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Podcast
Description
Joe sits down with Cliffy B.
Transcript
like music and
then you know edited but no we don’t even
feel alive and
dirty it is
dirty dude it’s
dirty as fuck
bam this music
maybe what is this called a
slight pause what’s the what’s the
music called portal
from the portal
soundtrack still
alive we tried to
play this the
other day but
i don’t think i’m high enough
you know you want another hit of this
don’t be scared homie
play this i’m going deeper how do you like that i’m
going forward this is four
i might be too high to talk
stop dancing
cliffy beat often to help out
often to help out if i can’t talk that’s a real pal
problem driving over we started getting a good subjects
like save it no way save
it save it save it that’s the problem when
you get cool people to come out before the podcast
then when you try and recycle the
exact same conversation sometimes it
doesn’t have the
exact fake as fuck so
earlier you were talking about
hide your kids hide your wife
yeah oh yeah
um that guy what happened to him crazy
ladies and gentlemen
joining us in the podcast is the one and only
the real cliffy b
yay cliff bleszinski is that on my
senate right yep
fresh off the plane
fresh off the plane
if you don’t know cliffy b
behind us is gears of war is playing on the big
screen in casa de brian
and that is
one of the masterpieces from cliffy b
and cliffy is
a game designer for epic games and
it’s been my
friend for a long time we’ve been friends for
how long now it’s like ten years now ten years bitches
yeah joe has a
habit of basically
going around to a
flashlight don’t touch it
is this the one you find is it a beer can
that’s the most used and horribly slutty
flashlight you’ve ever ever had
this is the
flashlight this is a
sponsor of our
podcast before we go any further that’s the
flashlight in a can if
you go to yeah and
apparently this one is
not the most effective one if you’re just looking for
something to have sex with
you might as well go with the
standard version the can one is more of a
novelty item
it is a you can’t get it done if you need to
look at it’s dripping with
water you’re disgusting
human being
you are wretched
brian went through a dry
spell he broke up as gross like
you know it’s got excuses oh dude come on man stop it
you fucking
freaking me up
if you go to joe rogan done
if you go to joe rogan
that net don’t
blame it on me man that’s not cool
so not cool
you wipe on your pillow
your dogs gonna oh man we got problems
anyway if you go to joe rogan dot net you
enter in uh
click the link for the
flashlight you get 15
off you enter in the code word
rogan sort rogan
yeah i ask you
every week and i always forget anyway
with that out of the way
cliff bleszinski
lead game designer
for gears of war and so many
other fucking cool games
i’m actually a design director now design director
is that a different
thing yeah i mean it’s
basically like
if you can prove yourself
working on multiple projects then you get to try and
sprinkle a little bit of the
magic fairy dust and all the
of the projects we got bullets
coming on i
don’t know if you saw that one you have what is it
it’s called bolt
storm no what is
that it’s kind of like
you remember
firefly and serenity
those tv shows joss whedon did
it’s kinda like that beats
i sorta like remember seeing the ads i don’t
think i ever you’re like a drunken
space pirate
who winds up
crash landing on a planet and you wind
up using like a combination of
crazy guns in your boot to kind of
fight your way off the planet
oh yeah it’s actually really fucking cool it’s
coming out in february
wow that sounds
pretty fun developed by a bunch of
crazy polish guys
and been working on that a
bunch gotta get
gotta we got our iphone game
dropping this
thursday oh
what is it yeah it’s called infinity
blade it’s like
punch out with
swords wow an iphone
and will you be able to play
against people
not yet first release is just
one player but i mean the beauty of
apple right now is you have
these updates right
right remember in the pc days it used to be patches
yeah and you’re like
shit i gotta get a
patch this sucks
this is broken
now it’s updates
and you’re like
wow i’m getting it updated to gift it’s a
thing that people don’t
appreciate if you came up in the old windows days
it’s seamless
it always works
man i started out with windows 95
i’m sure you probably
started way before that we’re showing her
age dude yeah
windows 95 was the
first pc that i ever had
and i remember one time i somehow another
i did something
somehow or another i installed my operating
system onto
one of those big
drives who are
those big stupid
drives remember
those things
no it was like
another step
above that zip
drive oh yeah
the slow ones
it was a big
one like it was probably like one megabyte or something
stupid it really
wasn’t that big
stone tablet yeah it was
giant this big fucking brick shiz
somehow or another
that became my
startup drive
i installed windows so
that it took
like four days for your computer to boot up
it wouldn’t boot up it was just
chaos and so i had to
bring it into a guy who was a
pc expert who figured out what the fuck i
live retardation i that guy later was
found the geek
squad he’s a billionaire now
yeah meanwhile
the technologies built
okay it’s like money
right like anytime you have something like six months
later there’s a new version that comes up like damn i
gotta upgrade this you know what
they say that but i don’t see it that way i
i think it’s
exciting i don’t
think of like people are good sucks because you
know you know fucking the new shits coming out and they
build it that way
no they’re just trying to
catch up with the ideas
i think technology is moving at such
a fucking insane rate i got guys at work they have kids
right now and my
buddy lee he’s
one of our designers
he pulled his
daughter aside and he’s like look
things have gotten pretty cool in my lifetime you have
absolutely no idea the
things you’re in for
like where the world is
going like the
world in 10 15 years is
gonna be completely unrecognizable yeah i
agree it’s like from
where we were as kids like you can’t even imagine
right like with nanotechnology and
everything it’s unbelievable
and you and i
i’m sorry you and
i’ve had this conversation a couple of times one of the
things you turn me on to is fucking
3d printers
the idea that you’re
going to be
able to have certain elements inside of a machine
and you’re gonna be able to
print objects we talked
about on the podcast before that
you’re not gonna have to go to
stores to buy
things no more than you
have to go to
stores to get a
picture you can download a
picture i already hate
going to the
store now dude like you know you go to big box retail
it takes like 45 minutes to find what you want like
okay so now i use
amazon but if i can actually have a fabricator in my
house that can
print out a pen
like fine right because
you have the like
the wooden type ones
right now that kind of
printed out of kind of like a
like shaved material
right you can
just send them a 3d
studio object and then they have
metal ones where you can just
build your metal
object just
layer by layer
and then eventually it’s
gonna be everything glad
we got a way to manipulate
whatever atoms and molecules to
build whatever you want out of it it’s
unbelievable
and that’s coming online man
and smart dust we were talking
about right yeah
that was another
thing that you sent me hip to
well explain the whole
thing for people who don’t know what
smart dust is at a very high
level because
again i’m a bit of a luddite despite
what i do for a living
it’s this kind of dust that they’re able to sprinkle
out in the battlefield each one has a little bit of a
transmitter on it and
they can detect if anybody walks on it like any sort of
footstep patterns on it because it
essentially
creates a little network that then sends back to base
and then what happens is it can also kind of
catch in people’s
shoes and little bits of
their clothing you know
just like little dna bits you
would find with
pieces of hair in a
crime scene
and they can
track whoever actually has that on them
right i mean
you combine where
technology is
going with the connectivity we have in the world
and it’s really
scary right we talk
about the end of privacy as we know it right
how big are
these things
they’re tiny
the size of a
small grain of sand
motherfucker
and i don’t know how many are actually out there yet
right about how much sand you get in your
shoes when you go to the beach
yeah i got a lot
you imagine
could you imagine
if all that’s saying
we already have
transmitters by
that right by the time we know about it
i’ve always said
about by the time we hear
about it that’s been in use for years
when they talk
about clones i’m like by the time they tell you they’ve
cloned a person the guy telling you is probably a
clone yeah i wonder how
they’re actively
in use by the government that if if
your average person knew
about it would result in total
anarchy it’s in
axe body spray
i’ve gotten
it really is
the whole axe line
body sprays only for douchebags that’s why they want to
track douchebag activity
right that’s the first
thing when they step outside
of chimps when they do like medical studies on chimps
test out mascara on them and shit i
notice you’re an old
spice guy there in the bathroom there by the way yeah
i’m an old spice guy or whatever is cheapest
yeah whatever gets a job
done and it has to be
white i need
white deodorant i don’t need
the blue kind
that’s like
you go work
do you do the antiperspirant
yeah i do i don’t
think that’s a good
thing for your body
i think i don’t i don’t
worry antiperspirant
i don’t i know i
stink sometimes but i don’t mind
you know what’s
important to me what’s important to me i don’t clog my
pores up when they’re trying to leak out sweat
if what is that
about you just
gumming up your pores so
you’re not like
sweating them you’re
using some sort of fucking
nasty chemical that jacks your whole
system yeah
how many people
get armpit cancer if i got armpit cancer i’d be like
thank god i’m the
first at something i’m not scared of my sweat
doesn’t bother me i’m
sweaty all the time yeah but you
stink though i do
right yes that’s the whole
thing that’s the
problem once you
start working
smelling an a
bodies i’m so hairy because my
chest is hairy too so it all funks in there
and it gets
you know it’s good to get some sort of a bacteria
like dad had a
with your shirt off
not that bad
i shave it a lot of times too
because otherwise
starts itching and it gets caught in jujutsu
people pull your
chest hair so you
don’t wear deodorant but you do shave your chest
i’m sexy as fuck you’re just dude
when i when i shave my
chest man i look at myself in the man like damn
ready for the french riviera joe
i don’t shave my legs though
i’ve no excuse to shave my legs
i know some dudes who do because it gets you out of
submissions
gets you out of
submissions easier jujutsu guys want
yeah you’re
still hardcore
into that yeah
yeah it’s fun yeah what do you
think this was a kraft maga the
the israeli
fighting technique well i
think if you wanted to just
learn it for
self defense
it’s a good
system because what they do is they incorporate
a lot of the best techniques in ground fighting
and they incorporate a lot of the best techniques to
stand up and for someone just looking to defend
themselves it gives you a pretty comprehensive view of
mixed of martial arts in
general you look it up on youtube man
it’s like half the
videos are like how to get out of a gun situation
and half of them are like
legit guys who are fast the other half
would wind up dead
yeah that’s true but you know what at
least you have a chance you know it’s like
if you have an idea of what to do
and someone is trying to
get you with a gun most likely they’re
gonna fucking
shoot you right
but at least you
have some sort of an idea if an opportunity presents
it yeah take control of it or not
right yeah i mean like that’s what the
whole idea of martial arts is
about it’s not that you’re
gonna be able to beat people up you’re
gonna be able to
fight it’s like at
least you’re gonna
know what’s happening
yeah it’s like the scariest thing
about any sort of an altercation is
when you don’t know how to defend
yourself you don’t know what to do and i’ve seen guys
i saw this guy get
knocked the fuck out once and it was
crazy talking
about like it was
a bar yeah yeah it was a bar and they got into a fight
and as they got into a fight
one guy was just
he just went into a full panic
and was just
swinging his hands
he wasn’t even making like a girl
yes yes full panic
swinging his hands
and a car got in
front of me
and as the car got in
front because
people were trying to get out of this parking lot
while this fight was going on
and as the car got in
front of me as the car passed
he was out cold on the ground
flattened out
i don’t know
it was first
but there was a look in his eyes of complete
total panic
he had no idea what to do
he was locked into this situation so
it was on sunset
you understand i mean you doing what you do with
mma and everything and being involved in the
scene like and
i went to my
first mma fight
the one in charlotte right
sitting there
watching ufc and i’m like
i’ve seen it
on at bars and i’m like okay this is cool and seeing
it in person getting a huge amount of respect for the
fighters and how
tremendous athletes
these guys are right but
whenever i you know
living in raleigh and seeing bar
fights which
break out in a regular basis
they’re not as bad as boston by the way we need to talk
about boston
dude that’s the land of savages
12 30 hits of the
witching hour
there’s too
many ugly angry
women and dudes are
pissed the sea hags man
we’ll get there but
whenever i see
a fight in real life dude
unless the two guys who are
scrappers man you see
the one guy who picks a fight with
this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing
i think it’s
really ugly shit man yeah you see act somebody actually
legitimately get hit and beaten up like that before the
staff and get to him that’s
pretty fucked up when someone knows how to
fight and the
other person
doesn’t i try to make friends with the biggest
motherfuckers in town that’s good so
hide behind people man
notice notice when the shit shits
about to hit the fan and know
where the door is
that’s all important you can
smell it man
yeah and the thing
about someone who does
train in martial
arts most of the time you don’t want to fight
because it’s not the same
thing anymore
it’s like a good
bouncer you know to defuse the situation
right you’re not looking to
crack skulls well it’s not just that
it’s not attractive
you know for
some guys the idea of beating someone’s ass is like
attractive but
when you do martial arts all the time it’s not
attractive at all
it doesn’t seem like a
thing to do it seems like
what you wanna do is
avoid all that this is
stupid this
could get you can get hurt
like you don’t have any need to
prove yourself physically
where a lot of people do
and unfortunately sometimes they just try to bluff
you know and they get called out on it
and they don’t know what to do they’re already at step
nine they don’t know how they got there because they’re
drunk right
and then you
know and then they say why
would i fucking hit this guy
and they go to take a
swing and the horror upon horrors
is when you
throw a punch
at a guy and he moves like he actually knows how to
fight and he’s sober
then you’re fucked
cause then you’re
drunk and you did a douchebag
thing and some guy’s
gonna light you up
but next thing you know you’re on the side
of the street
blade and they’re
bleeding from my
experience i mean there’s always
gonna be assholes that do
martial arts like there’s assholes that do everything
but it’s a much much
smaller number
so the odds of someone who wants to
fight actually being a martial artist
most of the
time they’re not it’s a big misconception like
these guys that are
fighting george cpr
he’s like one of the nicest
fucking guys you’re ever gonna meet
and even josh
costcheck the guy who’s
fighting him this weekend
fucking great guy if you’re not
fighting i mean he likes to talk
a lot of shit and likes to like get inside guys heads
but a lot of that’s pre
fight hype like outside of that is a very nice
a lot of those guys beat the shit out of each
other and then
they just the end they’re just kind of like
yeah cause it’s a mutually kind of assumed destruction
right they’re like okay i’m
going into this it’s my profession
right it’s that and some guys get real
caught up in the shit talking and some guys
some guys they
drop it as soon as the
fight’s over and you know you see them they’ll
go out and have beers and shit it’s like you know look
there’s a certain
amount of stress involved this person’s your
target there’s
gonna be some animosity
you know but for the most
part they’d like resolve it way better than boxers do
yeah you know boxers seem to be for the
i don’t know what it is
but there’s
like more douchebags in the boxing community i’m
not i’m not exactly sure about
mma when it was like five
eight years ago and it was
consider that niche
thing and that’s always the way with any sort
of new sport
right look at
snowboarding and yeah
that was all
the skiers look down i’m like that’s a joke that’s
never gonna be big now snowboarding is
freaking huge
right it happens with so many different sports
right well when i was
first involved in mma
it was almost
like telling people that i was involved in porn
really like yeah because i was working on news
radio right
and and by the
way i’m not the only one who said this dana
white said the
exact same thing
he said the
exact he had the
exact same feeling you feel like you’re doing something
sleazy i say
video games dude
no no way dude
when i was okay this is
my story i was on news
radio and i
started doing the backstage
anniversary the ufc
and this was 1997
so this is like we were in augusta georgia
and doth in alabama and
places like that and i
would tell them that i was off to go do commentary
for cage fighting they
would look at me like what the fuck is
wrong with you like this
is terrible for your career
you want people to know that you’re
commentating on cage
fighting you know
it was almost
like i was doing girls gone wild or something
the video game analogy though
i mean it’s not a one to one
but at the same time it was one of the situations like
10 15 years ago
it was like
you want to do that it’s like oh that’s cute
my little son plays that in the basement right
and now it’s one of
those things you look at
everything from the 360 to the wii
to natal and oh i
see what you’re saying
right but it
doesn’t have a negative connotation does it not it ever
used to now it’s the coolest fucking job
it was used to it
was more of a frivolous connotation not a negative yeah
no it wasn’t negative it was more of a
dismissive okay you run
along little
billy with your little
video games
thing because he used to play pong
right right
but now there’s games like call of duty that make more
money way more than avatar and that like
that needs to sink into people’s head they go it’s a
difference of a 60
day one versus you
know 10 bucks
right i mean
it takes you know not as many people to do it
right i mean
getting so good at
building up the hype for
these midnight launches
for all this right
i mean the big
issue right now is how much of that
money you think the actual developers are seeing
i don’t know
not necessarily a lot there’s a lot of controversy
about call of duty i don’t know if you
heard the whole
thing no please tell me
so basically the call of duty guys originally were
these guys from infinity ward
and jason and
vince real good guys and they
had originally
built this brand
after working on
medal of honor because they
built up medal of honor
and then that didn’t work
out for a number of reasons you can look all this up
they built the call of duty
brand up and then
basically modern
warfare hit
made a ton of money they
basically didn’t see much of it and then they were like
screw you we’re
gonna go do our old
thing it’s a very controversial
thing with a lot of lawsuits and
everything like that
i just i stand on the site
generally of
the developers because i believe in developers
rights i believe paying people what they’re
worth and when you create a
multi million dollar to potentially billion dollar
brand you deserve to be paid for it
right so the
issue is that
the people that finance it are getting the
majority of the
money the people
that are the
large studio
activision basically from what i can tell
again this is
second hand knowledge you
know the guys
basically did not feel that they were paid what
they were worth for because when they have contracts
once your studio
is purchased and you’re part of a larger conglomerate
your game can make a billion dollars and they
could just give your studio
half a million to be like fine we own you like whatever
really yeah
and i don’t know what the numbers are but
you’re increasingly seeing in the
video game industry
people getting a lot of representation
people getting
agents people
getting proper accountants and lawyers
