The Joe Rogan Experience #51 - Joey Diaz

i came to get down i’m not internationally

known but i’m known to rock a microphone

oh it’s crisp and

clean with no caffeine it’s better than the

other brands i have seen it’s not a different

color like all the rest is the rat

coolest and best seven up

who sings that

third grade is that a real friends from third grade

for a walk in the garden

give me some point back

smelling more pretty

i’m looking to you feeling shitty so i’m like

what’s wrong man

i don’t mind if you tell me just stop following

yeah go smile

for yourself this is some second hand smell you dig

you talk too loud

in the movies would you please be a little bit consider

rich you found a bit

too much to think something’s on the blink

cause you got way too many dirty dishes in

yeah you need fumigation or some hard

going depths up investigation

don’t say it man just do it

wanna curl up in this warm fluid

you talk too loud in the movies

would you please be a little bit considerate

you talk too loud in the

movies would you please be a little bit considerate

talk too loud

in the movies would you please be a little bit


you talk too loud

in the movies would you please be a little bit


stop look look again someone’s looking at me through

your eyeballs and that

certain little something might go

wrong with you

you let it don’t forget it like mom i need a towel

next i use new towels on the floor

one two one two one two one

story here mad

flavor motherfucker started i gotta get mad

flavor in the house ladies and gentlemen

how you guys doing alright this is

the joe rogan experience podcast with brian rikel

aka red band

with our special guest joe coco

diaz aka mad flavor

aka planet rock

aka joey karate

sponsored as always by the

flashlight i

don’t know why i have to hold this up to the

microphone or to the because

a lot of people have seen it for the

first time right now

okay i do every time though

i don’t know why i do it i just keep holding it up

most of the people probably listen on itunes anyway

but um or the zoom

i don’t want to be

microsoft racist

right yeah totally

is there some

something here in the

background yeah

oh that’s a song

sorry it’s the show yeah

anyway flashlight

calm if you go to my website joe rogan

net there’s

a link and if you order this it gives you 15

off and code

really good if you fuck it

and one other thing

just a little shout out

because when i spoke to one of the owners chris

he said they were gonna come up with some new ideas

you know like when you buy a box of campbell

soup and shit

on the side of

it yeah it gives you the directions for campbell’s soup

but it also gives you directions for

other things you could do

and i was thinking

about other

things you could do

like you could take this out and put ice cubes in there

and fuck it you follow me a lot of people

haven’t invented that yet that ice cubes yeah it’s

ice cubes i

wouldn’t do it

but i know for

some people you put ice cubes inside a fucking drink

you put some ice cubes you

shake it up and you fuck it with dry ice

or green tea heated

you know i’m saying

cause it feels nice on your dick

oh let’s say you had a

rough night the

night before you banged 18 hookers

and your fucking dick is

bleeding you put

epsom salt in there with warm water

and you fuck the epsom salt

just a couple different recipes we have for you

at joe rogan

experience not that i

would try this shit

i know a lot of you fucking

freaks would try this

stuff at home i know redman would

definitely try it i

wouldn’t try ice cubes that

would make it

shrink and be sad well whatever the fuck

maybe somebody stepped on your dick at an

mma contest

wouldn’t dry ice burn your dick

well that’s some people like that shit talk

20 years ago i went to a club

to get quaaludes

and i walked in i’ll

never forget

it was called ramrod

it was a gay bar in the city

we were kids we were like 18 that’s the

first time i seen a dude with a cape on

i thought it was the coolest fucking

thing in the

world a man had a cape on

and i walked into this club

and before we walked in there

was a fetish club on the side there was a guy in a tub

that had a sign on him that said spit on me

that was his fetish for people to spit on

so here’s the beauty

i’m standing there

you know your jaws

going you’re drinking

you know you had to pee and also they see

twenty guys

standing on line for the fucking bathroom i

asked when i go listen

well let’s just ask the guy in the tub

if we could pee on

so i walked over to the guys can i ask you a question

do you mind if we pee on you the guys go

right ahead

there was a

point that night

i looked at him he had a circle of guys just you know

those guys that don’t want to wait online

like fuck it just pee on

when i left the guy had

three inches of pee in the fucking tub

the sign was all fucking melted

like the black

ink would have been melted

it was this guy wanted people to spit on him we

ended up pissing on him

and i pissed on him i’m guilty

of i don’t give a fuck he didn’t suck my dick and then

i would piss on anybody

i don’t give a fuck he seems like the luckiest man

alive oh please but that’s a

crazy ass fetish but

you never know

some people’s

chicken is another man’s gumbo you know i’m saying

i don’t like pissing on

myself but this guy wanted you to piss and spit on him

wow what is that

that’s crazy shit that’s

crazy shit that when i was in seattle

on wednesday

nights at the comedy club they had a fetish

club afterward

and there’s a couple times i stayed people fucking

crazy it ain’t my bag of tricks

you know but people go

crazy they put

clips on their nipples and

all that i’m not into that fucking shit but some people

where’s all that shit coming from

what’s all that come from

i don’t know the same people who are in

orders i don’t know i don’t know what

these people

fucking come

from it’s just a broken

brain like someone who just wants to

shock the shit out of everybody

i don’t know like sometimes you’re sitting there

going well i need some action in my sex life

fucking people in the ass just ain’t enough no more

i just wanna go

around and have

people piss all over me yeah like all that shit or

come on me fuck

man like my boy and it wasn’t really

the guy that wasn’t what the guy’s intentions were

the guy just wanted people to spit on him

wow i just took it to the next

level because

i’m crafty like how

about dudes

who like girls to beat the fuck out yeah there’s people

there’s a lot of them

lot of them

do to like girls to beat the shit out of them

kick them in the balls

punch them in the face

it’s fucking

there’s so many

videos online

dudes love that i go for

until like the

third smack and i lose my mind

fucking punch it

right in the

throat you know

what are you fucking

kidding me that’s a

weird instinct that is why

we fight with chicks

smack them around

or for them to

smack the fuck out of you yeah

but what are you

gonna do this people that animals all over

there’s people that only

fight with their

spouses they don’t

fight with other people they just

fight with their spouses

you know with

everybody else they like resolve arguments

with their spouses

they beat the fuck out of each other yeah

sorry i was doing some business

what were you doing

oh i got a plug

it was loose on the laptop

and it was only coming out of the left

speaker so now it’s coming out of the

right but only for

you stream oh

sorry fuckin

TikTok sorry used to

you stream so

you’ve been having a

successful podcast lately

how’s it going very good sir

you guys no

what the fuck i’m

gonna say you

just funny man very good

sir just the way you say what do you want me to say

what do you guys talk

about like what’s the

whole well what’s

the joey diaz podcast it’s with felicia

michael felicia michael who’s a hilarious comedian

and it’s called

beauty she’s

the bob cools the other

of the thing

she controls the fucking

thing cause she’s nice and white

you know the

celtics were winning in the fifties

they had four fucking

black guys jumping up and down

but the guy who was the hang wrangler was

whatever the guy just said the little

bob cuz he was the

white point guard

right you know he was five foot five

you wouldn’t listen to him

but he fucking controls you know he pulled the rings in

you know i’m saying so she’s like the

brain puller

and i go fucking nuts i don’t i know so little

about sports

no no we don’t talk

about sports on no i mean

no it’s just it’s just

i just use that

you know i just used it now i

should know

no you don’t have to know you were you fucking born

i just used a wild analogy

about it you know i’m saying

what’s up red band you’re all fucking spots

of there’s a fucking big

group of people that don’t get into any

sports at all

no sports no nothing and when you talk to him

about it just like

no i’m not really into

sports except for the

ufc i’m that person

you know i’m more than surprised at how many

people are just like that how many people don’t like

going to sports

but this there’s people that you

would never

expect that were like big ufc fans

like that i

would think

would be like like

above this right

like mike judd

the guy created beavis and butt head and you know

the the the fox show what is that fox animated show

king of the hill

king of the hill and

you know so many fucking movies

he’s a huge fan i hung out with him in austin

oh really when yeah

well i met him

before too oh really yeah i met him a long time ago

on newsradio he was

hanging out with

paul simms and they were playing instruments together

and this is when i was in full

mike judd man lust

because this is when he had

done beavis and butt head

so i was a full on fanboy

you know i was like oh man it’s fucking mike judd

his beavis and butt head

to me was the funniest cartoon of all time yeah totally

funniest animated

show corn julio

dude i remember

crying laughing

laughing so hard i couldn’t breathe

watching my show and i didn’t even

smoke pot back then wow

i didn’t even that was

the best part

about beavis and bud

getting really

stoned and watching beavis and bud

dude i got a i did something for whoever did beavis

about it something for mtv

and they hooked me up with

every episode ever on vhs wow

they gave me

boxes of them

and me and this

chick that i was dating

this is when i

first moved here

and me and this chick

i was dating just sat

in front of the tv all day we

ordered pizza

i didn’t even have a couch

and we watched

these episodes

every episode of beavis and butter

crying laughing wow

so hanging out with him

i was like this guy likes the ufc like

i would have thought you’d been

above that sir i can’t believe

you haven’t seen mediocracy yet have you

idiocracy no no

you got it you got it

if you you’re a fan of him

yeah and your theories and how you

think the world is and

stuff it combine

those two it’s that

movie yeah everybody

told me well i a lot of people actually accused me

of stealing my bit

about dumb people out bleeding

smart people but luckily

i had it on dvd before that

movie came out so no one can say oh

when did the accuracy come out

about four years ago but i think

three years ago

about was it’s the it’s the it

came to stick

world yeah yeah and it came and went

right to video i believe you know what man i read

for that look it’s a the

you know the theory that people are

dumb people are out breeding

smart people it’s not just mine but was it

just it was at the

movie where they wanted

mixed races

no no no no it’s a

movie where dumb people take over

like it’s eventually there’s no

smart people left

which is basically just like my bed

but you know everybody sees that everybody’s

you know that’s

the number one concern that an intelligent person has

is that look how many

dumb people are having kids look how many dumb people

are in your

school system clogging up

the system with

their fucking

kids that are already

predestined for retardation

just by the way you’ve raised them you’ve just fucked

their heads up it’s

been raising

what they’re

supposed to also

lately i’ve been

watching a little bit more

television just so i

could be in the fucking loop

instead of criticizing i’ve been

watching more television

it’s fucking

scary guys reality

tv i’ve been

watching the


like for the

first time i didn’t know who

these people were

and i wanted to see what this is

about that is the goofiest

fucking show ever

yeah it’s ridiculous there is some shows out there

but i’ll tell you what shows kicking that hoard is

how can you let yourself go you know what’s sad

makes me sad

about the kardashian show is

bruce jenner

oh he’s a bruce

jenner was a

motherfucker a



he was a fucking one of the

greatest olympians ever

what did he do the decathlon

is that what he did what the fuck did he do

the fight through he through spears

he did a super

athlete a real

true super he’s

still a bad


just got caught up he got the plastic surgery i mean i

yeah i don’t that’s just

how can one deteriorate to that

point everybody

wears his last

nobility even

young kid a

shoot this fucking botox shit

we were talking

about that could that girl heidi

heidi montag

yeah that’s what we do we talk

about her one

i know we’re talking

about it because she

apparently is friends with

brian’s friend

esther yeah

her sister podcast

together her sister

you up see ringo

for a while

for no that’s ivy hollywood whatever no no

no no that’s

from the hills

yeah you’re talking

about the one that’s in playboy

yeah i don’t know

these people i

tried guys the one

was on that show

the girls next door i

went to a party the

other day i don’t

think we didn’t talk

about this how

crazy have you ever been to a

crazy hollywood

party like you know just

thousands of thousands of dollars were

spent on a party

i was at a party the

other day that there was baby

tigers that’s how

crazy it was like burlesque dancers

the biggest

sushi bar you’ll ever see

and baby tigers walking around

and i was like

that’s ridiculous

and then you walk out and just like oh there’s

nicki hilton

i guess if you’re

gonna have a

party and nicki hilton’s coming to a party

you have to get baby tigers

or she will be pissed off or something

you know cause

these girls have this fame now

where like the

kardashians and

stuff like that

where they go to parties and they

expect certain

things parties are weird man

parties are

weird when you’re going to

basically a club

that is someone’s house

i mean that’s what parties are

you bring your

friends and

it turns to this gigantic conversation pit of people

those are so strange man

when you don’t know people

you don’t know who’s there

there’s 100

200 people in your house

hey how many parties you’ve been over like that

that was i’ve been to like two

like the south park guys had a

party once where everyone was

dressed like moulin rouge

and they were like

everyone spent like 400

per costume at

least kind of

party it was cool you walked in

it looked like a circus

that was the

first one i went to and the

second one was this one the last one i went to was

they had staff that

was trying to keep people out of the rest of the house

they would have

staff that would

stand there with

their hands behind

their back so

they couldn’t go upstairs

you couldn’t go rummaging through

the bedrooms

and shit but they had like a living room area

where you were allowed to go to

and then some big

crazy ass backyard

and just some

nutty rich motherfucker

that just wants to have a

bunch of people over his

house no i hate

dancers on poles

you know that i hate fuck

very strange man

since i was a kid i

never really

they’re very strange i don’t like people at my

house either for a party

yeah every time the door opens

everyone’s head

turned towards the door like who’s coming

who’s it gonna be look who it is who’s it gonna be

oh it’s her there

she is i saw her in that

magazine she looks fat in person

oh my goodness she’s had some work done well a

party here and a

party where

these people are

watching it is

you guys go to a

party that’s normal

somebody puke somebody catches

a beat the purse gets robbed

that’s a fucking party

when you go to

these parties here with

these worthless


and they’re all walking around

thinking that they and it’s fucking amazing

it’s amazing that people

stand on line for

hours to go into a club

these are the

things that take me

and i get baffled by

like i wouldn’t wait fucking ten minutes to eat dinner

never mind stand

get in a fucking club

by the time i’m

standing the acid kicked in i

wouldn’t waste my fucking time

if i’m not walking in i don’t

wanna be there man

that’s a strange

thing about club

shit with big ass lines you know and then vip

tables and and whatever when i was a kid you did

coke in the bathroom that was the fucking vip all right

that was vip now you

gotta have a vip table

it’s fifteen hundred just to sit

you gotta be behind the

velvet ropes a hundred for

a bottle what if i fucking want water

listen man if you

wanna live like you’re in an r kelly

video oh fuck rules

there’s no rules i once was

i was once in one of

those lines

where i was with two girls

and we waited in line like an hour

to get into this club

and then they

get to i get to the

front and they go

the two girls can come you have to wait

and i waited for another half hour

til i get in

i get in and then they’re like and the girls

are already with guys no no the girls were like this

place sucks let’s go i’m like no

where was this

i don’t remember miscellaneous hollywood bar

wow you’re fucking

crazy that’s brutal

that’s brutal

there’s this one place

