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Podcast
Description
Joe sits down with Bryan Callen.
Transcript
he’s just a bad motherfucker
george is just a bad
motherfucker that’s what makes him so good
smart smart
oh shit old school brian yeah
cursing like a sailor at reset
it must have been a half moon could you get me
at lunch pitch a penny
show i was living like the class
clown pulling all the hoes making all the jokes man
when you young it’s hard to see and it’s long for
no i was still shooting blanks
i was stealing candy out the corner market
until i got my ass wet cause i was 10 years old
doing dumb shit
powerful
we gotta have some sort of a clean cut off point brian
we should program that into the beginning of the
first song or first
part of the podcast
i got clean cut off with no music
cause we could probably get
trouble for using people’s music
well that was ice cube doing dumb shit you
could be bought on the itunes that’s
where i got it it’s awesome it’s brian kellen
brian kellen ladies and gentlemen
fresh from thailand
ladies and gentlemen
fresh from i wish i played the
trumpet by the way i just was thinking about that
i should have taken an instrument
our podcast is always a sponsored by the
flashlight and if you go to joe rogan
net there’s a link you click on it
and if you enter in the code rogan you can
masturbate at a discount get 15
off that’s fucking awesome you ever
blast one into one of these things uh
that’s a sin
anyway ryan
playing it clean now that he’s doing films
major films just gotta watch the image
it’s funny when you do
major films for those of you guys don’t know i
think i just came back from thailand
doing a hangover too a little movie
but but it’s funny because when you
and we talked about this man
like you’d finally do the
big film you know you’re doing this big film and stuff
and and you know it
like your whole like
your desire
is to do something that you’ve always
watched so you want to be the guy with the
sweaty shirt with the gun
tears coming down your face on a railroad
track with the wind blowing your hair back
and it’s the
final confrontation when you have the
shootout that scene
that scene in your fantasy takes six days
cause they’re
shooting a half a page a day
that’s what acting
in a film is you’re just sitting around while they
spray your shirt
well is the
sweat isn’t really working it’s
not the same as the shot before we got to change your
shirt give us a
minute that
light’s not working we got
can you stand to the left a little bit brunt
that’s what that’s what doing a big film is really
about it’s fun though because you end up
hanging out
with some fun people on this you can’t really complain
about doing big
movies dude people don’t want to hear that shit sorry
erased it’s an
erasing over too and it sucks
it didn’t suck i had a
great time what’s the best gig in hollywood do you
think it’s a tv show well
the best gig
for like as far as like comfort life comfort
that’s what they
said i think there’s no question
that it’s a sitcom because you work ten minutes a week
and and you make a fortune see for me
doing a sitcom
is cake because then
i can go do
stand up on the weekends and make
tv money doing that yeah yeah
i mean the best gig in hollywood the best
gig in the show business is either being a rock star
or being a stand up comic
and i’m not sure what beats what
but you know there’s nothing like doing
stand up rock stars can
break up the problem is they have to rely on a
bunch of other dudes that’s exactly
right and i
think also you know when you’re like a
major rock star you’ve been singing the same song
for 30 years that’s
gotta get a little
tiring it’s
gotta be a weird
cause it’s totally reverse of comedians
cause with rock stars nobody ever wants to hear
their new shit
nobody wants to hear the new rolling
stone songs
no they don’t
stop do that
start me up song yeah
but with comedy
would comedy
people don’t want to hear old shit they want to hear
some new shit
what’s some new
shit it’s a
magic trick
because it’s like you got to surprise them that’s why
people have
to constantly
to be coming up with new material but isn’t that a
funny thing
it’s like the rock stars get pigeonholed into doing
all their best old creations and we
right we have to that’s why
david lee roth
when they fired him from van halen
he goes all i know is
sammy hager’s
gotta sing jump for the next 20 years
jump that’s
the problem with rock stars man i’m not saying that it
wouldn’t be
awesome to be a rock star but you have to find a
group of people who
agree to hang out and be cool with each
other in the mid
midst of like the biggest ego explosion in
humanity’s history
rockstar you
get it that’s the big that’s the top of the food chain
that’s the top of
the vagina food chain
yeah there’s no
doubt fuck yeah it is are you kidding me
it’s not to me it’s not
john mayer rock
paper scissors
over everyone you’ve ever met in your fucking life
he’s a rockstar with that
huge head yeah
it doesn’t matter
doesn’t matter
he’s got that he’s got
steve jobs rockstar
everyone knows he’s banging everybody and it
doesn’t matter it’s not even
slowing him down he’s the
alpha male he’s a
fucking savage
why cause he’s a rockstar son
he’s singing songs that make them
emotionally satisfied
he’s making them orgasm emotionally saying all the
right shit with the
right tone the
right amount of
sensitivity it’s
amazing what guys will do to get
chicks my man’s a player of epic proportions
truly respect
dude oh he shows up in a
black he shows up in a
black tight tank top what
he’s the only i can get away with that how is he a
black skin top
tank top what
jump in i’d get
punched in the face
but john mayer plays guitar and girls swoon
is just slinging dick and giving out bubble gum
have you seen him do comedy
it’s also about six four i
think too i hate
that guy handsome
brian have you
seen him do comedy
he’s done comedy at the comedy
store i’ve heard he’s done comedy as well
yeah i can’t
some guys look there’s a pecking
order you know i’m the best
silverback that’s all there is to
i’m in the trees
throwing fruit
while he’s taking all my girls
speaking of
which all i
could think of
when i saw this
video was you
the have you seen
those videos of the harpy eagles
in venezuela
yes i have holy
shit the ones that take goats yeah
and that let them
drop forever
no the harpy
eagles do that but the big
thing they do is get
monkeys and
monkeys and
sloths from
venezuela they don’t
basically fucking kill anything
they’re huge
they’re the biggest
eagle yeah the biggest
eagle they’re
enormous and
there’s a documentary on youtube it
is the shit and i’ve thought of you immediately because
you and i are both retards when it comes to animals
i have never had
more dude have you
heard about
these fucking lions
we never had
these conversations with anybody more than with you
because you and i just sync up
and we both kick it to the next
level of retard
i can’t get enough i can’t get enough oh my god
because that you remember the conversation we had
about those lions the
super lions in africa
that eat the
water buffalo yeah
the giant lions yes you know that
i’m talking
about brian
kevin and i were in like retard fever
pitch right
well they used
to always thinker than males
the females are bigger than males they’re
giant muscled lions
we were both like holy fuck this is fucking insane
you just get so worked up
about it that’s why i got so obsessed with
those chimps
those huge 400
pound chimps
those lion eater
chimps they found
leopard meat in
their feces
what oh and by the way they howl
apparently and they fish with
their own bare hands
and they are all gray
yeah you know that they’re big no
i did not see
gray chimps the
older ones they’re gray
look listen
just like in that
movie congo
yeah and let me explain something to you
when you buy
a chimp if anybody wants to buy a chimp i don’t
wanna call here’s the problem
you don’t want something with
seven times the
upper body strength of a
grown man with a
three year old’s
brain that’s prone to rage
because they go for the face
and the genitals fucking
christ yeah that’s what they do
the guy at the san
diego zoo goes
no chimp says
solve everything with violence they go for the face
and the genitals
cause they don’t want you to breed so
they’re pretty vindictive
that’s great
they really are like
a 500 pound man
right that’s what they say a
chimp would
be a well let
me give you an example
they took 140
pound female in the bronx
zoo a long time ago
140 pounds okay
now male chimps get up to about 200
pounds this is
140 pound female
adolescent they
taught her that the
more she pulled with one hand they strapped her to a
chair the more she pulled with one hand
she had the
sweeter the
fruit they give her
an apple and give her a mango
she pulled 1200
pounds with one hand she rode
1200 pounds with one hand now think
about that for a
second dudes who
are who are doing the
upright row with
350 they’re
crazy they’re
monsters they’re huge
1200 pounds
her tensile strength
they did a tensile strength
thing where they
chest your grip
so the 160 pound man has
a hundred and
ok what was it
it was like 300 pounds or
actually 200
pounds of tensile strength
she had twelve hundred
pounds of pencil
strength as well she
could squeeze
you know a ball
i don’t know we are so fucking weak we’re
pussies we’re such i was fleshy
i was shitty
pussies i spent
three weeks in indonesia rehabilitating orangutans okay
i was around
i’m sorry it’s pronounced orangutan
dude you’re a fucking
scientist i’m really
smart you guys holy shit that
means person of the forest in
indonesian you guys
learn a lot this is
about education
too it’s all
about the education yo
yeah but meanwhile the
community is strong
that’s insane man
it’s crazy back to bangkok
and that’s a hundred forty
pound female
uh correct so a two hundred
pound male well how about
four hundred
pound fucking
chart yeah how
about a four hundred
pound male the the huge one
that’s why they
call him lion killers correct they did the
most recent expeditions actually caught one eating a
leopard they
don’t know if it killed it
but they observed them eating
it and they’re very elusive man they’ve actually never
i guess they’ve only seen like a couple in the
wild yeah they’ve only seen a few in the wild and they
sleep on the
ground they nest on the ground just like gorillas who
wouldn’t they don’t give
a fuck exactly
good luck everybody
it’s crazy cause it’s only a very very
small part of the congo
and that part is all
filled with civil war
right now it’s very dangerous so it’s really hard to
explore these guys
and to get to em
you gotta go straight through rainforest on foot
like that’s the only way to
get to em yeah
impenetrable it’s insane
and once you’re in there man
dude good fucking luck
good luck with poisonous
spiders snakes
and insects that
will eat you out from the ear out they will
climb into your ears and eat your fucking brains
millions of them
streams of ass
they take down elephants man yeah
they did have you
heard of those
spiders that
are like that big that are over in like a rack
right now that
you like camel spider yeah
we fed people
those on fear factor that’s
fucked up where it like
none they eat those
they eat them live no yes they did yeah
if it numbs you
i would never be on that show
you gotta grab em the
right way it’s amazing what people do for like
fame i’ll eat
a camel spider and get stung in my face yeah
pretty ridiculous
yeah getting stung on the roof of my
mouth can’t
there was a lot of shit we did with bugs it was
ridiculous scorpions
we made people lie in a
thing as scorpions just get jacked by scorpions
they got tongue and
stuff yeah oh
yeah those big
black ones that look
really scary yeah yeah
those apparently are not as dangerous
the really dangerous ones are the
small brown ones
right some of the
small brown ones
but the big
black ones it’s like a bee sting what were
those fluorescent ones they were like
green caterpillars
that just burst
every time somebody
would chew on them
like there was huge oh
tomato hornworms
yeah those things are
crazy fluorescent
green it was
so if you’re in the wild
if you’re in the wild is there any bug you can’t eat
i’m sure there’s a lot of them
when when bugs are really
bright bright and
colorful you don’t
most of the time that’s a big warning yeah
it’s a big warning that there’s some poison in this
motherfucker
like you know
look at this
bitch bit back the fuck up you don’t
you eat me it’s both of us
yeah suicide bombers
you eat them and that’s really what it is it’s to
discourage predation nature’s pornstar
you don’t want to eat
caterpillars
apparently those are
those really
well that’s
really they’re really bright and pretty
yeah or hornets
caterpillars
all those fucking
things we’re just so
lucky they’re small fuck
would you imagine if hornets were
giant like a horse
if a hornet was the size of a fucking horse
dude we would have
never evolved to this
point because hornets
would just come down and just jack
you bite your fucking head off and eat your body yeah
they would just do that they
would just do that and there
would be nothing you can do
about it we
would never
develop to the
point where
those animals
existed unless we
learned how to ride them
no we would just be
fine as fuck
if it wasn’t
for that goddamn asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs
we would never have gotten to this position
we had to start from scratch
and then have
a new race with the mammals to
try to get to the top of the food chain
if there was
giant flying fucking hornets the size of
horses we would have
never made it this far
i don’t know you’d have to go walk around with a
flamethrower i don’t know if that would work
i don’t know if that works on a regular hornet
those things are no joke yeah man
they would find you if they fond
you like in
a big fucking
swarm of them
found you found out
where the people are
you ever watch that
video there’s
these gigantic hornets
and they’re
japanese japanese i know
about you want to
go to that please let’s go watch
it 50 times fucking you
mean the six
japanese yellow hornets they’re the biggest
member of the hornet family
that came in and killed
thirty thousand bees in a period of three
hours that we
that video heads off
ladies and gentlemen
thirty thousand bees
it would would be the youtube
search for that japanese hornets
just go to kill be i
go to go to go to hornets
versus bees
hornets versus bees
you gotta see this
and imagine
if they were big
and by the way
these things they have
close up on this
thing and you watch
these bees doing whatever they can and the only time
this is what’s so creepy
those japanese
hornets what they’ll do is they’ll send a scout out
and when the
scout sees the hive
it drops like a hormone like a scent
trail on the hive and then goes flying back to its nest
and then and then
the troops come out
and they come out and then they just they just eat
all the bees
now what they do but sometimes what the bees
get they get lucky
and what they’ll do sometimes
is they will actually
when they get when
the hornet’s walking around like it’s doing right now
sometimes the bees will jump on it
and they can’t sting it because
its armor is too thick
what they do is they
start flapping
their wings around it
and they create
so much heat around the hornet that the hornet dies
because it’s
too hot and that’s the only time if you can kill the
scout before he goes back
your your your colony will survive if you don’t
then you’re all dead holy shit
yeah look at how
big it is look
at how big it is you have to see this it looks like a
spaceship and just
wrap your head around what the fuck’s
going on we i
think we discount the insane
complexity of the insect
world because they’re so little
that’s right but if they were big
what a fucking trip
this would be they’re so incredibly organized it’s
ridiculous we’re so
lucky they’re little
i mean it could have easily
turned out that
these things were birds
you know giant birds well
did pterodactyls and things yeah
the dinosaurs were
essentially the birds are
their closest relatives they said so
there’s an interesting theory that i read recently
about dinosaurs
that they believe that the size of dinosaurs
is so ineffective
given our current
atmosphere that they
think that it’s
possibly evidence that there was a different
atmosphere on earth
when a different
density to the
atmosphere on
earth well i imagine they were cold
blooded so it’d probably have to be warmer than it was
right you know
like crocodiles
i mean if you you see that documentary called
here be dragons
where you got
those crocs that actually bite
wildebeest around the midsection and take them
in fucking good
video when the wildebeest
walks up to the pond they’re
drinking and it just explodes
loads out of the pond that’s
right and that’s
i don’t know
like thousands of
pounds but that is that’s a dinosaur
that’s as close to a dinosaur as you get
it’s incredible that that thing is
still alive
they keep living
and by the way they keep growing
there’s this condition with a reptile like that
where they will just keep growing
the more they
eat the bigger they get
where they eat cows
yeah and there’s
a certain sinister quality to the crocodile
that makes it look more sinister than an alligator
like even you know
it’s called a longer
sharper snout
and you know alligators have that
round kind of
round or snout and
they tend to eat fish and
smaller animals tend to but they fucking eat people in
around here too
there was a
guy got killed who was on
running from the cops
he crashed his cars like a dui in florida really
running from the cops
jumps out of his car jumps into the water
just as he jumps into
the wall of the alligator grabs him and fucks him up
right in front of the cops
is that true yeah
i was in i was in
marco island doing
standup and there’s an area in
marco island off of naples that has the biggest
saltwater crocodile
reserve american crocodiles
and there are signs all over don’t go
swimming do not get out of your boat
don’t be careful when you’re fishing all that stuff
if there are crocodiles anywhere in the area
i’m not going fishing no
no no we’re not
going hiking
well all you have to do is tap them in the
snout and they’re walking
fuck out of here
it’s a fucking
time that’s
the that’s the biggest lie when they only talk
about when i when a
shark attacks you hit him in the nose
they kill sea lions with
their mouths
travis like hitting the
chevy on that on the
mouth when it’s coming at you at thirty
miles an hour i’m on the hood of the on the hood
yeah they’re not
worried about
stuff that bumps
their nose please they’re
gonna fuck you up that’s just some
meanwhile there’s
that guy that rides
great whites how
about that guy that rides
great whites it’s a guy who rides great
whites from
south africa
he was snorkeling with
eight great
whites in the
water and then rode a
22 footer shut the fuck up
speaking of
which david blaine
i don’t know if i can say this because he i think it’s
gonna be part of a show but
he does a thing with
great whites that’s pretty
crazy dude you just gave it away i can’t even believe
you did that
no but it’s not it’s nothing it wasn’t
i’m not giving anything away
but he does some he showed me some pretty cool stuff
i’ll drop big names on this podcast
if i want the
whole animal
world man we so take it for
granted because we’ve
pretty much isolated ourselves from it with cities
you know that’s the
first thing that really
struck me when i was living in
colorado was how
you’re connected
to the wild
world there
you cannot remove the wild
world from colorado
like when you’re driving through town in evergreen
there’s these photos of
like elk herds that
mosey through town hundreds of elk
thousand pound
wild animals
wild cattle
basically right that’s what they’re like
and they’re moving
through the fucking forest and walking down the main
street and clogging
up traffic i mean it’s a trip i was in
ohio one time i was
swimming and
i watched these porpoises
like i could i
could hear them because they were probably 50 feet away
and they just passed me
not dolphins but those huge
purple porpoises just
and one of them service went
and breathe through it
and i just felt
so insignificant it was like a locomotive
like just a
bunch of locomotives just
gliding through it was
crazy so i called to them
no the trip
about dolphins is that they’re
so intelligent yeah and they have wars with each
other and you can see it when you’re looking at them
there’s some
weird connection
when you’re communicating with a dolphin
