The Joe Rogan Experience #6 - Brian Redban

let’s do it right now right now brian make it happen

here we go

we’re here ladies and gentlemen we’re live

we’ve done it faster this time than ever

we’re getting better at it

less fuck ups less hiccups

live from the compound

we started a little bit late today

but it was all my

fault brian was

rocked and locked

and loaded this time i just fucked up i was tired

cause i had to do the

kevin and bean show this morning and i had to get up

early cause i have to

leave my house is

kind of far from them

what the fuck people

what’s going down bitches

happy new year

brian is all in a tizzy

about the goddamn ipad

and me i twittered

that i don’t need an ipad

cause i’m a fucking man and i can

carry a goddamn backpack

with a laptop and i don’t complain like a little bitch

and this seems like

it’s got less shit than a laptop

if you’re gonna go like on an airplane or something

somewhere you want a fucking laptop you

wanna be able to

get on a computer you

wanna be able to

send someone a real goddamn

email attach

something to it and send a real link easy copy and

paste old school

you know on some

nutty fucking finger

things you have to shut up

i want a fucking laptop and it’s not heavy

i can take this goddamn

thing anywhere they’re so

small now i mean

the thin and the light

this is i got

this is the 17 inch

macbook this

thing is it’s not heavy

you put it in a backpack you’re fine

i don’t need a fucking ipad

brian well see i

think that’s the problem with

can everyone hear us okay before we

start getting really into it

yes the microphone back

where we are not a well polished machine yeah

gentlemen now

okay where’s the broadcast

here i’ll see if

i’ll see if we can hear ourselves

this is if this was like real tv we’d be fine

i’ll see if we can hear ourselves are we on tv

yeah we’re good

okay so here’s the thing

about that the whole

tablet now the problem with

the whole thing is that steve jobs pretty much

just bashed netbooks at the beginning of the

so it really set a nerve with a lot of people

meaning people are like what netbook

better so he’s doing this in his speech in his

speech i’m not that much of a fan boy i’m not

gonna sit and watch you strut around and talk

about your fucking computer

i enjoy your

stuff i think your iphone is a goddamn

work of art amazing

verizon you know had it it

would be the greatest phone in the

history of the universe but i can’t use it as a phone

i use it to me i have i

carry two phones

i carry a blackberry and verizon

that’s a fucking

phone i can call people it sucks it’s a terrible phone

it’s like a

drunk iphone

like when you

compare the two of them together there’s no comparison

like sometimes like i say if i call you

and i have a little

picture for your face when i call you

and i go to call somebody else

when i start calling somebody else

your picture will show up

and then it’ll change

so it’s like the

things like oh who

am i calling

it’s like it’s dumb it’s a dumb

phone it’s like it does what you want to

but it takes

a couple extra

seconds and it stumbles

that storm too

yeah the storm too yeah

the screen is awesome it’s a nice big ass

screen and i like that and the

touchscreen is not too bad

it’s pretty easy to type

the even this way in landscape mode

it’s good it’s like

it’s weird it gives you a little feedback

which really isn’t necessary but it’s not bad

and as a phone it’s great

but compared to the iphone

just getting on the web is just like you’re doing it

in an old wooden car you know it’s just so clunky and

stupid and zoom

okay scroll this way

and oh come on really well

you’re saying is the best part

about the iphone is probably the internet and the

worst part is the

worst part is

the phone clearly

i don’t mind

making calls on him and calls on his badass just that

but i just don

t is just terrible

it might be

better in somebody’s town you know

they got more at t

towers more gsm towers

so they took the the

the best part of the iphone and made it

a little bit bigger

yeah and they got rid of like

what no camera what the fuck well here’s the

whole thing

about this what i’m

thinking now

is i’m thinking alright

i like my iphone but i only use it because i once in a

while i want something

small to surf the net and do

basic shit with oh i listen to this

say you’re in a starbucks and some dude comes in and

starts spraying the

place right okay

and you want to be taking

video right

and you’re on your little ipad

thinking you’re a

genius sipping on your but you have

two cameras you

don’t have shit you not me

you’re just a regular dude who just

doesn’t have your digital

camera you have just as an ipad

and a blackberry because he’s not sold on

apple and he’s online

he’s online

right there and he wants to get online

with his ipad

and take video and

stream it to you

streaming this happening and he can’t do it

because the ipad is a

piece of shit

okay well listen have a camera well listen

now one of the

things that he said in his

speech that’s

logic you can’t

argue with that here’s my argument

he said during a speech

that it has a port

that is going to have accessories to open it up to the

the universe

all well and

so imagine having a nice

hd camera hooked up to the bottom you just have to be

streaming through starbucks like a fucking creep

you can’t even do it on the dl everybody’s

gonna know you’re

gonna be out there

scanning people with your little webcam

no what if it snapped on the front

so you’re on the webcam with starbucks here

buddy wants starbucks well no here’s the

thing it has

it came out

to have a laptop at

starbucks it has a thing that

it already has


for like a card reader as next week

we’re gonna be at starbucks

no we’re gonna be at the coffee bean

no but that’s what i’m saying it

doesn’t have a camera but yet

it has an attachment that he said will have accessories

like microphones and cameras and put a

camera on the fucking

thing bitch

you wanna be

super special

you want to be the bomb

i think they’re trying to keep it down

price wise down

under five hundred dollars

cause here’s the

thing if you’re

gonna buy a book reader

right now you’re on amazon com

you’re looking at the kindle the big kindle

that’s ten dollars

cheaper than this thing

that makes a lot of

sense actually and

it’s backlit

i have a sony e reader but

i read in bed

so when my girlfriend’s

sleeping i wanna read

i can’t i have to have a

light on and it can’t even just be a dim

light it has to be a bright

light for me to read it

so now i got a little clip on sucker yeah

yeah that’s

right you get a person to

sleep right next to you

right especially if you got a kindle like with a

leather cover

and you put the

light here bam

you can read

right next to them

so this thing

would be great

that’s right there

married dudes talking

you read right next to me

when i was single i’d be like well i

guess you can’t fucking

sleep right

you know oh

i can’t sleep

while you’re reading a book well

maybe the couch

would be a better

place for you to

sleep totally

what the fuck are you talking

about totally

so that’s like 10

more wouldn’t you get that

if you didn’t have one already

if you’re getting a book reader

would you get 10

more would you pay for the i

tablet yeah

that’s the best argument i’ve ever

heard if i had to choose between

kindle and the ipad i

would for sure

take the ipad and now the argument on the

other side is 10

yeah the argument on the

other side is e ink

is less stressful on the eyes

but here’s what i’m

thinking is that true

it might be something to sell

that technology

but here’s what i’m thinking

i’m on the computer 11

hours a day 10

hours a day

i’m doing 99

reading and i’ve

never gone oh it

hurts my face no once in a

while i have noticed that i

think well it

could be also

cause i’m getting older

but my eyesight is not as good

my eyesight

like reading like you say if i have to read

vitamin bottle it tells me

how many supposed to take

right i have i struggle with that shit right

no i have to try to focus

it’s not what it

used to be so i don’t read more than like an hour two

hours of my

ebook anyways a day

and so i’m thinking if i’m on the computer

twelve hours already a day

and i use two

hours of that

look at this i don’t think it’s

edward cat flap

oh says everything

apple makes is perfect

steve jobs is god and bill

gates is a nazi

that’s obviously not

those are strong

words those are

strong words do you

think that’s the real flappo

the real flappo is

one of the craziest if you don’t know he is one of

the craziest characters on the internet he’s this nutty

dude from england who likes to get fucked up all day

and he’s got a lot of

money so he

doesn’t have

to work so the dude just gets online and just

trolls people and fucks with them all day

he’s really hilarious he’s

crazy you could find him at your website joeredo

net on the forums just look for flappo

and he just picks

fights with people

he finds them and he just insults

them over and over again

and everybody’s

these guys an asshole

this guy’s an asshole

and yeah yeah but there’s something

about it that’s so endearing

i mean he’s really doing it for

entertainment he’s

a character

he’s like an internet character

that’s like

running through this

this show we’re

doing and the show is the website the forums

and he’s like this character he’s like one of the

this is insane he won’t

meet us either

won’t meet us

he’s kind of a shut in

but i understand that

you know i mean if you’re some

crazy dude just stays on the internet all day

i wouldn’t even care what he looks like i mean he

could be totally

trouble with this whole

story i don’t care i just

think he’s an interesting dude it’d be nice to say hi

but he doesn’t want us to take

pictures of him and put it online

because then everybody will have evidence

they’ll have weapons and ammunition to go

against him

in this internet war but there’s supposedly one

picture of him

yeah but who the fuck knows you

think that’s real

cause if not

that’s a great photo

he’s smiling and

everything but he’s

never met anybody how do we know you know

right it could be a co

it could be a boyfriend

could be a girl

could be one of your ex


who the hell knows

yeah we have no idea it’s a guy

no idea that’s the best

thing about the internet though

the best is meeting people that are cool

yeah i have so

many friends you are one of them i met on the internet

but there’s so many people that we’ve met

from your message

board and other

places that seems like a

crazy thing to say

yeah it seems like you’re an

idiot what are you doing meeting fucking some people

from your message board but

you know when you’re

the bottom line is for real is like you’re meeting

people all over the country anyway when you doing

stand up the differences

are making you meet them online

first and like

wouldn’t that be smarter

you know yeah

the only way to interact with people is

i mean the internet is

the greatest

for that like there’s people that could

never have relationships

that didn’t have any friends

that had nothing

going on in

their real life but they developed like

whole internet

worlds man a

quick player buddies of mine when i was like

seriously addicted to playing quake

there’s dudes that like

lived their

whole life on the internet

and that’s where all

their friendships

came from and you get to know people like they’re in

you know it’s it’s

it’s a little more

it sounds crazy when

saying that you

meet people from the internet but it’s really probably

pretty intelligent

a girls that like

use dating sites they used to be thought of as losers

you know you’d hear

about like oh her

sister she’s on fucking

match com whatever

the fuck it is like oh poor girl what the fuck

then you think

about being a chick

all the fucking scumbags out

there when you want to like listen to them talk for a

while first like

see what they got what nutty shit they want to say in

their email

see how they say you’re

in your do you use that apostrophe you fucking cretin

you cave person

you know you know i mean

it’s funny those

dating sites how many different ones there are

like j date is for jewish people

they have one for the

people that

just have herpes i forget the name of it nice

they have one for like anything you

could possibly want

all girls who suck

magic johnson’s dick

that’s funny

that’s funny

hey listen this guy

this guy says joe ever

heard about reverse speech

everything you say says something in reverse

now ordinarily

i would say that’s retarded bullshit

but i smoke some marijuana

right before we did this

broadcast and i’m like man who the hell knows maybe

maybe we just don’t know

that in language

you can reverse it

and it can show true intention

is that possible by the way your intonations and

no i mean i don’t

think it is but

maybe it is

what the fuck do i know

well you know

things that are possible are so nutty

you know why why do you

think that i mean that

could be just some

weird side effect of speech

that when you reverse

things it says

the opposite of what the person or

the person really means is possible shit

who the fuck knows

the world is so nutty as it is the fact that we’re on

this sphere that

hovers around this gigantic nuclear explosion and it

flies through the galaxy

everybody wants to talk

about the cast of jersey

shore renegotiating their deal

i mean that’s like the number one conversation

or how many you know how many more millions they’re

gonna give conan o’brien at fox or

you know how many more

chicks a tiger

would fuck is his wife

gonna get back together with him

it’s like we get so caught up in nonsense

and i’ve been

trying to figure that out more and more as i get

older what it is

because it’s not just i say

people i say we i get caught up in that

stupid shit too

i was wondering what was

gonna happen

to john when he left kate because he wasn’t making any

money anymore

and also he has to pay mad alimony

you know because i

think they probably negotiate that

shit when he was on a show and he was making good money

but they kicked him off that show

and then they’re

gonna sue him

and the poor dude

you know i mean he just fell

apart in front of the

whole world

first he fell

apart in front of the

whole world because he was

married to that

chick who was just

treating him like shit

like it would you

watch that show him like well that

bitch is harsh

but then you realize

god damn could you imagine having

eight kids with that weak dude

that guy’s such a bitch

you would be like oh

i can’t count on this

motherfucker come on get up you have to work

come on dude

just lazy and soft and

dull minded

but he got on tv and when he got on tv i

think girls just

start saying you shouldn’t take that from him

she’s a bitch

she doesn’t

appreciate you

i see you on that show i

think you’re so hot i

think you’re so cool

next thing you know he’s in there

oh shit i’m hot and cool oh shit

he didn’t realize that he himself

had been tricked by fame

just like those poor girls that fuck them that’s how

powerful fame is

fame tricks even the person that has the fame

the worst is that tea like

tequila girl oh she’s the best

every time i hear about her

every time i hear

about i just get sick to my stomach i’m just waiting

for baby right now

listen that’s all just to get you to pay attention

she’s a crafty little

little winch yeah

she’s gonna do a porn

i would imagine

i think she already has i remember

having it’s amazing when they like just totally

like orchestrate sex tapes

you know like is there any

doubt that the kim kardashian

sex tape have you ever watched it

oh yeah there’s different cameras

yeah i mean

at one point

time is it really different yes

yes there’s different

angles it’s edited

check that i knew

it was tinted but i thought that the company did the

production code

and she keeps her bra on

which is very disturbing

let them titties free

let them titties free

you don’t like the way they look oh come on

just let them free

she probably

doesn’t like her nipples

she looks like

she’s probably got some big ones what do you

think you gotta

guess oh definitely

she must be

pictures wine

punch can is there

pictures of her nipples out there something i didn’t

watch her whole

video i watched the

if you skip

right i don’t take

much time to beat off

and i have a very hard time beating off to

black guys fucking

white girls

i don’t feel like that’s me

i just how much fantasy can i have oh yeah suck my

black dick what

you know that’s not me

i just beat off in

front of my new kitten

for the first time today

today and how much in

front of them well

how far away i was beating off and the cat jumped

right up on my laptop i’m like

oh well i guess you’re

gonna see it

eventually so there it is you like you feel like

like do you

it’s like i really hope like my


are like you find out

later that you’re like

your your you know

ancestors come

back as like animals or something they can

watch you like

as long as i can’t talk

as long as you can’t talk remember joey’s joke about

checking off for the cat

and about to come and the cats doing this on the

move got to move

it’s weird how like

cats used to be worshipped back in the days

yeah what do you

think that’s all

and what if there’s something

to a cat that we just don’t know and was lost in

transition you know like no one ever

wrote it down like oh by the way

if you look at the cat’s eyes

every day at midnight you can talk to it

we know what trips me out

about like egyptians

worshipping cats

it’s like they were so good at making

things like

how i wonder what they

would really like

because we don’t really have any idea

about their

culture like


their language

over the english

it’s all so

tricky in the hieroglyphs and

you know they don’t really know how far back

their their history goes

cause there’s like

like john anthony west that guy

thinks that

their history goes back like

thirty thousand years and he even has

hieroglyphs that prove it

but they were so

smart when it came to constructing

things i wonder what they

would like you know socially know yeah

like with just like sitting around talking to him yeah

you know it’s really kind of

crazy when you think

about what those

those people pulled off

and that was like

supposedly twenty

two thousand

five hundred years before christ

before zero

that’s incredible

and they were worshipping cats like

maybe they were

maybe they know

yeah there’s something with cats

how fucking

smart were they i mean

i would like to know how

smart they were

maybe they were just

completely retarded

and just really know how to

build things and they were just

right and that’s why

their culture just suck but i don’t

think so because people like like

i think socrates and no herodotus

herodotus went over from uh oh okay

no there’s the there’s the

there’s the yeah

that right we

just charged in here this cat is very emotional

sometimes come here spies

she would get mad because we got another cat yeah

and she started peeing on shit

speaking of the other cat just walks in

right when you said that oliver come here buddy

oliver’s cool

i like him he’s a cool little dude

i like cats

you know why i like cats because i’m not

starving to death that’s why i don’t

understand like when you people are living in

egypt i mean how fucking

smart were they

they must have had a pretty sophisticated culture

because they were really into keeping

animals as pets and feeding them they

were not gonna get

dogs are gonna protect your

house they’re gonna do the cats ain’t doing shit

right you rub them that’s all you get

right you get i purr

and i like you rubbing me that’s all it is so they were

smart enough to

build pyramids but yet they worshipped cats

because there’s something to the cat that we don’t know

about spas is there something to cats

you ever see a cat when

the light hits

their eyes in

a certain way and it looks like a hologram or something

going on in their eyes