and they’re actually negotiating this sort of thing so
people like warren spector who created deus
ex people like ken
levine who created bioshock
they’ve got
deals now they’re making amazing games and they’re
gonna make sure that they and their
staff are taking good care of
right i remember back in the day
when john romero
as how it was
broke off from id software and that was like the
first drama
in the game community
and this guy john romero who’s the game designer
splits from this guy
john carmack
who is this fucking
super genius from another planet
lizard guy yeah
he’s one of
this is very
few dudes when i’m around them i get intimidated yeah
like when i’m talking to john
carmack i’m like why am i even talking yeah well he’s
about talking
what i have to say to this guy did you ever
fucking alien yeah
this whole like
one in a billion type of personality
super genius alien code
right like it’s amazing
on another level than all of us and carmack
would sit in
front of the
computer for people who don’t know who he is
16 hours a day code
and then he
would go make rockets yeah
he’s a rocket
scientist in his spare time
and he was involved in the x
prize he was like trying to win the x
prize yeah that’s his
hobby and when he wasn’t doing that he was
turbo charging ferraris
building turbochargers
for ferraris that’s a big no no by the way
they’re like
it’s like buying a mona lisa and then just
painting over it right
i guess but he just
doesn’t have no reverence for any
objects he’s like fuck you he’s like i’m
gonna upgrade this but he’s an
alien well the
rumor was that like
after he started doing that
that ferrari kind of was like dude what are you come on
like you’re
undermining all of our engineers here
we’ll give you
new ferrari stop fucking with our shit
he was making like
these 12 000
horsepower ferraris you know
fucking nuclear
energy die yeah oh
for sure well he
apparently was
a nutty thrill seeker
he used to really like to go really fast which
is yeah what happened was he not
expect he left id software the guys to do
right so this john romero guy to get back to the
story this john
romero guy was like the playboy character it was like
a rock star
and you know and then they left and what was that
crazy game that they came out with
afterwards when
they did an acronyx and dai katana
guy katana that was the one
so he leaves
and you know it’s like sort of a cult of personality
thing oh yeah you know and it was the big debate was
you know who was
the most important is it the game
designers the guy with the vision or is it the coder
and how easy
it is it to actually design the games
the game designers often the
chaos and the programmer or producers usually the order
yeah right it’s a combination of
those two personnel it’s like saying
what’s the best part of the band is it the singers and
the drummers
and if you get the singer who
could be on
stage would be charismatic you know you get
david lee roth but you don’t have any van
halen backing him up
right right
right you don’t have the magic
right it’s a
perfect example it
wasn’t balance
right yeah he wasn’t van
halen on his own
yeah on his own he was just
david lee robert
well he’s gone on here
he’s doing some cool
stuff now man he’s
great he’s a
great guy i’ve met him i met him at the
comic store it was one of the
fucking coolest celebrity meetings i’ve ever had ever
but my point was that you know
as a group you know
those guys created
some pretty fucking dope games doom
you know doom they created as a group
and the idea was that it was all disguise
so this guy
leaves and he gets this
giant fucking deal is john romero
did you visit the
dallas office no but i
heard it was insane i
heard it was like
the top floor with
unbelievable views just stupid
crazy overhead
right this is legendary gaming history you’re talking
about yeah yeah
yeah well this is how much of a dork i am
about this shit
and he gets
crazy crazy
money and then to just lazy as fuck
and it is barely working man
what would happen
this game like
takes forever to
come out it comes out all wonky and shit and you walk
through walls
that’s an abbreviated version man but i mean the
thing is he assembled the team so fucking fast
and try to be so ambitious so
quick and that was with eidos’s money
this is basically
the lara croft tomb raider paying for this
right and so once you
build a team that
quickly like you can’t just overnight assemble a
bunch of people like in hollywood and have magic yeah
right and so half
not half but a good percentage
of the guys i work with my fucking art director
who’s this amazingly talented awesome guy
bled out of the eyeballs to ship daikatana
and he went to work for romero
cause he thought
romero was a cool guy
he still tells me
stories about having
panic attacks working in
dallas and how he almost killed himself
jesus christ
and so like i always look at that people
don’t realize how much you guys work dude it’s like
you look around a room right
every little bit somebody has to
work and build
every last little bit of it but
we visited you and you were talking
about when crunch time comes and it’s like
right at the end and everybody’s like basically
sleeping at the office
that’s all you
do is you work we all day it’s gotten better than that
we’ve figured out how to
make games better now like you get a producer who knows
his shit and it’s kind of like okay we’re not just
gonna all work really hard hope it turns out
great we’re
gonna actually have a plan
right so if you say when it’s done that
doesn’t mean you really know what game you’re building
right same time you need
to have a little bit of wiggle room because it’s not a
definable process
you’re penning for gold you’re trying it’s comedy
like comedy you iterate
right it’s so comprehensive though i mean people don’t
understand what goes into making a game
that just the amount of
effort i remember we were exhausted leaving
thinking about the
hours that you
guys work yeah but i remember what you’re talking
about remember
but dude you can’t burn through people that much
right you can
maybe get with a few crunches like that so we’re the
point where we’ll do maybe
ten hours a day
twelve tops five days a week tops and then we
we call it we’re like dude if we just can’t
it’s not worth that
smart you know because
people in the industry
over forty dude yeah
they just get
fried right yeah
yeah that’s interesting
i’ll tell you
about that daikatana
thing though even though it was like
a long time it was a fun game to play man deathmatch
deathmatch was
fun on it they had some cool the cool rocket
there was a crazy
weird rocket launcher
they had a shotgun
that had like 18 barrels or something like that yeah
they had some cool shit
romero was supposedly like he was into
first person
shooters and
deathmatch came
it was him and carmack and that
whole crew that just
the genre it’s one of the
lessons i tell the guys if you have a new camera angle
you can create a whole new
genre the first
quake was a fucking masterpiece for like
deathmatch brian
says you still hung up on it
well i’m still hung up on all games
but not really
quick to quick to
never really got me
quake one dude the only
thing that got me about
quake ii was the railgun that was very key because
that’s when accuracy became very important
so was your problem
with quake ii
they actually balanced the weapons
no no i just didn’t like the way it
it felt it just didn’t feel
as good it wasn’t as fast paced it was a little slower
whereas quake one you can move much quicker
it was much more like chaotic he
plays the numbers
slowed it down
it has to be
point seven
seconds and less you
know it’s just my what it is is that i just really love
deathmatch that’s what i really love that’s what
i really love that’s all i playing call of duty yeah
team deathmatch
like anytime it comes up with any sort of
domination or ctf
mike i just want to
shoot people how do you feel
about those
things that hook up to a console and give you
a mouse and a keyboard are those good
i mean they’re
cool and all but do
you i mean the
thing about halo is
he’ll no they
built the game of halo for that dual
stick controller
and if you’re a pc guy
is used to that
level of accuracy it feels like you’re like
drunkenly using like a rubber hose to a
car but if you
build a game for it
it can work and that’s what halo
did goldeneye
did it before that but you look at halo they
basically introduced
genre that was new to a whole
generation of kids i have this
whole 10 year role
where like the kids who played halo
most of them many of them didn’t play a lot of quake
because they were like wait what is this new xbox
thing i’m gonna play this and then
they become hooked
it’s like we talk
about vampires
on the way over it’s like
okay well all
these kids who love twilight don’t know what buffy the
vampire slayer is
right so sad so but if you wait 10 years
right your kid who liked buffy the
vampire slayer
or your person who likes twilight
they were what like you know
six when buffy came out now they’re 16
and so they didn’t know
about that so you can
basically wait
every 10 years
and find something that was old and make it new
and then if you can introduce it with new
technology you
might be good to go yeah
for people that don’t know what we’re talking about
those hand controllers the consoles
when you have a console you have like an xbox or
playstation
what they are
most people are
listening on
itunes this ain’t helping okay he’s holding one up
but they have a
bunch of buttons on it and
with pcs when you play with a computer
when you play online especially
what you’re
using is a keyboard and a
mouse and what it is is
for whatever reason the keyboard and the
mouse you can
just control it better you’re far more accurate
you’re accurate with the keyboard as
far as your movement having four very specific buttons
right where your fingers are
and you’re much more accurate with your hand
as far as like aiming
and that’s where it came into play with
games like quake
it was like aim
especially when the railgun
came about aim became very very important
so how do they optimize
these games for
these controllers do they have
auto aim or something
where you get
close you’re in the neighborhood of it a little bit of
auto aim man
one of the things that halo did was they
kind of introduced this idea of friction and adhesion
what you do is if you
when you move
your console kind of
stick over the enemy
the game actually slows down a little bit like
it’s like oh you want to hit him don’t you and then
it provides a little bit of that kind of assistance
right that would
drive me crazy
whole generation loves it right now
those fucks
those lazy cunts
mark that’s what it is they don’t even want to aim
these fucking kids today
self righteous
entitled children
back when we were
kids we we had a
fucking aim it was a
pixel hunt dude
that’s what it was
right yeah your
crosshair was this one
pixel and you had to
shoot that guy’s itty bitty head across the map yeah
except for in
quake one where you had to just hit him
with a rocket launcher that had a radius of half a mile
well that was the cool
thing about
quake ii is a lot of people
would put their own
crosshairs in they
would build
their own crosshairs
quick three they came out of the box like a
bunch of cool ones yeah
like figure out what was the best for you
like i would have different ones
for the railgun different ones for the rocket launcher
it’s all it’s all customization
but it’s insanity is what it is like
it’s a constant subject on this fucking site dude trust
you have a whole
generation of whatever millions and
millions of kids that are perfectly fine with the two
sticks and yeah they’re
gonna grow up pussies
we are we are
entering what i like to say we’re
entering into the feedbackless
generation right
those kids growing up with
those consoles
this is the
last the fall of rome this is when they were getting
drunk and thrown up and trying to
get more food in
dude that’s what it is gluttony
look can’t even touch the
game joe look at
touchscreens look at
touchscreens look at connect
we’re getting to a
point where people don’t need buttons right now
um yeah i hear you
right there’s me is that what’s
gonna happen is it
gonna be like aiming with your fingers and shit like
pointing where you want to go
dude the key is
microsoft thing is
right isn’t it
oh that’s yeah that’s a what is that called connect man
connect yeah you don’t need a controller
and you stand in
front of it and move around i guess
have you heard much
about this this is now
not that much
i know this is
going to trip you out
so it’s a camera
that can track your body movements
without anything on you you’ve seen the motion capture
setups right you know the
tiger wood setup
where it wears a spandex and all that
this is a very
light version of that
where you just
stand in front of the tv
and it can procedurally form your
skeleton and then track that
so there’s a dance game
dance central
which is a ton of fun i was playing with my
niece over the holidays
you literally just
dance right in
front of it it
tracks your movement it can
judge your score
here’s where it gets
weird there’s a vo
like a microphone on it
so it can do
voice recognition
and it’s got facial recognition on it
so once you do the facial recognition
thing which
makes you stay out of the room to kind of
build an aggregate of your face
you then can just walk in the room and it goes why
hello cliff
oh jesus fucking christ
i smoke too much weed for that dude i don’t want
my computer talking
to me you know what i want to see i want to see imax
movies screens
where you walk in and
you’re all sitting there
in the video game so
there’s like 500 people
all joining in playing this huge
video game in
front of you i told
you about heffron
right i told you
about heffron doing
stand up yeah
what’s that
my friend john heffron has been doing
these conference
stand up things
where they’re in
front of it some new technology
where they get him in a room
and he’s got all
these screens in
front of them
and they see him and he sees them live and he does
stand up really he’s like he’s doing a desk in
front of like all
these monitors
so he gets to see the reaction like there yeah
yeah yes two way
video so he’s
watching their reaction they’re
watching him live
it’s like he’s performing on
stage but he’s nowhere near them
which is the shit i
would love that
if i could do shows from my
house and not have to
travel all the time that
would be so i mean you can
judge people’s reactions
right they’re
right there yeah talking
about iteration
right and how much
we pan for gold and we try and find fun and we fail a
bunch before we figure out what it is talk about
jerry seinfeld’s comedian
how much comedy
they go to the little dive bars and they
do a surprise appearance and they just bomb
and then they figure out okay this
joke worked that one didn’t work this one did right
we find it’s the same
thing with game development
i’ve known people in the restaurant business
that try new menus they figure out what works and
doesn’t it’s all iteration
very few people ever actually nail it
right the first time
right right
early and fell
often which i
found is the key to so many instances of
success in life right
well you failed and you find out what you don’t like
about what failed
yep you know and that’s how you
learn absolutely
you have to
learn what you do and don’t like and when you’re doing
something complicated there’s a lot of failure involved
for sure the
keyboard to
mouse man it’s
still relevant but
a lot it’s the market
split man between
iphone between ds between
consoles i think
see no controller is very important i think
like making it so it
could be you
could do just sit there and do that
what i don’t like though is when
a lot of times i just want to sit back and play a
video game in bed or on you don’t have
to get up and run
around come on
i’m just trying to run through the forest i don’t
you don’t want to like
sweat you know you just want
you want to
lay back and just sit there the controller just play
yeah right you don’t have to jump around like an
idiot right
i could say
here go like this though like tron
style just move my hands like do do i’m
going through
they’re working on
any type stuff like
minority report
where you’re
gonna be able to just kind
of like that so you don’t have to like
there’s a certain
percentage of person a lot of them out there
especially girls
if you hand them a current console controller
they act like you handed them a flaming bag of dog shit
really like
really i’m supposed to use this for what like i don’t
wanna play this and
granted there are some
exceptions but most people
parents who you hanging out with cliffy b
that’s your old girl
voice that sounds
annoying that’s your old
girl that’s your girl
i learned that by
watching youtube
that’s your becky
voice oh my god yeah exactly
you’re such an asshole you just play games
we have this
whole theory that there’s a certain
type of girl that somehow gets that
voice pre loaded into her with that bubble writing i
think they just imitate everybody else it’s like
why would anybody have
that fucking horrible boston accent yeah why because a
bunch of other people have and they just imitate it
still it’s i
still miss it though dude
do you really how dare you
i dude i had a
great time growing
up i miss it with as far as dudes yeah
you don’t like the girls no
jesus christ
some of the most
horrendous experiences of my life came out of
a female boston accent yeah
let’s go to the packet
get some beer
just gets too cold
yeah we we added this experience we’re a
buddy of mars
a buddy of ours was in boston
he hooked up with some chicken
while they’re fooling around she goes
you gotta tell your friends
we had a monster
sound and she was just hideous and he’s just fucking
swinging it in i got a
buddy of mine he dated a girl from
long island and they woke up the next morning and he
asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she went
count chocula
dude so i took lauren
back to see my hometown
right like i had
what did you
go north andover
north andover
yeah i mean it’s you know totally like nice suburbs
right like really
like we went up in the falls all the foliage like the
local farm standard
robbed as a kid is like this now like national what
month was this
i was october late october
october’s good
right before it gets
horrible horrible horrible and i’m sitting there and
there’s something about
certain sections of the
northeast that just kind of
take something out of you
i don’t know if it’s the diet
or the weather
but there’s a certain
tiredness that kind of
creeps in man i don’t know what it is so weather
lack of vitamin d that too
lack of vitamin d but there’s something
about the weather too much
comfort italian food that cold yeah
it’s not supposed to be that cold for that long
where it just sucks
well you just assume
that every year for four
months it’s
gonna suck to be outside
for four months you grew up with it
right like i grew up
and i do a paper
route as a kid right
me too and they deliver it
and they deliver it in like
they deliver the
papers in november the snow
would hit and i’d get up at 10 a
m to do my paper
route and they
all be plowed over and
my papers aren’t there i’m like i
guess they didn’t deliver my calling for a refill
sometime around late
march early
april that would thaw
out and i would find the
papers from march
like a time capsule
and i’m sitting here
going is this how it is
cause my dad
loved him dearly but he was
super cheap
about the heat
and he’d like at
night he turned all off and like in
monday morning
getting up and going to
school oh it’s the worst
you like getting to that shower man
oh we used to have to use a hair dryer to
unclog the pipes
oh yeah the pipes
would freeze yep
so my dad had like this opening
underneath the
floor in the basement and he
would have to lift up this opening
and be sitting
there with a fucking hair dryer before anybody
could take a shower yeah
it was brutality it was retarded we grew
my dad decided one year he was
gonna buy a coal
stove that was
gonna like take care of all this right
so he gets it installed and
literally like
one folly is two
tons of coal
put in the basement
right and we
literally have to go down there with a hopper
bring it up there and you have to hold your breath
otherwise you get
black long basically
and we come up and
this thing heated
two square feet of the
whole house
so if you wanted
to stay warm you stayed in the living room and just
hovered right in
front of that thing
was the worst man
yeah we had four i got four
older brothers man growing up with that in one
house and it was a decent sized
house but what
what’s that i’m
sorry i had central air
you’re spoiled how old are you
what are you like
twenty four
fuck is wrong
with you thirty six
no shit huh
one of the houses i looked at in
colorado had one of
those wood heating
stoves in the middle of the living room
they were talking
about how economical it is to use this wood heating
stove to keep the house warm
i’m like what are you fucking talking
about hooker i got kids
and you got a
giant red hot ball of
metal in the center
of the living room that they’re just supposed to avoid
dude i used
to i was a kid i used to take prongs
