tada it came
out twice yeah
it’s it’s very oh did it yeah this thing’s very clunky
this you stream thing
ladies and gentlemen
thank you very much for tuning in
my guest this week
the lovely and talented Mr Doug Benson
hey everybody Doug
Benson everybody hey before we get
started we have
to mention that this show is being sponsored by The
Flashlight Doug Benson have you ever fucked one of
these things
I have not I
heard you and Dane Cook talking
about it last week they’re awesome man it’s really like
takes masturbation to a
whole new level
it seems you know it’s a very embarrassing
thing to purchase
it seems has that one been used or
is that just
for I would
never do that too is that just the
jokes recently
well not that you would
you know necessarily
mess it up just by holding it or whatever no
cause you don’t have to
touch anything I mean no one’s fucked it
I wouldn’t give you one at someone’s
fault that’s good yeah yeah that’s
wrong right
have you ever fucked a non taste
flashlight one no like I just fucked one the
other day completely different
it fucks it
doesn’t feel anything like better
worse oh way
worse way worse way
worse yeah somebody else told me that I
think it was Hephron said that he fucked
a knockoff fake
flashlight you said it wasn’t very good yeah
but these are outstanding
a lot of research it
seems like it’d be awesome but
now I totally get
what you were saying last week
about how it just
doesn’t it just
doesn’t feel
right in terms of
you feel bad
about yourself
yeah is it that’s
what’s so heavy
yeah that’s one
thing like I
guess you’d get a little bit of a
I’ve had other
light arm workout but
I’ll take it back
right turn my volume up
I’ve had other people
talk to me about this thing and
it’s an embarrassing
thing they’re like why
would you you know want to be
by this rubber vagina
like he keeps
coming up he came up with like another person that was
thinking about
sponsoring the show
they don’t want to be connected with the
flashlight really that’s so
weird to me it’s childish
it really it’s
childish but now you just get that company and
flashlight to outbid each
other until
yeah you would have
something like that
but then you would
never know I mean
then you show no loyalty
to something that you actually believe
if you don’t believe there’s anything
wrong with fucking this thing
and you want to pretend
it’s like one of
those things
where people don’t want to talk
about sexual
things because somehow or another talking
about sexual things
makes people uncomfortable
it’s creepy
but it’s a natural part of life
and like most rational people at a certain
point in time just kind of accept that
and then you can joke
about it and go hey I fuck this rubber pussy haha
is it good yeah it’s
great you should try it
and then everything’s good
but for some people it
never gets to that
place never gets
that comfortable yeah well
I think it depends on how comfortable you are with
other men like who
you kind of came up with and if you all talk to each
other that way or not you know like
I had a lot of fairly prudish friends like we’d say
dirty things but we wouldn’t
admit to any of our own personal
activities the way that I’ve seen
other groups of friends do it
you see these
packs of people that all just have a different code
about you know
whether they fucked a prostitute or not is
gonna come up in one
group but it’s not
gonna come up in another totally that’s so important
so important
hanging around the dudes are
gonna tell you everything
that’s so huge embarrassing
ridiculous retarded all of it I
wanna hear it come on
that’s you must get some good stuff from
everyone I know from
yeah but also like there’s
that’s like really kind of almost a code of
stand up these days is
just be super honest and
and it ends up
just to be original you kind of have to talk
about some stuff
that’s pretty
brutal and out there you know
yeah you can’t really do I mean it’s almost like the
Jerry Seinfeld
route has been
said so many times and gone
down so many roads it’s like I don’t see anything there
it’s like if you want to do
stand up today
it’s like you know
Jerry Seinfeld as
Jerry Seinfeld you know that
style is hilarious
at it but I don’t want to see a new one of those
well also he sort of
teach sort of turned it into another
thing like he made it popular
it’s more fun now to
watch actors on a show like The Office
recreating awkward situations that happen every day
that it is your one guy just describing it
yeah you know
the Seinfeld
show just sort of brought to life his comedy
and that made him a funnier guy to me because
prior to that he was a pack of
part of a pack of guys that all just did
clean cut observational humor
