Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir.

there is that it
can you people hear us
are we up and cracking
we had sound for a second there oh we did have sound
it just didn’t show it in the window
hmm okay
we have sound now
just come on you jump over to the chat
bitches jump over to the chat
they’ll tell you right immediately
oh look at the chat these faggots
they’re all living in there
it’s chad’s gay
heard you for 2 seconds just now yes okay it’s working
excellent so I should close out of this right
otherwise it won’t work
yeah all right I’ll tell the Twitter people last time
this is wheat though
this thing because it already adds hey jorogan
see hi his body welcome to joe rogan podcast hi
yeah where’s that TOMMY
ryan shoved that tomahawk pipe up his ass
so we gotta get it up
so we got our tomahawk pipe
that we’re gonna order last week
you said a piece pipe
what is a piece pipe
it’s a fucking battle of peace or war
your choice bitch
that’s how the indians roll your firepower
I don’t think it’s probably the best pipe
it looks like a piece of shit already clogged
it comes clogged now
looks cool though but we got a real one right here
so why I fuck around bitches
and since all three of us are legal
this we’re legally medicating here
see what you’re looking at is three sick people
or you get headaches is that what you get
I get headaches and I have sleeplessness
sleeplessness and headaches for Mr Chaffeer
now I got some headaches
I said sleeplessness and I said I had surgery
the year before
that’s all true yeah
I get really bad in anxiety but
the rest of the sentence is when I smoke weed
all right
we’re up and cracking people
you keep your pot in a bag like the old days
that was
given to me oh really
I was like there’s no other reason
so I should kill his game music huh yeah
it’s not really good it’s just not really good
it’s ready to buy and four homosexual
does it fit with the vibe
what we’re trying to flow here
you guys are liars and it’s completely cool
what do we lie about fella
oh about our prescriptions oh man oh no
it helps me sleep one
wrong give me anxiety
it is legal right if you had to guess
either everyone’s watching you or no one’s watching you
what would you say
everybody yeah
right now I feel like everybody’s watching me
because you because you’re paranoid
yeah he gets paranoid when he smokes the weed
but that’s what I told the doctor
and he still gave it to me
yeah is everybody in here here we go the boys in here
oh you need
I pop that this one yeah this one’s fucking us up
I got some weak ass whack ass dsl internet but
I got new internet installed
I just have to install a new router
and then from there we’ll be able to upload videos
we’ll be able to I’m gonna
change this background and I’ll bring a couch in here
and get rid of this desk and put a new desk in
and so I only have one desk
I got this big ass long
desk so this room’s all clocked up
so I’m gonna put a couch in here
have a little table right there
so we have the microphone set up there so we can lounge
and do this
properly lazy gentleman
check this shit out I just got and this is awful
imagine having to deal with this
my mom has a windows xp computer that’s like
7 years old and she only has 50 sixk
internet available at her house
really trying to help her fix a computer from a virus
and she can only connect at 56 k
oh my god
I’ve read a lot of shit that won’t even run
yeah old people in viruses
man you should just shoot that computer
there’s no way you’re gonna fix it
but can you imagine only getting 56 k
no I can’t I did for a long time
shit I started out with 14 4
I started out with aol on an old ass mac
one of those tan ones the beige ones and it had
14 4 bog internet connection
yeah god remember how brutal that shit was
remember when 36 came out like I’m a motherfucker
everybody got 56 can
I was like man I can’t believe it
that’s like five times as fast
I remember paying like $120 for a 50 sixk mode
I’m back in the day and it was like so much money
it was just like oh
finally and how it started
yeah worse you got a line you gotta tell people
and I’m online who wants to use it I’m done
yeah before I get off
yeah you couldn’t use the goddamn phone
that’s craziness man
well now that’s that at amp t universe thing
if the phone if the internet goes down
everything’s down
if the computer if
the tv’s down then your phone’s down
fine and your inner rolls to end everything’s down
phone masturbate
how would you masturbate you gotta go by memory
those are your three things
how bones last time you masturbated by memory
shout already all the time
wow look at you sexy bits
did you think
caveman had to draw what they wanted to masturbate to
I think caveman just raped and fucked
I don’t think they bothered masturbated
masturbation is a bi product of civilization
if we were in
civilized would be raped in like a motherfucker
it would be no
there’d be no masturbate
you just find someone there would be no gay
yeah there would be no gay
you’re just rape your brother and she’d
be raping everybody
yeah there would be no
masturbation if there was cavement right
no I don’t know
I think rape takes a lot more work
same as now I think we have a girl not with old people
old people just get raped all day
that’s good for it
be waiting in line to rape the next old person
when you didn’t have a language and couldn’t say hey
fucking stop you couldn’t fight someone off
back in those days
no rape it was just rape
if you couldn’t like
with people and say listen when you’re raping me
you’re hurting me
I know it feels good temporarily
but there’s other solutions
you can’t talk someone out of rape
when there’s no language
right they just tack your house
right I mean that’s logic right
do you think a girl that’s in a coma is just like a
robot fuck doll
no she didn’t do anything
no that’s rude man that’s not a doll it’s a person
she’s never gonna come out of coma though
so what
but she’s still a human being
is she I don’t know
here’s the thing about comas
haven’t you ever seen
like one of those
interviews where someone was in a coma
for like seven years
and then for whatever reason I just woke up
he said he was awake the whole time
wouldn’t that be awful fuck
fuck that man get webcast tips from anthony kumia
that’s a very good idea
next time we go on ona we’re definitely gonna do that
we’re gonna find out what’s fun
dude compound hiss
oh dude trust me once you get your internet hooked up
it’s all I’m waiting for
I just bring a laptop over
here and this shit would be changed
ryan the second wall
I’ve been just waiting for the internet upgrade
I think this is a good thing to commit to
this is the 2010 commitment
we’re gonna do this every week
so easy just hop on and fuck around and
everybody enjoys it
does anthony have guests
he’s got everything
man he’s got guests
he’s got these cameras that are like
real like studio quality cameras
he’s got real like radio station microphones
he’s got everything
he’s got a background green screen
so he changes it and make it like buildings
dude that’s what we need
this back wall needs to be a fucking green screen
yeah I mean the world’s pretty behind now
like that roller coaster effect
how hard would that be that wouldn’t be hard right
oh you have to buy a sh t I have a sheet
I can bring a shoot over
okay that’s gonna happen right there
the one we got right now
the well the cables installed
I just need to change the router
can you take a picture of this
and green screen the exact same background behind us
oh that would be so dope so we could pull capers
you know it would be cool if it is
if we had it like two mirrors looking into each other
where they look infinitely back back
yeah that would be cool
did you see that video
I closed today on your message board
under I wish or I can’t wait to my cell phone does this
what is it there’s a video
on joe’s message board it’s under the topic on the
called I can’t wait till my cell phone does this
and it’s this company that does special effects
so that you could pretty much
and it shows like all their samples
and it’s just like
backgrounds of buildings that you’d never
think was a green screen
and it just shows you like the scenes first
and then it shows how to use
yeah it’s amazing
could you imagine if you could do that with your phone
if you could put your phone down
and change what you’re looking at
you know that’s what’s going to happen eventually
when they figure out how to broadcast images
and make them look
real like it’s right in front of you
like not just on a screen
but an actual hologram
that looks real right in front of you
god damn could you imagine
when your tv becomes something that you just
place in the middle of your living room you put it down
you try it on
and the image just comes out of it
I’ll be one yeah
man like old school princess leia like shit
but like you can’t tell the difference though
you know what I mean
how intense would that be
we’ll start off like vhs quality where you’re like
I can kind of tell the difference
it’s not statically it’s gonna happen
tweedy television was the big thing
fuck wearing three d glasses though
no they said one of them has one you don’t have to
well I didn’t see the avatar in three d
I saw it in regular
and even in regular
holy fucking shit that movie’s good
it’s not like a good movie like really great writing
you can’t believe they weren’t there
you see everything coming a mile away
and you don’t care
I probably extended it but it’s like
I just feel like I’ll leave growing
no you’re not gonna say it’s alright
if you get super baked
you’re gonna love the fuck out of that movie
it’s so did you see it
no either it has
yeah I don’t think the problem is I haven’t seen it
I see through storylines to it hilarious
you guys are both nerd
listen are you gonna see through the storyline
you’re gonna see through the storyline
but it’s not gonna matter
but it’s not for that it’s a comic book man
it’s bullshit
it’s just entertainment
just pretend like you’re 15 again
you’re just watching some stupid action
oh my god is their good action
jesus fucking christ bro I didn’t want
to tell you about it because I don’t want to ruin it
I don’t want to be the
that’s my
spy movies or shit like that or just action movie
fuck a spy movie this thing’s off the chart
and I didn’t even see it in three d
apparently in three d
it’s insane my block said that
sweeties and moss
he sees movies like
more than anybody but imax is not necessary
oh he said he had to go through to you but not imax
you can take her to leave it
he’s probably seen 10 times already right
I’ve seen it a few times
if you mic black
if you talk to him on a Tuesday
say you want to see a movie
he’s already seen everything
jesus yeah every week
he just goes every week right now
he’s always gets that midnight showing
I love movies when they’re good
like avatar was a great experience
there’s something
I believe there’s something
about seeing a movie in front of a bunch of people too
it’s a totally different experience
watch a movie by yourself sometimes
you know when it’s a shitty movie
then you’re just watching a movie
a shitty movie with a bunch of people
it sucks you that’s true we also helped with three
yeah and we still walked like yeah
that was terrible
that movie was so dumb
I couldn’t I know but I think they’re hellboy fans
they’re fans of the comic book first
and that’s what we fucked up on
we didn’t know what was going on
I couldn’t get high enough
no it’s the responsibility of the movie
to make you understand even if you’re not a fan
yes but that’s what that happens in those big
like big story things like harry potter
I saw the last harry potter
yeah which fuck it was death
I couldn’t I couldn’t wait for it to be over
it was like being in jail
it was terrible
was it wasn’t even remotely entertaining
was nothing entertaining about
I saw why harry potter was pretty good
yeah the first one was really
really the first couple were good
well they had that broom ball thing
yeah that was a fucking dope
I don’t remind one of the second ones
I think the second one was
when the dragon was coming after
was that the second one
I think that was
you know
I think that was a third one the third one with a tree
that dragon scene was worth the whole movie and me
like everybody talked about how the hulk sucked
that hulk totally sucked
but when he’s fucking shit up man it’s worth it
that’s good that was
all the new marvel movies have been pretty good
the iron man was fucking insane
the new one looks even crazier and that’s gonna be
I made a good story along with the action
I couldn’t watch wolverine man
the lazy wolverine was stupid
I’m sure the action was just as good as some other
shh stuff but it’s like
nothing’s ripping you
it’s too predictable
like there’s like there’s the scene where
the gasoline’s running away from the car
and he’s walking away and he likes the gasoline
the car blows up behind him
how many fucking times can you see that no yeah
that fucking scene is so weird and they don’t even look
exactly exactly what I thought that was just key for
yeah it’s so stupid so like I’m a badass
you know that you gotta come up with a new way to be
the new badass isn’t like some guys
like snarling and
the new badass is the guy like fade or it doesn’t say
shit this is no image
I would do it
I try to be cool and light
it start to walk away but then I start to
assume it’s gonna happen
so I start gonna like yeah
and I’m like wait
what’s happening and then we’re blowing
you gonna look out for scrapping
yeah stupid
I can assume it’s not gonna hate you
it’s gonna fuck blow up back there
it’s gonna come flying at you man
I don’t make my trail so long and around a building
yeah I would run like I’ll still pay a bum delighted
I could still want to see
yeah pay a bum delighter that’s the move
look I’m pretty sure in the movies
what was that maybe they died during that in the movies
never you could talk some sense of them
he’d be like yup yup yup
that’d be a great end to a movie
have a guy like the cigarette
put it out and then just ow and just die
yeah that would be
that would we’ve crazy
I’ve talked to you guys about this before
we’re gonna be awesome to have a job to watch
and moving and just
your whole
job was just going alright I totally wouldn’t do that
I wouldn’t keep
my keys on the dashboard lawn at McDonald’s
you know or something
you know just right
because there’s so many movies you’re into
and then you’re like
oh what’s right
so it seems like
they can be cute yes professional Hollywood nitpicker
you should start at agency
they have that thing where they do
where people go to see tv shows and they go
it’s probably they probably have that already
and it’s like the gafford
but we just never knew what the gaffer was
but it’s like
if you’re bugging one person
you’re probably bugging a whole bunch of people
yeah yeah totally and people just deal with it
you know it’s like
girls that won’t tell you that your breast stinks
but the more you have to do that
the more takes you out of the movie
yeah totally yeah
well there’s some scenes like that in avatar definitely
there’s a couple of scenes like that would be like
you didn’t have to do
it was just
there was a few cliches that were like so extreme
it was almost like it wasn’t even a movie
it was like this is how clunky some of the acting was
even cigorny weaver was so clunky
it wasn’t like it was a movie
it was like you know how you go to universal studios
and you go on a ride
and before the ride you play that little video
it was like that oh really yeah and you like that yeah
okay go back in but you’re not fully back in
the great chains were just so off the charts
that in zombieland
it was pretty good
but the chicks that I’m
lying at the end is almost like you had me at hello
oh you’re doing
and all of a sudden I’m like oh I’m watching a movie
but isn’t that what that whole movie was kind of about
cheesy humor mixed with zombies
and this is what I want to know
is there a single human being humor
is there a single human being that saw the ads for that
fucking let me tell you about the morgans that
you know
that the movie with sarah jessica parker at hugh grant
the new one that’s out now
something about the morgans
these are a fucking single human who saw that
that ad went fuck yeah
yeah there had to be
isn’t that I’m sure this huge sarah jessica
parker pants oh yeah
but even a huge sarah jessica parker friend
doesn’t give a fuck about hugram
you know it’s gotta be somebody who was
coked out of their mind
when a green lit that fucking movie
I think we got a winner here
we got hugh grant and we got sarah jessica parker
and then someone pulls the guy aside
yeah but it’s 2010
you must suck to if you’re a screaming and you’re like
here you’re like I’m thinking about brad pitt and
julie’s awesome is like and in the studio sometimes
hey instead of that
we’re going with
these guys won’t keep a little low budget
no no
why would you
well they’re committed
they have two projects going right now
it would be at least a year and a half
this script is so good
we don’t need stars we don’t need beauty
