morning start the broadcast
shazam you gotten really good at this job
fucking on my goddamn wizard this shit now son
i know exactly
how to do it i get that shit up and running
very great ladies and gentlemen welcome to
this has got to be like our 12th real podcast
or something
like that i can’t believe i’ve kept it up this long
and it’s all because you fuckers
cause it was
and you haha
that’s awesome here we go
it’s all because you people
positive energy
that i get from you guys and all the
all the people that i run into on the road
that say they love the podcast
keeps you doing it so we’re
gonna keep doing it
and it’s fun as fuck
you know and
it’s on itunes now you can get it on itunes i
think it’s just joe
roman podcast that what it is yeah
yeah the one that has the most ones
there’s a couple
other ones that
other people have created
but this is the real
one there’s also people that have noticed that they’ve
taken straight up bits and put it
on itunes and put
underneath the podcast name
you might want to get on
you know my attitude
about the internet is always that the internet
you know you can’t
can’t put any energy into trying to take your shit down
because especially as a comedian
it’s inconvenient sometimes like i go
places and people
have already seen bits that aren’t out on anything yet
and they’ve seen it because somebody youtube did
and then you know stanhope has a
whole bit about
you know how
people will put your shit on youtube when it’s not done
and the way stanhope works
and the way i work we both work real similar in that
we have an idea and it’s
never like totally done you keep adding to it and
tweaking it
and then when you put it on a recording at
least there it’s kinda done
you know but
often times like
i’ll put something on a recording and then like a week
afterwards or two weeks or even a
month later
i have a better tagline so before the
before the things even on
television i have like a new better way to do it
you know but
somebody once said to me that you got to look at
stand up comedy as like
every performance is just
they they’re just capturing a moment in time
which is true
once you’ve got some good
stuff out there but
it’s not true if you don’t have anything good out there
so if you don’t like
until like shiny
happy jihad i was not
happy with any of my stuff
i would do it and i was like oh so
like when i did that 2005
the one that’s just called joe rogan live
the one is out of print
we know the one that was from netflix
the one that was from netflix
that we did in phoenix
when i was doing that i was doing the man show ufc
comedy and fear
factor at the same time i was doing all of them at once
and i was frazzled
and it was just like
it wasn’t my best performance
like i wasn’t
like when i when i look at it i say i
think that i’m like
tense i’m not like
enjoying myself
so i think you know
but that’s that one
i consider like that’s a moment of time like that at
least it was better than the
stuff that i had before
you know my
first cd i liked some of the bits but
it’s like my delivery was kind of fucked up back then
but now i looked at it
you know i look at the
stuff that’s out now it’s like you know
every now and then someone can like
videotape something like before
wait before it becomes anything
you know like you’ll
videotape me just talking shit on stage
and then you know
it’ll become
a bit somewhere down the line but
you know by
the time someone if i go to a show somewhere
if they’re a fan they download my shit they
might have already seen the premise
you know i mean it
might like not be as fun for them you know it’s like
so it’s like
you could look at it
that it hurts you but i don’t
think it does i
think having
stuff out on the internet that people
enjoy is always good
that’s the big problem though
with everything like now like tv shows though
they’re like hulu and
stuff like that but you have to find out how to
they want to
share it they want to do that
concept but they also need to make a profit from it
which is kind of interesting how they have to go
about doing it
yeah it’s like i
think we’re experiencing a whole new
model and i think
your attitude
about how your fans
get your stuff is very important
it’s very important
because it represents how you feel like as a performer
and like what you
feel the relationship that you have with the audiences
you know and if i was like this
greedy dude that was like you know fuck them they
gotta fucking pay i want my fucking money
like if you really if you really
think like that like
these people are just like you and
be fucking honest man if you were eighteen years old
and you were
broke you’re
gonna fucking download shit you’re just
gonna do it
doesn’t mean you’re not a fan
i mean sometimes you
broke you know
and i think
is if you have
people you know i
think if you have a certain attitude
about like what you do
and that attitude is that
you’re just trying to create things
and you’re trying to make
money off of it
but really trying to create
things that people are gonna
enjoy like that’s the most important
thing it’s not the making
money thing
it’s the money will come if you work and if people
enjoy your work
they’re gonna support you
people are gonna come to see your shows
they’re gonna buy dvds if they have the
money they have the
money like if i like there’s a band that i really like
i’ll download
their shit online like on itunes
then i’ll buy a cd two to play in my car
just cause i
wanna support them just
gotta really enjoy them
you know i don’t need i
could hook my ipod up to my car but
i will i will
pen spend that
money because i
wanna support them i wanna
any movie that’s good even if i’m not gonna
watch the dvd i buy it
i always buy it if i
enjoy it in the
movie theater i buy it
and i feel like i’m supporting artists when i do that
and i feel like that’s what people are
gonna do too
that the internet is a
crazy new thing man
you know and i
think it’s gonna
we’re gonna get to this weird
point where
see right now it’s just information
you know right now the ability
to send information is pretty
profound and like how our
world has changed
but it’s only information
right now eventually it’s
gonna be more than information
when they come up with
i was talking to cliffy b
my friend cliffy
b from epic games he’s the coolest yeah
cliffy b is the dude
who he’s like the main man behind gears of war
the whole series them the unreal games
super super cool dude
like a really fun guy and he came to my comedy show
and then he came to the ufc
afterwards and then we even hung out he came to the
after party
and we were talking he’s a
super cool guy
and we were talking about
the ability eventually of making
printers that can
print up things
like that’s like really what’s
gonna happen eventually that’s already kind of real
yeah have printers that can
make 3d 3d yeah
they can make some he was talking about 3d
models that they can make with these
but they’re
gonna get to a
point and it’s not that far off
where you like say if your
mouse breaks
you’re gonna be able to go to this
computer printer
thing and you’re
gonna be able to
put in the combinations
or whatever the fuck you have to say
to get a mouse or download a
mouse program
and a mouse is
gonna fucking appear
i mean you’re really
gonna be able to make
things with a printer
you know and
remember the
first printers
that were old and clumsy and fucked up and slow
you know and the
ink wasn’t good
i have this new epson
it’s just like 100
bucks or something
maybe 150 bucks
the fucking
thing is like lightning
pages just fly on wi
fi you can print oh
yeah you can
print it from the road
call it up i mean it’s insane
there’s programs
that you can you can get on your goddamn iphone
where you could
print shit up from your computer
at old apartment shows somebody had a wireless printer
and they just had it open
so i would sit there and find the biggest goatsy
photo or dick with herpes
and i’ll throw it and i’ll
print it on the printer
non stop sometimes
i’d be like 50 pages
and it never went
away and it was like
printing successful
oh that’s awesome and it’s so
funny how much
that happens you
could pretty much go through any
neighborhood and get on somebody’s printer and do that
it’s so fun just take
your laptop
get your palm
3 plus hot spot
that’s that’s
hilarious you
could wreck some
marriages like that
if you knew a dude who had a printer
like that you
could send him
doctored up
photoshop pictures of him blowing dudes or yeah
yeah you could you could start
photoshop him to
gain position and make
like marriages
yeah man you know that’s the golden rule that’s the
other golden rule
about the internet
if there’s a
picture of you on the internet someone someone
they’re photoshopped a dick in your mouth
for sure not a dick many dicks many dicks
broken for sure if there’s a
photo of you there’s a dick in your
mouth it’s probably
on your butt there’s dicks all around you
there’s so many dicks of me
pictures with dicks online
just this one guy flappo
has done like a thousand of them
right you know it’s always me and just dicks
everywhere just
all over the place
oh have you ever seen how dildos are made and like
assholes you know we
could buy like a girl’s ass yeah
i haven’t seen how they’re made but i’ve seen them
you fucking
something that’s supposed to be a girl’s butt dude
they have people that sit there
and paint veins
and it’s not just veins like
these mexican ladies
and they first they
wipe this coat and they sit there and they have to
stroke it for like
an hour and that does
under veins so it looks like the skin
underneath the veins
underneath the skin
then they have a
second they let that dry
then they have this person that just the purple ones
the significant
veins like the ones that have the main
blood flow to
the tip of the dick kind of veins oh my god and
it is the most
creepiest thing if you look there and you feel like
somebody’s getting murdered and you’re
watching it but it’s just people making dildos
it’s and then
when they caster it’s so true though it is like
what is it why does it
creep us out so much to see like
bodies like the idea of body i don’t know because it’s
i don’t know
it’s terrible it’s like body parts and stuff yeah
it’s terrifying to people
and then when
they make a cast like if they have fucking
ron jeremy come in there and they’re like all
right we’re
gonna do a chubby dildo this week
they had to put
his dick in like this tube
almost like when you ever see a
horse they’re trying to get
sperm from a
horse to make
babies or something like that
they have to like jack it off into this tube
and they had the same thing with
how they have to sit there with this plaster
and he can’t
touch it and
he has to stay hard for five minutes he can’t
he can’t stay hard
he has to have his girl
or another like a porn star girl
just sit there and
whisper like i want your butthole
oh your balls your balls
and do it for five minutes you are the
least sexy chick ever
what you just did
right there and i did
the least sexy
imitation of a
chick in history
and i didn’t i don’t care if i was in jail for a year i
wouldn’t fuck you it was
like a bruno point
yeah it’s fucking
crazy and then with the cast
they just have to like put plaster
in your fucking vagina
and just fucking
sit there for five minutes and they pull out this
thing and and then they don’t they don’t just play
paste hair on it
they actually have to sew with a thread and needle
every single
hair on the
pussy that’s
ridiculous yes go to a dildo factory i
think there’s one in
studio city
you got to take a trip there with a camera or something
yeah you think they
would let you
they did it for hbo
six years ago yeah but it’s hbo
i’m just a comedian
i don’t know if they
would do it just for a regular dude
unless they were like
ufc fans dude
ufc but they do you
think they would want to like show people if you let
them i mean if
would you let
the basic no you
would never do that paid
you a hundred thousand
dollars i’m not getting a boner in
front of any dude no no no
all the scientists are the shut the fuck up
that would be
weird though because that’s what was
after in this
video i saw
that the porn star that did it
that just there was a box of his dicks and
he comes up and that’s hilarious that’s my dick times
500 that’s so
crazy what a
great idea though
yeah you know because people are such
freaks they
watch someone fuck in a
video and they want to be like that person yeah
yeah so weird
i want to get one just to see what it’s like
yeah they have ones now oh i don’t
crazy huh yeah
what kind of a human being
thought that up the first guy a really
horny priest
let’s just get someone
and we’ll make
an exact mold of their body so we can fuck it yeah
how crazy is it this this new thing
about the the priests you know what’s happening yeah
that they’re
equating there them being persecuted for kid fucking
yeah to the the holocaust and and the pope
say gonna save them all
this what they’re saying
the south park was talking about that what is going on
like how crazy is the the catholic religion the fact
the fact that it’s
still around is mind boggling
but the fact that anybody takes them seriously
these are all these fucking kids getting molested like
how many kids
have to get molested before someone steps in and goes
oh maybe these guys aren’t directly tied to god like
maybe we’ve been fooled right
i mean it’s just amazing that a cult
can have so much
power in 2010
and that nobody wants to call it a cult and everybody
wants to pretend that there’s something sacred
about it because
it’s been around forever
like it’s the craziest
most fucked up idea ever
there was a big discussion
about it on our message
board and one of the most interesting
arguments was
so people were saying
you’re discounting
all the positive work that the catholic church does
but i’m saying
anything positive they do will they do charities or
that’s them doing
things outside of religion that
doesn’t have anything to do with the fucking religion
right that’s just people doing charitable things
that does not make up for kid fucking
that does not make up for
living a life filled with
guilt so that they can control you
and keeping you down like a little
bitch terrified
about every fucking
thing you do
cause you’re
gonna burn in hell
and anybody who’s ever been to catholic
school knows that
yeah i did a year in catholic school man
and it was like i did a year in jail
my first grade
first grade i went to catholic school
our lady of
chester hova
in in new jersey
and this fucking
cunt none sister
married josephine i was
like a pretty
happy kid before this happened
you know my parents had
just broken up and the impact of it hadn’t hit me yet
you know but i was i was
still in denial
you know but i
would see my dad
still because we’re
still in new jersey
and then while this was
going on i went to catholic
school for a year and it was
horrifying it was brutal dude this nun
was such a fucking cunt
everything everything you did
she would just be on you
she would tell you she’s
gonna make you sit on a nail in the
closet you’re
gonna have to stay overnight
and she was just this haggard old
bitch that nobody loved
nobody had fun with her
nobody told jokes to her
she never danced she
never supposedly
never fucked
you know she wasn’t allowed to do shit
she was just the worst
representation of an elderly
woman possible
the best would be a
woman who’s
lived a life of joy
and she’s just
super friendly to everybody because she feels so
blessed that she made it through this
greater wise
and very wise yeah
this mean fucking cunt
she used to hit us she really used to hit us like
people think like catholic
school teachers don’t hit you with
rulers no they fucking hit you with rulers
that’s real shit they’ll
smack you in the head
it was brutal i was
every day was terrifying
but i got awesome
grades isn’t that
crazy like right
after that i fell off
school hardcore after that
