in this fight and he could
whoops and people can say all they want about
sakuraba is old and he’s
definitely he’s definitely old
definitely but dude you dismantled him
yeah that was like the most
the cleanest most like precise performance
of your career yeah i think so yeah
i was just like alright do this this and this dude
you did it all
perfect it was perfect it was just perfection poor guy
yeah that’s business you know his business business
yeah i’m gonna get old and hopefully
hopefully he’ll slide out before that guy
after melvin manhof he
should have been like wait wait wait wait what’s up
exactly yeah
dude business that’s business it’s like you know
it’s kind of like
a guy i looked up to for so long yeah and one of those
things like
you know i feel
a big respect to the guy and i feel like
a lot of my career
is due to him
so yeah well for
those who don’t follow
mixed martial art
sakuraba is a
famous japanese guy who was
one of the first guys to beat the gracie’s
he fought a
bunch of them you know he
fought hoist
a couple of times they fought for 90
yeah i mean
he’s just that that is
as legacy as legacy gets yeah he’s
a you know you list like all time favorites god damn
sakurabas on everybody’s list some of
those fight to the end
fucking always fuck that’s
what i mean by what i mean by that is that yeah
i like exactly the
mentality they
would always take into a
fight is what i did
when i was younger
yeah so like
i mean you know like what i always like was like
thinking that’s what
you know they
built my own
what you have to be to be a
fighter that’s what it
built my value system
like yeah you have to do that
which kept me
you know working hard and
mixed martial arts
all the way to this
point you know like something so i have to
is that you want to
fight him i’m like
yeah i have to
fight him like right
i respect you know i can
oh no i’m not
gonna i’m not
gonna fight sakura
you know like come
on i’m gonna
fight saga robin
someone’s gonna
fight him you get win and
what other place
in life you get to walk up to your hero and
punch his fucking face oh
what where did that happen
you’re my hero
i get to punch your fucking face god
damn what a trip that must have been dad
you know what i mean like i was like man you’re my hero
but i’m gonna
try to smash you
right is what
is there a moment in your
your mind in the fight
while you’re
realizing you’re doing this are you so yeah yeah
for sure you were realized yeah because i remember the
exact moment that i was like
i got him in this
one move and then i like put it put my hand on his face
and i put my hand on his face and
punched him and i’m like man i’m
punching sakuraba
right now wow
there’s that
brief like little
blink of a moment when you went back
yeah and i was like
yeah gotta be about i was like
to me i was like okay i’m a robot
like i wrote i wrote for fight magazine before that
i’m a robot or no i think it’s on my blog
and i wrote i’m a robot in there i just like
go in there and like i feel like i’m driving a
robot so i’m just doing this
you know like
right you know i’m just doing like i’m behind my eyes
playing video games
right you know i mean i’m playing xbox
right now is
that the best way to keep emotions out yeah fuck yeah
cause i thought
like messed up my
fights before i’m like god
you kill them
and then i’m like oh i’m
tired right now like what the
hell you know you
gotta be get looked out yeah it’s more for me at
least i know some guys have to get more psyched up
you know but for me i just know that i have to like
chill myself out so i don’t go to bananas so you just
fight just yeah just do it like a robot yeah
but every once
while you gotta go
into your crazy gene and get retard string
and that’s when
you’re in a bad spot no yeah that’s when you just
gotta get like i gotta
hulk out of this like hulk
mania that was
what remember when you were
fighting gsp
and that’s what yeah i know it’s
famous yeah
what’s his face
why am i blanking on his name i don’t know mark
lehman mark lehman
jesus christ
blankin on mark
lehman’s name
but when mark lehman
was yelling
retard strength and i was saying his corner
is yelling out retard strength
wait you said that i said
it in the air it became
famous it became
famous yeah retard
oh i remember no i remember people
are like because i was like i wanted everybody to know
i’m like his corner is calling out for retards
like you need to know this you
know that’s awesome
layman is the shit man layman is he’s a
not easy just
not only just a really good jujitsu instructor
yeah it’s like a cool dude to talk to no he’s a
smart guy super
smart like the motor guy
smart i know yeah such a
smart dude that’s why so many
jujitsu you know he
breaks things down you know it’s uh
he’s a fascinating dude
he’s a character i love that guy yeah
he’s a fascinating dude
jiu jitsu is filled with fascinating people
that’s what
a lot of people don’t
understand they’d
think of jiu
jitsu as being like some sort of a meathead thing
no but like
art it’s just for people that don’t know that they
think that though but i mean a lot of the guys that we
train with are like computer guys
or like guys who have
not that athletic
back in the day like i felt like
jiu jitsu is this like
exclusive and expensive thing
you know i mean like the
like not many
people did it but the people who did it were like
well educated and right
because they know
the latest thing
right and it was
brazilian jiu
jitsu you know
so when i remember i
would be in there
broke as hell
you know training and then there
would be like
lawyers and you know doctors and chiropractors and
right whatever
you know like i’m just like some poor kid like i
would go to the gyms
you know it is expensive that does keep a lot of
like i keeps out the riff raff
yeah that’s a
funny way of
thinking it
right jiu jitsu
super expensive
yeah you know well not anymore
really about
not anymore
slot guys have it like a buck 75 a
month 250 a
month like i read that all over the place yeah
250 a month
dude that’s
strong money
that’s strong
money if you’re making like you know 700
a week which like a lot of people are
that’s what you
bring home if
you’re doing well you’re doing pretty well there
and then it
was 250 a month
where do you
see that where did
wait wait what
what’s jim are you driving by
right now joe rogan
what’s not driving by i’m like reading shit online
i’m looking at
people how much people charge for people put
their prices
and i think henzo’s or
somewhere around there i think
john jacques
jax over like
175 with the
especially when
a lot of people use it as an exercise and i pay like 39
a month for my
jam you go down there it’s
different you go down there
you go down there you
could talk them down
yo you could talk machado
down just talk them down
just come on he’s a cool guy
i wouldn’t i
wouldn’t it’s
worth everything and more
he’s great he’s a
great but i
understand where people
if people are broke
i understand no i’m saying if i was a broke
motherfucker i
would roll up in there and be like dude
come on man
just give me some jiu jitsu
just a little bit
just give me some bro and
i’ll show you some
like six weeks out don’t worry
come on man i’ll pay you
that’s cute
i don’t like this new
setup look at this what’s
why why don’t you guys
it’s me and red band sitting here man yeah
that’s so we
see each other
but now we look like we’re in goddamn
aliens like we’re in the bunker
right now we’re in a bunker
over here and joe rogan is missile command right now
joe rogan is like or i’m
touching you
right here buddy i can’t even tell over there room
right now shouldn’t be paying attention to these
electronics you just looking at the
screen no this
i know but this is what everyone else sees
no most people
we’re like wearing
a bunker me and red banner in a bunker right now
like joe rogan
it’s somewhere in this house
joe rogan is here
i guess people don’t sometimes they just listen
most people are listening oh my bad
it’s a tiny fraction that
actually watching
man but what
about my screenshot
what about my
screenshot like this guy is loud as fuck oh
man what is he
talking about
yeah yeah they don’t even know
what you’re talking
about yeah oh
well here’s the
punch line everybody
is the computer
screen i was talking about
he’s looking at the computer
screen with the live viewers are saying
jason may and
it looks like taking
some big shots
since the last
time i seen
him yeah i’m taking
some shots man
but hey what what’s the deal with
what is the most you’ve ever felt like
after a sparring session
or after a fight
like what’s the most you ever felt like whoa
i just got to settle the fuck down
yeah what’s the most
do you remember
a fight or or sparring session or
i don’t know
cause you’ve had some
crazy spartans i had some dumb ones like veroni
you and bronis to
roni you slam it out
use the damn
box it out like yeah man i’m like yeah this is fun
like where but
afterwards you like oh man i’m stupid
right now yeah yeah yeah there’s a lot of guys i mean
how many guys do you know that that did that too much
and they’re just not there anymore
i don’t know
it’s a few guys
right i know one guy
42 i know a few guys yeah
starting to know guys guys that used to be okay now
they’re not well i mean i don’t really know nick diaz
but you know i’m saying right
if you don’t
if you don’t know
this has been addressed on a previous podcast with
jason mayhem miller but there was a big incident at cbs
where jason got into the cage and asked jade
shields a question he got jumped by everybody
and it was nuts it was
nick diaz was one of the guys that was involved and
did he throw the
first punch as that was allegedly is that what happened
simultaneously
with all three
other people
it was the best
it’s probably the best
picture ever
me and my hands are like what’s up guys
so ridiculous
the whole thing
is so ridiculous
it was so unnecessary
so unnecessary on so many fronts
and then we talked
about this last time but we
should bring it up
again i think it was bullshit that you got in
trouble for it
i think i go he got jumped he got assaulted yes
he shouldn’t have been in the cage but
doesn’t mean you
should be assaulting him
and i don’t even
think it’s their
fault because it’s so many
fucking people in the cage shouldn’t have been in there
you can’t have that many people in the
cage so you
should be blaming
right now blaming
strike force for letting
those you guys get
close to each other
they should have been
regulating it
they should have
watched the cage
i think they were fucked up to jump you
for sure but i
think the reason why
they jumped you is you were allowed to get in that cage
you shouldn’t have been allowed to
you should have had it all set up
it should have been like
how they would deal to the ufc
like if you were
going to come in
and you were
going to challenge him
after a fight
you would wait and then when
jake was done
talking then we’d say all
right now i have
a guy who would really love to sit down and talk to you
right now jason mayhem miller and you
would come in
so it’s like respectful
they fucked up by just
leaving the door open
yeah what are you
gonna leave the door open dudes get hyped up and like i
want to fuck
yeah when you want to
do something
spontaneous
on tv so i’m sure you’re
thinking like fuck what am i doing i’m
gonna get in
alright here we go i’m just
gonna do this now
like it makes perfect sense yeah
i was like yeah let’s do this
there’s very little filter on my brain
were you sober
at the time yeah totally sober yeah i was like
hmm is this a good idea
i just fought
earlier that night
right that’s
right that’s
right that night so i was already
still psych yeah okay
yeah exactly so i was real pumped i mean
you know right
i don’t know and then
all of a sudden
we’re getting
i’m in a bra
and i tweet
whoops so you
start up this website don’t be scared
homie com because
nick diaz is is
it difficult to get a
fight with him is that what’s going on
what’s the actual real
scared honey
all i know is
what i read on the internet tell me what’s
going on man he says
don’t be scared
homie all the time
right that’s his
he says don’t be scared
right that’s his little tagline i
stole it it’s mine now
that’s awesome
and look the guy so you own don’t be scared homie com
and that side is all
dedicated to you getting a fight with nick diaz
well you know to me i like yeah
definitely you
are a nightmare
did you imagine if
you pissed mayhem off and mayhem was coming after you
what a nightmare he’s relentless
he’s relentless
like you’re in this it’s not like
you’re just calling some
random personnel you’re calling a guy out who’s an
mma fighter
who you have it all to
deal with he fights that he
fights that you know he’s fought so many times
183 he always
fights there
but then when it’s me
somebody he’s talked shit about like
for years the guys talk shit
about me and without saying my name all these guys
these f bombs with painted hair
these joe rogan words with painted hair and
you know you’d like
he’s you know he said all these terrible things
about you yeah
why was so what is the and but yeah and
when it comes down to signing a contract what is this
problem issue
is his manager comes on on
answers oh yeah well
he fights at 178
i’m like okay cool
i’ll fight aleister ovary
he just has to make one ninety
that’s it i’ll fight him i’ll fucking fight this
motherfucker this weekend i bet you look one ninety
he’s gonna make one ninety
right yeah i mean
he’s almost
loose can you push that yeah
wow it hurts my ears oh sorry bro
there we go
just loose a bit here let’s go this
way i got it i got it come on don’t touch me red man
so he wants
he’s saying that he wants you to get down to 178
which is highly unlikely
he would be so
trained they
wanna do it in january
like yeah there’s no way and jason used to
fight he fought in the
ufc at 170 and you saw me i was a goddamn
skeleton god dude i was a skeleton
it was the dumbest
thing i ever did you were so i was like what
yeah i was like why did i do that like i was
amazing dude you and i had a conversation
about it where i was yelling at you
was like you can’t do this man don’t this
that shit is too i’m like
i’m like this is too much man this ain’t good
this there’s a lot of guys men that i
think fight better
when they don’t have to cut weight they
just feel better like look how much better bj looked
in his last fight and
i don’t know if that’s just the way they
match up with him and matt hughes
but he just looked like
going into the cage
he did not look healthy when he made
155 the last
time he always does he always looks a little
drawn out yeah
he always looks
great during the
fight time but
he always looks a little drawn
out that takes
something out of you man that’s a
magic that you don’t man it’s hard to do like you make
sure you know even cutting a little bit of weight is
scheduling yourself
really well you know what i mean and like
yeah be one
the right way
yeah exactly suck the
water out the
right way and you know
rehydrate the
right way you use ivs
yeah yeah yeah you
should always use iv
of course because i hear
about some guys don’t like to use them like goddamn
you know yeah i
feel like they’re doing something
gross so they’re
sticking a needle
in them you know i mean yeah whatever that’s science
yeah put more
in there that’s the way to do it if you’re
gonna do it at all
yeah because i mean you have to drop weight that’s the
thing like that’s
what do you think
about guys like frankie
edgar guys that
just don’t cut any weight at all to just
fight it what they
fight at now
i mean you know
that’s awesome
do you think there’s a benefit to that there’s
gotta be a benefit physically
right for sure you
don’t have to cut the weight so you don’t have to like
damage yourself that bad how much do you
damage yourself if you had a i don’t know man i think
sitting in a hot
box for a long time will take years off your life for
sure oh fuck
yeah yeah thanks
he reached in and
adjusted the microphone like he was
changing the collar on a tiger
i pre planned it for like 10 or 15
seconds i was looking at it like alright i’m just
gonna go in there real quick and do it
i even thought about
hey jason look at that over there i’m doing one of
those things so if you let me get back to the subject
cause this is a fascinating subject for me yeah
if you lose weight say if
say what do you walk around i like 210 something
like that yeah well actually
less than that 207 now
when you get to the point
where you’re about to cut weight like when you’re in
training camp when do you
start to dehydrate yourself
take like just a couple of days three days
well two really
and so when you start at two
how heavy are you
i don’t know
two oh probably two or three
okay two or two
so you gotta lose somewhere between 15 17
pounds yeah yeah wow yeah and
in three but i mean but i’m already reduced my calories
at the beginning of the week
so that i’m losing some
like you salad like i’m just i’m really light and
most of my calories are from
like you know
water calories
you know so i’m like hydrated then boom
and then drop my drop my weight already down there
yeah i mean i know it’ll take some
time off your life because i’m sitting in the sauna
box with the damn
plastic suit on doing hobbies
right one two
three four five six so you
think the benefit
that gives you yeah
age is well
worth it well i mean both
both of us are doing it
so you know
i mean like both guys are like bigger anyway isn’t that
crazy though yeah
what the hell you
every little
every competitive edge i know but
every guys both trying to find you’re both doing it
is it a competitive edge
yeah i mean
it would be better if you
could just shake if i
shake hands and
yeah just say listen man
yeah crazy everybody’s nervous yeah
whatever right
yeah i know it’s a fun thing
to be like that yeah i wish we could just
shake hands like yo let’s just do it like this weekend
bro like you know
like no cutting way come on
like let’s just
step off our bar
stools right now
the cutting weight
thing is i think it’s a very unfortunate situation
where guys hey man
look you’re not fucking doing it bro it’s a fucking
headache it’s the only
part of my job that i’m like this is bullshit and
it’s only part of my job like man i wish i
could just go hey dude let’s just let’s keep it real
right now no big deal
the fights would be better too right
maybe we have more energy
but that was the question like how much
what percentage do you
think it takes away from you say if you’re at 100
at 210 like this
right now i don’t know man i want to say 100
i’m back i want to say that
yeah i want to say that you
rehydrate you get back to 100
i think so i
think 24 i’ve had it
we’re all like i’m like yeah 24
hours down to a science yeah yeah when i’m 24
hours most of
i fucked up before for sure
like i’ve had bad
equipment and that kind of thing the fucking
in chicago we didn’t have a damn dry sauna
oh really yeah
no dry sauna it’s you know so what do you do then
you turn the heat on or
something oh my god we’re in there anyway trying to cut
sweat the weight
out and it took forever and i was fucking dying
and i forgot to go five five he’s
twenty five
but you know five by
twenty five you know but damn
um what do you call it up
it’s just like part of the game you know so what
right don’t cry
about it you
chose this life
right so you just figure
out another way to cut what do you do if you don’t
have a sauna so you have to cut how many pounds of
water are you trying to cut by the last day
tanish tanya
so what it well maybe like
yeah i’ve tried to be make it like nineish
but i i’ve cut weight perfect before but
