The Joe Rogan Experience #48 - Brian Redban

chord to server music

that’s not the right song

where the fuck did it go

are we broadcasting

that’s not the song either

wait what was that song called

again it’s called Fish Paste


oh yeah the haters out there

jealous of us because I guess

you pronounce it d and word it’s die ant w o o r d

comes out today

in fact the shit it is the shit

they’re so original man

I love that chicks voice I love

everything about her I love that fucked up haircut

I fuck the shit out of that crazy bitch

dudes are like debating whether or not she’s hot

oh there’s no debate

there’s no debating

she’s weird looking yeah but she’s hot as fuck you

could fuck those little bangs out that crazy bitch

how crazy is that bitch on a 09:59 uh

dude she seems like a 7 7 8 fucking a strong 7 yeah

I bet she’s a lot of fun

she makes up for it since we’re off air dude

you’re off air you’re off air

oh yeah we’re on

takes a while

took a while

for us to show up

so that’s so that album came out

today yeah cool comes out today they’re from

South Africa and I don’t know what the whole

story behind them is

it’s like you hear that it’s manufactured

that they were part of other bands and this

whole like you

know there’s supposed to be like Cape Town

white trash

right but this is sort of manufactured I also

heard that one of their main songs

was actually released

early prematurely like the footage got stolen or

taken from somebody that worked on it and released it

early and that actually

made them become popular really yeah so

well man the first the Zefside one

um do you have that load that up

yeah that’s the

first one that I ever saw

from then it’s so strange you have to see the YouTube

to really get an appreciation for what these

folks look like

because the dude is like really tall and really

skinny and he has

these crazy gold

teeth and these tattoos

that looked like they were just

scribbled onto him

you know I don’t know if they’re real

tattoos are those real

tattoos probably

I mean is that really his real deal yeah

maybe he’s just a thespian I keep here

I heard he was an art

I heard he was like an art

they were art

school dropouts okay like this

might be like alternative art

whatever it

is it’s badass I don’t give a fuck if it’s real he

doesn’t have to be really be dumb and crazy

you know I I Whatever

he’s doing that character is fucking brilliant yeah

you know but do you got it you got

stuff side yeah if your wifi

or see if it loads up

cause it’s um

it’s fascinating

you have to see the YouTube

they’re like all just

standing outside

with his granny

and then I live with

my mom and dad on the road and then your landing lives

this is the

most ghetto way of showing something you guys

been friends for how long all times

you gonna get people motions like this bro

you guys have internet

yeah just get on YouTube and look up

die antwoord

zeph sides yeah

gangsta skin

here’s my favorite part you rap yeah okay so

do me a rap

do me a rap DJ Hawk deck

drop the motherfucking beatbox dog

this was the one that was stolen by the way

talking about check it out

it’s fucking dope

I love it I love his accent I love

I love the whole

thing guys he’s dancing with boxer

shorts in front of her and swinging

his dick and their fixated his dick

it’s fucking great man

yeah it’s interesting it’s new it’s something you know

it’s some real

you know in this

world of packaged

bullshit you know over and over again some of these

fucking bands that they just keep pushing it’s like

what is this fucking bullshit on the highway fuck

speaking of bands oh by the way we’re sponsored by the


we got off to a bad

start here Avatar are

not not yeah it’s alien

fuck a blue

flashlight I remember talking

about this on the podcast like

could this be real

I think it’s

right next to your chair

sure it’s right here

and we were talking

about the podcast

after we saw Avatar because

I told you I totally wanted to fuck that blue chip yeah

she’s badass who doesn’t

right I’m like why don’t they make an Avatar

flashlight well they don’t

they don’t make an Avatar

flashlight this is

definitely not

I mean it is blue and it’s an alien

pussy but those are

coincidental circumstantial

type things Chris actually said that

they released that a couple years ago before Avatar

yeah totally

yeah it’s on the books

well either way it’s awesome

yeah it’s not Avatar it’s alien

you know what it is it’s

gonna be a Smurf

flashlight next year

you don’t feel guilty fucking that too because

it’s not really a vagina

you know what I mean like you look at like the vagina

flashlights like why would this

vagina be in a tube

right well it

doesn’t make any

sense I fucked a regular non

flashlight pussy and it was just an ass

like a piece of ass like

it looked like a

piece of Dexter meat

that you were fucking

and it was not as good no because

that was actually

weird to me no they know what they’re doing man

um so anyway we’re sponsored by them and

what we’re talking

about before we got into that was this

thing on the highway

today in Los Angeles

there was a band and was the band called

Imperial Stars

imperial Stars now I didn’t know

about this I

lucky I missed this

I didn’t leave the

house today but um

what happened

apparently was these guys

got on the highway

and they turned their

their stop their

truck and turned

it sideways so that the created traffic jam

and then they

started singing yeah

the biggest

piece of attention whoring

maybe anyone’s ever done they

stood on the

truck playing

music by the way

like they had like you know

these dumb motherfuckers probably

thought that this was like this is like the opening

scene in our movie man

this is it it’s like

they were so wild

like this is

how they got discovered they got on top of the

truck and they stopped traffic

and the fucking

music was so good

people didn’t care man

you get it yeah and the

crazy thing is is they actually

I listen to the song I don’t know if you’ve

heard it I have not

heard it and if I

wanna hate them I know if it was really good

it would have been like damn there’s no way it

could be really good cause

it was really good they

wouldn’t be willing to do this now it just makes you

have to be a douchebag you have to be a douche bag to

wanna stop traffic and get on the news

and do all this at

other people’s expense

because you want

to be known

for your fucking

music fuck you

especially in this city

where that fucking

is yeah bro what

about people who are on the way to the hospital what

about people who were

on the way to

serious emergencies

what about people that lost

their job because

of you that was the one day they were late

again over the Mark

and they you know

you know maybe they had a fucking

thing if you’re late

again this month you were you’re fired

and they’re

fired because you fuck you dude yeah

even if the song is all

about traffic on the 101

that’s the bad

thing that the song is all about

and what sucks is that

every news place is

going to talk about this

I know there’s so many dumbasses out there that’s

going to like fall for this whole

trick and they’re

gonna become

their Twitter account went up

today how am I

gonna bet that I

maybe I’m sure they did I’d probably follow em

see listen I

would have hoped for they’ll say something really

stupid but I mean

we just have to

discourage that kind of shit you can’t do that man

you can’t you know it’s one

thing if you

wanna do something for publicity

and it doesn’t fuck with everybody else’s life

but when you

wanna do something like that in LA and you

wanna stop traffic just so that you get attention


like this is how we’re

gonna make it man

this is it’s a

brilliant publicity

style like you guys are

idiots I know that’s an

idiot move man it sucks

and look maybe you

bounced back from it and

maybe you fucked up and

maybe you guys were all high on coke and

it seemed like an awesome idea I’m not

saying you’re shitty

human beings you fucked up though you

wanna hear this song

you fucked up huge

let’s hear this fucking song

are we going crazy

I like this all right now actually hold on a second

I forgot I can’t do that on this computer remember

that’s right

can you do it on the iPad yeah hold on a second so uh

talk about some Joe haha

listen man I totally

understand the appeal for all

these reality shows

where all these people become

famous for no reason

and then people go fuck man it’s all just

about getting eyes on you

and then once you get eyes on you you can be a business

and you can even use that for good you can go all Oprah

style and fucking save the

world with all the

money maybe Kim

Kardashian is

going to do that so

maybe all this will become a good thing but

because of that people are trying to

find ways to get attention outside of the normal shit

outside of being recognized for something

recognize for what you do

you know this fucking D ant word is perfect

however you say it die Antwoord

die Antwoord

die Antwoord

that rap band that we’re playing out we don’t

there’s no publicity

stunts there’s nothing

they didn’t fucking

start a fire in a mall

all they did was make badass

music and it got on YouTube

and everybody’s like dude this is the shit

check this out this is fucking cool

it’s real smart they did it the

whole clip is like 2 minutes long

is this the song yeah

dude and it’s really poor

green screen effects

okay so it’s a

this is really low can we turn it up

make it be for another to rolling up down

like I got your number

it’s Imperial rocking the stereo

and you know we shut down the scene

stuck in traffic it’s awesome

so it sounds you know what it

sounds like to me is like a fake

video used inside a movie

you know like Tropic Thunder like dude

look at this new video it’s on it’s

funny you know that’s what it

sounds like to me that’s a perfect way of describing it

dude that is the perfect way to describe

that fake videos

they’re playing musicians right

yeah exactly they do look like he even had a wig on too

boy’s got fabulous hair don’t hate

I think yeah

they sounded like they’re playing musicians I just hope

they’re trying to get famous it wasn’t bad

I mean it was I couldn’t say it was terrible

I just hope there’s no copycatters you know like

Mike Acoustic people you know putting

their bikes in the middle of the highway

mmm fuck people

that guy might have

started something

I know the economy is bad but what the fuck people

yeah you know

damn what if that does happen what if people

start doing that all the time now I

think they’re

gonna make an example out of

these guys they’re probably

gonna charge them a lot of

money yeah well what if it’s nothing

what if it’s like no it’s

gotta be something it’s

gotta be something big because they

block traffic that’s like a felony

I think what they did

for publicity

is I think it’s fairly serious

right I think

I think they

could go to jail

that because it’s

possible they

go to jail for something like yeah like unlawful

restraint you’re

not for sure yeah

but like a kidnapping charge

on danger to you put

human beings in danger you

close off the highways you make

make it tough for people to get around

ambulances you know someone’s dad

could have died because you know there’s a

heart attack and they rush them to

the hospital and they can’t get there in time because

you fucking decided to sing in the road you cunt

right fuck you

you know that’s just dumb

and everybody you know

everybody should

react the same way to them even

if you like them it’s like there was a dumb move man

there’s just something

so not cool something should

start from this like it’s

a new tradition

every time you see

these guys in public you have to

throw a tomato at them

they should charge them

for everybody that was late

think about all the people that were

late thousands and thousands of people that were late

their employers

have to pay the person for the time that they

weren’t even at work

because they were

stuck in a traffic jam because

these assholes

they should like they

should stack all that up they

should like find out okay what do you get you get 50

an hour all

right this guy gets 20

bucks an hour

and this guy okay oh this guy

45 minutes and we’ll calculate it up and

you know and

oh you owe $1,000,000 you fuck

yeah this guy was auditioning for Iron Man 4 he

could have made this much money got

it yeah yeah you get

crazy yeah you

could get crazy

like I had a vision in a dream

I knew it was

going to happen for me

everything in my vision was

absolutely perfect and true except

you decided to sing on the fucking freeway

what would have been

smart if they hired

these guys that

these guys were

homeless guys and they were they made like this fake

video up just to make it

look like they were the ones singing but the real band

hired these people to get in

trouble to go to jail

so they wouldn’t get in

trouble I think and

the problem

with the band like that is that anybody that

would come up with a

stunt like that

it’s not gonna be good

right it’s just not

gonna be good

right cause

they obviously aren’t

famous yet what’s not

even not that you’re not

famous yet obviously

there’s a lot of good bands that aren’t

famous it’s up being

famous in the

music business is a fucking

weird thing

it doesn’t really make sense

it’s not that easy

it’s tricky

you know it’s

like but with the Internet like look at this

D and Word thing yeah you can get

famous you just have to put something together and

their show is

cheap I mean it wasn’t there was nothing no

high tech nothing to it from

South Africa we know

about exactly

man I mean they did they did it right

you know it’s but it’s it’s

tricky like to try to like get record sales and shit

and get in the door and get played on the

radio and everything it’s like man it

it’s a it’s a fucking

funky business

and it got gutted

because of the

MP threes online

yeah like the

music business is in a

state of shambles you know

it’s interesting with something like this

d ant word comes in and

shakes things up

but it’s annoying when you see the

other manifestations of it like

these assholes with

their fucking bus on the highway right

it’s just sad that someone

would decide to do that that you

would be so fucking

selfish and

stupid you would want to

block off a main

route just so that you

could you know

we can make it man

we can fucking make it wow

what are the odds

those guys aren’t

annoying as fuck here’s a

quote the band describes themselves

as rock stars living on the edge they’re

known for getting

crazy and hanging out with

their friends

that’s a real quote

shut the fuck up I

swear to god fucking LA times com I’m reading it

right now shut

the fuck up the band

the band this is a

subtle comedy wait a

minute I’m starting to like them

I’m starting to become a fan

I think I just became a fan

no way I just did a

180 degree turn around

this is a subtle comedy my bad internet

this is a subtle comedy dude no I think

we’re missing out we’re missing out I’m on LA Times com

where’s this fucking quote it’s about 3

sentences band members arrested

after blocking one on one freeway okay

that LA Times blogs and

I want you to read it now

but I want you to read it how they

wrote it too oh my God

where’s where’s yours

is it the same way I emailed it same I

email it to you here you want to look at it

right here yeah okay

the band describes itself as

rock stars and this is in all caps

with an exclamation point

oh living on the edge they’re known for getting

crazy and hanging out with their friends

okay it says they

debuted in 2010 with

a hardcore hip hop

album but wait a

minute are they rock stars

or are they

hardcore hip hop artists they can do anything

that is crazy

is that a new

thing that’s

going on now like hip hop and rock it’s all

together it’s just a setting in garage band nowadays

so they can do anything they want to

right is that what it is yeah

hmm the band described itself I’ll say this

again for those of you who haven’t

crashed your fucking cars

in furious white

knuckled anger at

these cunts

the band described itself as

rock stars living down the edge

you’re known for getting crazy

and hanging out with her friends

that’s a real quality have you seen the

truck to that that was pulled over that was like

it looks like

wayne’s World yeah just

fucking picture them it looks like something from

wayne’s World it looks fake it doesn’t even look real

I hope this is not a movie

it might be they might be brilliant it seems like it is

yeah like I said like I said it seemed like a fake band

inside of a movie what

thing is a fake

I bet it is

I bet it is yeah

there just is no well if they are come on man

then they’re really fucked because

cause if they make a movie and they

close the highway down for a movie

like that yeah no

I don’t believe that

because first of all you would have cameras everywhere

you’d have real cameras you wouldn’t have fucking

little YouTube cameras

they’re gonna do a

stunt like this

they’re gonna have to have like real

permits but look how good that photo is it’s

crazy photos perfect

they turn the car sideways turn sideways it’s perfect

lighting it’s perfect

it even looks like it kind of god damn it if this is a

movie I’m gonna be really mad

I’m already mad

this is double mad

I’m hoping that these guys are like Andy Kaufman

they just he’s brilliant no they’re

informers artists you know you’re not like that

but maybe the

quote is so bad I’ll

say this band describes itself as

rock stars this is all in caps

living on the edge

they’re known for getting

crazy and hanging out with their friends

right that’s what they’re known for

is this guy in my neighborhood

this guy gets fucking crazy

he hangs out with his friends

that’s how he’s

known that way say it

say it like you

lived in Glendale though it totally changes the

whole sentence

you’ll remember rock

stars we’re living on the edge you know they’re getting

we like to get

crazy and hang with a bit of friends

is that an Armenian

guy you’re doing what is that accent

that was Swedish Swedish wow