we don’t need talent but it’s your girl
it’s been so good
we want a guy that got arrested
for getting blown by black hookers
remember that disgusting one yeah
ruined his career sort of but not really right
he kind of came back out there they all come back
you know you could get
you could get busted doing something like that
if you’re an actor and for some reason
it’s okay you gotta have projects in the works already
they don’t want to speed the money
yes crane didn’t have anything in the works
yeah if you’ve got projects in
the workshop well he’d never had anything in the worst
she was a weird fuck like
mel gibson had like three things comments
were they gonna do not show them
let’s talk shit about cramer
did you
did you ever have to deal with him
did jews
did you ever have to deal with him at the college store
yeah I saw him
not in a bad way
I saw him
when he got there and I was like oh cool
scramber’s here you know
I just thought he wasn’t really there
yeah he wasn’t into him
but then he saw my stage like oh this isn’t good
people stop people stop like being weirded out by
I was like oh I called you that night before
it happened yeah
dude kramers here
he’s fucking like on crack or something
he’s with some crazy chick
and then like an hour later that all happened
it was either brent ernst or master brownie
was he one kid told us
he came back from the laugh
factory and told us he was like brent
what is he brent brent
the RET yeah brent that’s what I was saying
I thought you said brent
no I said brett you said brent okay
I said brent anyway
he came over and just told the two
kramer went fucking crazy
started young nigger people and we were like what
but we thought it was like another one of those things
in the world of comedy
you always hear about some chilling hey
you hear what happened to the costume last night
tom Paris pulled his cock out
and slapped some bleeding in the face
that you like
shut the fuck up
as she’s so in man it’s getting crazy
that’s normal it’s like cool
I wish I would have been there
I left like an hour
yeah yeah you’d be pissed off
well I’ll see
that’s one of the things
about the old school comedy stores
you never wanted to go
home because you never knew what the fuck was gonna
I made a mistake of thinking of shows over
where her guy
was miming out
being broken up with by a porn star
as she started fondling and touching her boyfriend
that was there and he was like please pickarvoni
please take me back
I can change
and then they got on stage I thought it was done
I was like ah that was a great night
I left later that porn star was fucking
her boyfriend right to the side of the stage
while everybody was washing yeah well
there was some stage racing
goddamn and I’m like why would I have gone home
I just seen leg was all wrapped up
that shit will happen all the time that comes to
you never know what you’re gonna see
a lot of penis
a lot of penis at the comic store
seems like everyone wants to show you
their dick why did
comedy comics like that
it’s so funny because it’s fine lipstick is hilarious
lipstick with your balls like to say
classic gross penis
is a chick’s name that was on stage
where joey was in the back of the room
at the original room
he came out and kept poland’s balls out
and she thought she was kellen
he would come out
she was terrible she was a terrible communion christie
I forget what a name no no no
anyway whatever the chick’s name was
she’s on stage and she’s one of those
lifers that had been doing comedy like
twenty plus years but it never made a living
adam but she’s
the comedy store kind of like kept those people around
whereas like those people like
the really crazy people that are
not really in the world of comedy
but they’re sort of in the world of comedy
they don’t get up at the improv they don’t get
but at the store those people would get up
at the basis and they really want their stage time
and they want to see them
and panic when you see them on the lineup
because you thought they would clear their room out
they would
they would usually will clear that fucking room
eight time better time
yeah and so anyway so she’s on stage
and every time she goes near bucks like
we all seen her act 1 million times
jelly diaz
is behind her the way the original room worked
you could actually
sneak up on somebody while they’re on stage
open up the curtain and grab them pull into the dark
there’s a curtain right there
and you can fully stand back there
totally a room
plenty of room you got like this much room
so joey goes back there
takes all his fucking clothes off
and every time she hits the punchline he pulls open
the curtain and
shake his balls and his big
giant grapefruit balls or slap it around
and then he would close it back up
and she didn’t see shit
she thought she was slaying
she thought she was slaying
she’ll go you guys like that one
like she was all jolly and happy like
all of a sudden she figured comedy out like yes
my hard work has come to fruition
and when that happens to the whole back row
fills it with comedians
and the comedian that’s in the stage is like oh cool
the comics are watching with it
but whatever
you know we’ve seen so much crazy shit at that place
in fact the comedy store
the old school
hangouts were the best part about the comedy store
the audiences were some of the worst ever
which is one of the reasons why you develop like
like people are saying you know
oh you know you’re always dealing with heckler’s like
you know what is that like is that is that freaky out
like when you start out at the
comedy store dude you have to deal with heckler no
it’s not every test but it’s like
1 out of 5 the only time they get rid of the guys
when violence is about to happen
it gets like to the point of violence
like people are standing up screaming at people
and you really need audience members that come
to the booth to complain yeah
about a different audience
yeah you need like people ready to stab people
for them to do anything
otherwise they wouldn’t do shit
so you develop that style
the style that you like you have and I have
and joey has where you could just
flip around
you don’t say you’re at from beginning to end
like some people
especially like
a lot of guys who
start out in clubs like in New York
you get really short sets
you know you don’t get to fuck around on stage
for a half an hour or an hour
you know you don’t get like
those nice
long sets and when you get those nice long sets
then you could put material where you want
it and fuck around
and be loose
and it’s got a lot to talk about the low dual showcase
it’s like do some 7min to get ready
you don’t have time to like hey
what’s up everybody you don’t have time at all
go go go and get off
isn’t it frustrated to you when you have to do a tv
show and
you have to do like 7min you like shit it’s not a time
a bit and a half a bit
and you don’t know how to set it up
it’s like yeah this is a good bit but it’s really good
I’ve been talking for 10min and you know my personality
you know I’m coming from
it’s different
yeah yeah it’s totally people do 7min
that’s only pretty much are better at that
yeah I know yeah
they’re more realized that potential
than someone who’s reduced a long
sets of hats to cut it down
yeah you get used to what you can get away with
you can’t really dig a hole
and you really know you’re pixing
yeah if you dig a hole in 7min like
there’s bits that I have where I know
like the baby blowjob bit
that’s that’s a possible hole
anytime that someone can follow
that can’t open with that fucking thing
people be like what
no you can’t talk about this yet
I don’t know how you think
but if they know how you think they know all this guy
just being silly
he’s just fucking around
he’s a really nice guy and he realizes
this is all in fun
we’re just having a good time up here
then people will accept
craziness if they know it’s all bullshit
but if they don’t know you you can’t just go on stage
and you might have this killer
brilliant bit but you’ll do the
first opening line of it
and they’ll just start eating it right away
you like fuck
yeah it’s like
when I got a hole
I have a format hole I have to fill this night
I’ve just dropped the pit right now I’ll take fuck it
I’ll do something else
the real I mean real comedy is
in front of an audience and comedy
any comedy on television
even comedy
like when I felt like I did my comedy special
like I’m happy that people could get ahold of it
but it’s really just an ad
it’s the best that I
think yeah it’s I mean
it’s nice it’s got the material down
and you know you can see it without having to
drive across the country to work
yeah people like whoa what it was a difference
I could
still see the jokes to see exactly what they saw
it’s like no you don’t
I’ll spend you what you missed as the connection
you try to make
with an audience
and you weren’t in that audience
and they didn’t feel that
yeah feel and hear the same things you heard
that’s a huge point
right there the connection
because it discounts
just the jokes that are really yes
it’s not
you can’t discount it
it’s a
real thing that’s happening with you in the audience
it’s very strange it’s like
almost like a psychic connection
you know like there’s moments where they
know exactly what you’re thinking and
you can just pause and consider something
and they’ll start laughing cause they know
by based on you know what they’ve gone
yeah they’re going there with you
I don’t have to judge other comics by watching my tv
but I do and I try to tell myself maybe
the same thing
I just heard not to it still looks right
it looks like yeah that’s where they’re doing
sony just sent me a tape of some guy check out
this guy thinks really funny
and I was like watching the clip
but I’m like I am
no yeah no I saw the leak laurie clamorton remember her
no New York
I think January first or 2nd she was doing a show
somebody threw
a roll letter a bread roll
it was just a heckler video
and I was watching it look
it’s pretty good
but if I was there
I’d be like oh this fucking great you know
you don’t know what’s gonna happen
you caught up in the moment
yeah it’s a complete thing and she knows that
about the crowd
that’s how she does a certain way
people love that
when moments just happen
when you’re in the middle of a show
you know
stand up comedy really is sort of like a mass hypnosis
it’s like some weird mass connection with people
and what you’re doing with
like a video is you’re just hoping that someone will
sort of get a little bit of that connection
yeah you know you’ll get like a little
like a little vibration of it a little
just a like a faint
memory of that connection
you get the material and you understand
good writing all that stuff
but there’s a moment that happens when you’re on stage
and you’re killing
you know that moment where it’s just writing it
we are feeling man
I don’t think too many people understand that
you know
well people talk about logos who’s commonly scary
it’s not scary
people want to have a good time
you just got to do what you’re supposed to do
do put into work write a lot
perform a lot
do it with the right state of mind
do it the right intentions do it all for fun
as long as you work you’re
if you’re intelligent you’ve been doing it
you know how to do it
just fucking do it man
the only time I heard is cal scara’s
jonathan gapsock was on stage once
I don’t know like 11th or whatever it was
and he was just killing right from the start
you started fucking destroyed and you seen about like
10 or 12min going
I’ve done that
I mean hiccups
he realized this might be the best set of all time
and then he’s like yeah
and the last
like 3min would probably like a b plus a minus
and it was like oh
but it was like oh my god I’m doing so well
he felt responsible for the rest of the set
I was like how’d totally done that
have you ever you talked yourself out of killing
yeah really what happened to me that’s good
I started eating it
I remember there was a set that I had when I first
started doing comedy with a
first 5min I fucking crushed
and then I had a 10min set and then I dropped a glass
yeah I just
fumbled dropped the glass and didn’t even address it
wasn’t it
yeah I’m not killing
I can’t extract and then the next 5min I just ate shit
I fucking ate shit man
it was like I went through everybody laughing and wow
this guy’s really funny
what a great choice
we picked a common show
this is awesome
because it was like in some
weird place in the middle of road island
it wasn’t even a comedy club
it was like one of these
little comedy gigs that you would get
where you know you chop it and do a guest spot
like before you were actually getting paid
you know
it took me like a year before I ever got any paid sets
but before that year there was always
guys that had like these little bar
rooms and you can go up in two ten minutes
like in Boston
they developed a whole network of those
there was shows everywhere
they had comedy night all over the place
when I was doing
comedy they had three comedy clubs on one block
warranton street 3 on 1 block
and a fourth one to open upstairs
they were all packed
it was crazy and then you had another one
that was only a block away
that was a little dipped already place
and then you had another one stitches
that was only a couple miles away
and then on route one you had two huge ones
you had the caloons and you had giggles
these are like
full time clubs like giggles wasn’t collins or
maybe I think was just a weekend one too
but the other ones were seven day a week club
so how many people involves them
I don’t know there’s a few million but it was crazy man
there was stitches
there was a duck soup which was later
later became the improv
and then it was of course the next comedy stuff
there were so many fucking clubs
it was the most incredible play
it was so lucky
just a total streak of luck that I was in
Boston in 1988 when I wanted to do comedy
cause that was like
that was like mecca how much space time
and it was mecca for the cold country
for whatever reason that one place
developed all these comics
I mean like I’m a not dennis leary
what’s his face steven wright
and then guys you’ve never heard of jay leno of course
nictopolo anthony clark
anthony clark back then was a murderer dude
thanks yeah he you know
I think he got a television show
and things started happen from and
I just think a lot of stuff didn’t fall into place
but when I was starting out back in Boston
ari chauffeur moved away from the camera
so my grandmother didn’t say oh it’s great
start taking some questions
that nosy bitch she’s still watching youths dreams
start taking some questions
yeah you got so many people asking this shit
man shit happens
brian oh no no
no no no they tell you something man
I’m gonna tell you something how this shit works okay
when you’re on the radio show
you never have someone telling you to
take some questions let’s take some calls
when they want to
when there’s a break when there’s a break
that was a break in the conversation
so I said let’s take this one
what’s wrong with you people let’s take the questions
what are the what is
what is some questions no no no
you get reception here
dude at amp t is fucking good up here
yeah variety right here sucks over here
yeah varieties is terrible up here
but at amp t’s the bomb diggity up
but horizons better everywhere else
but and I’m going to get something
hooked up where you can have horizon in your house
through the internet
you have like a little internet thing
and it’s like wi fi through your house
so even if where you live
doesn’t have good internet
you want to get it off that
it’s actually what it does is
it uses your wi fi and it re broadcasts
hey this ain’t radio
so I know it’s not radio
but I mean a president has been set
I would try to
we’re doing it like radio
this guy it’s different
tobias holft he’s saying redband hit him already
listen fella you got a lot of pent up anxiety
we’re friends all right
we’re friends here
there’s no no one’s hitting anybody god damn it
settle the fuck down
do do do do
so many angry people that
that hang out in the usc community
well it’s not just the ufc community it’s in the world
man there’s a lot of angry motherfuckers though
but I’ve noticed since
the ufc is the exc
yeah the economies in the shitter
were in two fucking wars that make zero sense
there’s a lot of angry fucking people out there man
yeah but there’s a lot
of ufc people that
notice have come on to your message board lately
that has kind of taken over the comm of the crowd
and they’re either cool
which is a lot of them are cool
a lot of them are cool
but there are so many dumbasses
and fucking morons and fighter guys
true but the beauty of that message board
is the retard room
that’s the beautiful thing
if you might have out of this killer message board
on jorogan net it’s forums jo rogan
net and these forums
we have it set up so people are just generally
instructed to be cool with each other
don’t be retarded
post interesting shit talk about things
and occasionally
someone will fucking blow up or get retarded
they get stupid