in hollywood that’s cool it’s like a bondage

type dance club

you walk in there is net

above the the bar

where people

naked girls are just climbing

above you so you’re

drinking and looking

up there’s just like spider man’s on top of you it’s

crazy wow that’s

crazy yeah weird

weird fucking

parties like that man there’s that’s like a big social

thing like who

could put on the craziest one

who can have you know

baby tigers

right you know the one i want to

just have holes

an ice cube that melts

the fuck is that

like an ice

sculpture like once the ice

sculpture is done the party

are you fucking kidding the

party’s over when i say it’s fucking over

party’s over when fucking papa

does his last fucking line that’s when it’s fucking

over fucking over

ice sculpture

are you fucking kidding me it’s a swan

oh please it’s a beautiful swan

ice at angels melt it is

amazing art

and it’s temporary just

like life it’s amazing what they’ve done to parties

people think a party

should be and how they

stand online

you wait an hour so you go to a

party for four

hours you maybe

if you’re a regular person get four fucking

drinks at the bar

by the time the bartender comes to you and you give a

it’s amazing and you’re

gonna go all do all this shit

think i’ve told the

story about the very first big

party that i ever went to i was in high school

i think i’ve told the

story before have i

it was a big brawl that broke out

i was with my pal

jimmy wallace

who was sully

on the message board and

me and him and this kid john batarako

we went to this part of this iranian kid through

this iranian kid had just

moved into town his family was very very wealthy

and he just

wanted to make some friends

so he decided he was

gonna throw a

party cause his parents

weren’t home

well this kid

was like you know like 14 15 years old or something

so he throws this fucking

party and has

just like five different high

schools there

like the entire

class like seniors

juniors everyone’s

underage everyone’s

drinking the

place is mobbed

and people are

stealing shit left and

right alright so this

place is flooded

with horny drunk

teenagers and it’s a mansion

it’s a mansion

in like this

incredible old boston neighborhood with this giant lawn

i mean it is a huge fucking place

and right in the middle of this this party

these kids are

drunk and one

chick says something fucked up to some dude

and the dude says something

fucked up to her i don’t remember what the words were

but i remember

something she did to him she either

smacked him or she

threw a drink in his face

i forgotten

because the

right hand that he hit her with

is embedded in my

brain there’s no room for anything else

this dude knew how to punch

and whatever she did to him i

think she hit him

maybe she hit him

he fucking uncorked one on her face

i’ve never seen a dude

knock a chick out like this before

he knocked a

chick out like she was a dude

boom just connected on her face with like this

perfect punch

and her arms went out

her body dropped she went totally

unconscious this dude caught her as she went


and then it was on

it was just on it was

tables were flying

glass was breaking

people were diving onto

piles of people

and it was like a fucking

movie i was like

covering my ears and

sneaking my way through the

house bro it was brawls

everywhere you looked it’s like that one punch

lit a fire that

these kids were just looking for a reason to fight

and people started

screaming at people and then

piling on top of people

and girls were fucking hitting people with

their shoes and

people were diving off piles and

other piles that’s a party jack

i got outside my friends were all cut up and shit

the fuck out of here

they just gotten through a pile

you know like dudes were just

piling on to each

other dudes are just

fighting it became like

like they got infected with that rage shit from 28 days

later wow which is

a party like that it’s tough to

stand on land for a fucking hour

just stealing vcrs and

we saw people

walking out with shit we saw them walking out with shit

they just robbed this dude’s house

he knew nobody he just

moved there

it was nuts

it was not and i’m just i’m just

thankful that nobody fucking jumped on me that’s all

i mean easily i

could have been at the bottom one of

those piles there was no logic to

those piles

those piles are just

wild chimp add alcohol

who’s this fucking prick

this fucking

prick from newton north

thinks he’s

gonna come down here

we run shit here

you know what the scariest

thing about that

whole thing is

zero cell phones

so that was like

those are good days

you had ten minutes to get your fucking car leave

and nobody took a

picture of your

license plate

you know you can hit somebody with a

chair you got

eight minutes

just to get the fuck the

bad time is back down when someone

stole your car they

stole your car

right that’s it that shit’s

gone son there’s no internet you can’t put the license

plate online

and mobile me

to find my car take

your shit man one of the biggest lessons i ever learned

i never drank

again on new year’s

never after i seen that one new years i went to a

party like that

it was very chill

everybody was having a good time

and also one of my buddies couldn’t

drink he started

drinking and he

started spitting on the

floor oh no

the people that the person said something to him

and he put like

two hundred dollars in the person said something to him

like really

he goes either i take my

money and leave

while fucking

he started some shit next

thing you know all

fight broke out

that’s the first time fuck mike tyson

danny biankulo bit my friend’s ear off that

night we had to

drive him to the hospital and with a baggie with icing

in the bottom of his

earlobe was in the

thing and he kept holding on for the car saying

as soon as i get

stitched up

i’m gonna go back there and fuck him up

it was one of

those times

the kid bit him in the ear

it was hanging

he’s got his ear and a baggie with heist

and he’s like

i hope this fucking doctor hurries

up cause i’m

gonna go back to his house

and knock the fuck out of him

he just beat you up ten times

to stop you the

tenth time he bit your fucking ear

cause he couldn’t take it no more

he didn’t know what else to tell the fucking kid

but i remember that i

never drank on new years

again i was like i never

wanna be in that position

there’s some dudes that just don’t give up no

this motherfucker till this day won’t give up

you have to kill him with a

stick but he was

covered in blood

they broke him up and he

would say okay i’m all

right he wipe his lip he’d wipe his face

they’d say go over and

shake danny’s hand

he go over to

danny said danny i’m sorry

but your mother

still a cunt

let’s go one

more fucking time

and then they do it

again for 20 minutes

the kid would

beat the fuck out of them again

all right get me all

right i’ll stop

danny will go you’re

gonna stop this time here

break it up towels ice

massages you know

stitch with to be there

and while stitch is showing them up here let me go

shake his hand bro

yeah it’s over you know what

your mother

still has vd in her asshole

jesus fucking christ

he just beat you up ten fucking times

and that’s how bad it was and i

never ever ever drag

again on new year’s dog

that’s the east

coast thing yeah

that’s a some east

coast i’ve ever taken

rocky marshino

jeans and his parents were like

where were his friends and we’re like

look at our shirt

it’s covered with fucking blood

you know i’m saying like we were holding on to him

for dear life

some people with

their kids is just like having a pitbull that gets to

leave the house and go wherever the fuck it wants right

you know with some people you know

there’s some people that have some

crazy fucking kids

could you imagine if you had a

crazy kid where

every time he was leaving the

house you knew he’s

gonna come home

covered in blood

his knuckles all fucked up

screaming and yelling at

three o’clock in the morning i just have a

feeling that if that

was to happen to me like if it got really bad that i

would be like

all right i’m taking

you to the orphanage or whatever like i feel like i

would give up

if the kid was like this little redhead kid getting in

fights every day and what

yeah you say that man

i want to shit i want this anymore

i’m going to canada

and doing crack

you have to be a real

piece of shit to give your kid up

people don’t give

their kids up

they keep trying but that’s what i’m scared of

i feel like i

would do that that’s excitement

your kid fucking getting in

trouble what

that’s exciting

your kid having some fucking drama

what kind of

let me ask you something you want to have a fag

fucking kid

is that what you want you want your kid to

really you want your kid to have some fucking opinion

even an early age and to

him to have some some opinion

there’s gonna be some problem somewhere

along the line guy

yeah that’s true you had your own fucking opinions at

eight nine i know you

and so i don’t know

about fucking you

but i know i did

i told people what the fuck

was on my mind i know you did you grew up by yourself

you want your kids that i see

these kids listen

before i was

driving i seen this kid jewish kid with a yamagon

walking around like a fucking momo with sandals on

i almost pulled over and grab them by the

shirt and said

you’re a fucking jew

act like it you dumb fuck

walking around like

some fucking dumpy wimpy dude

i’ve seen some

people you want

these fucking kids to

you act like

like a fucking juke

what mug somebody wants those

shoes or something

in a minute

you’re walking

around like a fucking bumpy dumpy and not

that’s a bumpy i

saw fucking mook

with little sandals on

look at these fucking kids

wow you want half of

these kids to be your fucking kids

what are you

about fucking

johnson shit

i’m just saying it’s not

what they dress like

but you know this kid’s a fucking

mook walking around he’s a

mook you could tell

by his body is that racist

mook no i think

it’s a mook i

think he’s a

fucking moron

what the fuck you’ve been

lying on me for six years you don’t know what a fucking

mook is jesus fucking christ

why would i know that you know what i’m saying

these fucking kids around you texting all fucking day

and drinking energy

drinks you need

these fucking kids

these kids can’t even work they’re so fucking worthless

you want this shit

in your life you want your kid to have a little opinion

and to stick up for himself

you want your

fucking principal to call home and say hey man

your teacher your kid suspended because he told the

teacher he didn’t believe that

or he didn’t believe what he was saying or something

and then you talk to him and you

level him out

but you don’t want half

these fucking kids to the

sheep fucking nukes

i don’t want no fucking kids that’s a half a sheep

i understand that

what i’m talking

about is crazy kids

what kind of

crazy kid what’s a

what’s a crazy you

never grew up with a

crazy kid i am a fucking

crazy kid look at me

what are you talking

about what’s a

crazy kid a kid that’s gonna

cause problems all the time it’s not

gonna cause problems i just dennis

the menace dennis the

kids causing

problems all the time it’s

scary to let my

kid out i don’t like fires

i didn’t do nothing like that i didn’t mug

other kids or

or rape little fucking girls

i was a fucking kid that like to have a good time um

yeah me too i was an

idiot i was an

idiot when i was a kid why were you an idiot

ah i used to

drive too fast i had always had hot rods

i spun one out in

front of the

school and smashed it into a tree

right in front of the

school and broke the car in half wow

there’s no way

a 17 year old i

think i was maybe 16

shouldn’t be able to have

a car like that what kind of car did you have 68 442

is it a regret of yours

no because everybody

lived but they didn’t have to

you know that that car you

could have hit

somebody yeah

oh that car

could have hit somebody

we were all

fucking idiots

the car was a

piece of shit the problem was i didn’t know how to

drive when it was raining when it when the cars

hydroplane because it had shitty

back tires on it

and i hit the gas and the car just lost it

it just spun out and there was

no way i can control it i didn’t know what i was doing

there was no way

i should have had that kind of a car the kind of

power those cars have

old muscle cars like that

what was the

what was the my

first car was a muscle car went

straight to muscle cars man my

first car was a 73 chevelle

i’m an idiot dude

i didn’t want something that gives the economy i was

i had no guidance growing up i was

pure instincts

my mind was like what’s the craziest shit i could get

you can imagine

and fuck yeah

i wanted like high cubic inches

you know what is it it’s a four hundred to four hundred

holly eight

fifty double pumper holy shit let’s get that

i wanted him

i just wanted hot rods man

that’s to me was like there was cars

that were like just they would get you around but they

wouldn’t do anything for you

and then there was hot rods

like why would you have a car that

wouldn’t do anything for you

when you could have a car that

every time you look at it you go holy shit

you know but they’re just such a nightmare

you really shouldn’t be allowed to drive one

if you’re sixteen

seventeen years old that’s a death trap

is crazy engine

in this little retard

brain of mine

and i’m sixteen

and i’m allowed to have this fucking

metal monstrous

death machine out there

with a bunch of people with

their kids out there walking in the streets and

there’s no way there’s no way kids

should be able to have that kind of power i had a

1981 renault alliance

and my cousin was just gonna like donate it to charity

but she i bought it off of her for a dollar for i

guess for some reason that you can

you have to pay something right

for some reason and

and it was all beat up and my dad’s like

this is your

first car you have to redo this

whole entire car to make it look new

and stuff like that i’ll

show you how to do it but you have to do all the work

we took side

panels off and i took

that putty that molding putty and i had to re sculpt

this renault alliance

wow like you bonded it yeah bonded the

whole car we made

you like earn it yeah

yeah yeah and so but

at the end of it it looked like a

brand new renault alliance

really it was like

it was a renault alliance

it was still

funny because

then i went to a station

wagon with wood on the sides i had a

bunch of cars that were like big american muscle cars

a bunch of them in a row

and then i got i always said they were always

pieces of shit

the one that i

crashed in front of the tree

or into the tree rather was the best one

that was the nicest one that i had

the ones afterwards were just shit

boxes most of them

cause i was broke but

i got an audi fox

do you know what that is yeah

it’s a little tiny

front wheel

drive car manual

it was my first manual

and it was my first

really well engineered car

and it was the

first car that i

drove i was like what a

piece of shit

these fucking american cars are

god like you don’t realize like what a hunk of shit

you know it is to drive

a seventy barracuda

like all stock

and everything with

stock brakes and

stock suspension

those things

are just barely connected to the road they’re just

all over the fucking place

taking corners with them is a nightmare the

steering is numb you have no idea

where it’s going

and you take that and then you go to like a little tiny

car that’s like well engineered and handles

well it’s like wow this is an amazing difference

and that car was a

piece of shit

you know but it was still

it was so much better

and then i started to

appreciate cars that

weren’t powerful

i didn’t have to be that

powerful to me

i just realized

the toyota supra i

think was my favorite car

growing up that was fun that was my

first expensive car that i got really

yeah when i got on tv

when i was on newsradia that was the

first expensive car i got i got a toyota supra

i was like holy shit i have a fucking toyota supra

with the crazy

space wing on the back of it i

heard they’re

bringing it back i

heard the supra is coming back really

i heard that a couple of

months ago well you know they have that

lexus if you’ve

never seen it that lf

they they have this new

lexus that’s in

this incredible

piece of engineering i mean it’s like 400 000

and you’re not even allowed to buy it apparently

what you have to do is you have to

lease it and you have to pay the entire

lease portion up front

and you get it for two years and it’s like 260 000

and you have to pay for it for like two years

my numbers might be off

but you lease it for two years

and then at

the end of two years you get an option to buy it

it’s this fucking insane

new japanese

supercar it’s like

500 plus horsepower

it sounds like

it’s like a

supercar it’s like the next

generation of car how long

until apple makes the car

i card you know that’s on the works that’s on the

table somewhere in some german

do you think so i

absolutely think so

look at the segway imagine

apple mixing in with the car

electronics and

combining with another car company to have

just the ultimate

car i think they

should just

stick with fucking computer and it

would be the gayest

thing ever it’d be like what’s those

things that everyone has now i’ll hear the hybrids

oh yeah prius

it’ll be just like that

everyone have

the same fucking car oh my god

my first car

was a fucking 73 monte

carlo black on

black leather

500 down 200

a month i got it from the bank