but you know sometimes it’ll be ten or eleven and i was
so how do you do that if you don’t have a sauna
does anyone try to trick you by you we did
it bro i did it before that fight
yeah but you said you didn’t have a sauna
right yeah we didn’t have a sauna
but i did what you do it was a
steam room it was a steam room
oh so you did it in a
steam room yeah
wow yeah so we didn’t have the same thing
right you sweat it out right
like is it the same it’s not really
the same moisture on you yeah cool
it off so it takes longer makes
you die but you know whatever
i just worked that just mean i had a bike harder and
stuff like that i had to like
sweat myself out
worse you know
so you think that
after the ivs and
everything like that
your performance is at 100
your capacity
or close enough and you do it
right if you
do it right if you fuck up i mean
that’s just how it is man there’s a fucking science
issue yeah of course i mean but you know and my man
my coach knows how much i sweat
like he’s like oh
we got it timed out about
right like oh he’s got to do this
right you know what i mean like we time
it because everybody is different
right yeah and a good
coach has to recognize that and be working with a
bunch of different guys see a
bunch of different variant
different yeah different
yeah some dudes you
can’t really cut that much weight they get to a certain
point their body just don’t work anymore yeah
and some dudes can do it some dudes can do huge
superhuman amounts yeah
you know like
tiago alves
like glace and
t bow what the fuck dude
yeah glace and
t bow fights at 155
and the dude is huge he’s gigantic
when he gets in the cage he’s got these
bodybuilder arms and back and shit and you’re like this
motherfucker weighs 155
he looks like he’s easily 185
he looks like he’s 30
pounds heavier
man i don’t know what he actually
weighs when he gets in the cage
they do that with boxing they make the guys
weigh in the day of
i don’t think they want to see
those numbers in the usa
i know they’re so different i don’t want i don’t
think they want to see no 30s yeah
you might see a
thirty hey alvez you
might see a
thirty you might see a
two hundred
two hundred
pound welterweight
holy shit dude
that’s a lot of goddamn weight to lose
i don’t know how
these guys do it
they all have different methods and
every camp has like
their own dude who’s the master at that shit
who’s at what camp is the best
at cutting weight there’s some camps are just known
for cutting
tremendous amounts of weight like att they’re
known they cut
top team they’re
known for doing it they
cut a lot of weight i don’t know do they have a guy how
does that work do they have like one guy who’s like the
the master trainer and master weight cut strategist
i don’t know
how do you guys get there yeah that
does ryan yeah ryan
watch yeah he what
more more so
you need somebody who can
because you kind of know yourself
so moreover
you need somebody to like
know exactly when to do it like be your
coach you know what i mean right
through it so
ryan ryan he knows how to you know
let’s do it
you guys have such an interesting relationship now
for people to know ryan
is ryan parsons is
he’s been around
for you know
many many years
coach some of the
great guys in the business
spend a lot of time with dan henderson
and randy couture and
he’s a brilliant guy a very
very brilliant guy and he’s
a manager and
trainer to you and just a couple
other finders you and
king mo and
this new guy what’s his name pat yeah pat
pat what’s his name durkin
and just a few
he works with just a few guys
you guys have like this incredibly tight relationship
man that’s a trip you know
good guy great guy
great guy and
but the whole
setup the way you guys have it you know
like this one guy
running around
training and
managing this fucking
select group of killers
and guiding them
yeah it’s an
interesting situation yeah it is it’s
great it’s like you know we
tight knit group and we all
train hard and
whatever you know it’s like we don’t need to
open the flood gates and
right right yeah yeah
individualized attention is
definitely better
right yeah definitely
definitely in
a core tight
group that you can totally completely
count on yeah
yeah that’s a good team
you know we’re a team but we’re not like
hey everybody come
hang out with us and
play with us
right we’re a tight knit team
yeah for people who don’t like
you’re such a wild dude you’re always
crazy and yelling and shit but you’re very disciplined
you know and that’s what people probably
either wouldn’t
expect or don’t understand
you’re very disciplined like
even though you’re wild hard man you don’t show up for
fights out of shape yeah
you know i mean
maybe there’s one or two times in your
whole career
where you haven’t
taken someone as seriously as you
should have
but you’re pretty goddamn discipline
yeah i yeah i am i’m a dork
i like i want to play
video games
right but look how much time you
spend training yeah
very fucking dog
but what i’m saying is you go
train and then you play
video games and you
train in bed
that’s the bit that’s like yeah i’m gonna play
video games after this
or you know yeah
that’s my reward or you know whatever like i don’t know
i like to read and
write stuff
it’s easier to live that way
so going back to this nick diaz
thing so you’ve been
trying so hard to get this fight
and what are they saying they’re just saying no
do it as if you’ll
fight it they’re saying no they’re saying no cause
yeah 170 that’s saying no
that’s saying no
178 is saying no but he’s
not 183 yeah
plenty of times and then it’s just
about scott
smith shamrock
who else did he play
that way i don’t know guys that he
could beat up
but you can’t beat me up
this is a fucking very important
fight for you yeah i mean i don’t know i’m
angry about the
whole thing like i’m like i need i need this
right like i’m
gonna beat you up
right you shouldn’t have jumped
me a nice guy
yeah he bullied me
right he bullied you need to beat him down
yeah we beat down right
oh yeah i thought
thursdays at 10 30
thursdays at
10 30 i need
thursdays at 10 30 on
mtv there’s
a clip from
season three
which is fantastic that you
should watch what
the way you put
up that dude
where you what you got in there you got in the ring oh
wait tweeted at me bro why don’t you
tweet me bro i did i
tweeted it today did you
tweet it today yeah
i’m looking back through red band
and if you didn’t tweet it
today here i’ll show you i’m
so bummed right now i
tweeted it today actually somebody
tweeted it to me and i retweeted it
oh so you just gave me a retweet
listen man that’s just
i don’t know bro
if it doesn’t have your name on it i feel a little
fucking hurt it does have your name on it all right
see look i’ll show it to you right here
i don’t have your name on joe rogan red bam
have you seen mayon miller beat down this bully
huge slams and grappling ground effortless submissions
yo actually yo bro
i put i put the guy on a
philippine like
phil baroni used to have this
i don’t know if he
still does it i hope he still does it
if he still does it he’s gonna break someone’s neck
is a front headlock choke
but you keep your you keep your
belly on top of his
head so you can lift them off the ground with his neck
scott jorgensen
did that in the wc
he’s like a front
sugar linland does it too right yeah kind of
yeah yeah kind of
yeah yep man
and jiu jitsu dorked everybody i just realized
jiu jitsu nerded everybody right now
my bad me and you like
sorry everybody that wasn’t very
you guys don’t get that joke
it’s a technique yeah we were totally
indescriptive yeah we were you get a guy
and you get your
hands locked
under his chin and then you place your body your
belly over the top of the back of his head
and as you lift him up his neck is basically trapped
against your chest cavity he kind of
flies yeah you hoist
him up in the air by his fucking neck it’s
gnarly and it’s very hard to stop
if a guy a strong guy a strong wrestler
gets that shit locked up it’s like doing like
a backwards row yeah
you just go like this it’s nasty
it’s nasty oh man
i’m sorry a vicious
joke get ready
he’s hurt now
last time he was chris
right i know no no
he called him
chris and then he was chris on the message
board for like weeks
afterwards people just kept
fucking torturing i’m calling him chris
i’m chris i’m eric
chris america
i’m christy
let’s play nice
nice mr miller
so when you do that show
i mean without giving
away too much of how the show is done what do you mean
that episode
was amazing oh yeah
tweet it at me
again and i’ll
tweet it back at her
and we’ll fucking do a double tweet back
i mean i had
never been so
happy that was like one of the most happiest
was that this
is really was
the question like how much is that coached
is that kid just being a douchey is that’s his douchey
self is that real dude
it’s totally real
we can nobody tells him
listen let’s ham it up for the camera
we could go
let’s we’re beating up
mentally disabled people
i’m just joking
i’m just joking
oh man no i don’t know
these guys are just you know they’re just super kind
knuckleheads yeah the knuckleheads so he
had a not good on the block man what’s the
show so this kid
this kid who
got in there with you this kid has no martial arts
experience the best part
about the whole
thing is that the guy
called me out too and i was like man what a coincidence
i think hey
buddy what a coincidence
are you like
you’re next bro i’m like i’m next
i like yeah i am next because there’s nobody in
front of me
you know he
doesn’t know he
doesn’t know that it’s me
and i like busted out man it’s a
great episode it’s like
i watched it
oh you did yeah
yeah i watched it
it was like a
tiger in a mouth
beat the fuck out of that kid
you man him
but what people
don’t know is you were being very nice yeah
yeah and i was beating no i was being surgical
surgical i was like
i was like being surgical
like i was like alright here he comes
i’m just gonna even when you punched
i kicked him yeah i
could see you
weren’t kicking him i just
go give him
one good one
one good one that was it like i knew i
could not you’re not
gonna hurt him real bad
if you just kick his leg
oh my leg yeah
by the end of it
he’s like okay
i’m over this i hit him with the body kick
as i would stop him was
out of the first
thing i did
yeah hit him with the body kick i just let him come in
yeah and you didn’t hit him that hard
with the shin pads on
man come on dude i
think really
it’s kind of
crazy though that
that you could ever get in a situation where
a kid who’s just some
punk bully kid
could ever get into a situation
where he’s on
television and he’s fighting
you to america
what a fucking
crit who sanctions this shit
who says this is okay
is cause it’s a sparring session
is that what it is yeah we’re in sparring gear
cause you easily could have
been the strike
force champion
if you had 10 more
seconds in that
round when you had i say
three i say
three really you
think you haven’t
i had it you had it dark it
was turning purple the
whole deal i mean
it’s okay you
could have potentially been a
world champion
and you’re allowed to just
get in there and beat the fuck out of some kid who’s
never really
sparred yeah
never really fought before
never competed yeah
it was beautiful well
poor fuck that kid
that kid he might just
i feel like there’s a professional version turn
into a gay hooker now he
might just you know i’m saying i mean when
somebody just a
tranny hooks you
i think you’d be the hottest
he might have so little
self esteem
you might just start
just give up on
life come on
we’re america bro she
would devastate you dude i saw you on your
young man you
think you’re the shit
sorry you’re
young man you
think you’re the shit and you know you’re an asshole
and you’re an asshole then on
television and
these guys here
he’s really an asshole to those guys
that wasn’t bullshit
if he if he if
if this guy grows from from right
there you go i’m doing the service
if he grows from it yeah
he seems like it did too
yeah it’s like
grows or it’s
gonna kill you you get two options yeah
i mean yeah wait
are you trying to say that one of my contestants is
gonna go jump off a bridge because we got beat up on
mtv’s bully bebop
i think a lot or
douchebags are in
utter pain and that’s why they’re douchebags
any big huge devastating
thing like this
could go one or two ways they
could either
learn from it and
grow from it and realize they were being a shithead or
they just become devastated
oh my god you
just hit the rocks you’re
making me depressed
about my job
joe rogan just
hit the rocks like this
boom that’s just life what
you think they’re
gonna jump off into a harbor of some sort
no they’re at
the boat speedbo
they’re headed towards the cliff
no bro i was thinking
about slowing down
what i think’s
gonna happen i
think is that kick guys
gonna go and beat the fuck out of
those two guys i put on the show now i
think he’s gonna be a
super bowling
now and he’s
gonna hate them even more and fucking
steal money
and i’ll fight him in a cage
to the death whoa
with a tire iron and a
trash can lid
as a shield
wow so you thought this out
would you have like one of
those leather straps and
yeah are you
kidding me why the hell
not like you don’t want to hold the
trash can all
right you want
to yeah customize that
cover it around yeah actually
maybe we could do like pipes
like pipes like they look cool you know
like isn’t it
crazy that just
a thousand years ago that’s how they were rocking
bro they had a
shield and a
sword and that’s how you took over a town yeah
fucking a man
could you imagine i’m just
trying to live in some
thousand years
just trying to
yeah just trying to mind your own business just
chilling hanging out with your wife and kids
and you see over the horizon a
group of men with
swords and shields
yeah you like these
motherfuckers
and they’re just
gonna come and everybody they don’t know they’re
gonna fuck or kill
what is it gonna
be fucker kill fucker kill fucker kill fucker kill
fucked and kill
killed in fuck
that’s the whole deal
i think it sucked no matter
who’s coming over to the hill trying to fuck or kill
you it’s amazing that people didn’t just i mean
i think there
would be what
back then if we
live down and
then out of here
medieval days when people are hacking each
other with swords
it’s amazing people didn’t say i’m just
gonna jump off a fucking
cliff life sucks this is ridiculous
everywhere we go he’s talking about
barbarians coming over the hills with
axes and charlie
like i have
all the time that
would happen someone one outside
every you know
sixteen weeks like
you wouldn’t like you know you just fucking leave
yes you just
leave yeah you just
leave you like whatever all
those fucking
guys that genghis khan
killed they’re just lazy yeah
you just laying around
you should have got
out of there that’s business bro everybody’s gonna die
i’d rather get hacked up
by barbarians than fucking go out the way i’m probably
gonna go out shit whoa
wait a minute how are you
planning on
going out how you
planning on
going out that’s
worse than getting
hacked up by barbarians did you talk to
dr phil about
this when you’re on
yeah if you like whatever bro that will be worse
worse ways to die that’s
right up there no
way bro you just be like oh shit and then dead
maybe not maybe they gut you
maybe they hang you i’m saying
but i would
fight the guy
for sure they
would have to fucking kill me okay
i’m fighting them back sure i hear you
right you wouldn’t
fight a back couple of them you
might get a couple no i know you know i just
order doesn’t
know you can do fuck it
i’ll double like the dude and then fucking
steal a sword
right off his fucking back of his horse
man i already thought about this
tackle the dude
off of his horse
then fucking grab his
sword and just take out as many i can
hopefully it’ll be a jackie chan
scene yeah but
if not fuck it whatever i’ll just go out fucking arm it
oh heck my arm off
fuck would you
have a different strategy if a dude had a double edged
sword or a single edged
sword yeah yeah you
would look at him you say the single edged
sword is this guy fuck i
would i would try to make an assessment as much
as possible but if they’re just coming they’re coming
yeah oh man i hit your
microphone man this fucking bunkers falling apart here
let me fix that
this place up man
i don’t think something
wrong with it
yeah there is obviously i
think you just keep hitting it
all right oh
man oh hello hi
anyway what the hell
were talking
about let’s
get something
different could now
talking about
fucking yeah what a strange conversation that is that
dudes always have if a guy was coming to you with a
sword yeah well i know we’re totally
tuning out right now
yeah yo bro
you know what
a bear could fuck of
definitely kill a walrus so quick
those are the best though when there’s
instructionals online
where dudes are defending
against swords
yeah nice sword
attacks well
you know you sometimes you got to worry
about that when i was a kid i was like always reading
those karate
magazines like
what why would you have to
fight a dude with the
knife like that sucks and if he
i figured the guy already knows
if you’re getting
stabbed the dude just
gonna stab you anyway
right right
so that he has
no you know what i mean like if you have if he has the
he’s not gonna show you that
would be the best
way to get fat and let
you know it’s
gonna come at you like well
maybe karate
threaten you
they want to show it to you
but you know
that now you have to jump and do the disarm
yeah most people
will stab you they didn’t want you to know they’re
gonna stab you right
they try to
sneak in on you
ding dong well like what they
did a little
racist bread
man what is that amazing that just saying
noises like that
could be racist
if you said that
would you say ping ping chong
no i just said ding dong no you
sound like an asian person from a 1950s
movie i know i would never offend
asians around man you know what’s the craziest thing
in the back of the day man those
black and white movies
they used to have what was that fucking
there was one television show that they used to do or a
movie series used to do about
a chinese detective
and they had a white guy
who the fuck is
chinese detective is this jeopardy i don’t
know man you’re like member i am it’s an old ass show
i’m sure someone on twitter will know what it is
it was an old ass show what was it again it was a
white dude but he played this chinese detective oh
realize old asian detective
but it was a white dude who played it
and they had him in all this goofy
it was goofy ass makeup
cause it’s like 1930 and shit you know that
yeah and so
they had this dude
well you know what i can
understand that
nobody knew asian people couldn’t get a good
chinese actor in that and you don’t want to you know
they didn’t want to give the job at that charlie chan
thank you how did i not remember that i almost had
that without even knowing what the fuck you’re talking
about i think i
blocked charlie out of my mind
because of jackie
i think because of vietnam
jackie chan no vietnam
you know the word charlie
what the fuck is wrong with you crazy
yeah rogan i get that charlie
what’s the army
movies bro you never played call of duty black ops yeah
trying to get him to play that but
bruce buffer when i was at the airport
bruce buffer was playing call of duty
while i was waiting for his
plane yeah we’re in england bro i
play ea chats dudes with his laptop
really yeah you sit there was fucking
he’s getting like diamonds on shit and is
you know silver distinguished hair
and he’s sitting there on his macbook playing
that’s on call of duty jack how did he do it with his