and I love them all I thought they were really
funny like guys like him and
Larry Miller and
and you know there’s a
bunch of them yeah I was a
big fan of the evening at the improv
yeah yeah and
those guys were on
those things all the time
I totally grew up on
watching that
stuff but then immediately embraced
stuff that’s more
you know like you can
you don’t have to just observe
things you can
yeah experience them yeah I want to hear like
I really tell me
what you did not what everybody does
I want to hear a dangerous thought to
admit I want to hear
you know I want to hear some some
truth that we can all agree with
I want to hear something fucked up to
I don’t want to hear the regular shit I get
bored with it
I’m tired of it
I wanna hear something you know
I like look forward to Joey
diaz’s sets more than anybody I like
strong joke writing though
you know I do too
that can get me through
but you’re right it’s like
as soon as he
starts to be too much
about the best is both right
yeah of course
yeah I love
anyone is a
great joke writer and
a good performer that’s that’s unbeatable that’s like
Louis CK yeah but you’re right
about Seinfeld
like he was he was
such a brilliant joke writer and deliverer like in his
style and then to have that show
and then you really see where
Kirby enthusiasm really got to see
where Larry
David had a big hands in it too
once I started
started seeing that show was like oh
okay this guy is like the king
of creating like really awkward situations that like
literally you
watch like some
of the shows you find yourself contorting
cause you like
what you fucking saying you know it’s so good
it’s he does such a good job of weaving
that web you know he’s one of my masters is he yeah
and it takes it up a notch too
that it’s like on HBO
so that the language in
those situations can be
like that’s part of it is he
often says you know he
often says some
he swears inappropriately in
front of people sometimes yeah
and subject you can’t
do that shit on Seinfeld because it had to be all TV
you remember when there was the
water bottle in his
pants and there was a little girl
and you know there was like some implication like
people thought that he had a hard on because a little
girl was there I forget how he set it up but I was like
wow yeah if you listed
everything that he was guilty of in the
7 seasons of that show he’s done some pretty horrible
things you know
like he does
the worst thing in
every situation you know like
I forget what he did to some
Holocaust survivors but it was I’m sure it was awful oh
shows like that are so important
show you that there’s like another
level out there
know like I think that’s important for
stand up still
don’t you think like it’s good sometimes to
watch somebody else
you know somebody really good you know
watch like a Bill Cosby in his
prime or something like that just to
really get inspired
or get you know just really kick it up to another
another gear
yeah it’s always good to
I think that’s a huge part of
I hate to give advice to people
starting out but one of the
things I say to them if they insist on having some is
watch as much
stand up comedy as you can
and unfortunately we get kind of
tired of watching it as
after we’ve done it for years and years
but it’s still important to kind of
check into it
every once in a
while because it just
ups your game and you know what everybody else is doing
yeah it inspires
you know it does something to you makes you
excited about performing
and I’m most
excited about writing
after I see like you know I’ll see Chappelle perform
I go fuck I just wanna go
right you know it just makes me want to create new shit
you know well that’s the other
great thing
about being a
stand up is when you have that impulse you
could just come up with one
great joke and be satisfied
like I hate it when I see a
great movie
and I’m driving home like I’m
gonna write a goddamn screenplay
and that’s just too big of a task to really
commit to in that moment of excitement
but writing a joke
you know you’re
excited about writing jokes and you
write a good one it’s like okay
I did that it’s like
10 20 minutes work
and then you’re in
and sometimes they come in full form
they’ll just
come to you out of the air it’s like a little gift
it’s amazing you were talking
about that with Dane Cook
about when you
say something
when the crowd is so great
the next sentence
after the joke
is probably
gonna get a
laugh anyway
but when it gets a
huge laugh then you
suddenly got a new end of the joke yeah out
of nowhere I
write out of the ether
yeah that’s
how most of my I you know I do most of my writing
on stage just in the sense that
