smile on your face

three or their id every picture has her id

you could get fucking busted are we going right

now we are like what are you talking

about child pornography

dude we’re live

eddie bravo how dare you that shit would stand up

eddie bravo

how dare you bring up shit that we were talking

about off the air okay i’m saying

start the fucking podcast off with that

it’s my cousin anyway

ladies and gentlemen

thank you for tuning in to the podcast

we are sponsored as always by the flashlight

go to flashlight com if you go to joerogane

net and you click the link

this is a place where you can go to and you get

15 off and the what is the code you have put in rogan

rogan and this is a fat boy slim mix

yes fat boy summer mix

2010 you know what i love the song that guy i get did

that weapons of destruction

you know is that what it’s called yes

yeah the one with

uh christopher

no christopher walken did the video is dancing

yes fucking badass video

all his videos are all his musics pretty good

i’ve really

never really got into him but that one really

grabbed me all right our

guests as always my buddy mr hasty

eddie bravo

eddie bravo of tenth planet jujita

juju zoo of um

you can go to

twitter com

eddie bravo and

where else can i get your shit

you still have a myspace page up with all your music

right yeah but i

think that to eventually

eventually man i’m like behind on

every fucking

thing man i got to put out the mastering the

twister dvd

dude i’m so behind on everything so um

like musicians are still using myspace

some of them right

cause it’s convenient right yeah it’s got that

music player that you could see your

your views or your hits that’s pretty important to

music that’s super important

if you have

thousands of hits on one of your songs people are

gonna go oh shit let me

check that out

if there’s four hits

people are just

gonna bypass

right and when you embed

a video you can embed

it with the number of hits in it it can’t show

that must be something new i don’t know

about that no

no no i mean if you embed like a youtube clip

all you see is the window you don’t see how many

videos or how many people have

watched this

video no but that would be

a good feature

i think but no one goes on myspace anymore

yeah i’m always on my website

tenth planet jj com

i’m on that

motherfucker like

you know like joe on twitter and shit all day

okay so if they want to see your music though

my music they could still go to myspace com slash

the twister

those are all old videos and shit

that you know like they’re like three four years now

old so but they’re still badass

brian riker

what are you doing over there

buddy just fine

tweaking the audio

fine tweaking fine

has become quite a podcast mogul

he’s been broadcasting not just this podcast but

the the unfortunate

brodie stevens project yeah that was did you

watch any of that yeah you

watch a little bit of it

well what was

going and call it that

the unfortunate

brodie stevens

project that’s a college play

right he looks like he’s going

crazy yeah then that way he’s allowed to get

crazy i just

think i need a taser though

you know i think if we do that i need a

taser what’s

a character you

know he’s a character

i think it works great for

stand up comedy but i

think for a podcast i don’t know

yeah it was hard

cause i felt

bad for the last episode he brought his roommate on

again and he

screamed at his roommate the whole time

to the point

where his roommate i saw look

like close to him and his

cheek was twitching

because he was so

upset and then i went outside

cause i was

freaking out i went outside

and he comes running outside and goes

like in the middle of an interview he just

took off and brody was just left there on the couch

going ah ah ah

well you know i don’t know what he was doing

but the guy was like i can’t take this anymore

i don’t know what to do i can’t take this anymore and

like he just got raped

that’s what the conversation was

and that’s when i came to the conclusion

that what happened is is that

they act together

him brodie stevens and his roommate act together

like if a couple were to

break up and they had to live together for like

three months

you know like

that anger that

anger they had yeah

i don’t know man it

freaks me out in

real fucking

anger too man you’ve been around someone when they’re

breaking up but they

still haven’t

moved out yet

and then the

chick starts seeing

another dude then they have complications or the guy

starts seeing another chick

fuck that shit yeah

that would never happen i

would never

put myself to that i mean you have to be a

brokester and understand

or some kind of

i don’t know what’s

going on with the

least or something

maybe there’s like a

least problem that both some people just love

drama fuck they can

never figure it out they can

never figure out how to be cool to each other

from the moment of the relationship but just a

it’s an eventual explosion

it’s like how

how fucked up is

it have to get before it all falls the only way i could

understand a situation like that is

girl breaks up with boy

boy is begging for girl back

girl goes you know what we’re not getting

back together but i’m fucking staying here for two more

months cause i paid the rent

and boys like fuck it stay

it’s like it’s

gonna give them more time to

maybe change your mind you know what i mean

yeah yeah i

could kind of see that when i

broke up i lived with a

chick a long time ago the

first chick i ever

lived with very nice girl but we were both kids

you know i was 21 she was 20 we were both retarded

right and when i

lived with her

and we broke up

there was a period of time for like two weeks we were

still together

and she was

still like staying in my

house but we

were not together anymore we had broken up so

she had started dating

other dudes

and i’d started dating other

chicks and you know she

would be cool with it

and then like she

would tell me

about dudes and i

wouldn’t get jealous but i

would tell her about a

chick and she get mad at me

within two weeks

she’s already telling you about

20 years old man 20

years old you’re

retarded you don’t know what the fuck’s

going on were you in love with her

no i mean probably

not no no no

definitely not because i didn’t

freak out when she left

although i did

like try to get her back

and i came off like a huge faggot

i don’t know if you’ve ever done

that before like when you get devastated by a chick

and then you try to figure out a way to

bring her back it’s almost like an ego

thing really

it’s like the relationship was boring did she

break up with you yeah yeah yeah she

broke okay that hurts now

how long were you guys

living together before not that long man

it did not last very long it was a disaster six months

maybe something like that

that’s not even you can get deep in six yeah

maybe not even

i don’t even

think it was six months

she was a nice kid we were just

young and stupid

and but she

started banging

other dudes and i

started banging

other chicks

and it was real

weird cause we’re living together

and every now and then like she

would get horny and i’d fuck her anyway

it was very strange it was like retard retard

relationship shit like

the shit you do when you’re 21

usually generally

when someone

breaks up the girl

generally for most people the girl can

has so much more

power than the guy

the girl can

bang ten dudes that day they

broke up like the

guy might not be able to get laid for a couple weeks

right he hasn’t been in the game for a

while that’s the

reason why they’re

breaking up because the guy

found someone new already

that’s true that’s

track in boston

man where i

lived it was

way harder to meet people this is not the same

place man people are not nearly as friendly

it’s not nearly as easy to go

out and meet people like in a bar or club or whatever

it’s a fucking grind

it’s not easy

and everyone’s in jackets

you really don’t know what the fuck you’re getting

you don’t know

what you’re getting man you get a look at girls jeans

how how vacuum sealed are

these fucking

things even

at clubs even at clubs you really can’t tell so

some girls can

cover their

fucked up shit with the dresses

you get them

naked you’re like whoa fuck

plus they can feel

they confuse you i did not expect

that you know

like you go out to a club

they got glow

sticks they got glue they got fake fake

eyelashes you’re

drunk it’s dark

and they got so much fucking makeup on and they’re

covering their shit up

strategically they know how to

cover them rolls up how

crazy is the idea of don’t wear

nightclub how

crazy is the idea of a nightclub

you go to a

place it’s a designated meeting area

where everybody

goes that supposedly is single and wants to fuck

you know it’s like can you get it

that’s the big question can you meet

can you meet somebody are you compatible do you get it

but we’re gonna provide you with

music so you get to move around and

grind against each

other we’re

gonna give you

drinks so you make shitty decisions

we’re gonna set you up in a

place which probably

gonna be people that are selling drugs if you’re

gonna do something more fucked up

it’s all together in one

big spot and we stay open till 2 o’clock in the morning

that’s one place i

never pick up

chicks at though i

never pick up

chicks at the

dance club cause if i’m dancing

i’m acting a fool i’m not like taking it serious

like breaking it down

you know what i was totally the opposite like for me i

swear for me

when i was like 21 22

the way i would make moves on a

chick yeah is i

would find the best dancer and then

dance with her

and i always felt like i

could just i

could get them with the dancing

do i swear to god

did you like

learn how to

dance man i was

dancing before

my i could even walk my aunts

would just hold

me out because my add to aunts are a couple years

older than me

and they would just hold me

and everyone we will

be dancing like fucking fools all the time do you still

dance i went to

school dances i was always dancing

huh you still

dance one once in a

while if i’m at a club

and they’re playing some good shit you know some good

fittest scent or something some new

ludacris or something

i’ll be dancing

it’s got to be good though

oh shit shut that shit off

that’s wake the fuck up

no you know what that is that’s an alarm

call your business manager

check on your funds like

every day it goes off

keep keep that shit going every day but

i usually sounds like a wake up reminder to you

check your fucking money dude slow down

what do you spend

spending too much money

i don’t keep

track of it yeah that’s my problem now

when i get a business manager i don’t have to keep them

i like you know

i always envied you man how many years do we know each

other and you had a business manager

and i had to handle all my shit do all my taxes

you never worried

about shit since i’ve

known you you just have a credit card

and you don’t worry

about shit i remember

a couple times you told me go

man i could have

two million in the bank

all right i didn’t want to disclose that okay

so anyway do you like comic books

have you did you grew up liking

comic books

no i never read

comic books man i wasn’t into it

i hated superheroes

man i wasn’t into him i was spider man for halloween

and it’s so

weird playing the role

of a superhero at a party

i went to this huge

party and i was

dressed up as spider man

and i realized when i had to walk around the

party i was walking around the

party like i was spider man

like i wasn’t just stepping i was

like like i didn’t do it on purpose i just what

it was something’s

wrong i was really

stoned in it i don’t know but it was

weird man so you’re really

stoned you thought you were spider well i just

caught myself walking differently

this is the same dude by the way that said that he

doesn’t like certain

video games because now when he sees

buildings he wants to jump from one

building to the

other cause he’s played this in games

he actually

thinks that he

could go do that

no no no you

know what you’re getting lost in the character

which is totally cool man i was talking about

i played so much of this

particular video game in a

short amount of time

like all day long

it got to the

point where i was driving and i was just like kind of

space out and

think hey look that

building i could jump on that i

could see that you know what i mean

yeah you know

you’re thinking of retarded

shit yeah you

never usually want to talk

about but you’re thinking

about that shit

right like man

like i’m actually thinking

about the fucking

video game jumping around just because you played it

how many hours straight do you play it

at that time i played it for like all day long i

could wake up play it go to bed

you know that’s

ridiculous yeah

for like a month for a

month though

that was the only time i

became a dick people

do that my little nephew that’s his problem

right now they got to take away that fucking

and game controller

cause he plays all fucking days fucking up his

grades and all that shit

and my sister’s like oh we only let him have that

video game on weekends and they got

they take the controllers and they fucking hide them

he goes looking for any

breaks into the fucking room

so all they really need to do is have like a

video game controller like

dealer at school right

you have your little sign

plug in how easy is that i’m real

lucky that i didn’t have

video games when i was a kid

i mean we had like

stupid like

the ones on tv that you’d play like

i forget what they were

but they weren’t

you know i think mike

tyson’s punch out i

think we had that

i think that was like when i was around high

school i had

atari the old

space invaders yeah

that was all i had that wasn’t

that addictive i mean it was okay but

there’s nothing like

call of duty or

dude it was amazing back then

space invaders at your house

it was amazing

fuck yeah but i’m talking

about the sheer addiction

value of it it’s not even

close to the

video games

today i know

people are having real problems with

their kids starving

it’s like a regular basis because they’re not feeding

their kids they get lost in

these massive

multiplayer

world games

world of warcraft yeah

these world of warcraft games man this big

substitutes

these people’s lives

like the sims and

the farm dale girl just

beat her kid to

death because the

kid was crying and was interrupting her farmville game

yeah it’s fucked up

you know that new call of duty game that came out last

night modern

ops or whatever

i don’t even know what the name of it is

i just saw that it’s in 3d

it’s one of the

first video games to

release to be made

deeply played on a 3d tv

so you know that 3d we saw the

other day this bad

holy shit imagine playing call of

duty now dude i did not realize how badass 3d looks now

with a movie that’s animated for 3d

and then you get one of those 3d

glasses and you

watch on the new 3d tvs

it’s fucking incredible man

it’s just like

it’s overwhelming like you look at it you’re just

going wow isn’t it

weird that it’s

finally taking off i mean we had 3d back when i was

10 but it’s not

taken you know

it’s not it’s a huge fucking trick

it came out almost a year ago

you know how many blu ray dvd 3d

movies that they’re out

two right two or

three i think the

third one just came out the

other day but

like hd the same

thing there wasn’t that many

hd channels but you

stick around there’s no way

two d is gonna fuck with

three d three d

porn’s gonna take over all that they’re making all

movies in three d now like

everything should

porn in three d

yeah oh yeah yeah yeah they’ve been doing it for a

while that’s the only way to

bring porn back

how you gonna do three d

you can’t download

three d and then

ultimately you’ll be able to down it’s

gonna make a big

should we invest in porn

is that like a

three d market

it’s gotta be that’s actually smart

that’s actually that

doesn’t make

sense you can’t download

that the bruises pop off the tv

right the bruises are up

you can smell the

flute for sure

for sure they’re

gonna have loads coming at you you’re

gonna have to

dodge those dude

you know what i mean

will you dodge them

no they’re gonna come

right at the

screen and they’re

gonna shoot through the girl’s face and she’s gonna be

covered in loads

yeah you’re

gonna see the

loads coming from behind the camera or something

right imagine if it was so good though that if you

had a wall projection tv and the legs were just being

wrapped around you

you know it’s really

gonna be gay

point that takes off from 3d

cause what could a girl do with 3d

while she’s having sex

he’s coming at you

better it’s just

better pop it you know

the depth is way better and when it’s not just that

you know you have like tricks

that was like old 3d like remember jaws 3d

yeah there’s only one

thing that happened that the

shark went through the

glass you like ah he’s coming

absolutely but

the rest of it was bunk it was like

tricks but now it’s not tricks

it’s like they’re doing that

yeah it’s like

that what was the

monsters versus

aliens that was the animated show that we were

watching that was in 3d

yeah was insane

it was so vivid

and there was so much to it it

was like the

depth was like it was like really shocking

yeah you know

that’s what it’s

gonna be pretty soon it’s

gonna be like

where you look at your wall and it’s like you’re

looking into the next room yeah that that’s what’s

gonna be like you’re

watching seinfeld like as if seinfeld was in your

house right

right you know

that that’s what it’s gonna be

if it’s gotten this far

right i mean

what it looks like is pretty fucking incredible man

way better than the

movies because

movies a big

what would happen

my shit went

bro we lost

one of the channels for the head

there it goes

it’s back that’s what happened all i’m saying is that

you can get more creative

with gay porn

you know we lost loads

we’re losing

you got a bad

connection on the headsets

all right so anyways

it’s in there but what i was saying

is it looks way better than the

movies because movie theaters

it’s like kind of shitty resolution

it looks like grainy

know even if it’s a giants better

even if it’s a giant

screen it’s not nearly as good as like a

giant like 55 inch plasma screen

you know the

depth that you get when you look at like a real good tv

it’s like the resolutions like way crispr

did you see jackass in 3d

no that was

using old school 3d

technology it was like dildos coming towards your face

so that wasn’t

using depth that was

act they actually slowed down

like things so you could see it come at you

and they really that was the best movie

for the 3d content really awesome for 3d

all i kept thinking about is

i mean there

they’re getting

fucking some head

trauma going on they’re really jacking their heads up

for sure at least one of

those dudes one of those dudes is gonna have

lou gehrig’s disease you after watching that show on

brain trauma that

was it real sports yeah what it was yes are you more