um listen I

think that these guys

if this is a scam

and if this is just a hustle

then I don’t know

I’m on the fence

I’m on the fence now it’s not like

if they decided to make a bad band on purpose I might

think this is pretty fucking

funny if the song was good that’s what

I was saying you remember when we went to see that band

Steel Panther

yes that was good

music fucking awesome good

music if you

haven’t seen

those guys Steel Panther or this they do this like 80s

thing where they play like

all the like the best 80s rock and

the dude does the most insane

Ozzy Osborne

impression round

and it’s all like hair metal

stuff it’s all like you know

and it’s good man it’s good

music but it’s like this

hilarious good

music parody

on but you love it because you know they’re a fake band

but they’re good

these guys what if they are fake band too

but they didn’t do the good part of the

music so it

doesn’t go together

doesn’t work it has to actually

because because

if I like these

guys and I respect them I actually have to get into

their music

and I’m not what am I

gonna hang out with

these guys and become friends

with them what if it’s just this brilliant performance

piece let’s just make the

worst most cliche

to bland dumb rap

and we’ll do it with like a lot of

confidence and let’s see if we can sell it

what if they just want to make friends

maybe this is just a friend thing like

you won’t like their

music but they

just want to be your friend well they do hang out with

their friends they’re

known for that right

known for getting crazy

and hanging out with

their friends

right so it’s a big friend thing

how many people

right now are

gonna change

their Avatar

their fucking signature on

their Avatar on the wrong

board now to

he’s known for getting

crazy and hanging out with his friends

you fucking dummy

you shut up dummy

god damn it everybody’s dumb

yeah and because of this band Joey Diaz

wasn’t here today

yeah this fucking band these cut holes

when they decide to do that Joey Diaz is

he was filming something today and he wasn’t

gonna be able to make it over in time with traffic

so we flew solo because of you you twats yeah way to go

speaking of dumb

there’s a guy who is running well he is

the Democratic nominee for Senate for I think it’s

South Carolina

and his name is Alvin Green

and this guy

he won okay he won the Democratic nomination

and a lot of people were thinking that he was a plant

they were saying there’s something

going on here because this guy is so bad

like it almost seems like the Republicans

must have paid

to get him in as the Democrat therefore

they would run opposed for the Senate

like there now

this guy who is just like so bad it’s impossible

and he seems like a troll

really seems fake

the guy is a military veteran okay and he

he did no campaign speeches

he had no campaign events and he won what

yeah I mean

he won and a lot of people are saying he won

cause he’s black

because they

saw that he was black

and black people just said well you know hey

he’s a veteran

I’ll vote for him so

people were into

veterans voted for him but

when it comes to the guy talking

dude it’s one of the

weirdest things ever

it’s almost like he’s like

it’s like something’s wrong

it’s not just that he’s dumb

it’s like there’s like a weird

disconnect like he’s retarded what

if it’s something and like you’re not allowed to say

anything on this interview

like the people that pushed him into no no

no there’s no

there’s a sheer pure idiocy

to this guy really that’s

shocking I’m

gonna hear this and

this guy is uh

he goes on this

talk show and they ask him some questions

plug it in I’ll play this because

it’s so trippy

turn your speakers up

it’s so hard to believe that this fucking guy

is so hard to believe that this force got a little

whoa you mute your year stream

okay it’s so hard to believe that this guy

actually running

this guy for anything you have to see this

it’s very trippy here I play it

it’s very trippy yeah I’m doing anything Brown

the primary over a long

time Democratic activist with 59

of the vote even though green

you still have a u stream somewhere open no

it has to be

how’s it why can’t you play it on yours

if you send me that

is that YouTube yeah send me that link oh Brian

thought you’re gonna be able to do it through this

I can’t it’s you have a you

stream playing it that’s why that echoing

sound is going on right now well it’s

this this this is what we’re playing

no no no there’s a

second window somewhere where your you stream is

playing oh it’s probably this

yeah it’s us

this is the fucking saddest

shit ever you people shouldn’t have to listen to this

answer this year

and that is of course

are you a witch

no first I want to remind everyone that

Dement started their recession

there you go you’re on your talking

points not a witch and the mint

started the

men is the guy he’s running

against now you’re

saying to Mint

started the

reception turtle

does that tell us you have to

see what this guy looks like does that tell us anything

about how this race

might end up

dement started the recession

dement is responsible for the

recession and

I’m the best candidate

that defines

where we at

right now in this country

now I know people tell you you know

no matter what the question is just do your talking

points and all that sort of stuff but

seriously Alvin

your nickname turtle um

where did that come from

no no like I

said dement

started the

reception and

I’m the best candidate

that defines

where we at in this country I’m a

United States officers

United States Army veteran

what’s wrong

the concentrations on

those efforts

and an unemployed

military veteran

currently and

and we’re losing this country is losing

100 000 jobs a month and

Dement is responsible

for the recession dement

dement started the recession okay

let’s go to some different positions and see

if the white guys get this with him fake ass

reporter voice

should be allowed to be

school teachers in South Carolina

yes that’s their private life and

as long as their private life

doesn’t interfere with how they do their job

so could you imagine if this guy was your boss that’s

crazy that can’t be real

it’s real as fuck son any

effect on how they do their job so

that’s that’s that’s fine

it’s just did he won

he seriously won

one Democrat

nomination what but that has gotten

us into this recession

so we just have to keep that in mind that Dement

started the recession and

how did Dement personally start the recession

good question good question irresponsible spending

record cuts to education


supporting the Bush Tax plan and

mismanagement of federal resources

look at the wars in the Middle East and I’m just out

the wars are managed

in Iraq and

Afghanistan and

so we just see this irresponsible

spending and this mismanagement of

government resources federal government resources and

just mismanagement of resources

it’s destroyed this country and

you see that he’s responsible for and that’s fact

started the recession

he’s responsible for the recession

and it doesn’t make any

sense sending someone back to Washington

is messing things up

every day wow

well I gotta tell you I don’t

think Jim Dement

personally started the recession but

I do think Alvin Greene

still better

than Jim Dement

Alvin Green

Democratic candidate

sent for Senate for

South Carolina

thanks for joining us he said he

thinks he’s better really he’s

yeah he’s charming Joe

did they ever

do I didn’t know they did that

did dudes do that what

they just say I

think you’re better

I like you better

obviously probably if you hate somebody

like anyone’s better than this guy

so anyone’s better than the

other guy the

other guys that bad I

guess I guess this dementia real asshole wow

dement you you

might have fucked up son

if this guy beats you

this guy just gets all the way through

fuck we don’t know man

so you know that’s what I’ve always said

about Sarah Palin

when you know people talk

about Sarah Palin

stupid like she’s

stupid to you

okay but if you’re

stupider than her you don’t even know she’s

stupid right

and there’s a lot of people that are

stupider than her

most people I think are

stupider than her

it’s like how many people are

stupider than this guy

this is the big question that’s

right because if they are

stupider than this guy they’re

gonna go for him

I like that boy

that boy speak the truth

I won’t go NASCAR

with that boy

yeah it’s like

no those people

guy I meant

what guy I’m in

boy boy yeah but

those people the NASCAR people I

think those are

white people I

think that’s a different thing

is there a lot

of well Daryl

right who’s

black is a NASCAR fan

really yeah yeah

yeah Daryl like

Daryl loves NASCAR that’s

weird yeah you don’t usually see that

South Park had

their last episode was all

about NASCAR

and the stipulation was that like any

to be getting to NASCAR you have to be poor and dumb

that was the

whole episode and cartman’s like I could

never be a NASCAR driver and they’re like you

could do anything

you want to and he goes no I’m not poor and dumb so it

starts taking vagisil

and eating tons of

vagisil because this is

slight memory loss I know

it’s one of the things

she’s just fucking taking she’s trying

to get dumber

oh my God you

gotta check out

southparkstudios com

to try to get dumber yeah

those guys are brilliant

yes South Park

Studios thank God they’re alive

thank God they

exist cause if

they didn’t

exist there’d be nothing like this

this week’s

about Jersey

Shore tomorrow

oh I can’t fucking wait

I watched a

whole episode the

other day yeah

jersey Shore

Stephen never

watched the

whole episode

I watched the

whole episode wow

I was like this is fucking fascinating

this is Wild Kingdom

that’s what this is

this is just like

watching Wild Kingdom I hate that shit

I can’t even

watch more than 5 minutes of that show

it’s fascinating

it’s fascinating can’t help it

it is what is the reason though why do we fucking get

glued to train wrecks

you know like why is like the Flavor Flav

show remember

those girls who are trying to

marry him or Brett

Rogers you know

watching the Poison dude

on the Bus of Love

right what the fuck is it

about those shows

that would just

suck up all your time there’s they just fixate

you just can’t

completely fix it on

these idiots in

their lives the problem knows lots of

those shows even the Bret Michaels one that

been told us

completely fake yes you know

they set it up and there’s

even a channel isn’t Brett

right isn’t Bret

Michael like

married or something he has a

person that lives with him I don’t know if he’s

married or it’s just his long term

girlfriend that lives in the

house that they had the show on so this is

it’s all just

all fake a plot

totally it’s like a

reality sitcom sort of

it’s gotten so

bad that there’s actually a channel now called True TV

which even has the word true in it and all

their fucking shows are fake

like there’s one about

what’s that

where you pawnshop

pawnshop something

the whole fucking show is fake

then there’s one

about guys that take cars when you owe

money on a car

what’s that called

repo Man repo

it’s like a Repo

Man show and

they always get in

fights but if you watch it

every time they get in a

fight not one punch

it’s always pushing

hugging grabbing

throw you know no punches or

every throw

it’s like come on it’s all

total horses

total horses you could

smell the acting with

these guys too when you

watch it it’s just pure acting

so all these reality shows aren’t

really reality shows they’re not anymore man it’s crazy

even there’s you know what it is that is that

production like

people get in and say listen there’s only one way

to make this work okay we can’t just follow you around

while you go to the mall

where you have to make

things happen okay we have to create some

drama do you

understand this there’s an art to this okay sit down

and then they get them into

some fucking conversation this is what we’re gonna do

like I remember Duncan

was involved in the Polyshore one

the one they were doing at my store

mind you saying

like create

things like

this is what you’re

gonna do you’re

gonna go out and you’re

gonna try to get all

these different foods for lunch

and eventually you’re

gonna get Mexican food

everything’s gonna go

wrong then you’re

gonna get Mexican food

I think the simple

thing is that you have to do that because

unless you had something like

where we went to

I used to film you

every single weekend

3 days in a row

tons of hours of video

every couple

months would get like this really cool 10 minutes yeah

exactly you can’t have a

reality show I

just like an hour every week

right yeah you just not

gonna be that you know what happened oh we had a show

was really good then we got some need then we went to

sleep right

because that happens and look

and then we played pool and

Brian got bored and we went to

sleep right

look at The Hills I mean look how

successful The Hills is and that’s

completely scripted

even now there’s

whatever 16 and pregnant and

teen mom and stuff

and I always thought that was real I’m not 100

on this but I

watched it the other day

but I imagine the formula of The Hills in it it’s just

like The fucking Hills with

teen moms and babies

and I almost want to

think that that shit is all

completely fake

here’s my problem with any

teen mom show

is that if you have a show

where you have some girl and she goes on and

you know and she talks

about how you know she

doesn’t want to give up her baby

and she’s like 16 or

17 years old and just

I’m gonna do the best I can and you know together we’re

gonna be fine

and then you have people

going you’re so

strong I’m amazed

you I’m so proud of you

this girl’s on TV

do you know how many girls are

gonna get pregnant

cause they wanna be like that girl

that’s real

that is real totally

I mean this girl

is irresponsible yeah

you know for People

magazine these that

teen mom girl I

think if you you

should have something like

that if you want to do something like that responsibly

you should do

it in like a DVD you want to do like a documentary

on teen moms

where you haven’t you know you see this

is what it’s like it’s very difficult and now you see

but to have it on a TV show

the problem the TV show is then it’s on

all the time they’re on

every week it becomes a part of your

programming right

you know when you find a

show whatever it is Dexter whatever it is you get into

it’s like oh it’s fucking

Monday night it’s time for my show it’s Tuesday

night it’s time for my show

you get excited you get like into a little rhythm

you get into a

rhythm with this

fucking teen pregnancy

thing and you’re 15

and you want to be special and you want to be like

these girls that are getting all this attention

for for being

strong and having

their babies and showing how hard it is and

seeing all the

drama and all

the you know come on man what the fuck is that yeah

it’s fucking

crazy it’s weird if you look at what your own TV shows

cause I’m I’m addicted all the time like I got addicted

to that little

midget show I’m like why the fuck am I care

about a little

midget show

small world or not

small room but uh

the one with

the dad and the wife and they have all the kids

I’ve seen the ads but I’ve

never seen the show big people little

world or something like that

I mean it’s obviously I’m sure it’s a very challenging

thing to be like that

you know have you

heard the show

what is it 19 and

Counting or 21 and

Counting no

this is a show where

this husband and wife have like

19 kids or 21 kids and they all are homeschooled and

stuff like that and

the whole show is

based on it

the title of the show actually goes up

every couple years

cause they have new

babies like they just had a new one so they

changed the

title of the show to like 21 and

counting oh

right okay I know what you’re talking about but

this family is so fucking

crazy I mean they’re positive nice people so I don’t

wanna bash them they’re

super nice yeah yeah yeah

but it’s so

crazy they won’t let

their kids outside wearing shorts

like you can’t

have really religious yeah like you can’t show

parts of your skin and

stuff like that

oh really you sure

about that 100 sure of it

that’s one of

those shows I got addicted

to watching

cause I like the positive vibe of the show so they’re

super Christian

what are they

Norman yeah

super Christians

super Christian

the worst kind they seem really

happy though

you know it’s like I

understand that it’s what they’re doing is

loony but and I

understand that it’s like

a type of programming but even when you get like you

watch like real

super Christian programming in action like

the real shit

they got to go

wow look how positive it is you know they’re happy and

you know I mean

look I mean they’re fucking they’re making babies

all right if

you know there’s a lot of people that

haven’t fucked

their wife 19 times ever

totally this guy’s got 19

babies right you know I mean for real

there’s one way of looking at it like that you

could look at it like

you know religion is just some sort of a way to stay

sane like some

sort of a path that you can follow some people need it

I think some people do

I don’t know man 19 kids is a


famous for that though

yeah you know I mean do they do

drama on their show do they create fake

drama oh yeah

it’s totally fake like it’s not fake to the

point where they’re

talent like acting it’s

like today we’re

gonna go horseback riding you’re like you know

they just create events create reality yeah

well that’s kind of reasonable as long as it’s not

scripted I don’t mind if they give them

things to do

you know but I don’t

wanna watch you just

cause you have a

bunch of kids right

yeah I’m sure it sucks

looks like it’s

crazy like I used to

watch John and Kate plus 8

you know what I

would think

there’s fucking

8 kids that aren’t getting enough attention

right you know that’s what I

would think

I would get sad I was like you know this

should be like

