there we go now it’s now we’re on ladies and gentlemen
we’re sort of on time
we try to get it
right every week but
every week we fuck something
up and this week i made sure that i turned off the
sound on my computer the one over there
i haven’t even turned off the
sound on this one yet
i did it for you
i did yours you got
mine do mine he didn’t do yours you passed the
torch so it
could have easily been me that just fucked up which
that’s the reason why i fucked up it’s because
cause i’m here
cause i always fuck it up i fuck it up
every week we’ve done this goddamn
thing like 22 weeks in a row
i fuck it up
every single time
but this week it was
brian you know
i’ve been thinking
about this podcast a lot ladies and gentlemen
and one of the things i’ve been thinking about is i
appreciate the fuck out of everybody listening
and i we do try
our best to make this as interesting as possible and as
smooth and professional as possible
but i gotta
admit that i’ve been too stressed out
about this i’ve been taking it too seriously i mean
taking it seriously in a good way
whereas we improve the
sound we got a real mixer we got a
i mean we’re sitting on couches and shit and
we’re gonna get better cameras but
that like it’s not
like there’s a part of it that’s really fun
but there’s a part of it that wasn’t fun and i don’t
think that should
exist i don’t
think i should ever get too serious
about this this is
for people who are
working who are just being distracted
that just want something because they’re doing mindless
shit this is for people that are driving in their cars
and you know want
something to listen to this is for people on the train
this is for people at
the gym whatever the fuck it’s for you guys alright and
if we take it too seriously you stop being yourself
and it starts being like this
thing that you’re trying real hard to do
and i think i’ve fallen prey to that a little bit i was
thinking about it today
after i took a little bit of the
head of the weed
and i was thinking
about it and i was like you know what man this
thing like i’m like i paid too much attention to it
it should just be
a weekly fun thing
like it or not
you know for anybody who’s
like minded or anybody who’s interested in some sort
of a distraction from someone who’s not like minded
one knowing you joe you do that a lot on a lot of
things everything
obsess on a lot of fucking
freak i got problems pool
yeah listen this is my number one my
number one problem in life was like i try very hard to
advance as a
human being i try to evolve
i try to fix whatever issues that i have with myself
whatever errors that i’ve made in my life i try to
never make them more than once
i try to constantly be moving
but if i have an ongoing theme with problems in my life
the number one
thing is with obsessions
i get obsessed with shit
to the point where
like especially games
but it doesn’t have to be games it
could be we talked
about this could be beating off it
could be it
could be fucking anything i just get
my head gets
super focused on things
and it’s good in some ways because it
allows you to put a lot of energy into
things and work really hard at things
and that can
allow you to become
successful i mean that’s the reason why i got
successful with martial arts
with comedy with anything
because i became obsessed with it
but it’s good
if you’re like a mindless person it’s good to
force you to
doing something you’re not even sure why you’re doing
it you’re just doing it and you’re getting good at it
you know you’re
getting this reward but you’re not really contemplating
whether or not you’re putting too much energy and
effort into one certain
thing you know you know i’m talking
about it becomes like
it doesn’t become like a conscious
thing it becomes like
this is a positive
thing i’m doing this
i’m moving in this direction it becomes an obsession
and it becomes you just
i just have this need like with
video games i had it
i had a really bad with quake
really bad i
would play eight 10
hours a day
and i would be talking to someone
and if they said a fucking single
thing that was
boring i’d be like why am i even talking to you when i
could be playing quake
that’s what i
would be thinking like
you know i’d be like hanging out with my chick i’d
be having a conversation
about something
and i would be like nodding my head
mm hmm and i’m
thinking how
much more time do i have to talk to her before i could
sneak away and go play
quake when the
first times i met you online we used to play
quake and there was one time in particular
i don’t know if we’ve talked about this
where we played
i think you killed me a hundred and
twenty times in a row
i hadn’t killed you once
and you kept on
going and i was like i i
wanna stop now
and you’re like no when let’s play come on
it was by the way i’m obsessing
about the flashlight we
should say this at the beginning oh yeah that’s
right we’re
yeah we have to
we have to thank our sponsor
we have a sponsor as we’re sponsored by the flashlight
flashlight com and if you go to joe rogan’s website and
click on his banner on the right side you get 15
off this is how we say it
if you beat off
and i know you do okay this is a product that
makes beating off way better it’s really that simple
you know there’s a lot of emotional
and psychological shit attached to buying a fake
pussy that you’re actually
gonna stick your dick in
it’s like not a very manly
thing what you
think about
money that you
spend on and you tell everybody
about like a new loofah
sponge dude i got this fucking sponge on
stick it’s the shit
fucking get in there get all
you know i mean
people like get all like you could talk
about pleasurable
things as long as it
doesn’t evolve your dick that
changes your life too like i
tried to masturbate
with my hands i was too lazy to bend over and get or
reach and get the
flashlight that was on the
thing behind me
and i tried to masturbate
with my hand like halfway through i was like this is
stupid i need to go get my
flashlight it’s
not nearly as good yeah
it’s because
first of all you can’t
enjoy it fully
because no matter
how much it feels good to be rubbing on your dick
that’s only half of your
brain the other half of your
brain is going oh my god i have a dick in my hand
there’s a certain amount of your
brain that like
knows like you are jerking off a dick even if
it’s your own dick even it feels good there’s still a
there’s some
torment there you know
yeah there’s
some conflict
i got to show you something
something happened to me the
other day when i was
using and i need to warn anybody that has a
flashlight not to do this
this is not your used
one right no
that’s the butthole all
right so like when you pull
when you pull it out that’s like
you just like pulled a fish
out of a bucket
it’s crazy so anyways when you go to clean it
the end of it
when you don’t have this little
metal thing
or the plastic
thing in here
hold up to the
camera there’s like a hole that you attach to your
faucet now i’ve been
attaching it to my faucet
the water goes through it and blows out the fuck hole
but i’ve been
holding it like a
hose at the end of it
so it fills up with
water and shoots the come out real fast kind of like
you do the host
well the problem is i was so
stoned when i did it and i held it
and i was facing myself and it splattered
all over my face
no i swear to god
now i don’t know
i don’t know
if the come had already popped out because you know i
didn’t do it
right of course it didn’t
you shot your own load
your mug so
watch out flashlight owners if you
clean it that way you
don’t aim for the face how do you
stuff it back in and you just
force it back in
there i don’t even know if i’m doing it right
cause i don’t read the directions to anything but i
think you just i don’t read the
directions to shit isn’t it
weird when was the last
time you read directions to anything honestly i have
don’t remember the last time i read it
has to be something for my kids it has to be something
where it’s not involving me
and there’s like danger and i have to make sure
everything’s set up okay
i put together a crib recently and
i looked at all
the directions it was kind of complicated it was really
tricky it took like an hour
you know maybe because i’m a
moron but it did take an hour you know
back when i was doing
construction back in the day i probably could have
got it done
about 50 minutes
about 55 right
but yeah i don’t look
at directions at shit
yeah it’s kinda
like a challenge it’s like a
rubik’s cube to me like i need to figure
everything out myself well also one of the
things that i love i mean
i hate to be
a guy who’s a windows or a mac guy you know
cause i think it’s a
stupid argument but
if you don’t have a fucking computer at all if you’ve
never had a computer
and you’re a reasonably intelligent person you can
navigate your way around a mac
you know i’m saying yeah
totally like someone goes like this see this this is
where the mouse is this
track thing
and if you go down here
see that’s called a finder and when you
click on that see
everything opens and there’s all
right there
whatever you want what do you need you need a
movie do you need your email
what do you need it’s all
right there
i don’t like
things that are too complicated that
are overly pain the ass complicated like this fucking
mp3 player that
thing’s a little complicated that’s
crazy complicated
there’s shit that we buy like this
ms mixer what the fuck is all
going on in there i’m so glad that i have a
brain though that
wants to figure
things out so to me
it’s like a challenge
so luckily i hope that
never stops though because i don’t want to be like
you know one of
those people that just
after a certain
age they give
up on the computers or they give up on the cell
phones or the vcrs
out of all the people
that i have ever met you are the number one best at
figuring out like computer type shit
and figuring out like software
shit and like
you got a weird mind for it dude
like someone can give you a cell
phone like a new cell
phone you like oh do you even know
that you can do this you can get ringtone sent to your
house and then
you can call somebody with this and it’s like
you can eat it immediately as soon
as you get up in the morning it’ll go to an internet
connection and it’ll show you what your
email is for the day like just
press this button right here
and people are like what the fuck are you talking
about i don’t even know it did that
you find weird shit on
phones that
weird things
that they can do
there’s a certain
part of your
brain man that
it just goes
right to weird
fuckin like
secret shit
the problem with that though is
everything so fucking complicated
that when something goes
wrong at my
household it’s like
fucking nuclear war i mean
it’s like okay
the movie stopped
streaming i
gotta go to the
computer in the living room that’s broadcasting into my
sling box that’s now
going over my wi fi connection
it’s like that
it’s not just like oh you know just hit the
power button on and
off and blow into it you know yeah when i was at your
place the other day just being in your office is like
dude what are you doing are you controlling
some fucking you know some hidden camera somewhere you
am operating an empire
it’s like there’s so much
electronic shit
in your office if you were like
like it’s like a
scene in the matrix
you know you go into the dude’s
dusty basement and he’s got
these fucking computers rigged up
except you’ve got like all sorts of them all
kinds of nutty shit
you’re the only one that i know that’s even thought
about getting a fucking 3d tv you have a 3d tv man
in my bedroom
that’s a weird
thing you know what’s
crazy though is that
this person i know
their house burned down
their alarm
clock caught on fire
and shorted out i’ve
heard of that happening more than once
right and what scares the fuck out of me that an
alarm clock did that
but then you go into my office and there was more wires
and fucking shit
everywhere and dust balls and
freaking me out you know it’s
crazy yeah it is electricity
just as itself is fucking crazy
i mean we don’t
think about it because we have it
but if electricity didn’t
exist and someone all of a
sudden came
along with an infinite source of energy
not infinite but like infinitely
powerful like it can fucking
power fucking cities
okay and you
it’s running through your
house all the time
and you just
stick something
and it’s got a little tiny
piece of plastic
that’s protecting you
from sure death
and there’s these two
metal prongs
and you’re gonna insert them into the fucking source
and this source is
plugged into a grid
that powers the
whole goddamn fucking city
it’s that powerful
and it’s all running through there
and you just
you just plug
into it and you’re constantly attached to it
you leave the
lights on all
night you fucking don’t even
think about it
you go to sleep with the tv on
and there’s just just fucking mad
about of energy surging through your house
you remember
is that what they’re called
where they were like
i don’t know when you were a kid you
could like build like
robots you know they had like batteries and
stuff like that
it was like
lincoln logs but with like i kind of remember this i
think that’s what it was called
but there was a
i had a wire when i
think i was like four years old
i had a wire
and i had this bright idea to take the wire
what my idea
was i wanted to take electricity from the top outlet
and move it to the bottom outlet
so i put a wire in the top outlet
and a water in the bottom outlet
and it blew up like
sparks and i flew across the room
and i’m like that is amazing
that that shit
can happen so easily like dude
that shit is so
scary yeah you
have kids do you have all that shit on all your outlets
yeah yeah the little clips to go the outlets yeah
most of them
erect you know
she comes into my office when i’m not here she
could start pulling on shit
it’s scary you know
when you have little kids too it’s like they don’t know
like you can’t just tell them something to go hey
stupid why don’t you listen
like they don’t know that they have to listen
they don’t understand that there’s
consequences you know when you have a two year old
you have to like there’s
you can never be
upset at them
to always have
to just be correcting them and then giving them like
affection and positive energy
like when they do something
wrong you gotta say no you shouldn’t do that
should always be nice you
could be nice
if you’re nice then everybody’s
happy but if you’re not nice and people get sad
right so why
should we be nice
cause you know
what make everybody sad yes and you give them a hug
it’s like you develop a
human being
you can’t be
upset at them
but if they’re fucking adults
you know you like hey
stupid don’t
stick your fucking fork in the
thing you’ll die
are you sure
go ahead dickhead you want to
stick your fork in there go ahead
you know but
with babies man
you have like a little
you that you love as much if not more than yourself
and they don’t know anything
so you have
to make sure they don’t run down a flight of
stairs they
fall all the time you have to be real careful
but they have enough
energy to talk to you but they don’t
understand yet
but then why are some
babies completely like
did you see that
video of a baby smoking two packs of
cigarettes a
two year old baby
so many people
were trying to tell me that that was fake it
was so disturbing
that i put it up on twitter
and i got hundreds
of fucking people on facebook people did it
on the message
board people did it a
bunch of people were
saying that it’s fake how is it fake it’s not fake cgi
like it was not
really sucking on a carrot but dudes were
angry one guy was like you know on twitter was like
don’t fucking post up that dumb fake shit don’t support
trolls my dude that’s a baby
smoking cigarettes this shit is real
right this really is a fucking two year old it’s
funny because
on my website i had used to collect baby
videos and photos and
videos of baby smoking
cigarettes because it’s just so ridiculous
and now it’s like that’s like
common it’s really common overseas
babies love
cigarettes overseas
how crazy is that
that you can take
a little tiny little baby that you love
and you’re teaching it the
world and you let it
smoke a cigarette
and they’re so good at it too like
i was watching that
video and i’m like man that baby was better at smoking
cigarettes than i was
i mean he was just like
flipping around he was acting cool with the baby
smokes two packs a day every day
they say the baby
doesn’t have any energy to play with his friends
and if you don’t give the baby
cigarettes he goes fucking
crazy he goes
crazy and starts
screaming that’s
crazy that’s the problem with
human beings man is that there’s a
broad spectrum of us and the
broad spectrum is necessary
in order to have this sort of a complex society
until we invent
robots that are
going to do shitty jobs
we’re going to need
monkeys we’re
gonna need dumb fucking people
we’re gonna need idiots
you know that’s a terrible way to look at the
world and it
doesn’t necessarily mean that anybody born into the
idiot family has to be an idiot
it doesn’t necessarily mean that the
idiots can’t like snap out of it if somehow they
do mushrooms or take a yoga
class or try to look at
their life in a different way but
for many people the reason why they’re
idiots is not necessarily that
their brain
doesn’t work
that well so they got in a terrible pattern
like really
early in life
and they have become
a dumb fuck
and they’re
stuck and there they live with a
bunch of other dumb fucks
so they get all this negative
energy all the time
they’re constantly
dealing with conflicts at home that are meaningless but
distract them from
getting good at anything
in life or from getting your own personal shit together
because all your energy is being
diverted towards conflicts
that’s why it’s
so important to not have negative people in your life
because if you’re trying to evolve and i think
i know you are and i am
and all of our friends are
everyone’s trying
to improve as a person it’s very difficult to fucking
figure out how to be a person
it’s very difficult to figure
out how to manage your energy and know when you’re