i drove the car for two

months like a pimp i had the electric package

with the windows i had the roof

and one day in the middle of the

winter i went over the city to get some weed

and i went and

we were smoking so i put the sunroof up

and all of a

sudden the sunroof went back

and the window started

going up and down

like the electrical

system was sizzled

i told my buddy fuck it put your

thing we’re out of here

i swear to god it was in a blizzard

i went back there

three days later the car had a foot of snow on it

and all the windows one window was shut

the rest of the window come in like a day

later the sun came out

i went back two days later with a tow truck

there was nothing

nothing it was the back

it look like a fucking chicken

the day after thanksgiving it was just bone

they took everything joe

the seats the upholstery

the fucking black around it it was just the tires

the whatever that the axles they took everything

they left the body on bricks

that was it i

never heard from the bank i never paid it off

it never came back

it never came back in my credit thing

it was his advantage just poof

poof i never paid for it i went years

later to get credit like is there

check bank of fucking america with not nothing well

nothing how’s that possible

fucking ask me

i left the car there with a

with five dollars for whatever it is five dollars

in those days

like all you had to do is go by

george washington bridge and under the bridge

you left your car there with the keys in it

with a half a tank of gas and leave like a nickel bag

your car you go back to the next day they would be

nothing there

nothing vanish

you can get fucking bonnie fife on it they

wouldn’t find your car

in new york they would demolish your car

like that yeah

there’s some little shops in new york little body

shops like this and cause honestly

up in brooklyn they’re like rat dens you’re done yeah

you can find like a broken down

street a broken down car

drive it into one of these

places they’ll give you 100 cash and 24 guests

and you’ll never see that car

again though

anybody involved in a junkyard in a junkyard it’s yeah

the guys involved in

a junkyard that dude knows how to get rid of look for

two i just want something anybody

i just watched something on cnbc

about how big

the airbag business was five years ago

before they put the numbers on it

you have no idea people even

steer oh my god

people stealing airbags like it was

going out of

style i mean just taking your airbags

yeah did it

worth a lot of money

fifteen hundred apart what

really so i give it to you you saw 1500

you rob them you take it to a guy he gives you

three and he

sells at 1500

wow and everybody’s

in on the scam because nobody wanted to pay 2500

wow so a guy could

steal one and sell it for 15

stealing 20 a day oh my god

he’s doing that holy shit yeah

who’s doing that some dude is making

thirty thousand dollars that’s who’s doing

that’s incredible guy had a ring airbag

they got so big that

he had to get an office and eventually got popped

because he was so big he was sending them out

across the country

he went online

he went on fucking line

airbags for sale

next day delivery

yeah this guy was

so you say no my need

whatever car you have i want a

2010 airbag for car given your

order by the next day he’d send out a robber to go

steal it and send

you the airbags overnight like it was a fucking csnbc

a one hour special

how bad this shit

was craziness

fucking airbags

how did he think he was not

gonna get caught if he had a

bunch of people working for him yeah

you would have to do that

ninja style

you have to only be you that’s a business

where you can’t have too much growth

if you want to go around around

stealing you got to be the one who

understands where to

steal when to do it

how the alarm where

the stealer

people yeah

he had of course

of course not

why would they work for him why

would they work for

him the ones are

gonna get arrested you sat around

all day and waited

for him to say here

go get a 68 chevelle here go get a brunette

here go get an 89 subaru

and they just

drive around

until they find it there it is

there it is

now you don’t even have to need like a color

so did they do it at

night everything at night

don’t know i

didn’t fucking say really

but it’s just amazing that

you know even like if you go over to that who

you know iraq and iran

years ago they

found that when they went

over there that all the cars they were driving with

stolen cars in the states

wow that they were just sending the

whole cars over there so when cars get robbed here

and we’re like it’s in mexico no it’s not

it’s a cab in fucking iraq

and iran and

sudan and all

those countries

that’s where the

stolen cars from here go in a

tank you know

scary it’s amazing

and everybody’s in on it and here we’re

thinking that

oh my fucking car got robbed i left my fucking kids

pictures in there whatever the fuck

and that’s what they do with your shit

you know it’s fucking amazing that uh

and every day they

come up with a new fucking scam whether it’s online

i read something that people doing

online that’s just fucking amazing now the internet

has really destroyed scammering here’s a new

facebook scam that i just witnessed last night

people who get hacked accounts on facebook

you’ll be on facebook

and something a little chat will pop up and like dude

check this out and then they put a link

and it goes to like the log in page of facebook again

and so now they’re attacking through chats on facebook

like it looks like they’re chatting to you

wow so watch out for that one

because she

the person i was with almost did i was like no wait a

second why are you logging back in you know

whoa so watch out for facebooks

yeah those are

tricky man what is that a

virus how do they do that

somebody gets hacked and i

think it just grows and grows and grows like a

virus yeah like one person got hacked and then

those person friends and they connect

to websites

or the websites

the ones that are trying to set you up like how’s it

how you get into that what it’s doing is

yeah i don’t know it’s like

collecting information i think

about people probably

because someone told me that sometimes you’ll go to a

legit website and a

legit website will have been hacked with this

thing right

i don’t know i don’t

think what i don’t

think it’s that i

think it’s like

almost like a spam bot that somebody puts on facebook

okay myspace

used to do so they can’t do that to your website

where you would go to redband com

and all the

sudden it would say hey you

know log in

know to facebook or something like that

unless that your server got

completely overtaken that’s what

would be yeah or there’s

your website coding got somehow

can they can’t they invent the

virus it does that like

every time someone wants to

click on a link

it opens up a window ask them to log into something

absolutely that’s why your servers have to have good

virus software and detections and

what a tricky

world we live in i’m petrified of the computer

petrified just fucking petrified of it

yeah i don’t put my name on there like there’s

things i want to

order and shit

i just i read

about all this

stuff on there

i don’t know anything about it

so it even scares me more

that even scares

me what do you have

photos of you what if you have

drawings writings you know what do you have that you

would really worried

about getting out

i don’t know what is the big deal you people make

about i don’t know what the fuck to do i

bet he has a lot of

videos like webcam

videos of him

just sitting there like recording dancing i think

no no he’s got like

the whole tonetta

series jelly

no no i’m sorry

what happened

to you what can i get from you nothing writing mostly

my writings are you know

that’s just the most intimate thing on my computer

i’m gonna have to quiet these kids up

it’s okay what do you understand

me and joey

will talk about cats

fucking house

and it’s deaf fucking house

i know it’s their house so

what do you want from me we’re imposing in the misses

should have tell told

this children out there you know saying

we should shut up in here

these fucking people don’t know nothing about kids

right away he’s

dropping knowledge you know

about fucking kids that’s that fucking

house so old

school this is

their house we’re over here like bothering them

this is four o’clock i don’t know if you look this is

their fucking time

when we were kids at four o’clock you coming to my

house tell me to shut up bitch

i got bitch

i got popeye

on i’ll stab you you understand

they don’t i’m saying is don’t play in

front of my door

right oh that

cute kids let them do what they do this is

their house

what are you

gonna do right

i like i like the

background noise

brain is so old

school excuse me

joey so old school

right and beyond

fbi and a ruler

you’re so old

school like it’s like almost like

like you have your own

defined set of rules yeah and you

still use myspace

yeah do you

still use myspace

dude he pimps myspace on

twitter dude really pimp

it bro you gotta

bring the motherfuckers to you

you know what

i’m saying enough is enough if you put it up you

gotta have something

there’s nothing

wrong with myspace and i’m

gonna tell you why

because in a year it’ll be back

yeah but you know in a year it’ll be back

and then all you momos that got rid of your page

are you or you fucking

mooks me happy

i have my friends and then some

i’ve been paying attention all this time

why are people getting off my

because you see here

joey here’s a perfect example

to get off when you you’re

dead hardy lost two in a row

you do not hang out with him

you know what i’m saying so what

gotta hang on my all your friends

aren’t real

all your friends are real

those are robots

it what do you

think those fucking momos on facebook are

gonna hang out with you

and bail you out and get somebody to head

with a stick

i don’t think so you fuck

go fuck yourself with your friends you just

wanna get out there and tell people what’s happening

and facebook there’s

still people

alive and kicking to

their old school

bitch i still got

eight track tape

i’ll send you a podcast on an eight

track and shit

that’s the problem with you fucking kids

everything has to be fashionable

stock fashionable

they got to come to your fucking

world that’s what we’re serving here

sorry about the

phone it ain’t me this time

you this time

you know what i’m saying

what’s fashionable anymore i

gotta have a fucking

goatee and shave my head and have an earring what

the fuck we

do what we do that’s

why we do form spring is very fashionable that’s why

people are special

that’s why we’re special because we’re fucking free man

we gotta have a voice

joey you registered to vote in

california that was fucking

hysterical you said that

somebody called me yesterday from sacramento

here people

listen i’ve got

total all of

it all together by five felonies

you know i’m saying

total like all together and out of 52

states that ain’t fucking bad

there’s only 56 yeah

even if i have one of

these there’s 50

that’s less than 10

i was only 50

and two of them are questionable

right so there’s 52

54 whatever last can of hawaii i got

fired yesterday i got a call for

stolen i got a call

from sacramento yesterday

yeah asking me

if i was interested

in working the election for one of

those cocktails

meg whitman

oh that’s hilarious

i don’t even know what oh

my god you should say yes i was

thinking about it but

they threw me off i was

stoned and they were asking me a

bunch of personal questions

like what if i’m a republican

you know i don’t even know what

the fuck you say

cuban i’m cuban

from miami of

course i’m a

republic miami

i never went

to miami i went around that


i went around

that motherfucker

where did you land

new york city

with fucking jay z and the chicken

but it’s so

close to miami you can

claim my god

i don’t it’s like if you live

if you live in

san bernardino

know that shit

if you lived in san bernardino

and they were

in north carolina and some

chick was where you’re from

you go la so did

did you ever play

stickball when you live in new york city

yes you did

and i took that everybody

you take the fucking

thing off the chairs

you see that

thing joe’s got in his

chairs that it’s on the bottom

of your chair

so don’t slip

you take that out

you unscrew from your dad’s workbench

and you take it to the hardware

store for a quarter

they take the

screw out of it

and you take that metal

thing and you take a crayon with whatever your color is

mine was burgundy red in

those days and you melt the crayon into the middle

and then you go out and play

those fucking

things on the

street in new york

where they have one two

six nine ball

nine ball without the fucking stick

so you play that for

money that’s how i made

money in the first and

second grade

that would be

good with your finger i always thought

stickball was like baseball and you have

you have stickball

which is automatics

it’s you know that’s a single

if i hit your

mother’s fucking pot roast

it’s a double

i was very lucky

that there was not a pool hall anywhere

near my house when i was growing up very lucky

because i didn’t get into pool till i was 21 years old

after i’d hurt my knee

i tore my acl

and i couldn’t do taekwondo for a

while i couldn’t kickbox

so i needed something to do with my time

you know just something to just for my

all i was doing was doing

stand up so i

started doing this i

started i started

playing pool if i was like

seven eight years old and i

started playing pool i

would have been fucked i would have

never paid attention in school

i would have

just been obsessed with playing that fucking game

and i’ve been like one of

those dudes like

every pool hall you go to there’s some kid

who’s just caught in

school and he’s

just sitting around waiting for somebody to gamble

all over the country

they’re just sitting around for you

wanna play a game

wanna play a game

and it’s all just

about that’s just like

how they fulfill

their competitive instincts and desires

they just get caught up in games and gambling for pool

and then you ever

watch that episode of the twilight zone

there was a twilight zone

where a pool hustler yes like played for his soul

yeah and you know and it turned out that who was the

last time of the episode

who isn’t it we talked

about this already you and i just got jonathan winters

jonathan with this was the

devil yeah and jack

clubman was the pool

player he wanted

to be the best

nice yeah and this guy

was like a dead guy and he came back to play him right

and the the the

thing was he had already lost

because he had he

devoted his entire life to just playing pool

he’d wasted his life

he’d wasted his life playing this game

so he’d lost anyway

and it was like wow it’s like

you don’t realize like

there’s certain

things that you can get obsessed with

and you know and it’s fun and you

enjoy it and you can you can have a

good time you can play golf on the weekends and it can

add flavor to your life

or you could just get caught up in it and that becomes

everything you know

and gambling when you’re a kid when you’re a young kid

how many guys you know that you

were a kid that all they wanted to do was play cards

all they wanted

to do was find games all they wanted to do was gamble

go to the track

race track horse track yeah

everybody was gambling when you were kids fuck yeah

i didn’t live with the

i i really uh one

thing i really i

never told you about that

my mom had the bar

and from the ages of like

seven to ten i was very i got hooked on pool but it was

the reason why i stopped playing

pool was because i got really creepy

it overtook me

oh yeah i used to get into pool and i

would say things to people about them

that was creepy like as i was playing

one day i went home and i

checked myself my

mother asked me she goes what the fuck is that

why you just your competitive

drive it really

taught me i

never wanted that feeling ever again

like it stopped me from being that competitive

it’s not just balls

going into a hole

there’s something

about pool there’s a reason why everybody has this

thing about pool being a manly game you know i’m saying

like to certain games like

who gives a fuck if you’re good at donkey kong no one’s

gonna be impressed

but like you know i’m saying

if a girl beats you donkey kong what the fuck who cares

a girl beat you at pool though

that’s a totally different world

there’s something very manly

about being able to control that ball

being able to keep your composure being able to pocket

those difficult shots

being able to run out

that’s a manly

thing that’s

being able to keep your shit together and keep

everything tightly tuned

it’s almost like a moving yoga sort of a thing

i’d be so much

more pissed if a girl beat me at donkey kong

really would you

i’d be like this is horrible

what is happening to me that’s just

cause you’re a super nerd

right like it

should be smack

plug i agree if

a girl beat me

at quake that

would be way

worse than pass

quake would be way

worse than poole for me but that

was quake was a bigger obsession than poole was because

i didn’t always have to

you know i couldn’t

always get people to play me in poole

like sometimes i’d go to the pool hall

and there’d be no one to play

you’d have to sit

around and wait or you’d have to practice by yourself

and maybe someone will come in and

you know this guy can’t play him he’s too good

or he won’t give up a spot or i’m looking for a new

with playing quake

you just get

online anytime you want you just hop online and play