aware of that shit oh yeah the whole time i was

watching jackass i’m like goddamn it’s

funny it’s all fun and games

right now you’re making a lot of money but

they’re really fucking themselves up

i mean i saw the saddest interview with michael

not michael um with

muhammad ali

when he was caches

clay he was talking about retiring

when he got to be

certain age

because i don’t want to be one of them

fighters is

old and been hitting the head too many times is

talking duh duh duh duh

whoa whoa yeah whoa indeed

it was like it was so creepy to listen to that like

you you’re the king of der der der

you’re the guy

when if you talk

about anybody where

anybody looks towards

anybody someone getting

damaged you

know from fighting in it being a sad case he’s the one

and there’s

a lot of people that are trying to say that he has

parkinson’s it’s not related the fuck it’s not related

that’s a bullshit

politically correct argument

yeah he’s got

parkinson’s what does that mean this means his fucking

brain is falling

apart and why do you

think he has it you don’t

think that has to do with the fact that he got

battered in the

brain for like

decades you don’t

think that has something to do with that

that’s crazy

they had this

thing on 48

hours with jerry cory

jerry cory was like this great

white hope from the 1970s

and they follow this dude around and he was

like 53 years old when he died

and they followed him around when he was 50

and he was gone

gone there was nothing there

he had no idea what was going on

didn’t know how to

write his name his brother had to help him

write his name so he had lou gehrig’s disease he had

everything he had pugilistic dementia that’s

what they call it that’s what they were calling it

you know as far as is it lou gehrig’s disease

what lou gehrig’s disease

is the same

thing that stephen

hawking’s has it’s

your body loses its ability to move itself there’s a

bunch of different

things i mean

muhammad ali has parkinson’s

this guy had

pugilistic dementia

which is just dementia

brought on by being

punched the

whole deal is

you know it’s

scary because we see it

all the time man we see guys getting jacked in the head

all the time you know it’s a big part of what we do

it’s real shit yeah so much fun to watch though

thank god there’s dudes

we’re gonna put their

brains on the line for our

entertainment well it’s just they

gotta know when to stop

that’s the thing i mean you can do it a few times you

can you can even get shut off a couple of times but you

gotta know when to stop and

everybody’s win is different and that’s when it gets

tricky you know no one

could tell you

remember alstar ovary

when he was getting

knocked out all the time

alstar ovary

was getting like

jacked over and over again

sergei carathon

off jacked him chuck

deljak them

a lot of guys stopped him

i think he’s been stopped like

seven or eight times

at least six

so i mean he had been beating up a

bunch of times both in

kickboxing and in you know and in an mma

but then all of a

sudden he makes his fucking

tremendous comeback

and now he’s one of the best

fighters in the world

so it’s like you can’t

never say that a dude’s done

cause he made

a sick comeback and then made a sick comeback in

striking and k one

you know the fact that he was able to have that kind of

success in just straight

striking i mean

that’s that’s pretty goddamn impressive

so you can’t tell you got to stop because i

would have told

alstar over him stop you know who the fuck do you

when do you draw the line is it five

chaos is it four

chaos you know

i think peter

ertz has been stopped some

crazy amount of times like 14 times

over the course of his career

just something nutty like that

damn think about that huh yeah

what if they find out

what if they find cuz jiu jitsu is fairly

new what if they find out that

you know if you get choked out like

unconscious like from a rear naked

choke or a darsh or something like

twenty twenty five times

that you’re

you’re susceptible to get

lewd gehrig’s disease just from getting

turn you know but just

getting shut off like that yeah who knows well i

would say that they know that you can be deprived of

blood to the

brain for a

certain amount of time before there’s damage set in

but how do they know that

i mean they

know that people have gotten damage because they had

blood shut off to

their brain for

x amount of

seconds or is it a

minute i mean

what is the amount of time

where you start getting

brain damage

remember we talked

about this once

were you saying

like if you really hated somebody

you’d choke him out but not to kill him just

hold on for 90

seconds and

be retarded

that’s a character i wanted to develop

man a guy who’s like

he’s like a dexter

you know he just kills people but he

doesn’t kill him he just

chokes him out

just for fifty

eight seconds

just to turn him into a vegetable

so he doesn’t he

doesn’t go down for murder no one knows how this person

became a vegetable and he just

you know make it a romantic comedy

and then like one dude

and the conflict is

after he chokes a girl

he becomes a

lover he does it for

money he’s just like the

secret assassin he’s

not killing anybody he’s just turning your enemies into

like you pay him

and then one guy he didn’t

choke long enough

and the guy can kind of talk and he’s trying

to bust them out so he has to figure out how to fucking

get near him

again to choke him out of guys like

like pointing out is like

i gotta put this

motherfucker in an

armed triangle one more time but um

but um did you

so that missile

thing a lot of

people don’t know this but there was a missile that was

fired last night

off of the coast of

california california like malibu area

yeah i heard it on carson’s

radio show this morning and he said that you know

that’s where he lives

he didn’t see anything

and he had all

these whose

radio show carson daly

carson daly

has a radio show

on k rock i

think he does yeah

in the morning

k rock is kevin and bean

i think is he on

after it maybe okay

maybe after but

he was saying that he didn’t see anything so he had all

these callers call in

and then it was like

two hours later everyone said they saw something

but not with the time that everyone else is saying so

well they have

pictures of it yeah it is

something happened

there was one

before that happened i remember i was driving

i was in hollywood

and the sky was like it was just turning dusk

you know so it was kind of like half dark half light

and they launched a rocket and you

could really see

whatever this

thing was this missile

you could really see like the contrail behind it and

everything it was pretty dramatic

you know and then they had a you

know tell people that they do

these things at night

and that this one

was from out of

edwards air

force base i guess

and they shot it at

night but it was just not dark enough

they miscalculated the time so people get to see it

so it’s like what do you mean they just

shoot shit up in the air

did they do this

all the time yeah my friend that’s in the navy says

they shoot missiles all the time

where do they go

i don’t know

i probably aim em

to the water

shoot dead missiles and yeah

imagine if you were in a fucking rowboat

and nobody knew you

were out there and you got hit in the head by a missile

just a random

i mean people

have been shot they’ve been shot by people

shooting up in the air

right the bullet goes up

in the air and then lands on people that’s happened a

bunch of times right

could you imagine

if you got hit in the head by a fucking missile

no it out fishing

jones is saying

about this missile

thing or if he even knows

about it oh

what would he say how

would he say

basically the new

world order the

elites i’m moving

i gotta move my phone

the new world

order the elites

i don’t know what the fuck

would he say he

would say something

stupid it was obama

say something

about life extension

we had a crazy

experience in

texas with alex

jones with joey diaz

what happened joe what did i miss diaz

lit the alex

jones show on fire

he went off

alice jones fucked up and this is

where he fucked up

he had joey come on and it was his idea to

bring joey into the room

he’s talking to me about what

about chemtrails what

about what’s

going on with the environment you

know what’s

going on what

about they’re

gonna kill the dollar

so he’s got all this

stuff that he’s

bringing up with me and then

joey’s outside

and we’re just talking kind of like straight

real conspiracy

theory alex

jones style

but he brings joey in

and we were at the end of the show

so he goes well we’re

gonna go into overdrive

right now and we’re

going to overdrive

super secret overdrive

it’s a lot on the internet

but you know you can

swear it’s alright it’s not fcc but don’t try not to

swear so he fucked up he gave the

green light to joey he let joey

know that joey can just go off

and so joey

starts going off

first of all he’s

going off about cuba

about how what did he

say this is a free country

well the real

when it really went awry

was when he

started talking

about smuggling drugs

he goes i got here on the

plane i had the sack

under my ball sack i put the sack of weed on i was

stinking like a

motherfucker

and he’s going

no no you know alex

jones going no you didn’t he goes

no i did it was

under my left ball my left ball is bigger than my

right ball because i’m

right handed

i thought i had cancer for a while so

he just goes deep joey

diaz as as and as alex

jones is going

whoa but no no

that didn’t happen no you’ll see

it did happen cocksucker

obama freedom of

speech so he’s

going fucking

crazy and alex

jones can’t figure out what to do and i am

laughing my balls off

so as i’m laughing you know joey

if he’s got an audience that audience

is laughing joey knows how to finish the

deal it rages

he gets red he

starts getting

sweaty he knows how to finish the deal

so he’s going off about how

stinky this weed is

under his ball

sack and that he goes through the x ray machine

they thought he was

gonna have to get arrested

and then the

more alex jones protest the crazier got

so joey finally

you know joey stands up

he always likes to

stand up when he’s

gonna end something and walk away

he’s in a fury a frenzy

he goes joe diaz

facebook twitter

he stands up and he goes

check yourself before you

wreck yourself

big dicks in your ass is bad for your health

stay black cause that’s the most important

thing stay black

and the whole time he’s

screaming into the

microphone to make it

worse you know he’s just like

take this he’s

grabbing the

microphone his big paws and

screaming into it

the best part is when he

first walked into like alex

jones studios set up

where the camera’s facing him like directly

joey just stands

right in from it and leans down on one knee

right in front of the camera so if you look at the

video if you can find the

video anywhere

like it’s just alex and then this big head

like blocking his

view and then it’s the cameraman all scrambling

for new shots and that’s all like joey deals his head

covering everyone’s faces

joe is so funny he’s a fucking national treasure man

you realize moments like this i mean i’m

giving it no justice

here describing and i’m trying to describe it right

you got to see it

we’re gonna have it up in a

video it’s available online you can see the

whole thing but

we’re gonna edit it and put together the

right parts in a

whole video of the

whole austin trip

yeah austin

was and always is the shit

every time i go there to film it seems like

magic happens

that is one of the best cities in the fucking state or

one of the best cities in the

world man really is

because it’s

well it is one of the best cities in the state

it’s also one of the best cities

in the country and if this is the best country in the

world that’s one of the best

countries or

cities in the

world i just fuck

that whole thing

dude not only is the

food amazing

everywhere you go the food is fucking amazing

everywhere you go the

women are beautiful

and awesome and nice and love to

party and hang

out there man

it’s a friendly

place there’s a few spots like that in this country man

where people are friendlier

that’s one of the best ones

austin texas is one of the best ones

fucking great

music one of the

smartest ones too

yeah you know

just so many

smart cool interesting

people there it’s just it’s a fun fucking

place to do

worst highways ever

the gps just

when it tries to find the

exit well for some reason they decided instead of make

their highways

wider they decide to

stack them on top of each

other yeah it’s like the the

logic behind

it is so strange and if you make make miss an

exit it’s so impossible get the

round about it you fucked you fucked because almost

every exit becomes a new highway

yeah another direction

like where’s this one

going yeah yeah

it’s death it’s

death if you

miss a spot you’re fucked but

other than that it’s the shit

just got was here the first

clip that we got this

classic from austin

was the clam

thing with our

clam they painted that

whole green room too yeah

they redid that whole

place that was sad

they these the

green room in the austin

cap city comedy club used to be

covered with graffiti

and now it’s just all

painted yeah

and it was like

famous comics you know

some comics are dead yeah yeah like i

think mitch hedberg was on there and stuff

and they decided to

paint this green

over it yeah i asked him

what happened

burger king buy you guys out what the fuck is this yeah

it felt like

ikea or something like this

why would they do that

i don’t know that was the biggest fail

ever somebody

should take a

picture of that

green room and just call it fail

well someone

should do is find

photos of it all

online make wallpaper of it and then glue it back on

i’ve taken most of it what you

should do is enlarge

everything up

high resolution like with some fucking gene hackman

movie type technology

where they can take a big

picture and actually make it look good

maybe we’ll wait

until like it’s lcd wallpaper and i’ll just

email them with a

nice talking

bitch yeah how

could they do that man that was

that place in the atlanta

punch line that’s another one the atlanta

punch line the

green rooms just

covered with there’s

one of my favorite ones is stop trying to be hicks

somebody had that as

their avatar

photo on the rogan

board for a

while the best one was

in the austin one was always my favorite and that’s one

thing i always think is

pee on the toilet seat

maybe it will keep

women out of comedy

no keep the toilet seat up oh

maybe we’ll keep

women out of comedy

no i was taking my own life and mixing it in

dude i’m not a person that lifts

the toilet seat and pees

i’m one of those

guys pee through it i pee through it

cause i grew up with my mom and my sister

and i just use i just wash it

every time what you piss all over the toilet seat

no no my aim

is amazing but once in a

while you get that one little

teeny drop so once in a

while someone has to sit in your piss no

cause then i

clean i always

clean it with

water and toilet paper

hmm what about soap

huh yeah was that enough

if someone pissed on your fork and then

cleaned it with

water and toilet

paper would you

you drink pee i don’t i don’t

think i have to worry

about your little butt but yeah pee on it

i don’t do it

every day and it’s not mine

it’s a big difference between if i said you know if i

drank pee for a

stunt on a radio show or

if i pissed in your mouth

these are too totally well it’s like the old

thing like we just always talk

about do you

stand wiping

up or do you sit down and go through the legs

me and joe are both

standards are you

standard fuck guys

yeah get in there

i wipe and then

i jump in the shower i don’t i just wipe once you

shower every time

every time wow what if your shower

every time you shit

unless i’m like at a public restroom but

my shits consistent at

wow in the morning

when i wake up 10 o’clock

i’m ready to go i have a bidet i

never even use that

thing you have a bidet

oh chris from

flashlight did he tell you about a

bidet he has

a bidet that has like a

laser that finds your asshole

then shoots that

water at your asshole the same temperature of your skin

and then it comes out with another

laser that shoots and finds the hair dryer and it

dries your asshole yeah

well i heard

about it in

japan they have

these they’re toilet seats it’s not a bidet

it’s actually

a whole system

maurice smith

maurice called me up and maurice

smith i call him

joseph this is a

great business opportunity okay listen to this

starts telling me

about toilet seats

i tell you what it’s not a bad idea because that’s one

technology that has not

changed since

me was i was a kid you were a kid

like that it’s the same wow you got cushion

that’s it why

aren’t we they perfected that shit yeah but no one’s

gonna no one’s

gonna buy them it’s hard to get if it was 300

i would buy it 300

bucks yes probably

a lot more than that though it probably won’t really

is man it’s good

lasers your asshole

yeah fine that shit’s got to cost like

seven thousand dollars i like

cheeks and shit probably

use that you know what i mean it blow

dries you it has a

laser it was 500

installed i

would buy it no way

500 bucks you would

yes the ones that are

500 are gonna miss your asshole

gonna get your

yeah but you’re

gonna hurt your butt

it’s gonna be

pounding in there it’s

gonna splatter

all this shit around your balls

throw some heat warmers on that i

would do 600

they have warmers too that’s the other

thing the heat

the heated seat

so you sit down it’s all warm and comfy

put bluetooth on it 700

bluetooth so

you have calls from there

yeah a call from your toilet

can you imagine had

speakers behind you like really nice

bose speakers

you’re just sitting there talking

but then someone

they hear the echo and

they get mad at you are you shitting and talking to me

i told you to

disconnect the bluetooth

on the toilet it’ll have like a jawbone i have a second

microphone that’s like outside and i’ll mix the two

you talk to somebody that gets

upset at you

when you’re talking to them when you’re taking a shit

and no i never

they never figure it out

cause i’ve told people before they get upset

i’ve told people

are you peeing i’m peeing is that okay

i can hear you

i like we pretending we don’t pee pain in it

a big deal but if you’re on the

phone and you shit

and you like your ass explodes like one of those

nuclear shits you know what i mean

well you got a wipe you got to

clean the toilet

right there’s only a few people i

could do that with a party

you don’t usually

want to do that like when someone’s on the phone

unless it’s your buddy

but if it’s like a girl

it’s not for a business meeting yeah

i have facetime what is that

sometimes i fart

when i’m on the phone

i hope they don’t they didn’t hear that one

i gotta pull a butt apart

there was one there was one time when ari

called me by facetime

and he was shitting so i was like you know what that

