
and that’s the innocent silver ab now just like
fully complete fighter
but we had to see him evolve it took a long time for him
to become the guy that he is today
and that’s what it takes a long time to make like a full
complete mixed martial artist
and these guys today
i mean the competition is staggering
there’s so many fighters now
i mean there’s so many different organizations
so many fighters and so many guys are good it’s so hard
to advance and to you know
to make it to
the very top of the food
chain in today’s mix martial arts world
i mean it’s so much fucking competition
it’s amazing i mean when i first started doing the ufc
i first started working for them in nineteen ninety seven
and it was tiny
we did the first show in doth an alabama there was nobody there
i mean it was like a thousand people
or something like that on this because
the tickets were really cheap
and because people came to see a fucking freak show
there was nobody
there that knew when someone was passing the guard
and nobody passed the guard back then either
you know nobody knew what the fuck was going on
nobody knew you know
the leg kicks were you know
really bad for you that fuck your legs up people
would see a guy kick in someone in
the legs like what was he doing that
you know like
back
then you were allowed to punch people in the balls you know
you were allowed to pull hair
you were allowed to pull on clothes
crazy the early days did what it is now
it’s really fucking amazing
your face is amazing your fucking face is amazing
don fry retired from mma
don fry is a fucking real man that belongs in a movie
they should make a movie at a don fry
this fucking mustache alone is epic
don fry’s a real man ladies and gentlemen a real goddamn man
three hundred seventy two viewers i pay you this shit’s fine
they’re saying this sounds good
but i think this sounds better when we’ve got close
i think it just needs to point towards your face oh
really have it towards your fucking face
your face is pointing towards your face
where to float com
is that a website where to float com
if you google where to float
i know you can if you want to know about flotation tanks
these are what
this guy’s asking about is a thing called a sensory deprivation
tank and what that is is
there’s a tank filled with water
if you haven’t heard about this before
you could google it and there’s videos of that we made
that you could find online at brian made
if you see any of my videos from my website
and you go wow
those are fucking really cool and creative
this guy makes him
that’s brian rico he’s a fucking video genius bitches recognize
and
we made a really cool one up that explains the isolation tank
but what it is is
a tank of water that has
eight hundred pounds of salt in it and the water is heated
to the same temperature of your skin
and the salt makes you very
buoyant so you lie in the water and you float
and
the fact that the water is heated to the same
temperature as your skin
you don’t feel it
so you’re floating in this water
you don’t really feel the water anymore because the water
in the air and everything
it all feels like one thing it feels like you’re weightless
and you’re flying through space
and when you close the door in this thing
you’re in total darkness you’re in total silence
your ears are underwater you don’t hear anything
and in the absence of any sensory input you don’t hear anything
you don’t feel anything
you don’t see anything and the absence of all that
your mind has no distractions
and your brain becomes supercharged
and you start having
vivid hallucinations and you start
like it’s a really like a psychical experience you really start
you start like really like
researching
your thoughts and getting to the heart of who you are
separate from culture
separate from language
separate from you know your experiences
you get down to who you are
and then when you get to that
once you get past that is when the hallucination start
because you kind of cease to exist as
you define yourself as who you are by your job
the car you drive
the house you live in the family
you have the friends you keep
you define yourself by all these different things but
when you’re in that tank
all those things are gone
there’s no outside world
there’s just the mind
it’s the mind untethered from the body
and when you’re in that state
you kind of transverse
you’d kind of travel
between this consciousness and this reality to another one
you travel outside of this world
you travel to this the world of the deep inner thoughts
you know the deep inner connection
between whatever the fuck this life is
you know the connection
between your consciousness and the universe and it gets pretty
fucking crazy
i have one of those bitches in my basement i do it all the time
is it like a really great power nap no
it’s not like a really great power nap
it’s like a really great mushroom trip
but the best thing about it is you could end it in a second
anytime you want to end it
you just open up the door and your stone cold sober
so you can be in this deep trance where you’re you know
you’re i’ve had really
vivid vivid hallucinations in there where i felt like i was
like i had traveled down
to the very atomic structure of human beings
and gotten through the lowest point
and at that lowest point
as you get lower and lower and deeper and deeper
it became like another universe and the idea
in my head was that
all of this life that we see
you know sub atomic particles to atoms to all these like this
this progression
of things getting bigger and bigger and bigger to
humans to countries
to contents to planets to planets to galaxies to galaxies
