gentlemen what’s up you
dirty bitches we’re live refresh your browser
then you can see us
in the you stream like we are
seeing ourselves
i muted it you fuck you can’t get me
good job yeah
so hi everybody it’s a
week like 20 or some shit this is insane dude
where this is we’re all the way into may almost this is
april 27th is that what it is yeah we started the wait
no december yeah we
started at the beginning of the christmas yeah
we basically
started the beginning of the year and here we are
it was number three last week on the itunes
for podcast which is
ridiculous because the fucking production
value is goddamn
awful for itunes i apologize
ladies and gentlemen it’s kind of
cool it’s kind of cool it’s fucking
they get better and well it’s definitely
it’s garage
but we got a
bunch of new shit coming
where right now this is just my
my desk we have cleaned everything out and
couch is coming in thursday and the green screen
slightly after that
we got new mp3
audio recorders some big fucking serious jammies here
before look how
small this is
after look how insane it is
again you streams fucking up on me well i’ve been
watching we just went from zero to 850 viewers within
what two minutes one minute yeah that’s what it goes
so let’s be boring
here so this is some new shit we got to make the
sound better for you itunes people and
thank you very much for putting up with it up to this
one and i appreciate all your suggestions and
i know people get harsh with their criticisms but
the bottom line is that’s your real opinion and i
appreciate it you know
i got a thick skin
i’ve been in show business for a
long time and most people have been saying i suck ever
since day one so
you get used to it but i
think all your criticisms are valid
we’re working on the
production quality we have real
microphones now
of course we have this
and then we also have
i have to hold on to this for a
second we bought some serious sennheiser
microphones just like you
would use in a recording studio
so at the end of the day when all is said and done
alcohol swabs
to disinfect
it between gas
clean that shit
off make it all nice nice we don’t want any
guests getting herbs
but so we’re turning this thing into a real
production studio we’re
gonna have cameras on tripods and the
whole deal and i’m
stealing a page out of anthony kumia’s book
anthony kumia is
one of the dudes from opie and anthony
super cool guy and he does a badass
radio show from his house
and he’s one of the ones that gave me really the
first inspiration to do it because i saw his setup and
his setup is fucking badass he has it set up
basically just like a real radio show you
know with like real jam and microphones and
he has a backdrop and a
green screen
so i’m basically stealing all anthony’s idea
with his blessing and with
all due credit
to mr kumia
you should add something
to it like a hot tub or something you know how
crazy anthony is
you were with us in new york last time
right you see his gun yeah he carries the gun around
he has a special
permit so you can
carry a gun
everywhere it was
weird when they brought
it up because everyone else in the rooms like oh no no
yeah they were all like they’re all concerned
about him they’re all
worried that he’s
gonna go bananas and kill a
bunch of people
but what she
may very well guns kind of make that already if you
bring a gun into a room
even if you’re comfortable with your gun you’re now
that guy has a weapon that can kill me
yeah that is kind of
weird right that he wants to do that all the time
i have guns and i
appreciate you wanting to
shoot them and
use them and it’s good to have something in the
house to protect yourself cause
there’s a lot of
crazy fucks out there
carrying one
everywhere is just a little strange but i
guess hey what the fuck
it’s like better to happen yeah
what’s that expression
better to need it and to have it than to
not need it and have it something like that yes what
yeah something like that
but you know
better to not have it and
not need it then to need it and not have it that’s the
expression but uh
yeah i mean he’s fucking walking around
straps that’s
crazy it’s a big ass fucking gun
dude man he’s got a glock out of it all times
with talons
black talon bullets i have some of
those too but
black talons are like they don’t make him anymore man
they shred you up
like black talons
they don’t just go through you
as it goes through you it
spreads out it’s
like talons like it shreds the inside of your body out
yeah from maxing a mortar
grenade or something like that
yeah man and he carries a gun i don’t even need
those things
where they just stop making oh they’re
still legal if you have them
if you have them your grandfather
in i believe
you can’t go out and get them
and anthony’s one of
those guys and he finds out that
oh these fucks they’re making
things illegal
he’ll go out to the
store and buy like fucking
you know like
folds he’s crazy he’s got like a room in his office
or at his house that used to be a walk in
closet where his girl used to keep her shit
and now it’s an armory
it’s an armory
his room is all guns
and ammunition and
rifles and ak 47s and fucking pistols and everything
and it’s got
alarms like you have to
press separate
alarms to get into that room
retinol skating he’s like the goddamn punisher man
he’s got a fucking room in his
house with an
alarm on it
dedicated to guns you open the door it’s all lit
you know with like cool
lighting and shows
and the compound too yeah
his house is the compound
he’s a loon man
but being a loon
makes for fun
radio he’s fucking
great on the
radio he’s hilarious he’s this funny guy
i like yeah he’s
that’s one of the coolest
radio shows to do i have
been doing them
since like 2000
this is fucking
great show so much fun
it’s just the best hang
you know jim or
norton is the funniest guy on
radio for sure that guy’s
goddamn hilarious and
just mean and
nasty and quick
like his the the shit that he says like
anytime there’s some new
thing in the
news he’s always got like a million and he’s
riffing he just riffing
just talking shit
about people
if you haven’t listened to them open
anthony every
radio shows hit
and miss you know i mean you can’t even this fucking
thing we’re doing obviously hit and miss
you can’t be awesome all
the time because it’s just talking you know it’s like
when you talk for
hours at a time they’re talking for like four
hours at a time
there’s gonna be times you doing something sucks
did you follow the
tito shit at all
should we talk about that
i gotta talk about because i think it’s very
crazy especially if you’re following it through if you
don’t know and if you don’t know
tell us tell everybody what’s
supposedly tito was just arrested for allegedly
beating up jenna jameson
and then he came out and said i never hit her
she has a big oxy
was oxycotin
oxycontin problem
she’s fucked up on drugs and
that’s it so what i thought i thought that was just
weird and then i was watching this clip on tmz
where it was jenna saying he did not beat me up
we had a altercation
you know but he did not beat me up people were
thinking he’s a wife beater
then like a half hour later an hour later
tito puts out a press conference saying hey
she is fucked up on oxycontin
and then immediately her
story now is wearing an arm brace
he beat me up and
threw me in a hot
tub i think she had the arm brace
even in the beginning really
but saying that he beat me up and
threw me in a hot tub and all this good
move throwing a chicken a hot tub
if you’re gonna throw a chicken or something
well hot tub
you can bang her up yeah but she’s a porn star so you
should be allowed to
throw her in a hot tub that comes along with
dating a porn star
i threw her in a porn
star to fuck her she retired in 2008
but so i think she had i think
she had the
thing on her arm in the beginning did she yeah
but but it is kind of
weird how the
story changed
right well if she does
have that problem that’s a terrible problem and i know
a dude who had that problem
for a long time and
he got prescriptions from he lived in
texas and he
moved to la and he got prescriptions from both doctors
he just couldn’t help himself he’s very
self indulgent and he just got
whacked out on that shit
but apparently it’s
all it’s easy it’s hard to get off and easy to get on
you just start popping it we talked before on the show
about a documentary
and we just
briefly say it if you
haven’t seen it just google
the oxycontin
express and it’s all about
how many people are addicted to this
stuff in florida
with their wacky
laws florida
doesn’t have a database of doctors
so the way my friend did it he got a prescription in
texas and he got a prescription
here in california
and then he started
using both of them at the same time getting
both of them refilled and i got all fucking loony
but in florida you can go to like 100 doctors
they don’t have a database of doctors
that’s crazy it’s
scary shit because
it’s like for sure it’s
companies they
absolutely know what the fuck they’re doing with this
stuff they have they’ve been accused and convicted
or it’s been proven rather that they lied
about the addiction qualities
of oxycontin
that they knew and suppressed information
they knew that it was
super super addictive i mean it’s basically
it’s heroin in a pill form when they call it hillbilly
heroin that’s really what it is
if you ever been to florida
folks you might want to go just to see these
things called pain management centers
i mean you know
how people go on vacation to see like the
great wall of china
you might want to go
on vacation to see
the pain management centers because it’s a fucking trip
yeah it’s a heroin store
shit’s fucked up but i mean do you think
did you see her reaction in the
video did you see like the yes
she kind of looks
here’s the problem here’s the problem with both of them
right is i like both of them
i can’t talk
about them i’d like to
know and and
you know i met
jenna back when she was with her
old husband and she’s always been very nice she’s still
with him i heard
i heard they
never got a divorce
i don’t i don’t know well either way
she’s always been nice to me and i can’t talk shit
about it but yeah it’s not
it’s the whole
thing is unfortunate
i’ll tell you who i can’t talk shit
about though
that that faggot
that was fucking
larry king’s wife now he’s talking about it
left and right
giving up all the juice
like it was bad enough
when all these
women were coming out about
tiger woods and the
jesse james
chicks trying to make her money like
that’s bad enough
but this fucking guy that’s been banging
larry king’s wife is
the biggest
bitch out of all of them
this fucking guy
okay was the baseball coach
for larry king’s kids okay
he starts banging
larry king’s wife
and he’s banging
larry king’s wife in
larry king’s bed
while larry king’s show is being filmed
because larry king wants to know
where his wife is at all times
so he makes her
watch the show at
least according to this guy
so that he can quiz
her like what did you think
about my show
that i asked tom cruise the
right questions
and so she has to be
ready to answer
so he’s banging her
and as he’s banging her
she’s like watching the show
making sure she pays attention to what you know
fucking paris hilton
as the sailor
king no way
this fucking guy gave up
everything man
he’s such a fucking
snitch bitch
this is a man okay this isn’t a
wounded female
who you know
dated a guy for a long time he told her he
loved her and she thought that she was gonna
leave him there you know
that’s not what’s
happening here this is not a this is a man
this is a fucking man
a man who knew the deal
right from the get go
and apparently she
started buying them shit look
she’s he’s a
young guy okay and she’s
hot for larry king
but this guy was like i’m in love with you i
wanna marry you this fucking guy was doing to her
the same thing
rich women do to
older men the same
thing that fucking
larry king’s wife was doing to larry king
she was trying to get paid
and he was trying to get paid too
and now he’s like just
spilling the beans
for just all these
magazines and he’s talking
about his acting career and
larry king helped him
so like tito’s telling the
mother of his two children that my
wife is a meth
head you know and
stuff like that
now that’s kind of like
breaking a weird kind of
trust like hey the woman
that mothered you’re too
cheered on hey
tmz no she’s on meth
she’s a meth
oxycontin or whatever
well yes i can see your
point but if you want to help somebody
maybe that would be the
thing to do to make it public if someone’s going
wacky and accusing you
of doing shit that you didn’t do it’s telling everybody
the whole entire
world and trying to ruin that person’s
telling the
whole entire
world you’re a wife beater if that’s not true
yeah but if you have a drug
problem and you love that person you know that then all
right come on well you know
we both know people with drug
i guess we can’t really talk
about but this is
we can’t talk
about people
with drug problems but isn’t it interesting
when someone has a drug problem like how do you
the interesting question is
and if you don’t know anybody that
has a drug problem out there well how
lucky are you you’re so
lucky because it’s one of the saddest fucking things
when you know someone who’s addicted to anything i’ve
known people that were addicted to gambling
know i know a lot of dudes that are addicted to pussy
and that’s real you know
there’s people that are addicted to
things they’re not just trying to get legs they’re
horny they’re just
fucking they’re obsessive
you know and
there’s drugs
that will fucking for sure take over someone’s body
and what do you do
about it we’ve
had the problem we’ve had problems with friends of ours
you know like what do you do
about it my friend johnny
my best friend
growing up my
dude that i used to play pool with and
hang out with in new york he died from drugs
he died was 33 years old
it could happen
to anybody anybody that fucks around with drugs like
oxycontins and heroin
and math and
stuff like that
and coke you can get caught
and what do
you do what do you do if your friend gets caught
you rat him out
the fuck do you do
i don’t think ratting out
at least not when you’re in a situation
where you’re
not only ratting them out to them
whatever authorities
right you’re writing them out to
every single person in the
world and when you’re in a
field where you are
based off your persona you’re
right like she makes
money of who she is
and you know she’s playing like a role
right so you
think he fucked up
talking shit he just destroyed her you know
tiger woods
style her in
front of twitter in
front of everybody in front of
everything her career
and the mother
of their two
children but if he didn’t do that
let’s just play
devil’s advocate
if he didn’t do that let’s say
that she just got
super dramatic and fell down
and decided to call the cops
maybe he grabbed her when she was doing something
wacky and she fell down and hurt herself let’s
just i don’t know if that happened and i’m certainly
not defending anybody who
would do anything to a
woman you know for no reason like that i mean
anybody who loses
their temper and physically assaults a
woman i’m not defending that but
i’ve been in situations
where people have accused me of
things that i
haven’t done
and i know people that have been accused of rape
and i know you want to tell your
story oh yeah
yeah let’s tell her
because what
brian has a
great story
yeah i mean i’m kind of in the same situation
back in the day i
dated a girl that was completely
this a long time ago
ten years ago ten years ago okay i
dated this girl that was a
blackout crazy
drunk like every time
like her parents were drunks
since she was 18 she
blackout every day just
drank like boons like five
bottles of bills how old was she when you were dating
i would say she was like 22
something like that 21
22 something like that and
i broke up with her
cause she was one of
those girls that would
cheat on you
like five times a day and just like come on
my first girl was
like that too
you still got a dick in there
take the dick out
first and then
you know but no
so one time
it was like it was always one of
those things like i’d
break up with
her and then i was like oh god she has big
tits i got oh
gotta fuck her again
but then one time it was like six
months go by she
is trying and trying and finally i’m like alright look