i have to poop too let’s do this facetime double shit

i haven’t used the facetime yet

you guys like it oh it’s

great now they have a beta

on your mac so you

could facetime from a computer to iphone

so if somebody’s at home you’d

be like jump on your computer you know and i’ll whoa

so now you can facetime between

those two devices

what is that really necessary it’s like your

girlfriend and she’s like on the

other side of the

world or something

well yeah you know we’re

all on road

we’re kids that’s

about it is that yeah like your buddies

dude dude get on facetime bro

who’s gonna fucking do that well we talked

about this before that eventually we’re

gonna have little cameras in

front of us on like

fishing poles

that are hanging from our

house it’s probably

gonna be just nothing

like fishing poles it’s probably

gonna be like

hovering it’ll be

floating with you right

it’d be a proximity

droid we’re

gonna miss that

best technology with the oldest

technology yeah i don’t feel like fishing poles

you don’t feel the need for it but i mean that’s what i

used to say

about text messages

remember i used to joke

about it takes you four

presses to get an

s there’s like a part in my act yeah

the whole thing about

remember when we

used the whole

thing about

nextel next tell

they don’t have walkie talkies anymore do they they

still do that

yeah yeah i

think in brazil

in brazil next

tell is like fucking burger king there do they run shit

they failed in the

states they said fuck it we

still got brazil

what brazil

dude next tell is huge in brazil really yep

they love the walkie talkie feature

it’s on verizon yeah

it’s on all of them you know there’s a

funny story

there’s this dude in

front of roscoe’s chicken and waffles and he was on a

speakerphone and he was talking

by himself just

standing there by himself on a

speakerphone talking

and talking out loud and you can hear his conversation

and so i twittered

i said what is it

about black dudes

that like to talk on the

speakerphones when

they’re by themselves like what is the deal with that

and all these fucking people got mad at me

a lot of black people got mad at me yo that’s dickish

that was dickish

what the whoa whoa whoa

i didn’t say

shit about you

okay i said what is it with all these

black people that like to talk on

speaker phones

just because you’re

black and if

you’re doing that i’m not dickish i’m just observing

what is that that’s a

weird thing

that i don’t see that many

white people doing but i see a lot of

black people doing

and it’s not a negative

thing like what

there’s a lot of fucking douchey

things that

white people do too but

i’m not being

racist here i’m observing something

are you saying that i’m not allowed to observe because

you share the same melanin

content as this person i’m observing

and even though you’re not even doing the same

thing that they’re doing that’s fucking ridiculous

we’re real close with

racism in this country man we’re real

close to being ridiculous

yeah what is

ridiculous the whole

thing is ridiculous

you know like

with especially like the whole

anger between

you know like feeling like you have to

fight somebody because of

their race you know like there’s people like beating up

different races just because of what race

yeah there’s that mean that’s

legit racism but i’m talking

about is the opposite i’m talking

about people looking to

point the finger at racism

when you’re really just

acknowledging something that’s a fact

i’m just seeing something i’m like

what the fact that i said that they happen to be black

yeah well they

don’t happen to be

black so why do

they do this

black why do

these brothers be doing that

no they just do it

i don’t know why they do

it but you didn’t get an answer no no one has an answer

no but most people

were saying they’re attention whores you know and

that’s what

you know i guess one of the reasons

why people are getting mad at me as i was saying that

black people are attention wars

which is not what i’m saying

i’m saying i see a lot of

black people that like to talk

on their speakerphone when they’re by themselves

i don’t see

white people doing it

doesn’t mean they’re not doing it

but i’m asking

it’s like something i see

and might not

allow to see

things because people are black

like that’s a

tricky fucking

road to walk down that’s nonsense you know what

maybe it’s because that i

wanna get brain cancer and they’re just

you know more concerned

about it than

white people dude

i know somebody

that does that though i know somebody that only talks

using the speaker

phone function

for some reason yeah but not in public outside no

they do it they do it at

olive garden who is it

are they white

esther does

that oh she’s

black or at

least she likes

black deck for sure

why does she do that

i have no idea

i have no idea she records

every single

phone call between her and her parents too cause it’s

that her parents are so

ridiculous but she’s just really

weird with her phone

and phone calls that’s

funny man sorry

about that i

think it’s cool

i think it’s cool

do you really

no just trying to help you out

yeah it’s a tricky

thing man there was a

white girl at the airport

who is talking her ass off

like just really fucking loud

waiting to get on a plane

and it was kind of

annoying it’s fucking

annoying as shit man

you can have

a normal conversation just put that fucking

thing up to you i usually

cover yeah i usually

cover like my

mouth with my

hand i don’t want people listening there’s a big

difference between someone sitting there

going hey yeah what’s up what’s

going on how you doing

and someone

going yo what’s up what’s

going on what you doing okay

and then what happens

and then the

other person on the other

out thinking we’re

gonna come down there

all right coo coo

like why do i have to listen to your shit man

this is loud

maybe she just does it around me

now i’m kind of paranoid that i said that

cause i’m like what

think she does it by herself

maybe i don’t know

she only does

she does it around me a lot maybe it’s

a security thing

where she once

did like hey i’m talking to this person a

guy you know what i mean

yeah i’m not hiding

it around me yeah

maybe maybe

wow she’s being

i hope you don’t fucking

start a trend i

she’s being respectful yeah i

should start doing it around her i

guess there’s a

yeah it can’t

be that though it can’t be that because it was

no way we got a tricky

thing in this world

about people being too fucking sensitive

there’s a lot

of two fucking sensitive people that can’t take a joke

or even take

a conversation how

about this there’s

michelle obama

obama’s wife is

apparently the center of controversy because she

shook a dude’s hand

she’s in indonesia and there’s a

muslim dude there

and they were saying

hello you know some

dimit and subdignitaries and she

shook his hand it’s like

all over the news i’m so retarded all over the news

oh wow who’s mad she was being nice to somebody

oh yeah the

muslims they’re losing

their fucking mind i

can’t wait oh the

muslims are losing their

ass very upset

i think i pulled it up but

anyway the fucking

story is it’s very simple here it is

michelle obama

shakes hands with indonesian information minister

well try saying this dude’s name

dharka dharta ti fatu

sember ring

as obama arrived in jakarta in indonesia apparently

conservative

muslim minister in indonesia

who is being criticized for shaking hands

michelle obama thus violating his pious claim

that he avoids contact with women not related to him

as you know as you’re supposed to do

some sex of islam what the fuck man two thousand

ten dude this is in the news

some woman shook a dude’s hand

you know what the fuck man wait he just wanted to touch

get something that’s touched obama’s dick

you think so yeah he wanted a connection

like a kevin bacon connection to obama’s dick

that is what you get if you shake her hand

right yeah you get it all step

away you get it all

get the whole package what would

what if she became president one day michelle obama

that would be fucking awesome

get a chicken there and she’s black a black beautiful

that is beautiful

if she could be running shit if she was an

exceptional person to run shit i’d be down

you know the thing

about chicks running shit is though they have to be

really good at running shit they can’t just be hot

that’s the problem with this fucking sarah palin

thing is all these faggots out there

that think that she’s good

enough to be president because they want to fuck her

i was talking

about this on

stage they think that life is like a fucking kevin

bacon movie

where you’re the last vote that counts

you know and

then she finds out that you’re the one who got her

elected presidents and

she comes to meet you in an unlikely romance blossoms

you know there’s a lot of

idiots that

are willing to vote for palin because they really do

think she’s hot

but i mean look

if you can get some

genius brilliant

woman to be running shit i’d be just as

down with that but a dumb

bench no no

she’s never

gonna become president no

palin no ever

well you know what i

wouldn’t say

never dude because i would have

never believed she

would have the following that she has

but everyone knows

everyone that has had a tv for the last year and a half

two years have seen

every single skit with her and even if you like

her you have that in the back of your mind only you do

you’re not retarded

did see dude

fifty plus percent of this country is almost retarded

there’s a giant

number of people that are so fucking dumb

that there could be some

other issue look

how about this jan

brewer chick you know

who she is she’s a

woman who was

she was made governor

of arizona because

the original governor left and went to

what is her name i forget

went to the

obama campaign anyway

the point is this jam brewer

woman is nuts

she’s nuts and old

and can’t fucking talk

and she goes on

these debates and she paused

she went on debate she’s debating with this

other guys running for governor

she paused for 10 seconds

said nothing

just stammering and not knowing what to do and

moving her hands and shit

she had out full brain lock

this bitch lied

about there being dead

bodies on the mexican border with

their heads

chopped off

and then everybody went well

where are the

bodies like

where’s the autopsy reports

where’s the police reports

and it turns out it was all just

horseshit she’d lied

about her fucking father

dying in world war ii

wow she said my father

died defending or not no she didn’t he didn’t die in

world war ii

she made it up

he died during

world war i no he didn’t even he’s

still alive

that was the guy was

alive oh he’s

still alive

oh he’s still

alive maybe his

solitol got

piece of the soul died during

world war two

hunt more likely

now she’s the she won

and you know why she won

because she supports this

crazy new immigration law

who wants to keep all the mexicans out of arizona hey

and most that’s why most

of arizona is

white people most of arizona is

crazy old white people

and they’re like you know fucked up

now arizona is a nutty

place man we

have a good time there because people like to party and

you know the shows

are always fun there people always looking for fun

stuff to do

but if you look at arizona as a

state like it’s kind of a wonky fucking state man

totally you’re allowed to just have guns there dude you

could just be

walking around with

a gun in your pocket you have to with all the mexicans

they got guns

ladies gentlemen

eddie bravo is mexican

so before you

start fucking he’s allowed to

firing up your pen and getting crazy

with your hate mail

and firing up your twitter accounts it’s totally okay

i could fucking make fun of burritos

all day do you have anybody that you following on

twitter that you’re following just because they’re dumb

that you can talk

about no not that i could oh well you know no

yeah you gotta be nice right shit no

yeah i like i like

ridiculously dumb tweets or funny

tweets are that but in between shit i’m not into like

that one dudes just tweet

motivational shit that they’ve heard like come on man

enough of that shit

i love motivational ones

i love like

dudes who are like older who give advice like

steve harvey is my current favorite check this shit out

there’s a tweet i save him i save his tweets

your relationship with a man is either off or on

it cannot be off and on

ladies you have the power

stop allowing the back and forth

damn he’s like a black dr phil

well first of all how do you know that the

chick isn’t just looking to get some dick all right

yeah it’s off and on people are

crazy man and they can always work out it’s a

trick he’s trying to get bitches that’s trying to

get him to like him pure

sensitive right so it is totally here’s another one

good morning god will perform the

unexpected time and time again

if you just let him

talk to god don’t be too proud to pray

how many followers is i prayed

right after her that how many followers does he have

i don’t know he’s got a lot steve farms a famous guy

but he’s got

a hundred thousand

probably something like that

yeah i just hit 200 000

that’s congratulations

that’s mean something to me

how many a day

do you get normally like adders few hundred

few hundred

yeah i like how it continues once you get to a certain

point you notice that you get

an average of like a certain amount per day i only have

16 000 i treated like you know i like i

treated like a like a little

like a little platform like

a little comedies

or farmville world

you know i mean there’s a lot of times

where i get on there and i just promote gigs or

a lot of times i

found like cool shit that i

found online like that

italian song

or that american guy or that

italian guy was

speaking he was singing an american accent

like what it

was like gibberish it wasn’t real american word

same talk but what he thought can you find that

here this is what yeah you just i

would love to hear

that you just someone making fun of an american accent

but not really

using words really interesting

yeah it’s really

interesting and it’s kind of a cool song

and if you see the

video but i’ll

tweet shit like that or science tweets

that was gonna

tweet something today

they fired up the

large hadron

collider and made thousands of little big bangs

they started doing that man

that’s become a reality

they’re really doing it now

nice so they have all these

photos at the cern

lab it’s fascinating fascinating fucking shit man

yeah but you know so

there’s that i do and then also like

i treat it like it’s a little audience

you know i think you

gotta give people things man

when you’re looking

to promote gigs and use the internet and shit like this

you can’t just promote

you gotta give them some shit too

like the other day i was

watching ancient

aliens i spent like a

whole hour just

tweeting talking shit on ancient aliens

that show yeah the new

season so bad well the

first season was incredible the

first seasons awesome they ran out

of like talk

about yeah they’re trying

to you know

it was it was

crazy all the shit they were saying but

if you look at it this way

if you don’t believe in ufos

then that sounds

ridiculous but if you do believe if you like

watch the disclosure project

and you listen to all the

philip corso’s testimony

the guy used to

work for the

we used to be in the pentagon and fucking

head of nuclear energy and europe and all that shit

when you hear his confessions and

like like the

death that confession of general ramey and

and just if you

if you if you believe in ufos

then fucking anything is possible then that means

they must have been here

several times at least

and if they were around during the greek time

they must have

tripped out on them that must have been a big news like

these motherfuckers

and they must have like

talked drew

about i mean

you know painted

about it talked about it

wrote some scripture

about it or something

it’s not that far

fetched but

they were coming to some like ridiculous

conclusions like

about like the

paintings in india

maybe this was an alien

well the maha bharata

that’s a fascinating text the ancient text of ancient

hinduism is riddled with stories of flying things and

things that flew through the air

but you also have to realize that

these people took a lot of drugs

these people were into

heavy psychedelic drugs

i mean mana

in the ancient hindu

text they believe

it’s some sort of a combination of psilocybin

mushrooms and a

bunch of other different

things there’s a

bunch of debate

about what mana is

but it’s very

clear that they were

referencing something that connected them to the

psychedelic world

and if it was something that connected them to the

psychedelic world

you know and i know you’re

gonna see some shit

it doesn’t mean that the shit you’re seeing is not real

you know when you see that like when people

think of hallucinations

like you think of oh you took a drug and you saw a

monkey that wasn’t really there and he you know

you know you

think of something fake

but what you see

a lot of times when you take

psychedelics drugs

is not like the rest of the

world and then all of a

sudden some new fake

thing shows up

it shows you like a

whole new world

it shows you like a whole

hallucination world

which may or may not be real

you know what what what

might be happening when you take like big doses of any

crazy drug is you

might be tuning into the next door neighbor channel

you know there

might be the

whole world

might be a fucking

radio of a million different channels

and we might be on

you know one o six point four

and there’s a one o six

point five and it’s

right next door

and when you take mushrooms you go there

you know so you know

these guys saying that they you know

saw these flying

things and talk

about all these

majestic beings with all this wisdom

that very easily

could have been drugs very easily yeah it

could be there

could it could be both

i mean just

cause you have

a psychedelic

experience doesn’t mean that um

i mean that very

i don’t know

how much i believe very skeptical about

crafts from another planet that come here that are

metal and the traditional idea of like you know

just doing a

super advanced version of what we already do

i look at that and i go i don’t

think so this just seems too silly

it seems too

mechanical a lot of

testimony dude

yeah but it

doesn’t matter it’s a lot of testimony people being

raped by demons

you can go back in time and find thousands of people

who but it’s not there’s not exercise yeah but there

these people which try

these people on organizing and getting in

front of the

washington dc and the national

press and they

don’t have credible witness like hundreds of them and

the corso and all

these guys that

like in their

deathbed like you

watch the testimonies like do you think

these guys are

lying okay well no

that’s true but it

doesn’t necessarily mean that they are telling the

truth it might mean they’re wrong it