if you’re by
a boat and they’re jumping up and looking at you
and they’re
trying to play with you and have fun with you
one there’s like
you connecting to them somehow or another
i think what’s interesting
about the more
intelligent the animal for example chimpanzees
even certain birds but
especially dolphins
the more organized and more violent they are with each
other like dolphins will wage war on
other dolphin
pods and kill entire pods
and they didn’t know that
until they you know created this documentary on it
where they actually have they sent out
like warring parties it’s exactly like chimps if chimps
have one area of a forest and there’s another
family of chimps in another area
they’ll send males out
that will look for
other males from the
other try and kill them it’s crazy
yeah we’re not
the only ones that do war in animal kingdom not at all
not at all that’s why i’ve
always said to people man you got to be really careful
about wanting the fucking
aliens to land
mm hmm just look at the history
of what every
smart thing has done to
everything not as smart
all over earth
every single opportunity
nature has had
to express itself
the stronger
smarter things
fuck the weaker
things that’s the argument against
technology in
some ways for a lot of computer scientists when you
start creating computers that are
smarter than
we are and they
start making computers
smarter than they are which is
and then they’d
start developing what’s called will
that the question is are they
gonna have respect for
their biological heritage
yeah i mean look all over the what
the intelligent animals that we know chimpanzees eat
monkeys all
right killer
whales eat dolphins they kill and eat dolphins man
and we do whatever the fuck we want to do to
everything underneath us why
are we expecting the
aliens to be so evolved
that they’re past the
whole rule of nature
that expresses itself
over and over
again wherever we are
everything that’s intelligent
takes advantage of
everything that’s not as intelligent
absolutely it’s just the way
we’re not as
strong or not as
powerful and
human beings do it to
other human beings
yeah you know
why wouldn’t we expect the
aliens to just come down here and just fuck with us
i think it’s a will to
power i think it
exists i don’t know
i’ll be ready
brian what would you do if the
aliens landed
what would you do if it all turned out to be real
and that we have been monitored from
space by invisible aircrafts that well it depends
how they come like if they just slowly land and go like
hey i’m in the aliens
i just landed i’ll probably like hey what’s
going on you know but if they just like blow up
it’d be funny if they were really huge
they were really had to come back
hey guys what’s
going on we’re the aliens
and nothing
well what if
they got to a
point where they realized they had
to step in because we were fucking up the resources of
this world so bad
they had to reveal themselves
again it would have to be
their body language
you know if they’re like just coming up to me
going like hey we’re
gonna have to step in here
and then you guys are
too okay i’m like okay i guess
you could do it try it
again try it out go for it
i asked him
to do something about jet
travel you don’t want it to take less time it’s good
right now you know it’s only a day dude
relax everybody
let’s not fucking
start teleporting each
other halfway from here to there
thailand thailand was like
27 hours i don’t know what that was
is there like weird like just
things everywhere you went around there
yeah bangkok’s interesting because it’s like this very
very hot hot tropical city
with a lot of
pollution and a lot of people it’s just chaos
but what’s interesting and if you’re into
underage sex for 60 bucks then
you know more power to you but i’m not
into that stuff
or i am but i feel so guilty
no no but i played
you know the owner of a
strip club so we shot a lot of the scenes in
the sex district the red light district which is
really you play a new person than you were in the
yeah i mean i’m wearing a wig and
it’s very much the same
todd phillips loves that character
and i shouldn’t say much more than that but
but it was so much fun man and i
think i really think it’s
gonna be hilarious i think it’s gonna be just as fun as
it was awesome yeah i mean it was
so they just so went for it
in every aspect i think they’re gonna do the same
with this man i was so impressed with just
watching even the ending
credits were fucking fantastic god
and paul giamatti’s in it now and he’s just hilarious
what was the
deal with that chinese guy that’s not really his penis
ken yeah cgi
you should have him on the podcast by the way he’s a
great guy he
loves you but i’m actually talking
about you but
that is i’m not
gonna make a comment on that i’m not sure if that’s his
issue yeah i’m a big fan of him too and
yeah i’ve seen him talk
about it that he that really was his
penis he’s such a good guy man
is he oh he’s a
great so larry
he’s a real doctor
he was a practitioner
a practicing doctor holy shit in calabasas
or i think that’s
where it was and he’s a straight up doctor
and then started just taking acting
classes and doing
stand up and he’s just hilarious
and fearless
and he just hasn’t stopped working
and he’s so grateful for
where he’s at
it he can’t believe it
he’s like i can’t believe this but he’s fearless man he
doesn’t care
wow he’ll take his
clothes off he’s just
fucking funny
he’s funny fucking funny
so how did he how did he
break out of being
a a doctor he just was like he was
just like i don’t really like being a doctor that much
when he was acting and doing all
these movies he was
still he had a practice
wow he was still doing like you know yeah
yeah he’s his wife is a practicing doctor too holy shit
how many people are like
that they just wanted to do something else but they
fucking never went for it
they got stuck
and then turned it around that much most people man
i know and then
a guy like that who actually says i’m
gonna you know what
thanks a lot for medical
school dad i’m
gonna be an actor what
what are you talking
about you gotta practice
nah i’m gonna
check this in and i’m
gonna become a movie star
he’s good man
he is he’ll be working forever forever yeah
he’s your go to guy yeah for sure he’s
hilarious and he’s really fun to work with that’s the
other thing i’m
starting to
say the guys that work a lot like giamatti
and those guys
they’re just really good people they’re just a
blast they just
they’re just very giving
they listen to you they
react to you they just happen to be there
they’re not cynical
about it kevin
james i did his
movie zookeeper and
his whole staff like
everybody who’s working on the
movie is so friendly oh they’re
great it’s like so nice and everyone is like
really appreciative of everyone
it’s just a nice
fun working environment
and it’s like seamless because of that and it’s been
kevin’s that way
kevin’s exactly
it comes right
it all comes down from him
but it’s like it makes
things so much better
you know you
really like when you’re working with people that
appreciate what’s happening and
appreciate what they’re doing or
appreciate each other
you know it’s a fun
positive environment because it’s called perspective
that’s why reading
history instead of being late not talking
about intellectual but just getting a
sense of what came before you
and how most people throughout all of history lived
short miserable
lives because they didn’t have access to i don’t know
antibiotics vaccines
cat scans all
things that let us go beyond our bodies
running water
i mean it just goes on and on
and so you’d lose
three or you’re like lincoln lost his kid to a fever
how many famous people lost
their children
three of their children at a time to
things like diphtheria and stuff
we haven’t even heard of
and so when you have a perspective of how
lucky you are as just somebody
who’s never missed a meal for example
or doesn’t have to do anything to get what they want
just stay warm
and stay safe and have representative government
there’s nothing to complain about
nothing man
well there’s certainly something to complain
about cause it’s
gotta evolve and get better you
can’t be satisfied with the way it is that’s
completely fucked up
i wanna know what you think
about all this
crazy wikileak shit
you know it’s
a trip isn’t it yeah and the debate
here’s an interesting but before you say anything
there’s an interesting
story that came up from the new york
or rolling stone
magazine said
if the new york times had received the same information
which is basically all wikileaks did
would we be prosecuting them
that’s that’s the
fundamental question is this
you had a private
who made all this information
available and the private was in
direct violation of military
code that when you when you join the military
take an oath and and
that private could be
tried for treason because what he
did is he took sensitive information not top secret but
secret information and he let it and he just
basically deliberately
leaked it now i
agree julia
julian assange
he if it’s proven in
court and this is probably gonna be
the defense’s platform
if julian assange
just said look i was
given this information and i provided a platform
for that information not unlike
and this is exactly what the new york times did
they provide now the new york times what they did was
they actually edited out
certain names of people
that could be put into harm’s way
if it was found out they were helping
the enemy in
those countries so in
other words
if the cia has certain people we pay
to get information
as soon as their names are put out on the internet
they are they can be
their lives can be in danger
because the host country or the country that they
belong to or that they’re betraying or whatever they
would put them in jail or kill him or whatever it
might be so
that’s where the dilemma
really comes when you just dump a
bunch of information out
it can have repercussions did they send to the names of
operatives the new york times did the wikileaks did no
julian sans just took all that info and just let it out
really so he let out names of operatives in different
countries everything he even gave
social security numbers and addresses of soldiers and
stuff like that
and the problem with that is that
there’s one side of the argument that says look
there’s got to be
transparency
and if you’re an operative
if you work for the cia there’s always that risk you’re
going to be compromised okay that’s one idea
but the other issue is
we’re all for transparency i certainly am i’m for
transparency of government
that’s important you don’t want to give any
any agency in government too much
power because like any
human beings just
about natural
human issues
they just become
their own gang and they get as much power and
that’s what the brilliance of the
founding fathers was creating
all different departments
that are competing against
each other the
state department has
their agenda and they’re always trying to
undermine the department of defense
department of defense has its own problems with the
executive and that’s a beautiful
thing because it
doesn’t let anybody have too much power
but at the end of the day if you’re
gonna take just a bunch of info
and just dump it
in some ways i think it has
first of all it’s
spiteful and i’m not sure what the
point is if you want transparency that’s one thing
but if you’re
gonna be that irresponsible and put people
lives at stake who are trying to do
good work personal information and they’re trying to do
good work out there you know when i was in afghanistan
those guys most of
those soldiers i was around were
building hospitals
and schools
say what you will
about the war
say what you will
about the motives and things but
and there’s an intelligent debate to be had
about the united
states not getting involved in
other countries
affairs and we’ve
heard these
things but the
point becomes
what are you trying to
accomplish when you dump all that information out there
and what one of the repercussions
might very well be that government
agencies have a
tough time getting information
from valuable sources overseas
whether it’s
in cases of
espionage or whether it’s case of national security
a lot of people now are
gonna go i don’t want to talk to you dude
i talk to you and i
might get leaked
because you have no guarantee that you can keep
these correspondence
secret it’s one
thing to embarrass politicians
it’s one thing that vladimir putin
is called a guy who
doesn’t have as much control over his government all
right we’ll get over that
diplomatically
it’s another
thing when very valuable
sources of information for the united
states all of a
sudden are compromised and then
field operatives
who are trying to make the
world a safer
place all of a
sudden have very
tough time recruiting anybody
because nobody want people like i tell you a
secret man and my name now is all of a
sudden on you know
in the new york times no
thanks or it’s on
it’s on the web and on a website
and my and the people that i’m betraying
that’s the first
thing that’s the
first place they look and they come to my
house and kill me and my family nah
sorry find another guy i’m not i’m not working for you
so that that that becomes an issue
and there are a lot of
other issues i
think that we
haven’t really even
we’ll see what this what this means
these things take time
the ripple effect takes some time
do you think that there’s any
way that the
private the guy who leaked the information the guy who
in effect committed treason
there’s any way that you
could argue that
if he thought that there were
egregious offenses that were being
ignored and swept
under the rug that it
would actually be unpatriotic to not report them
that’s a very good question
it’s the question that was raised with the pentagon
papers it’s a question
when it’s tricky
right well sometimes
your government
is saying that we’re not bombing cambodia and you
start finding out that
we’re doing
exactly that
in violation of whatever it might be
you know this is a
whistleblower
is a whistleblower
it all depends a
whistleblower is always
gonna have to
take responsibility for the fact that there are people
in the government that he’s the betrayed that are
gonna call him
a scumbag and try to prosecute him
i do think i
think that’s a very
very good question i do
think that sometimes you’re in a position
where you are
privy to information that is either unjust illegal
but there are channels
there are also channels in our government to go through
sometimes you think to yourself the press
might be the last resort there are other legal channels
that the military provides
and it’s a good question
it’s a really good question man
i do think that you have a responsibility as a
human being when you see grave and justice
i don’t think in this case that was the case i don’t
think this private
saw anything
grossly injust in
fact do you think he’s just he just was impulsive
like what do you why do you think he did it you know
what the fuck that’s him that’s him let’s ask him
we’re drinking coconut
water ladies and gentlemen you ever had c2o coconut
water i love it
no what is that it’s a
really hard to find coconut water
i like that it’s glute there’s a
there’s amy and
bryant’s to that can be found on
why is this hard to find
i don’t know it’s just really popular
or it’s just
it’s a hundred percent natural new it’s tonics
sorry about that ladies and gentlemen
sorry we’re in the
middle of fascinating fucking conversation my goddamn
phone has to ring
but that’s a really good question whenever you know
you know an institution of
power it’s tricky
right it’s like
you know what is
this what is this nation
founded on the nation is founded on
here’s a very good question
here’s a very good question what is that if you
found it on
truth if we go back to 2003
and you had very very good information that there were
no weapons of mass destruction for example if you had
top secret information
that for example
we have no evidence whatsoever that
there are any weapons of mass destruction yet an entire
a nation is being sold a bill of goods
right let’s just take that as an example
and you knew
for sure because by the way in 2002 nobody had any idea
nobody was really saying even
on the national security council on the united nations
security council nobody was saying
stam hussein didn’t have weapons in mass destruction
they were saying
where are they
that’s what they were saying we
all assumed he had met in weapons of mass destruction
because he’d used them on the kurds in the 90s
okay poison gas not just poison gas but germ
warfare as well
so we had documented evidence and you
know and the united
states united nations corroborated this it wasn’t just
us intelligence
but we had documented
evidence that he had used and killed
a large number of
kurdish men
women and children with
these horrible weapons so in 2002
when you say when
bush was saying look
this guy has the fourth largest army in the world
he’s acted very responsibly started
three wars two with iran one with kuwait
which resulted in a million
people the dead on both sides this guy miscalculates
all the time you tell me what’s to stop him from
dropping a weapon of mass destruction
into an enemy
of ours hands
anonymously like arcade okay it was a very
that was a debate
that they talked
about in the war room
bush says you know what the
guys got weapons of mass destruction let’s make a play
let’s let’s let’s
bring it up in the
to the to the united nations and we’re
going to war if this guy
doesn’t cough them up
now let me ask you something if you’re
what what is going on
just shut up
hold ladies hold
ladies and gentlemen i hope you’re taking notes this
story cause i don’t know what i’m talking
about this story is haunted
dude do you
think coconut water is
gonna become so big that they’re just gonna like
like coconuts are gonna become rare like we’re
gonna eat all the coconuts off the planet no i don’t
cause i don’t think it’s that popular what if it
because i mean is that something that we could run out
i don’t know what happened there
folks i have my volume turned off
there’s obviously a fucking
ghost in my there’s a
ghost in the office ladies and gentlemen
the government’s letting me know
bitch i can turn up your volume anytime i want faggot
is the comedy store abortion
ghost it is but
here’s the final
point here’s the final point we’ll move on
is if you if you were in a position and you
were a field operative you were a cia guy
you were in a pentagon whatever and you knew for a fact
that there were no weapons of mass destruction or at
least there was no evidence
but to devolve
that information
would be to compromise certain
national security secrets
would you do it
my feeling would be that you
should do it my
feeling would be that if you’re
gonna stop a war from happening
cause there’s no evidence
then maybe you
should say something
dude you’re a fucking george clooney movie
right now i’m so
smart you guys
you’re a goddamn george clooney
movie i don’t have enough
hair to be george clooney that fucking you can i did
give you some shit they put some
stuff in there you know what they dust my head
bruce willis
most important thing
bruce willis
shaved his head he
doesn’t give a fuck yeah
i know dude you
could do it man this is the
movie this is the
breakout hit guys
ladies and gentlemen
you’re gonna stop it you’re
gonna stop the war
he’s the guy that talks too much he’s an alternate
world it’s an alternate
world an alternate version of our life
if you had stopped the war
if you had known
there was no weapons of mass destruction you get on tv
and you change
the world would they believe you and then it shows what
we’re really like now in two thousand ten or eleven
eleven i get used to that that’s what’s
funny is if you had all the answers you had all the
secrets and you how would
would people really listen to
think you’re an
idiot shut up
stupid right
well that’s what g they thought
about jesus man
that’s what they thought
about jesus
unless you can provide
produce miracles
right there and then even then they’re like that’s a
trick there’s something
fascinating
about this looking back to a time when someone
had it all fucking nailed we’ve always done it it’s
weird that’s not
true for the
past what is that it’s called the good old days do you
think that that is because
that there’s been a
bunch of different versions of
civilization that
things have
crashed and gotten terrible and then gotten better and
crashed and gotten terrible