it’s my sister’s birthday this weekend
we’re gonna go out and have some
drinks if you want to come out but you
have to be cool you know you can’t you know whatever
so she came out fucking
stupid with
blackout drunk fucking
embarrassing people you know i had to like
get her in the car and stuff
but get back to my
house and i’m like look i’m
going to bed you can
crash downstairs or
i can call you a cab or somebody you’re not allowed to
drive and she goes i’m fucking driving
yeah starts
breaking my shit just destroying my
house i’m talking
about taking
picture frames and
smashing it
throwing things like i had this huge
dent in my refrigerator where she
threw something at my refrigerator
like it was like and i’m like
grabbing her like stop stop
you know get the fuck out of my house you
crazy woman
and so i opened the door
throw her outside
i literally
not like hey
threw her against a
brick wall or anything i just like pushed her out the
front door slammed the door
went upstairs
went to bed
and forgot all
about it how bold are you
i was like that’s a bold
pimp move i was like
let your doors yeah
if you saw what if you saw the shit
that she was doing
in my did you not look out the door to see
where she went or anything i did not care i was so
upset because my
i just assumed she
would just start
lighting your
house on fire
yeah i think
to a point i’d probably look outside to see if
she walked down to
her car or something like that you know
but what she did
was go to my neighbors
start banging on
their door at 2 in the morning and go
he threw me outside he won’t
drive me home
call the police i need a oh no
i slept through that’s why you have to pay attention i
slept through all this
i know i guess the cops came i
know whatever
and i was just like
then i woke up
in the morning casually went downstairs making coffee
get a doorbell ring the door open the door and the cops
said hey brian
damn we wish you
wouldn’t answer the door we need to arrest you
and i what and they’re like
well we got
three charges for your arrest i guess
you wouldn’t
drive her home
and you wouldn’t let her leave
the house or something like that because i
wouldn’t let her
drive it was unlawful restraint
because i wouldn’t
you wouldn’t give her keys
yeah when i give her keys because she was
black i wasted
oh you should call the cops
i should have called the cops yes
absolutely but when you’re like
young and okay so
so you were
falsely accused sort
of you were involved in a fucked up situation where
it’s basically
it’s a form of
karma i mean
you were involved
with someone you shouldn’t have been involved with
what they knew
your instincts were telling you to
avoid them absolutely the
tit sucked you back in
tit sucked me
right back in like
so anyways i got all
these charges against me
and then i had to
go to court
spend i think it was 20 000
in court fees
i had to go to all
these different
things like i went to this
had to go to a
that they maybe go to
this is by the way all nicknamed the oj simpson law
because after the oj simpson
trial they now have
a woman if a
woman want to she
could go through the
phone book and go arrest this person
they hit me
and without asking anything or
anything they have to automatically arrest that person
put them in the
system tell
people this shit
just kidding
people are gonna start you
know we’re not responsible for
anything right
so i just made that up yeah i made that up
so i had to go to like these
and this one person
he was like
the deciding factor
if this person says that they believe i’m a
crazy woman beater
then it has to go to trial
and so we sit down
and he goes
excuse me what’s the
woman’s name this is in the
meeting i’m like i told her the name they’re like
i’m sorry i’m
gonna have to stop this
right now i actually
graduated with her
i’m going to have to get my partner in on this and so
he couldn’t interview me
and say things like
to the partner
i’m like alright this is this guy’s friend
you know that went to
school with this girl
the guy sat
and listened to me five minutes goes yes this is go to
trial he is out of control
and the whole time i’m like
i went home she was
going crazy stepped up
you know and so then
i had to go to
court this guy
would like the girl or something she went to high
school they
graduated together in the same
class oh my god
so he hooked it up
for his friend for well if you worked with your partner
and you’re like
hey i went to
school with this girl fuck this guy up you know
right yeah that’s probably what happened
so i had to go
then go to back to
court to get
judged to approve like a separate person
cause i had to say look they went to high
school together and then
they whispered
then i had to go to this other
but you got that off yeah i had to go to
court though okay next or what 10 000
get that then finally what happens they
dropped everything
this is like 20 000
worth of court fees going to court for about two years
they dropped everything for
what’s that
ticket where you can go outside and just
scream outside uh
it’s like a minor
ticket it’s like a fifty dollar ticket disturbing the
peace yeah disturbing the peace
but it’s called something else it’s called
something else okay
but i got that
let’s see if any of these fucking what’s it called
degenerates will know what that means
yeah so it got all that drop to that and the day mr
jones 9 30 says let’s hear the real
story you chris brown that bitch
no i did no
and then what’s
funny is i have a mug shot and in the mug shot
i have a black eye
and my nose is all fucked up because she
threw something at me and
hit me in the face and i didn’t even know about it
so the moral of the story is if you know crazy bitch
get the fuck away from her
disorderly conduct disorder but
here’s the funniest thing is
right when i
did that the next day after the
trial where they
ended it and say alright disorderly contact pay a
ticket she called me she goes i want you to know i’m so
sorry about this i actually didn’t
press charges or anything the police
pressed charges and they
wouldn’t let me they
wouldn’t drop the charge that’s the true that’s a true
story she’s like
i had nothing to do with this i was pissed off that
night that’s all that happened i went to the cop
separated well that’s the truth
that that is a part of the law if you get accused of
any sort of domestic violence
the police have to try the case
right you know the law has to try the case yeah
woman can’t just drop it
you can’t drop domestic violent cases
yeah pretty nutty when you
think about it
you know that is the problem
there’s a lot of people that do a lot of fucked up
things to human beings for sure and there
should be laws to protect people but
we don’t know who’s telling the fucking truth
and if you run in bad circles and you hang out with
crazy bitches you can have a bad situation right
so that’s what sucks
about this whole
thing with them because they’re celebrities
if all that
shoot was on
tmz tito and
jenna all my
shoot was on tmz
that would be intense people
would think that you’re a
woman beater
yeah automatically i already just told you soon
probably half the people there
think i’m lying
i’ve never had a chick
hit me i had a chick
swing on me once and i ducked
under it and
grabbed her
right and then i calmed her down and then it got okay
after that right
but i’ve never been in a situation
where i hated
somebody or i was with them and i hated them
but i know people have man i know people
that are in relationships that they fucking hate
you know and it’s
almost always people that had really fucked up parents
it’s almost always people that have parents that fought
and for some reason they
think that it’s normal and
especially when you’re
young they kind of like it
because they
think it makes them feel like an
adult like they’re doing like
adult type shit like
their parents did
they’re fucking
screaming and yelling each other
like there’s been many times
especially when i was way way younger my
early days for
had a grip on
the type of girls to date and type girls not date
if a girl is hot i
would date her
it didn’t matter if she yelled at me
i mean you had to be really fucked up for me to
break up with you
you know especially in boston because
it’s so hard to get laid in boston
in boston if you’re single you fucked it’s not like
too much stevia
no i got all
grinds yeah
i make cowboy coffee i make coffee with a french
press and at the end of it there’s you get grinds
but i like it it’s all pretty
but you know
it’s so hard to get laid
you know in boston and when you’re a
teenager man
i don’t know
about you but me when i was a
teenager i had to get late
to stay sane
i had to get late otherwise
sex was all i thought
about all fucking
day you know nature has you primed for that
nature has it set up so that
if you’re not fucking okay and feel like 17
18 years old and you’re not fucking that’s all you’re
gonna be thinking
about you’re not
gonna be able to concentrate on anything
and you can get distracted
so easy you
could get just
completely removed from whatever path you’re on
if you’re trying to you know
become a fucking
sprinter in the olympics
are you trying to you know become an author
whatever you’re doing
if you’re not getting laid a girl can come in and just
just fuck up the
whole situation just by giving you pussy yeah
you know but
when you know you’re
30 something years old and you’ve been around the
block a few times then
then it becomes a matter of okay who’s the
dummy here you know who’s the one who’s being
silly you know
why are you getting involved with these
crazy bitches yeah
this is what people need to do
first of all you need
to get your own shit together that’s like number one
you need to be a
happy person
and you know a lot of people don’t like weed
but here’s one of the
things that weed is really good for
if you smoke weed and get paranoid
and you start
freaking out
about things
almost always
those things that you’re
freaking out
about are things that are
in your subconscious that you’re not comfortable about
the things that have been bothering you for a long time
and you’ve been
trying to push them to the back of your head
and when you
smoke pot whatever it is
about pot especially when you get too hot
what there’s some
there’s a quality to marijuana that makes you think
about shit that you’re suppressing
it makes you
think about
things from your past that you don’t like
it makes you
think about like
things that you did
and it makes you think
about like your own issues
you know and
especially like
marijuana and the isolation tank together
dude you haven’t even used my
tank have you done the isolation tank lately i’ve been
still doing that i always
do it yeah i’d always do it
wanted to do it last
night but i was too
tired i had to get up
early in the morning and do
radio for montreal i’m in montreal
may eighth i believe
something like that
add the metropolis
is it me i think
metropolis and
may may it might be
seventh or seventh
i wish i find out i probably sure
by the way your twitter name is now joe rogan yes so
it’s not joe rogan
net anymore yeah there was
i fucking i scored
i got it back there’s
apparently a
thing where you can
report when people are
hijacking your image they’re squatting your name
you know what’s funny is that when they switch it over
they just deleted joe’s joe rogan
net name so they just let it free
again like so anyone can get it
and so i grabbed i noticed it
right away and i grabbed it
but i didn’t tell joe and i looked at them like
motherfucker somebody got my shit so i sent
an email thing to him a message to him saying hey
i will give you
an autograph dvd and a cd if you give me that
i should have played
along but i was like
i know how much you hate practical
jokes i was even
gonna do all right thank
you thank you very much but it’s
funny because i don’t know if you looked at the
photo if you go to joerubbin
net now on the twitter
if you look at the
photo i made his head more tilted so it looked gayer
so you’d be more pissed
you’d be like what
all right i got it it’s may 7
may 7th i’m in the
metropolis in montreal
so anyway we were talking
about having
crazy people in your life and sex
and isolation tanks isolation tanks and get well
about having good
good relationships like the best way
to have a good relationship
you’ve got to be comfortable who the fuck you are
you know and if you got a lot of issues a lot of
stuff that’s bothering you
you know that’s
gonna fuck up
any chance you have of communicating well with
other people because
as soon as you get comfortable with that
other person
when you first meet someone
you don’t really let them in and
you sort of project who you want to be to this person
and then the person does the same
thing to you
but after like a few
months or a few weeks depending on
how good your act is
most people
you get to know who the fuck they really are
and what their real issues are
you know after a
while and they
start yelling at you when they get
upset at you for no reason or something you start like
tuning it all in and
going oh okay you’re fucking bananas
you know you
gotta not be bananas
in order to get someone who’s
not bananas like people dudes will always say like
yeah man i’m
fucking trying to find a good girl dude i’m just
tired of all
these bitches like meanwhile you’re a mess bro
you’re a fucking mess you’re a loon
you hate your stepdad
you know you want to fucking beat dudes
up at stoplights you know you’re a mess and unless
you stop being a mess you’re
never gonna be involved in a good relationship you’re
never gonna be able to recognize you know
other people that are fucked up like i’ve always said
that one of the
things about trying to be like
super honest and i try to be
literally as honest as possible
like it sounds really kind of gay
but i really do try two very important
things one i try to be as nice to people as possible
and by as nice as possible i wish i
could be nice to everybody
but some people are fucking obsessive and they
don’t leave you
alone or the bananas or
they’re retarded or they’re abusive or
they try to take advantage of you if you’re
nice and there’s some people that you can’t be nice to
unfortunately there’s some people that
you know what
they need fucking years of therapy when you
run into them you don’t have the time for that so you
gotta go to
leave me the fuck alone stop
you know and it’s unfortunate
you have to do that but sometimes you have to do that
so i try to be as nice as as
humanly possible to get through my life
and number two i try to be as honest as it’s
humanly possible
i try to always be honest
i try to make sure that
everything i’m doing i’m doing from a
place where i can be honest
about it and if you can’t be honest
about it for the most part
there’s one
thing is being honest another
thing is like
tmz type shit like revealing all sorts of information
about your personal life
because people are creepy and they want to look into it
that’s not honesty that’s like a revealing
thing and i’m
not really into that i’m not really into like
becoming going on a reality show and having everybody
see my bathroom like
what the fuck is that that’s not honesty that’s just
that’s just
weird voyeuristic shit that people get you know
obsessed with
but what i am
into is telling you
where i’m really coming from and what’s
going on in
my own mind and be comfortable with that to the
point where i am so
honest all the time that i can recognize deception
right away you know and i find that to be really true
like if you’re a really honest person
when people are
full of shit you just fucking spot it like right away
it’s really difficult to lie to an honest person
yeah really hard don’t lie
remember that
we did videos and for a while after every video
brian was going don’t lie
and really it’s fucking awesome
philosophy me and
eddie bravo would have a competition who did it best
remember yeah he
tried to be no i could do it better don’t lie
what was that all
about and he’s crazy that’s very competitive
he is very competitive
very competitive i
guess you have to be when you do that yeah well
you know he grew up in a situation
where he had
a douchebag for a stepfather and you know his
whole life has been trying to
fight against people that are fucking with him
you know what i mean so like he become
he became hyper competitive because of that
anyway so that’s my advice and to that that