wrong and know when
you’re being
upset for no reason it’s a
tricky thing and
one of the most important things
about it is you need to pay attention
you need to have time
to think about
your own interactions with
other people to
think about
the way you behave to think
about the way you
think to think about
the direction that you’re moving in the world
it takes a long time
it takes a lot of energy
and if your energy is being
spent constantly dealing with bullshit
constantly dealing with fucking
stupid fights
that are over nothing with your
girlfriend or with a
buddy who’s a shithead
and always apologizes but then is a shithead
again you know if you ever
have a friend like that that does like shitty things
you know like
like fucks this guy’s ex
girlfriend or something
and does it in like a some sort of a creepy way and
doesn’t tell him or
you know fucking
steal some of your shit and
doesn’t bring it back or
you lend him
money doesn’t pay back you know just do she
shit that’s sort of piles on
like as soon as
something like that happens in a relationship
with a friend like
you automatically
start paying too much attention to it
it automatically becomes like okay now
this isn’t an enhancing relationship anymore this isn’t
i hang around with you and we have a
great time you say
funny shit i
laugh i think
about things differently because i
think about them from your
point of view you
think about
things from my
point of view because we’re totally different
human beings it’s an enhancing experience
but when you have shitheads in your life
and people that aren’t
thinking about
evolving and people that aren’t
they haven’t subscribed to
the right energy they
haven’t subscribed to the
right direction in
their life so
they’re not
they don’t have
their shit together
so you’re constantly
like dealing with conflict when you’re around them
when you do that and you put yourself in
those sort of situations
you will fuck yourself
that is an energy vampire
and there’s so many people
that get locked into relationships and friendships
and work situations
how many people
just fucking hate the people they work with
because you’re with the people
you work with even more than you’re with your spouse
know most people you get home at
night it’s six o’clock
how long are you gonna be
awake you’re
gonna be awake for another four
hours you’re
gonna go to
sleep at 10
00 probably
you’re gonna
crash you’re
gonna be at work in the morning you know
you’re fucking tired
so if you think
about it how much time you’re
spending with your spouse
you’re spousing
your kids you know between commuting and all that shit
it’s like you’re dealing with like three
hours a night
but you’re working you’re dealing with people eight
hours a day working
for the weekends you know that song was real man
that song is real
so is working nine to five yeah
i watched that
movie the other day
there’s two
songs about working that’s great
dolly parton
always seemed to me to be this kind of sexy chick
but that if you fucked her you
wouldn’t be
happy with it yeah
you know what i mean
you know i’m talking
about like even back then
when she was
undeniably hot you know in the nine to five
days with her big titties and her blonde hair in that
texas accent
dudes loved dolly parton
that’s one of the reasons why she was in all these
movies she was so
attractive you know
her whole persona
but it just seems to me that she’s one of
those chicks
you fuck her and
then the mystery is gone and you find out what’s really
going on behind the
scenes and you get all sad
couple days
later you walk in your bedroom it’s real
humidity and perfume
old perfume
smell like avon was in there and somebody had insisted
i do not like perfume dude
i hate perfume i hate perfume
and makeup i mean
i don’t mind a teeny
bit of makeup on a girl but
when girls are all dulled up to me that just
creeps me out
there’s something
weird about it for sure
especially if they need to do it when you
leave the house
you know it’s like you need to you can’t go out
until you put your face on
that’s a creepy
thing man the
worst is when
their lips are
sticky because of lip
gloss or lipstick and you kiss them and
sticks to the isn’t it a
weird thing
that we just accept the fact that
people put stuff on
their face to change the
color of their face
i mean it’s not a
bizarre fucking
thing i mean we know that
human beings are attracted to certain
things and so
they figured out how to make
someone more attractive
you know like
they figured out how to put makeup around the eyes
to make your center on the eyes you know like smoky
and lush is mysterious
her eyes are smoky
what is that supposed to represent i
never understood the smoky color
like if you’re
gonna get crazy and
pretend that the top of your eyes are blue okay
what is this
i’m down with
that i was at the improv last
night and some
mexican girl came up and she had like blue huge blue
things and was just like what
it’s like almost like you’re trying to be a
superhero or something you know
yeah it is a weird
thing man it’s a weird
thing you know
chris rock had a really funny joke
about that about
women are untruthful just by being there he’s like
that’s he is really
wearing makeup that’s not what your face looks like
why you wearing
those heels you ain’t that tall
i mean really it is
it is so true it’s a strange thing and
the biggest strange one to me is the fake tit
fake tit is the weirdest
thing ever because
it works i know it works with me it makes me excited
but meanwhile what is it it’s a fucking bag of
water it’s in a
chick’s chest
but it’s not even
boobs a real boob
is much sexier because you’re
grabbing a gland
like you feel like the
woman’s like
it’s a sexual organ like
if a girl has
big real tits you know just small
real tits and they’re sensitive
like when you grab them they get
excited like you feel it like
it’s like you’re
grabbing their pussy
and so you’re
grabbing a sexual
part of their body
a part that’s very sensitive
but when you grab a bag of
water man that’s just
trippy right
well you know i’ve only
touched like a fake boob like once or
twice you know
luckily i’ve only
dated girls with real boobs
you’ve been very
lucky but the
thing is even if they’re fake it’s
still attractive
you know that’s the nuttiest
thing about
human beings is like we know that the eye makeup
is eye makeup we know you don’t really have
avatar eyes
you know the top of your eyes aren’t fucking blue
right but somehow or another it’s attractive
you know that bright red lipstick
that you have on somehow or another it’s attractive
the fact that i know
those aren’t even really your eyelashes
i don’t care
it’s attractive
what they should
make boobs on
their face and
instead of makeup you know like lipstick just
draw boobs make it look like your
cheeks are boobs
you silly goose
what they’re
trying to look they don’t want to look like a
freak anything it’s like
there’s like there’s a
evolutionary line
between something that
stands out and something that has like
there’s certain
things that
obviously genetically we look for we look for eyes
we look for like the
connection the energy inside someone’s eyes
and that’s why people have
a wonky eye or something like that or a trip to look at
it’s cause you know you’re always gonna
in the back of your head you’re always
gonna think
the part of the conversation is
gonna be this there’s a wonky eye
you know try not to
freak out try not to
ask questions
which one to look at and try not to
switch eyes and look at the left one and the
right one just
focus on one
right and stick with it
there’s there’s something
evolutionary about that
and when you you add shit like a
tit to a face like that’s not cool anymore
now because now you’re you have something that’s in the
wrong place and
being serious you want
everything has
to be i know i’m being serious
i’m saying that everything has to be in the right order
yeah you know you can’t have
three hot eyes
you know if a girl has really sexy smoky eyes
she can’t have one of your fucking forehead i tell you
what though that
scene from what total recall with the third boob
chick that was still hot to me
really yeah i think i’ve masturbated
about that when i was younger wow
you didn’t think that was hot no
no my instincts are like okay
when you see a cat that’s already had
babies you know how they’re in their nipples or hang
after they have the
babies that’s still hotter to me than
not having those nipples you know there’s fake
three tit porn on the internet oh
two dick porn
three tit porn yeah there is i seen
it before there’s fake dick porn too there’s tentacle
porns my favorite i found this one where there’s this
black dude who is always
he always keeps his
pants on that’s how you
know he’s got a fake dick he’s got like some sort of a
strap on thing
and he pulls his dick out of his
pants and it’s
ridiculous it’s
literally like as long as your arm oh yeah yeah it’s
ridiculous and the girls like oh my god they
start sucking on it
but rubber dicks look so good
today it’s hard to tell that it’s rubber dick
you know so he like fucks all
these girls with this
giant dick and
yeah it’s weird because when i used to
first see those videos
i never thought it was fake i just thought that
black guys had
horse sticks and i was like wow that guy has some
crazy horse stick
but then you
start noticing that they’re fucking but they’re always
holding it down by the bass to make it you know so you
know well let me ask you this then
here’s a hypothetical
say you were dating a girl and she
decided she was gonna
start doing girl on girl
porno films
okay you know
you’d be like alright that’s cool it’s just
checks it wouldn’t bother me at all
right but how
would you feel
about a dude fucking her with a fake dick
if there are dudes in the room
that’s what
would bother me
right you know what i mean she’s naked
sucking on his fake
rubber dick yeah even if there’s a guy cameraman that
doesn’t bother me but the guy
what if the guys like her buddy
and like they’re
married to other people and it’s all just for work
you don’t have to
worry about it it’s not like
fucking it was real dick he
wouldn’t do that out of respect for his wife
that’s different to
me big fact
fake black dick
yeah that’s
still different to me i don’t
understand maybe
they grew up together
now they’re like totally like brothers and
sisters man
they’re not even
they don’t even
think about each
other sexually it’s disgusting
okay but you know
they have mouths to feed
okay why are you asking me this
guy with the fake rubber
dick as a family
okay why don’t you think
about him brian
the guy with
the fake rubber dick needs to feed his children okay
why am i spring this up
yeah i don’t know man because
i’m a fascinated by fake tit porn
that you know
there’s only you know there’s a guy max hardcore
do you know that guy max
of course i do
you know that guy’s in jail right yes
he’s the only guy that i can
think of in a recent memory that
has not just been arrested for pornography but tried
for obscenity
and convicted in 2009
you know and he’s in jail
and when i first heard
about it was really disturbing because i
was like whoa okay this guy is just making pornography
like what he’s doing like extra
dirty pornography what is he doing
what the fuck
could he be doing i mean is anybody getting hurt no
so what the fuck are they
doing they’re locking this guy in jail that’s this is
crazy why isn’t everybody up in arms
until i saw one of his
movies exactly
i was gonna say don’t you know
dude i’ve actually talked to porn stars
about him like many porn stars
about him and they all say the
exact same thing
good i fucking
hate that guy that guy needs to rot in hell
every like i mean i’ve
literally talked
about it maybe to 10
porn stars dude i
watched him what he was doing to this
chick he was fucking this girl’s
mouth and pissing in her
mouth and he kept doing it and it was really disturbing
he would like
shove his dick in her
mouth and she
would be like in pain
and gagging
and then he would
start pissing in it
and he would make her talk
while he was pissing in her mouth
i mean i don’t know how he must have just
drank water all day
for this scene
and i don’t know how he’s pissing
with a hard on either but he’s doing it you know
i guess he just like
drank so much that he has to piss and he took
so much viagra that his dick won’t go down
and so he’s fucking this girl’s
mouth and it’s like so
sadistic it was so disturbing to
watch was like that someone
would do this
you know to some other
human being
and like before that he’s like teasing
her and playing around with her and then it like
you know it
escalates as he’s
doing shit to her to this
point where he’s fucking her
mouth and pissing and i’m like whoa
i was listening to the howard
stern show and they said that i don’t know if this is
this is actually a
scene but that guy
sal was saying that there was one where
this guy pried open this
chick’s butthole
max hardcore did
and then he pissed in her butthole
while he pried it open with like a you know
a medical instrument
and then he attached a
straw to her butthole and made
her drink his piss out of her butthole
oh yeah yeah that fucking dude
should probably be in jail what no
that’s good shit
right don’t you
think i mean
that’s not a healthy
human being
yeah that’s
not good it’s not good to have that guy around no
that’s scary man
you know what else is
scary that somebody likes that shit
no doubt that there’s actually a website
there’s so many fucking
weird porn websites i forget
the name of this one website i was shown the other day
where it’s just this big fat guy and he just pays
these porn stars to come over to his
house and just fucking
hit on him and shit on him and make him joy drink pee
and then they give them blow jobs and fuck them though
but i think
it’s like the gimp or something forget what the website
it’s one of the most popular websites ever
it’s just as ugly now really
it’s one of the most popular ever
i mean you know what i mean
we’ll find it
let’s find it because good
going to hit google
fuck this is all
about if my baby’s
listening please text me the name of that website
just um what your
munch is google it i don’t
you don’t you really don’t know some
weird ass name
somebody in the channel know the name of it
it’s like the
the something the gimper
or something the fuck
and he’s a fat guy and it’s a
super popular website
where girls shit all over him
right some dudes are into that and
for whatever reason that does not disturb me i don’t it
doesn’t bother me that guy wants a girl to shit on him
you know it’s like like when
jimmy norton talks about like
girls piss in and
how will tell him
he talks about on opie and anthony how
he’ll tell a girl when she’s
going to the bathroom don’t
clean yourself let me
clean you and
after she pisses
she comes over
and sits on his face and he licks her piss
the minion that’s what it’s called
the minion am i and i
dot com like main onion com oh that’s it huh
yes i am over 18 oh my god what are we getting into it
see it’s oh
jesus christ yeah and it’s just
a man in charge you’re nobody
till you’ve been fucked by him
oh my god and he’s fat and disgusting this guy’s
covered in shit he’s got shit all over his face
while you look at his ass it’s like joey
diaz times 50 pure sexual evil i guess
his giant ass he’s mouth fucking this girl
and by the way it’s sponsored by dogfart com
which i don’t even wanna
click on dog fart alright let’s
sponsored by dogfart com
oh my god open up a new tab son
what are you doing man
dog fart com
dog what enter here for interracial porn
it’s not dog farts
that’s racist
black guys fucking sad girls
there are so
i wonder what the numbers are
for porn stars now that there’s all this internet porn
and girls can like do shit out of
their house
the numbers have
to be much much higher than they were like say in the
haiti of the
eighties that’s what it all is
going towards
i heard from
a big company
that they were saying like how it’s dead dvds are dead
of course they are man
the internet
the internet killed music
right if the internet killed the
music business
not killed it but
completely changed
the whole dynamic of it artists make the most
money now off of
their live performances that’s
where they make the
majority their money
except for itunes they make
money off itunes
but if it did that for
for the fucking
music business man what is it
gonna do for the porn business it’s
gonna crush it
because nobody wants to
admit they’re buying porn
and when you
could just go to you
stream or go to
you porn or
any of those sites and instantly get
something to jerk off to
why would you go to a
store i guess the only
thing that’s popular
right now is like
things like
you know like the cosby show porn you know oh
parodies parodies and
stuff or comedy
stuff you know one of the
dudes is in that and the dude that’s also in the a team
thing is this guy
tyler knight
and i don’t want to say
his real name because i don’t know if he likes being
undercover but he’s
a buddy of mine he
trains at eddie
school really
yeah he does
jiu jitsu at legends
really nice guy like
super friendly and a really good writer he’s
he writes like
like nonfiction like
he writes like some hilarious stories
about the porn business
i forget what is uh
if you just find
tyler night blog i bet you
could find it online but
he’s a really talented writer and he’s kind of really
funny story
about doing an anal
scene with a chick and
and he’s got shit on
his dick and he’s trying to stay hard and it’s really
funny it’s like really
well written and intelligent and really funny but
he’s in both those
he’s in the a team one that comes out he plays ba
he plays the mr
t character
but oh what is this
we’re looking at the minion again look
this guy’s pretty
smart though because i mean look
he’s fucking pretty
attractive girls here
well listen
dude the bottom
line is there’s a lot of dumb whores out there
and all you have to do is give them
money there’s a lot of sad
women out there
you know there’s a lot of people that suck
and people that suck
raise kids that suck
you know or people that suck do a shitty
job of raising kids and they