they’ve always looked back
to when things were
great before it
crashed it’s almost like an
ethic it’s almost like the way we
think well you know like
they were talking about this
fundamentalist
islamic movement it’s a very new
thing in islam
and this is extreme
extremes who believe that
they always look back when muhammad
created islam and that was the golden
age and it was
where everything was perfect and
stuff like that it’s just
i think that some
maybe it’s i
think sometimes people will look
back started it what
started the the most
the most extreme movement now well
a lot of it came from what they
were a hobby sect of
islam which
was in saudi arabian continues to be in
saudi arabia
it’s a puritanical form of islam but
this is a long
debate i don’t want to say
but i mean certainly i think
one of the one of the things that caused
islamic fundamentalism was
i think i think islamic
fundamentalism like anything else is an idea
that was that was born out of the a
bunch of men who basically
felt lost and
insignificant
and needed something to make themselves feel
i guess cohesive and important
you know whenever
you look back and this is what i was trying to say
about when you look back
usually when people look back on the good old days
i think it’s a natural
reaction it’s usually
because you’re connected to something that’s trying
to revive something you’re trying to revive something
and when you look back
whenever you talk
about well back in the day with
kong you hear this with martial arts a lot
back in the day
those kung fu masters
could walk on water
they could fly through the air
i think it’s like kind of like before
things were contaminated
but when they
first came out they were pure
and throughout the ages they become
compromised and contaminated
that’s a human
thing we do instead of realizing that
things actually evolve and get better usually
we like to look at
when things
first came when they were first born
there’s a purity to it
and we got to
get back to that purity because we’ve lost our way
and i think
that’s why people look back on history and kind of say
boy back in the day
when the mailman came and the milkman came
and it was just so
great and you can walk the streets without anybody
killing you or murdering you and
it’s all a lie
it’s all horseshit in my opinion
it’s all like
looking back on the good old days when
you know things
weren’t so good
things were actually really
inconvenient and really difficult you didn’t have
things like
the internet
and access to information immediately
sure it comes with its own problems but we live
for the most part
most of us even in the past 30 years live a
much better life and i’ll give you two examples i mean
china and remember china was
and russia for that matter
and most of
those countries couldn’t they couldn’t
leave their own country
those were communist
countries with very
strong central authorities that controlled
everything you did
latin america was all military
dictatorships now they’re all
democracies so i mean
you know when people look back
on the old days i’m always like i don’t know man you
haven’t been
studying history too much because
yeah the old days can suck my dick correct
about that correct
even old car suck i remember
when i used
to whittle yeah an old car with a carburetor
that got like a
block of gallon
and always broke down
they look awesome
they drive stupid
right they just so
ridiculously dumb not to mention
they were really
really dangerous they didn’t have airbags
i mean you went
through those
airbags man
you lost your head
those brakes were bunk son
forget it those
brakes barely stopped
those cars big
stupid drum
brakes on the back
we were just driving around in
death machines
right now we have abs
brakes we got computers we got
everything it’s amazing that people survived
having those
stupid cars they
didn’t most of the time you had kids riding in the
front seat with
those lap belts jesus
fucking hey put on
your lap belt everybody
i’m in the backseat i don’t need my seatbelt
and you’re driving around this huge rectangle of metal
forget it barely
loosely connected to
stupid tires that are screeching around
every corner wait
there goes my
transmission shitty cars
they would take a turn
and you would hear
their tire squeal
yeah because
they’re barely hanging onto the road with this shitty
piece yeah and you
get in an accident all you got to run into is
steel and glass not
even not even like
not even that
crushed glass it’s just like that big shards of
glass cars today
they defy physics
you know don’t really but they feel like they do yeah
ralph nader you can
thank him for that he was the
spearhead for all that
stuff really
ralph nader that’s not
thanking that dude for shit
how about that
ralph nader was like cars are dangerous and i’m
gonna do something
about it he
a lot of people
got pissed off
by that guy when he was running for president
yeah that sort of revealed who he really is
well yeah because
he took away he took votes crucial votes away from you
know the democrats then
yeah there was
that idea and there was also the idea that well
who gives a fuck
about politics
so you think
motherfuckers
so you think that
ralph nader is the one responsible for it all
well ralph nader is
ralph nader was the guy who said you know
these cars are i
think he started a
thing called unsafe at any
speed or something and
i think that’s what it was i
might be wrong but
ralph nader
basically said look we’ve got a lot of people dying
needlessly and it’s
ridiculous getting paralyzed and
stuff because cars are not safe they’re dangerous
and there’s a way we have the
technology to make cars safer
you know that mercedes benz
invented the airbag okay
let’s hold everybody so is brodie stevens
was he over there yes he was
yes he was ladies and gentlemen brodie stevens
going crazy over there brodie stevens
going crazy
did he bring his dog
uh he did not bring his dog
he did not bring his dog
but i was gonna say that i
wanna buy a mercedes next because i found out mercedes
invented the airbag
and gave it to every other car company
gave it to them because they realized that was a
moral and ethical thing to do
so you’re gonna buy mercedes cause of that or because
you wanna go big pimpin son cause i wanna go big pimpin
would you buy like
one of those big sled
like mercedes or would you buy like the little two door
i wanna be i don’t know man that’s a good question
maybe i wanna buy
something i wish to
buy something that drives well do you give a fuck
about that or do you think that when something drives
no yeah you don’t care it’s all
about safety for me now i want to drive
yeah that’s the best the smart
safety and comfort yeah yeah
i like an suv so somebody hits me i’m not dying damn
i want a horse i think horses are sexy
talk to me about horse rider
wait a minute this is
funny horse story this horse is in my neighborhood the
other day i’m driving and i
swear to god i’m not speeding i am not even
remotely speeding i am
leisurely driving down the street
and there’s a lady in front of me with the horse
and i’m nowhere near them okay i’m 100 yards away
and the horse
starts freaking
just does it like a little freak move
like a little freak move
and the fucking lady with the horse
and her friend look at me and just start
doing this thing with their arms oh
waiting up and down
slow down slow down
and i swear to you making the horses more i’m not even
going twenty five miles an hour
i’m not i’m not even i’m
going so slow
i’m just relaxing
i’m just driving and this horse just sees a car coming
and starts bucking and these
gigantic man like arms cause the everyone and
women who are into horses they’re all the same
first of all they’re all blonde
they all have cinder block heads
and they all have these squat football player bodies
yeah and they’re fucking
stupid boots funniest
leather boots that go up to
their knees what the fuck are you doing you sure they
weren’t you sure they
weren’t going like pimps up hoes down
no thanks slow
down she was mad at
me i swear to god i was nowhere near this horse
if i had done a douchey
thing i’m a big fan of animals
if i had done a douchey
thing i would admit it but it was
ridiculous it was just me driving
and all of a sudden
hands up the
funniest funniest horror
story i just heard
a couple days ago my buddy
what had they found this
he’s fine now but they
found a benign tumor
growing out of his spinal
cord he had back
problems for
a year so he was like what’s going on
and he was a pro athlete
and they went and they go dude
you got a tumor
growing out of your spine
as since had it removed and it was a really
successful operation and
stuff by these team of really good time but anyway so
he’s all bunched up he’s like a
tumor in my
day like yeah we have to take it out it’s very delicate
procedure you
could have some paralysis
he’s dealing with all this and he
doesn’t know what to do he’s like this is terrible
so he’s driving
in marina del rey
and he’s down this
alleyway and he’s like kind of in a daze
like what am i
gonna do i gotta
this is crazy
thank god i
have health insurance but i don’t know what i’m
gonna do they
gotta cut into my spinal
cord and he’s just
completely out of it
out of nowhere
out of nowhere
as he’s like contemplating his own mortality
he just sees
and these huge eyes and nostrils
and this horse
this massive horse
runs at his car
and he screeches
on the slant he’s
going really slow anyways down and now he stops
the horse jumps over his car
breaks the windshield
but densely does
three thousand dollars
worth of damage on his new car
and then and runs over the roof
go go go go
so he just see his
crush the windshield
runs over his car runs
it was a police
horse that had gotten spooked
it got spooked by somebody who
threw a firecracker
and all of a sudden
the horse wants and he sees like 16
cops like come running around the corner and now
they’re running at him and he’s like what the fuck is
going on and they just
do you see the
horse he goes look at my fucking car
and now he’s
like trying to get them to pay for his you know his
basically his car
it is pretty fucking
crazy that they’re riding animals in
2011 it’s for
crowd control come on
why are you riding
animals of course
this isn’t lord of the rings i have
horse problems
every day because i live in a western district
and so there’s just
horses coming over my patio
like scaring my dog all the time i
mean i live in like
horse world
it’s crazy that’s a
strange thing
how do you get on the
mounted police is that
a promotion
or is that a demotion that you get made fun of by the
other guys on the
motorcycles and
for dudes it’s really uncomfortable for girls
apparently riding
horses can give you orgasms oh yeah you
line it up right
listen i had i had sex with this i had sex with this
horse girl and
in london tough lips
it was good in the
stable by the way
smell the horses and
leather and my dick
holy shit i like saying
you should smell that all together i
smell that hey
that is a perfume my dick
smells like hey inside of
leather so there
you go this
leather and my dick by
brian kelly
sounds like a fuck
sounds like a fucking cologne
listen dude
fifty cents got a
call that’s what you need
horses you smell like
you smell like
horse hey and dick horse
and dick it’s my new cologne
called horse hey dick
hope you don’t mind
sponsoring we sponsored
the joe rogan podcast that
might be the only cologne i’d be willing to wear
you wanna smell
it dick you
wanna smell like
horse hey you
would wear that
i would wear that shit
and i would
counter my natural chimpanzees
i’d spell dick with
three eyes dig
wow actually with a
with a hyphen then
at the end of it
you probably
gently touch the
tip of your
penis through your
pants i don’t know what
you’re talking
about don’t touch it
that’s my favorite you know
the question district i live in there’s
these people that have those little ponies
and it’s like and i’m just like who are
these people that buy these miniature
horses like prance around yeah these little horses
they just walk around with horses
oh they’re show ponies
apparently they’re really affectionate
those little things yeah and they’re a
great fuck what hey wait a minute hey
i’m drunk we’ve been through this before
have you ever thought
about getting one joe’s what i’m asking no i’ve loved
it if you had a little show no there’s a guy across the
street from me that’s kind of horse though
get one it’s kind of a trip
walk by his
house and there’s this
giant animal in his yard
they ride unless you ride them they’re just
gonna be there you pet them and they eat some
that’s the weird
thing they just wander around they don’t do shit
it’s like dogs i have a yard dogs are
they’re always out there
playing and chasing a squirrel or something it’s like
they look like they’re having a good time out there
but if you have a
horse they just
stand there
and look for something to
eat and just move
move a little over here you
could fuck them joe
you don’t fuck horses
didn’t you watch the video we played yesterday
horses fuck you pal you don’t fuck them yeah
you are the conversation killer my brother
the mouth can fuck you
dude there’s some good
luck could you imagine sticking your dick in a
horse have you ever felt it as soft as an ass
it feels like a baby’s butt have you ever it
would be perfect you mean the lips yeah
those those flat grass stained
teeth got a hold of your joint
snapped it off it like the base
it likes carrots just take its
teeth out oh shut the fuck up
great would
crush you just a bone
that bones might
smash you without teeth
even without teeth they would
crush you my mother got bitten by a horse okay
my mother got bit right right right in the
shoulder by a horse thing holy
she was like it was the worst thing she never
out of what for what reason horses by
if a horse doesn’t like you or a horse is fearing
scared or territorial they’ll bite you with those i got
horse teeth
yeah and fuck you up man correct
last time i was on a
horse is because i got bucked and i haven’t been on one
since and that was one of the most scariest
things ever getting fucking a horse is
freaking out and just
bucking you off flying in the you know
i grew up riding
horses i’m still scared of them
yeah fuck big giant animals that you ride
since 2011 i’m
stupid i’m just kidding i hate
horses that’s the best of
my buddy my buddy bob that bet real
tough dude i always tell you about
i said he does everything he rides bulls and
stuff like that and i’ve seen him i have
video of him riding a bull
he knocked both his
teeth out and he was like whatever
stayed on it stayed on it anyway didn’t get off
he plays he plays that poker
thing where
you play poker and a bull they let a bull out and the
last guy to get up though
he plays that he’s always the last guy up
i have video of that he’s the last guy up the
other guys don’t everybody’s like runs and he’s like
he gets up casually like
whatever like that
and i said to him once i go
i go can you ride a horse
he looks at me i guess
i’ll break a
horse bro i
break a horse
dead serious
like he was insulted i
asked him if he
could ride one
he fucking break a wild
horse i got how
would you do that he goes i fucking
ride it till it fucking listens to me that’s how i
could that’s how i do that
i was like you’re a fucking
badass well how does that work
well the horse just gives up and becomes your best now
you have to
break really work yeah you
break a horse on a line
you have it
you teach you
that a run in a circle and you have it on a line and
stuff so if they get a wild
horse they really can
break a wild
horse someone can
you could lasso a wild mustang
yeah but there’s a technique to it you have to you
know you don’t get on it at
first you you
tether it you
tether it to
like a line and you and you and you
teach it how to run you know how does it not just
stomp the fuck
out of you it does a lot of times they will
but you gotta you have a whip
and you keep them in line i mean somebody
really knows what they’re doing
you gotta whip it
the people still do that
in this day and
age you still try to tame wild
horses well you have to
break a horse
where is a wild
horse these days
where you find i
know i want to find
packs of wild horses and
hang out horses
horses are indigenous i believe originally
in the gobi desert of
nepal i mean
of mongolia
so that’s where
horses came
from that’s
where the wild
asses came from
and all that so i believe that the original
the original
horse that’s
where they were originally
from the steps of asia
so do they come
over here on boats they came over here they
think when the
i need to know whether
the bearing straight
or in fact in fact
the native americans didn’t ride
horses right
i understand it
first right
those were brought over by
spaniards by the spaniards
yeah and so
that’s how the
whole deal with the incas
the incas thought
they were gods because they were riding horses
right they thought
they were like this pretty
amazing gods
like they had
no idea what the fuck was that can you imagine you
see somebody riding a huge
horse an animal you’d
never seen you’d
be like what the fuck is that that’s why i always ride
when i ride i always ride naked
just so that they so i look like a centaur
yeah you do look like a centaur yeah
i never know
where to put my balls
i just rested on its fucking backbone went on each side
the first guy to ride a
horse must have been a
bad motherfucker that’s what i mean how
about the first guy decided you know what i’m
gonna ride a fucking bull
who dares me
who dares me
throw a no let’s go further
throw a testicle cinch on that fucking bull and tie my
wrist to it and i’m
gonna fucking
see how long i can stay on it
jesus christ
christ they tie
you gotta tie your
wrist to that fucking thing
that’s why when they fall off and they get caught
oh my god and they’re being
flopped around
like a raft and
stomp have you ever seen him get
stomped out yeah
that’s so terrifying guys
die that way
why do you have to tie yourself on
why do you have to
can you just hold on i don’t know
is that like part of the macho
thing to tie yourself
up no you gotta tie yourself up
cause that’s how you stay on the bull get
the fuck out of here
cause you can’t hold on
you know when
it’s moving like that a body of mind listen to this you
wanna hear some crazy shit
i forget what
branch of whether
it’s a rangers or what branch of the special
forces whatever you have to do
he was talking
about when he
bailed out of the system
and this is what they were
going to have
these guys do
they were gonna tie them
together they honk tie them and
throw them in the
water yeah then you die and then they
die and they
bring you back they do
it with navy seals that that’s what the seal teams do
what that’s
fine seal team 6
dude they want you to be willing to
drown and be convinced that your boy’s
gonna go in
there and dive in once the bubbles stop by the way
okay and no sooner
the bubble stop
you go in pull the guy out he’s drowned
you pump him out and rescue him and give him cpr and
bring him back to life that’s
right they did the seal team seal
teams the seal team six
apparently does that
dude wrap your
brain around that that’s what dudes and
my body was like that was it for him
he was like
you know what this is
where i’m drawing the line
i did not know you guys were
gonna go here
i’ve never known that
they were here’s what we’re doing
today no bench
press no running
you’re gonna die
and we’re gonna
bring you back
trust me fuck out of here
fuck i’ll wake up with you making out now
oh my god could you imagine what must be
going through your head when you just
dive in there hogtide and drown
it’s always that way it’s
back in the remember back
in the day they’d send you out with a lion the maasai
mara the maasai
in kenya and the bantu
they’d send you out with a
spear and go hey
guess what you’re doing you
want to be a man go kill a fucking lion with a spear
and they said the real man
would get the lion to charge him and as a lion
would charge and jump you let it fall on the spear
yeah jesus christ
what if you miss you’re fucking dead i was at the mgm
this last weekend for the
ufc and they have lions
in the middle of the casino dude there’s this big
glass room and there’s this
gigantic apex predator
and it’s got a
ball and it’s
whacking the ball
around and little kids are sitting there staring at it
going look and
pointing dude
what i was doing i remember i was doing mad tv
and i was on the set and they brought a 525
pound male lion
on a chain and
it was the lion
they had done the drawing of lion king over