bitch ass dude that’s banging
larry king’s wife and running your
mouth you faggot
turn in your man card you little
bitch of the man yes
that’s how you’re
getting buying this line if you’re getting your
money from ratting out some
woman that you fucked on
her husband’s bed
you silly man you
silly silly man and
apparently larry king
had helped this guy
and gotten this guy like acting gigs like
keep your mouth shut son
you know why trying to hurt
larry king what are you getting like 10
grand out of this you little faggot
how much you getting
mean how much are they
gonna pay it okay
he’s probably doing it for the fame
exactly well he wants
a pratz you know there
should be a sitcom
where it takes all
these people called man card
where they try to earn
their man card back
you know where it has like
spencer pratt this guy and they all live in a
house together and they all live in a
house together yeah spencer pat is a fucking brazil
introduced to
black belt there’s no
man exactly have you
seen him on that show
yes playing
black belt that’s hilarious
i hate that
i hate that hill shit
i hate that
well look we’re talking
about him that’s
all he wants and he meanwhile is making a living he
doesn’t have to work at 7 eleven
you watch the show 16 and pregnant
no i haven’t dude
apparently eddie bravo says i must
watch this i’m
gonna write this
down bad girls club
apparently bad girls club is
ridiculous yeah
i mean it’s just like the mall though
like 16 and pregnant it’s even more fun you have your
email on or something
what’s that thing that
keeps going on
so what is the show 16
16 and pregnant i’ve seen one episode in there it’s all
white trash kids and
right they yell at
their parents
their parents yell at them i was like i don’t
wanna be it’s
awful it’s the
worst show ever that’s like
too much info
that’s a perfect example
we were in ikea though the other day
and they had
like a kids room like it was like a bunk bed
it was real
happy but then it was like a
place for a baby
and i’m like
wait is this just like
you know a poor person with only one bedroom and had to
share like sister and baby
or is this like
no this girl has a baby and she’s like 15 oh my
god it was the
big bunk bed yeah she’s got a crib there yeah
that’s what i’m saying
i’m like what is ikea doing
right right you can try to market
to the well it’s
berk’s right
this is like for
too many people mexicans living in an
apartment or something like that
yeah well you know what
man with this economy being this shitter the way it is
right people are
stacking more people into
houses together
i know a person that lives down the
street from me is losing
their house
people are losing yeah people are losing their
houses left and
right people who
have a really
highfalutin lifestyle and
spend tons of
money and you know get used to it and get used to
trying to bling
bling and then the shit hits the fan
i was thinking
about moving the
other day just you get sick of a
place and you just want to upgrade
you always feel like you have to upgrade your shit
always i tore out all my carpet have like wood
floors underneath it now it looks great i’m
fine yeah you just needed a change i think
you know when i moved to
colorado that was a good
thing for me too
just to change environments
i think changing is good for your brain
i think it like
re fires your brain
like your brain has to learn this
whole new environment
i had a whole new friends the people i
would run into a
jiu jitsu whole new people i was meeting
a whole new comedy clubs
where i was working out my
stuff it was
very interesting to me it made me fire my
brain up i think that’s a good
thing to do to
shock it once more yeah
the problem is
the other thing is you
build a base though
like i have
a base in la i have all my friends live in la
my wife’s friends live in la
i have my whole
system set up
where i buy my dog food i have
the guy who works on my car
i mean i have all this shit
in la where i
train all the dudes that i’ve been
training with for years
it’s like you
get real comfortable with that system
and it’s very convenient and when you move you
gotta like re
configure your
whole situation
the problem is
women you know you
bring women
and then they have friends like
chuck liddell said he
cause i go to sports bar
i’m there for a fucking hour i got nine new friends
it’s totally true
it’s totally true
cause he’s a fucking coolest guy ever
he’s super friendly
he’s like you
wanna be you
wanna be come on buy
a beer you clinking beers with some guy what do you do
um fucking plumber you know
i’m this i’m that and
guys can meet guys like that
you know like
i tell a story
about the one time that i hosted a jack and jill
strip club in rhode island i’ve told you the
story before right
yes is a male and a
woman stripper
and it was the
horrific they
were both disgusting
there was like
maybe six to
ten people in the audience at most during the whole
night’s performance
and i had to perform a
bunch of times like i
would go up and do stand up
and then the male stripper
would go on i
would go up and do
stand up and then the female stripper
would go on and they
would do shifts
and they would take some time off and then i
would go on
stage again
and they would
start the show all over
again the woman
would go up and the guy
would go up
everyone in the audience was like
these weird people from this area of woundsock
at rhode island
but there was this one dude who was there
who was a construction worker from new jersey
and he just happened to be in town because it was a
marriage or
something like that a wedding that he had to go to
for some of his family
and he was bored
so he got out of the
house to go have a beer there’s a bar down the
street so he goes to this jackie jill strip club
and he was a totally normal dude
and me and him were talking having beers
like well he goes what
the fuck are we witnessing are you seeing what we were
and this is like one normal dude and me
after first two beers
it’s like i had
known this dude for fucking ten years
right we’re just doing one
place in pool yeah let’s fucking play some pool
so there’s a little corn operated pool
table we’re playing pool
making fun of the
whole situation like i
found a friend
like for girls
that’s hard to do man
bitches don’t
trust each other man i
learned that from having dogs
you know having pit bulls
i had two female pit bulls and one of them killed the
other one they would
fight and i
would separate them
and i thought they worked
their shit out because the way dogs work
their shit out is
one dog will like dominate the
other dog and then you figure out who the
alpha is they have
to do that they have to figure out who gets to drink
first who gets to eat first
that’s just the wild animal
world and you have to be number one
that’s why you can
never let your dog get away with shit
you can never let your dog growl at you
you can never let your dog do
things they’re not supposed to do
cause you have to be the alpha
especially if you have big dogs well this
doesn’t work with females
females never accept
dominance they
would always come back and try to battle it out again
and that’s what they did
until one of them killed the
other one and i
think that’s how
women are with
women man i
think women can be friends with women
and they have really
close friends and
they go all sex
in the city and pal around together and shit like that
but it’s real
difficult for them to make that kind of a bond
right to trust another woman that
trust them and this
i think it’s easier for dudes you know
yeah i agree
it seems like
that’s like the cat
fight thing yeah
especially if there’s dudes that are like
doing stuff that you like to do like comics
like if i meet
comics i can go to a new town
and you know do
stand up and there’s some
local comics i’ll fucking
meet local comics all the time next
thing you know we’re out having a beer together you
know we’re hanging around we have something in common
or jiu jitsu guys
like there’s like fucking 10 dudes
in jujutsu that i
train with all the time that
could totally be
good friends of mine they’re just
you know dudes that
especially jujitsu
guys because they have good control over
their ego you know
jiu jitsu guys
to get good at
jiu jitsu you have to
battle it out all the time and
you have to be real objective you can’t be delusional
at jiu jitsu
you have to really know
what your strengths are what your weaknesses
are and you got to be able to deal with tapping out you
got to be able to deal with dudes dominating you you
in the beginning
for sure you’re
gonna get dominated everybody gets
dominated in the beginning nobody
unless you’re just
so big that nobody can
touch you some 300
pound brock
lesnar character
you know you’re
gonna get tapped out in the beginning
so you have to have the kind of ego to deal with that
but for women i don’t know
i think it’s much more difficult
it was really difficult for my wife especially
with you have a little baby
you know what you
gonna do you
gonna meet some
other lady who
has a baby and how much you
gonna have in common with this
broad what if she’s christian
what if she goes all
looney tuney on you and wants to fucking talk
about noah’s
ark and shit
you know right yeah
i got some guy fucking cornered me at the
supermarket the other day
some dude that i
guess i had met him before but i forgot
you know there’s some law that you can only or
there’s some studies
that say that you can only keep like a hundred and
fifty people that you know in your head ever
seen that no i
haven’t seen that but i totally believe it because i
think mine’s like ten
seriously i don’t know if it’s from a
movie or i just don’t care there’s so many things
when like you know like i’ll meet somebody
or somebody tells me something
and if i don’t care
about it i just like i put that like on
like the coffee
table and that’s
about to get thrown out you know
i don’t put it in my deep storage i put in my random
memory you know
yeah here it is
this there’s
i don’t know working memory
there’s there’s i don’t
know i’m trying to find it on google and i want to
waste too much time looking for this
but apparently
you can only
remember you can only have real relationships
where you know
150 people where you know
their name and
you know you only have a certain amount of
space in your hard
drive when it comes to
human beings
and that to me reinforces
my feelings that
human beings are supposed to live in small
tribes we’re not supposed to live
in these gigantic
you know fucking tribes of
hundreds of
millions of people well it’s also if you ever get a
simon says you know like
you know where you follow the
colors it also
is a i don’t know if it’s a we’re supposed to live in
small tribes as in
if i can do
simon says but
right up to like the 14th one
my brain falls off
and it’s always
like the 14th one it’s almost like that’s just my max
you know like that’s my hard
drives full
i can’t do anything past this 14
i might be able to
train myself too
to like micromanage how many
things i could remember but
it’s weird like if i
pick up a simon says right now
once i hit the 14th one
i can’t do it like it just turns off on
those well i
think everybody has a different threshold for that
right oh i’m saying everyone does
but i think
for names it’s pretty
it’s pretty dark
wouldn’t that fall on the same
thing though just
maybe memory
well i think
i think well
think about how many words you know
you know we know
thousands of words and words that we don’t even use
you know yeah you can
you mean you never
use serendipitous you know
most of our hard drives
our dictionary
how about those
fucking people
that just spout out you only use five percent of your
brain so some
random night
you only only use ten percent of brain
really do you even know what the fuck you’re talking
about are you just like
reciting some shit that someone told you in high
school like this is the year of google right
you’re not supposed to be just saying we only use 2
of our brain
you know you don’t fucking know but
anyway this dude that i met at the grocery
store i did not remember him
and he said he is from jiu jitsu
so i said hey what’s up man how you doing
so i think it’s just
gonna be one of
those casual what’s up man how you doing things
and he’s like a little
taken aback that i don’t remember him
and then ha
ha like laughs
about it was a girl
awkward socially so take care man
some shopping i’m doing all my shit
and then i’m leaving
and when i’m
going out to my car
he hits me with joe
you go to church
i’m like no you
motherfucker and i’ve got a car and
you know i want
to unload my food and i want to get the fuck home
and this dude is like cornering me in the parking lot
and so i i say no i don’t
he said are you interested and i say no i’m not
and he goes
have you talked to
blank and i don’t
wanna say who blank is
but he is a friend of mine and
he was saying that this this guy has he talked to you
about the lord
this guy is
fucking this guy who were talking about
this friend of mine is fucking bananas all right
you know nothing
wrong with cheating on your wife but
this guy like
literally was
planning on killing her i mean he’s fucking
yeah he’s crazy he didn’t do anything
and he got away with her
and the whole day but
the guy he was talking
about was like
i don’t want to say anything
other than he’s probably one of the
worst examples
you could ever possibly use he just
doesn’t know it’s the best example
you have used for religion
well yeah i mean
this guy he just
doesn’t know
that this guy’s bananas because
a lot of people don’t know this guy’s bananas you know
but you know so i’m like come on man
i don’t have time to
break all this shit down for you
you know if it’s helping you that’s all well and good
but just running up to people and
thinking you’re
gonna save them in the parking lot
cause you couldn’t get your shit together
you don’t have to save me alright i’m pretty fucking
happy and if you really
truly believe
that the only way i’m
gonna get to go heaven
go to heaven is
kirk cameron style
where you have to fucking
you have to accept the lord you ever seen
kirk cameron go up to like gang bangers
you gotta google that shit on youtube watch
kirk cameron’s
videos where he goes up to people and uses his
fucking 13 year old
logic he uses like fucking
seventh grade
logic on these
people when you google it type in
kirk cameron owned video
there’s a lot of those
because that’s even better yeah
when he starts talking to people who actually read
yeah he’s fucked
yeah it’s awesome
he’s so bananas i
think kurt cameron is almost
definitely gay
the more i watch them in these
videos the more i’m like there’s nothing masculine
about this man
he’s very submissive
and his desired for chastity
and his desire for
know if i met him i
think i would go over the edge and just try to kiss
him no yeah
yeah pull out my dick
look at it look at it you know just like go yeah
i would go to jail for them
just you know
i’m like fuck them
just hold them down
hold them down jerk off on his
chest or something like that see what he does
try sticking his tongue out no stop
i remember you know
what sucks is i used to like him
back in the day with the show what a growing pain was
but i also thought that
tracy gold was hot so i
guess i’m just
stupid well his wife was
super hot right
there she is
still his wife
still his wife
oh no his real wife yeah
his real wife is super hot
there’s something a matter with that dude
he’s chasing down the lord
i can understand
you wanting to
study what christianity
to me in my opinion is is an ancient philosophy
you know it
might be incredibly flawed but there’s some very good
things to it there’s some very good ideas that love one
another as you
would love yourself you know be you know treat each
other as brothers and
sisters and all that
stuff is very good
but it’s got a lot of
wacky nonsense in it that makes no fucking
sense and if you really want to
study it if you that’s your thing
look it’s just
there’s nothing
wrong with people
studying like
greek mythology you know like getting into like
zeus and mithra and all that
crazy that’s kind of cool stuff
it’s interesting
but when you really get into like christianity and
start thinking that this is the real
stuff like this is the
what the fuck are you talking and then you’re
gonna grab other people and
you need to listen to me you need to listen to me
it’s all parents though you know