raise fucked up kids
you know and then
these fucked up kids get to a situation
where they need a lot of money
and they don’t have it and someone comes
along and says hey
you want to fuck this fat guy on the internet no one’s
gonna see it
and next thing you know they’ll
doing it and they have that sad look in their face
i don’t mind porn when a girl seems like she’s into it
but there’s nothing sadder than
watching a porn
where girls like reluctantly sucking a dick
and you can tell like she really
doesn’t want to be there
she’s giving off that energy
well most of them don’t
most of it it’s all fake most girls don’t come when
they in porn
movies and stuff like that it seems like that
oh yeah of course
right what do you
think the odds are not many
like there’s a few girls
where you can go oh that girl’s
legit but for the most part from what i
understand is
a lot of them just do it and it’s almost fake
there’s like
there’s even
parts where
they’re getting
sprayed to make it look more wetter
and they’re stopping the
camera and changing the camera around and
it’s all you know it’s not what it
it’s not as
hard the thing
about the max
hardcore thing that bugs me to get back to that
it is disturbing
all the shit this guy does it’s really disturbing
because it’s like sadistic and evil it’s almost like a
snuff porn but
you’re killing
her dignity for life instead of killing her life
when someone does a porn like say if you
date a girl and she used to do porn oh you know i was
young i got hooked on coke
and next thing i’m doing porn
who cares what’s the big deal you know it’s like
what we fuck if you know you fuck on cameras that
make you any different it’s really it’s no big deal
but that’s not porn
that’s like humiliation
like sadistic type shit like somebody didn’t just
fuck your girl
he held her asshole open pissed in it and then made her
drink out of her asshole you know what i mean
yeah well you know i’m saying like that guy he took
a piece of her humanity
she will always be humiliated by that
experience that’s always
gonna fuck with her head
you know it’s like he killed a little
bit of her it’s really like what he did was like i mean
even if it’s consensual
you know to
still to put that shit on a video
if it’s one
thing if a chick likes to get pissed in her ass and
she’s crazy
but really how many girls want
that on the internet how many girls want that on a dvd
is it possible
is it even possible if that’s what you’re into
i mean could you be
me ever heard that argument that
i’ve always
heard there’s always like one or two girls they’ll
bring up that’s like comes from a healthy
household and you
know she does hardcore porn just because she’s into it
that’s what she likes and she
doesn’t have any problems at all
i’ve heard that
pitched before
and they always pretend the girls really
smart and she reads a lot of books
mm hmm mm hmm
what happened
i don’t know
what happened why is that guy fucking your asshole
and then shoving it in your mouth
until you gag and then
stuffing it
back in your asshole and slapping you in the face
and then slapping you in the face with his dick
and then making you go
why he’s fucking your mouth is
is this all fun
is this all what you
really want to do in life no i guess
what is that i
guess what it also is is that you know we’re born
thinking that we have to wear
clothes we’re born
thinking that
you’re not supposed to look at my butthole we’re born
thinking that you’re
not you know sex is supposed to be a private thing
i guess it’s just
like anything else like you know you just born into
growing up that way but sometimes you know if you think
that’s a side
effect of moving to climates
that aren’t like the jungle
i have no idea what that well
think about this
human being
started out in africa
right and even
though africa is dangerous as fuck and there’s you know
all sorts of shit that
could bite you and kill you there’s
ants that eat elephants bro
there’s these fucking
ants you know
the mass of
ants i found this on oh my god facts com i
think it is whatever it is on twitter oh my god facts
the mass of
ants in this
world like the weight of all the
ants in the world is
roughly the same as the weight of all the people in the
world what the fuck
yes yes that’s how many
ants there are dude they’re
everywhere these fucks
and they are the number one killers in the
world in africa they’re the number one killers
ants wait wait wait wait
so you’re saying if you took all the
ants in the world
and then weighed
all the people in the
world the ants
would weigh more
yes i read this on the internet
it must be true you know what that is the most untrue
thing ever let’s find out it
might be true
let’s google dude let’s google this this is we’re in
2010 we should not be having a conversation
where we’re like in 1993
okay you hit you hit fucking tab
t go ahead go in there but the problem with this google
search is that is
what insanely impossible
well how’s it insanely impossible because you
can take well come on man come on man type this shit in
you don’t know
that it’s impossible way
more people
butthole no don’t no butthole
why don’t you just
write did they
answer the road way more than all the people
in the road
okay here we go answer no
answers com
answers com
they don’t weigh more do all the
ants in the
way more than people
around that’s that’s the
wrong question because i said
roughly the same
oh roughly the same
what i said is that the weight of
ants and what is the
all the ants
in the world
though they
weigh an average of
point of zero one
jesus dude that’s the weight of an ant
that’s so stupid do
ants weigh more than people you
asked the wrong goddamn question
no that’s not what you want either
the number of the jesus christ
ants weigh more than people no does put put the
put in the google search put does the total mass
the total mass of ants of ants on earth on earth
weigh the same or roughly who
taught you how to google this is how i do it
what the fuck mom
weigh the same as the total mass of humans same
nothing the same that has an h in it
same as the total mass of humans mass
of humans holy shit
how much does the earth weigh
you know what
your google skills okay
weight of all the ants in the
world versus weight of all the humans in the world and
in world versus
humans there you go try that one
facts about ants as compared to humans
no okay listen we’re not gonna find us out that
quickly and still be entertaining on the radio
the weight of all the
ants in the roads combined is much
lighter than the weight of all animals combined
the combined weight of all the
ants in the road is approximately the same or
greater than the combined weight of all
human beings there you go answers com
so we got an affirmative
that is it i do not believe it
you don’t believe it well i believe it because you
think about how many more
ants are everywhere dude i mean they literally are
everywhere everywhere there’s dirt there’s ants
yeah but if you had a
truck like a bulldozer
i mean huge bulldozers are
filled to the top of ants just i mean
packed of ants
and all those ants fell on you
do you think you’d just be like oh
gross or do you think like i’m dead
you’d be dead what
kind of questions you’re asking really yeah dude they
would eat those
no i mean just
from the impact of them all falling yeah they would
crush you they’ll kill you really yeah
i think i think there’s
way more ants than you’re thinking
i think you’re wrong
i think they’re
everywhere dude
look we just
found that on answers com it must be
true you’re
right we don’t know if it’s true or not but
that’s the problem with the internet
look but the
point is in africa answer a huge huge fucking
problem this is getting back to the original thought
the point is in africa ants
kill everything dude they kill
elephants they
crawl up elephant’s legs
they get in
their ear and they
start eating them
alive from the fucking ear
and they have
swarms of them that do it and
the elephants can’t stop them
there’s nothing they can do you can’t
shake them off and they get
eaten alive
like the ants kill more
things in africa than any
other animal
they kill everything
they’re fucking
scary shit and
these people that live in africa are running around
naked they run around
naked with it we
would have hazard suits on
we would have armor
you know in
2010 if we lived in africa
if you had to live in a part of the
world where the ants
one ant bites
you and he sends a signal to all his buddies i
found something we can eat
and they all fucking
swarm on you and there’s no
way you can stop them because there’s trillions of them
and they’re
climbing up your legs and eating your asshole alive
how would you live in a
place like that you
would have some
sort of a mesh suit that was impenetrable and would be
sprayed with toxins on the outside
you have a fucking helmet on like you’re on mars
that’s how you’d walk around you know what’s
crazy about
insects and
stuff like that is that the
other day i was just
laying in bed and this huge fucking spider just was
crawling on my bed
and it had like a red
stripe on it and it just looked like
death spider
and i’m just like
you know if i was not
awake or if i was
sleeping and
i happened to roll over and this guy bit me
would i die
is that how there are
spiders that can’t
do that to you right
you know that
brown recluse is a
scary motherfucker have you ever seen
pictures of people that got bitten by a
brown recluse
and like burns like holes through you
especially if you don’t get it
taken care of like
right away like eats a hole through your fucking body
yeah it’s terrifying shit man
and so my point is
these people live in africa this is
where humanity supposedly was created or
evolved i mean
all our roots of all
human beings go back to africa
and in africa it’s hot as fuck and they’re all
naked so do you
think that like when
these people
branched out to climates that they couldn’t
control and they had to change
their environment
rather they couldn’t live in
without doing something without trying to control
their their temperature without
covering themselves and
building houses that are sheltered and insulated and
starting fires and
stuff all the
stuff they didn’t have to do in africa
then they started having to wear
clothes and when they
started wearing clothes
then it wasn’t like a
thing to see someone’s genitals
it was like very rare like you
gotta get this
bitch out of
these fucking
first how do i get this
bitch out of
these first it’s
zero degrees out okay you don’t even have a fucking
house to live in you living in a hole in the snow
and you’re trying to get laid
and you gotta try to get this
chick out of her fur
you know what the fuck you
gonna do man
it’s a grind you know
so that’s when people became fucked up sexually
because like
you know back then they
still probably didn’t even have a fucking language
so they you know they couldn’t say listen
how about i eat
pussy you suck my dick
let’s have a
party you know
they couldn’t even like talk
their way into it because they probably when they first
started doing that moving to
other climates
they probably didn’t even have
a language yet they’re just grunting at certain shit
you know so they just they just
got all fucked up
about sex because they couldn’t fuck anymore
like they used to in the jungle
right in the jungle they were
naked they would get
horny and they just fuck
right mm hmm
but now it’s like
it becomes a huge hassle because everyone could buy
us something
and used to hide when you live in a jungle
yeah people
watch you have sex yeah
nobody cares
that’s how monkeys are
monkeys fuck
right in front of everybody they don’t
worry about shit i saw some good
monkey sex last week when i was at the zoo
yeah monkeys you fuck
right in front of whole
crowds of people
they like it
well you know why not why
wouldn’t they
would he give a shit you do
other things that are pleasurable in
front of people
right you know
you get a massage in
front of people it
doesn’t bother
you that much
right you know
you know thinking
about if you’re
lying on your back you know you
could be in a park
and someone’s
got awesome massages that give out the park
like oh we do deep
tissue it’s only 10
bucks like damn 10
bucks i’m gonna get a massage
and you’ll lie face down on this massage
table and let people rub you in
front of people
but if you know she was given head
you know or hand jobs
just hand jobs
you know you don’t want anybody see your come come out
you couldn’t just sit there
with all those
people in the park and just let someone jerk you off
you know you wouldn’t
enjoy it do you
think we’re
gonna go back to that letting
like it seems like you
know the more that we’re getting used to sex and the
more we’re getting used to seeing girls buttholes and
stuff like that
cause the internet and
stuff you think we’re
gonna get back to the
state we’re
assuming we’re all just
gonna be having orgies all over the
place and kids are
gonna be smoking cigarettes
no the cigarette
definitely no
i don’t know it’s possible
we’d have to get past a lot of hurdles you know i
think it’s pretty obvious that if you look at
human sexuality
especially the way we
treat sex in america
you know we’re very very uptight
about it and i
think that one
of the reasons why we’re very very uptight
about it is because
we’re imbalanced
we’re imbalanced by
the fact that we grew up and
moved to new environments and invented clothes
you know inventing
clothes allowed us to live in a
bunch of different
places but it also allowed us to
it fucked up the natural
sexual cycle
the natural
way of looking at each
other and behaving
when you add suppression to anything
the reason why priests are fucked up
is not just because religion is
ridiculous and to live your
whole life by some shit
that was written thousands of years ago that makes no
sense that’s
ridiculous and
abstaining from sex is
ridiculous all that
stuff is completely
ridiculous but the
real problem with being a priest one of
the reasons why they’re so fucked up
is because there’s a massive amount of suppression
about your own natural drives
your own natural
things there’s a natural
cycle living inside of your body
or operating your body rather and it’s
existed for millions of years and it’s the reason why
human beings procreate
and it’s the reason why animals procreate
and when you put a stopper to that shit
and you label all that shit as evil and bad you’re
going to create issues and
just interrupting the natural
cycle of things it’s like
you’re putting on the brakes of
something that you can’t control you’re putting on the
brakes for something
that you’re not supposed to control
it’s supposed to be a natural part of your life
you know it’s one of the
things that makes us
you know and this is what i
found from having kids one of the
things that makes you a different person one of the
things that takes you to another
place is the development of
other new human beings
it’s like you lose a lot of your
selfishness and i
think that that’s a natural part of progression as a
human being
and so that shit doesn’t
exist for priests
and it doesn’t really
exist for us
if we wear clothes
you know if we wear
clothes and cover each
other up and are all suppressed
about sex and
worried about it
i mean eventually you’re
gonna realize at a certain
point in your life you’re
gonna be like fuck
what did i waste all this time
tweaking about sex for
you know what is it it’s just two people
touching their
bodies together and
enjoying it
you know why is it such a fucking
a big goddamn deal
to people what is it well it’s because we suppress it
because we covered up that’s why
magazine ads at showgirls and bikinis
just like the
pussy is almost there
it’s like you can almost see it
it’s so attractive to sell cars or sell fucking
water you could sell anything with
pussy you know
just a girl in a little wet bikini
coming out of the water
bending over
to pick up her sunglasses she’s on her knees
and she’s turning around looking towards the camera oh
you might just
start jacking off right now
and whatever fuck she’s selling gum
what is she selling breath wash
what is she selling
you know sunscreen i’ll buy it
i’ll think of that hot bitch
and i’ll buy
their product
yeah i just saw a sex in the city too
i was forced to go how
dare you forced to go see that you know i mean i got
i got rewarded nicely
think backwards cowgirl couple other
things it was awesome but
it was funny how they took
place in abu dhabi
and you had been there before dubai
right dubai
i think it’s dubai
oh dubai yeah i thought it was abu dhabi
i think it’s dubai
dubai is supposedly the big
attraction over the middle east that’s
where everybody goes to
abu dhabi’s
a lot like it
but dubai is the more popular one no no no i
think that’s what the
whole point of the
movie was because they talk
about how dubai
is like popular and trying to
build up abu dhabi but
they talk oh okay
am i arguing
about the plot and premise
of a fucking sex and
city movie of
course you are you’re acting like you don’t know
and so one thing one
thing off the bat it’s amazing how much that place
smelled like periods in there oh
no seriously like you know that smell that tampon
smell like that’s kind of like a flower perfume smell
that whiffed
everywhere combined with popcorn oh god
it was the most disgusting smell ever it was pretty bad
but you gotta
think how many chicks go to see sex in the city oh
that’s crazy
but how many of them are like
those girls oh dude they were all taken
the girls next to us were taking
pictures of their shoes together
while we were waiting for the previews
they were like putting
shoes together let’s take a
picture i’m gonna twitter our shoes oh my god
but you know what the
thing though is the chicks are so happy
about that shit oh you got it they love that shit yeah
what is it it’s so funny because like in it
every time like
carrie i mean i mean the main character yeah
yeah that was a test you knew who it was
well i’ve seen the show i don’t care
yet bryantown
was on it once i watched it oh yeah that was
great i think i watched it a couple times but
every time she would wear a new outfit
or she would show her
closet that was a big thing when they showed her closet