you know Daddy

should be able to

spend some time just with you

you know Mommy

should be able to

spend some time just with you

and when there’s fucking

7 other kids around all the time

screaming and gawking

how often do you ever get to sit on your mom’s lap

what do you get

once every 5 minutes

you know they

switch people

what do they do

you get a 4

minute spot on mom’s lap yeah what do you have to like

reserve like laying on the

couch with your dad like

watching TV

for you know

the iPhone genius store

well genius

counter and you have

to give your name up when you want to get your iPhone

fixed like what I have to make an appointment

can you just fix this

that would suck

it is yeah man it’s

gotta be brutal it’s

gotta be hard for those kids

it’s good I mean

and much harder that they were publicly

humiliated like

they were all together as this family and everybody’s

happy and then all of a sudden

boom there’s

pictures of

Daddy with another girl in

these magazines

and daddy’s gone

right daddy is live mommy

or and boom

now Mommy goes to

California and she’s on some fucking

crazy dancing show

you know and she’s not home for like 2

months you know

why is everyone making fun of my dad’s

clothes fucking

you know they’re just constantly just needy

that’s sad K

8 now that’s another name

is that the new show that’s

changed the name

does he he’s not in it at all anymore no

I think he’s like a bartender at the

applebee’s now they shut him down man

it’s crazy that he was

gonna try to

say that he didn’t want his kids on the show

it’s really

quite tragic

like if you look at that the whole

story of them getting on that show

their marriage

you know the whole deal

it’s really

tragic it’s very

tragic on hit from his

point of view

it would be a fascinating fucking

movie if he got real with everybody

about what it was like

because when

people first saw them on the show like when I saw

the very first episode I only

watched I think the

first one was like a special

and then it was so well received they decided to do a

series um and so they’re

the you know they’re together and you know she’s this

giant stomach and

I mean it’s

crazy it looks

like some sort of an animals inside of her

I mean she had like

6 babies in there it was just

enormous insane

and when they

showed them like taking care of the kids and everybody

she’s like always

bitching at him

like always yapping

at him always John

she’s just conte

she can’t even

help it like with the cameras on it’s just like whoa

and I think that so many fucking

chicks must have seen that guy just seen him on TV

and saw how she’s

treating them

and must have been like you know

I think it’s bullshit the way she

treats you I

think you’re really awesome

I love the way you are with your kids and I

would never

we cheat you that way

well you know

me and my wife it’s not really working out so good

right now and next

thing you know he’s making out with her in 1bar get all

sloppy cigarette face on her

oh the guy just

started balling man he was just like chubby half Asian

goofy looking dude

you know it wasn’t very handsome I

think most of us were

ever too on top

of that well he went straight at Hardy out of the box

once the show became

successful he went

crazy at Hardy

where it was like come on I get it

right I get it the pain you wear clothes

you can wear something else

every now and then dudes

they have Ed

Hardy water

at my side that the

store by my

house and I’m just

thinking like I hoped

Ed Hardy dunked his balls

yeah bottle

I hope he did you fucks

if you go out of your way to buy

Ed Hardy water

I hope you’re getting the the salt from his sack

is dipped into

every fucking bottle can you imagine if you only

drink Ed Hardy

water like you

really were that big of a fan do you remember

what was that other

brand von Dutch

remember von

Dutch and douche

you remember that yeah that was like the Ed

Hardy of the well the Ed

Hardy is the

Ed Hardy of the past

ed hardy’s gone right

pretty much gone yeah they

still have Ed

hardy’s stores

yeah but people aren’t really into it anymore

it’s like von

Dutch it’s like it’s like this

burst that just got in everybody’s face and I’m like

yeah right it’s like everybody gets

excited yeah

it’s a weird

thing about

like really

trendy things like that like the Von

Dutch thing to me was very strange because

people just love this logo that just says von

Dutch and they

would wear it and I

would be like

okay I get it sort of like

what is it does it look cool does it look old timey

like what is it what is it

about that logo that makes you want to advertise

this person’s

clothing company

you’re just wearing a regular

shirt it’s just it’s shirt

it says von

Dutch on it like in

these like big

you know it’s like proclaiming von Dutch

like this is

weird and the hats everybody was wearing these

trucker hats that said on them like

I know I’m missing something here like what do you

why are people

fixating on a logo

I don’t know look at Old Navy remember when Old Navy

first hit the

street and everyone was like Old Navy

and now that’s embarrassing

can you imagine being wearing an Old Navy shirt to

weigh in at the UFC

bad you can’t wear this old Navy really big oh like I

never wore those but yeah I know

what a logo

shirt yeah gap was

like skin because I You know

yeah but that’s cooler than

fall into the gap with me in a logo

that wasn’t

yeah I don’t

think I’d wear a Gap logo either

I mean I only wear logos if it’s like

dudes I know their

shirt companies or something

that include

chicken oh higher

dash primate is open

and then there

yeah I got them they’re in the other room

there and I

should have brought

out for the podcast yeah totally but so that

it’s higher dash primate

is that what it is yeah

higher dash

in the middle dash I believe it’s not one of those

underscore dashes it’s a regular dash yeah higher

dashprimate com

and this is my

clothing company

you know what my favorite one is

what it’s the one with the face

that looks like a

like some crazy

Tron type video game

I don’t know if

you know which one I’m talking about

oh the crazy

monkey yeah it’s hired

primate com

and it’s all like

psychedelic inspired

monkey stuff yeah

it’s called

Head that’s the one I like which is

what fascinates me more than anything

psychedelics and

monkeys I really like the art

yeah it’s the guys who did it

are fucking badass

they did an awesome job they they put together site too

it’s pretty sweet

I wonder who

these people are that are

modeling your

shirts though

freaks freaks are

crazy tattoos that’s what I like

I told him get somebody that looks like someone I

would hang out with

dirty bitch with a

crazy tattoos I bet she’s got some good stories

yeah but people like shit on them like on the

underground like people like

these fucking faggy fucking

tattoos this

chicks got on her

people are so negative man people are negative

I’ve been experiencing much more negativity lately I

think something’s going on

really I think there’s a shift in the axis

I think the Earth is

going through a change Brian

I think that’s what

2012 is all about

it’s all happening right now I’ve been hanging out with

happy people lately and it’s just

happy and life is the best

the people I’ve been hanging around with have been very

happy but I’ve

been noticing a lot more negativity online oh yeah yeah

it’s a lot of

angry cut faces online

totally it’s

unnecessary folks

on those T shirt

Jim this T shirt

out that you made

are they gonna make more or is this is just like

yeah we’re selling them now it’s like a

clothing line cool I’m a businessman now

Brian that’s cool I’m

involved in business business

I’ve already sold hundreds

and I haven’t even advertised

hundreds I tell you

we should bring up

Nick Swartzen

has a show coming out tonight that’s hilarious you

gotta check out

why my friends are in it nick

swartzen’s brilliant

he’s a great guy too and

what’s the show called nick’s Silly what

playtime I Playtime something like that yeah

something playtime

nick Swardson

nick Swardson

I love that dude they have this one skit it’s all

about a cat

that was in a

that’s in a

wheelchair it’s called

trust Fund Kitty

and he just

drive around with like

what’s that guy’s name

that has the

robot voice that

Stephen Hawking

yeah Stephen

Hawking style

where he has like

hello how you doing and

stuff like that and it’s Nick Schwarz into

In the Fucking

Strange yeah

pretend time

is what it’s called next words and pretend time

that sounds like a good idea

yeah for him that’s a fun vehicle

he actually has been busy as fucking

I think you film like 4

movies this year

so bad motherfucker yeah

he’s a bad motherfucker

he’s a good dude too

he’s a great guy to hang out with he’s a lot of fun

so here’s another

thing I want to talk

about there’s this guy got busted in Ohio

and he’s a Tea

Party candidate

and it turns out homeboy likes to

dress up like a Nazi

it’s described as millionaire rich IoT

a Tea Party back candidate

he’s been outed as a warrant actor

and he plays the part of a Nazi

and he’s been doing it for years

and he takes his son

and he and his son dress up like Nazis

listen they call him on it on CNN

and when they call it on they call him on it

he is very nervous it’s very obvious that he’s nervous

and it’s very obvious that he’s trying to like make

paint this in the best light possible

but there’s something wrong with this dude too

okay I’m gonna play this okay

Ohio Republicans

learned something new

about one of their congressional candidates

he has had a habit of dressing up

as a Nazi this is him that old

hobby in the Nazi uniform his

3rd from the left you can

count over with me his name is Rich Ayot

he is running in ohio’s 9th congressional district

and this Nazi

thing not something he mentions

on his website we checked

the Atlantic

Monthly reports that Ayot has done this for years

dressed as a member of the Waffen

SS and take part in Nazi reenactments

republican Rich Ayot good enough to join me

to get the story straight from him here in

Toledo Mr Ayatt

thanks for coming on

let’s get straight out of the

gate here sir

meanwhile the dude looks way Indian dress up

as a not doesn’t

he like a white haired Indian

yeah well you know for years going back to

my college days I got involved in historical reenacting

doing Civil War

and over the years I’ve done

Civil War and

First World War and

Second World War and both sides

Union and Confederate

and been involved

on both sides

in historical

reenactment now the purpose of historical reenactment

is not to glorify war necessarily or the sides

but it’s to educate people to

learn about

what happened

and to keep

those memories

alive so that

we don’t let it happen again

now let me interrupt

if I was interrupting part of the reason

I would tell that dude you got a weak

voice son yeah and seriously

what’s wrong with just

pictures of Hitler

and reading

about Hitler

why do you have to reenact it you know like

it’s not that we’re

gonna forget

I don’t like the way you talk either

you don’t talk

very confidently sir you don’t talk like a man right

talk like a weak

bitch we have

schindler’s List why don’t you just let somebody

watch it if they if they

start forgetting

just put on shinner’s List there you remembered

well I’ve been involved in reenactments I just

picture him with

black socks on and nothing else

are holding his dick in his hands doing something

crazy guys that do reenactments just gay hunters

gay hunters

how’s that work you know like like the

Civil War guys like what do they do like

the gay ones like

do reenactments or

who does these reenactments

it’s not gay people it’s just people are war nuts

what do you

think why do you

think they’re gay because they’re

dressing her

yeah they’re

dressing up in makeup and

stuff like that

hey let’s all

right this time let’s go around this side and

it’s kind of

funny that they do wear the outfits and

everything they get so

silly they bring their

they’re like

like actual like oh

this is a power

bag that they

would have used

he sewed actual

dimensions I sewed it myself

see they’re

sewing shit I made it sure I got it only with natural

leather a lot of times

you want to use chemically

treated leather but that won’t be authentic exactly

they’re wearing wigs

and fucking sewing

and hanging out in the middle of a forest

playing Play

Ri yeah I can

understand being fascinated by history I’ve had a

bunch of friends that were history

majors in college and

they get into like

you know like some people went to

Greek history it’s fascinating history man a lot of

crazy shit went down

you know it’s really interesting

stuff to think that this was like

you know civilization being born

but getting into it I totally

understand getting into the

civil war it’s fucking fascinating

but dressing up and acting it out

what’s that all about

gay hunters

what is that all

about this is what we did

maybe you doing it for your kids

so they could see well

this is what it must have been like back then yeah it’s

called Call of Duty let the kid play Call of Duty

yeah what the fuck and they

people are all falling down holding on their

chest and shit

how nutty is it that America likes to

fight so much

we’ve only been around for like a couple of

hundred years we’ve already fought ourselves

you know that’s how fucked up we are

we have only been around for like

250 years or something not even what was 1776

come on man we’ve been around for that long

and we’ve already fought ourselves

we fought ourselves

that’s funny

we’re constant

we’re still fighting ourselves with shit oh this Tea

Party bullshit I don’t even know

what they want I hate them

because I hear them all the time

and I see them in interviews I don’t even want to know

their position I think you’re all cunts

where did these guys come from I

haven’t heard about the Tea Party since like

like elementary school

I saw people who don’t like

black people that’s really what it is they don’t want a

black guy at office they’re freaking the fuck out

look there’s a

bunch of extenuating

circumstances of why this economy is fucked up and

Obama is neither to blame

nor to you know

he’s not like

he’s a one part of a

giant fucked up

system you know and

yeah he’s not doing a perfect job but who the fuck

would this economy is fucked

there’s a lot of

crazy shit going on

the guy got into office there’s 2 wars

going on I don’t

understand it none of it makes

sense to me

it’s all chaos and you know

people like he’s not qualified he wasn’t even born here

and blah blah blah blah blah they talk all this

crazy shit about it but the bottom line is

nobody can handle this

who the fucking handle this you know you

think someone’s

gonna come in and fix this

and having like this idea that they’re gonna like

take back all

these you know

these these tax cuts and

in and start like

that what do they start

trying to do they try to

like give the middle

class a chance to rebound that’s the idea right

is that the idea I don’t follow this shit we’re

loose in the middle ground

you don’t follow it at all

no of course not

I barely follow

fucking my favorite TV shows

well I know that there’s a lot of issues

about taxes they

definitely feel there’s too much

taxes and they

definitely feel there’s too much spending

and it’s irresponsible and that’s what’s

caused the economy but you know

I don’t know if that’s true

you know I know that

that’s a part of it I know that for sure people being

shitty with

money has been a problem in all governments it’s always

there was always corruption there’s always

money fallen

but that’s not exactly why this economy

is fucked up this economy is fucked up because it was

based on bullshit

this economy is fucked up because there was a gigantic

housing bubble

that didn’t make any

sense it’s fucked

up because we don’t make anything anymore

it’s fucked up because we’re

going to Detroit

we’re going to do

ufc in detroit

do detroit’s like

thirty something

percent unemployment that seems like the scariest

ufc in the whole entire

world detroit’s crazy

when this is what’s

wrong with the economy the united

states you know

putin said this once

before the economy hit the shitter

he said i don’t

understand the united

states economy

it seems all they do is buy and sell each

other’s houses

so you know all

these tea party assholes all this

crazy we’re

gonna do it you know we’re gonna

fucking i mean i’m not even

standing there at

their positions

i don’t even know what the positions are i know that

you know the

whole idea is the same

thing is what happened in the tea party of

way back when

they want to

overthrow the current government they want to put

you know a better government in

place they wanna

whatever the fuck

they want to do what do they want to do i don’t know

why are they so concerned

about well anyway

whatever the fuck they want to do this guy

this guy wants to be a nazi

that’s ridiculous

let’s let’s hear more of them

because i’m not making any sense

if i’m wrong part of the reason you

chose to do this is more of a

teaching moment with your son it wasn’t just

you participating with this group this weaking group

it was also your son is that right

that’s correct we did

civil war together and we also did

world war ii reenact look at these crazy assholes brian

so has your son dressed up as a nazi in addition to you

he’s participated

as well yes

follow up were you wearing

pants big question

let me ask you this how do you then

explain to your son how old was your son when he was

dressing up like this

when he first got involved he was 15

so in his teens and how did you and explaining

why you would want your son

dressing up in nazi uniform and

ss uniform how did you explain

nazism to him

it’s very erotic

he from an early

age has been interested in history and because

i’m very involved

in history and in teaching history

and learning more about history

he had always been

nervous as fuck and on many many occasions we talked

about the horrific things