and they were wondering why i
wouldn’t go near it i was up on the landing
they’re like dude it’s tame i was like
fucking shut up what are you gonna do
what are you
gonna do when it’s dna
kicks in and it looks at me like i’m a gazelle
not a fucking
thing it’s tame
what does that mean
it’s 525 pounds it’s a kitty cat
still got its instincts full intact and your food
your food it’s
one maybe two
generations removed from the fucking jungle
man what are you
gonna do make yourself hard to swallow
no are you sure that he’s
absolutely exercised
to the fullest so that he’s not a little uptight and
tense right
right maybe all this
traveling might be
freaking him
out that’s like
elephants that’s like elephants elephants kill
their handlers
their mahoots
all the time elephants
it’s really interesting when you like
cause when you’re
when you talk
about breaking an animal
they have to
break an elephant and it’s
awful they tie a
small elephant to like
stakes and they
basically beat it
i saw this thing this documentary they’ll
break an elephant’s
spirit problem is
that now you’re riding your elephant and the mahoots in
india it’s like kind of a religious
thing i think in thailand
they will bathe it
they live with it they
spend all the time they feed it they bathe it they
clean it and they get very attached to
their elephants
that an elephant one day just decides you know what
this is ridiculous
you are a parasite on my back
and i don’t fucking
feel like doing what you’re doing so i’m gonna have
and they rage
they’ll go off into a rage and when they get
their handler
they a lot of times will just keep
they’ll stomp them till he’s
jelly and pull them
apart with their tusk
they pull the arms off and shit
and you’re not doing a goddamn
thing until he’s done
making mincemeat
for real out of you
you know that’s why
no chimps no fucking elephants that’s the theme of this
wildcat to animals
elephants dogs and
cats target
humans in some parts of the
world too that’s right
especially if they’ve lost
loved ones to
poachers they come through they come through villages
yeah if they’ve lost
loved ones to poachers
they develop an attitude and they develop a hatred for
humans and they go and attack and
smash people’s
houses just
smash their
houses and pull them out they’re so big and
so powerful
doing a thing your
house is nothing they just walk
right through your
house i mean they
literally just kick down your front door
pull people out stab them to
death it’s crazy they don’t give a fuck no
it’s an elephant
it’s so strange
when you think
about africa
and the quantity
of gigantic
things that can kill you there
india too you know back in the day a lot of people
tigers tigers cobras
a lot of people
die that way in the rural areas it’s amazing
when you look at africa i
mean it’s one of the reasons why you know
african culture
if you look at
the rest of the
world all the inventions that have come out all
these different places
the most dangerous country is africa and that’s the
place with the
least amount of inventions it’s like
you don’t have time
if you’re living in africa you’re actually growing
up and developing in africa you got fucked man you got
dropped off in some place
you’re born
in an area that’s filled with monsters
yeah but aren’t they more advanced than
other monsters like
woodworkings
woodworking
and stuff like that
maybe well yeah i
mean living
their lives i mean
there was an awesome documentary on the congo
and these talked
about these fishermen that
literally from the time that they’re
young they hang off trees
and there’s a raging
river underneath them they’ve developed this
intricate system of
nets that they create themselves
they make their own rope
using twine from trees and shit like that and
they’re hanging from
these fucking trees over this raging river
and it looks like if they fall in they’re fucked
at the very
least you’re gonna get
smashed you may very well
drown i mean
this is like some serious rapids
and they’re
scooping fish
up as they do it and they’re handing the nets up
really fucking complex
and if you look at it and say well you know they’re
very sophisticated for living in this environment
because if it
was me in that environment how the fuck am i
gonna get a fish
of this raging
crazy sea i’m not
gonna figure that shit out my buddy
lived at the maasai in africa and he told me that
these dudes can tell you the difference between like a
blade of grass
and what it means and
what kind of animal pass through and why that animal
chose that plate of
grass to eat
i mean he said
they have an encyclopedic knowledge
of their environment
and it’s like anything else
human beings
adapt and they use
their minds for what is relevant
to their survival and
they’re flourishing they’re appropriate it’s a
trippy thing
these tribal guys that hire
well americans rather hire them to go on hunts
and they take them to africa like
there’s certain big game hunters
that want one of everything
they’re like oh last time i got a zebra
right you know like they’re shooting zebras
understood that i never understood that
trophy hunting it’s so strange to me very
weird yeah i don’t i don’t on one
hand you know
it can be argued that hunting actually pays to
like when you pay for a hunting tag
it pays to keep
everything healthy
because because it manages
the environment if you put
if you put if there’s a
if there’s a profit
in your environment so if you’re making money
off of hunting
it’s in everybody’s interest to preserve that
did you don’t want to kill the
goose with the golden egg
right you want to keep the goose
alive it goes towards
money goes towards
management and conservation that’s a really
tricky thing
when it comes to hunting even in america like i’ve had
i’ve talked to so many people
about hunting and they have this
crazy fucking
like almost you know disney
movie view of what
what eating meat is and what
meat where meat comes from
like man you don’t want to do that you don’t
want to take some deer’s life you want to do that like
do you understand you’re wearing
leather shoes but
first of all do you not
understand that you have to
do you understand that
unless you want
a nation filled with mountain lions
you have to kill the deer
okay cause otherwise you’re
gonna have no predators and then they’re
gonna be sick
they’re gonna starve to
death everywhere
they’re gonna be hitting them with cars they’re
gonna die miserable horrible vicious
deaths you gotta call her
yeah you have to because
otherwise they’ll just i mean it’s a natural balance
and the way we’ve set up
civilization we’re not
allowing any predators around us you know
which is a pretty
smart thing right
so because of that you know if
you’re not if you don’t have predators and you have all
these deer you have to fucking
shoot some of them
you’ve got to manage it
people they don’t
want to mention though
it’s delicious
it’s delicious
the crazy idea that you’re
not supposed to do that is it’s such a strange argument
you know are
these fucking deer
gonna live forever and cure cancer
like what are you talking
about stupid
they’re gonna die eventually anyway
by the way let’s be honest deer
are food i mean
yeah they’re food
i mean they’re beautiful yes they are
definitely beautiful i’m not saying eat all of them
but you should
shoot a few every year
there’s a reason they’re animals
they’re animals of flight because predators like them
because they’re delicious
would you punch a deer if it
wouldn’t attack you back
dude these are dangerous
deers fuck humans
never gonna
attack you back with you
why would i do that i know
why would i want to hit it i pet it
you would pet if you had a pet deer that
would get you laid
hey you guys girls want to pet my deer
every single girl on the way
oh my god that’s the cutest
deer that is
supposed to be
where you find it
do you have a way with animals
do you remember that
movie beast master yes i do the dude who was like
sculpted abs and no shirt
and he’s just the
greatest he’s just in tune with all the animals
greatest actor
of all time
greatest show of all time there i said it
do i remember the
beastmaster
i fucking lived the
beastmaster
what was his
deal how was he so in tool with the animals
well i fucking
i took his class i’ll tell you we don’t have time
right now i took his workshop dr do
you took what workshop
the beast master works you had a workshop
doctor dolittle
get me really excited
i was like i’ve got to go to this workshop
beast master
well i had those
two goddamn parents that was pretty much and two dogs
and a snake what an asshole i was
you’ve had a bunch of
crazy animals yeah
in my thirties i did
well you know what man if i
could have it
like a gigantic chimpanzee reserve
like in my backyard
i know we’ve talked
about that before
building some
very thick wall
managing it
like a zoo environment just have a huge chimpanzee
enclosure is
gonna protect me like i just
want something on my next to me all the time that just
might you know
turn you up if you
give me a hard time
how would how
would how would
gsp do against a
champ if you
muzzled if you
muzzled it couldn’t bite you with
those fucking
those mouth tusks just
crush it it would
crush your bones
they’re talking
about dude i was i was in i was in the san
diego zoo and i was
watching the mountain gorillas wrestle
they’re the best wrestlers
on the planet
so strong but they’re also
wrestlers they that they grow up
wrestling the the babies
all they do is
wrestle all
day wow and they do good moves like granby rolls
really drags
really gorillas to arm
do arm drags
great bambi
rolls i mean
guillotines it’s amazing bro it’s incredible wow
i was literally
i’m telling you i’m not kidding when i say like
ankle picks
crazy shit veins ducks
it’s at the san
diego zoo go there
and you can go right up
to the glass
and then there’s the silverback
who just sits with his back to everybody
and you just look at this 600
pounds six foot one gorilla 6'1 600
pounds no fat
ladies and gentlemen no fat on it
he’s 600 pounds 6'1
that’s two a brock
lesnar’s okay
i would love to
watch and the all he eats is broccoli
that’s all he eats is fucking
grass and yeah
grass and bamboo sheets i eat
greens isn’t that incredible
yeah that big and that strong
and it’s mostly to keep everybody the fuck away yeah
just stop let me fucking eat
oh just let me sit here
and have some fucking vegetables they were
trying to figure out how
strong a mountain
gorilla is and they couldn’t figure it out
but there was this log that took like
seven men to move because it was part of the exhibit
the mountain
gorilla had a little tantrum and flung the log
it flung it
didn’t just
throw it but flung it you know when
you fling something it means it’s really light like
don’t fling that
bottle at me
it really is a trip that they’re so
strong and all they do is eat vegetables
like what happened to the gorilla
that made it not want to just pick some animal up and
start eating it one day i don’t know that’s a
weird thing
right because they’re just
total herbivores you know
yeah pretty much
right i don’t
think they eat any meat
whatsoever chimps chimps eat a lot of meat
a lot of meat
yeah champs organized hunting parties yeah i
think we’ve talked
about this before on the show you and i have
i’m not sure if we have because it’s a subject we
discuss i never get
tired of that so i
never do either
i can go on forever talking
about chimps talk
about fucking hunting chimps all day
did i tell you went to a fake fog of the
child the other day
a fake one a fake one it’s called like samba
at universal
and folk of the child
if you’ve been there
where it’s like
all you can eat meat like
just come and bring
shou has korea they’re called
so i sat there for a half hour and the only
thing i got was a
guy with a sausage come over
so i’m getting kind of pissed i’ve told
the waitress like
four times all
right i went to picani
i went to some
kind of meat i’ve been here for 30 minutes
right so then they
come over with one
piece of meat and
slice it off and then it goes
boom boom and all
these dancers come out like
these brazilian dancers
that’s not brazilians i love that and all the meat
people run away
and you’re just sitting there
watching this show for like 10 minutes
and then you come back and then
it was the most
like obvious like we only want you to eat a teeny
piece of meat
and then we’re
gonna go over
here and i love
dancing with my
meat i love
i love a little dancing with my meat yeah i wish it
tastes better
i was at a restaurant once and they
started doing that and i just i just
was like no i don’t want to
do this i don’t like
to pull me out of my
chair i’m like no
thank you i’ll take dancers
any day over the accordion
and the guitar
and that that
that singing like
they just kind
of let you know when you’re walking in the door
you know these guys
i was in the
dominican republic
of my family by the way family vacations are the
worst but anyway
yeah but i would way rather have someone play
music than someone try to pull you out of your
chair and make
you dance yeah
that’s what this
chick was doing just like come on it
was just trying to be able to step up a damn trying to
no it was just trying to confuse you
so you don’t realize that you’re not eating meat
so that you
would get stuffed
and then you get this how do
you get stuffed
because you’re eating salad bars
okay so i wanna go
to brazil if you’ve been 30 minutes once yeah
i really love i just like brazilian
why don’t you come down for the ufc
ufc’s in august
um i’m there okay we’re going
really yeah we’re
going to brazil i’m i’m there
i’m saying that now i’m talking
about that yeah
it’s a yeah i don’t
think the card has been put in place yet
because it’s
quite a ways away you know it’s an august
i have to figure out who they’re
gonna believe
i’m pretty sure it’s locked in
coffee better in brazil
coffee yeah brazil’s not
really known for
their coffee no
no i think it’s colombia colombia
hawaii hawaii is the best coffee
brazilians own hot women right
with big asses
yes and toxoplasma that’s the place where
people are infected by that cat oh
66 of the people what
you don’t know about this oh my brother
we talked about it yesterday unfortunately but i’ll
bring it up again cause you’re gonna freak the fuck out
there is a there is a parasite called toxoplasma
and it’s a cat parasite
and it affects rats and
what it does to rats is it gets the rats and rewires
their sexual system
and has them attracted to the
smell of cat piss
so these rats
start going
where cat piss is
and like literally testy
swell the whole meal
the cats eat them
and now the cat has this parasite
and that’s how it
travels from cat to rat
and it gets to
humans and it gets to
humans if they
touch cat shit or if they touch it
when it’s in the field
and when it gets in your
system it does two
things for women
it makes them more sexually
promiscuous
and it makes them more submissive
and for men it makes them more arrogant assholes
and they even have
correlated it to
successful soccer teams
when you look at
countries because it makes you so
aggressive and so reckless
and you look at
countries that are
successful in
the world cup also
have very high rates of toxoplasma in their
population i need to get some time
i want to no you don’t
want because it slows your reaction time
out i can get to it
there was a doctor on
there’s a youtube
video i really forget the guy’s name
go over it again but it was a guy who was a
toxic plasma researcher
who used to work in an emergency room
and he found
that when they tested people food were
motorcycle accidents
disproportionate
amount of them were toxoplasma infected wow
and it made them reckless
it makes you reckless and it may even slow
your reaction time that’s
crazy it’s really strange but
it’s a you know it’s a real
brain altering
parasite that’s affected 50 million americans
i just want to see what in 30 years
when we’ve really kind of got a lot of this biochemic
chemistry down and how our
bodies react and
what kind of pills they’re
going to come up with well
are they going to be able to eradicate something
this you figure out a way to send nanobots
in there to kill all the questions yeah most likely
what the fuck
would they do how
would you kill something that becomes a
brain parasite no
i whenever people ask
these questions you know i just
think to myself people say well you know we’re
gonna we’re
gonna come up with different
things but the
there’s always
gonna be plain old
death and there’s always
gonna be these issues and new
diseases and new mutations and stuff
the body’s time is finite
you just have to accept that i mean
make use of it what you can and keep it as healthy
as possible but you must accept that it’s finite
i know i’m always working out though my
buddy who’s a writer and
doesn’t do a lot of
stuff he’s just a
kind of intellectual guy
he’s always looking at me and i’m working
out and i’m doing my dead list and i’m doing all this
stuff and he’s
like look at the little man trying to stop the clock
trying to slow the
clock down ryan
that’s true but you know what man
it does one
thing for me for sure
it makes me
like it blows stress out
and makes me see the
world it makes me feel
better i love
i think exercise i know everybody
thinks it’s a vanity
thing and a lot of it is vanity
you know there’s a lot of guys what
you know you want to look good you want to look better
you don’t want to be sexually
sexually discussed
i also talk
about like in
this part of my
stand up now i’m just talking
about how i really also think it’s
it’s genetic it’s also like you wanna
do a couple
things one you
wanna look like you
gotta guys bench
press there’s no reason to really
bench press is not kind of a useless exercise you
never really do the
bench press good
for hip escapes
yeah yeah it is but i’m just saying that
usually you’re not in a situation
where you have to hip escape
but i’ve got a hip escape at
least three days a week
but it’s good it’s just a
breeding instinct we want to
fluff our feathers so girls
see that we’ve got that
going we want to look like we can
fight the tiger man
we want to look like
we’re you know that’s
why guys fucking you know you got to look like you
yeah the bench is not really that important
no but it fluffs
you know it’s like your peacock
it’s like birds man
it’s really
funny when you see some dudes that are like
completely disproportionate
like these weird
bodies with chick
strippers like a big
chest i read it in muscle
and fitness bro
there was this one dude at the gym
had this giant chest and
giant arms okay
and then he used to wear
sweatpants okay you
never saw his legs but there’s no way they
could match his
upper body his
upper body was massive
and his neck
was like a small man’s
arm that’s a terrible thing
man you always
gotta look at the neck
you gotta look at the neck and the legs actually
first crazy wobbly
neck i was like this is the
weirdest combination of
like this guy
just decided to just
every day do the same goddamn exercises yeah
flies just packed that blew up his upper body
but there’s probably a complete
disconnect between all three
systems i bet his body works terrible
it’s probably so confused as to why it’s so
heavy on top
that’s why when you roll with a guy like that
a lot of times he’s a bodybuilder and he feels like
you can move
him so well and then you get some dude who just has
got kind of a
thick neck and kind of like a big base and just
big legs and also
he’s a tank you’re like
i can’t even move you well
what a lot of people do that are like bodybuilder
type strength guys they ignore the legs and the back
those are the most important
things for your movement absolutely
absolutely your legs and all the way up through your
upper back you know your core like your ability to stay
and keep your own position and the ability to resist
you know being pushed around
and your ability
to push off your legs that’s the most important thing
so when guys are always like doing
bench presses
and shit like you’re concentrating on the dumbest shit
concentrating on most of the
least important shit yeah i was
gonna ask you
obviously i’m a huge
ufc fan and you talk
about this a lot so i don’t want to talk
about it too much but
one thing i always notice
when i watch it with a lot of my friends we always talk
about how detailed your knowledge is about
the fight game
you know you’ve always been a
fighter and you boxed
and you did a lot of taekwondo and you did and you
wrestled and
jiu jitsu and you continue to
but how much has
your understanding of
fighting evolved do you think it’s