i would never have thought that if my parents
when i was a kid
some people know though medusa
is not born
against some people are born
against like that’s not
their kid it’s not
their parents
yeah but i bet those are
it’s really hard to be a born like
never learned it growing up and they go
straight into it i don’t
think it is if your life falls
apart i think if your life falls
apart and all
these people that are into jesus seem
happy and they seem like they have a path
cause that’s really what it’s all about man
you know you have to have a path and
today people
if you think
about the way we used to live the way our
bodies are programmed
to live i mean we’re supposed to be
living you know
in fucking huts and caves and shit
i mean that the hardware that we have
right now is
basically the same hardware the same
adrenal system the same
you know neural synapses that connect the same way
as people that
lived a hundred thousand years ago
if you took a person from a hundred thousand years ago
and sat him in the corner
right there
he would be unrecognizable and he
would be totally normal you
wouldn’t say like what the fuck that’s a caveman
no he would look just like us
but yet a hundred
thousand years ago they had very different needs man
there was a
you couldn’t
you you had shit you had to do you had tasks
okay you had to go out
you had to find that fucking food
every day you had to hunt that
shit down that’s when there’s like a visceral thrill
involved in hunting
like hunters will tell you like you ever
watch like ted
nujit talk about it
like he makes it very appealing and brock
lesnar he’s got
videos of him hunting like it’s a rush
it gives these guys a rush
kill the animal and get
their meat and it’s not like a
cruelty rush like
they’re there
they want to kill and fucking hurt and destroy
no it’s a man is supposed to be out there
shooting animals and killing you ever
plant food and then eat that food
there’s something very
exciting about that very
very rewarding and fulfilling
and to a lot of people
their life is filled
with nothingness
there’s no task
every day it’s just
show up at work
do what you’re told
do your paperwork stare at the clock
beg for five o’clock
get the fuck out of here
listen to your wife
bitch have a beer
watch law say what the fuck is
going on fall asleep
do it all over
again there’s no task
there’s no real
so there has to be some meaning
to it all so someone comes up to you and says hey man
i know you feel that way i used to feel that too
until i met the lord that
emptiness in your life is that you don’t have the lord
when really that
emptiness in
your life is just your fucking hardware man
it’s just your hardware
you know dude
you think about the way we are
wired we are not
wired to deal with this
world that we live in
right now we are
wired to deal with
thousands of years ago
fucking eighteen
thirty something was when they figured out the camera
that means everything before
less than two hundred
years ago if you want to know what someone looked like
someone had to draw that person for you
do you think of how
crazy that is
they had to draw your
how many fucking people can draw
you know i mean how many
how many people do we really know from before eighteen
hundred what they really looked like it’s fucking
guesswork yeah
unless you were napoleon
you know napoleon we have
hundreds of drawings
that guy we got a pretty good idea what he looked like
abraham lincoln pretty good idea what he looked like
you know but you go go way way way back
five hundred years ago what the fuck
black people didn’t
exist back then
you know white people have only existed for a
short amount of time you know there was a recent
study where they figured out how long
white people have been around
i believe it was like ten thousand years or something
silly let me see i’m
gonna google that because that’s an important
thing how long have caucasians exist soon
see i think
black people came before white people and i’m
sure a lot of people don’t believe that but you think
black people came first in an art
kind of way like
using palettes and colors it has to go that way
you know you think so yeah you make
you can’t go that way you know
black turns into
white but white’s not gonna turn in black
you know color wise
if you’re mixing color
when did people evolve to be
white what would i look for
when did people change become white
that’s it when people come up
why did people become white all right that’s why
vitamin deeper okay so now we’re saying
between a hundred thousand and
fifty thousand years ago hmm
lower levels of vitamin d at higher latitudes
where the sun is less intense
caused the lightning effect
where modern humans became
who were who began darker skin
first migrated north so human beings
have been black
until about
fifty thousand years ago when we started moving around
and then the climate changed us pretty fucking chain
pretty crazy shit i
think about it
so this banana had that
tried to convert me into jesus at least
at least with jesus you’re allowed to fucking draw a
picture of them how
nutty is the fucking
south park thing yeah it’s ridiculous
did you watch the episode oh yeah part
one i finally
watched both
of them no i couldn’t watch it it was driving me crazy
i was so mad at comedy central for beeping out every
time i see the first one no
go see the first one they didn’t do anything on the
first one the second one
because of the first one
it’s so annoying though
when you see every time they say muhammad
it beeps and then how about when he’s in a fucking
this the bear suit and it comes out and it’s
santa claus and the bear suit right like
dude the first episode he was in a u haul
and that was
like legally that’s what they thought that they
wouldn’t get in
trouble with so they just
drove they drove
muhammad around in a u haul
they just they’re like
is this okay muhammad
yeah i think it’s okay
you know penn
gillette said something on his twitter
today and i’m paraphrasing but
basically said the measure of religion is
how much you’re afraid
you know what way you can say
about a religion is how much you’re afraid to talk
about them or
when you’re afraid to talk
about them right like
how crazy they are
basically what he’s saying and penn is
a very staunch atheist and i’ve been
friends with that guy for a long time and he
doesn’t he won’t even consider the possibility
that there’s some sort of an intelligent life
you know to it all he’s very
scientific but
you know unfortunately he’s
never done any
psychedelic drugs
and if he had he’s
never done anything he’s
never had a drop of alcohol he’s
never even had a single drug
except for when he’s had to have surgery
when they had a drug and
he like takes it very seriously to be
sober all the time
which is all well and good but i
think you know you can’t really
understand what’s happening in the
experience unless you’ve had one
you know point is
this fucking muhammad
thing man in
fact i like
how they compared it i don’t know if they did in the
second episode and the
first thing they compared it to
of the tom cruise
suing anyone that says he’s gay
yeah it’s kind of like the muhammad
thing you know
or is it like what you’re not allowed to talk
about him being gay
listen i’m gonna tell you
right now you can talk about me
being gay all day long yeah
cox i don’t care i got
if you go online there’s
pictures of me with dicks all over the place
that’s the golden rule of the internet
right i’ve always
said that if
there’s a picture of you on the internet somewhere
someone is photoshopped a dick in your
mouth i fucking love
south park though i was
watching the show i was
watching orgasmo last
night i don’t know if you ever seen that one it’s a
movie that trey parker
wrote and directed and stuff
and where he’s a mormon
and he gets into porn
but that alone is a
great movie how they’re always battling religion and
trey is at least yeah
it’s just a fucking love
they’re the best
they’re the best they’re the most prolific
their show’s the best it’s the
most to speaks
to like my sense of
humor the most
silly but it’s spot on and brilliant
just the fucking barbra streisand
dinosaur monster
you know machine
thing that they had i mean even
do you ever see
they i don’t know i
think i’ve told
you this before there used to be a website called
shockwave com used to be
shockwave com
which was a
bunch of flash
movies and stuff
and they originally paid
trey parker and matt stone some
crazy amount of
money but i saw it what
was it it was
this show called princess
what it was is
they were paid
tons and tons of
money to do and they were like uncensored
they were like you
could do whatever you want uncensored this is
gonna be big on the internet
and we’re gonna give you like 30 000
an episode or something like that
and so they hired
trey and matt to do the series of
24 episodes
they got to the
second one turned it in
like well this is
great they’re like whoa whoa
we said uncensored but this is out of control this is
too far if you
go online and have it on my website redband com
just google princess
trey parker or
princess red band
you’ll find it
and what it is it’s all
about this fluffy little dog it looks like a shit zoo
and it just sits there
and it starts off it’s like
all about this dog and then it’s just like
crazy stuffs
going on in the
background that just cute dogs
watching like it’s
watching two people
fuck it’s watching somebody get murdered it’s like
it’s like it’s all
about this cute little
cute little dog
watching all this horrific shit
and it only got the two episodes
and they even though they said they were allowed to do
anything they
wanted they’re like this is too fucked up we quit no
you guys keep the money
you can’t do this anymore
it’s the best
best two videos i’ve ever seen in my life and
i wish trey
parker and madstone
would finish that
cause it was one of the funniest
things i’ve ever seen
those guys are so
crazy they’re the craziest
they just take
things the deepest
you know like i remember when we saw team america
i remember being in the theater
going i can’t believe
where they’re
going with this
i can’t you
know when the dude starts
throwing up and keeps
throwing up
it’s like you know
a fucking football
field full of puke and he’s laying in the center of it
i mean they took it to the utmost
they took it to
its total shock humor but brilliant
shock humor
yeah you know like it’s not as
funny the second time around like the
throw up scene
the throw up
scene the first
time around when you don’t know it’s coming it’s just
god damn it’s
funny it’s like one of the
they’re the best there
if they have a
movie coming out i’m always more
excited than anything else except
them and borat borat
and or them and in og
this is like close
so i don’t know if borat’s ever
gonna work on me anymore yeah
i wonder what he’s doing now i wonder if there’s like a
third movie
cause i don’t know if that
takes time off
maybe if it takes time off
if he goes to
places where people aren’t
aware of it like if he goes to like the south
like that’s what he
tried to do before i
tried to go to the
south well it’s almost like mike myers has
fell in the same category i
watched the last
goldfinger movie or whatever he did
he was just playing the same character over and over
again and the
other day i
watched one of my old favorite
movies was so i
married an axe murderer
i used to love that
movie i watched it the
other day i wanted to
fucking puke and beat people up because it was so awful
like mike myers to me has died almost
like dude his last
movie looked like
like you know
those movies
where they have a guy who used to be funny
and then all of a
sudden like in the movie
he takes a terrible turn and he’s not
funny anymore he’s putting out crap and the
people shaking
their heads and he’s in the down spiral of his life
that last movie
we played the indian guy the love guru gold memory
whatever the fuck
yeah yeah love guru
yeah when you
watch the ads for that you’re like okay
what is funny
about this this is like
anti funny it’s like
this is like a guy who forgot what funny is
right it’s just like
but what’s crazy is you go back
as far as soy merida
and ax murder
which was way before austin
powers or any of that stuff
it destroyed that
movie because he that was the same character
as all his other
movies yeah
it was so awful it’s
man can you imagine
like tim since
wayne’s world
like shrek’s
coming out i’m not a
shrek guy wayne’s
world was fucking genius
him and dana carve
were awesome i mean when when
those movies were on they were on
though i mean
those are great
great fun fun
movies but the new
stuff he does like i don’t even like the austin powers
movies i never got it i
like it’s not my shit
um did you hear
about the iphone leak
if you don’t know
about this the
iphone they have an iphone four that came out
and it’s like some
crazy ass new iphone with a
front facing camera
and well apparently some dude this is the
story and a lot of people
think that this is all bullshit and hype and it’s just
you know making the the iphone
story bigger
i personally don’t because i don’t
think apple
would ever release
a thing on purpose
you know and have people find it
a lot of companies do this though
a lot of companies
the viral marketing
nowadays that’s
being used on the internet is so amazingly
and like you
would not think of
the shit that’s happening like
chuckle down the reebok
commercial exactly
where he’s naked and all that
stuff i mean it’s
ridiculous i
could almost see this to
build hype with cell
phones because if you look
there’s a website called boygeniousreport com
and you could totally tell this guy’s in bed
or he was in bed with
blackberry at one point
like there was times
where it was like alright
you got this phone
like a year
ahead of anybody
else and you already have it and have already a
video of using it and
stuff like that
that seems a little fishy
that your friend just let you borrow it when
it comes out like a year later
and i almost
think it’s just
shit to be leaked out kind of like on the internet
they’re gonna see what people’s reactions are trying to
tweak things you know it’s almost like we’re
you know some
are getting
i’m sure so i don’t believe know
about this apple
thing though that just
seems it seems to me like the dude got
fired did he get
fired yeah he got
fired the police are involved now
you hear about the gizmodo
guy they broke down his
house they broke
down his fucking
front door took all his computers
recorder that recorded
yes well he got a copy of it they paid 5 000
for the for the actual phone
so they paid
money for the
phone and apparently
apple saying that that’s their
stolen property and you’re not supposed to be having
that reporting on it so they went to the guy’s house
who wrote this
whole report
broke down his
house took all
of his fucking computers took two servers
guy had servers in his
house that’s a
super geek yeah
well he is a
super geek i mean he
main editor of one of the biggest
tech websites
not only does he get free shit
what i’m more
interested in is imagine somebody coming to your house
taking your computer
and took everything that’s why it
freaks me out
because a computer
not to do with the cell
phone i think nowadays that’s one of the most scariest
things ever
ever is somebody can now come in and take your diary
and put it into
their database
your old diary
never would you ever
think like okay the cops just came and took my
diary now they know
everything about me
every feeling
everything i’m thinking
now that’s what our computers are diaries now
yeah you get all your
emails from like a fucking million
years so this guy bought an iphone and now his diary is
owned by the yeah
every photo he’s ever taken
all on his computers
like why do they
think that they
can just take your computers is it to get
a track tracking of the emails to see like you know i
think it’s an open door that the
history of any
if they can
they can pretty much is like
searching your car
cops want to search a car regardless
even if they’re
just trying to pull you over for a seatbelt
they want to
search a car and see what else they can find but
a lot of people are saying that this warrant was
unlawful and
that they shouldn’t have been allowed to it’s totally
unlawful are you sure
it’s a cell phone
somebody bought a cell
phone from another side
right but they bought a
stolen cell
phone a cell
phone that’s basically