might mean that there’s some

crazy government

experiments that they’re not aware

for sure i believe in that i believe there’s definitely

a lot of this shit

maybe most of the shit

that people see and report

are our own government making shit but

if you listen to philip corso

testimony he’s saying yes

a lot of that shit

is our shit did we

universal say that he saw

things himself

personally exactly yes he did what he was

philip corso was part of roswell right

he wasn’t at roswell but he was involved in like the

shipping of

stuff he said he saw the bodies

he said that

he was in charge physically saw them or saw

them physically no no he saw that

he said he opened the coffin

saw him and said oh shit

and he knew so much

that he was in charge of taking

crashed ufo

shit and taking it to this is what he said

taking it to like hughes eric

crawford mcdonnell douglas

getting reverse engineer

the fascinating

story about roswell and everybody

thinks that roswell is a

silly stupid

story and no one knows exactly what happened it

could have been some sort of a soviet

craft that crashed

but the fascinating part is that they flew the

wreckage in two separate planes

because they wanted to make sure if one

plane crashed

they had a good chance that the

other plane

would make it

to wright patterson air

force base and

they made sure they separated the

wreckage there’s just so much evidence even like

today with like

the china the shanghai airport

airport in china

closed down

twice within a few

months because there was some shit

right over the

airport they didn’t know what it was they shut

everything down

i mean just shit like that

all over the

world i mean

there’s actually is evidence i mean people are put away

for life with no

video no pictures of the

crime just testimony

man they’re just listening to testimony

and putting people away for

multiple life sentences

when you put

all the evidence together just look up philip corso

with the sea

there’s hours and

hours of him just talking

about he wrote a book

about it before

he was the old

motherfucker he was on dateline and shit

i think it even more compelling

one is dr jay allen hynek

exactly was working on project blue book

and he was assigned to discredit

ufo stories

what his job was as he explained it was when he

would hear about something

he would come

up with a reason that it wasn’t something else

swamp gas and

swamp gas circular

ball lightning

all this different he

was hired for

that by the government like in the 50s and 60s and then

when project blue book shut down

he dedicated his entire life to

investigating ufos and enlightening people on it

totally and he talks

about it i mean there’s interviews he’s like i was

and then there’s like a new theory now the new theory

is that the government

wants everyone to believe in ufos

to keep their projects

under wrap like their

black projects

under wrap i’m like

what was this project blue book and all this stuff

where they were saying that it was

swamp gas they were trying to calm everybody down

why were they

lying i mean

they would have just said yeah

you know what

we don’t know what it is

it’s probably from

another galaxy but we don’t know but

we assure you we’re

going to do whatever it takes to protect you

if they really

wanted people to believe in the ufos they

would be saying that shit not

covering it up

i mean if you look up

look at the philip corso

testimony look at

look up the disclosure project there’s already been at

least two of them

i mean these

there’s so much credible

and like like the

top scientist of europe all got together i forget

what the committees called like international group

they came together in france

and they looked at all the ufo

testimony and all the shit

and they said

fifteen percent

it’s probably

beans from another galaxy or another

solar system

that’s what they said

all of them

could have been explained away

but the fifteen percent

they said hmm

this is probably

the conclusion though why

would they not conclude that it was something from this

earth that we

haven’t discovered yet they

especially when you look at the ocean

well this is

that’s what they concluded they concluded that

all the other ship 85

of all the ship

they look that

could be man that

could be man made that

could be this this is probably

some reflection off the sun

15 they said

it’s most likely

because based on the

pictures and the way

they got some shit from like

satellite pictures of

craft coming from the top down

that they couldn’t

explain they’re like man what the fuck is moving

you know that that’s

so much weird shit of

things moving and then

changing angles and

changing direction and moving another way the big

the big incident that happened at the

us military installation in the uk

when there’s eighty

motherfuckers that saw this aircraft

three of them came

up to it as it was park they touched it they took notes

they’re on the disclosure possibly

three of them went up to it

and eighty of them were all around going

holy shit but that’s possible that it was a drone

that’s possible that it was something from america

and they when they

said it took off and

disappeared

it was gone

well i mean i said if you have a

drone i mean

especially if we’re talking

about different alternative sources of power

we don’t know

none of those

none of those

motherfuckers and it came back

they sent the guy to look into it

and that guy’s in the disclosure project too

like two days

later they sent the guy to calm everyone down

and they came back and they saw it

and these guys are all and

when the military the uk

embassy the ministry of defense

there there when

they came up to him and

asked them what are we

going to do

about this what was that

they go this

doesn’t if it

doesn’t concern national security

we’re not getting involved

if it doesn’t secure

and we feel that it

doesn’t it doesn’t

but here’s the problem with this whole

story okay you

weren’t there i wasn’t there we’re just talking

about what we

heard people talking about

don’t know exactly what went down and

until you talk to

these people you don’t know how many of

them are full of shit how many of them are exaggerating

how many of them were traumatized that’s why i say

based on the

shit that you see if you actually look into it

and then you make the judgment

you’re making the judgment damn

you know if you

haven’t seen the testimony

then yeah you don’t we don’t know what what he said or

doesn’t mean

you’re basically

it doesn’t matter it’s all on testimony

when you’re basing on testimony you don’t know anything

about these people you

never know how much of it you’re getting square if 80

and this is what they said too

they said the response to

the british

ministry of defense saying

if it doesn’t

concern national security we’re not

going to get involved

then 80 people

fucking hallucinated then

and they got eighty

people eighty

people that are full of shit

they got eighty people

that is neither it means neither that’s not true

if it means that eighty people were not

aware of what they were looking at

that’s all it means

if military

people they’re

trained to observe

they’re in the

military it

doesn’t mean

anything if the military people that are in the know

the people that are there at the

scene of the

crime or the

scene of the landing

if they’re not

aware of the

technology that’s available to the highest

levels of government

they’re not

aware of whatever

experimental

shit they’re working on it

might as well be from another planet so what are they

going to say

if they don’t know

of course of course

nobody knows

nobody was there but

to make a judgment

based on the testimony

you can totally not believe it and go you know what

i don’t believe

these guys or you

could look at it and say i’m

gonna look it with the open mind

fuck eighty dudes that are

trained observers

three went up to it and touched it

they said they’re saying it’s out of this fucking

world definitely

they’re saying it

that’s what they’re in the military

the british ministry

of defense is fucking not even looking into it at all

mean to die the conclusion

are you yeah

but it’s still a

bunch of people’s

testament about

something they saw and then you

might not have

known what they were seeing and then you add

all all the shit around that’s just one incident then

you look at all of it

you connect all the dots

and you know

you can make

a decision and my decision

is that there’s some shit going on

that’s how i feel

based on my

decision is not that at all my decision

is there’s a lot of people with a lot of stories

and we know for a fact

that there are a fuckload of

experimental government aircrafts that they use whether

they’re manned

or whether they’re remote control

and all these people are just telling

their version of a

story something that they saw

i believe that they saw something i

do not believe that they know it was from another world

so them even saying it was from another

world people want

shit to be romantic

they want shit to be little grey men that come here in

spaceships from palladius

wherever the fuck they’re coming from the galaxy

they want that they look for that shit fall in love

that’s all true

what you’re saying but so you don’t believe that

there’s ufos

what is this believe man you either believe

you don’t believe that’s not true that’s not true

that is not true

you do not have to believe

it’s real or something’s not real

you just go i don’t know

because that’s the only rational explanation yeah but

you can’t say you believe because when you believe you

throw everything else out

the door you say

well this is i believe there are ufos i believe that

aliens have landed

here i don’t believe that

i don’t believe we know

i don’t believe

that we’re absolutely

convinced and i don’t believe so you believe

you believe that philip corso

was a crazy man and he was full of shit

what do you do

as in adding words to what i’m saying no i’m just

saying that’s like 12 year old shit based on

based on what you saw from philip

corps i believe he’s out there sucking

cock and take it in the ass and he’s doing drugs and

he didn’t even know what he was saying how

about that is that better

i’m just trying

to of course i was just a guy man i mean he’s a guy

that said he saw some bodies

and he’s a guy

that used to work for the military

is he credible that’s

interesting he was

the head of nuclear energy

in europe okay

george bush was the president he’s an idiot

does it matter

does it matter like how high he got up there

it’s very clear to me that the entire government

is riddled with fucking

idiots there’s

idiots all over the

place was he an

idiot i don’t think so

he seemed like an interesting guy

did he see some shit i don’t know

what did he see in

those bodies what were they

who the fuck knows

they might have been mutants

they might have been fucking radiation disasters they

might have been

little children that had a disease

i don’t know

i don’t know how much he saw it

i don’t know how

close he got to it

i don’t know you

know how much

information he was really

truly do you

think oj is guilty

i don’t know if oj is guilty

or assume he is there’s a lot of evidence

two dead people

knives blood in his car it’s a little different

than some dude who says he saw ufos

and doesn’t know what it is

so why did they let him free

what the fuck are we talking

about oj for man that’s well that’s we’re talking

about evidence and testimony and all that stuff

that’s what we’re

talking about the

systems fucked up that’s why because

black people thought that it was one on their side

that they were gonna release him

and if did not fit you must have quit

and they wanted to get back at the rodney king verdict

and so they released them that’s why

that’s not to do it ufos

you guys are

like a couple

that broke up and have to live

together careful you have to be careful when you

start talking

about things that you haven’t seen yourself

this is just my opinion

i went the same way with you

i don’t even if it was the most evidence ever

unless i knew for a fact i saw it with my own eyes

and there’s too much bullshit

i don’t follow anything

why stress out

about it there’s too

much bullshit there’s too many people are full of shit

too many people exaggerate too many people

twist the truth

and there’s a big business in talking

about ufos and that’s another

thing to be careful of

there’s a gigantic business in writing books

about this shit

and doing lectures and seminars

and these guys make a fucking good living

traveling the country selling books

and talking about ufos

whenever you involve commerce in a very strange

discussion like the

discussion of the potential

reality of intelligent life from

other planets

whenever you involve

money in that and money

in the stories

i mean then

it becomes like sort of a faction of show business

i mean whitley streeber

is one of the fucking

biggest proponents of the

alien abduction story and

wrote books on it communion and had

movies made about it

and that guy

is a fucking book writer he

writes books

he makes fiction

he makes fiction

and he created this

whole thing

about getting

abducted by ufos and everybody took it as fact and

man who the fuck knows if it’s fact

you got a guy who’s a professional fiction man

and you don’t know what’s going on

in his head

there’s no evidence it’s like

there may be ufos

absolutely there may be

there may be intelligent life from

other planets

absolutely there may be

but you can’t just jump on yes

because you jump on

yes who did i did i just jump on yes you jumped on yes

did i didn’t jump on yes you

said you know

how much research i fucking

i’m obsessed with ufos i do a lot

i didn’t just jump on it

i listen to

a lot of tell you said you but i didn’t just jump

but i didn’t

just jump on it like you’re making it seem like but you

weren’t like i

heard one testimony

and that’s not what i’m saying i’m saying you

look if you listen to what i said what i said was that

unless you’re experiencing it yourself

you don’t know exactly what happened

when you’re talking

about people that are talking about

crafts that they

think were from another world

you don’t know

where it really came from and that gets very very

tricky and if you choose to believe or not to believe

you’re jumping on one side or another

if you’re saying

i don’t think there’s

ufos i think everyone’s full of shit

you’re jumping on no

and if you say i do believe i believe you’re here

you’re jumping on yes

even if there’s a lot of what you

think is evidence

unless you’re seeing it yourself

unless it has been proven which it

clearly hasn’t it’s

clearly up for debate

even though there’s a

bunch of people that come forward

whether there’s a hundred

or a thousand and they say they have

crazy stories

about things that move too fast

who the fuck knows what that is

who knows okay

you don’t believe in your foes wow wow

dude are you are you kidding you kidding you’re kidding

right i’m not kidding

that’s not what i’m saying

i’m not saying that i don’t believe in ufo

okay what i you’re saying

you don’t know

we no one knows not

us no man you don’t know no that’s

what i’m saying believe when you believe something

it’s like you know for like

based on the evidence

i believe there’s some shit

going on i with other

galaxies and other

that’s what i possible

that there’s life on

other planets

it’s certainly possible

it’s also possible that life is a dream

it’s also possible

that your life is imagination and you’ve made it all up

and i’m a figment of your imagination and each player

is in your life to provide you with

some information and try to help you and move you along

in a certain

way it’s very possible that this life is not even real

it’s very possible

that i’m in your imagination and your in mind and we

self create

there’s a lot of different possibilities

man that’s possible

but whether or not there’s

ufos because some people that you don’t know who you’ve

never met saw some

things that you

never saw and said they

wrote it down and had conferences and

discussions about it

i don’t know

i don’t know about that

do you guys like sweet potato fries

it’s a tricky thing man

we attach ourselves

to what we believe in

and you obviously

are getting

attached to this idea of ufos being real because you’ve

spent so much time

and invested so much time being fascinated by it

i’m fascinated with i’m fascinated with

the testimony

and putting it all together i am too you’re making it

sound like i’m

like mystically no i’m not man i’m not making it

sound like that i am

saying exactly what you’re saying

but i am fascinated by people

and i know that people are full of shit

and i’m not

assuming that all

these people are pious

i’m not assuming that all

these people are

completely honest

and without

ulterior motive

and telling exactly that you know as they saw the

truth i’m not seeing that

i’m seeing a

bunch of believers

and that’s the problem

even if you saw something fucking

completely insane

i don’t want you telling me you know what it is

i don’t want you describing it that way

i want you saying i don’t know what it was

i want you to say i think

you know it

could have been some sort of a

craft that i’m not

aware of it

could be that’s what ufo means man an

identified flying object

you know you’re not saying

ufo you’re saying

aliens right

yes well i’m not saying

aliens i’m saying unknown

okay and when someone says they know and they

start talking

about it being from another planet

bitch do you

have like some fucking serial numbers you can

track back to this planet

like how do you know

where it came from you don’t know shit

they’re just taking a

guess they see something in the sky

i can’t build it must be from space

i mean it’s that simple

it’s not that simple man like i kept

it i could be

it’s not that simple it is that simple if you want to

claim you know

where it came from man okay

you can’t know you can’t know

no one saying they know

if you don’t know if you

haven’t seen it

you don’t know

where it came from you haven’t

watched the

video of it

fucking flying off that planet and landing here

then it’s there’s a lot of fucking guesswork

it’s a romantic idea the idea seems so cool

the idea that’s there’s fucking

aliens tricky

because you get sucked into it like it seems so awesome

so does the loch

ness monster

you know it’s like we have this

built in shit in our head that’s nothing

like the loch ness

monster man the loch

ness monster is like

a bigfoot not

noel bigfoot is a real animal

you know they have isolated an animal

called gigantopithicus

that they believe

if human beings came down the bering strait

and they came from asia

gigantopithicus

lived in asia as recently as ten thousand years ago

it was a bipedal

primate that was

eight to ten feet tall

so you believe

in bigfoot it’s an animal

whether or not believe people see it

what do you

fuck knows man there was woolly mammoths and

saber tooth

tigers here

10 000 years ago

seven foot tall

