no sound is this song
no sound is this song jesus fucking christ
i should have known i couldn’t hear myself christ
i should have known well
it’s a record down here so the replays will have it
the replays will have it
nobody wants to watch the replays god damn it
well let’s recap what a hilarious cluster fuck
we’re gonna
meet that meet the audio why am i meeting the audio because
you here oh
well let’s recap what we were talking about well
i’m very upset here
i just said some genius shit
probably the most profound shit i’ve ever said in my life
anyway what i said in the beginning the very beginning was that
i’m excited to do these
u stream broadcasts
and i’m excited that i decided to do it because
i like doing radio interviews and i like doing tv interviews
and that’s all fun
magazine stuff is fun
but it’s way cool to just be able to talk to people and answer
people’s questions directly
you know and it’s it’s easy to get
a weird impression of someone you know
seeing someone on television you know
television represents you to a certain extent you know
it’s like a lot of these guys
and the reality shows that get upset like television
doesn’t you know
it represents you in little snippets and cuts you up you know
but the best way to communicate with people
for sure is the internet and twitter and
u stream so combining the two of them together
what we’re doing is
we’re gonna do this every week
the thing behind me
while that’s bullshit behind me
that’s all gonna get cleared out
and we’re gonna put up a green screen
so we could have like space behind us and shit
and we’re gonna have this thing set up
at a little bit more natural angle
so you’re like looking right at us
which makes more sense right
yeah you
put it right there
is that better you say i pick right in the middle
yeah yeah
this motherfucker
this is the i got i upgraded my internet i had some old ass dsl
it was pretty whack
and i got rid of it today actually
totally had got it set up was this work now yeah
much better
the dsl is gone and now i got cable and cables fast as fuck so
we’re gonna be able to air videos and shit
while it’s going on
my mom designed my office purple shades bro it was wrong purple
it’s a beautiful color
you don’t like that color
it should be fucking
black dude with skulls like your fucking shirt bro
there’s nothing wrong with purple my friend
it’s a beautiful color
and there’s brian see brian in the corner there
brian is actually right next to me
but he’s getting facefuck by that advertisement
you’re gonna get facefuck you should move yourself up
hi i’m over here now can you move yourself up right next to me
there we go that’s better
because you’re not gonna get fucked by that uh
no don’t go all the way up there right
there no writing them out let go move over towards my head more
i could be this way right no this way that’s right hi
there we go perfect
that’s brian brian’s right next to me anyway
we’re just talking about the internet being an awesome
it’s the fucking coolest thing ever i mean
to be able to communicate with people
directly like this to be able to get the answers to any question
at any time to me
it’s the greatest fucking thing in the world i spend
most of my day
staring at a screen
reading stories
watching fucking youtube videos and
i swear i’ve learned more
from the internet
more from just being on message boards than i ever have
from you know
from other shit i’ve got into
all sorts of subjects because of message boards
you know and wound up you know
being fans of musicians and comedians and
people i would have never heard of it wasn’t for message boards
it’s like a whole online party i meet more people
online than i do in real life now it feels good
and i don’t just live in my house i go out a lot
but it’s just more people
interested in the same things i like to get to know
them better on the internet yeah well
the internet allows you
when someone posts for a long time like you watch especially
a message board community
you get to see how they interact with other people
you get to see what happens when you know
they’re challenged on their idea
as you get to see
you get to see what they’re made of you know it’s really
interesting yeah
you would the way people write is different
than the way they talk
because people can think they’re slick
and they could try to bullshit you by really
patiently scribing out their words but
they’re not tricking you eventually
eventually that shit just comes out because they don’t realize
how douchey they are
they don’t realize they think they’re not douchey
but in your writing
the douchey always comes out it’s like this is
your expression is almost like a prin out of you
it’s like
it’s like you know like your dna or something like that yeah
you know what i mean and plus
google helps too because then you catch a lot of people yeah
you know like it’s the best
it’s the best catch people
what are you talking about check out these photos yeah
people love to talk shit
people love to pretend that they know things
nobody wants to pretend that they’re fucking clueless
you know everybody wants to be the wizard
everybody wants to be the smartest man
in the world you know nobody can just be a person you know
it’s really interesting man
it’s really interesting
but people love to talk
shit and for the longest time they just got away with it
for the longest time
people can bullshit we’ll get a text message for someone
is this jump just coming in
from shandra
are you with joe so any chance of doing a miami interview
tell that bitch we’re doing a podcast she should know
three to five is podcast
i say bitch with the highest level of affection
it’s all just in fun ladies and gentlemen so
what do we got here
see check out support
so have you seen any of the
photos or videos of the hurricane damage
you mean the earthquake and haiti our earthquake yeah
i haven’t seen that man i heard
the cnn thing that i got on my phone
i get breaking important news stories on my phone
the last one i got before
this one was that simon callows quitting american idol
like you motherfucker
that’s awful news is it awful news
dude if you watch american idol without
that’s the only point for what reason to watch
it is watching bash people the things that he says i think
really yeah right now
dude he was what about ryan c christmas beautiful hair
was he saying some brutal shit dude he’s a genius he’s a genius
he’s hilarious he’s one of the best
really okay i need to watch him often i’m a i
have a good opinion of him
my opinion of them is that it’s always mean to these people
that are trying hard
to like and they suck
you know like you can’t
i mean i i guess you can be mean
but you know why do it
they’re all fucked in the head you know i mean i think
it’s kind of funny but
that guy puts out a lot of negative energy well
he’s just lately honest he’s like yeah
he is blatantly all you mean about it isn’t he
he’s not really mean he’s just so honest that it’s mean
you know what i mean like he’s really
interesting what he says because he’ll say he’s dead right
too he’s dead right dead right
dead right hundred percent of the time yeah
i’ve only watched it like literally twice
and one that i can remember
one i was so hot i don’t even know what happened
but one i can remember and it was just
you know clueless people
who are just trying to be
like the shit you know they get out there
and they don’t even know that they have no talent whatsoever
right but i know so many people like that from stand up comedy
you know we all know
dudes for stand up comedy who never
feel like they’re bombing they
you know in the beginning
you’d have done open mike knights you know what it’s like
there’s some people in
open mike knight communities that are crazy
and they really think they’re good
and they would love to have an opportunity to do something
like american idol for stand up they would get up there
and go fucking crazy and
be upset and just like those american idol people are
they get fucking man
i’ve seen some people
they leave that simon cowell dude and start fucking
crying and wailing and yelling at him you don’t know shit simon
you know they get fucking angry man black women especially
right yeah i don’t even know if black one especially
i’ve seen two fucking episodes no i’m talking about
i saw a couple of black broads get mad though
i’m not a huge fan or anything
but every time i see an episode i’m just
balling how hilarious wow
so he’s gonna do his own choke of the x factor
he’s basically yeah with paula duel supposedly
and so he’s pretty much gonna leave him
why not have paula abdul are they stupid like
she’s incompetent yeah
that’s part of the fun man
you need to pill that bitch up and just
proper up just
shove a broom upper ass and push her forward
and get her in front of the camera let her talk crazy
that’s part of the fun of the show right isn’t it yeah
i think so the little youtube clips that i would get like
people sent me one occasionally
like the one where
she said your first song it was really cool
but your second song i didn’t like
and they were like he only just sang one song
like she’s so fucking locked out of it well
you know why right
she was in a car accident right
and they’re like real supposedly if it’s like real pain right
oh well you know what happens man
that’s what happened to carl parisian too
you know kara priesian
got a real bad injury and took pain pills yeah
there the pain pills are a motherfucker
i know a lot of people that have had problems with pain pills
you know people with anything
it’s sort of a chronic problem where you have to take them
you know
those motherfuckers they’ll grab a hold you and it’s not just
you know the weak or you know people like
the people have a weird opinion of
people that get hooked on drugs
you know but i’ve met some carl parisians
you know i don’t know i don’t know i’m just saying
i shouldn’t say carl
because i don’t think carl has a problem
with him i think carl is
some sort of an anxiety disorder
but i know that he had to take him
and it’s hard once you take him to get rid of him
i know a bunch of dudes that need them
you know like people that have like any sort of a back injury
debilitating back injury
and that you get hooked
on those bitches and they get you through the day
i know a lot of people that just need that man
you know they need them
it’s just terrible and what i was saying is
the the dudes that
i know that have had problems with paint pills a lot of them
are like really
smart guys that went to college and they’re not idiots you know
why do you have that thing in front of my face
i’m moving it i’m just gonna show you this video on a second
well okay man but you can’t do that
all right it’s only been a second
i’ve seen this
i know i was gonna talk about it okay
but why do you have it in front of my fucking face
i like looking at myself
calm down
well nobody knows what the fuck you’re doing yeah
who cares it’s a fucking webcast dude this is serious business
i totally forgot what i was even talking about
what was i talking about
actually i was doing this you motherfucker
stupid bullshit
tell me
ladies and gentlemen what the fuck was i just talking about huh
pretty crazy about that dog though and i hurt
that video huh
the dog in the video that yeah
there was a dog that
knew about the earthquake before the people do
that’s because people here shit they don’t pay attention
the dog heard something he’s probably what the fuck
and the person was like what
the fuck is that shit he didn’t react and then it had
because it was only like a second before it
there’s that video right here watch the dog it just freaked out
and ran i mean but it was a while before it even anything shook
all right let’s see it again rewind it here’s the dog
dogs chilling dogs okay what the fuck is that noise
okay we don’t know that that dude didn’t react
this is a stupid video no no
no but this is the problem the dog took off running
but the guy you don’t see his face the guy might have went oh
shit what the fuck
and everybody is making it like the dog
heard this before anybody else i think he felt something
because if you look at it
but nothing’s moving at all
right but sometimes you hear things before the earthquake well
you know that’s true
you know it doesn’t really start move until
let me see you again
yeah you’re right you’re right and shit moving
maybe it made a sound yeah
you’re right nothing’s moving around too though it’s kind of
if there was a sound
right a real rumble you’d still see something
monitor so the dogs like two seconds more than a person
but guess what we got thumbs faggot
go chase you down tail and sleep in dirt
all right what else were we talking about folks
we were talking about some important shit and
i forgot about it
god damn we got a lot of twitter must just coming in this bitch
that mark mcguire thing that thing is hilarious
marc maguar is finally coming out and saying
that’s what we were talking about
we’re talking about people that are hooked on pain pills right
you know that it’s
when dudes get hooked on pain pills like i said
i know a guy who’s a very smart guy he was an it guy
went to you know
went to college
really avid reader not a fuck up has a real problem
and that’s just what it is man
dudes dudes get injured something happens to you and
it just it chemically bonds with your body i mean
it’s really incredible
what a diction is
you know addiction is
your body is somehow another linked to something
that’s really terrible for it
and it needs that something like it becomes
it’s almost like like heroin
and and crystal math and stuff like that that really
locks a hold of your body
it’s almost like their parasites it’s almost like
the drug itself has a consciousness
and the drug itself is going to
make you do it as much as you can and rob you of life
you know
i mean that’s one way to look at like horrible substances
that’s why when people talk about drugs
you know and they like to lump all drugs in together
that’s so stupid
because marijuana and mushrooms and
psychedelic drugs if done correctly can be very beneficial and
when they’re over
you don’t feel any repercussions you’re okay
they don’t hurt you
marijuana and
mushrooms and things like that the natural things
that people have been doing for tens of thousands of years
those things aren’t hurting anybody man
and they can’t get into your system
you know and if you lump them in with
oxycodones and fucking heroin and crystal meth
that’s ridiculous no
one is becoming a more introspective fascinating person
on crystal meth
they’re becoming fucking crazy it’s like
we have to like look at drugs
in terms of what they do to the people that take them and
the things that do positive things you can’t ignore that
just because they’re a drug you’re not allowed to just say oh
because it’s an illegal drug
then all the benefits that people talk about
are those don’t count they’re invalid
just because it’s not
sanctioned by a group of fucking criminals
that’s ridiculous it doesn’t make any sense at all
and you know i’ve lived my whole life like this
i mean it’s two thousand and ten i would have thought by now
we would have come to some sort of irrational
understanding as human beings
as we got to be adults i thought we would come to a point
where we would sit back
and we would look at things to go who would what right
do i to tell another person
what to
do or not to do as long as he’s not trying to give it to miners
or people that don’t know any better
as long as people are educated let’s spend money on programs
and make sure that people
don’t get involved in anything
fucked up like this
and let’s pay attention to fucking children
schools i mean the biggest problem
this country isn’t laws
and crime the biggest problem is why are people creating crime
why are people doing these terrible things to each other
in the ninety nine point
nine nine percent of all
fucked up things become out of a fucked up childhood
you have kids who have
shitty fucking parents and
these fucking children they grow up
and they’re ticking time bombs
if you have a douchebag fucked up drug
addict parent and you live in a fucked up place with no love
and every day you just see violence and shit and screaming and
addiction and sorrow and there’s no way out you don’t see shit
you don’t do well in school mean what the fuck you know
that is a ticking time bomb
and for politicians to not address that
and to spend all this fucking time flying over to afghanistan
trying to chase down a hundred
taliban fighters and the mountains and
young people are dying over there for that
how about
we spend that money attacking the fucking enemy at home
the enemy at home is
horrible fucking childhoods that some of
our fellow human beings in this country have to go through
you know what we really need to do is focus on fucking kids
focus on children that are growing up in terrible neighborhoods
focus on fucking schools and community centers
and given these
kids somewhere to go to when their parents suck
you know
focus on a bunch of people that want to help raise kids that
come from terrible situations or help the parents
understand what the fuck they’re doing raising children and
making these kids fucking cycles and giving them horrible
childhoods you know
literally setting loose a bomb
setting moves someone who’s eventually gonna turn
all their inward anger outward another people
all their pain and resentment and all
the negative input coming into them as a child
you know that shit is fucking terrible
you deal with a child that comes from a positive
loving environment