they get angry they get aggro they start fights
and so then we sent them to the retard room
and we have a special room
that’s just for everyone in it
has been deemed a retard
I mean you’re not all retarded
I know somebody
you’re probably just young and some of you
had a tough life and you’re crazy
I don’t hate you
I just don’t want you fucking up the conversations
and when people
fuck up the conversations for more than
you know a certain couple
in two or three times we sent him to this retard room
it’s the greatest invention ever
I don’t know whose it was
whose idea was it I forget
kristen wrench was the guy who came up with the idea
where everybody should
have to post porn
that was his idea which was cool yeah
that was the original creepy
got too fucked because it wasn’t about
what about saying I’m cool
look here’s the next moment sir I’m cool
it would became like I wish you a better porn asshole
yeah and it became like a website
where you could just get porn
I mean you wouldn’t have to go
anywhere else but my website to get porn
it was videos and and
now with those
those uporns and x movies
big giant ass fucking pictures
yeah there’s huge they have a twice
in categories and they look good
you know what’s funny is also
the people
that were most addicted to porn and had the best porn
photos were the
most popular people
so actually we were friends with the most creepy people
we were friends with people
goodbyes pull up right
fairly legal
gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt
gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt gt
yeah I met gene to lin
she’s really pretty she’s very nice it’s actually cool
it’s actually really cool she’s a nice person
she’s not doing porn very much longer
I love that they like them because of porn
and then they’re
rather than they want them out picking up for them
you can do better than this I just want you to know
some dudes are just into it
bella said she’s done with porn
wow she’s done acting in him
what is she gonna do now just produce
wow she’s gonna become a pimp
you know
she’s tired baseball bats off the pooper huh it’s a
I don’t think she’s tired
I don’t know how anybody can get tired of them yeah
it does because out of nowhere she’s like oh here
here’s my asshole you’re
like oh scream
there it is
it really is like that too
she sends you nsfw
not safe for work
I think you need a bigger warning than
loads dripping out of your gaping asshole
that’s not just not that’s not safe for life
that’s ridiculous
you’re showing the whole world
you’re like white to the butthole
like not mysterious
lips and sucking on fingers
and taunting you with lingerie
uh uh she loves wide open butthole with sperm square
real what she’s into
god damn it done into flowers a bitch goes deep
she goes deep she takes it to another level
she does she set the bar like a motherfucker
uh huh I’ve never
seen anybody shove a baseball bat up their ass like
that it’s a loss of the community
it’s a huge loss like Jordan retiring the first time
it is it is
who’s the dirtiest girl in pour now sasha grey
now she’s gone
is she dirty or she’s supposed to be really dirty
it’s just a good market
or I don’t think she’s way dirty in the rest of him
um she looks pretty dirty
what happened brian brian’s acting like john candy
think balancing on this
you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing man
you’re doing everything
this is a story behind this thing behind us
and I’m gonna put something in front of it
is that a bunch of pot on the ground
this sign
when doug stan hope and I were hosted the man show
there was a segment called make me hard
and the segment
we had like boxes attached to dude’s dicks
and like we would show them things
like a midget eating a banana and
we would decide oh he’s getting a heart on
it was really stupid but the whole reason for the bit
was so that we could use this tranning
in the bit we had this tranny and she was really hot
I mean she’s fucking super hot
like my friend eddie saw her in a car once
and he goes damn that bitch is hot
look at her and I go dude that’s a tranny
and he goes no fucking michael
we used her on the mansion so I’m like hey what’s up
how are you doing so anyway
we got this guy with the box on
so the idea is that we show them all the stuff that’s
not sexy like guys playing with their nipples
big fat guys and the light would go off you know
midgets eating a banana their light would go off
and then we had this super hot chick
and she’s rubbing on him and she’s touched him
and nothing nothing’s happened
his light is not going off
and she’s pulls her tits out though
fuck it audience is going crazy
and he’s sucking whipped cream off her tits
and then she pulls her cock out
and her cock is this
wrinkled shriveled
up little poison dick because it’s a real dick like
she used to be a man
but she’s been injecting herself with so many
female hormones that her dick is like
like a dick that’s been poisoned
it was like a monkey that got
shot with a poisoned dart
which you would imagine his dick would look like
it was dark and shriveled up
and then of course the lights going off like crazy
ding ding ding ding ding ding
but they let us do all this
what they didn’t let us do was call it make me hard
they wanted to call it make me stiff
and that was like a legitimate argument
so you changed it
so we had to change it for make me hard to make me step
it was your choice
I just say
you’re gonna put your foot down as a creative person
and say no that without hard it’s not the same
or but that’s how dumb it is
when you’re dealing with network television
that’s how dumb their arguments are
it’s like everybody wants to change something
and they really believe
that they have to change something
to get your respect
you know that you’re going to have to listen to them
and they want to come in and they all
none of them are creative
and all that doesn’t have more offensive
more people
how could that be more offensive
how could the word hard be more offensive than the
word stiff that doesn’t even make any sense
stiff to me sounds like even more like
like pokey you know
like make me hard is like
ugh it’s like you’re rare in the girl
make me stiff is like
like you’re stabbing somebody with it like yeah
you know it’s like they don’t even want your dick
you just get a little sticky
that doesn’t sound fun
but that’s how dumb the arguments are man
today laser gentlemen
we’re learning zipperstein
connotative value and denotative value
our chauffeur educated to the masses
given you knowledge where’s the laptop
it’d be easier to read off the laptop
go to fucking your feet up
your internet and it’s so weak
but that will be fixed tomorrow
ladies and gentlemen we’re gonna do this every week
we’re gonna start taking some
questions now
just Twitter feeds coming too fucking fast
it’s crazy when your Twitter feeds going
faster than a chat room usually does
you know she was
what are the big news stories
is that lenny bruce on the wall
no that’s a picture of me from my first
CD this dude made it with
with snake blood
some crazy dudes headed to me
he makes paintings with snake blood and
lost that dude’s email so
if he gets to see this
the dude who makes paintings with snake blood
thank you very much for the picture
it’s pretty fucking dope and it’s up there
these questions are saw it’s hard
to read this shit man
what’s going on the news right now
the nexus phones coming out
no no terrorism brian oh
fucking photos they don’t use those kind of phones joe
these people don’t use those phones
no the terrorist people
oh okay I don’t know what you’re saying
do do do god damn this is impossible to read
I’m way too high to be reading this moving shit
any updates on stage moving
hotpot for
I’m sure there’s so many rumors floating around
I heard this is a report but this doesn’t say why
yeah I haven’t heard anything official no
I’ve heard some crazy shit like what
drinking bleach stabbing himself in the stomach
I hope that’s not real fingering his asshole
what don’t make that up
what’s up did you read that
not the fingernail asshole of course
that’s all
I no one heard overdosing what no one heard overdosing
that wasn’t
I think that’s just obvious I think that’s just obvious
but I heard drinking bleach
like he tried to drink bleaching like suicide
god that’s what if it comes to a hospital
just to get a checkup
and then it’s up yeah
I didn’t did you hear the howard stern show this week
no no I haven’t heard it at all
aliens probably like old news
everyone probably knows what’s happening
he’s probably fine
did you hear about tiger woods
I just love saying that I don’t even have any news
did you hear about the new thing with the whiskey or
the bottles of vodka and red bull
and the three hot chicks came up to his room
he shoved it with her pussy
maybe he ordered maybe
he ordered 20 bottles of vodka
20 yeah in a case of red ball had three
really hot chicks up in his room
that’s how he celebrated new year’s this year
yes this year
this here yes
there’s also a porn video being shy
wait how do you know that
where do that come from
it was in the news that he was celebrating
that’s that’s how we celebrated new years
tmz apparently was there
wait the years and just say like
I thought he had what’s his house
I think he just said fuck it
you know this year I could see in the packs
I think he just said fuck it
I’m tired this bullshit
I’m just gonna live I’m gonna live my life
honestly if you just answer question
for like six months
be over yeah like the fuck people who’s out there
not like he has
so much money that he doesn’t have to work ever again
they can keep working though
they can keep playing golf right
he can totally plug off
but he doesn’t need the endorsement
crush people yeah I’ll get the endorsements back
he’ll get different endorsements
you don’t think somebody’s gonna sponsor
who’s winning these tournaments
yeah who do they keep showing on Sunday
most of the time
yeah let’s put our fucking logo on his bag
there’s a lot of money in that golf huh
that’s a businessman sport
there’s so much money in big golf
it’s like no offense you get jeff oakleby as you’re me
guys just doesn’t carry as much weight
do you think people that go
into golf
thinking that you’re gonna make money off with though
it’s so hard
I think it’s the same as any sport
basketball boy
the major sports baseball baseball football
that you go into it going like I love playing
I like all star I like all pampers
you know I think I’m gonna go to a
I think I didn’t go to a big division on school
in the back of your head
you’re like I want to play pro
yeah I’m sure right
but it’s just that you know the hardest thing about
becoming a professional at anything
difficult like roll for you know
whatever playing football or any sport
it’s the saying okay
this is what I’m gonna do
because you don’t have a fucking backup plan
if that’s what you’re gonna do oh yeah
it’s the scratcher the guy just make ties gun tour
it’s got a cue school
scratch off a fucking you know
8th place vinish on the best buy tour or eight grand
you know hopefully yeah
this is about spiders too
I see some of them are for eight and eight
you fight three
fights a year getting 30min
brian’s having little conversations all on his own
someone said winning is everything
codyness okay
would you bang tigerwood’s wife right now I think no
because she’d be very vulnerable
I don’t feel feel bad about that but
alright would fuck the life out of it
hey and then consider the vulnerable part
I think you have a
poor girl
you know
she’s having a hard time right now
do I have to rape her or just no
she wants to fuck you
she wants to do it she wants to fuck you
she needs someone to hold her
and then as
she’s holding you you grab her ask and she says nothing
and then you just go for it
you just go for it
yeah but she doesn’t really like grab your dick
you grab her hand and put her in your dick
and she just goes with it
did she get
into it when she’s doing that sort of a little bit
but she feels bad
so the whole time look
sounds like a terrible light I think I’d still go
I would be disappointed though I was like you know what
yeah that would be very disappointing
it would leave me the great feeling
yeah it wouldn’t be that
she got really into it though and she gave it
say her b game yeah just a bb plus game
I think I’d be super pleased
so much more important to have a
chick that’s really into it it’s so important
yeah a hot chick that’s not into it
but there’s some point
there’s a point of diminishing returns right
you know like a super hot check who just lays there
is way better
that’s not as good as a
one step down goes crazy but it is better than
one step down
yeah a little bit yeah
okay at a certain point there’s like a point
at a certain weight
certain smell
so like okay
okay I’ll take the hot the chick that doesn’t move
but that the item into it gives you like quarter credit
hotness gives you full credit so
here’s the thing that gets me is those
those robot things
those are those dolls those are real dolls
would you fuck one of those
cuz I don’t think I would fuck one of those
I fuck one I fuck pillows before
I would definitely yeah but I would fuck
but I’m saying I wouldn’t invest a lot of money in time
I would rather jerk off and fuck that thing
I’ll try it out
I mean how could it possibly be good
do you think that’s good
I don’t know
I mean sometimes lotion feels better than not lotion
yeah but it feels weird man I’m doing this
there’s one thing to fantasize and masturbate
there’s another thing to fuck a rubber dude
I think it’s the same thing that’s totally different
the same thing I think it feels
it’s just an extension that’s three d versus two d
that same shit just gives you more texture
true but it’s a thing
it’s not your imagination with auto manipulation
it’s a thing you’re fucking it’s off enough
I disagree fucking a rubber thing and it feels good
and as you’re like closing your eyes and do like this
could feel something
it feels like skin like oh it just better
here’s my point it seems much more humiliating
there’s someone
catches you okay
what the fuck
someone catches you fucking a rubber doll
you feel like shit
I think you’re supposed to feel like shit
if someone catches you
that would be worse
well that’s because I think
you’re supposed to feel like shit for doing that
that’s a fucking creepy thing you’re doing
you fucking a rubber doll
you weirdo you should just jerk off
now we’re gonna make chili noises
this is the chili noises portion of the program
all right let’s dumb them
this guy says about real dolls
dave broomfield says they look awesome talking
taking them to dinner is awkward though
did you ever see that maybe lars and the real doll
this coming is ridiculous
you know if you were somebody it
never got laid like ever
oh yeah
by the way did you guys watch that conveyor of love
that show no
oh that’s great what is that
it’s a new reality show
we’re like four hot chicks just have
a conveyor belt in front of them
and they just send guys down
the guy has like 20 seconds to impress them
or they just go get out of here
and it gives the hop on the conveyor belt
and then at the end of like 100 guys
then they take them on a date
and so then like there was a meeting
there’s one chicks like oh I just want that guy
I just want to do him so bad
I was like a guy who no shirt on in a puppy
and then the next person
would be like a stand up comic
do you like fire and he had like a fireball coming is
right after
brilliant the bachelor
the bachelor was right after the matches is that a b
c a b c
and so what do they choose like four to 10
like well yes no
no conveyor of love
and then all the people
they choose to go on day to them later
and then the dates were awful like this one guy’s like
crazy oh you guys got a download how incredible is that
one shit got stuck with this fat guy that had really
ugly hair by mistake because it’s a game
you could steal other people
oh no
if there’s two girls that want the guy
and the guy has to decide
between the two girls and they’re just
blunt like this might be the greatest show of all
time oh it’s great
it’s so bad it’s just like
see how much more we can let people demean themselves
right do you remember that show
temptation island do you remember that
that shit was hilarious
that was good too how crazy was that
they would take
these fucking checks and tell them to try
to get these guys
to cheat
and film everything
they did and they would still cheat and they would
fuck the girls yes
there was a girl who works
a fair factor that was one of the girls
they’re just prosecutes
yeah basically
I mean I mean there’s no
it’s not an american
they have to be attracted to the I don’t know
it’s not an american soil
they’re not paying them to fuck them
they’re paying them to flirt
but the interview process goes with stealing
sluts with whatever happens
if something happens
any girl like feel like that kissing was like okay stop
I don’t know it’s a good question
I don’t remember watching
I think that’d be highly discouraged
I just remember mrs rogan being so upset
really mrs rogan did not like it