i was in like gifted
classes and
everything the next year
after that catholic
school and then i totally stopped trying damn i was
sleeping i just
i stayed up all
night and just
slept when you’re in a catholic
school you’re so terrified you will push
everything you do you don’t
wanna have a fucking
see you don’t have a beat they will yell at you
right they’re
monsters man
you know i mean
it’s just that
whole idea as a
philosophy is the
worst idea possible
that means you’re putting
the control of your consciousness
you’re putting your
trust in the wisdom
of someone who lives in a cult
of kid fuckers
really i mean look at that so that’s what’s
going on a bunch of guys
who aren’t allowed to fuck women
oh that’s real natural
what what you’re not allowed to have sex
you don’t even
they don’t even get a better
place in heaven
when they go to heaven they just
get regular heaven just like you if you listen to them
it’s ridiculous it’s the dumbest fucking idea ever
the dumbest fucking idea ever
and we have to pretend
unlike cnn and shit
that this is like a real
issue of debate
you know and though there’s
abuse in the catholic church but
it’s never like why the fuck do we
still have the catholic church
right it’s never nobody ever steps in and goes really
really all this
these fucking guys in
their robes
and they fuck kids
and they live in
these crazy
places together all men
really and the nuns are all evil
and they all look haggard
and beaten down
oh a few of them do some charity work
they do some good things too
they donate some of the millions of dollars that
trick people into giving them
they donate some of that and they do some good things
but yet you
never really hear
about this shit like the amish religion
by the way that
catholicism is one of the
worst ever it’s crazy
catholics were controlling the
world we’d be fucked you mean everybody wants to
fight off the
muslims at least the
muslims like the
other muslims
muslims like each
other catholics don’t even like each other
they’re fucking controlling you with death
you know dude that’s a it’s a
crazy religion
i guess muslims look
if you believe in like you know the hardcore
jihadists i
guess they do too
you know it’s pretty similar
you know cat
catholics is the only
thing that has over
over the the
muslims as you don’t hear about
catholic suicide
bombers as much
it’s more rare
that’s what’s happened though
right it’s been catholic suicide bombers
right totally but
you never see a buddhist cocksucker
you know you never
like buddhist
yeah you’re
never gonna be scared to be in like a tent
in the middle of a woods with a buddhist guy
you’re not gonna
think he’s gonna fucking rape you you’re
gonna think yeah
this guy’s gonna protect me from a real
but a real buddhist
that people will
argue that a real catholic
wouldn’t fuck kids too
you know and which is
about that i think
maybe that’s just a former
retards that like to be around each
other and fucking i don’t know
it’s what you know and people say hey you guys talk
about the subject of religion
a lot like it comes up a lot
shouldn’t it
yeah what’s all the
wars about what the fuck
look it’s programming
and then that’s really all it is
no one knows any more
about what life is all
about than you do
i mean we have wisdom
we’ve learned things
all of us have had different life
experiences that we’ve benefited from we try to express
these to each other and
we can all get a little
smarter in the process
but you know
the reality is nobody really knows what the fuck is
going on nobody knows
where this is
going nobody has any idea what this is
you know this
itself if this if we didn’t live this life
this life would be
the craziest drug trip ever
okay if you had some sort of a logical two
dimensional life like a binary life like something you
could read out on a piece of
paper if that was life
and that life was
introduced to this life
right here you
would go this life is
psychedelic this is insanity
though everything is insane
and it gets more
ridiculous by the minute
you know i mean
they’ll be fucking cnn headline news and they’ll have a
you know an episode on is kim
kardashian’s ass too fat
i mean they
literally will do that i mean you know this is
where we’re at this
tiger wood shit and this jesse
james shit and
all this crazy
stuff where we’re concentrating on
on nonsense
you know i mean we’re
so much more concerned with dancing with the stars
than we are with the
fact that we’re in the middle of two fucking wars it’s
crazy we have too much info
about demi moore
we have too much info
about these
kardashian people that
would normally not know
about unless we rode a
horse in the town and somebody told us
it’s so fascinating man it’s so fascinating
you know isn’t it i mean we are the
weirdest animal ever
if you didn’t if people didn’t exist
and you made them up
it would be too much
it would be
this is ridiculous they can’t be that fucked up like
that fucked up and they figured out nuclear weapons
that fucked up and they can fly through the air to
all parts of the planet there that fucked up god damn
they’re really having a conversation with the pope
like he’s a fucking cult leader like
why are you sitting down with that this is ridiculous
and they’re like yeah well you have to play
along with them no you don’t have to play
along with them because playing
along with them
is a concession
that what they’re saying is
legitimate like that
they really represent
something meaningful it’s nonsense the
individuals inside that organization
they represent something meaningful they’re
individuals they’re just
trapped in this web
of ideology they’re trapped
in this thing
you know i’m a catholic i was born catholic
i’m a di catholic like what the you’re a fucking human
why are you lumping yourself in voluntarily
with this gigantic
group of people who believe nonsense
that doesn’t make any sense
and no one’s
saying that anybody else has the answers like
i’m not saying i’m
right and you’re
wrong or i have
some information you don’t have i don’t know anything
you know i have
my own life that i can tell you honestly
what i’ve learned from my
experiences and
things that i’ve read that
other people have researched but
what do i really know
about what the fuck this is and what’s next nothing
and i know as much as anybody
and you know as much as anybody
there’s not a single person who has more of an
more of a realistic view
of the next
phase of existence
whether it exists at all
no one knows
and it doesn’t help
pretending you do know
that’s what fucks everybody up
what fucks everybody
up is someone that pretends they do know
because then
we with our fucking
monkey instincts just follow that guy
and we’re like well he knows he knows he’s so confident
and this guy
of course he’s confident all
these people are listening to him
first of all he’s
crazy and then all
these people are listening to him
and so the more people
listen to him the more he believes his own bullshit
and the more he really
thinks he is special
and ordained and there to give the word of the lord
and the more but delusional they become i mean it’s a
it’s a fucking
classic jim
jones pattern
you know i mean that’s what it is
it’s the idea is
completely ridiculous
that some guys
who don’t get pussy
have the answers
nobody’s got the fucking answers
and there should be no
ideologies like this there
should be no
predetermined patterns of behavior
that are attractive to follow
because anything
predetermined like that is
gonna fuck you up
cause it’s not
gonna give you a realistic map of the world
you live in your map of the
world back when people had very little information
when catholicism was created the map of the
world was there was no internet
there is no
exchange of ideas
there’s no pornography available on your fucking iphone
anywhere you look
i mean there’s so many
things that are different
about that world than
about this world
and so all their
crazy nonsense
you know could be easily disproved if somebody
tried to start up that religion today
you know it’s just but it’s
there it’s been there forever so people just fucking
stick with it it’s the
weirdest thing ever
like logically
religion is one of the weirdest
things ever
it’s so hard to believe it’s
still around
you really got stopped
watching lost at the wrong time
fuck it’s getting religious
religious yeah
well maybe i’ll tune in
i still got him getting
kind of like i’m
confused now
and since you probably know religion a lot more than
me i really like i do and i don’t i don’t i know i know
sir enough to get
annoyed and then when i
start researching it more it becomes
more and more cookie and then i can’t take it anymore
so i only know surface details of like all religions
but all i know
about all of them is they’re all
ideologies you know
any anything like that is dangerous anything
where you’ve got
older people when you grow up with these
older people that are telling you what what what’s
what you should and shouldn’t do
they don’t know
you know at best
you know we
exist really well in
small tribes
but i think
when people are in
small tribes
those small
tribes are so important to stay
alive these people have this intense bond of family
and i think what happened with
human beings is we went from
small tribes
to gigantic
countries so fast
you know over
the course of just a few thousand years and i don’t
think our body
caught up with that i don’t
think our body has separated itself from the fact that
you know we really are all connected
i think in the
small tribes
when they were looking out for each
other all the time it was really like having a
giant family
we don’t feel connected as a country
you know i don’t
i don’t feel connected with all the americans you know
that seems ridiculous
there’s three hundred million
of us so like how how can anybody connect to everybody
back then they could
and that’s how we’re
wired we’re
wired for that kind of life i
think that’s why so many people are depressed
i think people are depressed
because the energy in
their life is
imbalanced because they don’t have enough love
and companionship it’s all
about their life
it’s all about you need to just
feel love you don’t need negative things
it’s like if you were
on a plane and you hear
like a screaming kid
right next to you and you’re trying to
sleep now it
might be different
from you because you know you have kids now but
in the old days that used to just
drive you want to just fucking
knock the kid out
it’s crazy it
doesn’t draw me it
doesn’t bother me at all anymore
it’s it was like comforting yeah i like it i like kids
what if i started
crying what
would happen
slap you in the mouth
like the waterfalls on your ass
i went waterfalls on you the other day let’s
bring this bottle up
it’s funny i do i explode once a year no i can get
i can cry in
movies and shit man i cried and that jeff bridges movie
crazy heart oh really oh i don’t
wanna see that then i don’t wanna see that
they got me a couple times they got me a couple times
wow there was
one especially
cause it was about a little kid
oh really little kid getting lost
i don’t wanna tell you anymore
i don’t i won’t say anything if
anybody i don’t wanna give away anything about the
movie but if you haven’t seen it so badass movie
i’ll rent it on my ipad
tomorrow oh shit
man when i bet on me
did i use it no one is more of a
technology junkie than this motherfucker and
if you have ever seen his youtube page
let’s find jesus right
let’s yeah youtube backslash
let’s find jesus please go to redband com
yeah go to redband com
they’re all up there again
he if you ever think
about getting any kind of a camera or anything
check out his
reviews because he’s like the most thorough
he’s the biggest
tech head i know and
i don’t know anybody who is more of a junkie of
technology than him and more
also more knowledgeable
like you’re always on the ball
like there’s so many people giving a shit on this ipad
well you are a little bit of an
apple fan i am an
apple fan boy
you know why that’s why they’re giving you shit it’s
cause you’re
excited they’re really hating
that you’re
excited you know
it’s when you see
what gets tricky
not when you praise an
object but when you
start shitting on like the kindle
no fuck the kiddos dead
fucking kid
and then people
defend their kindle
and they get
crazy you know
i’m not an apple family
so many cameras i love
so many cameras i like the company i like to support
support something that i believe
in i think they’re the best
i love their little portable cameras with the ipad
but what’s crazy is before i was kind of like
tricking myself like yeah i just
want to get a netbook this is better than a netbook
i’m gonna support this thing
but then lately
they’ve been showing all
these applications and i’m like they have netflix now
so i’m gonna tether
internet from my cell phone
and be able to
watch netflix
anywhere i want to
throughout the united
states look at em
hey he’s losing his goddamn marbles i’m not
i’m tired of people i’m just gonna live
i’m living in my fucking
technology world it’s fucking
great it’s so
funny because if you were forced to live your life
in front of a computer
and then someone allowed you to go outside you’d be so
happy to go outside right
you know it’s because we were forced to live in reality
that the computer life seems so much more interesting
it seems more like
like i’m supposed to i’m looking for something yeah
we always talk that like
that’s why google is one of my favorite websites is i’m
searching for
something always i’m searching for something
that’s the best thing
about my message board when i go to that message board
every day i’m looking what do you got
what’s going on what’s happening
what am i looking for i don’t know
i will click links
until literally
sometimes i’m nodding out at the fucking keyboard
you ever do that yeah i’m like nodding out the keyboard
you sitting there
it’s usually
i’m supposed to be writing
and i just start surfing the internet
and then next
thing you know i’m not now
and i’m like what am i doing what kind of retard am i
i don’t even know what i’m looking for
i just keep
checking i got
i’ll be ready
to go to bed and then i’ll just let me go online real
quick yeah the
world and you go to the same
websites over and over waiting for that one update on
yeah you know
what man it’s pretty badass as a comedian though
there’s never been
a better time to be able to promote your gigs oh yeah
so much better
than it’s ever been before because
you know you can you can
get information out there and you know you can
you develop like a
whole network of your fans you know
and on your twitter page and your message board and
and people get to know you like the real you
it’s not like
the old days you
would do like
an interview you know like somebody like dean martin or
something like that you know there’s a kid with a bell
going eggs to
eggs to jewelry
that’s a funny farm
yeah i mean
how do you get someone to shows and
what they know
about you is like you
would do like the ed
sullivan show
you know you go on
stage and do like
seven minutes like that’s all you got
right now you could
you know i was telling ari like
we were ari who’s a very funny guy
sometimes has a hard time getting gigs on the road
and i was saying
you should put together something you know
where you do your best bits that you’ve ever done and
throw them up
on youtube because he has a lot of bits he
doesn’t even do anymore because he’s got new bits
and i’m like but you don’t have
those old bits like in a video
you should make a
video of your shit man you know
and put that on youtube i go you got really good bits
you know like the gay bar bed and like there’s a
bunch of bits of the hands that are really
classic bits that he
doesn’t do anymore
and i’m like take
those could just
throw them up on youtube man
and then people
will see it when it comes to you it shows
it’s really the best method it’s like
you know the old method of like