you need to buy

the new call of duty next week or i can’t i’m scared

i saw this fucking ad

for the new star wars game there

was a star wars game ad that they showed during the ufc

it looks so

oh forest unleashed 2

oh my god the fucking graphics i don’t know

if this was in game footage or if it’s one of those

tricky things

where they like pretend it’s in game footage

but it’s not really it’s just like some animation

about the game they created

right the last one was pretty good

but that’s not my cup of tea too much i like the

first person

shooters more and

unless they change that i don’t it’s not a

first person

shooter to with

third person

shooter where it’s like from behind the person oh

i don’t like

those yeah yeah

those aren’t as fun to me

i want to see everybody else i want to see it as if

i’m seeing it i don’t need to see my character that’s

stupid you know

i might want to see the hand in

front of me with the gun

i kind of like that looking

quake sometimes

when you see the hand in

front of you with the gun like

sometimes it’s easier

it’s easier to remember

what you have too like you don’t remember if you have a

lightning gun or if you have a rail gun

sometimes i

would just have it

where i’d only see the crosshair

but that’s the most most fun game the way that’s

the most fun way to play it to me because it’s the most

immersive cause that’s how we see

things we don’t

see our body outside our body running around that’s

ridiculous yeah

doesn’t even feel like me

but when i’m playing quake

and it’s just me

you know it’s a

crosshair and i’m running down hallways and shit

it’s too exciting

can’t do it

scary dude you

should do it and now

do it in 3d

that’s the best when

playing first person

shooters in 3d on the

tv oh i’m sure it’s amazing

sure it’s give you like

crazy eyesight it

would probably fuck with your eyeballs yeah

it’s intense though you feel way more

immersed into it a lot of guys when they’re playing

quick they kill all the graphics

they would kill

all the graphics and make it look really flat

and the idea

would be that so that the

opponent would show up better

and so that

their processor

their computer

would lose it

absolutely but

that looks terrible yeah but

they’re more in it for the numbers they’re offered

that look like

the railgun looks like you only see like a straight

line to it there’s like a lot of the graphics are gone

lame have you ever played a

video game joey

no not even pac man

pac man yes we

pac man frenzy

back in the day you

were pac man i’m the

other one mrs pac man

it’s anybody

who got good at that

quake game and

started playing it anybody

would get hooked

it is so exciting

cause it’s so 3d

you know the

thing about

first person shooters

especially ones like quake

it’s like you can do

things like

you can run around you can jump

you can rocket jump

shoot down off the

ground and go flying through the air and land on things

i mean this is a

completely three


world and most of

these maps that you’re

fighting on

they have all these

levels to them

layers and levels and you

travel back and forth and up and down

and you’re running down

these corridors it’s all in real time

fighting other people

it’s so exciting

you really need to play some new

video games

yeah i can’t

cause if you really

think that highly

of quake’s graphics in a

world quake

4 is pretty dope

i know right even

quake 4 you take

quake 4 the

best machine you can possibly buy you take that

times that probably by 2 million

and then that’s where

video games are now really

yeah which games are really like

there’s just

so like call of duty is one that i personally love

it’s amazing i mean

it’s so realistic it’s just so

immersive you met

when we saw

the lands another one that you would

totally fucking love

remember when

we saw gears of war before it even came out

yeah gears of

war way early

our buddy cliffy b

from epic games who’s a cool


gotta game on

yeah i would love to have him on the podcast he’s just

one of the nicest guys ever

and just super cool

friendly dude we met him

and he showed us a

bunch of shit it was before gears of war ever came out

and he was like you know

what did he

what was it well we’re

about to fuck doom in the ass

right that’s

because doom 3d it just came out oh

yeah i forgot all

about that yeah

i remember that and he was showing us the gears of war

stuff and we were like oh my goodness

yeah that was like

eight months before that game was even

released or something

or announced

and you don’t realize what hard work is

until you see game developers

you see the amount of

hours they put in

like tim willets

from id software and todd hollands head and all

those guys and john carmack

you know having

again to hang around with them

getting to go to like id software and see like

where they make the game

first of all it’s so humbling how fucking badass

these guys are

like the designs and all the

crazy graphics and all the

things they’re constructing

i remember we went there

to id before doom 3 came out and they were showing us

some demo versions of it

just fucking amazing shit

just the artwork

but then you talk to them you’re like

how much time do you guys

spend working this

and they’re like it’s like 16 hour days

every day we work on

sundays yeah

they work constantly man

until they take time off and go on vacation

it’s amazing how much

they’re kind of like

south park for like

eight months you know

and then there’s like even when it comes to

everything in hollywood

like any kind of cgi or computer graphics it seems like

they’re all like that like i know somebody that’s doing

harry potter 3d right now

and it’s just like

nineteen hour

shifts yo what’s up with that man

if you had kids

and you know it’s like you

motherfuckers need to hire more people

like this is ridiculous

why is this guy

gonna work sixteen hours

don’t you guys

make like a billion dollars a year doing this

shit i mean how much how many fucking

video games do they make

you know video games make

a fuckload of

money man did you ever play into playing the new

ufc game with you in it and

no fuck around with

it no i’m scared i told you i’m scared of games man

i love it cause i don’t

wanna get fucking hooked i don’t

wanna have people over come on

let’s play some ufc

and then all sudden

the sun’s up and

birds are chirping and i can’t believe i’m

still awake my eyeballs are shot and i

sleep till three in the afternoon

yeah i did that i did that for years

i love it because i do it in

target they have a ufc

demo that’s constantly playing

and so i was in

target the other day

shopping and

suddenly i hear your

voice like behind me

going oh no

or something like that

what the fuck what’s my voice

i don’t know

isn’t that what you probably do

well we actually

did two things we did it so i have to go in

start working on it

again oh really

yeah we’re working on a new one soon they just

i think next

month i start wow

what we do is we play

certain clips of

fighters like doing

stuff and you call the action

while it’s actually happening

you do that

and then you also like make imaginary scenarios

like imaginary scenarios like heel hook

transitions to the arm bar

and watch out


to the back and we’re trying to come up with a

bunch of different

possibilities for that and then we have

descriptions of this fighter

taken on this guy

and this fighter

like endless combinations so

there’s so many hours

it put into the game i mean just ridiculous

stupid hours now

dude when you guys

filmed it was there any easter eggs that you know of

where you had like

weird scripts that you

wrote that was like all

right why am i doing this this is weird

no that’s a good question though

that’s a good question

cause there’s a lot of easter eggs in games

right yeah there’s actually a

bunch of games there’s a list of like the top 10 i

think was on crack com

of the top 10 like

easter eggs that were took

the longest to find like there was one that was just

found the other day from some

nes game you know from

i don’t get easter eggs man i don’t get it

if you want to

put something on

like an eddie bravo on his

twister the dvd twister

he had the the

easter egg was

brian callum doing that gay brazilian

jiu jitsu instructor all right

you know remember that you

know right which is hilarious

dude why wouldn’t you

just put that on the yeah that seems yeah easter eggs

should be just little

things maybe

that’s a video

why would you hide that somewhere deep in your

way you have to

press control alt

delete to get to it or something

what do you have to

press to get to easter eggs

usually it’s just up

arrows like you have to hit the

arrow right down

yeah but you have to do it in the

right order

right like down

down left right

it depends sometimes fuck

you fuck you for making me look for shit like that

that’s right what the

fuck something

if you got something show me put it out there

yeah what the fuck

my treasure hunt all

of something

out there what is this shit with

what you see

embarrass yourself to your

daughters and shit see i know

the bosses yeah

you go out there you say you can’t talk no

you don’t look at you we don’t say

this motherfucker you don’t

say that you look at the wife and you go

then the wife will tell you

later oh okay really

are you fucking

serious she

doesn’t i’ve

had them all goddamn day running up and down

running around

target they heard your

voice yelling and

screaming they thought it was you there

what are you nuts and looking

nice and quiet

you can’t say that to the kids just

you know i told

you don’t say anything to the kids nothing

they run the fucking place

hey joe have you ever

heard of something called geocaching

i think that’s what geocaching

no it’s this

whole thing and

this is one of

these weird

things that you would

never know existed

unless you just ran across it

it’s like a game that the whole

earth or whatever is the playing field

and these people

put gps coordinates

to different

boxes or treasures throughout

the horn i’ve

heard about this it’s so

crazy so what it is there’s maps and

there’s websites that you go to that you try to find

these little

boxes that spread out

throughout cities everywhere

and then you get to one of

these boxes

you open it up and i

think you signed like your name on it and then you look

sometimes there’s little treasures or presents in there

or you add things to this little box

like a cool badge or

diamond or something not a real diamond but whatever

and then it’s like this whole

game that people play it’s called geocaching

and there’s iphone apps for it

it’s so weird i’ve always wanted to do it

or at least look at a box and see what’s inside of it

if you weren’t

worried about people being

stalked and you weren’t

worried about like

nuts on the internet

you could have a pretty dope tv show

where you like give out coordinates

right now and and

you know you tell this dude

where to go and then you release that information

on the internet and he’s got to go do something

and people from the internet will help him out all

right but then

the problem is you just have some nut

who would just be like

you and i are brothers in another life i have

eaten crystals and seen his vision

maybe fucking followed you around

everywhere you

could have issues

with that dude you know and if he knew that he

could get on

television by helping you and

becoming your friend yeah you know

but you can have a pretty dope tv show like that that

would be cool

you have to you can’t that’s no

filter though

internet show

yeah reason to have tv show well you mean yeah i

guess i don’t know man i mean it’s

exciting dude

tv is still what you’re getting from tv the tv

it’s not like there’s not

gonna be tv anymore what it is

gonna be is that internet and tv sort of

emerge together

yeah you know because tv’s

still cool because you’ve got

first of all you got

experience producers

people who know how to film

things correctly people who know how to

write scripts

you’ve got all

these talented

motherfuckers so it’s

never gonna

go away if the shit they’re producing is really cool

it’s just somehow another they’re all

gonna merge together

but you’re not

gonna get rid of tv the idea of getting rid of tv

who’s gonna make lost

who’s gonna make no

it’s gonna be though

that’s an example you go to

jimmy kimmel’s website you can watch

every single one of his episodes

way way way back you know right so

that’s just

gonna get to a

point where they’re not broadcasting tv to like kid

that’s all i

wanna fucking do is

watch jimmy kimmel you know what i’m saying

listen let’s get down and fucking

dirty here cocksuckers

what so like

it’s gonna get to a

point where

they’re just not broadcasting it anymore there’s no

cable companies it’s just

gonna be like

every show has

their own website

for sure jimmy camel’s

yeah state of

jimmy kimmel

and channel and

then there’s

gonna be people who set up networks online

where it’s just like you connects online to

television and

it’s an alternative word

google tv apple tv

bam shazam so

right now your website

might have some cool youtube

videos but imagine it in the future

being a channel yeah

i mean we always said that that’s probably what’s

gonna happen

right that everyone’s

gonna get their own channel

the websites

literally will be like channels and everyone’s

gonna have their own little fucking thing

that’s why it’s

gonna be a real problem like i reality show

like if apple reduces a

thing produces some new

thing where you make your own reality show

like it’s a fucking hat

and you put this hat on

and it’s got like a little

thing and there’s a camera right in

front of you and you just

carry it around

with you and it broadcasts wirelessly on the 4g network

that’s what justin tv

started off as

he did that one guy

one guy 24 hours a day he was his own tv

what i’m saying is that apple

would create an app like

not an app but

a device like a new

version of you know like they have the ipad some new

crazy thing

and this thing would be

i reality show

your own reality show

it would edit it for you

you’d be able to

you know do it all with

voice commands and shit cut edit

rewind delete

broadcast totally

yeah it’ll show it to you

a little heads up display

right in front of you

would you like to send this

online right now yes bam

do it online

right from there

that’s when we’re

gonna have real attention whores

who’s gonna you know who’s

gonna do the nuttiest

shit on their reality show

to get people to

watch them totally

and there’s some people out there that will become

famous they can’t get a reality show

right now you

think well hey

you know all you

have to do nowadays is get a reality show and you’re

famous yeah try getting a reality show shithead

you think it’s that easy

you gotta be like kim

kardashian you

gotta suck some

black dick you

gotta fuck it

you gotta get people interested in you you

gotta get that big fat

white ass naked in

front of the

tv what is it

what are people

gonna see every week also

she shows that big

dick going into

yeah big dick

going into a pretty face gobble gobble gobble

that chick just went for it she just like how

about this come on

seven i’m gonna be

a fake porn star

i got a porn porn star

with an out

you know you’re

gonna watch me fuck

but it’s only because it was an accident

you’re not supposed to see me fuck shut

down and then she just

slings it out there all those

crazy bitches showing

their pussy when they’re getting out of cars

i mean they just

took hoard them

to like the next level

but when they

raise the bar

that’s yeah

that’s how hard

it is to get a reality show

you got to do something

like that and you got to be there you got to be in this

the soup of hollywood you can’t

start a reality show like that from nebraska no one’s

gonna give a fuck

this is just not

gonna happen

well everybody shot reality shows even octa mom

now you have to be fucking interesting

something has now you have to

be interesting now you have to be interesting or

crazy you could

shoot a reality show but now you have to be interesting

yeah you know like i was saying to

have been watching a couple of shows lately i

understand these fucking people crazy

hey let me tell you something

i just want to mention one thing

that this is the year of the mexican

the miss america philippe

sparza winning last

comic standing

the dishwasher

el compadre

choo choo getting off on that one

pound of coke deal

with the racial profiling

and now your boy

cain motherfucking

velasquez on saturday night

it’s the year of the mexican mexicans are taking over

the fucking just a matter of time

so many of them it’s the year of the fucking mexican

but the way

he took over was amazing

i couldn’t call that in a million

years that’s why you didn’t see a joey karate video

cause i really couldn’t call that

he’s a beast man

i would have lost a lot of

money at that ufc

you know who

first told me

about this well i had

heard good things

about him i’d

heard like this

guy’s really good you know this guy is very talented

this guy works really hard this guy’s very dedicated

but you hear that

about a lot of guys

for certain guys to

stand out cain

was always a guy that

stood out like you’d remember him

like people would talk

about him like before when he had

his very first

fight in the ufc

but phil baroni

was talking to me

and i think we’re in germany

and we were sitting around talking and he was just

going off about how good cain is

he’s like he’s

the real fucking deal he’s the best in the world

he goes i don’t give that up for anybody because