mouse pad though that’s i don’t
know he’s moving
pretty hard yeah that ain’t i’ll try that
though whatever i mean he feel he seemed to be doing it
you know yeah i got it in 3d j
have you played in 3d yet
what and you can tell oh yeah
and look down the sniper
thing and it looks like it’s just this huge sniper
tunnel no way
so cool and this is
because you have the 3d tv too
right so that
might have that
too bro i know i bump it
both of you have 3d tvs
innovators motherfucker you are a nerd that’s a lot of
people don’t know man you’re a big time computer nerd
i like computers
who doesn’t
they’re fucking
amazing i like this information in a box
it’s something more than that man
it’s everything
people the whole fucking universe is connecting through
these things this is
we’re gonna eventually
share one giant consciousness yeah
it’s all gonna be connected through
electronics yeah huh
that’s what it is yeah right
it’s just happening
nice and slowly nice and slowly it’s inevitable it’s
going in that direction for sure
all this wikileak shit
what this wikileak
shit represents is a new
ethic what’s
going on is that there’s
going to be no more
secrets anymore
you can’t have them anymore
the exchange of information between people is gonna be
at one point it’s
gonna be instantaneous and it’s
gonna be all encompassing we’re gonna have
everything i know
about you and
everything you know
about me we’re
gonna know everything
about each other
it’s just inevitable
you tell me you’re
gonna plug a
chip into my
brain and we’re gonna
blend into one
thing i’m telling you this is this is without a
doubt where we’re headed
there’s no question
talking into
everything accelerated
well obviously look if something
happens like an
asteroid or two know
each other up for sure
i was talking to my manager the
other day my business manager matt who’s a
great guy and he’s
did not a conspiracy theorist
he’s a real
level headed dude
and he lives in i
say where he lives
but i said do you ever think
about living near the
ocean you ever
think about getting like a
place like on the
water that may
kind of dope
and he goes yeah but
i think about tsunamis
and i’m like wow yeah you
should think
about tsunamis fuck we all
should think
about tsunamis
at any point in time
the earth could just decide to move a little bit
and a mile high
wall of water heads towards los angeles
like that shit’s real man that
could happen
absolutely or we get hit by an asteroid
something falls into the
ocean and a mile high wall of
water heads towards los angeles
and it’s not
you fucking imagine
could you imagine
it’s part of the charm of the city yeah
you’re gonna die at any time might be the only time
every time i’m in a parking garage in los angeles that
way you live in the fucking top of a goddamn mountain
yeah absolutely
i have to drive
all the way up a mountain
because you’re
worried you’re
lucky i don’t live in
colorado bro
we’d only be seeing each
other when i come
to la if it wasn’t for my wife getting pregnant i’d
still be in
colorado you’re
worried about
all the water
dude i worry
about everything i’m a fucking
freak i worry
about meteor impacts i
worry about the
shifting of the
polar ice caps i
worry about
pollution bro you
should go about war
you should go downhill mountain biking
that’s gonna fix
everything no i
think it needs to get skiing nah bro i
would except i
watched a detailed report on tv
where a lady who was downhill mountain biking
attacked by a fucking mountain lion who
ate her head nice
pulled her don’t you wanna
die like a cool way her friend was
wrong with you
the mountain lion with a
stick as it was
dragging her
screaming bleeding friend with her face torn off
into the bushes
and he’s beating it with a stick so
what’s the i saw that lady on tv man and i’m
like i don’t
think i’ll be mountain biking
it actually
didn’t happen to you
but it could have shit
that didn’t happen to you
that’s yeah that’s hilarious
who cares yeah you
should go you
should do something outside your comfort zone bro
you think yeah yeah for sure skiing or
snow but i’m not comfortable with anything
that’s oh you’re not haha
water boat what
do i need to do that’s outside my comfort zone tell me
master my i just feel like why are you don’t
scared of life bro
no i’m listen i’m half fucking around
i would totally
you’re making me nervous i
would have fuck around but you know my dog was
eaten by a mountain lion
when i saw the mountain
line wait so you
think there’s some mountain line with
a like you know
for you how
to get them
you know like
you understand what i’m saying right
i’m saying they have personal
experience with
them i know that they’re dangerous as fuck
if you’re gonna
go if you’re
gonna go mountain
biking right here you’re
gonna run into mountain lines
nah you can
it’s possible whatever
whatever percentage wise
i think i was percentage
wise you’d probably be okay
and i would
fight him for a
minute oh you’d be fine
you know you know what to do but a girl
on a fucking bike
yeah very rare
very rare they don’t fuck with men they have killed
women they killed
a nineteen year old girl last year in canada
singer this
is a recording contract because of the period
he wasn’t even trying to be funny
that’s cause he’s got an animal’s mind
may have done animal minds thinking about
he’s just thinking about it that’s what i would
smell i smell
her period blood
be smelling that shit i think i’m
gonna eat this
bitch i get all my girlfriends bro
yeah man getting killed by
wolves is pretty rare too we’ve talked
about that recently on the podcast that
i didn’t know that
wolves have killed people as recently as this year yeah
wolves i’m thinking if you like you’re a
you’re a food source and you’re in their little
sector by yourself
oh you’re fucked up isn’t it
weird though that we have this weird
thing with wolves
where you know it used to be everyone was
aware that wolves were really dangerous
yeah but we came
backwards now huh
we went backwards like
because wolves are
we dumbed down the wolf with
media fuck them
up so hardcore that we feel bad that we fucked him up
but the reason we fucked them up is because
wolves were eating babies and shit
they were eating people
you know wolves have
eaten people before there was a kid in 2005 that got
eaten by a wolf
and there’s this
woman that got
killed by a wolf this year they fucking killed
people wait
so i take it you like don’t go camping or anything
dude i’ve been camping once and a bear
attacked our cooler
walked all over a car tore our cooler to shreds
maybe is your
destiny to get
eaten by animals
just fucking do it bro
should i go with it yeah
bro ostrich
unsubscribe
to die by ostrich
bite bro you maybe
just need to turn off the discovery channel at your
house that would be embarrassing man for all my friends
how’d he die fucking ostrich kicked his ass ate him
right fuck he was covered in beverlin
he was covered if they kick you you’re fucked
of course you your guts will fall yeah they have
giant powerful legs man you
watch way too much documentary i know you know
i just got a whole new box set
can i get your leftovers every
once in a while
can i i turn you into some shit yes
no i just know i don’t mean to turn me on
i don’t wanna buy it myself just
let me borrow some dvds okay
i’ll give you some dvds i got some shit for you
i got some interesting stuff you
should switch to cartoons for a year i can’t do it dude
i can’t do it you know this is what i do okay
i’ll go through my dvr
i’ll see like i watch hd net
fights i watch like that anthony bourdain
no reservation show
i see if there’s any boxing matches that i missed
and then i just go straight to all the
space shows it’s all the universe or it’s all like some
crazy shit on the science channel
that’s the only thing that’s interesting to me
this i can’t watch shows like a
drama or a sitcom i can’t do it i just i can’t do it i
watch it for five minutes i’ll just go oh
yeah you know every now and then like
breaking bad like i’ll watch like a cool drama
those are fun if you like when i was getting tattooed
i was watching breaking bad
i watched like a bunch of i watch like two seasons
always always sunny in philadelphia is that good
that’s funny what’s
probably one of the best shows ever damn
i think so man what network is so well written
it’s like man
man it’s damn
really i think it’s over
this last this like
what it is fx what
fx fx yeah it’s not fx
i think it’s the same night as my show
really damn you’re pumping up a competitor
i don’t know i know but i watch it it’s like
it’s like my shows on
and then you can change the channel and there’s your
empty we live in tevo
land yeah you know that so
you really not
competing with
anything not competing with anything just well
this the only time i
watch things as they’re happening is
fights yeah me too
if you need to know that yeah
yeah i mean that’s just how life is but
well sun is really good man they like they
they have so many
great characters and
stuff and like it’s
well written
did you watch the manny pacquiao
fight man yeah man with my dad and a hunting trip
it was awesome
like sit out there in the country of
watching manny pacquiao my dad like
screaming and yelling
like for the
wrong guy like what man that’s not even pack yeah
sling box i
watched it on my laptop
in london oh yeah watch it
glory damn that
motherfuckers good yeah
i wonder though with his
style though you know
i wonder if he
could fuck with
floyd mayweather no i know that’s
where i still
don’t know i
still don’t know
if you look at the way floyd
mayweather the way he just
handled man
manuel marquez
yeah you know yeah one male
one male manuel
marquez style
style wise though i
think style wise that it matches up pretty good
like i think
manny matches up pretty good i think that
marquez couldn’t do shit to
floyd though
and marquez and mayweather went to war they went to war
twice yeah i know
but floyd just shut all that shit down but that
goes fast yeah
it’s pretty good he’s fast
and moves well takes a good shot
and and and you know
mayweather got
got rocks real bad by moseley
like that kind of showed that
okay you can get touched to
right i mean so
he got tagged yeah i got tagged real good
that one punch really kind of
fucked it up for mosley because he stopped boxing and
started bombing you
know like he like lost his
his rhythm got
angry yeah he lost his
rhythm yeah
that was a tough
fight for him anyway that dude is
it’s amazing that
like when you see boxers
it’s so strange that boxers can compete at that high a
level when they’re like 40
you know he’s like 39
right isn’t it
yeah some i mean
some guys can keep
going and some guys it just all falls
apart it’s interesting
like look at hopkins
is he so technical
40 fucking five 46 years old
still fighting i mean that’s incredible man
you know undoubted big man
at the end of
the day that’s what’s the most important in
every combat sport
it’s technique
all that ferocity and
everything so important
to me you have to have it you know you have to have
strength you have to have endurance you have to have
you know fighter
spirit but what’s most important is technique
yeah all that
other shit you can have to
that all that
other shit has to be processed through technique though
and guys that just rely
on one thing that just rely on their
aggressiveness or rely
on their athleticism
like how many times have you
watched guys
fight like mma
on tv and you see
like a guy that’s like
super hyper
aggressive but yet he’s got all
these holes and his
stand up and he’s
he’s dropping his hands
goofy and he’s not turning his kicks over but he’s just
super aggressive and that’s how he’s winning he’s
beaten guys by just being
and you like this guy’s just like
eventually he’s
going to run into a guy that’s as
tough as him yeah
but it’s technical and then
fucked yeah of course that always happens
it’s just a stylizing
the guy this guy’s got
smarter technique
you know what i mean
that’s like the big battle isn’t it in it
you know isn’t it yeah
man the the life of martial artist a professional
mixed martial artist that has got to be a
trippy way to fucking pay your bills
isn’t it i i know i there’s been moments where i’ve
stood across the ring for one
and i’m like
i’m about to
fight another
grown man on national television
i’m like this is my life
right now you try to
squash those
thoughts or you just go well that’s it is what it is
no whatever
i just go hahaha
i’m about to
fight somebody on tv
so you laugh so you
think it’s in
my head i’m like it’s so weird
like whatever
you know you just take a different path
in your life like oh this is what i’m doing you know
it’s i don’t know it’s
very strange it’s very different but i mean you know
it’s just my job like
i like this what i’m gonna do
crazy ass way to make a living son yep that’s a
crazy ass way
business don’t cry for me bro
what are you talking
about i’m not crying
we’re just talking
i know that’s what i mean i mean
my life is to other people would be horrific
you know getting on stage doing comedy
or talking i
never even realized that that is like people a lot
of people’s number one fear yeah i’m like what why you
don’t want to be judged have you done it lately
me yeah no i mean
ellis show and
right you know there’s a new place
they want they want me to do a show on 16 on what
huh a show on the sixteenth yeah of what december yeah
should i do it to
a comedy show
yeah hell yeah you can totally do it alright
i know what do i talk
about though anything
write a bunch of shit down alright
sixteenth what’s
today’s date
what about the
store today is the
twenty ninth
oh so you’ve got like
what how many days are in november
november 30
yeah 30 so i’ve got that long to do it
17 days i’ll say some
funny shit yeah you know how much
time do you have to go up for
i don’t know
i’ll figure it out this is
keyword i want you to use period
blood those two words yeah
use those and coyotes that was a singer
right yeah no i’m
gonna use it from the
ice you guys are seeing if i go if i go up on on
the 16th in improv
the punch line period blood period blood
that would be the punch line
i guess girls would think
about that shit if they got in the water to that
sharks would bite their pussy
right you know i mean my god could you fucking imagine
the thought
and that’s how you dye your hair color the shark is
going for your pussy because he smells your period whoa
what her and someone must have died like that somewhere
along the line some girl must have done
she must have you’re
right it must have happened
with all the people that have been killed by
sharks for all the hundreds
of thousands of years people have been on this planet
undoubtedly fuck yeah
yeah dude you can’t get me in that fucking
water that water can suck my
dick what’s
wrong with you some kid just got
in half in san
bernardino time the fuck out that’s
a barbara what’s wrong
with you bro why
are you so scared i’m not scared
i’m fascinated
no you’re scared though but i’m not i just don’t
think that getting
eaten by a shark is
worth the thrill
of surfing bullshit
bro you never saw
before that i don’t need to son you don’t
wanna go mountain biking
cause the fucking mountain
lions will eat
you no no you don’t
wanna go surfing
because the fucking
sharks will
eat you breaking it down exactly okay
yes you know what
what the fuck
those are monsters and i try to
avoid monsters in my
everyday life you don’t want to go roller skating
especially monsters in the
water man at
least a mountain line you
might be able to fucking get them in a guillotine
you know i’m saying i’m
outline might
fuck up you can’t
dude a mountain
light my fuck up you
might get on top you
might sprawl
you know i’m saying
you might take it
back fucking
you might take
that mountain lions back your head
chucking but not out in lions that’s what you’re
gonna do you’re
gonna punt them
down to the
ground little you’re darthing a mountain lion
that’s what you’re doing
fuck out of him and his stupid
fucking dirty
stinky shit
covered paws
fuck a mountain lion
but a shark will eat your asshole
and there’s not much you can do about it
wait you’re
bleeding out of your asshole
he’s gonna eat you
he’s gonna come up
from behind
so you don’t even see him coming
and he’s just gonna
start eating you
so what bro that’s the risk we all take
of living here on
mother earth
the great gaia that’s beautiful man i know
right i try to
avoid being a part of the food chain
except the top part yeah but
nobody listen no
the chances that you’re gonna get
eaten by an animal
while doing an outdoor activity
are very low
they’re way way higher than if you don’t go to
those places
where the monsters are yeah
i find that
the best way to cut down on the possibility of getting
eaten by monsters is to not go near the monsters bro
sorry would you go hang gliding
what am i a fucking bird
listen man that’s a dumbass way to go but you got
roller skating to the rocks from an errant breeze
you know oh
whoops now i’m dead he
doesn’t want to go hang gliding
i get eaten by a pterodactyl
brian watch tell him the
story about your dad in parachuting yeah yeah i know
paragliding why don’t you tell wait
i already know the
story before you even tell it but that that’s the
you know i bet you don’t parag
shooting or paragliding parachuting
so he jumped out the fucking
thing and died no no no this is
his dad brian
my dad worked with somebody that
every week she was like hey you need to come
skydiving with me cause she did it every weekend
and he was like
thinking about it even though he didn’t want to
and one day
she died she
jumped out and
i guess like her emergency parachute
went with her
regular parachute so what she dances with the devil bro
to me that was like one out of
one out of one million no but i
would never parachute but
think joe should go roller skating and if not i know
it’s a bad stories i’m not scared
why wouldn’t you don’t be
calm me calm
that’s why i should use
that website for to put like don’t be scared of me
like sure after the fight after
yeah that is a good idea man look look
you know think about like what would
tyler dordan do dot com they have a website
yeah oh yeah it’s cool the biggest compliment is
brian brian’s friend
brian interacts like
ah i want him to help me he’s funny
dude man what would tyler durden guys wtd
he says some
funny shit man he’s got some really good like
one liners on
on things that are going on the news
he’s a funny guy yeah he’s
funny and he hates
paris hilton
lot oh he’s
anti he’s a anti
peres hilton
paris hilton
not you’re not
paris brown paris
the guy oh no no no he hates paris oh
yeah his tweets on
paris are hilarious
really yeah
why would he hate her she’s just some lost
child like why
would why would he give a fuck
because it’s funny
yeah he’s in
right now to make fun of
paris hilton
so i’m gonna
again make fun yeah
i thought that died off yeah did
yeah it has to die off like
because at a certain
point in time you become the joke for caring about her
like why are you still talking
about this one i was just one person out of a
river of humans no what do you mean
it’s the next one the next one the next one
it’s amazing i can’t
believe people
stay irrelevant like to me it’s like why
like why are
these people
famous i was like this is kind of sad
it’s like sad
with our culture like i feel bad for us
like man and i
start getting care i
start caring
cause the other people care i’m like man
damn it why do i care
i don’t wanna pretend
that i know what’s
gonna happen in the future
cause i obviously don’t
i don’t know whether or not we’re
gonna pull ourselves out of this
downward spiral this
humanity downward spiral