again they were like
oh the whole
crowd together oh my god like
it was it was awesome it was isn’t it like being with a
bunch of aliens
you around a bunch of chicks
bunch of hot
aliens a bunch of aliens fuck yeah it was good
in and the more you get to know them
the more you
realize how many of them are like that and the ones
that aren’t like that are really just pretending for us
mm hmm you know
but by the way that
movie though it was it was kind of
i don’t know i
wouldn’t say racist
but it was kind of
weird how they they
they were talking
about the abu dhabi
thing where they can’t even let
that like hold hands in public or
not let the kids
in public and stuff
and it was like this tension throughout the
movie about that
then i don’t want to give it away to all the
ladies so guys go
fuck a spoiler
so spoiler so
and near the end of the movie
they just one
of the characters just went off like i like the fuck
i like throwing condoms
everywhere i like
to suck dick the
older chick yeah the
older chick
that crazy in
front of everyone
abu dhabi dude they
would lock her in a hole in the dirt so fast oh i know
i know they
would put her in jail
they put a couple in jail for kissing on the
beach there
yeah that was a part in the
movie too they were kissing on the
beach and she got locked up and was
thrown out there oh really yeah yeah that’s
based on real life
they actually did that to a
woman in or a
woman in a man
in dubai for
making out there were couple and they’re making i mean
i don’t know what they were doing they
might have been like fingering each
other or something you know
might have been
calling it making out but it got a little crazy
but apparently
it’s you know it’s
super super illegal over there yeah
it’s crazy but it is
crazy it’s not a bad movie joe
it’s not a bad you
loved it huh
it’s better than the first one
i haven’t seen
either one of them and i don’t intend to how dare you
i’m keeping my
balls intact
you got to do
things like that
no i would do it i
would do it if it was like a date
night or something
stupid like that i
would do it just because i
would think it was
ridiculous and i probably get some material out of it
all the great sex i got in response for doing that was
worth every
penny you shouldn’t have to barter for sex so
i know things go
just take that
pussy it’s yours yeah but imagine being able
to take it wherever you want to like we’re at toys r us
should be able to anyway
fuck yeah i
think you could you just gotta
force it on her
not force it on her physically just
bring up the idea with urgency
like with real
sense of focus and
urgency we’re not talking to rape here
we’re just talking like a lot of a lot of energy
you know just get
excited about i
wanna fuck you
right now right here shut up shut up
what no you can’t shut up
i mean i’m just
gonna stick it in i’m just
gonna stick it in
you’re not even hard feeling i’m hard
oh my god you are hard yeah i am
shut up shut up we pissed out
there’s cameras who cares they got a
video of me fucking you real quick
all right i’m
gonna stop right now
you do that dude
don’t look at me when you do that shit
i’m just trying to make
brian uncomfortable
it’s so creepy dude
there’s nothing more fun though than the beginning of
a relationship when you just get comfortable with each
other like you
haven’t gotten sick of fucking each other yet
and you’re just getting comfortable with each
other and you’re
starting to have fun
you know you’re
starting to talk
dirty to each
other you’re
starting to get
excited you send each
other some nasty texts and shit like that
those are the good days
there’s a different
level of excitement
and really it’s
just your body trying to ensure that you
breed with this person
really it’s just a
bunch of chemicals
flowing through your brain
that your body is trying to give you to ensure that you
breed it’s incredible man
it’s incredible that they
haven’t figured out how to pocket that too how to
pill it package it
you know put that shit in a pill form
you take something that makes you feel like when
you’re horny and in love
you know that feeling
when when you
wanna fuck her and she want to fuck you and you can’t
wait to see her and as soon as you see her you get
excited and you you
smile and you
feel good you get all this big charge of energy
we don’t even realize what we’re doing
you know we
think wow just a
minute of new relationship
things are fun when it’s new
that’s not what it is
you’re getting all these
extra chemicals
because your
brain is trying to ensure that you mate with this freak
that’s what it is your
brain is getting all this
extra juice
why haven’t they figured out how to package that
i don’t know but they need to
dude how good
would the world be
there’s your antidepressants
you know how come dudes that are in depressed always in
sucky relationships
or sucky situations
no one is depressed in an awesome relationship when
going great
because that’s your little
juice that’s
where your antidepressants are coming from
we’re all junkies for
brain chemicals
you know i’m saying son i do know what you’re
saying did you see that fucking hole in the ground in
guatemala boy
hmm what hmm dude
my friend listen
you gotta look at the hole in the ground in guatemala
what is it the sinkhole
oh jesus google right now
guatemala sinkhole
and be prepared to
freak out and call fake
you’re gonna
freak out and call fake
i’m gonna type in guacamole
sinkhole and see if this is
that’s it see see it’s the fucking
second one look
no go guatemala
guatemala dummy
look at that look when you were
what do you a
do you a but
see that see sinkhole
right away it’s the
first search
look at that
dude look how deep that fucking
thing is it’s
crazy it’s like
hell it opened up
out of nowhere and swallowed a building
swallowed a
whole building
dude there’s so many
pictures of it online if you
haven’t seen it
ladies and gentlemen google guatemala
you don’t even just
type in google gua
gua and it’ll
guatemala sinkhole will be the first
search or the
second search
option it’s incredible
it is literally a perfect circle
and it’s huge it’s gigantic
and it’s in the middle
of this like intersection
and it ate a
whole house
the house just
fell down and disappeared and it’s
super super deep
the image that we’re looking at there’s a helicopter
shadow on the wall of the
circle but it’s
giant it’s like a half a block wide
you know what it reminds me of immediately is
something from district 9 yeah
it doesn’t even look real it’s like
how is that happening
how have we
never seen anything even remotely that
crazy before
and how often
could that happen is it possible that can happen in
los angeles
i guess it has to be running
water we don’t really have running
water here but how many cities do it says
after a devastating tropical
storm so it was it just
water dude the
water ran through and somehow another created a
giant spherical hole
it’s like a
it’s like a tube
it looks like somebody took an
apple core to the world
wow i mean it
doesn’t look natural right
it looks like something somebody created
guatemala stink
hole asshole
i just want to see if it
brings up a bit
brought porn cool
look somebody
tag their photo
guatemala sinkhole
and if you just type in asshole it comes up
yeah and it says when you
click on it it gives you some sort of a warning yeah
visiting this site may harm your computer hilarious
these guys that are doing
these hacks and shit like that kind of stuff
who is that is it chinese
russian it’s just
hackers all over the
world yes nigeria
because they always
they always name it to a country
like google
switched from
microsoft operating systems
they made an announcement that they’re
gonna merge to
using linux and using mac
because the chinese
fellas hacked them and fucked with
their whole
website and they said there’s too many security issues
and windows
well did you happen to hear any of that
steve jobs talk the
other day he did this long
talk at all
things digital
2010 no he was talking
about through everything
if you go to
gizmodo giz
that’s where i saw this whole
the sinkhole
really gizmodo too
yeah all his
videos are up there and it’s kind of interesting
hearing like a really intelligent person talk
about the future the internet
and stuff it’s really interesting
you know i agree with him on a lot of
things but a lot of things i
agree with his detractors
when it comes to open source
things and it comes to
allowing people to create more applications and have
things more open for the mac and
you know clones and
things of that
nature the ability to just buy the operating
system why do
you have to buy the hardware and the operating
system you know that’s kind of
i agree with that to a certain extent
but i also agree with like lookout
when he controls
everything look how
great everything works
you know that’s why he
does it yeah exactly i mean it’s like
it’s definitely
cheaper to go to a
store and buy
a hard drive
and buy a motherboard and
all that shit and put together your own box it’s way
cheaper i’ve done it a couple of times
it’s fun too
but you’re gonna have all sorts of issues the
sound card’s not
gonna wanna work with
a certain motherboard that you have it’s
gonna fuck up the video card
fucks up you
gotta replace
things you can’t get the
right drivers
cause you gotta do a lot of
tweaking a lot of shit
with a mac all you have to do is turn it on
that’s why people don’t like
it people are fucking fag with your fucking faggy mac
you know idiots
fucking mac
losers just
cause you don’t know how to work pc
i’ve never got a
virus okay i’ve been
using a pc for 10 years i’ve
never got a
virus yeah i
started with
windows 98 okay
and then they’ll go off on you
and they’ll let you know they’ve
never got a
virus you know why why scan i’m not
stupid i don’t
click random links
you know yeah
you know all
these people if they had a mac laptop i think and
windows laptop i
think if they have both of them they’ll end up
using the mac laptop
after a while well becomes a team
thing we’ve discussed this before it becomes a
you know a fucking
raiders versus the dolphins you know just people get
crazy about teams
and they get on team windows they
never want to
admit that they made horrible mistakes
you know i was
watching this documentary
speaking of that
on this graham
hancock interview
and i put it on my message board
you know graham hancock is
graham hancock is the guy that
he’s this dude who
wrote fingerprints of the gods and
he’s done a bunch of
underwater dives
where he’s found
all this evidence of previous
pretty interesting shit man
but one of the
things in the
video is they talk
about the sphinx
you know there’s a
whole bunch of geologists led by this guy ron
shock at a boston university
that believe that the
sphinx is way way older
than conventional
egyptologists have
dated it and they’ve
dated it to 2500 bc
and he says it’s way
older than that because he
shows the geologist
shows all this
water erosion all over the sphinx
and he said see this what you’re looking at is
clearly water
erosion from thousands of years of rainfall
so the last time there was rainfall in that area of the
world was 7 000 bc
so you’re looking at something
that like it’s got to be a couple thousand years
older than that
because a couple thousand years of rainfall
so you’re talking
about like at
least 9 000 bc
which is you know
you’re talking
about like 7 000 years
older than they
think it is
that’s longer
between them
and the true
age of the construction of
sphinx than it is between them and us
i mean when you really put it into perspective
it’s 2 000 years longer
than the distance
between the pharaohs of like tutankhamun and us
i mean that’s pretty nutty shit when you
think about it
well he brought all this geological evidence to these
egyptologists and archeologists
and they wanted to dismiss it right away
they wanted to say well this
doesn’t make
you have no evidence of a
culture that
could build this
so where’s your evidence show me some
pottery show me something that comes from this area
and so they say well we’re showing you all that
would be left we’re showing you some construction
10 000 years from now
there’s not
going to be anything of us
you ever seen the
pictures of detroit
where you see detroit getting swallowed up by the city
like there’s abandoned
houses in detroit
where trees are growing out of the middle of the house
it’s crazy the
earth is slowly
starting to eat up all
these abandoned
buildings that’s awesome there’s a site that’s
dedicated to that in the soviet
union too where
total towns have been
evacuated and left
where trees are just like growing through
houses now nature
starts to retake things
well he brought all this
stuff to these
egyptologists and they just dug
their hand head in the sand they didn’t want to see the
truth they didn’t want to they didn’t want to
admit that they
have been doing
things or teaching
things that were not
totally correct or wasn’t
the full picture of the earth
and it’s really
crazy shit because this guy
proposes that
things like this
guatemala sink hole
like that’s
a little tiny one that’s a little nothing happened
a little thing opened up and a
house fell through
but there’s a
bunch of different
things that the
earth can do like that
there’s a bunch of different really insane
things like
super volcanoes or tsunamis
in the canary islands there’s
a volcanic rock there’s
a volcanic mountain sign that they know eventually is
going to break off
they know it’s
going to break off and
slide into the
ocean and when it does
they think that it’s
going to create a
tsunami that will
cover the entire eastern seaboard
of the united
states of america
like miles in kills everyone
everyone’s fucked
i mean there’s so much rock there
and there’s
a bunch of evidence
that this kind of shit has happened in the past
there’s gonna be some
other underwater
earthquake it’s gonna
break off and it’s
gonna head towards the united states at
500 feet high and a fucking
150 miles an hour
and just smush
everything whoa doom
probably more than 150
miles an hour i just pulled that number out of my ass
how do you like that
it is doom have you been following that fox com shit
dude you turned me on to that and for the
folks out there listening that don’t know about this
foxconn is a company well why don’t you describe it
foxconn is a huge company in
was it china
that makes like most
of the technology
like you know like they
build like nintendo’s they
build like psps they build
apple computers they
build you know
ipods and stuff
they’re just really
cheap almost like
slave labor but they’re not
and i think they get paid what was 130
a month or something like that
and there’s tons and tons of workers
but lately there’s been all
these suicides
and it’s almost daily
if you follow gizmodo com
it’s almost
daily you’ll
see you know another suicide another person jumps off a
building and i forget there’s
like been like 13 or something like that in the last
this year or something
well lately
it’s almost
every day they’ve been
freaking out like nintendo’s getting pissed and
steve jobs has said he’s
going to get to the bottom of it and figure out why all
these people are committing suicide
they had to sign
like contracts saying that you will not
commit suicide
and if you do
they’re not held responsible in any way so
their families and
stuff can’t sue
and stuff like that then
about four days ago or a week ago
they raised
their pay 20
they raised their
whole entire pay 20
because they’re trying to make everyone
happy and stuff
three days later they raised it to 30
that’s how fucking
crazy it’s getting
and then today
they’re scattered reports of a fire
and they’re
like trying foxcom is trying to keep this all
hush hush but i
guess there might be a
dozen workers that are either injured or dead
and it’s getting
out of control i’m not really sure what the fuck’s
going on here but it’s
starting to get like all
right there’s something
crazy going on in this factory that all
these people are killing themselves and that there’s
you know hasn’t there been
video release of workers getting beaten
yeah that security
guards are security
guards from the
plant there’s
a video of him them like
beating up the workers and
you know and it’s
crazy when you think
about you were saying something
about this earlier like how
we expect like you know iphones to be a certain
price and ipods to be a certain
price and the only way that they’re that
certain prices because of
these workers this
slave labor
yeah so they make
about you said
about a hundred dollars a
month 130 dollars a
month is what i
heard that they
start at pay wise
and they live there
yeah what i get it’s kind of like it’s kind of like a
community like you live there like a
like a dorm room almost or something like that or it’s
i don’t quite get it so they
sleep in like
these dorms yeah
they live on on the factory
right and they make shit
money and they probably
never get to
leave do they even get days off
i don’t know i
heard that they
pretty much work them non stop day and night
and they sign
something in the contract saying that they’re
gonna be working over time and
stuff like that
i don’t know
that’s the only way it’s the only way you’re
gonna get all these
goddamn iphones for 500 bucks
i mean that’s a
that thing should be like
probably like two thousand dollars
you know if you had like
workers that were paid correctly
yeah you know i mean how much more
money would it cost
labor is a big part of the
operations for any big business like that right yeah
you know it’s it’s
funny because like
steve jobs are saying you know
well look how many
walmart workers there are in the united
states you know
hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people and
stuff like that
and there’s people
dying suiciding all the time that worked for walmart
know yeah but that’s a poor analogy
it’s a poor analogy
because you don’t see
people jumping off the top of walmart’s buildings
that you know you
don’t see that in the news that another walmart worker
dead you know well not only that it’s voluntary you
could call walmart tomorrow and go suck my dick i quit
right and they’ll go who cares