she was like oh that’s a terrible show
so bean those weak motherfuckers
they got the weakest dumbest
and it’s like they know their big film
but eventually like
fuck it’s poor fools just wreck their lives on tv
I cheaters is so fake
by the way
did you know that cheaters is fake you want not
always because you got stabbed no
look at the stab video now
look at it now
it’s like
watching et now and you know you see how fake it is
if you watch the stabbing video of cheaters now
our brains have gotten past that
and now it’s so fake looking
it’s like this it’s like this it’s like
oh and no one’s like helping him out
and he’s just
like there’s poor people just filming him in the stuff
and he’s just sitting there oh
don’t stop filming but yeah dude
it looks like watching et now
yeah you’re just like that’s a fake alien
what looks google that right now
and this is the beauty of the internet
bitches and you turn it off
so we watch with them
joey greco from cheaters gets stabbed
walk to the stabbing
and I want you guys to look at it like
all right is that real
would this really happen did the one above it
is that the one
oh wait this one cheaters get here oh yeah yeah yeah
cheaters get even as what it is when you look it up on
YouTube see I slow my internet is so whack
I’m wearing a loot shirt
are you I’m wearing tryna united
that was probably stage first comment on
first comment on YouTube
the dude says that was probably staged
I don’t see this shit
we’re watching it right now this gem
this is like when we were
watching two girls one cup except the shit is alive
over the internet right now
we’re about to watch
joey greco from cheese and those in
one comment says I hope joey is going to be okay
this happened four years ago
the comments from three days ago
I hope joey’s going to be okay
and notice you would creepy about that
I think it’s real I want to find her stuff later
I bet it’s real person
she read her posts
and by the way
when you get your internet hooked up
we’ll be able to show them what we’re watching
just can’t do it right that will be
hooked up next week well
next week’s up so we’re gonna do this
every week folks all right here’s the cheaters there
let’s watch it for the beginning
I wasn’t really paying attention
by the way it’s beautifully filmed okay
oh some guy gets thrown in the water
somebody spin staff
right hold on hold on
don’t say
hey yeah well the camera don’t help him out
he’s just been stabbed
oh that looks real
well you gotta think though
that if he did get stabbed the guy’s a failed actor
and he’s gonna ham it up
even if he did get stabbed
and if he hammed it up
he’s gonna hammer you were stabbed
I wouldn’t be holding a camera and stuff
I’ll be like all right
we need to we don’t explain just
I’m sure this is available we can find this out online
joey greco was always named as no
joey that’s it
I gotta be honestly it looks pretty fake
okay and there’s another part if I had a gas
you know there’s another part in the video
where they got the guy that stabbed him
right here cheaters host joey greco stabbing was stage
says paid actor
look at that and this just came out November
so this is a recent finding
so they’re recently finding out
that whole thing would stay
I told you oh
my man they called it dude
my brain has gotten past the part
where where I just tell
Twitter has been on the air for nine years now
documenting scorned lovers
confronting their cheating partners
in the act with a camera crew and toe
it’s like an episode of jerry springer filled blah blah
blah blah blah blah
inside additional reports
today the stabbing was faked and as
as was a relationship shown on at least one
episode on the inside edition website
I’m always a little weirded out by
reality blurred websites
if those are just made up or not that’s a good point
might be just the inside addition
com that might not even be the store alright
inside of dozen
com I internet so weak
there’s another
part where they have the guy that stabbed them in a
chokehold if you’re in a chokehold
wouldn’t you just his hands just like this look
wouldn’t you be like trying to punch the guy in the
face that has you in the chokehold
or trying to undo the chokehold
his arms like this
and the guys that has them in a chokehold
and his arms just to a side
you know not doing anything
yeah this ain’t shit okay
investigates cheaters is it all hooks
each week millions of viewers
blah blah blah every episode
blah blah blah blah blah blah
bobby goldstein is shows owner exactly
producers adamant that every episode is real
bobby goldstein you’re so full of shit
bobby goldstein
you’re a fucking liar dude
bobby goldstein
this shows owner and executive producer is
adamant that every
episode is real
yes you’re showing real people
those are real people
they’re not holograms
they’re not cartoons but they’re acting motherfucker
come on man
there’s some reshot scenes left and right on that show
it’s obvious now the popular out got the fuck up whore
that’s gonna say
fucking sheet talking
that’s the inside edition broad
it’s probably
she’s gonna say what the things printed here
that’s a goddamn lie
look that load up no fair wishes it’s okay okay
my mom’s internet joe
no I did this is just like it
well it’s one in the website
well it’s one on the webcam
I’ve got no juice I got nothing
the whole thing was fabricated correct says wyatt
alright so it’s not real at all
says carrie wyatt who tells inside edition she
was paid $500 to appear in an episode of cheaters
she said she was asked to pretend that she was having
a toward affair
with one guy she was while she was engaged to another
well that’s a different story though
but they’re saying against with that guy
so that every episode’s real
they’re just breaking that what he’s saying is fake
oh you hold on inside edition your website sucks
is this really that sort of
yes look you have to hit on this little
put your
cursor over this arrow to get your text to scroll down
I wonder if
that this is a link you follow from the other
guys website I wonder if this is all fake
dude look at this
inside edition
inside edition is the worst website ever look
it’s flash based you have to hold your cursor over
I fucking hate flash I’m done with flash
this is the weakest thing I’ve ever seen
oh you can’t take it and scroll down
no you can’t use your scroller
you have to use their stupid thing
and you have to figure it out
I thought that that was the whole article
because it was actually cut off
it doesn’t even say more at the bottom
shame on you inside edition
your articles your whole website sucks
so we’re gonna
move off of it bitch
but I think
I think I would have to go with that was hoax
totally and rewatch it sometime
watch when he’s getting choked and just watch his arm
if you’re getting choked you’re not arms
not just gonna be like gently resting on your side
hold on this fellow johnny bananas has a question
says what do you think
about the suicide bomber that was a cia double agent
what the fuck is he talking about dude kim drells
I’m Jordan
oh the guy who killed all cia people
he was a double agent is that what it was
he was crude by the jordanians jordanians are
jordanians and he was a cia agent as well
yeah I don’t know
he killed a bunch of like really high level guys
yeah I guess yeah
something like that
these are like news stories
he killed
yeah so here’s recruited by
say I threw the jordanians and I like
now the jordanians never
got a back or I don’t know what this was
I can’t I’m so high came in type
I’m google in the cia
suicide bomber
news ticker this is some crazy shit
ladies and gentlemen
look at this guys
that’s marijuana sodi pop root buzz
it’s I don’t like it I like the feeling
it’s one of those
almost like the narcotic feelings really
oh lucky you have one you have one sodas I don’t like
edibles as much anymore period
yeah I don’t feel like tripping
I just want to
get a little high and think about some shit
I don’t want to invest that
day yeah
this is crazy shit
there’s a dude who is a cia double agent
he’s the suicide bomber
he blew himself up in a bunch of yet so
he was what does that mean double agent
well he was working for the cia
pretending to be a cia and also
working for a gas al qaeda or
the taliban or whoever the hell it is
we sent him to blow everybody out
but he was a cia age and he was in
so that’s how killed so many where was it
where did it happen
I don’t know it’s loading up I think it’s a Jordan
it’s pretty local
yeah I guess
cia operatives killed by double agent
that’s pretty intense shit man
suicide bomber killed seven
seven central intelligence agents
agency operatives in
afghanistan last week was a jordanian double agent
who lured them into a meeting by promising information
on al qaeda leaders
former u s
intelligence official said so
he lured them in and just blew himself up
he got them to come to him
he’s gonna give them some information
and they’re all in the room
he just went boom
bomber had been more arrested more than a year ago
by jordanian authorities
who thought they had convinced him to work with them
so the jordanians thought
they’ve gotten them to work with their jordanians
they thought they can
but that’s the jordanian good guys
yeah but how the fuck well supposedly you
know how the fuck that they talk him into doing that
he only got arrested a year ago
so they had him for a year
we thought haber brought briding good intelligence
god damn
what a locster that guy is huh
he gets friends with them
gets them all in a room and then goes
and just does the whole thing
just fucking blows himself up
how crazy is that
oh this is brian’s new kitty you gotta see this folks
brian just got a new kitty cat
let me see this fucking glare
can you say it is a short haired persian
so what is bryan yeah exotic short hair
where’s the gambler it’s too much glare for this
oh you know I’m stupid
move this
some that goes into my girlfriend’s work as a breeder
said she had kittens and it just co wanted any
and I was thinking just kittens
and then she showed me it
I was like oh my god that’s like a real cat
she had to get it
I supposed to what I supposed
to like a tom cat type thing
yeah we think
such a good time with
10 choo short chat ever
did you get him a friend I saw yeah
cats like having friends man
my cat is a friend
yeah damn friends
it’s cool when there’s like life all around you too
when you’re at home and you’re anywhere you go
there’s something going on like a creatures like
trying to create something or do something
that’s right I feel living on sunset
this man says joey greco is not his real name
wow well that doesn’t matter
well that doesn’t matter no
he’s a lot of change his name
he’s like carlos monsieur
he’s fucking faking the funk ari shafir
how many times people mispronounced your name oh
but that’s your fucking name son
that’s a part of who you are
you can’t change your name
you should never change your name
arnold schwarzenegger is arnold schwarzenegger
that’s part of the flavors
as you get this fucked up name
that’s part of the thing
it defines who you are
here’s a thing about cheaters
start watching it and just
notice how there’s never really good punches
there’s never good punches when the boyfriends fight
bob dylan
people change your days all the time
it’s gaga
bob dough is like julie kakenstein yeah that’s right
julie kakenstein
see bob dylan
he’s a fucking self hating jim good
you could have been good
if he just if he just stuck with his name
would would you say it was
julie keikenstein julie kakenstein
if he’s stuck with julie kakenstein and just
still rock the house just that hard
maybe they
would have said you know what look
janice joppa became famous
and she was fat and ugly as fuck
she had a big fat stupid face is that really good
I don’t know
I didn’t think I’m telling the office
of example I’m not even making it set
I mean I might even go to the heart of the argument
which is her fucking name to tell
you’re like you know who else is cool
I’m like cheating and wear makeup
and I like nissans talk about security arguing
that’s like the chem trail crop trails argument
just tell you something else and you’re like okay
yeah that’s right man
I watched a documentary last
night on ancient aliens on the history channel
I ordered on dvd
eddie bravo is just always
constantly talking about aliens ancient aliens
it’s like there’s there comes a certain point in time
where but someone is so obsessed with aliens
you run the risk of
why don’t you marry an alien
yeah you run the risk of like
not wanting to even consider aliens anymore you want
unless it’s not real it’s not possible
it’s so possible it’s possible
you know it’s more possible when you watch these videos
these ancient alien videos where they talk about these
ancient structures and
you know what technology put these together
I think if you just look around
at the evidence
there’s not that much evidence that aliens have landed
but there’s a lot of evidence that life
on this planet has been fucking
seriously jacked at least three or four times
like big ones that we know about mass extinctions
you know that’s just mass extinctions
what happened
does the call coming from inside the house
jeff susan management this is my management
they don’t even know that I’m fucking on a podcast
I would think that
jeff susan management would be aware of
my podcasting from three to five
on u stream today
it started 30
that’s the best way we’re all gonna be
become one on Twitter
I’m on the podcast I’ll call you later bye
that was my manager shandra
very nice lady
she’s on the Twitter
she said that’s how she finds out my
my schedule
I don’t even talk to my manager you just Twitter
it’s a real time
I talked to the case
sometimes I’m elusive
what’s up right
stone a little bit huh
let’s get take some questions from the field
ladies and gentlemen
what am I gonna educate dana and zufa on copyright
am a retard I’m not educating anybody on anything
but copyright yeah what a copyright law I think
is threatening to sue
all these people to take illegal downloads of
the ufc well that’s just the right thing
yeah yeah they’re just talking about
well they’re talking about putting people in jail yeah
and the thread of that is enough to get
mostly they’re gonna
make some examples and stuff
they’re gonna throw some people in
that’s what the la guys said about hot stores the la
sheriff whatever
they’re like
you’re gonna shut down all night hundred it goes
won’t have to
shut down a few
don’t close yeah he’s right too
yeah he’s gonna risk going to jail
yeah he’s going down the block it’s like oh
there’s a dude that it was in eddie school that was
he was all licensed and legal and everything like that
but he decided it was too risky it did
and it’s like you think it’s like no bamba won’t eh
it’s not you never know there’s a lot of people
you never know how to interpret them all
you know the interesting thing is it’s moving along
there’s a Tuesday to 12
there’s some vote in California
it’s on the message board where they’re talking about
trying to vote to move towards legalizing it
I’m not a register voter
oh you gotta register
you gotta participate in the fake game
after obama I swear to god
I thought before
obama was an office I was like you know what
this is gonna be very different
we have a black eye
he’s a liberal
I’m like the very least
it’ll be good for the consciousness of the country
they’ll have a leader
they’ll have someone to look up to
that’s more peaceful and
has their their shit together
more can speak better and is black
and has been through a rough child than everything
but he’s doing the same shit that they all do
it’s doing the same exact shit
it’s almost like they have all these ideas and they get
into office may realize
oh it’s not it’s easy to
make it happen
but it’s not just naturally you guys majority
you have to go along with things
like sending the troops to afghanistan
in his extra 30,000 yeah
at some points that he realized what choice do I have
I can’t just pull everybody out
make it a huge vacuum and just have to destroy itself
that’s true can’t just leave
yeah and then he realized I can make this proud woman
it’s way past the year
fuck you know
well not way past
but if there’s any mortres but they talk about how
it would become a hotbed for terrorists if we left
it’s a hotbed
now it’s the
whole middle east just mad at us
that whole middle east is mad at us and it’s like now
it’s like once you start bullying someone
and you start pushing them
once they go down
you gotta keep pushing them
you know that’s what’s going on right now
you gotta keep them down
no fuck you gotta keep them down
because if they rise up
and they over get something to eat
and they take an app
and they come back refresh
they’re gonna punch you in the fucking face
you know you’re gonna walk out of a restaurant
that guy’s gonna go right there
I want to talk about what we had to talk about earlier
heard this thing at mpr
the people that have been released now and sent to
Yemen yeah
and they’re worried
about them you know reintegrated and they said
the problem is no one will give them jobs