to you know to universes and then all this idea
that things just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger well
it works infinitely in both directions
it was like i was taken on a trip through
the whole experience from
subatomic to atomic to planets to flying through space to
space being subatomic to
you know this new atom that exists
and it’s a part of new organisms that exists
that a part of a new ecosystem that exists
that’s part of a new planet that’s part of a new galaxy
that’s part of a new
universe and it goes on and on and on
and i went through this whole thing like over and over again
like multiple times and it was really fucking crazy
it was a very
very vivid and very realistic and very
you know very life changing the whole thing is like
doing it a lot you got to do the isolation tank a lot
and you got to learn to relax
and you gotta learn to give
into the experience because so many times when you’re in there
you’re thinking about things and you’re worried about things and
you think about your bills and your bullshit
and you know i’m gonna lose weight
and i got to do this
and all those thoughts
distract you it’s like
the state of mind that you can achieve
in the sites to listen tank
it’s very similar to the state of mind
that you can achieve
from you know when monks
go through you know decades and decades of intense meditation
like they achieve the same
type of state of mind
but you’re achieving it like with no discipline
so it’s hard to manage sometimes
but if you can learn to manage it and if you
learn to go in with the correct
thought process and to approach it the right way
and maybe meditate before
you go in and calm yourself
and put yourself in a good state of mind
and know how to navigate the waters of these experiences
then you can get to the crazy part
the crazy part it’s hard to get to but it’s there
we should ask them
which sounds better and switch between the three
okay
okay what sounds better well
there’s three settings to this microphone
this is what sounds better this is setting one ready hi
my name is joe rogan okay two
this is setting two this is setting two hi
my name is jorogan is this better does this sound better to you
or setting three
hi my name is joe rogan does this sound better to you
which sound which one sounds better ladies and gentlemen please
tweet now
you’re gonna
annoy the fuck out of people that fight
people that have like that get your phone messages
like sometimes i’ll tweet like
i’ll get baked and i watched it steven sagall show
and i’ll tweet way too much
and i get a lot of angry tweaks from people
it’s annoying if you only fall like below
a hundred people or something
that’s why i start falling more and make it more just like a
chat room almost
yeah i have thousands of people
following them i just hate when people replied like every
single person
that’s ever written them ever wrote them ever you know
yeah that’s a replies that’s a problem
i’m gonna sign into twitter right now
see if it’s the same one sounds best
three you dick three you dick who i’m a dick
one in three are close two sucks hmm one and three are close
let’s do three is louder but one seems better quality
so it seems one three
then two okay it seems like one is the one one one one
three someone yelled out one
one one one for sure one
most people are saying it’s time between one three
so let’s go with one
all right we’re gonna go at one
fuck you and your threes whoa
strong words
very strong warranty
how’s your melrose
oh yeah
i’m gonna be at the melrose improv if anybody’s in la
the improv on melrose i’m gonna be there on new year’s eve
two shows i think it’s eight and ten are you sure it’s two shows
for sure because
i’ve heard one show
and then just on improv website they have it like an early time
that you can go to eat dinner really
and it looks like a second show
but it’s not really two shows well
that’s a problem because that’s so quick yeah
and in vegas the following day at the house of blues yes
the following day january first
house of blues vegas
vegas bitches
and then after that washington dc january
i think seventh or something like that
oh no yeah is that what’s after it
i don’t know upcoming shows
this fucking thing sucks
the improvs website is dog shit see joe rogan dinner
ten p m and nintendo wine
joe rogan show
huh so you did it’s just saying that
you say it says there’s only one show yeah
i think there is only one show
i only have it on your website as one one show ten pm oh
this is gonna be a disaster yeah
oh it’s gonna be okay
crazy yeah if you want to go to the improv
you gotta go now i didn’t think so to sold out
try to buy a ticker right now
oh wait try to buy a ticket right there
oh there’s still tickets okay
you can still buy tickets but
get them quick because that bitch is gonna sell out
maybe we’ll add at eight o’clock show
i don’t want anybody to get shut out
and sometimes eight o’clock is the move you go there
have a show have a good time get your freak on
have a you know have a couple laughs and then go hide
when it comes to midnight so you don’t get bullets
dropping on your fucking head and all the douchebags out here
like the fired guns in the air and get crazy well
i can handle it and they
drink and drive and
it’s very dangerous i got some hilarious video of
last new year’s there of these old ladies
dancing and stuff oh yeah
that’s right
i wish we had that right now we’ll get streaming yeah
we’ll get streaming right yeah
i’m gonna upgrade this internet
weak ass internet i got here
because then once i’ll bring my laptop
and then i’ll
start to be able to just send you video