do you do like a comedy
central show yeah i mean
yeah i guess like some
those stand up sit downs or you know what a premium
blend or something like that
there’s like
seven people in each
you know there’s like yeah
i don’t know how
many is each shows in an hour half an hour what is it
how many comics go up on a premium
hour hour i think
it’s like four
comics or something like that
yeah people don’t really they
remember oh there was that guy he was kind of funny
but if they
could just go to fucking youtube
anytime they want like oh i thought this was funny
and then you send it to your friend
dude listen this guy’s hilarious
and then he says to his friend
that’s what happens it just gets
going i think
itunes is is insane
to me yeah you know the
other day i was trying to tell my friend this song
i’m like no you
gotta hear this
song damn it i’m like oh yeah i have an iphone
downloaded it right into
and like in a
minute i purchased it downloaded it
bluetoothing it to my
stereo in my car that’s fucking i was like
this is like a jukebox
i have the best jukebox ever it’s nuts it’s crazy
that just that idea is
crazy and that shit’s
gonna be in your car yeah
and it’s gonna be
voice activated
be able to press a button
and say go to itunes
you know download rolling
stones tattoo you bam
that shit’s gonna
have you seen the demos of the new
photoshop cs5
or six or whatever it is
the new feature in it
it’s on your message
board look under like
new photoshop
on the main form
but it’s smart
fixing so like you take a
picture there’s a tree there’s a
shadow there’s a blair
there’s somebody in the way of you
you just circle it
and cut it and
what it does it looks around it and
tries to make its own
scene so you’re just sitting there like tree
gone blair gone
shadow gone
it just like you have a brand
like it does all the hard work that took like
hours and hours
there’s gonna be the fakest photos
no photos are
gonna be real anymore
like pretty soon every
photo you take like you can zoom in your face just
cut a wrinkle and it’ll take make your skin grow
back like you’ll find out what your skin texture is
you just see the
video demo it’s
sweet so crazy so yeah for us
completely gone nap we’re
gonna go to the moon 10 times next year
it really is getting very strange
technology is getting very strange
it really is getting to this weird
point and we’ve talked about this before
and i’ve been talking
about on stage lately that it used to be that people
and i wrote about this in my blog
that when they invented something it was to make
their life better
the first caveman
invented putting a sharp
stick you know
you know appointed rock at the end of a
stick so they could
kill something
right and then they invented a pot so they
could take the meat and put it in something
carried easier and then they invented
all these i mean it made their life easier
what the fuck does the
large hadron collider do
to make your life easier
it looks awesome
it looks insane it looks like the biggest
robot roller coaster ever
they need to make a
movie in there
dude it looks so
crazy copper orange
2 in there can you imagine that just
think of the idea behind it
we are going to
send atoms around a
twenty seven kilometer circle
a giant machine
to build up
speed did they get to like
just below the
speed of light they slam into each other
yeah what the fuck
how is that
trickling down to anybody
i mean is there anything out of particle physics that
trickles down to make life more convenient for people
anything i mean
you’re talking about
the biggest
scientific project in history
there’s 10 000 different scientists from 100 countries
and it’s cost billions and billions of dollars
and i’m not criticizing
right and don’t get me
wrong because
somebody said something
about this like how
could you attack science
you know they’re trying they’re doing what they’re
trying i’m so not criticizing
i am oh i am not i am not on one side of the other
and i don’t
think there’s anything
wrong with them doing this
i’m just completely fascinated by it
i am so fascinated by the idea
that they’re trying to recreate the
conditions right
after the big bang
and that’s what they’re
looking for and that’s why they’re doing this and
probably something
weird that it
would trickle down to like storage of
power like battery life and
stuff you know
what i mean or
something ridiculous like that
maybe we’re
figuring out how to save
power or energy i mean
maybe because
they are making a collision yeah
there might be something
weird like that or it
could be something gay
it could trickle down i
guess i mean
who the fuck
is to say they’re not that smart yeah
i mean when
things get really wonky is
when they really figure out how to crack time
when they figure out how to
travel through time
you know and there’s been like there’s a model
that this this fucking
this scientist i
think his name was
kirk gordel
it was like when i was o’s with the double
o what is that called um
lot anyway he
was this guy who figured out that if you
could you have to take a cylinder
half the size of the
solar system
and spinning it at the
speed of light you have to
cross its i don’t remember exactly what the fuck
you know the formula was for it
but if you did that if you you actually created this
thing that was
half the size of the solar system
moving at a
speed of light somehow i know you actually
could go back in time like it is possible
like what the fuck
what if what if they figure out something
along those lines because
the thing about people is we’re not
gonna be satisfied with just a large hadron collider
it’s not like they’re gonna figure this out they’re
gonna create the higgs boston particle and they’re
gonna go well here we
got it you know we did create the god particle and we
we know that it’s real
no they’re gonna
come there’s
gonna be another
thing there’s
gonna be they’re
gonna try to get crazier
we think we can make a black hole
well if you
think you can make a
black hole let’s not do it
right well we don’t know if we can make a
black hole but we
think we can make
and we think it’ll go away really
quickly like what
that’s next
they’re fucking with everything
you know a thought i like a lot that we talked
about recently i always keep on
going back to
thinking is like
how what if all this create
because lately i have had a lot of
crazy stuff
going on in my life
and i was like what if
me and you in the future like iphone 50
are changing the past
hey what do you want this month
you know what i mean
we’re creating our own past
using technology
changing time
remember when we were talking
about that yeah like how
weird would that be like if we
could sit there now
and go okay we can go back to 1989
oh you’re eating
pizza here do you want something
crazy to happen
while you’re eating
pizza here yeah let’s just
throw in this
crazy you know right
cause like lately
it just seems like alright this is like
a lot of the
stuff that’s happened to me it seems like
it’s so insane that it
doesn’t seem real
like i’m waiting for reality show cameras to come out
yeah i don’t know man you know i have
often thought that
there’s a path
that you’re supposed to live in life and that path
will sort of
illuminate itself to you as you go
along the way
as long as you pay attention to your instincts
right you know and i think
a big part of that path is like your attitude in life
and how you view
things and how
you feel about yourself and how you feel
about life and i
think in as much as you can
kind of dictate a lot of that you can kind of
decide how you view the
world you can kind of decide your approach to things
and you can decide it
based on your instincts and i
think if you do that
then everything kind of just works out in a
great way it’s
weird you know as long as you’re doing the
right things it’s like
you have to really be a positive person you have
to really be disciplined so you don’t feel like you’re
slacking off on all the
things that you
should be working on and
there’s a certain balance
there’s a certain
guiltiness that you feel when you don’t work hard
enough at something and that’s there for a reason right
it’s not necessary
you can get that out of your life
just by doing what you’re supposed to
do and it feels better and you don’t feel like you’re
self defeating in the process
right you know i
think i think
there’s a path to life dude
and i think you might
think it’s very being controlled by us in the future
using technology
well that was our theory
right right i
think maybe that
is a possibility i mean
who the fuck knows
but i think what’s more likely is that
every person sort of as
ridiculous as it
sounds that
every person sort of fits into
a piece in this world
and that this
world everything
about it from bottled
water to fucking
space shuttles
that it’s all connected
and then it really is
even though it seems like life like we
think of it as just life that’s what we’ve
labeled it well here’s life on the
world here’s all
these people
going about
their day here’s
you know a boat on the
water we think
about it like that
but really all
these things in this life
everything they all have a
value they all have a position
they all have a purpose
and it really is like what we’re living in
is we’re living in a gigantic mathematical equation
and i think that that’s what all
human life animal life
wind and fucking
earthquakes and
everything i
think it’s all a part of
this insane mathematical
equation and that
chaos in life and
you know earthquakes and meteor impacts
these are all
built into this equation
this is how the
system works
this is how the
system works it seems like this
crazy randomness this fury of nature and you know and
birth and death and
you know and sexuality and creativity
and you know why was my
childhood so bad and you know why
was i raised you know in a wealthy family now i’m lazy
you know all
these different
things they all play like a little park and this
giant fucking equation it’s just so big we can’t see it
and so crazy and
alien because it is us
because it is the
world we live in
it’s almost impossible for us to really see the big
picture you know i
think that’s very possible
very possibly what we’re doing in this world
i think all of us are living
a giant mathematical equation and i
think it probably has something to do with technology
mean no one
you know treats that like
like it’s a serious
possibility because it’s a subject of terminator movies
you know but
if you looked at what’s
going on you
would see that
technology is
increasing at a much
faster rate of
evolution than
human beings
and if essentially what we’re capable of doing as a
human being
is make calculations and move and make decisions and
you know and have
moral code and a judgment in your mind i mean
you could fucking program a religion
into a computer and it
would actually follow it
you could give a computer a personality
you could force a computer to
react a certain way to different things
then you figure out a way to put a computer so small
that you put it in an artificial
body that you’ve created with your fucking computer
and the next
thing you know you have computers making
life and that life is a computer and that computer is
living you know its own version
of this mathematical program yeah
that’s just as possible
as us being a part of a mathematical program right
you know it’s all very possible
that you know
we are here to create
technology and then our
whole society is geared towards creating technology
the fact that like in china
do you know how fucked up the the
pollution is in china
it’s insane
they had this one city i forget what it is i
think vbs tv did
a documentary on it
this one city where
it’s so bad there that just breathing the air is like
smoking three packs of
cigarettes a day
it’s pretty bad here too joe
the other day i was coming
or drive into my
house and you couldn’t even see burbank because
of the smog
yeah that is bad
and we just breathe it in
every day it’s not bad
where you live but it’s
like yeah it
can’t be as good for you as clean air
that’s one of the reasons why i wanted to move to
colorado you know
i wanted to get away from this overpopulation austin
texas i tell you
well everybody says that though
but that’s why everybody’s moving to austin you know
i certainly
think the places that
have less people are nicer
we were in charlotte
north carolina this week for the ufc
and people and charlotte are so fucking nice
that’s my second
place i would move any
south carolina or
north carolina
dude charlotte
north carolina the people were so fucking cool
everybody was friendly
everybody was normal
you know it was like it was a really nice
place people were really nice
everybody in restaurants and bars
it’s like there’s less people people
are more down home they’re more friendly you know
it was a good time
yeah yeah this ain’t the best way to live
new york is
where we were just at
and those those are
more interesting
thing is we went from new york
to charlotte
north carolina
and charlotte
north carolina is way better
i mean new york
yeah has more restaurants yeah yeah yeah there’s more
stuff to do
definitely but
there’s also more tension
there’s also
you know the
dealing with the overpopulation dealing with traffic
just like everybody’s on edge
i don’t want to live somewhere
where everybody’s on edge
yeah it makes people
a little bit some people more creative it makes i
think it makes for more interesting people
you know people on the east
coast are way more interesting to me
than people on the west
coast they’re way funnier to me too isn’t it
weird that the left sides
of the united
states is more dangerous than the right side
but yet the
right side has the
angrier people
than the left side when it comes to like the east
coast versus west most of east
coast the left
coast is more dangerous
like angry people you know
like the new york
attitudes that boston attitudes the
florida gangster
the east coast is more
aggressive yeah
aggressive but yet that’s the safer
place to live
but you’d think it’d be nice to people
north carolina why is it a safer
place because
the whole side we live on you’re like
into the world shit like the
earthquakes and the volcanoes and the fucking
sort of but you know what they have to deal with snow
okay snow’s a
motherfucker the
secrets of snow too
snow makes people a little more
a little more hostile in america at least
i tried to explain
awake that that
that like why people are so
aggressive in boston and new york
i always said was they got to
deal with that cold weather it gets you a little more
tense but i
think this is
more to it than that it’s cold weather and
together that’s what makes douchey people
because in canada
people are so fucking nice man
they’re so well you know what that
doesn’t make
sense either
because even in toronto toronto is a big ass city
and people are nice as fuck there too
canada’s just make it
get much nicer
up there maybe
when your body has too much hydration you get angry
i don’t know what it is man
because canada
is not a country that’s living
under the shadow of this government
that’s out there trying to take over the world
you know that’s part of it too
i mean that
doesn’t make you up for america in the 50s though
or you know in the 30s or the 40s
they were pretty
aggressive back then too
and even in the 1800s
you ever see gangs in new york
what it used to be like
no dude gangs in new york is an awesome
movie you’ve
never seen that no
oh it’s awesome
to daniel day
lewis is one of
those dudes that like becomes
whoever the fuck is
in that movie he’s like a different dude
when he does
these movies you know
he’s like one of
those few guys
that really
russell crowe can do that
gary oldman can do the shit out of that
you know he’s one of
those dudes
that just becomes a different dude when he’s in
those movies man
there’s there’s
there’s that new leonardo
movie do you ever see it
the shut stutter