you know sometimes I have a joke that’s worked out
you know perfectly beginning
middle and end but for the most part it’s more
like this is sort of something I want to try to address
and then just see
where it goes and
have a good joke
ready to go
right after it if it ends up yeah
not ending up getting anywhere
yeah I agree with you I do I do both
how high do you get before you go on stage
well now people
think I’m high whether I’m high or I’m not
like they just accuse me of it regardless so
you know it
I can be as high as I want to be
which is just you know it just all comes down
to timing you know if you have to race from the airport
you have to race from the airport to the gig you
might not be very high
but if you’re
if you’re chilling that day
you know and you got
a show at 8 o’clock and not much to do in the afternoon
other than you know
work on your computer and interviews and
stuff like that
like I get really high for interviews now like
phoners yeah me too
I love that I love that too just being
super big cause then
when they do
throw to you you will talk
until they stop you
and sometimes
they don’t jump in so you can really get a lot of
stuff in I know
I find myself
almost like feeling bad
for what I’m subjecting to interview or to sometimes
cause it’ll
start on some
like really innocent question and I’ll just
start going on about
what is the
cause of humanity what are we here for like there’s
totally nothing to do with anything we’re talking about
but in my mind what I’m
thinking about is
the whole vision of the
world and where it’s headed and
it might have been a really simple question
yeah and they needed to wrap it up so they
could play some more kesha
yeah and I’m just
super banked going on
about the universe it’s like it’s all coming to me in
these big waves
I just need to get it out
you know it is fun to get high and then
write you know or sometimes have you ever done this
have you ever gotten high and then went oh crap now I’m
starting to have ideas and I’m not in the mood to
like I’m not
ready to write down ideas
right now I want to just get high and watch TV
but now I’ve got it
now I’ve actually got to go to work for
a little bit because the ideas are too good to ignore
I got way too high the
other day and went on
stage and went
to the I was at the John lovett’s Comedy Club
so you think this dude I think
I was on a plane with Lovitz the
other day yeah
I got in his eyeline a couple times to
see if he knew who I was and he had no idea that’s bad
but if he was like holy shit you’re Doug Benson
would that give you
am I well no I
wouldn’t want
well I did grow
up on love it’s I mean
he has been in a lot of
great things and
I’ve always thought he was a
funny guy but
he was so sad sack acting that it
would be hard to be
excited about he’s a nice guy
he’s a really nice guy but he was just kind of like
traveling by himself you know how that is just like
humping through the airport like you
know just want
to get it over with just don’t want too many people to
you know I’m sure like
he must have gone through a period of time
where there’s some
that people yell at him or they’d say you’re a liar
all the time
and that’s the
ticket that’s the ticket
guy yeah yeah
he must have used to got that a lot
but now I’m sure he
doesn’t get it so much but
why don’t you use
technology to help with your ideas though
cause I know that you
instead of writing it down just like talk make a
movie do audio because that’s
right there in your pocket well I’m
starting to get there
like I finally got the most recent iPhone oh you did
I made the first
video that I ever
uploaded on the Internet
where I just filmed
myself doing something and then sent it out there
and I’m definitely
gonna do more of that
you should it’s
smart way to
go fast it’s
super fast super
smart and fast and it’s you know
people love content they want you to keep doing
stuff but were you saying
about being at the Love Its Club
comedy club oh I got way too baked
this guy gave me a cookie in between the stage Joey
there were like
these little
what are those little
long banana shaped
things called
you know I’m talking about
Scotty Scotty
not really banana but that’s the closest thing that’s
what it is I
could see the banana how do you describe that shape
heart shape cookie
hard coffee hard
cookie canoe
coffee cookie
that’s the best what a cookie can do cookie canoe
this guy I didn’t even eat 1/4 of one man I didn’t eat
he goes they’re really
strong okay just I took a bite one bite
45 minutes later I was on stage and I was aboard an
alien spacecraft while I was talking to these people
I mean I was barely there
barely there enough to communicate I was so high