you know they’re not
gonna come to your
house and beat you up you know they’re not
gonna wake you out of bed and
stun you or
something you know i don’t know what they’re doing
to people i’m just making shit up now it’s
crazy because all the
photos if you
again the websites giz giz
mo dio gizmodo and just type in foxcon
or just look through it you’ll see it it’s like on that
first couple pages
but if you look at all the employees you just feel so
it’s so depress
yeah it looks very depressing
it looks like it almost like a jail
yeah it does
another foxcom employee dies
after working 34
hours straight this just happened
today i guess
oh my god yep june
second this
just 28 year old man
20 year old man
married his wife for only
three months ago
died from exhaustion oh my god
thirty four hours
okay it says that’s what his family is
claiming anyway yeah
no official
statement has been
issued well you know what i believe it
yeah well you know look it’s possible i’m
i wouldn’t be surprised
you know i mean it saddens you but it
doesn’t surprise you
you know it’s it’s a
it’s really a sick thing
you know that we have
this desire
in this country to have new
things and i mean
that’s not the sick part of it
but the sick part of it is the only way to get
these iphones for 500
bucks is someone has to suffer
someone has to do something that they don’t want to do
there’s only one reason why companies move
their factories to
guatemala or all
these impoverished
places and they say look we’re helping
these people
because they’re taking advantage of a different
situation they’re taking advantage of a different
economic situation
at different situations as far as resources
if you go to
china and there’s a fucking billion people
they got to do something
you know when there’s a billion fucking people
you’re gonna have a lot of people
that are just laying around that need something to do
they have to figure out a way to survive they have
to figure out a way to feed themselves you know what’s
weird is that when i talked
about this last week it was 12 people and i just
read here that
since last podcast
a week ago that number is now 16 whoa
and they so
suicides have
reached 15 potential 16 spotted on the roof
right now so they’re actually writing this
article and
go wait wait here’s the 16th one on the roof right now
so they’re just jumping
every day yeah
every couple days someone’s oh
they’re four in a week
two two i mean
salary increases in a week two
salary increases there’s a fire and another person died
today well what good is having any
money if you can’t use it
you can’t even
spend it you know
pumping their
salary up 30
it’s not gonna be shit yeah it
doesn’t mean anything
these people need
back rubs and
flashlights yeah what does that mean they get
150 bucks a
month i mean that’s crazy
that’s a sick sick thing
it’s just it’s fucking sad
it’s sad that
this is the only way to do it and it’s also sad that
if these people
weren’t doing this if
you talk about like
third world
countries or
countries that are all fucked up that
you know the united
states exploits or united
states corporations
rather exploit and go over there and
start businesses and
what would these people be doing if the united
states wasn’t there that’s the thing
it’s like why
are they living so badly why are they so impoverished
would it benefit us
to have them rise up to our level
would it benefit us
instead of exporting them to go over there and educate
these people
and try to get them to
start producing
their own you
know democratic society with you
know good businesses and
trade goods and services and get
everything go pump in and
introduce them to new
technology and shit
would it benefit us to have them or
would they just become competition
i mean why is it that the united
states corporations
these big corporations
just do that i mean they go over there help
these people a little bit
they give them
money and shit and they give
people jobs and
some of them
might be happy with that
but for the most part they’re
taking advantage of people that are willing to work
for pennies on the dollar compared to americans right
would it benefit them to really
build up a country
would it benefit the united
states if there was no
third world
is that possible is it possible that we’re ever
going to come to a time
where there is no
worry about
there’s no mexico
there’s no place
where you go
where it sucks
there’s no place
where you go
where everything’s you
know oh you’re fucked now no it’s just getting
worse i think it’s
just getting
there’s more
places getting that you don’t want to go to
you know what i mean
it’s getting
worse and worse
right is that possible to recover from though
but what would it be like if instead
of i mean this is all totally hypothetical but do you
think it’s possible as a
human being
to instead of doing what we’re doing
certain corporations will go to different
countries and exploit the
people instead of doing that what if they decided to
try to as much as possible like on a whole
instead of controlling the resources of the
world we try to make everything
level we try to
bring everybody up as far as like
the quality of
their society and the quality of
their culture
the quality of their
information and
the internet and all that
shit and give it to everybody and try to pump them up
would that benefit us
would that benefit
human beings as a whole
they wouldn’t yeah
but no because then how the fuck you
gonna get an iphone for 500 bucks
you know because
unless you got a
robot that knows
how to make an iphone that’s what i’m saying i
think it’s i think
these slave
labors are just gonna
die off because of
robots in factory lines are
more complex how’s it
gonna die off because the
robots do it because they’re
well i mean there’s
gonna be factories to build
robots i guess but
you know like just factory
like you know
when you look at cars
how cars are manufactured you know half of its done by
robots right
but if a person is willing
to work for a hundred dollars a week it’s probably way
cheaper than a
robot that’s
gonna do his job
so i think they’re always
gonna have robots for certain
things just
because you can get a lot of people to work fucking
cheapest shit
robots are expensive dude
unless robot
technology gets like
super mainstream of course it’s
gonna get mainstream robots are
gonna be mainstream they’re already fucking have an
alarm clock that can
watch movies on now you know is
you know it’s it’s the more to computers grow
technology grows there’s
gonna be more
robots so the
robots are definitely
coming but the world is
gonna be like your own
house then where one
thing fucks up and the
whole thing just goes
goddamn haywire totally
gonna be like that is
gonna be like that
right absolutely
that’s the big fear
right there was yeah
well there’s a
shit i don’t know
we did not talk
about this i talked
about a couple
long time ago on
these podcasts i talked
about how people
are hacking
how the idea that you
could hack into somebody’s car and
slam on the
brake stuff
actually there was a report a couple weeks ago
where people actually
started doing that to onstar
where they could hack into people’s onstars and
stop their cars and there was hackers i
think mexico mexican
gangs or something like that
were starting to do that
where they’re hacking into people’s onstar
cars and like fucking with
their shit and finding out
where they’re at finding it
yeah i guess onstar has a security
hole in it right now oh my god i’ve
never heard of
that you sure you better fucking google this on i get
sued no totally
google this
on star hack
yeah we need to find out this
onstar gps hack a day
it’s good news on star
modern automobile
super vulnerable
to hacking researchers say so it’s not mexicans i
just on mexicans all the time
no but there was something
offend all the
mexicans out there we have mexican listener sir
people from mexico okay so
won’t you be nice i
get people from mexico
so anyways yeah i guess whatever
thing i saw was something about the onstar had
a security hole in it and people were
hackers tap into ecu to kill engine brakes and more
blah blah here we go this is it
autoblog com
yeah but is that is onstar
and ecu the same thing i don’t think so
now they’re starting to move into the
age of connected vehicles the risk of
rapidly increasing onstar already has the ability to
remotely slow a
stolen car for this current
yeah i saw that in the ad for the new corvette
there’s a i was looking at this
there’s a corvette grand sport
it’s a pretty
cool looking convertible and i was looking at it online
and one of the benefits was this onstar
thing and so they showed it
where this guy
fucking calls onstar his friends driving his car
and he says the
vehicle stolen
onstar shuts the car down
while you’re driving yeah
it says research that
the universities of
california and washington will present a
paper at a security conference in oakland
california next
week outlining how they were able to hack into a
vehicle’s computer system wow
it only makes sense
especially the government man i do like i
i threw in mexicans
i don’t know why i thought that dude how
crazy is that you’re running from the cops
you and your
fucking corvette you’re like a goddamn nineteen
seventies movie
and all sudden
onstar kills your vet
yeah what kind of gay un american shit is that yeah
you know i’m not saying that you
should be allowed to have
a car chase everywhere
but i’m saying
maybe sometimes
you’re running from the cops because you’re right
okay maybe they’re
wrong and you’re right
and you got to
prove them that the one
armed man killed your wife
and you know and they don’t
understand you’re innocent
you just you just trying to
bring those who are
responsible to justice you know that the cops aren’t
gonna let you talk
they’re gonna fucking lock you in a
in a cell when you really need to
be out there doing the investigative work to find out
where that killer is
and you’re in
the middle of doing this like you’re in a goddamn movie
the fucking cops can’t keep up with your vet okay
you’re a fucking faggoty ass caprice
your shitty old 200 000 mile on caprice
with fucking shitty
suspension it smells like shit when you hit the gas
that can’t compete with a goddamn american corvette
not to mention there was a case in looks like 2002 that
scott peterson case where they got a search warrant to
check his vehicle’s gps information because he was
for a murder
and they got to know
exactly where he was on that date and
stuff like that oh
my goodness yeah
so at so it’s
tracking you and you you’re sending information
to onstar and if you ever get fucked and like
put in a weird situation well i don’t even
think that’s onstar
i think that’s just his gps
which is like what we all have
oh it is on star
yeah yeah wow
that’s crazy
yeah so you know
i always thought for some
scary shit i don’t like that yeah
but that’s what
they should
be murdering your fucking wife
either asshole
yeah that is with
every cell phone it can ping
where your your
phone is yeah
i’ve heard that it can ping when your
phone is with some
phones even if your
phone isn’t on
like they can ping it
i heard that too how’s that possible i don’t know
is there some sort of perpetual
power source inside of your phone
like a little tiny one i
think what they’re saying is if
i mean if there’s a battery in it
you know what i
mean but it’s not on if it’s not on it’s
shit’s never all the way off i don’t
think you know what i mean like really
yeah like when you turn off a
like a computer
there’s still
power in the computer
right now i’ve
heard that before but i don’t
understand it and
now how the fuck is that happening though with your
phone though
because the
phones are pretty much like computers you know
i need to know that that’s true that’s not nonsense
no i mean if you think
about it there’s
going there’s
there’s of course there’s
shit’s always
gonna be on you know
you always hear
weird creepy dudes that put like gps on
their wife’s car and follow
them around
they sell chicks cars i was at best buy the
other day and they had in the clearance
rack they had this thing
that was for kids that
anytime you want to if you put this
thing on your kids
you know kid and anytime you want to you
can go on this computer website and find out exactly
where they’re at and try to come live
and it was like 69
bucks or something like that
i’m thinking like
you could easily just buy one of
these things and
throw it in somebody’s back of their car
yeah easily
that’s so great yeah just glue it to the back of
their car somewhere
stick it under
their bumper or something yeah
for sure they
would never find it totally how the fuck
would you know
dude that’s a
scary ass thing when you
think about it
how many stalkers
especially if you’re a chick
how many fucking creepy dudes out there that
could be that’s how paparazzis
get their shit i bet
you know i bet they have
i bet if you’re a high end celebrity
i bet you get
tracked all the time do you remember that holloway
story the girl who was
she was on vacation some dudes murdered her and
remember that
they couldn’t figure out who killed her
so there’s a
bunch of people that question
one of the kids
that they had questioned
he’s on the run
right now in chile
he’s running because he killed a
woman in peru
right he killed some
chick in our
hotel room i
guess this dude just likes killing checks
yeah dexter
how scary is that man
this guy’s out there running free
if you have kids man if you have girls
especially that stuff
really trips you out
it really trips you out when you
start having little people that you care about or
wife that you care
about or your
sister that you care
about really
start thinking
about how fucked up
the idea that someone out there would
would harm someone weaker than them like that someone
would do that and pray off that and
i think about that
shit all the fucking time and
especially i
just finished watching
season two of dexter now i’m like really paranoid
about everything
well there’s real people like that out there i know
like we’re talking about the
mma guy that
cut his fucking friend’s
heart out yeah
that’s ridiculous yeah some dude in
northern california
drank some mushrooms
with his friend
he’s put two
things in a terrible light
mma and mushrooms
she drank some mushrooms with his friend and then
decided that there was some sort of a war going on
between good and evil and that he had a fucking kill
satan by cutting his friend’s
heart out and cooking it
what the fuck
son yeah i’ve never
thought to ever do that with mushrooms i guess i’ve
never had that kind of mushroom trip
where i’ve gotten violent mine’s more like
everything’s beautiful
yeah i love
life not well that’s the
worry with everything man
it’s what are you coming to the table with
the worry with
everything is
not you know what a mushrooms do to you is no
how fucked up
are you before you get the mushrooms in you
you know was
it mushrooms that fucked you up or you just fucking
crazy and it was
gonna happen anyway
you know i mean if you take a dude is
completely loony
and you give him mushrooms that’s not a good call
yeah did you
speaking of
you know the reason why
sorry you know the reason why that even
exists why it happens like that
it’s because mushrooms are illegal
if mushrooms are legal
we would find out what the dosage is
we would find out like oh this contains
x milligrams of psilocybin
don’t take more than two
do not drive
it would say some shit on the label
you know and you
could say oh hey doctor i’m on
antidepressants and i’m on bipolar
medication and some add
shit should i be taking mushrooms
and doctor go oh no no no no no if you’re
gonna take mushrooms you
gotta get off all that
other stuff
because that’ll fuck with the way your
brain chemistry you’ll
totally misinterpret the world
this guy was
probably on some antidepressants or some shit too
you know i knew some people that are
antidepressants when they would
drink they would
drink and they
would get this dude i know he gets
crazy like he’s not even there anymore
it’s like he gets like
glossy eyed and he
starts saying
stupid shit in
front of his wife he’ll say
stupid shit and like he’s like trying to be
funny but it’s not like he’s nuts normally he’s a
great guy but he has a couple of
drinks in them
and this fucking loon comes out this weirdo
loony guy who
doesn’t know what he’s doing and can’t control himself
god bless alcohol
crazy right yeah
it’s fucking amazing that in two thousand and
ten that’s the easiest shit to get a hold of you know
but you can’t change it
how you gonna change it you
gonna deny people that were
alcohol after they already have it how the fuck you
gonna do that
you’d have to get the mushrooms legal we
speaking of
drugs and legal
we should talk
about going to the weed doctor the
other day because we had an interesting
thing came up when we were there we were talking to our
doctor about
legalizing marijuana if he
was for it or
against it and he
you could see in his eyes he
was not he was kind of like
taken by the question like
ugh do i tell him the truth
or not he’s like
i’m kind of on the fence
puts him in a
tricky position if
you’re a guy who makes a living by giving people
prescriptions and he’s not cheap no
he’s got an office in hollywood it’s probably
very expensive to maintain and he charges some money
yeah and i give the guy
slack because i know that he
went to jail
he was one of the
earliest guys
who was involved with the medical marijuana community
and he’s a real nice guy so i like him
i respect his sacrifice
so you know we don’t go or doctor
shopping for someone who’s
cheaper to get a recommendation i just go to him
and but it’s
weird though if you think
about it like you want to think
these medical
marijuana guys that are trying to get you know
weed legalized and
stuff you want to
think they’re in it for the
right reasons
but then when you can really come down and
pretty much what he was saying is
he’s not really
happy about it because he’s
gonna be losing
money well he’s
gonna be out of a business he’s
gonna be out of business it’s not just losing
money he’s gonna be losing all of his
money right so he’s not really in it