with some sort of a technological
innovation or something but
if it doesn’t happen
so i forgot what i was talking about mad
you are fucking
deep in the damn
shit contest
i really talking
about before you said that
paris hilton
paris hilton
this is a quote that he did
paris hilton
everyone hates you no one is
going to watch
your dumb show no one cares anymore go kill yourself
that’s not that’s the meanest
tweet ever that like
it’s so mean that it was
funny it was so
mean that it
sound like ari shafir
wrote that yeah
oh this was so this what i was
gonna say i don’t know whether or not we were ever
gonna pull ourselves out of this downward spiral but
if you looked at like
if you looked at
civilization if you looked at a
civilization like like
right before it was
gonna fall like rome
or like the
greek empire like any anywhere
the all you hear
about is them
going crazy
all you hear about is
feathers and they’re eating and they’re
throwing up and they’re fucking
everything in
their fucking little boys and shit and there’s
lions versus christians
it’s always the craziest craziest shit goes down
and that’s what everybody talks
about after it falls apart
well isn’t that what’s happening right here
i mean it has to be it’s happening slowly
that’s what it is
i mean we were talking
brian and i were looking at the
pictures of the colosseum
in rome we were having
lunch at this italian
place today
and they had this
photo of the coliseum in rome
and the photo was from
2010 right so the coliseum is
this fucking
incredible old
piece of architecture where
people fought fucking lions
right there in the center of that bitch
and there’s cars just driving around it
and the cars
the distance between the curb
and the fucking walls of this insane old building
is what 15 feet 10 feet
it’s like there’s no space
it’s like car
and this insane old
building yeah
people are probably
peeing that shit
just fell apart
it fell apart and nobody
fixed it yeah
it just fell
right apart
that could easily happen with us
and if it does
they’re gonna be talking
about us the same way
we talk about the
romans so mountain biking they’ll be like
these crazy assholes had tv shows where
regular people became famous
girls became
famous cause they were showing
their pussies they get other cars
like how many how many girls became
famous like
or got like massive publicity
for showing
their pussy on tv
or showing their
pussy rather
in publicity for
these magazines
how many times that happened
so fourteen
thousand that that
would be something
i think that’s incorrect
i think 14 maybe
14 girls are shown
their pussy
pretend that
they’ve accidentally shown
their pussy you
think it’s for
a lot of them are probably somebody researched
not that many
probably like six
no probably the
point is that’s
gonna be something they would talk
about in the future when they study
ancient history
they talk about the fall of the american empire
what are they gonna talk
about they’re
gonna talk about how nutty we were
the girls would just show
their pussies
girls became
famous for leaking sex tapes
just fucking
sucking cock
yeah like kim kardashian she got
famous i know for hanging out with a girl who
should have been
should have been
you know there
should have been no reason for
paris hilton to become famous why was she
famous well she just figured out how to do it
don’t hate there she is
and so kim kardashian
was hanging out with her and goes you know what i
gotta kick this up a notch
i’m gonna do a porno with a black guy
so she does a porno with this dude
she sucks his dick fuck some
everything it’s all
real legit porno
and then it’s like oh how did that get out there
darn it and then that becomes a huge hit show
and then she becomes a mainstream celebrity on the
cover of almost every magazine
every goddamn time
i go to the magazine stand
her face is on the cover of some
magazine whether it’s a fitness
magazine or
anything it’s amazing
that would be something that people would look at
and say look how
crazy they got
they just made regular people
like you don’t have to sing you don’t have to
dance you don’t have to
write you don’t have to
well she has charisma
she got an ass
she’s got an ass and she has some charisma i meant
charisma i meant meant ass
so yeah no i
don’t you think that if you were looking at a
culture if people like i know
yeah if you looked at it for
the future yeah that’s what you
would say you’d say look at these
crazy assholes no
maybe some people are just gonna
have the charisma
and then all of a sudden
they’re gonna be awesome
like i don’t
think we’re on the same track
haha no like
everybody will i
guess not really
christine how
about everybody will just be famous
and we’ll all like oh wait
we just connected the two
things right now
that’s what i was just
thinking that
everybody has a computer chip in their
brain and then you walk up to this guy go
oh he’s awesome
and then everyone will just
shine in the
magical land
well i think eventually you’re
gonna make sure to have
your phone number will be like a channel
you know you will have two
right to the
brain like oh bro let me get your channel number
cause i really wanna
dance around in your head right
now that’ll be
right before the
final immersion
that’s what
would be the last what’s the
final immersion oh my god
final immersion
is no consciousness
other than the one
we’re gonna get all linked up like the matrix
right now that’s what’s
gonna happen
no emotion no bullshit
no negativity just
oh we’re gonna be
aliens and then we’re gonna
send ourselves
back all the way through the universe back in time to
oh man you’re
freaking me out man
that’s ultimate stoner talk
there’s no more ultimate stoner talk and
what happens when you die or
aliens in the future
and what’s gonna happen man
when’s it gonna end
man i know you that’s
so i do so i do i’m a fucking fool
all i do all day is
not even think about the moment just worry constantly
about what is gonna happen in the future bro
man i feel like this
you guys are a little therapeutic right now
the breakthrough look it’s just
to me it’s all just hyper fascinating
it’s all hyper
fascinating dr phil it’s not that i’m not
how is that you got any
secrets at the doctor phil
i don’t know dr phil was i was like damn i’m like
that was just it was weird as like me getting ready to
fight like i’m like a man but a fight a man
man i’m about to go on a dr phil show
where this and was it ah
i was just like this is so weird like i look
nervous i was just like what the hell am i doing
did he give you a massage
or anything is there anything that he
did when the cameras were
off i wanted to
touch his head but you know that’s disrespectful
right you know i mean just to say i did it you know i
was yeah it was a nice dude really
yeah dr phil’s cool like
man this is the
and i actually
no you had a weightlifter hand grip really yeah i’m a
weightlifter hand grip
a little bit i was like
hey man dr phil’s kind of buff wow i
swear i was like really yeah he played football in high
school and yeah for sure like college maybe
would you hang out if dr phil called you up hey jason
i’m down here at the bar
thinking about getting a beer
would you like to join me oh yeah i
wanna talk to dr phil
i’d like to talk to dr phil what would you do dr
phil just start talking pussy
man i would
let’s cut the bullshit
dr phil just started talking crazy pussy stories
back before i was married
remember when i
was supposed to be on that dr phil show or the doctors
and you talked me out of it what was it
about for salvia
oh yeah they’re
gonna show my
video and everything
don’t do i told them don’t be
going on you
gonna do something
first of all that’s gonna
contribute to the the end of that salvia
right i know that’s what i was shit
that shit is so fragile
illegal it’s not anymore it’s
illegal it’s
still legal in
california i’m pretty sure i thought it was some
states it’s
legal in some
states still
some states made it illegal and i
think they just made it illegal in florida
that’s fucked what’d it do to you
doesn’t hurt anybody man this is why it’s
weird that they’re making it illegal look
all the see
the problem is
it’s sort of a
guilt by association
thing because if you consider it and
even though you look at the statistics and there’s no
deaths and there’s no immediate danger
health wise why
should it be illegal well because it’s like all this
other shit that’s illegal
salve is one of the most potent
psychedelic drugs in the
world and it’s
available at head shops
whereas you
know it’s really hard
target what are you talking
about they sell
salve at target do they really salve
of plants oh salvia
plants yeah that’s pretty sure thing yeah
you’re right
it’s sage right
i mean that’s what salvia is oh what yeah yeah
well this but
i don’t know if it’s the
same strain
exactly what it is
they extract it
you know they condense it down
and they extract it so you get like salvia times 60
you know so it’s like this little condensed former
not condensed
or whatever
and then you wait you put that in your coffee super no
no it’s like an herb it’s
like weed and you have to get put that in your pipe and
smoke it you get this
lighter that you have to have one of the
crack lighters with the blue
torches and it gets it up to a certain
temperature and it releases a
pretty much it’s like a
whippet of mushrooms
you know you’re just doing
yeah oh god
i’m shrooming oh my god my face is on fire melting
i’m dead oh hey i’m back but
the problem is this kids were doing this you know and
fifty times a day
fifty times a day
right making the most hilarious youtube
videos in the world
if you ever want to see the some of the funniest shit
just go on youtube
type in salvia oh the kid and the kid
yeah kids doing all that shit
yeah exactly
or all right
or a good impression of
i never watched it
it looked like
a seizure it
was more of a
seizure seizure
seizures i was
just saying
was that a good
seizure that’s a
good seizure
that’s a good
seizure i told the
story about
i already told it before but i asked
my friend johnny
his girlfriend used to fake
seizures why
the girl she wanted attention
so bad she used to fake
seizures she
would fall down and like fake a
seizure and he would he
would use it as an excuse to slap her in the face haha
he’s like honey
wake up wake up
honey wake up
and i’d see
like he like bite his lip i was hitting it like
fucking bitch
like you like really like give her slaps in the face
why that was
that’s the most healthy relationship i’ve ever heard of
chaos that’s
the most amazing
thing about
knowing a lot of fucked up people
you know what is everyone
saw you have a
story like that yeah yeah
it puts it all in perspective too you realize
there’s damn man my girl sucks
she’s not faking seizures
in a fucking grocery
store or you have to slap the shit out of her in
front of everybody that’s the saddest thing ever
yeah pretty pretty goddamn
ridiculous yo you got this
chicks number or what she’s dead damn
she’s dead she deserves to be
wow she’s dead
i don’t know if she’s dead he’s dead though ah
poor bastard yeah he was my best friend
fascinating dude yeah
hung out with a lot of
crazy bitches
yeah you know that
could get easy to do man
because you know a
chick is beautiful sure you don’t know that
she’s banana sandwich and you don’t care either because
once you start having
sex with her you do
and then you’re like ah
what am i doing
right now problem with dudes is once you
start having sex with them if it’s good and they’re hot
you have sex with
dude what what you just said yeah
no no no no listen
listen to me you fucking clown
the problem with us
is that when you have sex with a girl and
she’s hot you get addicted to it you got one yeah she’s
super hot and she’s sexy and she’s got a killer body
you like you
could get that
again you could always get that
again so even if she’s crazy
you start going fuck
you are alright well i don’t know okay
what are you doing you
wanna go out tomorrow
and then next
thing you know you’re fucking her
again and next
thing you know this is your
girlfriend this crazy
bitch is your girlfriend yeah and
just because she’s hot and she’s got a good you know
i know which is a
freak and the
crazy ones a lot of times they’re more fun in bed
because they
wanna please you they wanna
they really want you to be rocked
so they’ll freak you out more
and then you’re even
extra stuck
right because if you get used to that you get used to
what my friend tony always says that
erotic and psychotic are like
they’re like next door neighbors
what are you doing over there
brian he was looking for something to
drink so i gave him some jack you want another coconut
drink yeah coconut drink
thanks dude
you’re like the best intern ever joe thanks
i like he’s wearing a
paperboy cap too man i know hey mr hey steve
here’s your coconut water exactly
man you need like one it makes it like that joe rogan
that’s one of the best ones
they have regular water
i know you have regular water in there
damn it bro
that’s all right you know what
i just been i was
drinking out of the sink i like to do it old
school like
you know grab
that’s his jerk off sink though
i drink out a jerk off
yeah he puts his dick
underneath the sink and it drops the
water on it like a girl does in a bathtub what
have you ever
heard of girls that do that that masturbate by
putting their pussy
right underneath the faucet and they just slowly turn
that’s gotta be a benefit of being a chick
it must be way easier to masturbate open wound
yeah totally
you think so fuck yeah
i don’t know man you gotta rub i
guess a lot of like arm
they stick stuff in there yeah they’re about to
put things in there
if a girl gets used to that that’s the real problem
she gets used to a vibrator some girls get broken
their pussies just get broken to regulars vibrate
stimulation they’re so oversensitized
yeah that happens a lot more than
smashed and then i thought it did
they got a cycle off like yeah
like we yeah you stopped like stop doing coffee for a
while and then all of a sudden you’re like
drink a coffee like oh yeah
freaking pops true right big difference yeah
right it’s like you just stop you stop the
weirdest thing i know when i’m drinking coffee
too much when i can drink it and then get sleepy
yeah that’s what you know like you
gotta stop drinking coffee dude what
you know if you
drink it so much you
drink it and also need to sleep here
i don’t know probably not good
probably your
liver like going ah too much coffee your kidneys trying
to shut you down going dude
they say a little
bit of coffee is not bad for you but you can get
that the problem with like starbucks coffee is if
which is the best don’t be hating on star i’m not
what i say the best
listen bro i’m
okay man i know there’s a coffee bean thermos in
front of me but that’s not a
not because i’m disloyal that product placement
but the problem is that starbucks coffee has a fuck
load of caffeine in it not enough
wait not enough
that’s why i drink it man
my new thing is getting iced coffee
unsweetened
with three shots in an iv
three espresso shot
three espresso shots
three man but they say espresso is not as much
caffeine as coffee is no but that’s on top of
three cups of coffee though yeah that’s three
three cups of espresso
each shot that one
was like three cups of coffee right yeah
a shot of espressos like three cups of coffee almost no
no no no that’s what i’m saying
no it’s like a week cup of coffee like it’s
three week cups of coffee but they’re like condensed oh
i’m sorry i thought you were
saying that each shot is three cups
it’s not quite a cup of coffee
a shot is espresso
it’s like slightly below an average cup of coffee sorta
but that’s how they make coffee
no no it’s a
fascinating subject because you can get
i mean look you go and get a venti you go and get a
venti starbucks you take somebody who has
never drink coffee before
or someone who
doesn’t take any stimulants
doesn’t know and you just give them that venti
they might have to sit down
like they might be so jacked they
might be like wow my heartbeat is being
too fast but that’s the
nature of coffee your hands could be shaken
but meanwhile you
get used to
it yeah you know you’d get drugged up and boom
you know it’s a
legal drug what are you talking
about it is from
caffeine that’s
legal it’s a drug
how many coffees a day do you have jason
i don’t know
like two 14
no no i know i’m real high tension
i don’t allow myself more than one
the only time it’s two is
if i’m really busy working that’s what i mean i gotta
i’ll go like in the morning and then in the
afternoon sometimes
bam i’m hype
starbucks i
would like to see you on a muscle
relaxer but you just be like
guys how are you doing today i
think
it’s they had to
juice me up with a lot of that
stuff to put me to
sleep though
really yeah they
got operated on yeah when i got operate to put like my
plate my thumb and they’re like
all right we’re gonna pump you full of
stuff and he goes
in there to you know put put it in there and i’m like
whoa i feel like a
giant rush over my
whole body like oh
my god and they’re like
okay just relax i’m like no no
i’m like man i’m high
right now listen wait a minute
you’re about to be operated
on this is the type of shit you’re saying yeah all
right man i’m high right now
i was like that and the guy looks at me like
and i realize that the
stuff is too weak and i’m like
you can’t knock me out
haha you can’t
laugh the guy was
laughing i like i remember as i’m
all blurry like with all the drugs like and i’m like
man i look and i remember him like
smirking at me and then
going back oh
man i shouldn’t talk shit to him like that
wow cause cause i came out of it like
thinking i was in a
fight like look ah
like i’m like
kicking at the
nurses and everything like that
and i was like oh haha
and i like oh my bad like i was like oh
sorry then i felt so sick
cause he pumped me so full of that
stuff that like
i was like man what did i do
imagine being
a fucking nurse
oh you know that they were
kinda used to it they
used to do they’re liking them yeah they’re like yeah
cause they do like all like extreme athlete
crazy dudes yeah
really and they’re like yeah
we’ve seen people
jump up out of
their seats
so they were like it was bellow and i was like i’m very
sorry like i was apologies
a weird feeling
going out like that yeah and
waking up in your operated on already your
knees stitched up
together yeah weird
very strange
how many operations have you had
only like what
have you had done so
knees like cleaning out
stuff and acl replacement and
like putting out
putting them out of
just one acl
replacement a general
one yeah both of both
of them done yeah
like and i had a the middle of my knee cut out
cuz uh cuz like it was
knowing the hell out of me and cut it out
what is it what do you mean the middle of
uniques their
meniscus yeah yeah it’s
it was sticking out
oh a bucket handle yeah
bucket wow you know i
had that on my left
oh yeah we talked had
that shit out but it
clicks it would get
stuck oh god
like yank that
thing out of that shit is a ferocious pain to
the meniscus pain is
tough to that’s
tough to fade yeah
very difficult to ignore
it’s not something you just walk off no like
it’s a bone
piercing pain
weird these are
so fucking painful
did you know a couple testicles
added yeah like
seventeen testicles
why you looking he just checked your package
seventeen testicles
like you might have a few more than the other guys
he’s got extra balls
swinging
yeah it’s amazing that they can
stitch you up and put you back together
again now though isn’t it fucking cool
like how many guys
do you know that if i know i know guys