that shit’s

weird well their eyesight is insane

their eyesight is some

insane amount better than ours is it

oh yeah their eyesight is incredible

and dark and

their vision is incredible and

their hearing is incredible

that cat hears

everything yeah

she’ll hear shit like that her

like she’ll be sleeping

and you’ll see her all curled up and then i’ll

move something in the room you see her little ears go

you know it’s like they’re

tuning into like

specific locations where my

sir trying to

sneak by you know

that they got this

killer fuck it it’s really

weird to see because

the bottom line is

she only respects me and loves me and

everything first of all because i feed her and pet her

but also because i’m so much bigger than

cause if i was

smaller than her she

would fuck me up

cats don’t give a fuck

about little

things you can’t keep a pet

gerbil around your cat they don’t have that

agreement you can

train a dog to not kill a gerbil

you cannot train a cat now you can’t do it

now you leave that gerbil around that cat is

gonna fuck that

thing up it’s

crazy they cannot avoid it

they love it they love killing

things man yeah

when i was growing up when i was a kid we had a big ass

black tomcat

and he used to kill squirrels

and he used to kill squirrels we lived

right across the

street from this

river and there was like this

whole a lot of wooded areas like

many many acres as soon

as a lot of animals around there

and these fucking squirrels

would be all over this tree and this cat would just

creep through the grass

he’s a fucking

monster and you

pause and hover

and i would

watch him from the window across the

street from our house dude

it was like national geographic

he fucking chases him

and the squirrels trying to

leave and he

pounce on their back get

their back and sink

their teeth into the neck and drag this

thing in between his legs that was what was really

crazy he had the squirrel’s body

which was almost as big as him

it was pretty

fucking big like half the size of his body

and he’s dragging it in between his legs

and taking the squirrel across the

street to our house

i was like how nutty is that

what if i went out and killed a dog

what if i went out and killed a dog with a

knife in front of you

wouldn’t you like look at me different

right would be like bro what the fuck did you just do

right right

but you know he came in i’m like what’s up little buddy

i’m like rubbing his head what’s up little

buddy what you got i saw you got a

you got a squirrel huh

i didn’t i didn’t feel bad

he murdered this poor little animal

this girl probably had a little squirrel family

squirrel mother

he’s not even hungry

i’d feed his fat ass

every day he

would come and i

would give him a fucking kent dog

cat a little cat food he

would be fine

maybe that squirrel was

trying to help you too like rikki tikki timbo remember

that old story

where he’s trying to save the family from the snake

maybe the squirrel was trying

to like squirrels

i think squirrels are

cool little animals

i like but i discriminate

when it comes to rodents like squirrels they make the

grade i never feel bad when i see them

but if i see a rat

that’s close

you know a rat is that

close like say

if you’re sitting with your kid at the park

and there’s a tree and the tree is

literally right there

and the tree’s got a squirrel

like oh look at the squirrel look at the squirrel he’s

right there

but if that was a rat you’re

like oh get the fucking back the rats there it’s a rat

get a fucking stick

get a rat get out

you just start

freaking out

yelling shit fuck you the fuck out of here

right right

fucking rat

i’m scared of rats dude

rats are that big

and i’m scared of them

in jersey they’ll like come at you yeah you

know like you

gotta be careful

like they’ll bite your ass man

i came after by a

skunk last week

a skunk charged me

and the dog of course my dog says like kill kill kill

won’t listen to me

but doesn’t know it’s gonna

spray him and then that’s

gonna be like five

hours of my time

of trying to use vinegar and imagine what

that smells

like to a dog

these dogs have

these insane

i wonder if they

like it or not

oh my god of course they don’t like it

that would be

funny if they did that

would be like an animal that’s trying to commit suicide

yeah you know if that was the evolutionary thing like

whit meant the dogs

loved it you’d

spray your shit the dogs liked it

they’d want you to

spray it so they’d want to kill you all the time

it’s like catnip why does catnip

not work on any other animal

these guys are

weird look at this guy joe what’s your favorite way to

smoke like people get nutty

about it just

smoke your weed people dude it’s there’s a certain

group of people that

follow you that are so burnt out that they just like

you know they’re like

maybe she’s

young to the game

right well there’s a lot of

young health wise the

vaporizer is certainly your best bet

um bombs are nice

i like a bomb i like glass anything

brian doesn’t give a fuck goes right to the

glad dick haha

joints joints are pretty

good because you only have to

light it once you know

but really if you want to do it the healthiest way a

vaporizes way to go and don’t

think that eating it is just as healthy people

think that eating pot is just as healthy

it is i mean it’s not

going to kill you but it will freak you out

and one of the reasons why it

freaks you out because it produces this

thing called 11 hydroxy it’s a metabolite that your

liver produces when you eat marijuana

and apparently it’s not psychoactive when you

smoke it like

it so you don’t get the same effect

but when you eat

marijuana it becomes like four times more psychoactive

than if you smoke it

so if you have like a lot of weed and you make

brownies with them that’s the problem with

these things

you eat a brownie and you’re like

what the fuck you can’t believe how much weed is in it

you have to sit down

it’s because as it’s

going through your

system it’s creating this 11 hydroxy metabolite

which i like

and one of the reasons why i like it is because

it makes me

very self critical

it makes me examine

all sorts of things

about myself like there’s anything

about myself that i don’t like

if i’m being lazy if i’m being a douchebag if i’m

being short with people if i’m not you know

if i’m not focused on what i really

should be focused on my life

anything that

might be bugging me my subconscious mind

this eleven hydroxy makes you

think about it like in depth

and it can really

freak people out if you’ve got

some shit that you’re pushing in the back of your head

you know it’s like what people call

i was paranoid i was paranoid

i think what paranoia

is is people that when you get high on marijuana i

think what paranoia is people who just

are there they’re getting

too much information for them to manage and they

haven’t done such a good job of

managing their consciousness in the

first place

and so when this

stuff is hitting them

what’s happening is they’re

just it’s overload and they can’t control it and they

freak out and they say i can’t smoke weed

it gets me paranoid

but i think it’s more

indicative of this

you don’t really know how you feel

about yourself you don’t really know how you feel

about life you’re looking at life through

barriers because you’re trying to

not see everything because you’re trying to focus on

one particular

thing with your life or trying to get your

shit together and you don’t realize how many things

about your life really are

freaking you out and bothering you

until you smoke pot and pot just

makes you examine

them know we

as as as people we we like to

avoid shit that bugs us

and so i like

when people like over eat to get over some

childhood molestation

they don’t even fucking realize what they’re doing

they’re just distracting themselves with something else

you know i think i

think we do shit like that all the time

don’t you think mm hmm

i kind of lost

in there halfway

you know what we’re talking

about listen

be careful with your weed that’s all i’m saying

being paranoid is a good

thing it’s for real it is i mean the

experience of being paranoid

when you smoke weed

it’s to get you to look at yourself

it’s to get you to look at life it’s you’re not

you’re not looking at it all as

clearly as you could

and those jolts of perception

you misinterpret as paranoia

what you’re doing is just

dealing with the information that’s already been there

just the fact that you this

fleshy temporary soft mushy creature

that is literally connected

with nothing

above your head except

gases and air

and then fucking

space and above that there’s

asteroids and planets and fucking

giant nuclear

explosions and suns

and it’s all

right there

and you’re just this thing that

doesn’t exactly know what it’s doing is kind of like

going along with the flow of everybody else and

sitting in traffic

like everybody else hoping that someone of us

is like guiding this

thing but they’re not no one’s guiding shit

and that is

if you’re not

thinking about that if you don’t you

haven’t addressed that as a

human being

and you start eating fucking pot brownies

that shit will club you over the head

you’ll freak out you’ll be scared you’ll

curl into a fetal

position you know

light what life really is

is frightening to people

and marijuana will expose the fuck out of that

expose what it really is you know this is not a goddamn

movie that’s the problem

we are living life like it is a

movie because we’re fucking we really are programmed by

culture i think

i mean i love

movies don’t get me

wrong i love cds i love songs i love all

forms of expression all

entertaining forms of

expression except

dance dance like

musicals that

doesn’t mean shit to me when i see

choreographed dancing

i’m like oh you’re moving together

you don’t like

dancing i do

you don’t like

musical movies at all or

south parks

south park musicals yeah

yeah that was a beautiful

beautiful musical

yeah it was beautiful

you need to make a new

south park movie what the fuck

it’s except

all the canadians must have been very pissed

right they’re always pissed

right now gingers

are pissed have you seen that ginger video

no is that when

people are beating up redheaded kids well no this kid

who’s a redhead fucked up man

this kid is a redheaded has his

where’s that come from

where’s that

part that’s

crazy that’s sad

because there’s an episode where

like gingers were like

what’s happening

with some kid

like right mimicking

south parks

like head of ginger dan

you’re hitting them all day

right they’re mimicking

south park what i mean that’s nothing new

when you’re in high

school yeah or

excuse to beat the fuck out

right right so the

video is this this redheaded guy that gives like a

speech for four minutes and it’s kind of like

leave britney

alone style

and it’s just

it’s you don’t want you

he he brings up god and religion

through it and

stuff and it’s

just you sit there like terrified to this guy

not bad for him i was just terrified

you gotta watch it and people said

break or something yeah but he’s fucking up the

whole cause yeah

for all the redheads the redheads in one love yeah

crazy bitch

that’s the problem

is by the time you know you’re out there

looking for love you’re probably so goddamn damaged

yes most of us are fucking

damaged right i mean if you had to

guess like what amount of people are

still working on issues from a

childhood it’s a hundred

it’s a hundred yeah it’s not even really

damaged it’s

just that’s what happens you know well it’s also you

have to reprogram like the way you look at the world

you know you look at the

world a certain way because you

think you know that’s how you were

taught by your parents

and you know when you’re like in your

teen years you

start having to restructure

things your

teen years you

start looking at

things like

they don’t even know the fuck they’re talking

about they’re talking

crazy shit and you realize

god damn it my parents are just some fucking people

just like all the

other idiots that i mean all day

they just fucked

let’s see they’re no different than my

idiot friends

they’re no different than my

idiot teachers

they just fucked

they fucked and they made me

and suck shit

and so when

those teenage years when you’re

trying to reformulate the view that’s when it starts

and it continues through your

whole life you know

do you think that you

would be the same dude though if you have like a

i don’t watch that man

i just do you

think you would be the same dude if you had a perfect

childhood no i

think it’s just like that your

whole theory

about like you are how you

lived you know everyone

starts off the

same person pretty much

and just every single little thing that

builds do it i

kinda believe that you

know it’s like if you roll down the hill you’re gonna

in a mud you’re

gonna look different

than the person next to you yeah that’s why

people really have to have compassion

because you know

if we really are all the same

thing this is my theory if you

haven’t heard it before and

i had this when i was

ate some pot

and i was on a boat in hawaii and i was

on this boat and we were fishing

and there was dolphins that were next to the boat

the dolphins

were playing with us they

would get by the boat

and they would jump up in the air and we

would go whoa

and every time they

jump up in the air we go what’s up what’s up dolphin

and when we

would do that they

would get excited

and so they were

showing off they were


with us i was like god damn they’re so conscious

and i started thinking

about it like they’re responding to us i’m like

i wonder what life must

be like what consciousness must be like for the dolphin

and i wonder if it’s similar to

humans and i wonder if it’s the same

i was thinking i wonder if they have the

exact same consciousness

it’s just filtered

through an entirely different environment

a totally different

skin you know you’re in

a fish’s body

and a totally different way of communicating a totally

different language that’s almost indecipherable but

what if it’s exactly the same

thing the inside the consciousness

and then i thought

about it i’m like oh my god

what if that’s the case with people

what if we are all exactly the same

thing we just

are transmitted

through different

biological filters different life

experiences different

childhoods different everything

bad genetic

rolls of the dice i mean people are born with different

ailments and diseases and people are born crippled

you know what

the reason why you’re supposed to have

compassion is that easily

could have been you

it’s just like a filter

that the consciousness is

going through but the consciousness is one thing

it’s all the same

you are just

like me it’s just like and your uniqueness has to do

with your biology

and your interpretations of your

experiences as you’re growing up

you know your unique personality

your unique personality that everybody talks

about when you’re a child

could easily be attributed to

what kind of machine you’re running

you know let me tell you something everybody’s

biology is different you know that if you watch porn

right there’s people that were

blessed with gigantic dicks

and there’s poor dudes with little tiny dicks

and there’s girls with incredible

bodies and there’s

other girls that like

whatever no

matter what they do they can’t lose that last 20

pounds like that’s just fact that is what it is

you’re born with

there’s variables

like there’s

variables with oranges you’ll see one orange is big

and another one that’s not so big

they’re not all the same and

these various chemicals

and then on top of

these various chemicals

that are all in balance all

these different hormones

on top of that

then it’s like how does this particular

model interact with its environment

your own unique


i mean how many times

have you seen something your friends

didn’t and it fucked you up for the rest of the day

you know like

you see someone get hit by a car or you see something

and then you

have the same friends you go into the same and all of a

sudden you don’t want to hang out with them anymore

you think that

things are frivolous you

think they’re being retarded you hear

about a girl getting raped and you’re the one who

freaks out it’s

what you see one

thing and it will set you off in a certain direction

yeah and it’s

like so who the fuck knows what your personality is

you know who the fuck knows how much of it is your body

how much of it is your

experiences how much of it is what you

learn from your parents

and how much of

theirs is the same shit

how much of your personality is really just

you reacting

and saying what

you have to say and doing what you have to do to

get by in your environment but at the core of everybody

from fucking serial killers

to the most


people on earth

it’s very likely

that the consciousness is the same male female

that’s all biological it’s very

logical that the

thinking it’s very possible

that the root of it all when you

think about yourself as you

that it’s all the same

that’s nuts

that’s nuts

somehow cats involved with it

they’re honest shit

they’re on some shit

yeah that’s really interesting because

then when there’s

like personality test on websites like

those dating websites we’re talking about

so like there’s

you take personality

test so you’re all trying to take a test that’s

based on what

you know the person

you know like

you know how did they know it’s kind

of personality tests are

stupid as fuck

that’s just like

same people that have glitter tags on

their myspace page

what are you taking

you don’t know what your fucking personality is like

why don’t you go sit down in the

grass by yourself and

think about shit

you know take a goddamn

meditation class

at a certain

point in time as a

human being you

become responsible for your own biology

you know and that’s what we don’t

teach people

we need to teach kids in school

there needs to be you

know you have math and you have english and

these are all very important subjects but

what we also need is how to manage your mind

how to think

how to think correctly

how to when something

comes up in your life how to deal with it and turn it

into something to your advantage

how not to go into a negative spiral and have your

whole fucking life fall

apart because of one

thing and that

these are it’s very important

that people

learn how to

think how to control your mind

you know and

how many people actually do that it’s not that many

right i mean

it’s not that many people really know how to think

you know how to

think positively how to affect

the people around you as positive as you can how to

move your life into the way

move your life into a healthy

place very hard to do

it’s because we’re all

starting from scratch

you know we’re all

starting from

scrub we’re all trying to read

books we’re

never taught that shit in school

they mean if they really want to

teach you how to be a good employee how to you

know make a good living

that’s all you

being a better person

being better at being a person being better at

managing your life is very important they

should be teaching kids

how to think correctly like

early in school and they

should have discipline

and i don’t mean discipline

by like you know

do what everybody tells you to do that’s not discipline

what discipline is

is you have

to do a certain amount you have to do something like do

anything anything that’s really hard like whether it’s

swimming or archery or

playing chess or

doing jiu jitsu

for kids having something that’s difficult

to do is very important they need to be pushed

it’s very very important you can develop

so much more

of who you are if you’ve already pushed your boundaries

if you’ve been lazy your

whole life it’s

so hard to get out of not being lazy anymore

and this is all shit that they

should be teaching in

school man they

should totally be

teaching that shit in

school you know

it’s not just history

you know when i was a kid they fucking