evolved a lot or have you always kind of had it
yeah well you just
watching the
fights it into it evolves
because you see more
things you know you see more
i don’t just
watch ufc i always
watch like k one
like i’m a big fan of k one kickboxing and muay thai
and i like watching but don’t you
think it’s just jelly
brian and the jelly
the jelly the
jelly is good too
but don’t don’t you
hate one jelly
i don’t know what you’re talking
about but don’t you
think it’s but
are you surprised that you’re
watching really
great wrestlers like maynard and
what’s his name
frank actor yeah
watching to
top flight college
collegiate wrestlers
box now it’s like becoming
it looks like it’s becoming
it’s almost like i’m
starting to see why boxing even came
about it kind of like
evolved into boxing
ultimately you know
well i don’t
think so i think what it is with
those two guys is
they’re both really good
wrestlers and it’s really hard to take each
other down so it’s almost like
and they want to
stand and bang because you know it
starts to become
like you know a
thing you know like
you know he’s
gonna meet me
in the center of the octagon and we’re just
gonna sling leather
right you know and right
you know hey if he wants to
stand with me you know
there’s a lot of that so
guys want to
knock guys out it’s the best feeling in the
world i’m sure
and guys want to
submit guys too
and i think both guys are really difficult to take down
and so when you’re really difficult to take each
other down it’s like what are we
gonna do we’re
gonna try to
take each other down and nobody
really wants
to go to the
ground anyway it’s exhausting you’d rather
you know what
i mean well the
quickest way to win i mean if you can’t
catch a submission obviously is win by
knockout and ray maynard has some
heavy heavy hands as you saw in that fight
i’ve never seen anybody hit so many times in the
first round get hurt so many times
and come back and win the next
round it was incredible incredible he dude
ray maynard is a
beast man he rocked him with a left hook and then just
started like
beating on a man i mean it was
anybody else you
seen him as high as one ninety he gets big he gets big
he’s a really
thick kid he’s very very muscular i know he’s got
those lats that go all the way down
his hips he’s one of
those guys that like when he cuts weight he really you
know he has to diet for a long time
he has to know in advance when he’s fighting
he has to diet get his body fat
real low and then
slowly dehydrate himself it’s
like they have it down to a science so when he gets in
the octagon he’s not 155 he’s probably 165 170
somewhere around that
he’s big he’s very
heavy so super
strong you know and
i couldn’t believe that
frankie edgar
fucking take
those shots man it was crazy
he’s just incredible he just kept
going man he
would not quit
it was several opportunities for him to quit
where he was just
getting bombed on that if he wanted to give it up he
could have just
given it up
he never for a minute
i’d be very
interested to see
it very interesting to see how he or manor did
against jose aldo
yeah you talking to me baby
well apparently they’re
gonna rematch
which i think
these guys gonna rematch
which i think is
gonna be fantastic
know i think when you got a
fight that’s that
close god it was so close
there’s so many arguments like you know what was the
first round was it a 10 8
round was it
some guys have said it
could have been a 10 7
you know obviously i’m not a
judge i don’t i don’t really
score the fights that way but i think
you know if
i looked at it you know you looked at it like as far as
rounds one and you know fuck it’s
close it’s real
close the big
thing is the
first round how much damage did you give
maynard in the
first round because a lot of the other
rounds are like
man there’s a few of them that were really close
just incredible that
edgar could come back like that it’s incredible
it’s great what’s
your call on the maynard adjusted really well too
cause he almost
punched himself out in the
first round and
second round
he was having a hard time
then the third
round he got
loose again
so he came right back so you know you
say it wrestling and you’ve been wrestling
since you were that
young and you’ve been
learning how to suck weight and you have to
train that hard
they’re so mentally tough
you know they’re the most
mentally tough
i went to i went
to dan gables intensive
wrestling camp when i was in high
school and they
trained us so
bad so hard i that’s when i decided i’m not
wrestling in college
this is a nightmare i’m not doing this
dan gables got famous
for that well you know dan gable also has like two
hips and two
fake knees yeah that’s
crazy he really
literally wore his body down to the bone
well he does that with his wrestlers
apparently he it’s a mental
thing like he’ll he’ll just wear you down
to the point
where but you know the the real interesting argument
about that is the eastern
europeans they they don’t do it there’s like a bunch of
motherfuckers
i swear to god i just it’s the
other phone
i have two phones in my office
holy shit that’s what happens when you’re a billionaire
you know when you’re a kid and your mom told you to
don’t crack your
knuckles because
it makes your
fist bigger
what’s that
do you remember
when you were a kid and your mom told you not to
crack your knuckles
cause they’ll make your
knuckles bigger did you ever hear that as great
i always thought like oh yeah i
might crack my
knuckles so i have a bigger fist i could
punch people better
i think i just started
cracking all my
knuckles to
think that’s how i’m
building my body’s muscle up and i forgot that that
doesn’t really work like
no man i’m just glad i’m not up
i don’t have to
fight for a living that’s a hard life i respect
those guys last of our
phone problems i
swear to god
i disconnected both of them
you get rid of your home
phones who uses home
phone what’s your call
what’s your call on up here there’s no cellular service
what’s your call on the
silver velvet or
and anderson
is an interesting
fight you know vitor is
a really dangerous guy
like as far as like box
like his yeah
his hands he’s really dangerous yeah so fast
you saw a rich
franklin fight
how quick he took out
franklin’s crazy
if he unloads
on you like that and catches you he comes with a
swarm of punches man i know
the only problem the v tours had is in the past
he’s had a harder time in like the
second and third
rounds maintaining the same intensity but
he’s had some mental issues but he had like
a really a lot of like real serious personal issues
like his sister was kidnapped and murdered terrible
yeah a lot of hard
stuff happened the worst
thing to ever go through
yeah and then
he’s such a
sweet person and
you know you have to make a living so you have to
fight so you’re forced to take
fights when you’re not in a good state
and i’m not making any excuses for the guy but
traditionally
if you watch his
fights he’s very very
strong in the beginning of the
fight the issues that he has is in
second and third
rounds so at
185 the idea is that he killed
those issues because it was before
that he was
carrying around too much muscle
and now he’s much leaner at 185
which is his natural weight isn’t it
yeah he’s probably
a bit bigger than that in real life you know
probably closer to 200
pounds but you know when he’s in lean
shape like ready for a
fight yeah he’s so
ridiculously athletic he always was
super fast like
his reflexes are
incredible right now
right it’s very good yeah
know he’s had
like yeah he’s
had some issues in the past like alstar over
him submitted
him but you
know the reality is a lot of that was probably fatigued
if you’re tired man you
leave your neck out there and a guy like
alstar jumps on it
doesn’t matter who you are
no it doesn’t you know if you’re
fighting an mma
fight you’re not
adequately physically prepared it’s you’re
gonna do some stupid
it’s why to me mma is
is the greatest
sport because it requires
everything it requires like
literally not
just your courage and you have to be in top physical
shape but you know anything can happen the margin for
error is so slim
you make one mistake you get
tired and even the
training you have to go through
to become a really good boxer to become a really good
wrestler to become
and to stay in really good shape
that’s just a full time
job all the time yeah and what happens is you mean
you have to decide
where you’re gonna
dedicate your time is it
gonna be to strengthen conditioning
is it gonna be to work in your
skills cause you only have a certain amount of
hours in a day
a certain amount of resources
in your physical body
exactly you’re
gonna burn yourself out to the
point where you can’t recover
and there’s no
money in it i mean
the other thing is
just in the
beginning of his job man well
at the high
levels there is though
at the high
levels there’s rockstar money
like george
st pierre is balling
that guy’s making
ridiculous crazy
money like brock
lesnar made
ridiculous money
anybody who can sell tickets
chuck lindell
ridiculous money
but it’s the guys who can sell
pay per views
the guys who can
get a piece of the action
guys who are
legit stars what the
ufc’s done that’s so smart
that a lot of people are
upset about is they’ve made the name
ufc bigger than any fire that’s the
smartest thing that daemite’s ever done
yeah the whole
thing is the
brand name is bigger than any fire
and the good thing
about that is everyone in the organization
that’s in there they can get them to
fight each other
and when you have
outside there’s a
bunch of different
promotions the argument for that
against that rather is what’s
going on with
floyd mayweather and manny pacquiao
they just won’t fucking fight each
other it’s like
floyd mayweather just
doesn’t want to
fight him he
just keeps putting it off
you know i want drug testing
i want to take his
blood 10 minutes
before the fight
it’s just fucking
i mean they’re convinced many packets
on steroids
but then you look at his last
fight he was 20 fucking
pounds lighter
so crazy that margarita
dude margarita
is lighter than
margarita margarita
is an animal
and he knew
just a big comeback
fight for him
and walks around at
175 yeah he’s a big dude and has
never actually been
heard i don’t
think margarita
not like that and
pacquiao just
he figures your game out and
sugar shame mostly
by the way stopped him so i shouldn’t say he has
never been hurt that’s not true i forgot
about that fight
that was the fight
where i can’t believe i forgot
about that fight
because that was a fight
where he got exposed for
having plaster in his
gloves no that
was actually the coda
fight no no
no no it’s sugar
shame mostly really
yes absolutely
that’s why he came out
like almost jejected and humiliated and was suspended
and sugar sham mosley beat the fucking shit out of that
fight and that was a
fight where
a lot of people were saying well one of the reasons
why i bet he got his ass kicked he probably felt
super guilty
they got caught with his hand in the cookie jar
that he had been doing that to people
for a long time a lot of people suspected
sure he like
broke up code oh he
broke up a lot of guys yeah
it really that’s really dangerous man i mean
frankly to be honest with you i
would have banned
him for life for that yeah
i mean it’s kind of ridiculous
that he only got a year banned
he’s outrageous if they could
prove that he had done it more
even just proving that he did it once i also
think i also personally
think anybody does that and lets
their trainer
do that i think the
whole campus scumbag yeah
i think it’s just a scumbag that’s
some creepy shit
shitting plaster in
2010 you’re putting plaster in your rafts the worst
wow you know
but meanwhile
what i said mackie manny pacquiao 20
pounds fucking lighter
lights him up
like a christmas tree but he’s nobody’s come
close to this guy
he’s probably the
greatest fighter ever
i really think he’s
greatest boxer ever he’s one in
eight different weight divisions i mean how do you
argue against that right
i mean if you see what he does to
all these different
fires oh by
the way he’s a politician too
oh and by the way when he
fights all of his country all of the philippines
stops to watch
crime goes down
no pressure manny
and he goes in there like hey hey what’s
up everybody hi how are you he’s waving dudes in the
stands before they even
tried to hype up this
fight by talking
about you know how his
training camp hasn’t been
going so good like you
watch the hbo 24 7
man he’s so distracted man he’s so distracted
meanwhile he gets in there
i got this thing
that dude is just
watching fireworks grow off
he’s standing in front of that little fucking little
lightning bolts flying left and right
he’s seeing those
sparks in front of his eyes
every 10 seconds he’s like
roberto duran when he was younger but way better
he’s got similar
he touches his belt he comes in
does that weird he loves
fighting too man even though he has so much to lose
he still loves fighting
he’s a born fighter that’s what i
think is the hardest thing is when you become
that biggest celebrity and you have that many fans
and you get into a ring
you have a lot to lose
and the great
champions can somehow
put that out of
their heads
and he seems like
it makes him
elevate it makes him better you know
he seems like the weight of
these people behind him just makes him better
some people talk
trash it doesn’t work some
other people do like
chelsson and obviously talking trash
away does it helps them it works for him i don’t know
well the thing
about manny pacquiao too is that he seems to be doing
everything perfectly
he seems to be a really nice guy
yeah didn’t you tell me he also
plays a pool like really well like professional level
he plays better than me
he plays professional
level pool that’s crazy
one thing he’s not good at is singing apparently
well yeah he
plays karaoke and shit but give him some time he’ll
probably get good at that too if you really wanted to
we’ll be if you
people talk enough shit
about his singing
he’ll probably hire
voice coaches and just become one of the badass
opera singers of our
generation would
never be able to deny him he’s just a bad
motherfucker him
versus old tyson who
would you sit go with
oh come on he’s a tiny guy i know but if it was
if they were the
same size well
you know that was the most interesting
thing about
tyson when he was
young is that he
moved like a man much
smaller than him
you watch like the mike
tyson marvis frazier fight
that is one of the most disturbing boxing matches ever
cause marvis knew what was
gonna happen
we knew it was
gonna happen
tyson knew it was
gonna happen
the announcers knew it was
gonna happen
they were all talking
about it this is
a lot of people saying this is a mismatch and then
tyson just comes
raring at him
moving in frames
you’re not even seeing all
of his movements because he’s moving so goddamn fast
and all of a
sudden he’s hurling
these left hooks in your direction
and you feel your
rib cage imploding
and before you even
react to it another one’s hit you on the
other side of the head
he was having
trouble finding sparring partners
because he was
crushing people
he moved so fast that was the
thing he didn’t move like ali
where you know
would move with
fancy footwork and
dance around joe
frazier style
but different because
with both hands you know
he would throw
rights and lefts with
equal abandon
you know whereas
joe frazier was a big left hooker and he had a decent
right hand but it was nothing like
tyson’s tyson’s
famous for that
right hook to the body
right uppercut combination
he was a fucking
for one brief moment one
brief period of history
he changed that
whole sport
he changed watching boxing
watching boxing was
never watching an
execution okay
when marvin hagler was
fighting good guys like when he was
fighting john the
beast mugabe
it was like a big fight
everybody got
excited about
it like holy shit mugabe’s a
knockout punch
right and it was a
fight so mugabe
knocked out
terry norris mugabe
is a bad motherfucker mugabe’s got serious power
you know this
could be the
fight for haggar
mike tyson’s
fights were executions
it’s like here’s
bruce eldon
here’s mike
tyson look at
bruce elden’s knee shake
you know all of a sudden
tyson’s charging
after him boom the
fight’s over well you know what they said is
don king used to set up monitors
and he’d have a highlight reel of
tyson knocking dudes out and when you were
gonna fight him he
would always
set the monitors up so the
fighter in the mgm
would have to walk through that
don king was nuts that way and so you’d be
fighting him and you just see
these highlight
wheels of him like
he’s crushing dudes in slow motion that makes sense
some of the monitors pay attention you gotta go
fight mike tyson some of those guys were so intimidated
that’s a huge i met him
one time in vegas
tyson and you just get put on weight but he’s so thick
like his hand is so thick
his his his hips and his head
everything is just so wide you’re like
a different human being i never grow
yeah well he’s
he was just so compact and fast
he was a new model heavyweight
shorter than
six feet tall to me to me to me like if you
would have picked the prototype of what i
just the ultimate like top of the food chain dude
that’s what i’d like to look like i always wear
black shorts and
black shoes
would you remember when he came out of prison
and he was super yoked
like he came out of prison
in prison all he was doing was push ups and sit ups and
dips and getting tattooed
with fucking
controversial
peace features
i’ll take down killing
about 40 million people
how crazy is the arthur ash
tattoo it’s like alright
dude i got you okay
is a grace he’s a fantastic
motherfucker
che guevara
he’s got jake
tattooed on him too
doesn’t he doesn’t he
jay and bow
yeah he’s a fascinating
motherfucker man for that
brief moment like i said that guy
he changed the
whole sport
changed the whole
sport he lost his
trainer right right
well lost a
bunch of things there was a
bunch of things that happened
you know fame happened and also
it’s almost impossible to keep up the
level of rpms that
he was operating at you know when he was at the very
top of his game when he was like challenging for the
heavyweight
title and he was
training you
know getting up at five o’clock in the morning
every time running
once once you know
once girls start coming into the
picture and
money starts coming in the
picture and well you know he showed
you know he said to todd phillips
recently and the hangover too and he goes he goes um
that todd told me the
story and it was
funny we were talking
about the power of
women and how
no matter how much
money you make and stuff and
women are always kind of a rush you
know and mike
tyson said to todd he goes
man i’ve had it all
i’ve had i’ve had
money i’ve had fame
but if god invented anything better than
pussy he’s keeping it for himself
that’s good
he’s keeping it for himself
that’s brilliant
oh my god that
might be the wisest
thing anyone’s ever said ever
that’s right man
that’s genius that should be in a book somewhere
someone folks
someone put
that put that as your avatar as your signature
at the bottom you know you want to do that free
screen name
you need that
god damn that’s brilliant
did you saw that guy that we talked
about yesterday i don’t know if you saw
those or not brian
there’s this homeless guy that has this really awesome
radio voice
and he was a bum on
the side of the road and this guy just filmed him and
it was like here
here’s some
money and the guys said
why thank you very much and it was just like the most
creepiest video
anyways a day
after like he’s really yeah
yeah really play it for brian
it’s really quick
i wish i wish i’ve always wanted to have
like i got knocked
the fuck out of here you can do any
voice i always
tell people no but i want a
voice like that’s just
naturally just
got a lot of gravel in it just a sexy kind of
like a lumberjack
voice just a
guy who keeps you real calm and gets you real
horny when he talks
how old are you
are you crazy
are you crazy
are you the love master you’re 17 years old you look
every bit of 20 to me all right
sorry creepy
sorry oh wait no that’s not it
great and now this place is
flooded dude i always tell people there’s two
two funniest moments now the funniest moments ever
one of them
was in the hotel
you and me and
eddie bravo and
larry and a couple
other dudes and we were really
super baked and you went into your
brazilian jiu jitsu
rapist character
oh my god dude
i remember laughing till i