we’re gonna set it up
like our goddamn fucking tv studio in here bitches
three hundred fifty eight viewers
i’m losing viewers i must be boring fuck
answer some questions here
add a late show in vegas
i don’t think so man late shows in vegas are a nightmare
house of blues is pretty big already yeah
the house of blues is a good size anyway
i won’t the one thing that i won’t do anymore is that well
i used to do the house of blues and i had
most of the people were seated
but then there was a standing room in the back
the problem is
that standing room by the bar
it just becomes a bar and people just start talking
and it becomes a fucking nightmare so
no more shows i’m not doing any more shows ever anywhere
where people have to stand out
while they’re watching the show
and the reason
being is because i went to see doug stanhope when he was in la
and we went to see him
and we’re standing in the back of the room
because he did a standing room only show
and it was like after
like an hour like your fucking back
herds he next starts bothering you
and your it’s not comfortable to stand up and watch a show
i always figured
because i’m on stage
standing for an hour like it’s no big deal like you know
stand for an hour and a half and
talk on stage and it doesn’t feel it’s not a problem
but standing still
watching someone is a big difference
the worst it’s terrible
do you even remember like the last half of that show
because i was focused on my feet the whole time yeah
it’s a terrible feeling and what’s weird is
i talked to somebody in texas
they walked out of the show because it couldn’t
because it was all outstanding ramona yeah dougs show
and they just walked out
they’re like we couldn’t take it anymore yeah
i hate it
so i’m not doing it anymore and i’m having problems with this
because i had a show booked in march at the filmor
the filmor in new york city
and
they said that the whole balcony had to be standing i’m like
fuck that man
give me less money
let’s seep what we can and
but they were like you know
we can make more and money if people
stand i was alright
you’re done and so i canceled that gig
and then the same thing happened in houston
i was supposed to do
the house of blues and the same thing they were like well
you know we can’t we need to have people standing in the back
and i had it booked i don’t know
my agents are not communicating this to the people
or they’re not paying attention
it’s going through too many people before
it gets to the person that makes the decision but
they didn’t want they wanted to have people stand
and i said fuck that
so now
i’m gonna have to find a new gig in new york and new gig
in houston and i’m probably gonna wind up
doing the improv in houston i don’t know
thinking about that
and some maybe one of the clubs in new york city
if you go to joe’s twitter
a website that has his calendar on it you just gain four people
though so people like talking about standing yes
do you remember
do you remember
standing would like wait for a roller coaster
and just stand in like three
hours for a roller coaster like last
a minute yeah
fuck that terrible man
yeah
run it like tom green yeah
tom greens got an awesome setup
i went to tom green’s house where i filmed
his talk show there
and he’s got a fucking crazy setup man like
giant servers and he’s got wires big you know
wires all throughout his living room because like he’s doing it
like serious hardcore style and he’s doing it
or at least back then he was doing he’s still doing it isn’t he
or is he straight paper view now
that he can’t watch it for free at all now anymore right
i think
think so let’s go to tom green live and see
that is that the case
ladies and gentlemen
if it is i think that’s a fucking mistake
i think it is too
that’s a state maybe
it’s the archives you have to be a member to watch
that makes sense
maybe we’ll see we’re going to the channel
he calls it the channel i don’t know what that’s all about
ready to receive stream
oh he’s doing stand up coming
isn’t that crazy
questions about membership and subscription service okay
click here
now
click here okay
welcome to questions about support site hmm
membership full access to ward within collection videos
that’s what it is
behind the scenes
can i cancel any time yes
five ninety five a month not a good price good price
i wonder if he’s making
money doing that four ninety five would have been better now
four ninety five
how about just five bucks yeah
what’s with this fucking five shit
four ninety five that’s stupid man
that tries to be crazy make sure something
five ninety nine just tell me it’s six dollars you fuck
so do you open your presence on yeah
christmas eve tonight
we’re gonna open the presents why do you do
that is something you grew up
doing or something
i’m impulsive i don’t wanna wait
why should i wait i’m grown up you do it at midnight thank
you
do it in an hour or something
i better get some good shit to this
you know what sex is that my parents sent me money
and then i took that money to buy them
presents and actually spent more than that they sent me
if i would have waited and sent them presents first
and then they got me money i would have felt like i got
something but i felt like i just bought them presents
and it’s all about time
timing you know they sent you money to buy them things right
your personal shopper
but if i would have sent them something first
and then got money
i would felt like oh i’ve got some cash right that’s funny
interesting
all right
thanks for spending christmas e with us you’re welcome
molly watt
i’m gonna say people’s names when i
when i read your question