with the hot coals and take them out aside
like from the living room like through the hallway
and go into the snow like
write my name with the
blazing hot
coal like how did i not like drop this in my foot
burn myself
right i don’t know but in
2010 they should
eliminate that
stupid shit and get a goddamn heater yeah
got a fucking
giant cast iron
fucking square up
in the middle
where i grew
up that was not common at all what you guys are talking
about like i didn’t know anybody that
well columbus
gets pretty cold though man yeah
well they like
i didn’t have central heat or air
they’re like dude what is this like
the technology i guess
old right now
eating and cooling in ohio is better than well
are you guys
well no columbus
doesn’t get
death cold though
right what is
what is winter what is like a terrible day
we got negative
ten okay that’s
real shit that’s cold so yeah i grew up with four
brothers right we had to
share a lot of shit
and so like we have to share
towels in the bathroom we only had a certain amount
we’d all have to go in line and take showers right
and i’m sitting
there one day and i get out of the shower
after my older brother
and i take the
towel and i’m kind of wipe my face and it’s a
light colored
towel oh no
and i realize the towel
smells like ass oh
jesus christ
i pull away
and i’m telling the
story to his
daughter recently she’s like a little
eight year old kid
about her dad
and i look at the
towel and i realize there’s
brown streaks in the
towel oh my god
and i’m explaining to
his daughter
that this is a double fail
cause not only did he not
remember to wash his ass
like he forgot
like wipe right
and i ask my
niece i’m like what’s the what’s the lesson out of the
story and she says buy dark towels oh
i’m like no you’re doing good
how old is she she’s eight
that’s brilliant
like you’re
doing wrong
no follow that kid keep an eye on
her she’s washed
brown and red
towels she’s a
fucking ideal
match for me
i would never thought
of that in a million years have you seen that that’s a
great line it’s a true
story dude it’s a
great line right
they have that
towel you can buy
online that’s like one half is
brown one half is
white and says face and ass
it’s like a
split towel i have it in my bathroom
it’s a good reminder
i would want a brown
towel that looked like a dexter splatter of
blood on it
you know that was the design of the towel
you sure you
could buy that you can actually buy dexter’s
shirt the kill
oh yeah yeah the little
thermal he wears yeah
do you did you did
you did you give up on dexter’s yes i gave
up mrs rogan’s really into it though so i’m
gonna have to try it
again did you see this like
john lithgow
i quit because of john lithgow
shitty rear
naked choke
john lithgow
get some woman
that was your
gave her the fucking weakest
bitch ass rear
naked choke i’ve ever seen in my life
i’m like no that’s not
gonna kill anybody that’s like
me stopping
watching a tv
show because they’re holding the controller
wrong with people
when you try to kill people man they fight
they fight back they clonch
you they kick they try hard
they don’t just lay in the tub and go
why you’re choking them
your little
fucking old
man arms that can’t even put any pressure on that
thing i know what he’s doing
amazing that
season dude and you know
wellers on the
season have you
seen him lately no
he looks like the most i didn’t even read that
again who’s
peter rob robocop
robocop yeah
instructors
war fucks carnival
like who started there’s a furthest
and you’re just like oh my god dude i don’t
he looks like this
sleazy amazing like
miami pd guy looks great
it’s still a good show in
spite of the bad
chokeholds okay well
i’ll give it a
second chance you
watch walking dead
no but i’ve
heard that’s pretty awesome
too it sits
the end was a little
but don’t say that then i got nothing to look forward
to frank darabont
fired the entire writing staff whoa
yeah he’s the guy who did
shawshank redemption
green mile right
wow fired the
whole staff
it’s hard to find fucking good writers that one
write your shit you know
yeah good writers want to
write their own shit yeah well let’s say well we
have had people
approach me they’re like hey we’re doing this
new ip and we want epic to make the game i’m like
dude we do our own
stuff man like we can either
create our own
thing like years or we
could do like the star trek the
movie video game
what is gonna happen
right right look
we’re not gonna run inspiring
nobody gives a fuck
about those
stupid movie
video games there’s the occasional
exception that’s a good one
but it’s hard to make like superman
for the nintendo sixty four
game every et
for atari to my face you know that’s very
desert right
they actually oh yeah
that’s one of the craziest story
urban legend you know that
story no it was the et the video game right and that
atari 2600 and they basically assumed it
would sell millions of copies and it sold like five
oh my god decided to like
bury out in the new mexico desert and they actually
still out there
they buried it buried it
why did bury it
because i don’t know i guess they could didn’t
find somebody
better than yeah
whatever disposal the economics
so there’s a huge landfill filled with that game and
it’s that many of them
i don’t actually know you can look it up and we what’s
the what’s the
urban legend though
well people
think it’s an
urban legend but
it’s actually true no but what is the the number in the
urban legends
millions millions
because they hired some programmer
and had to make the game over the course of a
month like oh it’s the
license we can
print it will make
money right
no you actually
have to make a good game like the new call of duty
was done by the
second team
which previously had made a very
solid one a couple years ago and it had made
a one a few years ago that wasn’t as good
but they have really stepped it up this new one at like
i didn’t play the campaign man you did you play it much
no i’ve never played it
it’s true you
should give it a go i know you have dual analog
fear can’t do it
you have to try
you have to at
least give in sometime what’s
gonna happen with all the
shooters are like most
of a fuck i
guess i’ll play pool
you have a table
imagine going like
this and playing pool you don’t even need a pool table
no no no you need a pool
table bro that’s the
whole game and
the whole game is what
you didn’t need you gotta
feel the ball contact the q it’s either
feel the ball
and how much
how much effort you put into your
stroke how relaxed your grip
is keep your shit together wait till you don’t stab
at it it’s got a
stroke that ball son you’ll change the mind you don’t
understand get on
you’ll see tron and you and i
like some different
things all right how do you know like
different things
i don’t know it’s disney so
cost him a hundred fifty
million dude
did you hear
movie hundred
fifty million you know the guy who
directed it is the guy who did the
first gears commercial the mad
world one well really yeah that was a good that
fucking commercial was awesome
dude i remember when that commercial was coming out
before gears came out i saw it on tv and i went whoa
like they just nailed it
that song is a perfect song too that song
was actually one of my like favorite songs when i was
going through
time throw that up on youtube right yeah
trying to pull it up i was
going through a really
tough time at that
point they actually didn’t even know
about that song dude
why don’t you just call me i
would have snapped you out of it that’s ridiculous
don’t listen to that kind of
music when you’re in that kind of mood
that movie that’s a good song
for a good mood to go wow that’s kind of a cool song
the last thing you want is one
depressing ass fucking song when you’re in a shit mood
remember it’s a remake of the tears for fears song
right is that what it is yeah it was a remake
of something i
thought it called a
father i thought
it kinda sad
and then they just did gary jules redid it
was like number
one in the uk over the course of the holidays
when it came out
and then it had another like
rebomp like that put that that commercial
put that song back the top of itunes for like a
month with that
game was the last game that i played with on a console
it’s called last day you play gears to dude no
i played gears one i fucking
loved the way it looked i
loved everything
about it but that fucking
thing was driving me crazy
trying to move around and look with this
stupid controller
and i’m like why is this have a
mouse and keyboard it
would be so much easier like if i had a
mouse keyboard
touch it kick
in some fucking ass up in this
bitch where we
it just it’s
oh just as gay already get this away from me
get this away from me you can’t even
don’t be a gaming dinosaur
i am i’m dude
so the second
one they did was called last day that was for gears 2
ooh i like the zoom
feature that was
pretty cool
he can you zoom in
right left trigger
right trigger
shoot come on this is so ass slow
can you adjust the
sensitivity in the
mouse yeah you can
yeah okay well it looks fucking
spectacular
you’re missing out on a lot of gaming
i’m missing out a lot of
things man i’m not skydiving
i’m not climbing rocks
i skydived once that was all i needed to do
brian’s got a
great story
about skydiving
no i don’t is
that we tandem
i’ve said it a couple
of times but it’s an interesting story
i’ll tell it because he’s told it
twice his father
had a person at work that was always saying you
should go skydiving with me i go skydiving i love it
she used to go all the time
well she fucking died really she fell out of a
plane and her shit didn’t work and her
second shit caught up in her
first shit that didn’t work that’s and
she fucking went
screaming to the ground from 10 000 feet in the sky
and slammed into the
earth ending her time here yeah
fuck that noise
i’m not that afraid of
death i’m afraid of the
screaming before it yeah
knowing the
words going down
four not even four minutes how much time does it take
terminal velocity 10 000 feet i’m sure you
could just figure it out
380 miles an hour
three minutes
three minutes
of last terror
yeah look up gears of war mad
world on youtube
that’s what it was nobody
it seems like a lot of somebody’s
gonna have it on youtube
it’s like you can just assume
that if something’s out there it’s on youtube now but
dude if you ever
actually want to find try and find somebody’s official
music video good fucking luck
yeah cause what
people do is they upload a
video where it’s like hey here’s what i
think a nicki minaj’s new song
and it’s like
nicki minaj official
video you click on it and they use the
thumbnail to make it look like it’s a
video and then some guys
talking about you’re like
can i actually find this freaking
thing like usually and then the one that’s actually
has millions of hits
is like the last one to actually appear what’s up dog
this is it right here
this is the ad
damn i want to watch it man
tell these fuckers to go on youtube
it changed the game for a lot of
video game advertising fuck yeah dude dude
but also you guys
raised the bar so high as far as the
graphic appearance of game
when we were in your
we came into your office
i guess it was like two years before this came out
and you guys were deep deep in development you had all
these crazy
models and all these
it was mostly just demonstrations of the
technology but
you know i remember
asking you like what are you guys up to like what’s
going on like we’re
about to take a big fat shit on doom
did not confirm or
deny saying that and then i went and i
wow and i watched it and
especially the
light like a
lot of the shit you had was like demonstrations of
how the flash how
many years ago
was that it was wow
it says think
about where
technology is
gonna be in a few years man it’s
gonna be insane like if if
my sony and
microsoft getting around actually making next
generation consoles like imagine what that’s
gonna be like like what is the bottleneck oh
i want it personally i want i want some avatar quality
stuff real time
yeah like that’s
where imax imax
theater imagine that
then there’s no concert
where you’re all
together in a concert
would be no
need to have a real life
world of warcraft
every day everyone
would just plug into
their fucking computer and be some sort of an elf we
just wander through the forest
and we’d all turn into the
apartment on
south park with the wow episode it’s fucking dangerous
thing we’re doing here because we make games more
exciting and way fucking cooler than real life
it gets weird it’s like it’s
a meta brain that’s getting hooked up
right well the
scary thing is what happens when
we can download consciousness into a computer singular
option is to
i want a bliven fucking avatar man
you know well you know
about the whole
thing about the singularity
right sure we
break her as well and all that
right like it’s i
i have a feeling it’s within our lifetime
for those of you that don’t know
brian’s little butter dog is attacking me right now
that dog’s a slut do you know what a butter dog is no
a dog is a serious slut
everything about that joe
no what’s a butter dog i had a
buddy of mine he came in he’s a
photographer from new york one time we were doing a
photo shoot for magazine
and he’s telling me how much he hated
dating in new york city i’m like well why he’s like
well there’s a certain type of girl in the city who’s
given up on the dating scene
and she has what’s called a butter dog
and i’m like what like she’s a good girl but her dogs
annoying no it turns out
that this type of girl this
might be an
urban legend he
might have been fucking with me but it
sounded the peanut butter
turns out that
their boyfriend is
their little
dog with a little tongue and a little peanut butter
and then that’s
their that’s
their boyfriend from there so anybody
from new york can confirm or deny this if it’s an
urban legend i
would love to know
it’s just a regional
thing i it might
be a manhattan
is there message
boards that we can
meet and greet
other people that
enjoy everything
yeah i’m sure there’s a message
board out there for girls who like to get
their pussy licked by dogs have you guys seen
this shit that pirate bays doing they’re like attacking
visa and master card
because this wikileaks
thing yeah they are
they are attack master
hard for not hosting it master
and all the
mastercard you can make a donation to wikileaks
right now they’re all attacking them
don’t do that this wikileaks
thing is fucking
fascinating for people who don’t know and i just
found this out today
ari brought
it up yesterday or day before when we had the podcast
and then was it yesterday yesterday
i already brought up yesterday at the podcast and then
today i went online and
started looking it up
the guy was arrested for
surprise sex
hi buddy the guy was arrested because his condom broke
and he didn’t tell her
that’s the crime and
apparently it’s only a
crime in sweden
like this is nuts like they had an interpol
like they’re trying to get this guy and
bring him in for questioning but this is the charge i
know girls who
try to get married that way
but this woman that he did it with the woman
he had sex with
this chick has published websites
with a detailed list of how to get revenge on men
yeah how to get
this is craziness
i mean the idea that this is enough to
bring this guy into justice
the internet
is gonna stop that man
some shit is
gonna go down from this it’s not
gonna be this
easy it’s really hard for
any organized
system to fight because somebody somewhere is
going to be willing to host something
and how many
places you’re
going to break down and shut it down it’s
on one hand of like wow this is fascinating
there’s information i shouldn’t be seeing that
maybe some of it needs to be exposed and on the
other hand i’m like this
is national fucking security man like we’re talking
about serious
stuff that could really
put people’s lives at risk so
i’m on the fence so that i can see both sides of it i
can see both sides of it too but i can’t see defending
against it you know
i don’t think it’s
right or don’t
think it’s wrong but i can’t see stopping it
from happening when you fuck with people that are that
powerful they
find some sort of way to get to you
i know but that’s what’s fascinating
about this is how
transparent it is
it’s incredibly
transparent
that all of a
sudden this
woman who by the way has cia ties
follow my twitter just go to joe rogan there’s a
bunch of things that i tweeted
today when i started
researching
about it and i’m not talking
about i’m talking
about like cnn
talking about
legit news sources and they’re showing
how the connections are
what this guy is actually being
arrested for it’s a fascinating thing man
they’re arresting him for having sex with no condom
this is consensual sex this is
not rape it’s not assault
it’s craziness
and this is something that’s like
there’s an interpol
warning for him
searching for him all over the
place for having sex now you got
extra down oh
that’s insane
did he did he get a shot from london to
sweden yeah
it’s craziness
it’s really
shocked how
transparent these
things didn’t happen sooner i remember sitting there
and i had a friend right
about the time we were working on unreal one this is
about 97 and i went over to his
house and he
was downloading like full high quality like hollywood
movies off of a website and this was 97
wow i’m sitting here going
and now it’s like bit torrent
is everywhere
right like and you have a
generation that
doesn’t want to pay for shit
right right like the
scott pilgrim
movie did you see that
brian yes one of my favorite
movies amazing movie
out of nowhere i can’t
believe they pulled it off i thought it was amazing
edgar wright who did shaun of the dead
right is just
a great movie and what happened was
it bombed at the box office
but at the same time it was like a perfect
movie for the
gamer nerd generation
a hipster generation even right
and i saw somebody tweet
about it they’re like
scott pilgrim is the movie this
generation the problem is this
generation doesn’t pay for shit
right i had a friend
of mine one time she posted on her facebook she’s like
oh i saw the lovely bones it was amazing
and it was two weeks before the film came out i’m like
you’re posting this on your facebook did you get like a
screener from somebody in la or something she’s like
no i torn to that shit
yeah people just
admit it right
just talk about it openly what’s hollywood gonna be
looking at people’s doors like the
music industry
right nobody wants to be the fucking
music industry right now
my words we have
to get rid of currency and make it likes because all
those people
would have liked it and
and so then
you just want to collect likes like they’re not even
money that’s
gonna be the currency in the future just like
sixth grade
do you like him
or do you like me like me yeah but he’s got a
point i mean you know what i mean
because that’s all you’re
going towards and that’s like the new currency
people are almost
everywhere that’s actually a good idea
that’s actually i mean some sort of a revamped idea
have you ever actually
tried to unlike anything on facebook
it’s a nightmare
yeah but that’s how it
should be yeah
actually yeah right
it’s easy to get in it’s like
calm down drama
queen just think
about this for a bit
brian’s used to deal with
crazy bitches
you’re really
just like cupcakes really you know you like settle
down what’s with the
thumbs down
why is there 32
thumbs down and 1 million
thumbs up who are you 32 people
i want to know who pays for like those like
things like gifts what
is that what they’re called you’re paying like 3
for a balloon to put on somebody’s facebook
that was a part
of facebook
are you talking
about like the lidic you got a button or something yeah
buttons that’s what it was dude
virtual goods are huge
yeah i heard
i’m not into it the whole rage
right now in the industry is they call freemium really
the game is free
which is a brilliant idea in a bad economy and so you
start playing it but hey you see that guy who
has the fancy cowboy hat
you could have that for a dollar
let me ask you what do you think
about this what do you think
about games
where it’s like everquest and shit
where they sell the character
they like build up some crazy
superhuman character
and then they go sell it oh it’s
digital farming yeah it’s
great yeah there’s people who
sell it tom
yeah there’s entire
places where they just they busted for
world of warcraft
where they sit there and they will
just farm yeah i
watched that
on tv man there was this couple there was all
about addiction
of gaming i don’t know what the show was
but it was a sad sad couple man because they
weren’t paying attention to their kid
their poor kid was like mommy
daddy they’re like shut up
and play the world
no it was a real tv show
it was and one of the
things that they had is
all these people that were in
i think it was like russia or something like that
that were playing games
for americans they
build up their account they
play all day and then they sell it to them this is the
fundamental
trade off that you have
right now as you get to the certain
point you realize
people often talk in the industry
about kids versus adults
kids have no