there’s no way I should have been talking in public
that’s a surreal
space when you’re on
stage there too because of the way they have
those balconies
3 floors like
and the balconies are rather close to you but just
up high very shallow but really high and
it’s kind of exciting but also
it’s different than what we’re used to
yeah it’s cool I mean it was a fun club you know what’s
weird about that club is how the bars open and so
halfway through the show you’re just hearing clinking
and clunking and people that happens in a lot of
places I know I
think put a curtain
right up they
could but you know what it ain’t that bad
like San Francisco
punchline doesn’t have a career
and that works out okay yeah
that’s far somehow it adds to the ambiance though
all that noise
as long as people aren’t douchey
it doesn’t matter but you are
right it does give an opportunity for
things to get annoying
anytime you have 1bar
where people can
stand and order a
drink you’re fucked or
divert attention
to from the
crowd or get
through it quick
quietly cause people
yeah people
start hitting
on people and talking the last show I did like
where it was a
standing room show
me and Joey
did the show in Memphis and was like this last
minute booking and it was
a rock club
and so we’re like oh yeah they have bands there
fuck it well you know I’m sure it’ll be set up fine
and the guys like he wants to do
standing room
I usually don’t I said okay
fine fuck it the
whole half the room was standing
half the room was seated and was really strange
it was like you’re
standing on
a stage and to your right
everyone seated
and to your left is 1bar
so literally like
everything to your left is like
there’s like 200 people just standing
and talking yeah of course it’s like you’re doing
stand up in 1bar and
they’re barely paying
attention yeah they’re acting like a band is on stage
I used to do that at the
House of Blues too but now
after we went to see Stanhope
and we had a stand
and it was horrible it was like
after an hour like your fucking back hurts your neck
starts to kink up
and so I said I’m not
going to subject anybody this anymore yeah
it is I feel bad for people when they’re
standing during the show
do you ever say no
that you won’t do
those shows and just I haven’t
I haven’t really gotten to that position where like
you know if that’s an option and that’s
gonna get more
bodies in the
venue you know
gets less bodies in the
venue you lose money
but it’s to me it’s better
oh to let him sit you mean
to let him sit yeah yeah yeah that’s the
thing is so I’m not as big a
I’m not such a draw that they’re
like coming to me begging me to let everybody stand
right you know I’ve been on comedians
of comedy tours with with Pat and Oswalt where
standing and it’s a
it’s amazing how much they’ll put up with like
David Cross the
standing shows all the time
and his shows go on forever and his bands come out and
that crowd is okay with it but I don’t
think my crowd I
think stoners
would rather sit down
I mean I think
they’re fine and okay with it I
mean if there was
only an opportunity to go see a
great comic you
know even if I wasn’t even doing
stand up it was
Chappelle or something like that I
would stand I’d
stand for 2
hours I mean how
often does this guy come to town
once a year
shit I can stand for 2
hours for once a year but it’s not the best feeling
the best way is to
sit down and chill
you sit down and
chill then you
could really
enjoy the jokes when you’re sitting down relaxing
everything’s more fun
what’s the worst is when they have couches in a comedy
club yeah like oh here’s the VIP seats and it’s like a
couch in the back where they
not only can get loud but they also
you know just
their lounging around it’s not the right
it’s not the
right posture to
watch comedy
unless you’re like I like
stoned or something yeah you were totally
right I like it when
the seats are
fixed fixed seats into
the so they can’t even move them like at the
Commie Works in Denver
I was just gonna say that
that place is
crazy they got
those little tiny trays that are
smaller than a square
desk or an airline tray and
they just put
their nachos and
their drinks on it and
the people are in there so tight
and it’s underground it’s really
that place is almost perfect the only
thing I’d say
that I don’t like
about it is just the
you know it gets a little rowdy sometimes it gets rowdy
the crowd noise is like
it’s a win when they’re
cheering for you and applauding
cause it’s so loud
but then when they’re talking
amongst themselves when they’re like you know losing
focus that’s really loud too
Denver is pretty
they get wild man yeah
Colorado people get wild yeah it’s
a lot of wild cowboy