so you feel like i’m talking to you
because i am
were you pissed when you found out there was no santa
or did you find out
i found out there was no santa because i stumbled in
and my parents rapping
shit oh really and i was like
and then i we opened it the next day i thought what the fuck
like i hid and i saw them right and then i just put two and
two together my friend has this video of her daughter last year
and her daughter was like i saw
santa claus last night he had a beard
and he had a big stomach and had the bell and the mom’s like oh
really really
can you imagine fucking lying no
you imagine watching that
i would have to correct the kid i was like listen
don’t lie stop you would have said that yeah
otherwise you can’t see
santa’s invisible no
you can’t lie to me i mean she was like she was like
four three she’s a liar
she’ll fucking see the video
i think it’s very important
to call kids on being a i was a liar when i was a little kid
that’s what i’m saying this
i had a very vivid imagination and not such a good life
so it would always make up stories
and i wish somebody called me on my bullshit then
so wouldn’t take it so long for me to figure out on my own
the people knew i was like right
i didn’t figured out those like ten
you would think pinocchio would have worked
you know when you’re a kid watching pinocchio
i don’t want to know
he’s made of wood wooden
people can’t fucking talk man that’s stupid
why didn’t they make a man
someone says upstate says
i steal your jokes and i use them as my facebook messages
i hope i hope it gets you laid
does it get you laid if it gets you laid i approve
i’ll give you thumbs up sir
show us your breasts how dare you d larosh
how dare you man
so have to keep over these twitters you fucking fuck
that’s good with its twitters
oh it’s good it’s coming in now
will ufc ever have a one thirty five division
i think the ufc in the w
e c the idea is eventually
that it’s gonna be one thing when i don’t know
but i think it should be because i think guys like
jose aldo and yuria faber and mike brown
and miguel torres those guys are fucking awesome they deserve
all the attention that the ufc gets they deserve people
to you know to be clamoring for super fights and to see
big paper view
bouts and you know
madison square garden and fucking you know
the the mgm grand
they those guys deserve to be a
those kind of shows i mean the level of talent
in the wc right now is
staggering and thirty five
hundred forty five pound division
i mean these guys are fucking animals man
and even one fifty five they have some awesome fighters
i think it’d be beneficial to everybody if it was all
the ufc was all one thing
now especially since they own the wc
i think it would help everybody if they could make that happen
if it’s possible
rigorous sack says use that little kid liar in the act
i don’t know if that’s really funny sir
i think that’s
funny right now
because we’re talking about right now
but i don’t know if you could recreate that
it’s not funny enough
to recreate that and say it on stage might be
might be when you’re talking about
if my daughter gets the age where
my uh have you wrote any new conspiracy theory
kind of comedy lately
because i remember
used to be really big into riding like noah’s ark
yeah the heroine conspiracy the mystery
yeah i’ve been writing a lot of that shit lately
my favorite favorite
yeah i’m writing more of that shit
it’s like comedy my comedy comes in big waves of creativity
waves of inspiration is clay gweed okay
yeah he’s okay
yeah you got cut up
kenny florin cut him up with some elbows web beasty
alright okay some other questions here
what’s my take short fuse on jesse ventura’s new show
we already talked about that earlier but
i think people
look for conspiracy there’s a lot of conspiracies that are real
but there’s a lot of shit
that people are just looking for conspiracies
a lot of questions about that jesse venturo show you know why
because
i believe a lot of weird shit so people always
come to me when it comes to conspiracy theories
but like we were talking about earlier like
google operation northwoods
google operation midnight climax those are
some conspiracies are fucking real real and proven
man
i can’t keep up with these twitters google christopher columbus
what did christopher columbus do did not since it’s america
that’s true he landed like the bahamas right yeah yeah
but yet we are celebrate that dude
what am i come to atlanta i don’t know
i think the laughs offer i got from the common club wasn’t good
so i might come to atlanta do like a theater or something
i like comedy clubs i like the idea
behind them i like supporting these
local clubs you know that they keep local comedians
and in business and stuff
but sometimes
sometimes they don’t give you the best deals
it’s brock going to live yes
i believe brock lesnar is going to live
you going back to columbus ohio
i’m going back to columbus ohio
we’re trying to go back in march but
it didn’t work out
i’m gonna get a wonder i get my tattoos done
i got him a few years ago
i’m gonna do my right arm soon
are you really yeah
i’m gonna do aaron della vadova the guy who did this arm
is he gonna do that i’m gonna do the new one yeah
it’s what do you think it’s gonna be badass but i’m gonna do
samurai versus a tiger
one of those classic samurai versus a tiger in japanese style
tattoos she make the background be a circuit board now
a circuit board
hmm
maybe i think about adding something weird to it
we’re still talking about right now
he hasn’t drawn everything yet
damsel fucking questions
damn you’re only five minutes deep
three hundred seventy players motherfucker