that discs replaced
you know artificial discs
stuck in between then had their discs fused
yeah tito had that done
who else had that done nate marquarte no
nate quarry had that done
a lot of guys have had that done
they blow out their discs and they get
their shit replaced and they can go back back and
fight again it’s fucking crazy
that used to be a deal breaker
like your discs were jacked like forget
about competitive athletics on the highest
level you know there’s no way man
and it used to be acl got jacked like my friends
and you’re done forever
i was like shocked when
they that i said acl
nah you just go and they we put you back together like
oh awesome and it’s it’s more
powerful than the original yeah it is like my acl
this man is
stronger than it was like i like what the hell
yeah did the workouts and whatever and then it’s like
use a cadaver
yeah well you know they use an achilles tendon
that’s what they use it’s a big fat fucking cable
it’s bigger than what’s
naturally in there what’s
naturally in there sucks wow
you’re saying that i
have like illegal meat i got
both mine are done
this one was done with a patella tendon
graph though
which kind of sucks
where they take a
chunk out of your bone and a
strip of meat
where your tendon is and it’s attached to your shin
and then they open you up and then they
screw it in place
it takes a long
ass time to heal from it it’s much longer
recuperation time because you got a hole in your shin
or a hole in your kneecap
and a hole in your shin like they cut it out and so
your tendons
been all fucked up so it’s
way more invasive
thing this one i had done
it was they did a cadaver
my right one
and there’s just like two little tiny holes
and they stitched him up and that’s it it was all
fixed i mean it’s
crazy they just get in there and
screw this new joint in
place that used to be
if you lived
you know a thousand years ago man you were a cripple
you know you were fucked and
you were that guy that
would fall down if the wind blew
too hard come on dude
black president
we’re in the future
right now what
let’s just think it’s so cool that they
could patch you up and put you back together
again you know yeah
we live in the
future i don’t have a jetpack but whatever
have you ever had your
elbows done no
shoulders supposed to be the worst
no tear your
shoulders that’s supposed to
be the biggest pain in the ass to recoup
yeah let’s dancing with the devil
is what i do
every day you do
you ever think that like man
like i’m i’m fucking
staking my my living
on my physical flesh yeah
he likes it
it’s fun it is the funnest
thing for you
right right
i can’t help it it’s so fun i like doing
crazy stuff all the time do you
think you’re
gonna have a long career they’re
gonna be doing this for a long time i
think yeah i
think i could do it like
i do it for a long time but
you know it’s that’s my job you know
i feel good you
definitely better
now than you’ve ever been before i know
and would you
twenty nine now
yeah no oh yeah i’m about to
change it up
about to hit
twenty nine
about hit thirty
thirty goddamn
that’s like when you’re an
adult dude i know
so i’ve been feeling it i’m like i feel kind of
happy about it i’m like
gonna be an adult
we gotta get you over the
ufc man all the
strike force nonsense
if this if this nick diaz
thing doesn’t work man
i hope the ufc picks you up
we have to go get joe silva
massage somewhere
maybe you have to
get him fucking gift certificate for
somewhere cool
some wonderful restaurant have a nice meal
i take enough
i take them to the
olive garden
what are we doing with the
strike force nonsense you know
mayhem miller
good thing i got a good thing
going straight for you so yeah you probably
see let’s see if the diaz
will you know not be scared homie and right
well you know go from there
when you watch the anderson silva chill sun and fight
now i know you train with chill right i fought chill i
like you find them yeah but i
train with them too yeah in uh
i thought of
me like 19 like man i was like 18 years old
yeah we were
fine like me no 19
yeah he just kept taking me down we
crashed through the cage
there’s video of it somewhere
man i was so
young man i was like
we were like kids man wow
how old is he
i don’t know
he’s in his 30s right yeah
he’s a little
older than me when you
watch this fight with anderson silva
anderson silva
pound for pound best
fighter in the
world you know
ufc long running middleweight champion
what what did you
think when you saw that
fight yeah the
chairs on a
fight were you thinking
i mean you know you’re your guy competing for the
strike force
title at 185 when you see anderson
you know and you see that
you know the
chairs is handling them yeah
what did you
think that like
yeah definitely i mean but that you know like
of course my weight
that was the most
intense i’ve ever watched a fight really
yeah that’s what i was thinking must
be right yeah of course because i’m like in the little
soap opera guy
right right right
watching this like that we’re all
you know the same way you
could be fighting that guy yeah soon yeah easy
yeah both guys really
right exactly so anything could happen of course
how long is your contract at strike force
i believe i don’t have a fight left or
one fight left yeah i think so
and so that if you if you beat
nick diaz then do you
get to fight jack ray
for the title i have
yeah i had a couple fights of think and i have
two fights yeah i think so yeah
so what are they talking
about now if is nicked if nickney has
doesn’t want to fight you do you get to fight jaguar a
do you have to fight tim kennedy like what do you do
what’s next
i don’t know they don’t know
they’re just trying to get the nick diaz
fight well i mean that’s the
fight that everyone wants to see in the
school and you know i’m down you know it’s like
that’s my job i’m down to do whatever you know
does it get in the way when you’re filming
fully beat down
you know does it get in your way with your
training like do you have to like train
like when you’re filming that
show do you have to like make sure that you don’t have
any fight scheduled for
while it’s going down yeah yeah of course i
get you know i don’t want to
run a concurrent with the
training camp
would fuck it up hard right
what kind of
hours but i took
fight i took a
you know for for training
bully be down only takes two weeks so
what is that monkey on
what did you do about it’s a man monkey oh wow
did you just cut and paste that yeah
but uh pretty cool yeah it is pretty cool
i don’t know you know it only takes two weeks to do
the bully be done so
for the whole
season yeah
well easy that’s maybe
like more than two weeks because i have to go to
do voice over how many episodes you guys do
10 at a time usually
wow yeah so it’s it’s a fun like
it’s like a fun little summer camp like
yeah yeah let’s go
phil bully be done it’s
gonna be hilarious
well must have been way more fun coming into this
season now that it’s a big
success yeah
like now everything like
everybody like
wants you there and
happy to see you
and all excited and what
it’s all pumped up what do you mean
people the network people in the
studio like you’re on a
successful show yeah that’s when it starts
that’s when it’s fucking badass
right when it’s
successful exactly yeah
those things are rolling
when things are man people
like that third
season of it
you know i never seen an audience
so pumped up
like yeah the
fans their fans
super fans like
first it was like just people who
were like what
what is this you know
when we used to film news radio
there’s a big difference between the
first season and news
radio like the audience and like the
third season
when it gets into
where the fans come to
watch the show yeah you know
that’s when
it becomes fun
yeah this is a
crazy experience
yeah film that much filming shows is so hard
in the beginning because no one knows what the fuck is
going on you’re trying to establish a
rhythm and it’s like you know you’re awesome
but nobody else knows
i wasn’t gonna say that what i was
saying is it just takes a long time well and i just
feel like everybody
everybody who works on that show is like awesome people
and and you know what
i mean it’s like they’re all cool be i got more into
doing the bully
beatdown job
by the fact that the people who work on it
are just so awesome
people they’re just such
awesome people so i’m like oh
like i really want to do a good job because
these people
right here are cool
so let me try to do a really good job because
you don’t see
them working but they’re working really hard
when all this shit went down with the cbs
thing where you got in
trouble and the big
fight and the brawl on television
did they give you
a hard time over that what do you mean what are they
gonna give me a hard time
about it for them
nobody give you a hard time
bully beat down people yeah like no one says like
you know hey you know i don’t even
think that yeah i don’t even
think their word what do you mean kid involved
you know you know i’m saying what are they
gonna do no no no no
what i’m saying is like when a controversy
happens like this
like they don’t
want you involved in anything that’s like
negative or anything that’s like
know like they don’t have
they don’t sit down with you and
say hey you can’t be getting into brawls because
you know you represent
the show no no
i think that they
i think they
understood side like
you know i mean like they
understood the
whole how the
whole thing went down right
but i mean in the news it wasn’t it wasn’t pretty it
wasn’t clear cut there was
a lot of people there blaming you yeah well
they’re just jerks
they didn’t get that mad
about it not
bully deep down
that’s like my
fighting career they don’t
worry about my
fighting career
i have i don’t feel like they the what do you
think that mtv is gonna
spank me for that no i don’t
understand i’m
happy about
it i was wondering whether or not anyone was concerned
bro there anyone said anything to you
no what nobody talks to me i’m just mayhem
so funny you say it like
like it’s ridiculous to ask but you got it
you got a bench clearing brawl on national television
but he’s a fighter that shit happens
that shit happens that’s it happened i can’t help it
it’s not vh1
i know man they have
come on they have the jersey shore on
know they don’t fuck around now people are just roofing
on there yeah it’s bad
you know i mean when i saw that girl get
punched in the face did you see that online
i oh yeah i thought like
i don’t think they showed on the show they
blacked it out they
didn’t yeah i think they yeah they blurted
or something why would they blur it
they don’t want people to see a girl get
punched in the face and then say
when do you look
because they
could show look we have a giant reading
spike right as this girl gets punched in the face
this is what we need we need more girls getting
punched in the face oh so they put all my men
did you see the girl that’s on dancing with the stars
sarah pilon’s
daughter whatever mr pilon
talking to the situation
yeah it was pretty fun that was
one of the most ridiculous
i thought of the soup the
soup is the best show because i get to see the normal
everyday funny
stuff that i
would never see
cause i never watched a show like that
man did the soup had it on there and
it was man bring it up just
bring it up house
you live in a year of
how strange is it that dancing with the stars i don’t
has brittow who’s like
seven was she like eighteen or something like
you know something like that now nineteen now
something really young
yeah like how is that
a celebrity
and she thought
yeah because she was pregnant because he was
because it was a
story that she was in the news mean that’s ridiculous
like how is that a celebrity
that’s so weird
what you know that like that
you know dancing with the stars like that’s what
they’re calling a star they’re calling this young girl
whose mom was running for
vice president
who just happened to get pregnant everybody knew
about it they’re calling her a star
but that’s so odd
that you’d have that is dancing with the stars you know
um here’s why she’s a star and the situation is
check this out very
you look at me like i just hit you with some zen
cone like what is the
sound of one hand clapping exactly
no she is but it’s like the line is
getting blurry now it’s like anybody who’s in the news
it’s not you know
when you dancing with the stars is no longer
entertainers
it’s no longer
yeah but anybody that anything happened to
where they got famous
they’re stars
it’s like idols in
japan they already have that
idols and then you become
like a show
that they’ll
check in on
they’ll check in on you to see what the fuck’s
going on with you what are you doing
today crazy
you know like they
carry pres on
chick remember the
chick who ran for
was it miss usa
that yeah said what she thinks
about gay people
she’s always
get something man’s always something in the mix
well you’re talking
about the girl
wanna check up on her
the miss south carolina
pageant right
the such as like as no no that that girl was hilarious
but that was just a
brain fart that poor
chick she just
got caught in the headlights whatever that was adorable
was it adorable
yeah you liked
it i like my girls to be all scatterbrains
when you see a girls like
gingerly bambi like that ginger does
that get you excited like look at this girl
just drag her into the him
oh man or you think i club chicks over the head
and drag your personality bro
just with your personality just overtake them
you think so hey hey let’s run over here
see a girl saying like as and um
you can just dominate
your will tell me to have such a mind
she’s not retarded she’s just easily led
mmm so mentally handicapped
model supermodels is what i’m looking for
maybe sometimes it’s not the
worst thing that’s all i’m saying
not totally mentally handicapped but like
there’s a lot of people that are really
happy just hanging out with their dog
think about it that way
there’s a lot of people that are super smart and
super healthy
and they’re just hanging out with
their dog there’s nothing
wrong with that
you but a lot of people get plenty of companionship
just from their dog
so if that’s the case and they’re
super happy for the rest of
their life you
could date someone who’s really dumb
she really as long as they’re nice to you
who cares they’re cute
just like having a dog somebody like this
what are you doing brian
that’s that
video that we’re talking
about excuse me oh god
have you ever had a situation with the
official situation
excuse me stitch
oh snap be paling
you mean to tell me that
girls actually fall for that line come on i mean if
those words don’t work
i got the situation
right there
i hope you’re as committed to safe sex as you are
those abs i know you’re all
about that abstinence
thing you know but
come on be palin
are you serious like you’re not
gonna hook up with
like before you
married for real
for real for real for real
for real for real for real
alright well you know
what i mean just in case you do get into a situation
i want to make sure that you are situated because
if you do get into a situation with your situation
you may end up with a situation
and you may not like that situation
trust me though
i’m not getting myself into another situation
i know how hard it is to be a
teen parent
you know what i totally respect that
and i totally respect abstinence
i mean actually has the word absinthe
on the situation i love that very
funny but i’m worried
about you and
you practicing safe sex i actually practice a
whole lot i mean a
whole lot talk
about the safe part of that
the safe part we got the safe part down pat what pile
magnums you know what
i might be able to
spare one i mean you know i’ll give you one
it’s fine i avoid situations all
right good good if you’re good in avoiding situations
and you’re situated
and i’m situated
situations under control
well i’m glad that we agree on one thing
pause before you play
pause before you play that’s probably
you know what what is this a fucking high school video
who made this i know it is what was this on
hold on what was this on the
the candies foundation
what was it on
television what
was it commercial what was it i don’t know
it was a psa bro from
the situation
yeah it’s a psa of some sort dude
that shit was designed by the terrorists
that’s designed to
lower our standards and weaken our wills
and they’re
gonna fucking
cross our borders and just
start raping and pillaging
totally motherfucker that was dumb
yeah holy shit that was scary dumb
that’s the situation
the situation needs situation
gotta have the
situation situation
whoa whoever
wrote that they’re just trying not to get
should tie a bicycle
chain around your neck
they’re trying to
jump into the ocean
they’re trying to give the kids
a bicycle chain yeah so that means they can like
pedal out of it so
maybe slowly drown
what i want him to slowly
drown a bicycle
chain yeah just
enough swim out
so i’m dropping you in the middle of the
ocean the middle
ocean i just want you know
you gotta get that
chain off first yeah
what i’m saying is fuck you bitch
goddamn man
jesus stop knocking the
microphone man you son of a bitch fuck
aren’t you hearing that no i don’t even hear it
does it hurt your ears
yeah dude it
hurts everybody was listening to that’s just loud
as fuck okay
here’s the situation
situations parents
out town they just don’t want people to like you know
bang each other
well what is that
about she’s pretending she
doesn’t take dick anymore
how dare you
right how dare you you know
he’s taking acting like he
doesn’t have
like sex without a condom
yeah he’s pulling out condoms that dudes had
sex in a tanning bed he’s probably not wearing a condom
you don’t think so no
did you have sex in a tanning bed on the show
probably well that’s
gotta be bad for your eyes
have you ever masturbated
on your tanning bed no i sometimes masturbate
about the chick that
checks me in at the tanning
bed because she’s so fucking hot and she has huge
tits and she’s oh wait
never mind well they
say they have a problem
they have a problem with
women doing that and tanning beds i’ve
heard that the
women like to masturbate
tanning beds who
wouldn’t want to masturbate
in the hot room right whoa
we hit like in a little bubble you got nothing to do
with eskimo the worst is if you
spray though and then it’s like
early on in the tanning it starts to like sizzle
oh yeah it cooks
you’re cooking jizz off it’s on your stomach oh
it sounds like it’s a little
seven up can by your ear the low point of this podcast
jizz onwards
cookie jizz
omelets sorry man dip your
toast did i go too far no
no such place
period blood
how many times have you walked out of the
house with dried loads on your stomach
never never never just
throwing a shirt on and said fucking i
felt my belly like i missed a spot or
something like that i just feel a little crunchiness
jim norton had a load in his belly button from the
night before and we were on opie and anthony
and he was telling everybody
he’s like oh i’m smelling it hold on a
second and he dips his finger in it and he gave it to
one of the interns i forget who it was and
he made smell it
and he almost threw up
and then he goes you wanna try it i go all right
what so he sticks
he sticks this i mean basically
i smelled it so that that dead why would you say
smell was because i was there that
was on the radio fuck it i’ll smell it
i smell some of
the load some of his
belly load came into my nose in the form of fumes
basically i would say no to that wouldn’t you see
that yeah yeah i should have said no
well on the radio