stolen property i mean the guy who lost the cell
phone but it’s the property of apple
and it’s very sensitive
property because it’s a prototype yeah yeah yeah yeah
so i guess you’re
right but i think
basically they fucked up in
stealing the
phone or in buying the
phone what they
should have done is giving the fucking
phone back to
apple i mean
the company
doesn’t want you
reviewing their shit before it’s out yet i mean i don’t
think that’s
a huge request
if you know that it’s
their shit you’re doing something illegal i
think they more fucked up gizmodo
more fucked up just
letting everyone know who the guy who’d lost it is
putting his face on
their websites
and everything yeah
that’s fucked up man
well the dude though was
gonna get busted anyway
he doesn’t have his fucking
phone anymore
yeah really what they
should have done if they knew all this
shit is give him back his goddamn phone
i think or the way they
should have done is just like oh shit it’s just a cell
phone i would
chill the fuck out
what it’s got a
front facing camera now whoa
you know how dominus is all gonna
sound in october
we’re like yeah everyone’s got it now alright
chill if that’s
gonna crush
at amp t service
if you think at amp
t service sucks a big bag of dicks now
wait till that
front facing camera comes out and everyone
everywhere is
gonna be fucking you
streaming while they’re driving the car
talking singing the fucking black eyed
peas i got a feeling
that’s great
that tonight’s get there’s
gonna be a million
fucking people doing that all over the country
bring it on
like i’ve always said
that’s gonna be the end of the
world is when everyone has
their own channel
and everyone
basically is like a walking
television channel
and instead of like hey
what’s your fucking facebook page can i facebook you
what’s your twitter
it’s gonna be
what channel is your life
you’re gonna have a fucking helmet on
and there’s
gonna be a front facing camera that shows you
as you’re walking through the
world and you’re
gonna have a
video camera broadcasting
everything you do it’s kind of like what you
stream does and what
justin tv does
justin tv originally was called life
casting which was 24
hours a day
falling around justin
who had a camera
filming his
whole entire life do you remember
when we were in san francisco and justin tv was
gonna give us a laptop and a backpack that was really
weird connection that was really weird
so strange yeah
the dude who came to the show was so shady
and so he said
no we’re gonna hook you all up and then we go to
lunch and he goes this is the laptop
this is the camera
all right and then we like put it
back in his like what were we supposed to do there was
there well he was
gonna get it all to us
and we started making fun of it
and oh that’s right
we were like what if it cuts out this is
silly this we gotta
carry a backpack around like what am i gonna do
we decided that it was be
ridiculous they were like they wanted to like
broadcast shows and
i have enough problems with people
youtubing my shit before it’s done
at shows like
when you come up with new bits
you know like sometimes
when a bit like is out and it’s on a cd
you know that’s to me
when it’s an old bit
but if i got bits
that aren’t
they haven’t been on television
haven’t been on cd and you’re already seen that bit
you’ve seen it how do you seen it
so i saw youtube clip some asshole
in the audience is
videotaping it now
people are saying like
it’s old material my god damn it’s not even done yet
yeah it’s not done
you know like you can’t
so like when they were like what we want to like you
stream you know your
whole show mike you can’t you
stream my show
because when the material comes out
i want at least the
majority of people
you know to
watching the
television show
other than the people that have seen me in the clubs
i wanted to be new shit i wanted
the dvd to be all shit that’s not on another dvd
and it’s not
gonna work that way if there’s fucking
these you stream clips and
justin tv shows
everywhere and
so i thought the
whole thing was too much you know and it’s not that
entertaining to like
to broadcast
every fucking
thing you do i mean with this show
like i think
we sit down we do it for two
hours we bang it out and that’s it
you don’t want to just keep
having content
where you water down what people are
watching well you have
no personal
life there used to be a website called gabgab com
that used to be addicted to
which was about
maybe eight years ago it was this girl
named gabriel
gabriel and she’s an author in new york city
and she life
cast herself via webcam
where it would
refresh every 10
seconds oh god because
when the internet was new oh you
know that was actually kind of cool back in the day she
would have three cameras that
would just refresh
every 10 seconds
but i got addicted to
watching it because it was so weird
she would come home
talk to the
husband they
would make dinner
then they would
bring the camera into the bedroom and have sex
that’s the part i like the most obviously
you want some bang yeah you wasn’t
bang completely
naked was this when people couldn’t record things
right yeah this is way
before that
but it was so addicting and then one day she just left
and it felt like
she broke up with us you had a
time beating off just right yeah
like if you like turned it on there in the middle
oh one stroke 15
seconds later
stroke yeah
and if they stopped like someone stopped to answer the
phone or something like that
yeah i mean there was a show do you remember that
movie with william baldwin
i think it was like william
maybe sharon
stone or something
splinter i think it was called
it was about
those people that had their i
think that’s the
movie on that
was there wasn’t there a
movie where
these peoples all
their whole lives
before edtv
like someone
something along
maybe i’ve got the premise totally
wrong but like
something like
edtv is a perfect example remember edtv
i mean that
basically predicted the rise of the kim
kardashian type shows yeah
i mean basically that’s what that show was
and people in that
movie was like
so ridiculous the idea
that people
would just broadcast
their entire lives
like how ridiculous
like look at this and in the end the message was
that it’s too much yeah you
know the message was that it fucked up this guy’s life
right you gotta
stop doing it to get a shit together totally meanwhile
there’s more of
those goddamn shows than ever yeah they’re real now
yeah it’s funny how many things
from the past sliver
sliver that’s it yeah
it’s funny how many
things in the past were
that people predicted
are like a real part of life now that were like
ridiculous back then
like this idea of edtv
that’s a real part of our life now
you know i mean it makes you wonder
about like mad max and shit like that and
that i mean when peak oil comes and people are fucking
you know driving
biodiesel cars down the street
that they made
you know fucking corn fuel out of and
fucking shooting at people trying to get
fresh water
you know i wonder if that really
could go down like that
i think so i
could tell you
believe that
red band talk
about your tooth
they want fucking
brian missed
brian missed last week’s podcast because he was
have you ever
done that have you ever chipped
a tooth or a
filling fallen out of your
mouth and you
could feel the air go inside your
tooth and hit your
mouth feelings fall out
yeah it sucks
well you bit
a spoon right yeah
well yeah i’m used to
eating with plastic spoons but
i ran out of plastic
spoons so it went back to real
spoons and i forgot and i always chew
on the plastic
spoon why do you chew on a plastic
spoon like when i’m
on the internet or whatever i’ll just like chew
on you know like i’ll eat
yogurt and i’ll just be kind of like
chewy on the
spoon but i
forgot it wasn’t a plastic
spoon inside is my crunch and i’m like ah
that’s not smart dude he
shouldn’t be chewing on my it
still hurts i have to go back in a
month to get a real
thing that’s
ridiculous son
that’s not good
um what else i want to talk
about oh some dudes who said they
found noah’s ark
is this the same people that
found it no joe show one
is that people
yeah there’s
a is that was that joe show one joe show number one
yeah there’s
one that we did from atlanta
you can find
it on the internet if you can find it on redband com
right yeah or it’s show
show google joe show
all one word ark yeah
joe rogan noah’s
ark but anyway
there was a dude back then who said that he had
found noah’s
ark and now
apparently there’s a
group of evangelist that
claimed they’ve seen noah’s
ark have you seen the
photos of it no
it’s kinda interesting you
wanna see it i’ll show it to
you that’s so
stupid so you’re
gonna show me
photos of a boat
yeah it’s alright
i’m supposed to believe it’s a bigfoot
lived on this boat well you
never know stranger
things have happened
the crazy thing
about these ideas of
world floods
is that there was no
world communication
back then so how do you know that the
flood wasn’t just in your neighborhood
you know and you
think that it was a
you know you think that it was somewhere else
you think that it was everywhere around the
world like you really don’t have any idea
damn look at you and your following
hundred almost a hundred and ten yeah
109597 sun very nice
you know what’s
funny is my
space that i logged in the
other day and
i’ve been losing
friends like thousands and thousands at a time
yeah it’s ridiculous
everyone’s deleting
their myspace account i’m really
thinking about
maybe doing it i’m
thinking of deleting
mine too i just don’t want to remember those days
anyway that
is myspace days
yeah it’s pretty
silly right yeah it’s like having a kid that
you just need to cut off strings or something
i can’t find the
article oh wow
but i’ll look at a
picture of a boat
it’s it’s not even a boat it’s like some wood that they
found some wood
the funny thing is this one
picture that’s really
clear with this guy inside
it just says
this is noah’s
ark it’s pretty interesting because this guy
is standing inside something mm hmm
yeah see look at this photo
look at this what is that
this guy claims that that’s he’s inside noah’s ark
isn’t that a
photo from noah’s ark ministries international i’ll
throw this link up
if he just google it looks like my bases ark
if you just google they found noah’s ark you can see it
this is the noah’s ark
thing we’re talking about i hate that shit
it’s so it’s so annoying because i have certain uh
people in my
real life that believe all this shit
and so they put it on facebook and i have to like
it hurts me to read it you should
start trolling them i got
trolled by that girl that pretended that she
wanted to convert her friend to from being
the girl as a
hindu you know that video that i put online
her and her adobe friends are trying to convert
the hindu girl to being christian well
apparently it’s a giant troll
this girl’s got like it’s brilliant it’s really good
like she totally seemed
like it wasn’t over the top at all i mean it was like
it was very much like jesus camp or any of that
stuff that you know that’s real you know
so tell us kenny how much you need to tell
about your story
the story about
your situation with the religious people that go
wacky on you
about a certain thing in your life
let’s not talk about that
but you’ve got a lot of not
yet you got
a lot of religious people in your life yeah i got a lot
of and i’m doing the
exact opposite
of what they
would enjoy
and the two were combining
yeah exactly did you
did you watch the
fights this weekend
no i did not i didn’t even know
where to watch the
fights were they
it was pay per
view and it was a
was a very ufc
did it feel like the
ufc yes it felt exactly like the
ufc but it was
i don’t know
i don’t know
i would love to keep doing it man
doing commentary
for the lighter weights i
think those guys need more
they deserve more credit they’re more action packed
fucking those fights are
crazy and right now
they’re like in this like
shadow organization the
ufc it’s a small organization
doesn’t get nearly as much
attention as the ufc
and i wish we absorbed them
you know i wish we had
if it was up to
me i mean obviously it’s not there’s a lot of business
contracts and all sorts of jazz but it
would be the coolest
thing in the
world to be able to
call those lightweight
fights man uriah
favor fought jose aldo
in the main event for the featherweight title and
uriah favor got
he got beat up
guy kicked the shit out of his legs it’s incredible
fight if you
watch it was more incredible live
watching it
right because this dude just picked your i
favor apart man
he just your i favor
i mean some people gave him around i
think i don’t know what they were
thinking because
basically in my opinion although just dominated
every single
round and a certain
point in time just
just had a mounted in a crucifix just
punch him in the face for like a
minute and a half it was
ridiculous i mean he just
completely dominated
favor and favors a fucking beast man
beast just couldn’t stop the leg kicks leg kicks
kept kept coming
you know although
so goddamn fast
although used to be a real serious
soccer player too he played semi professional soccer
and those soccer players man they
have incredible legs like they can move really good
their foot works really good and they kick really hard
and he’s just so good at moving in and out
you know soccer is all
about moving side to side
quick moves to deal with the ball and
those guys that are real good at soccer man that really
translates well to be able to kick you know
throwing leg kicks
and getting out of the way of leg kicks
and just the ability to spring forward and spring back
soccer is a fucking
a tremendous
place to start
tremendous base
for certain types of fighting
especially for like muay
thai you know
you guys saying
t door teasing channel we already talked
about that bitch you’re
gonna have to go to the recording
wine that shit son
you can’t just be talking
about it over and over how lower
those leg kicks
the thing about leg kicks is though
you know goldberg’s always talk
about that it’s not slap it’s a thump
the ones that are really hard don’t they’re not as loud
because of like
say if you hit someone’s thigh
with your open hand like that and slap the skin of
their thigh it’ll be really loud
but if you hit
their thigh with a baseball bat it would be
like a meaty thump and the meaty thumps are
a lot more painful
what it is the shin
just digging
into the meat of the leg and it fucking hurts like hell
it’s you you really can’t appreciate
how bad a leg kick hurts
unless someone like kicks you someone good
you know you get like some fucking
melvin man hoof type character somewhere next
to whose type dude to slam a
leg kick in your
leg you realize like god damn it’s so fucking painful
and that’s what this guy’s
move was he just kicked his legs out from under him
until he was useless from the like
second round out he was pretty much useless
it was it was sad
you know that muhammad
south park thing
i really like how the the
extremeness website kept on getting hacked
did you see that
oh yeah yeah
yeah islamic
islamic yeah yeah what was
their name radical islam
they’re from new
york right yeah
fucking traitors ridiculous
the idea that you
i mean that’s
taken nutty to a
whole new level yeah
you can’t even show our guy
in a picture or will fuck not
even a drawing a
stick figure that even look like a
stick figure
did you oh you didn’t see it i didn’t see the
first episode they draw muhammad
and they pulled up for a
second it was just like a
stick figure but it was like a circle
a line and like some kind of wiggly
coming out of it
and it went like this they just
should like that
and that’s muhammad it’s
incredible it’s incredible that here we are in 2010
and there’s people out there that really believe that
you shouldn’t have a drawing that represents
their guy their messiah
their prophet
and the funny
thing is this fucking guy i said that once and this guy
emailed me hey dumbass
the reason why you’re not
allowed to is because they don’t want you worshipping
false idols and imagery
like okay i’m a dumbass
so you think it’s okay
to kill people because someone’s drawing some fucking
guy that may or may
not have even
existed you know
you can’t when you go back a
couple thousand years was muhammad like 1500 years ago
when you go back like
a thousand years plus