well you know it’s conflicted but he was honest
about that yeah
he was honest
about well you know puts me in a
tricky situation
and so i was like yeah what
would you do and you
know he started talking
about vitamin therapy and a couple other
things that he does
you know so yeah i mean
if you look at it from his
point of view me think
about it the guy
gets locked up in jail
so that he can
keep serving people
this natural
medicine that helps them with all
their ailments
and he’s a doctor okay so he’s working with
cancer patients and he’s working with
people with glaucoma
and all sorts of different issues that can be
assisted by cannabis
as long as these people can get a hold of good quality
stuff and he
not only fights for that believes in that
tries to enforce the letter of the law
which is or
tries to operate within the letter of the law
which is like in 1996 the law was passed in california
for medical marijuana
and they want to
block them in jail
so you know
and to have like
that kind of sacrifice for something you believe in and
ultimately have it like pulled out from under you
with progress
well he needs to
diversify his fucking business
yeah he needs to move on to something else with
wheat you know you need to
start cooking it dude
you know that’s
what you need to do okay you’re a doctor
how about you know
doctor let’s call him johnson dr johnson’s pot cookies
have your big
smile and face on them make some
super fucking
badass cookies
i heard stuff from somebody the
other day that they
heard from their guys that they’re
gonna stop edibles
in california
edibles are spooky
you know they stopped
edibles in holland
today yeah you can’t get
edibles in holland
the reason why we’ve talked
about this on the show before but for the
folks that don’t know
when you eat marijuana
it creates a totally different chemical that is
present when you
smoke marijuana
but not in psychoactive doses and what that means is
when you eat it when you eat pot
the thc as it goes through your liver
is processed
into something that’s called 11 hydroxy metabolite
and this 11 hydroxy
is four times more psychoactive than thc four times
stronger per weight of the dose but
a totally different effect
it’s not the same
effect like
you know how it is when you get high if you just
smoke some weed
you know you get
you get a certain
there’s a certain
sensation there’s a certain way you see
things there’s a certain
door that gets opened a certain
frequency that gets turned on
well when you eat it it’s not the same frequency
right don’t you feel it i mean it’s fun
but it’s a totally different
thing it’s a totally different drug yeah
totally i don’t
actually like
edibles at all it
freaks a lot of people out
we know people that have had
massive crying fits
because they smoked pot and then thought
about some shit that
they did i’ve done that
on edibles really
yeah that always happens on
edibles whenever i
waterfall it
i always find that
the edibles make me the most
introspective makes
me the most conscious
about my own personal decisions
my own personal behavior you know
and it’s like they correct me the most
you know i get the most
from being super high on
edibles not me really
i feel like i’m
tripping and
i don’t know it’s just not
not the right
frame of mine at all
it’s so overwhelming and it’s so
powerful that
this is what happens when you get
super super high
when it’s so overwhelming and so
powerful anything negative that’s in your mind
is going to be brought to the surface and highlighted
so it’s like this drug
or this chemical whatever it is
is this unstoppable force
that’s in your
brain and just wants to run free
it just wants to
spin around and create and
your imagination when you’re super high
especially on
edibles is really
shocking like sometimes i
write things and i
swear i can’t take credit for
these ideas and thoughts because
they’re just being pulled out of the ether
by this weed
i mean that’s really what it is but
it has to have a free track
to drive around on
it has to have
free range of your thought
if there’s something
that’s fucking with you in your head
you know like
a relationship that you’re trying to get out of or
you know some
argument that you had with your parents that’s like
really fucking
bothering you
something that’s really eating away at you
something you did
where you regret doing it
anything like that any
speed bumps
are gonna be highlighted
it’s just gonna put spotlights
all over this fucking area of your thought process
and it’s gonna make it very uncomfortable
so in one way that very
uncomfortable feeling that paranoia that shit is good
because it makes you come to grips with some
things that
maybe you weren’t thinking
about correctly
or some things that
maybe you weren’t giving them your full attention and
maybe you had
a distorted perception of what they really are
and you know
the high is
gonna illuminate it for you
you know so to me it’s almost like
like someone yelling at you to
clean your room
you know hey
clean your mind shithead
you got this
stuff that’s bugging you
clean your mind
but it’s not easy it’s like some
high level black belt shit
that’s what
edibles are
edibles are like that’s like some shaolin monk
fucking you know top of the temple dodging
arrows shit
you know you can’t just go
right into a pot cookie
when you know you’re not really
you’re not that person that’s been exploring
their consciousness you’re not taking yoga you’re not
you know trying to
clean yourself out you’re just a regular dude with a
bunch of fucking problems and
you know some creepy memories in your past
and you eat a pot cookie you could wind
up crying yourself to death
i don’t know
man i don’t get that feeling from pot cookies at all
dude you can get a
strong one fuck you
yeah it’s more
every now and then you get one
it’s not like i’m
learning anything
about anything it’s more of like
man i’m fucked up and my
heart is yeah but
you don’t have like an
thing where it makes you
start thinking
about yourself and
how you stand in the
world not at all wow that’s weird
maybe with me it’s just
triggering some natural responses that i already have
that are always
going on anyway yeah that’s probably what it is
so yeah people are saying that the pot edible
things in holland’s bullshit
that they still saw on there you know what i
think they’re right i think i’m thinking of mushrooms
now that i think about it i think the argument was the
edible things was america
no you know what i think somebody told me that
but you know what i didn’t do any google search
on the internet but i have heard
about the edibles thing in
california that there’s some concern
and you know it’s because it’s some really potent shit
what there’s not concern
about those this got and i hate
to say this because i don’t want to make it illegal
that salvia is available in fucking head shops
he can go get salvia and for those
folks who don’t know
there’s some shit that you can buy in head shops like
you ever get like a high times
magazine and there’s
that page when you open it up and it’s like near bud
fake bud you know and it’s
no it’s not real it
doesn’t do anything really it’s disgusting
yeah i talked to one of the dudes from high
times and he was telling me that they make a ton of
money off that
stuff really
and i was like that makes me sad
i think i remember as a kid buying shit
that was fake
just in case if it worked
i remember doing i don’t know if it was fake
weed or what but it was like i remember it was a lot of
money it was like 30
40 bucks and i
think it was one of
those things that we were
18 were like oh yeah i can feel it i can feel it yeah
when i was when i was like 12 we used to
smoke everything we
smoke bamboo
leaves bananas
we smoked bananas yeah have you ever done that banana
peels yeah you can
smoke banana peels
it’s bananas
we tried smoking all sorts of
stuff we got cigars i
tried chewing tobacco
kids are stupid they try all
sorts of stupid shit what’s snuff
snuff is that
stuff it’s like
ground up tobacco
and it’s like got all sorts of shit in
menthol and
it’s probably like
filled with chemicals
and you stuff it in between your
cheek and your gum and it gives you this mad
nicotine rush
how great is it that lindsay
lohan found a loophole to get her drugs
during this probation time did you hear about this
no i didn’t hear about that
what were we just talking
about though because i had a
point snuff
but before that
you can go to head shops and get anything oh salvia
salvia well people are trying to make
edibles illegal
dude salvia is like a major
psychedelic drug
and for people who don’t know it it’s a really intense
experience you’ve done it a
bunch of times
right how many times have you done it like
seven six that’s some out of body shit right yeah
it’s like mushrooms though
but the thing
about salvia is that
it takes you
it opens up your
brain into like a
world if you’re
especially if you’re used to
it’s a familiar
world like it’s
crazy it’s like doing a
whippet of mushrooms but
i had to stop doing it because
i was doing it maybe
once every couple weeks
but i started
thinking like alright this is
not good this is
opening up something that’s probably
never gonna be able to be
completely shut
and that’s what a lot of people that
dmt i don’t
think it’s a good idea
i think there’s certain
things in the
brain that once it’s opened
you’re gonna be thinking
about that shit
forever kind of like oh do you know what i mean
that’s one of the reasons why i
haven’t done dmt in years
i haven’t done dmt in
three years
at least and that’s
one of the reasons
why is because the last time i did it it made
it was like
an undeniable alteration of my
view of reality that i had to become comfortable with
it’s like you have a certain reality that you live in
you know and then you
smoke a little pot and that reality
shifts and like
whoa now i’m in the pot reality you know it’s like i’m
still in the same
place i’m still dry
but i’m in a different
frequency i’m like
tuning into a different
frequency that’s how i always describe any sort of
experience whether
it’s mild like you know pot or intense like dmt
but the dmt one when i came back to sobriety
you know when the pot
one comes back to sober then i’m always the same you
know i’m driving down the same
street i see the same people i wave
it all feels the same to me
whereas when i’m high and i
run into somebody or i’m out doing my
thing it feels
weird it feels weird
but then when i sober up
it’s all normal
again well with the dmt
thing once i sober
up it wasn’t normal again
it didn’t get normal
it didn’t get normal for weeks
when i came back i was
the same person
i was living in the same
house i had the same life but
i had seen something that there was no way i was ever
going to forget
and my whole
view of reality
completely shifted so i had to think
now i just have to get comfortable with this new view
so it took like two weeks before my new view of reality
before i felt
like a normal person during normal days but for two
whole weeks man i remember
the way i described it was that reality felt very
slippery so you don’t
think that happens
at least in a micro
kind of way with
smoking weed or eating weed
i think if you don’t give yourself recovery period
i think it certainly alters
the way you look at the
world and perhaps permanently
i think potheads in general have
a completely different way of looking at things
then people don’t
smoke pot i don’t
think that’s a coincidence and i
think one of the reasons
that’s one of the reasons why pots here in the
first place
i think the reason why we have
these reactions to
these plants
these plants give us
these reactions
and give us this different way of looking at
things and seeing
things i think that’s what they’re there for
i think there’s a symbiotic
relationship that we have between us and those
plants and those
plants are there to assist in our
evolution i
think they’re there to assist in
our changing of our
thinking and i
think that’s what they do they
shape our thinking they
round things out they take away a lot of the
sharp jagged retarded edges of normal
thinking you
know and i think the
that they bring
is one of the big parts
about it the ability to step back
and objectively kind of assess your life and look at it
and the squashing of your ego
i mean the intimidation and
the feeling of paranoia that you get when you
smoke pot part of that is
you know the ego
gets exposed and you know
your defense mechanisms drop
and you’d lighten it all up and you
start to look at
things for what they really are
you know i mean that’s why i
think it’s there i don’t
think it’s for everybody you know
i don’t think
i don’t think it
should be done
if you don’t know what you’re doing i
think the problem with
everything being
illegal is that we don’t have any shaman anymore
you know it’s a
goofy name for it but maybe they
could be sort of a
psychedelic consultant
that you go to
and the psychedelic consultant is a professional
a guy who’s
adept at navigating
worlds maybe that’s what our pot doctor
should turn into
yeah that’s what he
should turn into but that shit’s illegal too
you can’t just
potheads aren’t
gonna pay so you can tell him how to get high but
pot’s too easy but like mushrooms
but what if you’re getting massaged
by an asian
chick while he’s doing it
so you should have like
combo business yeah
combo business now you’re
thinking see
if you were that doctor you
wouldn’t have to worry
about the future you’d be
all pro pot because you’ve got some backup plans that’s
right that’s pretty dope move dude
you smoke some weed and get a massage
by a really hot asian
check and they
read like inspirational
quotes to you yeah
why not man why can’t that be a real business
gotta think of it that
actually sounds pretty promising man
you could start a chain to those
what would you call em
hello titty
pretty girl rub rub to enlightenment
too many words
too many words right
is this real
how about pretty girl massage too in life
maybe is this real life
that’s it like the kid the dentist the
kid that came back
from the dentist is this real life is this real life
hey dude i went
to this real life they have this new girl you
gotta smoke the
train wreck and
have her talk
about it this is how
funny dana white is
dana white’s
his birthday
party for his 40th birthday was this awesome bash
that they threw for him
total surprise
it was in vegas
at one of the big
hotels this whole
fucking conference room and everything
they had it all set up he had no idea
he goes down there
he walks in the door everybody’s waiting surprise so
this is how
crazy this party was
fucking stone temple
pilots played oh wow the
stone temple
pilots got up and
they were the that guy
scott weiland
is that what his name is the one who’s always on heroin
eddie vedder
wannabe yeah
he’s talented as fuck dude
that guy was inspirationally talented but
crazy is all fuck
like it was taking a
while to get the
party started to get everybody seated and
everything like that
and they wanted more
money they were threatening they wanted to fucking
leave they were
gonna quit like
there was all sorts of
i mean i’m getting this all
thirdhand so it
could be total bullshit but
you know i didn’t actually talk to him but
we did like
bring them up you know i
introduced them i you know said
happy birthday to dana and then i said
ladies and gentlemen
without further ado
stone temple
pilots and everybody went fucking
crazy like you couldn’t believe the
actual stone temple
pilots were there
so anyway they play this intense concert i mean
that motherfucker is so good and
he’s so tight and so professional and nails
every fucking single movement
he just it was
really one of the best live performances i’ve ever
seen was it all the same old songs that’s why yes
that’s why it was so tight it
doesn’t matter
i don’t give a fuck
so 20 years ago that’s true but god damn it was good
i understand that but i love
those songs so goddamn
anyway and it’s over
dana goes downstairs
sage takes the
microphone and goes
that just happened
that’s cool he’s like that just happened
and you know
they want to get out of there they want to get
their check the
fuck out here and dan
is just standing
there looking at all his friends talking to the mic
that just happened
that’s you know i mean it was like
one of those moments
where you’re like wow that
motherfucker just had
stone temple
pilots play his birthday party
could you imagine
coming out to your backyard
and you know who
would be your band
wean would it be wean
you know wean
probably maybe
yeah if you had like mc chris show up at your
house and he’s playing in your backyard
you know it surprised you
is mc chris your
stone temple
pilots no no no no
i know i know mc chris that’s a problem
that’s gay that’s gay
hey dude yeah who
would be your
stone temple
pilots nine inch
nails back in the day
maybe i don’t know for me
soundgarden when they’re at their peak
blow up the outside world
those songs man
that was when i
first started smoking weed
when i first
started getting a
sound garden
and i remember
i i was at the comedy
store once and
you know we’re hanging out all
night having a good time and i was leaving
and in my car on the way home i listened to spoon man
and it was so fucking good i played it all the way home
i just kept repeating it
every time we go to the next song i go
right back to it
i listen to
spoon man i don’t know how many times it
takes me 20 minutes to drive home
i listen to
spoon man at
least five times wow
cause it’s just so good
you know you don’t even know what
music sounds like
until you start smoking pot
you don’t even know what you’re missing
there’s certain
sounds that you’re not
gonna feel or at
least i’m not
going to i don’t know how
music affects you
but for me when i smoke pot
it makes me way more connected to music
eddie says the same shit
like like when he listens to
music and when he does
music well weed just intensifies
everything as obviously that if you will see a
movie on weed it’s
gonna be more
intense and awesome than it is without it you
know everything
sex too people
don’t realize that and emotions emotions yeah
waterfalls tell us
all tell us
all waterfalls
you know what i was just