i’m just trying to think of joke
sure i’ll do it yeah but it’s the listen to the
radio when you’re on the
radio just like on this
podcast everybody’s at ten you just trying to have fun
right try to do what’s the funniest
thing the funniest
thing is a guy says you want to
smell my stinky load you go
okay fuck it come on we’re on the
radio you know
i’ll smell your load
if you really want me to
you know and he was kind of
shocked as i was that i was
smelling it can i go to the bathroom
yeah go ahead
man it’s ready
to jerk off then
put load in my
belly button don’t do it
don’t do it
there’s something
about the shape of the
belly button that makes the loads
ferment and fester
again are you really moving
no he doesn’t really have to go to the bathroom he’s
don’t have to go to the bathroom
thanks dude
brian didn’t see it
he didn’t see them the joke
man good job
you didn’t even get my jokes was an awesome joke
brian you just
totally missed i was doing something i can
we’ve got it down to a science of how much pot you
should smoke before one of
these things
no i was finding another
video for you
and when you guys were talking the stars don’t
lie the line
was another
video another psa with the situation
because i don’t know if i can fucking take
it bro i felt like you wasted moments of my life but
at the same time i
think it’s a step in the
right direction that
abstinence people have gone well
people aren’t
gonna stop fucking so try to wear a condom
like that is that what
they’re doing yeah because before people the abstinence
people are all religious it’s all religious people yeah
no one has a brain
it’s talking
about abstinence
that’s just
against you but
why would they get this
situation if
that’s true why
would they even
think for a
second that the situation would
best represent that ps
i think because they
think of him
a lot he’s the guy who bangs a lot
know i mean whatever
they’re trying to
paint a nice way i
think they just
think he’s famous i
think it’s that simple i think it’s
simple as yeah
simple as he’s famous
he’s in the news
if they can get him to do it people will pay attention
yeah it’s true but that shit is so
bad that hold
the situation you know if you get in a situation
and her talking to me is so dumb joey diaz
this better not be what
i think it is
i think it is joey diaz cigarette how dare he
i’m not answering shit
so joy anyway we’re not
picking up the phone bro
i need to remember to unplug this
phone most people
don’t call me when we’re doing the podcast
but occasionally someone gets
confused robot off
i know i need one of
those right
yes just need to unplug it
problem is the base is not in this room
i’m a disorganized
motherfucker
brian i wish i had a ewok
i’ve made great strides though in creating this room
we actually have like a
place where we do the podcast
every week and feels like
this is where it all comes from feels like it’s right
it’s a desk
it’s like we got a
sound board it’s all professional
equipment and shit
you know a friend of mine just
started watching the podcast and he
started with episode one
and he’s like holy shit dude like this is the craziest
thing ever like
you guys were just sitting in
front of a laptop
and you had snowflakes coming down that’s
right we did
all kinds of
stupid it was like
christmas eve or something
like that or yeah was it something like that yeah
room was on our
urine why don’t i
get any snowflakes
we don’t even we lost that tech listen
it’s hard enough to keep the
image on the air you know with
these these u
stream feeds
like a lot of times it cuts out and a lot of times
you know our internet will
shut off and it cuts out it’s a pain in the ass man
you know you just want to make sure that you just
where do you get like the most important
thing is the audio
where do you get a tube that goes
right to the internet
i’m not even sure what the internet is
me neither do you know what it is
like if someone
said hey you
gotta go fix the internet
it broke i know like
where would you walk to with your tool belt
like you like
is it the end of this hallway
i mean it would be
broke forever if it was just left off
yeah we’re stupid
no problem you
would be like
where the fuck is it
and how do you fix it you
would have to relearn the whole
thing i figured
like it’s wrong
oh what’s up what
about tron it’s
gonna be very strange when
everything’s wireless
which isn’t it’s
gonna be inevitable
when it’s not as when it’s
you know not when there’s no difference between being
plugged in and not being plugged in
which is probably inevitable what are you talking
about it’s like
that now yeah but it’s not totally like that now
there’s a lot of
places don’t
have wi fi there’s a lot of people that have
their computer
yeah this computers plugged in
but there be eventually with that’s not even an option
like you know even
why would you get a plug be stupid
you just turn it on it just picks it up
it’s everywhere
you know that’s that’s the next step
it’s so it’s fucking fascinating shit man
fascinating
shit where all
these computers and it sucks when the shit
starts going
wrong though like my shits just all together
going wrong
at the same time and i feel like i’m just in a disaster
right now the computer
you have technology my computer
you’ve had a
bunch of problems
and one of them that you shouldn’t talk
about too much
because of the nature of the problem
you know that one with
the software
issue oh yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah no no like
you know i’m saying
right all the back
you need a flashlight
no no like almost
i thought wait i didn’t what were you talking
about it in your
eyeball what no
all my shit’s like
breaking at the same time
like my dog decided to eat my laptop
cable and my battery decided to die my hard drive’s
dying and then on like my tv
my hdmi cable
shorted out
my washing machine
broke the other day
it’s like everything is
breaking now so
beginning the
apocalypse project it is
a mini apocalypse
in your house
technology 2012
i just thought you had like
superpowers or something and like
to magnetize
the broken cables i did i thought
what are you doing
i’m putting it inside out that looks fucking disgusting
don’t do that bro
this is the
flashlight that our
guests have to
touch man we’re
abusing it and man handling it and i feel it’s really
dirty when you take it out of the sleeve
to clean exactly
like it looks really disgusting
is that the butthole ones
this is either
one that you actually used remember
no no it’s not
man that looks
like a real life butthole i have to say man
i’ve seen a butthole
or two or they
make an actual mold
it’s a real
life nick diaz
someone yeah
nice well you know
if you weren’t
into doing gay porn but they offered you a million
bucks for a foam mold of your butthole
they said listen we’re
gonna give you a
stone cold solid one million dollars all we need
we’re just gonna
throw some plaster of
paris over your butthole and make a little
impression of
me yeah sell
your rubber butthole
would you do it i’ll do it for like
sixteen dollars
sixteen dollars
that’s i mean
what random
brian for for publicly for a mold of your butthole
this would be like an argument
that i’d have to have with my manager not oh you
like don’t do it i don’t
think you should oh right
to put my name
on it it’s a million dollars you
wouldn’t do yeah
yeah you sell your butthole
are you gonna do it
well i’m putting it out there
right now i’m putting it out there to all the
would be but people
no i don’t think your ass little over right i don’t
think you get it
i think you’re right but that’s my price
million one million yeah i won’t do it
you’re pricing yourself out yeah
but i’m not
but i’m not if some
crazy old gay
freak with a lot of cash steps up
let’s talk you down let’s talk you
know what do you mean no
mass produced
how much for
mass produced who has to be one million dollars
okay it’s really simple you can’t you
wouldn’t go down you
could get a rubber mold of my butthole
and it will cost you one million dollars i
think i’m quite clear
i would do for 10
000 chris i don’t need to negotiate
either way i’m
happy i’m happy if it’s yes i’m
happy if it’s no
i don’t care
i’m glad you have your
price if it’s no
i keep some
self esteem
points i feel good
about myself
if it’s yes
holy shit i just made a million
bucks to lie down with some plaster
paris over my butthole all
right let’s take it the
other way then okay let’s do this all right
at what point do you sell yourself so bad
you know what i mean
you can’t recover all right how much
money would it take you to like
suck a horse you know you can go that far yeah
yeah you can go too far
you can certainly go too far
right but could you okay how long is it taking us to
stick what if you only had to suck a horse’s dick
until he came
well what if
horses come really
quick you know i don’t know i bet they’re
super sensitive are you talking precon
or full cum
i’m taking a full
load a load
to swallow it because you can’t okay
it was like a precom
a precom is probably a 12 gallon
someone might be able to get fucked by a
horse but i don’t see anybody swallowing a horse load
all right you will fucking drown
and that’s the
worst way to call the paramedics when you’re
drowning by horse load
and that shit
would happen man maybe that old man show guy that
would chug the beers imagine
him just trying to keep up with
those horses
well it’s like
of course you wouldn’t want to do that of course that
would be a terrible thing to do but
what if it was and this is the
ultimate hack premise but
what if it was
for a hundred million dollars or something
crazy like that or a
billion i know
dude suck a
horse’s dick for an hour for a billion for an hour
my bad i should have
never said that man
we don’t have to actually suck it for a
whole hour because it probably
it won’t take that long
but you’re committed
you’re committed to attempt
it for one hour does it have
to be a horse or can it be a pony
i was thinking
i was thinking like that’s how juvenile
i am yeah i know i’m so juvenile
that was the funniest thing i’ve ever heard in my life
you just i pause
for a second and pictured you blowing a pony
that’s all i could think of
the pony was
brown and white too it was really cute
great so like mine had red ribbons in it
yeah i was like why does it have red ribbons
what is it about little kids that love ponies and
horses and shit like that what is it man no idea
having having little kids man my
daughter loves horses she loves
horses and ponies like all little girls the giant
nice animal
that you can ride it’s like that’s like but she
doesn’t know you can ride it
what she doesn’t know she’s two
she doesn’t know you can ride a fucking
horse that’s
ridiculous she
must have seen somebody at affairs she’s seen barbie
yeah barbie right
maybe she’s seen it on
movies she’s seen it in
movies animated
movies for no reason
but what is it
about girls and
horses do you
think it’s something
sexual absolutely
i’ve talked to a few people before
they all say it feels fucking great yeah
it’s constantly
rubbing their pussy
i look at where
their sexual
organs are it’s
like they’re constantly titty fucking that
horse why do you
think it’s like i live in equestrian district
and why didn’t like
every time i go to starbucks there’s at
least four of them in there
they are always
plain jane girls because they can’t get any
so they fucking ride
horses no they’re never
hot supermodels are
never fucking fat chicks
plain jane girls i will
make you stop riding horses
i agree like what
and i don’t believe
come on really you believe that all the women that ride
horses around me all the
women in my neighborhood who ride horses
look like they’re getting away with something yeah
they’re like this dog
in the face like smirking
looking you in the eyes
looking in the eye whether
while they’re not in their jeans
there’s a huge
brown muscle underneath them just and it’s moving
clip clap clip clap yeah
watching iphone porn as a writing the
no no that was in the hair the standard
excuse for why a woman lost her hymen
her number the number one excuse was oh she lost it
horseback ride right
did you know that now i
do because you know it was always hey you know they
check to make sure version what’s going on hooker
you been getting dick stuffed in there
no i ride horses like oh okay that’s cool
so it was legit to buster i’m yeah
legit to bust your helmet and
bust a nut i bet they do i
think the cowboys used to carve out their
saddles and make a little holes when they were really
did they yeah just
stick their dick in there
he just made that up
you fuck that’s what i would do
is that what you do fuck yeah i
would think of something like that make a
flashlight somehow to attach to my saddle so
you jerk off master
i think you’re
supposed to hold on a long road trip you jerk off just
turn off the whole time
i’ve jerked
off once in a car that i can remember yeah i
think i did it
again i definitely did it once though
and i was working
and i remember very clearly
after i came thinking
i’m definitely
gonna do this
again i’m such an
idiot like being
disappointed with myself
like i know i’ll be doing
it like it’s not like i just jerked off all over myself
while i’m driving once
like this is
gonna be a regular
occurrence so i’m
thinking this is eventually
gonna become embarrassing for me
but then what happened man i
never did it
again i don’t know what happened i
never used it
well i guess
maybe i just rationalized i like looked it like what
really a horny
my really that
horny or am i just looking to be distracted
while i’m driving like what am i doing
right now this is
stupid life or
time management
plus it’s hard
to look at your gps and imagine it’s a girl no
didn’t you have a
chick that got jealous
because my gps my
voice listen to this
he had a fucking gps
thing where it was an english
woman’s voice yeah
and his girl got jealous and
was just get
she kept on making me change it to guys
and then like i
would download like the british
chick it was a tom tom and i
would download like the british
chick and she be like
what the fuck is this
chick just turn it to the regular guy this is
what do you
think she’s hot what is whoa
that is so real
yeah crazy man
so oh what kind of a hell were you it
was when gf
first came out
was it a fiery
lava fill it was
when gps came out hot
sticker up the ass hell
tell me about that
thing it was
just when gps came out and for some reason it
annoyed her she’s like didn’t like that it was
a girl talking
but she said
do you think she
sounds hot she
asked why i just didn’t have like a normal guy
voice she thought it was odd
that i always made it like a sexy
you know like
asian girl speaking english
voice or whatever did
you ever that’s what
the they have that i have they have like british woman
uk you know
asian american
asian asian did you ever really
did you ever get to the
point where you were hearing that
where you were
going i have
to get out of this relationship no it came out to the
point where they had it
where you could make your own
recordings of it
and she did it
what the hell is
wrong with you man no i did
you did it why
would i want to hear myself talk to me
i want to hear the chick say
thanks lady
or i want to be like yeah
thanks baby
like you know
i did it so it’s like
turn the fuck up here you know i just
cuss and stuff
and she was
happy with that
yeah well what was she doing up after
i think around
that bro i would have
broke over the oh my god
i would have
kicked her out of the car
what if i right
there why it was
still moving
have you ever kicked a girl on your car yeah
what the hell are you talking what he
said the way he
said yeah you were
saying yeah but what you’re really saying was of course
stupid yeah i was saying of course
stupid that was my next
thing of course
of course how many
how many i’ve only kicked out one girl in my car ever i
think it was like high
school time though like i was like dude
get out of my
car like it was like little kids that have one
crazy bitch that i did when i was 21
just off to talk
just love to
fight just loved
to for whatever
reason just
start picking
fights when
you when you
date people you figure out like some people are out of
their minds oh this one was nuts
she used to like to
fight and then she used to like me to go hey
what the fuck is
wrong with you like stop picking on me
stop yelling at me just
fucking chill out you’re acting like an asshole
right i’m not doing anything to you
and then she would go
super submissive
it was really
crazy and then wanna fuck
that was like her constant strategy
so after it was like she wanted to be handled
so she wanted to rise up she wanted to say shitty
things and it would
build she would
start with like a little insult
and then it
would go on and i
would ignore it i
would try to just like please let’s not fight
and then we get to the
point where she
would say something really stupid
and i have to go hey what the fuck are you doing
do we like each other
why you talking me like this like what’s
going on here
this is dumb dumb shit
like you you’re not
you’re not considering my feelings
and then she
would go i’m
sorry you’re
right i’m sorry
fuck i’m an asshole i’m a loser
i don’t know what’s
wrong with me and then
she would want to crash
and she didn’t want me to fuck her
what is that so
it’s no it’s a
game it’s a
it’s a sort of like
you know it’s like a distraction
there’s sexual reward
you wanna fight
well it’s just they also have that pattern it’s usually
every relationship they’ve had has had that pattern
they have drama with
their friends
they usually have
drama at home it’s like some people become addicted to
drama and the big thrill
you get from sort of overcoming
drama you know how many dudes you know that just like
you have to fucking get in a yelling
match with this
asshole before you can be friends with them
you have i mean how many guys have
you ever met i mean our circles and circles of guys who
train and mma
guys and high testosterone
individuals
there’s always this one guy we have to go bro
what the fuck
and then he’s okay
are you trying to say that
about me right now no i’m just kidding
i’m just kidding bro
what the fuck that
sounds like something
oh coconut juice
it’s the shit isn’t it
i got a fucking complaint from a young man on twitter
what saying that the coconut
juice that i was
steering them
wrong that coconut juice tastes like shit
yeah well he’s
gotta get the right stuff you gotta get the
right stuff and you don’t you know i bet there’s
some people out there like man i like mountain dew gold
joe rogan made me
smoke you know
drink this coconut
juice you know
mountain dew gold
i have a problem mountain dew
no you know
what i’m saying there that they’re just like
whatever they
do they drink mountain dew
every day and that’s it you know
think guys like that
you like the people the same people that make fun of me
for enjoying
grape vodka
would you like
flavored vodka
faggot you need to
drink budweiser
i’m sorry for
dropping the f bomb again
you can say whatever
you want well i’m allowed to do that yeah i don’t care
i retired not
you know i only retired
because i saw that i know i i i stopped knowing it too
really yeah you be only because
i want to say it sometimes got
used to it because to me
it means something way different yeah i saw that show
louis uh louis
yeah and i saw the guy and
i was like oh i was like oh i get it now i see why the
gay people hate that word
because not correct but it’s ph
now but to them it’s like real hateful
heart like like and i’m like oh to me
it’s like what we say when we’re little kids
like like you just like
whatever fag
like you don’t mean it at