i watch him run through guys he goes i watch him

never get tired

i watch him do

these conditioning drills

and he’s the last one to get tired

when guys like josh cost

check and welterweights

and he was like

you never see that you

never see a


that can go

at the same pace as welterweights and beat them

in conditioning and endurance drills

he’s like the guy

never gets tired he goes it’s incredible he goes

he would get

him and cost check

both of them are

incredibly well conditioned

and he would like do as much as cost

check or more

that’s insane

you never hear

about a 240

pound guy that’s able to do that

know the 170

pound guys i mean that’s

where the real endurance is

you know that’s

where the a bit like

145 pound guys

those motherfuckers can go

go for you go

frankie edgar

try slowing

frankie edgar

down good luck

frankie egger

could go for 20

rounds if it was a fucking contest to see

frankie egger is very difficult to catch

you might be able to beat him in a decision

very difficult to grab a hold of very difficult to

catch in a submission

i mean he’s fast as fuck his footwork is good his

wrestling is good

if every fight was 25 rounds

frankie edgar

might not ever lose ever for the rest of his life

until he decides to retire

if he just keeps going

until one of you breaks

until one of you slows down it’s

gonna be you

motherfucker you just keep going

there’s certain guys at that weight

but you never hear

about that for 240

except kane kane’s the only guy i’ve ever

heard about that

as a heavyweight

you hear things

about brock lesnar

he’s a freak

like that his

like if you look at

his numbers like his ability to

i don’t remember what his combine numbers were

i have it on my computer

it don’t matter

but they’re insane

numbers fuck

knocked out of them

so the combine numbers don’t come into it

no what i’m

saying is confused

about all those numbers go out

the fucking window they do let me tell you something

you know what

what aka seen that i seen the

first fight with

shane carwin bro

that really fucked me up that

it all comes to you

right there

it all came to me as i was looking at them

right before they’re getting

ready to go i looked at my wife and i go

came alaska’s and then

knocked this

motherfucker out

and i didn’t

think that till

right there

yeah that’s why i didn’t do a video

and i thought about two

things a lot of people saw that i thought that

i thought that i seen what

shane did to him

and i think that this guy just said i’m

gonna do what

shane did with endurance and just get him before the

first round

right and i seen some of the

shane carla

fight that nobody fucking mentioned

yeah there’s one part in the

shane carla

fight when they get started

where shane

carlin hits him

and after he gets hit he goes

that motherfucking

never been hit before bitch

that motherfucker

that he told this was a

wrestling game

he ain’t never been hit before

did you know that

i didn’t think about that

think of an experienced

fighter when he gets hit

he’ll smile

he’ll go like this

he went like this

look at that

first fight

again when he fought carl

and that’s when i said oh

they just if

aka seen that they said they seen some

he don’t like get it

slight the fight

against somebody posted something on the

underground they

could have very well been

trolling i have no idea

but they said that

trolling is just

you post something

that’s not true to try to get people to bite

and then people

start arguing this is bullshit

and then you know you

laugh your ass off because you got a bunch of

idiots arguing over nonsense you know what

trolling used to mean by the way

it used to mean a guy that

chased after other men

really yeah because

when was that

online online i got in

trouble with the animal

pet or los angeles

pet police or whatever they’re called what

you got there’s pet police and somehow they got in

trouble what are they called you got in

trouble with the pet police

yeah yeah yeah

animal control

what happened

because people on the internet like outlaw and all

these people

were telling this poor girl in my

space that i like

tortured cats there was something like that oh that’s

right right so you had made a

fake video or something yeah i made a fake

video where i had a cat in a refrigerator and i

was like i keep it in the

freezer and

stuff like that

right but anyways

so they called animal control

at me and i had to explain to this guy that i was

trolling or they were

trolling people on the internet

and he goes trolling

and then he’s like

yeah and he goes

what’s trolling me and i’m like you know like joking

arcade and he goes oh well that meant something else

something else went back in my

day oh i see

the way before

the internet

way before the

internet talk

about she was trolling

what the yeah

well trolling is like

a lot of people

a lot of dudes will pretend to be girls

and they’ll get dudes to bite

so that you know like and then they’ll get to say some

ridiculous shit

and then at the end they’re like i’m a dude you faggot

no one’s coming to your house to suck your dick

you know there’s a lot of that and

doug stanhope did a whole bunch of trolling

against with pedophiles

he would do it there was a thing called baiting

org i don’t know if it’s

still around i think doug

wrote a book about it

i think he’s got a book doesn’t he

i think they

were doing a book or he has a book i’m not sure but

i know there’s a lot of his blogs that are

still available you

could find them online if you just go to

had this whole

thing where he would pretend to be little kids

and he would troll pedophiles

and then he would post it all online

like what were they trolling

about cambridge

oh so that somebody was trolling something

about brock lesnar

what they were saying was that

no one was allowed to

punch him in the face during time i’m telling you dog

that dude has never been lit up all his life

he’s always been the fucking biggest guy

in the room what about

this so nobody’s ever said to him come on cocksucker

let’s get it on do you think it’s possible that um

all the pro

wrestling that he did and you

know playing football for a little bit that he did too

do you think

maybe he suffered a

bunch of concussions

no bro he don’t

like that some people

never been hit

because they’ve always intimidated people

this motherfucker took it to him

i really don’t

think he’s coming back

i think his ego got busted up like

your boy against trinidad

against bernard hopkins

i don’t think so

he’s too ego tisco

this ego and this confident well you know he came

back i don’t i don’t know

about that because he came back better and

stronger after

frank mere tapped him that was a leg lock that wasn’t a

punch to the

fucking face bro it’s true big fucking difference

when you get

punched in the fucking face twice

and when they cut you and you

gotta see that

every time you shave

you see that

every time you

shave well i

don’t think

i don’t think he’s

gonna beat that guy

i don’t think he’s

going to beat that guy i

think the gap is too big

what i think about

when i see that guy

when i see the

two of them the way they performed when they were

fighting each other

i saw one guy who was like this


strong powerful fast guy

but he didn’t know exactly what to do with his body

he didn’t know

exactly how to handle situations he did know to do the

right thing

and the other dude who

maybe not as

strong as him

but pretty fucking strong

and has real good technique

everything he does perfect

everything he does is smart

all his footwork is

smart he can go at that same pace

and keep going he’s not

exploding a

shitload of energy that he can’t recover from

he paced himself better he handled it more


it’s like one guy’s a

black belt i’m looking at a

black belt in

mma and came velasquez

like a master

and in brock i’m looking at this

super powerful

purple belt

you know this is just


powerful guy

who could get away

with a lot of shit if you don’t have perfect technique

you you really won’t be able to stop him

but a guy like

kane has perfect technique that’s the difference i

think that the next guy they’re

gonna put him up

against which is what’s online is

frank me no

no no oh the brock

i thought you were saying cane and i’ll tell you what i

think frank

mayo take it from now because now

frank miril know

what to attack

straight adam throw a

bunch of fucking

punches and

punch him in the face fuck and listen

when i was a kid i grew up in north

bergen we played all the fucking i hate to say this

we played all the

black schools with

group four you play

passaic you play patterson

east side these are fucking

schools jack

you don’t go in there and just talk hi how are you

about chad there ain’t no chad at

these fucking schools

and the coaches

would tell us bro the

first player of the game

fire out like your fucking assholes on fire

and then you

establish that

you’ll see that they back off a little bit

and that’s right this

gonna happen to brock everybody seen that

if you’re a

great fighter

you’ve seen that karl

would have him in a way though

karl was too

fucking second

in adam karl and adam

and that question i

think that he’s

never been hit

i think he’s

never been fucking lit up well

well he is sparring with people though there’s

no sparring

with the call

he’s too big he’s broccoli

you think they just take it

easy on him

i got my nose broken

the sixth grade

it still hurts

it’s still fucking hurts all

right it still hurts my nose

and i didn’t know for years because i was doing coke

for years i thought

i was doing coke because i had pain and

in my heart oh i was

i doing coke from the fucking pain in my nose

i had my nose busted three

you aren’t doing

well the pain you

one time with

a fucking coke

cause you like coke that’s right

one time with

a fucking police

thing over here

let me tell you something that’s the newest

the latest theory

the last two years my fucking nose

has been hurting like really what is that pain from

it’s from fucking getting your nose broken

i knew in the

sixth grade i was

never gonna be a fucking

fighter it’s totally unrelated to all that coke

i know this is a joke you fuck

it’s a joke you fucking momo

what i’m saying is though that

it’s so weird that

the last two years my nose has really been fucking hurt

but i never

hit it by mistaken nothing lately but i remembered

when i broke it the pain i had

that when you fucking

break it let me tell you something

he got a cut in his eye he had a bloody nose

the worst thing

about having

your nose broken is if you have your nose broken

seven out of 10 times

they busted your

upper lip too

so you got snotty

blood you’re tasting

and salty blood fucking from your mouth

you remember that

taste for the rest

of your fucking life i don’t give a fuck who you are

and that’s not a fucking good taste

that taste always

equivalizes to something that ain’t good man

my nose has been fucking broken jack

and i tell you what it hurts

and he got fucking beat up the

other night

he got beat up dog

that last punch what he got he got that on the

floor i’ve watched that end ten times already

he got that on the fucking

floor he got hit

i don’t think he’s coming back like that i

think that fuck with him he’s

big viking ego

fucking shit somebody took it to you


it’s a different game now you get humble

and he may come back

strong but he’s

gonna let people

punch him in the fucking face now

watch that car when

fight when it’s on next time

watch it again on your computer

and you’ll see what i’m talking

about that nobody mentioned nobody mentioned it at all

he got hit one people did mention it a lot of people

got a coward

with he fucking

he went see

that means he’s

never been hit before

that means jack hmm

i don’t know about that man

i think you know it’s kind of it’s an interesting

thing because he was such a huge draw

you know and

still is such a huge draw because of pro wrestling and

everything like that that he was like rushed

right into the big leagues right away

like if really if you wanted to be

smart with a guy like that and you wanted to really

build them up correctly

you wouldn’t just do that with them you

would slowly work them in and then have them

fight for the

title once the demand was through the fucking roof

but they had that perfect

fight with him and

randy couture

it was such a perfect promotional fight

you know one of the greatest ever fucking hall of famer

fighting this new big young

crazy dude and holy shit can he beat him

or really randy was you know

i mean he was the heavyweight

champion but you know he was forty five i

think at the time and it’s like you know so it’s

past his prime to be

fighting a guy that’s this big in this athletic

this crazy so all of a

sudden brock

beats him and now brock is just at the top of the heap

with all these

ferocious lions who have been doing

mma for 10 years

nipping at his heels

and so there’s a big goddamn gap there

you know there’s

a few guys there that have a big ass gap

you know cain’s one of them

his full mma

game is at a way higher

level the time that he’s put in

the way he picks

things up he’s just

everything he does is perfect he’s a baby any

twenty six or

something like that

yeah fucking baby

yeah he’s a baby so

all you heavyweight


you better start

dropping down to two o five and shit yeah

it’s gonna be

scary for a

while good luck with all that and i just

want to tell people that when i don’t make a joy karate

video sometimes

it’s like sometimes

eddie’s out of town but the

other times is that i’m fucking stumped and i don’t

wanna give you bad info

i was gonna go with brock

i would have gone with brock i

would have gone with martin

kampman and

matt hamill

was the lock

of the year

let me tell you something anytime

tito fights

when you bet

again and i love tito

death i was one of his biggest fucking fans

but every time he

fights not just bet

against him dog

that’s his easy fucking lock

right there and i hate to say this

but it’s true

if i had 10 000 dollars i

would have bet it on fucking manhattan well that’s a no

brainer anymore man and

stamp style

you can always bet

stamp style

i’m not gonna sit there and be houdini

that was gonna

win great rock

against whatever

stamp style is always fucking good

there’s a casino that always got a line on sam

style those

motherfuckers always come down those guys

play to win sam

state just don’t hit too fucking hard

he hits hard as fuck

sam started hits very hard

he just fighting really good guys

you know i mean that duty fought paul

taylor that goes a


motherfucker he’s a

motherfucker that was a

great fight

the kids hear me yelling and

screaming yeah they can hear you

that’s alright

it’s alright

i’m sure they’ve been swept they know it’s

their uncle joey that’s fucking

crazy that’s

uncle joey that

campman shields

fight man cantman

could have won that

fight a lot of people thought that i was

hyping up shields

and that i wasn’t talking enough

about campman

i think you know i’m a

big camping fan that’s bullshit you and i were talking

about camping at dinner

friday i said to

you he ain’t no joke he’s from 10th tennessee

because i see

mike powell he’s

different mike

i like bro i love

mike from denmark bro i know i don’t know

these things you know

he’s a bad motherfucker i

think he’s a bad


he fought the

wrong fight in that

fight but he

could have won that

fight he could

have won it

jake shields was exhausted man he had cut 20

pounds in a day

to get down to 170 because you know he had been

fighting at 185

strike force and he put on

you said that during that break

put on some muscle man he

had a real hard time making that 170 a real hard time

he was dead in the water and

campman just

didn’t quite i

was you know i was really

thinking the camp was

gonna pull it off

you know i didn’t

want to say it you know i didn’t want to say before the

fight but when i saw what

shape jake was

in the way ins

right before he

went on i was like this guy looks like he has aids

like he looks like he’s dehydrated he looks like he’s

dead he looked terrible bro

i was shocked like he looks so terrible

that i saw him i

shook his hand i was like whoa

like there’s some guys that look

the worst i ever saw

was travis looter

when travis looter was gonna

fight anderson so yeah

listen man i he

weighed in twice

i was there for the

first weight in he looked terrible

he had dry chapped lips

he was gone to was sucked in

and then he

didn’t make weight and so he had another hour i

think or two

hours to make weight well

he tried to make weight another 45 minutes and then he

shuffled over to the

scale he couldn’t walk bro

he couldn’t walk

jake had to walk upstairs

to get to where the

stairs was and you

could see him

as he was walking upstairs it was like

it was awkward

it was awkward

watching him walk that’s how exhausting he was

and then he got on the scale

nothin like

what’s his face like

travis looter looked like he was dead

he looked like a zombie bro

he looked like a dead man that was walking he

looked like a guy

who had been poisoned

and 24 hours

after that he was supposed to be fighting

the baddest

motherfucker on the planet in anderson silva

in 24 hours

and he walks over and he

still can’t make weight he’s

still like a

pound and a half off there’s no way he can lose it

he’s just fucked

he just calculated it

wrong or you know he didn’t

lose enough fat or he didn’t

stick to his diet you

should have done

the weight watches tell him brian

should have

counted those fucking

points these guys are

they got it down to science