island or yeah i didn’t like that one you didn’t no
now i talked
about it it was really good for like the
first hour or so
and then i don’t want to give away any
spoilers because some people
haven’t seen it you
haven’t seen it either
i don’t wanna say it you ever see the
beach with him in it or the island or
no that’s like the cheesiest
movie ever but i like a good fucking actor though yeah
he’s another one he he gets into
things like he’s he’s good you know
it’s that’s you know that’s
by the way oh yeah
that’s a craft you know there’s
there’s there’s some cheese heads out there there
they’re not
doing anything special but there’s a few like like
that’s another
thing that that
movie that i said
crazy heart what you guys
named jeff bridges
jeff bridges
that that’s another guy he’s
the big lebowski i mean he’s just
he’s an amazing actor he’s one of
those dudes
you just he gets into that fucking role man he does it
so so we should answer some questions or something
yeah everybody
you see the movie
dream with the fishes
dream with the fishes you know as
david arquette in it
really small
budget low budget
movie but one of the
things is is like
they this guy was
dying and said
they he wanted to do like what his last list of
things and one
thing he did is he went
naked bowling he went in this bowling
alley in the middle
night on lsd
and went bowling
naked with strippers
wow and that scene
right there to me is just
is there any
three things that you
would say if you knew you’re
about to die that you would
definitely do all right
everything’s off i’m doing this now
have you ever thought
about that no
no like i don’t have anything no
no have you ever seen the pyramids
yes yeah i would like to see the pyramids
but you know what
i could be okay without seeing
them i think
being i mean i
think i’ve seen so much of it on dvd
i mean i think yeah it
would be really
nice to go over there and see it live for sure
definitely like it
would be spiritual
like not feel like a different vibe in the air
yeah you know i know what you mean yeah but i
could be okay without saying that i mean
i think it’s real i
would love to see
a lot of things i
would love to
see the congo but i don’t want to go in there
right it’s too
scary but if you get
when force fields come out
would you go in
what if you fucking force
your runs out of battery
yeah person
right when a
gorillas make it a fucking charge at you
what is no not now you fuck what if personal
force fields were like oh you got at t personal
force field what are you fucking
crazy you’re gonna go in the congo with at t personal
right yeah you don’t have verizon do not go overseas
yeah that’s no no shit right it’s gonna be like that’s
gonna be tied to at t one did you like dr manhattan
what dr manhattan
what’s that from the fucking oh what is it
what’s that movie
watchman yes the watchman
jesus christ
so you know i was not familiar with that comic book
before that movie
either was i
it’s good though did
you know it was on ellen is dr manhattan
i don’t think i ever talked about this
when twitter
first came out ellen
tweeted like
hey go to this bus stop if you want to be on the show
but you have to
dress up as a superhero hurry
and i was at the stoplight
right next to that bus stop
so i pull over
and i’m fucking looking through my car
trying to find i had some laundry in there i had some
clothes and
a back pillow and
i found all these blue
things and i
dressed up all in blue
and i put this neck pillow on my head and
i got in the bus stop
and i was on the
ellen show as dr manhattan
and one of the funniest
things though was i took a
sleeve of a blue coat and i put it through my zipper
and i tied it at the end and put some
socks in it and
stuff like that
so it looked like i had this big wavy dick
and nobody even
solid like they didn’t even
understand that that’s what it was
but if you watch it knowing that
i’m coming out on
ellen they’re like let’s introduce dr wat mr manhattan
or whatever
and i’m coming out with a
swingy thing is there a
video of this online
isn’t but i will put a video
up how do you not have that online
i think i do but it’s on my facebook
and god how dare you i’ll
put it on the masses you fucked up you
should have it right now
i’ll put it
redband com or twitter back
right now redband com
i don’t get joe’s philosophy of
thinking that scene
that scene the pyramids on tv is the same as real life
oh man i don’t
think it’s the same as real life i’m just saying if i
if there’s only a few
things i could do before i died that
wouldn’t be my choice i’d be okay without seeing it i
would like to see it
one of the reasons why i
haven’t done it is because
first of all i don’t
have much time i travel so much for work
i don’t really have that much time to travel
outside of work it’s not fun for me it’s like i’m
traveling all the time so like an extra trip to egypt
doesn’t sound
exciting to me
and then the other part
about it is that
it’s not that safe over there you know you got to be
it’s tricky i don’t want to have to
sweat shit you know i saw
the only ruins i’ve ever seen
we’re in mexico i saw the mayan
ruins at chichen itza which
is pretty humbling man
and it’s really fascinating just
stand there
and i do agree that there’s a big difference between
standing there in person
you know and
checking these things out
then watching a
video or seeing it in pictures
standing there in person was
pretty flabbergasting
but all i’m saying is
i don’t need to
go to egypt i
would like to yes but i don’t need to i
could be okay without doing it
but i’m not saying that it’s the same thing
it’s certainly not
you know but you can
learn a lot of
things about
certain places and really
experience like how amazing and beautiful they are
just from dvds
like you really don’t have to fucking
you don’t have
to go to the congo the congo so fucking dangerous
everything there is trying to kill you
everything there
they got ants there that kill elephants
what did you hear me son
they got ants that kill elephants they
climb up the fucking elephant
go into his ear and
start eating his
brain while he’s alive
and they do that in
surges they have
these little
monster ants that
climb inside and eat
their fucking
brain and they’re responsible for way more
deaths in africa than any of the
other things
ants kill everything man
they kill everything
there’s some
monster crazy
scary ants in in africa
and that’s not even
fuck all that what
about the spiders
that act as a team
there’s no spiders anywhere in the
world that act in packs
except the congo
and they don’t even know why
but fucking
deers get trapped
and these little tiny
spider webs deers get trapped
these tiny spiders
swarm on it like a hundred once and fuck them up
they make these
giant ass fucking webs
they realize that they’re
small and in
order to survive and stay
alive they have to jack bigger shit
so they they fucking
teamed up they get birds they get all kinds of shit
it’s fucking nuts man it is nuts
and that’s just spiders
what about the fucking
snakes there’s all kinds of fucking
snakes in the congo there’s
there’s a chimpanzee in the congo that’s six feet tall
and they walk upright sometimes
they’re called bondo apes it
sounds retarded it
sounds totally ridiculous
because nobody ever tells you about it
but they have
photographs of
these things they got
pictures of a dead one
they have different
bone samples
like they’ve confirmed this is an actual real animal
it has a crest on his head like a gorilla does
so it’s a different animal
it’s a different species of chimpanzee
that’s much larger
and they call them lion killers that’s what the
locals call them
and they have fucking observed
scientists observe and
photograph them eating a dead jaguar
they don’t know if they killed the jaguar
but what the fuck
they’re eating a goddamn
jaguar that’s why verizon personal
force field is important very important
but i would love
to see all that you know but i don’t want to go there
jesus christ
you go to the congo
just a mosquito will fuck the rest of your life up
you ever watch that show
or the enemies inside us
where people like they always go
swimming in africa and like fucking geniuses
and shit gets in
their ear and
starts rotten away
their brain
you know like big giant
tumors you growing in
their head and turns to be a massive worms
that they picked up in africa
seven years ago
get the fuck out of africa are you crazy
everything’s trying to kill you there everything
that’s scary man
sounds like a good porno to
enemy inside you yeah
that’s one of the best
things that porns do
they’re really good at that yeah they’re really good at
coming up with
jersey or names yeah
they’re pretty
pretty creative when it comes to that yeah
all right what are the questions up in this bitch
yeah youtube that bondo apes man that thing will
freak you the fuck out i twittered the me on ellen
but i could only find in torrent
right now but there’s links in the torrent
oh really yeah
powerful torrent
somebody retweet it for me so it shows up on the youth
stream chat
so i’m gonna see that was it clash of the titans
yeah i want to see that too that looks like a
bad reviews though
really yeah i
heard it was shit well they probably
weren’t high
yeah it’s true
i’ve been not smoking weed i didn’t
smoke weed for almost a week
until recently
his guy says are you
aware the internet
came out of cern no i didn’t know that
those are the people that are working on the
large hadron collider
wow i thought the internet came out
al gore’s butthole
that wasn’t it no
how did that even
he never really said steve
was in the act
started that
wouldn’t that be hilarious
i’m gonna start this
thing about al
gore but he
never really said that he invented the internet right
that’s all no
he helped work on what
came the internet but it was more like funding right
i help like
push a bill
through or some nonsense
like in the
guy pushing for right he
might have said that he was one of the people that
helped but did he ever say does anybody know i don’t
even want to look that up you know why fuck out or
i don’t give a shit
about out core
when i heard how much money out
goes made from climate research
now i’m like what al gore has made an assload of money
based on the idea that we are
you know warming the earth
with our bullshit
and we may very well be
i don’t know man but i do know that people get nutty
about that issue and
that’s a one of
those weird issues
these those
right left issues are so strange
where people just
start spouting out shit
and they don’t they
haven’t really done the research yet
you know like there’s
there’s a good
video the same guy that did this video
with sarah palin
i don’t remember the dude’s name i’m
gonna find out though
but he did a video
where he went to a
sarah palin
book signing and then
asked these people like you know what do you feel
about you know
sarah palin what really gets you
excited about you know about her
stance and the issues and no one knew a fucking
thing like not
no one had any idea what
you know they were just like she’s just like those
she stands for
you know down home
values and i
think she’s the best
thing going
she’s getting
back to real people like they’re just saying nonsense
and you realize that people don’t have to fucking
they don’t have to you know make
sense they just have to have a
bunch of people
thinking they make sense
that’s all you really need to have
but this guy he did it with the tea
party people too
i don’t like i don’t know fucking dudes name
but he made this
video and it was just
genius shit man
you know people just
they everybody
just they just take a side that there’s
their team takes
you know what i mean
and it’s like this us
versus them nonsense
it’s just so
crazy when it comes to global warming
when it comes to health care
it’s like you know
everyone has a very
typical and predictable
what are you doing just come back
now typical
and predictable
you know stance on
things and very rarely to people stray
outside you know
either or ideologies left or
right you know
i hate when people ask me
a democrat or republican like what are you talking
about it’s a nonsense game
it’s all nonsense
there’s no fucking democrats and there’s no republicans
just stop it
it’s all nonsense it’s been nonsense
since the beginning
it’s just it’s a
bunch of fucking
red tape and and and and fucking
just complications
a bunch of shit
piled up together
to to control either or
you know the idea that there really
are democrats and there really i mean look at what
obama’s doing he’s doing the
exact same shit bush did
he’s doing a little a few
things different socially
you know the don’t ask don’t tell
but when you win the nobel
peace prize you
still send 30
000 more people to a war that nobody wants
i mean do they
really know more than everybody else they
talk politics on me man
dude it’s like talking
sports and to me don’t you think that
if you just it
doesn’t to me well
i don’t think you should
spend that much time who cares what the
government is fuck that guy fuck it all it’s all
stupid just negative
if you really
think about how fucked up this
whole united
states government it is but i mean you
think that it’s is it possible to do anything
about it i think if it is what the ways you’re
gonna do something
about it is not necessarily
it’s influencing people with thought
and changing
these people’s
opinions before they get into this terrible situation
of doing fuck up things
that are not benefiting the people i
think you have to
affect them you have to let them know that they’re not
gonna live forever
i think there’s people way
better than that than me
so instead of
worrying and
spending my stress on it adam
that’s a comic though man
to me it’s just like another
crazy reality show that i have to watch yeah
you know yeah i just
fucking like it’s like
they attack each other
it’s so ridiculous
you can’t believe
anyone you can’t
everyone’s fucking fake it’s all bullshit
crazy is that fox news
is real that that’s a real i mean that is like some
power to that fox news is a real show
fox news is like if there was like a tv a
movie from the 80s
would like bill
murray in it some sort of a parody
that would be like the
right wing you know
raw raw fucking
truth organization that would be
the network that they
would make fun of
in a parody
movie and that’s what’s really
going on man
in a parody
movie there
would be like some really hot blonde chick
who was mean as fuck
you know like all
those hot blonde chicks on
on fox news that all look like they have this mean face
the other hot as fuck
but they got this like they’ll
fucking yell at you man you know what i mean they’ll
when they when they interrogate dudes on the show
when they you
know i give people a hard time on the show when i
cut people off like that like
these stern
right wing like aryan
blue eyed hot bitches
you know that’s perfect for like a bill
murray movie
and those chicks
would be real
horny and somebody be fucking i
would they be
screaming out nazi shit or something
you know i mean that that
would be in the
movie i mean
they really are it is really is life is like a
movie life is like as
ridiculous as a movie
more almost
right i mean
when you think
about like a plot in a
movie that you know is predictable and annoys you
you know life is way more
way more wacky than that
you know what look i mean like
the ted hagrid
thing with that guys that you know the the religious
guy gets caught doing gay sex and crystal math
you know the fucking john
edwards thing
where he gets busted
and his wife is
dying and he’s not having this baby with this
other woman and all this
this craziness that goes on with people
all of it all together it’s like we are the nuttiest
movie of all time
we’re the craziest movie ever
don’t you think yeah
and what the fuck is this folks
where is this going
you know we’re all just living and
until our body shut off and
we don’t even address it
we don’t even stop and really