in Colorado
and I think
the alcohol and the weed both
hit you harder because of the altitude
fuck yeah it does you’re a mile up in the air man
you ever tried working out up there
yeah I’ve tried
tried doing a lot of
things there that I you know regret
it I went to amusement park there one day oh my God and
yeah and it’s just like it was fun but
you know much more exhausting than
going to amusement park should be
yeah I can only imagine
yeah walking up hills is
tough up there I went hiking once
and it was like a full on workout like I was breathing
heavy and sweating it’s like
this is crazy
this is not
where you want the mountain line to catch you
I’ll heave in and out of breath and shit
can’t even make it up the hill
that’s the way Joe Rogan
thinks that there
might be a mountain lion well my dog got
eaten by a mountain lion oh God
when I lived in
Colorado my dog got
eaten by a mountain
lion oh crap
yeah we saw the mountain lion
I’ve hid weed in Colorado
you’ve hidden it yeah at a comedy club
and I’ve been
waiting for the day to go back to this comedy club to
see if it’s
still there
wow kind of like
me and Ari were talking
about the other day we
started hiding weed at
comedy club instead of
throwing it away and
stuff does weed ever go bad that’s
smart no it
doesn’t I mean it loses its potency
a little bit but you’re talking
about 6 months to a year it’s fine it’s
gonna be dry and it’s
gonna hit you harder you’re
gonna get stoned
really yeah
Joey likes drying his weed out he takes his weeds out
like a radiator me too
try that shit out cocksucker
I used to keep it in the freezer
really yeah I used to
it gets moisture
in it that way I like it dry I like it to burn
and make it look good
supposedly you put anything in a
freezer it lasts longer be
it like batteries
yeah I’m asking
you that but meanwhile I put my coffee in the
freezer I don’t know why I do that yeah exactly
there’s a weird parents did it
right I just
really did it
because people
suggested it or somebody said it somewhere
and then after a
while I was like why am I doing this
I’m getting
through this weed fast enough that I don’t need to
I freeze it for another generation
this edible
thing taught me a lesson
man I will not eat anybody else’s
shit and then go on
stage it was a dude that I had known
and I he’s one of
those professionals nobody can ever know though
yeah but you buy a nice
story buying
it from somebody you don’t know oh no totally
no you’re totally true
everybody to me is always like just eat
half of this and
every time I take them up on it it’s either much
stronger than that implied or weaker than that implied
like people are
never really that
that’s what I like
about smoking is
the people behind the
counter and the dispensary
can give you a little bit more specific guidance
than you can’t with
edibles it’s always just like yeah
dude so you won’t in
about an hour some of
these assholes put too much in
they need to get Amazon rates you
bet you’re right
you know they need Amazon reviews
every time you take a
you know purple
erect from this store
this is what happened this is how much it took well you
know you know and there was a job in
Colorado one of the
local newspapers to be
a marijuana critic
right and I got the job I signed up for it
and they were
like are you serious I’m like fuck yeah I want to
write it was
right before we had to move
but when I was there
I was gonna go to different weed
stores and and
grade them like
somebody else
is doing that now they
should like I think
they gave that job to somebody yeah I remember reading
about it somewhere that
that yeah that’s something they wanted to do
you know I read it on some like
Celeb Stone
or something some website
was was talking about it
I thought of
earlier when you mentioned Doug Stanhope
it was funny a couple days ago
I worked at a club and the guy
wrote me a check and I went home I didn’t
really look at it and I went home and the next morning
I looked at it and he’d written the
check out to Doug Stanhove
like it was late and he was
tired and Doug plays that club too so it was
funny that he wow
wrote down the wrong name
he’s like degenerate number 2
have you ever
gotten no you’ve
never gotten a
check that says Joe Piscopo on
no Tony dam’s a junior
I sign credit card well that’s just a flat
kit and stuff
like that like anytime I sign
a credit card or any kind of credit card slip I always
write something like
tacos let me ask
you this why such a
are you free to change the way you sign
your shift yes
you can’t say that your tea is not a B
No but it’s not
a person that’s not
what I’m saying like say if you have a signature
right your signature
is supposed to represent how you