they’re cutting

so much fucking weight they’re cutting 20

pounds you know a lot of them are cutting 20 pounds

and they do it slowly one of the

dongy yang a korean dude

who fought on the card he lost to chris kumozi

very very close and

controversial decision a lot of people thought that he

should have won

but he was at

legends on monday cut and wait

on monday on

monday and the

fight the wayne’s not

until friday

but he was at legends cut in weight already on

monday so that

motherfuckers losing like probably he’s probably losing

twenty pounds

and he’s doing it over a course of like five days

cause he looked huge when he got into the cage such a

giant muscle bound dude

you know it’s just

these guys have it down to

a science how to dehydrate yourself and then come back

so that was if kampman had a time

that was his time man he

could have won that fight

especially if he pushed away

and just started firing on him

in the third round

mccampman’s a badass striker

his fucking

striking is

clean man if you look at that paul

tiago fight

that’s a beautiful representation of his

skills because paul

tiago is like this

really rough and tumble bad

motherfucker and he’s got dynamite in his hands

knocked out josh costcheck

and martin cameron just picks him

apart dude picks him

apart standing

using his jab and leg kicks and just

angles like

everything i mean paul just got like out

class in the feet

he’s swinging

these wild i mean if they hit you you’re fucked

he’s swinging some

sledgehammers but

he ain’t even getting

close to hitting canman

and i was like man canton

skills are so much better than jake shields

as a kickboxer i just don’t know why

he was trying

to engage him and grappling you know he came

close a couple times

like i was like

maybe he’s gonna

prove me wrong it looks like you locked up a couple of

chokes almost he almost got it but

that motherfucker is so hard to tap

jake shields is so hard to tap

mayhem almost got him

mayhem had his back yes

and had a fully locked in

mayhem almost got him but

mayhem’s big

mayhem’s big as fuck

you know mayhem is a big one eighty five

and he’s strong and his

jiu jitsu is very very

underrated you know

i’ve had two guys that i rolled with just ran

right through me

mayhem and jake

shields both of them

both those guys were a fellow girls helpless

there’s nothing i

could do with them they’re just

too goddamn

strong jake

shields is a badass wrestler

he’s just his grappling and his

jiu jitsu is just his technique is awesome and he’s

strong as shit

he knows what the fuck he’s doing

and i’m like

and has a disadvantage there i wonder why he’s like

engaging this dude

if jake wasn’t like really beat down

i mean the fact

that jake was beat down like that he was

still able to get take down so

still able to

reverse position and

mount them and getting some dominant spots on

shows you how badass is grappling is

but campman’s kickboxing is like

like if jake

shield is like

a purple belt campman is a fucking straight

black belt in

stand up his

stand up is

crisp man he does

everything good

everything perfect the way he moves his footwork

there’s a big gap between him and jake

shields jake

shields is like

plaid punch

punch kick his

his body kicks pretty good on his left side

he throws good body kicks he’ll

throw some good leg kicks too

but really he’s

just trying to get the clinch and take your ass down

and if he’s too

tired to do that like in

that round with the

third round with camp

minute shields i thought campman

was gonna move away

i thought why

would he grapple

with him in this

round this is the

round where he

could jack him

cam is one of

those dudes though that like

he’s just like just outside the very very best

but he you could see him like

launch into

the very best like with any one big performance

you know i’m saying

like he’s one of

those guys like

like carlos

condit like carlos

condit just leaped into

one of the very best when he

knocked out dan hardy


when he knocked out dan hardy i was like okay this

motherfucker you know

everyone knew

he was a badass everyone knew he had that real

close fight with kampman

which was a fucking incredible war

and then the real

close fight with jake

ellenberger another fucking animal

ellenberger is a beast

so you knew that

carlos con it was a bad

motherfucker but when he

knocked out dan hardy was like okay this dude is

not only is he a bad

motherfucker but he’s

like getting better all the time he’s like hitting new

levels he’s

trained with john

jones like everyday

bad motherfuckers fuck yes

i didn’t make because

you know i would have done it with eddie

and i yeah you

can’t tell the truth i

couldn’t have told the

truth i could

have said that

i like listen i love dan hardy i think i do

talent to this shit

carlos conduit

i think showed me something that

was at jake

allenberg and we was getting beat up for the

first two rounds yes and

then back jackson said shit to him

hit him with a fucking

and this is silver type

elbow from the inside i was like

that kids got balls he’s got mad balls he’s got

bad balls college

college i would hate

to mix in an

alley with that


yeah cause he

might turn the

lights out on you permanently

he’s a type of guy that

might turn them out on you permanently

he’s a bad motherfucker something

about him scares the shit out he’s getting better

yes he is getting better

well he’s down in one of the best camps in the fucking

world yeah yeah

those guys don’t fuck around man and that

trevor whitman man

that guy is a very good

striking yes he is

he’s the weak

guy yeah i wanna give him a

shout out he’s a fucking yeah

and and he’s a bad

motherfucker i know he works with them and then also

fuck what is

spencer no shut up man

the fuck up

sorry princess

i feel like

an asshole for not remembering the guy’s name

which one the guy who’s the main guy

at jackson’s that’s the main

striking trainer because he’s a great guy

trevor whitman’s guy was a grudge

grudges in denver correct yeah right

i’m gonna have to google this real

quick because i got to give

that guy’s props because he’s doing an awesome job too

i want to give a prop to my man holly buzz

whatever your name is from australia on twitter

always sending

me love and shit looking out for all of us

here red bear and joe

who’s who’s that oh that’s that’s

i didn’t know what joe is looking at that

you put somebody up

red band what’s the matter you look all fucking the

sleep here what’s

going on no i’m just listening

you know i thought jake

shields lost that i

thought you take

shields you know

i thought for sure i

was pulling for camping with

everything i had because i love jake

shields but me too

camp is just this guy that he’s

right there you know

remember hanging out with mike wiggle john

thank you sorry

i’m a douchebag that

i smoke too much weed i forgot his name but he’s

a he’s a great

striking coach

he’s you know what i was really impressed with with

carlos condit

and that fight with dan hardy was the technique that he

threw that left hook with

if you look at

the both guys throw the

punch at the

exact same time really

but carlos was perfect

carlos was instead of coming wide he came

he came like with a perfect

angle to the

punch and it was perfect accuracy

and his other hand was up

you know he did it with perfect technique

and he nailed them he caught

him in the exchange and that’s like a perfect lesson

for people to learn

but if you if

that’s one of the most important

things is to concentrate on technique

yeah you can

knock guys out with

crazy wild loopy

shit you can you can

knock guys out with haymakers

where your fucking chin

is down and your hands are up if you connect you can

knock them out

but that’s not the best way to do

it the best way to do it is to use the proper technique

cause if you do that you have more of a chance

of knocking them out

if you have big

power and you’re fast

you can get away with some

goofy shit like roy

jones did when he was in his prime

but look what happened to roy

jones once he

started to slow down

when he didn’t have that

crazy athleticism

all of a sudden he couldn’t pull off what he could but

bernard hopkins still can

bernard hopkins

has perfect technique

if bernard hopkins had the athleticism of roy

jones jr i mean

maybe that’s

why bernard hopkins is bernard hopkins it’s like maybe

jiu jitsu guys they always say the best

jiu jitsu guys are the guys that aren’t physically

strong because they can’t pull off anything else

unless they have perfect technique

because it’s all

leverage and

techniques i’m sorry

are not strong

really yeah the most technical

guys are the guys that aren’t physically strong

the most technical guys if you want to

learn jiu jitsu you always want to

learn from a small guy

because big guys

have like kimuras and guillotines they do a lot of like

power jiu jitsu they will do a lot of

things that you can only get away with if you’re really

strong whereas a

small guy has no options

other than use perfect

leverage and perfect technique hmm

yeah so you should

learn you’re better off

you’re a bad


when you open up your little kung fu fucking

school cock sucker

i don’t want to

teach anybody man i don’t like

teaching you know it’s

funny because i

touch my daughter

do you really

sure yeah i know you

don’t kick by i teach

you know i’ve taught

friends and shit

but it’s you know the thing

about you know if you want to like be a

coach like a winkle john or

like a trevor whitman

man that’s your life dude you’re dedicating yourself to

these guys and to

their progress and it’s a very


thing but you got to be willing to

dedicate 100 that’s

the reason why i quit

teaching taekwondo

is because i

started doing

stand up comedy

and i realized that i was not

gonna be giving this 100 of my time anymore and i had a

bunch of guys that was leading in tournaments

and even though i had stopped

fighting taekwondo

tournaments and i was doing kickboxing

i was still

teaching at a taekwondo

school and i was

still leading people in tournaments

and so i would have

these kids that i’d coached and i’d

bring them to like

these beginner tournaments and i was

dedicating a lot

of time to it and i had a lot of people that had like

10 guys that were like really

competitive and a girl who was really competitive

and she was really good and i

spent a lot of time with them like many many

hours every week

you know like

at least three

nights four

nights a week

at least two

hours a night

just dedicated

to training with these kids

and working with them and i knew

that once i

started doing comedy

and i needed

i couldn’t be there at

night time because

i had to go to do a gig in connecticut

or i couldn’t be there

i’d have somebody else

teaching it for me i’m like they’re not

going to do it the way i do it

and this is not

gonna be the same

thing and this is not it’s not fair

and i don’t

wanna half ass it and i don’t

wanna feel shitty

about that the one

thing that it made me feel good

about my life ever

was martial arts

so i was like i can’t

not do this i can’t fuck this up

because i have to quit

i can’t like

do a shit job at this i can’t do a shit job at teaching

because to me it was like

one of the defining moments in my life that i wasn’t a

loser like when i was

teaching taekwondo at boston university

i was like i’m

teaching at

a university

like i’m like an

expert at something and i’m

teaching people that want to

learn this how to use it

it’s like one of the

first times

in my life i felt like i was

worth something you know

so there’s no way i

could fuck this up

so i could just quit

i just quit teaching

and that’s how

i feel like right now

i get interested

in strategy and i get interested when i see guys

fight what i

think is a very unintelligent

fight and they don’t have the proper coaching

they don’t have someone who’s

really mapped out of game plan

a lot of these dudes are really good

and because they’re really good they know what they can

do and they know what they want to do and they sort of

plot out their own plan in a fight

which is all well and good

but sometimes you need someone who’s also really good

also has a really good knowledge of this

and is outside of it looking in

because someone was outside with

greg jackson

who’s looking in

one of the reasons why

dave camarillo and bob cook they’re outside

they see the whole

thing and they’re very intelligent and they’re very

immersed in the game

like bob cook and dave camarillo

they break down

fighters they spend time

they go over tapes they analyze

shit and when it comes down to a

fight they’ve got a very intelligent strategy

and if you listen

to that strategy and you follow that game plan

you have a very good chance of winning

you know there’s

going to be variations shit’s

going to happen you’re

going to have to make adjustments

but of course you do that’s part of the game

you know there’s

gonna be shit happens okay you can’t take him down

listen you gotta kick that

motherfucker’s legs

okay if you can’t kick him down he wants to

stand up with you

he’s open for that inside leg kick

and then you have to have

you know here’s plan b okay now we’re here

okay you think you

broke your foot okay stop

throwing kicks

this is what you’re

gonna do you’re

gonna bait him

you’re gonna get him into exchange

and fire off the left hook

he’s open for a left hook you know what i’m saying

like they have this all

thought out they have it thought out like you have the

diet thought out

every 14 every plan

every time i mean it’s

amazing how there’s so much more to this than what you

would think you need the

and go hit the bag you know you have jiu jitsu

you have your strength and conditioning it’s amazing

how you know what

i noticed then and i don’t know if you notice i’m gonna

start doing a column

for pro mma

oh yeah yeah once a week or once a month

right just writing some

and it’s weird because what your

first column

gonna be about and i

and i noticed that

the last two years

every time i’ve gone to an

mma event with you

somebody else in the

ufc division

is losing away the trying to get healthy

this last time i went to austin you got bert

uh huh right

50 60 pounds

right our friend’s mom lost a

bunch of weights

right now and i seen another guy and then we have our

buddy deepest

quality who we’ve both lost

yeah he’s weak because of the sleep ab

so we and how

mma affects some people

like i was sick and

tired of going through

those fights

a really fat fuck when you see all

those people in shape

and then when i went to this last year of see

i even seen that they put

two different tables out

like they put

table with cookies and cakes

then they had

tables that like healthy

snacks and it’s so weird like

these people when you’re around this is what

mma has done for me

i’m not a fighter

and i don’t

wanna do jiu

jitsu or nothing

but being around

those guys you’re like fuck

i gotta be healthy whenever i

watch those ufc

you know twenty four

sevens whatever they are like

yeah i think it

definitely inspires people it inspires people

every time i go to a ufc event

somebody else is on a diet

or somebody else

is getting healthy or somebody else is eating healthy

and that’s what i’ve seen from mma

and it started with me

that ultimate

fight of the year

tate was on it

the kid that lost a hundred something

pounds from doing jiu jitsu

he’s not the

ufc no more

but he talked

about it he goes you know even if i just

final in this at

least people lose weight and try this

i forget what

his name was he had like a mohawk and a kid and he

really push love for the kid he made it to

todd hayes yeah he was he lost like a hundred

thirty pounds

yes he’s a bad


no no no no not todd hayes no no no

isn’t it josh shit

josh hayes i was

gonna talk to you

about josh bring the pain hey

what the fuck he

had a kid he had a mohawk with like

blond hair on it he had

and he really

loved his wife he seemed like a really

sincere guy

he lost a shitload of

weight a shitload of weight and it’s amazing

every time i go to

ufc event now

somebody else is on a diet

yeah he’s drinking water josh

haynes josh

bring the pain haynes

sorry josh it’s amazing how

it’s rubbed off on some people yeah he was on the same

season as tape yeah

that’s what i’m saying

it was on there with tape that’s why it

was weird how

every time i go i see somebody that’s just inspiring

to me you know i don’t know

yeah man i think

that’s one of the

things that i

would be interested in doing outside of

doing comedy

outside of like of all the

stuff that i get fascinated by a pool and all

that was that is one

thing that i

would get interested in doing

opening up a gym

training fighters

but and just being

sort of a greg jackson

type of guy having ideas and strategies and helping

people through

but that would have to be something i’m 100

dedicated you

can’t fuck around with that and half ass that man

that’s not something to have fast

you’re taking people who have a

limited window in the sport

a fighter can

fight from the time they’re 18 till they’re

most guys 38 48

48 if you’re andy 38 if you’re a normal human

you know so

you know that’s it you got 20 years

and during that time if you’re really into a

bunch of wars

cut that time down substantially

anytime you have a big war anytime you have a crazy

if that’s your style

you know you want a vandalee silva

like vandalee used to do in the early days

no matter what

it’s gonna shorten your career a bit you’re not

gonna be 48 years old

fighting like that that’s a different kind of

style i remember one

thing that you’ve always talked