think about it i mean you know on oprah
you know everybody wants to tell you how you can
better decorate your living room with fucking feng shui
and you know
the the the
the current
consciousness of our culture
you know is not at all
focused on the the really big questions like the really
freaky fucking questions
like the fact that
how little we
think about
space you know
the little we
think about the fact that
and anytime
some crazy shit can happen there
could be a hypernova
in the next galaxy and we’d be
wiped out instantly
like this is all real and
random and easily can happen
no it’s is there any
money in campfires
like making a campfire
no cause you’d be really good at campfires
somehow you you
could if there was any
money in like campfires like hey we’re
gonna have a campfire tonight if you
could get any
money from that
and go joe rogan’s
gonna be at this campfire what
and don’t you
think you’d be like the best
person would
be a bunch of
dudes who would want to take
pictures with me with
their fists up
your packages imagine you
would like a damn fire show
every fucking
coors light
in in big coolers
and be like yo bro who’s
gonna be gsp
stop ruining this campfire bro
man we’re talking about ancient
civilizations bro i’ll fuck those ancient faggots
you want a beer a
boy was it worms to shot girl worms
but anyways that’s what would happen
you should have campfires what am i doing
instead of comedy nights you have campfire
night where you’re in the middle of a campfire you all
bring your tents and you all hang out and smoke weed
and do mushrooms and you’re in the middle
just like doing what you’re doing now or stand up kind
of in like a
metal talking campfire guy that sounds like a
great way to get annoyed by hippies
true you gonna deal with a lot of
stinky somebody starts bringing harmonica
no harmonica’s
gonna be a bunch of stinky dudes that need favors
it’s gonna be annoying
it’ll be annoying
that’s the number one problem with marijuana’s hippies
god damn some of them are annoying
can you imagine the smell of a hacky sack convention
yeah i could i could
the truly and happy sex sweats yeah hippies you know
the the idea behind it is great
the problem is a lot of the people that fall into that
that mode of thinking they’re all fucked up
you know they’re lazy too that’s another
problem with hippies a lot of them are fucking lazy
you know a lot of them are always
broke and always like want
you to help them out and there’s oh it’s like it’s a
drain like if you have hippies for friends it’s like
some of them are just constantly asking for
favors and it gets so annoying
you know it’s like you have to cut them off as friends
you’re just always needy
you fuck like get your goddamn shit together you know
that’s like
how many dudes do
you know that are like that that are like always broke
that’s like come on man
oh so you gotta get your shit together you
know it’s a lot better out here though back in ohio is
completely different you know
yeah it’s way more brokesters in ohio
you know at
least out here most people and i know are
you know kind of like
have jobs like us
where you know
where it’s like
comics and people that aren’t
the people in your circle yeah
yeah yeah yeah
well you know what man
living a regular life you know regular jobs
it’s very hard for people to do
after a while
because you know we’re sold
this bill of goods that all you need to be happy is
you know find something that’s pays well and that
you know steady work
doesn’t matter if you don’t love it you
still have your free time
you know you go through it and
you know you move up the ladder and you make more
money and you buy a bigger house
and then you fucking die
you know there’s no there’s no
end to that you know and
for some idea
for some reason we’re sold that there is
we’re sold that
we’re doing something we’re working hard
and eventually it’s
gonna pay off
it doesn’t pay off
you just die
you know everybody just dies
so you have to
enjoy this this is what you have
enjoyed right now
and it’s not
it’s not possible for everybody
there’s been a lot of times in your life and in my life
that we weren’t
enjoying things you know
you know i wasn’t i wasn’t
enjoying life i
didn’t have
good things happening
drive limos
a drive limo
what was that
like have you ever did you ever do anything
famous or anyone
famous or anyone that was like
like wow i had
frank sinatra
in the back of my limo no
i almost got to
drive stevie ray
vaughan but he
wouldn’t take limos he
would only take a cab
he was one of
those is that like the
worst day for you were like i’m getting
drunk tonight i almost was
i was like god
i probably would have panicked i probably
would have killed him it
would have probably been me that killed him and not the
helicopter i was
i was a huge
t ray vaughan fan
yeah so if i really got to
drive him in a car i’d probably
panic i was only 19 years old i was an
idiot wow you know
maybe i was 20 20
i was watching this wasn’t at home so yeah
i think i moved out of my parents
house when i was 20
so i think i was 21
when i was doing that
i was watching
a driver when we were out of town in new york
i was watching the linwood driver
and he had to sit in his car
the whole day
he was having a full on
with his wife just having
like conversations and i felt bad for
these guys because they’re like
gone for chunks
at a time it’s a hard job
you know what’s really hard
about it is the
hours they want you to work
crazy hours i mean
and the way they
would put it to me though
when i first got the job
there they were saying you know what a lot of you guys
gonna go to school
and you know you’re
gonna try to make a living and you’re
gonna realize it’s a hard job for us out there
you know it’s hard to get jobs
you look at mikey over there
he’s been working here
for ten years
he doesn’t bust his ass
he sits down in a nice car all day
and he makes
sixty thousand dollars a year
okay that’s real money
and that’s what
they said to me wow and i was sitting there
going oh my god do you know how many
hours that guy works he
doesn’t have a life like
he gave away his
whole life for 60 000 a year
right like this fucking guy
was literally no bullshit working 16
hours every day
he was always there
and i looked at him i was like okay you got tricks on
right you know you’re doing the
wrong thing man
i gotta get the fuck out of here
but you know
that ain’t easy
man if you got a job if you’re only doing it for a few
hours a day you know if you’re doing it like a regular
job it ain’t bad really if you have good clients
you know what are you doing
you’re sitting down you’re driving that’s no big deal
but they want you to work
crazy hours i was doing 40
hours a week
and they were
they were mad at me they wanted me to put in more
hours like i’d work
eight hours
i would work
eight hours
and i would want to go home
and they were going
eight hours
nothing mikey with his
twelve and he
still waiting for his next pickup
maybe like fuck mikey and fuck you i worked
eight hours
get me out of here
stupid i don’t want any more
hours i got
i got work to do
i had a gig at a
some fucking bar you know one of
these comedy things
and i had to
leave work for the gig and
when i was there on the way there they
switched the gigs
like they said oh we’re
gonna send you to this one instead
like there was like
i think was probably boston comedy at the time
there’s like a booking agency
and they had a
bunch of these little gigs
you know like in
weird little places you
drive like an hour and a half and it was like a little
sports bar and then have a little
stage and you
would go on stage
sometimes they
would switch you like say hey this guy is
gonna go with him
cause he doesn’t have a car
so why don’t you go to this
place instead
so that’s what i did
and so this asshole called up the fucking the bar
where i was supposed to be cause he
asked me like you’re leaving now i’m like i gotta gig
so he calls up the fucking bar
and then the next day is you
lying motherfucker
you told me you were working like like like like
dude i worked
eight hours
and yeah i could
switch like i had tell him the
whole story
to keep my job
and he had to call this bar
right after working eight
hours right
ridiculous i
used to wash windows with me and this girl it was the
worst she would heck
this little girl would hold
the ladder and i
would have to
climb like four stories up
oh my god while
stoned out of my mind
and trying to
clean windows like bending over and
stuff why were you doing that because it was like 12
hours an hour and in ohio 12
hours an hour is amazing
why are we doing it stoned huh
why are we doing that
cause we’re washing windows dude
i mean what else are you
gonna do like wash windows and be
sober because
that’s the worst
stuff i’ve ever
think if you
got way the fuck up down a ladder like that god
damn that’d be terrifying yeah but sometimes
you just go to a
house and you go
oh fuck why’d i get stoned
you look at the
house and you’re like oh no
anyways my boss
this old lady
said that me or the girl who was my
girlfriend at the time but we worked together
stole something from her
house and we got
fired the boss
was yelling and
screaming at us and
wasn’t even
gonna pay us any paycheck
stuff then a week later
he called us back
oh by the way she
found what she was looking for
and she apologizes
i’m like well yeah me and this girl are fired yeah
that’s ridiculous
dick ass do
you remember
what it’s like to have a boss
like have bosses oh
that’s my life oh
god the worst is waiting table is
treating like shit
the idea that someone who is
above you in a work organization that gets to
treat you like shit
that is one of the
worst feelings in the world
i did construction
most of the time i did construction i did it
under nice guys
i never had any real bad bosses
but i did have one bad bosses a landscaper
guy was an asshole
just just an asshole just not friendly
not nice wanted you to always work harder
never had a
smile never appreciated your work
would give your
money at the end of the week
with like a look like you didn’t even deserve this like
you motherfucker i work for you all week you cunt
i worked all week all day all week exhausted
at the end of
every day just so tired
pushing a lawnmower
in the hot sun and digging holes for people
and doing whatever the fuck they want you to do it’s
labor you know and this
motherfucker didn’t give a shit
like i couldn’t imagine that
i couldn’t imagine having someone work for me
and having them do all the
stuff and then
treating them like shit
yeah like you know
you don’t even fucking deserve this
like really
like what kind of a fucking
human being
you know makes someone work hard and doesn’t
appreciate that you know
that’s terrible and it sets you up
in life to start
thinking of work like that
you know so you
never think you’re
gonna do anything with your time that’s
gonna be actually fun
you know i think it’s even possible you know
i did i wash dishes
oh that was the worst
it’s pretty bad but i moved up
to the grill
and the grill was way
worse for my acne
so i would do fucking cheeseburgers
and i was a lazy fucking kid i didn’t wash my face
and i was like a
teenager so i was getting all these
zits anyway
and just my
whole face is just a zit
fucking festival
i stopped working there
yeah moved up to papa gino’s
did a little papa gino’s for a
while and then i
started getting real jobs then i started
teach martial arts
you know what
the best job was i was a projectionist for like
eight years i mean the managers at
movie theaters and
stuff like that
but working in the
movie theater industry it’s so fun
especially when it was a projectionist
my job is like
you know thread the
movie because it was like an
art just like threading this film through this machine
and then that’s perfect and
you’re into that crazy
show you start the
movie you can sit there and
watch it with headphones on
or i just like go out back
smoke weed you
know it was just like that was my job
it was so crazy one of the coolest times
ever after a show once
back at the old
laugh stop in houston this is
right when the blair
witch project came out
and these kids came to the show
and then after they came to the show
we all went out and we watched
blair witch
at the theater
it was like really late at
night because it was like
the show at the
last stop was like
11 o’clock at
night and it
went on to like 1
30 so it was like
2 o’clock in the morning by the time we get out and
these kids opened up the
theater and turned it on did
everything just for us
so it was like me and them
and you know my friend chris mcguire and
like one of the guy from the comedy club
and we all watched blair
witch and his
nowadays they fucking hook xboxes up to it and it’s all
digitally oh
no my friend wagner’s like anytime
you want to come like they do it on the imax screen at
universal oh
because they’re and play like xbox on this
dude perfect hd
my head might explode
imagine that quake
fucking head
might explode
i can’t do it i’m scared of
quake dude to this day i thought
about playing it the other day
i got scared by the way dude your dvd’s out too you
should plug that
and my short
movies on there
talking monkeys in columbus yeah
and it’s pretty cool watch it
yeah the dvds out so if you saw the special
on tv it’s that and there’s a lot of
it’s uncensored
and there’s a lot of q amp a footage is like
45 minutes or something yeah
it’s a lot it’s like
i don’t remember how many minutes it is but
it’s a lot of q amp a
and i do that at most of the shows i just
i always feel like
it makes it more fun you know like it’s one
thing to have like a normal comedy show
and i know you want that too
but i think it’s also fun to just
shoot the shit together you know and me make fun of
things you know with a microphone
and so at the end of the show
i always have that kind of q amp a type thing
except it’s almost
becoming bits because everyone
asked the same questions and that kind of
sex is if you see you
twice then you’re getting the same questions
then it’s like
what is the same question i know and i try to some
things have to be answered the
same way like the dmt
thing there’s no
other way to answer it
you know when i try to explain that there’s no
other way to explain
it i have to explain it the best way i can explain it
and that’s that and it’s
gonna sound the same way
every time the only way it’s funny is
if i do it like that anyway
right it is a bit so but
you know what i’m gonna do
about that i’m
gonna put that on my next
comedy special
that description of it so that way
nobody ever
asked me again
cause they know what it is
you know what
i mean it’s like
you’re not gonna yell out dmt
and i’m like i’ll just say go to itunes bitch
you know at a certain
point in time it’s like i can’t keep talking
about the same things over and over
again and that’s one of them that’s been
ever since i’ve
did conversations
about it on jim brewer’s show
i hate that fight
who’s gonna win versus who like people don’t get that
you said that a million times
don’t ask what do you think
about this fight and this fight who’s gonna win
well i know i know people like to talk
about fights they just like to talk
about it that’s like baseball to me yeah baseball
well there’s a certain amount
of people that just like that they just like to talk
about it and you know i
appreciate the fact that
you know they like
me as a commentator and they want to know my take on
things you know and i
understand that
but you know i can’t
first of all i
wouldn’t give a prediction
the only time i
would ever give a
prediction is something’s ridiculous
you know like you know
fade or is gonna
fight my mom
i’m gonna say oh my mom’s fucked
you know right
right right
right you know i’m saying
but unless it’s like that i don’t get
predictions and
those fights don’t
occur in the
ufc the ufc fights 99
of them like
hmm so i’m like what the fuck is
gonna happen here with this
i can see a lot of scenarios taking place