man who the fuck knows what really happened can i
use this real
quick yeah sure
i want to draw muhammad
real quick while you’re talking
don’t do it man you’re
gonna die no i want to draw
again too i don’t
know you don’t have anything to do
about this i have no
no no saying
i cannot stop him
all right is
this your muhammad
yes this is
brian’s version of muhammad
this version muhammad
is not sanctioned by u
stream no i
think it is sanctioned
didn’t they
they held up
invest this
no no they didn’t okay this is muhammad
that’s incredible yes
that’s very lifelike yes
here’s muhammad with a mustache
just in case i forgot
i guess drawing was probably way more
important a couple hundred years ago before
photos huh you
think everybody knew how to draw
i think people knew how to draw better
but you think
like if someone raped you you had
the oh the drama right
cause like how bad is people’s memory
how many people have
been arrested for shit because of eyewitness reports
and you know people make this
eyewitness report and then they arrest someone that’s
him that’s him and it turns out they were totally wrong
and then they apologized i’m so
sorry and the person does like fucking 15 years in jail
you know back then what the fuck did they do
what did they do back then
you know yeah they
they found the
stones that look like the raper this stone
not in this tree
his nose resembled it they just had a box of
stones which one looked most like your rapist
that’s like you know
i love people
that are like really into ufos and shit and like say
they talk about images that are on like cave walls
like ever seen
the images on cave walls they’re like flying
saucers and
aliens on the cave walls like
how do you know
those fucking
how do you know
those cave guys
didn’t just eat a mess of mushrooms that
they found trip
their balls off
just start drawing
loony shit that comes to their
mind what if it was like a children’s book for
their small kid
hey look the
man who come from this guy with free elk
you know you
don’t know what the fuck they’re drawing you
just found some
scribbles on a wall yeah
if you found some
of my drawings you’d be like what that guy look like a
there was people that
look like dicks get that you see that hand and that
not that one
below that the drawing pad
that’s some shit i
found from my high
school years
dude that’s awesome this is from when i was like 15
dude that’s
crazy yeah i
put some you need to scan all this shit in
yeah i put some
of it online
you are a hundred times better
than i i was and i did it all the time this is like
this is like from when i was a kid
it is a super cat huh oh shit
it’s like some shit that i drew
i used to draw a lot
that’s bad as loosely
used to that’s what i really used to want to be is
an artist for comic books
yeah 1982 so i guess i was 15 1982 yeah
i was eight years old yeah i was older than you son
i love how all your shits
monsters you’re so scared of monsters man yeah
goldilocks and two bears
i’m gonna have to do something with you
because i don’t really draw and anymore
i don’t here’s a wolf man one
i was always into werewolves
that’s why i was so bummed out that that benicio
del toro movie fucking sucks
because it did fucking suck like it didn’t happen
is that waterfalls you just
that’s ninja
so i give you this one
peeing on the bed peeing over the bed
ping from the bad ping
wait you drew
all that yeah i don’t know what the fuck what
it’s like describing other ways the way
on the bed is like seeing on the
this might been some that project that i had to do for
school i got like in trouble all the time because
when i was on the wrestling team i drew the
wrestling logo for our high school wrestling
team oh that’s cool
when i was i also drew the logo for
our school we had like t shirts
for newton south end lion so i drew the lion
i used to do that too i did the
worth the worthington
killborn official bungee jumping
shirt which is a cardinal bungee jumping that’s funny
but that’s another one that’s all
so that yeah that’s from a picture from there’s an old
i think it was long cheney jr
no i don’t know which one
which werewolf moving it was oliver
i don’t know which one it was
oh that’s badass dudes look how good it looked in
color you got a new color be
drew but before i get
something dumpty
humpty dumpty
the axe murderer
i drew a lot of answers you
should put all this shit in your book
yeah i’ll do something with it conan
that’s when i was into conan the barbarian
dude that’s now see that’s amazing
yeah that’s
another werewolf i was fucking obsessed with werewolves
for whatever fucking gay reason that’s hilarious
i just i’ve always
loved wolfman movies
the werewolf though wasn’t like your father or anything
no i think i was an
angry kid and
i was always obsessed with the idea that you
could i think it
would represent to me was like
you know that
you you could be calm and normal
and then some shit happens and just wow
right you know maybe
like that’s what i
wanted to do i wanted to fucking hulk out on people and
turn into a werewolf
go motherfuckers
i don’t know when you’re an
angry kid it’s
never good but i
totally wanted to be a
comic book artist
but my high
school art teacher was a douchebag
he was just suppressive and
annoying and unhappy and had no joy
it was no happiness this man
everything was
serious like his art was serious and
you know and he
would draw and i didn’t even
think he was that talented it was like
he would draw like boring shit you
know he would like draw like pears and
stuff you know like a bowl a fruit bowl
like hey faggot
you know i got a camera if i
wanna see fruit
right i’ll take that
picture you know
let me see it you got a
photo of wolverine
fighting spider man
no you don’t shut the fuck up
cause that’s what i like yeah
and he was telling
me that what i like was like juvenile
and then it was like
foolish and like my
and i was like you’re just suppressing what i like
you know i like
watching you know fucking
monster movies i like reading
comic books
is there something
wrong with that it’s just
hate when people pretend that their
entertainment somehow or another is like more valid
or more sophisticated just because it’s like serious
you know yeah
like people who love serious
movies like i don’t like
you know comic book
movies up serious
movies like
whatever man are you
learning something when you go to see like
like you know some depressing sean penn
movie are you
learning something when you go to see
those movies
learn to get in
touch with my emotions joe
it was that
river movie whatever the fuck
river runs through it
no the the sean pen one
bomb mystic
river mystic
river is that what it is
whatever but
it was like you know
and everybody’s like it’s such an important film like
what what what film is important
yeah okay they’re fucking
movies man you go to a movie you
enjoy yourself
you have a good time it takes you someplace
it gives you some thrills
you know you
use a lot of shit you don’t know what’s happening
things get resolved how’s this
gonna what’s
gonna go down
that’s all it is it’s fucking
and the idea that your
entertainment because it represents like
things that
happen in real life is somehow another superior to like
superheroes or
monsters like
please just
stop it i had a good art
teacher it’s
funny because
i’d get cs and ds in
every class because i
would sleep
except for art
which i straight a
took every class
but my teacher was cool and
a lot of my paintings
i look back and i’m
like wow she let me do this like one was called pool
table on acid
and she gave me an a
minus and it was
just a pool
table with a
monster coming out of it and
everything was melting
well why not
i didn’t have to draw
fruit she didn’t make me do any of that
teacher used to say shit to me
like you know like well you know what if you get a job
where you have to draw
a baby for a diaper commercial
i want to see you draw a baby for a diaper commercial
and i’m like oh man like you why you fucking
killing my buzz dude
draw a baby
for a diaper commercial like is that my future
right what i have to look forward to
yeah drawing diaper ass like he was like
really like
my dream was to do
comic book illustrations and he was telling me
basically you need to have
skills because you’re not
gonna reach
those dreams
and what if you have
a job that’s just you as an illustrator doing boring
stuff well you have to draw boring stuff
and i was like you fucking buzzkill
you know and this guy was just a dumpy
physically out of
shape unhealthy person
and he was just
just depressed all the time
and so i killed my
i only went for two years
to our class i believe it was
14 and 15 and i
think by the time i went into my junior year of high
school i think i said fuck that guy i’m
tired of this
this is annoying
so i just drew on my
own from then on that effectively killed my wanting to
go to school for art
i had like was looking at art colleges and shit and had
lined up and trying to figure out
where to go it was like the only
thing i had
a chance of getting any sort of scholarship in
but meanwhile it was just
teachers man you
know you don’t realize what a gigantic fucking effect
having a good or a shitty
teacher can have on you but
they’re cutting
their salaries over and over
again i just saw they’re not cutting it
again and i
think it’s teachers
should be one of the most important
things ever
up there with doctors yeah it’s gigantic
it’s amazing how we’re so
shorted when it comes
short sighted when it comes to that yeah
what is that
you’re raising the
child from the beginning that
should be the most important thing it
should be huge
people that can
influence your children
and people that say mean shit like i will
never forget i had a math
teacher in high school
who was just
fucking boring and the
class was boring and she was this
black lady who had a
black accent like she
would mispronounce words all the time she had terrible
grammar and yet she
would like shit all over you if you didn’t
understand her her
her math problems
and she was in there doing her math problem and i was
bored and i was
like drawing or something usually that’s what i did in
class i would draw all my notebooks something like that
and she goes
she looks up and she sees me not paying attention
so she goes mr rogan
would you like to come up here
and do both of
these problems for the
class and i said
do you want me to do both of
those problems
and everybody
started fucking howling
and so she said go down to the team’s office
right now i said okay
but when i get back i’m
gonna do both of
those problems
and everybody was
laughing she goes go ahead
laugh at mr rogan
mr rogan ain’t
going nowhere
he’s going nowhere in life
and i’m like at
least i know how to say both
and she was get out of my
classroom and she kicked me
out that’s so
awesome that was like the beginning of my time as a
stand up comedian because i felt like i was
defending myself like i wasn’t doing anything to you
i was just sitting there
scribbling in my notebook you know
i just wasn’t paying attention
cause i was
bored out of
my fucking head and i had problems with authority
but she just
you know liked to be
the lady to call on you if you ain’t paying attention
you know like she
would she would
get mad but i mean meanwhile this fucking
bitch could even
speak right
she said both
would you like to come up here and be do both
i will never forget it’s like
in my mind it’s like a
movie playing out
because the
anger in my head that this fucking dummy
was trying to make me look dumb in
front of everybody just
cause i was
scribbling and i wasn’t paying attention to your my my
opinion on math was always like
okay math is very essential but
don’t we have calculators now we do
and isn’t there like an endless
supply of batteries there is
done right like i’m done
there’s only a finite
amount of things to pay attention to in the day
and i don’t give a fuck
about these
wacky equations that you’re making me
solve and figure out i know how to add
i know how to
divide i know how to multiply like is it or are we gone
done here do i have to keep going
is this really gonna
you’re making me be a
fucking square peg and fit into your fucking round hole
you know it’s like i’m not
i don’t want to do what you want me to do
like this is nonsense
it’s weird nowadays i can’t even imagine
going to school with google
cause then i’d be like no i don’t
wanna learn it i could just
search it if i need it i don’t get what you
do dude that was a problem i used to
watch a lot
of documentaries even when i was a kid and i got in
trouble again like people
would say like you’re a comedian were you a
class clown
like i was not really
class clown
what i used to do though is draw a lot
of cartoons
about our teachers
like getting involved doing shit and we have this one
teacher that was
really annoying mr holman
and h o l m a n
very serious but he was
wrong about a lot of shit
and i was you
know i was fucking fifteen years old and i was
in class and i was
again bored out of my fucking mind he had a science
class but at
least science
class is a little more interesting
and he started going on
about lake erie
lake erie’s a dead lake and this and that it
started talking
about all the
pollution that’s involved in lake erie
and i said well actually
i just saw a documentary that was on pbs it was talking
about the resurgence of lake erie
about how lake
here they’ve worked very hard to filter out the
water and they’ve done all
these different
things to cut down the
pollutants and
they’ve seen a resurgence
in the fish
population and he got
all fucking mad at me
and i was like have
you seen this documentary he goes no this is not true
and i’m like
it’s not true it’s on pbs i
watched it last night
i’m like oh man alright so
you’re just like them so the next time we’re in class
he had like these
things that
would pull down like projection
screens and
i pulled the projection screens up
and i drew cartoons of him
and then i pulled the projection screens
down and covered them
so he went to draw on the chalkboard
and as he pulled the
chalkboard up there’s all these fucking cartoons of him
like saying
wacky shit and he had this
thing that he would do like
he would do this crazy thing with his hands
where he would move his hands like this
and then i had this other
teacher mr white and he was only like five foot two
so i drew him all the time but
every time i drew him i drew him standing on something
he was standing on a box or
standing on a chair or standing on a stool
and i drew it just like him
it’s so funny dude
and i had one an anthropology teacher who
was obsessed with jane goodall and the
monkeys you know jane goodall lived
with chimpanzees
so i drew this one kid who was this football player
who’s a nice kid but he was always kissing her ass
cause he wanted her to like him
so you get better grades
so i drew him banging her and
like who i can look like her look like him and i drew
him banging her saying you
know she was like oh give it to me
monkey style
and i passed it around the
class you know
like i got suspended
on two separate occasions for drawing cartoons
that’s fun i got sent home for drawing
cartoons me too
that’s the only
thing i would normally get in
trouble for i
would do the same
things but with overhead projectors i would
draw like dicks and
penises if there was an indian guy in our class i’d
always make
fun of his farts because he had really bad farts
and then one time they pulled the
whole class out and they’re like
all right omar
has really bad gas because of his diet
and it’s not funny
and if you guys make fun of it anymore
you guys are all
gonna be in
trouble i remember this speech
so of course then i only drew omar
for the rest of the year
after all this indian guy farting on people and
stuff like that how
ridiculous is
that you telling kids not to make fun of farts
cause it’s not fun i know
how disingenuous is that
you cannot tell someone that farts aren’t
funny as soon
as you say farts aren’t funny
i’m not listening to you anymore
cause you’re not being honest with me
you can say farts
don’t smell
can you imagine if you love
smelling farts there’s people that do
that’s like fart porn have you ever seen fart porn
yeah you’re
right there’s fart porn
where dudes get their head
right in girls faces and girls fart in
their mouths
god i’ve got such a hard on now
i mean we’ve talked
about this before
about how your farts
smell awesome