they aren’t cause they’re like this whatever
and they’re becoming disillusioned
and leaning on people like akada and san yovo
but help me it’s like there’s newly being recruited
like maybe they were on the account before
but it’s like
so it’s like their life is such shit after
they could have gone in the right direction they don’t
they just become angry and well because
I can’t get a job
I’m fucking wasted eight years of my life
what am I supposed to do
you know someone else is off your
jobs and telling all this stuff
it sounds right good
what a martyr here can’t place to live
could you fucking imagine
could you imagine
how lucky you are that you
weren’t born in the middle of a war zone
I bet in place like that
simpsons only comes on like once a day instead of
what what it was it must it like
to be
pregnant to be a pregnant woman living in afghanistan
how crazy must that be
the feeling of vulnerability
the constant stress and shaking
I mean that would be just absolutely horrifying
morning sickness
Tuesday January 12
members of California that’s what they always do dude
California assembly will hold the historic vote on
statewide marimona policy
members of the
public safety committee will decide on assembly build
390 the marijuana control
regulation and education act
which seeks to regulate and control the production
distribution and personal use of marijuana for adults
the problem all these things are just wide open
so it’s really open to interpretation
you know no cash ails no it’s like what happens
and then they really want to narrow it down now
well if they what’s legal what’s not legal
and if they did open it up legally statewide
it wouldn’t be much different
it’s very easy to get a recommendation
the recommendations of the problem
the taxes was selling the pot
well there’s always gonna be
that’s why they’re shut down
not people not doctors giving up
yeah but with these guys
what they’re saying is they’re trying to legalize it
this is not about medical
this is about legalization for personal use
this is a totally different situation
they’re talking about taxing it
and trying to make money out of it
just to regulate
what seems to regulate and control the production
distribution and person use the marriage
yeah it’s not medical
they’re not talking about medical marijuana
federally medical marijuana doesn’t exist
and that’s that’s what fucks you
that’s what happened at top decormic
when he got arrested
he got to court and in court
they told him that you can’t even
use the term medical marijuana
how wacky is that
you can’t even say it
you can’t even say where you selling marijuana
and you go yes I was selling marijuana under
you know the assumption you
know it was legal because
proposition 250
they don’t want to hear a fucking word of that
they go shut the fuck up
were you selling marijuana you were good
brody what is this co host brody wants to tell a car
what is this
that means that he can be in a camera on the side
so you can look at his face
brody stevens that’s brody isn’t it
no oh no near my boredom
boredom strike what are you blind I am blind
no I can’t go hosts
I don’t think my internet could handle the co host
how do you just
somebody gives
just anybody bled if I get on that
well now we know
now we know that you can try to the province
if you have somebody that’s gonna want to
you’re like oh yeah sure
come sit in with it like it’s like yeah
but then the problem
you got million people were requesting it
then it’ll go crazy
you need a direct line
I think eventually
everyone’s gonna have their own reality show
that’s my vision of the apocalypse is it
we all have a China
we’ll all have a channel
I mean basically that’s what we’re doing right now
well once you get the internet
you could have like up to six co hosts
where anyone could have their I think
have their face on the side
and you could just mute them
but if you want to ask him a question
and you join him in on the conversation
oh I like but we’re waiting on your internet
oh shit
so we could have like an interview like
mayhem and something
oh that would be beautiful
you could have a bunch of people in it
we have a bunch of windows
and they could all open up the different windows right
and they could be washing all the same time
we could move it like like
Hollywood squares right we’ll go there
go to whoopee goldberg right whoopee
you also put desktop like overlaid on this camp
we want to see the show
things things are going crazy
pretty cool right
nice thing about
10 years ago you couldn’t even do something like this
there was nothing
there was no Twitter there was no
the webcam shows were just blurry
pictures of fucked up girls showing you their pussy
and you had to be in their membership
to get that right
those bitches went out of business with the internet
they blossomed
those cam girls
but then that shit just rotted on the vine
I miss that though because you remember
when you used to have like
that one cam girl
it would be like
a whole group of people that were all
just like look at this
she’s gonna you know
you know what was really cool is that crazy amber check
she was really cool it’s just a sex taste
there’s a modern day like
well this this chick would do real porns
her and her boyfriend do
porns and put it on the internet
she didn’t give a fuck
I followed this one
where it was a grilled
that just had her camera on 24h a day
and was just her and her husband living in New York
but they would have fucking straight off
when they had sex
they would have sex right on the camera
other than that it was just been living their life
24h a day holy shit and now she
gotta stop that and now she’s a successful author
and she’s trying to erase her past you know
someone knows oh really
did anybody save the video of her and her husband
fucking I don’t know but google cash is wonders
and I’m not gonna say her name now because
would you say cash wonders google cash
google cash if you go to google and type in internet
history right
there’s a thing that comes up
call the wayback machine
you could type in your website
and see what it looked like
back in like nineteen eighty four
incredible yeah
google is fucking
we were just talking about this me and
my tech friend that
wires my house
he was like google is like they have so much power
it’s almost like
if google were evil
like we wouldn’t even see them coming
and they document everything
you know
like if there’s an artificial intelligence out there
it’s google you know google is a weird company man
I mean they’re so powerful
if they do my mater they do mail
they do searching
they do your fucking maps
they do what your house looks like from space
I think longitude is the scariest one the one where it
just try where you are throughout the whole day
so you could look at it and see like oh I was here here
here the whole day and it records that information
puts it in some kind of
day at a base to see where people are going
you know that’s like fuck
that’s fucking crazy that you would ever
sign up for that too
it’s fucking crazy man
the whole google thing that you know
they seem like a nice company
that’s why gps on the google phone is kind of scary
because if you use google
what is google doing with that information
because there’s a way for them to use that information
if you’re using your
g maps you know right
and talk about where people are going
and when they’re going right
it’s yeah my theory
you’re running it through google
now you’re running your gps through google
you know what’s really cute though
what if they were evil
and they decided
well let’s just give it
have a lovable name like google
colorful we work really hard on image work
really hard on being green and
eco conscious and we really pay our employees well
they’re all swell but they’re just ruthless monsters
what if it’s the government
what if it is to go that’s like area 57 branch
no shit what if they like developed
they figured the way to not boycott
google because of these idiots
what if they sat down
what if they sat down
and looked at the trends that humanity is
and like look where things are going
technologically and said you know what
and they got the best scientists on it
and they said this is
where we think things are going
we think things are going to
an online based email service
so you can access it from multiple ports
we think things are going to
and they just started listing all these things in
google’s okay
we what if it’s people from the future
making sure we’re going along the right path
what if Mr
Geez was trying to save us the whole time yeah
and he was just like this
butler trying to be our friend
it was like fuck you Mr jeeves bitch
I’m going I’ll talk to the hell
I have answers
you anyone
how many hits this ass jeeves get a day
I don’t know about
web crawler remember web crawler
no no that used to be like a pre good
it was like baconadere web crawler
I kind of remember that now
barely I don’t remember I remember
realizing that I didn’t have to get online through aol
that was a great
day wasn’t it I was like what there’s another thing
I was like oh my god but that’s like space
that’s like the wilderness right
I’m gonna take a mail
a browser and I’m going my own
and how do I get my email
now I have to write all that shit into a program
and then get it from the pro
wow that was crazy
remember when you first
figured out you didn’t have to use internet explorer
I can use firefox or something else
just one under
day back a few months ago they finally closed shot
isn’t it crazy
once on top of the world
once huge now irrelevant and so quickly
within a decade gone
you know so much technology and so much
so many things that that were invented like like cds
they just have this really short life
like there’s gonna come a point in time
and don’t give it a fuck yeah
flash drives hold a fuckload more
and everything’s gonna have a usb port
shut up you know
it’s like cds are like really hot chicks that got old
you know like now they have no power
poor laser disc poor laser disc
I missed my laser disc
stay fully was a big laser disc fan he used to have
like even when laser disc was dying he was buying up
really good movies like me too
yeah me too I got like terminator being better
it can’t be better visual quality than blue ray though
it’s not better in blu ray but it was better than CD
I don’t know I say
it’s kind of like how records were better than CD
but it’s better than dvd
image wise yeah yeah
but no sounds better too
so insane
blueberry so insane
hd is so insane
anything in you know in movies and hd now
it’s just getting so crazy
this fucking avatar man wait till you see this shit
like visually it’s like whoa
I didn’t even see through a lot of people
I noticed said that they wouldn’t go back
into that world and live there
whatever the fuck yeah
that’s what I said I said I fucked that blue
that’s the future though
that we’re gonna have fucking masks or
wires in our brains or like
pick the avatar 19 here tonight
yeah you’ll be able to go place 2009
the gold places
what do I think of coast to coast with art bell
that’s the greatest
fucking radio show in the history of the universe
man they would always
every now and then they get some lame psychic on
talking stupid shit
but for the most part it’s all people
that knew bigfoot and
dudes who used to be werewolves but they got killers
by the way if you want to know more about
what they were talking about
go to ask jeeves and enter google conspiracies
in the first link we’ll tell you all about
it oh there’s a conspiracy side about it
uh huh google conspiracy
why would I think that see this is a thing
great minds think alike whoever you are out there
things like us
from November
20 seconds [‘two’, ‘thousand’, ‘two’]millisecond
is it
that’s hilarious we’re so lame those eight years ago
we’re just going man
you not believe when I figured out bro
if you fucking keep food cold it lasts longer
fucking these guys put out last longer
the Korean food cold life growing on it
worth that’s good for you
I said if you keep it cold it lasts longer
that’s coming to
that’s so dumb
of course there had to be 1 million people
people think there’s a conspiracy in everything
those the 9 11 people man
those are hard fucking conversations
here’s the conversation so I was like
but maybe in the night just tune out yeah
but maybe it doesn’t mean anything
well the problem is if it was really
but maybe I’ll have that conversation with you
you know if you say
maybe the government you know
really arranged that building to be blown up or maybe
bears arranged it
but but you know
when someone says maybe
but the problem is they don’t say that they go
maybe the government doesn’t give a fuck
about you and they plotted this
and they’re attached to that idea
they don’t know if it happened
there’s information that’s not even saying it
it’s like fucking do you believe that because you
sound like you do quit saying maybe
yeah yeah I think they did this
yeah but yeah
I think they just know
that that’s a ridiculous argument
it’s too hot nobody knows what the fuck happened
but the idea
that it was some gigantic fucking conspiracy that
thousands and thousands of people you know
I’m not sure that
a few people
didn’t know that something was gonna happen
but the idea that this many people had to be together
and put what the fuck are you doing
I don’t know my phone just started playing music
your phone’s gay as fuck man
what’s wrong was it
I’m not gonna even say was it a lily allen huh
what was that oh that’s what it was gonna learn
wasn’t a lot yeah yeah well what song was it
no I don’t talk about it just tell me a song
I didn’t download it all right it was awesome lady gaga
oh my god is embarrassing
did you hear carmen like it carmen do you like it
no perry oaking lady gaga I grow funning on there
why did your girl put lady gaga on your feet because my
phone connects to my cars when we’re going to the car
it’s like kind of like our jukebox
and so she throws music on my phone all the time
my girlfriend put another
it’s a modern day
I ran into a wall
you know what happened to dog in the hole you like
lady gaga that’s fine
you like lady gaga
I appreciate because she
actually knows how to play her instruments
and she doesn’t lipstick
she’s a real musician
oh there he goes
lady gaga oh my god
all that her mathrodite talks just like it’s just more
playing it up for the media
very interesting
very interesting how people bite into that
that one song though gives me fucking brain captain
staring cartman saying that was so fantastic
it’s my mind I don’t see realized
they did a blond touch to it later too
and you actually could hear the words when he says it
so it’s like this is ridiculous
there’s never been a better
tv show than south park consists of
funny consistently irreverent consistently brilliant
it’s so great
they get away with shit that no one can get away with
that whore off
when that gay dude stuffed parasilton was asshole
for helper
that’s the greatest moment of television history
as far as I’m concerned
the fact that they even got away with that
the fact that they went there
that’s where you go
if you’re gonna go crazy you want to go crazy
that’s where you go
and then at the end
he shoves her up his ass and wins the contest
fuck man can we really put that on tv you know
but because of these
blocky cartoons they got away with it
and because comedy central knows that they’re monsters
they’re just unstoppable
people wanna walk from
I don’t think
common central gets to tell them what to do at all
I think well yeah I think there’s a lot of that
I think the digits like shut the fuck
I think it’s probably
exceed if it does not really cover
yeah cable it’s just them sign
we figure the appetites might pull away
but the appetites aren’t gonna pull away from
south park they’re branding themselves to this thing
so everyone
goes knows okay it might be something like those
they have
movie success behind them too and that movie success
those two big huge films those
both films were giant successes
I don’t know if they were financially
but like I think they were
I think that team america though
that was one of my favorite movies ever and they hate
they said that was the hardest movie error
they would never do that ever again
because I’m really there time consuming man
that was such a great fucking genius and I believe
that it was really time consuming
it was so goddamn good
I got to see the puppets in her life
even the silliness of it when they had
they released the giant cats
it’s just kitty cats that are the same size them like
just close up
the whole thing to be black
kittens at the beginning of it
with the fucking terrorist
when that’s sexy
with the funniest sexine I might ever see before
that was probably
like the safe sex and
make a gun when they’re covered in rubber
you know
but it’s like there’s no funniest that was hilarious
that’s boning hardcores and
the unedited version where they drop
logs on each other
oh I did not see that they pee pees on too right yeah
what’s on edit wasn’t in the movie
they cut it from the movie otherwise it was gonna n x