and you’re gonna deal with a cool human being
that human being’s gonna come out of that
and you’re gonna appreciate other people
that’s our number one problem
is human beings our number
one problem is human beings is the way we don’t
appreciate each other
the way we look at each other is competition
the way we look at each other
is just people that are on the highway in my fucking way
human beings have to learn to appreciate each other
and we need to learn
how to deal with the fucking very obvious ship that
we ignore
instead of pretending there’s some incredible assault on
the human race here in america you know maybe we should look on
where this is the real crime coming from
where are the real murders coming from
where is the real
anger and violence from the ship that affects day to day people
every day it’s not the fucking desert okay
it’s not the fucking mountains of afghanistan it’s in cities
it’s all over the place
it’s children growing up and becoming fucking criminals
that’s way scarier to me
than some douchebag in afghanistan
you know it’s nonsense
yeah someone said carl and pills yeah
that’s something carl’s training partner said
but like i said i don’t know if it’s true
all i know is that
he’s always been a cool dude to me
carl praising he’s a great fighter
and he’s got some
unfortunate situations
and i hope he works him out i like that dude
i like that dude a lot
he’s good people
and he’s a bad motherfucker one of the
best judo guys to ever enter mma you know
he opened people’s eyes to a lot of shit that was possible
because before karo
nobody was hitting like those
beautiful fucking throws
he hits these beautiful shoulder throws and hip throws and
his judo like back when he fought like dave strasser
like one of his first
ufc bounce incredible judo you know and it’s that’s
whenever you get a guy who steps into mma
and has some totally something
that he’s really really good at that most people aren’t like
like machida with karate
like people thought well
karate’s not that good karate doesn’t really work
until machida came along and machida so good at karate
that he makes karate work in mma you know
obviously he knows wrestling and obviously
he knows all the other stuff that goes with mma
which is why he’s such a champion
but the bottom line is his karate
his ability to move backward
i mean he fights like a fucking john club
vendan movie and it’s pretty badass to watch
you know because until the showgun fight he really didn’t take
hardly any damage
what do i think about the united arab emirates buying it to zufa
i know that the guy who is behind it all is sheep talk noon of
abu dhabi and that guy is a huge fan of mixed martial arts
and he’s incredibly incredibly wealthy so
you know that guy
he can do a lot of good things for mma that guy
he is a brazilian jujitsu black belt
under henzo gracie
and by all accounts he’s legit
by all accounts he’s a really good black belt
and henzo is one of the most respected instructors in the world
if henzo gracie gives you a black belt that’s a huge honor
so that chic tac noon
the fact that he’s a henzo gracie black belt
i know he’s been having people
travel to abu dhabi for years for over a decade
since the late nineties
and he had like some of the best instructors in the world
that would come and stay with him
and he had a whole camp there and he bring guys
and have guys to train with
mean he just dude is just the jujutsu fiend just i mean like
more than the way
more than me you know
like i mean think about how much i love jujutsu
and this guy is like
you know he’s just like he loves it
and he has unlimited resources
so having a guy like that
as a business partner in the ufc
i think it’s gonna be
phenomenal for the sport i don’t think there’s any question
that guy’s gonna
without a doubt that guy’s gonna help out
it’s gonna be interesting to go there
that dude lives in a castle
like a fucking
some old school
you know ali baba type shit right
yeah is he the one with all the paintings
no who is the guy that i don’t know
the sheik has like
i think that that royal family is worth like
some insane amount of money
like they’re one of the most
the richest people in the world
how about that if one of the richest people the world
then dude is a fucking
train killer
do i think
talk doing is gonna take an active role like dana white
i have no idea
all i do for the ufc is the commentary you know
i mean i talk to those guys and they’re my friends but
obviously i have no
no influence what’s over on the business side of things
it’s just my job to
call the action it’s a really pretty fucking
crazy gig you know
you know for me it’s like a perfect job because i’m a
huge fan of mixed martial arts like for real like i don’t want
i don’t watch
like when i watched the the different shows like k one or
sent goku or
you know dream or or strike force or anything like that
when i watch those shows i don’t watch those shows for work
i don’t i don’t you know i don’t get on the underground on
mix martial arts com
or you know
read all the bloody elbow read all these different websites and
do it just for
fun i would have done it even if i would have done it
even if it wasn’t my job
i’m just a huge fan like professionally and i’m very lucky
you know it’s pretty crazy gig man
it’s a lot of fun
it’s cool too because
we get to go to the fights and you know be there live
and be right in front of the cage
i mean it’s just like there’s nothing like that
what do you think at the last ufc
so good fights man did you see it yeah that evan dunham
dude how badass is that guy yeah
and he got tagged in the first round
the first round you know frame was all over him
and then ever done him survived and pulled off
that that fucking
arm bar was so bad ass
the way he did it was like it was so
wicked did he break his arm at all
no he did not break his arm he fucked up his tendons so
lucky for him you know
it was a the problem
is man if it break if that the way that arm bar happened
see how his arm like he was bending it completely at the joint
the scary con is the way frank mirb broke
tim sylvia’s arm
because he actually
broke the middle of the forearm he broke the forearm in half
that’s the scary shit that takes forever to heal
and it’s usually not the same
now like i don’t think
you know i think you break your arm like that man like
that’s a serious
fucking fracture
like in the middle i think if you bust up a joint
they could put that together
a little bit easier
can’t they be fake arms in now by now
you like metal arms or bones or something
i don’t think they can i think they do hips
and they do knees but once you get a knee
that’s a wrap you ain’t doing no jijitsu
well this is due name connor connor hewn
he’s one of eddie’s top students real high level wrestler
and his dad was a wrestler and his dad got a hip replacement
and his dad
still does dujitsu and fights in tournaments and the dudes like
fifty it’s incredible
you know but he has a hip replacement
but he’s a fucking psycho and he’s a stud
you know the average person
you get a hip replacement and that’s a wrap you know
remember that dude from the sopranos he used to walk fucked up
the fat guy who turned out you know
he’s gay and the sopranos and he had that weird walk
do you remember that guy
what was his name
i don’t remember that guy’s character how did he die
i can’t remember
so they killed him
remember he was gay right
how how did it go
they murdered him i think they chumped like a fucking
broomstick up his ass or a pond reps member pool cue
a pool cue up his ass yeah
that’s right because he was selling a line of pool cues
after that the dude tried to sell a line of pool cues
a q to die for
was like the bottom brake it was like a brake stick
that’s ridiculous but soprano’s told him to knock it off
how hilarious is that as a dude it’s a marketing sense
i got killed with a pool cue
i’ll show down those motherfuckers and they sell pool cues
sells pool cues
because they killed them with one of the sopranos
the greatest show of all time right
yeah oh i miss it
even though
it got slow near the end but i still missed you know
i got into battlestar galactica for a while
i liked that up until the last season
but the last season i just didn’t give a shit about
lost is the only thing that really got me
like this season i’m still
really pumped up to see what the fuck is going on
because i watched lost
i didn’t watch it at all for like the first whatever seasons
there were the first
three or four seasons whatever
it is how many seasons have they done uh seven
have they really
well i watched all of them from the beginning to the end
all of them on dvd
which is the shit
if you’ve managed to avoid like ari did that with the sopranos
he didn’t leave his fucking house
ari stayed home for like weeks
and just watched the soprano’s dvds watch the whole series
to the end have you ever done that no only with
lost but i caught up to the ones that were on the dvr last year
it did like the first three seasons the sopranos that way
oh yeah two seasons of loss
dexter i did that way too whole first season so wait but
dexter is another one
last year i was like yeah
this year rather as soon as i started watching i was like
i’m not in this anymore
or some dude killing people
yeah after a while i’m like okay
where were we gonna go with this
you know you’re gonna keep getting away with this
i’m gonna keep seeing you kill the bad guy every week really
come on man this is silly did you see that brake dancing robot
yes i did how awesome was that how about that fuck robot
that they created yeah
did you see that yeah
that’s gross did you see jimmy cameron last night no
i didn’t see it
he was dressed up as jade langley i heard it was hilarious oh
it was talking about the stern oh
funny here i’ll show you right now
oh we’re gonna see this jimmy kimmel dressed up as
j lana the fucking wars the war
the war for late night listen fuck late night
the internet is where it’s at ladies and gentlemen
this is the real connection to human beings these
silly shows where you sit down and
you know ask some fucking sixteen year old kid
what our new cd is
you know hey
so i understand you got a new show out
oh that’s terrific
who gives a fuck about all that stuff it’s just
you’re just on there
there’s just people on their pimpin things
people pimp in movies and occasionally
someone gives their dick sucked by some crazy cook
or something like the hugrant interview
and to get an interesting
interview or the other dude
that the
what’s his name waki and phoenix
that showed up all fucked up
what happened to him is he still fucking crazy i don’t know
but letterman is the best for
taking advantage of those situations yeah
waki and phoenix either was playing a character
he might have been just doing it for a goof
you know i could see him doing something
some people are saying it’s real
there’s just gone just he’s completely gone
it’s not hard to do if you’re
a person who wanted to be famous
and you know your whole life you’ve wanted to be famous and
you have this need
this hyper need for attention
and then all of a sudden that happens to you
like holy shit
you know
i’m lucky that the kind of fame that i got like always was
especially the fear factor fame was like ridiculous fame
you know like no one’s kissing your ass for fear factor
you know
people come up to you for fear factor like what the fuck dude
and i was like yeah i know
what the fuck but it’s not like they love
you know like if you’re
an actor or something like that and you’re in some
crazy movies like that guy is the kind of adulation
that guy must get is insane
you know and if it was already crazy to begin with that just
when crazy people
all of a sudden have money and
people kiss in their ass
you know crazy people are supposed to be like suppressed
like you split the crazy people
you’re supposed to see them and go hey
fuckhead you’re crazy
but that doesn’t work
like on the tv show or a movie because once you become crazy
it doesn’t matter if you’re a star
they let you be crazy so you’re just fucking hog wild and
doing blow and punching people
they try to protect you as much as possible because you’re the
goose that lays
the golden egg
and that’s what happens to a lot of actors
that’s why they get fucking nutty
so what is this video here
wait jay leno okay
this is jimmy kimmel
from last night
i guess he was making fun of jay leno
dude natalie was he making fun if he even did bad
jokes let’s see it
and they can hear us too while this is playing yeah
i gotta watch it over here
because this stupid thing is on a delay
look how much the delay is yeah
video and video is tight sir
you are correct chad sparks
oh wow this is hilarious he’s got makeup on and everything
oh my god
he’s the best in my opinion
my name is jail i know and
let it here
bobby known that i’m taking over all the shows in late night
great to be here on abc
oh my god
hey clito you know what abc stand for
i know man i don’t always bump conans
caught in o’brien today and i’ll see his leaving nbc
released the statement today and it said
i won’t participate in the destruction of the tonight show
fortunately though i will
oh no
i’ll give you a little turning to see
jimmy kimmel tonight he’s gone
jimmy not hearing him
don’t worry jimmy will be fine
he picked up an endorsement deal with jenny craig
oh god
here and here’s him
with chevy chase
oh no no no let’s just talk to people all right
why don’t we keep playing videos
what is this one
this is made headlines
oh okay
we find headlines from the paper and then we prevent them to you
the viewer and our first headline
i like to listen anything if we hear
vehicles may end drunken driving
yes and cigarettes may end lung cancer
oh my god he’s killing him made us for him
i should show you this one
this is
here we go
human service worker
i wonder they usually hire robot service workers
oh my god
oh my god he’s murdering him
i think he looks at it first corn elob
free epa thing
with the repair of your tornela free epa
isn’t that what got you into trouble in the first place
this is
lesson it’s real
oh my god
maltine’s beautiful flully
and very very cuddly
flowy named ethen the famous pilot flully flowenberger
oh no
that was brutal
we’re on like a fifteen second delay yeah
is that in case we come in suicide yeah
it’s just probably what i’m doing over here
it takes like fifteen seconds to see
what’s happening over there so if like you’re watching someone
and a video and a werewolf is like standing over them
by the time you see that that motherfucker’s dead
peeparts right david joe beyond you
that werewolf fucked that dude up a long time ago
there’s a big ass delay here i wonder if like
you know
there’s someone watching all the controversial u stream ones
and they don’t have a delay
and they’re like right
there with a finger on the button if you do something nutty
cause then the guy commits suicide on a web web show
a guy committed suicide tv
he home i’m sorry they killed themselves yeah
all the time now
i’ve heard like at least two people i think
well that’s not all the time and that’s what the hoax
two is not all the time
you know when
the community is not you know what we gotta do man
we gotta do headphones
that way
we could listen to ourselves and make sure that the sound
is good and i’m watching the sound and goes now
i’m watching them now
what happened watching meters yeah
you crazy motherfucker
i’m glad we got this microphone too
this is a perfect microphone yeah
because it picks up everything totally you could probably
press pause and then refresh your
browser if you want it and then double shout catch up yeah
really you think so oh you’re right you motherfucker
the mark gaden wow
that’s that’s mark hayden do you know who mark hayden is yeah
it’s one of the best comics ever
i don’t think it’s real anymore come on man
that’s him man
dude he’s been saying some crazy shit i guess he’s one of
he’s one of england’s
pride of england
he’s pretty funny he’s not it’s funny well funny looking
you don’t think he’s genius huh you don’t get it
i don’t get it you don’t get the material
i just think that
i can’t understand what he says hey
oh let me check this guy david gawi
g o e w e y says i’m up at three forty eight am in abu dhabi
now answer some questions joe well fuck yeah dude
i’ll answer some questions
you’re up at four o’clock in the morning and you live in abdabi
i got some questions for you sir
what’s it like over there man here
that’s all like fucking everybody’s got a ferrari it’s
like one of the richest places in the world
i’ve heard it’s fucking crazy
is that true is there our situation real legal there
i don’t think prostitutionists but i think if you’re like
you know some sort of a baller character
i mean i think they just ignore it i mean the way it happens in
dubai is like all the hookers just go there
they just know
where all the rich guys are that rich guys go to dubai
so the hookers just come from everywhere
and i think they just ignore it
you know i don’t know though i don’t think it’s legal
is there any questions on your message board
but i don’t i’ve never been either
we’ll go to the message board
shortly but i want to see what this guy has to say
it is sweet he says
david david
you’re just chilling in abu dhabi what do you do out there man
what’d he do for a living in abu dhabi
do you have a ferrari
do they give you one
you get your driver’s license they hand you
a ferrari would you like the yellow or the red ferraris
you can get a black one too if you know somebody yeah
all right i’m gonna go to some questions here