taught us columbus discovered america

you know that was

still being taught

and now we know for a fact he didn’t

i think it still is isn’t it

i don’t think so dude

really i mean he still

celebrated columbus day but i

think now they say he landed in the west indies

let’s read some questions

ladies and gentlemen

are we serious about that dolphin

stuff yeah man

dolphins rape other dolphins oh i know they do they do

they rape other dolphins they eat dolphin

babies it’s

you know infantricide

and dolphins i think that’s what it’s called is

what they do is the female

dolphins try to fuck as many male dolphins as they can

because if they run across a male dolphin that they

haven’t fucked and they have

babies the male

might kill the

babies to get the female to breed

because the

females won’t breed

while they’re taking care of the young

so they have to fuck as many male

dolphins as they can so that when they do come across

a male dolphin

and he sees them with the baby

if she fucked him he won’t kill the

babies cause he

doesn’t know if they’re his

it’s crazy humans

rape and kill

babies too so

yeah yeah i mean we don’t do it in such

large numbers as dolphins though

i mean dolphins do it like kind of like as a matter of

yeah but they’re more

bored there

in the water all day like what the fuck we don’t have i

think it’s that

their board i

think it’s that see they can affect

their environment we see

evolution in dolphins and it’s in a very strange

scale it’s very much different than ours it’s like

they’re super intelligent and

cognitive you

know they have

these amazing abilities to communicate

but yet they can’t move anything with

their hands they

don’t create anything so they’re out in the wild so

their world is just way

harsher they’re

basically dolphins

are like the fucking blue people in avatar

you know the blue people in avatar like

super intelligent but

these motherfuckers live in the jungle you

gotta be hard you know you

ain’t like some soft dude behind a computer keyboard

you know you

gotta be like that

crazy bit shooting

arrows at those crazy

black dog things

you know and that’s

what dolphins are like man they’re in the fucking woods

they’re in the

ocean but that’s

there’s sharks out there man

killer whales

eat dolphins

all the time they’re cousins imagine if your cousin

ate you killer

whales will fuck up some dolphins

they fuck up

sharks too killer

whales are the pimps of the ocean

they’re just running shit

you know they don’t take shit from nobody

you know the only people they do is people

that’s the only

thing that they take shit from

because people this is

a story that i read on the internet and this

i would like to

ask you twitter people and people

watching on you stream

i wonder if

the if it’s possible this is a true

story what i

heard was that

the orcas or killer

whales used

to attack people and attacking people for a long time

but then after

world war two

they stopped

and one of the

reasons why it’s because american soldiers

were apparently

targeting killer

whales in the

ocean for practice

you know that’s how they

would work on

their you know

shooting out of the

planes and they

would drop bombs on him and shit

the whales just

completely stopped eating people

i mean that

doesn’t that seems like something somebody made up

right doesn’t it

but what if it wasn’t

that would be pretty fucking crazy

you know because i know

cultures do have like images like old

eskimo images just like a killer

whale attacking people like really ancient stuff and

i wonder uh

that’d be interesting if they they knew what was up

you know if like

other all these

motherfuckers can fly now and drop

chips was okay we’re good

we won’t eat anymore we’re done just this bad we tap

imagine if they eat

everything else why

would they eat people

they save people all the time

like that’s really nutty

when you’re talking

about an animal that’s that intelligent

that murders dolphins

when people fall in the

ocean killer

whales have been

known and many times to

nudge people towards boats and help them yeah

same as dolphins

crazy yeah same as dolphins

then none of them fuck

with people

because we have the ability to change our environment

they’re just as ruthless

just as smart

but they’re fucked with

their bodies the little fucking

flippers and shit

they’ll fuck you up if you’re in

their world

but that’s what you need to get by in

their world our

world requires

much more finer moves

you know and our ability to

manipulate shit

like have things gone just

a little bit different in

evolution if you believe in

evolution you

know the dolphins and easily they

could easily be

brian shit the killer

whales and the dolphins

imagine if there was something like that with us

if those are all the same intelligence

imagine there’s something like that with us like some

giant trolls

that were just as

smart as us and

would come in and kill people

just show up at your village and

start eating us and just jacking us

well that is happening that’s us and monkeys

werewolf well that’s us and monkeys

if you look at like african

countries bush meat

you see they

sell chimpanzee

hands as ashtrays and shit

they just go into the forest and fuck

those things up and eat them you know

that’s pretty crazy

when think about it

what if there’s something like that with us whoa

that could happen man don’t

think it can happen what

wouldn’t like

yeah could you fucking imagine

i mean there is

there are predators

right humans

if you’re around them yeah like tigers and

stuff yeah but

you know for the most part they’re not intelligent

these fucking

things are intelligent

killer whales are just as

smart as dolphins they’re

genius yeah

they’re like as

smart as humans supposedly

well if that’s the case man

you imagine something as

smart as people but

giant and likes to eat us

robots no that’s what it’s

gonna be we’re

gonna build

we’re gonna

build our enemy

our predator we’re gonna

build our predator

some new monsters

gonna come from the sky

yeah we would never be able to get to this

point the reason why we’ve got to this point

culture with

technology and with our inventions and all this shit

the reason why it’s because no one’s been eating us

we’ve had all this downtime

with all this downtime to come up with

things because

otherwise we

would have never gotten to this

point you’d

never be comfortable enough to sit around

crunching algorithms

trying to figure

out how to make a pentium processor you

would never

get to that point

you’d be constantly running from the giant

troll people that want to eat your asshole

you know they

would just kill people

and the way chimps eat

monkeys you ever

watch the way chimps eat

monkeys yeah they like tear them

apart eat them

while they’re alive

yeah they don’t kill them

that’s a weird

thing about predators

seem to kill people

and then eat them

like big cats

you know like

you know animals that like kill

things for a living

you know like big cats big cats they only eat

grass so they can

throw up that’s all they do

and these animals

when they catch something

it’s very important that they kill it so they just grab

them by the neck and jack them immediately but like

chimps don’t do that

chimps eat berries they eat all kinds of shit they’re

omnivores they can eat meat or vegetables and fruits

so when they

kill monkeys

which is like

their favorite shit to do

love monkeys they love to eat them

and they have all

these elaborate traps

where they there’s you can see them online well

we’ll find you the the youtube clip i’ll find it

right now because it’s pretty fucking

trippy it’s

youtube i’m just

gonna youtube chimps eat monkeys

and my point is

they eat them alive man

they eat them

alive they rip them apart they don’t kill them first

that same thing with bears

bears you ever see like a bear when it

like that’s the thing about that timothy treadwell

dude that dude from grizzly man

the fucking

video or the

video is there’s a cap on the video when the bear

ate them but the

audio is there and the audio was seven minutes long

seven minutes long why is that not leaked yet

seven because the what the

woman who was his girlfriend didn’t want it to leak

if you don’t if you haven’t seen grizzly man

you must you must secret

zoom man it’s one of the most

genius fucking movies

ever and it’s like a subtle comedy

i mean it’s so hard to describe this guy was so insane

and he was living with bears

and the way it’s edited together

and werner herzog is typically not known for making

funny movies right

he’s like a serious director

right i don’t think he meant to make this

funny now but this guy’s so ridiculous he’s

oh look a bear

hey come here

come here he’s

gayer than ricky martin in a room full of dicks

he’s this guy so gay

and he’s like out there in the woods with a camera

going if i was gay i could just meet a girl and we

could just or could he meet a guy

in a restroom

we could just hook up

but i’m not gay so what do i do yeah kept on

bringing it up it would

do it in specifics i gotta just go to rest stop right

was a great movie i need a

fantastic movie grizzly man you have to see it

but this guy was like really

into saving the grizzly bear so he’s up there in alaska

and he’s like

you know the fucking park rangers

nice motherfuckers

i’m out here saving him

every day and the bears are looking like who is this

crazy bitch like

he wasn’t doing anything

he was letting people know that bears were there

but they knew bears were there

like he wasn’t

saving them they’re in a national park you know

occasionally there’s poaching but that’s

gonna happen

everywhere they’re not

gonna not poach

cause you’re there stupid

you know okay here

chimps killing and eating a monkey

i’m gonna take this

yeah this is the one it’s ruthless who

i’ll take this link and i’ll

throw it up on twitter

right now for my peoples

when i’m really high i can’t type that good

if i think about it

been to the zoo the los angeles zoo

yeah i don’t like to go to the zoo after

the last time i went i

wrote that piece

about the zoo the animal prison on in the blog

but i realized because i was

super baked

and when i you know like when i like

we talked about earlier when you

super baked you like much more sensitive

and i was watching

these animals i’m like

this is a horrendous life just because they can move

doesn’t mean they’re

alive they don’t

allow the predators to kill and eat

that’s like

they take you away and

you know you can’t talk to people ever again

you know you just

get locked up in a room by yourself and something else

other than you has to stare at you

and then you don’t even get to

you don’t get to

you know the

one pleasure that animals that are predators get i mean

the reason why they go

after the kill

it must be orgasmic

i mean it’s what they need to stay alive

and they’re doing it with

their mouth

and they’re feeling the life

leave the animal and i mean

it’s imperative

for them to be really awesome at killing

things in order for them to survive so

what is must that feel like to them must be incredible

when it feels good for us to fuck

and there’s so many

of us it’s like it’s not even important that we fuck

you know i’m saying

but your body

is so programmed by all the years of

evolution to

think that it’s very very important to make new

human being so

you get this fantastic reward when you fuck

it just feels so good

and what it really is is just nature trying to

trick you nature making sure that

you’re rewarded for doing what you have to do to stay

alive and to continue the race well

with a jaguar

every day you have to kill some shit

the the fucking the

physical rush the sensation of chasing something down

as it’s running

through the forest you’re not sure if you’re

gonna get it

and sometimes they get away and

bam you got that


right by the neck you feel its

heart beating its legs are kicking

and just put that little antelope down

that must be fantastic

must be fantastic and you don’t

even give him that you just put him in his cage and you

slide cold meat in a tray

and he eats it and just like what the fuck

what the fuck did i do to deserve this yeah

i mean if you’re

gonna keep them around

i could see

the argument much more to kill all the predators

than i could

to keep any of them around in cages

yeah you know because i

could see like you saying listen

we’re gonna get some

video of all

these animals that can eat us

we got some nice

video documented a

bunch of different

formats mpeg mov

put on iphone

and then we’re

gonna kill em we’re

gonna kill all of em

anything that kills us

but what if they were to do it like they

had a huge open crazy

space and they made it kind of like

fun and everything that they would want

but then they would like

throw in like art here’s a cow into the situation

well yeah yeah no

i don’t know i don’t

think you want them

the problem is people don’t want to see that shit

i mean at night

or something

how about the day

i mean if you’re

gonna do it

if you really want to

teach children

why is it okay

it’s kind of

funny because why is it okay to

watch something

like that on the national geographic show

you know discovery channel

they show you all the time

have you ever seen relentless enemies uh

maybe i’m pretty sure it’s called relentless

enemies it’s a fucking amazing documentary about

these lines in africa that are sized

they look like cartoon lines they’re a lot like like

like giant mike

tyson lines that it’s so ridiculous

and the females are bigger

than normal

african male lions or as big if not bigger

than normal african male lions

which is unprecedented

i mean that

never exists

these fucking lions are gigantic

and the reason why they’re gigantic is because

the river where they live

changed course

about a hundred years ago and

may not even

a hundred it

might have been

more recent than that i have to look it up

but they got

stuck on this one island

with water buffalo

only water buffalo

so in order to survive they had to only kill the

toughest thing to kill

so these giant fucking

water buffalos are dangerous as fuck

they’re super

powerful they got these

giant horns

and they’ll come at you and

stomp your ass

and they get broken legs and they can’t hunt again

and then they’re fucking starve to

death so it’s a fucking dangerous proposition

well these ants

these um these

tigers got gigantic because of it

they got fucking huge

and it’s really fascinating man really fascinating to

watch them you know try to

figure out how they’re

gonna take out these

water buffalo

and they’re just so much bigger than regular lions

it’s like it’s

crazy to watch man

really really intense documentary

you’re a huge documentary

you like how many documentaries

a day do you watch

two two three

i watch a lot of them

is it because

why you just like science have you always like science

i i do i just get fascinated by shit man

you know i mean just the fact that that

exists i mean if you how many people out there knew

but a lot of you guys knew

about those lines in africa

but you know you talk to like

cause you’re on the internet and shit and you’re

savvy enough to be on the you stream

but how many fucking people

really you know

know anything

about the animal

world or space or

you know i mean you

start seeing

things about like hypernovas

they blow up like

everything like

within you know

hundred million fucking

light years and

everything gets cooked and they

happen all the time throughout the galaxy like what

like what is this

they talk about how they

could eat if one happened like anywhere near us

would be cooked instantly

like it just blows

everything apart

all around it like this insane event

where these

spirals of energy

blast out from the sides and

it’s me it’s fucking nuts

it happens like

hundreds a day

all over the universe

td it’s like

to not be into documentaries to me seems way crazier

than to be into them there’s so much nutty shit

going on out there

and no one cares

you know the new

season of loss is

ready about to start

i can’t wait

i really can’t wait for that though

i’m jonesing dude

every time i see that commercial i’m just like oh it’s

gone there’s one

second avenue

the documentary on the alliance

folks i think it’s called relentless enemies let me

check right now

what is that

thing are you saying you have to

smoke cigarettes

oh no no i’m

jones and her lost

oh but you know did you hear somebody by

they want this is how

dumb somebody was went to go get the nicotine patches

and they wanted to quit smoking faster

so they put

every single one of the nicotine patches on

their body that you know you get a box of them and

and they thought that if they put more patches on

their body they would

still suck and here’s

here’s i can show you this right here

it’s called

relentless enemies is the

the documentary on the

lines now here

this is how bad people suck this fucking guy

dr leventt cackmore film guy

amazon com amazon com he says

how can someone mess up such a

great documentary film in such a

way i hope national geographic does something about it

and we can buy it

again i tried a couple different hd dvd

ok all right

he’s saying okay this guy saying that

no he’s saying that the dvd he got was

right any of the

other ones over there

but yeah it’s a fucking

it’s fucking amazing

it’s it’s amazing oh it’s saying we will not play on

xbox yeah that’s the problem with you know

digital media is pretty huge

right now yeah i saw somebody

bashing itunes the other

day i’m only

saying this it

doesn’t play

wow two out

of three are saying these

three reviews that are on the front page

anyway the documentary itself if these poor guys

could get their dvd to work

it’s fucking incredible

i mean it just shows you how

quickly life can adapt you know

the amazon rainforest has only existed

not in the amazon rather the congo

has only existed in that form

for like a few thousand years

and thousands of years before that it was like

grasslands so there’s animals that are

trapped inside the congo

that are animals that live on the grass plains

like rhinos are trapped in there and deer and antelope

and there’s one little antelope

that has developed the ability to swim

underwater because the cago is filled with water

developed the ability

to swim underwater up to 100 yards and it eats fish

and it’s a fucking antelope

and it’s got

these little short ass legs because evolution

dictated that this animal change

i mean and that happened over 2 000 years

there’s a fish

in the amazon that comes out of the fucking

water and walks yes it’s awesome

it’s crazy and it finds another

waterhole and

then there’s this fucking bird that eats it

that looks like a goddamn dinosaur it’s a six foot tall

evil giant bird

with this crazy big ass fucking beak

like this big killing machine

attached to its face

and it’s got

these dead eyes like these dead

crazy dinosaur eagle eyes

and it jacks this fucking old dinosaur walking fish

and you’re like whoa that’s a nutty goddamn

place that’s the same planet we live on yeah

that’s the same planet we live on

you see that old

video of like the eagle

like killing all

those goats like

throwing them

over the cliff

that shit’s awesome this

eagle just is like

on top of a

cliff and there’s all

these goats and it’s just like

grabbing them and

throwing them off the

cliff so they

would die and eat them at the body and it

could barely

carry them but it’s

dragging them like it’s like doing it on purpose

it couldn’t kill them if it was just on flat land

it knows it’s

gonna kill them by

dragging them off the rock i mean that’s incredible

yeah birds are

smart too man like that

whatever those

blackbirds are

ravens are so

smart they have

they use tools yeah you’ve seen that yeah

yeah i’ve i’ve

i’ve seen them do all kinds of creepy shit i had a

steak and i was trying to um

um thaw it out and i put it

on it was in in the wrap you know from the the


and i put it on a

stone outside

my house for