money and all the time
adults have very little time and have the
money and so
which audience are you
right if you can have a person who’s
can get paid you know the
equivalent of five cents an hour and
every hour you can earn a dollar’s
worth of gold
that’s a business
model for somebody
right i don’t
think blizzard’s a fan of that right
but once you have
eyes like i
often talk about the
seven deadly census
game design right
like i walk into this
world and i see you with your
fancy you know two girls one up
shirt on and i’m like oh i want one of
those how do i get that
and then i envy you
right and then i wind up getting
greed so i can collect
money and then i want
getting too many to wind up with gluttony and then
just all these
start factoring into each
other and once you have eyes it’s the way the
world works you see the guy with
a nice car it’s like oh i envy him i want that nice car
you can apply that to the virtual
world exactly as you can apply it
to the real
world you know
blizzard and
world of warcraft
i don’t know the
exact numbers but they had released a pet
whereas it was
like 25 actual dollars or something like that and
their servers
wound up getting
crashed with people lining up to buy it
just for like one little pet that’s
what they figured out how to do is
make it so that
the more you play the game the better you get
the better your life is the more
successful you are the more
powerful you are
the better the
experience is the more you have control of
other people in the game
and that’s like the really
trippy thing
it’s a time thing they
locked you in
it’s a show that you’re totally hooked on
and it never ends
and it keeps getting crazier when
we do new people and
any blizzard
mark my words has created this mold that so many
other people in the position
gonna follow we got
this thing in the new gears and we have a calendar
it’s like you play gears and it’s like oh hey
you know don’t
trade in your game
cause in two
weeks there’s like ticker tuesday or triple xp
thursdays right
and then your friends are playing on that same day
and you wanna keep
going right and
maybe there’s like a
psychology trick there were like you know
you don’t sell the game because you’re
thinking there
might be something coming up
right we’re
dungeon masters we’re always like manipulating that
experience online to have new shit happen
yeah it’s kind of
crazy that it just keeps
going though
but i mean how
much did all
the average person have over their life
right so you
have a world
where you can
start gaining that control yeah
i think the biggest problem
like when you’re young is
figuring out what you want to do when you grow up
right like thankfully i was
lucky and i saw games i was like boom that
right but so i’ve talked to kids are like i’m going to
school and i don’t know what i want to do
it’s like dude pick something and be surgical about it
and decide that you’re
gonna be the best at that
yeah but the
problem is finding something for a lot of kids the real
issue is finding something i mean you got
lucky i got
lucky a lot of people did but
it’s very difficult to find the
thing that you’re into
you don’t wanna like say oh it’s
gonna be this
and then you’re doing it and then halfway into
it you like this fucking blow
okay so it’s difficult to
find what that
thing is it’s like
asking it especially the
young age when you don’t know
you hardly know a lot
about what’s
going on in the
world around you
but at the same time
that opportunity now with the internet is
greater than ever
right like you
could shoot a
viral video you could
start a podcast you
could do anything and if you
start getting better and better at it you could
build community
right if that’s what you
wanna do but what if you
wanna be a carpenter
or what if you
wanna be a painter you know there’s so many
for kids the hardest
thing is finding the thing
finding whatever the fuck it is like
most kids don’t get enough exposure
to interesting ideas between the schoolwork
when you go to
school when you think
about what you
gotta do you
gotta get up at fucking
seven o’clock in the morning
you gotta leave
catch a bus with a
bunch of other douchebags
do a bunch of shit that sucks all day
listen to a
bunch of people tell you you’re
never gonna make anything out of your life
unless you pay attention to them
and they’re like listen
bitch you’re teaching
school i know you don’t make any
money shut the fuck up don’t you love it
oh life was so
great when you’re a kid like no you
know yeah that’s
moments but it sucked so to find something that you
truly love in the
midst of all this like programming is what
school is no more than programming
it is education there is information that you’re
gonna download you’re
gonna remember it
but the reality of what
it is is getting you programmed to get used to doing
things you don’t wanna do
listening to people that you don’t
wanna hear you’re out people you don’t yeah
there’s a buzzer
why does there have to be a buzzer stupid
well this is so important that we fucking
leave at a certain time and get there at a certain time
you’re turning me into a robot
you’re turning me into some worker asshole
that just goes and does the same goddamn
thing every day you’re providing
order for a certain mind that
might otherwise
with the development of yeah
there’s ways to educate people
have you hung
out with any
public school teachers
like my favorite
hobby is if i’m out with friends and
it was out in san francisco with a
buddy and he had a date
who is this a public
school teacher and anytime
i find one of my
polarist i’m like come here come here let me buy you a
drink and we’ll just sit there and pick
their brain for like an hour
above my uncle’s a public
school teacher does he have horror stories
oh of course he does
right teachers in new jersey
yeah like so
you know like
classes that are huge like kids who are
young like super
young hooking up in bathrooms have to call child
in services
it’s a horror
story out there yeah
well you know they’re all doing
crazy shit now too because of the internet
you hear like 13 year olds are talking
about making out with
other girls
there was no
girls making out with girls when i was 13
that shit never took place
they’re all doing it you know
yeah that was
13 year old girls yeah
that was the
when i was 13
i knew a lot of 13 year olds dude none of them
were making out with each
other everybody
would say they were
gonna do something and you never knew
quite what it was
right and there was this kind of like
adult conspiracy to keep like
pornography away from you and
things like that you had to go in the woods and find
points we’ve talked
about this a hundred times on the podcast finding yeah
finding porn in
the woods that’s so
funny everyone’s got the same
story everybody it’s incredible that we didn’t
bring this up
to you dirty
stuff we didn’t
bring this up to you and
everyone has the same goddamn
story you’re in the woods we
should find a
magazine you
should make an
adult bookstore in the woods it’d probably be the most
successful just
don’t even tell have any science
in the middle
of the woods
there’s like a johnny porno seed it looks like
ron jeremy and a thon
going with a
giant sack of porn and it’s like
cherry hustlers
yeah cherry yeah yes
it’s not playboy
it’s the dirtiest
shit you could find it was the bad
stuff we grew
up with oh your dogs there we go it was always
penthouse with a lot of
water damage it was always the girls look like that the
sarlacc pit down there it was horrible
right and your young
impressionable mine is like oh my god i’m supposed to
think that is hot what is
going on here
right it’s terrifying yeah now
click of a button you can see two girls one cup yeah
yeah we’ve talked
about this before
about how crazy it is how
how close all this stuff is
like someone can send you a twitter link and you
click on it and just give it to be the most horrible
thing ever mark my words if i ever have children
like they are not
gonna get a cell phone
until they’re maybe 13
yeah but you know what the
worst thing you
wanna have is an uninformed kid true true
when all the other kids
just talk to them and just
let them be
you know in the same
flow as everybody else
just let him know what the fuck is
going on while it’s happening
as long as that bass is there right
yeah yeah look
you know there’s that old
expression the kids are
gonna be alright
you know and
they are they’re
gonna be alright they’re
gonna be fine just like we’re fine we’re worried
about them you
know and i have
little daughters
and logically
you know i can say this and of course you know
paternally i
just want to protect them and nerf the fucking
world and all that
but i understand where
that’s coming from
these kids are
gonna be fine they’re growing up with other
human beings for
some extent you want them to make
their own mistakes
right i’ve known
parents yes
pad the house
up too much and it’s like let them fall over once in a
while let them
learn have balance
right like well yeah but you know you
gotta be careful
you don’t want them
i mean kids die
you know they fall yeah
and they don’t have a cold
stove in the middle
of the living room yeah
but i mean if you have hard
floors you know like i have marble
floors it’s kind of tricky
you know you gotta
you gotta watch them
but that’s not the
point the point is you know
they’re growing up with
other people and i think
things always
get better and even though it seems like shit’s worse
even though it seems like shit’s
worse as far
as like the economy and all this craziness as far as
invasion of privacy and
you know and
the access to information that
we have and they’re getting inundated with images and
videos and all this shit that we didn’t see
until we were well
mature they’re
gonna be fun
they’re just this is how they’re
growing up now this is just how it is and we’re just
the old people
that are just like our parents like you know kids
these days look at them
kids the same
video games it’s the same
thing it’s just
we’re like kids
these days with
their fucking ass
to mouth porn
you know they got ass to
mouth porn on
their fucking
iphone well that’s just what it is it’s just
this is the new
world and the
world constantly
keeps getting more and more complex it’s a
world of ass to
mouths it’s the
world is always getting more and more fucked
up it’s always getting more complicated more strange
more bizarre
where is it
going to the zombie
apocalypse well i
think it’s always look i
think as long as there’s
freedom of information the way we’re expressing each
other right now
and communicating with each
other people are
going to be able to figure out
things quicker
you know and i
think kids are
gonna be able to figure out this
multi faceted fucked up chaotic world
far quicker than some fucking doofus from 1963
yeah you know you take some kid from 1963 you
could talk him in anything they didn’t know shit
yeah you know
today kids are
gonna be more savvy more
aware more information
nobody needs to ask anybody anything anymore
yeah he was
the fuck it up
you find it
right you know wozniak was complaining
about this actually
there was steve wozniak one of the creators of
apple was doing an interview
where he was
saying back in my day you know
you had a question you had to find a
smart person and ask him
well that’s dumb
why would i
why are you complaining
about that there’s not that many fucking
smart people
but i gotta seek out one dude
that’s retarded i have
to go and talk to the professor
that’s why they’re so goddamn arrogant
about their information
thing about the mayans
right they used to control them by the you know all the
quote priests you know
figured out
science and figured out you know how the you know the
and how everything
would turn out and
like everyone
was like wow how do they know this it must be
magic or like huh
we’re controlling this through knowledge right
yeah well there’s yeah but
now everything
to before the library
of alexandria burned down
i mean that
was the idea as well they kept all the knowledge
they had all this information
about all sorts of different
things that
the delayed person was unaware of
now everybody can get it google bitch damn
we used to have to seek out a tim sweden
era john carmack yeah
right and hang on to them and
write them up to the top yeah
that’s true now there’s just fucking
a computer connection
to the internet and all your questions
answer but it’s not always true dude not always
but it’s getting there
it really is getting
closer and closer it’s getting to the point
there’s a lot of disinformation but there’s also
a lot of information there’s a lot of good information
and i think that’s good
because i think it developed
just like we need to be able to
discern between bullshit and reality in the real world
we need to be able to discern
between bullshit and reality online
and people will sort it all out and figure it out you
know there’s a lot of people that have there’s a lot of
urban myths
about all sorts of different
things if you
drink a coke and take you know
fucking this with it you’ll die
i mean how many different stories have we ever
heard oh yeah
and then you just go online
pop rocks growing up
yes that’s right that’s what it was
it was mikey
from the life serial commercial died his stomach
exploded right
there was the
urban legend
about the girl who
stuck the hot dog in her pussy
and then had to go to the hospital you
never heard that one i
didn’t hear that one that was the other one
all the maggots were
starting coming out of your ass
then there’s the one
about the lobster
that right you
heard that one
right what was that one
the girl apparently took a lot
to boston one it’s the
lobster lobster
put it in her then like lit a mash to make
its tail flip around turns out the lobster had like
like planted a
bunch of eggs in her and
then like three weeks
later she died at the top
and all the
yeah yeah i
could solely see that some
disgusting girl was shit breath telling me that story
it really seems like life is
going towards
having a matrix bubble
where you live in a bubble and your
whole life is like
she was such a whore
she took this lobster
she stuck it in her
pussy right
right she lighted it with a
little fire
it was on fire and a fucking lobster just
dropped all his eggs in a
snatch it was
a lobster fest
and two fucking lobsters
are crawling out of a
pussy what a whore
don’t you think that’s the case that life is
going towards
where we’re
gonna be in a bubble and our
whole life is
going to be some kind of sit like
matrix style
cocoon where we’re all working for the eyes i actually
think the people who actually have
people skills
will suddenly
everybody’s
gonna know how
to be connected and how to get all this data right
but those who actually can interact in real life
will actually do pretty well if
you have the combination of that
we all know
it’s interesting
to try to like speculators to what exactly is
gonna happen but we all know that something’s
happening and that’s the most interesting thing
about this conversation
is that we all are just
admitting like everyone’s saying
no one’s saying
well this is
gonna stop and
everything will
level off and then we’ll just you know go fishing
it’s going faster than ever though exponentially
right yeah it’s moving in a
weird direction when you were talking
about that smart dust
you know and
the ability to
track you and little
particles that can hang on to you and 3d computers and
this whole wikileaks thing
the transparency
of the whole process now
seeing this guy get arrested for
not wearing a condom and they’re
tracking him down like he’s a killer
and that is this main
thing he’s done
wrong he didn’t wear a condom nobody knows what’s
charging nobody knows anybody else involved it
though right he’s the one who’s like willing to
stand up there
and take it on the chin is the face of this
whole operation i don’t
understand the
whole story
i need to look into it more and i hesitate to
anytime anything involves anything political
i always just say you know what
it’s like watching a tv show that’s fucked me over
you know this this show sucks
you’re not getting me
again i’m not
gonna watch your
stupid show
and that’s how i feel
about politics so i when anything like this
is in the news i’m like fuck you my time is valuable
you guys are all
crazy you’re all full of shit
kiss my ass i’m not paying attention
but as this is getting further and further
along i’m getting sucked in
because it’s so surreal
yeah it’s so strange
well you know the only a certain percentage of the
cables were actually
released it was something like 20 000 out of like
300 000 or something they’re fucking
panicking man
these the politicians are
panicking they’re
gonna know all
these other nations are
gonna know what kind of shit we talked
about them you have a hard time containing
data though even in my business it’s just like oh
suddenly something just appears as a
rumor on a website yeah it’s like how the fuck
it’s amazing
it’s interesting
somebody profiting by this like as i
know in the gaming industry if you’re like
gonna leak something to like
you know a video game website you’re not
gonna make money like
right and you
know you’d hope somebody
wouldn’t have two beers
at a pub and tell them something like and then it’s
people run with it
right that’s one of the most fascinating
things about bit torrent
and all this
stuff it’s almost like people feel compelled
to contribute
it’s like there’s like a human
urge to put information and
stuff available online
like before people were getting chased down
people love the idea that you
could go to
their site and get a
bunch of shit yeah
you can get a
bunch of shit from them and they love to be yeah
they love to be distributors of it
you know it was so common there
were so many different sites that had illegal shit
there’s gotta be like a
human nature
thing where you just want to like
share and host and have community
remember where’s
where sites yeah of
course yeah i mean that’s different than bit torn
people don’t know there was these
weird fucking hidden sites
where you can go and download
layers with a z
yeah w a r e z
and you could
go and got this
with suarez
they got all shut down they
figured out how to stop them
but then this
whole peer to peer
thing came up and the peer to peer
thing is too confusing
for people who don’t know
it’s like when
you’re downloading say if you’re getting a
movie you’re not getting it from one person
you’re getting
it from like a hundred people or more even
you’re getting all
these files and
somehow another they’re compiling who’s your computer
yeah but it’s craziness because
you’re taking all
these ones and zeros from like
thirty different places
and then the
final product is illegal
yeah like whoa what are you saying and
how do you track
right where did it come from somebody had it
if the one person
that had it there’s one illegal copy right
and then they’re all illegal but what if there’s one
legal one so here’s the key is to provide
a service that people are willing to pay for why do you
think hollywood’s betting on 3d so much right now
right it’s like okay what are we on
what are we
gonna actually do
i think that’s adding
the third dimension
the key to that is nfl i don’t
think it’s porn
and fell would be dope
we’re filming all the
ufcs in three yep
you have seen 3d
that be genius right
then it’s an event
right like filmed
a bunch of them already
i want my 3d
to be an event i want to go see avatar i want
to see tron in 3d
i don’t want to
go see like meet the fokker 6 in 3d i don’t really care
right in my
house like you know i don’t really need to see like
your average
rental in 3d but when there’s an event there’s a
fight there’s a
the super bowl i will i’ll put my
glasses on and
watch out of my
house or a dope
movie something fucking bad
that some super like
the more i watch
i’m sorry the more
watch tv in 3d though it’s not really
about that i
think why they’re trying to make all the
movies 3d and all the games 3d is to make it to the
point that what we’re
going towards is like walls of
tvs or like i was saying the imax
movie theater
where it’s gonna be
a bubble aren’t you
well it’s at the 360
like i think i
think they’re really
trying to push that that not the 3d part just the
depth part of it so that’s what
it’s going towards a bigger
screen do you
think that they
can do that eventually they’ll be able to create an
image that looks
three dimensional without actually having to have
glasses have you
seen the nintendo
3ds yeah they already have it already have
does it look like remember when we went to that um
i don’t remember where the
place was we went to and we saw some some sort of a big
screen was in an austin
they had a big
screen that was
it it was a 3d
thing they have it now it was
super dope it was in best buy
somewhere in best buy oh yeah yeah
yeah it was best
buy remember
it was incredible we were
watching that
monsters monster vs
aliens yeah yeah
it was insane
the depth was so fucking gripping
i was like this
is like giving me like a mental boner just to
watch it’s like thrilling
you know it’s
so alive with
visuals you know so your
story doesn’t always have to be the most original
thing but if you can provide something so but