giant fucking birds

like a few hundred thousand years ago

there was animals on this planet in this continent

that don’t exist anymore that were pretty fucking

crazy saber true

tigers are crazier

than bigfoot

bigfoot’s just another big monkey

if bigfoot was gigantopithecus

it’s just another

large primate that went extinct

where is bigfoot supposed to be living

pacific northwest

which is if you follow the

traveling down the bering

strait which

is where indians came here

american indians originated

in siberia and asia and

they came down from there

america what people don’t realize is 10 000 years ago

half of america was

under a mile high

sheet of ice

this was covered in ice this was like a barren land

but something

dramatic happened to the environment of the earth

and the ice

age when it ended

the america opened up and that’s when people

started moving here

when people some of the people had already

moved here there was

they found chinese

bodies here from 10 000 years ago

but when people

started moving here

they came from there they came from the bering

strait that’s like

the number one theory of

a big percentage of the american indians

so they came down from asia

and this monkey

lived in asia

and if this

thing followed them

who the fuck

knows is there any compelling evidence for loch

ness monster

there’s pictures

there’s scans from

radar they think it

could be a big fish that

could have got landlocked that was extinct in

other places but not there

the problem with loch ness is

it’s really murky

they can’t see and it

could be a bunch of other

things it could be a

bunch of other

things that people are misconstruing

and there’s been a

bunch of hoaxes

but when enough people have seen

things you got

to wonder what the fuck is it is it an eel

is it we got to

think of all the animals that are real

you know is it a dolphin it’s probably mostly

floating wood and just people knowing the story and

going oh there it is

there’s more evidence for bigfoot

or loch ness monster

probably bigfoot

because bigfoot there’s the american indians that’s a

big part of the lore of bigfoot there’s over

250 american indian names for bigfoot

bigfoot was born

in the imagination of

an american indian that just

might have made attention

it might have been 20

what’d you say

bigfoot was born in the head

of an american indian that was just wanting attention

you imagine

one dude came up with that and

spread probably

that happened and

every all the other ones is somebody hearing that same

story and just being paranoid

walking through the woods later

it’s like other tribes

other tribes with like these fucking

costumes like

bear costumes the most compelling evidence

about bigfoot is actually the

audio tapes

there’s these

audio tapes of

these crazy primate howls

that they’ve recorded in the pacific northwest

and they’re really fucking loud

they’re really loud and interesting

and these have been done

you know and

supposedly by

legit scientists

they’ve recorded

these sounds

you know it

could be somebody let a monkey

loose they had a

crazy pet monkey

and they let that

motherfucker

loose and he’s

screaming in the woods

if we put you in the woods you

could make up some

sounds that they would

think of his bigfoot in luckness and outsourced baby

what’s the worst conspiracy

theory like the

worst one flat earth

there’s people

that are on

earth is flat to the

young earth that’s another bad one no no no no like

today people don’t believe it’s not

young earth

yeah they believe the

young earth yeah

that’s a big percentage of the christian population

there’s a guy on twitter i follow him all the time

he’s this crazy retarded

christian young earth guy

who is always talking

about the evidence

against evolution

these youtube

videos are just you can’t

watch them for more than five minutes because the

insanity radiates off the

screen and it

starts to get you

blonde hair cute lips

it’s really nice yeah he’s hot

they believe that the

earth is less than ten thousand years old

a lot of people more than

fifty percent

during a recent gallup poll in the united states

believe that the

earth is the

age that’s depicted in the bible

which is less than ten thousand years old they probably

don’t even know what that is there’s gone did the

bible say that yeah it’s the

bible probably

yeah like what

does jesus think

yeah that’s all they have to hear

there’s a lot of

dumbass conspiracy

theories bigfoot’s not the dumbest one bigfoot

there’s a real

animal that they can lock that to it’s like

if there’s one the jersey

devil some fucking

giant monster that’s

half the one

of the chippacabra yeah the

texas one well the two

chupacabra they’ve narrowed that down too they

think it’s mange

mange on coyotes

because they’ve had dead coyotes

that they’ve shot and killed that were

covered in mange

dude they don’t even look real

they look like

monsters they’re zombie coyotes they

look like ghouls they lose all their hair

it’s a common disease

and they have

photos there’s

photos of them online if you look chupacabra

they have a headless

one they chopped its head off and it’s a coyote

it’s a coyote that horrible

mange and it has

almost blue dark

bluish blackish skin

and it’s no hair

and it looks like a

monster so that’s

most likely the origin of a chupacabra

cause you’re talking

about something

that killed goats and shit and killed chickens

that’s what coyotes do

you know so they have that narrowed down

you know i was at the zoo this weekend man

and i saw a

leopard they had a

leopard there

and that it was so sad

leopards just pacing around just

doesn’t get to jack anything

just pacing look at all

these people staring out

well they’ve

started to find

leopards in america bro really

leopards have made

their way to phoenix

wow yeah there’s

leopard sightings in arizona

wow that’s awesome

yeah they’re coming up through

south america

and through

mexico and into america fucking

leopards bro

that’s pretty good

leopards are no joke

could you imagine if you were like the

first american to get jacked by a leopard

i would love it

would you they’re not

going to check

they’ll be leopard hunting

season and those

motherfuckers will be

wiped out do you

think so man is

they try to go into

texas yeah texas

they don’t even have to open up a hunting

season in texas

they’ll just

start shooting them

the kids will

shoot them yeah

who were we talking

about the other day that was jogging

and they shot

something and they had a

and you were more amazed that they had a gun

while they were jogging somebody was telling us a story

yeah who the fuck told us that what was that

shit that sucks i thought you would

never mind didn’t they do that in colorado

when you live there

don’t you jog

with you had to have a gun

right i carried a gun yeah i did yeah

they have like

jogging holsters you know

i carried a gun

every time i went hiking

fuck you you jog

with a fucking

rifle behind you yeah dude

the last thing you

wanna do is be

out there by yourself

with your family in a fucking predator attacks

and you don’t have a gun

especially when it’s somebody that wants your daughters

it’s so easy to

shoot things

you know you have a gun you put it in your pocket

i mean that’s pretty

crazy technology

you have this little

thing in your pocket that can protect you

you know what are the odds of that

you gotta use that shit i’ve been

thinking really hard

about getting

a gun lately let me and like there’s two of my

friends that were both saying like they just called me

randomly like hey you want to get a gun

i think it was

duncan or somebody better to have it and not to need it

the need it not to have it

you can’t control

these people it’s almost living out in the

wilderness like you did

we talked about this before it’s a lot like

you know no matter

where you go you got to deal with some

death either you live

in the city

you got to deal with muggers and rapists

or like gang bangers or something

or you live

way out away from that shit no gang bangers are

going out into that wilderness

but then you got to deal with mountain lions and

shit like that deal with

things and you

gotta deal with

weird people but at

least you can

shoot them and you’re cool

like you could just look at them and go bam and just

blast them you can’t do that to a mugger

until he jumps on you

gotta be careful

with bears because bears aren’t hard to kill

it’s very hard to kill a bear with a pistol

you know if you got a bear you’re better off

shooting what

about bear mace

that works yeah

you gotta get him with it though they

gotta be close enough

for you to get him with it i didn’t even know bear mace

existed until

south park would

barry’s gotta

be careful oh was he

he thought he was the bounty hunter that was

in you know the

south park is

based on evergreen that’s where

those guys grew up that’s

where i almost lived

i wanna be living in the mountains of boulder but

the mountains

above denver

there’s one town called evergreen that i really liked

and that’s where

south park is that’s what it’s based on

well they’re actually from like denver

those dudes yeah

that’s anybody want to

drink coconut

water oh dude i

love a coconut water

have you had

these coconut

waters fuck yeah we need to be sponsored by him

so they can send us

crates of them

so if you’re listening

oh was it c

two c two o

best coconut

water in the

world better than that

it tastes green box one oh totally what it

tastes like it

tastes like you just

ate a bowl of

fruit loops and it’s the milk from the

fruit loops

oh shit you know

that’s what

tastes like so good

yes it’s the shit i’m a big fan of this stuff

yeah living in

colorado is just as

tricky as cheers

cheers salute

here’s the hawaii

there’s gotta be

there’s gotta

be a coconut

water alcoholic

beverage right

there has to be

you go to a bar and say

give me coconut and

i bought my seagrams i

bought something

for my dad’s birthday i bought him a crate of

the shit that you always

drink with the mushrooms and

stuff what’s that called

kombucha yeah

i got him a

crate of that and a

crate of coconut water

he loves the kombucha but the

coconut water he

doesn’t like but he uses it for

pina coladas

he doesn’t like this stuff no

really he says

it’s weak he says like he needs to add something to it

i think when you get old you lose your taste buds

vodka and coconut

water probably the shit when you get old you lose your

taste buds yeah i

start losing

taste what if

older people are more likely to eat ask them

yes you would

think that fuck no

i i would after all the shits they had to endure

to smell you remember

that video we

watched a long time ago about rods

remember that shit

so serious fucking

video now this dude was in mexico

and he’s filming all

these people yeah

filming these people skydiving

into this cliff there’s a

cliff that’s like a mile down it’s

crazy it looks like

someone took

an apple core to the earth

and cut this gigantic hole out of the earth

and these dudes

would base jump off that bitch

and skydive and fucking pull a parachute

well as they’re filming it

you see these

things flying by the camera like insane speeds

and they looked

like tubes they look like they’re like wing tubes

this guy dedicated his

whole life to fucking

tracking these

things down and trying to find out what the fuck

these things were

there were mods

turns out it was just an artifact

it was a video camera artifact

that when something

moved too quickly too

close to the screen

it stretched the

image out so it made the image

it was a flying

snake absolutely

so this poor fuck

literally made

videos has websites roswell rods is he

still on it he had to give up

no he had to

given up let’s go to roswell rods

calm see this fucking dummy

this is the problem man and this guy’s making money

this guy’s making money

doesn’t mean ufos aren’t real dude huh

just cause that guy fucked up

no it doesn’t mean it’s not real but it

doesn’t mean they’re not real but it

doesn’t mean they are real

it’s like you put like you said it’s most likely

i’ll say that i’ll

take back i believe and i’ll say it’s most likely real

that better

is that better

why why why even have a fucking because we had this is

about opinions like what do you know you can’t just pay

you know you

just can’t just be why why why become attached

i’m just saying

based on what

i’ve seen it’s most likely with the sites down

fuck yeah we took that shit

down he was

videotaping moms

this is the official

website for the mysterious frying entities called rods

discovered by jose

eskimia over midway

he was a jogger or

something wasn’t

he just a light jogger he’s just a

dummy he’s a

dummy that got

tricked by some shit

you know i mean

these guys on

monster quest figured it out in fucking ten minutes

this guy’s been

trying to yeah

kid not find roswell

rods dot com you’re done son

this it doesn’t

exist it doesn’t

exist anymore

this guy fucking

spent his whole life dude there needs to be a

documentary on his shit

cause you know he

videotaped like

everything right

they need to get that footage

and then get the footage of

him now he’s probably

penniless and insane somewhere i wonder how many

emails he gets by mistake like i

heard you videotape a lot of

rods well he actually had another one that he was gay

rods there’s a gay rods what

there was another one that he

was chasing down another

crazy thing that didn’t seem to make any sense

let me type what he

got his name

because he had like another thing

that was like another theory

about something else and then someone on the message

board going wait a

minute isn’t that the rods guy

and that’s who he is from now on

i uh

oh lunar rising oh here he goes

he’s got some shit

about the moon

he changed yeah he

thinks there’s fucking

anomalies on the moon now okay here he goes the true

color of the moon

for over fifty years we have

been told and convinced the moon is nothing more than a

black and white desolate rock

with moon dust and

craters the thousands of

photos released to the public have always presented

a black and white moon

even with the most recent hubble

photographs

of the moon

are black and white

nasa continues to perpetuate the lie

that in quotes

that the moon is

black and white this

motherfucker’s

crazy same dude from

rocks yeah yeah

and he’s like damn he

switched over

snakegoyle over

snakegoyle over there oh he’s got a

bunch of spots that he says oh my god this is hilarious

does he believe that the moon landing was a hoax oh no

what he’s showing is craters

and he believes that these

craters are

different alien artifacts

and these craters like oh there’s such a stretch

like the photos are such a stretch

he’s like thinks that these

structures are artificial

it’s like fucking

craters man

shit got smashed by rocks from space

you know sometimes little

shapes come out of that

you fucking dummy did

you see the moon on conan’s

set last night on

his first episode no how was the

first episode did you

watch it yeah

it felt really cheap

like you know how you watch

the nbc show it felt like the

furniture was high quality it felt like

those were real

plants behind them it felt like a good backdrop

this felt like

they got everything at fucking

i don’t know sears

outlet you know

really yeah

and in like the

background was this horrible blue

painting that just looked really

cheap and generic and then there

was this moon in the middle of it that was kind of cool

and i guess it

moves it moves

but it just looked like the

whole thing look like low

budget and it was it the real moon

or a fake moon

no fake man totally fake moon

but just look really low

budget and i don’t know i was okay he had seth

rogen on last

night and listen how gay you are you looking at the set

the set was

i mean like

i was a fan of the show i was a real

it was it a real moon or a fake moon

i couldn’t comment on the furniture

i was a real fan of the show in

like a lot of the reviewers of that you know the like

newspapers and stuff that

reviewed it

you know they had made up an interesting

point it’s like why are you

focusing like on a tenth of

variation of

the tonight show you know

like you’re not being your own show you’re being

like the tonight show in a version of the tonight show

you have this new opportunity why don’t you fucking

throw that desk out a window

and fucking do something you know

yeah people like that desk

isn’t that funny

that you like having people on

isn’t it better to do it like this

where you just like this is like

if we were here

i mean we have a

table so we have our laptops and shit in

front of us but we do have kind of a desk though

yeah but just to put shit on yeah they don’t see the

desk they don’t see the desk yeah

there’s always a pencil and a

piece of paper now

huh yeah but

a couple of

our viewers don’t see that the desk

well i mean he i

guess it’s cool that he has notes and

everything but they

could put that on a teleprompter i

think there’s some security to the desk

because it’s been there forever

just in case you get boners when pamela

anderson from

ten years ago is on yeah

it doesn’t look cool

you got nervous when you’re seeing pamela pamela

look at her boobs

how about they just

sit there on

stage no desk

and they’re on a big lazy boy

why don’t they just

and they got a headset on

and they’re just like

you don’t want

to be too lazy though because that conversation

won’t be interesting why don’t conan just have a cool

house and like

invite some cool people

over you know and just hang out that’s actually good

now get some good cameras had some good quality

behind it but just have conan

with this little beard

going hey check out

check out my

garage just hang out in the garage and talk about your

movie with your

movie well the

problem is that a lot of people like to be in

the audience and they like to have an audience there it

makes the comedy

play 200 people are sad

invite the 200

people via skype

that’s cool

right that’ll work

you know john

heffron’s doing like comedy shows through skype

something like skype it’s a new

form of video comedy

technology but

he sits in a room

and there’s all these

screens around him and he’s like performing for all

these other people that are in the

room with him yeah it’s pretty cool shit it’s actually

incredible i hope that catches them

not in front of an audience no he’s doing some

corporate gigs

where he does them on a desk

and the desk there’s like there’s cameras that come

at him can you hear

laughter yes they hear

everything they’re all

connected everyone’s conference called up

and it’s like you know 50 100 how

crazy i mean he’s sitting there by himself

in front of a laptop

and then there could be

fucking the whole

world listening

and then you

could hear all their

laughter can you imagine that a shower like you have a

stereo system

well he said it’s really

crazy because you

could see when you set it up you can see all

these people in

front of you like

see them sitting like there’s not just one