thinking who
would be my person be ben folds
dan folds five yeah
what about john mayer
don’t you think he’d be jealous what
john mayer just had to
cancel his european tour
him and carlos
no don’t be mean
to kick a man
while he’s down i know
yeah so for like
modern bands man shit i don’t know
i think house of pain would be fucking badass
i missed that dana had a concert in boston for
saint patrick’s day and he had house of pain play
everlast is the coolest
i love that dude
my drug dealer was in ohio was so addicted to
house of pain
come over be like what’s up
brandi turns on
jump around or whatever dude i like when marcus davis
fights but one of the main reasons why is just i love
marcus davis but also so i could hear that fucking song
that’s one of the best walkout songs ever yeah
that fucking song is the shit man they just
smashed that one
you know and
then they had a hard time coming up with anything that
could top that
that song was just such an out of the ballpark
smash hit you know
it wasn’t until
everlast got on his own like that what it’s like song
that’s another that’s a fucking
classic that’s an all time
classic wait everlast
i’m thinking of
are you thinking of
swim past the breakers
and let the
world die no
because that
oh my god you faggot this is a totally different band
how’s the player
is jump around
jump up jump up and get down
i’m the king of
you know no no no i thought you were talking
about something else
never mind i thought you’re talking about
everlast the band
no everlast
the lead singer
right you faggot
i know you were
thinking of
is that the
other band called everlast though no
ever clear bro
ever clear ever clear
the total polar
homosexual opposite of
house of pain
i know i was just like but by the way a badass band
still i love that song you do yeah that’s
we can live
on axis hollywood
now isn’t he or something like that
no that’s mark mcgrath
you just fucking
tile everybody together man
i heard gene
simmons just died oh no it was ronnie james dio
you’re just
fucking connecting people man
you know that was the weirdest
thing ever any show that i ever did
the the new year show
when when gene simmons
showed up for the new year show like to
watch my new year show
i freaked out i’ve
never freaked out of people come to see my show before
but i legitimately
freaked out
i was like nervous
i’ve had famous people
come to see the show and talk to me before they see it
and it doesn’t
freak me out
once i got a
little nervous when penn was in the audience
because i was
hanging out with penn from penn and teller
because i respect him and he’s a cool guy
so i got a little
weirded out and i was like holy shit
i can’t bomb
i can’t bomb
i gotta do my
rights and that’s the worst
state of mind to get into for comedy but
when gene simmons was in
the audience in the new year show i was like holy shit
that’s fucking gene simmons
like to me when i was a little kid
you know when i was a kiss fan
when i was like fucking
12 and shit i had kiss posters on my wall
and you know i get in arguments with kids at
school because they
would say kisses for fags
so i had to hide my kiss collection
i had to hide my love for kiss
when dudes would come over my
house like the
first time if i didn’t know them i hid my kiss
stuff you just like makeup joe
i do like little like make up on guys
i like high heels
i like the makeup
i just love the
whole thing
where they had you know they had like the
whole pageantry
of the fucking show you know they had the
demon the star child
fucking lover the
whole thing man
i was a fucking huge kiss fan
i still am i
still love some of
their jams i like fucking
throwing them on
while driving yeah yeah
i was made for loving you
love gun yeah here’s a good
video of you doing a karaoke version of love gun yeah
google search
kiss karaoke
joe rogan that was fun man
that was fun as shit
that was a that was a fun
radio show that show
sarah no name
yeah but they’re not together anymore they
broke up yeah
now no name’s got his own gig and she’s got her own gig
radio is a grind man it’s hard
it’s hard you know
the mrs rogan
had to get something
fixed on her car so she got a rental car
and she was telling me she was like
when you don’t listen to
satellite radio for a while
you realize how much regular radio
sucks you know what
those satellite radios
starting to suck now too because i mean
they’re now getting censored by the
i think opie and anthony were talking
about it the other day
where they aren’t allowed to puke anymore or do
sounds of puking or anything
leaving the body like
shit they talk
about shit either it’s like
their baby bird
bit they did back in the day they
wouldn’t have been able to do that anymore they
just aired it though
yeah it was on the other day i was driving home
and i was listening to
opie and anthony and i wasn’t really paying attention
but i heard
screams and cheers
and i was like what could
possibly be eliciting this kind of reaction
and then i said oh my god this is the baby bird
and i turned it up
so i just got in the car
and i turned it up and you hear it
and i heard bill burr’s
voice and then i
heard my own
voice and i was like oh wow
but that’s weird though
cause satellite
radio is now turning into regular
radio in some ways
and also a lot of
these music channels it almost seems like
i was talking
about this last
night with some dude
how he was saying like how
satellite radio to him
sounds like they just like
they’re playing like looped
cds like they have a cd
like a mixtape
and they’re just looping the same
you know like he’s like i don’t need to hear
music channels yeah like
i don’t need to hear bush
five times a day you know what
they should do for real
they should have real djs
take the opportunity to go back to real djs
where one guy no we
haven’t talked about this
where one guy
is like some fucking cool wolfman jack type character
he talks some shit in between the songs
and he plays what he likes the future is just rhapsody
or not rhapsody
fuck the pandora
and all those blips and
stuff like that
because that’s what the future is like if you like
i don’t know if you ever use pandora
if you like pandora
if you say like ben folds you type in ben
folds or ween
and then what it does is it makes a
radio station
based on what
other users who like that band like also
and so what happens is like they’ll play wean
then they’ll play another band
that’s like
other people that like wean like
and you either say yes or no you vote it up and down
and it just kind of
starts building
the perfect
radio station for you yeah that’s brilliant
that’s brilliant
but what that’s missing though
is the camaraderie
of a dj i remember when i used to do construction
and i used to listen to
charles la cordera in the morning
the morning blanket
or the morning mattress
the big mattress that’s what it was called
it was this
cool comedy
radio show that was on in boston
in like you
know this is like
the early 80s you know like 1981 or some shit like that
and you felt like you had a
connection with this dude
you know like you
would hear him like talk and then he
would play a song or you
know all the
other djs too mark parentos in the afternoon
he would talk and then he
would play a song like
that guy became a part of your afternoon
you know it’s like he
would play the shit that he wanted to play
like romero’s listening to this one station though w
c o z w c o z back in boston
was called kick ass rock and roll
and the dj said you know what
i’m gonna play you guys something
just because it’s good
and it’s not even rock
it’s a michael jackson song
i’m gonna play this just because it’s good
and he played billie jean
and i remember like look at this crazy
motherfucker he decided to not even play a rock song
he’s like playing a michael jackson song
but it was so fucking good nobody gave a shit
you know but it was like
those type that by
chances you can’t take today
you you you
gotta still now
that yeah because it’s all based on
money like advertising and all that
stuff in order for them to be able to have jobs so
they’re not allowed to play certain songs because the
music industry
or record labels won’t let them play those
songs you know
and etcetera
yeah well that’s what sucks man
the old days of a real dj i
think if satellite
radio was smart
they would concentrate
on hiring like really interesting personalities
to just be djs
just some dude that you get used to listening to
some dude who
says some interesting shit in between the songs
you know some guy has got an interesting
point of view
gives you some
trivia about the band or
something will you like the guy you like his taste in
music you know who it
should be is that guy from
opie and anthony
the guy who
did a guest host once
remember when
we listened to it last time we were on the show
ridge vos no no
the guy that works for them that’s like
their bodyguard or steve
the manager remember he did a
guest hour on
radio where he djed
and we all listened to it last time we were there
the big tall guy oh
kenny kenny
oh exactly club soda kenny
i didn’t know
where you were
going with this
i don’t know why i have club soda
getting just in the back of my head at all times
he did that disco
thing he was
as a dj on the
disco channel
and i don’t
think that they ever aired this
but he was just
swearing and saying
all kinds of crude shit and it was really hilarious
and playing like a character like a dj character
and it was awesome
it made you look forward to the end of the song so you
could hear him talk some more shit
it was like fun you know
the problem is
for every person who loves club sona
kenny there’s
gonna be another person probably
somewhere who hates them that’s the good thing
about satellite
radio it’s like
cable they could have a million
radio stations exactly
but they’re not willing to do that it’s the same reason
why they’re telling them not to make poopy sounds
it’s like they’re worried
about any negative they’re not
worried about the positive no one’s gonna pay
extra for poopy sounds
but there’s
gonna be some people that they hear them talk
about shit and diarrhea
and they just tune out it’s like that’s it i don’t know
and they’re worried
about advertisers you know
like not wanting to be associated with poopy talk
you know that they’re
gonna lose something
so that’s why you know like
a guy who’s like a real
crazy dj like a club soda
kenny that shit is not
gonna fly cause he’s
gonna offend too many people
we live in a
pussy ass world
that’s why i
think the internet is just
gonna be the radio
like this shit
right here like podcast
but the problem is that now they’re
going to fuck with this you know how’s it
gonna fuck with this
they’re gonna find a way to edit it or
sensor it you know they’re
going to well
eventually you’ll be able to do this from your own
computer you don’t have to
worry about that eventually you’re
gonna be able to do something like you stream
you won’t need a u
stream not that we don’t love u stream
they’re all very cool with us and
everything but you’re
going to be able
to do this kind of shit from your home computer you’re
going to be able to do this shit on your home network
what do you mean
you’re going to be able to
have your own u
stream set up on your own computer
you’re not gonna have to have some
crazy server
and the server handles all this video
there’s gonna
become some new
innovation that’s
gonna allow
people to do this kind of shit
right from their own computer
and already did that
yeah but not with
these kind of numbers like how many people are
tuned into this
thing right now oh i see what you’re saying so you’re
1300 you’re all here
yeah that’s kind of a bandwidth
thing so yeah
so yeah you’d be able to
serve it eventually that won’t be an issue
just like 14 for bought modems
could never even download
pictures took forever
you know you’d
never be able to do this on the old school
ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
i remember the first time i clicked
on an isdn line it didn’t make that
noise i was like this is incredible
you just get online there’s no noise
mm hmm how do you know when it’s on
that’s a ringtone i want
just that sound of dialing up
i bet you can get it i bet that’s
if not somebody make it that is a cool ringtone yeah
throw that shit up on twitter homies
make a ringtone
yeah please do
yeah that sound man that
getting online the dialing up modem
sound somebody make a ringtone for iphone please
there was a time when that was the way to get online
and you couldn’t get online if you had your phone on
if you were like
someone couldn’t use the
phone while you
were online
my mom still has that internet
you know it’s
i don’t know if you ever had aol
back in the day
they used to when private messaging
first came out
like instant message yeah you know
every time you stay
get an instant message it
would say this voice
the same guy that did you got
mail would say
instant message
and then you get
a window that pops up and goes hi how are you doing
then you’d write back
and then they
write back and it goes
instant message
and i remember
that that was really cool it was like wow there’s this
voice telling they have a message
but then it got so popular
that for a good couple
months aol was
must have been
freaking out because that because it
would just go instant instant instant message
because everyone was
messaging back and forth
because it just like it became twitter overnight
so everyone was instant messaging
so it was just the most
annoying shit ever like you’re just walking to your
house and just
instant instant instant message
i remember when you got mail was cool you got mail
you’ve got mail
you’ve got mail
remember when that was cool yeah you
should have that for your text messages you’ve got mail
every time a text comes in
that should be your
sound that guy that did that
voice i think was this is the same that used
to do some disney advertisements or something like this
coming soon to disney
that should be available
that you’ve got mail
should be available as a ringtone yeah
shouldn’t it be
if i can tell
i’m serious
it better be
i’ll be very
i used to love that
sound me too
until i had it for like a couple
months then
after a while you’re like what the
fuck is that
was there an option to shut that
noise off i don’t
remember but i remember on that instant message i don’t
think there was and that’s why it was so
annoying because
aol had to update it so
they got rid of it i remember
what was the
other there was another type of
chat like that
icq yeah icq exactly i
still have my
icq number do
you really it’s like
512 or something that’s
crazy do people
still use that shit
i don’t know
yeah they do yeah
yeah i secured
like only the
elite nerdy nerds the
super elite nerds yeah that was back in my
quake playing days
everybody in
quake had icq
and you would get online a
quake clan like my
icq name was my
quake name primate xd
and i’d get online
and all the other
quake clan members
would go on and we
would message each
other about what server you were
gonna be on
and there was a way that you could
click on the link they
would send you a link to the server
you click on it from icq
and it would fire up your quake game
and take you
right to that server dude dude
those are the days man
those are the days
i all i wanted to do was get home and fucking play
quick that’s baby
screaming in the hallway
so it happens when you live with kids they
start screaming and shit yeah
goddamn little banshees
we got seven more minutes then we’re gonna call it
this time we’re gonna do it at two two hours
see i feel like we start
petering out about ten minutes ago yeah
i agree not really
fired it back
a long podcast
we do pretty amazing but it’s
it’s you know what i
think it’s the way to
do it because then you get deep into conversations yeah
you know in an hour sometimes we just
touch on things
right when we
touch on them
yeah you know at the end
you know we run out of time
what else did i want to talk to you about oh
the fucking oil
spill thing man the latest
thing on the oil
spill was that they’re not
going to be able to stop it
until they dig into these
extra wells
to make these relief wells they’re
going to have two relief wells they wanted to make one
but the government forced them to
drill two relief wells
because the area they’re trying to hit
to intersect
these two wells
is like seven and a half inches
and they have to go like a fucking mile
underwater and
underground to hit this well
a mile and it’s
gonna take them
until august
and even that is not guaranteed
but until then
it’s just gonna keep pouring oil
and there was a
thing on rachel maddow
where they showed
the same company that
built this well also
built a well that in 1979 did the same fucking thing
in 1979 in the
gulf of mexico
it spilled out for nine
months wow really for nine months
until they figured out how to stop it nine
fucking months i
think it’s gonna be crazy
i know everyone made fun of the cnn
for doing this but i just
think it’s gonna be crazy
hurricane season
mixing in with all this
you know dude it’s
terrifying what
if it just becomes like fire tornadoes and
stuff like that it really could be
it really could be
i mean people don’t know
how dangerous that is if you get hurricanes and they
start taking that oil
which is literally the size of maryland now
there’s an oil
slick that’s the size of a state
and it takes that shit and
flies it through the fucking air
it’s gonna whip it up in like
tornadoes and shit and fly it through the fucking air
i mean it’s literally
gonna take that oil
and throw it all over
everything people’s
houses and cars and trees
and if something happens
and a fire starts
dude that is like some biblical shit yeah that’s about
2012 that’s some
biblical shit
a state on fire
wow fire tornado
yeah that’s so cool dude
i mean that
sucks that sucks it does suck
but fire i want to see a fire tornado though
i want to see it in a lab
maybe contain random
movie end of a
world movie dude i
watch someone
one documentary
where they showed this very specific geographic
feature of the
earth where they were having a hard time
figuring out how it was created and
they chalked it off to some insane like instantaneous