that happened during world that’s why we dress up like

these horrific people one of the low points

of i think in human history there’s

photos are showing of them all dressed up as nazis

smiling together

with boners

did happen but

if it is very very much we can’t

sweep it on the right if it is a low point

which i think probably many people many people who know

their history would agree with you was there any ever a

point mr ayatt where you said

i think this isn’t such a great thing to do

you know what’s the best

thing this chick is hot as fuck

look at the

chick that’s

asking that question let me back that up a second

she’s like she’s like weatherman in la

once she gets down she can’t

she’s not that hot when you blow the picture up big

on regular use

stream she has

her skin is so compressy

well i think that’s just that

history would agree with you was there any ever a

point mr i at where you said

you know she is hot as fuck

yeah she’s hot as fuck

that was just a bad angle

it was frozen in a bag

i think that

she’s saying maybe this isn’t such a great thing to do

and she’s saying it with this

beautiful face

about the tragedy this is nervous

creepy closet nazi fuck

is education

a lot of times historically that

skirt that dude’s wearing setting up exhibits

and giving the public a chance to come in ask questions

and learn learn history

listen this

certain shit

you’re allowed to get away with in this life

dressing up like a nazi

ain’t one of them

or is kilts

i am tired of seeing

grown men wearing kilts out at

the mall and i’m supposed to just take it as oh it’s a

cultural thing

no you look like you’re fucking wearing a

dress and you

should not be

wearing what do you care if he’s wearing a

kilt i don’t care if guys

wear kilts yeah but when you’re at the mall hanging out

you know i can see

where you’re

like playing a german bar and you’re like you know

singing or something or

but just walking around a mall why

couldn’t you why not because it’s a

dress but so what why can’t a dude wear a

dress no it’s fine

but just letting you know that i’m

douchey is douche

because he’s not wearing the

chosen garments yes

the garments

we all agreed on i don’t i will allow

us kilt you will i will

allow kilt so you and you would go with on them you

would go to a ufc with a guy wearing a kilt

i don’t if you wanted

if doug stanhope wanted to wear a kilt and go to the

ufc i would go with him

for sure and you guys sat next to each

other why not who gives a fuck it’s kilt really

what is it it’s kilt it’s like a dress

would you wear

a kilt what’s the difference between that in

shorts man would you wear a kilt

i would wear a kilt

for what what’d i have

to do with it yeah if a wind blows up then you’ll see

everyone see your

underwear i’ve seen my dick yo

did you wear a

kilt you’re not supposed to wear underwear

no if you’re

gonna be the fucking man

be walking around with a

dress you gotta go you

gotta frame

you gotta be free i just there’s some

things i just

don’t buy that to me is like look at me attention to

me certainly is you know it’s certainly not what i

would choose

you know i would choose to

blend in but

you know i mean

if i had to wear it i’d wear it

would you wear capris

what are capris

capris are where

they go down

right below your knee like

right here like pants

those don’t fit me

dude they don’t make them my size i’m felt like a troll

male capris

they don’t fit

dudes that are

built like me

i’m troll like

very chimpanzee

like i can’t wear

skinny jeans

oh really they don’t fit

i can’t get anything that fit me yeah

you like those huh

skinny jeans now i just

tried to have

jeans that make me look skinny now

are you still rocking weight watches yeah

well yeah yeah

um yeah i’ve been eating

vegan lately yeah yeah well

vegan is how

many cocks you suck today

that was truth nine

i get i’m gonna get so many emails that are

angry at me for two reasons

for one this tea

party thing you don’t even

know the position you have a problem with tea party

of course i do

you guys have glenn beck talking for you

you guys have fucking

sarah palin and glenn beck giving big

speeches and

of course i have a problem with you you

sound like idiots

i don’t know the position

i’m not really that interested

to be honest with you

so people are

gonna be upset at me

about that and the

vegan sucking cock thing

why cause i’m just joking

but people are so goddamn sensitive

you know somebody sent me an

email this dude sent me an

email you know

about how he was

very upset because i

somehow another

equated vegetarianism to

in quotes faggotry

but i don’t really mean that you know when i

say that it’s just i’m saying that you know like you’re

upset enough that you’re gonna

write something down

you’re a vegetarian you’re offended i used to be a fan

and like what are you on team vegetarian

you’re upset

that i’m shitting on vegetables

shit why is that something that’s

crazy like i

would not be pissed if you hated

lasagna and made fun of lasagna but i’m just joking

you know if i say you know you’re

vegetarian that is sheer faggotry

boy you need to get a

steak in you

do you think i really give a fuck what you eat

right you know eat whatever you want man

i’m just joking around

i went on a

vegan kick just because last week the grocery

store i went to they had new york

strips usually for 15

each and i was like

once in a while

treat myself i’ll go get a steak

they had this

crazy sale like 75

off all their

stakes that’s

never good i bought six

stakes i fucking had

six like i had

lunch one day and ate

steak and then

had dinner and then you

ate some nuclear meat boy

i just couldn’t get a

giant sale and murdered animal meat did

you how much they got left over

i don’t know man it was last week but i

ate them all is that what you’re talking

about yeah yeah do you do you

think there

might be something

wrong with it maybe

some reason

there’s no not at all

they just had a

crazy sale on new york strips

so they just had too many of them

but that 15

steak was like 4

so i was like i

spent 20 bucks or 25

bucks or something

ridiculous on steak

where the fuck

would we be without

supermarkets have you ever thought

about how difficult it

would be to go hunt and get your own food totally

be eating so many cats and dogs dude you have to

cats and dogs

would be you’d keep them around like like chickens

you know right

i might have to eat you stay right here

get a lot of meat off of a good dog totally

i was looking

it’s funny you said that

i was looking at my dog’s leg the

other day i was just like petting his stomach and i

started playing with his leg and kind

of like massaging his leg you know just nice dog stuff

and i looked at his leg and i’m like this

looks so much

like a chicken leg you know like if you go to like

then i was like wait a second i’m

thinking like elmer fudd now

you know like

these old cartoons

where they look

at it like an animal and they turn into a turkey

i was doing that with my dog

i was like what the fuck’s

wrong with me

and the turkey always had like the bones

sticking up out of

the legs and there’s

steam coming off

of it right yeah

i guess that’s really

funny is we all grew up with

those hyper

violent cartoons right but

today that you you can’t

make a cartoon like that now they’re so pussy down

the shit that we used to watch like

like donald

wouldn’t know who is it daffy duck

who used to get shot in the face all the time

donald no daffy daffy duck

daffy duck used to get shot in the face all the time

and his fucking

yeah his beak

would be around the back of his head

and he would have to turn it towards the

front and it

would be funny

it would be

funny when you were a little kid i love

those shows

the fucking road runner

and wiley coyote wiley

coyote was always getting fucked up dude

he would always

try to blow up bridges and shit he was a terrorist

that fucking coyote was a terrorist

all to get this one bird

he was dropping anvils but it

would always fuck up and

crush him always

and pepe pelopi

always got laid

even though he

smelled that’s true pepe

was always hitting it

totally he was always

sexual deviant

yeah he was he was like a fucking pervert

he was a little date raper fucking french he was

right he was like get all up in them and

climb all along

yeah imagine

if that was your fucking your cat you know and this

skunk trying to

fuck your cat that’s fucked up well back off dude yeah

wrong but you can’t have a cartoon like that

today any of

those cartoons you can’t have

bucks bunny

we have toned

back on what we

allow kids to

watch and see

but does anybody really believe that

watching daffy duck getting shot in the face

is gonna make people want

well mike obviously they have

cause they’ve edited and censored

a lot of those

looney tunes

that doesn’t mean it makes people do

things do you

think anybody’s ever done

violence cause they

watch daffy duck

that’s what i’m saying well i

think that you know they edited out cigars and

cigarettes out of the old bugs

bunny cartoons and i

could kind of see that because that’s how i

learned what a

cigarette was back in the dayz

you learned from bugs

bunny probably that’s probably my

first introduction to

cigarettes would

you imagine yeah i

watched bugs

bunny like non stop

for when i was a kid

i didn’t know bugs

bunny smoked a lot of

cigarettes they always had

cigarettes and gags

really yeah

like there was

i don’t know exactly

which episodes and

stuff like that but there’s been

tons of cigarettes and bugs bunnies

and even like that

one dog the bulldog used to always have a cigar and

stuff like that

you know why is it that

those cartoons are not offensive even if you

watch them now

like if you

watch donald like

if you’re watching a

looney tunes cartoon it’s kind of fun to watch

yeah they’re

still kind of fun to

watch right

you know but like

i guess it’s

cause it’s animals

you know it’s not people for the

well elmer fudd but

the worst he got was

blackface after getting shot

no what i’m saying is why are they

still entertaining

you know do you

think the cartoons of

today means anybody

could be watching dora the explorer when they grow up

i don’t know i

think it’s just because we grew up with it

you know i don’t

think our kids are

gonna be as big as

bugs bunny fans you know are they allowed to show like

all those violent

ones like the anvils falling on people’s heads yeah

do they show all that show that it’s mostly like the

cigars that they’re

cigarettes they’re taking out so

when can you

watch looney tunes

like is it on

cable or something

a cartoon network during the days really

stuff like that and so they’ll

play all the violent ones gunshots all that crazy

shit yeah but they’ve censored it so much that they

definitely have a pile that they choose from

and a pile that they don’t really show too much anymore

you ever see the commercials

where fred flintstone and

barney rubble are sitting around smoking winston yeah

totally there’s a lot of

those commercials there’s a lot of them there’s

a winston what was

this yeah it was winston’s

it was like

maybe six episodes they did

where they used to

do commercials like hey barney is that a winston

ultra light

so strange did you

know they had to take out i don’t know if it’s just in

california or no

i think maybe not but they took

lights out of

cigarettes so now there’s no more marlboro lights

no more camel

lights because they’re not allowed to call it

lights anymore

yeah the light

thing was ridiculous

yeah fucking

cigarette so now it’s like

marble silver or something

stupid like really yeah

so what was the difference in

light is it

light tar is it less strong no

it was actually just

more holes perforation into the filter so what they are

saying that you’re sucking more air in and it kind of

diluted it but the

problem is the sums everyone

smokes different so if i if i uh

wigger lipped it

you know like i’m a

white guy if i weird

lipped it and

covered up all the holes

then the light part

doesn’t work you know so it’s the same tobacco same

exact cigarette

with just more perforation in the filter

wait a minute

really yeah that’s hilarious

yeah how many people

buy it like because they just feel like it’s not so bad

well yeah it’s

must people it’s like diet coke yeah i do it

so there’s no difference the amount of nicotine oh

no between the

light and the regular cigarettes

yeah mostly not supposedly tobacco’s tobacco’s

i’m not 100 sure but i know that’s what made it a

light cigarette was the holes

the perforation

the scariest

thing to me

about cigarettes is the 599 different

things that they’ve

added to the tobacco yeah

the cigarette company natural

spirits is the one that

brought that advertising campaign to it

where they just have this list of

every single

extra chemical inside a

cigarette and they’re like we only have tobacco

period you know they don’t use

chemicals to grow

their tobacco they do it like is that what you smoke

that’s what it used to

smoke when you

would say like

i’m quitting

cigarettes you know i’m gonna

smoke natural

spirits and stigs

you do smoke less

cause they’re so

strong yeah

but the problem i had with it was that

after smoking

those i felt like i was just coughing up

black shit like it was bad

it was just like the 599 chemicals keep you

alive yeah they diluted

what if that’s

you know listen if you were

smart and you were owning

a cigarette company you

would want to create

cigarettes to keep

these fucks

alive right

you know some

give them some shit that they need they’re

addicted to we got two problems we want to keep them

alive but we want them addicted as fuck what can we do

this is what we got i got this

thing right here this is

gonna preserve them this additive

is gonna kill the cancer this additive is

gonna rebuild the

tissue surrounding it okay i like it i like it

and this add

is gonna make it

stronger it’s

gonna make it

a bigger nicotine rush and

more addictive

bigger dick filters

bigger dick filters

if you just called it bigger dick filters

like those extends

tablets that they sell

you know those

tablets are

you know they have them at the gas station over here

you go to get gas and right in

front of you is just like do you want your dick bigger

that’s what it is i can fucking

they don’t do anything

it doesn’t do anything it’s like tribulous and a

bunch of other

stupid shit

but it doesn’t make your dick bigger

there’s not a goddamn pill that makes your dick bigger

makes your eyes smaller

brian oh brian

so california

the deadline is the 18th which is what is

today so six days from today the deadline

is next monday

for registering to vote

in california is gonna be they’re gonna

the number one thing for you know

a lot of people is the

legalization of marijuana yeah and you

could actually registered online to vote for it

let me see if i can find the website

so you don’t even have to leave your

house if you

need to register well there’s that and there’s this

crazy meg whitman and

what’s his name brown

yeah his name

brown ebay versus

what is his name

jerry brown yeah

you don’t even

you don’t even pretend to give a fuck about

politics now

which is hilarious

yeah you can feel like an adult do you

do you ever feel like an adult no

no i like being as young as possible

but what happens when you’re fifty

that’s great and

still took like that that’s very awesome

yeah jerry brown was running for president back

back in way in the in the diss a

back when i was a young lad

hmm and now and he was at one

point time i believe he was governor of california

hmm and now he is

trying to be governor again but he’s a interesting dude

he’s a fucking strange guy

so the website to go to is

sos dot gov backslash

stop that no one’s gonna remember that shit you asshole

people trying to scrambling to

write that shit down just google it

what are we googling

to register to vote online for prop nineteen

yeah just figure it out man you can figure it out but

but do it by

monday if you’re in california

because you have to vote

you got to do two things one

you got to vote for jerry brown

because you don’t want this crazy meg whitman broad

being the governor of california although

mean some salty language in the race from

california governor

it’s difficult to hear but

it’s a voicemail recording that this is what’s really

funny jerry

brown meg whitman

was called a whore

and jerry brown

phone message

a flattering word to describe republican meg whitman

we’re gonna have it

wow an insult to the women of

california an insult to the women of

california no it’s an insult to you you fucking whore

how ridiculous

an insult to the women of california

i called her a whore it’s ridiculous

how could she

stand up for all the

women in california because that’s what kind of

power she has i can’t vote for you just

based on that

alone on that alone i can see that you’re crazy

that is not an insult to the

women of california you’re silly

that someone called you a whore

because they think you

have very whore like instincts

this jerry brown character i’m pretty sure he

smokes weed

yeah i’m looking at him i think he smokes weed

i’m not sure it’s just guesswork

it’s california so that’s the only thing i

should listen

to vote on for

whatever the fuck you want but i’m voting for

jerry brown

and i’m voting

yes on the weed thing

are you really gonna nineteen fuck yeah

voting on this even i think

yes of course i have

i think state voting is probably pretty real

you know i think when you

start vote you know voting for president and

that’s when the mad

crazy corruption is in place

you know but i think

you could really get things changed in

states i mean even bad things like the gay marriage

thing you know they really did get it

so that gay people couldn’t get

married anymore they really they

did it they organized they put it together and they

fixed it they

changed it in

their opinion

you know you can get

things done like


legal basically in

california already

right matt just decriminalized it the

other day that’s awesome