wow pee and pooper no go
how about when he threw up and never stopped throwing
yes it was so funny
I remembered
crying laughing when I see that I couldn’t believe
how flying it was
I was like I can’t believe
when they did that first
south park movie and I was like okay
here we go I was like wait they’re saying oh my
this is a shopping
they did a musical
they were waiting for a south park movie this morning
they did a musical and I loved it
that was great and they did a great job but
how do you do a musical
that was a genius show
blaine Canada
no come on how good was that
how about all the canadians with their heads pop off
it’s just they all look different
they just look completely weird and different
their heads are totally different than reggae
just the fact that we accept that as a head
that’s what I can’t
I’m talking this this round is
this thing that’s letter be connected and
bobble it up and that we accept that
okay that’s the head there’s the head
that shit’s genius that shows so goddamn good
like I was looking at a cartoon in the day
the one that you gave me the barney rubble picture
yeah barney rubble doesn’t have eyeballs no
that’s crazy
he’s tripped out black pupils
but everybody else on the show had eyeballs because
his pupils are black
barney rubble no he’s all white
he’s all white
he’s got nothing I know because god damn zombie
what about on say he’s on acid
what’s that our fruity pebbles didn’t have it
no I think
well I don’t know maybe in fruity pebbles
I didn’t even know he was on fruity pebbles
I thought that was bam bam
it’s all pebbles right
I don’t remember
oh it’s all them on there
I think so awful expert in the flextones
my pebbles are pretty pebbles
but it’s just weird that you
just get comfortable
with the fact that his face looks like that
it’s like that this avatar movie
after an hour I didn’t care
that chick was blue and looked like a lizard
I still wanted to fuck her
right to it yeah
man I wanted a fucker
which and
if I lived with them I would told her she was fuck no
but if I lived with them
in the woods and shed
I would totally think she was hot
I would totally want a fucker you
know it’s like it’s subjective
but if she like made a sound
other than English I wouldn’t wanna fuck her
like she meowed yeah I love it loves like ever
never the show v the old show v whatever
and they started like
may never watch that show
which show the v show yeah
I like the ov I would not watch the new video
this guy wants to know this d a seven eight fella
he wants to know who do you think is better in bed
oprah or hillary clinton hillary clinton
you think so yeah
that’s a hillary clinton because I don’t have a pussy
oprah went free
it was a fucking huge lesbo you think so yes really
yes her and their friends seems like more the fuck one
who things like seem like more alone haylor clinton
more of a lesbian she seems like more
she made a human you didn’t know
but she had sex and made a human
yeah so she knows
she’s at least accepted dick
right and you have no idea about open we have no idea
that steadman guy
if there was ever a man that looked like a beard
that’s that gentleman that poor fuck dude
I bet if you google
oprah when you guys marry old ladies
yeah new conspiracy theory
yeah I can see it happen tall
you might never be
that’s why ellen wanted to be on the cover with her
well she’s super powerful man
maybe maybe
she’s so powerful that the testosterone that she has
for having like $1 billion
the surge or power that she has
maybe it just made her
just want to dominate some bitches
maybe she doesn’t
even maybe oprah only gets them to eat her pussy
oh yeah
she just holds her hair yeah she doesn’t do shit
opens worth $1 billion
and she hangs out these broke pictures
that’s what it is oprah
do you know how much 1 billion that’s 1,000 million
that’s incredible money
that’s an insane amount of money
she’s so rich
you couldn’t spend that
you would have to go nutty if you wanted to spend that
she’s probably worth more than 1 billion
she’s probably worth several billion right
super fucking winfrey just keeps coming out new stuff
no one’s been ever been more successful
than an oprah winfrey
like for daytime tv yeah it’s pretty much close
I’m not the oprah
still I still remember that
old school oprah yeah what’s the question
I’d love this question
let’s read it like how he writes it
she writes it
this guy yeah
yo what’s your ethnicity
were you born
into religion it says yo what’s your ethnicity
will you board into a religion
that’s not a bad question
if you’re 18 I just like how you go with the way you
what are you born into religion ashley bryo
is that his name
ashley brial oh so this is what Twitter does
it doesn’t actually scroll it
just bumps
right let you know when new people leave him
oh it does scroll look
it does a little bit but it’s really far and slow
oh yeah so what do they have to do
they have to put hashtags on it
and you follow the hashtags
I don’t know why it’s doing that
that’s what I was looking at earlier
they’re putting the hashtags on it
is that what it is
no I think harris keeps on saying oh it’s yeah hashtag
that’s exactly what it is it’s hashtags
but why is it doing that that’s weird
but why isn’t it does have a little acting on it
why does it have that
does it mean they’re in this Twitter room
is that what it is I don’t know
check my iphone a young hillary clinton
a young hillary clinton
was you think young hillary clinton was cool if
she’s good I never heard being not bad
the first time he ran was looking
I don’t think she’s Chad
and by then she had a child
who would you rather fuck now is that the story
no I said who you think is better in bed
I think that’s better in bed
yeah was it probably hillary would give you some action
whereas oprah would make it eater pussy
hillary would have better cocaine
I’m just not in the blue shirts
just imagine that’s what oberudfi really did
she just had girls eater personally
that’s hilarious
and it came out
just like tiger woods is coming out that he’s a freak
and he’s married with children
but he’s really
banging like 16 different chicks at the same time
what if it came out that oprah winfrey is this
crazy bitch
that just has all these young girls eater pussy
they’re all blindfolded
so they bring it
into a special room so they don’t know who’s pussy
they’re eating right
like this is your rule
this is your assignment
you will be paid $125,000 a month
well you accept you know
yep you can’t give him that much
you’d have to give him 125 a year
but she would call upon you
no you have to get more than that
if you want to be like that
I’m not there
blindfold and just go into a room to eat your pussy
hundred twenty five
a year and to be on call at all times yep on call
no it’s finer thousand
that’s too much
you can retire I can’t keep you my bitch
all you have to do is work for a couple years
you can retire
no I want to use it for life
if I want to keep you my bitch
I give you enough money so that you get used to money
but you can’t really hold enough away
okay what I’m gonna do is for my starters
because take someone to super broke
started off at 75
give him a 35 increased every
year start them off
50 but you gotta get them super broke all right
start 50 next year look I want to leave 950 grand
next year we’ll give you 75 oh no I have to stay
you’re after that I want to leave
it all depends on what 50 this year
oh okay I can’t leave that
okay now I want to leave 300 this year
he’s out June me right now
just keep up coming not letting him leave
it’s like Hollywood shit you can never start leave
you never get to a certain point
you have to be cultivating other boys
you get them used to the money reports
yeah you get them used to the money and then look
you want to talk some shit
hector over there is ready to become a No.1 boy yeah
and hector
hector likes suck and dick he’ll suck
three four he’ll suck my friends dick
not to mention
if I got some guy
he looks like he’s twenty eight nine or 29
hit the road jack
ooh techter is not gonna feel a grizzle on your tongue
hector suck dick
all the way from Guatemala to get here
on the banana boat
yeah hector is so happy to have a fresh pair of nikes
he’ll suck the life out of your balls
hector is here
he’s here for you
totally right
oh yeah so the competition of being a male whore
you know in Nevada they just recently
approved male horse
they’re gonna have male horse they didn’t have before
no apparently they didn’t
apparently it was only females
what that’s crazy why would they not have that
that seems
that’s interesting I don’t know
it doesn’t seem worse
this is the weight wig guys for society guys
if guys think they’re fred as gay
they’re gonna get him a male horn
now my dude
you’re not gonna believe what
I got you for your birthday
hey what’s it rough I got you a fucking whore thing
buddy ranch
get the fuck out here
that’d be a nice moment cause you’re like
oh I gotta fake it with this girl from my friends
she’s gonna be like
you guys knew
yeah when it comes out
imagine you get him a whore at the bunny ride
she’s going that room going that room
what does she look like
don’t worry you’re gonna like it
you’re gonna like it
you just set him in there
and then the red light comes on
it’s a naked guy with a heart on it’s like yes
oh my god
did you imagine I thought this was gonna be an airable
guy says what the fuck
bang bang bang bang bang
you know that he’s just a little femmy
he’s not gay he’s just a little femmy
quit wearing sweaters
my dad had a friend when I was growing up
how to swore this dude was gay
but he wasn’t gay he was just
a little femmy
yeah look look if you didn’t know duncan trussell
there are times when duncan trussell will you
yeah I act femmy but
I just think that
I couldn’t act serious and normal stuff like that
but I just always let myself like who cares you know
like I know no no no
no you don’t understand me
that’s not femmy that’s relaxed
this guy was like
ah that kind of 50 he was the people
I said they’re the people are all worth gay
really I think you just gotta get into it
yeah why is it doing hashtags and save ad signs
that’s a better question
because you’ve got it worse
that’s fucked up did you try to fix it
no I don’t want to fuck anything up and I’ll try it
is anyone know why it’s doing hashtags instead
the at signs in the Twitter social stream
on u stream yeah
because they’re socializing about this subject
yeah well
week last week I did at signs and that’s what we want
we don’t want this hashtag bullshit
does anyone know how to change it from to
hashtags to assigns just to do the same thing
duncan trustle is awesome
yes duncan trustle is awesome
when he goes fem he’s really just playing
duncan likes girls trust me
what’s up
his red band of comic red band is done
commenting he’s technically a comic
he go up anytime he wants he wants to fuck around
he’s very funny actually
wrote some good material
we have to get it
when we’re gonna
I can’t tell you about that what
I’m just gonna tell them about that show thing
I can’t tell you what that
but he’s done it a bunch of times
it’s just doing these videos
though it doesn’t seem like it takes a lot of time
it takes a lot of fucking time
and he’s got an archive
all this goddamn material doing open
mike sucks ass that too
he puts me in front of him on
like his sold out shows
and I’m like a noob trying to do comedy
but you get spoiled
and then you have to go to
when you go back to la
you go in front of like three other comics
you know and he’s spent 4h a day just so you can have
you know 5min on stage
it sucks yeah open my fuck that shit ducks
I’m too old for that
you know the boodle
you got water
I’ll be right back we got caught in mouth
I’m gonna try to change the hashtag waters
why are they all doing it they’re all putting it in
it is because
brian what are the new videos coming up
we’re logged into u stream via our Twitter account
what are the new videos coming up brian
what videos what do you got coming up
what do you got coming on your life
I’m not really doing much of videos right now really
ryan is doing a new thing where he’s doing before
a show on the road every time
he makes a video
specifically for that town
yeah like he has material from Austin
yeah if you go see joe do
stand up at most places nowadays
we have a thing called death squad that’s
like before the show
it’s just kind of collection of videos and we
film a bunch of stuff like hey
we’re coming to Austin
it’s kind of centered around that city
so if you get there at least 15min before the showtime
yeah to watch that stuff
what’s that oh the videos yeah
yeah we’re gonna do that at most
places we go to
when I’ll be shown just that week and then done
yeah when I go like
to like one nighters like dc
like ari and I are doing dc this
next Sunday just upcoming Sunday
brian’s not gonna come with us to that one
but when we do weekends
like the next week was the next weekend
addison we’ll probably do it
no temping no
ice house prior to the next one
oh yeah ice house then addison and tempe
it’s all up on my Twitter page
oh it’s right in front man
I ask you questions it’s worth the
ice house addison and then tempe addison’s
I’m looking forward to that I fucking love Texas
how much fun is Texas I love Texas so much fun I’m
looking at those dates
like tempi’s gonna be a lot of fun always is
icehouse is always a lot of fun
but my fuck man we’re going to Texas
you know like the foods a little better
the people are a little more fun
it’s a little more rowdy it’s like
they’re like healthier
there’s like something about them
they’re like they’ve got something
that we don’t have here in California
this this place is so
polluted by the entertainment business
but yet I hate the east coast
most of it east coast too angry
yeah why is it so angry why are you so fucking mad
you know I grew up with a lot of guys like that always
everyone’s insulting and they’re
usually the funniest guy because they have to
learn quickly to deal with
people’s bullshit
but Boston Boston so fucking aggro
so many aggro guys
yeah everybody’s upset everybody wants to fight
in New York how could you
I can’t imagine living around that many people
it’s rough so many people
it’s someone said just this guy
t saps said because it’s cold
that is definitely part of it
Boston is cold as fuck in the winter
I was there in October and when I was there in October
it was starting to be freezing
it was like 50
but it was a different kind of 50 wasn’t like la 50
I like fifty’s nothing this is really in January
we wear shorts in January
out here all the time well
the grown man really should never wear shorts
oh my you can look at my legs bitch
strong on my legs
more sexy and hairy and shit
when I get gray hair in my legs
that’s when you stop seeing me in shorts or
you’ll see me in shorts with shaved legs
seem like you fucking faggot the mother you want to
just remand your legs
yeah do it out shave them no
I know dudes who do their facial hair
they die facial hair but I don’t do that
I’m gonna shave
I’ll shave my balls I don’t dye my ball hair
so I’m not gonna dye my leg hair either right
you can’t be dying your leg hair
that’s just fucking other factory
mining a bathtub with some fucking black ink
trying to pretend that you’re not dying
you’re dying man you don’t die your fucking leg hair
that’s hilarious
and if you ever seen like an old
dude whose hair is dyed
they have a reddish tint to the hair because
the dye looks kind of fun
they use a brown instead of a blonde base
could you imagine if you have it on your legs
and your legs look like
sasquash legs ginger
ginger sasquatch who is redband what does he do
redband is the guy who
if you ever saw the carlosman see a video
you’ve seen his work
if you seen the jew clam video you’ve seen his
and if you haven’t you really need to check that out
google jew clam
and look away the
he does all the videos for
for me for my website and for you know we just
it’s like one of the things we do when we
go on
these shows and
we travel all these different towns
one of the things we do is we
a lot of funny shit happens and we film it
and brian takes all that funny shit
has to
9h of bullshit to get 10min of awesomeness
and so 10min of you know fun
and with the right music and the right editing
and he just makes these cool last videos
I just heard some director talking about
he shot this movie with julia more in 21 days
and the editing to five months
he thought it was like they said 10
it’s 12 weeks he goes
I’ll be
I’ll finish it for five to seven for five months
because that’s so much longer
because you can make a joke funny you can make a joke
not funny you do whatever you want through editing
I can’t even imagine shit
I hate dealing with this
just a music because I make my videos around music
but then if I pick a song that will
give me band off
YouTube and offs all these websites then and fuck so
then you have to like try to do with your own music
or make your own
kind of shit and then you lose the creativity part
because you’re like
working with bullshit
instead of working with led zeppelin you know
I hate it