but other people’s farts
smell terrible yeah it’s you your farts
smell the best
except once in a
while one lets out that you’re like ashamed and
i had one the other day it’s pretty bad
never not one by myself really
one by myself it’s always like
i was smelling my own farts
enjoying it everybody does that i
think even girls do that they just don’t admit it
girls cut farts oh damn
but what is that i mean why is there an evolu
i mean it’s got
to be something if everyone does it like what is it i
think it’s like your body sitting out like a
spray for mating but it’s
probably from
exclamation what
what a ridiculous theory
it’s that you won’t knock up and get pregnant you suck
your own ass
stick your own dick in your own
fucking awesome
i wanna make myself
what no but why do you
think that people like their own farts why is that
someone knows it
about that because it’s like
it’s food that you ate already so
this guy says it’s called peka the urge to eat
smell eat random
things i thought i think peka is actually right yeah
it’s people that have mineral deficiencies to the
point where they’re eating
paint and dirt and
how do you think that they should
how weird that would be eating dirt just
like craving it like i need this dirt
can you imagine well i almost think
the brain could easily be wired wrong yeah you think
about all the different connections inside people’s
brains now think of people like
my friend john jacques machado
my original jiu jitsu instructor
he was born without
his one hand
his left hand
he doesn’t have all of his fingers
his left hand only has like a thumb and like nubs
you know and that’s how he was born
yeah it’s some i mean i don’t know what it was exactly
some sort of a disease but he’s born without fingers
if you’re born without fingers
you could be born with
crazy connections in your head that make you love
other people’s farts you know
you know what i’m saying
i mean it’s possible i mean
we look at like
autism and what they don’t
understand about autism but some people who have autism
could do crazy
things like there’s a child
that can see a
place like let’s look out the window at
a city and then draw the city in
exact detail
like down to the fucking
street signs and down to the alleyways
image incredible
there’s videos of
online doing it i mean he can just look at an
image of a place
or go to a place and see something
and just completely recreate it in his mind and
he has a version of autism
you know it’s like the
whole rainman thing
it’s like what is that like what
how you know what the fuck is
going on that you can see
something and
record it like exactly but you and i have no chance
i mean if i had to draw my backyard it
would be all off
and i’ve been in my backyard
a fucking thousand times but if i had to draw it
would be all
fucking wonky
yeah you know
what the fuck is that i don’t know it’s really
weird i know a friend that is that a friend’s
uncle is that
i met him once you got
toasted yeah i met him once
and he’s always like talking
about like how he used to sit on his mom’s
shoulders during parades and
stuff like that he met me once though and then
every year he can’t stop exactly talking
about me to her she’s like
where’s brian at
brian said he was
going to the
store this one time
remember everything
about me he buys me gifts
you know we
broke up a long time ago so
he’s like dude he bought you gifts and he knows
everything about you he
won’t stop talking
about you but then wow
it’s so weird
dude wants to fuck you
dude wanted me
that’s strange man i mean it’s like
the potential of the
human mind you know do you
think it’s because
there’s obviously some sort of a
disconnect socially
with people that have autism do
you think it’s sort of like one of
those things
where people who can’t see can hear incredibly
you know it’s like when you are missing one
sense your other
sense is like
yeah i just i don’t know because
sometimes i think
things like that or i
think what if
he knows exactly
everything that’s
going on but his
mouth doesn’t work kind of like when you’re so fucked
up and you’re trying to say something it was like
you can’t give your
you know what are you
thinking out
in right maybe
and i’m like
that’s it that’s but they’re unaffectionate
like that’s the
thing with them
there’s a social
disconnect and
a real disconnect
i mean where
they don’t express themselves they don’t
smile as much they don’t make eye contact as much as
other kids do
you know but in so doing that
and in doing that they have this incredible focus
like i have a friend whose
child his son has a mild
form of asperger’s was like an autism
type of thing
and his son is a
jiu jitsu wizard the kids are an assassin
i mean he’s really
really fucking good like goes out of head to head with
world champions he’s like really really good
and one of the reasons why
he’s really good is he has this intensive ability to
focus on things
and he’s not so good socially he
doesn’t have a
girlfriend not so good at
having buddies
but goddamn get on the mat with that
motherfucker he remembers
every move he’s
countering your moves and
advancing and moving forward
and he taps like really high level
black belts all the time
you know it’s like
autistic doesn’t necessarily mean
super super intelligent
doesn’t necessarily mean you know
some sort of a rain man type
genius but it has the potential
it which makes me
think i wonder if it’s you know
almost like there’s so many people that
are autistic dude it’s like one out of a hundred now
you know and it’s advancing over the years
i wonder if it’s possible that you
know i mean people say that it’s due to environmental
conditions it
could be due to
pollution it
could be due to diet it
could be due to the hormones in our food
there’s a bunch of different
like theories on what
causes autism
but if it’s happening in much
greater numbers than it ever has before and that’s
debatable as well because some people say it’s not
there’s just
more people
are diagnosed as being autistic now because they’ve
changed the diagnosis but that’s
under debate as well
but what if
it’s sort of a next
stage of evolution
what if emotions and dealing with
the way human beings have always been
really emotional
and what if that’s not
going to be necessary in the future
what if that’s
slowly being phased
out because
human beings don’t have to use our
fight or flight
you know reflexes and instincts anymore because
you know we’re not running from fucking saber to
tigers and shit
basically we’re just dealing with
civilized society
and that society becomes more and more civilized
and as society becomes
more and more modern
more people are born with this detachment from emotions
and one of the reasons why i thought this is because of
amish people
and amish people live
their life in a very
traditional old
school sort of a way
you know it’s kind of a fucked up
wacky religion but
they drive around the horse
driven buggies and they
build their own houses and
you know and
i don’t know if they even use electricity
some of these some of
them use electricity some of
them driving regular cars some of them have real jobs
in an amish
it just depends what kind of homage they are
right but the
the whole premise originally was that
these people
lived like a certain
group of people live
hundreds of years ago
well they have a much much much lower
history or much lower numbers of autistic children
much lower it might be just something like cell phones
and the signals of cell
phones and beepers and all the shit that
started that’s making it increase or it
could just be like splinda
it could be something we’re not even thinking about
we don’t know and that’s what’s
pretty as pertaining
shit like that
it could easily be
we don’t know i mean
the only way to do
that you know there’s a lot of
theories about you know
you know people say that uh
there’s a lot
of people there’s a lot of anecdotal evidence
about vaccinations
and there’s a lot of people say there’s no
scientific connection
whatsoever and people always want to jump on that and
you wear tinfoil
hat with this
whole thing
about autism
what people
don’t realize is thousands of people have been paid
off by the autism
court of america because of
i don’t remember the
exact title of the
court but i believe it is autism
court not autism
court excuse me vaccination court
is like the
let me find the exact
number in the exact
theory because
one of the kennedys i
think robert kennedy jr
is heavily involved in this shit and
a lot of people have been paid off by vaccine
court because
and it’s in the thousands of families
because of their children suffering from
brain damage
after being
vaccinated that they had
brain swelling and
brain damage and they received
sizable reward from the courts
now if that’s really true
how do we not know that you know you’re not damaging
other shit with vaccinations
especially like
heavy duty vaccinations
with through marisol and all that
stuff that’s been linked i mean the
stuff that they removed from
from vaccines
it’s a real
heavy debated
issue because people don’t want to think a
people have had
to their children
vaccinated they don’t want to
think that they’ve done anything
wrong to their children
and people who have children that are autistic
they want to
blame someone and so they try to
blame the vaccination but the
the bottom line
is you know you’re injecting chemicals into your baby
when you’re
not even supposed to give kids fucking peanut butter
you’re not even supposed to give
babies peanut butter because they
might have a peanut allergy
right but yet you can
shoot them up with all
these fucking chemicals
yeah you know i don’t know you know this whole
jenny mccarthy
debate no and she’s running around saying that you
know vaccinations
cause autism to the kids but i have friends that say
their kids were normal we have a friend that we know
that say his kid
got the measles
mumps and rebellion
and then instantly
was different
like instantly
became detached
got fucking
weird and the kid has some serious autism now
whether or not it’s connected or whether or not
he had a pre
existing condition that was exacerbated by
those vaccinations that’s possible as well but
who the fuck knows what’s causing all this shit it
could be you know just the amount of
pollution the higher
levels of carbon dioxide in the air it could be
you know the preservatives in food it
could be you know it
could be a bunch of shit
but it also
could be the
it could be the fact that as
civilization progresses the need to have all
these emotions
and the need to
exist the way people have always
existed is morphing
it’s changing
you know we’re
gonna be like fucking aliens
i mean if you think
about like all the depictions of
aliens in science fiction
the advanced
aliens they’re always
super unemotional
take me to your leader
you know it’s like that type of shit
it’s like we kind of inherently know
that emotions are sort of holding back progress
and as human beings become
super technical
or super technologically evolved
that eventually we’re
gonna get to a
point where we’re not irrational and emotional
know and you think
about like the shit that happened with that
crazy girl that got you arrested
like what was that it’s nutty emotions like
chaos and emotions
you know you think
about almost all murders that’s why japanese people
never have domestic violence issues
well they do have jack
they do that’s silly
do you don’t even have any issues to support the sun
i mean
you know but you think
about that like when we think about like alien life
super advanced alien life you know
the guy from the day that
earth stood still he’s always super
stoic and unemotional
yeah you know
i mean we kind of inherently know
that that is the future
that that’s where we’re headed and that’s autism
i mean it’s kind of a fucked up thing to think
but i mean maybe all
these people like one out of a hundred have autism
and the debate as to whether or not it’s been
you know just
they’ve changed the diagnosis
i don’t know if that’s the case and i don’t
think you know either
a debate as to what is causing it
look the only
way you know what’s causing it is you take the
exact same biological
human being
you do a bunch of shit to him
he has autism
you go back in time you try
it without the shit you see if he develops autism you
start removing things
other than that
i mean it’s just speculation when you’re dealing with
these kind of numbers
one out of a hundred i mean
these are pretty significant numbers
you know you have a thousand people you
have a hundred autistic kids you know that’s nutty man
that’s crazy you got a hundred thousand
there’s a lot
of goddamn people have you ever seen retard porn
there is a retard
porn yeah you’re seeing it
what if they do retard fart porn
would that be like
oh retard fart porn be awesome
no it’s weird because like retard porn
you feel like you’re
watching something
illegal but then you’re like wait this is an adult
then you’re like wait he
doesn’t really
know he’s getting fucked with a dildo in his asshole
no they do dildos oh
dude i saw some the
other day some hardcore retard porn
where this girl who was also retarded
was shoving a dildo up this retarded guy’s asshole
and the girl seemed like more retarded
but the guy
i don’t know it’s so
weird and i
started watching i’m like
what it’s awful
i don’t ever
watch it don’t ever watch it
you know that’s the
thing about
we talked about porn like who buys porn today
the problem is like fucking nobody’s buying porn
so to make money in porn they
gotta go deep
well you know porn always has
these walls that they hit and they
always come out of it because when the bottom line is
there’s always
gonna be porn you
know but how do you make
money though when there’s so much of it already
on the internet you know it’s really amazing how
like movies and
stuff like that are having a hard time getting their
videos off the internet
but if you try to find like a movie
like if you want to find this a certain
movie in porn
a lot of these websites all work together like
these you porns and
stuff like that
they’ll give you a 30
minute 30 second
clip or something like that but they’re keeping the
majority of their main
movies off all
these websites
which i found
real amazing what do you mean like
if you’re trying to find
a jenna jameson
movie a two hour jenna
jameson movie
compared to seeing avatar okay
so but you can get an unbit torrent easily yeah
but you know
how many porn stars are there not on bit torn really
it’s not the same as like pirate bay
you know porns harder to find
bet you’re wrong
i bet if you go to news
groups and shit i bet they
trade shit at a
rapid rate i
think you’re just not
obsessed it’s just not
there as much that’s what i’m saying
i mean you can go to pirate bay has a lot of porn
they have porn on
some porn but it’s not pirate
pirate bay is not
about porn though it’s only
about like wares and it’s
about movies
music video
files about
everything it really is about porn
but it’s not the same percentage of porn like 25
of everything on the internet is porno
i’m just saying that
the main the
thing that porn’s getting into the most i
guess nowadays
is having personal websites so if you find a girl
i see if you have
a girl like
so and so down the street
yeah you become a
member for nine
bucks a month and you get her
in a webcam
just sitting there playing with a butthole
you know yeah that’s like the big deal
right as webcam shows
for those girls
they have the facebook page
like that girl that’s on
our message board
crazy amber
yeah crazy amber
literally makes her living
by doing like
live webcam shows and she’s a
founder she’s one of the
first girls to ever do hd
video on the internet for
yeah she wrote
about on our website remember
she had like a
press release
like six years ago yeah
hd 2004 yeah
yeah she’s a pretty fucking she’s heavily tech
check associated
yeah she’s i don’t know what her
website is a
crazy amber
calm or ambers
amateur hardcore
calm something yeah
just look up
crazy and you’ll find her
if you want to find her to find her she’s
crazy amber on the rogan board
if you don’t know what the rogan
board is i got a forum that has like
it’s almost like
three million
it’s up to posts on it it’s a pretty wild form any
fucked up news anything that’s
going on anything that’s
crazy any new
video that came out anything that
anything bananas
is on forums joe rogan