decriminalize it and because it’s on the road

to being legal it

should have been

legal a long time ago we don’t have to get over this

story again

go over the story

it’s a ridiculous law

it doesn’t make any sense and anybody’s

fighting against it like meg whitman

this meg whitman broad thinks they should shut down all

these medical marijuana dispensaries god

exactly so i got a vote for you

against you

on that too you crazy

bitch one of

those girls like who brought that chick to the party

well she’s really

rich too she had something to do with ebay right yes

she’s so she got that

paper and she just want to be running shit she got that

paper and she’s like i’m

gonna fix the

world for my

babies just

gonna go out there just

gonna we don’t need medical marijuana we need hugs in

jesus yeah how much

money do you have i have a billion dollars

the most important

thing though is if

california passes this medical marijuana

law excuse me the

legalization of marijuana

if they pass it what’s

gonna happen is you’re gonna be able to get pot

everywhere in california

it’s gonna be something

where you can get it responsible

adults over 21 just like drinking

just like it should be anything else

you know once you become an

adult you can take responsibility for your own

self we hope

that you were raised enough so that you can

you know well enough rather so you can

understand what happens when you have too many beers or

too much to

drink and you know we hope you fucking

conduct yourself in

a gentlemanly fashion

keep your shit together you

should be able to do that with pot too

yeah there’s

gonna be problems there’s

gonna be problems with

everything there’s problems with starbucks

i drive by starbucks i go damn i go for a coffee

right now i don’t even want a coffee

i’m not tired

there’s nothing

wrong with me

but that shit’s addictive it is it’s delicious

that burnt deep

like hot liquid and you pour the

cream in it and

you know what

tate said best

tate fletcher yeah

he goes when i get a coffee it’s like a hug

and now he’s like it’s a hug in a cup

he used to drink fucking four

ventis a day

dude tate did not fuck around

well he did

some serious

training too

you know that’s

one of the reasons why his body was able to take that

giant jolt of

caffeine every day he went

who’s in such awesome shape

what is this shit that gene simmons at wants to sue all

mp three downloaders yeah gene simmons is apparently

saying that all people

that steal music online he wants to sue them all and go

after them all

doesn’t his son go hey dad dad dad come here

his son seems pretty i

don’t think

his son has the the ability to talk to him i mean i

wouldn’t let my son tell me what i can

and can’t say if i made a billion dollar empire out of

music i would say i know what the fuck i’m doing dude i

guess just relax

this is part of my character

part of my character is that i’m a businessman asshole

and then i go

after people

you know i’m saying

i mean he’s always been like that i mean gene simmons

they’ve been selling

kiss merchandise from the get go

back when no bands were doing it they had kiss army

and you get into the

kiss army and you fucking i was in the kiss army dude

i had a kiss army

t shirt and shit and you got a

sticker and a

patch and shit

you become part of the kiss army

you know he’s just been

one of those guys it’s always been very business minded

which is kind of rare for artists right

so i understand

where all these guys are coming from understood

where the metallica

dude lars earl rich

i understood

where he was coming from

he’s saying people are

stealing people are

stealing people are

stealing yes

but here’s the problem

yeah it is technically they

shouldn’t be able to do it but they can so they will

and it’s that simple

they can so they will

and it’s your job all you can do

is put out great

music and if you cannot be legally protected like

in the sense of the internet i don’t

think you can

they’re gonna go

after a few people here and there and they’re

gonna sue them but people are always

gonna download your shit just

form a relationship between the artists and the fans

form a relationship

where these people

appreciate you

and if they

enjoy your shit

they’ll go and buy it

but go and buy

it once they download i have a lot of friends

who will download either a

movie or songs

and always not just buy the

cd on itunes

but tell everybody they bought the cd because

they’ll say

i downloaded

it dude it was so good i went out and i bought it on

itunes i’m telling everybody go buy this it’s the shit

it’s like you get more fans

it’s just gonna expose more people to your shit

yeah it’s gonna fuck up record

stores but they’re already dead

tower records is dead

there’s a place

right down here i used to

drive and i used to go there’s a cd

store that shit is

gonna be like

we’re talking

about buffalo

skinning factories you know what i’m saying

that’s gone

there’s no cd stores

you used to be able to go like there was a

giant store

you would walk through the rock section

oh look at this they got judas priest

greatest heads

you know and you

would go through this

store that had all

these physical cds anymore

that’s dinosaur shit

yeah the only

thing that i

think there’s

money for is

ucd stores you know

cause i still go into ucd

stores i’ll buy like 10 dollars worth of

ucds listen man it killed it yeah

the downloading on the internet killed

those cd stores

guess what they were

gonna die anyway they were

gonna die anyway because the internet they have to die

they’re silly

when i can have

everything in your fucking

store on my phone

okay you have a

store you have a

giant store

everything in your

store is on my phone

you need to quit what you’re doing

cause you’re doing something stupid

right that’s a dumb way to do it you have a

giant store

where it’s all fucking

in boxes and

these little plastic

crates and like this a

waste this is all wasteful stuff

it’s must go to the clouds yes

it’s crazy like

a lot of things are

going fucking digital like

google tv of

course you know and people are like you know

like that’s the argument that

you know in genes he

said this too that it

crushed the

music business

because they were asleep at the wheel

and then the

digit i don’t think it

crushed them because they were

sleep with the wheel it

crushed them because they were irrelevant

they didn’t need to sell it like that anymore it was

too readily available

too easy to access too easy to get

so now it becomes more artist based

it becomes more

about seeing live performances

and supporting the artist by buying


and shit like that it becomes more of like that

and making it a

legal avenue that’s very convenient like the itunes

store i buy all my shit on the itunes

store because it’s super easy

it’s very rare

i ever have to look anywhere else to find some songs

the best is when you’re driving down the

street you just open up itunes

while you’re driving

search and do that you file

you could totally do it

and then you

just find the song you want and download it

while you’re

driving and it automatically play it within 30 seconds

yeah it’s pretty fascinating it’s pretty fascinating

that this is all happened inside our lifetime

yeah you know so

the itunes the

way they got it i like it because it’s nice and easy

and you know you don’t have to go searching

you know i’m like it’s

right there what i want

james brown

bam or what i don’t even know he’s on there

i’m sure he is

right probably

anyway the point is that

as long as it’s

if people can they’ll always support the artist man you

gotta you gotta

appreciate that the only

reason why you’re able to do all this is because people

enjoy what you do

and yeah there’s

gonna be some people that get your shit

but that’s just because that’s what

technology is all

about today

it’s all about easy access to information and

music is basically just information just ones and zeros

you can’t stop that shit

but you can damage the way people

like look at you and like you don’t appreciate

you know the fact that sometimes people don’t have

money you don’t

appreciate the fact that you know there’s

gonna be people that need

know to support

their families they need to like

spend money on important shit

and they really don’t they can’t really

make room for another 12

bucks for your fucking cd

you know so they just download it for free but they

still love you

and then like a year

later they come see you in concert like it all balances

out i think i

think so too

i mean i don’t know i’m not a fucking

tower records

executive because if you were a

tower records

executive or warner brothers or any of

these big labels that got fucking crushed

by all this

mp3 business

i mean what do they do now

how are they even making money

you know mostly itunes mostly that kind of shit

selling it to tv shows and

movies and commercials and

you know i think instead of selling it

to a record you’re now selling it to all

these other things

that’s why i don’t

understand how much

money cds and records used to make

because back then they

weren’t selling it at you

know like fucking you know you can

watch all in the family and then have you know

the black eyed peas playing in the

background you know so

things like that you know

itunes and it seems like they’re

everywhere there

so you think

licensing is

where they’re making

their money

that’s has to be

where they’re making their

money you know

i mean they’re

licensing fucking ringtones

their licing

singing music and

video games and

movies and fucking commercials

it just seems like

all that shit didn’t

exist back in the 70s when

when supposedly that

that right but

back then there was zero piracy

back when there was

vinyl albums

that’s what you get

you got a vinyl

album if i have

you know you

could there’s no piracy

fighting to do

1980 there was why i’m not sure actually

would even then

what do you mean

1980 there was

one second that

when fucking

cassette tape came out when i’m sure but it was

never as good didn’t

sound as good

will cassette it made

a pretty good copy of you got a good maxwell in there

really yeah set the

second cassette

the cassette was good yeah did you do that all the time

and the cassettes

that they sound really good like good quality

stereo i think pretty much as good as the

copied as good

as it was if you bought a quality cassette

did a cassette ever

sound as good as a cd or cds better oh cds way better

way better really a

sound quality

yeah yeah yeah

so there was

album was number one and cassette

was number two

but cd is not as good as

album right

so the people

say yeah there’s like an analog quality to

music yeah i

guess there’s like whatever deeper

sounds that but you also don’t have

like every 30

seconds you know yeah but

sometimes i like that man yeah oh yeah totally

sometimes i like that

you know like the hisses and pops and shit

right you know there’s something cool

about old music if you listen through headphones oh

absolutely i don’t have

the patience to be sitting there with headphones on

while a record spins around with

a needle on it i don’t have that kind of patience yeah

you know i’m not that into

music fucking changing

those needles was a pain in the ass to remember

that shit you had to buy a new needle barely man

i barely remember it

but i do remember being a kid being

absolutely fucking fascinating

that they were able to somehow

get all this

music into this

i thought it was like

magic to me you

know lines yeah

my parents left one day they left me

alone and i had a

stack of their records

my parents just

leave me alone i’m like

eight and they

would go places

that’s cool

no it’s not cool

i could have been

sticking knives into

electrical sockets and shit

but i was fucking around with

their record player and

i remember just being

absolutely fascinating

i was doing a

bunch of shit i shouldn’t have been doing like

going backwards with it

fucking with the needle i’m sure

but i was just

thinking how

insane it is that somehow i another this needle

interacts with this surface and it

brings this incredibly rich

music out of this

black plastic thing

like how did that come

about that is some

alien shit right there

right that is nuts

that somehow another they figured this out a long

time ago like in the 1940s like when did they have cd

or records final record

time ago yeah used to be on the wet

metal plates or something like that

the old days

what was it

ever on wax

or what does that mean by put it down on wax

doesn’t that mean like the yeah well i

think the records consider well


yeah i don’t know how the fuck they did it but

it’s pretty amazing

you know it’s almost more amazing to me than than

what we can do today because we do so much

other cool shit today

you know there’s so many

things you could do today like you know cell

phone messaging and you know fic

watching youtube videos on your phone

there’s all sorts of fascinating

shit you could do today

so the idea of storing

music on some

piece of plastic doesn’t seem insane at all

but goddamn

back in the forties i must have been the craziest

thing ever like there was nothing like that

like there’s a ghost

inside this disc

and you just rub a

pointed piece of

metal on it it lifts up and comes through the speakers

it’s incredible

you know like

whole lot of love

and just a needle scratching on a

piece of plastic and the

small ones had to be played at a different

speed for some reason

which made no

sense to me how different

would life be if we didn’t have that

how different

would life be if there was no

music if they

never figured out a way to record music

which if you and i were

alive back then they

never would have figured out a way to record music

right you’d just have that

one friend that was really good at singing that you

would invite to at parties

if you like really for real it feels like

you and i were responsible for

coming up with a way to record

music it would

never happen

it would never take

place never

there has to be like a gigantic

evolution of people who are science minded

and understand

technology and recording sounds and

they have to

put it together and just figure out a way to

get it onto this

piece of plastic and make it

sound realistic

and they did all this shit before there were internets

before there was the internet before there was

like cell phones before anything

the computers were gigantic

computers that

would fill up entire rooms

that was the computer that they had in the 50s what

they have yeah it was just like

buildings was a computer yeah

and it’s nothing compared to your iphone

doesn’t have nearly the processing

power that your iphone has

and back then

they figured out how to put

music down on

these plastic discs

craziness if they’d ever figured it out man

life would be so strange

we would always have

music but if you had no

music in your car you what

no music in

movies you just

have to have a friend come with you in the car

yeah what if there was no way to record

music there’s no way to actually record sounds

what if what if king kong fought godzilla

and they were both in outer space and neither one had a

speed advantage because they were weightless

we might have

smoked too much pot before we did this podcast

that’s gonna be my new song

i’m gonna play that back and we’re

gonna take that as a

chunk that’ll be a little blip that we gonna use

whenever we get on one of those

little strange conversations that

doesn’t seem like it’s

going anywhere

just play that

we might have smoked too much pot

before we did this podcast

definitely smoke too much pot today

yes you have brian

that’s why i’m out here

trying to explain to you

about meg whitman

so i’ve been doing a lot of

stand up lately

and i know you have been one of the hardest

things i’ve keep on for

catching myself doing is doing cheesy one

liners that

sound like jay leno

the next day like you know the next day i’ll read

him like it’s so jay leno

really like what

like hey my name is

brian and i do

stand up comedy when

i’m single so

ladies if you don’t like my comedy

date me the

ten times hey

now now how much of what are you willing to explain um

that you’re getting out of a relationship and that like

doing comedy is a new way to

spend your social time

oh it’s awesome

like at first

you know getting

in a relationship you have nothing to do you’re

lonely you were like devastated

without going into details

for folks who don’t know my

buddy brian okay

it was crazy

hot and heavy

and then gone right

in a whirlwind fashion yeah it was

literally a head fuck

definitely well

i mean it was a head fuck to the

point that your list like i give up this is

ridiculous and then it got to the

point where

i was just at home all the time and then i was like all

right i have to get out of this fucking

house so i started

going on like binger drinking

you know for like a week

and i was like

that’s binger bingers binger

drinking whatever that means

that sounds like

binge drinking yeah

so you went on benders benders you got fucked up son

every day and then

every day you getting drunk

no for like five days i did it straight oh

god i just went off

because i didn’t have anything to do

so then i was like all

right this can’t

continue because that’s that’ll

kill you fucking

gross and so i

started doing

stand up comedy and then immediately you get put in the

stand up comedy

world and you realize

all right there’s a

bunch of people

that are on the same team as you all at the same

level as you and

everywhere you go they’re at the same mics as you and

stuff immediately you just

become like

groups with

these people it’s pretty awesome so you just found

about your friends

found a bunch of friends so

um it’s so it

started out as like a social

thing like yeah go out and do something

about fucking let out my anger on

stage and meet some

people it’s pretty cool are you telling jokes about her

i have one joke

it’s not even finished yet it was just that

yeah my girl my ex

girlfriend has a fake vagina