a minute maybe a

minute i came out and

these crows were fucking it up

they watched me

they watched

me put it out and then they swooped in look at anyway i

think that is me this dumb

motherfucker left some meat out

like there’s no way he’s that stupid

he left some

meat out i’m telling you it’s me let’s eat it

and they landed on just her

fuck it up and i came out there was two of them just

fucking up the state wow

they’re so clever that’s

crazy a rat

wouldn’t have

seen it now

a flying rat even

flying right like a pigeon

imagine we had

flying rats around here how horrible that would be

with pigeons

pigeons are like flying rats

unless you’re raising yourself in the queue

i’ve been putting

bird feed out lately on my backyard and

the bird feed i put out

attracts these little

canaries and now i have just little canaries everywhere

never in ohio they don’t have canaries

or are they just

loose fellas very specific

have either of you guys tried

jwh01 i heard

about this the

other day what is it so

there’s a topic on your form about it

i can’t remember what is this oh my god

i hear this how crazy you internet kids are

you coming up with new ways to get high

it’s an analogy to chemical from the amino alkala

alkaline no

how do you say that and another

yeah amino alki

linda family

which acts as a cannabinoid

blah blah blah

blah well it must be something that gets you fucked up

there’s a lot of those

things too i don’t want

many different new things you know this sounds

crazy coming from someone who’s done

as many psychedelics as i have but i

think the shit that you

should do is the

shit that people have been doing for thousands of years

you know you can’t go wrong with

san pedro cactus you can’t go

wrong with cannabis mushrooms you can’t go

wrong with those

things ayahuasca

you can’t go

wrong i mean you can go wrong you

lose your fucking marbles

don’t listen to me

what i’m saying is

new stuff like you know hey man try this new shit

scientists fucking nasa labs man i just came up with it

um no don’t don’t do anything that people

haven’t been doing a long time yeah

don’t fuck with some new shit that they just invented

weed tests and you

smoke it and

makes you want to fuck animals you know

hell no follow the old indians

they were their beta testers yes you

know exactly

they were down with

pale that was

their shit the san pedro cactus the mescaline

i’ve never done that have you ever done that

see those is

crazy that these

things are illegal i mean

bill hicks had a great line

about that like isn’t there something

fucked up about making nature

against the law you know

which is totally totally true

i mean how could

you tell someone that they can’t have a life form that

exists naturally on this planet

whether it’s

cannabis or mushrooms or you know anything

anything that grows naturally

you can buy

it’s only anything that affects your consciousness

you can buy

stuff that’s poisonous

like you can

legally have a

bunch of different

plants that can kill you

a bunch of different plants

you know it’s

like you just having marijuana in your backyard is not

proof that you’re eating marijuana or

using it and

if you have all

these poisonous

plants in your backyard nobody

would even bat an eye

and that’s the same

thing as that i mean

it’s a personal use

issue you know

it’s really so weird

that people

allow in this day and

age with all the information that we have

allow plants to be illegal

man it’s fucking pretty incredible plants

it’s pretty incredible

it’s fucking really bizarre

that we have

we enforce it so strictly

it’s such a

strong ethic in our

culture that if we catch you

using certain

plants that

have nothing

to do with me they’re not affect me at all but if i

catch you with

these plants

i’m allowed by our laws to lock you in a cage

how crazy is that

if you have a

giant ass bag of mushrooms and you are

driving on your way to the woods

and a cop pulls you over and says what are you doing

well i’m about to have a spiritual

experience with the lord

the cop will go the fuck you talking about well i have

these mushrooms that i’m

gonna go out to get the fuck out of the car

get out of the car

he’ll handcuff you you fucking

idiot you tell me

about this i’m just letting you know man i’m just

nature’s it’s natural it grows on the

earth and it shut the fuck up

shut up i don’t

wanna hear it i wanna hear you hippie bullshit

right get in the fucking car

i just hit the

mother low with this

stupid fuck

this guy told me he had mushrooms on him how high is

he hahaha you

wanna eat yeah let’s go to sally’s

and then they meet up and they

feel good for locking this guy in a cage for having

plants on them yeah that’s

bizarre 2010

that’s strange

i mean it’s very hard to believe if that’s the case

you know what’s really strange about

2010 is that we’re

going towards

2020 that’s just

that that’s craziness it is crazy

just the sound of it

this guy says it’s because of

money though yeah it’s

definitely because of money

but it’s just it’s amazing

you know here’s the best example of how

it’s for sure politicians are whores

best example

nobody talks

about cigarettes

if cigarettes was if al qaeda

was killing 400

000 people in america

every year holy shit

would the war

against al qaeda

heat up it would be gigantic

as it is they’re killing people

most of them that they’ve killed you know

unless you listen to alex jones

this is the government

but most of them

are in other

countries i mean in this country

alone al qaeda is not over

here jacking people

but cigarettes are

cigarettes kill 400 fucking

thousand people a year i mean

compare something you use for

personal use to al qaeda is ridiculous

absolutely but

my point is like

it’s very dangerous

marijuana doesn’t do that

even alcohol

doesn’t kill that many people

think about how fucked up alcohol gets you

and alcohol poisoning

or alcohol deaths

it’s not nearly as high as cigarettes

cigarettes is a


and it’s so hard to kick

right you went back on him right yeah

brian i quit for a couple of

times that was

a year he’s done it a couple times and one little

thing will set that

trigger off in the back of his head it’s mostly stress

stuff it’s horrible but meanwhile it’s totally legal

and did we talk

about the oxycontin

express last week we did right

god we got my

cigarettes too

these are important

issues if you

haven’t seen the oxycontin

express get on that shit find it on

online i think it’s on youtube the

whole thing is in

it’s one of

those directive

versions so the

whole thing is on youtube

so this weekend you’re at the ice

house yeah oh yeah yeah we’re doing comedy this weekend

bitches making it happen he’s

gonna be joey is

yeah at the ice

house in pasadena

this friday we’re doing

two shows there and saturday we’re doing two shows nice

this guy says dmt is not easy to extract

but you ain’t no super

secret scientist are you

do do do

ever smoked banana peel see these motherfuckers

yeah i smoked a lot of shit when i was young it was

stupid i was trying to get high smoke like bamboo

leaves was horrible very harsh on the lungs too

mmm birds can be

scary they are on acid oh yeah

good point amazing cush

yeah birds can be some birds are

scary period man you ever look at an

eagles eye like

you ever seen a dude that has like a pet eagle

on those talk shows and they get

close up on an eagles eye

this girl i know just got an owl as a pet oh

and have you seen

those are murderers

owls are murderers i know it just sits in

their bathtub

room on the shower

thing yo that ain’t cool

that’s a predator

it’s crazy that’s

a real like owls look all fluffy and cool and

everything because everybody thinks

about them from

those goddamn tootsie roll commercials

tootsie pops

that’s not no that’s a fucking predator yeah

it’s even allowed to

have that what is it

about people

where we take

these evil predators

and we change what they are

right like polar bears

we got them selling

you know ice

cream and coca cola

polar bears are fucking monsters

polar bears

cover their nose

when they’re

sneaking up on

eskimo villages

so that they can’t see the

black that’s awesome

dude they learn how to do that hunting seals

they take their nose

and they hang over the edge of

a glacier a floating

you know ice raft

and they hang over the edge

so that these seals don’t see them they see white

everything’s white

if they see that black nose

they figured out that seals can see the black nose

that’s how fucking evil they are

and we got them selling ice

cream coca cola

tony the tiger that’s

great how about chimps man bj and the bear this dude

tooling around with a little pet monkey

how come bj and the bear

how come bear

never ate anybody’s face off

how come bear

never tried to bite some dude’s asshole out

and bite his

hands off i

think that monkey

ended up doing that of course

wasn’t that the

monkey that

was retired here in los angeles

yeah well they always retire

when they get

older because

you can’t control the old males

you can’t control them

the nearest

ancestors are it

doesn’t matter if you

raise them they’re

completely wild

you cannot stop that

that lady just thought just because

she was putting a diaper on this chimp

you know and

given it xanax and she

would give it

wine and shit it was like a fake boyfriend she had

like this fake

monkey boyfriend

and she thought she had that

thing under control

then it just decided to eat her friends face

it’s like i don’t fucking like you

i don’t like you he didn’t i mean

there was no

fight they weren’t brawling

shouldn’t hit him with a rock

he shouldn’t do shit

just attacked her and

ate her face whoa

i mean even dogs don’t usually do that

you know you get a guy who’s got a

crazy dog they don’t attack your friends

yeah how often does that happen

unless they kids

yeah because they

think kids are animals

they don’t respect them

all that shit

about my cat really freaks me out

talking all that shit

about my cat killing me

cat probably would kill anything you know

if you had a little pet tiny monkey

a little monkey like that big

would you be

safe leaving in a room with this fluffy cat fuck no

she’d murder that thing yeah

i’d come home that’s guts

would be all hanging

out and she’d be looking at me like she’s my friend hi

not even like she’s evil

poor little

monkey was a little

monkey family she killed them too the little

monkey babies merciless

that should be purring

rolling around the dead bodies

especially with her claws

yeah she’s got real claws yeah

she’s not declawed he’s declawed

they have these things i just

found i don’t know if i told you this or not

where they go over the claw you use glue

and you put glue in

these little claws and it goes over the claw

so they think they have claws

still but yeah we had that with him

after a while they pop off they pop off yeah pop off

quick they pop keep choosing them off too and they

like jack and everything

ah that sucks yeah

i would let him keep his claws i don’t care i think

it’s fucked up to take their claws

if you see a youtube video they actually cut off a

knuckle they cut off this part of the

knuckle i’m not into that that’s craziness

my cat killed a rabbit when it was a kitten damn

that’s a that’s a rough story agent alien

i believe it though cats are ruthless

i grew up in a nahud

where a crow

could talk his name was cr

and he would come when called

wow you know what

if i had never read anything

about crows or watched a video

until i’d be like that guy’s crazy crows coming through

yeah your pet crow

totally the same crow it’s not like they’re all

black right

you know and they figured out you have food you know

i find it weird when people have like

squirrels as pets or raccoons and

stuff raccoons are

crazy to see that one

video with a raccoon a dog or

wrestling yeah like they usually

fighting to the death

i know you know raccoons fuck dogs up man they rip them

apart yeah they’re

scary animals raccoons are mean

i see them all the time in my neighborhood

raccoons and

skunks and rats

books we lost to history that would have changed the

world that’s a long article is it good

i’ll check it out

we’re gonna read some questions here one year no

cigarettes this guy says

all it cost me was a girlfriend the dog she took

my waistline and my sanity wow

and then you get hit by a bus tomorrow so i guess

am i gonna smoke you just didn’t deserve the cigarettes

after she left you or you couldn’t afford them

after she left you

or you quit the cigarettes and because you quit the

cigarettes you went crazy

and you were like aggro and then she left you

is that what you’re saying

and she took the dog

you stick your waistline but the waistline that’s good

right you want to lose lose some weight probably

unless you’re like one of those dudes in the guts

apparently there’s a lot of gay dudes

that are into

like guys with guts

like that they like to have a guy with a big gut inside

his cock yeah

i think they like where are those ladies at

cause i got some i think with

you know i mean there’s fetishes

just like some dudes are like really in a feat

some dudes are really into like girls with

specific type of toenails and what come on girls toes

you know i think we gay do is just get into a certain

thing like they see some

crazy homophobic trucker

is all methed out at the

truck stop and they just wish they

could just suck his cock

cause he hates them

you know he hates them something

about them it just turns the gay guy on

that’s my theory

that’s a fight that guy

big fat gun

suck that dick what

i love people

like this there somebody just ask you know

they’ve been trying to see your

tattoo for three weeks they’ve been asking

now wouldn’t you think like

online you can see yeah what i say

wouldn’t this person just google

if he really cared that much joe rogan tattoo

that’s the kind of people i hate

you know it’s like

people that

well i don’t hate

but i hate people when they ask me all

these questions

i’m like man is your fucking google broken

that shit happens to me all the time yeah people

there’s some people that just don’t have good friends

that i talk to

lazy fingers

you know the only problem with

marijuana there is one problem with marijuana

and it’s some of the marijuana community

a lot of mooches yeah you know

a lot of mooches and dirty hippies

brian left listen it’s just you and me now

do you think i should get rid of him

should i kick him out of the room and just have it all

about us say listen man you did your part today

it’s me my people

by this dude is saying

i did a job ct dirt says i did a job

and these people fed wild raccoons

and they scratch at the door like a cat

wow that’s crazy

that’s nuts man

makes sense i’ve seen

squirrels that you can feed there’s a park in

north hollywood

and if you bring peanuts if you

especially you lie down so the squirrel

doesn’t feel

like you know you’re in a threatening position to

chase after him

you know you lie down

like on your stomach and you hold up in the fucking

scroll come up to you real gingerly

make sure you’re not

crazy and he’ll take that peanut

and some dudes

that the squirrels know really well they’ll just sit

right in front of the dude and eat his peanuts

like right there

like this one there was this one old chinese guy that

apparently goes to the park

every day and he

brings peanuts

and so he’s sitting there with

these peanuts

these squirrels are coming

right up to him they’re just holding his hand

while they’re taking the peanut like he’s

their little friend like they’re not

worried about him at all it’s kind of

crazy crazy to

say by the way

to joe this is that new digital camera i reviewed

if you guys

ever hear him say this before if you ever want

to like buy something

like and you know that he’s reviewed

it you gotta

watch his reviews he’s

crazy there’s something

wrong with him

and he gets like

super into the technical aspects of anything technology

you know like

phones and like his reviews of

phones he kills

those guys at end gadget

those bitches you can’t hang with brian

the problem is a lot of

these websites are getting money

yes you know they’re getting like they’re

gonna get we’re not saying that

ng gadget does no no no but

if they review

favorably say like an

apple product

then the next time

apple has a

product out they’ll give them like an exclusive

because you know

so it’s like a lot of

these websites don’t want to bash or tell the

truth because they don’t want to ruin future

products and

stuff like that so anyways

this is a new camera

world works yeah

this is new camera films hd

it’s high quality hd

60 frames per

second i have the

whole review at redband com

stereo microphone so if you’re looking for a

small digital

video camera

this shit what’s the

model name brian it’s sony dsc

tx 7 and redband

redbn com i have the

whole review there

this dude says podcast

my big girl

says podcast from the sensory

deprivation tank

maybe that would be a fucking cool thing to do

you know what i should do sound like this

would it be would it sound like that it

was is there a way

that i could have something recording sound in there

well you know you know you can’t get it wet

i mean we could hook a

might put a microphone right at to the next to it but

i mean it was some

old bulls you know and all that stuff

because it’s echoing in there yeah but who wants to do

oh you mean just lay there and talk yeah

well we could just turn off the

lights here and you can talk in the dark no

no i’m gonna totally do that

wouldn’t that just like defeat

the purpose

of being in a

isolation tank

no because you’d be too

focused on talking to people no no no because it

would be talking to people your mind

would work so much better than it works

with sitting

in a normal environment like here talking to you and

sitting on a

couch and the

lights and the laptop and all this

input coming in

you don’t realize how much this has an

effect on your ability to

see things clearly

and you see

things very very

clear in that tank

and i think if you’re in that tank and you just

start talking

it’s gonna fuck up a little bit of the

experience cause you’re

gonna hear things

you gonna hear yourself in both in your ear

so here in your ears

and you hear it in your head you’ve lost your mind joe

but i think

i will do that we’re

gonna figure out a way

where i can do a podcast someday

from the sensory deprivation

tank by someday

i mean like within a month

i don’t mean like

when i’m old

and ready to die

hey gay band

the original question

three weeks ago was why does joe

always wear long

sleeves well hey

retard go google that

because i bet you joe’s answered that

wow i thought that was totally

that was really was unnecessary

he called me gay man i’m allowed to say something back

wow don’t you know

says you’re an asshole but he’s look at it

i can’t take him seriously because

he says brian is a fkk

a hole if you ask me

well i’m never gonna ask you anything

if that’s what you write in fkk

that’s really you

i can’t talk to you dude

brian’s the third wheel

how how dare you brian’s very talented

been as too much negative energy

he doesn’t have negative

energy is like the this the safest

most non dangerous negative energy ever he’s a nice guy

leave him alone you fucking creeps

why won’t dana let you show your tat in the usa

no it’s not that

it’s just it’s a distraction it’s not necessary

you know it’s not

about me when i’m on the ufc it’s a hundred percent

about those dudes that are fighting i just try to do

my part my commentary and explain

and be enthusiastic and be appreciative

but it’s not about me you know

that’s why i dress like such a retard

i’m not trying to shine

and wearing a nice suit you know i’m saying look at my

cuff legs look at them diamonds i’m not trying to

look good at all i’m just trying to just do my job

what’s important is not me

what’s important is these

these guys fucking

throwing their bones at each other in the octagon

it’s not me