what am i coming to indiapolis i don’t know i’ve never been
is it good no don’t lie to me no
not good there no
i went to pittsburgh once it smells like suicide
then like indiana is not bad it’s so boring
i like to come to places where
it sucks and give people a good time
but it’s got a columbus make them drive
not too many comedy clubs in atlanta anymore
they’ve got a couple
they’ve got a lot of good comics that come out at atlanta
i just punchline atlanta a lot
of good comics come out atlanta there’s a new one
there’s a new comedy club
i just heard the other day that’s really good in atlanta
yeah
damn i lost three people i was up to three seventy i hate elena
i’m not getting any good questions here bitches
which questions are terrible
killer whales we already talked about killer whales
you know the problem is a lot of these people are coming
at the end of this
and
we’ve been broadcasting for how long now is it still recording
thanks well
how long it wow
that’s cool according for
we’ve been doing it we’re doing it for an hour and forty minutes
that’s cool it records all of it though
dude you could
also get a
premium channel hour and forty minutes you know what that means
i think you can get a premium channel on you string add stuff
time to refuel
when am i in chicago i do not have a gig in chicago dino jitsu
i don’t have anything lined up but i’ll be back there again
one of my plans to come back to edmonton umbrella
i was just there a couple months ago and the problem is i
gotta have a new material for you guys
and
i like to come no more than once a year
so that i have enough time to write a bunch of new shit
so i don’t want you seeing the same act every time i come
i want to have a bunch of new shit
this is the worst feeling in the world
when you’re performing for people and you know they’re like oh
i’ve heard this before
you want them to like some bits it’s cool look
if you want to hear some bits you know that you like
classics and you want to hear them live
i totally understand that but i know
you want to see mostly new shit so
i come to places i try to come no more than once a year and
ideally i like to come every year and a half
i like to make sure that you got
plenty of new shit
it’s going to rewrite the first cd haha
brian thinks i need to put my first cd on dvd
rewrite it redo it
rewrite all the jokes
in like master every single jokes i think it’s better to just
leave it alone
and just come up with new shit anything in philly
i’ll be back at philly again
too i love that place helium is the shit that place is awesome
but if you go to jorogan net my website
there’s my whole schedule up
and it’ll tell you exactly where i’m gonna be
chattanooga tennessee has a great comic club
how dare you just fucking lie to me like that
how dare you dude trying to get in tennessee’s cool chattanooga
tennessee i was just in memphis we had a good time in memphis
memphis was fun you know what
i don’t know west virginia i hate west virginia
virginia is awesome that if you ever been a virginia
you don’t like west virginia west virginia sucks
but virginia is kind of cool
pittsburg smells like crud
by the funny bird right there we’re not all poo hmm okay
did you know that there’s a show called campus pd
and its cops only on college campuses
that’s hilarious and it’s just girls puking getting naked just
bar fights when’s the show on it’s on g four
it’s like on every day i think
and it’s called
campus i think campus pd and it’s just cops on campus
that doesn’t seem like it should be fair
you shouldn’t if you’re a kid first of all if you’re in college
you’re gonna want to be on that stupid show
because you’re dumb and you’re gonna want to be on tv
and it’s not fair for them to exploit you like that
exploit your vulnerability
they have
this incredible access they can put you on fucking television
like the jersey shore
for sure those guys get here’s the question
some of the people in the show
are blurred out in regular cops and the show
but most of the time
they’re not blurred because if they’re not blurred
it means they signed to release yeah but did they get what
did they get did they get off
did they get anything
charges off like what is the deal
that’s a good question you know
did they get five hundred dollar credit towards bail well
how bad are their crimes maybe
the it’s from
like attempted murder all the way i mean you watch cops
oh cops yeah
i think a lot of those guys that do it for money
there’s money fifty bucks or hundred bucks sign this
lot of them are probably so fucking dumb
you know they just signed it they just want to be on tv
i wish i would do what you think gonna watch
steven cigar shot
steven cigar is getting the guy’s fucking arrested he’s
they pull him out of
the fucking throw on his guy down the ground
you know the guy said he had a gun
and he got pulled over in his car and he told him he had a gun
and there he didn’t grab him to yank him out
you reach under your car and you said you
man i’m just i’m just trying to park the car
you know the is that stevens ago
that’s stevens ago
you all man
i just need to shake your damn brother that got this guy
handcuffed i mean this guy is going to jail
he’s got a fucking gun in his car illegally
they pull him over and all he wants to do is shakester
i’m his ass stevens ago
he wants to shake steven
it’s not annie annie fucking brilliant it’s brilliant
nothing more brilliant than the way he talks to black people
though he goes into
the black boys
what up cause what’s going on much love
much love yeah yeah he talks blacks yeah
it’s awesome it’s awesome do you think shooters is real or fake