about that is very you see it

shut this fridge off

this shit’s loud it’s the gyms that have the gym wars

the camps where they have gym wars

yeah you could see

those guys that

yeah they’re a little

seasoned and stuff but

they’ve been hitting the head a couple more times than

regular guys

and you can really

those gym wars are the ones that will

really kill you yeah you have to have guys that you’re

training with that you trust

and you have to

be careful not to hurt each

other you know guys hurt each

other sometimes

you know just

by accident

or just because they’re

training hard i mean that’s just

a part of the game

but you gotta be careful

with just gyms

where they just

basically fight

every week like

every week you’re

fighting every week two

three times a week you guys are

blasting each other

you know you’re

fighting you

basically get in and one good thing

about it is you get used to fighting

you get used to getting tagged

you get used to being in there in the pocket you’re

gonna be a tough

motherfucker to get in

the cage with

because this shit is

going down in your life

every day you’re used to it you’re used to full

blast blows

but on the other side

you can only do that for so long if you do that

and take big big shots all the time on a regular basis

your career gets

short and substantially

your brain is only set up

to take a certain amount of

abuse before there’s just way too much damage

and all the

stuff they’re finding out now

about football players

you know when they’re examining

their brains

after they die special i told you

about the luke game

oh yeah very amazing yeah

eddie told me

about that too

it was very intricate that special

fucking scary shit man

i watched the

other one where was that football player

i believe he played

for harvard

in college and then

after college he became a pro

wrestler and he suffered a gang of


and this is

one of the reasons why i brought up the brock

lesnar situation

because those guys suffer a lot of concussions a lot

they take a lot of hard shots

there’s a video of brock lesnar

where brock

lesnar is on top of the

third rope i don’t know who he was

wrestling against

but he was on top of the

third rope and he

jumps up through the air and does like a fucking three

flip but miss calculates and lands on his head

dude he’s three hundred

pounds okay

and he throws

himself through the air flips and lands on his head

he should be dead

he should be dead

you gotta see the

video here’s the

video if you watch the

video any normal person

would be dead

watch this shit

watch this shit we’re watching on youtube watch this

dude he landed on his head

he landed on his fucking head

he completely miscalculated the jump

completely and he landed on his head and

still finished the pin

i’ll retweet the link on my twitter

his brains you want to talk scrambled eggs

his brains should be a

small half cup of oatmeal

in the bottom of an empty bowl

they should be dead

it should have crushed his whole brain

i mean for me

if that was me or you and we did that we’d be dead

but that guy’s fine

that’s why i said like if that happened

during this one that we saw

how many times did he

accidentally bang his head

other times

these guys are gigantic dudes

and they’re

throwing each

other i mean people don’t realize the

abuse that people’s

bodies take on pro wrestling

the reason why a lot of

those guys get hooked on painkillers

pro wrestling is one of the most difficult

things to do in all of show business

even in all of

sports even though it’s not really a

sport i mean

per se i mean there’s predetermined outcomes

it still requires an incredible amount of athleticism

an incredible amount of work

these guys are on the road like

every night they’re on the road several

nights a week performing shows

throwing each

other through the air

they have to come up with new more

spectacular moves to satisfy people

that’s why they’re jumping off ropes they’re

jumping off the top of the fucking cage and they’re

flipping and doing this and

you grab my

ankles and i’m gonna

throw you through

the air and then you land on your back

and then i jump through my and i flip and i land on you

they fucking bunk heads and shit all the time

these guys are getting

knocked the fuck out in practice

what do you do well

put some ice on it and see tomorrow

and tomorrow you better

get your fucking

moves down if you want to keep your wwe

contract didn’t

he also play football too

yeah he played

i think he tried out for the vikings try

out for the vikings

listen to his numbers because this is

where it gets really

crazy okay i mean yeah brock is not like

the best mma

fighter he does not have the best

striking technique he does not have the best jiu jitsu

but when you

talk about just a

freak athlete

his 40 yard

sprint 46 seconds

225 pound bench

press he can do 43 reps

his vertical jump

35 inches his

broad jump 10

fucking feet 10 feet

do you imagine

this is at three hundred

pounds three hundred ten pounds

do you imagine

a fucking guy

three hundred ten pounds

throwing himself ten feet through the air

he still couldn’t stop that punch was

still couldn’t stop came so what the fuck

what are we talking

about here well it’s just jump

up and down

the ability

to lose your

body for when

he goes down i mean how long

the ability

to move your body keep saying that in the broadcast

about how good he moves

when all those fucking football players move like

yeah you see

those guys who

become linemen

you seen offensive

lineman this six oh yeah

two ninety and they

super athletes and

these motherfuckers they won’t like that

could you imagine if a michael vick wanted to get into

mma amazing how bad he

would fuck people up amazing oh

if a guy like that that

level of athlete

dedicated him i mean there are guys like that

is a few yeah there’s a few that are in there now but

those super athletes like a michael jordan

you know michael jordan decided

from the time he was well he had

to bet on himself to beat you

he’d have to bet on himself he probably would

michael jordan

would love that

shit he would

fight listen

cause his wife

could bet for him he

could go to

vegas and if he was fighting

he’s like put

everything on him he had a thousand people bet in the

phone that motherfucker would

he would beat liddell if he bet on himself

cause he bet

he was he hit liddell with a

chair dude he was

such an athlete

do you remember how he would

when he was the

first guy that

would literally fly through the fucking air

slamming in dunks

where you would see it on the highlight reels on

espn you would see it on the news

and people would just be

standing there shaking

their head going

how the fuck

could he do that

he was flying

with his tongue out

flying through the air

smashing that ball through there i mean

i didn’t even follow

basketball and all i saw

was that dude doing these

superhuman feats of athleticism

if that guy decide

you imagine the flying knee jordan can hit you with

jesus christ

could you imagine

the flying double knee

like a fucking jose aldo

style that michael jordan

could hit you with

if michael jordan

dedicated his time to that instead of basketball

god damn he’d be a bad


those guys are coming man

those guys are coming

those that’s the next wave of mma

the next wave of mma is the

super athlete phil

davis yeah john

john i mean john jones even

lesnar even

lesnar look

he doesn’t know the game

yet he’s relatively inexperienced he’s only had six

fights seven fights

you know that’s not that many

man that’s not that’s not not enough to be fighting

what is he got

he fought the the korean gentleman in his ufc debut

then he fought

frank meer and got leg blocked

and then he fought

keith haring and beat him on decision

then he fought

uh randy and he beat

randy got the title

and then he fought

frank mayer

again that’s five and then he fought is

it just six

and then he fought

six seven and the

seven eight

really i counted seven

either way it’s

relatively inexperienced and

right away thrust into the deep end of the they threw

me to the fucking the guy as an ncaa

national champion

had some serious technique there’s no way you become a

champion wrestler

if you’re just

strong because

those guys are just

strong too i mean

you have to have some serious technique so

he can learn

he just has to be brought up correctly

what he really

should have done with him

it’s hard with

heavyweights though

cause there’s not as many guys that are willing to

fight a guy like that

you know when you’re coming up like

who the fuck’s

gonna fight him and the king in the cage

what’s he gonna

learn out of that

you know what i mean

he’s gotta be tested somehow

so there’s like a

weird middle ground like you

gotta get him in bellator

you know what i’m saying

you gotta get him to

fight guys that are just a hair under

strike force

level just ahead

well strike

force in ufc

right now they’re pretty

close with alstar

alstar and phaidor

and for doom’s

capable of beating anybody if he gets them in the

right position

and josh barnett he’s a dangerous


there’s some dangerous guys

antonio de silva

you’re not quite the same

levels ufc but i

think that like

when a guy comes

up that’s got that much potential like a brock lesnar

like you know it’s like

you gotta you

gotta make sure that you take the most advantage

out of these physical gifts

you know you gotta

bring them up the

right way or just

throw them in like they did man

but like they did they made a

ton of money

i mean everybody made a

ton of money

but i just felt that

money they’re

about to make now with the fucking mexicans

is off the chart jack

yeah just opened up that

ufc latino with the pay per

view this is

perfect and they already when is it

super bowl sunday in new years

they’re putting fucking dos santos in this guy up

quick jack are they really oh yeah this is either

gonna be christmas or

i’ll fucking

it’ll either be new years or it’ll be

super roll weekend

super bowl for sure dude if it’s

super roll weekend

super bowl for

sure that shit

is going to be

crans and vidor

it would be yeah just junior

that shit is

gonna be crazy

that’s king kong

versus godzilla yeah that’s the

santos versus kane

velasquez might be i

might have a fucking

heart attack

i might not be able to get through the broadcast

i might i might just shit my

pants before we even

start i might just

i might just have uncontrollable diarrhea

about it for

super bowl they’re not gonna fuck

for y wait let’s

put it up there though santos is coming off a big

fight too that roy jones

or the roy nelson

fight rather

was a real good

fight for him because he got pushed

and he had to work he had to work for

three hard rounds

because roy nelson is no joke man roy nelson is a

powerful motherfucker and he can take it

dos santos hit him with some bombs

and he had to go

three hard rounds with him

it was like a real like grueling fight

where you know roy nelson hit him with some shots too

nelson was always there and always dangerous

who’s the new

year’s card dog

good question

against redhead

against frank

graymainer right yeah

i don’t know i don’t know exactly

what’s set up yet i

think it’s alternative right now

i’m not sure

carl would hurt his back

for 25 he did yeah he’s out of his next

fight really yeah when did this happen all

those heavy weights seen that

fight and fell off

their fucking face when did

this happen

like yesterday they all did that’s him

frank me a fellow

you sure carwyn

pulled out yeah

i thought carl

was a finer

oh no i won’t pulled out a one

twenty five

that sucks you

heard his back who else

somebody else pulled out a couple pull outs

really yeah carwin

pulls out a january co main wow

having some back pain had an

mri yesterday

do some damage that may require

you reading it yeah it says

i have some

damage that may really require surgery oh no

well you know he had some serious back problems

wrestling you know when he was

wrestling he had some serious back problems and

it’s one of the reasons why he

i think stopped playing football as well because

i think he played football for a bit

somebody else is hurt too

from one of the cars 24

kro cop interested in replacing carwin

versus nelson

whoa croakop wants to step in and

fight roy nelson

roy nelson might not croak

up the fuck out

right out back to croatia in that

crazy fucking

blanket ain’t that

crazy that you

would say that that’s crazy

is it crazy

to say that but

crazy talk he might

you know or krokov

might just come back with a fucking flurry

you never know when a guy’s done

because if you look alike alstar over

him a lot of people

counted alistair over him out

a lot of people said man this guy just keeps getting

knocked out by people surgeon

karatana of

knocked him out

chuck liddell

knocked him out i think

shogun stopped him once i mean there was just like

he had all these

fights where he was getting beat down

and i think

a lot of people said you know what this guy’s just done

and then he went up to


and then he got all

sudden dedicated

and then all of a

sudden he’s the baddest

motherfucker in k1

he’s the most dangerous guy

that’s fighting in

strike force

i think he’s more dangerous than any of

those other

strike force guys i know

phaidor is a

legend i know phaidor is a bad

motherfucker and i’m a phaidor fan

but i think phaedor

stands with all star over him i

think it’s night

night soldier i don’t

think you can hang in there with that guy i don’t

think you realize the level

striking that guy’s on

right now he’s been

training just straight k1 for a long time now

and competing and winning in

high level competition

against high

level competition

beating peter

ertz and shit

you know so

there’s a gang of

those dudes

right now that are bad


what’s up joe rogan drop it on me as shit croakop

could come back he

could come back

if as long as he can

still take punishment you know i mean

he got hit with a big knee from a big guy

you know but if he can

still take punishment

and he super

dedicates himself decides fuck this i’m coming back

you know i’m coming back with a

vengeance him

against roy nelson

could be fun i’m sitting there the

other day watching

tito against matt hamilton

i’ve always

loved matt hamilton

i like his work

ethic i always pull for him

and i’m watching

tito whatever and i’m

thinking about

fucking john

jones pick this guy up and

threw him around like a fucking

ragdoll like a ragdoll i

never i was thinking

about this this week i’m look at this

going this is

what’s come

later when john

jones handles dudes

it’s like you ever seen a like like a

strong bug like a beetle

pick another bug up but just kind of toss it around

like bugs can do

crazy shit to each

other like ants

could just pick other

ants up like they’re nothing and just toss them around

it doesn’t look like they’re even straining

that’s how it looks like when john

jones shows

people around that to that kid my

heart stopped dude

they fucking stop man his lateral drop when he gets

those double overhooks on you he hit

hootie hit with it he hit

the guy with that stefan

bonner stefan

bonner hit stefan

bonner with it he hit

gusma with it

gusma was his

first opponent in ufc

he apparently

kate fletcher told me that he hit it on

keith jardine in training

he said dude you can’t even believe it when you see it

keith is this big strong

powerful dude

and john jones just launches

them through the air

flips him over is he i mean

you know a lateral job is

you’re flipping a guy through the fucking air

feet up the

ankles flying

and he does that to

keith jardine on a regular he’s just that

strong he’s just

freak strong

freak technique

super smart

super humble dude

you know that’s the next

level man that

level of athleticism that comes with

those guys that’s the next

level that’s coming

right now john jones is

just like all

those other

super athletes in other

sports just like a jordan he’s just one of

these guys he’s just a bad


bad motherfucker with his mind

but that was

also have a downfall to

what they also have

there’s a dark side to

little have what you were talking

about before which is

they relied too much on the athleticism oh john

jones has a perfect

it draws as they’re more involved in it

that’s what

happens to michael vick for example did jordan rely

on technique i don’t know much

about basketball

did he was he a technique

guy or was he just an athletic guy he was very athletic

but he knew the game of basketball

he had to be he was

one of the greatest ever

school but what i

was saying was the

fighting sometimes

have very fast the hand

speed or they’re good with

their legs they move good

but they just don’t

the athleticism stops

and you’ll always lose the technique

right you know like you’ll

never be a gsp

right he’s a

great athlete but the

motherfucker got

great technique

his technique’s perfect it’s perfect you know

his guy john donna her the guy who handles he’s

he does a lot of the

training of gsp and

a lot of the strategy at gsp and he was brought in to

coach with gsp on this

season the ultimate

fighter you saw me as the

australian dude

right together

short yeah i’m sorry

new zealand guy

yes yeah he’s like

43 years old and jujutsu is this guy’s life and he’s

he’s a brilliant

motherfucker he lives on his mat i

heard he sleeps

on the mats when he takes naps and shit because he

teaches during the day

you know when he’s got no

classes he’s just

take her naps

room is a fucking man oh really where he

sleeps it might be

and he’s a lot of

legend behind this guy