and there’s
neither one of them is
definite for sure
so i would never say
this guy’s gonna do this and that when
i hear guys
especially guys that have
never fought
in anything before
they’re just
sports broadcaster type dudes
and they’re talking shit
about fighters and like this guy
doesn’t belong in there with him and it’s gonna be
easy work for that guy and
i look for him to
knock him out in the
first round
what are you talking
about you’re just
making some
crazy prediction
about what the fuck is
gonna happen in a
fight between two
skilled men
that are more than capable of
smashing each
other you zig
when you should have zag
bam somebody cracks one
the knees give out
and you got a
flashlight on your face when you
wake up that shit is normal that’s par for the course
that happens all the time
you know i mean people who
never thought they were
gonna get knocked out get
knocked out it happens all the time
people get submitted when they were winning easily
you know guys who like
guys who no one ever thought
would get submitted
that dude in the wec recently got so many
karen karen darabedian
i think his name is
badass fucking
grappler and he fucked up he left an arm in there this
dude took his arm block
you can’t predict
it was a power outage at the last usc right yeah
was it off on or was it uh
i tweeted that
ariani plugged
their vibrator in backstage and
crushed the circuit breaker
you see the
power adapter of it but she
tweeted then that
it was actually my butt plug my vibrating butt plug
so i thought your
ship was solar
powered she made me feel really bad about that
but yeah it was
right before roy nelson fought stefan struve
right before they went to fight
the power went out that’s
never happened before it was totally affordable
did you see ariana has her own
shirt that they sell at uscs now
it’s just her
i’m gonna get one you
should you should wear it off to it
that’s right
put it on backwards you know what i’m talking
about yeah i don’t know what you’re talking
about no just
put it on backwards and her face and skin will be
touching you yeah
oh nice so she’s hugging you yeah
and then you put on some
barry white oh
fuck you no find
that’s who’s not something i
went who is a
chef from south park
you guys see this what i see
south park dudes
about made up of marijuana
i know man i have to see so many of them i have a
bunch of them
saved up on the dvr
south park is the best ever no no show has been
funny for this long
you know south park that’s the
greatest show in the history of the world
they’re the meanest
when they go
after somebody
they’re the like
they’re the funniest
that the most fucked up there’s no show that’s even
close to his fucked up
that show that they did were
paris hilton had the whore off with the gay dude
and he stuff
paris hilton up his ass like oh my god
jesus christ that was good yeah
they’re just so funny
they take your
place you like there’s no way they’re
gonna go yeah
i can’t fucking believe you did that you know
they just do it consistently over and over and over
again it’s the one
the number one show for me like
guaranteed i’m
gonna love it yeah
i want to hang with
trey parker so bad
maybe he will try to fuck you or something no no
man i think
i think he’s probably
one of the funniest guys ever as far as like creativity
yeah i don’t
think any anybody has ever
put out as much
stuff as prolific as he is
no one has ever put out as much
funny stuff as that guy and the other guy too
i don’t know i mean
i don’t know who’s writing it you’ve seen cannibal that
who writes it
who’s writing
trades he writes
everything what he
writes everything
i think he just helps once in a
while but it’s mostly sure yeah
i don’t want because we don’t want to
give him credit no no
no from what i
understand that
trey just locks himself
in his office and just mad writer and he’s always
changing stuff and
there’s no show that’s been like that
i mean think
about what they’re doing they have
these little
corny looking animated dudes that
they’re really really really crude
the images are so crude
and it’s really easy to do
you know as far as like that kind of stuff is
and then they consistently
go after more shit and trevor
i’m sorry what’s that
i was gonna answer something real quick
trevor they don’t have a team of writers
sorry this guy says they have a team around
but he knows
the people that worked there yeah
he’s actually been there before
i think they had a team of writers at one
point for like
a season or something or help
writer help but
from my understanding now it’s really just trey
yeah everybody says this week’s episode groovy girly
everybody says that it’s the
greatest episode ever
it’s pretty
ridiculous there’s one part about it
so good man they’re so good it’s humbling
it’s humbling how much that guy’s put out you know you
think about the
stuff that you’ve done like how
productive you’ve been over your life
and you see what that guy’s done like
jesus christ i just wish that team america too
would happen
cause that was that was so
i know it was the hardest
movie ever for everybody
damn that was
a good one of my i
think that’s top five
maybe maybe the
first one the
there was no no
movie ever the
first time i saw it made me
laugh that hard no
movie yeah no
movie even came close yeah
that was the
second time it wasn’t as
funny to me
but the third time
i mean it’s just like
it’s not the
third time was just as good as the
second yeah i just saw the other
day and it was
maybe funnier
than the first time i saw it i forgot how
funny it was
maybe i saw too
close to each
other a lot of it was
shocking yeah it’s like
more at twice
you know we saw more at once and then
again five years
later i tried
to do that i didn’t
enjoy it i didn’t
enjoy it the
second time but i
loved it so much the first time
you know there’s certain
things that you can’t see twice
but certain
things you can see over and over and over
again you know it’s
funny comedy is a very
funny thing like that you know
like why is like really bad stuff
like roadhouse
or like show girls or something like that like
the more you see it the funnier it is
you know you can see it like a
bunch of times and it gets funnier
because you
start knowing the
script of it and you
wanna act it out
there’s some movies that are so ridiculous
that it’s just
going oh this one right here howard the duck this
is oh ducky
that movie what is it called the room
adventures in babysitting nobody
this this was recommended to me i
think we’ve talked about this
if you want a bad
movie go get this the room it’s fucking
genius we don’t watch it by yourself it’s not as fun
but if you watch it with some friends that are funny
it’s a genius
geniusly bad movie
apparently they have screenings
in hollywood
and they play that movie and people get there and they
quote the words
because everyone
knows the words and it’s like a sort of rockyara
picture thing
it’s that bad hmm
you wanna borrow it
yeah well i
could just make a cup i mean what the can i
just look at it on my computer real
quick that’s
illegal let me just look at it on my computer real
quick alrighty
i just want to observe
no it’s not even do this online
i don’t want
people to get the
wrong impression here
everyone likes fight club
you know what man i’ll tell you what i didn’t like
fight club i liked it i liked it for a
while and then when i
found out that
the two dudes were actually one dude
i was like what fuck you
man i didn’t like
it anymore so i liked it up
until the end that
movie rules dude
that movie i didn’t like it after i
found out that there were supposed to be two dudes
inside cause he’s
punching himself in the face and
i’m like what
yes that was
way more believable the problem is you’re seeing a
bunch of shit
in this movie that didn’t really happen but it’s
still it’s like the
style of it the visuals but it’s a she’s in
the airplane
in a plane it’s a
shitty plot
the ending to me is like yeah that sucks
because it’s not what i wanted to be
but everything else
along the way was so amazing that you can’t see it
required a suspension
of disbelief that i wasn’t willing to give it
when all of a
sudden you’re telling me that
everything i saw
was just his imagination
so this entire
movie what was real out of this fucking
movie cause in the
movie i saw
there was two different people
and if one part of it was
absolutely a figment of his imagination
what the fuck what
about the rest of it
how do i know what i’m
watching anymore now i’m
watching nonsense
now you have this shitty plot device
where you can say oh
it was just a
dream oh he’s gone
crazy this is what’s really happening
he’s hitting himself
i’m like what
so what has really happened this guy’s just been
sitting around hitting himself there’s been no real
fighting i think
what’s really going on i
think he just don’t like seeing brad pitt get hurt dude
is a part of me you know like part of me
leave me alone
leave me alone
yeah that’s another
funny part about that
movie you know
that everybody’s like liking
enjoying getting the fuck beat out of them
yeah that’s
crazy i love
it i would hope that that’s not the case
in real life i hope there’s not really
well there’s
totally real
fight clubs like that like
those old videos we used to see
about the fights in the yards the
what are they called
where they’re like gang
fights almost
over in russia
russian gang
fights that’s the same that’s a
fight club that’s the
exact same thing
well that’s like a gang war yeah
youtube russian
fights russian soccer thug
fight yeah soccer
fights they beat the fuck out of each
other we’ve talked
about that on here before that’s
yeah those guys are nuts russians
they’re a different breed son
that’s a hardy race
i’m addicted to
those videos
those are russians
they love the brawl son
my fan of nor mcdonald’s huge fan
nor mcdonald’s one of my favorite comedians
each fucking hilarious
norm mcdonald is a very unique dude there’s something
really just funny about him
i was just go canoeing with him
i love to talk to him about anything he’s one of
those dudes just want to talk to
i wanted fight club to be a
buddy film hey fuck you man
fuck you hector
wow you got some crazy shit going on with your name
dang goose esquire
wow i like your avatar though that’s pretty dope
blinking third eye
you crafty internet hacker you
have i seen donnie
darko yeah i
like that a lot i thought that was an interesting movie
like it yeah
it’s pretty interesting man
donnie darko and don’t get me
wrong i love
fight i mean if i had a see
fight club again
i would watch it up
until the moment i
would watch it up
until the moment
where you find out
these two people then i shut it off
because i liked it up until then
you know i just
i don’t like that is what i like
about didn’t like
about shutter
island i don’t like when you say oh it’s all
trick you know don’t don’t give me that i don’t
wanna hear it
that’s nonsense
show me a real goddamn
movie you know
that’s why i like the avatar it was so
clean i have a feeling lost it’s gonna fuck
my face up i’m
just the last recent episodes it’s interesting
but it’s also like uh oh this
could get really bad
bad it could
like it has the potential to
be ending in a way that you’re just like
are you kidding me
there i think this year just seems silly
leaving back and forth in time just
once they hit the nuclear bomb and
went back in time i was like what is happening what’s
going on shut up
you can’t just nuclear jump back and forth
through time you know stop it just stop it i need more
i need more from you than that
i need a little
more than you blow off a nuclear weapon and we go
back in time
right that’s so
stupid yeah come on
yeah it’s just it’s too dumb
and then where are we now we’re in 1977 what do we do
no you would be shitting your
pants going fuck we’re
stuck in 77
no internets
you know your refrigerator sucked back then
nothing was good then
cars were all shitty
the brakes were
it barely stopped for anything
dude it sucked back then
everything sucked
it would suck if you had to live back at seventy
seven fuck that fuck that it
would suck to
any bean bag
wow yeah yeah they
would shoot you if they saw weed on you
weed was totally
legal back then
i have not seen michael rupert’s
film collapse
but i heard it’s
really good that guy scares the shit out of me netflix
i had watch it
he’s one of
those end of the
world dudes is collapse on netflix sure is
that let’s find out
right thought it was only out in the movies
or something
i don’t know find out google that shit’s fun collapse
it’s probably some fucking 9 11 shit isn’t it
michael rupert
shit is i think it’s all out about peak oil
and he’s the guy that exposed the cia
for selling drugs and movies theater so okay
okay son 2009
dvd unknown
let’s check out the rest of the
questions we have here on the message board
cause there’s a
bunch of them up here
um like i said we
we had to stop
last week because i had a staph infection
i had a little
we should mention our friend outlaw did we talk
about that past
no we didn’t
no yeah our
good friend
outlaw from joe’s message
board has passed and he was a
great guy and we all love him very much and
really cool much
love to his wife
yeah much much love he was a really fun guy
he was a dude that was on my message
board from the beginning really
i can’t remember when he was
never there i mean i don’t remember a time
there was one time where he
he took off for a while
yeah and i called him at home i got his
information from somebody i called him at home and i
found out that his brother had
died recently and he had some some
real serious family issues he was very depressed and
you know i talked to him and
you know he
was it was it was nice to know
that he was okay physically but it was real sad and
and then he came back and
eventually became his old self
again and he was just
one of the funniest posters man dude was so like quick
really witty
and apparently
according to his wife he had always wanted to be a
stand up comedian and that’s
one of the reasons why he liked to hang out on my
board because he got
a chance to like really be an online comedian
you know i mean
that’s like a real
thing now we’ve talked
about this before like
their dudes
and message
boards are like
their comedy stage
you know like
you’re a good example of that
i consider you’ve done
stand up comedy a few times
but i consider
you like an internet comedian because you make
these little
videos that are
funny and you put them up on the internet
well the problem is it’s like
you spend so much time at five
hours you’re
spending a ton of hours
just so you can get
three to five minutes in
front of eight people
i could spend the same amount of time
make a video
that thousands will see
so it’s like why
would i want to do it on
stage when i
could do the same
thing on the internet and get
50 million times more people seeing it
right and then eventually
like i said with the ari
thing if you get enough people to see your show on
the internet you can develop like an in the community
and then you can go do a show show
you know and that’s what the
kind of show that ari really needs to take advantage of
because ari has
a name i mean he’s been opening up for me for years
right thousands of people have seen him because of that
and then he’s been on the jim norton show
down and dirty with jim norton
and he’s got a lot of clips on the
internet and he’s been on opie and anthony with me a
bunch of times he was on the last time when i was there
so he’s got enough
stuff happening that he
should have like a community
so it’s just a matter of like
putting it together that’s
why it’s so much better now that it’s ever been before
you know for comedians
and my message
board is one of the best parts
about it and this dude outlaw
was one of the best parts
about my message
board he was a
great guy he was really funny
and he was just
we got a chance
to hang out with them in real life a few times