anything get
like i’ve been saying it for so long i think that
ph that was a
great scene but
what i was saying is not correct is
when he was saying that the origin of the word faggot
meant that it was
would throw them on the fire just like faggots of wood
that’s not no that’s not the correct what they call
etymology is not
etymology no the correct one is that
faggot like a bundle of wood
was a burden and it was difficult to
carry so a woman
became a faggot
so women were faggots because
they were a bundle
of wood that was difficult to
carry they became burdensome and then
when they would talk
about guys who were gay
they would call them faggots too because they were
women they were just look at him he’s a faggot
he’s a burdensome woman
so that’s what the correct so
we’re calling
jason’s mama fag it was actually proper terminology
well i don’t know if his mom was a burdensome woman
she might have been a joy to be around
a wonderful companion
like a bundle of wood
could have been i don’t know
so that’s but either
way yeah it’s it’s a problem is that it has a different
definition for gay people
and it does
that’s the only
reason that i’m i don’t want to say because oh my bad
how long ago you retire
i don’t know a while ago
that’s really
whatever i saw i saw that
and then not
cause they did it took a
while i saw it and i thought about it
and i’m like yeah that is like hate like
hateful word like it was such a
right to them and to me it’s not that way
and i understand why people say it because
when you want to like just respected dude
as much as can then you just say that but you’re not
thinking you’re gay like
it just has a nice ring to it it just
sounds like mean
that’s why people
you know say it but yeah it
sounds very dismissive i
never said it’s a gay dude ever i don’t think
never have either
yeah lucy can have that
great talk about it
unless he was being a faggot
yeah he said something
about did you
all the people from phoenix or phoenicians
shut up you faggot
you know that’s
hey not about the saying anymore
i’m just quoting lucy cat oh dude
you’re just gonna
start quoting people that’s what i do
this is i want to keep saying faggot
by bringing up that i’m not saying it
until the end of time
well you know there’s always another time look
i’m not gonna ignore topics we’re not
gonna pretend it’s not real ladies and gentlemen
okay all i’m saying is i’m not gonna use it as a
slander as a slur
it’s not a slander
you’re gonna be like mad at somebody you can be like
if i didn’t retire that word faggot
right now would be a proper time to use
yeah wonder if i can still say faggotry
because that’s not even the same word
that’s like saying niggeredly
yeah no yeah that’s the that’s a
tricky word that’s a stemming stingy it has no origins
it’s not not at all not at all i know it’s so weird
the word it’s close
i said it i said it i don’t give a fuck
not calling anybody in it that means we’re just
admitting that
it’s real so you’re more scared of gay no
i’m not saying i’m not calling anyone it
i’m just saying that it’s a word
and sometimes when you’re talking
about the n word
it’s more offensive to me
to say the n word oh
joe here we go you
silly bitch
so we go sit you’re
we’re going
again with you
you fucking terrible person
did you call someone’s mom faggot
no i did not
you called my mom a faggot bro and i know jason forgot
about it your mom
he called his mom
his mom’s gay and he called his mom a faggot
oh really yeah
brian did you think give a fuck look at him
he’s reckless whatever
brian’s doing standard why does she have like a
short haircut or something no she’s
a lesbian she’s a real lesbian
a real life
lesbian he’s running around calling her a faggot why
because that’s
brian that’s how he rolls he doesn’t even any
reason i called your mama faggot
yeah why did you call my mom because she
felt was tight like an asshole
what what she was tight like an asshole brian
man this is the worst show stopper you’ve ever thrown
i know dude why would you say that to mayhem’s mom hey
dude my mom downloads the podcast bro
does your mom download the podcast yeah oh bro
why do you just ryan
bad what did you just do
you’re gonna have to go back and edit this
this is gonna be the lot
you’re gonna be listen
you’re gonna somebody somebody
tweet me the time here my mom wakes up in like four
hours bro how dare you man that is not cool
not at all dude
whatever and she’s very sensitive
about i’m sure that’s a good
thing as she was sitting around at
least she didn’t say you didn’t say i was
sloppy you know
sure she probably is happy
about you insinuating you fucked his mom i did not
you didn’t fuck my mom well you i make she
said she came out here
she said you guys talked on twitter
huh my mom say you guys talking to
how crazy is that lebron james story
one of his one of his teammates was fucking his mom
yeah that’s crazy do you know that story wow
one of lebron’s teammates was
fucking his mom makes sense
that’s gotta be rough here wait and what team
might be here
yeah whatever no the other one oh yeah
cavaliers yeah not a lot to do up there in cleveland
so they just fuck people’s moms yeah
fuck people
this has got to be a lot of things
ahead of fuck this guy’s mom i’m from columbus
it’s true we just fucked each other’s moms dude
how happy you when it gets to be like my mom my mom
is from columbia
i’m not kidding really my mom is from columbia that
makes sense that’s where i met her
fucking marysville marysville
where that’s where i matter leroy
you’re not letting this go this is horrible so quick
my mom’s gonna be pissed
watching this podcast yeah man mrs mayhem i’m sorry
yeah for my friend brian
most of what he says is just for comedic
value he doesn’t really mean
dude this whole
thing is you can’t take anything seriously on the
podcast please
don’t i would like to kiss her in the buckeye
it’s ridiculous
please don’t take anything i say ever anywhere
seriously i know that’s the problem i have it’s not
worth it it’s not worth it
it’s not worth it
that’s too much of an investment right
i wouldn’t take
anything i said seriously we’re just saying
it tastes well it’s fun
yeah i mean that’s what
the beauty of podcast are
folks you’re
getting a little
window into a retarded conversation that
mayhem and i
would have probably had with or without you
probably right fuck yeah
that’s one of the coolest
things about doing this podcast is
basically hanging
out with your friends except
other people all throughout the
world and i’ll tell you man i’ve gotten
all these fucking
emails and i met all
these people
that tell me how
they don’t have anybody like
these people
they don’t know anyone like you or like a lot of the
guests that i have they don’t know
these fucking people they don’t have anyone like this
in their life
so by listening to this they don’t have people to talk
about but i listen to this
thing three you know four hours
every you know
every week or so
you get all
these weird different people
you know become a part of your
daily conversations
yeah this is like
super hyper
accelerating shit for some people
and from people that are living
in shitty places
where they have
you know poor
conversations with people and they long for someone
who can you know
bring challenging ideas to
their head yeah yeah
radio has always been like a format of like like
smart people i
think or people who like you wanna like
yeah communication you know you
want to enter a
house of communication yeah exactly i mean
there’s obviously a lot of bad shit like a lot of the
right wing raw raw talk
radio yeah but
that’s like
you know that’s for
those people
yeah you know what i mean like they want to
people want something to rally
against people want something to be a part of so
you know we all do i do i always wanted to win a
radio calling contest
i always wanted to hear my name on the
radio when i was driving like
somewhere dude you
should totally host
you should totally host some sort of a regular
radio show what
you could totally do something like that what
j host some sort of a regular
radio show and
mma hour yeah
you could use a
crank up a podcast you
could totally do something like for
serious or something like that it’s called blowing your
speakers you
doing it just
yeah you an hour
i didn’t even know
one time a week just
throw it in one time a week do it for an hour
are you offering me a job at serious
right now i’m telling you
brian can set up your podcast
for you he has a little podcast
studio red band
studios in his house
he’s rocking
right now and we did one with tom
segura and his lovely
wife the other day
he’s done it with ari and
jason we have a new one coming up with sam tripoli
it’s all about zombies
really zombies
sam tripoli’s doing a zombie podcast yeah what
more can you say
about zombies
i don’t know
it’s gonna be interesting
i feel like they’re all pilots
they’re all
i predict by episode
three he’ll just
start calling people a zombie so i
could talk shit
about him yeah
george bush he’s a zombie well
see him on tv that fucking
it was kind of like that one i used to do with the
pod cats with joey
diaz it was all
about cats but
like hey so let’s talk
about cat litter oh anyways you used to rape guys
you know it had
nothing to do with cats you know
i’ve never listened
to joey’s podcast but it’s called beauty and the beast
right yeah how is it
yeah it’s pretty good i like it i like it
that girl has such a cute
voice i could listen to her all day you know
does he get as worked up when he’s with her does he get
crazy and start yelling and shit
and sometimes yeah it’s you know it’s exactly what you
would expect
your ideas to be
jason i mean
you know who’s a big fan
of that is miss miller miss miller used to really we
drive home you know i like how you called her miss
miss miller not misses
ms ms remember that shit for a while
you’re trying to rock ms
ms i don’t you don’t know what i am i don’t
even know what i don’t even still to
that’s one of those things i just haven’t cared enough
about to like
learn about this
the mys yeah the metric
system of misses the misses and the miss
or you know you didn’t
i still don’t know it’s only one for men mr
i still you’re adding shit like the missouri
well there’s something else you don’t even
think about voting right when voting comes around you
like who do i give a fuck now i don’t want fucking
any court dates i don’t want to get audited or any
i don’t want to be in the
system as much as possible like did you just hear that
the government just closed down like
80 websites the other day
just pulled them off the internet and
weren’t they selling a bunch of pirated shit so i mean
can you just
overtake somebody
that has you know you know what torrents are
right they’re just like
they’re not was that what it is it was torrent
websites i thought some of them
were also like a piracy websites like
where people were selling like comfort
jewelry and shit okay
maybe but it’s
still kind of weird that they’re allowed to just go bam
you know i know what you’re saying seems weird well
obviously it is and
once they can
start shutting down websites
but if they’re doing
see that’s the tricky thing
a lot of people
you know you got to recognize that the
courts have decided that torrence
and downloading copyrighted material
is stealing you know i mean
that’s how they’re looking at it
so if the courts are
if they’ve made decisions like that
and then you’re
gonna run a website or some sort of a torrent site
where you’re gonna
get people access to a
bunch of illegal shit
you gotta assume that eventually someone’s
gonna shut you down
right right
well look at the pirate bay i don’t
know if you saw that they just went back they lost
right they lost
and then they lost the rebuttal or whatever it’s called
and now they’re
going to jail and
it’s the website
still up though
it’s like wait
so some are
going to jail
yeah and then they just
toured out on
those how do
those guys make
money how does something like that advertising man
there’s so much advertising on that website it’s
ridiculous and people
pay just to have an ad there cuz nobody pays attention
those fucking ads right
right you don’t do when you go to
website was last time you
clicked an ad
some has to be
absolutely fucking outstandingly interesting
they’re the kind that you just go there and it says
congratulations you won a gift card to the
olive garden
click here so it’s crappy like websites yeah
nobody like
legitimates
but they’re paying them they must be paying a mad loot
right i don’t know in
order for them to be
fighting this like this
they’re not
so you think they’re just
fighting it just
because they want freedom they want to be able to just
trade numbers
i don’t know that’s all it is really
i think that’s the whole
point of you know
you can’t bust somebody for having
you know you can’t bust somebody for
stealing of
whatever a milli vanilli
cd if you don’t have the
milli vanilli cd
on something you’re serving you’re just
pointing it to all
these different directions you know
i see what you’re saying it’s like torrance
yeah if you’re
going right to the
people yeah
yeah like torrance are just
using like you have a
piece of a file on your computer somebody else has a
piece of file on
their computer
and all this website like pirate base
pointing like hey this is
where to go to get
join this hallway to walk down
this is the
hallway down there to walk down
right but it’s
coming from someone who already bought it and they
should be able to give it away
is that what you’re saying
no no i’m just saying what
someone somewhere another somewhere had to attain
a copy well yeah
absolutely no
what i’m saying i’m
saying that
they stole it i’m saying what’s
scary about the pirate band what’s
scary about a lot of
these places if they don’t actually have files on
their computer they’re getting arrested for
things then what makes it stopped in
you know like you getting arrested because somebody
put a torrent file on your form
even though
it’s not hosted on
your computer
but their whole entire purpose for
existing on the internet is to connect people
with other people that
have things available for download that are illegal
yeah but so
google has maps and then it tells you
where to go to murder people if you want to
keep oh but that’s a big leap though the whole
it’s not like google’s called murder google well
it’s like but you can you can
lose advertising or hey
check if they got
murder google com
i want to start that
serial killer google
i see what you’re
saying i totally see what you’re saying
but i also see like that you know they
if these company look
for sure a music companies
have suffered big time because the internet well
yeah i think
it’s a just
gonna shake it up like yeah eventually
if shit is like for me
clicking on itunes is so easy
that i go okay i’ll just
click on itunes me
too you know i’m saying like i’ll just buy it because
and not cause
you know cause i have a boatload of
money cause i
would buy about the same amount of
music as i do now
but like if i was like
super poor but like it’s like
so easy to do and i don’t even want to
steal this the only time
i ever download
something is when it’s not available for sale
you know if i can buy it i buy it i
buy everything
are when it’s not out yet yeah it’s just they’re
finding that equalized
they like pressure
and i think that that
those torn files that’s awesome technology
like they need to
you know use that in
legal ways you
know what i mean like that’s just how it is yeah it’s
it’s a whole
the whole issue is a very
tricky issue
because on one side you have to say well this
you’re stifling innovation
by stopping all
these people from doing all the
stuff and by putting in the
brakes on all
these sites
but the other side
you go wait a
minute how the fuck are
these people supposed to make money
you can’t just have something for free
that i want to sell for 20
on amazon com you
could download and tell but
what i’m saying is it’s the same as
oh my god like cds are gonna
gonna make everybody you know writable cds is gonna
ruin it for the
music industry now they
gotta find an
equal pressure where
where the well writable cds did a little bit of a
dent but of
course the big
dent was done by the internet yeah of course that’s
it i mean look man do you remember when there was like
record stores
yeah but they want to rent
now it’s so easy just to click
you know life
is getting better but you know some people are
gonna suffer for sure
yeah i’m lucky i live
across the street
from a record
store that does used records and rigo record so
every time i want a cd i just go there and spend
3 99 for a ucd
you know oh
what’s the name of the store
don’t say it because then people know exactly
where you live
right and live
right across the
street from it
brian i was testing you yeah
i’ve been to amoeba
amoeba records is pretty dope
amoeba sweet
you know it’s like some
weird whatever link
to the past
where you’re holding a vinyl
album yeah and
you’re like whoa this is a disc
and you spin this and something
scratches how
often do you buy a record
i’ll buy a cd though
i’ll buy cd
still from some
place yeah if i’m at best buy
and i want to listen to something
you know like
we have a rental car or something like that
but now that i have my phone
or my ipod hooked up to my car yeah
exactly that’s what i’m saying you have all your
media in your hand yeah what i miss though
is a real dj
i miss dj what
i do talk about there’s personalities cool oh
radio yeah like hey
it’s mayhem in the am
yes yeah let
that one dude
yeah ninety six
point seven
we’re getting
wacky this morning
it’s a big drive on the highway
today i can see that mayhem in the ahem mayhem
i could see that radio show now you would have to get a
black chick sidekick yeah
you would have to get to the
first one you’re gonna fire she’s just really you know
and then the
second one will know this bitch you get
crazy we’re gonna fire you or this is the mayhem show
right is in the tanya show
oh man so that
wendy williams will be i’ll be my sidekick
me and wendy williams talking shit about
anime yo do you see a fight this weekend like like
wendy williams would be like no
so funny haha
whatever and you’re gonna do traffic for me
right and then we got the traffic we got the cd
on the one on one yeah i would have traffic
would be like kittens
would be falling from the sky and videos
right when you were tuning into the
clouds it’d be some fucking
flaming skull
face scares the shit out of you had a little bit of
blood on my toilet bowl
seat when i got off today
have you seen that
video of that rat attacking cats yeah yeah
that’s pretty
crazy wait is there
some brazilian
jungle rat or something or it’s some
crazy rat i don’t know
where it was but this is rat
running after
these cats and
one time bites this one cat
and it’s stuck to him and the cats running trying to
shake the rat off
this rat doesn’t give a fuck
these cats are so confused
well i mean they’re domesticated
house cats they’re not
fighting giant mega
monster rats
that have been mutated by ooze
and you realize
when you see that how high rats can jump
they jump up to bite
those motherfuckers jump high
they’re like
an athletic animal yeah they’re pretty lowked man
we’re lucky rats are little
rats are big we be
we really be fuck man i killed a rat once
in my garage and i left it there because i was lazy
so i lived in encino
and it was a big fucking rat
cause i used to
leave the garbage back there and i
would hear like these
in my garage like clank
clank clank
i hear these loud ass
noises and i opened up my garage
i opened up the door and i hit the
light switch