I know it’s like one of martin scorsese’s best movies
good fellows do you remember the scene where
it was all falling apart for
what’s his face that’s all the coke we had
something like we had no one who was driving in the car
and looking at the sound
yeah the music was so important to all that shit
I mean it’s all that rolling stone shit you know
I mean it was like you that was
that made a lot to mention at the end
when he when he when he
put in when he’s picking up his mail or whatever
or the newspaper and they have
we did it my way by my subvisious word about it
but he was like that’s a reason
he does he’s not using this notch a version
he’s only on purpose
he wants the fucking yeah
that version of it
this bastardized version of the mafia
that he’s trying to show
it’s like yes it’s important
this music is so important to a good movie
all those
that’s one of the great things about like scorsese
you know yeah
francis for cold blood
they know how to pick the right fucking music man
yeah now the great guys
they know how to really jazz it up right
an iron marco did all those
good about the ugly
those rolled eyes
so jello and
you always use any or marconi or whatever’s name was
I wish I knew how to dj
I was like remix and stuff like that because you watch
it seems like it’s so much fun
and then you make your own music and that’s you know
in a way you know in a way yeah and
I just wish I could do that
what’s weird for us
every now and then a guy gets through
and it’s huge
like there’s that guy
I think his name is testo
he’s a gigantic dj
and these people were telling me this
dude was telling me that he went to a testo concert on
new years and it was like this big thing
I think he did it in south america
and he said it was insane
it was really crazy
yeah like more and they’re all in ecstasy
I mean like fucking utter craziness
hundred thousand people on ecstasy and this guy is
jamming this guy gets
apparently he’s like this multi million selling dj guy
I don’t know where they make their money
I guess they make their money on personal appearances
yeah yeah yeah yeah
dj sounds so good
when you’re in accessible nightclubs are in
it makes it sound like whoa
yeah I get it man
good good yeah after good
man ecstasy
I only did it once but goddamned it feel good
it’s just named right it
was like it kind of feel yeah you got it
it felt so good
but it’s scared that shit out of me the next day
the next day yeah
I never got one of those
I might have had shitty extra thing
I might have to get me some good
exercise and see what happens
but it might be my biochemical
I think it’s more that
it’s a real possible
yeah dj’s produced music but they produced music
like other people’s music
that they’re like piecing it together
and making it their own
but there is an art to it for sure
you know yeah sometimes the people that make the music
don’t see it
as well as someone who’s listening to the music
you know
I know that sounds crazy but it’s possible that a dj
could take a song that wasn’t really that good
and make it pretty fucking dope
and that’s possible
sometimes remixes are better than the original songs
you know
most of the time it is
like if you go to a party ben
or what’s that other dude’s girl talk
if you go download some of their music they take some
really good songs
man you listen to a mixed up and stuff like that
I actually like that better
yeah and like well that’s what everybody says about
I quit and tarantino right
that his themes are all stories from like other movies
the golden jobs
but he makes some fucking badass
you know yeah
that’s an interesting
little fine line now
kick Paris 7 8 9 1 we’re having a fight in here
this dude is telling someone to kick somebody off
they’re angry
oh Paris because Paris keeps on saying super cool
how much money do you suck my cock ribbons good
how much money do you have fella
you think that’s the real Paris parcel
do you think cities are on Twitter
delete this message
yes I want to ban the sender okay cool bam sorry bitch
nobody’s getting their cock sucked now
I was what I was gonna do is suck everybody’s cock
that was listening
but you had to go and fuck it up son
dude I didn’t know joey diaz was here
oh that’s ari
why are you so rude
why are you so rude it’s going deep now it is
it’s always going deep
remember the old ari that would smoke half a hit
and then like
in a car accident on the way
I remember when you used to get nervous before
getting too high
glen on stage
you got barbecued in vegas
how hard you get in vegas yes pretty high whoo
you kept going
we had a joint and usually does this the way it works
when you do comedy one hit
this would be fun this would be fun to get loose
two hits are like whoa
you’re trusting
trusting the universe and
you’re trusting your state of mind
we had four hits
we were we were fucking blitzkrieg it was like now
all right we’re just fucking one more
we were fucking blitzkrieg
the worst is when I was so stone
like my first week out here you invited me to go
see you at fear factor set
and he gave me these
these are like my body pops first came out
he’s like hey Ohio boy brian come here
you want this lollipop I’m like all right sure
and so I take it
and then like 10min later is that you feel anything yet
and I’m like no
and we’re like let’s take another one
so I took a second one
yes we took two of them and then in joe’s like well
here it’s hang out with all the
directors and producers in this trailer
I gotta go now and then it starts tripping
and I’m like
they’re like they’re boring how they’re going
and they’re like like
outside so
so so head on my yeah it was horses draw
I called you el diablo for like three months
you know what that’s how much I hated fear factor
I hated fear factor so much that I had to do it
that I would get barbecued
I would get so fucking hot
I would take these crazy beyond bomb
that was the name of the company
that would make them lollipops
I had to eat one of those before
I would do fear fact and I’d be
blitzgreek to the point
where I could
remember what I was talking about 10 seconds ago
and that’s how I would do a show
but it made it so much more interesting
it’s fun to watch
fear factor now knowing that though
cause like all the episodes you can tell
your eyes are all glazed over
and you’re like oh my god
you’re gonna eat
it must be so windy and energetic out there
the producers
knew it and liked that fact that I did it because
it made me more relaxing funnier
there were so many aggro douche bags on the show
I’m sure two of their producers they must work with
so many aggro dish bags over the year
so many
and if you want to be a dude you can make it live
miserable yeah
most of the people that did that show were really cool
they were there to have fun
trying to win some money
holy shit among tv you know some there was a few
got like stars
yeah they got douche well now they got aggressive
you know
there was some contestants that were like really
aggressive you know and
that was annoying cause they were all hyped up
trying to win this fucking show
and they would start shit with me
you know they’re at home in jersey practice
and if joe grog could test some shit
this is woman say to him
so they
don’t really say it but they go over anyway
they’re already wrapped
up by the time they get there I’m like hey man relax
I gotta help you yeah you relax
so the weed helps with that
the weed helps
nothing helps you deal with aggression better than weed
it does help forgive
sometimes people look watch it look
right there it’s sun
very nice
was that the vegas show last may says aduna
adunja a b d u and j
no we were talking about
yeah we were talking about Saturday night Friday night
we do the house of blues and vegas all the time
we also do the palms
and I’m gonna be doing that
like every couple months we’re gonna do the palms more
yeah I’m gonna do a while later but yeah
it’s a regular more of a club
yeah I think so
and if it’s similar to the other stuff and it’s like
do wear it set up that way yeah
the only thing I don’t like about the palms is that
the stage lighting is not the best
house blues all like really lit up
well but they might have fixed that by now
that’s not a big fix just a spotlight
but yeah so either way we’re gonna be in vegas a lot
talk about mma joe fuck
the mark gaiden
oh that’s john copenhaver
I wonder if that’s the real john copenhaver
that’s the real marketing war machine would have
is that the real mark gaiden oh that’s cool real john
copenhaver war machine wouldn’t have a fucking
little tweety bird next to him
what is up with those tweedy birds
a yellow and the green
that’s no picture they just joined or there a
lot of usd guys
war machines got a
picture of him looking all buff on it
the palms has the naked girl pick
on stage yes
that is yeah exactly when you’re on stage of the palms
right to your left
there’s a naked picture
there’s a picture of a girl showing her pussy
with the new in the new place
yeah she’s got a tits around
and she’s like showing a little bit of pubic hair
right on stage
in the new oh because the playboy night
yeah it’s like the playboy company club
yeah it’s very strange man
but I think we’re gonna do that
I think we’re gonna do that much more
the next one we’re doing that February
is there any female comics that you know of that
show their pussy all the time like hey look at my pussy
like joey shows the balls yeah like we’re like any
no it’ll get wet
that’d be awesome that’s a problem
god’s like awesome
right that’d be awesome
be like yeah
there’s nothing funny about a girl show in a pussy yeah
a do pulls his deck out
what what what
that’s funny yeah but if it chicks like look
I’m fingering myself in my cell phone
what happened here when you were young what happened
sarah silverman yeah
sarah silverman’s funny
but she wouldn’t be fun if she showed her pussy
she’s fun if she talks about her pussy
but if she showed it
she killed I did that k rock thing with her last year
there was like a
some k rock comedy hilarious she’s crushed god damn
she crushed it she’s funny man
doo doo doo pat and oswald too
yeah he’s hilarious
that guy’s
a really good writer I always seem at Starbucks
he’s always with his kid he’s like being Dad
Mr Dad and stuff with the kids fam
he always
surprises me with where he goes with his writing
I really like his writing
you know
his stuff is like
he’ll go someplace with and he’ll take a premise
that like you would think
like maybe you would like think about
like maybe I’ll talk about this on stage
and then it’s not funny enough
but he makes it fun
he actually makes the joke out of it
he beats it down and conforms it and makes it funny
with his writing
he always takes shit to a place I’m always surprised
come to Seattle I’m gonna come to Seattle motherfucker
eventually you put the county on a new place
is it better change it
I don’t know
not heard it’s not good again but this is a stupid way
to see this because these hashtag things
this is stupid
well because it keeps scrolling
and they can’t fucking read it
at least when you go to
actual Twitter it doesn’t do that
we go to actual Twitter you can actually
sit there it’s probably a way to stop it
yeah I’m not looking at hashtags
I’m just looking at that
that app thing now
I’m gonna just look at that now can we do that
it depends it seems like it’s what happens
I think what eustrim’s thinking
if that’s who he’s doing it
I think eustrim’s thinking if there’s a ton of people
that do the hashtag
then it’ll show up as a trending topic
you know here’s a good question
salvia have you ever done it
brian’s done salvia you have videos on
did you have a video already
I did it once
did you put a video up are you doing brian did
who was that look
it was super cool it was just totally tripping out
you’re on top of
houses looking at people’s lawns or something like that
I was on my childhood lawn
and I could feel
that reality here and the other reality
went like this and bent right here
the real reality here
and I was trying to like not make them overlap
because then I would never come back
I was like no no
I’m right which I’m not there
stop I’m incredible
I thought my face became carpet
and then it melted and tore off
and then I went down a water slide and
then I was like are you talking about my face
you talking about my face
how crazy is that that’s legal
salvia is legal
well some places it is
it’s actually turning illegal now
a lot of a couple places at Florida
yeah but there’s 50 states
lord how many of them are gonna make it illegal
I don’t know pretty fast though
I think they just did seven
states recently or something like that
damn this
this the mark gaden whoever you are this mark gaden
I’m gonna block you
you know yeah you talk too much
mark hayden I don’t think so it’s a fake one
no it’s real
it’s real marketing it’s real
just like the cheaters
this woman canadianlicious says
where they all on lollipops
also the contestants no
I got the contestants high on meth
because you want to have a good show
you want to have a good emotivated
group of people out there trying to compete so
they said it was common knowledge that the set supplied
no I’m making this
let’s have some banking this up
hey have you ever seen us killing
no one was on any drugs
ladies and gentlemen
they were on a squish style book four years ago
we give diet coke and you can have a water
if you wanted that too
or you could have a regular coke if you don’t give a
but no there was no no the contestants were not drugs
it was just me
I was on a little bit of weed
to try to get through the day
you’ve ever seen a pussy with gray pupic area
yet in real life
how not in real life
have you no really
not yet
but one day that’s all we’re gonna be seeing one day
you gotta be like why’d you start shaving your pussy
shut up oh talk about that green or grey tent
yeah it’s gonna always look dusty oh no
what is that
you’re gonna be able to see the ingrown hair
other knees and
downward elbows what other
mma rules we like to see on it
I don’t know you know
I think that should be up to a vote
what they should allow
yeah knees on the ground stuff like that
I think in a certain
there’s a certain
part about knees on the ground and kicks or the cage
you can’t get away from them in certain place
so that if it comes with
you get trapped up against cage
dudes are gonna take
damage that they wouldn’t normally take
whereas like if they did it in a ring
the thing about the ring is you can slide out of that
bitch yeah
you can get your head under it and just avoid the kick
yeah instead of having to stop right on it yeah
you can’t get trapped there
I mean you kind of get trapped in the turn
buckle in the corner but
not the same it’s there’s openings all over the place
what about having a warning tracker on the cage
and you
can’t kick some light in the head on the ground
inside that warning track
that’s a good idea
that’s all there real good baseball look at you
just thought of that
that’s a real good idea
right there ladies and gentlemen a warning track
around the cage
where knees on the ground are not effective
and so what you do is you grab a guy
get him in a fucking hold and you pull them
into the middle so you can need him in the head
knee I’m on the ground
maybe yeah that would that’s actually a smart move
that would make it really interesting
no gravity it’ll have more strategies
we’re trying to go to that warning track
I think people kind of be excited about that too
you know like they’re near the knee
near the the knee area
yeah people touch the middle
it’s like oh shit it’s in the middle
what’s it gonna do
he can’t go anywhere he’s gonna be in there
yeah and people talk shit
while he was real smart he stayed away from
the knee area
I was gonna fuck him up in that knee area
who scared my strength
so you didn’t wanna bang with me
you didn’t wanna bang with me I don’t know
fucking said he wanted to fight
doo doo doo doo
this guy says in the past he broadcast with
ufc with guest announcers
you find that limits your broadcasting
or messes with chemistry
no no you know those guys were nice guys
I did it once with craig hummer and once with
matt vasquergen
they’re both nice guys
very personal you know but
goldberg’s my you know he’s a good buddy
we’re friends
we’re real good friends so I like ham and him around
it’s fun and I think he’s excellent what he does
that shit’s very hard
did I ever see bill hicks live b frederick 30 ass
I’m a couple of times a while
some in la when
he was just
like just starting to be known
it was fun I saw a clear room I saw him bomb
he went up after
this really hacky guy and the guy was
doing all these
impressions of different
cartoon characters smoking weed
and it was just
he’s a nice guy
but it was just really hacky stuff
when the audience was eaten up
and hicks went on afterwards with all this
george bush war
john davidson
coming out of oprah winfrey’s ass
when oprah winfrey’s on the toy
no wasn’t an oprah winfrey who was it
he would do it with a bunch of different people
anyway he has these crazy fucking
bits and social commentary and
the audits is getting up and giant chunks