cheaters is fake
you think all of it are just some of them
some of it whatever they need to do yeah
some of it’s real some of it got stabbed yeah
and he got stabbed
that shit was real
that guy fucking stabbed him
i was watching an episode last night
and it’s boyfriend
tacked the other boyfriend he has him in headlock he’s gone
i’m like wait he’s just doing this
he’s not going like he would be just punching his head right
he wouldn’t just be going like
a lot of it is staged
they give him some money you know jersey shore needs to die
rob fitz i haven’t seen it all seven says
i disagree rob fitz oh seven why does it need to die
they’re definitely getting exploited but you know what
fuck them
fuck them exploit it exploit the shit out of them
let me see it let me see the whole thing
i grew up with people like that
guidos don’t just exist in
new jersey i grew up with guido’s in boston
i know a lot of them from east boston especially
i know a lot of guido’s revere
ice de teast
taikundo at a place called nautilus plus and revere
revere masschusetts the guido capital of the world
was all eye rocks and big hair
was like some of my earliest jokes when i started out
doing comedy were all about revere
it’s all about how i would have grown up in that shit man
the good thing is you appreciate nice relaxed cool people
after
you’ve been in environment like that you appreciate people
that are on you know
a different frequency
instead of this it’s always
everybody trying to get pumped up you know
i’m trying to get fucking swole
you know everybody’s trying to wear the right
clothes i’m wearing fucking cologne
the bitches like to smell
like i knew so many guys like that
when i watched jersey sure it’s almost
a little too painful to me
like i knew too many dudes like that
rob fitz oh i can’t keep going to you buddy
bad bobby hey
bad bobby he says
i’ve been smoking weed and watching jersey shirt all day
laughing folks
you should follow bad bobby he’s a very fun
guy he’s got the real
bad bobby you all think so now because there’s two anons
and i know one’s real and i know one’s not
yeah the spelling is a little too good right
might be a fake bad bobby yeah
bad bobby is an internet legend and i think some people
might want a fake
being bad bobby bad bobby’s a real dude
he owns a strip club he was a it’s a very interesting character
he was a stockbroker made a ton of money
and then retired to open up a strip club in vancouver
and just just bangs chicks all the day
he’s just a bad motherfucker
he just eats steaks shoots human grows he’s always
telling people to check him
coffee too he just drinks so much that up and getting coffee
he’s a funny dude he says really really funny shit and he
he lives in vancouver
i can’t wait to see him again we’re gonna see him again in june
we’re gonna go up there for the ufc holla back
that’s the rumor ufc in june
okay
once you have see japan
i want to see that
i don’t know i don’t know it’s hard to go over there i think
so you get some questions here
man the stream is coming in too fast i can’t read these bitches
that’s cool though that’s the twitter stream
did i see the bit on snl about jersey shore
man i haven’t watched snl in a long time
i find it really hard to trust them
you know it’s like so many those sketches are just not funny
it’s too hard to trust you know to
like to commit to sitting there and
it’s a lot of those things i’ll give you a few
i’ll watch the clips when there’s things
in on the internet that are really funny
like dick in a box remember that that was an snl
gag wasn’t it yeah
i watched them when they get to the internet but
can’t i need someone else to edit it
find the funny ones and make a big deal out of it
i can’t commit to watch that show
by seeing avatar yet no i have not
we’re gonna brian and i are gonna go see it probably
the day after christmas we’re gonna get fucking shroomed up
and go to the i can some of that
we could go to the three d
yeah i think we’re already gonna have heart attacks and i mean
yeah to do a shroom that’s the way to do it not crazy
not what turns never know i took a little nut with heroic dose
well let’s just go with pop cookies
i got some pop cookies in it just like shrooms yeah
it might as well be shrooms yeah
please talk about ancient alien theories he says in all caps
j g one twenty nine
please talk about ancient alien theories
the big theory of the ancient alien theories is that human
beings were manufactured
and that they used genetic manipulation
to take monkeys and add alien dna to the monkeys to make people
let me think about that brian
i think asians are aliens they could be right
maybe that’s why they’re so hot
fuck is calling me while i’m on my podcast god damn it
excuse me i’m in the middle of a podcast
oh how much longer should i be
okay you want me to end soon
hi muffin daddy’s daddy’s on the internet
okay
ten minutes okay
okay
ladies and gentlemen that’s that’s the reality
see you see me fucking stand up comedian slash cage fighter
no pussy whipped husband and daddy
daddy has to
stop smoking weed and doing his little webcam show because
everybody wants to eat
and they want to open up christmas presents
merry christmasy dirty bitches
what was i talking about before that happened
oh we’re talking about ancient aliens yeah
you were saying what is what’s your theory asians are asians
like aliens landed and had asians and then like
they’re not like the asians nowadays
aren’t aliens but they’re a breed of aliens kind of like
maybe they’re more
alien than we are
maybe there was like different formulations
maybe that’s what all the different
breeds of human beings are you know