and this fucking rat
moved across my garbage and it was like
like attack size like it
could attack me
like this is a big dangerous threatening animal
i was looking at this like holy fuck that’s a big rat
that’s called a possum
it was like it was big dude it was a rat
it was but it
was big man it was like half the size of a cat how do
you know it was a rat
cause i killed it
so set up a trap
got him got a rat trap set it up there
and i came back and he was fucking
big man like big and fat
and fucking i’m like this is eating my all my garbage i
would have put that on joe
rogan dot net if i were you
i fucked up this is before i even had joe rogan
the trap was in his ass
if i had acted back then i would
own joe rogan dot com
but i was sleeping
that motherfucker
that to me is one of my
greatest losses
he’s a real estate
guy very nice guy from
boise idaho
he wanted a
shitload of
money for he wanted like 80
grand something
crazy i was like what
i’m like i can’t give you that much
money man i have not
net they can find it you know now with google if you
want to find my website you can find it it’s not that
hard yeah i can’t give you that much for fucking calm
crazy asshole
i know yeah
you’re joe rogan give me some money
there’s another guy that has an
issue with that tom green why
tom because there’s another dude named tom
green you’re on there tomorrow by the way
right oh yeah yeah i’m doing tom green
i don’t know it’s good question
tom green’s
podcast tomorrow
tonight’s mod castle
i guess kevin
smith has some sort of a
whole podcast
like a studio setup
oh yeah just to do podcasts yeah
podcast you’re fucking taking off they are
and they are how
about mayhem and the a ham a podcast mayhem
if you want to do it man we can we
could set it up we
could do it at
brian’s place
you can come to my
house you can’t rape him no man no rape promise
who eric you
my promise not
to rape me chris over here
can’t his game
his name is fucking eric bro that’s today
used to be chris
which is for the record
he changed his name
brian first
but then chris
after he met you
and then eric
after today
yeah i always
i always can’t remember your name
yep because so your red band i can’t call
you i get a nickname on my head for somebody you think
eric i know you don’t your red band whatever
you’re just trying to
play with my emotions
dude you’re like that fucking laugh
this whole attitude you have towards life this
i’m not scared to be around mountain lions and
sharks why would you be
man whatever
i’m not saying look i’m not saying you’re
wrong i’m not saying you’re wrong i
think everybody’s scared to be around
i think you only
think about it more though
maybe yeah you’re constantly thinking i am too
too aware i just feel like i’ll deal with that when
when it comes up like i’m like ah
like right now i’m gonna live my life
and then i see a fucking mountain lion
right while i’m mountain biking
which makes
sense because they both have mountain in them
i would fucking deal with it then
it’s a very
weird thing when you lock eyes with a big predator
like a mountain lion in the wild
you know i only locked
eyes with the
one that i saw i only locked eyes with it for a couple
seconds but
that’s a very
weird moment when you saw it with your dog don’t
have a giant dog
yeah my giant dog was inside
here’s my little dog that was outside that got jacked
my giant dog it
stole it from you
yeah my no no
no my mastiff
was injured
so he had injured his paw
so i left him in the house
yeah didn’t want him running around up in the mountains
yeah they would run all over the
place up there just kidding
you know they’d get a pack there’s
three of them together and they
would have a good time just go run and play
and that kept animals away
but i have a bulldog and he’s lazy
and then this little dog
which was a chihuahua
excuse me pomeranian
american eskimo mix
and that was the one that
got jacked because he was out there wandering around
basically by himself he’s only 20
pounds and he
doesn’t have his 140
pound buddy
to look over his
shoulders and he
doesn’t have the bulldog because the bulldog
would go with them if the two of them were
going even though he’s lazy he
would go with them
there was a lot of action
there there was a pack that keep them animals away
but something had been
stalking my
house for a while
because the dogs
would just go
crazy they’d be on the porch just
start barking at the top of
their lungs
and you’d hear
things like snapping in the distance in
the dark strip
do i have to
worry about i probably don’t but i’m pretty
pretty much
i’m pretty sure i don’t have to but i was you crows
crows don’t
like kill dogs
right did you not see the movie
well i’m not talking
about for hitchcock brandon
crows are ruthless
crows are ruthless
right there’s
kill your dog there’s
this like i
think they can there’s
this guy and this girl crow they just sit out and like
make these clicking noise like
like the whole time
and then and then my dog will come out there
and just be like looking up at it and then once in a
while the crow just swoops down
doesn’t like attack it or anything
but it’s kind of like he’s just like
like about to
do it yeah you see in
the beginning
i left a steak outside
it was partially thawed
and not totally thawed out and i was
gonna barbecue so i left a
steak outside for
ten minutes
i came back there was two crows on it just
jacking the steak
just pulling out
chunks of the meat and squawking
and i chased
the dog chris
yo dude fuck yeah you have to
worry you can’t like
leave your dog outside if that’s what you mean dude in
japan they have
dogs for three
pounds and she’s a whore
three pounds
she’s a three
pound whore how
come out my dog’s fucking the crows yeah the corrosive
gang banging your dog
you get over you missed the
story vixen
he brought his dog to
a party where a
bunch of people had dogs
and they all took turns just gang banging his dog
someone at the same time all the dog good
ten dogs like a
giant pylon
what a slut yeah
man i love her twixie
sweet twixy
my hot dog dog is gay for sure does he
really oh yeah he had like a little tiny like dog a two
pound dog like that yeah
talking about
and he was like
not interested but like he had this little
like like titan
athletic muscular
little dude dog and he was just like all over it
front banging them
front headlock banging
them like really yeah i was like what are you all right
like wow you’re into dudes huh
stop i guess i figured
if i was just running around with just like a collar on
i would be you know whatever
the line is blurred
at that point
the line is blurry like
you’re running around the
color you’re a wild animal you
know whatever
if the females in heat then it becomes very
clear yeah that’s what i mean he was
sniffing at the coochie to
like quite a bit he’s like
my pit bull
was um he was
in agony one
night like in serious serious agony
where i thought he said something
wrong with him
like he’s got cancer or something this is crazy
he was like whining and
yiping and i’d come near him like what’s up buddy okay
and i’m like whoa this is
crazy my dog’s fucked up like he’d go down the
stairs and he’d be like limping as he was
going down the stairs
you took them off i feel real sad i’m like
my dog’s gonna die something’s wrong with my dog
i gotta get him to the
vet this is horrible he’s like whimpering
so i take him to the vet
he the vet looks me
he starts checking on my dog’s balls yeah
checking out his deck
and he’s like you see this is this
right here see how inflamed this is
okay there’s a dog in your neighborhood that’s in heat
that’s what’s
going on mike whoa
really he’s in agony
from his heart on
his dick was
so swollen it was so like like the glands
like here’s the balls and then there’s these
weird glands by the side
of the dick that are just like my dog has that sometime
yeah what is your dog fixed
no no my dog isn’t either and they
drink it big
that’s what i just said i said
he shouldn’t do anything
off they can’t
do anything you can if you want to jerk your dog off
but then red rocket how many times you
gonna do that in a row you know
like if i had to do it
every i don’t know couple weeks i
guess i could you could
do that yeah
mean he’s a good friend my friend
my friend demetrius
to jerk off his dog
yeah i’m gonna answer the
phones right there
same person disrespectful fucks
they don’t know we’re on the podcast
right shit man this tell you know what it tells me
it tells me they’re not
watching they’re not friend they’re not first hurt
my feeling same person keeps calling man they don’t
you on twitter what the fuck
it’s probably
it’s over folks
with that ring
comes the end
that is the end of the show
there’s no reason to keep going no
it’s 8 30 8 30 p m it is late oh man
fuck whatever son
mayhem miller you are you’re always
one of the most fascinating people to talk to thanks
for always a fun day to be around you mayhem by the way
writes a really
great article
fight magazine he’s one of my favorite writers
now i’m not bullshitting not just as a fighter
and i told him
very early on i’m like dude you’ve got real
talent and i really hope you write a book someday
because i think you could write some
crazy hunter s thompson shit his writing is really good
thanks man i mean it’s the latest
one you appreciate cause i’m in rio de janeiro oh
yeah and you’re writing
about your experiences
cause you were there for a couple weeks right
yeah yeah so i was out there for a while so i like
did everything
well what tell me about that real
quick before we take off i don’t know because
what what is real like man man is it
scary is it
scary read the article it’s
kinda read the article
give us a little taste
to it man i see the article
i’m here right now that’s like give me a little bit
that’s like a whole new
i don’t know it’s
crazy it was like
the next level i don’t know is i always had my
preconceived notion
right about
brazil due to
movies and due to
you know whatever the hell’s
going on right
and you know like my friends my brazilian friends the
fighters what they tell me about it
i have a new
found respect for for that city and i understand
my brazilian friends a little bit more now really yeah
so the article really
i could just see why they think that
everything it like
they have such passion for their
for their country because
everybody there has a lot of passion
like it’s like that like
it’s a passionate
place like people love to do stuff like
people are good at
things and like
they really love it and it’s
the stuff that’s
dirty is supposed to be
dirty like it’s kind of dirty
of course but it’s supposed to be
dirty what do you mean like
you say dirty
but in a bad way
that sounds bad but it’s like
the streets are
dirty everybody
drives with
a vengeance like
they drive crazy yeah
drive crazy but it seems
skillful i saw less
car wrecks there than i ever saw here
in la well it’s all what you get used to you know i
get used to that sort of
hyper driving like yeah
everybody’s used
to it it’s like
exactly everybody just
drives through
i don’t know man there’s so much stuff
fight magazine
well we’ll have it man for
december you
gotta check it out to
check out the
article did you see anything
crazy while you were there any violence anything
nutty i mean i saw
and the favelas
we went to the
favelas we went to a couple times to like really
yeah the ghetto
like yeah we went to the favelas and i you know i write
about that in this
article too man
about going there and people are like
collecting rainwater in
these drums
you know to
drink yeah to
drink they’re poor
and and they have like their
uh tapping into the
telephone poles to get electricity
yeah and like the streets are all
jagged and people own that area you know like
the drug dealers own the favelas and
stuff but they
have the boppies coming in like
which are the brazilian like
kick ass police
force they’re like the police station
you know i was
right there in the middle of the thing and
everyone’s running out like
the you can
it feels like a military presence instead of like
army the ones that they have
taken over and
been nice again well yeah it’s
crazy yeah there’s a big article
i think it was in cnn
this morning
about that but there’s tanks moving back in yeah
right now it’s like yeah a little bit of like some i i
marcelo alonzo this
journalist that i was out there with he kind of
told me you know he kind of told me that
it’s dying down
right now but there’s like a lot of guys
the drug dealers doing
crazy terrorist
stuff right now in rio
it sucks that
that’s happening
right now but when i was
i was in sao paulo in 2003
and a friend of mine went back in
2008 i believe it was and he was arrested for they
were so many
there was so
much violence between the police and the drug dealers
that they were closing down streets and highways
and they were driving to a chewhouse
korea with some business clients
and everybody
was pulled out of the car at gunpoint they had
fucking you know they wanted to make sure they weren’t
they were in a nice car and they didn’t know who
these people were and they wanted to make sure they
weren’t drug dealers
yeah they were just pulling people out and
sticking guns in
their faces yeah of course
said it was pretty fucking
scary because
they were killing police officers families
they would go to
their family and just kill everyone
really yeah
they were doing it for a
while man they were declaring war
on the police
officers it was pretty it was pretty looked out
no way yeah yeah
yeah brazil
you know and the
crazy thing
about brazil is
you know brazil’s
a beautiful insane like tropical jungle country
and the favelas
where all like the
chaos is taking
place is above
the regular city i know yeah rio
which is like the main cities in the bottom yeah
and then where the beautiful view is
yeah that’s all the project
they have the richest most
beautiful view like in the
world yeah you know
and they’re living in like cardboard
houses and shit yeah no they put that
stuff together on
their own like it’s like
crazy yeah but you know i mean
i can i can understand
why people love the country you know i
mean like i can
understand why it’s
definitely a passion filled country man yeah
that’s what i mean
that’s great man i don’t know i had a
great experience out there like i
it was just
their economy
is booming right now yeah
exactly they have so much
going on right now and they
found they also
found oil off the
coast of brazil so like there’s a lot of
money in brazil
right now their economy is not fucked
up like ours is it’s moving in a better direction
they’re talking
about doing a
ufc there eventually that
would be fascinating
but you know you talk to like
vinnie magales yeah
yeah sure he was talking about
the on the underground he was talking about
doing a ufc in rio
and he post i
think was him who posted some link of some
no somebody
else post the link of the formula one drivers
formula one drivers
were in some
sal paulo and they got fucking shot at in their
armored car i think
someone was trying to carjack them they’re in
armored cars
what yeah they’re trying to kidnap them damn
yeah kidnap
them or just rob them rob them at gunpoint
hoping they get some
watches or something
crazy yeah a
buddy of mine was there
and he was with a friend of his that was
doing something he had like a pocket full of
money and he had it
in his in his lap
and he was like
looking through it and trying to fish through it
and as he was doing this a guy came up in a motorcycle
looked at his gun
or looked at
his money pulled out a gun tapped on the windshield
you know told the guy to pull over
and they just robbed him
they robbed everybody
stuck a gun in their face
and just took everyone he said the guy
would just drive around
looking in people’s cars to see if they had nice
watches or what they had that looked cool and they
would just steal it
man yeah you
might be in the
wrong place the
wrong time son
that’s me bro the
voice of doom
dude i’m here
to tell you
you’re the most
bumbling me out
guy on earth
right now like
joe rogan is scared of the
world it’s not
i’m just aware
i’m not scared yeah
just pay them away
don’t get jacked but you
know as a person who’s constantly thinking
about shit i always have to be
aware of all the variables
you know you
think way too much bro you
think so i think you’d
think a lot you
think so too
i think you
think deep into some
things you don’t need to
think that deep it can’t help it though
it’s probably a sickness
it’s a sickness that manifests itself as
an excellent career
you know sickness of constantly thinking
about shit and
breaking things down to the finest minutia
that’s true
isn’t that ocd
though or something something probably that
that’s awesome
makes the hard
thing with me is just finding
the right things to
break down things that are productive
to tune my my energy to because you could
easily get that
i’m saying and that’s what makes
you like in
their online arguments or
video games or
you can get lost in a
bunch of like yeah unhealthy channels
hopefully you got some like good
stuff though that you ocd
about like butthole
tidiness and like
trimming and
stuff like that
you the show was
gonna end and it was
gonna be fine
right there
and you had a come in brian
no man he wants to talk
about your butthole
he’s all about bottles i told you one million
one million one million dollars
and no less
and i don’t need that million
bucks i’ll tell you that
right now i
would like it
i like it but if i don’t get it i’ll be okay
god damn it
jason might have mama
that was good
time yeah it was always a good time with you my friend
mayhem miller at twitter
i’m so how to
calm okay cool
i got another coconut
juice for you fellow yeah
brian’s twitter is red band we want to
thank the flashlight for
sponsoring the podcast
and again if you
would like to feel what it feels like to masturbate
into one of those
fine sweet bitches
all you have to do is go to joe rogan dot net and
click that flashlight
link and you get fifteen percent off when you
put in the code name what is it
rogan rogan
very simple
the tickets for the new year’s eve show
at mandalay bay will go up very shortly we
should have all that done within a couple of days
and as soon as i get it done i’ll let you guys know
and we might be doing one more podcast this week we’re
gonna try to get ralphie
may in here on wednesday
oh i just love
ralphie may he’s awesome
if ralphie’s got the time off we
gotta talk to him
all right bitches i love you and
i’ll see you soon somewhere
maybe not even see you but i’ll be there
and you’ll be there too and
let’s pretend we’re all in the same place
what is this iced tea
is this i see saying suck my dick no yeah dude
sounds like it
this sounds like
a black guy but
not to black yeah he’s not like africa black
you know he’s not like
check congo black
like saying
it he’s like skin it he
might even rock
an afro just to try to accentuate his more
african side
yeah but he has
braids yeah summer
yeah because if he had a shaved head you
might think he was an
arrow or something
right yeah maybe yeah
light skinning
probably like a yellow
maybe even got a little bit of like
white features
which is why he’s got such an extra
aggressive attitude
yeah i was trying to like
accentuate myself up
let you know
you know you’re
racist here here
that’s not racist brothers
i see i break it all down
i know him all
right folks
most likely
we’ll be back on wednesday i’m doing the tom
green thing tomorrow
i don’t have any details that’s tom
green’s thing
you could follow him on twitter i
think it’s tom
green live and
that’s it bitches i love you and i’ll see you next week
or sometime soon
or wednesday