what kind of weed did we smoke before the show

well mr federal agent

that’s one of the funniest

things that i like when someone will ask you a

stupid question

and someone will go like laziest homo ever

laziest pedo ever

de asias dea

agent ever and it’s like become like a

standard like i don’t know who was the

first one to do it but i’ve seen it on

many forums

right i don’t know

where it started from

but so many

people do that now someone will ask a dumb question

and someone will chime in

you know chime

in with that i mean it’s really funny like

whenever people

ask like drug questions like hey man if i’m


we’re gonna get dmt

and someone will

write laziest dea

agent ever right

it’s become a part of it

would you say that’s the lexicon how

would you say

the vernacular

what else bryce any good questions

what kind of weed do you smoke before a show man

yo you want to

smoke what kind of weed you got

the kind that comes from

california that’s the funny thing i was talking

about marijuana supporting these mexican drug

hotels what are you talking about stupid

the pot that i buy is bought

this guy’s growing it

right over there you can go to his house i’ll show you

where lives

the fuck you talking about he’s not al qaeda

and he’s not a mexican drug lord

he’s right down the

street he’s a nice guy he’s got plants

he’ll sell you them

he waters them

he put fertilizer and shit does a great job

the fuck man and it’s great there’s a website called

webbed our we tracker

calm we met this guys in san francisco

but each store has a

own forum and so like you like find what

stores near your house and then you go to this

has like a little website just for that

store and every day they’ll say we got

train wreck in

we this is our specials you know and

stuff like that and it’s

great people review it and

oh it’s incredible it’s amazing it’s so at this

point it’s so free here in california

that it literally is like pot is legal it’s just

it’s very close right like what’s in between

like what’s

well they’ve passed one step of a

multi step process to making it

legal for responsible use

for adults over you know probably over 18 or 21

i mean it should be over 18

i think i think that’s reasonable

you know like alcohol i think

i think alcohol

should be 18 with supervision

meaning like you know it

should be okay for like your dad to give you a beer

when you’re

18 years old you know or you come with your dad to a

place where his

buddy has a bar and

you know just kind

of come on boys grab

beers never had a beer before

you know slowly introduce them into the

world and make it like it’s no big deal you

learn you gotta

learn how to hold your liquor okay you

understand and

learn from your fucking father you know

like as a young man

like let him

take away all the mystique of what alcohol really is

and that should be the same

thing with weed

the real problem with

anything that affects your mind

is that we don’t have enough people out there

that are explaining to people how to manage that shit

and with alcoholics at

least they have alcoholics anonymous and

you know they can help

guide you back on the

right track but

you know there’s

no people out there that are telling you

you know like explain to how to incorporate weed

successfully in your life for the maximum benefits

you know i mean shit

maybe we should

write a book about that

because it’s a fucking good idea

because what really we need in this country

and it sounds like

all spiritual

crazy voodoo

but we need shaman

and what a shaman is

in like in the

amazon rainforest of the guys who make the

ayahuasca it’s a dude who’s been there done that

he’s done it a thousand times he knows what to

expect he knows what’s

gonna happen

he’s not scared of it he

enjoys and welcomes the

experience he

could talk you through it you don’t have to

freak the fuck out

this guy’s gonna help you

he’s gonna sing songs

gonna comfort you

they’re gonna play the drums

and you’re gonna get to talk to dead people

i mean that’s what it is it’s a shaman

and we need a shaman for marijuana

and we really

could use a shaman for alcohol too

there should be someone who

culturally explains to the

group i mean it

should be like

expressed as an

ethic through the entire

human community

that there’s

it’s wrong to be

drunk and obnoxious and be a fucking douchebag and ruin

other people’s good time

that should be something we all

agree upon shouldn’t be something funny like

oh remember that

time you got

drunk and rip

that girl shirt off

that that should be

horrifying to everyone involved we should

all that is is the reason why we don’t address that is

we have this

crazy way of looking

at drugs we look at drugs like somehow i know

they’re all bad like they’re all

under this same

is one gigantic carpet of

everything’s bad for you

look it’s not necessarily bad for you

it’s only bad for some people

it’s good for some people the


benefit you they make your life more interesting

should the shaman be driving

while giving advice no

that’s a problem if you get eighteen year old

that person just got

their license

two years ago they don’t even know how to fucking

drive you know

drive reckless yeah they

drive too fast and they’re

not good at it that was me i was terrible driver

when i was so

lucky to have a dwi

yeah yeah yeah you ever get one no

never got one had how

yeah i never

drove that drunk but

i probably could have

like you know the legal

limit is like

one beer an hour

pretty much

it’s one bear yeah

yeah if you have one beer and you get pulled over

20 minutes later yeah

i bet you probably get now yeah

maybe if you

say borderline

for than half an hour the

second beer right

that’s crazy

but with a lot of people that’s good man

they really shouldn’t be driving

anthony from opie and anthony

has a really interesting

point it’s like what if i’m good when i

drive drunk

but that’s not a good

point if you kill a kid

you know slam into a family well i

would say i’m better than average driving

drunk but you know

there’s no test for that you know

unfortunately they came to sit

you down go okay you got to play fucking pole position

for an hour and showing

skills that’s the

thing about marijuana is that people are just more

cautious when they’re on it

you know people

think that marijuana affects your reaction it

doesn’t it really doesn’t

i smoke marijuana and i do jiu jitsu

all the time

so does eddie bravo

sort of like

a bunch of different like really high

level brazilian

jiu jitsu guys like forget about me

i know guys that are like

world championship

black belts

that love to get high

and then go do jiu jitsu

like it makes them connected

to the movements better

it makes you very coordinated when you’re high

but it’s more like we were talking

about earlier with being paranoid

paranoia is like

too much information

you don’t know how to manage it it’s not

that it’s a bad thing

you’re just getting

too much info you’re not keeping up with it that’s

where it all comes from

dan check this out

his this dude’s cousin was

going to jail but

after having to do

two duis but the policeman that arrested him died

so now you know there’s no

you know proof or whatever so

that’s crazy look

for everybody but the cop yeah

joe you’re gonna

be in celebrity rehab the next few years

oh totally have you

watched that show

yes i watched one episode

because stanhope

was mocking dr drew and i said alright let me

check this out

it’s like wow what a

train wreck

i mean it’s

great it’s fun to watch

i’m not addicted to anything that i don’t

think i could stop

i don’t have a problem with anything

right now i used to

you know my real problem has

never been drugs

my real problem is games

i have a serious addiction to like

video games

and to pool

pool i think is a little bit more

meditation because it’s like a lot of hand

eye coordination you have to

steady your

nerves and it’s all

you know controlling the ball

but i get obsessed with games

when i get when i play

i used to play quake

and i used to play no bullshit

eight hours a day at least

every day i was online i

loved it and

i’m avoiding that on purpose so if i had like a

thing that i needed to kick at any

point in my life

it was never drugs drugs

weren’t ruining my life but

video games were kind of ruining my life

not ruining it but they were it was

becoming an obsession

the problem is i

enjoy the fuck out of it

quake is so goddamn fun

you know you

tried to quit

caffeine now

you ever tried to quit

caffeine yeah i’ve quit

caffeine i should

start it is hard

you know when i realized i needed to quit i was writing

a blog a day

you know that one time before i

filmed my special i

wrote a blog every day

so i was up

every night really late because that’s when i

write my best shit so

every night i was

drinking coffee at like

10 o’clock oh and i was i mean this kind of coffee too

i don’t fuck around

i use a french

press you know

it’s like i

grind my own coffee

you know you get a bird

grinder and i get

these beans only from

these kona beans from hawaii and my favorite

this coffee wolf

fuck your world up this shit is

strong and i

would take it at like 10 o’clock at

night and man

i couldn’t get to bed

until five six o’clock

in the morning and then when i finally did crash

i felt like shit the next day

and i did it

a bunch of days in a row then i

tried to stop

i want to try to stop i got

these serious headaches

like dull like

pressing headaches

like it didn’t even feel like coffee

could fix them

it felt like i just like a

short circuit in my

brain or something

the fuck is calling me

touching my podcast

fuck kind of

bullshit sick


my apologies ladies and gentlemen

don’t you feel less energy doing

exercising after you smoke weed

no i’m the opposite

especially if it’s a good sativa

that’s what

people don’t know

people that are outside of

california most of what you’re getting is called

indica and indica

is a very different kind of marijuana than sativa

there’s two types

there’s indica

which is like relaxed

couch weeds like

oh dude just go and

chill you know what i’m saying

that’s og cush

weed that’s the

way that makes you want to eat and fuck up your diet

man fuck the diet

you know but sativa

is i want to

watch a documentary sativa is

you know you want to

watch the cosmos and see carl

sagan on tv and

carl sagan by the way

smoke pot every day

that was the shit

and carl saying was a huge

activist and advocate of

marijuana and enhancing perceptions with it

bitch this guy bro

is another chick

i understand that you and

brian had a little falling out okay

let’s just be nice

fella there’s no need to get crazy

people are so emo

yeah there’s a lot of emo people

the mark gaden

i wonder which guy’s got the mark gaden now

a lot of people have the mark it’s mark no

i heard it’s not

sounds like goddamn questions

this guy says i grow two strings sativa

you’re right joe

first of all don’t ever say you’re

and spell it like that you are you why oh you he didn’t

spell you are

which is the gayest way ever what are you a little girl

texting your

i hate that why oh you

and it’s not an r

there’s an apostrophe and then there’s an r e it’s

short for you are it’s not

short for something i own you


have you been playing

quake life at all

i fucked that up all the time though

everybody you were you were

sometimes i do it i’m like man

you’re writing

especially if you can type fairly

quickly you just

things come on fucked up so i was

thinking about getting a regular phone a

skinny like

razor phone right

on verizon network

and then getting that the ipad

so like if i’m like out in my car

let’s pull up my ipad have a better internet but have a

solid phone hmm

go so you’re

gonna go back go back i

think just because

but what if someone sends you a

picture or a

video on your

phone some asshole all those

i can’t believe this

all those do that now

yeah you know

why did they go with at amp t

well you don’t have to

you don’t know if you

rise well here’s

the thing no one’s

thinking of this they have

those my files now

so you just have your mind

by that verizon

network and now you have verizon anywhere you go

you know really

yeah they have

these boxes

that connect

and then broadcast wireless

it’s called myfive remember i showed you them

right they’re

about this big

so if you have a little case like a statua

that you have your

ipad in just have that

throw that in there turn it on and you have verizon

wherever you go look at this

motherfucker just hacking the

system bitches yeah

and that’s another

thing that’s

gonna be big man persons are

gonna have to come back because of this thing

you know man

versus you’re a big advocate

of the man i love i actually bought a domain name

i told you i was addicted to domain names i bought ipad

sling so if you know anyone that

wants to buy

those oh shit

you know anyone that makes

purses i just my

laptop no i don’t know anybody who makes

purses god damn it

i don’t wear a man yeah

man you man those man pouch

those man bags

they look like a

fucking purse to me

fanny pack looks like a manly choice

fanny pack doesn’t though you’re in a fanny pack

for the chin

all your stuff is

right there somebody wants

something you just unzip and you get it to him it’s

right there see i like my little

man purse that look because it’s

made for guns

so it looks like a gun statue

but it will fit the ipad

so it doesn’t look good now

it’s for jewelry

no it doesn’t

i have a review of that and some stick and

mirrors here

yeah but you like

like stepdad

style you got like the

hey let’s go to

the you know disney

big manly ass fucking fanny pack

i like fanny

pack so wear them all the time you

should have a

company and then you can also sell ice or

ipad sling i don’t want to sell an ipad

sling but i’m not buying the ipad

but i if i didn’t have a kindle

i would see what you’re saying

and but what if you want

to buy a portable dvd player for the car or something

you’re like you want a good one though

it’s like wouldn’t you pay a little

extra if you

could download the movies

while you’re in the car

okay first of all

how dope would it be

if you had a

screen in your car

that’s that big no you can do that you can make that

screen in your car

and install it as a

screen yeah you

could totally do that was

thing that on the way over

imagine that gpa that

might be that

might be the

greatest thing ever

and it’s got 90

how many inches

is that it’s 97 inches across it’s so thin they

could just fit it

right in your

car it’s better your dashboard fitted for it right

whoa you know what’s really

funny is a lot

of people are bashing on it that’s not widescreen

well all right

there’s gonna be the bar on the top and the bottom so

they wanted a widescreen so what do you mean

they wanted us to

they wanted them to chop off like the

top and bottom or make it bigger if you make it bigger

then that thing

would be this big but widescreen

so it’s like a letterbox

thing when you

watch a video you see

a little black screen

but that’s what

they had to do that’s what they had to do man duh

people don’t get widescreen

i don’t get it

it definitely

is better to have something that you can read books and

watch movies on

if you look at it that way

but the way i am

video games

stills not that

appealing to me because i already have a laptop

and if i’m gonna spend time

like what is it

gonna give me that the laptops not going to

i can watch

movies on the laptop and

which will be on that

what else can i do

i get online on that i get line on my laptop better

so what am i doing with it

the applications really

am i no all

right it’s the size of a book so what they’re

saying is that what if you use it like you have a

razor phone in your pocket and you’re

going to the comedy club and you have this little

thing the size of a little notepad

it’s in a little

leather pouch you

can’t keep that

bitch in your pocket you’re

gonna pretend that you’re

gonna carry that

thing around with you everywhere

well now that you

throw it in

the car it’s like it looks like a little book

it’s a little book

you know so you

throw in the car so that you

could use it when you’re out when you’re out

you if you have it in the like

steve jobs it’s

like people

gonna bring those

things to restaurants

instead of texting they’re

gonna be sitting there little books

moving yeah

little books

doing little g

emails checking

their calendars

steve jobs you bastard i

think people are bassing and

freaking out

about because there’s a couple

things that

that it doesn’t do off like

doesn’t do flash and

stuff but that’s another reason

steve jobs is fucking us up i

think once that

leaves on the

market people are gonna go

crazy for it it’s

technology all

right let’s read some questions from

these people

gears of war fuck yeah that game is awesome

that’s another game i’m scared of that game

i don’t wanna get locked in that world

i’m playing that shit online every day

too fun man

remember when we got a chance to see that early on

we got a chance we were in

north carolina and i met

cliffy b from epic games

and he got us in and we got

a look at the the

models of gears

gears of war way before it was released it was fucking

crazy and the new

stuff they’re working on

like these new enemies they’re so insane

like he showed us a demo of some of the

stuff and the guys at id software did too tim willetts

and todd holland

said and john carmack and

those guys those guys are

super cool they let us come and

check out all the new

stuff they’re doing

that’s my favorite all time games

quick but like i said i’m scared

did you know that there’s a

they did a report on

browser crashes on computers yeah

and i think it was 85

of all browser crashes

were because of flash

whoa that’s a big number

whoa 85 because

other than flash

you got javascript you got a couple

things but 85

that’s crazy like how is that

allowed well

that’s just it people are

freaking out

about something it’s a plug in

you know html

50 is about to come out

which will make

flash pretty much


what how does it make

flash unnecessary well

see the problem is they

started using

flash back in

the day because that was an easy way to take

video put it on the internet so anyone can

watch it because

people’s internet

connections kind of sucked and

it was in one format

what html 50

does is pretty much to make

i think it’s h264

video will just play in the

browser kind of like how a gif

works you know like

animated gif will work

no matter what because it’s

made in the coding of the browser

so this will make

videos and stuff like that

just be in the coding and just work so

and guess who’s

guess who’s making or editing the html l point 50

coding this is kind of interesting

a guy that works at google

and the guy that works at apple

so you have long had this theory that

there’s a battle going on between

apple and flash and you

think that one of the reasons why apple

has such a hard time working with

flash is to make it shitty on purpose

so that people move away from flash well i think that’s

a good theory definitely but

the big thing is is that

no one in silicon valley works together

like amazon and

apple and they’re all not working together as a team

they’re all like having to fight

and do and you know like

the opposite of what this person’s doing like if

flash releases a new plug in

you know that works with firefox or whatever

it but doesn’t work for safari

they’re trying to work for

safari but safari changes something and then fucks all

their shit up you know it’s constantly like that with

everything in silicon valley

because they don’t work together they don’t

work together

interesting it’s odd that they’re working together

are you sensing a conspiracy brian

i’m sensing

flash is getting pushed out for some reason

mostly because the security reasons it’s very open for

you can get hacked

and security

with flash and

stuff like that

and i think it’s getting pushed out

especially when html

50 comes out