literally couldn’t breathe i’ve said
this is the funniest moment i’ve ever had in my life
is that moment
and the other moment is joey diaz on the alex
jones show those two i
haven’t seen that
you have to say it it’s the most
ridiculous thing ever
joe you know alex
jones show us all camp
trails are taking up our skies oh
yeah keep bio
chips they’re doing it they’re putting it inside
children cereal
ladies and gentlemen
with the elitist
they want to lower the
population and vaccines and you know it’s all like
crazy we need to buy gold you know it’s
he gets nutty and joey
ds is on there
joey diaz comes on because alex is my friend and i’ve
known alex for like 10 years
and he’s right
about a lot of
things i mean he’s really
right about a lot of
things he’s good
and i think the only way to
chase things down the way that guy does is you
gotta be a little
loony yeah so he’s a little
loony but he’s a
great guy alex
jones is a great guy
but he’s got this conspiracy theories
theory right wing
kind of a radio show
and joey comes on it and
we go on to the internet
break but brian
queue that shit up
we go here’s the homeless guy
okay the first yeah play the homeless guy first hey
wanna make you
work for your dollar say something with that
great radio
voice when you’re listening to nothing
but the best of oldies you’re listening to magic 98 9
are you thank
you so much
that’s amazing
so that guy got a job
that was so anyways yesterday that that that video hit
today the was that the colts gave him a
house and a job working for him is it the colts i
think yeah the cleveland colts or whoever the cleveland
cleveland guys
that’s great
find find out who this is
give them props
cavaniares the
cavaliers the
cavaliers the cavs
i should have
are a basketball team
yeah so they picked him up as
their announcer
yeah they picked well they offered
williams a full time job doing
voiceover work for the team
and a free home in cleveland
dude the internet is a
motherfucker i love it
i love it in one day
that guy got a housing
brings us all together
ladies and gentlemen brings us
all together it’s beautiful and it’s a great
story i also it’s a
brilliant pr
move there’s
also a video of
my friend was giggling and showed me this
thing and i looked at it was a man
castrating himself
yeah i’ve seen a few of
those yeah i was like
great that’s what i don’t need the internet for
i watched one
where a guy
tied off his balls with rubber bands that’s what i
detailed every single
aspect of the balls
dying and him cutting off the balls with a
serrated knife
i didn’t see that i saw the hatchet job oh
cry mini cry
mini criminy
there’s a lot of
crazy motherfuckers out there dude goddamn
i wonder if this homeless
shit’s gonna
catch on and all
these homeless people are
gonna start trying to do
voices so now there’s just
gonna be tons of homeless people coming up you
going hey how’s it
going hey can i have some
i think there’ll be like a slow like
incubation period before it hits the homeless people
cause most of them don’t have the internet
right so it’s
gonna take like
six months of
somebody trying to drag him into a library mike you
gotta see this is it heroin
if it’s not i’m not going
and then i’d
say january
two thousand eleven this guy got a job
we need an act
this is like a fred flintstone
movie we need an act
unless they start
fred started barney rubble
unless they
start reading
their toilet paper
you know me like oh
now do you remember fred flintstone and barney rumble
they’re always like there’s always scams together oh
he’s coming out with things
they always had some new scams fred
we gotta come up with our eyes
we’re gonna
start a band
we need something
remember it was always like trying to figure out a shit
and his wife was always cock
blocking and holding him down my
buddy my buddy it has
asperger syndrome
really and he’s fifty
and he’s really
smart but he’s also
completely crazy and we were
driving and he’s fifteen looks me and he goes he goes
i’ve been thinking
about something
i go what he goes
think we should
start a band
and i go wow that’s a really good idea johnny
is he driving or you driving i’m driving he goes thank
god he goes
do you think so
i go i do think so
the only issue is that i don’t
think either
one of us sings or plays an instrument so what
would we do he goes
well you know you’re charismatic so you
could figure something out you know and i would
i do sing i do sing
i’ve always had
music inside of me
i go okay but if you
sing that’s good i don’t i’m a shower singer so what
would i do and he was like
you know like just a tambourine and plus you
could just be the leader of the band
i was like you’re the greatest
human being of all time i’ll do that in a heartbeat
so anyway anybody
wants to join me and johnny’s band please
please give me a call
can they get in and hold you on twitter are you
gonna have auditions
for the band you know i
would but you know for me i just it’s
funny i wish i played an instrument i
never had the patience
what fascinates me is why some people choose certain
instruments like the guitar i get it you get laid the
piano the drums
the tuba that’s
the dumbest fucking instrument like there’s not even
a song really yeah you’re just you need a huge
brass band and
you only play like boom boom boom boom boom you know
there’s no real
like full songs for the tuba or like
what else there’s a couple of like the accordion
certain things that people have a calling for that are
fascinating i always used to love
what was that
movie the spike lee
movie about jazz
with denzel washington
yeah what was that
called better blues yeah
more better blues yeah
and i used to love
watching like
like the part
where denzel washington
would take out his
trumpet and he would
clean it it was like a ritual
and then he
would go through
all his practice routines like he was so desperate
disciplined
about his practice well
trump explains
how to get out i’m like i
gotta practice
yeah yeah yeah you know whitten
marseaus talks
about that he’s considered by many to be the
greatest jazz
trumpeter you know in the world and
was he the dude that was on the tonight show
or was it his brother no that was his brother branford
but witness
is considered a
real maestro like
in the same pantheon as like
yo yo ma or even
louis armstrong
so he just completely
dedicated to the art yeah
by the time he was 19 he was on a
physical technical
level with the
trumpet that you
know was so far
superseded anybody in the
field almost
and they also say and i’ve
heard this from people like
harry connick jr and
stuff who say that
he does things on a
trumpet you’re
not physically supposed to be able to do like
your fingers aren’t supposed to be able to do that
stuff really yeah
cause he can just move them so
fast i mean
such dexterity in the
things that he does but
he talks a lot about
you know just what practice means
and the kind of
thing that i believe he
still blows on a read an hour a day
which is like a beginner’s thing
but he says
if you know the daily
practice the
daily adherence to practice
is what changes
everything and not only that he also talks
about like when you do a performance
you come off and you got a high and you killed it
that energy
a lot of people go well i’m
gonna have a couple
drinks and celebrate
actually what a guy like that’ll do is go i got
all this new energy
and he goes and shuts himself in the room and practices
even more with that newfound sort of rush that energy
and he talks
about the difference between being
truly great and
truly original
and being like everybody else are those
kinds of things
like pushing yourself to that
level everybody has
their own process of course
but nobody practices as much as he does
you know he was talking
about yeah that discipline
the adherence to discipline is so
attractive you know in my mind it’s like so what i
would like to be doing
you know i stay as disciplined as i can
but i’m so fucking impulsive
there’s so many different things
entering into my interest all the time
and part of me says well that’s
where some of my
creativity comes
from is this fascination with a constant need for
all this new information and new
things and yeah but
it’s also a distraction yeah
it’s massive and i also
think that in some ways like i always
think that you get to a certain
point in your life
where you in a way know everything
that you need to know to create something
perfect and beautiful yeah but it’s not new
it’s new current shit
which is the most fascinating
thing to me and
the crazy thing
about what’s
going on the internet now is every
goddamn day
you get twitter messages and
message board messages on
the rogan board
where it’s all
these new incredible
scientific discoveries
all these new
weird things that are happening around the
world like the thousand fucking
thousands of birds
that have died and fallen from the sky in arkansas
and everybody’s
going what the fuck is going on
you know and i
heard that’s
viral just because they’re filming
angry birds
right now what
that’s just
viral videos are
you serious for the
angry birds movie
are you serious
i think that’s a
rumor that’s
going around there’s no way
you’re gonna kill thousands no
no they think
what happened they actually
think what happened was that’s like the
fireworks in new year’s actually
roused them from their
sleep and they
ran they couldn’t
see and ran into like different chimneys and
everything they just
they stay that
doesn’t make
sense because
there’s thousands of them and they’re over
fields and shit the
thousands of them got scared and fell from the sky dead
that doesn’t
sound right
sounds like bird flu or something maybe it
sounds like they fucking poison them or something
that sounds more like
yeah there’s probably some you know
cloud or something there’s the conspiracy theory
angle there’s a
bunch of people
that are trying to pawn it off on this one guy
i should know this man’s name so i’m
gonna look it up right now
but this guy
just got killed
and he was a chemical weapons expert
and he was tortured and murdered
and i think yeah and they
think there’s some sort of a
connection to it
that the guy
turned up missing and
turned up missing and i
think in delaware and they
found him in a landfill
he had been murdered
yeah and they believe that this guy
was yeah here he is
yes official yeah he
it’s it’s really kind of creepy man
their stories are very
bizarre because this guy was like
he worked under george
herbert walker bush as well
and he’s an
expert in in
weapons in biological weapons and chemical weapons
it’s crazy shit man
and the of course the conspiracy angle
is that they were testing something and killed all
these birds off and he might have protested
or freaked out or you know
i spent a lot of time
reading history and
one of the things i like about doing that as opposed to
even looking at
where we’re headed is how how
little how much changes but also how little changes
in a lot of ways the man’s name is john p
wheeler for anybody who wants to look into the story
john h a o h n p
wheeler w h e e l e r
and just type that into google and i’m sure a
bunch of different stories will come up on this guy
this is somebody printed do all the
websites end with like is
or anything no some of them are
well the ones that are
legit ones that aren’t
claiming any sort of conspiracy
those are interesting
because what they talked
about is the fact that this guy’s
television was turned on full
blast and it freaked
out his neighbors because he was really a kind of a
quiet guy and he was an
older guy didn’t
understand why
television was
blasting like that well
television really loud is one of the ways they hide the
sounds of torture
so they found this guy’s house
and there was a yellow police tape in his
kitchen and they pulled up
floorboards and
they roped off a chair
so the idea is that
it was very possible they
might have tortured this guy before they killed him
they might have tortured him in his own house
and then they killed him and then took him to a dump
damn yeah it’s you know it’s
interesting when a guy has that sort of a background
you know so you know and like i said i’m
not saying by the conspiracy theory i’m saying you know
first of all it’s creepy that this guy got
fucking tortured and murdered
or at least the very
least murdered the tortured part of speculation at this
point but it’s an interesting little thing
i don’t know if it has anything to do with all these
yeah that seems like it’s just
you could pretty much connect anyone from that
story to that
story if you really had
you know typed without
not yeah we’re
just guesswork
yeah sure yeah
i mean basically we’re just making
pieces of fiction we
only know if he’s connected to it
but the idea is
oh dude that was what i want to talk to you
about in abu dhabi this year they made it rain
52 times did you know that
they made it rain
cloud seeding
yeah silver eye
like a strip club they’ve been doing they’ve been doing
cloud seating since
they probably made it rain there more
than 52 times
they’ve been doing
cloud seating for many many years
yeah but this is something that they’ve come public
about in that
abu dhabi is better at
using they’re
using as a weekly strategy
they’re like i
mean 52 times that’s like once a week man that’s crazy
if they choose to
space it out like that why they want to make it
greener they’re very ambitious yeah
how crazy is that
where they getting the drawing
their water from it
wasn’t there
before them
apparently there’s moisture in the air and especially
where they live they’re near a lot of ocean yeah
and there’s moisture in the air and you have to coax
it out but i mean what are the repercussions
what are the repercussions of that i mean what is
i mean how safe is it to be
spraying shit in the
air well they’ve been doing it for many years i mean
they’ve always done
cloud seeding i don’t know how effective
it is and i don’t know how good they’ve gotten at it
i know that that’s been around for
since at least the 70s
i think they’re getting better at it yeah
this abu dhabi
thing was fascinating
because i’ve
never heard it discussed on like cnn com
or you know any major
in major news website but that’s what they
were talking
about abu dhabi is very is is
is i guess from what i’ve read
becoming really ambitious
they really want to become sort of the new arab
that center for the new arab
world you know this sort of
the beacon of
light if you will for
a different way of doing
things yeah they got
crazy paper dude
they got crazy paper
they got crazy
paper but living like that man making
artificial fucking rain showers holy shit that’s crazy
you know it just you always wonder
is that gonna affect something somewhere else
is forcing it to
rain somewhere else forcing like a fucking hurricane to
to grow over here on the
other side i mean
isn’t the sky all somehow or another connected
is the environment
connecting so i don’t
think that no i don’t think that
localized you know rain seeding and
cloud seeding is
over how big of an area it’s also
difficult to do
well but that’s the
thing i don’t
think it’s a
i don’t think you can do it over a large area
it’s hard to do i think so
if they figure out how to do
it all the time and obviously they have they’ve done it
52 times that’s pretty consistent
if they just decide to do that that
would be such a trip
if all of a
sudden we went over to
to abu dhabi
it was like west palm
beach florida
i think that’s
where it’s in a way
we’re headed we’re headed we are
becoming more
and more in control of our environment or at
least trying to be but then
again we’re also losing
some control of it if you
buy into the
whole global
warming you know that’s the
story of the
anunnaki that’s the
story from the
sumerian text
reason why human beings were invented
the zechariah
sitch and craziness you know
about all this
the story was that these
alien beings from another planet
came to earth because they had ruined their
atmosphere with
their technological race and so
they ruined
their atmosphere and they needed gold particles
to suspend in
their atmosphere to protect
them from radiation in the sun and shit like that
that’s pretty
well yeah and that they had done exactly what we’re
about to do
right now hmm
and the it’s the most
ridiculous thing ever
it’s called the
twelfth planet
and he wrote it back in 1970 but what’s fascinating is
the idea of suspending particles in the
atmosphere that had
never been discussed
until like the year 2000
and they had like a global symposium on
protecting the
earth from environmental hazards like
losing the ozone
layer losing
our atmosphere
and that was one of the
suggestions for suspend
reflective particles in the
atmosphere that’s pretty wild yeah you
could do that you could
fill the sky
with silver
and gold particles well gold
the crazy thing
about gold is
that tiny little
piece of gold
can spread out so far gold dust is so fine
it’s incredible we’re moving the
other issues
that you’re actually they just created bacteria strains
from a computer in
other words they
cross pollinated
dna and created
life forms bacteria forms that had
never existed on earth
it’s called
synthetic biology this guy
craig venter and his team if you go to
ted com you can see his
lecture and when
they for the
first time on a printer
they print it out
essentially the
structure for a
completely new life form
and that has far reaching
implications
in the sense that
for the first time
human beings
might very well be able to control
their own evolution
and certainly create
new life form dude
that’s gonna be such a fucking mess
it’s gonna create
rover berserkers in
russia it comes with
great promise but also peril
i’m investing in fire
yeah no shit you can’t get me with your
paper monster what the fuck you’re doing you’re
gonna make new life forms with your computer
how nuts is that fuck things are getting weird
it’s getting i think it’s gonna get i
think it’s gonna get to a point where we won’t
really be able to figure out like
you know like i was thinking i’m reading this
you guys if you ever
just take three
months and do it
or two months i’m reading
blood meridian cormac mccarthy’s
masterpiece
it’s considered by when they reviewed it in
85 they said this is one of the
great feats of language in the past 50 years
it’s the and it’s
about novel
yeah it’s a novel and it’s
about the sort of the
settling of the west and it follows this track this
group of 19 or so
men who are hunting indians hunting
scouts it’s a brutal book what’s it called
again it’s called
blood meridian
blood meridian
and you know we
all know what happened a lot of people may not but what
happened to the native americans and it’s the same old
story of one
group comes in with guns and
they basically decimate
you know not just with disease but with bullets and
everything else but
god i forgot what i was
gonna say but it was about
oh yeah what i was
gonna say is that
and if you look at what happened as they
started settling the west
is that the
the europeans
were killing
not just all the buffalo they were killing all the
other animals as well they got really efficient
at it because as they lay the railroad they
would shoot buffalo
and of course and then they
would lace the
bodies with
strychnine now why
would you do that because all the
other animals
would feed on the buffalo and they would die
of the strychnine
so then you
could skin them and send all
those pelts to europe and to the east
and to the east
coast and stuff
where there was big money
so in a course of 20 years probably
500 million animals died
look at old
paintings and
pictures of the
great plains in america
they looked like the serengeti
and in the course of 20 years
literally we killed all the buffalo and so many
other animals not just the
wolves that fed on the buffalo
after we killed them but
everything else
and so what happened for
a lot of the native americans was
their entire mythology
entire mythology
religions were
wrapped up with
their environment and the animals around them
and in 20 years they were all gone
forget the fact that they were starved
to death but
they’re very they’re very mythology
their very religion
what the cornerstone of
their culture
was eradicated
and you really wonder
you know what psychologically they were
going through as they saw
this true holocaust sort of unfold for them you know
and it’s a stupid when you
think about how
short of a time period that is
right and i always
think are we
gonna come up with a certain kind of
technology that does the same to us
that’s the question i mean
nothing says that our
culture and our way of life and our even lives