and it’s crazy because on the box this is

you know ultra realistic

which is bullshit

because fake

vaginas don’t have mom issues or hiv scares

brian’s just

starting out folks

you know it’s like comedy

is not for everybody

as i say it turns into a

job it turns into jalen well listen you got to

learn how to be yourself up there that’s

the hardest part

the hardest part of comedy is learning how to relax and

you get these

crazy spots where it’s

like it’s much more difficult because you get like five

minute spots or ten

minute spots like

right yeah it’s like ready go

like you don’t know you have all

these ideas that you

maybe want to talk

about maybe i

should do this bit no i’m

gonna try this one

none of them are totally proven to you

it’s very tricky you know

i did molly the

other day and i

think it really opened up like this

whole thing on stage

for me though because i was having a hard time being on

stage being myself like how

i just did that joke it’s not how i say that you did

molly is that what you said yeah molly

what is molly

pure ecstasy

oh well we didn’t

expect us to know that you fucking

junky you don’t know listen to

this shit he just goes

so i did molly

they all like casual and shit

and i was like

do i need to stop this

and find out what

molly is i’m like yes i do he’s not

gonna explain it

what the fuck is

molly i thought i told you that

well even if you did tell me

we’re doing a podcast right now

fella and there’s a lot of people listening so molly

molly is pure

ecstasy it’s called like mdmt

this is the

stuff you got from that russian scientist the

russian scientist chick

yeah with the red hair with really long legs hot shot

don’t get the details man

give her up

don’t give her up

you want to molly okay

so the russian scientist gives you this

stuff called molly yeah

and i’m like well what is it

ecstasy and she goes well no it’s just pure

pure ecstasy it has no idea

their chemicals it’s just so you said is it ecstasy

she said no it’s pure

ecstasy well

meaning it’s not like the typical

ecstasy you buy it like a club or you you

know get off a gentleman and behind

7 11 so that

stuff’s like got

like meth in it yeah it has like

straight nine

usually and

crazy shit in it

i mean it’s bad for you

supposedly this is actually good for you not really but

what it does though is

it comes in a

capsule form

and there’s like a powder in it by the way we

don’t do this shit

don’t listen to him

yeah so the russian

chick was like hey

you know you want

to do it and i’m like you know i’m kind of scared you

know i’ll just take a little so she just took open the

capsule and put a little in my

drink and i

drank it and then

within like

30 minutes it felt like

every single pore of my body was vibrating

it felt like when you’re half asleep

you know when you’re in that first rem

sleep or whatever it is

your mind’s

awake but your body’s not

that’s what it felt like

but i was being able to walk i was being able to talk

and it wasn’t like the ecstasy

where you’re just like

you know kind of out of it

this was just like pure

fucking orgasms it was amazing

so anyways after that

a couple days

after i went back on stage

and i felt this

weird groove

and on stage of that i was just like hey

like really

relaxed like i was kind of like

still kind of feeling kind of like a

looseness or

a comfortability

and it was weird because ever

since then totally

changed how i so something comfortable

from the ecstasy

experience that it was so loving and

right loose and fun

right maybe

more loving and

loose i guess

for some reason on stage

well relaxed

you it puts you all in perspective too it makes you

understand what

ecstasy did for me i only did it once and

i don’t know what was in

it because i was jacked the next day dude i was jacked

the next day i felt really bad

like i felt really dumb

see i didn’t have that

that’s one of the good

things about it

cause it’s pure you don’t have the next day shit

i woke up fine as fuck

and i went to bed easy as hell

yeah i don’t know what was in the

thing i mean i know there was

definitely some

ecstasy in it but when i got out of it when

the experience was happening

was that so much of the way we interact with each

other is based on insecurity

and when no one has insecurities

you know and everyone’s just hanging out

like it’s like

people can be so much more friendly to each

other so much more loving to each

other and so much more

i mean it sounds so hippie

faggy bullshit but

you know i was like wow like

could you imagine if this state

could be recreated all the time i was like look at

look at the way we’re interacting like now like

this is really

the best way you

could ever enjoy a

bunch of people’s company

but if we were like this all the time nothing

would get done

you would have no reason

you just need enough food to stay alive

and we’d be living like indians

out there in

tents and shit i

could see myself

getting addicted to that drug and that was the

first time where

i mean i don’t know if i

could do it

every day but it felt so good that i wanted to do it

again where most drugs i’m like

that was good you

know yeah it

feels like you want to hold people’s hands and shit so

like you don’t even know why give people a hug

it just like radiates

it’s very strange

you know why does that

exist in our

brains you know i mean

basically what we’re doing is

we’re hijacking our reward

system right

and we’re injecting

all these new

chemical rewards into our

whole system that

our brain has to process it

and it’s not making any of its own

while this is processing it and then

after it’s over that’s why you have like this drop off

you know and

the next day they tell you you’re supposed to take

things to try to re

stimulate your

brain’s production of chemicals

dopamine or

serotonin whatever the fuck it is

you experience a drop off

after the big flood

and the drop off for me the next day whatever it

was whether it was because of the crystal meth in it or

who the fuck knows what was really in it backed

our hairline

but the drop off was too much for me man it

was just it was too

crazy i was

too dumb the next day i was like this is like

brain damage dumb like imagine if

i had to go through the rest of my life being this dumb

right this is like a lot of people

do you know a lot of people go through the rest of

their life you know just

they’re just not there anymore

that’s fucked up you

know yeah you

get hit in the head with a fucking fastball

things happen

all sudden you’re not the same

right you could have been smoking meth the

whole time well

you know i knew the dudes who had it had this

stuff and they’d done it a

bunch of times and so i knew it

wasn’t gonna kill me

but i didn’t really know it’s all i

busted out a fucking phd

kid and start

testing it with saliva

let’s see what we got here do you

think you ever do that

again or any kind of

mushroom i didn’t yes

definitely you

definitely yeah

i’ve done them certain recently

but um yeah but the the

mdma is too much oh

i don’t know then the next day is too hard

i’m so freaked out

about mushrooms now

and like i’m more

freaked out

mushrooms than

that just from like molds and

stuff because it’s illegal man that’s all it is

it if it was legal it

would be so easy to control and grow

it would be so fucking easy

and all they have to do is

you have all

these pain management centers that

you have set up all throughout florida that they have

these oxycontin

problems you

know i mean we have chiropractors everywhere

we have all sorts of people that deal

with all sorts of different various health issues and

even in the chiropractic

sense a lot of people

think that’s

quackery a lot of people don’t even believe

it yeah they do they don’t even believe it you

never heard that word never

it’s a really common word

they don’t even believe in chiropractic

well another

thing that is

different cultures have used to try to heal people

try to get people straight for

thousands of years is psychedelics

you can’t say that all these

cultures that have used this thing like oh they

used you know

acupressure or

these acupuncture or they used

various tantric methods okay you can practice all of

these oh these are all ancient

things that people find relief from stress in

i see i see i see

well we also use these mushrooms

nope nope nope nope nope

well no they’re okay we’ve been

using it for 10 000 years no no no no no no no

no don’t break them in

it means like they’ll stop

at a certain thing

you know they’ll go through all these other different

things that

you’re allowed to do that ancient people have done

and you can practice all

these shamanic rituals as long as you’re just

blowing tobacco

smoke in the air and

chanting like a retard without the ayahuasca

when you add the

ayahuasca then

things get strange then they want to lock you in a cage

for doing something that people have

found relief with for thousands of years

if mushrooms were

legal they would sell them all over the place

and people in the community

would set up shamanic

centers they

would set up centers where

people who have already had these

experiences can talk you through it and help you out

and even go with you on the

first time you do it yeah

so you’ll take like

you know to

start you off slow we’re

going to take one

gram today and this is what a one gram

experience is like and

there’s a guy

who’s done it for fucking a thousand times

and he knows what he’s doing and he’ll

make sure they’re

not creepy and they’re not trying to date rape anybody

and you just set up

these centers

because that does happen even in the shamanic community

there’s a lot of dudes who are just in it for posing

you know they want to be thought

of as like the main wise man and they try to bang all

these chicks it’s really

trippy it’s kind of funny

because even inside this

whole psychedelic community there’s a

bunch of people that are

still kind of like

lost halfway pretending you know

they’re halfway that guy

but they’re also halfway full

of shit because they’re really just trying to get laid

and come off like some like enlightened guy

but if they set that up man if it was

legal if that’s the next step if this marijuana

thing passes and then next

thing let’s go

after mushrooms man because mushrooms

have only helped everybody that i know the only

problem with mushrooms is that actually takes you out

does take you out

you’re not gonna be driving on half on mushrooms you

know eddie bravo did that

did you know that you know that story yeah

so crazy i don’t

know if you want this tell told totally

but let’s say

this is what he

heard from somebody else okay okay

it’s not really

i think you can

do that now yeah i can i can yeah

so i’m just i’m

gonna tell you different

story now so

he goes to the zoo

okay they take five

grams of mushrooms

and they go five

grams is what terrence mckenna

would call a heroic dose

that’s a line from a bill hicks

cd but it’s also what terrence

mckenna really called it he called it a heroic dose

and anything

above 5 grams because you just dissolve you don’t

exist anymore when

you hit that apex at 5 grams

you become a part of some fucking

much larger

mosaic it’s like

there’s like this

incredible amount of

artwork that you see

incredible amount of visuals that connect

activity the communication

it’s like you feel like you’re communicating with some

super ultra intelligent life form that’s explaining

everything and it all makes

sense i mean it is a fucking

mind blower of an experience

so he takes this five

grams this is what five

grams does to you

and he goes to the zoo

i mean it’s like

classic bill hicks

bill hicks had a joke

about doing that

about going to a fucking amusing park

so he goes to the fucking zoo and gets

super depressed i would too

like he’s like

the negative energy so it was overwhelming

cause they get all these

monkeys man they can think

and they’re all in

these cages i went to one in

colorado where this monkey was

screaming like a mental patient

like screaming like in agony

he was in a

small cage and it was a corner cage

so it was around this bend so everybody just walked in

front of his cage

back and forth back and forth

and he was like

it was dark dude it was dark

i was like you cannot make any argument for keeping

monkeys in cages

after this guy

that guy’s being tortured

this is an intelligent little animal

stuck by itself in a

metal box and he’s been stared at all day

by bigger monkeys

and he’s freaking the fuck out

so eddie is

tripping out he’s in a five

gram full blown trip feeling

just waves of negative energy

you know just

splashing into him constantly

every time he goes by all

these different

animal cages and sees their

the reality of

their miserable

existence there

so he’s like we

gotta get the fuck out of here

so he takes his girlfriend

and they get in the car and

start driving

and as he’s driving it’s a full

blown mushroom trip

he said the ground in

front of his car became

pedals of roses

rose petals

and it was like

everywhere they were

splashing all up and around the car

he said the entire he was on the highway

he went on the highway son

i think he got off and went on la

siennago eventually

but he was driving on the fucking

on the highway and seemed like rose petals in

front of his car that is not cool man that’s really not

cool he’s lucky

or she whoever

holds that person’s talking yeah

whoever this guy is

that russian lady

yeah man it was a dark moment

in his existence wow now i’ve driven the

first time i tripped on acid i drove

on the way home but

it was like

eight six hours after i dosed and so i wasn’t really

still though but i was having sex at the same time

i think i talked

about this on one of the

earlier podcast i went to go see

i don’t remember

tell me what happened

you’re on acid

having sex and driving what

weren’t you doing we were at a nirvana concert met

he gave me a cheeto

were you cursing god at the same time

no no i remember it was i had a big station wagon

lump the wood on the thing we had to

drive back to columbus the show is in dayton okay

and so you’re dosed up with acid

right so with your girl driving and she

starts like rubbing me or doing something like

dirty bitch she climbs on me oh my god

the back of the car

and i’m facing the

front of the

car that’s real good for your peripheral vision on the

right side yeah

can you see past her hair

i don’t what

if someone’s trying to change

lanes she was a very tiny girl very

tiny yeah very tiny girl she was eight

no no no no means she was just a

small girl how old

she’s a woman

yes let’s say

woman how old was she

i think we were about 17

so she was a girl

sure how old were you 17

okay so my class

yeah there’s mike

who is letting you

drive at 17

on acid yeah i know with a girl on top of you you

crazy foot yeah

it’s crazy and then what was so

crazy it was like the sex got really

good so then we decided to pull off

into a church parking lot off the side of the highway

and finish it the

parking lot

take got busted in a church parking lot

who oh that’s

right i remember that

my friends got busted smoking pot well

maybe we should

don’t tell a

story who got busted smoking

pot in the church parking lot my friends from high

school when they were 17

used to always go to

this church to

smoke pot and they got arrested

and they had to do community service

and it was like something

crazy like 60

hours of community service at the columbus

zoo just for smoking pot yeah at the columbus zoo

and their job is

shoveling shit wow

that’s a fascinating thing man

it’s fascinating that people can

force you to do

things because

you got caught doing something that you wanted to do

right so oh you do wanted to do that and we

say you can’t do that so now you have to do this yeah

community service for smoking weed is the most

ridiculous thing ever

if you give someone

community service for smoking weed for sure you need to

smoke weed for sure totally

that should be your reward

you know you

should okay

i’ll do the community service but you have to

smoke some pot too

now don’t you feel bad

you smoked the pot yeah

how do you feel

about me in this orange jumpsuit

picking up garbage you fucking douchebag

you ever had to do just

cause i wanted to get high no

i’ve never been arrested

brian i’m an outstanding citizen

i pay my taxes

no that seems so crazy

why i don’t know

i keep it together

you’ve been a good boy i’ve keep it together

i’m very good at keeping it together

that’s great it’s very hard

i have crazy instincts

my instincts aren’t so good

my instincts aren’t so good my

my brain the very last time goes don’t

no no no this is

gonna put you in jail

don’t do anything

stupid yeah

i think if i tape it really

close to my body i can get through the customs

right ralphie may

ended up on getting a hundred dollar

ticket by the way from that guam

that was actually an accident yeah

ralphie told yeah joey

could have been

fuck if you don’t know what this is we’re talking

about ralphie

mega busted with pot

but you know in some

countries you

have like a marijuana seed in your prison for

eight years i

think guam is

america oh it is

i don’t know what

guam is i don’t

think it’s america but i

think it’s like so cool

closely related

standard like

puerto rico’s america i don’t know

where guam is

i think it’s more

than pacific i

think it’s more near

i think puerto rico is the atlantic side

right because that’s

where so many puerto ricans

east coast yes it’s

below florida yeah

and guam are rather yeah i

think guam is near

hawaii i think it’s on the way to hawaii oh

on the way like from the other side

cool you know i

think it’s near hawaii

pretty sure

but i think it’s like

it’s the whole idea that hawaii and you know

puerto rico that

could somehow and

other be a part of the united

states like that’s so

silly like you’re way over there

yeah like how do we fit in

well i do understand that we must take over as many

countries as possible so we can destroy everybody you

know kind of

thing like we have