which is probably coming soon

html 50 can’t do what

flash does buddy

and it’s proprietary codec it’s what

this is what this guy says filbert double o seven and

whatever yeah go go

google search html five point o

go look at wikipedia or whatever

and it will even explain it in there it’s pretty much

known that once html five

point o comes out that flash

for the most part is

gonna be hurting

hmm okay well

the gauntlet’s been thrown down a challenge

has been made

youtube has already

switched over to all

their videos to 50

what is this guy’s asking what is so as vimeo vimeo com

i believe just

switched over to

250 ready meaning that’s why

youtube now works on your iphone hold on a

second this guy’s asking a question

what’s with the censoring on this social message board

does what is the

sensor it’s

like if you try to twitter something and you swear

or on this will it

change it uh

maybe is that why that guy

wrote that’s fucking like that oh

maybe i don’t know

is that true

folks you can’t

swear on this

it’s probably a setting if there is

it has to be a setting please tell me that’s a setting

that is you know people don’t

think that’s

a big deal like i always make a big deal out

of the fact that you know censorship with certain words

you know and

people say that what’s the big deal you know

why do you have to be rude why can’t you just

you know not say

those particular words running

around certain people are in certain situations like

that’s a way

of controlling us it’s nonsense it makes no

sense whatsoever

words don’t mean anything

other than intention

what’s important is

that you’re expressing your intention you’re expressing

what you’re

thinking the idea of

magic words is

it’s poison

to the language

it’s terrible

to have words that you can’t use around certain people

and you can’t use when you broadcast

them you find hundreds of thousands of dollars

that is just a gigantic distraction

that’s complete

total mind control it’s a technique

that they’re

using to try to control the

population there’s no

other way around it

why else’s censorship is what

it offends people why does it offend people

you don’t have to listen to it the government’s

going after it

why they going

after they’re going

after it because some people

are very offended by whether it’s religious people or

you know really

conservative people but why why they offended by its

it’s nonsense

it’s a fucking huge distraction it’s just a word

whether you say i fucked her or i had sex with her

you can’t say i fucked her

like is that really hurting someone’s feelings

so so what happened

on the you know the

night that you proposed to your wife well

i fucked her

you know me is that a bad

well i had sex

with her it’s the same

thing you’re saying the same thing

like it’s not offending me if you say you fucked her

you know if you say ah that fucking hurt i’m not

gonna get why

would i be upset

what kind of a douchebag gets upset

if you stub your toe and you go

ah that fucking hurt ugh

who gets mad at that

who the fuck

thinks that’s

wrong to say

that’s it’s a trick

yeah but if we didn’t do that then words wouldn’t be

as powerful as they are now they

would be just as powerful if you

fuck you you’re like yeah whatever i

heard fuck you five times a day you hear fucking five

times a day already dude

that’s the problem

it was like some exotic word that nobody use like

like cut still has a good amount of zing

to it it’s the only one you know

other than rachel epitaphs

there has to be a way to turn off the censoring thing

right i don’t know ladies and gentlemen

is there a way to turn it off the social

stream appears to be censored because why

would they censored that but yet i could say funk

fuck cunt bag

right now and that’s even worse than i don’t know man

it’s how you say it this man says

what i let my kids

fuck yeah it’s just words god damn it

people are so

weird wow you really are censored i don’t see a single

swear no one can

swear now everyone has to write that effing

i think it’s twitter it’s not twitter that’s nuts

it must be you stream

yeah it’s totally you stream

but it might be just a said you

could you could say anything on twitter

okay well that dude who was talking earlier

with th chit

and we were giving you a hard time with the way you

wrote something

i completely apologize sir

i was out of line

i did not know that you actually couldn’t

write the word fuck and you had to

write all that

other nonsense

my apologies kind sir

all right so it

doesn’t look like you can turn it off or at

least no one

say anything

teach that to a kid and have him repeat it in

school i don’t know what this question was about sir

okay well thank you austin curtis

austin see curtis because it wasn’t for you we

even have known that it is censored

this guy says the bible is just rubbish

english people have such cool things to say

rubbish yeah i mean that

sounds fuck yeah but they have some gay

things that they say yeah the boys

go to the lou

yeah take a league

but you know what my favorite is proper

you know like if something like oh that’s a proper

sports car yeah proper

i like that i like that

i like when they say that there’s something that

sounds dope

about that now that’s a proper cell phone

you know did you see it on the telly

fuck you in the telly

yeah well the telly doesn’t bother me that

much i like england though man i

enjoy it over there doing comedy over there is fun yeah

they’re fucking cool you know

it’s like our comedy

translates directly to them shit

their comedy doesn’t translate the same

you know like their stand ups don’t

translate as some of them make it over here

i mean obviously

sasha baron

cohen who in my opinion is one of the funniest guys

of all time

but he’s not really a stampedon

like he’s like a crazy prankster

hilarious guy

you know do you see somebody was fucking a chicken on a

subway yesterday and somebody recorded it on

video just like you know how it saw set and

it’s one of the sides of the

apocalypse yeah that shit is

i think it’s on d listed dot com

how did it get hard oh you can say cunt if you

space it out this guy wrote cotton yeah

word spaced it out you clever bastard

it’s just like battlestar galactica

they just start changing the words they’ll be farking

yeah like that was the craziest

thing ever on battlestar galactica what the frak

look you could really say that i mean

so dumb it just shows you how dumb it is that we

still have magic words that you can’t say

yeah people having sex with chickens is freaky

you’ve seen chicken porn i

think that egg hole is supposed to feel real good

it’s weird that like some animals like what sheep

are supposed to have like a perfect

feeling vagina

it was supposed to be just like a real one yeah

sheep’s supposedly

yeah which is

weird i know

right it was when

jesus took a

pet girl yeah

right banging

sheeps and shit

this dude is

pretty funny z the

dirty banana says

my brother in laws are brit

i like when he says proper fucked

like one describing trash

that’s totally how they would say it

might i was proper fucked

come on that’s a cool fucking

thing to say fucked

that’s and you have

to say that but that’s like something you have to say

with an english accent

and say like yeah i was i was out there

we were getting

drinking we had a fucking

drink on listen i was proper fucked

people go what

fucking shot a cunt

i was proper fucked

yeah the way they say

cunt is so much better cunt they say cunt constantly

comes fucking cunt with the fucking cunt

like cunt is not as strong

over there as it is over here

because they

say it all the time it’s like they’re way more

liberal with the used to work

on chicks throw a cunt around all the time

on every fucking cunting cigarette

cunting is a

great word when cunts not good enough

it’s cunting you know

it’s like takes cunt deeper

it’s like you’re so

so bored with saying cunt

you say cunt so

often that you add an

ink on the end of it

that’s how hard you roll

fucking cunting

cigarette you know you say that man

that someone’s used to

cunt cunting fag i need a

smoke a fag

we need a stoner president that we get

things done supposedly there’s a picture of

obama smoking a joint

yeah but i don’t know if it’s a joint

there’s no way to tell

there’s no way to tell

he’s definitely smoked weed before but

man i don’t

think there’s any way he could be doing it now

first of all

yeah we do need a president that that sees

other ways of looking at things that’s what we need

whether our presidents a yoga master

and does it you know

all naturally or whether our presidents a

stoner or whether our presidents a

a guy likes to go into the jungle and

take iowa skill with the shaman we need someone who has

a leaders way of seeing the world

someone who sees it outside of this

crazy predetermined pattern that we’re on right now

you know i mean i wrote this article about

it’s on my blog

about the large hadron collider and how

crazy it is that like

at a certain point in time science got to this weird

point and i’m not

trashing it in any way because i’m fascinated by

technology i’m just making an observation

that when we first started inventing

things it was to improve the quality of our life

you know we invented

spears that we didn’t have to chase

after the animals and bite them with our

teeth you know we invented

things we never did

houses so we survive under the rain but at a certain

point in time

it got completely

past that and now

even though we have all sorts of

things to deal with with the

human race like poverty and

what’s going on in haiti and liberia

the vice guide to

liberia if you haven’t seen that document god damn

these fucking dudes went to

liberia which is this

crazy nation in africa that has like

rampant cannibalism

like people are constantly killing each

other and eating each

other they’re selling

human meat on the

street this i mean this one dude

talked about he was this warlord they called him

general butt naked

and this fucking

crazy guy would kill

babies from and talks

about it how he

would kill innocent children

from the opposing

tribe or whoever the fuck they were at war with

cut out their

heart and they

would all eat the

heart and would strengthen them to for battle

and make them invulnerable to bullets

he ate a lot of people

i mean this guy talks openly

about eating people

about what you eat if you’re hungry for

hungry you eat like the soft part like the stomach and

the inside of the thigh

cause it’s tender

i mean he’s talking

about like what you eat

what part of a person

he was talking

about we turned this guy in

he was eating

street food like he bought some

chicken skewers or something

and it was human meat and he

could tell because he’s

eaten it so many times

so he explained to the police this guy’s

like serving

human food and you have him arrested

and now the guy’s like a

crazy evangelist

and he like he like preaches and fellows

he’s killed thousands

of people what’s the name of the documentary

the vice guy to liberia

yeah text that or

tweet that a lot of people are asking

jesus christ i gotta

tweak that i mean one of the craziest fucking

things i’ve ever seen

you know what’s

weird is that

obama still struggles with his

cigarette addiction

you know he’s always talking

about that how he just

started back up and

stuff all right i’m

gonna post one of

eight are posted up on twitter right now

there’s you

gotta have to find them

you know if you just

it’s a the site is very clunky device guide site

these guys that put the site together it’s um

they didn’t do such a

great job putting this site together but the

but the footage is incredible

you know i mean what they’re doing is just amazing

the stuff there they’re getting deep into this

like liberia is like

literally like a

scene in a horror movie

like it’s like a lot they went to a

brothel in liberia

and it’s just like saw

i mean it literally is it’s like hostile it’s insane

and it’s real and it’s happening

right now i’m posting it up on twitter right now

this is the

first one this is part one

but it’s you mean it really will change

the apocalypse is here

it just hasn’t hit america

it’s here it’s in

mexico it’s in

liberia it’s in haiti

right now it’s all over the fucking

world there’s a

big crazy shit is happening all over the world

this is not happening in america yet

you look at how

liberia is that’s going to change the way you look at

everything the fact that this could go on today in 2010

and not even have it be like

a subject like that that makes the five o’clock news

you know that it’s

more important to find out you know some new girl the

tiger woods fuck

you know i mean really

there’s people in

liberia that are

eating people on a regular basis

it’s it’s it’s fucking

crazy once you

watch it’s gonna

they show it they show a guy with the

human heart

they show a kid a

young kid talking

about oh that’s

the good meat that’s the good meat the person

talking about eating your enemies

whoa what the fuck man

it’s pretty heavy shit

fuck joe motherfuckers put your home phone on vibrate

all right

oh what happened it went away

i apologize ladies and gentlemen my bad

i was gonna ask you something but i tell you

well you know what you see me

every day motherfucker let’s get some questions from

these folks yeah i know man

well i’ve been trying to ask you questions from

these questions okay

but now forget what i was gonna ask it’s a fine line

ladies and gentlemen between letting the

rant come out letting the ramble

and i want to answer your questions but

every now and then i get

something a rant comes and i think

for entertainment purposes it’s best to roll with it

we talked to stanho

lately i’ve not seen paranormal activity but i want to

i haven’t talked to stanho in a while

last time i talked to him

probably a couple months ago he

was telling me he was gonna come into la we’re

gonna try to schedule a crackle

the show that

never goes anywhere we have to do that soon man

let’s get cracking son seriously the crackle show yeah

not tell people we can’t tell you what it is

to watch the pakistan

gun market on

thing on vice tv no the only thing i’ve seen on vice tv

right now is that liberia thing but that fucking

what those guys are doing is incredible and i’ve heard

all their videos are incredible

vice guy to liberia

and again i posted i just posted it on on twitter

but if you just go to vbs

tv that’s their website and

they have so much different shit there it’s incredible

these guys have

giant cast iron balls

i mean this dude

drove to this fucking town in

liberia that’s like this

shanty town

where there’s no electricity

there’s no there’s piss and shit in the streets

and this dude and the

truck they drove in there people

started yelling give us

money give us some

money like it’s

crazy they could have been hacked

apart alive

i mean literally it’s like a

scene in a goddamn horror movie


oh my god why the girl says from the video of champion

monkeys cause you need to know

need to know god damn it

i need to know where that hair came from

things my cat’s hair yeah hopefully sneaky bitch

tastes like her hair i’ve had her hair in my mouth


i didn’t put up a website thing here

on the message board usually i do maybe someone could

someone’s ask questions in the message board

get bravo indian drunk on e string

no because this is my house yeah yeah the bravo

does not he’s not allowed to drink in my house

when you have babies it’s the

first thing you want to cut out is

eddie being drunk in your house

forget about

sharp corners and knives

worry about eddie being drunk in your house

chuck the amount of this girl

sleeps in the baby room with her

honey coming over what

i got this honey coming over can

sleep in the crib what dude are you

drunk yeah what’s the big deal

i have a family man

that’s hilarious

bump bump

okay let me

answer a few more questions and we’re gonna

leave soon because we’ve been doing these for two hours

and that’s how we’re gonna keep doing it

in the future what

we’ve got to get all that we got a

bunch of one that we’re

gonna figure out today how to get up on itunes

we record just the

audio portion of it

in news separately

any news on your website

i got a crazy website designer who

knows what he’s doing he’s working on some crazy shit

when it comes out it’s

gonna be dope though so

i’ll leave it for now

but in the meanwhile

brian may build a bridge

he may build a website to bridge us between

this website and the future website

because he’s getting he’s

chomping at the bit

yeah so what’s your

what is your review page is it

what is your is your

myspace is it let’s find jesus

if yeah they’re all on redband com

or if you just want to

check out the

video part of

it because i have a written review and the regular

video review but if you go to youtube backslash

let’s find jesus

okay but then go to redband com redband

com it’s all on there r e d b

a n r e d b

a n com seriously if you ever want

like the best

review of the droid i’ve ever seen is his review he

breaks that shit down i was talking

about this today with customer service like

technology hasn’t

helped us in any way trying to like when you’re on the

phone going no do you like dog

be like boy

you know like there’s nothing that

has been invented

to distinguish

d’s and b’s and

stuff yeah yeah you have to say a beta alpha

p as in penis

right you always use like words

like d as in dick

i do i do this guy was

being really

annoying and i was trying to sign up for my

serious so i kept using

swear words

ass looking shit

diaz and dick

and he was like okay

okay okay it was like

he was annoying me so i was like

i didn’t know he was

annoying me

that’s hilarious

it was just being so unhelpful

like what i was talking to i’m like listen man i’ve

been a customer for a long time

why you being awkward with me so

i was wait holding off for the verizon iphone

since that didn’t come

should i go with the pre or what

should i do yeah verizon

fuck this we thought that we were

gonna get the wednesday announcement

yeah it was

gonna be a new

i’m gonna check a look at the

the pre because like i said i like this for the phone

but it’s it’s pretty much

you know you know the pre also has

it has an option to be a my fire

broadcast verizon

network really so if you get the the

the ipad you

could broadcast verizon

network and then connect it

that’s pretty badass

i like the pre too i like

that it seems to be as responsive as an iphone yeah

it seems to be the only see that

video they opened up 50 applications at once

you can’t do that with this fucking clunky hunter shit

this is like

seriously this is like a dumb

knockoff from a

third world country

storm 2 yeah not even like you ever see those fake

yeah the storm 2s

have you seen

those fake iphones

they make in

other countries that are just clunky yeah yeah yeah

you know that that’s what this is like it’s like

it’s so beyond

it’s so behind

toward to come out yet

not yet it’s like that’s what i want to get february

third i believe that comes out i

might not get that though

if the palm prius because i like the way the palm

things like

this the screen is way nice

i’ve always been a fan of palm it looks like they got

their shit together

did you get your shit together

i hated the last one we had remember we all had trio

700s or whatever

but we thought it was the shit we

had at first then it

started freezing up all the time and we were like

fuck this phone

yeah i think i

might get that

what can we see in your book when

it comes out unfortunately i don’t have any fucking

pictures of when i was younger

not very very very few

but it’s all

about the road

about doing

stand up when i

first started out i just got a bunch of

crazy stories that i thought

would be a good

first book to

write you know

it’s basically just

crazy road gigs like trying to make it as a

stand up comedian you don’t realize like

how strange it is like it’s such a crazy life

and it’s you know

you don’t know what’s