screen there’s like a

dozen screens in

front of them and they sees all

these people in

front of them yeah

so it’s almost like an audience yeah whoa

yeah what was

these audiences

at the shower ring convention you know

yeah man i’m

not real interested in talk shows you know like when i

heard about it i was like you know i’m not

gonna really

watch it it’s like a podcast

you know but it’s not cause it’s

seven minutes and all they’re doing is talking

about their moves

they’re talking

about their i mean how

often does someone have a really interesting story

it’s not usually most of time they just pimp in

their shit you know they’ll have a little

you know so what’s been

going on we recently had our

second baby see

to me it’s good

because you lay in bed and you’re kind of like

watching the news kind of

you know like it’s like the news but you know

mixed with humor

right now so it’s kind of more just like it’s

like i wouldn’t

watch it if it was like 8 p

m you know right

i mean i like them i mean they’re okay

but i don’t go out of my way to see him i prefer

i prefer the john stewart show honestly i

think that the

daily show the way he does it

is the best

way he has a lot of shit that he fucks around with

like his his

monologues and his like making fun of

things in the

news even though it’s all political for the most part

i think he hits the mark more than anybody he makes me

laugh out loud

more than anybody

did you guys already talk about

the golfer gonakis

weed smoking incident

on the john story no

no we didn’t

you know what happened yeah yeah he smoked pot

he pulled out a joint

it was actually a bill marshall

oh it was yeah it wasn’t john stewart no

it was okay

it was a real time

but you know then the

executive said that it wasn’t real pot that it was a

prop okay they had to say it

yeah but why do they have

to say it why do they have to say it’s not real

it’s like the kids

this is the

first podcast we’ve done

since proposition 9 did not pass 19 rather did not pass

you know and so

there’s a lot of fucking yeah

there’s a lot of shit

going on right now in this country

there’s a lot of shit

going on with pot and disinformation and people

thinking that somehow or another

if you yet you have pot

and it’s more accessible that it is now that the

world’s gonna fall

apart it’s sad

i never thought

when i was a little kid that we’d be here in now

2010 and this would

still be up for debate

yeah but you

also know that it’s

never going to

it’s not gonna pass that easily

unless it’s like an iphone app one single button all

these people instead of having to register

and then go get fucking

take off work or go towards your

lunch and vote

you have to do that

otherwise would be too much

fraud yeah but you know in like ten years they’re

gonna figure it out it’s

gonna be on your fucking pagers

maybe but maybe there’s probably

some incentive

to keep it complicated because the more complicated

the less people

vote and the more

it’s political aficionados that are in the mix

instead of just the casual person i knew that was

gonna happen though

did you i wasn’t

shocked at all it was just like gay

marriage you know

you thought that was

gonna pass but then

you know what’s

shocking to me man when the polls are right

because i’m like how the

you know who the fuck answers polls

do you have

you ever answered a poll

polls like online

yeah or if anybody called you up and

you talk to them or yeah yeah all the time i do polls

do you really yeah and like if you’re on

tmz and is like does

you know mel gibson’s butt look fat yes or no

i’m going to take the

extra click to see no just to see what the

the answers are

really yeah don’t you no

first of all

those aren’t real polls

what i mean about

a poll is like

you go somewhere and it’s a multiple page

thing we’d ask

questions that much

even a few questions like

10 questions

sometimes like you know like

once in a while like if a product

that i really like that you get that spam

email would like please answer

10 questions for us do you really

if it’s a company i like

i’ll give them

i’ll take the

extra minute damn

why not you brian

why not i don’t know

you anything i

could do to help the products that i like

you know like if it’s like

whatever apple you do do that like you

you like make little

videos and shit when you like a product yeah

you know the last pull i took was like

who’s the best

submission artist in mma

yo yogi bj pen oh and mma yeah

well marcel’s not really an

mma right anymore he did mma once is he done though

probably yeah

he’s making so much money in jiu jitsu he

doesn’t need to go through all that shit he’s making a

teaching yeah dude

his website man yeah

damn he charges thirty bucks a month

to get his techniques

thirty yeah that’s a lot of fucking

extra thousands a month that dude who

set it up that chess master joe

josh i think

his last name is weightskin

i don’t remember exactly how to pronounce his name

bobby fisher yeah he’s the one from

the video searching for bobby fisher at the movie

it was all based on him

and he was a child chess prodigy

and now he’s

transferred that into becoming a jujitsu guy

he loves jujitsu and he treats it just like chess

whereas a bunch of openings and a bunch of different

counters and he has them broken down

so he has the website that really like

systematically organized the way you would

organize like

chess practice

so it’s pretty fucking interesting you know

someone who’s a chess

genius i mean

that kind of a mind that kind of a

like you know

like a retard

is the word

some retaliation

strategic that that kind of a strategic mindset

apply to jiu jitsu i bet

i mean if you were making free money

just like twenty k a

month which is probably in the area

doing nothing why would you do on my that

money just flowing the fucking

he doesn’t want to do it you know what i mean he

doesn’t need to he can just

stick to be in the

the greatest jiu jitsu player of all time well i would

love to see just professional

jiu jitsu because i’ve always said that you know

one of the best things

about jiu jitsu

watching jiu jitsu is you don’t have any guilt

even though you’re

watching dudes get jacked and even if you jack a guy

there’s no guilt

because like when you

knock somebody out or you hurt somebody or even you

watch someone get

knocked out

at least part of my

brain is like that guy just got fucked

up you know there’s like a part of that guy that’s not

gonna be the same

again and like he got hit by a car yeah

yeah i mean someone gets really fucking head kicked

when when gonzaga pro copped pro cop

when he had kicked krokov

and knocked him out

i remember i had an interview krokov

afterwards and his he was just

you know it really was a dumb idea to interview him

i should have probably protested

but we always interview the winner and the

loser and he was up and they said okay interview the

loser so i just automatically went to it

but as i was talking to him i’m like this poor guy

should not be getting interviewed

right now this guy just

you know he just got

knocked unconscious he’s not

exactly sure what happened and i’m asking him questions

you know when

you see something like that man you go wow

there’s a there’s a fucking price

but jujutsu

never feels like there’s a price

you know guys

get jacked and even if they get hurt like he’s

gonna be okay

and most of the time 99

of the time but

marcella garcia man if he

could just do professional jujutsu if they could have

like a guy like that

you could have

professional jujutsu and even put it on tv and it

would be exciting

because you’d be just

catching people all

the time there’s so many good guys now i mean marcelo

still the king

but there’s so many guys out there

still competing like

ryan hall and and jeff glover and

all those new brazilians

busting out

rafael mendes cobrina

rafael lovato

there’s so many guys that are good at no gi

it should be in the olympics right away

there’s no reason why

no gee jiu jitsu

shouldn’t be in the olympics yeah geese

a little too slow

that would bore

people that down yeah

that bores me you have that

funny story

about going to

watch with john jacques

yeah that’s one

i was always the guy in class

that asked the questions about

yanking on collars and yanking on sleeves

and asking like how is that gonna

translate an mma

i mean cause i was embarrassed i

when i first

started doing

jiu jitsu i

would tell guys

check check out this next

fight this guy’s a

jiu jitsu guy he’s gonna fuck

him up he’s

gonna jack him

and the first

fight that i got really

disappointed with was

bustamante against bolander

i love bustamante

to death he’s

still one of my all time favorite

fighters but i

couldn’t believe

that he couldn’t finish him off his back

it was just baffled me i kept saying okay he’s

gonna get him

right now he’s

gonna get him

he’s just setting him up he’s

gonna get him and then it didn’t happen

and i asked sean jacques i’m like what’s

going on with

how come we never see

sweeps and finishes

off you know rarely off

off from the bottom you never see

sweeps and finishes

at the same rate

as you do at the moondials

at the moondials are

sweeping their finishing off

their back like i mean

it’s it’s incredible how

much action there is like off your back but not an mma

was different so it’s

cause they don’t have the gi

to hold on to

yeah well if you practice setting up all your

submissions and sweeps

yanking and pulling on

someone’s outfit and that’s actually part of the sweep

you take that out and then you also add strikes

man it just it’s a

whole different game

so um you know

what was the question

how did we get this far

we were talking

about john jacques

watching in

matches with

you and you guys were both saying how boring

oh yes yes so i always

immediately i was questioning the gig

on man this

could be a problem this is making

jiu jitsu look bad like for me it was like

how does jiu

jitsu look in mma

and then when i went to

the moondials

in 2000 as a purple belt with jean jacques

and we’re watching the

black belts

and i can’t even keep my eyes open

it’s just so it just

most of the matches

weren’t boring there were some

exciting matches and there

still are some

there’s a lot of

exciting matches with the gi

but generally

i was sitting there trying to keep

my eyes open and john jacques looked over and goes man

this is so boring he wanted to leave

and right there that

struck him like damn

one of them

fucking baddest jujutsu players of all time my master

is bored with watching

black belts

play tug of war

and the gee

that’s when i thought whoa man

the gi is a problem and

for me the reason

why i started

teaching without the gi

wasn’t to separate myself from

like the brazilian

jiu jitsu community it

wasn’t me going

fuck you you know you guys with the gi

i took off the gi

for jiu jitsu

i did this shit for

jiu jitsu and

you know that’s the one thing i

want everyone to understand

especially the brazilians that hate me is

i did this for jujutsu the most important

thing for me is how jujutsu looks in mma

and i feel that the gi is a problem for mma

so i decided when i open up the

school i wanna

try to bring

jiu jitsu back

i’mma do whatever i can personally whatever i can do

to bring jiu

jitsu back in mma

well you did it also because you

think that’s the most effective way to do it in mma

yes no of course

of course i thought it was the most effective way

and i’m doing it for

jiu jitsu i feel that if everyone

lost the gi

like 10 years ago and just

focused on no gee

submissions

setting up everything in the clinch

setting everything up with overhooks

underhooks and head control as opposed to setting

everything up with

yanking and pulling collars and sleeves

if we would have

started everybody 10 years ago we just killed the gee

hellio would have said

no more gee

we need to come back we need to dominate

mma again man the

world would be a different

place we would see

we would see

hundred shenya aokis

a hundred javi

vasquez did you see what

ryan hall said recently

you know thing

about how he

doesn’t play

guard anymore

that all he’s concerned with now is

if he winds up on bottom is

sweeping getting on top to finish

that’s beautiful if you

could do it but what

about the guys you can’t sleep

yeah he’s saying that you can’t

he’s saying that you can’t rely on your

guard anymore

you can’t rely on

sweeps all the time either

but you’re gonna be on your back regardless and

if you could sweep them

most of my game is all

about sweeps i’m all

about sweeping and getting on top

but you have to

prepare for the

worst case scenario

a guy that puts on your back and you can’t sweep them

you better have a wicked

finishing game

off your back as well you got to have both

you can’t finish everybody

from your back

and you can’t

sweep everybody

but if a dude

stuffs all your

sweeps and he

stuffs all your finishes

he’s just better than you that’s it

you know but you

gotta have as much game as possible i’m

amazed if somebody hasn’t stepped up and

tried to make a professional

jiu jitsu league you know i know rico

chipperelli

did that thing for a little bit

but you know he was

he was having a hard time with it but i think i

think it’s more popular now than it was then well

the problem with the rico

chipperelli

promotion which was professional

submission league psl

great concept he just had like

eight super

fight matches man he

had marcelo in there

against jake

shields he had

marcelo in there

against cameron earl

but he was the only way he thought he

could make it work

and sell it to a network or something even like espn

or something

was to have

randy couture as the main event

and randy couture

originally he retired a few years ago

and he wasn’t

planning on doing

mma anymore but he his plan was

just to stay in the mix competitively

and do submission grappling

so rico jumped on and said hey dude you’re

gonna be the poster boy to this you’re

gonna blow this up

but then when he decided to go back to mma

he was left without a poster

child and i mean i

think i think he

could make it

successful with with the guys we have nowadays like

make marcella garcia the poster

child and then

bring in you know

you know karina

bringing rafael mendes

bringing a bra

leo esteema bringing

again jeff glover ryan hall javi

vasquez all

these guys that

you know javi’s back in the mix in

mma now but i

think you could do it now i don’t

think you need

randy couture

i don’t think so what they really need is they need to

get some sort of a network behind it someone willing to

step up and take a chance with it

it’s hard man

look at bellator

i mean bellators

on like fox

sports net you know what i’m saying

it’s like they have a hard time getting a network

where people

gonna pay attention to it if you have

jiu jitsu on fox

sports net it’s

gonna be really

tough you know it’s not a lot of people that are like

focused on that if you get it on espn

on the other hand and

made a big deal and

the difference the difference between

submission grappling and mma

the advantage it could be a small advantage

in some people’s eyes but

people will get into it because

anybody can actually

practice it and you can go to your local jiu jitsu

school and you actually can get involved so

it has the potential is there

of course it’s not it’ll never be as exciting as dudes

smashing skulls

and all that kind of stuff but

submission grappling

with the right guys

can be very very

exciting and

i think it could be successful they got dogs

catching frisbees at 1 30 in the morning

you can throw up some no giju

jitsu up there for sure they got the

i mean pool is huge

i mean pool is on tv

all the time it’s not huge

but it’s on tv though

starving to death yeah but it’s on tv

barely it’s barely on tv a lot of

those matches that you

watch are old matches the women have some on espn

there’s no money in it

no one’s making any money

you have to go

overseas to make the real

money there’s a couple tournaments like

the us open you win that you win 40 000

you gotta play for a week and that’s only the winner

you know you get down to like the

other people there’s not much money okay okay

there’s not much

money in it but it’s

still on the air

and i could see

submission grappling like

that on the air and no one’s really making that much

money except for the top guys

but then you got like poker that’s making

money right

yeah who watches fucking poker you know what the thing

about poker is man

thing about poker

yeah you watch poker

i love i’m sorry there’s a

thing about

poker is that you could

watch and you

could know what we all have

like when you

watch it at home

you can’t affect the outcome of the game so you

could see like if you had two aces you had an

ace and kang

you could see

without you seeing what he had

the people watching

could see what he had

so they know everyone is in on it

so how’s this

gonna play out and it

affects what if baseball

was like that

where you knew what the

pitcher was

gonna throw

like right before

they let you know

that’s interesting hmm

cause if they let you know a

second before you throw

how could you ever get to him how

could he get to him that

quick and if he’s looking

somewhere else he’s

keeping his eye he

would fuck him up that’s a good idea dude like

right away boom yeah

yeah if you had like the

picture had like a little

thing on his mouth

you know what it

would have to be someone who

could read the signs because the

catcher is giving

those signs

or just do it like a 20

second delay

does the catcher give

those signs or the

pitcher give

those signs

who decides what gets thrown

the catcher the

pitcher can say no yes

the pitcher

has he’s like the

executive producer and the

catcher is the producer but you can have like

bitchy arguments

you can totally you can

you see him

going no dude

no no no no

basically the

catcher is trying to get them to

agree like okay what are we

going to do it’s up to you but you want to

throw this i’m suggesting this

you could do that with football too like

right before the snap

boom it’s going

to be a run or something that is one of the hardest

things about

putting anything together is getting two people to

agree on what

should be done

you know like if you have an

executive producer

and you have the

talent and they’re together

and you’re trying to figure out how to work things out

man that’s a hard fucking

thing to come together on you’d have to put it on a 10

second delay then that

would ensure

that no one was there for the baseball team yeah

you’ve had that

with music though

right you’ve had that with

music where

dudes are trying to fuck with and

change your shit and you didn’t like it remember that

executive producer you were working with for a

while which one

the guy down san diego

oh yeah yeah yeah remember

you wanted to

do all this and do all that no that wasn’t gonna work

happens all the time

exactly happens all the time

i’ve i’ve had it happen with

everything i’ve ever done

everything i’ve ever done that has to do with