somebody’s never seen before that’s why
we play games that’s why we go to the
movies is to get away from the shitty day to day
monday in life
that’s why they’re people
who love avatar so much that are depressed when they
leave it right
cause they created this
whole virtual
world that just wanted to exist
it’s me man i wanted to go there
and i wanted to lead
when i read
about that movie i’m like this was pretty
there’s like
okay so it’s blue people meets fer and
gully and i’m
watching i’m
like oh this is cool that was a perfect example of
depth though when you saw avatar for the
first time how
like that one
scene where they’re
going down there
pulling out something like a dead body or something
it should like that long hallway
you know that’s what it seems like
everything i’ve been
watching regular tv in 3d for like a couple
months now and
even like regular tv shows that
they have like a reenaction that makes the tv
try to make it in 3d
that reenaction
recreation of trying to make it 3d
and even shows like that you’re just
watching tv and you’re like wow this background
this really far back you know so it seems like
everything is
going for just
depth nowadays that
the technology
is going to be like us in a
pod and we’re just
gonna sit there
and communicate
to get used to it that they can’t go back right
exactly that’s what it seems like it’s
so used to it that what
that they can’t go back
right that’s how it is with hd for me
right now right but the
never underestimate how many people don’t have the
money or don’t
miss upgraded
conversation i ever said sorry
we know like we we can
track how many people have hd versus
standard definition
televisions and in our games
right based on
their settings
and it’s actually
not as many people as you
think have hdtv
still to this day really there’s still a
great percentage of rural america that
still doesn’t have broadband
there’s so many
people that lag behind it because it’s just not a
priority for them
you’ll always get your
early adopters
guys like you who have 3d
there’s still tons of people out there
i stream all my
stuff on my xbox
like when i saw the red box you go to the
supermarket
where i live and like a friday
night near the college
there’s a line out the door
for the red box and i’m like what is this
right and it’s
blockbuster condensed
into one box that you can just rent
right and it’s huge
not everybody has the
broadband and has an xbox
setup they can easily
stream everything from the comfort of the living room
right yeah but
not everybody had electricity 200 years ago
yeah i mean
it’s like it’s all oh we got to keep pushing forward
right it’s all
gonna it’s it’s eventually
going in the same direction
doesn’t matter how many of
these hillbilly
fucks don’t
catch up and we
know broadband
two thousand ten i got no fucking time for you
but that’s silly you need to move stupid
you know you
need to fucking get your family out of the woods soon
come on buddy it’s like there’s not
gonna be carpenters anymore though it seems
like we’re saying like if you want to be a carpenter
like how is this person
gonna find like
his job and stuff
that’s what’s
gonna happen there’s not gonna be
houses anymore we’re
gonna live in pods
will we have gigantic 3d computers or 3d printers
that we set up that
build a house is that what it’ll be there’ll be some no
it’ll be like a cocoon
of a third dimension wall that wraps around your body
like the way
you don’t want to live like that you’re not
gonna be able to live that’s what we’re putting
a bomber style
but what if you’re
young and you
grew up with that you don’t need that much
space and you prefer the
virtual world over the real
world right and you’re
not you’re perfectly comfortable running around a
virtual field over a real one
maybe it’ll be inevitable
maybe it’ll be get so dope that why
would you want to live in the real world
stupid right
maybe the the fake
world will be
so talk about
badass what if you just go and yeah like you
remember when
virtual reality was all the immortals
with a giant dick
eyes that can see through walls there’s no racism
yeah no racism
and you’re like you have all the
money that has ever been
printed it’s all yours
yeah multi penises
and you could
just go to other
worlds you could
travel to other
worlds you could do anything it’s not real
you can make
your own world
right yeah that’s the million dollar
trillion dollar
prize everybody wants to go for for games it’s
gonna be your
dream that you can
ultimately control
so let’s think
about this man i mean what
is imagination imagination is some sort of energy that
allows you to
think up something that isn’t there and create
it and now it
becomes real it manifests itself in the real
three dimensional
world and you can
beat on it with a hammer it all comes from imagination
so imagination is like some real creating force
but nobody really ever knows
where that comes from is it comes
from your environment has come from
what you’re exposed to like what is it
well they also
the concept of the
muse that you’re an antenna and that you’re
tuning into all the energy that’s out there and
you just sort
of some sort of another
process it just like
you know like a
satellite dish pulls it out of the sky
and makes these numbers ones and zeros in this image
but it’s true
i mean when you look at what imagination is i mean
it really is some sort of an energy something that
exists in the mind
and that it’s ethereal
and then it becomes a
solid thing it becomes a miller lite
you know it becomes a computer it becomes a microphone
you know and this
this eventually
got to move
further right so
if the imagination of all
these thoughts
can become a real
thing by someone
getting out and sawing some wood and nailing some
things together
eventually it is
going to become something through code
where you can alter
things not with a hammer and nails
but you can use your mind to create a real world
that could be
100 real your imagination
applied operating
system that
tunes into neural interface and becomes a part of you
and you and this operating
system connect to some sort of a computer
or whatever
the fuck it is whether it’s wireless or whatever
and then all of a sudden
you enter into a tangible
three dimensional
world that you control
then you upload into it
yeah what the fuck man
and we leave meat space
right space
but think about
what happens when the meat dies and you
just rot and then someone has to come along
clean you they have to recognize the hole in the
matrix and see you not find it
weird that is two thousand
ten we still
bury people in the ground
yes damn we
should dress
those people up and fucking
dance them around
like we get
it fall apart
you need to burn them
what are you talking
about stupid
i think that
should be a play it
should be the
the play of this
you go there
to respect for guy and
it’s like six
months long
so crazy you
gotta burn them it’s so dumb and it cost so much
money to bury people man
i was at the the duncan show the
at the cemetery
yeah what’s it called
the hollywood
cemetery it’s got some
weird show he does at the hollywood
say at the gears launch
party yeah yeah that’s
where the gears that sign is from they do
movies and shit
there yeah it’s awesome it’s like a hit really
weird hip cemetery
but they comedy they do a comedy show there
and we were there and so it was the
first time i’d ever been around
uh gravestones in a long time
and like they’re all high tech now
they have like
laser etched people’s faces and shit into the
gravestones they have like video
screens and stuff
no there’s probably
they have posters
of like the sopranos and
stuff like that on the walls and like
harry potter inside
yeah inside the yeah but i’m talking
about where
the dead people are yeah
where the dead people are the headstones
they’re like high tech now yeah
like the whole
place is like just like a trendy
place like that so even there’s like neon
lights around like some of the
graves and there’s
these digital candles that
flick it’s like this like a hip
you know what you do is
ridiculous what
you do is if you die you have a live streaming
thing that has a twitter hashtag with your name
so you can totally
like do shout outs
right yeah totally i
would give a
shout out to
gravestone number
42 you ever
know anybody who died who
still has a facebook
oh yeah that is
weird stuff man outlaw
his wife updates his facebook
all the time i miss you and shit like that yeah
those are weird
i’ve known people and it’s
weird they almost
haunt you on facebook
yeah they keep popping up and like
videos and stuff that aren’t tagged
like tag me and it’s just
you’ll be in the middle of the day just eating your
lunch and it
just pops up you’re like oh man like it’s a
weird sobering reminder and you’re not
gonna delete it it’s like
this weird kind of
ghostly memorial to that person right
yeah it’s trippy
what happens when that person
starts responding
though and it’s not like there’s a twilight zone right
it starts with a poke
right hit my like button yeah
and you’re like i
think the acid’s kicking in
there’s this
article in fast company talking
about how twitter
is kind of taking over in certain ways and how
basically during the vmas this year
they had like twitter projections in the wall
of like the number of hits like each artist got and
their headline feeds what people are saying
about each artist
and so we have a generation
right now that wants to interact 24 7
it started with the remote control
and now like it’s not
enough i know friends who’ve been sitting there texting
other people
and i’ll say something like hey do
you want to go to the
store and they’ll be like did you actually hear
what i just said and they’ll
be like yeah you said you want to go to the store
while they’re in the middle of typing an email
the human mind is
adapting to this kind of
multi task ability
it’s not just enough to sit down and
watch something
you need a ticker feed
we’re playing an online game
and in between
rounds we’re
tweeting at the same time
right you have
to keep doing something and doing multiple
things otherwise the
brain is bored
you know what i don’t
think it affects traffic as much
either because i think
the majority of people that have
the google maps live
traffic view
sorts it out
from people that are just sitting there twittering
their mom and driving slower like it cancels each
other out because now we have better
technology so we know where to
drive better and
where the traffic is
so that equals out the
other retards that are just sitting there
twittering and slowing down traffic a different way
what do you
think about that
do you mount your
phone to the
center of your
steering wheel
what’s that you
should mount your
phone to the center of your
steering wheel no i just did the side straddle
thing i’d look down at the map i’m like okay
i got to turn
right up you’re at the
point where like
you could feel the
tug of your
phone in your pocket sometimes oh yeah
just like i just want to look
you know having a twitter fan base and just
see you post something before you
leave the office or whatever and you’re
driving the road you just want to know what they’re
gonna say right
right and you just want to
respond it’s that in itself is having a community right
that’s incredibly addictive
totally you have an instant
response from
thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people
right like how can you not want to know what they’re
gonna say and
half the time it’s the same
thing and half the time it’s something new
right totally
yeah it’s very addictive
very addictive just want to know what’s
going on because
every now and then i’ll
check twitter and
someone will turn me on to something really amazing and
right you know some incredible fucking
video or something you ever get a little
weirded out by the links though like you just
worry about
clicking on it like hey
check out this
video this cat who farts
while he burps and you’re like mac you don’t
don’t you use a mac no
well that’s the problem
my my the big
the big apple cherry popper for me was the ipad man
oh yeah i love it
yeah you got to get mac
brands the not
clicking on links nowadays who cares
right yeah you don’t
worry about
viruses you don’t
worry about anything yeah i’m
still a pc guy that’s what we develop on a work
right that’s
all nice and good dude but it’s nonsense you
have to have
dessert yeah you
gotta have dessert
like being a person who’s
allergic to peanuts
and you’re eating
everything blind hoping you don’t run into a peanut
you know it’s silly
yeah you right
is this ustream
tv or net tv fuck
i put out the
wrong link on my twitter
did you put it up for you
put out the
wrong like these people i can
take the goddamn
thing oh yeah
piss anytime
you want to yeah get up here just piss in his
mouth yeah so
watch for cables
and he’s been here before man
trust me if you want to pee on my dog she’s out back
she likes it
dogs love pee man you know what’s
crazy about
video games nowadays is that
angry birds game there’s
a game i don’t know if you
heard that’s 99 cents
right now i
think it is
but that game has sold so many fucking
99 cent apps that there’s a group like
spielberg is
gonna be making a
movie with brad
pitt any day now as an
angry bird or something that’s how
crazy i don’t know
what you’re talking about
what is this there’s a game
that you can
get on your iphone you can also get it on the droid and
stuff like that it’s called
angry birds
it has sold
like shitloads
of digital copies
to the point
where that game
is like making millions for a 99
cent video game
it’s gotten so big that now they’re making it
for ipads they’re making it for consoles but now it’s
gonna like there’s even a movie
maybe in the works that’s
coming out so what is
the numbers like how many millions
millions people
millions yeah played it
yeah what would you say
three point
seven million
today just taking
a ralphie may
that’s what we’re
gonna call from
now on it’s a
ralphie may
make up a word
make up a number i’m gonna
ralphie made this
number there’s
five thousand people that died and
remember that
we looked up as two
yeah thousands of people died
he’s as black as cold to
thousands of people died
two thousand dead reagan
you would not
understand this
ralphie’s a great guy and he’s very funny but he
sucks with numbers
you know he’s not well
he doesn’t suck at numbers what his
popularity of that
episode is one of the fastest most popular episodes
oh ralph is
very popular man he’s
funny people love crazy mad
fans you know is
ralphie was the
best ralphi
ralph a this is
ralphie was the one who was the best at
capitalizing on that
last comic standing
show he did it better than anybody man he just ran
destroyed like i said this on the podcast
i watch him destroy rooms like
people just howling
like on the show
yeah on the show
and that’s what made me got into
thinking like wow he is
he is a real comic
right well he’s an animal dude
dude i mean he might be
500 fucking
pounds or whatever he is but he’s working yeah
he’s out there constantly huffing it i
heard he does like three
hours shows to
it sometimes really like he
does ridiculous shows i want to know is like
just doing a
lot of comedy man he’s doing it constantly his feet
his feet must hurt though they must hurt
they must just
maybe he sits down
after a while
maybe he lays down and
maybe what he does is
the audience is on like it’s like one of
those music part rides they all
strap in and they
raise them up
over him so they’re hanging from the ceiling and he’s
lying on his back and that’s how he does his comedy
what if he had a
water bed on stage
and just laid back in the
water bed and
there was this candles all around and then that’s how
that’s how he did his
whole show that’s actually
kind of a cool fucking idea
how about just being in the tub
just in the tub with candles
and comedy oh totally that’s actually not a bad
idea you had your opener in there
with you and they’re just hanging out laying there no
that’s okay
only with girls though you only had girl comedy and
they think that
they say so
you have one person is
funny one person who isn’t
that’s you in that camp that
thinks girls aren’t funny
most girls are not
funny is that not a
classic comedy
thing right like well there’s a
bunch i mean
sarah silverman’s really
funny so i shouldn’t say most girls just
look most comics aren’t
funny either there’s less girls doing comedy so
there’s no esther’s
funny comedians that are women yeah
there’s no esther’s
funny little
esther she’s very
funny she’s a good
comic there’s a
bunch that are really good
comics i mean i have a
bunch of friends that are
comics that are female
to joke but
there’s a lot of
women that are terrible it’s a different
so did they have a different restrictions
they can’t talk
about as many
things that can’t
win sarah silverman does but she’s
such a rarity
you know most that’s kind of
what it takes
right like you look at richard
prior sort of
it has to be you it has to be you and so very few
women actually are that i mean
sarah silverman
the reason one
one of the reasons why she’s so
funny and so brash and
dirty is like that’s what’s
funny to her
that’s who she really is you know
and it has to really be you
and there’s you know
for doing an act yeah for a lot of men that’s always
men 90 of all men talk
about you know
a lot of the same situations and
you know that you can relate
to anyone even if they’re on stage
unless they’re like as extreme as like say joey diaz
or joey diaz will take it into
what the fuck
do rogan the average man really has no
but for most
women you know like
conversations like men don’t want to hear you talk
about politics
men don’t want to hear your opinions
men don’t wanna hear you talking
about you getting laid
men don’t wanna hear you talking
about what the fuck is this bitch
so what are they so they’re
so limited they’re
limited and they can’t be the alpha
they can’t be the one who has this idea that
maybe everybody
should listen to
cause it makes
sense you can’t be that person
the last thing any fucking asshole man wants to do
is be in the audience with some woman
smarter than him that’s making a lot of
sense that’s
you know saying some shit that he
should have thought up on his own
a good luck controlling that good luck
that yeah and good luck with the politics you know men
always oppose
women on political issues
i know a lot of men who
when women think one way they’ll
think the other way just because a
woman thinks that way
it’s just like you know it’s just natural
that’s ingrained
yeah it’s ingrained to not
want a woman to control you so
so many comedians just rely upon the whole like
marriage sucks like unhappy american male type
thing man it’s just it’s sad
well you know what it is it’s like
first of all that is a lot of
what they are
i mean a lot of people
especially if you’re
shitty at relationships you don’t know i mean
we know a lot of people that
have fucking terrible relationships
is what it is
and it’s also
it’s you know
they get programmed into
thinking that that’s what’s funny
you know that
this is this is the
angle this is what everybody does
like oh my life
sucks like that so that’s the way it is and
i feel sympathy for you
right yeah but
some people will come out with it and you know
you know it’s real you know it’s like
you the two people can talk
about the same subjects and
one it works and the
other one it
doesn’t and
the one it works it works
cause this shit is coming from a real
place yeah like that’s like
the most important
thing with i
think any kind of art it’s
gotta come from a real place
to really resonate with people this has to actually
be what you
wanna do you and i
started watching
for about five
seconds on cable the
other night was polyshore is dead
how dare you
did you enjoy it no
no i wonder why
that’s what the
funny thing was is
growing up as a
teenager we
would watch that shit
like we would
watch polyshore
movies yeah
well the polyshore of then is not the polyshore of now
fair enough
life moves on
yeah do you
still go to go are you working at the comedy
store still or no
never never
never never
no that’s the main reason why
that whole carlsman
see a thing that was
the end of it for me yeah i don’t want to bring up a
it was just gross
i mostly do the improv
now in other clubs but
you’re right buddy
hey what is
brian’s moving around
down the butter dog what is fucking dog
way what i miss
about walking around with his dog it’s a suitcase he
said that’s
a purse for it
when the middle of a podcast
you can get
a bedazzled person just walk around you get a dog now
yeah i got a couple dogs kind
well you know my
story about when i was living in
colorado my dog got
eaten by a mountain
lion to tell
you that she told me that yeah yeah
so i have two left
i got a mastiff
and i have a bulldog how big is your mastiff
a buck 40 jesus i’m buck 50 he’s big
super friendly though
yeah they always are dog
the bigger the
dog the nicer they are the meaner there are the
more little shits well there’s some big dogs that are
scary though like
press the canarios
you know there’s some
there’s some
giant dogs that are fucking dangerous
usually the mastiffs and the danes are cool right yeah
great danes
are also really confident they’re really friendly
but mastiff’s like this dog