once way back in houston way way back in the day
that was how many years ago was that
seven seven years ago
and then again recently last year he came
to dallas and
one or two other times
other than that too
at least one but i can remember one of the saddest
things for me is
going to his facebook pages and his photos
i forgot for christmas last year i think
for christmas i sent him a
photo of me shaving my
chest going ooh
not really shaving my
chest but like a
photo of me
and just as a joke
cause that’s how
our relationship all work
is on the internet
photoshops back and forth
silly photos and stuff
and so like then i went to his facebook and he has
that on his facebook page and i’m like oh that fucking
photo i forgot
about that yeah
that’s one of the cool things
about the message
board is like you know we have like
these online friends
you know they
really are online friends some of them you never meet
some of them they just
exist online and as long as your personality is cool
and you’re friendly and you’re funny
you know you eventually get into the
whole mix there
you know and
that’s what’s encouraged
funniness and
and personality
and and openness and
the the idea you know that
you know you don’t have to fucking get in
fights with everybody talk to online and that if you
do say something to somebody it better be
funny you know you
gonna be a douche
about something
should be really funny
you know and
it’s it’s nice to have something like that and
you know it’s nice
to get a chance to meet cool people that i probably
would never meet in real life like you
or like outlaw you know or like you know
tony z or you know i mean
there’s a lot of people man there’s
a lot of people that we’ve
met online bad
bobby you know
those really cool guys that i look forward to see
when i when i’m in town and i see him it’s fun to hang
with johnny rotten and
jen yeah jane flower and her husband
henry you know
i mean so there’s a
bunch of people that we met that are really cool
you know and
it’s a nice thing
to have cultivated you know and
i’m just happy
that we got a chance to hang out with this guy and
i’m happy that
we were in his life
and that he took pleasure
in hanging out on my message
board and one of the best artists
one of the best artists i know too
and it’s crazy
that he wasn’t making millions from his art
yeah he was a really creative guy just you know
first of all he was in oklahoma and he didn’t
feel like he had a lot of opportunities around him
you know all the time he just didn’t feel like
that many things were
available to him
but he was a
great guy man
sucks really does suck
yeah and he was fairly
young right
he’s 30 my age 35
so i’m kind of paranoid or
scared now i’ve been
eating broccoli a lot lately i’ve been eating radishes
who eats radishes
this guy well
yeah i i’ve been
cleaning up
my diet a lot lately i’ve been eating a lot more
serious shit
it’s important
to take care of your health man and people don’t
appreciate that respect that
it’s so easy to eat shitty it
tastes good
you know it
tastes good to eat fucking cheeseburgers with shit
sauce and we always give ari a hard time
about it and
he’s dude did you see the
photo he tweeted
when you guys were in
north carolina
of the barbecue
of no of his
what he ate that night
no it was like
potato chips
m amp ms beef jerky ho hos
like look at the
photo it’s on his twitter backslash ari shafir
he does put away some junk food
dude it was like all right that
right there is like
nipple cancer you know he killed
charlotte he had a really good
set in trial yeah
blow it up he was really good cool it was really funny
he was in new york
going up a lot in new york yeah yeah
new york’s pretty cool but
never to live
there i was
thinking about living there i was thinking
about making a move that’s
crazy people
maybe it’d be good for him you know
maybe to do something totally different mix it up
you know that’s a
crazy that i’ve
never experienced in my life
i get to be in a head
different head
space i used to like it i like it when
i go back there a little bit but
part of it is just i know people there
and i like it for a quick jolt
get in there and get out of there
i love going on opi and anthony i love meeting my old
pool playing
friends i’d be an alcoholic immediately living here
it seems like that’s
the only thing to do and plus
when we came
about off the
plane in california
after there
just seeing nature seeing
grassy fields and
trees i’m like
oh my god i didn’t see any of that when i was in new
york well this is the perfect time to be driving around
california it’s
beautiful yeah
everything’s green
i don’t care
if it sounds gay
but when i’m getting the mail and it
smells like roses you’re just like wow
this is so much better than shit
yeah there’s something to be said
definitely for that and there’s
definitely something
to be said that it’s not natural to live
stack 70 people on
top of each other
they’ve done like those
population density studies with rats
and they found that if they
have a certain amount of rats in a box everyone’s cool
but the more
rats you add to the box the more fucked up behavior
starts manifesting
itself it starts up
a lot of them become
neurotic they start like
tweaking and
some of them
like become nutty and they sit by themselves and
shake right like
they develop all this nutty
sensory overload
shit because there’s too many rats that
start attacking each
other and getting violent
it gets bad
man and that’s what happens with fucking people
when i was in
north carolina last week man ooh
a couple days ago i
love north carolina
you could smell it man it was nice
everybody was cool
spread out too
yeah you go to restaurants
how you doing how you doing can we help y’all
would you like something to drink
like everyone’s like kind
let’s move there and hang out with
cliffy b no
right he lives in raleigh
that’s even more
i would just need a
plate well you know raleigh
i could fucking do
stand up there
i can always do
stand up with charlie goode nice
you know yeah
that’s a good club easily
take over child good nights
week yeah anything that
would suck is it hurricanes
oh fuck and
that sucks hard dude yeah one of the waitresses
at the place we
ate this cool barbecue place
and the waitress
said to us that
a hurricane came and
picked up her neighbor’s
house and dropped it in a pond
with them in it
they were in
their fucking
house it picked is
not a mobile
house a house
picked their
house up and fucking flew it like
30 yards down
the road into a pond you know i totally forgot
about storms
i just hate being around tornadoes and storms
fucking weather living in ohio
has raped me of
like i’m scared of fucking
lightning now because i’ve
just been through so much fucking crap you know what
the move is i
think the move is a
smaller town in
california i
think san diego or
santa barbara
san diego is not bad but san
diego is so close to
santa barbara
that’s not a bad one
santa barbara is a good call
that’s a good call because it’s still like
they have good restaurants
great zoo university up
there so yeah
there’s a university
up there so that people could that’s
a good jail i love that jail it’s awesome look how
clean right
the there’s a
university up there a couple i
think there’s more than one
right right
yeah and then there’s wine
there’s good
jiu jitsu up there
there’s no comedy
club up there but you can do so make your own yeah
fucking campfire joe
campfire this
point i’m really seriously thinking
about getting some a regular gig somewhere
just have a campfire
a campfire in a winery
tickets are
twenty five dollars
you are just you know
doing a gig like in
vegas like every week
that’s the only
time she could do it
every week because new people come in every week
you know there’s always people coming in but yeah
vegas is just so bad for you
it’s so bad for you
it’s not good to stay there
vegas is like it’s like smoking cigarettes
it’s like you can get away with it for a long time
but eventually it’s
gonna get you
you know or you
could not do it and
then you get hit by a bus tomorrow and you’re like i
should have done it
oh i don’t know
i don’t think i’d ever say i
should have
moved to vegas
but i think
doing a gig in
vegas even if i did it i
still wouldn’t live there
right i would fly in and you know do it on the weekends
i wouldn’t be able to do like one of those five
night a week gigs
i can’t do five
nights a week i’ll lose my marbles for sure
right you know five
nights a week
dude i’m not
gonna be funny
you know comedy
a lot of it is
based on enthusiasm
and i think if i did every
night i had to do five
nights a week
i don’t think i
would be as enthusiastic
i like little days off sometimes and a weekend off here
and it gets the
juices all fired up and that’s the
best way to try to create new material too you can’t
create new material if you’re always
doing long headline sets all the time i
think the better way to do it is to just
really sit down try to
break out some
new ideas then just go up and try them on
their own you know
and so i used to introduce them to bits but sometimes
you know introduce
them like in the middle of bits and i
still do that sometimes but i think
maybe the best way to do it is just go on stage like
some crappy open mic night
or something like that you know
you gotta make sure there’s some
i was i think i’m
gonna do that at the improv
i’m gonna do
the ideas a new shit show
do a show real
cheap so that the club gets something like five
bucks or something like that and then
just work on all new material
you know not even have an opening act nothing
you know just me go up
enough like an hour and a half or something like that
you know i’m
thinking about doing that i
think that’s
that might be
a good move i want to try all sorts of different
stuff to come up with new material you know
i mean you can only
get an isolation
tank so many
times you only look online so many times i want to
canoe i miss
canoeing like
crazy you ever get really
stone and go canoeing
no it is the best man
we’re just going
through nature in this in this boat
and once in a
while gets crazy
right oh we’re
gonna die no then you’re back to peace
it is so fun i’m not into
like putting myself into that oh my god you’re almost
gonna die no no
no but canoeing is like
i mean it just gets a little
rapidy like you’re like this
but it’s not like
real fools and
stuff people died
there was a reality show that they were filming for
but no no you could
stand in it
it’s like this it’s like this a team it’s not like
this girl was
yeah she was
white she was
whitewater canal
and it went
under and she
should have been okay but she hit her head
and her head somehow another got wedged
between two rocks and she got
stuck so she went out and got
stuck under
and they had to go
under and pull her out that’s
crazy canoeing man the
canoeing i did i’ve been going
since i was a kid and
it’s like it’s for
babies but it’s so just
peaceful and fun and you’re
like people like stop and why
wouldn’t i go
on like a lake
you know yeah oh yeah
lake too i just thought
it would be cool yeah
i just i’m not down with like letting
the boat go into rocks and shit and try to
avoid those go go left left left no
you don’t like that at all
i don’t have any desire to put myself in a situation
where i’m trying not to have the fucking
canoe tip over
you just don’t like
this you don’t like the hickey water
no you know another
thing it would
freak me out is that’s how
that vbs tv show
about the arctic
remember there was that one dude
i think his name is hindmo
and he lives
in alaska and
northeast alaska
their daughter
fell off the boat when
she was two
years old they were living up there in the fucking
the yukon whatever
the hell it is up there what is it called up there
north and arctic whatever the fuck it is i mean
these weight in the arctic circle whatever
he’s way the fuck up there deep deep deep into alaska
and his they were on a
river with a
canoe and the fucking
canoe tipped over and their
daughter was two years old and she drowned
and all they ever
found was her little boot
and that killed me that
story killed me
and every year they go to this site
like near where it happened and they
plant flowers
that wasn’t flowers they had
like ribbons
because there’s no flowers up there
and it was sad as fuck man
watching them cry
and they had two
grown daughters like they
added to two
daughters afterwards
but it still
crushed them
thinking about
their two year old that
drowned in their canoe
fuck a canoe
no no no no
no not interested
not interested in putting my life at risk
for some fucking natural
river ride thrill
not interesting no
mean i understand that this
might be a thrill
but my my logic
will not let me get past the
risk to benefit
ratio i look at it and i get
angry at myself even thinking
about trying it
just seems like it’s dumb
you know yeah
so good luck on your boat faggot
2012 tour with stanhope is
last time stanhope and i talked
he wanted to do it and i want to do it
i think that would be awesome
have an end of the world show
and then the real end of the
world would be that the world wouldn’t end
ever ever read book behold a pale
horse yeah i
think it’s not that you think it’s a great conspiracy
book death rock dance
i i thought it was a bad book i thought that guy
sounds like he’s a nut
sounds like either he’s crazy or
he’s like a disinformation guy and
there are people without a
doubt who are paid
to say things that seem like nonsense
and say those nonsense things
along with things that do make
sense and are true and real and
thereby the
nonsense discredits the real information so you know
if someone says like did you know that you know
the government did this in 1970
and then you can go oh really
where’d you read that
well i read it from william cooper’s book
is that the guy that believes there’s
alien bases on the moon that are
watching us and that there’s information that they have
given us to
come on man
that guy sounds like a loon
he sounds fucking
crazy he’s a guy that
also said that the driver is the one who killed kennedy
he believes that the driver
the driver turn around shot kennedy
and he could
clearly see it as a pruder film
like he’s nuts
he says shit that’s so nutty
i have to believe
there’s one or two options either he’s
completely out
of his fucking mind and people just believed him
or he’s a plant
he’s a guy that
they hired to distribute disinformation to make
things and theories appear
ridiculous it’s very possible that he’s that there’s
definitely people that do that
there’s people that have
admitted that the government hires people to blog
hires people to
go online and post on message
boards and debate issues
you know anytime anything specific
comes up you know they have guys that they’ll send
on that issue if they believe that this is
you know causing dissent and some sort of a
you know meme of consciousness that they can avoid
you know they’ll attack it they’ll try to discredit
things you know this is
means pretty
standard i mean they
would have to do that
they’ve got to realize how big the internet is
you have that fucking hard drive
noise my computers
yeah flash players of
power yeah safari
fuck you they want me to
send in a report you know your shit sucks faggot did it
start recording
flashplayer just died
well it quit on
safari bro it didn’t quit on firefox
so far i can suck it
oh so far i can see yeah
flash yeah flash
do you see html 50
somebody they made it into quake 2
you can play
quake 2 in your browser
60 frames per
second just
going to a website
this guy’s hilarious
the government is i wonder if you’re telling the
truth let me
start shaking my keys
every time i talk to you
shaking your keys
why does that help yeah
my friend i have to do that
cause like they
their mind wander so
shake my keys
i was just listening to this guys bro the government
is only out to protect itself from the rest of us
i wonder if he’s being serious
some people really