you know like
different like italians or they’re pure
we’re just much and they’re pure
they’re more pure to the actual human race you know
well definitely asians are more pure i mean
there’s billions of them and they look
very similar that’s incredible that they managed to do that
i mean i guess they probably look at europeans in a similar way
but the difference is with blonde hair
red hair and brown hair
europeans come in all different colors and sizes
but even
like you go korean to japanese to chinese it’s all black hair
it’s all real similar skin tones i mean god damn
there’s some similarities in the
asian i think really yeah
did you have excuse for having such a little dick oh
no i mean seriously don’t have to shave
most of them don’t have to shave i hate shaving dude
i don’t mind shaving i fucking hate it
boy you shave everything
i don’t enjoy it you make an adventure i’ll keep my ball hair go
my lower ball hair i shave off
because there’s some grey ones in there i’m trying to avoid
but my upper pussy i leave those bitches alone
i trim them a little bit
when i was when i lived alone
i would take nair and put on
a trash bag and roll around like a peg
really just so to get it all over my back
and then you can get
the scraper scraper
so then you would have to get like a towel on a towel
and you rub just rub hard
really that’s a work yeah
wow
brian innovative hair loss methods by brian rikle
i had a nice fat thick mountain man beard for a while
back when i was
doing that evan tanner tribute beard i had a good one going
but i had to shave it for something i had to do
rejoined the human
rejoint society well back when i came back from colorado too
i was really thinking about growing one in colorado
but that might
push me well over the edge
when i was living in colorado on the top of a mountain
if i had a beard up there
too i probably would have got way close to an animal
you know
if i let myself off with crazy hairy was there any point
love living there like that you were just outside
and you were just like holy shit this is scary
you know what am i doing here definitely
definitely it was definitely scary
but that was part of the appeal of it to me is that it was so
off the grid right
it was so outside of the way a normal person
every day gets to experience life
i was living in the fucking woods
not just kinda in the woods
i was living on a hundred and fifty acres
on the top of a mountain in boulder colorado
outside of boulder
i mean it was like nine miles above boulder it was pretty
trippy eighty
five hundred feet above sea level
and all source of wildlife deer every day
deer i was on a dirt road for eight miles deer
every day i would see deer
every day i would see foxes
occasionally i would see porcupines people saw bear
i never saw bear
saw mount line in my backyard i mean
you saw a lot of shit eagles all the time
i mean it was really intense it was so
real you know
it was so like
you know you’re driving you see in wild animals
like real wild animals big fucking
ten point bucks walking down the street you know
and it’s very very interesting it’s
just the fact that you can live somewhere like that it’s such a
i think people get stuck in the patterns
and i think it’s really easy to get
stuck in the same
way of thinking the same way of looking at the world
and nothing changes that like moving to a new place for a while
and moving to a place
that’s as stunning is the mountains of colorado
I would love to go back but
it’s just not practical to have a wife and kids and
you know and have little vulnerable babies
and being around fucking wild monsters
I mean my dog got eaten by a mountain line
when we’re up there
that’s for real
like we saw a mountain lion
I let the little dog out by himself dog disappears
I mean that dog got eaten by a fucking mountain lion
you know which is very likely
and
those animals died a predation up there all the time
it’s very common
they even prey on animals they get used to them
they get used to
recognizing and associating the barks
barks of these animals with like
prey and so they go towards where they hear barks
so it’s actually
kind of dangerous
when you have a fucking house with dogs barking
because sometimes these mountain lines
like if they’re hungry especially if they’re old
and they can’t catch deer anymore
they know these dogs are like in a cage
they hop over that fence like it ain’t shit
jack dogs they do it all the time
they’re scary as fuck
do you think
people that sleep with guns underneath their pillows
if that’s just fake
somebody said it wants to impress a girl
oh no I know a guy who does it really
yeah don’t you is that just seem the most like
that’s dumb well
if you want it and you want it to have it right there
if you live in a place
where you think you’re gonna need it right there
I mean look it doesn’t seem like it’s a good idea
but what if
someone breaks in your house and you need the gun
and you just go like that
and you got the gun
and then that keeps you alive
you know there’s that way of looking at it
you know there’s the way of looking at it like hey man
if you think that way man
fucking nothing can happen to you man
as long as you think positive you can think that way
you could be one of those dudes that goes through life
convinced
that nothing ever bad is going to happen to you
you know
I mean that is possible you might sneak through
but shit might get ugly
and or shit gets ugly
you want one of these bitches
this shit’s important
that’s cool we gotta have guns ladies and gentlemen
I believe in the second amendment
that’s really cool
I believe
dude we should go shooting sometime