creativity that involves

other people

they all wanna die i am open

i am open to hear

him i’ve always been that way and

every band that i’ve been in

the rule has always been the same

we’re five of us

i’m twenty two years old

there everyone’s like in their

early twenties like

anybody can write

but we all have to like it

like if you want to come up with something

okay we all have to like it because when you’re on

stage man what’s most important

you would rather play someone else’s good shit

than your bad shit right oh

you don’t want no one

wants to go on

stage in the

crowds going what the fuck is this

and no one’s liking and the

other guys are going

to talking behind

their back like

dude i don’t want to do this song anymore

that’s the last

thing you want you want to avoid that

it’s you know what i mean so what ends up happening

is real quick

you end up everyone gravitating

to the guy who’s putting together the best shit

right and there’s always that band

where you know that they’re just giving this

fucking drummer a bone and letting them sing right now

yeah there’s always a few songs like that right dude

the perfect example is

peter chris from kiss

he co wrote a song he

thinks he wrote beth

but really bob

ezrin wrote it

and his famous producer

and so it says

peter chris and bob

ezrin that song

that was the

biggest kiss song to date beth was huge it was like a

it was the first one that ever i was a

huge kiss fam that was the

first one that made it on the

radio yeah that was massive beth is fucking huge so

peter chris got a big head goes i want to leave kiss

you guys are let me only

write one song

i want to write more songs

he goes i’m

gonna make a solo

album and paul stanley

goes do do do do do

we’ll all make solo

albums and we’ll put them together but let’s not

break up make a solo

album that’s cool we’ll all make solo

albums so they all put out

solo albums at the same time

peter chris’s

album the guy who wanted to

leave to make the solo

album was not only the

worst of the solo

albums but it’s the

worst kiss album ever

he’s known for the

worst kiss album

no kiss fan has ever said they liked that album

really it’s that bad it’s that

bad it’s really bad dude it’s really really really bad

so he’s not

in the band anymore but there’s a fake

peter chris now

the way they did it originally when

peter and ace left

they replaced them

with new characters like eric fox came on to replace

peter chris as the fox

vinnie vincent came on to replace aesefully as the

egyptian god or something but

then they finally

took the makeup off they went like 10 15 years

without makeup

and then when they put the makeup back they got

peter and ace the original guys back

they did a couple reunion tours

and the exact same

thing happened

peter fucked up

ace fucked up so they kicked him out

but this time what happened to the fox

where that guy go he died actually

but when they did the reunion tour you got to

bring back the original guys because that was two

other guys that were

checking out this picture

it’s ace really

tattooed on this guy’s side he was a

he was a bartender

or a server at the

cap city comedy

club that’s all kidney

bobby and he rented

ace really and he was

drunk and he was talking all the shit to ace really

and he’s really

goes fuck you kid

so he gets ace

really’s picture

tattooed on him with

fuck you kid

let’s put it up here that’s amazing see

but i’ll put it on my twitter

later today but he

got this fucking

tattoo of ace

freely tattooed

his whole side

of his body

is permanently a big

picture of a shitty one too

of ace freely

where it says fuck you kid

underneath it that’s incredible

so when they decided to do the reunion

they got the original guys

ace and peter

it’s been like

15 years of course they wanted to do they realized

fuck we fucked up god damn it why do we leave kids

and get kicked out at the same times like both

they both got back in

the reunion

tours were massive they did a couple and then

peter started fucking up and a

started fucking up somehow they left

so instead of getting new guys with new characters

they got new guys to play

ace and peter wow

didn’t know and

they can introduce the guys and say as

no they never did that

they never did that

they didn’t have to go

down no they

never pretended like that was the real

ace and that was the real peter

maybe they did the

first few shows

maybe they try to do some shenanigans

not saying they did shenanigans

i said they said you know and now starring as

bang and they say the guy’s name

i don’t know they’ve

never don’t they never

said no they said the real guy’s name

because what happened is

when they did the reunion to her

eric singer

the non makeup kiss drummer

and bruce kulick the non makeup kiss guitar player

they got left in the behind go we’re

gonna do a reunion tour and blow this shit up

this non makeup band ain’t happening but

but when peter left

they got the non makeup dude eric singer to play peter

whoa so he came in and

he always said he was eric singer but

they know that most a lot of the fans

that are coming they don’t even know the difference

oh man i like kiss me when i was a kid i’m gonna go

check out kids they’re fucking cool man rock and roll

night they have no idea

they realize they

never hide it they

never deny it

but they know that

it doesn’t really matter they’re just

gonna come up we’re

gonna say that’s eric singer we’re

gonna say that’s

tommy thayer

playing ace but

most of the people aren’t even

gonna notice what was the deal with

ace freeley and

peter chris

what why couldn’t they get it together it

the exact same

thing drugs

and alcohol

and peter and they’re getting old too

peter peter

was not a very good drummer

back when he practiced a lot

oh really and when you

i mean it’s like

jiu jitsu man you don’t fucking

keep practicing you lose your chops

a drummer has to be like a fucking machine literally

on time and

peter and paul and gene

have never never stopped touring they

never stopped putting out albums

those guys are machines

sing their ass off

and they could play i mean paul is

unconscious playing and singing and gene he’s

one of the most

underrated bass players ever

he can sing

fucking harmonies like the beatles

paul and jean

are machines bro

so what they got they were decided to replace

eric singer the old

the non makeup kiss guy they brought him in they put

peter chris makeup on him

and he can and he can sing

eric singer can sing

and he can play his ass off he’s an amazing drummer

and he could sing so they go we’re gonna

bring this guy back does he sing beth now

this yes this is this is

they did a reality show you know they did the

success the gene simmons show was so successful

that they’d

ended up doing and they

would show spots of kiss

during the gene simmons reality show

but then they

kind of did a spin off why don’t we just follow kiss

so your reality shows all fucking fake

you know what i mean

so most they had to make

even the ones that are real

the camera that the

facial reactions like they have like one camera there

and how they getting how they panning to all

these facial reactions

where they like storing

these facial reactions

but you know

from two weeks ago there’s a good one a perplexed look

that’s how they do it

yeah yeah that’s how fake it is

so with the jeans

with the kiss

reality show there was like a miniseries rally

show or it might be an ongoing show

they have to create some drama

they’re following around and eric singer who’s

dressed like

peter is like jean

can i do beth

for the next show

and then jean’s all

you know promised

peter that we

wouldn’t do bath i don’t know and like

eric’s like come on dude let me do bath

so then eric singer disappears

they’re about to do a show

where’s eric singer

we started an hour

no one’s been able to find them all the

all looking for

edgar singer he’s like

fuck it let’s get the roadie

and get him in makeup we’re

gonna get we’re just

gonna do the show without him we’re

gonna get the roadie to do it

they never show the roadie

putting on makeup or anything getting

ready they were just like

oh man and all

this and eric shows up backstage he’s all

dressed up in makeup

and he goes they’re

going on stage

and he looks over to peter goes

or to paul stanley is jean

let me do bath or not

and paul goes bro just get up on

stage man i don’t think so

something like that

it’s all ridiculous dude fake

drama and then he sings it yeah

i don’t i don’t i didn’t even get that far it was

ridiculous it was

ridiculous man

having them

argue backstage

about singing beth oh

is there a way

to do a reality show and not have fake shit yeah

called no editing allowed

it’s just one camera

but it might not

be interesting

yeah you gotta have it

you gotta have

three cameras but

you know to some people i

would rather

watch an hour than i know it’s 100

real than an hour that’s like easy

i’d have just

chopped up to a

salad bowl that shit insults the fuck out of me

my watch like

keeping up with the

kardashians and i see

bruce jenner running around town trying to fucking

meet a deadline or something

stupid where i know it’s not real i’m like come on man

the fake show on my shit is done just

all out of fun man we want it fake

we do those fake

we do we’re storing uh

facial reactions and

stuff from people

and just putting them in we’re having fun with it

it’s like all fake what he’s talking about is

10th planet jujutsu com he’s got a

thing called mastering the system

and it’s like a fake jujutsu reality show

yeah but there’s real real techniques in there

real techniques but we just have fun

mixed in with yeah

shenanigans it’s hilarious have you

is the whole

an auto thing what is the deal with that

is that oh the latest episode that just went up yes he

chokes me out

we get in a

fight and he

chokes me out and he puts me out and he

leaves people

have people figured out what’s

going on yet

or do people think it’s

most people know

it’s fake but there’s a

small percentage like i just got

someone a forum

member from the day one this girl

emailed me yesterday said

you know i respect

you to death

and all that but i have to know once and for

all is the hinata thing real

because i just

gotta know it

either way if it’s real it’s real it’s cool but

if it’s fake just let me know

i just don’t know

wow you don’t know

you know there’s

so much evidence people are piecing together like

they’re taking footage of

rumors on the days of our lives

they’re putting it on the form

and i just keep deleting it

any evidence i just delete

it just delete it’s a tricky

thing man when people fake it

when people fake anything

you know that

video i just saw the

other day of

alan delchar

punking you you ever see that video

yes after you haven’t

seen it you

haven’t seen it

there’s a video of you punking him at your school

and then he punks you remember remember yes i remember

that that was

columbus philadelphia somewhere

somewhere but he got you

and i knew it

right away i

was like no fucking way i just thought he was

crazy this guy’s

i wasn’t hearing what he was saying i was just

going oh cause

i always thought like the

first time i ever met alan belcher

it was after

an awesome victory i

talked to him a little bit and invited him to my school

i thought he was like a

i thought man

this guy can snap he was seemed like a snapper

like he would just like i seen i’m like damn

i’m like a little scared of them i do really know

it just in the

first time we met

he had just beat someone’s

ass his lip was all fucked up and it was quivering

he had to cut live

it was quivering i’m like

man i’m like dude i

would love to show you some

some you know rubber

guard shit you know and come on down to the gym

and i for a

second i thought man this guy

he could snap on me

he ended up being a

super fucking

sweetheart he’s totally cool i love alan belcher

but when he

tried to punk me

what was the premise of it i don’t remember he got mad

about something i don’t remember

but i remember as soon as it

started coming

as soon as it happened he was

screaming i turned to the camera and went no

like he was trying to

fight you no no no it wasn’t me

i was on the outside

i was on the outside

you and you were trying to keep him from getting mad

about something he was i

think he was

gonna start a

fight with a

bouncer or something he was getting nuts with a

bouncer and i was

going oh no fuck we got a

crazy motherfucker on our head

he’s gonna fight a

bouncer right now

that is a problem

if you hang out with a certain number of

mma fighters

there’s a few

always one or two that’s a

loose cannon

you never know a couple of

drinks getting them shaking that

junie browning was at my

school last night

how’s he doing

oh he’s totally cool man i love junie

browning but

before i actually met him

he was the only guy ever that i saw on the

ultimate fighter

and you know we’re always backstage running into

these guys all the time

and the new

season comes on i go i got to remember

these dudes because i’m

gonna be running to him all the time i don’t want to

not know their names and feel like a

total douchebag

so i’m like

this i’m like

watching the show

studying their

fighting techniques

seeing what kind of

fighter they are

and what kind of

personality they have when they showed junie

browning on top

i thought to myself man

this guy can snap on anybody

i don’t want to get to know this guy

i made the decision in my head

don’t get close to that guy that

guy was who

in las vegas we’re eating at

nine at the

bombs yes and he was a really nice guy

what happened was

and he was a big fan of yours and that’s

i tried to avoid him i didn’t want to talk to him

i just thought from the show they made him seem like a

total lunatic right so

in sean tompkins

trained him and he just fucked somebody up on a

spike show in

vegas and we’re at nine the

place is packed i see sean tompkins walking towards me

i’m like i’d

love sean tompkins so as soon as he came up

i like you know we gave each

other a little hug and i saw that oh damn

junie brown is

right behind him and his buddy

so i hugged

sean thompkins and kind of look the

other way trying to pretend like i didn’t notice junie

browning i’m

going fuck man here he comes he’s coming

right for me shit he’s with sean thompkins

i hear him right next to me he’s like

right over my shoulder

and he almost passed me by but his buddy

from kentucky said hey there’s

eddie bravo

and i’m like

oh shit he’s

gonna come up so he

tapped me on the shoulder

and i looked over i was hey

dude what’s

going on dude

great fight

fuck and i’m

thinking oh shit

i’m actually talking to him holy shit what’s

gonna happen

and then he goes bro man

we’re always

studying your books and smoking weed and

and on the mats with your book out i do rubber

guard i got a good twister

and all of a

sudden like whoa

this guy’s this guy’s a

tenth planet fan

like all of a

sudden i got to give this guy a chance maybe

maybe i pre judged them

and he turned out to be a fucking cool guy man and

you know he’s thinking

about moving to la

and to get away from

vegas he’s not

partying anymore he just wants to

clean up his life and and

make a big comeback

still young kid

right isn’t

he he’s funny as hell dude

he’s funny that

motherfuckers funny

he doesn’t have to be

drunk after

jiu jitsu we hung out in the parking lot and

he made all of us laugh

quite a few times he’s got some witty ass shit man

he’s a cool dude

he just you know he had a bad

upbringing his dad used to beat the shit out of him and

you’re gonna come up you’re

gonna have a little

kinks you know a couple

kinks that’s all

i mean we’ve run into so many guys over the years that

started out like that and then eventually got

their shit together

you know one way or another

i mean it’s fun to

watch guys like that evolve

and become something better than what they were

like chris lieben

perfect example

of a guy who

started out

as kind of a brawler and now he’s like a fucking like

after you put

aaron simpson away

he’s like a

seasoned motherfucker now triangled

akiyama yeah

for real yeah chris

leubin’s a bad man he’s smart man

and i believe that junie

browning i really believe that he’s too smart

to throw his life away he’s not

smart he’s if he was an idiot

he might just

he might just keep fucking well he

would benefit from hanging around you man if he

you know you

understand troubled

childhoods and and and channeling that shit into

you know something positive and

being around positive people man

that’s the most important

thing to for

having a positive life being around a bunch of

other people that are on the same wavelength as you

and trying to do the same shit and

that’s one of the cool

things about 10th planet

jiu jitsu in hollywood is that everyone is

super positive there

and it all trickles down from you

thank you sir well you know that

right i mean it all

trickles down from you i mean a lot of places if

you go to there and

the instructor’s kind of douchey

and people can get douchey with each other and

there’s none of that at our

place everybody’s very cool

all i’m doing

really is acknowledging that everyone has an ego

i have an ego everybody has an ego and i just

every day i try to do

things to keep that ego in check

cause if i don’t

if i’m not consciously trying to keep it in check

sometimes it just pops up and

and fucks up you know what i mean so

you know i i and

it rubs off

on my students my students are constantly you know

like their ego

flares up you

know they can

catch themselves

they can correct themselves

it’s a lifelong process man you

know everybody has an ego and

everyone struggles this

podcast is a part of that too man i’ve talked to

a bunch of people that i’ve met

all over the

world one of the most important ones

was this kid that i met in boston who was from ireland

who was explaining that man he goes

we don’t have anybody like

this near me no one talks like this no one gives us

there’s no one around that’s like a

thinker this way that thinks

about life this way that’s open minded

and he goes and because of this podcast it’s making me

like reassess the way i

evaluate life and reassess the way i talk and think

about things

having guys like you

teaching jiu

jitsu having a podcast like this

is this like a serious

like a serious

connection we have to all

these people and they help me too man i’ve got a bunch

a bunch of cool

tweets from people

and inspirational shit and cool articles of people

tweeted me and

you know cool

things that people post on the message board and

it’s all like a big

thing together you know

it’s all a big

thing everybody helping everybody else

yeah it’s so much fun

every day i

drive to class

i remind myself on the way to

class and how

lucky i am like i’m

drive this is my job i mean i don’t even look alike

look at like a job

look it like a job

look at it like a job

sorry but i mean

every day is a day off for me man and i

appreciate so much

just going to

class and everyone