is the best he’s got the perfect personality yeah so so
sweet to everybody
just a nice dog i can’t do the little dog
thing man i don’t know how you do it
well the little dog’s the one that got eaten
and he’s i had
a cool little dog man he was a pomeranian and american
eskimos and fluffy dog
but he got jacked by mountain lion
did you just vanish one day or you come
crawling home halfway
like this long
story that we’ve told many times i
don’t need to go over
old stuff but
i saw the mountain line
though having you know
having little dogs like that is like you know
they really can’t
protect themselves from anything foxes can jack them
you know i saw a fox with a little baby deer
i didn’t know like everybody was talking
about how foxes are like
sweet and all they’re so cool look at the
things survive too man i saw a fox
dragging a fawn
and i was like oh this is real shit you
ever actually get to be around into the big cats man
well i saw this one mountain lion
that was in my yard
and it was about
sixty pounds seventy
pounds it was like a dog like a german shepherd’s eyes
wasn’t big like
like holy shit this is
gonna eat me
it was big like
whoa that’s a mountain lion
it was like it was almost kind of like
more shocking that it was smaller
because then i knew it was real
and i’m saying like i
expected if i’m
gonna see a mountain lion i’m
gonna see a full
grown mountain
lion walking through the woods
but something
about this small one
and i was like whoa like there’s
small ones too like how many of them are out there i
started thinking like
how many of
these fucking creatures
will live in the woods and just kill things off
i had a cat killed by a guy i
think it was a coyote
out in my mom’s
place in california
one time you hear him at
night right you just hear all the howlings
start kicking in right yeah
they’re in my yard sometimes
where they used
to be i had to fix my yard so they couldn’t get in
but they would
get in and they
would shit all over the place
they would shit over by my pool
and it was creepy man because
i stay up late dude
i’m up to like four o’clock in the morning
so while i’m up writing
you know these fucking
monsters are wandering around my yard looking for
shit to kill yeah but if you’re out there they probably
sense that you’re there and they’ll do
avoid it right
you know yeah
but you know don’t don’t fucking take a chance with a
small person if there’s no one around
you i had a
chance people before
i had a chance to take my brother and my little uh
seven year old
niece of the san
diego zoo or the
wild animal park and kind of go behind the scenes and
check out the
whole cheetah
set up there
and there’s one cheetah
there that was hand raised
my brother and i got to go in and
pet the fucking thing
right and just hearing the
it sounds like a harley
davidson right in person
and you see this
the fur is actually really coarse
and they have a certain presence
about them just like don’t fuck with me right
and i’m at that
point where i’m like okay i’ll go and i’ll get my
photo up and i’m
gonna get the
hell out because i don’t want to have my face
eaten like that baboon in that lady a
while ago right
and then there’s another
one that’s just pacing the cage and when she saw
my little niece
she stopped immediately made eye contact and my niece
could sense
that this creature
looked at her and wanted to eat her and just
completely ran behind my brother’s legs because
the cheetah just saw her as food
right it was just that primal instinct just kicked in
yeah they can’t help it
cheetahs can be domesticated
they’re one of the few animals that you can
successfully domesticate
them they’re actually in the low end of the cat food
chain in africa too
right is that
what it is yeah
so they’re actually somewhat
endangered yeah
yeah and people have actually kept them as pets and
trained them and shit i
guess they don’t kill you
dude i mean
a few animals
i’m still not
gonna trust it
yeah it was a
smart move especially with your niece man
so she wasn’t allowed in with them of course
right it doesn’t matter i mean even you know having it
aware that that’s food if you know it ever sees her
again it was
funny that it’s creepy
that she just realizes it
right and then
wow that’s crazy
he realized
those those
magic moments are like all
right this is something not to
mess with right
that’s some
scary shit dude big cats are the
scariest they say that the reason why we have scared
where people are afraid of
monsters like
every kid is
it’s all just leftover dna from
monkeys getting jacked
yep like cats back when we were you know subhuman
hominoids the primal instinct to avoid
scary stuff man
right and like if
there’s an old stephen king
thing in line i can’t remember what it was from
where he was saying you know the lightning
crashes and the door
opens and you see a 40 foot bug there part of you is
happy because you’re
expecting a 60 foot bug
right like that’s why
alien worked
right cause
you don’t see the full
alien right at the
beginning you see the little bit of the leg a little
bit of the tail you’re imagining like what can this
thing possibly look like
yeah it was the most
screwed up awesome
hr geiger design
ever but at
the same time shit
in your head
it was still out there we rewatched
aliens recently
aliens is good but the problem with
aliens is that they establish an alien
that this thing is
super fucking intelligent
really fast gigantic
super resourceful
very crafty and sneaky
but then the
second one they’re just
shooting them left and
right and they’re dying
that was the
whole movie the
first i mean
they needed one you know it was one alien
versus the truckers
they went too quick
they should have had less
aliens let’s
who the fuck am i
movie designer
characters are
telling them
one of the greatest science fiction
movies of all time
still an amazing movie
but to me i was like wait a
minute you can just kill him that easy
everyone’s just
running around shotguns i like two better than one
one is an exercise
in action one is an exercise in suspense
right one is the
tease of the leg the
other one’s the full on
blown up porno
right and you’ve
watched the rewatch the
things there
was too many
cut the shit
scenes in the
second one like when she was battling
it with the exoskeleton on i was like why isn’t it just
stabbing you in the heart
it’s got this
giant fucking
monster tail why isn’t it just
scooping you out
like your camera and
sat down i want to see a fucking mac
versus an alien
there’s a certain
point of creativity man
where you have to be like you know what
a gun with a
chainsaw makes
absolutely no
sense on it
like even look at the design if
you want to grab the gun you saw your finger off right
but it’s cool
yeah but what i’m talking
about is cut the shit moments
suspension of disbelief
where you make me go in a
place where i
think you got lazy
are you did so why you making me go here
why is this your conclusion
how’s this bitch
fighting this thing
all they had to do is
build a certain amount of but
they hadn’t make it believable you got it you got a
i can’t like have to go oh well i
guess it’s just really bad with its tail
today that’s the same
argument that says
like lord of the rings why didn’t they just grab
those you know
birds at the end of it and have
them fly over and drop the ring into the volcano
right like there’s
always it’s
always possible to find words don’t listen to you
fucking bird they
were riding the birds at the end of the movie man
birds like doing
carrier pigeons
trust birds
birds are cunts
birds are all
forward dinosaurs that became something new that’s
the most evil bird ever is the african gray
the most evil bird you ever see a shoe bill
no there’s a congo documentary from the bbc that
freaked me out once
cause there’s a
five foot tall prehistoric fucking bird with this
giant bill that
jacks these fish
it’s fascinating man the
thing that fascinates me most
about birds
is they really are dinosaurs
they really are you know
and they think
there’s a lot of theories that a lot of dinosaurs
had feathers
you know they just rotted
off and that we don’t see the fossils of feathers
yeah the fossils were just placed there to test our
faith dude there’s a dude that i
argue with on twitter all day
i don’t argue with him all day
but i read his
shit all day what is your threshold for
blocking people
oh i just they’re
annoying just
i don’t just go on instinct if you’re
annoying me i just
blocked i love it when
their dicks
yeah it’s just so easy love it
i read the thing
you fucking
for you do block
block i always
quote that old comedy bit you did about the
disproportionate amount of
racial porn being sold in the
south right yeah
i was like dude like if
you hate me
that obviously there’s something that i fucked up with
my team in the game like that we did something wrong
like how can i flip this to turn
you into somebody who likes what we do it’s just one
switch away
maybe it’s a
it’s a reply saying hey man
sorry the matchmaking
sucked in gears too we’ve been working on fixing it
like something like that to win you over and if you do
then you could wind up with a fan for life
right you would have to go back in
time and stop
that bus driver from fucking them in the ass
and roofing them
and giving them
moonshine you’d have to do that and or find
out why they’re
angry why their mom didn’t love them or maybe
their stepdad
was 36 inch
lcd testicles that the internet provides people
right once you have an amenities
suddenly they get
giant balls
right there’s that but why are they
angry they put
something it’s
not you don’t take a healthy
happy super cool person
who watches a game and
doesn’t really
like it and goes and attacks you on a personal basis
they’re coming from a deep
anger of the
crystal pepsi
it’s a lot of different
things man it’s like
your life not being what you wanted it to be
the unfilled
expectations were all around you
there’s people like
paris hilton and
you know kim
kardashian that are
multi millionaires
driving around at bentley’s and they do nothing and you
drive going
crazy and so you attack and so you
lose fucking your game is for faggots you eat shit
i hope you die in a fire
you know like whoa whoa whoa
we’re in the era of
the art of the meta celebrity man you don’t have to be
famous for anything you
could just be
famous from
being famous
you know what it is
it was angeline
the blonde you always used to have billboards
i’m repeat but
going to the continuation of that
right i mean it’s just like oh you know you just
want to be famous so you are right
it amazes me
right now how many celebrities
can bounce back from
doing anything right now
because america just loves a comeback
story right
you look at
charlie sheen you remember everyone forgets kim
kardashian had a hardcore sex tape out there
you’re like dude really like
there are little
girls out there that are looking up to her
right now i had a
buddy of mine recently who
actually finally
i’m sure this happens in la all the time but he
found an ex
girlfriend actually in a
random porn
video online
no way yeah and that’s
gotta be great
i want it to
happen one day i want to be able to just go my
feelings right
and it’s one of
those things like if you sit there like i say like
porn is like on the internet is like
a man who brought fractal
it just keeps
going and going and you can just keep the
and it’s never ending like when we were
growing up it was like
asia carrera and like a
ginger lynn
and then like
james and and then jannah
can’t you know i was
like the same 15 actors just repeated with different
spoofs of movies right
now it’s like
you can just go on there and it’s like
an infinite amount of girls and you’re like at what
point are you like alright so this is 1 000
and i don’t
think anybody’s ever
gonna see this and
his reaction man i felt so bad for
him and of course i teased him like nobody’s business
but i was like dude you’re getting your
chasing amy type of
girl next door type moment right like
he was just kind of crestfallen
about they didn’t even go out that long right
but the fact that you know at some
point he found this girl cool
thing hung out and then he finds a
video over on some
random internet site doing some bad cheerleader porn
and it’s just like
i’m just coming back who is this you’re talking about a
buddy of mine in town
you see people in a
in la i’m sure it’s a common
thing to like you know date a girl and then find out
later she’s a porn girl or she’s done
stuff like that but you know let’s see it that often in
outside of that
and i had a friend of mine recently happened to you
imagine in the mix of feelings he came
like of comedy of crestfallen
i’m like i’m like dude
did you rub one out to it
and he wouldn’t
admit to it
but the feeling he
would have of the like we were just saying to
brian about the chasing amy
girl next door type vibe
right or just like oh man
it’s kind of funny
i blame joe francis
hey what’s going on with the gears of war
movie they’re
still making that you guys
still making it
sorry it’s goodbye
optimus still working on it
learn a lot about how
filmmaking and how hollywood
never in the business works
right i mean you
really realized that it is very much a business
it’s annoying as fuck
right there’s
so many people with so many different opinions and you
gotta listen
to all of them well and it’s there people who just
might not even have an opinion but in
order to stay
relevant they
throw their money
here i’m only hearing out of one side
one side let’s see
test test oh
you know what i
think it reconnected
i think it’s just the base sorry
so what happens is it’s a business
like any other business
right and people want to make money and
often the people who
make the decisions are
often very rearward looking
like well i’m
looking at the last two years and according to this
movies with
monkeys and them do well so you need a
monkey and i’m not saying that’s my personal
experience that’s exactly what it is yeah
not for this
project but what happened was they had
they’re like okay want to do this big
you know we got
you know len wiseman attached
great guy amazing director
okay well great we you know we have a really good
script you know we
think we can dock this out
they looked at the
budget like okay so this is
120 million dollars estimated
and there’s no real love
story in here
it’s got to be rated r
cause you know if i show up at comic con
and we have a clip that
doesn’t have people getting cut in half
blood flying
everywhere they’re gonna tear
us limb from limb
and then there’s no little kid
jaden smith type
story in there like this just
doesn’t add up like this
has hit all the demographics
and i remember reading
story about
these guys who
kind of created a computer formula for it
where you could
literally plug in
the genre you
could plug in
the actors you plug the time of year it was
released the
various themes that are in it and they could
vegas type betting odds you could bet on whether or not
their production would actually make
money and they they make money doing this
right you’re at the
point where
absolutely yeah
and it’s it’s
and they’re saying well we won’t get the
matrix we won’t get the 300 out
of it but we’ll get you know some sort of will ferrell
comedy that
where he’s got
we’re doing a
wacky sport
and you get to the
point where
creativity sometimes
goes to die in that environment and for
now everybody wants to make a district 9
really like how
can we make something that only cost 60 million dollars
and then blows it out because everybody’s conscious
about how much
money they spent it’s
basic economics right
so i mean we’re
kind of redoubling
it doing something that’s a little bit
smaller we’re
recycling the script
project’s not dead man
but you know
are you doing it with live people
uh tbd man i mean
a lot of it depends on who gets attached as a director
things like that i mean i personally
would like to see live action
as little cg as possible
i would like cg people man
you know why your
people don’t look real
these motherfuckers their
giant heads what are you
gonna get brock
lesnar to play
every role dude
your dudes look like fake dudes they’re
not a lot of
not a lot of
thicknet guys like that that have that
level of charisma
to hold up on over there a two hour i’m
gonna work you
gotta go cgi son
and get some little geek
voices yeah geek dudes who are
crazy like steve
what’s up guys
they’re getting
closer with that but dude did
carry the guys don’t have to be that jack dude
like but your guys are so jacked
in gears of
war everyone’s jacked that’s part of the cool
thing about
it diesel to your average person in
pitch black looks jacked and he’s five foot two
and was maybe what
like when he
is now five two he’s a lot bigger than that
when i’ve seen him he was
short maybe i
think he’s only
six feet tall
i mean he’s friends of rico rodriguez
who used to be ufc
heavyweight
champion i met him at
maybe maybe it
was i caught
him in a bad
angle way bigger than me seems
short when i saw a man well i’m
short but he’s bigger than me
but though the bottom line is dude it’s more
about charisma than is
about muscles you get it’s always
charismatic
correct look at the hulk
you can’t have a lou
ferrigno doing the hulk in
2010 we want that big fucking crazy cgi
that crazy hug
that fucking smack
dude there’s a huge deal
there’s a huge
deal between
marcus fenix and the hulk
his fists are as big as pickup the hulk’s head is
this big compared to his body
marcus fenix is jacked but he’s not like insanely
jacked he’s not even as jacked as the guy that comes
over muscle and fitness
magazine yeah he is
he’s just as jacked and his head’s
extra super wide
cause he’s a double
alpha the armor is
part of it dude yeah but his fucking head is
giant and he’s perfect
dude why fuck around man
listen dude get some
super duper fucking cgi
pimps on this shit
why you could
do anything man the
monsters and
everything at all
exist in the same world
not insane shit good luck
doing that for 60 million
oh is it too expensive
dude you know much avatar cost
it was insane
how much they cost
here’s a better 200
million plus trod cost
150 million
here’s a better idea that
your in game footage
movies like in your
video game are so good you
should have like sitcoms with
those guys going home
after work like
having a relationship like them at
the bar right
fucking do king of
queens king
of queens yeah
he gets home it takes
20 minutes to take off his armor
right oh god
just do it in game footage
stuff i’ve got
you know like a sitcom with all your characters in it
and they’re all like family guy
style they’re all friends they hang out and get
drunk it was a terrible
movie but it was
the moment you never get
seen a game
right yeah right
it was a terrible
movie but it was an interesting concept it was a
bruce willis
movie where
thing was called surrogate
did you say surrogates yeah it was really recent yeah
where everybody went up to
they they stayed at home
and then they had the younger version of them that all
exist in the
world yeah younger
perfect version they have this full head
of hair and perfect skin it was like kind of weird yeah
i’d him somehow
but they’re getting at the
point where they can kind of
track your body and then kind of cg over
in such an amazing way
right and i mean
you look at what they
were for tron
their recreating
kind of like jeff bridges
young right
yeah i was saying
looks a little bit more like gary oldman
than jeff i
haven’t yet
to see this yeah there’s
the look at all the posters for i mean
i’m dying to see the film man like
jeff bridges to me i thought it was pretty cool
jeff bridges gets cooler looking the
older he gets
have you seen the
trailer for true grit have
you seen him
naked yeah that
trailer looks awesome his face is just
talking about his face very
scary from those
he looks so just like awesomely grizzled right
he just loses
know where the fuck this came from
things sagging why is this bleeding it’s got
like skin tags
it’s just breaking left and
right he’s got did you see the
trailer for true grit though yes i did i did i saw
crazy heart too
yeah that was good yeah that was an interesting
movie man it was kind of cool i like sad
right but dude what’s sad but it was good
i mean there’s
the life lesson of being on the road that much right
loneliness right well it’s also the
partying man you know i’ve met
a million people that have problems with partying
with alcohol
especially but with coke and with a
bunch of different things
people that are performers they’re performing
all the time and they need to get up to perform
that’s the respect i have
i’ve done like the european
press tour for the games
where it’s five
european cities in five days and that just wrecks me
right i cannot imagine doing like
30 cities and 40 days
right like what it takes to
actually pull that off and to sit there and to show up
every night and to command a stadium
what does that do to you
how can you actually show up like that and then
at the end of
every night
there’s an infinite amount of
partying or just girls line up to just do whatever
in a different city and new people
experience all
think you’re gone
you really have to get back to your
hotel because you got to get up in the morning and five