write it your own
very unique way of doing it
right is it
can you just decide
I don’t like it that way now I’m
gonna do this with a star in the middle of it and well
you’re just helping them out because then you could get
every letter of
the alphabet so they know exactly what your handwriting
style looks like
you know it’s your
signature you
still writing the same word every time
what I’m saying is
could you just
totally change it up yeah that’s what I do
every time I change my
sign a credit card
I do Brad Pitt or I hate tacos so what’s the point if
you’re totally
changing it
up and if that’s cool if you’re allowed to do that
what’s the point in having a signature then
because you
have to say did you sign this is it’s your signature
go yes I did sign that
that’s it but you know
then they say
what about the one where it’s
where you’re signing that
screen thingy isn’t that kind of at
least capturing the image and
checking to see if it matches how you know no no
no no it’s just writing
it just printing it on
it so you could just on
those things you could just
yeah you could
type stars in anything well when I was a kid I
could imitate Gene Simmons signature
I could imitate
Ace Freelies because I had
copied over
their signatures
I was like a huge Kiss fan
and someone
could do that with you easy
especially in
those little
stupid things at the credit card
where you’re signing your name but it
doesn’t look like how you write your
name it’s not even
close and who cares
you know how I
learned it because
I used to date
type her name in
like cursive
letters and
it took fucking like an
extra minute
and I’m just like
that’s it you’re not doing this anymore this drives me
crazy this is an extra
minute at the cash register
so I go I just
started signing it for her
and I started saying like farts and fuck
face and talk
I usually just do tacos and
stuff off with
interesting obsessions they got the new taco shaped
Brad Pitt flashlight if you’d like to try it yep
that reminded me of
something though oh what
I do is I have a signature that I sign for stuff with
and then when people ask me to sign
stuff I just
print my name
oh but I always
try to say something nice to them so it’s at
least personalized
but they’re not really getting my
signature they’re just getting my name written out hmm
that church
how do you use
paranoid about this
whole identity
theft so you won’t sign
things because of that yeah
wow that’s weird
I mean why let someone
like a Gene Simmons
wouldn’t want somebody to be able to do a
great job with his
signature I
would imagine
yeah well you know you should
definitely be paranoid
about identity
theft when it comes to credit cards but I don’t really
think you should worry
about your signature it’s too easy to duplicate just
carry around a stamp
I mean you’d have to I don’t
think I mean
who has the kind of
technology is it
also you can’t read my
signature and I
think when you signing
something for somebody when they show it to people
right you know if it has your name on it that’s one
thing but if you’re just signing
anything then
when somebody looks at it I
think it’s nice to go oh
Doug Benson
wrote that my signature you can’t read I don’t think
that it is handwriting I don’t
think it’s that
they’re that good at that at recognizing
you know shit I don’t think
I think you
could imitate it
you could figure out how to
write so many signature
and you could probably pull it off
close enough
yeah you just
have to find it somewhere so you just have
to watch their
motion if you
watch them if you film them do it
you saw like how they do it
he could just imitate it well that’s
where my paranoia sets in is when
I’m at the ATM
the beeping
noises that the
numbers make that takes the privacy out of the number
someone was just
watching the site and recording it right
they could figure out the numbers easy and then like
you know Jack you up
around the corner and then use your card and take out
whatever the maximum is
what did you see the new
thing there’s a new app for
Chase Bank that you
could actually scan a check
front and back and
with your iPhone and send it and it deposits the
check and then you just rip up the check
wow that’s too
that’s too easy
what about the
using your iPhone to
check in on a
plane like the barcode
ticket can be on your
iPhone and I just run that yeah my fear is you know
your iphone’s dead then you don’t have a
ticket yeah
and your iPhones die man
especially if you fuck around
the new one dies so fast
you know you make a
video and it’s your powers half gone yeah
yeah you got to think
about that if you’re
using the camera for sure
but it came it’s such a
great thing to have a good camera the