alaska way over here just as a

retreat just in case of the country blows up we’re all

going to you

think that’s why they

got alaska you don’t even know your history son well

doesn’t it seem like they

would do that like they they have

you know to keep us protected from the soviet union

i don’t know

doesn’t that what

sarah pamela

used to say that she

could see alaska right yes

yeah i don’t

think that’s why they got alaska

brian no no

i don’t think so

i would be buying all the shit

you can’t buy

countries anymore do they stop doing that

you know that

north america used to be

under a one

sheet of ice

that was a mile high

that covered like

half the country just ten thousand years ago really

ten thousand fucking years ago

ten thousand years ago

north america half

covered in ice

that’s crazy

woolly mammoths and fucking

saber toothed

tigers running around

they all died

they all died off

they don’t know why

i’ve been watching all

these documentaries on

meteor impacts

is without a

doubt the scariest

thing that could happen any second any time

they literally have no idea how many are up there

they have no idea

which ones are coming towards us

every now and then somebody spots one

it’s usually amateurs

these amateur

astronomers are just staring at the sky all night

they’ll notice there’s like a

light in the

sky that wasn’t there before and then they’ll notice it

again like they take

photos of it and they’ll take a

photo of the

next day and they go okay this is moving and it’s

moving in this direction and they contact someone and

they start tracking this

thing what’s the coordinates in the sky

oh shit this is a fucking asteroid

you know and that’s how we find a

lot of them there’s like hundreds of thousands of near

earth objects between mars and jupiter

and every now and then one of them will collide

with another one and it’ll just go rocketing towards

earth 45 000

miles an hour some of them are just

solid iron and they’re like a mile wide

dude do you have any idea

how fucking crazy that would be if we were all

standing outside and all the sudden

you could see in the distance

the fireball that was gonna kill you in three days

could you imagine

you could see it coming you see it

rounding mars and you definitely

think you’re gonna just start fucking like

crazy what would you i

think it would just start crying

i think you’d fuck like i’d just

start fucking like crazy i think everyone

would just go

crazy or g mode because i know i’ve talked

about this with many people before what

would you do

and it was just like if you saw it like an

asteroid you had like one hour what do you do you just

start fucking

start going like alright it’s time to do it

that’s what everybody says

are you gonna

are you gonna be the

catcher no no no no i mean to your girl like all

right you can finally do it i

guess i’m not

gonna feel anything later

wow you’d want to fuck her in the ass no no no

of her life you

selfish bastard no

but i’m saying everyone has that that same

thing i think

the last moments of your life and you want it to be all

about you no taking it

no i’m just saying though everyone says that they

would go fucking if there was like one hour left

don’t you think of turning this huge ball of

bodies on the streets and everyone’s just jizz

everywhere just become like a catamari of fucking orgy

sex going down

i don’t think it’s possible for everyone to do that i

think everyone i don’t

think i don’t

think it’s possible i think

most people are

gonna panic

most people are gonna

they’re not

gonna be able to

yeah they’re not

gonna be able

to keep it together

i don’t think they’re

gonna be able to just get hard ons and

start banging you know

hard ons require like

you know the feeling the need to

breed like the

need to be comfortable you have to be like secure

you know a fucking rock is

gonna come and slam

into the earth

you know within

the first second

that the meteor impact the one that

hit the yucatn

and killed the dinosaurs

within the first

second it was

five miles deep into the earth

within the first

second dude that’s crazy

dude stop and

think about that

within the first

second it was five

miles deep into the

earth it killed

everything it killed

everything on

earth it’s like

some rats and shit survived some bugs a few

bugs and some rats and they had to rebuild from scratch

it killed everything

65 million years ago

and it’s happened many

times there’s been several extinction events on earth

they know there’s another one from

250 million years ago

there’s another one killed everybody

shot boom hmm

and people will

try to tell you like there’s a way they’re

gonna be able

to deflect them they don’t even know they’re coming man

some of them come from behind the sun

and you can’t see them some of them come from

weird places that no one’s

watching they’re just they’re all out there man

if they hit

i think i would go

right to sex

still i think i

could get it up

i think i would like go over to my neighbor’s

house and ask the girl like hey do you want to join us

i think i would

i would want to find out when they

were thinking that it was

gonna hit and then i’d do mushrooms

yeah that would be good mushrooms i

tried do something faster though

full blown when it hit

if i do something faster yeah but

mushrooms seems like the right thing to do

i understand

about doing something faster but

it seems like if you could get the timing right

right mushrooms might have been

a badass yeah

just keep eating them

you know get

to like you know the hour and 20 minutes in and if it’s

still like the size of the moon in the sky

i would shoot up

heroin that would be the only time i would

shoot up heroin i would just go right to heroin

fucking do a shitload of it

have sex it’s very fascinating

to me that we have this horrifying fear of of

dying something like it

something like that

any sort of a natural disaster any big

crazy thing a

tsunami a meteor crash or

but we all know that we’re

gonna die right

it’s like for some reason we don’t

wanna address that we don’t

wanna think about that

we we wanna

think like how

crazy would be if it’s

gonna die catastrophe

is that worse somehow than

dying slow because your body stops working

right right or getting cancer yeah or being

you know you look at some old people that you know you

every now and then you’ll be out

like i was in

i forget what city

i think it was montreal maybe

and we were

outside and there was a lady that was walking by

i think it was montreal and

she had the

the worst posture i’ve ever seen ever

she was literally

bending at the waist

like she was doing it like an exercise

her upper body was

touching almost her legs and she was walking forward

and she was walking around i was like man

that’s a tough way to

die slow where your body just

starts giving out

things start

going wrong and you have all

these health

issues and your organism is barely keeping it together

wouldn’t it be cool to die in a meteor impact

dude if you’re there

where it hits

five miles into the ground

that the last the last ten

seconds would be so

cool oh god you didn’t fuck

out you feel like

you probably just burn up

first or something i don’t know i

think the impact

is like a billion nuclear explosion there’s

probably a lot of suction

too when it comes at you so fast there’s probably some

weird vacuum that happens and then you just

start flying away

you know maybe

yeah maybe i don’t have

to be something

weird like that whatever the impact

would probably kill everybody

the impact i mean

they said that that one in nevada have you ever

seen that one you fly over it it’s like a mile wide

right you know that way yeah

that one was like not that big it wasn’t a big thing

and it killed

everything within 800

miles wow everything

that’s crazy

everything 800

miles away from that

thing just was evaporated

could you imagine being 800

miles away from a meteor impact and you

still get jacked

like you’re

watching it in the distance

where is it

gonna hit it’s like 800

miles from now we’ll be fine

eight hundred

miles away it hits boom and you just disintegrate

what the fuck

it seems like something that

you would talk

about more often

it seems like something that we

would be addressing but i

guess people just feel helpless

and it hasn’t really happened

while we’ve been here and there’s no reason

to stress on it you know because if you stress on

anything too much it’s just you know why stress on that

it’s true there’s no reason to stress on it but it’s

still you would

think that more people

would want to discuss it

you know another one hit jupiter recently

really recently like within

the last couple of years a huge asteroid hit jupiter

there’s probably

groups of people that you know meet at

places that can talk

about asteroids if you’re you know i

can do i can do some doing for you i

wouldn’t why

would i go to

groups when i

could just talk to him online

sure you know you

could go to any

these a billion websites for guys were

famous for finding

but they might make it fun they

might get pizzas i

bet they do make it fun

staring at the stars is fun as fuck

don’t get me wrong

i’m not an asteroid aficionado

you should be

brian i’m gonna hit you

crazy asshole

kind of podcast you try to present here boy

you just too fucking

weird man you weird people out whatever

and now that you’re on the hunt again

weirding out all the bitches

are you weirding out the bitches or

no they take your style

i’ve been seeing you

and i see i

see what you’ve been doing and i’m very impressed

you doing good work

how’s that working

great do you like being single

i feel like having a

girlfriend what

do you know you know i i like having both

i think being single is fine i

think dating her

you want honey bun

right now i’m just having fun because my i’m so

motivated with

stand up comedy that i’m just

excited about that

right now so i don’t even

where can the

folks here go stalk you

when you gonna do

stand up again

well i on my twitter i always announced

if i’m usually doing twitter is red i

actually have a show

october twenty

seventh yeah

have a part of this competition

at flappers

comedy club in burbank it’s called like clyde’s comedy

dude we’re gonna

stack the deck

yeah we’re gonna

stack the deck

yeah couple two for one will

stack will stack the audience

with people listen to the park that

would be awesome

yeah but eighty percent will be haters yeah they

would all fucking

you every time you say something jay you ruined the

whole show ruin the momentum

we’re trying to talk

about some mma

you had to put your gay shit in

oh yeah you better

start talking gay shit boy

i love the hate

so have you bombed yet

in your return

no not really

i mean it’s really hard to bomb when there’s only like

five people in there you know it’s more of just like so

these are like

sort of like open mic

night shows there was a lot of open

micers in the audience well yeah there’s shows that

i do there are like five people or this show supposedly

i don’t know how many people are

gonna be at it but this is

gonna be like a

legit show i did like a show the

other day in

front of like

40 people or so fucking destroyed dude

i destroyed that was the

first time i destroyed ever like i came off

and people were like yeah

so did you say

october 22nd

october 27th i believe what day is that

i believe a wednesday

if it’s the

right date that i did right

that’s a flappers comedy

which is an awesome

comedy club in downtown burbank they took an old

27 it’s a wednesday

so i’m gonna be there too

i’ll be supporting brian

in this endeavor

and and even

you gotta clap and

cheer at all my gay jokes

and act like they’re really cool i can’t do that yeah

you have to be fake if

it’s not good i’m not

gonna laugh

i’m not gonna lie to you

i can’t treat you with kid gloves

you need to

but i go if i get

super high i’ll probably think most things are probably

so i’ll just go there

so i completely inebriated

and laugh just try to remember your jokes

i saw joey diaz

he did a cd recording the

other day in hollywood he didn’t want us

going there yeah

i was actually

going to go on a date there and i snuck in man i heard

how was it um

well he was really good you know

it was interesting he told a

bunch of stories that i hadn’t

heard before

which i didn’t really

think was possible

yeah oh that’s cool yeah it was the craziest thing ever

he told some

crazy fucking stories

you know i don’t want

to give it away but one of them was

about mug and a hooker

about how bad he felt

about it for years later

it was really fun remorse

it was good though

it was a good bet it’s

funny how he lives

like guilt and i have the same kind of

guilt but my shit

was like throwing rocks at that cardinal

you know when i was a kid and i

threw a rock at a cardinal yeah like this little

injured bird and i

was a kid and i

threw rocks at

it and i think

about that shit all the time

and then his shit’s like

a mug to hooker

do you know that they just pulled the miners out of the

shaft in chile

are they alive

last minute worked and look

this is cnn cnn is getting crushed

this is cnn com look at it it’s getting crushed

they cut all they

changed their whole page

because they’re getting so many hits i

think cremate

everything smaller

look at their

image of refresh

look at all this

it’s a browser

thing that’s just when

i’m not ever hitting

refresh i got it

right here well the

browsers fucking up because

they’re getting hit so many times because the last

minute work done

ahead of chilean mine rescue yeah

the descent capsule

the descent of the

capsule that will

carry 33 miners

trapped what are

these guys doing

for poop down there are they just shit in a corner

probably eating it

it’s probably like a

never ending

cycle of eating your own poop

just to stay alive

drinking your own piss and eating your own

poop because

i had corn before i went into this mine well you can do

you can eat

your own poop indians used to do it they call it

second harvest

i actually had this is

100 true story i had to

write a paper

about ways to help

like it was like africa or something like that

and i was seriously

wrote a paper that was like we just send them a

whole bunch of corn

and they could wash it out

and then re eat it

twice probably

and it was completely i

tried to be completely

legit i was in

fifth grade

and i got in

so much trouble for that fucking report because

i thought it was just being an asshole and gross and

stuff like that i was being serious i was being

completely serious like i

wrote it all

fancy did you ever see that

movie the yes men

no yes men was a

movie yes they did that parody where

they said they were

gonna take you know make

burgers out of poof

that came out of the toilet they’re

gonna filter it yes

no i didn’t see it it was like a parody

they did well they did

they trolled people

and they pretended that they were

gonna open up this

plant and they were

gonna make cheeseburgers

that are made out of poop oh wow

yeah seems familiar but

well you know what man

it’s it’s a it’s a brilliant

movie you gotta

watch it a brilliant documentary i

think they’re doing something else too

but you know

think about how hard

life has to be before you

start eating your own shit

you know the american indians

that was the

roughest way to live ever

you know before the europeans came and think

about what it must have been like before there was even

horses these fucking people were all on foot

they’re eating

their own poop

are those minors

alive though

yeah they’re my i was

33 of them man

that’s just jacked

nobody died now and i wow

yeah i don’t know i don’t

understand what they were doing down there

i don’t know why

i mean i understand what

they were doing that’s not what i mean i mean i don’t

understand how they were staying

alive they must have been in some sort of a

they might have

places down there like

where they can go

in case there’s some sort

of a collapse if it’s not a collapse of the whole mine

you know it’s

collapse a part

of the mind they have like a rescue center

right because it seemed like there was some

place they were

going that was like

set up for you know

if something like this happened there’s a

movie that came out that is kind of on the subject that

recently came out that you should i

heard is disturbing as fuck it’s called the

human centipede and it’s

it’s based on

i guess real

scientific experiments have you

heard of this no it’s not

based a real

i thought it was

no all right

so that part the

trolley yeah i

heard it was actually

based on facts

well maybe the nazis

might have done something

like japanese some

crazy experience

world war ii they did some crazy shit

right where they

transfused horse

blood into people and

there’s a lot of they did

amputation exercises

and trying to you know put people’s heads on

other people’s

bodies and share they did

a lot so you know what the

centipede yeah

they connect people’s butts to

their mouths

right and they

see if they could

make it alive

it’s a horror

movie bro yeah

it is a horror

movie yeah it’s supposed to be a terrible horror movie

it’s all based on

scientific i

swear to god that

that shit was real no so they’re pulling people out man

wow they lowered the capsule

i wonder how many people gave in and fucked each

other like let’s have some minor sex

might as well you think

those guys fuck you

too down there

dude i’ll give you black lung

with my i wonder how long it takes before people

start doing shit like that

you know i think

some people have

at different timetables of me like to me

i would be happy masturbating i

would like forever for life

i would look at

a canary or what if you went to jail for life for life

i would totally just be

happy masturbating really what if this is like some

sweet sweet boy wants to suck your dick dude

unless it was like justin bieber

style or something like that so you

would do it if it was a little boy

so you do if you looked

under it no no i was just kidding

no to me i’m