net the rogan board
if you get on the
board and you sign up and you
could be a member anybody
could be a member but
if you’re a dickhead if you act like a retard
we pink you
and what pink you is is there’s two forums
there’s one forum
that’s the regular forum it’s called shit talking 101
and there’s another forum
that’s called special ed
and what special
ed is is when
you are too fucked up you need too much attention
you cause too much trouble
start fucking
you know just
harassing people and being annoying
starting dumb arguments a
stalker i’ve noticed
with twitter is a lot more creepy
stalkers than i thought they
there’s just a
bunch of people out there that are fucking nuts and you
wouldn’t ordinarily let them into
your life and now because of the internet you know they
get into your life and you got to figure out a way to
filter them
you know i mean look
sometimes we have this chat here
and i look at the chat and sometimes
people are just
constantly saying dumb annoying
stupid shit over and over and over and over and over
again but the beautiful
thing is you just
click on them and ban them
you know and that’s the beautiful thing
about twitter too like some people twitter you
stupid shit
and all they’re trying to do is get your attention
that’s all they’re trying to
do but what’s
scary is like there’s
a few people that they wake up from the morning to
sleep every
three minutes
writing a message
you’re like this is what this person’s life is
no like on twitter
oh yeah like some of
these people really
creep me the fuck out well it’s
given them a direction
too it’s given some people
something to do
something to
look forward to they get to interact with you know all
these different
human beings man like that slurp out
girl that you guys always talk
about what are you doing
you talking shit
she’s right there
she fucking
has the one sided
she’s been trying to fuck me for the last two
months just fuck her dude why is it
i have not said one word to her but every
every day she goes
right i want to fuck your face are we gonna
you’re handsome fellow she wants some dick
i don’t see anything
wrong with that it’s called
she’s just forward she’s a forward young lady
but you know what’s
funny is like
i follow her sometimes
and she’s like having fallen conversations with jenna
jameson like
right back and forth and i’m like that
goes back and forth yes
what do you
think of the goldman
sachs case do you know about that
you know what golden
sax is now golden
sax is a gigantic bank that’s getting sued now
by the federal
government is actually looking into him they’re
gonna bring the
court and they’re
gonna they’re
gonna try them
and figure out how the fuck they defrauded people they
shorted what they did was they they sold people a
bunch of they told people to buy
things and then they
banked against it
so they told people that what
shorting means is
like say if you
decide that
you know you look at the
market and you say okay this company is
gonna take a shit they’re
gonna fall apart
but you keep selling
that company to your clients
you keep telling them hey you
should invest in
this company because this company is a good investment
but meanwhile you’re shorting
which means you’re betting that that company is
going to fail on the side
and they made tons of
money they basically fucked over
their customers
and manipulated the whole
system and made fucking
hundreds of billions of dollars for this
there’s this guy matt
tyebe he’s been writing
about this in
rolling stone magazine
fascinating and infuriating articles all
about the corruption that’s involved in
wall street
and it’s fucking
mind blowing that they can
still pull that shit off in 2010
you know this is one
thing i said on
stage this weekend i’ve been talking
about this a lot
like you know when people talk
about well you don’t
understand the economy is complicated
here’s what i don’t
understand there’s the same amount of fucking people
okay there’s same amount of shit
the same amount of metal
same amount of
materials same amount of people buying things
where the fuck did
all the money go
what happened
well the stock market
crashed and the housing
market was inflated and fell but
what the fuck are you even saying
what does that mean
to me that means that the
system’s bullshit
it means the whole
system is fucking nuts i
think everyone knows that
system’s bullshit
though i don’t know why you’re such a president but
it’s not that i’m surprised
what i’m surprised of is that it keeps going
it’s what we’ve talked
about this before that our
system is like
our culture our
system of government is like windows 98
windows ninety five with like a hundred viruses
and we’re just
throwing patches at it trying to fix
things trying to work around stuff
but that’s really what it’s like it’s like this
ancient fucking
stupid system that
doesn’t work
and it crashes all the time it’s got all these bugs
and it’s filled with corruption
you know and yet still
there’s no solutions for it
move to an island
what can you
do you can’t even move
you can’t even move son what are you
gonna do over there for work
you gonna fucking pick coconuts
how about you
going back to manual
you would be so happy
people that talk about like
how they hate society the way it is
right now you
would be so fucking
happy if you
moved to an
island you had to work for a living to come back here
you’d be so
happy to go back to
where life was and just pay 28
i remember when i was in high
school and i was on vacation in myrtle
beach which is the
whitest trashiest
vacation ever
but i remember talking to this guy and all he did
every day was open
up this like little shack that looked like a grass hut
and make margaritas for people
and he just sat there
every day i
think we were
i was talking to him i’m like you did this
every day he goes
fuck yeah i see the hottest
chicks i sit here on the beach
i do nothing but make
drinks man it’s the
greatest life ever i’m like
i love this guy i was like
he makes just enough
i mean he probably
could never make
enough to buy like something huge or anything
but he gets by
right he gets by he probably relies on credit and
stuff but that as a life to me i was like oh you just
pretty much do what you like to do
you know i don’t
know yeah there’s an argument for that man there’s
definitely an argument for the dude that
checks out becomes like an ex patriot
moves to costa rica
sits on the fucking beach and
drinks margaritas while the
world explodes in the distance
yeah i mean there’s an argument for that my dad’s
about to retire he’s
60 something just
about to retire this year
and i’m like aren’t you scared that you know you’re not
gonna have any income coming in at all and he goes
it’s kind of
scary but i’ve
saved up so much and i’m like yeah but
you could have one hospital
thing fuck your life up
and then now you have to go back to work like 20 years
later and you’re
gonna be out
of the loop working at fucking grocery stores
trying to pay for your wife to buy new diapers for her
you know and that
freaks me the fuck out
how much does your dad have
saved up i mean how
many years worth of
money i’m not really sure but it’s probably i’m
it’s over a million i
would imagine
got over a million dollars
yeah yeah i
think that’s what you
see i don’t under
are you sure
yeah yeah i know
but i don’t think
so you’re that
smart yeah but still but
nowadays a million dollars
and you go to the doctor and you get fucking chemo
you’re paying like
two hundred thousand dollars you know or something like
that definitely
make sure you keep up on your health insurance yeah
that’s scary to me it is
scary he can
he can because he
could live another 50 years
how old you dead
62 or something like this
fuck is your dad gonna live
up to years
well i mean
you know you know what i’m saying
he’s never gonna die too
he’s never gonna die
he’s my daddy
no he couldn’t live 40 years what
does he want to do like when he retires does he have a
thing that he wants
to do he likes he’s just like me but
they didn’t have computers so he does
everything else with like
building things
so like he’ll make like a hot tub
in his living room
you know that
build his own yeah he’ll
build like the
whole living room and hot tub just for fun
oh wow cool
well things like that
that keep people
happy man hobbies and things do
maybe he can invent something and sell it
maybe he should concentrate
on trying to do that well he’s been trying to
break with a
perpetual motion for the longest time so he has all
these perpetual motion
machines in his basement
and you go in there and it’s just magnets with bikes
sickle tires and like
and he’s got like 15 patents he builds
things all the time but see that it’s like he builds
a computer that gets rayed
on out of your
bathroom you know and then you’re like what’s
rate on gas
yeah well why
doesn’t he just
i mean that seems like a really
promising alan in pursuit
is that creative
maybe he should just
think about that
think about
retiring and
using all his
time to try to come up with some new way to make income
right that’s not totally you need to
make something yeah why not fuck it man
dude you know better to take that chance at 60
then 60s that we said he was
better to take
that chance at 60 than to take that chance when
you’re fucking you’re almost dead and you’re like god i
should have done something interesting
you know what if he
what if he makes it and when falls on he
starts making a good living off of something he created
oh yeah that’s awesome
get up at noon
and fucking go to the coffee shop and you
know check this out
check this how
crazy sometimes
things happen in life you know
they were supposed to come out and
visit me next
month and he was
gonna retire the following month
and my stepmom was thinking
about retiring
the following
month and then i
broke up with my relationships
so they decided not to come
the following day
after deciding not to come
they’re getting late my stepmom’s getting laid off
but because she had like over a week
of vacation
time set aside
that she’d never use
they have to like
force some kind of like
year pension
plan or whatever
the bottom line is
just because she didn’t they didn’t take that vacation
she gets paid for a year for no reason
whoa an extra year
so if she would have
visited me and bought that ticket
she would have
been screwed
ah the corporate world
i love women
out do you believe in fate and
stuff like that and like
things that happen for a reason do you believe that you
think everything’s
kind of set out and you really can’t change it
it’s easy to be cynical
about that idea but
it also seems
sometimes like it almost seems like life is scripted
you know and in your situation
i think it seems
like it’s sometime in my situation in my life
sometimes it seems so
ridiculous that it almost seems like
we are living our own movie
right you know that
that you know that and and the more
gonzo the fucking news gets the more
bizarro you know
our culture gets the more it seems like a
movie the more it seems like
it almost seems fake
it almost seems like we’re living in a dream
you know and
if you look at like some of the
things that happened to certain people
you go well what’s it attributable
to is it is it can you attribute it to
the fact that they have
lived a positive life and so good
things are happening to them and is it
karma so is
karma real because that’s like one of the
trippiest spaceiest of
notions ever
so is that what’s really going on
or is it because there’s a
grand plot to life
is it because life is like
a gigantic mathematical equation there’s like a set
there’s a set result that’s
going to happen no matter
what that’s all working towards that set result and
you getting a certain
job and you meeting a certain person is all part of the
grand plan of the universe
it’s fucking
weird it is weird it’s
you can’t say one or the other
you can’t say yes
i believe in fate and fate is real
i mean you should consider it
but you also
can’t say fate’s not real and you decide your
own destiny because i don’t know if that’s true either
you know i mean we are a
weird combination of biology
of life experiences of
genetics you
know there’s a lot of shit going on
know how you interpret the life
experience the people you come in contact
with that help you rethink the way you look at things
i mean how many
people have you ever met that inspire you
and literally change the way you think
about those
all the time
it makes me
wonder if i was supposed to meet this person
and go through this experience
and like a lot of times i just want to
like i feel like that lost
sound is going on in the back of
you know because
it just seems like it’s just like that like it’s just
a weird like
some shit just seems fake
i think a lot
of it is because you’re living your life the
right way yeah i think
a lot of as you live in real life positive
you’re not being shitty to anybody you’re not creating
karma is a real thing
definitely i
believe for
sure believe
karma is there that’s why this fuck that’s ratting out
larry king’s wife yeah he’s
gonna get it shit’s
gonna hit the fan for you son
he’s gonna have nipple cancer in two weeks
it’s gonna get ugly
i don’t know i don’t know if it’s true and i
think you know it’s one of
those subjects
where people are very
polarized on it
you know that some people
will people will argue like
vehemently that
their size correct
because it’s sort of like
like a windows
versus mac argument
you know it’s like a religion
versus atheism argument it’s like
you know people want to be correct
they choose a
stance they choose a camp that they’re in
you know and
fate is one of the weird ones
i’m open to
the idea that there’s a fate i’m open to the idea
that life really
is like some sort of a gigantic equation
and that it’s moving toward something i don’t know
i try to keep an open mind
about all that
stuff because i
think as soon as you
decide that you
have the information one way or another you’re being
silly yeah because you’re
gonna block off
and only hear what you want to hear
and then you’re
not living the right ride
i mean we have friends that believe in nutty
things and we’ve had conversations with
these friends that believe in nutty things and
you can tell they are not even considering the fact
that these nutty
things that
they believe in are in fact just nutty things
that’s a disconnect
you know and
you said it best when you said you’re not keeping
everything on the table
that’s rule number one
rule number one you have to keep it all on
the table and even when you have 100
everything on the table you
could possibly put on the table why even bothered
taking the table away you know if something comes up
right there should be no reason exactly
we get married to
an answer a yes or a no a side
of for against
you know i mean
it’s like religion it’s like anything else
human beings are very insecure
and you know our life
inherently is insecure and because of that i
think we try to
we try to put
things in a box
so that we can deal with
them well they’re in a box there it is we’ve got it
labeled it’s
wrapped up okay
okay god is not real it’s in that box
let’s move on
okay do we like
windows or we like mac i say windows mac is
for faggots
put it in the box we move on we’re
not for faggot
you’re getting to this is just
well for idiots
idiots like
that you know
i don’t know i think
i think we hit two
hours yeah i think
this is good we’re
gonna end on a
positive note
ladies gentlemen
so thank you very much for
tuning in when you come back next week we will have a
couch we will have better cameras we have
new video cameras coming in
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this week’s itunes will be as we said from
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so hopefully that will be the case so to be clean
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two audio versions of it
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net and if you have any suggestions there
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we’re gonna get some flashlights and we’re
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again thank you very much everybody we
appreciate the shit out of it
thank you for
tuning in we will see you next week tuesday as always
joe rogan on twitter red band
yeah and my
twitter is now just joe rogan it’s not joe rogan
net anymore it’s just joe rogan all right
later bitches