i heard that like he’s one of

these guys like us

like you know like as a

comic sometimes

the best material you get is

right about before you

close your fucking eyes

and you have a decision to make

either you could get up and

write the joke

or you could

get up and say to yourself i remember in the morning

right and then you don’t remember who gots in the

morning right

right it’s this

motherfucking takes it to the next

level he’s in bed

thinking of a move

right he’ll get up at four in the mornings

gonna dump start

rolling and

start rolling with the fucking duck you know whatever

just to see if

leverage or whatever

i heard he’s one of those guys

you know that

they credit him with inventing the darse

choke there’s a

choke that joe drc

is famous for because

mayhem miller

got caught in it by joe drc

and they brought it back and they

started calling it the darse

choke i talked

about it during the podcast

but apparently

what i’ve been informed

since i said this during the broadcast

is that donaher actually invented this

choke that he figured it out and he’s the

one who showed it to drc and drc showed it to mayhem

so donner he’s

a legend in

fighting a legend in

like he doesn’t

fight himself because he’s got a fucked up knee

but he’s a legend

amongst jujutsu

circles for being like one of the baddest

motherfuckers to deal with

well his theories are exactly they

mirror my theories

when it comes to mma

and it’s the theory that they espoused when

coaching this

show the ultimate fighter

they’re like

fuck all this

trying to be the

toughest you

know guy trying to

run up hills

the hardest and

throw bags of sand around the hardest

no what’s most important is your technique

the technique has to be the most important

and it’s not mental

toughness it’s not your ability to

hold your breath

underwater holding

onto rocks it’s technique technique and training

that technique

at a furious pace and you’ll develop you

learn how to

fight joe how do you

learn you learn

my fighting

you girl what’s the fucking

tool were you running up a hill that’s something i

never it’s great conditioning is

great there’s

something to strengthen conditioning to prevent

injuries and to give you a certain amount of strength

a certain amount of

power to utilize

those techniques

but when you

get past that technique is the most important

thing and these

guys you know this donna

her guy like talking to him just reinforces in my eyes

the importance of a

super dedicated coach

like a guy like him

you know a guy like him or a guy like greg jackson

especially don

her i’m a big fan of his as anna and greg’s

those guys are huge for a

fighter’s career

you know to find a wise guy

who is in that role he’s not he can’t compete he’s

got he was born with a fucked up knee like he literally

he can’t like

do strength and conditioning shit he can’t run

his knees fucked up he probably can’t take kicks in it

so he’s not gonna be

fighting but he’s fascinated by

it and he’s fascinated by it as a science just like you

would be fascinated by chess

as a science and that’s how he

breaks it down

it’s not about

toughness or ego

or any silliness like that

it’s all just about

executing the perfect technique and strategy you

watched the ultimate

fighter last week

yes they had a

knucklehead on there

and he walks around and he’s

tougher than the

other guy everybody says

avoid his fucking guillotine yeah

did you see what that yeah

i did what he do

he just dove in on

into the fucking gillard

yeah well it’s because you

came wild at him

and he just forced him into his

habits do you

think that that kid

could beat the fuck out of me

that kid with the guillotine

because it’s got a nasty gig

well he’s got a

weird way of holding it to

absolutely he he

doesn’t hold it like a normal guy does

he like turns it

so that the back

of the palm is facing the face and he pushes down on it

and it kind of

closes off both sides of the neck quicker

i’m fucking around with it a lot of guys did

nate diaz did that to

who the fuck did he fight

god damn it

irish hagriden

marcus davis marcus

david he did that same technique to

marcus davis he pushes his knuckles

he pushes like

he grabs a hold of his hand and pushes his hand

towards the neck and then that’s how he

closes it off

it’s like that’s the

thing about

jiu jitsu man

guys are constantly

coming up with new variations to techniques

constantly adding new ways to do it there’s like a

bunch of different

variations yeah

you can’t learn at all man

and that’s like

every guy has a different kind of

style some guys always

have the newest craziest moves and they have this

giant encyclopedia of moves they can hit you with

and there’s

other guys that only

hit a certain amount

of moves all the time like they go for arm triangles

chokes arm bar

they have three or four moves

you know that they only go to off

their back they have like armbar triangle that’s it

these are just only moves they go to

but they’re

nasty at them

you know like

no guerra no

guerra doesn’t do like

crazy wild stuff

his jiu jitsu is like

old school hicks and gracie style

jiu jitsu it’s like the real traditional jujitsu but

everything he does he does perfect

you know what i’m saying like

everything is perfect technique like

like i don’t see no

guerra doing

you know any

crazy like go

goplata rubber

guard sweep

shit like he’s

gonna just tap you with triangles tap you with arm bars

you know i’m

saying tap you with guillotines get your back

choke you out

all like the

standard shift like

hodger gracie same

thing all those

standard moves they just

hone them to a science you know

so there’s two

schools of thought

like hicks and gracie’s a perfect example

widely recognized as the

greatest jiu

jitsu guy ever

everybody says that

but hicks and gracie is


jiu jitsu that’s what he hits you with he

doesn’t hit you with some

crazy moves you

never saw before

he just goes to

three moves perfect

he knows everything he knows

everything but

his jiu jitsu is all very

standard old

school jiu jitsu

is perfect at it

everything he does

is perfect technique perfect position

he’s been there a billion times it’s a part of his dna

and everybody says the same thing

you don’t even know what the fuck

jiu jitsu is

until you roll with hickson

they say he just takes it to another

level he goes

you realize

there’s levels to this game

and you think you know what the levels are

until you roll

with a guy like hickson and you just realize

this motherfucker knows exactly what to do

every time you

move a certain way he knows exactly how to respond

and he does it


and you feel like you’re a

child you feel like you just

learned how to do this

and you getting

strangled meanwhile you’ve been putting in 10 years

you’ve been

going to the gym

three four days a week for 10 years

sweating your ass off

doing fucking running hills doing kettlebell

drills like i’m a bad


you like i’m 28 years old i did a

cycle of anevar

where’s hixon

and you roll with them and you just

rolled around like a little baby

like a little baby you don’t even know what the

fuck’s going on

all technique

they say you don’t feel any of his strength

you don’t even feel his strength

you don’t feel it it’s just all

sudden he’s

mounted on you

and you can’t

shake him off you try to

shake him off he

counters that shake

he’s also got an arm

trapped and you trying to

fight that arm all

sudden you’re in a triangle

it’s like you just

boom boom boom

boom boom and then he tapped and you’re like

i don’t even feel like he got tired

he didn’t even break a

sweat you’re exhausted

you just fought for your fucking life

against some

ever ever moving anaconda that’s

figuring out some new way to cut off your

blood and then boom tap

you have to tap

and then you just humiliate it

and you start back from scratch

technique technique

technique brother

technique technique

never shut up

fucking sponsor that

hit it flashlight

flashlight flashlight

check him out

like i said

and when you put ice cubes in there

and then you put a little bit of fucking come in there

and then you put out the

cells in this when you’re fucking it you get the apple

seltzer on your helmet wait a

minute wait a

minute the ice cube

effect from outside your helmet

you coming in and then you fucking

i don’t fucking know i don’t have this in my house

i’m just trying to

have i have one

for you it’s a blue i

want that one

we don’t want it

i’m not gonna

like that i don’t like board

i’m just i just have ideas do you

still even how

often you beat off on a regular basis once a week

once a week

really that’s it wow

why don’t you do it more for what

brian wants

wants to hear stories now

what did you do it to today

big on the beat

you’re not big on it no

i feel fucking guilty yeah

it’s always

a sad feeling it’s very sad when you beat off

a strip club and make them believe the

strip is gonna meet you at denny’s afterward

you don’t say that ain’t

never gonna happen

they never gonna fucking happen you always get that one

idiot done let’s go to denny

she said she’s

gonna meet me

fucking nobody

gonna meet you what’s up reds the game son

that’s the game the game

have you ever

dated a girl that that her

phone has emergency porn

videos just in case that she

doesn’t have internet and she has to masturbate

no don’t that’s disgusting for real

esther does that

do you think she wants the world to know this

oh i don’t know probably not

yeah that seems like you just routed her out bro

wow some chicks get

crazy with the porn though

they love it there’s

other girls that are offended by porn

some chicks get offended

some chicks get

crazy with it

it’s a weird thing huh

it’s a weird

thing some girls think

you need it like oh you needed to keep a relationships

there was a girl that i

dated in high

school and then

so like i ran into her many many years later

and somehow another you know she got on the subject of

getting bored

while she’s

married she was a

horse probably want to fuck

and she got on the subject of

you know watching porn when you’re married

and i’m like you guys

watch porn together she’s like oh yeah i mean

after a while you get just so

tired of each other

just want to

watch something else

like she was just it was like

sounded so gross

and they wonder

why the fucking husbands fucking some

tattooed pig

that’s why fucking filthy fucking animals that they are

old school ladies and gentlemen

all fuck joey g

has dropped old school

i don’t got time for this new show that was a strong

it was a strong two hour sprint joey

fucking threw it down today did i

yeah you did that was there was some

classic moments when i say

you said everything

you you said you there was some

classic goddamn moments it was

one of my favorite podcast really yeah

today why you blowing

smoke up my ass to do that

every time i come up people

security cameras on you made me

laugh my fucking ass fucking guy that was a good one

anyway i love

doing it with you guys it’s a lot of fun always

well what happens

what you do

nothing i was just getting your ending song

ready there’s

no way we can’t not do that

do how do people

get a hold of your they know how to fucking

get a hold of no they don’t they don’t beauty the

beast podcast we drop beauty and the

beast podcast goes on

dot com and beauty downloads com

or download online you guys

own beauty and the beast

calm how the

fuck did you get that i don’t fucking know beauty

come on dub

beast oh da oh

we just confused

the shit out

of the disney

i don’t know what you’re saying we get home

mickey’s gonna be my house

hey have you ever wondered

about that like what if you become famous

you might not be able to keep that name

like disney

might fuck with you guys

and dobby yeah

they might fuck with you guys

bitch when we get to it

who gives why not just have the joey

diaz and felicia podcast how

about you guys are awesome how

about booty

and the beast

shut up bro i don’t know why what is

with the fuck

what is why not just have you guys your names what

would it be better

beneficial to you guys if your name was on the podcast

you know who

the fuck knows

joey diaz and felicia

michael now

why confuse people just go to beating the

beast white

who gives a fuck just join your

people love you man

they know i love you they want

to find you

they want to find the

beast dot com they want

other people to be able to find you

on a twitter

i’m on myspace big like your tags

are off your tags are off nobody


where you are

matt flavor you need to get mad

flavor at twitter

at flavor at twitter

what’s my mad flame at

whatever what is your

i don’t know your facebook you

know we coco

dias at facebook yeah someone

couldn’t find you the

vaporizer dude yeah find you

he’s looking for you i

understand i couldn’t find i

think he sent you myspace message though

he jumped into the

waters of myspace

how could you find his message

i like the vaporizer i like the

vaporizer i just thought the well was a little too

small you know i

smoke 50 fucking bucks

jesus christ

vaporized weed is something so different to me i can’t

smoke a lot of it

every time i get

i do too many

vaporizer heads

i’m not comfortable i don’t like it what happens to you

get you fucking

spacey good i’m

gonna smoke that

whole battery i

can’t keep up

with the thoughts it’s like they’re coming too fast

so it’s like i need a

no no no no i like them around mid

level midstream

so that i can

still think

it’s when i get

super super

super high sometimes it’s like it takes me

an hour before i can enjoy it

because for the

first hour i’m just like whoa

it’s just moving

along too fast

it’s like there’s a

river of fish

swimming by me and they’re all little and i’m

trying to grab handfuls of them i can’t get one of them

i got the super off

flying by all the

vaporized that

motherfucker to death

and don’t forget people

we’re gonna be at the austin

yeah city next week

thursday friday and saturday

the fourth through the

sixth we’re

gonna be ripping

it the fuck up that’s not next week though

right now it is

yes it is it’s fucking halloween this

sunday gentlemen

all saints do

is monday we’re

going to fucking austin next wednesday

at six o’clock


we’ll be that 11

it’s halloween next sunday

sunday next

sunday bro yeah that’s what i said to you

okay so we’re

going the following week

which is next week isn’t it

next week yes

that’s what the oh yeah you’re

right it is next we’re going to

see my next

motherfucking week so get it

together five

fun phil shows

there’s a couple tickets left

jump on that bitch

right now that’s

right don’t forget next week

the flashlight

don’t forget beauty and the beast

don’t forget

i’m writing for pro mma

com with my man joe

what you need

to do fuck all this writing they just need

to get a camera and turn it on you and have you talk

and put it on but as a video blog

you can tell with this writing nonsense i love

right don’t

worry about well i know you love writing

dude what you got you can do that

if you like but

if they really want to get

the most out

of here what

the fuck is

this all you

gotta do is

roll that number i was

roll that number cocksucker

don’t worry

about changing names what are you

fucking border wars

roll that number

bitch i love your name

i don’t want you to change anymore i love you

right red band

how did you

become planet rock

what was that i don’t know who gave me planet rock i

thought you came up no

i’m mad flavor

from biggie

mad flavor you

definitely came up biggie gave me mad flavor 95

and then also joey karate

that’s right joey karate

i gave myself

before tommy karate

came up with that

mother who’s

tommy karate

tommy patera

the fucking

guy was in the witness relocation plan fuck him what

again what are you talking

about my crowd was

spilled milk some guy

tommy patera look him up

he wrote a book and he’s

tommy karate

what is this brian

this is mika

versus red one

is it good i don’t know i just

thought i’d play something i don’t know

remember you’re just

gonna take a chance yeah i’m taking a chance

why would you do that

cause that’s how

it’s gay as fuck

bro you’re so gay

that ruined

kill it and let’s wrap it up with that diane

word song again

it’s not connecting to your internet

right now that’s why i have it already

i love you guys

thank you very much for

watching the it’s not connected

to the internet

this is one of the best podcast i do i love

these fucking guys

especially rep band and rogan

you know what i’m saying

i’ll be right out there

princess we

enjoy the fuck out of doing it

thank you everybody for

tuning in we

appreciate it very much

and joey and i

again will see you next week

austin texas

we’re there for

three nights

thursday friday and saturday

what is this

brian this is mc chris oh you

is this like caviar

it’s an acquired taste yes i like it

getting lifted i’m a hickey come to hogwarts

i’m the kid you look up when you feel like getting

tricked up i got cockroach

thank you very much

ladies and gentlemen

we will see you

probably thursday

it looks like we’re gonna do another one on thursday

we’ve been doing most of two a week and

i appreciate the fuck out of

every time i come to the shows and

all the people that come up to me and tell me that they

really like the podcast well

that’s why we’re doing it we’re doing it for you guys

really means the

world to us we

enjoy the fuck out of doing it and we’re

gonna keep doing it

thank you very much and we’ll see you soon

thank you bye

bye big kiss

love you bitches bye

light is beating how it bounces

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