hours go to your flight that’s
those are the ones you’re responsible
right yeah well it’s the reality is
those those two
like i only did one tour like that most of
time what i do with comedy is i go out on the weekends
and then i come home i go
out i go out for a couple days then i come home
but a lot of guys
will go out and they’ll do like you know i can know
while masjir brani
were talking
about he goes
out and he goes out for like a couple of weeks
three four weeks
but one time we did this maxim tour
and we were gone for like a
month yeah like a whole
month of just constantly doing gigs
and it’s a fucking
weird thing man it’s it’s not
how many cities
i think we did
twenty two dot
twenty two cities
twenty two and three days
do you have like a comedy bus or you
both we took a bus some
places most of the time we flew
but it was brutal man it was
weird it was horrible
all you’re doing is traveling
and then trying to get as much rest as possible
and getting on
stage and then
trying to get as much rest as possible and
traveling you
never get a full
night’s sleep
you’re always flying you’re always eating terrible food
it’s interesting
even though it’s fun your comedy gets tight you
should love
the way you
should love the waking up and
going where the fuck am i all the time yeah i’d
still do that
i do that so
often because i
travel so much like i get up to pee
and i go where’s this bathroom
where am i do you know my trick
leave the bathroom
light on close the door
that’s a good because when you don’t know
where the hell you are and you’re
you’re hey you
gotta go like you that
thing will be like this got the light
at the end of the
tunnel is a good
trick you learn
a little transport
motherfucker you
yeah i’ve had that happen that’s the
worst feeling in the
world weird
thing man but it’s a
hotel room you just pee on the
floor me and joe had like a
scare at a hotel
where we both thought we were
gonna die and we’ve talked
about it before but that really
changed the
whole thing for
hotels for me i actually fear
hotel half the
hotel rooms always
check always look out the like somebody
knocks the door always
look out the little law the people and there was a fire
yeah wasn’t it
what you know what the problem was it was an old hotel
it wouldn’t have been
nearly as much of a problem but there was a single file
staircase who
and we were on the
fifth i was on the 15th before you i was like
14th i think and
you know 12
and you could only get one person on the
staircase at a time and people were slow
as fuck and when
someone says
you feel that
you probably felt that people are
about to trample each other
at that threshold
right or just that instinct kicks in i was
like that kidding i’m the fucking head of the pack
i was the one to be running on people’s heads
i was seconds away from
sprinting through
these fucking
people me too
people with
slippers on man all ambient
up you can tell they were fucked up from
sleeping pills
and shit and they were moving slow as shit
and the problem is the announcement
like the lady on the
things like please
evacuate a building
of building a fire has been detected
please evacuate the
building immediately what time does it
have like 3 in the morning 4 30 4
30 yeah and
especially not knowing
where the hell you are it was like a robot
voice that woke
cause i was like attention
attention but it wasn’t i
hate your face it was a
woman it was a
woman talking because
while she was talking she was doing it so robotic
we were trying to
first of all we’re so foggy
and we’re trying to figure
out what why you know if this is really happening it
doesn’t seem like how you
would tell me
that the fucking
building’s on fire what you mean
get the fuck
out exactly
so this this chicks
a fire has been detected in the
building please
evacuate immediately
and i’m not sure if this
sounds like
robot portal
i don’t know if it’s a
robot or if it’s a real person
to evacuate the building
until i hear in the
background we got to get
these people out of here
shut there was a guy in the back behind
her there must have been like you know behind the
counter with her it’s like we got to get
these people out of here
and then what if it was
everybody like it was just a false
alarm and he’s decided
to fuck with everybody like no no it’s on the 12th
floor now we need to get him out i remember
thinking that i was
the same exact
thing as jokes we had talked
about it afterwards and i was
thinking the same
thing like i am
going to have to
start throwing people out of my way yeah
and then i looked at the windows like in the
stairways it was like
you see you
get off a plane
it just it just amazes
you and how
slow people can actually physically move like like that
plane that landed on the hudson a couple years ago like
i would have just crap my
pants over like get me off of this
right so many people dude are barely taking care of
their body barely
yeah they’re just barely barely
been next to that guy in the
plane he gives you the
extra elbow
rest yeah was
leaking over
under your seat mean we were thinking
about that when we were
we had ralphie on the podcast you mean
brian and ralphie barely sat in a
couch together
what happens if you’re on
southwest you
gotta sit next to him
no what’s her saying it’s all
about the lap band now
yeah what the fuck is the
laugh dude it’s
everywhere it’s on
every billboard
they’re so gluttonous
that you know
you know there was a
picture from a long time ago that the beginning of the
the 18th century
or the 19th century there was like a carnival
and they had the fat man
you know in the carnival
like a sideshow
freak the bearded
woman the fat man
and the fat man wasn’t nearly as big as
ralphime and
this guy was a
freak back then
because people had a fucking work
here there’s
not just that it’s moving but it’s also the average
american diet
the average american diet likes
three flavors fat
sugar and salt
right that everywhere you’re
trained we have an entire
generation of kids that will not eat food without
ketchup on it
like they just won’t they just have to
catch up in the end and
catch up chicken fingers
and it’s like dude heaven forbid you take them out like
and i’ll give him some fish or try a
curry or something like this
no no it’s just and then
you think about mcdonald’s
get him young
right yeah well the thing is
about like this lap band
thing what’s really creepy
about is all you’re doing is making the stomach
smaller so that you get full quicker
so all you have to do is just stop eating so much
but it’s not
it’s that simple but it’s hitting your dopamine
receptors and you’ve been
trained for that that’s the only
thing you know
we talk about
can you can
you but does the restaurant get a half portion
please like it’s huge now
right but when
you’re filling up and you have this lap band
thing so you have this tiny baby fake stomach now
and that little
fake stomach’s filling up do you does your dopamine
receptors go off do you get rewarded
those are the chemicals that say i’m
full right and
what do they work and yeah
dude it’s on
every billboard
apparently the
surgery is not invasive enough that it’s the point
it’s gonna be like you
watch people get
their lap and installed in the mall like
laser eye surgery
right like i do that dental
wide and get your lap and
while you’re at it
right you know but isn’t it like a
a shitty fix to a problem that’s obviously
a lifestyle and diet problem somebody saw profit
right and yeah
i mean that’s true i mean obviously it’s like the
shake weight
yeah well huh
what’s so weird though is like when
you talk to somebody that’s like insanely obese they
act like it’s
i know he’s
drunk she’s
drunk slut don’t do that
she’s not really
drinking it she’s just licking the bottle
she licks the bottle
she’s used to
licking cylindrical
things in your home
but it’s like you talk to
these people and they’re always like and i don’t
even know what the problem is it’s thyroids it’s this
that i’m on a diet
but then you hear the
other stories
where like no dude he went to jack in the box and
pretty much
ordered like 13
hamburgers i honestly
think it’s the same
thing as the guy who just works out to the
point where he looks like he’s just comedic
i think it’s an addiction
yeah i honestly
think it is
yeah i guess so but that’s a little more of that’s
a different kind of totally different kind of craziness
yeah you know the
crazy the fat craziness is just like
they’re just trying to die or something
you know i have a friend who just i know
has like a massive
food addiction
and just anytime
he’s around fast food
he can’t drive by a jack in the box
he’s gonna go in and just
cause you’re
trained at a
young age to
enjoy those flavors also man it’s a
stealth calorie
thing also yeah
but he’s got enough
i mean he knows he’s fat he’s out
talks about it he’s trying to do
things and never has done anything and
if you know in your head
that you should
stop doing this and you have a problem
it’s very strange that you can’t rewire your brain
to recognize that like oh this is something i’m
aware of now
now i just need to stop
so once people get set on a certain path
then at a certain
point they just go
right breaking that
cycle is the hardest
thing right but why does that
exist the big question is why is that in our system
why is it the same
thing that allows us to get obsessed with
things and get really good at things
is it like a bastardization how do
we all know what
hoarders are now my grandma was a hoarder when she died
my uncle wound up having to
clean out her
place i remember as a kid
going to visit her
and she would have
stacks of national geographic five feet high
with her goat paths we’d have to
navigate you go to the bathroom to pee
and her bathtub was used
to have bags of
clothes in it she like
never really
we always wondering why grandma
smelled sweaty you know
she wouldn’t didn’t wear deodorant joe my
grandmother was what
your your grandmother didn’t wear deodorant
up clearly not why not
maybe she just didn’t
think it was okay to plug up her armpits with
stuff i’m interested well i wear
deodorant i just don’t wear antiperspirant
right i didn’t
one thing is just
smell i was
just giving a shit man stopping the
my grandmother was
completely crazy
my grandmother when she died was exactly the same
thing they had
a they had a
clean out hurt my
uncle i think it’s control
things our brother
right you ever
watch borders
yes usually the husband obsession
thing the husband some
train wreck and
something’s gone
south so it’s this one thing that
they can control
in their life right
maybe but she was insane
about a bunch of different
things the whole
house was just
stacks of boxes and no one knew
where anything and it’s
never anything
valuable it’s usually just no she had a lot of
money that she didn’t even probably know she had
like 30 000 were
stored in the
house some ridiculous number and they were broke
and it was really because she had
grown up in the recession and
when you grow
up in the recession you’re like constantly
worried that you’re
gonna run out of
money so yeah
that’s that’s
that’s our parents and our
grandparents are always like no you’re
gonna finish that you’re
gonna take that home
yeah and this current
generations like a
screw it i don’t need it
right she had an aneurysm she forgot where
everything was
so she had all
these fucking cans around the
house and nobody found
until she died
she was like 12 years
she was crazy
yeah they gave her 72
hours to live
she had a massive aneurysm and nobody
found her for a long time i
came outside and she was just jacked
and so they brought her into the hospital and
they were like you know
maybe she’s got 72
hours maybe
she lived 12 years wow
sicilian peasant
jeans bro yeah
die harder yeah
karen rocks up hills
for generation
after generation josh ortega he
wrote a gears to had one
point where he was an
apartment manager at
apartment and he got a
phone call that this person had the strange
fluid like that they assumed there was a sewer leak
above them or something like that
dead person yeah yeah
he called in like it was a cop or some sort of
cleaner guy he touched it
smelled he’s like
you got death
above you the
guy had died
and bloated
and actually soaked through boy
and once they took the body out josh actually had to
clean like all that out but you
can’t clean the ceiling you have to cut it out
does it suck through the fucking
plastic that
smell does not go away
right yeah it’s in the wall
board yeah it’s leaking through the wall
board you got a
body and your ceiling
would you live somewhere like a
place that that somebody’s been murdered at
no you wouldn’t no i don’t think i
would and you know one of the reasons why i don’t
think i would
is i really honestly believe that there’s something to
i think was rupert shell
drake who’s an
evolutionary biologist
had this idea that
everything has some sort of a memory
i believe it was his idea
that memory
doesn’t just
exist in the
human mind but that
objects and
things have memory and the
world around you
and that’s one reason why you can come into certain
buildings and creepy shit has happened there
you know people are fucking
flakes man people will tell you they
could read their paw your palm or
i sense you’re
a good person there’s a lot of weirdos that talk
crazy spiritual talk
but there’s
something in
california there’s
for sure right everybody
out here wants to be special without working for it
but for sure there’s something
about feelings
you know there’s some feels that you get for some
places and so many people have had
gone it’s like
a house where someone’s
been murdered and no one even has to tell them
and they feel terrible
about the house and the
house is a nice house
there’s been so many stories
about something like that i
just thought the wallpaper is
so bad that
somebody had a murder somebody in there
dude you know what i
think ghosts aren’t just
there aren’t just
potentially
these things that
exist around you i
think it’s like a memory
right as far as a
there’s this awesome game
system shock 2
did you ever play it and
basically you had
these implants
that allowed you to see the memories of people
right before they died and you
come up it was a
great storytelling
thing because
there were ghosts
you couldn’t interfere with the cutscene you couldn’t
shoot the guy before he did the thing
you just saw the last
eight seconds of his life play out
and he came up
this elevator
shaft and this guy in
front of you
standing there with a shotgun he’s like i’m sorry
the space station’s
gone to hell i can’t deal with this you know
ellie and the kids
forgive me you see him put the gun in his
mouth and it
phases out well
they use that throughout
right as an amazing
storytelling technique
right that’s a good idea
it’s classic
stuff man right
that brought it back to gaming
right there did you see that mario kart
started that
with the ghost around the track yeah
that’s exactly what that was
now you compete
against yourself right
exactly dude
now we’re all
figuring out how to
basically have
different type of events happen online you know like
angry birds you were saying now they’re doing like
the holiday
edition right
but they’re handling it
right too man
those people didn’t charge anything
for that game and then they’ve been updating it
you know patching it i would
if i finished
angry birds and then there’s a
screen come up this
came up and said hey you can have 30 more
levels for 30
bucks that would have been like yes yes
my first born please
they’re treating it
right though and i mean is
is that how they do it yeah they make money see
they get it they sold the game
first they’re giving a lot of weight for free
right now but
weren’t you
just saying that they have some like 99 cent
eagle that’ll take out the
whole level for you that they’ve been planning
but they have that and they also
had like the halloween pack and then they also have
this whole new christmas
pack and they’re not giving you can’t just play all the
levels it’s
an advent calendar soon you can only play one
level on each day right
so you can’t just burn through them all in one
night but it’s
such a well designed game that you’re just
gonna keep coming back
right totally
so simple perfect kind of ios
gamers do do do do do
definitely tap and
swipe baby that’s the way to go
everything’s turning into applications too have you
noticed that nowadays
you’re not paying money for
magazines you’re not paying for
money for this
and that you’re now having applications and
apps are just
fancy programs
right that are just
that are just well
maintained well maintained
personal you’re taking
these apps with you on the road a lot of people are
concerned though on the internet
right now that like it’s not it no longer is a
series of linked websites it’s a
siege it’s facebook it’s
these various kind of silos of information
where it’s all
self contained
within that right
the thing that
again i like facebook i
think it’s cool you know i like
stalking people i went to high
school with it’s cool
at the same time
like the fact that
every website i go to now has like
facebook integrated now
right we’re like i don’t necessarily
want somebody knowing i go to one website accidentally
click like yeah
right right
and then it broadcast
cuz you know
and comments you can make comments on these
oh absolutely
and you do it through your facebook
yeah log in your facebook i’m like wait a minute
where’s my password
going how do you know what’s
going on i’ll
never for you connecting
i’m allowing you to connect through
my facebook so here’s a question for you okay if you
could have perfect
memory like day to day you will remember
everything when you were 10 years old
every single day
but it had advertising in it
would you do it
it already did dude
that’s fascinating
that’s a very good question so like you
can be like i
wanna go from august 4th 1974
3 pm they’re like okay this is sponsored by gecko
who you know
go to gecko com and you’re like fine fine whatever
and then you’re like bam
now you have
that day in
front of you like on
video of course for sure
cause we’re all
about memories right
no doubt or that thought at
least you would
definitely but then you
would say well
where is this stored is this non
local no no no
it’s like divvik
circuit city yeah that’s the same
thing there’s a
story on io
mine that pull up this shit on my own
they’re able
to surgically kind of remove certain memories from mice
yeah they’ve
started to come through some of the
technology like
eternal sunshine
of the spotless mind so if you’re a ptsd sufferer
and you have traumatic
events in afghanistan they can surgically remove the
stuff that happened to you so that you could
move on since
right yeah but
what if there’s
some dude that you fucking hate in afghanistan all
sudden you’re in new york and he sees you like
your mother fuck
and you’re like i don’t even know this dude
right you know that’s not cool
yeah this guy
would hate you and he’d
be following you around you’re like what is this dude’s
deal or you
get out of a
bad relationship and you killed everyone he knows man
and he made me make the iron man outfit
right yeah you
get out of bad relationship and meanwhile she
still remembers you and she’s fucking
sharpening up her daggers yeah she’s like
traveling over the country she’s trying to
find you now the condom can
break to get you arrested for
she’s got all sorts of outfit she’s like
blade and shit she’s got a
trench coat filled with weapons
going to take you out
but i mean that
the fact that they’re
starting to make
these breakthroughs right
yeah there’s the
breakthrough nanotechnology that happened i
think it was
about a year ago
where they were able to figure out
how to actually have
cells that were bonded in an ejection that
would actually then melt
a tumor that was a
tumorous growth
without any sort of radiation
treatment or
anything like that
right it’s just
we’re right in the verge
right now right like
of so many diseases and
everything like that like it
might actually happen within our lifetimes and forget
about your kids and it’s not just happening in
technology it’s happening in space
like all the shit that they’re finding out about
space as well are
you following
any of the astronauts in the international
space station on twitter
no there’s that guy who
dig up his name
he’s been just tweeting
photos of like amazing like like sun
or you know
sunsets from from
space from the
space station like somehow
they hooked up you know as an internet
connection up there and he’s like we
have wi fi in space
he does man
he’s like hey look
at this look at
this is names
i guess that you
sound sochi
naguchi it’s a
oh yeah at astro
s o i c h i
he’s got three hundred thousand followers and he’s like
hey look we’re taking off and go to the
space station
and he’s just got this following and like he’s making
space travel cool
again right
whereas you joke
about kids who want to be
mma fighters
video game designers
now this guy’s doing that for the job
right which i
think is really cool
what do you think
about space porn
yeah i actually
do follow that guy i have seen some of his cool
stuff i forgot i follow
so many people i forgot
they compile
it on the huffington post once in a
while you just look at it just
scroll through