gonna happen you don’t know

where you’re

going it’s the most

it’s the most

unsure way to make a living

to try to be a professional

stand up comedian

pre is not all that can’t open that many apps

why what are you talking

about yeah what are you talking

about there’s a

video plus it’s online just go

watch it the old one you couldn’t open up that many

gaps but the pre plus is much more internal memory they

don’t need to be on top of it

yeah this conversation with

brian rinkel

yeah the pre plus

gonna actually there’s a

video of somebody opening up 50 apps at once and it’s

still playing need for

hey you guys

should put up a contest for people to be on your show

laziest stalker ever

just do it

alex jones an agent

yeah people always want to know that

actually he’s bill hicks and if that’s true

stanhope is in austin

today he should have stopped in to see alex jones

would they get along yeah

they’re friends

then hoping

yeah alex is friends with both of us we all talk

about how crazy is

but but last time

alex jones got on a

stage or something like that yeah that was it was

like a video

yeah alex is crazy

he’s a nice guy though isn’t

he alex oh i love

hanging out with the dude he’s fun to hang out with but

every time i ram with the guy i always feel

bad for him because i feel like i’m like just relax

calm down you know

your turn off

strong he doesn’t turn off

very high strong fella

loves the ufc

whoever is doing mark gaden’s not that funny yeah

must be angry amadeus

did i watch the

state of the

union any thoughts i didn’t watch it did you watch it

what state of the union yeah who cares

you know it’s almost like at this

point in time i thought that

right before obama got

elected you know when you know it looked like he was

gonna win i was like wow this is so crazy

this guy’s gonna win like this really really felt like

things were

gonna change

you know it really felt like wow

maybe voting

is real you know this guy can get an office he’s got a

black guy from a single mom and

you know and the way he says

gonna get everybody

out of afghanistan and get everybody out of iraq and

meanwhile he hasn’t done

anything well he also said when he was running

like this is a long road you know i’m got a lot of my

he never said it was gonna be

quick like even when he was you know he’s said this the

whole time troops to afghanistan

yeah you know

and i don’t i’m not a military

expert but what we have to look at for real

is we have real problems at home

we have real i mean

when you look at the enemy

you look at attacks on america like there’s this big

giant distraction

that the big fear

is things we have to work

about worry about from

other nations from

all over the place

there’s a lot of

crime and violence in america that we got to

worry about

before we worry

about crime

you know a giant

group called the taliban

acting to kill americans

worry about the thousands of people that we kill

every day and

how the fuck do we put a stop to that shit

how do we put a stop to

senseless violent

crime in america and then we

gotta deal with the fact that we’re

right next door to mexico

and mexico is way crazier than iraq

and afghanistan combined

more people get murdered in mexico than anywhere in the

world the war on drugs in mexico there’s

five times more casualties this year

something like that victor dabula

the guy who does the

the spanish version

of my job for the ufc

great guy he was living in war

and he told me it was some

crazy statistic you’ll have to google it

but it was like

five times more people died in

juarez in one year then died in the iraq

court i mean it’s nuts man

they’re just

killing people left and

right down there and the

reason why they’re doing it is because there’s so much

money in selling illegal drugs to the united

states from mexico

i mean it’s incredible

these guys get so goddamn rich and they’re

fighting over so much

that the violence

is insane and they’re killing police officers and

politicians and

they brought over fucking tanks and shit and

they got tanks running through the streets and juarez

i mean this shit is happening

literally into a country that’s connected to us

you can fucking

drive there

it’s not enough to fly

you know halfway across the

world to deal with some conflict was the

enemy is there

the enemy is anybody who’s murdering people

alright anybody who’s

so fucking crazy they’re

killing five times more people than die in a war

i mean it’s

right there that’s a war

there’s a war

that we’re not even involved it’s connected to us

it’s fucking dangerous

they’re getting rich as

shit and they have tanks and

who knows what they’re

gonna get i

mean in mexico you probably buy jets you know

they could probably buy like

fucking us army jets from russia

who the fuck knows

they have billions and billions and billions of adults

mean they’re so rich it’s

scary shit man very scary shit

we’re worried

about what’s

going on in afghanistan

but the problem is there’s

money in afghanistan there’s natural gas there’s money

in iraq there’s oil


the natural gas pipeline the reason why people

have been trying to get to afghanistan over and over

again for so many years

while the soviets invaded them

they’re trying to get the resources

whenever we fuck with

other countries

we’re trying to get

their resources that’s it

in the future with the electric cars do you

think people are

going to be like blowing up

radio shacks

like protect the

radio shack

batteries never mind haha

i didn’t get that one at all

you didn’t even get it you said it

the cartel is insane yeah it is insane man it’s

it’s scary shit

where do you get this gracie shirt from i got it from

the gracie jiu jitsu website

i’m not exactly sure what the name of it is

what who is that that bitch got cut that is

i don’t know

oh it’s a girl that said they

would beat her up while she was pregnant

who’s steven jackson

like a football player ex girlfriend how that’s why

she bears results being attacked

oh attack at the hands of the nfl star oh shit

let me cut ya damn

you want who knows she might be crazy

the very bit played quick live yes i have

fucking amazing

or la or la or la what does that mean

exactly i don’t know what that means

chinga mexico’s guy says

you know it’s crazy that

we have countries still

i mean it’s crazy that lives like an area

where if you’re born over here you’re fucked

shit out of luck and we don’t let you come to the good

spot it’s not like just one planet that we all live on

we like separate it we

guard the borders

and we have fucking guns and shit and know

you know there’s like a lot of stories

about border patrol

shooting people that are

you know like holding a rock at a hundred

yards hundred you know you can’t hit him with a rock

you know there’s headshot on bang

who’s threatening us you know

like it’s pretty nutty man just because you’re on the

other side of the fence

it’s such an uncompassionate

thing you know the

whole idea of this

these teams you know and not

allow and ever says well

if you let them over they

would just come over and

swarm and they

would fuck up the

whole culture

really would they

are they already here i mean in la

i mean how many illegals are there in la

how much more would it be if it was legal

yeah there’s some

white people

do you think everybody would just come over

if they said okay

now there’s no immigration it’s just one country

united states canada and mexico

everything that’s attached

it’s one country

i think so i think

they would just all come on there

would be nobody in mexico yeah

you could get some badass deals on

houses in mexico then it would all like settle

out over a few generations no shit

you know and people would realize like baja

california it’s

dude the cost of living here is

ridiculous i’ve been looking at

lofts lately now because i was at this

party and this dude owned

a loft it was

amazing i was like oh this is perfect for people that

have a lot of shit

you know like loss it’s just a big room you know like

it should be

cheaper you know

right lots are like

going for like two

three thousand dollars out here for just

it’s amazing how expensive

lofts are yeah it’s

weirder than a

loft no it is

weird though

things are really expensive

you know in cities like new york city

apartments are the nuttiest

things ever

new york city

apartments yeah

that’s retarded

you have to pay like 3 000

bucks for a little tiny place yeah

that’s cool

i mean how do people afford that

i mean that’s

it’s impossible that’s like got

to be like a significant percentage and people go well

you know i don’t have to have a car because i take the

subway everywhere

that’s all well and good but you don’t feel

trapped no you don’t feel

tethered to this machine yeah you really want that

god damn it

damn it the

north american

unionist gentlemen says

pantera 33 yeah that’s what it’s supposed to be

it’s supposed to be a

north american

union is supposed to be this

fucking crazy

how would you describe it new world

order conspiracy that we’re

moving towards one

world government

and sort of how like

in europe they have the euro

that like goes through it one one

money source

that we’re gonna do that with the

amero in america

and you know lou dobbs actually talked

about it on cnn

but you know lou dobbs

might be crazy

obama was really

interesting when he addressed it he addressed it during

his campaign said he sees no evidence for that you know

and it makes you wonder like

how much do you

think they really know and how much do you

think i mean who the fuck does

obama answer

to what happens when you actually get in office a cat

that’s the secret there’s this really

smart cat is it a ginger cat with a golden headdress

and it just sits there

obama you must don’t make me turn you into salt bitch

what do you

think happens when they get

in there i mean do they meet with the heads of these

gigantic corporation that

spends millions of dollars on

their campaign they must

they must you know

i mean that’s one of the

things they said

about bush that

bush met with the heads of all

these different energy companies oil companies

and it’s like common practice that like

it’s common knowledge rather that

policy was dictated

after he had

these meetings like they had worked it out

but that’s what

i mean how does anybody not

expect that if you pay people

millions of

dollars you give them millions of dollars your money

to get them into office once they’re in office

i mean you bribe them

i mean you ride them mm hmm

why would you

else you spend millions of dollars i mean

if you’re you know an oil

company why are you giving politicians all this money

because you

want them to like take it easy on you you want to

be bribing them

it’s nuts i mean it’s

crazy that that’s

legal it’s crazy

the supreme

court recently just stopped the cap on

spending on it

they said that

they’re like

they treated them as an

individual that are corporations like an

individual so

they can spend as much

money on campaigns they want that’s

crazy they’re

gonna have all kinds of nutty ass commercials like that

talking dog commercial that they came up with did it

obama just put a

spending freeze though on

a lot of the

money last week

i thought that was that

whole thing i don’t know he probably

talked about it last

night if we

well you know

he was horrified by it i’m sure he was talking

about it but i

think that’s

also just because people were horrified by it i

think they just got so

greedy and horrific

that they needed

to take a step back they go listen we fucked up this is

like this is like

you know people might

storm the white

house with guns this is getting

crazy like now you know

even people that run the corporations are like really

they’re gonna let us do this this

is is this democracy is this really what the united

states has founded on

you stream this week

doesn’t seem like

it’s been fucking up has it been fucking up at all no

you stream looks fine this week

does anybody have a problem with

we were ready to jump ship you

dirty bitches

maybe it was a

storm camp it

could have been the

storm last week it

could have been

this you know

oh obama did

right after the

budgets got increased by 35

that’s what this guy says

obama did what what was the question

we’re saying that obama

put a cap on the spending

you did after the budget increased by

thirty five percent so they increased it

so they changed it by

thirty five percent and then

he put a cap on it so it made it look like he was doing

anything something to stop it but really they didn’t

so we’re saying

well it seems like

the spending freeze is in

2011 he said

it’s all fucking nuts

and that’s why i don’t follow this stupid

shit it’s either

it’s so complex politics are so complex

that at a certain

point in time you have to

look at your resources

you have to look at your life

and go how much time do i have to deal with this shit

how much time do i have to take care of my children

to pay my bills to manage my

career to go to the gym to hang out with my friends to

play a couple games of pool

how much fucking time do you have in a day

and that’s why

they can just fuck you and keep fucking you

that’s why these

cigarette and

alcohol companies get away with contributing millions

of dollars to a partnership for a drug free america

and then they

make commercials like the one with the talking dog that

you know tells the girl to stop smoking weed

it’s just corruption and it’s blatant and it’s

right in front of our eyes

i mean the the

system is so fucked up

that it’s almost like

someone else has to come in and fix it

it’s almost like we’re like lord of the

flies just a

giant large

scale version of it and we’re just

fucking going crazy

you know we’re

allowing corporations and

these dudes to make

millions and millions of dollars just by fucking us

all this stimulus money

that went to all

these banks that they don’t have to account for

it’s fucking

chaos i mean it

that is a mad grab for cash

where dudes are saying well we

gotta give them

their bonuses we don’t give them

their bonuses they’re

gonna leave

they’re gonna leave

so that’s why they

should get millions of dollars of taxpayers

money while the

whole economy melts in

front of everybody’s eyes

that’s incredible

they’re so bold

that they want

bonuses while

everything’s falling

apart and going

under because they have contracts

and then he said well

we’re gonna lose them

to other corporations like no what

you’re supposed to lose them

your fucking bank failed stupid

holy shit i mean it’s amazing how how just blatant

they are it’s almost like it’s so corrupt

that nothing’s

gonna fix it and i feel like

when i think

about investing

my time and trying to pay attention to it or

god for fucking

bid trying to do something to fix it it’s like

it’s so fucked up

it would take

100 lives of

100 people living 100 lives

just to bring it back to baseline just to

bring it back to

no corruption

you know politics

in america are so fucked up and corrupt

and when i talk to people that that really know

about it like

i know some dudes who run some big businesses

and i’ve talked to them

about politics

about what you know real

what campaigns

and what contributing is really all

about it’s fucking horrifying

it’s horrifying it’s

it should be all illegal

it should be illegal for politicians to talk

while someone else

writes their speeches

totally illegal

there’s no way you

should be a guy reading a goddamn

script written by 20

experts in english and

the right way to phrase things and

great writers who

know how to mimic

some of the responses that people got to historical

speeches well

teddy roosevelt

was in a similar situation this is what he said and

i think we need to address that and the

founding fathers this country

really knew past we need to address that and they

calculated so perfectly to make you interesting

we don’t even know who the fuck obama is

we know that he’s pretty cool calm and collected but

you know until you you see a dude

you know that

until we have

obama doesn’t

write a lot of his own shit though you

gotta give him that

but it’s all

nonsense anyway if he was talking like that in your

house you would

think he’s crazy

what we need to do

as a nation

and as individuals you’d be like

why can’t you just talk to us

why why do they have to talk like that

why can’t they get on

stage and go listen

there’s a certain age

group that’s almost dead

but once they die i

think we’re

gonna be like that i

think so right i

think so too

i think it’s just an

age group that

that if we didn’t do that then people

would be like what the fuck

you know maybe in

thirty years the president is

gonna be like you are you know

you got a good

point yeah i

think you got a good

point i think that’s real possible

i mean that

age groups just

gotta go once they’re gone weeds gonna

be legal everybody

before the internet pre internet oh my god

you know if you didn’t embrace the internet

god you’re just

you’re riding on a buggy man

you’re riding on an animal you know

all that i mean

can’t we have a president that gets on

stage and talks like a normal

human he raps

this is the no

i mean a guy who gets on

stage and goes well here’s our situation

you ever seen that guy

ray kurtz will

explain technological

the singularity

and the exponential increase in technology

the way he explains it is like a regular dude

he’s not talking

about it like

it’s the future god

bless america

he’s not getting all

crazy and dramatic and theatrical

he’s just giving you information

it’s weird that

people feel like they just have to do that like alex

jones even but

it’s a fake

drama i don’t mind real

drama i don’t mind

if the guy’s talking

if i feel like he’s

just and you

could tell that sincerity

and that’s one of

the reasons why they put on that so obvious fake voice

because it masks insincerity

that’s what’s the most offensive

about politician speeches

when if they had a talk

if they had

to go up there and go well what i want to do is

i first of all

i want to end this war i’m trying to figure out how

we’ve got to get out of afghanistan

first thing we’re

gonna do is we’re

gonna set up iraq we’re

gonna get out of there and

if he said it like a guy who was just talking to you

you would be able to see

where the bullshit is

but by masking it in political

speech and that speech

you know that mode

that specific


broadcasters and everyone we

stand at a crossroads

and when they talk like that it’s

agreed that it’s

gonna sound like bullshit

and it masks bullshit

i just thought that up too


actually tweet that so i remember

because that’s a bit there’s a bit in there somewhere

right yeah well

it’s that’s why they

speak speeches

like that because you would if they were

speaking like a regular person you know they’re full of

shit yeah but what why do the news people and

radio stations

have to do it because they’re trying to get that

paper you know

what if you

watched the news

as i did there was a fire today

check this shit out we filmed this on main

street look at this

building that’s all fucked up

first of all it’s really hard for

people to be themselves on camera it takes a long time

yeah but they

train them to be that way

train them to have that

voice that’s

why the weather person and the traffic person in

every city all

sound the same

on radio yeah

we have to have the certain

down on main

street well it looks like you got

clear sailing on the 405

yeah they have a certain way of doing it because that’s

you know it’s sort of like

strip club djs too it’s like

yeah they’re nervous

so they fall into

this pattern because it makes them more comfortable

some stand up comedian

sound like that too

you know some

stand up comedians

like you can tell like they’re trying to

sound like a

comic like there’s a big

thing in the 80s

there was a

bunch of guys who

weren’t saying jack shit

but they were saying it like comics

and they would get

laughs there’s a few guys on

the names but