let’s do two girls one cup video in video this guy says yeah
i was thinking about
has anybody not seen two girls one cup though
i was really gonna share a horse one
oh you guys want to see mr hands you know
we can’t do that we can’t do that yeah
that was upbeat us broadcasting of babies okay
but then we can’t show the shit even one either can we no
we can’t do anything
like that oh
can it be automatically van
all right listen folks
this is gonna we’re gonna do this for a little bit
but eventually
we’re gonna move over to my website so
i could show you guys getting fucked death by horses
and people eating shit
i did not know that i was not able to show those type of videos
well this is not gonna last
they’ll let us say whatever they
whatever we want but we can’t show you whatever we want
which i don’t think it’s gonna
any of the stream websites you won’t be able to like this oh
corny stuff well
we’re gonna have to either talk to you stream and see
if we could but they had to go insane yes to that no
no one will
yeah because even if you say like if you click on something
saying that you’re at and over
we don’t have that now
do we do we have that now
or they have to click on something that
says they’re at and over
we should have that i think that’s possible
i think that’s possible
i think uh you string people probably put that on there well
they should definitely do that
i don’t want any little kids getting any shitty ideas
i don’t want to have to explain anything
it’s not that i’m just telling you anything that’s not correct
it’s just that i don’t want to have to
sit down with you and go over the way the world really works
it’s too much work god damn it
this guy says alexander wrote says he heard
this ferrari is just abandoned in the street that’s what
i’m talking about man
those motherfuckers got money
it’s like what is that a two thousand seven psh
they just piana throw the keys aside
they give him away a goodwill
in razor phones everywhere
you’re mowing the lawn
and there’s razor phones just fine and now letting go
i think they have lawns man
all right guys
i would like to see the maybe they do
maybe they turn into
i think they’re gonna have an outdoor fight there
really i’m sorry the place is really scary
the middle east is a strange land man it’s a strange land
very different yeah
for the people that want to see mr hands
they want to know what i’m talking about
go to two guys
one horse one
com two guys
one horse com
is the video that i wanted to show you but i can’t
you stream are a bunch of pussies
and i guess they want to make money
they don’t want to pee advertisers
pulling out like they do with tiger woods
pour for it poor tiger woods that fella
i went to the airport
and they still have his posters up for accenture
one of the first companies that dropped them
and one of the posters is tiger looking like you know
contemplating a shot
and it says something like it’s what you do next that counts
i put it up on my twitter page and like man
how fucking telling is that
did he ever have a fucking inkling of a clue
that that’s what was gonna happen when he put that picture out
and people like people freak out about the tiger woods
thing like that he’s a terrible person he said
yes it’s not the best thing to do i agree but that guy is an un
he’s an unfortunate looking guy he’s very unfortunate looking
and he’s a fucking billionaire
he’s like got super super rich dude
i bet it was impossible for him to say no to all those chicks
you know i mean if you think i mean
obviously he was a pussy hound
i mean there’s no getting away from that
but to be like that guy
you know and have all these tens
and they’re chasing you down
and they don’t even care if you’re married
and they’ll fly to other countries to hang out with you
holy shit you know
it’s like a rockstar
he’s totally like a rockstar
and it was like yeah well
then you shouldn’t be married i
totally agree i’m not defending him in any way
he’s more of a rockstar
most rockstars don’t have their own beverage
they don’t have their own clothing line
that dude’s fucking crazy yeah
people love that stupid ass game
they love it the especially business people if you want to
get down with business you know
i’ve heard a lot of people
say that if you
to be successful in business that you literally have to learn
like you literally have to learn it if you don’t learn golf
they hit refers on the screen eyes
show you experience so you can see what’s there
what’s going on
just the picture that picture you’re talking about tire lids
what’s wrong with this thing
i don’t know
you stream you’re
sucking it i would dummies
i would close your firefox and open up like in safari or what
chrome maybe have two and shit open no
there it goes i’d see there it goes the picture is up finally
see that’s much than much of a delay so like
i said if you see a werewolf behind me and you hear that
believe me i’m already dead okay
just be kind to be on the message boards
people were brutal about artie langman
that was really sad to see
how many people were brutal after
artie lang tried to commit suicide like calling them
people don’t like that suicide shit right
i know but it wasn’t just that
it was
it was they were they were insulting him like it didn’t matter
you know you know like that he’s weak and he’s a piece of shit
like i said about where i talked about
the people that i know that have
had problems with paint pills it’s not like
you know the guy likes to jerk off
he jerks off
too much like that guy you need to smack him in the hag
what the fuck is wrong with you
you lost your job because you jerk off five times a day
you know there’s dudes like that
they’re like they miss jobs
they show up late for work
just because they’re like chronic master bears they wake up
the morning they have to beat off
they don’t beat off they’re gonna go crazy
like they get that’s a dude that’s got a problem that guy’s
he needs a smack in the head people that are like
like compulsive gamblers that’s a compulsion and that’s like
there’s a problem
and your pattern of thinking there’s a problem in the way
you know and i’ve been
compulsive about many things in my life i understand what
i understand of thinking behind it
but that
can all be corrected you just need to learn how to think
there’s a big difference between that and like heroin and
oxycontin and math and
people who get addicted to shit that shit’s real
that’s real you know so
to get
to shit all over someone because they’re addicted to a drug
man it ain’t easy to kick that you don’t you know
unless you’re doing it
unless you’re deep in the throes of heroin you can’t talk shit
and if you have been and i haven’t so i can say nothing but
i’ve talked to people who have
i had a friend who died from heroin
i knew a couple people that died from heroin and
the one that i knew he
was a real real smart guy he was a cool dude
he just couldn’t stop it
i don’t you know i don’t i think some people bond to those
dangerous drugs and you’re fucked
whatever happened with him artie lang was
every time i met that guy he’s always been cool to me
and that’s that’s how i judge people
he’s always fun to be around friendly
i think he’s hilarious
he’s just he’s a nice guy you know and to me it just made me sad
and maybe just a sound that people were
willing to shit on this guy because he tried to kill himself
but you are right
people get mad when people try to kill themselves
you know
especially when people have a much better life than them
yeah you know
i mean that was
the argument that i heard over and over again about already
like this fucking guy
you know what are his problems
he’s got a mercedes and you know he’s rich and
all true but that doesn’t make you feel better unfortunately
you think it would
but it doesn’t if your life sucked
your life sucks
and it really has nothing to do with you being rich or poor
rich can definitely help things because you don’t have to worry
about your bills
and you have less problems you have a little bit less dress
but then you got
problems with your money and investments and people
stealing from you and bullshit you know
you have problems all over the place
definitely better to have it than or not
but the bottom line is just because they’re successful
doesn’t mean you’re happy
there’s a lot of people that are fucking hardly
hardly depressed and they sit around thinking well
what the fuck is the purpose of this life
you know and the real problem is
that’s a good goddamn question what is the purpose of this life
if you’re not here for other people
what are you here for
because realistically
you get to a certain point your life like already and i are
basically the same age
i’m forty two and i believe he is too
and you get to a point where you
get all this gray like i have gray hair on my
beard and on my balls i have like twenty gray hair so
gray hair is coming in here
i mean this is like you know your body’s dying
so at a certain point time you gotta go
what the fuck is the purpose of all this
what am i dear for
you know and if you don’t have like a relationship
you don’t have someone you love
you don’t have really good friends that you love
and you love to be around you don’t
have a family you don’t have children
don’t have someone that
that you mean something too and someone that you
you feed off of each other
and you share energy and you make them feel good
and they make you feel good no
they miss you and you miss them and that’s very
very very very important for people
and people just underestimate how huge that is you know having
friends and having
family and having like good quality people in your life
not douchebags cut the douchebags out that is so important
because nothing can fuck your life up more than people who
are not looking out for your best interests and want you to fail
because they’re fucked up you know
try to let them aware of it
let them be aware of it
give them an opportunity to change and if they don’t
get rid of them
caught them out of your life
so important just
separate yourself from anybody negative
that’s going to fuck with you
that can make
such a huge difference in the quality of your life
you know and then of course
get the fuck away from drugs the bad ones
don’t fuck around with heroin
don’t fuck around with math don’t fuck around with anything
dangerous if you’re gonna do something
do things that people have never died from
and make sure you know what the fuck you’re doing before
you do it you know don’t go crazy and smoke the whole joint
the first time
you know
you’ll shit your pants in paranoia you freak the fuck out
you’re probably never gonna get high again
the first time you ever get high you should just get a little
tiny bit high
just a little
take a tiny bit of a hit and get used to it you know god
it’s like riding a surfboard
you can’t just hop on you’ll be awesome on it
you know the feeling of being caught up in the wave of tac
when when you get
really high it’s like you’re connecting to like another
another frequency that
it’s not available to you when you’re sober
and that’s what people don’t smoke marijuana don’t understand
there’s an awareness an opening
of your mind man i’ve had to explain to me
chemically about you know
gaba and dopamine and all the different things
that go on
so there was a recent thread about it on my message board
where people are talking about the effect of it
but the bottom on is it does something to the way you think
and it opens up new levels of awareness
and if you get too much of that
you’re going to freak the fuck out
and that’s called being paranoid
but what paranoia comes from is this is probably the first time
you’re recognizing reality
you know you’re a very vulnerable person we all are life is
you know it’s a transient experience it’s
going to pass from this to something else maybe who knows
who knows what the fuck this is the first place
who knows
what the ultimate goal of the human racist in the first place
you just live your life and go through it and
you put your blinders on and when you have a hit of some
really good weed
those blinders just fall down around you
and you realize like wow
i’m this fragile fleshy little temporary being
that’s pleaking to this spinning orb
as it’s flying through the galaxy
and people are sitting around talking about john and cayde and
fucking miley cyrus and nonsense
and while this is all going on we’re hurling through the galaxy
and it literally is never discussed you know
and i have a bit about it you can see it on youtube
i think it’s somebody put it up it’s from my
shiny happy g hot cd
it’s about flying through space but that’s what we are and
we’re just animals clinging to a spear in eternity
in this gigantic sea
of eternity sea of space this
never ending thing that we’re a part of but we completely
ignore and we focus on the most mundane bullshit
like tiger woods fucking all these girdles
you know and like what else what are the other
dumb shit that people have been focusing on lately in the news
i don’t know but i think
why people focus on so much of it because
you know they need
it’s like kind of watching the same movie over and over again
you know you need constant new information
and stuff like that you know like
i understand what you’re saying like
about the whole thing
but i think that’s why so
many people focus on the dumb shit because
the the
it’s new shit you know that same thing you think that yeah
that’s a good point so like what you’re saying is that
the reason why people focus on like tiger woods and stuff like
that is just because it’s new information it doesn’t matter
we’ve been in space for so long and nothing happens
and you look up you see stars blah blah blah shut the fuck up
right it’s like if having the same cell phone
would you have the same cell phone for ten years or
if tiger wood cell phone came out
would you get the tiger woods new cell phone that’s a good point
i think brian’s on something
i think you know it makes sense because you know
people are we do really we have this
push for new things and innovation
and it’s literally built into a hard wiring right
which is why
you can take a guy with the hottest chick in the world
and he doesn’t want to fuck her anymore
like you get tired of fucking the hottest chick in the world
and that really is true
you know that can happen yeah if you look at life the wrong way
and that’s one of the other things that’s awesome about weed
if you smoke weed and you fuck your girlfriend like
if you don’t usually do that
it’s like you’re fucking a new person
it’s like you appreciate her all
for like who she is and what she
what she looks like you appreciate it all over
again it’s really weird man at least for me
do you feel like that when you smoke weed and
get with your lady yeah
hmm won’t you smoke weedy to get with your lady
my lady doesn’t really smoke weed
so it’s not really that fun well mine can’t right now
because she’s pregnant with me bumbino
so have you applied with the nexus one yet
no i have not
you’re not a fan huh
not really
brian michael tech review ladies and gentlemen the main problem
is is if you have something like
we both have iphones and you have facebook
and twitter and all these applications right
i’ve had droid why have an inferior version what’s up yeah
all is
the facebook on the droid sucks the twitter on the droids
not as good as twitter too
you know everything is just
yeah i have the blackberry and i have uber twitter on it
i use i have an iphone but i really use it more of as like a
like a laptop that i keep in my pocket
that’s really what it is for me because
the bottom line with the iphone is it’s on at amp t and at amp t
when i’m talking to people on at amp t
i can guarantee it’s going to cut out
three or four times before
i get wherever the fuck i’m going
when i the driving my car
i love the fact that i can have
both hands on a steering wheel and i can just talk
you know and i’m having conversations and i can
you know do business and answer questions and
catch up with old friends
that i don’t have a chance to catch up with
i love that man that’s huge to me to me
that’s one of the most important features of communication
the ability to fucking talk to somebody
i don’t like text messaging just back and forth after a while
man you’re like
i wanted to hear your fucking voice you know
that’s the way i like talking to people you know it’s fun
you know you can get things out you feed off of each other
you know it’s a volley you’re going back and forth
so if your fucking phone
can’t make phone calls that’s weak yeah
that’s weak shit so i use a blackberry with verizon
no one’s paying me to say this
but the reason why i use the blackberry
it’s because
we do ufc’s in the uk and the only way you could get
a phone that works overseas you got to get a world phone
because we have two different systems here in america
we have cdma and
gsm and gsm is t mobile and at amp t
and cdma is sprint and varizon
and there are two totally different types of signals well
in other countries
most other countries don’t use the cdma which varizon has
but it’s the best in america in america
it’s the shit it’s way better i mean
when i drive to jujitsu
i would lose people three times of my at amp t phone
three fucking times would drive me crazy
but in my verizon
right there and it never drops off for a second
it’s so much better
but the bottom line is this shit is whack
this phone is like
an iphone from twenty fucking years ago that’s what it’s like
it’s like some some cheap
knock off you know like some third world country
you know where they make fake