other day we were in San Francisco we
ate some Chinese food
after the show
it was like
2 o’clock in
the morning we’re outside and this I saw it I
watched the
whole truck you
tweeted it I watched it
and I was like he must be so high
cause you kept saying is the craziest shit you ever saw
and I know you’re at UOC
fights every
other week so
I know you’ve seen some crazier shit than a bunch of
strippers in the back of a
some sort of
weird plastic
car I probably have seen some crazier shit
definitely but it was
crazy and I was so high yeah yeah I
was like it’s just
like you can’t believe it and now to be able to just
share it with everybody
you were like double rainbow but
with the fucking
van full of strippers
you were so excited
about it it was so
ridiculous to me it was such a sign of the time
to me it was like a
scene in a movie
right before the meteor hit
right before the
aliens landed
and somebody audio tune
that joe’s video
audio tune joe’s
video there’s this big oh yes
there’s this big
clear box that pulls up
and there’s girls dancing it’s a fish tank of skanks
and they’re dancing
I mean it was the most
ridiculous thing
I’ve ever seen in my life it’s for the Hustler Club
we had a rewind the
video to find out but the cop
pulled them
over because they
should be sitting
while it’s in motion
you can’t be dancing
while we’re driving
but they just
did like a quick
they didn’t really like
because that was what
I was waiting for is like them having to get out and
get cuffed we
thought that
might have happened we thought they
might be going to jail like
maybe it’s illegal to do that because it seems so
ridiculous but
apparently it’s not
one of the things that was
funny is when we’re filming the girl and I didn’t film
their faces I wouldn’t
I did specifically
did it say it
was already in
a plastic car I know
if I’m gonna
put it online you don’t need to see your face online
you’re only
stripping for a week
that shit’s on the Internet forever so I didn’t
use their face
but anyway while I’m filming it
the girl goes no filming
like we’re in the club like
bitch you’re in
front of a Chinese restaurant
okay you’re not at the club
if we’re at
the club and I’m filming you yeah that’s a dick move
but you just can’t come out into the real
world in your underwear
and I can’t take a
picture of that
that’s crazy
well that’s like the
the sexy top and the you know keep your eyes up here
mister it’s like well come on
Jesus Christ I know you know what you’re doing
right you know how
the game works yeah they only want you to look if they
want you to look but you know it’s there for everybody
my eyes are here
god damn it yeah let’s do this here I
wonder if you’re
a pope mobile for
strippers and
you don’t want us to look at you it’s awesome though
it was awesome it was just like such a such of
just 1/1 of all just a perfect representation of
how nutty San Francisco is I wonder
if that just
goes such a nutty day but it’s
just that yeah that like probably no one will complain
about that no one no
and I’m sure some kids saw it
oh a lot it’s just so
liberal there so open minded it’s a
weird town man
I wonder if that law with
sitting down
while you turning the corner
if it came from the back in the old days
where it was like a pickup
truck and girls
would just fly off the side
well no I think you have
to have your seatbelt on
I think if you’re in a car you have to wear a seatbelt
right I mean that’s a
lot if you get pulled over for something else I
think I don’t know
they can just
pull you over
no they can
pull you up for
seatbelt oh
I had no idea I thought it was an add on charge no
that’s illegal
I was in a cab in San Francisco and the crusty
older lady cab driver told me
she goes If you ever want to
drive around without a seat belt on because
she goes I don’t
like how seat belts feel I don’t like to have it on
especially if you got big
boobs it must be an
annoying thing
so she fastens it behind her back
so that it is
so that because because
the what the cops look for is the glint of the buckle
because you
haven’t got
it pulled down you have you don’t have the buckle
so they see that and then they
put they can pull you over for that and then get you up
for other shit pull you over
dude yeah they got
you over for that and then they go
we thought you had your seatbelt off and then they can
you know oh we
smell marijuana or whatever if you get
pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt you’re a douche
any cop just pulls you home just
gonna pull this person over for
I like wearing it to be honest with you
I’ve been pulled over for that I’ve had
a guy tell me to do it really
and he said he said you
would drive away