are guaranteed by anything
i mean if you’re very religious you believe it is
but for people who tend to have more of a
scientific bent
or have a take a real look at history
it’s very possible that you know
there are threats out there
eventually maybe of our own
design that
could render us extinct or
maybe of our own design yeah
the idea is that life keeps
going in a direction of more
complexity yeah
things getting more and more complicated and the issue
with the indians was
you’re dealing with okay american indians native
americans were dealing with people that were so fucking
crazy they were willing to get in boats
and go across the
ocean and across the
country a better
place to live
oh yeah you know and then just
trekk out on their own
to the middle of the fucking country this
giant continent that was literally
filled with
people that were living like
the rest of the
world they were living
much much much more
modern i mean american indians
before we had introduced
or the spaniards
rather had introduced
horses to them
i mean they were like nomadic
tepee living
arrow shooting
motherfuckers you know i mean
it was really crazy like
they were living just like the people that they find
today in the amazon rainforest they’re
still finding people like that today
they found a
bunch of new tribes
there’s like
i can’t remember the number
but they have this fascinating photo
of one that they
found that’s near the peru
and brazil border
and their skin
is covered with
ink they’re
covered with red ink
and two of them are red and one of them looks like a
black color
and they’re just
covered with like this
crazy war paint
and they’re
holding bows
and they’re pointing
arrows at the airplanes as the airplanes take
pictures of them
these are undiscovered
untouched tribes that are
completely isolated from the rest of the
world that’s wild
so that’s really what american indians
were like native americans were like and unfortunately
whatever the fuck
humanity is
doing here on this planet what we’re trying to do is
more better faster bigger what the fuck
are you get out of my way more better faster bigger
how about a fucking
metal box that rolls on
metal train
tracks and it goes
300 fucking
miles an hour and cuts across the
whole country i mean
we just more better faster more better faster
living in teepees is just getting in the way
what are you talking
about sacred ground
sacred ground
sacred ground like this is
money okay we
gotta kill you we
gotta kill these people we
gotta kill them we
gotta kill them we
gotta kill them they’re not reasonable
it’s the same old
story history is
full of that stuff
the history is full of one
group that comes into another
group and says you guys are in the way man you
gotta either
leave or die
yeah it’s absolutely
wrong i mean
no one is justifying it it’s
absolutely heinous
it’s absolutely disgusting
objectively stepping away from the
whole idea of emotions and
humanity and people in genocide and all that stuff
if you look at it as like you know in
a direction
that humanity is well
the point is
that the unimaginable can happen to people yeah
and it happens to
huge groups of people
whether it’s
the russian the ukrainians in the 1930s
under stalin
or the jews
under hitler
and you know in the
later 30s and up to 45
the unimaginable
the unspeakable
can happen to millions of people
millions of
people can perish and appear to make
the argument
people will
make the argument but that was then and now at the
age of information that’s not possible
look at the i record we’ve not
changed that much
human beings
the one difference i will say
about history thank god
is that it becomes harder for bad men to get away with
things for a long period of time because
there are a lot of people watching
and that’s a very good thing
you know you’re always
going to have if you have an incentive
structure that gives
there are always people in society
who are willing to do what
others won’t do
and those people always
flourish in
chaos they always
flourish in war
when russia fell
apart that’s right
it’s the people that are willing to do what
others won’t do that always rise to the top
in a situation
where there’s no rule of law etc
that’s the enemy
that’s not good
that’s not good
that’s why you have to
fight for representative government you have to
fight for all the
things the founding fathers talked
about because it keeps bad men in check
and so whenever you
start blaming
individuals
it’s like kind of blaming the way of the world
we’re always gonna have
you’re always
gonna have bad people
you want a system that keeps them somewhat neutered
that’s very important
and people that want to be separate
people don’t
understand the the
logic of countries and man it’s all
stupid man it’s all stupid
i want to show you a
video and the
video is it’s the hodge on the mosque i know all
about the hodge and
the hodge on mecca
and watching all
those people
mill around that post and go listen if it’s just
you and your
scantly connected
group of friends
and you have some sort of a conflict with a
group that’s as connected as
these motherfuckers
you know they’re willing to do a lot of crazy
shit well you’re
not willing to die but there’s something
quite beautiful
about the hive it’s amazing
and the hodge is beautiful because
the notion is you wear two sheets
and whether you’re a prince or a pauper
you’re in the same
group you wear two sheets when you go on your
pilgrimage to mecca and
every muslim has to do it once in
their life at
least you go and
you fast from sun up to sun down
and usually if you’re
strict i don’t even
think you’re allowed to
drink water
but the notion is we’re all
equal under the eyes of god
so it’s a very
egalitarian
movement so when they make
their pilgrimage to mecca
they wear two sheets and they
are so you can be
right next to somebody who’s
worth a billion dollars and you have nothing
but under the eyes of god when you’re there
you guys are
all the same you’re all eating the same food you’re all
behaving the same way
and it was this
notion that muhammad came up with this notion that look
you always have to go and
basically we
there’s got to be somewhat of a communal
a communal pilgrimage
a humbling pilgrimage
to show each
other that we’re
all the same yeah it’s kind of a unified
movement very important and ritualistic
things like absolutely
absolutely what
is that box supposed to represent that big square
building that i believe is
where muhammad was buried
muhammad i believe was born in medina
and he died in mecca
and medina and mecca and
i’m sorry if you’re
muslim and i’m getting them mixed
switched around but
medina and mecca are the most
they are the most
religious places in
islam they’re the
truly the most religious
places in islam when you pray
you pray toward mecca
so when you go to
hotels or things in
in the arab
world muslim
world a lot of times they have arrows
pointing to mecca
is there a monocratic iphone app
there may very well be i’m
surprised there
was has to be there has to be if there is tweet
yeah if there’s not out there developers
you know what the fuck to do you need to make a
mecha iphone app i need to know
i’ll pay my respects to its mecca
so he was buried there
yes that’s incredible so he’s
under that box somewhere his remain
i believe that’s the stone
he was i believe and i just read about this and i’m
sorry that i don’t know it but i believe
that the stone
was where muhammad received
a message from sort of an angel
about the quran
because remember that the
muslims always believed that there was one person that
spoke through god and that was
muhammad and their
proof was that he was an illiterate shepherd
who over the course of seven years wrote the sunna
wrote wrote
essentially the quran
the quran being
essentially a bunch of poems it’s written in verse
and it’s quite beautiful it’s quite
it’s very very intricate and with
these incredible and stories and stuff
and they said how could one man
write all this in seven years he was inspired he
never learned how to write read or
write but he was obviously had some kind of a
revelation or an inspiration
and so that was what that was
where muhammad
really made his
name and not only did he do that but muhammad
also was the guy who said look
this is a bunch of
tribes a bunch of pagan
tribes i’m gonna unite
the people of saudi arabia
i’m gonna unite these people
these nomads i’m
gonna stop them from
fighting each
other and i’m gonna create one
group of people
under one banner of heaven
and that was the notion
it’s amazing
how fucking radical they are to the gotten to the
point where you can’t even draw
muhammad or you it’s a shame
it’s a shame
because historically
islam was actually
always a religion that was so open to interpretation
and in fact look look look at indonesia indonesia for
until very recently and even
still was always
it’s been a
muslim country for many many many years
and has always been a very very open
and tolerant society remember
that the jews
who were persecuted and killed by the christians
always went to
muslim countries first
muslims were the ones that actually
protected the jews because they were people of the book
the quran upholds
every story in the old testament
it believes that the old testament to be gospel
it’s more of
a rebuttal to the new testament with the notion that
jesus christ
that it considers to be a
great prophet
the notion that christians say that
jesus christ is actually god is
where they take
issue and that was
where the big rift was
but remember that
islam was always a place
for the most
part islamic
countries like the
ottoman empire
was a place
where the jews took refuge and
so that’s why this
rift between jews and
muslims over
the founding of the
state of israel in 1948 that’s
where all of this came from
and that’s what’s so unfortunate
about all of
well at one
point in time
the the the
muslim religion or
muslim people were
responsible for an incredible amount of inventions to
absolutely well look at
the scientifically adventure
you’re talking
about the ottoman empire for god’s
it wasn’t what it is
today and what happened that that that fucked
everything up and
got it to the
point where it is
today where there’s so much
you know it’s like so many
things degrade
and get to a
point where it’s
not what you know i would
argue i would
argue that and
i’m not a political scientist and i don’t know anything
i’m just a goddamn actor but i did live there for
eight years of my life and i
would argue that
the middle east’s biggest problem is not
i think i believe that islamic
fundamentalism
was came out of the
fact that the 22 governments in the middle east are not
democracies
that they’ve always been monarchies and
dictatorships
and those monarchies and
dictatorships
kept people in poverty
when you keep people in poverty
and you have a
bunch of men that
have no jobs and nothing to make themselves feel good
about themselves
they’re gonna turn to something man
and they’re
gonna turn to something like a religion
because it makes them and
men do this kind of
thing they’d say
again we have historical evidence for that
where people say
look there are christian
fundamentalists there are jewish
fundamentalists
they’re all over the place
but somehow
along the way
this became a perverted notion of
islam where
i’m gonna solve my problems with violence i’m
gonna blow myself up and i’m
gonna go to heaven
this is all very new man
and religious
fundamentalism is fairly new
it’s a 20th century invention i’ve
heard a lot
of people and i don’t know if this is accurate but i’ve
heard it from more than one source
where people were connecting the mujahideen
and their fight
against the soviet union and
their work with the cia creating
a bunch of different new
things that happened in the
muslim religion
like suicide bombers
the suicide bombers
were actually notion of
jihad not really because suicide bombers would
they were the
first suicide bombers we were reading
about were the tamil
tigers actually in sri lanka
that’s what who those were
that was in the 90s the
early 90s i mean the tamil
tigers were the ones that
were actually blowing themselves up and nobody ever
heard of that we couldn’t believe it
you didn’t you’d
never heard of any
mother so no one
blew themselves up
absolutely not
absolutely not
and what are they
were the sri lanka guys
are they muslims what are they
the tommil tigers i believe a lot of them are
hindu in fact and not
they’re not
hindus with
first suicide violence yeah
so they were not
they were not
muslims had
such a true self
1990 yeah in the 90s and the tommill
tigers were a fierce
group of people
they’ve been
crushed but they
they were trying they were trying to
fight for their own independence
their own notion of you know what they wanted but
so so a lot of the
stuff if you
look at the inspiration behind it it’s it’s pretty
bizarre you know
groups watch
other groups and
and you know so you
learn what’s the
crazy badass
yeah and you know listen i mean suicide bombing is not
in vietnam i mean you had people who would
a lot of like women
would take hand grenade and jump into a helicopter and
blow themselves up and everybody in the helicopter so
that’s just a human
thing i mean did they really just do
that yes so
there were a lot of cases of that
a lot of kid the
viet cong were a
tough group of people
who were willing to do whatever it took to get the
whole idea being
occupied like that must be so crazy
it is you know
you’re just a normal person living your life in a hut
somewhere and
chilling and
having a good time then all of a
sudden there’s soldiers coming in on metal
boxes for some reason that you don’t
understand they’re
pointing guns at you and
screaming at you
especially like afghanistan i mean
the mujahideen was
a good example because
that they were
basically when the soviets came in
first of all afghanistan’s
never been a country you
gotta understand it’s always
been a group of
tribes you had the puhn
you had the pashtuns
you have the tajiks
you have the hazara
and they all have always competed
against each
other i mean
where did you live when you were there i
lived in saudi arabia in lebanon
in the arab world
but you know did
you live in afghanistan
no no but my
mother had been there
twice and my father had been there
twice okay i thought i’m
sorry i thought you were saying you
lived enough
no i’ve been i’ve got to stop you live
you know you did always do
yeah but that doesn’t mean it now when you’re living in
these these
country how many countries
did you live i was born in the philippines
i then moved to
india where i lived in bombay and calcutta
which is now mumbai bombay
and and then i moved to
lebanon and then i moved to pakistan
and then i moved back
to lebanon i would be so in love with you i know
how do you think i get
so much how do you think i get laid
i thought you were married
oh sorry yeah and
i forgot about that part but then i moved to
lebanon again and the war broke out we got
stuck in the war and i lived in the holiday inn for six
months holy shit
but we really couldn’t get out of the country
oh my god and i used to hear a machine gun and it was
crazy no were you
worried about the holiday inn getting overtaken i
was too young to worry about that stuff you know
gosh i was i think 11 or 12 holy shit and then
we were evacuated to greece
and i lived in greece and then i went to saudi arabia
and then by the time i was 14
i’d never lived in the
states and i came to the states that’s incredible
yeah it was pretty wild
and so you get a very different perspective growing up
and no shit huh yeah and the world and the world
and what happens to the world
makes a difference to you you know
like this pakistani governor
you know in pakistan
there’s called the blasphemy law
and the law is if you insult islam
you will be put to death
now when you say insult islam
there are a lot of ways to interpret
that and people use it manipulated to get rid of
their neighbors and things like that and this
governor of the punjab
which is an area of a
large area of pakistan
basically said
i’m sorry if it’s punjab i thought that was
india but anyway but
he was a big governor and he said
he was trying to get rid of it he was trying to repeal
it he was trying to
he was a champion of
women’s rights and things like that and
sort of a face of the more
modern notion of
not only islam but of pakistan
and he was assassinated
one of his elite
guards filled
him with 23 bullets is this recent yeah really recent
yeah very recent i just thought to myself i thought man
this stuff is
not dead we
still are in living in a
world of ignorance
and of people who are willing to
solve problems through violence how
about this crazy
motherfucker in
north korea man how
about that dude
kim jong il
he’s the biggest a hole in the history of the
world ever he wins biggest asshole of all time
he’s just a dick
the crazy thing
about the koreans is that
north korea and
south korea are at war with each
other basically
and they look exactly the same it’s
crazy shit it’s so bizarre to
did you know you’re talking
about it that’s a monarchy
yes north korea that’s a for real
they yawned
while two million
other people
starved to death in the 90s they just the
elite was like
pass the salt
it’s amazing there’s just
no power to revolt and there’s a massive amount of
patriotism it’s not just
patriotism it’s a religion
i mean the north koreans believe that the dear leader
is a deity man
i mean they’ve done a good job of getting that
isn’t that the same in thailand
don’t they have a no
thailand is actually amazing yes thailand’s king has a
he has sort
of he says semi deity
but what’s really amazing
about thailand
is that they’ve
never been colonized
right and it’s
because they’ve always been really good at
compromising they’ve always kind of been really good at
figuring out a way to kind of just be the
place where you come for a little r and r
fuck war man
that’s in laos and cambodia and vietnam us we’ll just
align ourselves with the us because it’s easier
and you know you can come over and have a good
time and we got pretty girls and they’re just a really
sweet people
man it’s amazing
to have such a badass
fighting style
they have you know most people believe the best
stand up fighting
style in the
world muay thai
maybe man they’re just there
for a group of people that are so fucking nice to you
and so welcoming
and it’s such a safe
place man you walk around you
never worry you
know you just
drive around and you’re like
there’s no crime you
never worry
about it there’s just a lot of really
pretty girls that you can you
know date if you want but you know if you’re into the
but i’m an actor
guys so just so
you know i was always doing my
scenes did you
practice muay thai
while you were there yes i did
one thing i wanted to do is go to
phuket and there’s a
tiger muay thai
thing and do
like i just don’t know if it’s safe enough to
bring my whole family down there
you know i just like i hear it is
i know a lot of
westminers who live down there who love it why risk it
yeah it just seems like a
trippy risk i just want to do it so i could try
everything’s a risk and i
think it’d be amazing for your kids to see a different
part of the
world yeah murder and shit
six flags is
pretty sweet
see some wild
monkeys i think the
us is way way more dangerous in some ways in a lot of
countries yeah
you know sure it’s
and stuff like
that someone
tried to tell me that about
i was talking
about going to mexico
like they were
going to mexico on cabo san
lucas or one of
those places
and i was like
yeah but i mean fuck man don’t you worry
about oh porto
i was like you don’t worry
about like all the violence that’s
going on in mexico
they go well
you know there’s violence in america too you know
go to detroit you probably won’t get caught up in it
i’m like yeah okay
maybe but i know
where detroit is
and also those drug cartels from what
i hear are actually
starting to
target tourists like areas
they’re starting to
target tourist areas because
they’re trying to get resorts to pay them off
because they extort
money from a
bunch of different ways
one of the things they
do is kidnap people that are trying to get to america
and then they go back to
they killed a lot of people from guatemala
and el salvador
yeah 72 men
and these people
were just people that were trying to migrate to america
well they asked for
money i guess
no and they
asked for a lot of
money and they said we’re
gonna kill them
and they do it all the time and
apparently some people
pay and some
people don’t and the people that pay they get that