watches and shit like
that they try to knock the cameras are pretty nice
the flashes are pretty nice yes
yes the cameras dope
the flash is very good
the video is excellent yes
ready texting the video is excellent it’s not bad to type on
the typing this is the new one the storm to
the double clicking is not bad
it’s not when i drop in the toilet yeah
it’s dropping the toilet
this was right next to my poo let us just
totally i was at the nine thirty club in washington dc
by the way i had a good fucking time down there
dc people thank you very much for your hospitality
awesome show i had a great time but anyway i was at the nine
thirty club this friday night
and i was pulling
my pre performance poo poo
i got up and this phone because i always called a piece of shit
committed suicide
and dove from my pocket into the shitty toilet it’s like
i’ll show you who a piece of shit is
tried to kill data i know what it’s doing
because it knows that i haven’t backed up in a couple of weeks
i was trying to i got some cool pictures and videos on here
and this motherfucker is trying to kill himself
and so i got it out
and shook it and shook all the water out but
i dried it with a hair dryer and the bitch came back
i mean it’s
it’s great it’s works quite
tired listen to your shit
joe rogan it’s terrible
for anything else when you try to go on the internet
you want to shoot yourself
you try to use the twitter function on here it’s so
clunky and whack and typing is
much it’s okay to type like text
but when you have to type in numbers
you have to like really
concentrate this little tiny ass keyboard where the numbers are
and you’re always
fucking up like when i have to give someone
if i’m like answering an email and i have to
give someone address or a phone number
it takes five fucking minutes because i
barely can push down the three i’m also
i’m always getting the number right next to it
it’s really weak and annoying
so that the iphone is the shit it’s just
so goddamn far above
every other phone out there
it’s not even close if you’re thinking about you want one phone
if you only had to choose between one phone
you got to go with the iphone
but if you can afford to have two phones
the iphone is great for like a little computer to me it’s huge
for pictures and twitters and applications and going on i would
probably wait
until after the
apple announcement in two weeks though
yes in case
there’s a varizon iphone if there’s a varizon iphone
i’ll fucking jump for joy
but i don’t think there’s gonna be one
we think that the varizon thing
we’ve read online because we’re both brian and i have all tech
retards the late verizon thing is
probably going to be some sort of a tablet like a little
like an internet like a kindle
but you can get on the internet with it
which would be kind of interesting
like a like a netbook with no keyboard
or just an oversized iphone pretty much
have i heard or upgrade the gray yeah
he’s that guy he’s a guy from england that is
a professor and a scientist he’s working hard on life extension
he’s an interesting dude kind of a
kind of a real eccentric character with crazy long beard and
you know he’s
got all these
really complex theories on how to extend the human lifetimes
like a thousand years
like the only way you would die is if you had you know
got an accident or something or sickness pretty fascinating shit
the problem is if people live forever
there’s not enough room for everybody
you know we’re trying to fuck with nature
you know nature has us in a cycle
and the cycle is very simple
nobody lives more
than like a hundred and twenty years if you’re the baddest
motherfucker ever
you live to be a buck
twenty and then you’re done
and the last
few years you are a fragile mess and you better not go anywhere
you know you could tie your shoes and break your back in half
you know you could fall down
you know when you’re going to wipe your ass and
head plant into the wall and be done
crack your neck paralyze
shell over the floor
i mean that could be the end
it’s gonna be ugly you know you’re gonna be
a human roll a tissue paper that’s what you’re gonna be so
that’s the cycle of life
you know and you have children and those children
you pass on your information
and that’s what’s supposed to happen
we are in the active process of evolving
as a species and
there’s two things that are going to aid that involvement
or evolvement rather
that evolution it’s going to be either technology
or it’s going to be what we learn and what we pass on
and if you don’t
evolve and if you don’t pass on something
if your children don’t evolve
this race can’t exist
from just the people that are alive now
living forever
because people don’t change that much
they try they do their best
but the amount of people that change
over the amount of people that don’t change
i mean shit how many people do you know
that get their shit together
that have gotten their shit together they didn’t have it
you know how many people do you know
mmm not many not that many
most people who are a fucking mass stay amass
and that’s not good
those aren’t good odds for a whole race of humans
you know i think that the best
bet for the human race and we really care about it as old
but we don’t we care about ourselves because we’re animals
and because we have these instincts
and these instincts are designed to make sure that we stay
alive and you know and that’s just hard wiring even though
your logic and your reason would dictate well hey
i’m only here for a temporary amount of time anyway
i need to look at this
like what is my purpose here what am i supposed to be doing
and what you’re supposed to be doing
is making it better for the next people
what you’re supposed to be doing
is making it as good as you can for the people here
and leaving an impression
so that maybe you can enhance the minds and open the eyes and
set the tone for the next people
you know if you meet a guy who’s like oh
i mean every time i never met someone who’s like really
fucking cool and really nice
and really friendly
it has always inspired me
to be cooler and nicer and friendlier it’s like it’s so
cool to meet people like that
but you know when i was growing up in boston
i knew a lot of fucking
hard ass people i knew a lot of people that were just
always ready to insult you and always wanted to fight and
i know a lot of
and if you grow up around a lot of people like that
you you become like that
like it can make you like that
you live in that environment where everybody’s kind of douche
each other on occasion
you know like you go out to a bar and boston
your chances are you’re gonna see a fight
you go to a night club in boston dudes still throw down
i mean it’s one of the few places like
remember when we went to we still do the the
comedy connection in fanuel hall
and after the show like two o’clock in the morning
that fucking place would be alive
in the summertime it was crackling it was crackling
like at any moment
you could see
a fucking brawl breakout where dudes punch somebody and
fucking tables would start flying
i mean it was a crazy place yeah
i would hate to live there
yeah i mean we saw many fights we see there
we saw so many fights and so many close fights
me and ariam has got enough fight at mcdonald’s yeah
just waiting in line for food yeah
dudes are way more aggressive in boston
than like say if you go out and
try to get some something to eat in texas
you know people are generally pretty fucking friendly
like everybody has this like
this stereotype of texas
but you’re way
safer going out to get some late night food in texas like
especially like austin
shit austin’s badass
that’s one of the friendliest fucking cities in the country
you know you want to go get something
to eat at two o’clock in the morning in austin
you’re fine you go
get something that eat at two o’clock in the morning in boston
you might see a fucking assault
you know you might be a part or something
you gotta watch where the fuck you’re gone
okay ladies and gentlemen we’re gonna go to the questions do you
there’s got to be something you’re not
looking forward to about fatherhood well i’m already a father
i love it you know
what you don’t look forward to is you
don’t look forward to the fact
that you’re going to lose a lot of your time
without a doubt you’re gonna have to spend
if you don’t want to be a shitty parent
you know if you have had
a childhood that was less than perfect
which i think most of us have
you learn from that
and you’re supposed to be a better person
and a better parent from that
and once you have a fucking kid man
it’s like all right you have this immense immense responsibility
to raise a human being correctly
and you gotta get your own shit together
you know
it forces you
and you’re going to definitely have to look at things
a little bit differently
because you’re not going to have the same amount of free time
and you can’t look at yourself like you’re the only thing
you know that’s what i was talking about before
with like a lot of people that i know that aren’t happy
one of the reasons why they’re not happies they don’t have
people in their life
you know like that are really important
you know like i know
dudes that are like grown men that don’t even have like really
really close friends
they have like friends
but they like
keep shit from them and you know sometimes they get in
bad arguments with them
and they don’t have anybody that they really open
up and are a hundred percent honest with
which is really huge
you know if you don’t have like a real friend
that you can fucking tell everything
too you gotta have those in your life
man those are huge when we’re all out
like when it’s me and brian and eddie and joey
and we’re all out
bullshitting we tell each other basically everything
you know that’s one of the fun things about it you know
one of the fun things about
hanging out with like people that you really like
is you know you get to see inside each other’s fucking
the wiring under the board
you get to see how your brain works you know you get to
throw out
the way you’re thinking and what’s going on your life to them
and see how you know a person
who’s not living your life
but loves you and looks out for you and wants you to be happy
gets to look at it and see it
and that’s very important for people
because sometimes you can’t see your life objectively
sometimes you need somebody in your life that
cares about you
and when people don’t have that shit
they don’t feel like they have
that a hundred percent honesty with someone
you’re disconnected to the universe
and that’s one of the reasons why people get so depressed
you know you’re depressed
because you don’t
have all this love in your life you have to have a lot of love
and you have to put it out there too
if you’re putting out shit you’re gonna get shit back
and then you’re gonna get
into a downward spiral that you’d ever gonna put out
pull out of you’re gonna have a shitty life
you’re putting out bad energy it’s always coming back
at you you’re always
gonna be unlucky you’re always gonna be unhappy
it’s just the way it is
if you’re an asshole
you’re not gonna be happy assholes
they look like they’re happy because you see them laughing
they go home and cry
and drink or their fucking
psycho and they have no emotions whatsoever
mean it but
no one is happy being negative everybody wants to be loving
everybody wants to have
good friends and have a good fucking time so
this operative grey guy you’re not gonna live forever bitch
and you’re not supposed to
you’re supposed to do what you can
to the people that
you influence and touch in this life
and hope that it carries on into the next
and we all know this
we all
know this inherently and we all know inherently the people
have done this to us
you know like i said we’ve all met people that inspired us
and i think that’s what we’re here for
i think that’s what we’re supposed to do
it’s just
you gonna cover are you playing shit
while i’m doing this while i’m talking what is this robot
why are you playing distracting shit
let me know when you playing shit tell me what it is
it’s hard to read the questions off here man
any plans for a book yeah
i’m writing a book man
but the problem is i’m writing comedy at the same time and
i’m also writing blog entries
and i’m also trying to deal on my other bullshit so
it’s taken some time you know
it’s hard to sit down and just write a book
because i sit down and write things
and i just want to write about one thing that day and then
i like that’s one of the things i like about blogs
i could just write it and throw it up and bam there it is
but i’m always looking for new ways that people could
listen to
my shit get my ideas out there and get my stuff out there and
come to see me doing stand up and
you know the different ways to do that
you know it’s like
book books or legitimate ways there are ways
there’s still
a lot of people that
don’t even have any idea that i’m a stand up
comedian you know just because of like
stuff that i’ve done that’s not funny like fear factor and
whatever and you know and then doing
commentary for the ufc it’s the same thing it’s like
there’s a lot of people that really have no idea
that i’m even a comedian so i try to like do the best i can to
use all the different avenues to get that out there
so i think a book was gonna help
and also i think it’d be cool to have something
that i actually wrote that’s a book
you know i just think
having a real book
in the bookstore is something cool about that
book takes lots of concentrations smoke more weed
that’s an excellent advice i almost always write stoned
you know and it might not make sense then
the problem is i like read it when i’m not stoned
and i’m like what the fuck was i rambling about
but when i’m high
it’s all like super genius shit
yeah i was talking about depression
brian’s playing a fucking robot video
trying to lighten the mood joe
we don’t need that man
is jason alice the best radio show to go on
opie and anthony is the best radio show to go on
jason alice is a close second
pit shows fun as fuck jason’s cool shit
he’s he’s hilarious too i love listening to him
he’s just he’s cocky and he’s funny and
i just
he’s a cool dude i like him a lot i like that guy he’s fun
too many guys at boston wearing affliction t shirts
well there’s nice people that wear affliction t shirts too sir
i goof on affliction t shirts all the time but i wear their shit
i bought their genes i bought their dragon genes
those genes are awful the
genes are a little much
but i got some dope ass these japanese samurai
ones from affliction those are the shit man the whole like
i think it’s called heroes and demons it’s badass it’s like
samurai’s fighting tigers and shit it’s really cool art by this
japanese tattooist
but they don’t make them anymore
but i told tom
tom flint flexing them like those shirts of this shit
i love them
i used to before i smoke weed i used to dress terrible
i think i dressed bad now i used that leopard print stripes
structure shirts with like yeah
i used to wear things where really
i used to wear like crushed red velvet shirts and
crazy i’m not choking crazy big hawaiian church
i’m a fashion retard like i always have been
you know
that’s why i still wear a fanny pack like i wear a fanny pack
all the time
yeah you know whenever we travel i wear a fanny pack and a belt
chain yeah and my chain my wall chain
i don’t care the wall chain
you know what’s there i’ve lost my wall before
i don’t want to lose my wall again
bam i got a wall chain it’s like
nope i like it
i like it i like it
i like it too because
imperial rose collection my man david tadman
he made it for me
he said to me his dude’s this really cool dude
who’s a big mma fan
who’s a jeweler
and he said to me so to me it has like power
it’s like a gift from somebody you know
so it’s this cool chain that
i like it gives me strength
and i like that i’m not going to lose my fucking wallet again
people are group stupid you fucking foolie too you got a bad
wolf chain on
i like where my baseball have backwards
i like having a wallet chain
if you think i look silly good
make fun of me i don’t care
have you like gone without wearing the wall chain for no
never i’ve weared a wall chain for decades yeah
that’s weak
i can’t remember the last time i didn’t wear a wall chain
when i was on fear factor these to make me tuck that shit in
and it’s weird because
there’s not many of you
you know there’s not many wall chain people
i don’t give a fuck
i like it do you ever run in across any other wall chain
yeah well
dude’s a little compliment each other on his wall chains
you know
dudes look at the chain and go damn that’s pretty badass man
and dana white give me a dope ass one too
i wonder if these seventeen hundreds if you would have a laugh
dana white’s given me two wallet chains that’s
how cool dana white is
but this is the one that i use now and i can’t sweet
can you see it yeah
i like it
because it’s all like handcrafted mats a little dragon head
and the little dragon head opens up
and that clips on my belt
and the chain is dope chain is really cool
and for whatever fucking reason
okay this shit is metal as fuck
but it does not go off when you go to the metal detector
yes how stupid are metal detectors
i will fucking kill you with this oh shit if i get this
i don’t have a tripod on the plane
but you can have a fucking chain yeah
i this thing this thing
goes right through the metal detector that’s weird it’s crazy
i mean you really have to think
like that i mean i hope i should have opened my mouth