super storm that like
literally destroyed like half of this mountainside
and recut through this you
know like tornados all kinds of crazy shit
cut this landscape
you start looking at shit like that
and you start
thinking of what the possibilities actually are
what could happen in any moment
some nutty shit
could happen any day any time any
minute of any day
some of the
things that have happened to this
earth like over the past make that sinkhole
in guatemala look like nothing
this is one of them man
this oil spill
thing is pretty
crazy because there’s a lot of goddamn oil
there’s a lot
of goddamn tankers out there there’s a lot of goddamn
oil rigs out there in the ocean
you know if somebody was a real
anarchist instead of trying to fuck up the world by
you know blowing up a
building they
would start blowing
those fucking
things up yep
i think they try a lot i bet
do you i bet they do they
should have warships
that are around
those things at all times
you know but then they
would probably fuck up and blow it up accidentally
some suicidal
crazy sailor type dude
accidentally sucked his first dick
can’t take it
that’s probably sure
there’s some fail saves to keep them from doing that
right yeah totally
having access to missiles maybe
fail states that this shit didn’t happen
well the crazy
thing is that they made this
not even to their own
safety specifications they got
a waver on it because it was taking too long to make
so the valve that they used or the whatever they used
to cap this oil well off
was not the
best shit they did not use the recommended and
required shit
they got some sort of a
some sort of a
break because they were
like way behind in
budget and so they
spent less money
and put this
thing up quicker and
the real hazard with
those is that
sometimes gaskets inside of them that’s what
causes explosions
and that’s exactly what fucking happened
this would happen in 1979 same goddamn
thing happened
and still from then to now
they literally
haven’t come up with any new ways of stopping the oil
they don’t have any backup plans
they just figured it happens so rarely
we’re just going to suck as much
money out as as
humanly possible
fuck everybody else
and then you
know if something happens we’ll deal with it
but hopefully nothing will happen
i guess to please the ufc fans what did you think
about the rashad rampage recap oh
there’s a lot of
ufc fans there’s a lot of people asking
about the rashad
so interesting
fight you know i
think rampage came into that fight too heavy
i think he was
aware of that yeah he was
250 pounds and the weight class is 205 so he had 45
pounds to lose not really you know
35 really is gonna cut some weight cut about 10 pounds
but that’s a lot of weight to lose in a
training camp it’s a tremendous amount of weight
so he had to think about that
i think more than he should have
and rashad was coming off of
the fight with thiago silva so he’s in excellent shape
so he came right from one fight
jumped back in training
and got in training camp for the next fight with
a good amount of down time to recover
but not too much so it was really
optimum for him for rashad
and he made the most of it
i mean if you saw the
prime time shows they’re really good
those prime time shows get you fucking fired up man
they’re really
in depth on the training and show all the preparations
everything and rashad was
throwing it down man his training was insane
he was doing all these crazy
sprints and
with a parachute on they’d
put a parachute on his back and he’s doing sprints
and he’s doing all
these things where he’s
pushing sleds and
all this explosive energy shit
and it really showed in the
fight man he
moved so fast
when he charged out
right at the opening belt and
cracked rampage in the jaw i was like
really shocked at how fast he
moved you know it was really really intense
and he executed
a perfect game plan he kept away from the danger
which is rampages
power shots
and he implemented his strategy controlling
him and taking him down and beating him up when he’s
you know when
he’s on the outside and getting away from rampages
counters but he did get clipped once
that was the most interesting part of the fight
besides the opening
seconds when he
cracked them
the most interesting part of the
fight was when rampage hit him
he hurt him bad his legs gave out he
was flat on his ass
yeah in the
third round
he got hurt bad but
he kept his composure
got a hold of rampage and even reversed the position so
it was a huge
round for him
just as far as like
being able to overcome the
worst case scenario
the worst case scenario is rampage clips you
he hurts you
and he’s on top of you and you’re on the bottom
that’s the worst position you
could ever be in with a guy like rampage
because he’s so fucking
powerful he hit so hard
and rashad kept his shit together and
kept a hold of them and
got out of the situation
i was impressed man
i thought it was
an entertaining
fight i enjoyed the fuck out of it
some people
criticized them i didn’t see that
ufc but i heard that everyone
was really upset about it
really yeah who’s everyone
every person i talk to
who you talking to a
bunch of faggots
something about it just
it was well people sometimes they say
just fucking wall install them
that’s what they’re saying a lot of people say that
just fucking
wall installed man that’s all you did wall install
no what he did was he dealt with
a very dangerous challenger in a very intelligent way
i don’t think there’s anything
wrong with what he did
i think he did
what he did is what you have to do you can’t
just go in there and bang it out with rampage he’s
gonna clip you and you’re
gonna go to
sleep that’s just fact
that’s just the way it goes
rampage has a distinct advantage with most people
if most dudes want to
stand in there and
trade with rampage
rampage is going to fuck them up
the only guy that i’ve ever seen go
after rampage and
stand and trade with them was vanderlay in the
first two fights
and that was when rampage was not that well
trained he wasn’t
nearly in as good a
shape as he is now he wasn’t nearly as technical
didn’t have nearly as good a
training partners
it was those
fights and in
those fights
vandale fucking chased
after him that was some pretty
exciting shit vandale
slugged it out with him he really went
after him and the
chuckle dale
fight that’s another one chuck
especially the
first one in
pride they really slugged it out but
it’s hard to come out on top
with quentin like that he’s just so
powerful man
dudes get in brawls with him
he just blasts them you
gotta fight that guy smart
you know van
delay got away with it but
van delay was in his
prime back then
and he caught rampage when rampage wasn’t
quite prepared he wasn’t the same rampage that is now
you know rampagious
has a lot of
power so i think what rashad
did was a very
smart thing i
think he fought real good
it was exciting i
enjoyed the shit out of it
the big the highlight to me though of the
whole night was that mike russo todd
duffy fight
did you see that
mm hmm i didn’t see any
we gotta you
gotta see that because it’s the craziest fucking
thing you’ll ever see in your life
you see a guy who’s
built like you
okay he’s built like he’s got a gut
okay i’m not i’m not being mean
he’s built worse than you how
about that you are more sexy than him how
about that feel better
anyway this guy
is getting his ass kicked by this todd
duffy character
who looks like he was made
in a lab like literally
if you just just do me a
favor and google google
mike russo todd duffy
ko you got to put a no no duffy is du ffe
that’s it there you go
i know how google works shit
yeah but you clicked on the wrong link
you just clicked on the wrong one
you want me to do a video yeah you got to go with the
video you got to see this because
anyway this that’s it right there
it’s the most ridiculous
thing ever because no that’s not it that’s the
wrong one that’s the first
fight that todd duffy ever had
no those are all todd diffey tim hag
anyway not important okay
this guy is getting his ass kicked for for
three rounds for two and a half rounds
and he’s fat and he’s
really out of shape it looks like he’s got
this belly that hangs over his gut
and this todd
duffy character looks like fucking gi joe man he looks
ridiculous he’s got this square iron looking jaw
his whole body is chiseled out of granite and he’s just
teeing off on this mike russo guy
it looks like the worst mismatch you’ve ever seen in a
fight like one guy old
school ufc old school
even worse because this guy
they’re both they both have
modern skills just one of them is so much faster
so much more athletic okay
so this todd duffy is teeing off on mike russo
just fucking him up
where you can’t believe the shots russo is taking
you’re like this is just a matter of time and
after getting his ass kicked for two fucking rounds
he goes into the third round
out of nowhere
catches mike
todduffie with one punch and flattens them out cold
so this fat guy is getting his ass kicked
for the entire fight
and lands one shot and this adonis
who looks like he
could get hit
in the head by a fucking meteor and he’d be fine
he gets clipped with one shot and goes
arms behind his head and the
whole place goes fucking insane
people were
standing up people were pissed because they weren’t
watching because it was getting boring
because the one guy was just teeing off on the
other guy dude
the craziest shit i’ve ever seen in a thousand years of
fighting thousand
fights rather a thousand years how old am i
a thousand fights over ten years
the craziest shit i’ve seen by far was this knockout
i’ll have to find it you
gotta see it
i think you need to see
check it out with dr
steve brull
what is that
it’s a new show based
off of tim and eric’s show it just
started off
adult swim it’s
every sunday
night at midnight but
check it out
tevo that it’s only 15 minutes long but it’s so
ridiculously awesome
it’s called
check it out with dr
steve earl love it
i’m looking it up for you
so we should talk about the flashlight at the end too
if you guys go to flashlight com
or go to joe’s rogan’s website and
click on the banner on the right side they are official
sponsor of the podcast and if you
click on their banner you get 15 off your order
and i highly recommend
getting some of that
flesh light lotion or oil it’s the best stuff
even to use without a flashlight alright here it is
look at this
flashlight com one punch
this is the fight
the other guy out of nowhere
the other guy is a fucking a monster a destroyer
the owner of the fastest ko in uoc history
and this fat guy clips him with
one punch bang out of nowhere boom that’s it out cold
it was like you shut off
it was crazy
fights dude
there’s nothing more unpredictable than an mma fight
you could be watching a soccer game and a team
could be getting fucked up
for the entire you know most of the most of the game
a team can’t come back in the
final four seconds and win
you know but in an mma
fight you’re always in danger
you can always lose it a soccer match
they can get a basketball match you can get 50
points ahead and there’s no way you can lose
but in a fight
you could always lose
it doesn’t matter accumulated scoring
you could be fucking somebody out for three rounds
for four minutes and 50 seconds and in the last ten
seconds they punch you and you go to sleep and they win
that’s fucking nuts
it’s one of the reasons why it’s so exciting
it’s also one of the reasons why we’re
never going to embrace soccer
i embrace it do you embrace it yeah
my penis what’s wrong with you okay
how funny would it be if the us won the
world cup and nobody gave a fuck
who cares no one does give a fuck they do you’re
crazy in other countries is gigantic
okay you get negative we’re gonna end the podcast
i feel your blood sugar dropping i’m gonna give you
candy in the middle of the podcast now
skills you’re getting
measurably less focused towards the end son
you need a candy bar
stun gun that was a good fight to nick diaz
all right there’s a lot of catch wrestling yeah
there’s a lot of i need to
bring mrs rogan on fuck you faggot get your own wife
staring at my wife
the heard your wife’s not doing transformers three now
shut up faggot
you know i don’t
date actresses
i have no headshots posse
very strict
you should too we all should
in life everyone should have a no headshots policy
coming from the
point of view of someone with a headshot i
guess i have one out there some somewhere
but anybody who wants to be in the
business who wants that kind of exorbitant
amount of attention
you got to be fucked up
i’m fucked up
everybody else at the
comic is fucked up
every actors fucked up
every singers fucked up
they’re fucked up you’re
managing it
you know you’re
trying to do your best with whatever fucked up energy
you have but the only reason why you’re doing it in the
first place
cause you’re fucked up
when you agree
have you ever
met a performer that’s not fucked up in some way
no it’s impossible right
that’s the balance though
my friend that is the balance of life you have to have
some sort of void in your life to be able to provide
other people with this sort of
entertainment joy
that’s the engine that’s the
motivation behind that shit
you know just like porn stars you have to have a
you know a bad
childhood if you want to let guys fuck you on camera
right there’s got to be something
wrong there
right or you just totally love money or
i guess you
gotta really love
money you know
i think there’s a
crazy balance to all life we’ve talked
about this before
but you know it’s like what we’re talking
about we’re talking
about third
world countries
like and idiots in america even
you need a certain amount
of unenlightened
fools in this world
to keep the
world operating
on the level that it’s operating now
you need a certain amount of people that live in places
where it sucks
a certain amount of people that live in
countries and you need corporations to exploit
them in order
to keep this
thing going the way it’s
going right now
i’m not saying this is the only
model that would function
but this is the
model that we currently operate
under and in
order to keep this
model going
i think what’s happening is exactly what has to happen
it really does seem
like the more
you pay attention to life that life is a program
you know the more you look
at it all and look at the temporary nature of it all
and you realize that
this really is some sort of a program we’re following
don’t you feel that all the time
and it doesn’t feel real right
it feels orchestrated
doesn’t it i agree
oh my god you’re useless
this is what i saw this way i saw
that’s what made me
what i always talk about porn stars
i guess because i’m always beaten off
because we love porn
no because i’m fascinated by
the world of it you know i’m fascinated by
all unusual human behavior
i’m fascinated by strippers i’m fascinated by fighters
i’m fascinated by comedians
entertainers performers
all the the outskirts of normal behavior whether it’s
i don’t mean none
of its bad it’s all good i mean we all fuck who cares
fucking on camera there’s nothing
wrong with it we’ve all
watched it we all benefit from it
but to me i’m
always fascinated by extreme types of behavior
you know especially if they’re not
disturbing if it’s not negative like you know we talked
about the max hardcore thing
don’t like that but
i’m fascinated by all sorts of
weird behavior i
think it helps you
understand your own don’t you i agree
after fucking two
hours that’s all
brian says yep
yep i agree
i’m like listen you faggot
well i was thinking if i
should even get into something because i don’t want to
any longer you know what i mean and i just
it’s kind of
scary to get to a
point where you’re like okay
we need to end this but if i
bring something up we can’t
think like that
i was ready to bail
at any moment we’re looking for a good moment to bail
after two hours
we’re looking for a good moment
to bail but if you have something interesting to talk
about just talk
about is there a proper way to
win you know
where you see porns
where girls are giving blowjobs
and they’re
choking or gagging
is there a proper way to do
it and a not a proper way to do it like is there like a
secret to it like you
no i think it’s the girl
some girls like that shit dude
they’re lucky to
stuff it in
their mouth they like to
choke it’s weird
you know i don’t
think there’s a
secret way to do it i
think my mom is a
total liar then
your mom told you something about porn
what’d she say
brian nothing
okay brian now i know you’re useless
you were doing real good for about two
hours there fella
and there’s nothing else to talk
about ladies and gentlemen give us another
half an hour listen the last half an hour it will suck
okay it’ll be me
talking to brian and brian
checking his
watch and looking at his text messages
he’s right though you can’t really do more than two
hours and be
so and i think we’re not interesting
right now i
think this is the end of it
please stop doing that
got a penny
next week i’m gonna try to bring some other guests
maybe some comics see if i can gather anybody i’m
gonna be at the improv
this week so i’ll come by and see if i grab somebody
bring some guys back here
make it interesting
but saying you get fucking tired fellow
you you you not thinking
about the fact is twelve hundred people listeners
right now no
ten thousand are gonna listen to it on you stream
and honestly i’m thinking
about pissing my pants right oh really
why don’t you go get up and take a leak
you fucking freak
all right you hanging in there hanging tough
you little kid
but that’s why he’s so talented
ladies and gentlemen because he thinks like a child
we all have we’re all over the place in this world
right brian that’s right daddy all right thank you
ladies and gentlemen thank you very much for tuning in
we appreciate it as always we will come back next week
i don’t have any gigs
until a couple weeks i’m in canada
go to joebrogan
net you can see it all last
next big gig in america is july 2nd
in vegas at the house of blues
so thank you very much for
tuning in everybody love you bitches and
yeah go buy one of those things