I haven’t been shooting it so long
it’s really let’s go yeah
I want to go shooting so bad let’s go go
let’s go on Monday cool
I think
yeah definitely
gun controls important
you gotta definitely screen people
you gotta definitely make sure that people don’t
you know that
the people can’t get access
to guns that are fucking crazy
and that you know
and that’s the problem with a lot of gun shows
there’s a lot of people
that sell guns at gun shows that don’t give a fuck
if you’re licensed or not
they’re just trying to make some money and
there’s been expos aires on that where they’ve shown
that people in gun shows will sell guns to people
that don’t you know
not really supposed to have guns
but
the guns are out there
they’re fucking out there there’s millions of them
you should have one
you know if there’s millions of guns out there
better to have it
and did not need it than to need it and not have it
that’s you know
I’m an optimist
I’m not a pessimist I’m not you know I believe
that most human beings are good
but I’ve come across way too many fucked up people
to have
complete and total blind trust in the human race
I just don’t
I’ve seen way too many fucked up violent things happen
I’ve seen way too many crazy people
I’ve come in contact with and had to deal with
way too many fucking crazy people
there’s a lot of people out there that you can’t reason
with there’s a lot of people out there that are just
broken and nuts
and that’s real
oh is that santa’s bells
santa’s bells is leaving about santa’s bells
no no I mean is that santa’s bells you
saying we have to end this
all right
there’s um we’re gonna have to end this real soon
doo doo doo doo what ufc superfight would I like to see
brock lesner vs fador
that’s what I would like to say
that’s what everybody would should want to say
that’s a diaper
a diaper this is my reality
ladies and gentlemen
got diapers in my office my
boss office with my make me hard poster I got fucking
Oakley split
thump
I don’t know talk later oh that’s those
eyeglasses that are empty three players
that’s the kind that dogged a bounty hunter wears holla
that’s hilarious
all right ladies and gentlemen
this has been very interesting
we were up to 379 motherfuckers
I want to thank you for tuning in
this is we’re gonna do this much more often
now that I have this set up
and I finally
installed this webcam that I bought
like 5 5 5 5 years ago
you gotta get your internet updated you got new hd
I’m gonna get my internet updated
they have hd cameras now
59 bucks amazon look for them for this
yeah oh no you don’t that’s actually an old camera now
that’s not good yeah
but it looks okay
yeah it looks okay but see it’s not an hd
you can be broadcasting hd right now
but isn’t that like more bandwidth preview to download
yeah but not when you have 20 megabytes you know
oh but crazy it doesn’t affect
them it affects
them downloading it it only affects up Australia
yeah once I get the internet do it
I’ll make it hd so you can see ugly am
alright what else we got here
one of the next time I’m gonna be used streaming
johnny bananas
that’s a very good question
I think what I’m gonna try to do is
my ultimate goal in 2010 is
I’m trying to write a book right now
and I’ve been spending a lot of time writing that
and writing stand up comedy and not so much time
updating my website
but I do go on Twitter because Twitter is fun for me
and it’s like a little exercise in writing
to make things short
make them 140 characters
I think that’s fun
it is it’s like it teaches you to like
you know edit your shit yeah
and with comedy that’s very important
economy of words is what it’s called
and a stand up comedy
it’s very important
the less words you could use to make a point
the funnier it’s going to be when it hits people
the more you know the more verbose it is the more
it’s not funny when it gets there
so I think Twitter is real good for that
but my point is in 2010 what I’m my mango is more
on the internet
more shit like this more usedream shit
more Twitter and definitely more blogs
but I’m gonna start doing more video shit and
I’m carrying I got a cool flip thing
from the ufc for Christmas which is perfect
I’m gonna bring that bitch with me everywhere
and we’re gonna
start putting shit online on YouTube
on a really regular basis
and I know there’s a little u stream
streaming thing for the iphone
we’re gonna try that shit out but it’s probably gay
yeah everyone wi fi it’s not bad
you actually see the chat on the screen too oh really
yeah if you’re on wi fi it’s good
it’s good yeah I mean I’ve tried on three g on wi fi
that means amount of fucking computer
you know why fuck around unless you’re at denny’s
you know denny says wi fi yeah
any place that’s wi fi welcome to 2009 people
shit is getting crazy
well listen
I gotta go I gotta go eat dinner with my family
I don’t want to leave people hungry
we’ve got exchange presence and all that good shit
love you motherfuckers
thank you very much for tuning in and
we are gonna do this again
don’t know when
but within a week right yeah
we should do it once a week commit
we want to do this once a week
2h once a week I think that’s a good all right
I love you guys
thank you very much
bye bye
2h once a week a movie is 2h
you do a movie once a week
yeah yeah you guys still find out what
I was thinking is how gay is this all going to look
looking back at it in 50 years
so do we save this
do we save this recording
no I think it stays it to your page
so people who can go to your page hit
stop and see what it says
I think they stopped it
see this is stopped wait no you said
stop broadcast hit stop record
I see