just sitting there and they’re waiting for me to

teach them how to strangle like

you know in an efficient way

like how fucking

lucky am i i can’t believe it

every day it’s

it’s amazing and the cool thing

about jujutsu for people don’t

know is everybody’s real friendly to each other man

i mean people

catch people all the time in in

you know and

arm bars and

chokes and shit like that

and you know you don’t want to get caught

but there’s no

fights ever

break out no bullshit ever happens it’s all just

you know damn i got caught all

right what did i do

wrong you forgot to put your arm in oh shit oh

thank you yeah you

know it’s a massive

misconception

about jujutsu that

jujutsu classes are a

bunch of meatheads they’re douchebags are dickheads and

shoot they think it’s like

we train in a cage and

it’s a bunch of

computer nerds that

that are playing the ultimate

virtual reality game

cause if you’re into

video games and like

killing someone by

pressing a button

but no one’s really

dying but you

enjoy that that feeling

jujitsu is the

ultimate virtual reality

video game it’s

where we is

gonna end up the we

feeling more like a baseball bat like a golf club

how about you can can actually kill people

you know theoretically or

you know with jujitsu you put someone in the

choke they tap out

it was like

you killed them because if you didn’t let them go you

would actually kill them and

you could learn

you can it’s anybody there’s so many jujutsu

schools all over the

world you can

learn how to

systematically and

scientifically

break limbs

and put people to

sleep there’s like

over twenty different ways you can put someone to

sleep just with the neck you know there’s

probably more i’m just

guessing at

least twenty

all these different

jokes so many different variations of guillotine darcy

and it becomes just

a really fun game to it’s an amazing game yeah it’s a

killing game

where i mean

i hurt my arm

like a couple of weeks ago

you know but like you know

for the most part

when you get

go to you know you get involved in like serious

rolling with somebody

everybody’s fine

when it’s over you know you get caught with something

you just tap and 99

of the time you’re fine

every now and

then you’ll get something something will get tweaked

or your knee will get

twisted i know

you had a knee problem that happened recently oh

i both my knees are fucked up but it’s so fun you

never think

about stopping doing it you just think

man i can’t

wait for myself to heal up exactly so i can get

back and you’re like fuck

like when you when you

tweak something you’re

like god damn it i probably out a couple weeks shit

and it’s just fun it’s so much fun i mean

think about this

you have to

work out everybody has to work out if you’re in perfect

shape you have to maintain you have to keep working on

why not work out

and learn how to take people out

put him to sleep at the same time

and it’s the

ultimate video game

it’s exercise

you learn some serious

self defense that can come up at any time in your

life it’s valuable and it gives you so much confidence

and it’s so much fun it kills

video games

it’s like there’s

and then you meet a lot of

great people that have

their ego in

check because if you don’t have

if you don’t have your ego in check

then those people don’t survive jiu jitsu

the tapping is

a douchebag filter

tapping because dudes that

are just just

it’s where their

eagle rules

them they can’t jump on the mat and get tapped out

they run from it

or they get on the edge of the mat so like no way am i

gonna let people tap me out

and they don’t really don’t know what’s

going on but subconsciously

the fear of being

dominated and tapping out by losing

looking like a weakling

that scares people away you

gotta look at it like you’re just

learning of course you’re

gonna get tapped out in the beginning

and the more the more you come the more

dedicated you are

as time passes

you start tapping dudes out occasionally but

still you’re usually tapping you’re a beginner

ultimately one or two years

man you you can minimize

those taps and your

getting your

learning if you did jujutsu for two years

the odds are in a

street fight one on one

the odds are

way on your side

way on your side

you know anybody

could anything

could happen in a

street fight but man a guy that’s

trained jujutsu two years

against a guy has zero

training on the ground

hmm another

great aspect of it is that it calms down your body

and it makes you realize how much of an

influenced stress and

just the fact that we have this ancient

chimpanzee hardware

in our system our

bodies are set up for hunting and gathering and

carrying things and our

bodies are set up to exert a certain amount of energy

and if you don’t exert

a certain amount of energy with your body your body

starts to betray you

and you start to get really stressful and you

start to snap at things

that you wouldn’t

ordinarily snap at or you shouldn’t

rationally be

upset about

it allows you to put

things into perspective it calms your body down

that’s very important man yeah i mean are you saying

jiu jitsu is better than

quake are you

gonna start that

there’s a bunch of people put a bunch of

videos of cool

video games that are out there man

fuck you know like to try to tell me that there’s all

these different

video games

man there’s some insane shit

there’s just

one i don’t know the name of it but they were

it was like looked like they were in the jungle

and they were like near some like it looks like some

mayan temples and shit

the graphics are insane russian attack

i don’t know what

it does man i don’t know what it is i don’t remember

what it was someone put just

you know a demo up

and then someone put crisis

i don’t know what it was

but the demo was insane and

then crisis was another one it was pretty interesting

a bunch of dudes running around

shooting people

but then i put a

video i went to

watch a video of

quake online and i go back to what i said

nothing can fuck a

quick it’s just

i understand that

these games are beautiful

i understand

these games have all

these cool things you can do there’s the latest

version of quake

it’s quake iv yeah okay

all i want to do is fuck people up in one on one

death matches

that’s what i like to do but yet

yours i don’t

i understand what

you’re saying man no i’m just saying that if you like

deathmatches

they’ve taken the formula of

deathmatch and just

added on to it for the last

15 20 years or whatever

how long quake

3 was quake

4 was 2 000 something

like 2005 or 2006 all

right so for the last five six

maybe i should

i might not

but they’ve

taken the formula they even used the same engine

on call of duty when it

first came out

and they’ve just improved it improved it improved it

and like a lot of

these games

last week i wasn’t talking

about like keyboard and mouse

necessarily

is better than controller argument

my point is is that

the games are better now

the games are better now they’re not geared towards

the accuracy of a keyboard and

mouse as much as they are geared for just having a fun

experience inside

a video game yeah there’s a lot of auto aim going on

people do those

driving games and

autonomous just

easier to people

still do those driving games yeah yeah

totally to me though

what’s fun to me

about video games

i understand all that

but what’s fun to me is just i got addicted straight up

to one on one matches

and even like team

death matches you know just

the fact that you have this incredibly precise

control over the environment yeah you’re more like

the pool statistic

of video games exactly i mean it’s all just a very

small majority

yeah most people like to

play football games and the control is perfect for that

with quake games

those one on one

first person

shooters it’s just so precise

so addictive man what you’re talking

about was your cousins addicted

james no my nephew nephew

man when i was a little kid if they’d hit me with some

quake i would have lost my life i would have

never got into martial arts i

would have never

got productive with my life i would have

never paid attention in

school joe there’s a game on

steam that you can play on your mac

that has nothing to do with it but i want you to

next time you’re

bored and you just want to

spend because it’s a really

short game so you can’t get addicted to it

like literally you

could beat it in like six

hours really

but it’s called portal

and i think six hours

jesus i ain’t got six

hours i got kids no

no i mean but six

hours spread up for like months but

that’s an addiction you will

that game alone

will set your mind racing to

how crazy video games are nowadays

so what is the best one

right now if i wanted to get something for

xbox and something that’s

gonna blow my fucking mind

gears of war

for you i would probably go with

more of like a borderlands or something like that but

i would actually find a game that you

could play on your mac you know

like a game like call of duty that you can play i think

call of duty 4

is on there and

there’s a couple scenes

from call of duty

4 that will blow your fucking mind you know just that

red there’s a red one red something cowboy one

i don’t get that this shit what is

that one that’s just

grand theft auto but using a

horse and cowboy was it called

it’s called red dead dawn or something

like that i gave it a chance but i was like all

right this is

grand theft auto i don’t play anymore

that was a hugely

successful game though

super you know it’s just people like that formula

and i’m sure it’s

bigger and better than

grand theft auto

but for me i just played it and i’m like

i’m done with that i don’t

wanna play that anymore i’m over that they say that

ea martial arts game is a bust

nobody’s buying it

really really

i just haven’t played the

ufc do you have

like a box of

you one yeah cool

um there’s a new one we’re working on

right now do yours

who you think this is show ideas

what the fuck pick up the

phone cocksucker that’s not what happened

go back to that alex

jones transcript

so your calls gone

it’s brian callan

brian callan must have just got into the tank

right before we’re going to do the

podcast he’s about to get the tank for the

first time that’s was brian here yeah

no not here no at the place in venice

the headquarters

float lab com

so i think what we got out

today is that eddie bravo loves ufos

i love them

and jiu jitsu i love them like

bunnies and brian loves cats

and one hit of weed instead of three

you got too high today no no i’m just saying

that i liked my high today with one hit

i think that’s all i needed no no more than

two and two if they’re

gonna be two it’s two light ones

your shit fucking fucked me up this weekend by the way

like we smoked before we went on stage

actually we smoked oh

we should talk about that

we smoked and then joey diaz told me five minutes

later going oh i

might put you up on

stage and i’m like what

i’m going up

sold out joe rogan show no

it uh so i was

completely baked out of my mind the first

couple days

but what we did this weekend it was different was

we took esther

on the road it was little

esther it was

brian’s friend who’s a

an emerging

stand up comedian in la

and she’s only

22 years old he’s only been doing comedy like two years

and we just said well it’s just fucking just for

and experiment

see what it’s like to take this kid and

throw her up in

front of a real

crowd like she did

great yeah she

killed little esther

com dude she’s

fucking good man she’s confident and smooth and

for someone has only been doing comedy for two years

she’s way better

than i was two years into it and i told her that when

i was two years into it i was a mess i was a clunky

fucking goofy mess

is it okay that she’s

she known for looking really young

yeah that’s one of

her characters yeah she looks like she’s 12 seriously

what’s her name

esther little

esther little esther

her feet seriously are

smaller than my hands

but smell like they’re

twice as big

oh just kidding the fuck bro

she thrown her

over the bus

she’s funny man she was hilarious

she did a good

job and you did a good job too man it was interesting

watching you loosen up

from the first set you did on thursday

night to the last set you did on saturday

night which was your best one

right i have

something to

admit to you joe that

second set saturday

i acted like i smoked marijuana before i went on

stage before i went on stage

the second shot you remember before we all we

didn’t really

smoke out because i was like no and you’re

like i do it do it and i’m like no i don’t want all

right so that show that you have was the one when you

weren’t high

right hmm you

weren’t high at all no i

must have been a little high well from the

first time but that was like

three hours so it

leveled off

because you were nervous

weed isn’t that

great when you’re

nervous man and he realized that that you were probably

high and got paranoid

well i was getting high

and then going on

stage like five minutes

later that’s not a good mix for me

it’s not a good mix for the podcast either

before we’ve done that many times we get high

right before we do the podcast like today

the first words out of my

mouth were like

they don’t come out that good

but like right now we’re two

hours in it’s all

smooth but once

you’re killing

once you’re killing

and you’re really confident you can’t wait to go on

stage then the weed will take it through the roof

yeah but even then you

gotta make sure you don’t get too hard i

think red bull and vodka

one or two of them before on

stage is the key

ingredient for

stand up comedy

one or two red bulls in

vodka red bull

vodka is here

i like a little bit of weed

yeah some calisthenics yeah my best

teaching always comes from

me being high when i

teach because i’m so confident with it that

it adds to it

like i’ll be pissed off like if i forget

if i forget like i forgot to i don’t have weed

right now and i didn’t

teach class

today stoned

this morning

i didn’t teach guide

i felt pretty good i mean i feel it was a good class

but i always feel like when i’m high it’s just

like i don’t want the

class to end

i wanted to keep

going i want more time when i’m

in that space and then that’s all like shit i’m running

out of time there’s so much i got to say in show

when we like

shown show we got high in the car

right before we went in there

really high

we want like three hit

alex jones show

would be cool huh

though well it’s it’s bewildering

though because when we walked in you know i walked in

joe they’re about to d

value the dollar they’re

gonna take the dollar away

it’s been proven

here in forbes they’re

x raying your home they’re driving by

and vans and they’re

and photos you irradiating your

house with deadly radiation that can give cancer

these poor people

so it’s like you go from

right out of the car everybody’s

laughing we’re talking shit

we’re breaking down country

music there was like some

ridiculous country music song

you know but lonely girls make the best lovers

remember that

we were laughing our asses off

and then you go

right in there

death destruction

new it leads

global warming

what was he saying

about the radiation and all i

should do this is a

crazy fucking real

thing they’re doing

where they’re driving through neighborhoods and they’re

blasting these cars

with these super

powerful x rays from these vans

and they’re looking inside

vehicles they have

photos of this shit it was in forbes magazine

he pulls up the

story and shows it to me and they’re doing it to

houses too they just

drive by and

point this fucking

crazy x ray gun

at cars and see

right through them they show all

these photos of

people looking at like

bricks of cocaine the back of a van

like this is nuts man

like they can

shoot x rays

it just makes me really wonder though how

people go on the radiation like what

exactly how

strong it is cause

the other day i was talking to my dentist

and he said like you know

this radiation is

about equal to

standing next to a microwave

that’s what

he said yeah something like that i forget

i don’t know what you

should wear a lead vest when you microwaves a popcorn

i don’t know i don’t know what

that’s for but that he said it’s not that big a deal

that’s why he’s not wearing a lead vest you know and

well the crazy

thing is that there’s radiation around us all the time

right right like yourself space and

microwaving your

brain every time you

put up yeah no one knows what’s happening with those

right yeah so what happens

though when you’re in your car though and you got

a hands free is that okay well not when you have your

phone between

your crotch when you’re driving cooking your dick

it was a study

release recently that said that laptops cook your balls

yeah cook your

sperm that’s i that’s i

totally makes your

sperm ineffective

if you have your laptop on your lap

yeah you cooking your balls

but not up there

no no no no it’s because i

heat the heat

yeah cooks your balls yeah i

never put my laptop on my lap

yeah i got this

thing for that

very reason so i got this little pad that

sits on the laptop it makes it more comfortable anyway

cause the bottom is like soft so it

sort of molds to your legs

and with that note

do you got that italian

song no it says

find youtube user does not

allow mobile

views or something like that yeah

so sad is this it

it would have

been the perfect ending what is this are you playing

fatboy slim again

another fatboy slim well it’s the same

thing it’s like it

sounds like you love him it’s like a two

hour if you go to his website it’s called fatboy

slim summer mix and it’s just a free download it’s like

i think you love him

like eddie loves ufos i

think i do too

not that much

alright ladies and gentlemen

thank you for

tuning to the podcast next week

we’re in ann arbor michigan it’s me and

tommy segura

at the ann arbor comedy showcase

you’re gonna have to find

where that shit is

i don’t know

where it is it’s like an hour from detroit

but we’re doing

two shows 1 8 and 10 30 it’s on my twitter

it’s on joe rogan net

thank you to the

flashlight for

sponsoring this podcast as always you can go to

joebrogan net and

enter into the code i believe is rogan right

yep rogan you get 15

off so you can

fuck that shit yo

best thing ever

eddie bravo

thank you very much for coming on as always my friend

and if people want to

reach you tenth planet jj com

that’s it and on twitter it’s

eddiebravo of course

brian redband

at redband if you want to tell little esther

that you were in austin

texas and you thought she was awesome and

you were so

proud of her

she’s little

esther listen to her on adam cola

tomorrow okay when’s that

i don’t know just

she’s blowing the fuck up the kids blowing up

she’s on adam corolla

we had her here

first bitch

yeah we took her on the road

yeah she’s talented something’s

gonna happen

joey diaz is mad flavor on twitter and

thank you every

month everybody and

that’s it we’ll

see you next week love you bitches see you later