happy with masturbation

i think masturbation is

great i have no problems now if i’m in jail and i have

nothing to look at i’d probably have to draw my own

women and stuff like that you know that

would draw you

just go from memory you

would go for your own

after a while you won’t have memory anymore

would you would

you kind of

be too foggy i have some memories from my childhood

i would draw

right when i got in there i’d draw vagina

and boobs and

stuff just so i have references

remember what they look like

yeah you would

think that at least they

would get them some fucking porn

jail man that shit was fake right like

where you’re allowed to have

sex dates or is that real no

in some prisons they they have it set up like that they

would they would

allow them to have conjugal

visits were they allowed to have sex

yeah yeah they do that in some places but

i don’t know if that happens anymore

is that still

going on i see i

never knew he

existed begin with

yeah it was a real deal

i don’t know i’m not a

not hip to what’s

going on in prison these days

there’s a lot of goddamn prison shows on tv though

have you seen the one with the booty bandit

guy talks about booty mm hmm

one of the most frightening things ever

i’m gonna load it up because

you need it

to know that this this guys like this waiting for you

there’s guys like this guy waiting for you and present

you fuck up

i could only


yeah the booty warrior okay

the war i’m gonna load this shit up

wasn’t it

a very different kind of homosexuality here is

you have it on

twice somewhere

no i only have it on here

you have two

youtube windows open yeah but it’s not the same

thing this is something else

that’s something else

i only have it in here

what’s this one

this is it why is it playing twice

i don’t know

you’re the fake tech supporter

i bet that police told us

was about the place that police told us

you have the use stream up that’s why

oh is that what it is

you have the use

jesus this is the most unprofessional setup ever

toe free call you cunt toe

free they trying to sell me real estate you

should order that answer that live

no but when lockup visited kentucky state penitentiary

we met police johnson

a long time inmate

who practices a very different kind of homosexuality

well we have sexual desires right

so you got a bunch of man locked up you can warn

all of them get whore

all i’m calling all of them that safe to desire

so what are they gonna do won’t let them have one

somebody is going to keep us moving

and it is simple the most

memorable story that fleece

told us this is was david hale one of the producers

and i met this dude he talked about this

with maximum security penitentiary

he went on about it and on about it in his prison booty

booty was more important

a man’s foot

it was more my job sir

it was more booty average of booty

what’s more important than drinking water

now is that guy projecting like is

that his personal

feeling and he’s just like everybody likes it more than

water i don’t know whether he’s just trying

to be sensational for the tv show and just like really

freak everybody out or if he

just likes fucking people that much he just loves

booty that much i

think i think he

personally liked

ass more than anything well he’s talking

about how that’s how they rock it in jail

i mean you got he’s the only one in jail you got to

think there’s a possibility that he’s telling the truth

that everybody’s just running

around fucking everybody probably is if you have

probably like a life sentence there’s probably a good

seventy percent of people

that just flip over i i don’t yeah i don’t think i

would but i don’t have not put in that situation what

if you were in jail with this guy though

that guy you got to give up the booty

you think you can

fight him off

he’s got a weak chin i don’t like that

you think you can

fight him off or no you don’t like the way it looks

like if he attacks

me he wouldn’t give up the

booty if he attacks me

raped you ah

fuck that guy

i could that guy

really you think you

could beat this big

black dangerous rapist

dude if he likes ass that much i

could totally

beat that guy well let’s see what this is how he

would take the

pussy tells guys how he takes the boy pussy

i like booty

johnson went on to tell our crew

how he used to satisfy

his sexual desires

especially during the 1970s and 80s

when he was most active

and prison security

was more lax

when i see one

and he looks good to me when i go see him i say

as i’m telling you what

i like you i want you

i want you and

all we can do is the easy way out the hallway

some of the charts

we can do this the easy way or the hard way

the choice is yours

right what’d you do brian if he said that to me

i’d take it i’d be like

alright but let me go down on you first and then

you take his pants off

and i would just fucking start karate

chopping his dick as hard as i

could do you really think that’s gonna work

first of all you’d probably be

hypnotized by it like a cobra to a

flute i would you probably look at that big giant

black fucking

snake in front of you

you know what i would probably just get out of fear i

would probably grab it as hard as i

could and run as fast as i

could you would run and see if i could

snap it off


dude you would teach the worst krav maga class ever

you would be the

the worst self defense

instructor of

all time i probably okay this is what we want to do

i probably would do some dexter

and probably

could you imagine if you had this is your fucking plan

imagine if somebody hired

someone to do

like a rape prevention course and you were the guy

and you would come in you were totally unqualified i

we’re gonna grab the dick

we’re gonna run as hard as we can

we’re gonna try to rip it off

you definitely

see people practicing

like if he’s got his dick

and it’s on the

floor do you

think he’s gonna be worried

about hurting

you or getting his dick attached back to his body

he’s not gonna

spend the time to kick your ass

trust me if you pull his dick off the

fight is over

i called this move picking up the phone book

take the grab

grab the balls as hard as you can and just pull it

up as fast as you

can phone book yeah

imagine that imagine

if you were to do that like if you were like all

right let me go down on you and you

take his balls and both

of your hand take two handfuls as hard as you can grab

and you just dig your claws in

and just like

pull and and rip as fast as you can well you

might be able to rip someone’s testicles off

might be possible

someone’s test

you have a good grip

if you knew you’re

gonna get raped in prison

wouldn’t you do something like that what if

his balls were all

sweaty though and they

slipped right out oh that’s why you have to dig your

nails markquart’s

ankle slips

right out and then you go what are you

gonna do now he’s

gonna beat the fuck out of you try to grab his balls

your nails in man go for the

nails put your finger

underneath the vein

as well so that

would be your

self defense

would always be attack the balls attack

the deck off

with two hands

that dude imprisoned

baseball bat style

yeah what if he

punches you first

i don’t care about you

first i’m going

right for his

he punches you in the

face before he even makes you suck his dick just but

blame just to let you know this is how it’s

going down well i probably

wouldn’t wipe

my ass too much when i was in prison so even if he did

knock me out

and she went for you like oh this shit

stinks i gotta go

you would you

would sacrifice you’d be itchy

get used to it

probably get used to it

this guy scares the fuck out of me

that guy is

crazy he’s fucking

crazy half of me

thinks it like half

of me thinks he’s just all fucking fake

i don’t think so dude

i think it’s true

you know i mean i don’t

think there’s a

whole lot of raping he looks

like cee lo

green though

like he’s like i’m

gonna rape you

johnson also had a warning

for the new generation of inmates

they might be asking for trouble from old

timers you know they got this thing

what they say big pain

past they put

it’s a style they call it some sort of gangster

style if you know it’s sexy to us

right and see what they were prepared for

this right so

you said your

pants and her man somebody be up in your but

you know it is it so

he looks like

randy from american idol not scared of that guy

when he was in his prime

they wouldn’t be safe from his advances either

the cameraman you say is ripping

and as much as i like booty i probably

felt one of y’all but

and i was wrong compared to

and dared you to say

i got no shame

in my game this is nothing that i’m ashamed to admit

i am what i am

i’m a warrior

too you know

some warrior

let that be no

i’m a warrior

i’m a booty

stealing warrior see to me i see

the gay in that guy

and to me it just

sounds like he’s just like i’m

gonna get him i’m

gonna get his butthole

we and i’m like that doesn’t

scare me that guy’s in jail for life are you

crazy he’s probably murdered a gang of people

and he will fuck you up

if you were

alone in a cage with that guy and he pulled out his

black digging we

gonna do this the easy way all the way

and started

dropping fucking

knuckles on your face

thank you jack

rip his balls off so you’ll be willing if

i can get this guy paroled you be willing to do i cage

match with him

no no i’m not saying cage

match i’m just saying if i’m in a cell with him and he

approaches me i’ll be

out i’ll go for it dude

oh i will totally suck your big

black dick and then i’ll go down like i’m

going to do it

just start ripping shit up

and you think that would

work totally work

fucking snap his dick in half

and ever get

it what he’s

still in the cage with you and now he’s hurt yeah

you started doing it

gonna keep on doing it he’s

gonna start crying

when he comes to your rescue

then we start

kicking his little

ballhole wherever his balls were

fucking he’s little ball i will

murder him from the dick up so

yes totally but

what if as you’re

going down to

go to his dick he needs you in the face no because he

doesn’t know he

thinks i’m going down on him to suck his dick

and i’m a good actor yeah i’m a totally good i don’t

think you’re

gonna come off

at all never ask

you’ll throw on a gay voice

oh totally i’ll tell they

break out and everything

fuck as an analyst of altercations

which i am i’m an altercation

an altercation analyst

i think you’re fucked in this one i really don’t yeah

i think he’s

gonna be looking for you to do something like

that no cause probably

other guys try to grab his dick before

you think you’re gonna be the first person

to fight drag him

if i look him in

the eyes he’s

gonna punch you in your face

a few times if i look him in the eyes and be really

sincere with my

voice and like look

i really think we

should do this

cause we’re

gonna be in here what if

he only likes rape

huh what if he

doesn’t get hard look the normal way i’ll be like look

first i wanna lick you off

you know i’ll say something i can

he’s obviously not a bright guy i could

trick him with my words and my eyes well he

doesn’t seem that dumb he just seemed to fuck he’s in

fucking prison he got caught

well he’s a criminal brian

a lot of them were just they’re doing so much

crime they just will get caught

gotta be smart dexter didn’t get caught

oh brian i think he

would rape you

all right okay

i don’t think you’d rape me i

think he’d rape you i

think we’d have

a problem though if he and i were in jail together hmm

i don’t think you

would not try to rape me

i think he definitely

would really

i think yeah i

think he probably

tries to rape

everybody smoking

cigarettes so

i got a question is gas tank

why are we always talking

about gay sex on this shit

because we’re retarded

how many people are like man the only dudes talk

about assholes

and dicks well this is a fascinating fucking guy man

this isn’t just talking

about gay sex what’s fascinating to me is

about this guy being so brazen about it

where he’s just talking

about it and like he’s

obviously loving

the attention that all his cameras are putting on him

so i’m trying to figure out how much of this is true

i’m trying to figure out how much of it is just

he’s you know


everything to seem even cooler for this tv show

cause he knows they’re

gonna air him i mean

he’s probably a fucking star now they have tv in prison

right so they probably have seen this show

and so i’m saying that he probably went out and

tried to rape somebody that

night just to fucking celebrate right hmm

i don’t know

what if you

can probably listen to this podcast and he’s sitting

there fucking like if i get ever get out here i’m

going to show this boy

you i’ll beat

that dude’s ass

don’t worry

about it bro

hey get him

get him before he comes near you thanks

that would suck

there’s no way we can end the show this way

but yet we are doing it

i would buy that guy a

flashlight like do wait calm down a

second that’s not what he wants

your asshole

maybe he likes it

they have butthole

flashlights no

doesn’t feels good

holding a person down the whole you being

panic and your butt

sweat and all that

he probably that’s what he probably looks forward to

probably looks forward to the

whole domination aspect of it

we’ve officially

crossed the line

and talked about way too much gay shit

on this podcast

no more gay shit the entire next podcast yes

next next podcast has to be

all gay humor free

yes um brody

rody stevens

you guys are great

thank you for

tuning in this was a very strange i like this podcast

more strange

well i think we did get a little bit too high

yeah because when i

started talking about the

the tea party i

started talking

about i was like you

know what i don’t really even know what they like like

i started talking shit about them

and i’m like i don’t even know what’s

annoying me

about them they

might be delightful people

no they’re definitely not delightful people

they’re ridiculous

they’re fucking

ridiculous idiots

maybe they’re just gay voters

they’re all crazy

i don’t know what their

stance is but i know they’re

crazy personally

we got glenn beck and fucking

sarah palin talking farm

so i wouldn’t have even gone down that road i don’t

think if i wasn’t so high

but since i’ve

been high i’ve been forced to take a position

my position is they’re crazy

and that guy who

dresses up like a nazi

for sure he said nigger somewhere in his life

for sure right totally he

doesn’t like jews do you

think that he has ever touched a child

it could be

could be he’s touched a child


wrong with that dude there’s

definitely something very very

wrong with him

um you know you don’t

you don’t go around

dressing like the most evil fucks that ever

existed when people

still alive were

you know detained by

these people and

their families were killed

that’s like people that are

alive right now

it’s one thing if you want to

dress up like a fucking barbarian

you know and put a big bearskin

fucking thing on and

crazy bone like teeth

like necklaces and

stuff and you want to

dress like somebody looks

like who was the enemy

10 000 years ago but

not 1945 right

stop right right

can you imagine in the future when they have

browser reenactments

like reenactments from

companies like

all right i’m

gonna play the role of microsoft

i’m gonna play the role

of you know

and we’re gonna

mildly bore each

other for the next two

hours to teach our kids what happened

that’s fine

could you imagine if someone who wants to play

steve jobs i’m

steve jobs and i’m

steve wozniak and we created

apple right

and they’re dressing the part

yeah all reenactments are retarded

doesn’t matter what you’re reenacting whether

it’s software wars or civil wars

like what are you doing you’re

getting together and play pretending

don’t you have a family you fuck

don’t you have a life don’t you have things to do nope

no no we don’t either that’s why we did a podcast today

that’s right and you’re going to be

going to london for ufc

yes going to london

and we’ll be back

next tuesday with bobby lee

bobby lee wants to do it next tuesday

and maybe joe diaz will join us

again if he can break free

of his other

commitments joe diaz is a wanted man

these days though he’s got a lot of shit going on

he you know did the cd taping the other night

right but i think he’s gonna do more of them

there was only like you know it wasn’t like the biggest

crowd there they

weren’t sure whether or not they were gonna record

they weren’t sure whether or not they’re

gonna have the room because it’s um

it’s all it’s

the the south comedy

hall has they lost

their liquor license or some sort of occupancy problem

because something the

landlord did so they’re opening up a new club so he’s

gonna have a new club in like a couple weeks

and if you live anywhere near

santa ana in 10 days you’re

gonna be at this

sweet ass theater

called the galaxy theater it looks badass oh yeah the

santa ana galaxy theater is

that is october

22nd and yeah i

think there’s

still some tickets available for that

and that’s gonna be a good time

i don’t even know who i’m doing it with probably joey

if joey’s around if he’s

free that night

and that weekend is the

ufc so there’s

two ufc weekends in a row this one’s in london

i got two shows at the

leicester square theatre

and then of course

the 16th it’s on spike tv

and then ufc

121 is the 23rd and that one is

on pay per view it’s

gonna be fucking crazy

so that’s it

let’s see another program

thank you very much for tuning in

ladies and gentlemen

we enjoy you all we

appreciate you all

we wish we had

something to end the show with let’s do that that that

the antwood song yeah

okay hit me with that

cause it just came out

today right

so next tuesday

bobby lee and um

we’ll definitely do another one next week too

for you know

i don’t know who will do it

for duncan i don’t get duncan back on this

shit well duncan was supposed to be back but he had a

problem with buttholes poopy

see ya later everybody

fuck every single one of your wack tracks

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