retards from tsa is watching this those fucking knuckleheads
some of them are cool
i ran to a lot of cool people with the airport but
the laws is what’s not cool none of it makes any goddamn sense
you know put a goddamn cop on a plane
on every plane don’t they already do that they do that already
yeah well
not every plane you can’t bring a pool cue on
you can bring a skateboard
but you can’t bring a pool cue what about a laptop
you can have a big
seventeen inch laptop right mac
and you could have a laptop that you
designed purposely to fight people up
totally you know
totally yeah it’s totally weird we should shut up before
we all just take it off
we get it all take it away but
so how was washington
washington was badass washington dc the
show was great man
we were at this place
called the nine thirty club that’s why i told you my
phone fell in toilet
awesome awesome proud really i don’t get to dc very much
and the last time i was there before was
john hefferon charlie murphy when we did the maxim comedy tour
so you’re in miami beach florida next week right
yeah i’m in miami beach florida on the twenty second
which is what day is that
as far as looking at right now it is a
friday it’s on the u string page right a little
put the little calendar on these chains yeah so next friday
ba bam motherfuckers
that’s another place i’m not at very often
non florida very often
not in miami very often yeah but i’m here friday bitches
that’s gonna be fun that comedy show i guess
there’s gonna be a lot of people in town for that
you’re a lot of comics they’re gonna be in town for that yeah
yeah that sounds cool awesome
powerful comedy festival
and tickets are selling really fast so if you want to go
go to where they where the fuck can go
i think that one is
do have a link somewhere yeah
you know what
i’m gonna throw the link on twitter
because i’m such a badass bitch
that’s what i was gonna talk to you about what
it’s through live nation so if you get a livenation com yeah
each ticket they are charging seventeen like something crazy
fifteen dollars
like live nation
gets a cut service charge fifteen dollars service charge
for three
tickets some dude was saying that he was paying something
like insane like two hundred bucks or something really yeah
good check it let’s actually do it right now we do it why well
you know that’s one of the things i like about
like a regular goddamn comedy club a regular comedy club
was a ticket you cost twenty five bucks
you walk in the door you pay or twenty five bucks and that’s it
man yeah
you know or if you show up early you know
you go to the box office or you can order online
you just buy it from the club and that’s what it costs right
you go through an agency but
if you’re gonna do like a big concert or something like that
you have to go through an agency that’s another world
you know once you start doing like big venues
start doing like several thousand people
that’s that’s a totally different world
that’s why i love comedy clubs
first of all the show’s better
the shows
are always better when it’s like less than six hundred people
you know once you get over like six hundred people
they’re still fun there’s still a lot of fun
you know dc was more than six hundred people i think
but they’re still
it’s still a good time don’t get me wrong
but it’s just not the same experience
the experience you get in the comedy club it’s like you’re right
there you’re in the mix there’s
low ceilings and shit and it’s just
three hundred of you and you’re fucking around just hanging out
okay three tickets
try to get to the grand total tell me
hundred and fifty nine dollars in sixty cents
for three tickets that’s a lot of money mode
have i smoked weed with doug benson probably
i don’t remember that i must have
i might not have though
i think i did once i think i showed him the solo pipe
i was gonna get him one i think
doug’s a very nice guy
yeah he’s a record yeah
very nice guy and i did his podcast he’s very fun too
he’s got a
i love movie’s podcast but i was totally useless on it because
i’m not a big movie fan
so they were talking like they were all going on especially
patent patton i was what was on he’s a movie freak
and they were just quoted all these
weird obscure movies
and weird obscure and i just didn’t know anything
that was useless
they were like what’s your favorite movie i’m like god
don’t have one
you have a favorite movie
i don’t think i have a favorite movie man
right now it’s avatar
just because i
never get
i’ve never felt like that before you know yeah
like in a movie like wow
like that movie like
even though it was dumb
you know even though it was like cliche it didn’t matter it
felt it felt so powerful
you know like i was like moved to tears
almost a couple times it’s like
i mean even though it was still it was like comic book
style but super powerful
you know like the images and the way it was done
even though there was some like some cliche shit in it
doesn’t matter man
oh fuck it awesome
did i get my tomahawk pipe yes i did sir
actually there it is right here
but we haven’t used it because it’s kind of weak
it’s very clogged
already yeah well
it’s just it’s a it’s dumb
it’s done you’re not really supposed to smoke out of it
you’re supposed to describe me
i’ve got a comma hard pack man
it’s silly
but yeah i got it
i got it just so i could show you guys i got it
one that i started smoking weed
i didn’t start tall i was like thirty years old
that’s why i’m so passionate about it because my whole life
i thought that if you swamp weed you’d be lazy
you’d be a loser
because i knew a lot of dudes when i was a kid and
the guys had big drugs
the guys that
were partying all the time
they always wanted to fucking their lives up
and i was terrified of fucking my life up
there was my number one fear with being a loser
my number one
i didn’t my ambition was all fucked up
because it wasn’t that i wanted to be
happy and i wanted to you know find some place of
some point of success and
do you know achieve some goal or you know be the
something for a living that i wanted to be
i wasn’t doing that
i was just trying not to be a loser i was
terrified that i was gonna be a loser
you know i think
i think that’s it it’s very important
to have the right
mindset don’t you think like when you’re growing up
how gigantic is that yeah
i think it’s a lot with parents but also
you know just how you’re raised in the whole package yeah
how people how you
the people around you think too that’s very important
you know i don’t even remember what i was talking about
that’s how high we are razor gentlemen
but we were talking to something real simple what the hell is it
we’re talking about avatar and
by the way i finally sell saw
in three d and i loved it that fucking movie was so great
it was the greatest movie ever
to me i mean i say i don’t have a favorite movie
but i guess if i had to have a favorite movie
that’s my favorite movie
any news on brock lesson
i heard randy corteur said he’s back in the gym really yeah
that’s awesome you know more important than anything
even if the dude never fights again right
you know maybe he doesn’t want to fight anymore now you know
the most important thing is that he’s healthy
and the most important thing is you
ladies and gentlemen learn something from this situation
eat your vegetables
it’s very important eat your fiber
you gotta clean out your intestinal tract by juicer
by juicer this motherfucker has been juicing
juicing like craziness his whole life is like invigorated
right don’t you don’t you feel like oh
it’s immediately like five minutes after
taking one of these juices
i feel like i could just go
do jumping jacks why isn’t this wackass thing streaming anymore
i don’t know man i got safari to safari suck
i use chrome now oh this is this is firefox you know what
i’m gonna try
to shut this bitch off yes
chrome i’ve been using chrome a lot lately i like chrome a lot
think it’s the best so
i don’t know that or so far he’s the best i gave up on firefox
firefox has been the worst
lately firefox has just been slow as fuck
really yeah they used to be good
yeah firefox crashes sometimes on me
shut off firefox
i got all my fancy new fucking badass quick internet
that shouldn’t be all gayed out
a lot of people got really mad at me i did an interview recently
and i talked about
the use of the word faggot
i was just explaining how what happened when i did the spike tv
thing that they told me that i could say any word except faggot
when the show was uncensored
i was like this that’s so crazy because i’m not even talking to
a person i’m talking to a dog
and some ants that’s when i use the word faggot
and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation
you know and i know louis c k
actually has a bit on that about
how it never meant gay
and it didn’t anthony kumi it talks about it all the time
on opiate anthony
about how faggot never
really was a homosexual slurring or kids it was
it was not i mean but
that’s true but it’s sort of not true because you knew that
it also meant that
but people didn’t use it that way that’s not what it meant
and at the end of the day like
what’s language is supposed to represent is
your the context of your thoughts
you know and the problem is when words
get hyper powered
like cunt or nigger or faggot now faggot is like the new one
you know or love loves a hyper powered word too you know
these words get hyper powered and the word itself is more
important than the meaning behind the word
you’re not it’s not a true expression anymore
i mean a lot of people in relationships and you know you say
say you love me tell me you love me i really love you
it’s like this weird
fucking magic word thing that you have to say
it’s like you should know by the way
someone communicates with you whether or not they love you
it shouldn’t have to say
this one word shouldn’t have all this goddamn power
you know the same thing with the word nigger and the same thing
with the word faggots
and now i guess
because this gay guy told me when he was explaining this to me
that i couldn’t say faggot
even if i didn’t mean anything
it didn’t mean gay people i couldn’t say it because i’m not gay
he said but gay people could say
because he goes it’s our nigger laugh
guys kisses as john volta who’s he kissing
john javolta’s i don’t know some duty met on the streets wow
that’s shocking news tv
what’s great you can get me sued who’s he kissing
obviously it’s stage ladies and gentlemen well
it’s not this one’s not stage from
where he’s getting into an airplane kissing another gentleman
well you know
maybe he looks kissing gentlemen doesn’t mean he’s gay brian
yeah i don’t know where you’re going with this
listen just cuz john turolta is kissing manny’s photos
and one of the funniest thing you ever said dude was
you want to say
john dr volta is gary then a room full of dicks do i say that
yeah in vegas
one of my favorite things yes well
clearly i was just setting it in jest ladies and gentlemen
i did not know who’s homosexual
there’s a funny story that i have october before
but it’s true story there was a dude who was a fighter in this
organization this other fighting organization outside of the ufc
and this is like the nineties and they want to do
it wasn’t a google search
even it was an internet search on this man’s name
they were going to write a story about him to promote his show
and as they were searching him
they found out that someone with the same name
was a gay porn star
and not just a gay porn star
the winner of the hungriest butt contest
not the runner up with the hungriest butt contest
the fucking winner
this dude won the hungriest butt contest
they didn’t believe it was him and then they just started like
like searching more
and they found photos
and they found photos of him
like one dudes in his mouth one dudes in his ass
and they’re using him as like
chinese finger handcuffs
and i mean they found all this porn on him like because
it was you know it was used pretty easy to find
you know when the information first got on the internet
porn was the first shit to get out there
porn was there before anything else
before wikipedia before
youtube porn was there
so if you had porn on the internet
or you could basically get even stuff that was illegal
like the early tracy lords videos you could have got
those elite
you could have got those back that you can’t get those now
you go looking for a tracy lords video now anything
that’s illegal like that that shit is gone
but back then you could get it so gay porn
it was all over the place
this poor fuck they pulled up all these pictures
videos and everything
and they confronted him
and he was like
bullshit that’s putting them they showed in the photos
and he got all angry
and he was the headliner he was like the big draw
and he just explained that
he looked he was down on his luck and it was a lot of money
it was a lot of money and so he did it
well it turns out he did like a hundred movies
and the joke is how much money is a lot of money to you
because if i think
you do one movie
you live like you’re in a jz video for the rest of your life
that’s what i think you want to do gay sex on video what
that’s i gotta see some zeros
i gotta see a lot of commas and a lot of zeros you know
but this fucking guy did like a lot of these
and my the joke is
a hundred and fifteen videos by my accounts you should have
all the money in the world
there should be no more money left for anybody else
unless you like it see if you like
suck index and if you’re gay then that’s not bad at all
there’s not see
this is what people don’t understand
like just because someone thinks it’s funny because
they personally are not they don’t want to have gay sex
that doesn’t mean it’s bad that you have gay sex it’s only
bad for someone who doesn’t want to have the gay sex right brian
like if you’re not gay and you do a gay porn
that’s a big deal
but if you’re gay and you do a gay porn it’s like so up
you’re sucking dicks
is it any more embarrassing that you’re doing a video
it’s the same
it’s no different
but if you’re straight and you’re out
there belong guys on video
i still bit about it in my act that
if a guy is like straight and he’s blown a guy
you know that
if you like made a mistake one night and
you’ll never win an argument ever for the rest of your life
because as soon as you get in the argument
soon as shit starts getting real like man
you don’t even believe people
in the moon like didn’t you suck a dick once
and that’s the end the art argument’s over
there’s no way you can bounce back from that you know
you had to dig in your mouth his conversation’s over
you know you can’t trust his gentleman anymore you’ve
defeated him you’ve deflated him as a human
do i feel very blessed to be as famous as i am says
genuine evil eighty six that’s hilarious
i’m just famous enough where it’s not creepy
you know i’m just famous enough where no one takes me seriously
first of all fear factor was definitely a blessing in disguise
because you know i’m saying like you know you get to
a place where like a lot of people
aren’t like real super famous
people that are like loved and worshipped like
you know rock stars or michael jackson
or something like that or tom cruise
or brad pitt like
they’re prisoners
like they can’t go anywhere like that is a terrible way to live
like yeah everybody is fascinated by you including me if i saw
a brad pitt in a restaurant
i was like point stare
like me you wanna hear something crazy me and kevin james okay
and kevin james is fucking famous right
that that goddamn
paul blart mall cop movie he did made like two
hundred million dollars okay
kevin and i are in boston and we’re in a hotel room
tom cruise was in boston too and tom cruise was on the street
okay and we’re kevin’s fucking hotel room
and kevin’s like tom cruises out there look
and so we’re like leaning out the window
looking at tom cruise
and we’re on the like the tenth floor and shit
and tom cruises on the ground floor
and we’re like looking at him across the street like woo
a movie star is gawking at another movie star
it was pretty interesting to watch i was like
you’re i go do you know you’re that famous
like he’s not as famous as tom cruise
but he’s fucking really famous i mean it’s silly that he’s
like so fat but that’s what it is man people people
are nutty about fame that’s not a good level
you don’t want to be there that
you want to be at the level
where you don’t have to worry about your bills
and you
you know you’re able to do what you want to do
like as far as creatively
you know
that’s what i like i like the fact that i could do comedy
i could do the ufc
i do what i want to do and i’m enjoying myself you know
and people enjoy what i’m doing
and you know you develop fans
you develop people that are appreciating what you do
and you appreciate them
and it’s a good relationship that’s a good level of fame
you don’t want to be you know
you don’t want to be somewhere like
i was watching some video online where the guy
could you put that video up the dude when george bush went to
a restaurant and he’s with five secret service agents and
the guy screaming and yelling at him
you fucking murder or you zionist murdering
piece of shit and
some god george bush senior
has to the dude is like he’s an old man
he’s been around forever
he has to travel everywhere with these
bodyguards everywhere
he goes he has secret service guy surrounding him
and yeah i know what you’re saying yeah no
he caused wars and he’s responsible for all these people dying i
see it a hundred percent
it’s not like being a movie star