the 80s was real easy for shitty comedy

a lot of guys like

slipped through because there was so much comedy

going on they

never learned

how to talk as themselves they were always like the

wacky comedy voice guy

four twenty oh it’s already gone four times

is it four twenty third time

you guys ever talk

about michael leonhart appointed the

head of the dea

no i don’t know you know what it’s like

it’s the same

thing as like open up the doors to mexico

it’s like i

don’t know the solution and the problem with the dea is

really yeah

they shouldn’t be busting people for pot pot

should be legal but

there are some drugs that are fucking terrible for you

you know there’s real drugs are terrible for you

and a lot of them are sold by fucking pharmacies

alright how

about oxycontin you got real problems

what’s that

thing we were talking

about earlier the

oxycontin express

but these dea

guys and all this

they have families they have jobs you

know and this is what they’re doing and

a lot of them signed up to do the right

thing to try to protect communities

and then they get involved in it and i think

that’s when

things get squirrely and

you do realize that yeah it is kind of fucking

silly that i

could tell a guy can’t do this and i’m

gonna lock him in a cage and you

think you’re doing okay because

you’re just doing your job

well if they make pot

legal that’s 50

of the fucking people are in prison

for non violent drug

offenses do you just immediately cancel out all their

other their

their cases

and let them out or do you say no

you live in the dark ages so you’re fucked

you know you

lived in the ages when it was

illegal i mean you’d have to let everybody out of jail

you’d have to let like half the people out of jail

what that’s crazy

they’re all fucked

up now they’ve been in jail and they’re all hardened

and been there for five years they’re fucking angry

unless you’re

gonna pay them

how you gonna let him out of jail you

gonna give him millions of dollars

they gonna all sue okay

so now you got

millions of

people who want millions of dollars you don’t

think the economy is fucked now

let people that make pot illegal or make pot

legal let people out of jail

make the dea

close down because you’re not

gonna go after drugs

fuck it’s it’s like

the the web we have already woven

is so polluted

it’s so hard to

to extradite

yourself from it that’s

right where i was trying to be smart

evacuation of the yeah you know i’m saying

trying to be

immaculate with my

structure of my


you’re doing a fake

speech thing

yeah i was doing a fake

speech thing

what’s the sickest thing you’ve ever seen

you brother

i don’t know what does that mean what’s the sickest

thing i’ve ever seen i’ve seen some

sick sick things have you been to the ronald reagan

museum here in california um

no i haven’t you

should go pretty crazy get

really baked and go see pretty

crazy that people like when i was a kid ronald reagan

was a hated man when he

yeah because people have convenient memories

when i was a kid amongst anybody who’s intelligent

i lived in boston which is a fairly

liberal very intelligent town very

high amount of colleges per capita

people are pretty goddamn smart in boston and

growing up there they

hated ronald reagan when all that iran contra shit was

going on and they made reagan testify

about selling all of her

new york i can’t recall

you know when insult

the arms to iran

i can’t recall i don’t recall you don’t recruit

what the fuck are you talking

about you can’t just sit up there

and say i don’t remember that means you did you fuck

you fucking criminal that guy’s a criminal

i mean that guy was a

you’re old tell him you don’t remember i can’t recall

that’s crazy

there’s a dude

named jimmy

tingle was a hilarious boston comedian

who had a great joke about that

he goes if you

here’s a tip mr reagan

if you sell arms

to people who hate us

shot it down

he goes make a little note

put on your refrigerator

today i sold arms to people who hate us

and on that note you fucking filthy savages

i think we’re

gonna end this because

we don’t want to overstay our welcome

for your four thousand the perfect four thousand

and one viewers listeners

you guys super cool

thank you very much for tuning in

we will continue this

every week this is i believe five weeks in a row

and you can always

get them you can always download them off this you

stream channel and we are

going to look into

today how to

how the fuck we get

everything on itunes

and then eventually what i

would like to do is i

would like to do two of

these a week

maybe one video

and we’ll do that and put it

might do one just straight audio

i’m thinking two we

could be better than one i want to do it like a regular

thing and have

it so that you can rss it and subscribe to it and

get it automatically

downloaded to your itunes and all that jazz fuck flash

so that’s what we’re doing

dog you brian

okay it’s not

worth it he knows what he’s doing

use flash brian you scumbag

well things are getting

crazy all right

thank you very much you guys we really

appreciate it and we’ll see you next week

later yo later

oh yeah i’m doing this right

you should start showing some business

we’re still here

the people are still here

ladies and gentlemen we will now broadcast only in

audio this is the

secret session that nobody told anybody about

but because you decided to stick around

and keep your fucking you stream open

you’re here

ladies and gentlemen

we’re gonna keep this bumpin’ let’s fuck

brian and i are gonna we’re gonna fuck my cat we’re

gonna talk for another

another 20 minutes folks why

cause this is a goddamn experiment

i wanna see how many people stay on

i wanna people see how many people

listen to us

with just a

just a backbeat

and brian making cat noises we’re down to three o nine

folks it’s not looking so good we’re losing viewers

i think we do our best work in the

post anyway you know people don’t have to watch it live

be honest we’re

not answering that many goddamn questions okay

questions are coming in like a

waterfall and

we’re trying

to keep up but what’s the most important is that

we give you

the flow you know i’m saying we give you the

rant we talk to you we communicate with our people

what’s going on

i’m committed to you

my friend adam crawl

we are committed

how high are we

jesus in space

i’m as high

as paul abdul is on the ride home from the pharmacy

all right you guys

until here we got 303 bitches we lost

you know we lost people with itchy trigger fingers

it’s like when you go to the police

and sometimes you go to the movies and

these don’t sit through the credits but there’s some

funny shit in the

credits like bachelor

the bachelor or the bachelor party

that’s it just called back faster

bachelor party that fucking are the

movie xylophone actors

movie oh no no there was a hangover

hangover the hangover you’re talking 1970s

jesus i don’t even

know what i’m talking about i was it was

about a bachelor

party the hangover my apologies put that galvanakis

movie the fucking

the end credits are some of the funniest shit

i mean it’s really really hilarious hilarious stuff

so that’s what this is this is the end credits 305

306 we’re gaining

ladies and gentlemen

spread the word

let bitches know there’s no visual

but there is a funky techno beat

and they are still talking

this guy says i’m on here twenty four

seven i don’t sleep wow

ernie ms ernie

ernie ernie m

slander you wild man

pet my cat for me listen

i’ll pet my

cat when i want to pet my cat you fucking weirdo

pet my cat for you i pet my cat for her okay

you like our

funky beat yeah you like that

music yeah i like that too man

this guy says i like

radio better than video personally imagination i

agree with you i think there is something

about that i like listening to the radio too man i love

satellite radio for that very reason you know

satellite radio is the shit but

this is basically satellite

radio for everybody you don’t even have to pay for it

you know i mean i think

satellite radio is awesome and i have

in my car i have serious with the best of xm

so i can get howard

stern and i get open anthony and i get bubba love

sponge and i can get you know

ron and fez and i can get

potus politics

i can get anything it’s fucking awesome i love it

so because of that

you know i think i think

what this is though what this is is even more exciting

because this is like

radio than anybody can do i mean

brian and i are just sitting here in my living room

and we got this fucking

microphone that we bought at the mac

store and this is connected to

our laptops i mean so goddamn easy we don’t have a crew

and you know i mean if we were

charging you guys a lot of

money and we

wanted to have some sort of

production value to this

thing yeah i can

understand that but

does that make it any better when you

watch the tonight show

do you really give a fuck

that there’s

a room full of people there and everybody’s

cheering and

do you really

give a fuck that there’s a band there playing wack ass

music at the

intros and outros i mean

what i like

about like if i

watch letterman

i like letterman interacting with people he’s

funny he’s a fucking

funny guy that’s what i like

he could be doing that in his

house and it

would be just as interesting

what are you doing you showing people

pictures of shit

you going to duncan trussells from facebook page

yes tonight this thursday comedy is dead tonight

a lot of good comics

date with the wife

i had a good comics take her to it

oh no look at these look at this line

i don’t want to poison my my future baby with

oh that is a good lineup

damn doug benson

dana ghoul chris hardwick nick no nick kroll

guy branam duncan trussell and natasha legro

that’s a good guy that went up yeah

duncan puts on a

good show that’s that one that he does from the funeral

it’s the hollywoods forever

cemetery tonight that’s nutty

we’re promo

and people man you know

like you know i’m saying like we got allegiance

to our friends but i can’t

here’s your two

dollars you guys are fagging out now that there’s no

video right

listen fella

just because

you have to use your imagination to masturbate to the

sound of my

voice now and you can’t see our pretty faces

doesn’t mean we’re fagging out because there’s no

video we’re

experimenting my friend how

weird is that

you guys are fagging out now

oh are you meaning that we’re fagging out like like

brian sucking my cock

right now when he

no that’s not what’s

going on at all

i’ll let you see a little

video real quick as long as you

promise to stop being mean

you promise no

stop being mean i’ll let you see a little more video

fuck you this is

radio bitch

this is the you

stream radio

portion of the program we’re down to

three hundred viewers

ladies and gentlemen

a lot of people don’t like the

whole imagination

thing maybe

not down with it

like listen

stupid i wanna see you

let’s get out of here

this guy says it was a joke joe i know it

was a joke i was joking back my friend andrew lawrence

i’m just being

silly i know

that’s the problem man you know you know

you don’t know me you listen to me talk shit i meant

avatar is horrible

how dare you

how dare you

irish temper 69

first of all

anybody that has a 69

in their name i

automatically have to think

about your opinion and go

one of two why are

those cocksucking

i’m looking at blowjobs there’s nothing

wrong with that don’t

do that in front

of me my dick will get hard then this turn to gay off

um listen man

unless you’re

twelve years old

don’t have sixty nine

at the end of your name

and if you are

twelve years old and

sixty nine at the end of your name

who touched you

who did that to you

huh or do you just trying to be

silly you just trying to be silly

irish temper i got an

irish temper

and i love my dick suck

white complete

all right it turns off

i won’t be happy unless you call me

aaron instead of ernie

my apologies

i did not mean that

aaron oh aaron

nem slander that’s what it is i’m sorry

it’s a chick

ladies and gentlemen

women are very sensitive they have to be they

raise babies

okay you don’t realize that

until you have

a few like oh now i know why they’re like that

because i’m not milking any fucking baby

you know i’m saying

you need the softer


brian and brian i

understand you’re

trying to have a baby is this true yes

i’m joining a pregnancy pack

where me and my

guy friends were all getting together and there’s this

place in pennsylvania with these

girls that all want to have babies

in high school

put that away what

no i don’t want to

watch this chick get a

fucking foot job turn that off you know like foot jobs

this is my house okay

fucking freak i brought to

do this totally

completely desensitized by the internet

sitting here

hanging out

and he just puts on some

video of a chick jerking a guy off with her feet

like really

that’s okay

you know you don’t even

think twice

you like was

there any kids in the room no fuck it it’s porn

you just have that running in the

background all the time

while you’re working no

is that porn

i was just gonna show it to

you because like who likes that shit some people must

some people must be so desensitized they must have porn

going while they’re working like


right next to it

cock sucking is that ass for a

second a second

yeah you saw us for a

second bitch

you know we’re not sucking cock now

right so you cut it with a gay jokes man

it’s really not

right down to

295 loyal listeners

ladies and gentlemen

two ninety five we’re

clearing this room

back to two ninety six coming on strong

it’s coming back i’m not even tweeting this

we were trying to get eddie for the show for

today yes my friend andrew lawrence

but eddie is in a plane right now on the way to japan

chemtrails all the way

chemtrails like a motherfucker our buddy

shigeki is fighting in king of the cage okinawa

so they have to fly over there to

to see the fights

is it awkward looking into goldie’s eyes

no goldie is my boy

goldie is my boy he’s a good man

goldie is a good man

it’s that’s one of the cool things

about doing the

ufc he was mike goldberg was telling

me that he had a gig once upon a time that was a

dream gig it was an awesome gig but

he hated his partner did not

like the guy said the guy was a dick and goldie’s one

of the nicest guys i’ve ever met he’s such a nice guy

mike goldberg and

is i mean you know

people say fucks up a lot like the fucking guys done

a hundred and

twenty fucking

ufcs all right is

gonna be fuck ups you’re

gonna be able to like go back and you know and youtube

it and make a nice clip of him fucking up for sure but

who cares he’s a nice

fucking guy he does the job he gets in there he knows

he knows the fuck is

going on he makes it happen and he’s a cool dude

i like him he’s a

super friendly guy

so it helps me

working with a nice guy like that

it’s like i look forward to seeing them

podcast is the new

radio i think it is man

i really do i

think that this is the future i think

you know i think that what

the only thing that’s

from from regular

radio is you

don’t have this in your car yet and that’s coming

it’s they’ve already come up with interdict capable

car car stereos

and you’re gonna be able to download

podcasts directly to it and a lot of people they have

setups in their car

where they have

an ipod and they

just they download people’s podcast on

their ipod then they set up where they

broadcast the ipod through their

car stereo speaker

a lot of you have that

right i sit in my car and it

automatically connects to my iphone and then i have my

whole itunes on my iphone

play through my sync on ford

see that’s what i’m talking

about that’s the goddamn future

and it’s gonna be just like a dvr

so you know

how you get you know your tv shows i mean how

often do you

watch tv shows when they air only if you’re home

and you’re looking forward to it like it lost or

something like that and you sit through the commercials

but it’s way better to not

do that it’s way better to do it whenever you want it

and to be able to control it and fast forward it

and if you could download this as an

mp3 that’s the shit you’re in the car

and you’re like all

these dumb motherfuckers are talking about mma

again let’s

fast forward five minutes see what he’s talking about

know i mean you can do whatever you want

with it it’s yours you got it you can you control what

you want to

pause it you can do that you don’t

miss anything you want to rewind it you can do that

how many times

have you been listening to someone talking the

radio and they say some cool

but you don’t

know what the fuck they said you’re trying to

write it down you know

everything in your car you’re in traffic

how cool would it be to rewind the

radio well you can with this this is way superior

to just broadcasting shit

plus there’s not signals in the air that kill the bees

cassette tapes

for life yeah cassettes

yo all right

ladies and gentlemen um

i think that’s

about it yeah i

think we end this because

brian’s tired and it’s already four forty

so this is two

hours and forty minutes

ladies and gentlemen

so we gave you an extra

10 minutes of actual fake

radio silence

with bubbles

and the whole deal

you know i’m saying

all right do

i get any inspiration let me answer this though

did you get a lot of

inspiration from this from your interact with tom green

yet we’re at this

thing is moving so fastly

and his stuff this is foons

foons and spork

shit it’s moving so fast

it’s hard to follow a chat

yes definitely

what we did i did tom

green show once and it’s fucking awesome he’s got this

cool ass house

where his whole

house is basically like

he turned into a studio

he’s got this

killer setup where he’s got like servers in his house

i mean his house is really like the center of it all

it’s like we’re

using you stream and you stream obviously has you know

some servers set up somewhere but we’re

just kind of connected to them and broadcasting to you

tom green’s got that shit all out of his

house which is

really kind of a

crazy expensive way to do it yeah

well it made

sense before all

these websites like your

stream came around

now it’s kind of like well

you don’t have to do

it what is he doing how’s tom ray

show doing are people still

watching it

i think it’s pay per

view now or something like that

i think it’s the pay per

view is the footage the archives

and i think it’s hard to figure out how to make

money with this

stuff you know that’s what it is with

these guys like tom green

trying to figure out how to make

money with it you know i

think it’s kind of

tricky he’s doing comedy now

he’s doing like

stand up comedy tours

so yeah we got a lot of inspiration from all the

stuff there’s a lot of cool shit on the internet

you know the internet is

where i spend a lot of my time to where brian

spends a lot of his time

and we think that this is the future

i mean i just got a

thing for my car

yesterday i got a new car yesterday i got an m

three bmw m three it’s the shit

and i got a

thing where i can hook up my ipod to it it’s awesome

so my playlist shows up

on the on screen the screen

and i could

scroll through it and

pick songs i want it’s so much better than the radio

it’s awesome you know it’s just

you can control i mean you can have

so much shit

there’s so many interesting

things you download

books on tape there’s so much shit that you can

throw out an ipod

you know instead of like

scanning through the

radio it’s like i mean you don’t even get a

guide it’s like

it’s like watching the tv by just

flipping the channels

you know you kind of know what’s

gonna be on

cause you memorized it

do you have all

these like gay

apples in there

thanks later alright

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very

much and we will see you next week next week we’re

gonna try to do it on wednesday

and like i said we’re

gonna have this shit up on

itunes soon and

thank you very much

thanks jihad

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