they were getting up like
10 15 people on time they left
they abandoned them and he was just eaten and on
stage but
we were loving it
it was like me and maybe like
seven or eight other comics what
he was bombing better than I’d ever seen anybody bomb
he was bombing like a champion
like you didn’t give a fuck
he’s taking a shit right he’s doing this bit where
I don’t remember who the he did want
sometimes you used to do it with with oprah winfrey
I don’t think that was oprah this time
but it was like that
she shits out john davidson
so I forget how the bit goes
but it was a really funny bit
john davidson was the host of that’s incredible
yeah what’s that
well maybe it was the devil fucked john davidson
so anyway she’s in the middle
he’s in the middle of squatting down on stage
just making these
moaning noises are just taking a shit
and he’s doing it for like a minute
like he’s like yeah
he looks up he goes
yeah that usually clears row
and then he goes back to it and he did it
like without any
there was no feeling that he was self conscious
it was like the feeling like yeah I’m bombing fuck it
it wasn’t like holy shit I’m bombing it was
like he was making fun of it and it was awesome
it was it was really really interesting to watch
it was like the best I’d ever seen anybody bomb
but we like I said we laughed our asses off
and I seen him kill too
I saw him kill a couple times
out of the common connection
with all his
jimmy hendricks
when debbie gibson was famous
jimmy hendricks
running into debbie gibson at the malls
really yeah I was really loud and it was funny stuff
he was a lot like
sam kenniston
a lot like innocent like you could tell like that they
work together
you know
and dudes work together as much as we try not to
we pick up a little piece of each other styles
yeah yeah totally and it’s part of it it’s like
I don’t know it’s like
we all say powerful right you know
why do we so why do we all say powerful
because my friend larry because larry said power
larry was the original powerful
so you got to give credit to the original powerful
but everybody says powerful
yeah it’s out there too much
yeah it’s like it’s out there
it’s nobody’s now
never know what’s like any meant to it
they’re all yeah
exactly you get it
it’s not like people are gonna say that
yeah like you can’t exactly rad as a perfect example
anything like that
there’s like something that’s hot
it just becomes a part of the vernacular huge
huge all that shit dude it’s huge and
when that happens
but that’s the original powerful is larry
but anyway my point is that bill hicks
and kennyson I don’t know who which came first
the chicken of the egg
you know I don’t know who was influencing who
I know kenniston was the godfather common in Houston
he was the guy that made everybody want to do comedy
he was the guy that was
the leader of outlaws
and hicks was clearly like his underling
but if you look at like
the writing
like hicks as writing was so much different
mm hmm you know they were so different
you know when they
they they both developed into their own thing
yeah you know hicks always had to like say something
whereas kenniston was just fucking we’re here for fun
we’re here to party we’re here for chaos
you know you got it with kenniston anyway
you got us to take
definitely he’d got to say it I did it with jokes yeah
like I think that’s it
life keeps fucking you in the ass yeah dad
oh it was like wow you can’t say better
how you really feel about life
can’t say better
that was an awesome one
and the one
on the starving children in those commercials
come on that’s one of the greatest comedy
bits in the history of the universe
when he’s doing that bit about those kids
starving like
what you want me to feed him why don’t you feed him
you’re right fucking there
you know that it’s like don’t feed him
shannon people like me
seven people that are gonna go there and tell you
that we wouldn’t have to come here
5000 miles with your food
a few people live with the photos yeah
you live in a desert
there’s no witchel’s thoughts in the desert
come here come here motherfucker
you know what this is
that sand
it’s gonna be 1000 years now
fucking sand we got deserts in america too
we just don’t live in them asshole
and you go god damn
I mean when I first saw that I was like
that’s the greatest
comedy I’ve ever seen ever
this is completely not caring
just didn’t give a fuck and there was no one like it
because I grew up in
when I first heard kenniston I was living in the really
conservative Boston
really religious
everyone was either catholic or jewish
very conservative
a lot of angry people but also very conservative
you never heard shit like that
nothing you never heard
people have the balls to talk like that
even when your friends are
around you’re all by yourselves
you don’t have the balls to talk that crazy
so to hear someone like that you’re like whoa
he changed comedy
he’s one of those guys who came along a change comedy
there was nobody like that before him
he was a total original
sort of that young comedian special you see
inside it was on it a couple other guys
but nelson or whatever sky thing was
and it was like uh whatever
that’s that type of kind of you see him come on
you’re like oh
it’s all gonna read that from now on like this
it’s all
they were all killed anymore yeah they were fine
they were all good but he was just so raw
so much energy yeah so much power
and what he was saying made so much is all so real
yeah it wasn’t like hey this is
it was the same one who bob nelson
was everything in bob nelson yeah
and he put balloons in his ear
it’s my impression of a football player and he runs
and it’s like alright that’s the thing you did but
it’s not you I don’t yeah
it’s not it wasn’t this good
when Kansas did that chuck about jesus
yeah you think jesus coming back
I think the last words we ever heard from jesus are
oh oh not my left hand oh oh
that whole screaming style
that powerful style
I mean that’s my favorite kind of comedy
like joey diaz when he’s mad
yeah when he’s fucking screaming at you
when he’s getting fucked I’m crazy $5 for gas
love fucking fuck it kill son bin laden
I’ll kill george bush
I’ll fucking I’ll kill kobe bryant fuck you $5 come
on I like kayberg stop
I like them all man
I like them all tv tardy ships I like that too but
I like them all man
that’s that’s a beautiful thing about comedies
you can’t tell someone how to do comedy right
nobody can do it correctly
there’s just anybody’s got their own way
comedy is just a nutty fucking art form man
everybody’s got a different way of doing it
and everywhere it works
you know like
if mitch hedberg was trying to do his act
like kinnison
that would be crazy
but if kinnison was trying to do his act
like mitch hedberg
like what
I wonder if there’s any
footage of old old
old old bitch I’ve ever read when he started
a mix
when he’s trying to do like normal boy from comedy
wow developed it and I’ll be really interesting to see
how you guys how you doing
well have you seen the larry the cable guy video
yeah that’s incredible
dan whitney yeah
that god larry the cable guy
is the most successful
stand up comedian in the history of the world
no one’s even close
as far as live gate sales
he sells out like football arenas man really
football arenas like 50,000 people
josh wolf opens for him
yeah it does
they get on a giant stage in a fucking football arena
dude that’s crazy
he had pictures of it on his phone
he was showing no pictures
he’s like look
man this is the audience
you look at you
what the fuck yeah that’s like a world
you’re doing it for like you’re doing like a country
how do you connect with all those fucking peters
all your jokes slowly
I don’t know man
do you think you could connect with all those people
I don’t know no man you’d have to be a powerful
charismatic motherfucker
they would have to really like you too
to connect with all these people
patients are so far back
it’s true the only thing is
that they would have to have some big ass screen
yeah I’m sure they’ll have that
but football arenas are primarily their outdoor things
right uh huh
they’re they’re never covered right they’re covered
sometimes they heated sometimes sometimes
they’re heated
there’s like a mini apple this is the metrodome
super dough whatever it is
it’s like 30 blow zero
no they can have outside like green bay have outside
they have to test 30 below zero
they people go to the game never cancel football games
god damn that’s crazy
football games are motherfuckers
man when you see those two
floor that one fan no shirt on
pick it up
nuts man yeah there’s something cool about that
there’s something
if you want to talk
about a sport that really does represent america
that represents america
that’s a crazy ass fucking sport
they will play even if it’s pouring rain
no rain out there
boba soon this is not good
tough shit yeah
in some countries they have to deal with inclement
whether so much
you know some places have to deal with something
we don’t have to nothing
in California baseball it’s like it’s raining
let’s yeah it’s 73 degrees it’s not incredible I can’t
I’m not incredible
I could take one of your plans like yeah
it’ll be harder
they’re not even hitting each other with anything
you know those guys are snowed in
and they’re running into each other
full clip in the fucking freezing cold
you remember
like when you were a little kid you would fall
when it was cold out
it would hurt so much more
catching a football on the cold somebody grips eating
oh fuck it hurts so bad I mean how cold
how much does it hurt when you get
clipped by a fucking
gigantic throw at a pound mine though
god that must be so painful
do you think we reached the end of this program
let’s go eat something
turn it club I think this is about the end
we’ve determined that at 2h in
we usually start getting boring
holy shit and ari archer figure got them munchies
holo bike
we didn’t take that many questions but
hopefully we were entertaining to
bitches but sometimes the questions helped us go on to
yes yes definitely
if it wasn’t for you guys we couldn’t have done this
obviously what did we do we just talked
oh and eddie they’ll tell you a call
they deal with a little while and they’ll go off
until they ready for another caller
you know they’ll just keep going
we’ve been looking for something like this for a long
time we’ve been looking for something like this
like to do some sort of a radio show
and I’ve talked about it like hey maybe
you know we could all do like
death squad radio or something like that
but really what I realized
is that the best way to do it is to do it like this
do it on the internet and we’ll
have this thing evolve
turn this room into like
a real like setup where you can sit down and watch us
yeah and we’re gonna have
laptop setup so that we can play videos like
you know like
hey there’s a you know
some crazy new fucking animal attack video
can we figure out a way
so that when we do play a video
just plug it in and then the screen goes to that video
no no
next week we’re gonna have it completely different
next week is when we’re gonna have all that
all that stuff
like video and video
we could have like three people talking at once
we’re just he’s gonna have his internet and yeah done
you know it’s done next week
you just have to change the router next week show
have a bunch of
fun shit yeah
what we’re gonna do is
we’re gonna keep doing this every week
and we’re gonna
it’s gonna expand
and eventually
I think eventually the internet is gonna
make its way into your car
that’s what I think is gonna happen
I think the internet would podcast and stuff like that
like we aren’t making mp threes of this
we should have maybe we can
okay we’ll start making
mp threes and put it up as podcast
because there was nothing about this
where you needed to see us
so we’re gonna do
shit like this and then
we’re gonna
we’re just gonna do a lot more internet stuff
what’s really good about
any sort of a television show is the money a
and the fact that people
now come out to see your stand up
which is what we’re always trying to work on
you know I mean if you never seen ari ari’s
fucking hilarious
there’s a lot of dudes that are out
there that are headlined in these
big clubs that
in my opinion
they’re not as developed as oreos
they’re not as funny as oreos but
arie doesn’t have many credits
so it’s hard for
just clubs to book him
and then
they assume that people gonna come out and see him
you know people come out and see somebody because
they know
that guy from a movie or from a television show
or whatever but ours are filthy pig and he goes
on stage in these auditions and
they say whatever you do don’t talk about rape
so what does ari do he does
7min rape bits
which is a hilarious bit
but you know like the reason why
some dudes are funny is also the reason
why people don’t find out that some dudes are funny
we have a guy that we know
that’s probably one of the funniest guys ever
this guy brian halsman
and no one knows who brian halsman is
because he’s so crazy
and he should have
he should have hit big
he was the guy that he was so crazy
we would always go into the back of the room and watch
him when he was a real hatred yeah
and get so angry and nutty
and every now and then he break character
just and a nice guy to be around to
when he was hanging around at the club
he was always friendly and
you know what
I would love to see
a reality show with brody stevens and him
and they lived together
why brody was too sensitive he’d get mad
but wouldn’t that be great
no no brody stevens and brent ernst
no I think the ultimate brodie stevens together
do you think that
the following comedians would be worthwhile for
like a shit like if you look at like
like the kardashians
you have to edit me up with a kardashian
real real I think it would be if you
could get the help fucked up someone more
what’s the appeal of kibbing up with the kardashians
just that she’s got a fat ass right
that’s it that was a target dumb
yeah they’re dumb
is that what it is but a lot of people are dumb too
they don’t mind
well sort of you know they have some money
not not like Paris hilton money with lots of good asses
yeah but you just gotta put one on tv
people become famous just because of their ass
eveda guera chick
I know who she is
she probably doesn’t know who I am
I know who she is why
because of her ass
I don’t even know what her voice sounds like
I know her face looks like joey diaz but she’s but
she’s only doing ass stuff
she sits on she sits on me
you know her for what she’s doing mm hmm
but they’ll take
someone like what’s the name but okay you’re a tv star
now jennifer lopez
how about that
famous because of her ass
not really famous because of her talent but
recognized because of her ass
that’s like one celebrity everybody
if you talk about jennifer lopez you talk about her ass
there’s a lot of celebrities that have great asses
interfere our feet are hot
you’re a fucking weirdo
god damn it
what’s up with people like him feet
that’s a very strange thing
yeah very strange thing but anyway we’re always trying
to do something
fun where we could all do it together
and just hang out and shoot the shit because
we have these
sometimes we say man
you know this is way more fun than like
like a radio show
why don’t we do our own thing like this
figuring out how to get it made is always the bitch
that’s always
the hard part but
this is easy you know
now that there’s something like this we don’t have to
figure out shit
so we’ll do this
I think it’s a good creative outlet
like we have to go over
what we said today
but there was some funny shit that could have been bits
you know
because we’re just really like the idea of a 360 camera
360 of the whole room
multiple cameras
multiple cameras yeah multiple cameras yeah I may
have it set up so you can choose which camera you want
so if it’s multiple cameras
can we have it
so they set up to choose which camera is
but everyone comes off one sound fee right
okay good
that’s awesome
all right well that’s what we’re gonna do
ladies and gentlemen are four square box
and we’re just gonna do more of this shit
let you guys know what the fuck is going down
this Sunday night
ari and I are at the 930 club in Washington dc
and it’s always old stomping grounds
so if there’s any hookers out there with an itchy mouth
did a little nothing to do with my old stopping girl
I’m still willing but we’re gonna get it scratch
there’s nothing to do ari
ari’s been saying he really
would like a blowjob blowing the turn show in dc
it’s a way
we can honor our new president and barack obama
and on that note ladies and gentlemen
thank you very much for tuning in to our little YouTube
or you excuse me
u stream u stream show and we’ll see you next week and
eventually we’ll have a regular time
that we tried to adhere to every week
and it might move around a little bit
but for the most part it’ll be like around now
like Wednesday afternoon
possibly Tuesday if we have seven
if we get started more on time
yeah people get used like at three it’ll be on
you know it’ll bright