but it’s the same thing in as far as like
well no because people are angry at him okay
it’s my point is terrible
but it is right
because people are angry at him
i mean he’s the reason why he’s got all these people around
because people want him dead yeah well
then anybody wants brad pitt dead is fucking crazy
but the point is any level of a fame
you know past a certain level can be it becomes a handicap
it becomes like food if you have some food
you should only eat until you’re not hungry anymore
you shouldn’t fucking
gorge yourself and go god damn crazy
you know it’s very difficult to manage any level of fame
and to manage the kind of fame that those guys
manage i mean it’s almost impossible that’s why
why do you think tom cruise is so crazy you have to be crazy
no one cannot be crazy if you’re that famous
it’s like impossible
like who can manage that kind of fame
you know like
when he was on matt lower talking about
psychiatrists and anti depressants like
matt your glib
your glib like he doesn’t even realize how retarded he sounds
no one tells him
no one tells him that he’s talking nonsense he doesn’t have
a voice of reason
around him he doesn’t have objectivity
he doesn’t have anybody who talks to him real
he has people who gawk and stare
and look
like kevin james and i from the fucking tenth floor of a hotel
oh it’s tom cruise no one’s given that guy the real shit
so when he gets on television talks to nonsense
he has no idea what nonsense is he’s crazy because he’s super
super famous
and it’s almost impossible to not be crazy where all the rules
are completely different
for you than they are for everybody else
the rules for everybody else are totally
most people have to create an impression they have you
meet someone that you know you tell them
what your name is what you’re all about
with him everywhere he goes they know everything
they know he’s a scientologist
they know he’s the greatest fucking
most successful movie star in the history of the world
i mean that fucking god can’t go anywhere
everybody wants to say he’s like five foot one
and oh he’s gay and he’s fucking crit
and everybody’s staring and scrutinizing them you know that
but he had the first one to call the kidman that was all set up
and that was not even real and
everybody’s constantly up in his shit how could he not be crazy
right yeah
brian gets up
he gets a lot of internet fame
he got a lot of weirdos they get upset at you
you got a lot of weird how about that pepsi spice thing
listen listen to this story
this dude when pepsi
remember when pepsi spice was around
well brian is like one of the og internet gangsters he was like
he was aware of shit the companies weren’t aware of
you know companies were like these
multi multi billion dollar companies but they really weren’t
deep in the internet they didn’t understand the impact it had
so when pepsi spice came out
they didn’t have pepsispice com so brian bought pepsispice com
and brian started putting up all these
crazy is it still up or did you get sued
the website yeah
i let it go because i was tired of paying for it
and they weren’t bringing back the
did you give it to them
no i just let it go
on somebody else picked it up
but what did you do with all those
crazy stories that you wrote on it
we’ll tell everybody about the stores well pretty much i just
copied off that
morgan spurlock guy and i said that i was going to drink
only pepsi holiday spice for thirty days
for the people that don’t know that’s from supersizing me
eight mcdonald’s for thirty days it’s a documentary pretty good
one yeah
and so
i could only have pepsi spicy eat and drink for thirty days
which is alone
the dumbest thing in the road that anyone believed it
you know like i’m not gonna eat food
i’m gonna you know have so
i started having like the first couple days
i started having like these like
lesions and stuff like that
and you photoshop these things on yeah
yeah i made like fake things i made myself look more and more
sick i was losing weight and i was showing like my
i was photoshopping fat off me
and what’s crazy is then
i started getting interviews from radio stations
thinking it’s real i have that somewhere like this
two hour interview where
college radio station was real
and i had
people actually
i started like really
thinking i was like dying and stuff like that
and then one day i just stopped like twenty days in
and people all thought i’d die
it was one of the great trolls
one of the all time great trolls yeah
it was really brilliant yeah
just look at pepsi spice project it’s been someone’s gone
god damn brilliant trolls
down the internet
you know the best is dougstan hope
baiting baiting org
dougstan hope would go and bait pedophiles
and then write
like i think they did a book about it then they do a book
they put in a book former thing yeah
i think so i believe it’s still available
on if you go to dougstanhope com
you’ll probably
have a link to it somewhere because one of the funniest things
that doug ever did and he would pretend to be little girls
and lure pedophiles and say like all kinds of fucked up shit
and it was really really genius stuff
i don’t i can’t pull any of the quotes off the top of my head
but i remember
really laughing really hard
and wanting to do the same thing
but i don’t have that kind of commitment
doug is an animal he’s a pitbull
level commitment that he has towards trolling i i don’t know
i’m not into like goofing on people
i don’t know why like that like i get bored
i mean
i’ll argue with people
and i’ll make fun of someone
but like pretending to be someone else going back and
forth for whatever reason
my brain doesn’t work that way you know
i don’t know why i don’t get into those trolls
but i love watching them
like that pepsi spice one
i love that one that was awesome and dugs i loved them
i just don’t i don’t
my brain doesn’t think like that
here’s that here’s
when i actually
this is one of the first videos i did special effects on
and here’s the here’s the video from pepsi spice okay
where it’s like one of the first times
i did like a real good special how badass is this video
and video shit this is dope folks
this is like we got a real goddamn show here people
can you see that by the way
all the shit i do
this is probably one of the funest things i do
this is fun you know we look forward to this
these fucking ads push that bitch up
push it up higher
it’s me fucking myself
oh it sucks this is pepsi spice it is
oh this is my advertisement for pepsi spice i got
people would play like this this guy is chewing in pepsi spice

what’s bright volumes of it’s hilarious
no that’s hilarious dude that’s very funny man
have i seen jesse ventura’s new show no
i have not i have not seen jesse ventura’s new show
i don’t know shit about jesse ventura’s new show
i know it’s some sort of a crazy conspiracy theory
sounds awesome
i like conspiracy theories up to a point right piss
god dude prize gonna pee
you guys want to see us dick
please talk about the music you like
you should listen to fish the dead
oh your toilet water is cold
what the fuck
my toilet how do you even know
what is your name
p q i l e s twenty four
this is the dude who likes the dead in the fish
okay man
i don’t get the dead or the fish i don’t get it i
understand that you like it
and i would never say that it’s not good
because it’s obviously good to you you know
i gave up saying something
suck a long time ago when people like them
because it occurred to me somewhere along the line that even
though they suck for me
even though i do think they sucked
as long as you know what do i care
as long as it’s not promoting anything ridiculously stupid well
as long as it’s not
you know reinforcing retarded behavior as long as it’s like
not negative for human beings what do i give a shit
you know you think it’s good you like it
i can’t get into it man i can’t listen to the dead
i tried i did this grateful dead experiment
where i tried to listen to it for thirty days
but i was hating it so
much that
i didn’t want to i was gonna write about it i was gonna read
i was gonna listen to the dead for thirty days
and then write about it at the end
it’s just not my shit
but that’s okay you know i mean you can like it but like
i was listening to dead one day and
i put on
right after i listened to it i was listening to for like an hour
and then i put on midnight rider
by the almond brothers and i never listened to dead again
i was like are you fucking kidding me man
are you fucking kidding me
i mean look i know some people like the grateful dead and i
understand and i appreciate it shit like that
but but listen man there’s there’s some fucking music that
there’s there’s some music that’s on another level
and in my opinion
the shit from looking for it so i’m not making sense here
i’m looking for the song
shut the fuck up now i’m fine
um where’s my goddamn owen brothers
you know this is a whackass setup
here here
this is him hi billy maze here with another fantastic product
what is that what bait billy mays himself
that’s not you can’t you gonna get arrested huh
you’re gonna get arrested oh you could do this
can you yeah this is a picture of a pitcher
oh really yeah you’re about to do that well i mean it’ll
sell out to the ufc that’s who the fuck are you
i can’t find almond brothers
here we go
okay shut it off for a second
listen to this shit
oh that’s rambling man
that’s not what it was it was midnight rider
fucking kind
do i not have that how is that possible
i got it on my fucking phone
how do i not have it on my itunes
oh there it is you bitch
okay here we go
what the hell is that
damn mute your screen yeah but then how they gonna hear those
you have to meet your screen
oh otherwise it won’t play right is that what it is
well you’re just gonna echo yourself okay
all right here we go
you know you could listen to the grateful dead all day
that’s all good
is this plan good
i hope this doesn’t sound terrible this sounds terrible
let me know
because it just plan over this microphone
i listen to that man i can’t go back
i can’t go back to the grateful dad i can’t do it
i understand it if you like it
it’s not my shit i like some rap music i like seventies music
the midnight rider from the almond brothers i don’t know
if it sounded good to you guys
it sound awesome it’s a great goddamn fucking song
just a
some of the shit they did in the seventies man
that stuff just so resonates today
man you know you listen to some
some of the sixties and seventies music zeppelin into the doors
and just there’s something
about it man that like when i’m like in a mood
i want to hear something
especially smoke
a joint
and you know you sit in front of computer you want to write
i put on some fucking classic rock man it just it makes you
it just makes you feel
more connected
there’s just like there’s something about that music like
whatever they were doing at the time
and they were making that music
they were nailing it
you know there’s music from that era that doesn’t smell at all
like commercial it doesn’t smell at all like
like they were trying to
you know to trick people
or do something
they thought was gonna be successful
there’s a bunch of music from the era
that’s just beautiful man it’s just a live it’s like the pure
the purest version
of musical art
you know and i think
it’s cause they were all doing psychedelic drugs i mean
i think that i had a lot to do with it everybody was high
everybody was smoking pot
they were dropping acid and taking mushrooms and
they were coming out with dope fucking music man
and today still to this day
i mean no one’s gonna be listening to pop pop
pop poke or face no one’s gonna listen to that in thirty years
no one’s gonna listen to that forty years
legzeppin will still be around in forty years
forty years from now
some fucking dude in a spaceship
is gonna turn
some other dude in a spaceship on a whole lot of love
probably not forty years will still be stuck on his planet
four hundred years from now
that should be like mosar
no one’s gonna remember po
po poker face no one’s gonna remember that right
don’t you agree i don’t know it’s a pretty big song
i think he’s just hating
do you think i’m hating you like that song
i think it was okay at the beginning
but i mean the main thing that who cares about me that’s like
a number one song you know
not every song it’s number one you know
what is that will people remember it i don’t know
i think that sounds horrible
does anybody here i mean i like lady gaga it’s not bad
yeah this dude is down man
kevin newcom knows what the fuck i’m talking about
says they have the best music the almond brothers just
they’re just soulful man
there’s something about those
when joey dears describes
it is the best those dirty motherfucking white boys
dirty white boys from florida are you fucking kidding me
getting that pure heroin
hey book are you fucking kidding me
they were playing the real music joe rogan
we gotta get joy ds on one of these joey ds will be here
next week we’re gonna drag him in here next week
even if we have to change the schedule for the show
and do it at a different time alright now
because i didn’t look at this at all the last time we did this
i have to look at it now met here for me
yeah i made up a post on my message board asking people
to put in questions
because of that i’m going to go there right now and check out
what their questions are see if anybody had some cool shit
because people were upset that i
did it last week
but when i did it last week i didn’t answer any questions
i mean
i like the questions and it’s good to have the questions but
i wanted to make this as loose as possible
i want to make this as much as whatever
we feel like talking about
you know whatever
whoever’s here whatever
just let things come out
you know let and answer twitter questions and all that shit
what are the best tips for navigating a high dose mushroom trip
are you doing them regularly that’s the first question
i don’t do it regularly
terence mckenna who i learned everything
i know about psychedelics from that guy or at least
that’s where i started is
listening to what he had to say reading his books
but what he always said is that you should do them in
high doses and
very rarely that’s what he said
he said that psychedel experiences should be something
where you do
the right dose and then you take a long time off and
sort of contemplate what happened
and i agree with that
the last time i did anything
really strong like dmt that was over two years ago
and it was because
it was a
very very very profound experience and i wanted to make sure
that i got as much out of it and it understood it and
sort of deciphered it as much as i could
and applied it to my life as much as i could before
i just went to try to do it again
i’m very serious about psychedelic trips i don’t think
it’s play i mean
i think you can have a good time
on mushrooms with your buddies if you don’t take too much
but i think you can get a lot out of psychedelic trips where
you and i’m not criticizing people want to do it for fun
because look i like to drink for fun
i smoke pot for fun
i smoke pot both for introspective quality
thinking and also for fun
and i don’t if you want to do it for fun that’s all good
but what i’m saying is like for me
personally i’ve learned a lot from
psychedelic experiences and
what i believe is what terrence mckenna’s always said
is that you should do them
very rarely you do them and
then you don’t do shit for a while
and you think about what the fuck you learned
because it doesn’t if you really want to prove yourself
you’re really using it for that reason
to really expand your consciousness
you don’t
get anything out of it if you can’t apply it to your life
you can’t just have the experience
and then become some fucking shut in
who doesn’t interact with the rest of the world
because all you want to do is
you know go down
your basement and turn the lights out and do mushrooms
like you now you’re not even a part of us anymore like
you should be able to
you’ve got to be able to function in both worlds
in the psychedelic world
and in this world
you got to be able to navigate both dimensions
and i think if you do too much
drugs if you do them all the time you know you can
you can definitely lose
your handle on this world
so that’s my answer to that question i think
if you’re if you’re doing anything
consciousness expanding you know
and always do things that have been
done for thousands and thousands of years i mean
i’m not telling you to do anything illegal
but there’s stuff that you can do that isn’t illegal they just
haven’t classified yet
you know ayahuasca isn’t technically illegal dmt is illegal
ayawaska has even been sanctioned recently
some church in new mexico want a
supreme court case where
they take dmt it’s part of their christian church
it’s part of their religious ceremonies to get in touch
with god
they want a supreme court case for a few people know about it
you should know what the fuck you’re doing
and that’s the real problem
with psychedelics is that there are no shaman anymore
you know in the in you know these
tribes in peru and these people that live in the amazon
there is
like a history of usage that goes back thousands of years
and they pass it on from generation to generation
and the shaman
the people that like brew this ayahuaska is a very powerful
dose of
dmt that comes in an orderly active form
and they get it from combining these plants and boiling
into this crazy mixture
between that
and there’s also shaman and other parts of the world in mexico