think like that
the government
has to do that
otherwise people overthrow the government
it’s just the
whole idea is you’re not supposed to say this but the
whole idea that everybody
should have a say
and how the
world works is ridiculous
there’s just too many
dummies out there
and there’s no way to stop that
you know we have kind of bypassed nature
and the strong
it’s not only
strong survive anymore it’s everybody survives
you know it’s like no matter what we try to keep you
going you know you
could be the dumbest
motherfucker ever and we try to keep you going
that didn’t always used to be the case and i
think because it is the case you know
it’s just way too many dummies
a regular democracy just isn’t
going to work
i think that’s one of the reasons why the government is
completely full of
shit and why there’s just such a cash grab at the top
and why you know why they
still push war and why they
still because they know
they know that there’s no way
there’s no way this fucking
system is supposed to be working
you can’t you can’t have a regular real democracy
people are too dumb
you know the
sarah palin
thing proves all that
you know look how many people are into that
check that’s
amazing you
would think that in
a society in 2010
that someone who
literally doesn’t read at all like you
would find out
about that you’d be like get that
crazy bitch out of here
she can’t be president
but no people love it they love her more than ever
what i agree
i’ve hit the wall with like
starting to go cross eyed dude
so weak you need to take vitamins man
it’s a lot a lot of time no but you can’t
just say that we’re not even hit the two hour mark
these people are listening to us and they’re
bored now huh
you should be over
listening people download this shit on ipod
i’m tired talking
i’m tired it’s
not that big
idea why you to make it we
have the longest podcast in the history of the internet
no you know that that’s not just true
no yes go like somebody must have had a longer
woman never
that’s ridiculous
never okay you’re being
silly just kidding
there’s some guy talking about 9 11 its podcast
is nine hours long
does it every day
yeah we will not be suppressed
do you see that interview with alex jones
on something the other cnn yeah yeah what was it like
somebody said it right
that 98 of time he’s 99 right right you
know that’s a
that’s really
i don’t know i
might have paraphrased and made it much better
i’m gonna use that now that but that’s i
think that’s really what it is a certain
point in time
you know you got
to listen to some of the shit that he says he’s writing
about a lot of shit
he’s just so
crazy it’s hard to take him seriously
you know everybody’s like it’s alex
jones up this information agent
i hope not cause i
think he’s my friend
if it turns out he’s just a different information
agent he’s been
fucking with me the
whole time that’s
ridiculous you
should have
definitely been
friends with me instead of the government you dummy
if that’s the case
i’m way more fun to hang out with in the government
you know if you’re
gonna make money off the government he
doesn’t he’s an
entertaining orator
you know he’s an
speaker i enjoy listening to him talk
he gets fucking
crazy about shit
and some of his
videos are pretty goddamn jam up
some of his
videos are pretty goddamn good
have you ever
watched nine one one the road to conspiracy or
the road to
what was it called i’ve
watched them but roading conspiracy
is what it should be called
i’ve watched it to me but you know there’s a
point there comes to a
point you can’t believe anybody
cause you weren’t there and you
could believe this side or that
so to me i just become you know what
avoids each
other i don’t give a fuck
well my concern
wasn’t even the 911
stuff it was the
stuff on the
world trade organization
it was the stuff on
these people that were paid to
disrupt peaceful protests
they would hire cops to go in and
dress up as
people with ski masks on
start smashing cars and shit
and he documents it all and really
fucking exposes the shit out of it
and apparently it’s a common tactic
that’s why you
know whenever there’s a demonstration anywhere
that’s ever anything important ever with involving
world leaders
there’s there always a violence in
these demonstrations
even if the people that are into this idea are
completely non violent
you know even if it’s buddhists
you know against you know
fucking something that you know that’s happening in
china and they
all only buddhists show up and protest real buddhists
still someone will be
smashing windows
and some shit will happen will they have to
bring in cops
and the reason why is
cause they do that they do that
to make a non violent
protest a violent one
so they can
break it up
i mean that’s real shit
the government’s been doing that forever that is
so fucking corrupt
so wrong on so many levels
and yet you
never even hear
about it they
throw people in jail left and
right for not paying
their taxes
when was the last time anybody got thrown in jail
for being a provocateur
you know what was the last time that you got thrown
in jail for being you know a professional anarchist
you know for being someone who gets hired to go up and
cause chaos and
create drama so they can have an excuse
that shit should be
that’s like fucking treason
that really is that’s like
that’s like slavery
like you’re
you are faking shit and fucking shit up and people are
gonna get locked in a cage because of you
because of what you did you’ve
taken away their freedom
even temporarily some of them are actually
gonna go to jail for long periods of time
because you’re
gonna create
trumped up charges of violence on them
because of some shit that you guys caused
that’s that’s
tyranny that’s that really is treason
that’s that’s a person who
should not be allowed to be an american
you know you are you are corrupting
everything that’s
great about
what america’s supposed to
stand for you fucking cunt
right meow he’s done
done folks i’m
gonna answer
a couple more questions because we can’t end like
that this fucking
low blood sugar faggot i’m
gonna get him a plum
i do i probably am low
blood sugar
i know you’re low
blood sugar
you got an issue son
we need to get you some supplements
i know dude
what i have nothing anymore you don’t understand
i don’t even have pots
and pans anymore i recently had a roommate move out
and your roommate took
everything everything
was it all your
stuff well like
most of the big
stuff is mine but when you realize oh
no pots and pans oh no dish soap
oh no toilet
paper oh no oh it’s gotta
start from scratch
yeah and you don’t even know what you’re missing though
you know it’s crazy
wow very crazy
yeah that’s always a
weird thing man when you live with somebody
for three years
and then you
break up and
then they move out and you’re like wow now what yeah
fucking now what
yeah gets strange you know it gets really
weird how you become so comfortable with
living with somebody you
well not only that you
get so accustomed to having that person in your life
we addict to each
other you know
that’s why people get so terrified when people want to
break up right you
know people get terrified they’re like
i’m addicted to you and my life will be hell
if you leave
you know and that’s really what it’s like
sometimes you know sometimes people
obsess on relationships for long periods of time but
god so so much more often
when the relationship is over you feel so much better
once it levels out dude
like what the hell is
going on i want to fucking go
canoeing and then
maybe roller skating
or something well you were involved in a situation
where i mean i don’t know how much you want to talk
about it but you were involved in a situation
where you felt like
the person he
wasn’t very happy
oh yeah totally
and you’re a pretty easygoing
kind of silly guy
it’s also there’s a problem
too in having
a relationship
with someone sometimes who’s really struggling
and you’re not
like you don’t have to get up at a specific time
every day well
that seems like that’s the problem with
my whole life now because now
most people have nine to five jobs
and it’s really hard to
think that like
oh this person didn’t well a nine to five that you
enjoy is not that bad you know
those people are usually
fairly fun right you know or at
least fairly
happy but a nine to five that you hate
that’s hard
that’s hard
sauce man that’s hard
sauce to solve
it gets to a
point where
you know like
too much of a percentage of your day is
pushed into the negative zone
and you start
dragging that negativity it’s
not like you just shut it off at the end of the day
and all of a
sudden be super positive
like you’re kind of beaten down by a boring ass day
and at the end
of the week you get this paycheck and it’s like 300
you like what yeah 300
and they take the
taxes out and that’s what you got left yeah
you gave us your
whole week and we give you 300
and you don’t
like it you know and you’re uncomfortable physically
you know it’s like
there’s so many issues that people have to go through
it’s it’s fucking hard man
but i don’t
think there’s any
other solution
you know i mean
this everyone
can’t really figure it out
and find some job that they
truly love there’s
going to be
people that are in jobs that they don’t like
because if they’re not there’s
i mean we need to keep this fucking society rolling
and you know and there’s a lot of shit that you don’t
wanna do there’s a lot of shit that i don’t
wanna do it’s
gonna have to get done if we
wanna have a society like this
unless we develop
robots i mean is that the future where
robots do all the jobs that suck
and then the only people that are left are what
the creators the people that create things
what the fuck becomes of it
craftsmen artist creatives doctors
engineers scientists
people that create new computers and fix the
stuff that we have
and then what else
then you don’t need burger king workers anymore
you know i mean that’s
gonna get to a
point but that’s
gonna be the case
you know you
don’t need anybody to do anything that sucks
what’s the deal with the longest census
survey that they’re making you
fill out like they make you fill it out yeah it says
it says it’s the law
yeah is there is it like not doing your
taxes kind of law or i don’t know man
until they can
count mexicans they
could suck my dick
you don’t know how many people are here you’re not
gonna tell me that through your little pieces of
paper you got it all figured out that’s nonsense
there’s so many mexicans here that have
snuck across the border
and until you can
count them why
are we playing games why are we pretending
that you know so i can wipe my ass with the census
shit i just
think it’s silly
you give me permission
i’m not telling you what to do
you’re a grown ass man
you’re a grown ass man you
gotta do what you
wanna do i keep on looking at
him like oh
it’s like why do i have to
do it i don’t
i don’t feel like i need to do it and i also
i don’t feel like i want to participate in anything
you know i mean you got to
come up with a better way to
count people
right you know
i don’t know i don’t i don’t want to be a part of it
and i don’t
think it’s helping
things i think
until you start concentrating
on why the fuck are we in iraq and afghanistan
until we address that i’m not
gonna address how many people there are stop it
stupid stop
embarrassing yourself stop embarrassing yourself
you fucking government
you’re ruining
everything you cocksuckers
all right a couple
more questions then we’ll just get the fuck out of here
ladies and gentlemen
cause this has been almost two
hours as of right now
there’s a lot of
weird questions here you strange motherfuckers
impossible to try to keep up with the feed on the
you stream you bitches are very prolific
but i’ll check out twitter real quick
how do we pick the questions topics for you
stream we just
start talking
unfortunately yeah
pick it a little bit better
we’ll just start talking
i mean we’ve always got something that zero really well
i pretty much just came over here
and we did coffee yeah
we smoked a little pot and then we
started the party
yeah he came over here i was eating lunch
he got in the
door i said you want some coffee he said yeah
we brewed some coffee
fired up a bong or a pipe
that’s pretty much it and that’s it
that’s it that was our
we do that was our setup
yeah and if we had like a real producer we
could take this shit
worldwide i’m
gonna do a weekly serious show
they’re just trying
to figure out when’s the best time for me to do it
and it’ll be like one day a week for six weeks i’m
gonna do it it’ll be on
probably on raw dog
and if it goes well
and if they like it
i’ll consider doing it every week
and keep doing that
i just want to do more shit like this my only
thing i’m gonna say to them is i
just want to be able to put it out as a podcast as well
and if that’s possible then i’ll do it yeah
very good money yeah and well
this is a real podcast to me people i get all these
emails from people sell me they listen on the subway
and that they you know they listen
while they’re working
thank you very much
yeah if you’re listening
this is from a webcam show this is just the wall
audio this is
so we’ve done no engineering
but you know what
i don’t think that’s important i
think what’s important is
the things i like most when
i listen to like opie and anthony or bubba the love
sponge or anything like that
it’s like when they’re in the middle of a conversation
and it’s an interesting conversation and i enjoy
the point of views and
the arguments and the disagreements and you know the
revelations that
these guys have
i like shows like that that’s what i
wanna hear i don’t really care if it’s produced well
that’s all nonsense to me i just
wanna i just
wanna listen to people be honest
and i wanna see if i
think the way they
think or if i can
learn something from the way they think
you know and
i’m gonna try to do that so we’re
gonna do that
and i’m right
about to do a deal to
it’s not been totally
finalized but almost real close
where i’m gonna
write a book so i’m in the middle doing that too i’m
gonna get that shit
cranking i’ve been writing for a
while but now it’s like
the deals like actually
finalized and i have it’s
taken a forum so
it’s gonna be difficult and i’m
gonna try to
update my website with more like little quick
videos and shit
because it’ll be harder to just keep writing
things over and over and over again
so the next show i’ve got is this weekend i’m doing the
kevin beans
kevin and beans
april foolishness at the universal
it’s like universal amphitheater or some shit like
that so what it is
did it last year was awesome
those guys are
great they’re awesome
there’s a lot of
funny comics on but
i believe the shit sold out son
and i’m headlining it so
which is always interesting
people get tired
and also there’s a lot of
topics are to get
covered off to
bring up price
change topics
so um that’s it for this week’s podcast
um thank you very much all the people came to see
me in new york last week i had a fucking hell of a time
thank you very much i was that was i was so happy
i had been back to new york in
two years i
switched it up went to gotham this time i usually do
caroline’s but
i did gotham and gotham was fucking awesome i
loved it i had a
great time there
i love this it got a big ass stage
the crowd was
great it was
the staff was great
and then i did
amos to southend
in south carolina
and north carolina rather and had a
great fucking
time there and charlotte that was awesome too so
thank you everybody
they came out to the new york shows and
thank you to everybody came out to the charlotte show
and that’s it when this is the annual we’re
gonna do another one of
these probably more like tuesday
cause i gotta go to abu dhabi next week
so we’ll see you guys tuesday
thank you very much for everything
thanks for continuing to tune in
and i love you bitches thanks
i did some gang signs