money and they let the people free
but they kill a
bunch of fucking people man it’s really really
scary so bad
and you see the
videos of these
twelve year old kids that
they’ve hired for assassins and they you know they’ve
completely fucked
these kids had really yeah
and some of them were
american kids they’ve hired the drug cartels have hired
and one of them
got arrested recently and you know the cell
phone video footage of him torturing people
and it got onto the internet it’s it’s horrendous
stuff and they tortured people before they killed them
you know and this 12 year old kid
yeah and you know i mean they so
evil they’re taking violence to a
whole new level
if you look at like what’s
going on in the
world and all this you
know the idea
that we’re over in afghanistan so that we don’t have to
fight it over here
how about what is
right connected to us how
about some shit you can
drive to that’s right okay
cause mexico you can fucking drive to
and that puny ass fucking wall
that’s really not
gonna stop anybody from coming it raises
a bigger question is
would you legalize drugs and
doesn’t that make
sense the only
problem is it’s gotten to a certain
point where i
think you have to
squash the problem before you legalize drugs
because the cartels are so fucking big
it doesn’t seem
like it’s working
it doesn’t seem like they’re not doing it
it’s a war it’s got to be a war
the drug cartels are gigantic now man
i mean look what do i know i’m talking on my ass but
the whole situation came
about for sure
because the drugs aren’t
legal the problem with it being a war
is that the drug cartels are very much in sync with the
power structure
with the government itself
sure it’s all and
the economy
itself apparently
is a lot of
the economy itself is propped up by the drug trade so
so if that’s the case then
how do you delegitimize
how do you figure out
a way to make it work do you legalize they’re talking
about legalizing drugs in mexico itself
they have to
criminalize
everything in mexico
lsd mushrooms
oh yeah i mean you’re not supposed
to sell it but if you have it you don’t go to jail
as long as there’s a demand
and the risk of
peddling that demand is that high you’re
gonna have people who are badass
motherfuckers
willing to do whatever it takes to get that money
scary i mean
we should have learned
about that in this country with prohibition
the 1920s i know you know we’re
lucky that marijuana has the calming
effect that it has
because if it you know if it wasn’t
you know that the
whole stoner
culture and everything
behind it if that’s why
that’s why i’ve always been
i’ve just marveled at the fact that you make alcohol
legal and weed
illegals it’s like goes back to that reefer madness
ignorance like
you know you’re
out of your fucking mind well it’s also an
issue of it’s been illegal for so long
if they come out and say there’s no reason for it
to have ever been illegal now
and you open up a
whole can of worms you
just brought up
you just brought up the biggest and best argument
for any for a
smaller government whenever you pass a law
and i’m not saying some laws don’t
need to be passed but you got to remember one thing
you pass any kind of law
any kind of
legislation
say what you want
about the obama
health care
thing i don’t know enough
about it i’m not
going to make a
stand on it
but just know
that when you have a huge government program
and you pass laws around that program what happens is
a cottage industry grows up around that law
and a lot of people develop an interest
in economic interest
in that and
keeping that law active that’s why whenever you
start a government program whenever you
start giving
money to somebody or whatever it
might be it
doesn’t go away
and the democrats themselves said pass just something
because it’ll
never go away and you’ll be able to add to it
and that is it’s not
about being
right or left
you better keep that in mind because
george washington himself said
men will invent
laws to take
their own freedom away from themselves
that’s how people are
you know you want to make the
world a really fucking safe
place you want to legislate
everything i
don’t want to live in a country like that fuck you
i want to take my own personal responsibility for
things absolutely
you know and the real problem with these
government you
know when government grows is that it very rarely
shrinks it doesn’t shrink
it’s expansive it’s ever expansive in its coercive
it does two
things it takes
taxes and it passes laws do you need that yes
the question is what is what
it’s about proportion
how much is too much
that’s the question
this country
was founded
on the notion that government is a necessary evil
it doesn’t mean
you don’t have it but stop telling me that government
and equalizing the playing
field and socially
engineering equality is what makes this country
great no it’s fucking not
i create so much resentment
and whenever you have
social engineering and
you do it for you know like
i think that
affirmative action is a wonderful idea i
think the idea that you know you want to balance
everything out and give
black people a chance to
but whenever you have it set up for
guys testing
for the fire department or something like that
where a black candidate
doesn’t have to
score as high as a
white candidate it’s the
worst thing
that is the
worst thing for any
black person or anybody else
it is assuming and suggesting to a
black person that they can’t compete mentally
what does that do to someone’s
self esteem what does that do to someone’s self worth
that is the most
is the most insulting that’s the most racist
thing i can
think of in fact
well it’s ridiculous
did black people need us to
lower the playing
field when it came to
sports and music
look what they
did with jazz look what they’ve done with sports
jazz is the highest american art form
expression it’s primarily a
black expression
did blacks need government programs for that no they’re
just as capable i think what
they find out
and they believe they do believe that’s an
issue that they
should have
as much as close to an
equal number of people representative
as they do in society if it’s 10
it’s close to as they can
but not look for it when it’s not the argument
is equality of opportunity
you know we know that
what people
who are in the affirmative action camp and i
understand it they’re saying look
we’re looking for we’re
trying to create an
equal opportunity
for people and i
understand that and you do
it is an uneven playing
field it is
but the question is what do you do
about it and you better be
very careful
when government
comes in with solutions very carefully i
think the best solution if possible is to go in
real early go in and have programs for
kids that are developing in single family households
or single parent households
where they’re not getting any attention and they’re not
getting any love they’re not getting any guidance and
their mom has to work they’re doing that in
harlem and it’s
apparently been
very successful god that
would be the
there was a
guy in harlem who said
we’ve got to get
these kids before they even get to kindergarten
that’s the move
and he did and he created a program that followed them
from kindergarten all the way through college and
it’s called a harlem
renaissance project that’s brilliant
and it’s been amazing apparently
that’s really what it takes i mean
you start with someone when they’re 20 man my god
because if you
don’t do that and you have
for example let’s just take the black
issue if you have a disproportionate number of
black men in jail for example
the problem with that is people
think it’s not
their problem you’re wasting a huge segment of your
population you’re not tapping into incredible
incredible potential
that you could be
and so the question becomes
what you’re
right i think you have to get it when
a boy is 14 he’s already lost in some ways
i mean it’s very hard it’s very hard to kind
of figure out how to deal with that damage martial arts
is the best way
yeah whatever
music or whatever discipline
but the thing
about martial arts is you have to
overcome you overcome
great scary
things over and over and over again
and in doing that it develops character and
builds character and you almost
want to make
up for the fact that you know you were fucked
up when you got into this you want to show a big gap
well you know
josh talk josh
waitskin who is the
chess prodigy
he has a school
he does he has a
school where he
teaches children
math no i’m
sorry music
chess and martial arts
and and and
and what he does through
those three
school well
through those
three through
those three venues he
he does he’s not
teaching you even
that the martial arts
music in a chess is secondary
most importantly is your
learning how to learn
and he always says that he
wrote a book
about that yeah it’s a
great book he
wrote i recommend everybody called the art of
learning he’s
trained with
my friend nathan
and my friend nathan got me in contact with him
and we’ve exchanged
emails back and forth
and i wanna
he’s a great
guy to meet
him and train with him
when i’m in
new york i want to get him on the podcast too if i
can i met him
i met him in
new york i had
lunch with him and the people don’t know
he’s the guy
who came up with i mean it
would rather excuse me
the movie searching for
bobby fisher was
based on his life him as a
child chess prodigy
and he went from that to
going into kung fu
he became a
two time two
time two time
push hands kung
fu chamber which is
heavy stuff they do it throws and
and he was the
first westerner in
china to win it
twice two times in a row and now he’s
going to for the
mondials i guess yeah he’s
a fiend with
jiu jitsu now he
trains with
marcella garcia and he
he developed this website called
mg in action
mginaction com mg being
marcella garcia i believe
that’s the url
check it marcia garcia
or marcella
garcia in action if you want to look at it if you’re a
jiu jitsu fan and
what the website is is he’s broken down
jiu jitsu moves
just and study them the way he
would do chess because
chess is so disciplined
just so we’re talking about the
trumpet i mean
chess players
practice constantly
and they go over moves and they go over
strategies and
they have maps out in
their head well what
this guy’s done is put all that same discipline to
jiu jitsu and so he has marcel
garcia’s entire repertoire
of techniques and
all sorts of different sweeps and
arm bars and all
these different
things and in
chains and how they go and he
has like this website we can just sign up and you can
learn i mean
basically like you and your friends
you know if you wanted to you
could sign up for it get an internet
connection get a laptop
and have like a mat in your living room
and you and your
buddy could
learn jiu jitsu from
this website that’s really cool
man it’s fucking amazing man
yeah i mean it’s amazing and
for people that
studied jujutsu it’s fascinating
too because
he’ll go over the finer nuances of
a technique like fuck that’s what i’ve been doing wrong
because a lot of jujutsu is
leverage and it’s not
most of it’s not
about strength it’s
about being in the proper position and much
smaller people can
defeat much larger people because of the technique
but it’s like little
subtle things that technique sometimes you miss
and so these
videos are like
real masters like
marcella garcia this is like a
marcella garcia i
asked josh i was like what’s
it like to roll with them do you ever get them you ever
catch them and he’s like
no i never get him no he’s on another level man
he moves so fast
is that what it is he’s so good
he’s so sharp
you know so sharp
you can’t have any room for error
so with a lot of
jiu jitsu it’s like how much room for
error are you
gonna give me
are you gonna
leave openings for
underhooks are you
gonna slip to your back are you
going to let me
sweep you are you
gonna give up
cause you don’t
wanna fight anymore
and go to your back and try to get me in your guard
it’s like there’s like a little battle
going on like
how much do you have left in the tank
well when you get to a
level like marcella garcia
instead of all that nonsense in your
brain it’s this
super tuned
killing machine that moves so fast you can’t even
literally he’s not even
thinking about his movements he’s
drilled them to the
point where they’re so pinpoint and precise
he has the idea of getting to your
back and then before you know it his hooks are in well
he’s got his
arm across your neck it’s happened in military
josh waits can cause that
chunking where
he’s seen so much that he can
start thinking in
chunks like
he can think in
systems and you’re
thinking move to move and he’s
thinking in a
system like he’s
thinking in
literally like six move chunks
and he’s also
watching you and can
already predict what you’re gonna do
and because
he’s been doing it so long he gets into your mind
so he’s watching you
like do these clunky
here i come
i’m gonna do this and he goes
i’ve seen that i’ve seen that a thousand times and i’m
gonna do this but i’m already
gonna do this
after that and so
so advanced it’s like josh says when he would play
chess with guys who
weren’t as advanced
as he he’s seeing the
whole board
and the reason he’s seeing six or
seven moves
ahead of time is because he’s able to
chunk he’s chunking
he’s seeing
things in in
i don’t know i
guess that’s what he called it he just called it like
five move six move
blocks of time that’s one of the things about eddie’s
style or the way eddie teaches
eddie teaches instead of just
teaching a move
teaches a whole
chain of moves
like he’ll teach a certain pass
to get to a
certain position and then to there and then always to
a finish wow but it’s like four five moves in advance
and sometimes there’s there’s alternate
endings or alternate
branches yeah like what happens if you lose this arm
now you got
to go to this and then you know so in your mind
when you’re
rolling and you get to certain specific areas
you have this already
map he’s already
mapped it out for you
it’s like the way he
teaches wow
yeah i think it’s a really
smart way to do it too
i do that with my
love making
love making
don’t love making tell me more
you hear that echo
dude you’re channeling craig shoemaker
is that what i’m doing be careful
the love master oh really
yeah old school
speaking of stand up i’ve
been here for three hours
we’ve been we’ve been talking for
three hours and i got that long
we didn’t start
going to like 3 30
but it might have been our best podcast ever
thank you to all the people that are listening
thank you very much we really
appreciate it we appreciate
all the kind words on twitter
and all that good shit and
you know we love doing it and i’m glad you guys
enjoy it and it’s
a you know i’m getting in contact with a fascinating
group of human beings through twitter
through the message
board through facebook yeah there’s a few douchebags
slipped through the cracks
but for the most
part there’s a lot of really interesting people and
you know i said that
about what are you playing in the
background crazy
what is that that’s fuck
background noise
it sounds terrible
stop that shit
the bangles walk like an
egyptian is it yeah
stop it brian just stop it
cut it loose
brian anyway
thank you everybody we
appreciate it all very much
and we enjoy doing it and
you know i’m a very
lucky person
i’m very lucky to have people like
brian cowan in my life because you know
it makes life
very interesting to have interesting friends
and i know that there’s a lot of people out there
that you don’t have a lot of cool people to talk to
and i appreciate
everything you get down the podcast
resonates with me
brian callum my friend
thank you very much for coming
thanks for having
me always an
honor always an
honor to be with you my friend you’re the best man
you are my favorite
guest of all time
thank you sir
sorry everybody else
thanks to the flashlight
go to joerogane net and
click the link
and put in rogan as your code and you get 15
off your masturbation
okay it’s a discount
and you’ll blow
giant loads inside this rubber
vagina you’ll love it did you ever use yours still
haven’t used it man
still haven’t
used it no lies
have you masturbated since then
no you have
never no no no
you saved your
seed i’m a christian
save your seed yeah
and what’s the most times you’ve ever
how many days have you ever
saved your seed i used to do it a lot i used to
when i was doing taekwondo i was like that’s what my
table teacher told me that that’s you know
so i’d like to try to do it but i was like 21
i’d just be like
fucking two hours fucking
that’s my weakest
muscle ever the holding the load back muscle
that’s my weakest muscle so
hard it’s so hard still
still i wanna fuckin
i still wake up with a heart on every morning
they say you’re supposed to go tantrut
to squeeze it you never tighten
up that inner area
keep your tights
not that inner area
keep your tattoo i’m blowing
heavy loads and i’m screaming filthy
filthy when i do it
and on that note
ladies and gentlemen
thank you february 4th mandalay bay theater me
ari shafir joey diaz
the show of the year we’re fucking fired up for it
some tickets are
still available they’re going quick so
get in on it we’re really
excited about it i’ve never
been to this theater but it’s big and it’s awesome
and it’s the day before the ufc
which is february
fifth so there’s
gonna be a lot of
freaks in town
it’s gonna be
crazy i predict a lot of
skull t shirts
a lot of fucking flaming foil
brian redband follow him on twitter
ladies and gentlemen
he’s trying to get over 21 000 what do you have
right now dude
10 000 10 000
ladies and gentlemen we can
we can get him over 21
and brian count on
on twitter it’s brian with a why because it’s it’s just
you know just it’s interesting it’s right i’m gonna
start i’m gonna start being on twitter more
you are you do tweeted all yeah now tweet
tweet like like your act
you tweet like you do on
stage i just tweet like whatever
right if i come up with something
funny i’ll tweet it
that’s it there’s nothing
about me that’s interesting i’m not
gonna say anything that’s
what are you talking
about man you’re one of my most interesting friends
well thank you don’t be
doubting yourself brother all right
so when can anybody see you next
stan i’m starting a new tv show called
death valley on mtv
and it’s a shot like casp we kill werewolves
vampires and zombies in the valley and i play the
chief of police who’s a complete retard
and a complete pervert and it’s a really fun part
it’s called
death valley and it
could be really
funny really
it’s a comedy yeah and
there was cute
it’s comedy
but totally gory and really violent really
yeah it’s really
funny how do the werewolves look do they
look cool amazing man the pilot
looked amazing they picked
12 episodes on mtv
i have i’ll send you i’ll give you my that
sounds awesome that’s
right up my
alley yeah dude it’s
gonna be really cool you play a
crazy sheriff i play that yeah
chief of police he’s an idiot
he’s always has a hand squeezer
wears really tight
shirts he’s a fucking
loser so you’re
happy with it yeah i look like a muscular don
knotts it’s so sad
it’s a good time man it’s a good time and so
it starts on
mtv when when does it
start airing
it starts well we
start shooting
january 31st i’m not sure what the air date is
get a couple on the can and
start airing okay but you shot a
pilot already yeah you’ll show me that yeah
it was for you bitches
yeah it was really i got the inside
scoop funny and
silly and you
know see what
all right we’ll be back
next week we’re trying to get bill burr and bill burr
we might comb we
might yeah we
still have his comb
yeah he’s one of my favorite comedians too
inspirational very very
funny guy and just a cool dude
yep and he’s
he’s in town this week we’re
gonna try to get him in we
might do another one this week
might do another one friday maybe so
other than that
thank you very much everybody
that’s it just mad love to all my bitches hello
and see you guys soon
soon eventually we’re not
going anywhere
we’re gonna keep this shit rolling
we’re gonna keep this shit rolling bitches
oh shit how many
did we have on
right now well people
watching right now there’s
twelve hundred people
hello my friends
that’s usually what we get live and then
afterwards like
it’s always a
twenty thirty thousand or something like that
and then itunes a lot more than that though itunes is
where most of people listen to
it really i’m
still talking
to you people like you’re not there i love
it but you are there and i love you goodbye bye bye