they they’re shaman where they they’re the thing is mushrooms
and these are people that have navigated these dimensions
whether it’s iowascar mushrooms or payoti
they’ve navigated these dimensions many many many
many times so they can tell you what to expect there
they’ve learned from their experiences and they can help you
you know i think that’s the real problems that
psychedelic drugs aren’t necessarily bad for you
they’re just illegal
and when they’re illegal
they can be bad for you because if you can caught with them
you can get locked up
your life can
get fucked up
if they find them on your in your piss
if you have to you know test
for some sort of a job and then also
you label the drug addict yeah in that sense
sagadel of drugs can be bad and the other sense it’s like
a circular saw like one of those
those are awesome if you know how to use one
you could build a house
you could you could fucking do some cool shit
you can
cut some wood that you would never be able to cut with like a
steak knife but
it doesn’t mean everybody
should have a fucking circular saw and just be using it all day
and that’s the same thing with mushrooms
mushrooms are just like any kind of tool
you can like i say with marijuana with a hammer
you can build a house with a hammer
or you can just
hit yourself in the dick if you’re fucking crazy
it doesn’t mean that hammer should be illegal
and that’s the same thing with psychedelic trucks
i wouldn’t give a circular saw to a thirteen year old boy
and say hey go play with this
but if a guy is a goddamn carpenter
he knows what he’s doing
and he’s gone gone up through trade school
he didn’t apprenticeship and worked as a carpenter’s apprentice
and learned how to use tools properly and learn
the proper safety precautions then yeah
that guy should
be able to hold a fucking chainsaw
that guy should be able to use a circular saw
that guys should be able to work in a machine chop
he’s learned how to do it
and that’s the same
thing with psychedelic drugs there should be someone
showing you the dangers and the pitfalls
and what it’s all about because it’s not simply
that easy
it’s not like you can just do them and you’re going to be okay
some people do psychedelic drugs
and they’re so
unmentally prepared for that they’re never the same again
you know
and that’s a real possibility and someone needs to be there
to evaluate whether or not you know
you’ve got
the proper information with your heads in the right place
you know and that that’s why it would help if we were more open
about these fucking things
and it’s the nutty thing is it’s
it’s still got this terrible reputation
and here we are you know in two thousand and ten
and i think the reputation is all
based on the fact that
when we get something in our head we stick with it
we get something in our head even
with all the information like marijuana still illegal
two thousand and ten and most states it’s illegal you know
that’s crazy when alcohol and tobacco
and all that shit is readily available
but we get it in our head that it’s bad because
it’s been illegal all our lives
it’s a very tough for us to change gears and for a long time
we’ve had this thing in our head about psychedelic drugs
and it’s just a cultural pattern you know
it’s just a lock we got talked into it when the media was young
and when the newspapers were around
and that was the only way to get information out
they would publish these stories about marijuana
and the william randolph hearst scandals
the william randolph hearst owned
not only did he own newspapers
but he also owned paper mills
and when they invented a decordicator
it made it more effective to process hemp fiber
and what he started doing was attacking the hemp industry
so that he didn’t have to change over his paper mills from wood
to hemp paper
this hemp is a far superior paper
it makes superior clothing
it’s you can eat it like the
it contains all the essential amino acids and the seeds
besides the fact that it gets you high
even take a way that gets you high part
even the plants that don’t get you high at all are still
like really economically valuable well
william ran off hers attacked that industry
because he on the newspapers he started printing these stories
saying that blacks and mexicans were
smoking this new drug called marijuana
and they were going out and raping white lemon
and so because of that because he did this they all
you know people
got crazy and they all got paranoid and congress actually
outlawed marijuana not even
knowing that they were outlawing hemp
they didn’t even know it was the same thing
so that’s how marijuana became illegal in the first place
and that’s why it’s still illegal
today is that once something is stocking our consciousness
it takes a long time to get it out well
i think that a long time ago a long time ago it was probably
very very common
you know in all cultures to have a shaman to have some sort of
you know someone who is aware of psychedelic states you know
john marco legro
he argues that that’s what christianity is all about
the christianity is all about concealing these secrets of
consuming hallucinogenic drugs
he was a guy who deciphered the dead sea scrolls
john marco allegro
worked in the dead sea scrolls for fourteen years
and after he did all this decipher now
i don’t know if he’s right
neither do you unless you’re a biblical scholar unless you can
you know you have to be
a master of ancient languages you have to study it for decades
even understand what the fuck he’s talking about
i read it it’s like
makes sense sort of but
he could be totally bullshitting but what his story is was that
the entire christian religion was a giant misunderstanding
what it really
was all about
was the consumption
of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility cults
and that’s what it was all about it was all about breeding
babies and taking mushrooms
which makes sense
live thousands and thousands years ago and didn’t know what
the sky was they didn’t have any science
and they’re popping mushrooms they would
they wouldn’t want other people to know how
badass the mushrooms
are you eat mushrooms
you see god they wouldn’t want other people to know about that
so they would hide it in stories it totally makes sense
some guy said i’ve tried roba tessan
what are you kidding dukakas pal
drinking roba tessan
what else you drinking after shea fella
agreed this guy says he hates everything in the radio
i don’t hate everything on the radio
but god damn i hate a lot of songs
i think this is just a certain reality and like a lot of
rap and a lot of classic rock
i like sound guard
too i love sound garden i heard they’re getting back together
again which i love
because i was not a fan of that chris cornell shit on his own
yeah lately i haven’t been a fan at all
he seems like a really cool guy
and he’s a talented as fuck as a singer
but there’s like
some bands they get together they got a magic you know
i don’t think
even if they get back together
i don’t think it’s gonna be that good
really yeah
i think a lot of bands like sound garden they were good
because they were young and they were
doing drugs and going crazy and just experiencing life
now i think these are just people that have slowed down
slowed their role and they’re trying to be something
or not cause yeah
they’re music just a lot of these guys as music just
you know
i think that was kind of when i was talking about earlier
when i was saying that there’s a certain level
that you reach as
a performer you know
if you get too famous you get too successful it’s very hard
to cope very hard to be still creative and still have
enthusiasm i mean how many guys
just get better and better every album it’s not that many
it’s very hard to pull off
who do you think has ever done it the longest
most consistently
rolls that blend
one of those guys
probably the beatles did it forever right
yeah did they ever follow any part
they got better right yeah they got better
yeah they did right
yeah they got into their psychedelic stage
you know they’re fucking
the white album stage
here plays rock band better beatles rock band
no it’s great because he started off
like shitty beatles songs
and you’re just like this song
sucks whatever
and then you start getting into like psychedelic
and it’s just it’s cool
the more you play the more into the music
well they didn’t just
see the thing about the beatles was
they didn’t just change their music
they changed
like the whole culture that was listening to them too
because people got swept up in their music
you know people were such huge fans of john lennon
when he started getting into transcendental meditation
and acid and hanging out with gurus and shit
they all got into it too
he changed a lot of people’s consciousness
that was a guy that really
really affected a lot of the way
our culture operates the way people think
michael Jackson too
fuck yeah
yeah yeah michael Jackson just from
the music how powerful it was like bad and thriller
man when I was a kid there was
nothing that was more popular than that
yeah it’s like
it was so recognized that his talent was just so
far and above everyone else’s
and you know everybody’s like god
it’s so sad that he’s such a freak and he’s so crazy
but the more I’ve been thinking lightly
I think that when you get to
a certain level I think there’s a certain level of
greatness that some people achieve
like a certain frequency that some people achieve
and it’s almost impossible to achieve
if you’re not insane
it’s almost impossible to push yourself that far
that hard
because it’s not easy to be like michael Jackson
it’s so fucking hard
it’s not just a natural talent
it’s a focus and an energy
and that focus requires like
a very singular way of looking at things and a very
a lot of sexual absence
a lot of sexual abuse
I think definitely helps too right
jake’s in the back of his
what do you think you think
that’s what happened with him
you think he was abused when he was a kid
I think probably
I mean well it’s all speculated maybe all work
he could have been that he just got
so fucked up because
he got so famous when he was so young
that he never felt like he had a chance to grow up
and he wanted to go back to when he was a child
and he was just so psychologically damaged
that he literally wanted to be around children
because he wanted to
revert back to that moment in his life before
he realized that life was haywire
you know I’ve thought that before because you know what
the thing is about
all these child molesting
accusations is that he was always
around all these
poor kids
and trying to help all these kids with cancer and shit
and people who were broke
and it’s like after a while I mean these people like
all they have to do is say
some crazy shit about michael Jackson
and you know it looks weird
why is michael
Jackson hanging out with kids all the time
all I have to do is say some crazy shit
and he’s got to pay
you things gotta pay
you start going to the newspaper
and to these people that were super broke
I mean that’d be so tempting
here’s this billionaire the biggest
rockstar music star in the history of the world
and he’s hanging out with your kid
and he’s got your kid over for sleepovers
you start I believe it though in some I bet
what I’m saying is
there’s not like a whole
bunch of people coming out saying he fucked them
he wouldn’t just fuck a couple kids right
you’d be fucking kids all over the place right
especially if you’re michael Jackson
you’d be like the tiger woods of kid fucking
you’d be just banging kids all over the place
you would if you got that obsession
where you want to have sex
with kids if you look at like pachama lesters
like the recidivism rate is through the roof
it’s crazy it’s like in the 99% or something like that
I don’t know it’s
I just made that number up
it’s real high though whatever it is I’ve read it
I don’t remember what the numbers are
people have said time and time again
it’s very difficult to reform someone
so if he’s like banging kids
he’s not just gonna bang one or two
but that’s why he had kids
and he called the kid blanket because he’s always
on top of him
that’s what
seriously though like that
I mean if you’re a child molester and you get copped
wouldn’t you have kids
you’re just saying good enough
yeah but you’re saying that no
none of his kids have ever come out
and accused him of doing that
you can’t just say that you’re just you’re adding
no you’re making
I’m not saying that’s what’s true I’m just saying that
but I’m gonna say that’s what I believe in
I don’t believe
that he probably
slept with kids and he probably kissed him
but I don’t think he’s like
you know
like doggy style on the side of the bed or anything
like that
so you think he just did an appropriate shit yeah
I bet he’s just because he thinks he’s a kid you know
maybe yeah
maybe he was molested at by his father growing up
you think so I bet that’s
because I mean
miley cyrus would be
fucking black by now if that was true
you know somebody said this
I don’t know who said this but I don’t know
not given credit but I don’t remember who it was
they said that
they think that michael Jackson might have been
castrated they think that at certain point time
michael Jackson might have been castrated
and that’s why he can sing at such a high pitch
even though he’s a grown man
and that might be why he’s so fucked up sexually
and totally makes sense
especially when you look at his children
those are not his children I mean they’re white kids
they’re 100% white I mean he’s a black man
I mean he might have paid
for someone to have those kids for him
but they’re not his kids
you know and I think that
it’s real possible
that that that’s real possible but it’s speculation
yeah but
janet and all them all kind of have that kind of voice
you know no
tito doesn’t germaine doesn’t
those are men you look at his brother
those are men
unless he’s like some sort of a a biological freak
why does he have that voice why is he look like that
why is he so feminine
why is his voice so high pitched
even though he’s a grown man
I mean could you imagine what if
would if I mean he’s so crazy with his
fucking plastic surgery
what if he had some
bad sexual experiences when he was younger
and he just decided to castrate himself
I mean you look at what he does to his face yeah
that’s not beyond the realm of question
I’m just making up fucking rumors that works at
2h in 5min this is the goddamn rumor show folks
what is that
this is my anger to one of these Twitter posters
I love those guys that just like someone get mad
there’s like those
guys that just like trying to get your attack
hey look at me
look at me like every five post
it’s the same guy castrated
ben can’t get hard man
oh can get hard man
uh they can trust me I know that’s what he said
how do you know
I thought that was a whole point castrating people
unless you take like
you have to take by agricum
how does anybody know this is there any
dick experts out there on the Twitter
ladies and gentlemen
please give me some information
can you really get a heart on after castrated
not by natural means right you have to take something
don’t you
seems like when the balls are whacked out
that’s a rap sun
that’s a rap sun
some rap sun
oh well I’m glad you guys are enjoying it
jp j fourp zero
this is fun it’s fun for me too man
would I bang a 16 year old no man listen
you know they look hot that’s the problem
and they’re ready to fuck they really are
you know what 16 angels I mean I’m not saying
anybody should fuck them
but when you see a girl
like when I was in 16 when I was 16
I was having sex weren’t you
I was having sex and
my girlfriend was 15 and she was built like a woman
she looked like a woman
she had tits and she had a
big ass
and it was a woman and she wanted sex all the time
I mean that’s
that shit is real
you know
I mean that’s but you’re not supposed to do it
doug stanhop has a joke about it me and
bryan me and ari were talking about it on the plane
ari told me the joke that doug said
and apparently doug said you know
you say that they
they’re 16 years old they shouldn’t be having babies
well guess what god disagrees
that’s why they can get pregnant
and that’s a really good point
yeah you know
I mean that’s really true
but no I wouldn’t have sex with a six year old
that’s a child
you know even I mean
even if a girl’s like 20
like I’m 40 fucking 2 years old
like I’ve heard of dudes that are like my age
that have like 20 year old girlfriends
and everybody laughs about it
like wow look at that guy’s good so
we have a buddy that has a
wife and his wife’s 19
you know and he’s in his forties
it’s crazy but you know what that’s them
they they like it and they have a good time to
I have a hard time talking to people
you know I can’t
I mean
if I’m gonna live with someone they have to be smart
I mean I need someone who has some experience
same level you have to be on the same level as me
and there’s something that you deny when you’re younger
but you realize when you get older
is that when you fuck when you have sex with someone
even though you like to think that it’s just physical
you just get in there
you blow a load
it’s not that simple
there’s some sort of a weird connection
that human beings make
when they fuck
and especially when you do it to someone who’s young
like they we learn how to ignore that connection
we learn how to like push each other away
when we get older we learn how to separate and
get you know just deal with it about like physically
but when you’re young like you get so attacked
you remember how attached to her
the first person you had sex with
holy shit unless that person’s a total douche bag
you know like you like it really like hooked on them
like puppy love is brutal
you know that’s what they call
you’re in experience in the incredible connection and
you as you get older
you learn how to manage that connection
but the connection is real
and if you’re a grown adult
and you know you’re
if you’re in a position to take advantage of this kid
you know they’re young and naive and silly and
you’re fucking them
that’s a weird thing you know
but then again a lot of 20 year olds are horny as fuck
they want some dick
I’m not telling you what to do
do whatever you want to do
but to me
when you know
girls 18 that’s like a baby to me
it’s that’s a little child
I like women you know
I don’t like them old
I don’t even like a my age
it’s women or more fun
I don’t like people talk to people don’t you
some dude josh jetsu says I’m 23
well good for you you young little whippersnapper
when I was 23 I was fucking retarded
all right I was a complete and total dumbass
so I hope you were smarter than me sir
life can be tough when you’re stupid
you know
and if you it’s we all come from a different place
you know we all have a different
you know a different starting point
that’s what it is you know
some people
the their parents are super cool and real open
and their dads their best friend
and you know and their dad was you know
very educated and intelligent and
raised them you know very
in a very smart way
and that person is a huge head start
huge huge huge head start in life
if your parents are cool
my parents were divorced when I was a little kid
my you know my step dad
came into the picture when I was seven he was 24
and imagine if you were
24 years old and you know
actually I was five when he came into picture
you were 24 years old and
you have a fucking
five year old kid hanging around with you
you know so if he came in the picture when I was five
then he was like 22
that’s young as fuck
you know to be
that young and to be around someone else’s kid
someone else’s
loud ass kid you know
that’s hard to deal with
so a lot of you out there
maybe you my 23 year old friend
maybe you have a head start
you know
maybe you’ll be smarter than me when you were 23
then when I was 23 but I think
what I was talking about recently with a friend of mine
was that guys like michael Jackson or you know or
anybody that I know that’s exceptional
almost everybody I know
that’s really exceptional and anything
had kind of a fucked up childhood
and I think that’s really weird
you know people that I know that are like
all my friends that are like really good comics
all my friends that are
like really good artists
all of them had fucked up childhoods
what are you doing show in the beginning thing again
show in the beginning thing again yeah
that beginning things pretty badass
I think you know
I think it’s horrible
you know that people have fucked up childhoods
but I think there’s something
something that comes out of that right
yeah like when you’re unbalanced it’s like
your ride is so much rockier
but there’s so much more energy behind it
it’s like if you can get a hold of it and
control your personality
and figure out a way to stabilize it
it’s like you have so much more thrust
than a person is contempt
but it might be unhealthy
final words
final words listen bitches I know final words
yeah take a couple of these questions in the
forums joe roguen
net website before we bail
this is fucking question
what is your take
on the global freeman on the land movement
what do you think without
law and order
people will generally maintain the peace
or descended to anarchy
that’s hilarious
some people are just waiting for shit to fall apart man
you know
how many people do we have on our message board
this is a dude name 42 kang
just listening to first question
what did you take on the global freeman on the land
movement fuck are you talking about man
what what does that mean
what is it what are you saying
dude what’s your take
I’m gonna be this is my favorite thing
when people go man you’re gonna have to
gold it’s gonna be
come what’s valuable
our money’s gonna fall apart man it’s gonna be
only thing that’s gonna be worth something is gold
did you ever watch mad max you stupid fuck
when society falls apart
you’re gonna need a car and guns and gasoline
okay you’re not gonna need gold
nobody gives a fuck about that stupid yellow metal
you’re gonna need bullets okay
you’re gonna need food and a place to sleep that’s warm
you know what I’m saying
what the fuck are you doing with gold
gold isn’t worth anything
pussy and guns
that’s that’s all those are valuable assets
cars that’s important
a house that’s important
preferably surrounded by chain link fence and dogs
okay that’s what you gonna need
you’re not gonna need gold you dump fuck
what do I think about james tony fighting the ufc
I’m a huge james tony fan
he was an awesome boxer still is an awesome boxer
but you know I don’t know if he’s really into it
if he’s really into it
he’s a fucking you know he’s a fucking champion
a guy’s so good at boxing he can get it
wrestling if he really who knows
maybe he’s been watching this shit for years
we don’t know everybody’s talking shit
he might have been secretly working on his wrestling
he might have a six
brawl if you gotta stand up with that dude
he’s got four ounce clubs
he’s gonna fuck you up
james tony boxing with you that guy’s gonna fuck you up
I don’t know how he eats those leg kicks though
leg kicks might fuck em out
get a guy like racey foe in there with them ba boom
boom boom those fucking thunderous
tree trunk leg kicks slamming down on your meat and
making your legs buckle
you only took a couple of those bitches
you haven’t paged through yet
no well I have everything set up so there’s 100 images
or 100 posts why
am I excited about coming to Toronto
have I ever been
no I’ve never been a Toronto and I can’t fucking wait
your wife is nice tits manipu
very nice tits
he told me to say that
he said tell my wife she has nice tits
she does she has nice tits congratulations sir
I’m reading the page man
you not see
he said I’m just seeing if he’s reading the page
really you had to say that because
you didn’t want to be bragging about your wife’s tits
you know
what do you say about being drunk is better
smoking weed and fucking is just awesome
being drunk is better
when it comes to eating pussy though
being not in my opinion
in my opinion
being drunk is better when it comes to eating ass
because it’s the only time I
do it because I never eat ass when I’m sober
the only time you eat ass when you’re sobers
when you just get out of jail
when you’re high
you don’t want to eat an ass either
I don’t eat the fuck out of some pussy with them heart
mmm you just you like hit your pants and
megan fox ass I’ll eat that any time of it
yeah any time of the day eat that ass oh yeah
what if it’s all poohie it doesn’t matter
you don’t care
no you even wipe it off
you just dive in there
oh you wipe it off with your mouth
I’ll start with the hair
well that’s why I think it’s important to drink
drinking the reason why drinking and eating
ass goes in hand in hand is the alcohol kills the e
coli I mean
when you’re drinking
jack and cokes and you’re eating ass
the alcohol is killing any bad bacteria
that alcohol is
flushed your whole system
with poison nothing’s growing in that
no no bacteria is gonna take hold
it’s gonna get swallowed up and that whole antiseptic
chemical reaction that the jack and coke has
that’s why
you really think you can eat ass when you’re
jack and coke
when you’re high you don’t want to eat ass
because when you’re high like this is
how we not the best idea
it’s like frog
you know where you put like metal in there and it
cleans the metal did you see know that
what if you take jewelry and put it in a can of coke
it just dissolves all this shit
it’s a coke in a frog
yeah if you take put a frog in a
thing of coke like a dead frog
it just eats all the skin away
it just bone makes it bone
is that true folks or is that one of those
dangerous because I heard that
the taking the paint off cars was bullshit
is that bullshit
I don’t think snopes anyone
do you know
one of the best things to clean your grill is coke
really yeah
damn in a rag
but you know what
the doctors when you having like a fucking
barbecue sandwich
a nice goddamn cold coke it’s pretty fucking delicious
right so barbecue pork pulled pork sandwich mmm
mmm all right ladies and gentlemen
I think that’s gonna be the end
we’re gonna take one more question
so we end on a high note
but we are enjoying the fuck out of this
here’s this the disclosure product has 400 witnesses
proving et life exists
even astronauts listen
just because you have 400 people
saying that they’ve seen ufos
that does not mean there’s ufos
that means you have 400 people that
say they’ve seen ufos
and they might really believe they’ve seen ufos
but you know they have a real problem
and hunters have a real problem
and this
happens all over the world where
the most experienced hunters
are the ones that wind up accidentally killing people
and the reason being is that these guys are
your experience hunter
you know that sometimes your window of opportunity
where you get a shot at
a deer is real short
you gotta be able to react
the deer’s right there through the juice tongue
you gotta be able to shoot and people
see things that aren’t there
and one of the things they all say
universally when they have an accident
and these are like good people
church going people no anger no violence issues
guys are just love hunting
they say they swear they saw a deer
they swear they saw a deer
one guy accidentally shot this
this woman in Maine and she had white mittens on
and he was following a deer
and this lady was in the woods
and she had her white mittens on
and he saw that white
and he said he saw the buck
he said he saw it
he said it was right there in front of him
and he said he squeezed off the trigger
we don’t fully understand how
the our consciousness and our imagination
affects what we see
it’s still very much
there’s something tricky to it
and the ability to see things that aren’t there
that’s real and if someone’s in a very heightened state
if they’re in a very heightened state
like if they’re in the heightened state of
wanting to see a deer
or if they’re in the heightened state
of being in the woods in the dark
and you think you see a monster
you can see a fucking monster
you can really see it
you can convince yourself that you’ve actually seen it
if you see something
and you don’t know what it is
you will turn it into your mind and make it a monster
if you’re out in the woods and it’s pitch black
and you stumble into a wild boar
and you barely see it
and it makes noise and runs away
you could it could be some
you know too fucking
foot tall troll man with you know
giant fucking furry feet and glowing eyes
you could make something up in your head
and you don’t think you’re doing it
but you’re doing it
the human imagination
and human memory are not totally to be trusted
so unless they have actual evidence
listening to anybody talk about ufos
you have to listen to them and go
hmm maybe maybe
I’m not saying that you can’t get
you know here from other planets
I mean if you are
so sophisticated
that you can travel to this world from another
galaxy or another solar system
wouldn’t you be so sophisticated that you could hide
why wouldn’t you be so sophisticated
your ufo is completely invisible
why wouldn’t you be totally undetectable
why wouldn’t you mean maybe they would just have
everything completely mastered
the idea that
you know they would
show themselves
and look like they’re dangling on a strength
allow people to take pictures
and you know and they maybe they wanted us to see them
really and that’s how they did it
they just showed up in some
weird obscure place where you know
no no come on man no that’s not what they’re doing
if there really are aliens they’re probably
so alien you can’t even recognize them
they’re probably
I think
that what we recognize is what we see in our dimension
what we see in our environment
what we see in our world
I think there’s probably life forms out there
there exists that are so alien to us
we don’t even have the senses to detect them
you know and the way I talked about this before
and I always talk about farts
and that by when someone farts
if you don’t have a nose you have no idea it stinks
there’s literally something
going around you that’s invisible
and this sense that you have tunes into it
how do we not know
that there are an infinite amount of things
that we cannot detect
that are around us all the time
we don’t it’s just guesswork because
something’s not on the same frequency as us
something’s not solid it’s not
tangible you can’t bang on it because
just because of that doesn’t mean it’s not real
and if there are aliens they’re probably
so fucking alien
you can’t even see them
they’re probably
on a totally different frequency than we are
I’m not
buying all these dudes that say they’ve seen ufos
because they really want to see ufos
these motherfuckers want to see it
they have all
had experiences and something’s happened to them
but they want to see ufos
they want so bad they’ve given up on their jobs
they’ve given up on their careers
they’ve decided to pursue ufology full time
they make YouTube videos constantly
they do conferences in seminars
they have a lot of vested interest involved in the idea
of flying saucers
and ships from other planets coming to this earth
and there’s a lot of psychological
things you have to take into consideration
like why these people want to see these things
and when these experiences happen
that’s another thing
people have individual experiences
especially alien abduction experiences
most of those things come in the middle of the night
while people are dreaming
and when you’re dreaming in the middle of the night
your brain is producing all
sorts of psychedelic chemicals
including dmt
the most potent psychedelic known to man is produced
when you’re in heavy ram sleep
so when these people are having
these alien abduction experiences
how do you not know that it’s not your imagination
mixed in
with psychedelic drugs that you don’t even know
you’re having
you’re having
these things and your brain is producing them
and you’re having these incredible fucking
psychedelic trips
and maybe you’re halfway into a dream and you wake up
and you’re still
tripping out of these chemicals in your fucking brain
and you start creating
all these scenarios with your imagination
next thing you know you’re on a spaceship
why because you’re in
the middle of a fucking natural dmt trip
and if you smoke dmts dumb people that want money joe
actually there’s some people that aren’t dumb though
there’s some people
that aren’t dumb that have real experiences
you know I’ve seen their interviews I’ve read stuffed
I’ve read all the john macbooks
john mac tension horrors some of them yes
they vary there’s no one
you can’t generalize
when people have had ufo experiences
but any
any supernatural phenomenal
you know out of the ordinary experience
has to be considered
in all sorts of different ways
where’s the evidence and what else could it have been
and when you look at
what time these things are taken place
almost universally
they take place late at night when people
especially alien abduction experiences
almost universally take place late at night
and when these people
have these experiences they’re all like sleeping
you know they’re all like half out of it
and something happens to them
it’s much more
likely an indogenous dump of psychedelic chemicals
ladies and gentlemen I’m no expert my disclaimer
I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about
this is all shit that I’ve read on the internet
and wash documentaries on
learned when I was in my isolation tag
we’ve had a good time here today
brian did you have a good time
50% of their time 50% of time
what what didn’t you like about today
I’ve heard a lot of you before
yes that’s the problem
when these subjects come up a lot of times
I’ve said
I’ve talked about all this shit many times before
but brian has to realize there’s a lot of people
out there that have not
seen me talk about all these things before
and when
interesting subjects like this come up
you know you gotta
you gotta address it you know
I think it’s their important things talk about
but we had a good fucking time
thank you very much
we’re gonna do this every week
like I said I upgraded my internet today
finally it’s up so now I can get brian
here beside us and we can load videos up and shit
and like I said behind us
we’re gonna put up a green screen
when we put up the green screen we’re gonna be able to
have like a space background shit and
I got all kinds of cool things coming on
and we’re gonna do this every week
fuck it it’s fun I enjoy it
next week I’m going to try to bring on my board
joey diaz maybe eddie bravo will join us as well
maybe ari chaffeer will join us we might have a
whole party in here
next week I’m going to have a big couch in here
so thank you very much
I had a good time you motherfuckers
if you
want to come see me do stand up if you’re in Miami
I’m at the
Lincoln theater in Miami on the 20 seconds
which is I think it’s next Saturday next Friday
next Friday next Friday next Friday
so nine days from today
so thank you very much
everybody want to play that thing on full screen
that’s how we’ll end
thank you very much
love you bitches
see you next week
no problems