just like this is amazing there’s so many
things that are just so
crazy that are
not even understood
about this world
the whole like
arsenic based life form
stuff that came out with three yeah
do you know what they
found out that that was bad science
really yeah that was very poorly written in that
nasa rushed
to try to get this
press conference or this
press release out there before it got
really reviewed by all the
right people
and there’s a
ton of criticism all over the internet
that what they did was
they drew some really unscientific
conclusions and
and kind of
it’s not disproven
completely but it’s not proven either
it’s not ready yet
and it’s kinda like
the edge of
contact where they’re not
really sure if jodie foster really went to the other
world there’s some nutty shit
going on man have you
heard about this new
object that they
found outside of
pluto that’s jupiter sized
and really just out of nowhere
way the fuck out there
probably as far or more
from jupiter as we are from jupiter
or excuse me from
pluto rather as we are from pluto
and it’s outside of
pluto and it’s gigantic
they don’t know what it is they have no idea
where it is exactly
but they know there’s something out there
pretty sure well i know you’ve probably talked
about this in your
because you’re big on aliens the
whole idea of stephen
hawking was saying like
know if aliens actually find us
first then it’s
gonna be a situation
where we’re the native americans
and then it’s everybody else coming over from europe
and that didn’t turn out very well
or were monkeys
we’re not even native americans man
native americans were at
least human
you know i mean if
something is a million years more advanced than us it’s
gonna be like us collecting bugs
like i said
your kids are probably
gonna live to be
150 plus it’s not
to see the city not you
if not you yeah
who knows man who knows what the fuck is
going on the the
breakthroughs they’re coming to live to one
fifty working
video games
would you stress
yeah maybe you’ll just kick back and go jay z
style once you you know
compile all your
money do do do
yeah that’s a problem
because the developers
the people who have the
money are the people who put up the money
and those are the people that make all the
money is that what’s going on
and that it’s
much harder for the developers to go jay z
style it is yeah
well you get to the
point where it’s so hard for one person to really
break out and do something
especially the aaa space
you’re seeing
where used games
and rentals are eating up so much of the market
that for somebody to spend
millions and millions of dollars to
make a game and then to actually launch it with all the
marketing is a huge risk and then so a lot
of people are running to mobile they’re running to all
these different kind of
places right
but i would
think that at a certain
level like your level
when you have a certain
reputation behind you
that it might be easier for a
bunch of people to come to you and say listen man
you’re a proven commodity why don’t you get your team
and we’ll give you guys a
cut of the publishing hypothetically i knew at an early
age that by doing the pr
and being able to have a little bit of a theater
background and go on
stage this stuff
would get me a certain amount of
leverage and then by working with
talent to people and making
great games i have
built a brand for myself
so hypothetically i
could probably go
knock on a lot of publishers
store tomorrow be like just give me a
bunch of money let me
build a team do whatever i want
the problem is
epic takes good care of me
and i work with everybody and i get do the shit i want
and i you know i’ve got a
great setup so
why fuck with
it for something that may or may not work out right
that explosion was
brian fucking around in the background
what do you
think that the
world’s coming to an end
what do you
think the current
lifespan of the consoles are like
until the new we
for the first time ever in
video games we’ve just gotten past the five year life
cycle yeah it seems like i think
a reason yet is
i think for
a lot of people graphics are cool good enough yeah
right and like
what if you were to put something new on tv that’s
what is the current
state of the art
versus the latest
playstation xbox game
would it pass the mom test
would your mom look
at that and go to that looks amazing compared to that
maybe maybe not give it a couple years yes
right so right now
maybe it’s good
enough you know you have all the motion controls and
everything like that they can kind of keep everybody
occupied what do you
think the next
thing is what do you
think is just
gonna be faster and bigger or do you
think there’s
gonna be the 3d
more ingrainally yeah my personal
opinions fast as hell
avatar style
graphics avatar
level of graphics
something that is always connected to the internet
is it ever going to come to a time
where that’s easier to do than it is now
in regards to
technology building it creating it
well there’s
things like
there’s ways that
you can procedurally create content
right like will wright did
spore where
like a lot of
the textures
were automatically created so we figured out what
an algorithm
would be for
grass and wood and
things like that and there’s a huge
not a huge but there’s a subset
of people that work in that
technology like
okay just hit a button and just generate
fifty types of wood for me so we don’t actually have to
build it right
then you get
to the point
where there’s
a certain library of do i really need to remodel the
couch for the
eight billionth time
like work smarter not harder
right figure out ways to use modular architecture
do you really need
fifty columns of
different types or you can just spit them all out right
the key is gonna be
figuring out you know like
how to craft that within a certain
financial model
that’s the billion dollar question
how do you provide
aaa content that makes
sense right like how do you remain
profitable well there eventually you
think would be
software that
makes it easy like the average person can create games
that’s what we do that’s half of our business
you could go to
udk com and download the same
exact stuff we use to
build our games really for free
so anybody can for free go and take your
technology and make
their own game they can
the problem is of course if you
start making
money with it then you have to talk to us
about officially
licensing it wow
that’s pretty fucking that’s how it works actually
never really knew that but
the reason why this is smart
is because you have so many college campuses
out there that want to find a solution how do we
train college kids
to learn how to use this
technology but how
hard is it how hard is your
builder like
is it a hard
builder killed for
these tools when i was 17
yes that they’re not
you know making games hard right like
stuff to know what to do but
if i was myself 17
i would have been able to do such
crazy shit i had to
learn visual
basic and get a programmer
the programmer
i did jazz jackrabbit with back in the day is the
guy who works on killzone now wow yeah it’s just one of
those weird
professor act
magneto type situations right
he’s cool guy
great dutch dude
um but yeah like you can just go download it now and
start building a game so get
these kids to
tweet me all the time
how do we get
the business how do we get the business i’m like go to
udk download it and
start building something
figure out what you’re good at and work your
ass off and be better than everybody else we’ve been
playing that hard shaft
i mean my mine
shaft game that’s on those
holy floridian
yeah slip there brian
kidding fuck is
wrong with you son
a big black dog is it king kong
it’s minecraft right
so have you been playing that at all i
heard that it’s the
first pc game i paid
money for in years really alright so we almost
got through this
whole episode without anybody talking
about big black dick wow
i apologize
that was a horrible slip
that’s like one of
those where
he brought up big
black dicks though it’s almost like it’s impossible
it’s like it’s embedded into our
system yeah
we attract dick talks
weave through
the dna the
black kind so is it
mineshaft how do i okay i’m
gonna go from big
black clocks to minecraft
minecraft it’s not even
shaft so it’s
this game joe this kid
this kid decided to make this game out of his garage
and he’s making god
i don’t even know the numbers he’s making
money handover fist
and it’s basically a
world where you
initially start off and you can
build cubes of different
materials in
front of you
and then build anything you want
basically so imagine
building 3d
pixels and there’s people who have
built like the
earth in this game
right and then there’s
this mode where
night time comes and
you have to eventually figure out how to survive your
first night and
start building like a workbench and
build all these different
things and it
starts getting deeper and deeper i
haven’t gotten
too deep into it but it’s become this kind of
phenomenon he’s talking
about valve
about doing something with it
and what you see
right now is
these kind of little
micro developers who are having
success right
the guy who did
braid jonathan blow you have the team who made portal
was like a handful
of kids who made an independent game that then they
started working with
valve right
the guy who did limbo
the team who did limbo they were at the independent
games festival we saw that and were like this game is
great and then
every time i love supporting
these indie kids
cause you never know
like what’s
gonna come out of them
cause they can
often take risks that we can’t
cause you know they’re
in their garage and they’re
building in how
hard would it be for someone to make a
movie with your game engine
pretty easy
really yeah
wow yeah whoa
they call it machinima
oh yeah mash
ma yeah i’m
going to the awards ceremony
yeah they call it
spell that i always call it mashima
but i don’t know mash
you know it’s the art of
the art of machinima
it’s the art of a
virtual camera
right that’s ch i
machina
ma s s l i t
i’ve seen some old ones
done with old game engines that looked really hokey
that’s good but the game engines of
today they’re so sophisticated
yeah that was what red
vs blue was
right that was that whole web
series that became huge
these guys the
halo characters and they just made him talk of
these incredibly
funny situations
you need to have a sitcom of your characters having
wives and stuff in that form
we will absolutely do that in our
spare time yes no no
you just hired two
high school
and efforts and
it’s hired two high
school kids
to do it yeah
when you give them
supervised a week
they’ll have the
marine guys pulling
their assholes
apart and the goatse
pose you know
the beauty of so many of
those internet memes is i
could sit there eating a
giant bowl of cereal and just
watch it and not even
care because it’s been sent to you so many times right
that’s true
and that’s the other
thing you know we were talking
about kids getting
freaked out by
all the the the
input that they have today
they’re just
gonna get desensitize a little
quicker than us
if you can handle it kids can handle it just
gonna be trickier
trigger in the beginning but i will tell you
bringing it full circle like
every time i see real life like you
know violence in
front of me
see somebody get hit at a bar it makes me nauseous
really yeah
it does my problem is i’m you so used to it
right i see people get beat up and it’s so normal
my wife cut her head
and she opened up
the back of her car you know
the hood and banged her head on it she accidentally
and she that
skull bled no it wasn’t that bad but
started bleeding did i talk
about this already no
it started bleeding
and i just looked it
up yeah it’s
well cut you
no for her it’s like this traumatic thing
and i’m like they’re not even
gonna stop this
fight this is nothing
you know she’s
gonna tap out this is
ridiculous this is barely a cut
like there’s only got
facial wounds
bleed a lot you know i’m like
thinking shit i
might have to
take her to the hospital for this little baby cut
is she gonna
freak out or she
gonna let me
stick like crazy glue in there and glue it together
that’s what i would do
those my head i’d be like just drop some
crazy husband and
husband at least
that shit right here dude
that’s what they do man quit crying you pansy
cuts when you get cuts they put
crazy people
on it they push it together it’s a little one yeah
it’s been some dinner granny
but it’s so funny
my point is i’m so used to trauma
i’m so used to like dudes getting
punched in the face and well you have that kind of
fighting upbringing constantly dude
again it comes back to boston
once there’s that but there’s also working for the
ufc for over a thousand
fights being
three feet away from
these murderers
these fucking
trained killers
punting each
other in the head
you know i mean i’ve
seen so many dudes just get fucking flatlined what’s
the what’s the lifespan of a
fighter with the amount of head damage
everything right it’s
a good question
i don’t think we know no i’m not saying lifespan
i’m saying as far as like how long can you actually
fight before it
starts to become an abuse
have you seen
quite as it
becomes like a visible
issue like you
start to see
things get a little off i have seen guys go from being
absolutely normal to
absolutely not normal yeah
absolutely normal to frightening
i’ve seen that i’ve seen the full spectrum
yeah it’s very shocking
and i’ve seen also guys like
randy couture
who get out of it with not a
not a single problem
you know and
randy is so
it’s super lucid
you talk to him he’s very intelligent very
aware and he’s been
knocked out a couple of times he’s recognized how to
build a brand though right
well it’s also he’s a
smart guy he
doesn’t take unnecessary punishment some guys
they try to be more
exciting so they’ll take unnecessary punishment
they’ll like
they won’t fight strategically
they’ll fight like in an aggressive
style and an attempt to overwhelm
this person with
their physicality
and when you do that you know it makes for
exciting fights for the fans
but it’s very dangerous for you it’s very dangerous
for your long term mental health
that’s a management issue
you’d assume i mean
fighters have
their managers who kind of advise them on
these impossible you can’t tell a guy what to do
there’s no way he’s
not gonna listen to you if he’s the guy who wears his
underwear when
he gets in that fucking cage and they shut that door
he’s not gonna listen
yeah the fighters will
take they’ll take direction as far as
coaching they’ll take direction as far as technique
they’ll take direction as far as you
know they have a guy that they really
trust and he
raises them correctly and
trains them to be a good fighter
they’ll go out there
with a healthy respect for
the art form and they’ll go out there and do it right
but if you get a guy
and he just that’s
how he develops he develops and like this is his style
and then you try to
coach him it’s like
you know good luck
that’s what you
do tricks that
we so see some
fighters and all they want to do is brawl
and they brawl
every fight
and then you see
other fighters
where they skillfully
avoid strikes take the guy down strangle them
you never see
very rarely i
should say i
wouldn’t say never
you very rarely
see someone go from being the meathead brawler
to being the
super intelligent
ultra skilled
technician that
gets through a
fight and takes
no damage yeah imagine you want to be surgical
about it right
you should yeah well you should
treat it like what it is it’s a martial
art and it’s a game and the game is do punishment
without getting punishment done to you be superior in
every single aspect of the game
be able to force your will
on that person
that’s the intelligent part about it
but you know
it’s also when you get
fight of the
night bonuses
and you want to make the
crowd cheer
and get that adrenaline going
and a lot of guys
they love to say they finish
fights they go out there and they
put it on the line and it does make for a more exciting
fight that’s
absolutely true
but i had this
exact conversation with a guy
named john donnaher
who is this
pretty infamous
jujutsu instructor
really super
super smart guy
and he and i both agreed that the most important
thing is even though it’s good to be
exciting as a
fighter it’s good to you know
it’s good to
please the crowd and it makes the
sport more popular and
everything i absolutely
agree with that too but
the most important
thing is to be
very skilled and to be the most
skilled and do the
exact right
thing that you’re supposed to be doing in order to
apply damage but take little in return
and when you
take unnecessary risks and you do something in
an unsmart manner
you’re degrading your art you’re
watering down your purpose you’re doing something
that’s not the
optimal way to do it it’s not the artistic way to do it
you’re not fighting it correctly
you know it’s like riding a wave
when you get off that wave what do you want
to do you want a face plan to the rocks of course not
no you want to
write you want to ride that
bitch and be perfect that’s the way it does
i can’t speak of it man it’s just it’s
a world that set my own
so alien yeah
it’s alien to me and i’ve done martial arts my
whole life but i’ve
never fought in the ufc yeah
you know and being around
over at least a thousand
fights you know
yeah but we were talking about like
guys like you know like being used to
trauma i’m way too used to
trauma yeah
i’m so normal
for me i’ve
been at bars and dudes are beating the fuck out of each
other i’m like yeah
these guys hit each other yeah
keep your hands up dude you know i’m a fucking pussy
that’s the irony
right is like you know we do
these games of these
for your badass guys
just you know tearing arms off be people
death of it and like
you see anything in real life and it’s just like oh
jesus i get some getting sick right
well that’s a good question man so like
what do you
think about this
whole debate
that you know
this this i think it’s
pretty silly and
kind of like not
not well thought out
this idea that violent games make people violent
i don’t think that’s true i think
whatever happened to crazy
first and foremost
right it’s a chris rocks kind of
thing about it
i honestly think it’s a situation
that they relieve more stress than they cause yeah
it’s a cathartic
thing like and there’s a certain
sick type of mind that’s
drawn to a certain type of
entertainment that was just
predisposed to that
right yeah and that person sick period yeah
and you’re not
gonna get it’s always the what violent games was
hitler playing
right that kind of
thing right it’s just like dude i mean
right we cannot create a society
based upon a lowest common denominator of
entertainment thank you
right like a
scene or anything or anything it’s
there’s entertainment for kids is
entertainment for
adults and that’s the way the
world works i mean it
should be that way with
everything access to information you know propaganda
you can’t you can’t like
program society
for the lowest common denominator
well that’s what you’re doing if you’re not
allowing intelligent people are not
going to be affected if you’re trying to restrict
their access to
things like
video games and i personally
think the market will bear
what the market will bear right like
you look at what we do with the stylized violence of
these big giant guys in
space armor ripping the arms off lizard men
if you there’s a game
about a guy
on flatbush avenue with the yankees
hat pulling off the arm of somebody else with the red
sox hat like in it was depicted real like be kind like
but then the violence in
grand theft auto on the
other hand plays very
well because it’s done within the context of the story
or it’s done
comedically
where you’re running over a hooker something like that
right it’s all
people if people are
but when you
say that the okay but
but what if
their government
steps in i mean there’s been many times
where there’s been talk about
legislating
the content of
video games and making sure that there’s rules
what you can and can’t
do there are already rules though that’s the thing that
people forget is the fact that there’s
rating system
there’s a rating
system there’s a parental restrictions on the consoles
which are very easy to set
and there’s
also the fact that the games cost a certain amount of
money in order to get access to
there’s multiple gateways there that are in
place and on
top of all of that there is of course the parenting
issue but is there a situation like there is with
movies where they tell you hey you can’t release this
unless you cut out
a bunch of shit or it’s
gonna be like x ray it is
that an x ray
it is reviewed right
it is viewed
by the effect
is there an
nc 17 or something
you can get an
adults only rating but it’s the
curse it’s a kiss of
death much like the
nc 17 whereas you know you’re not
gonna be at walmart you’re
not gonna be in
you can mass
effect isn’t that at walmart mass
effect or whatever the one with the prostitution and
add and that was
which will have
mass effect
mass effect
did have some
sex type question it but there’s i don’t know
i don’t think there’s prostitution in any mess now
it’s kind of amazing that you can have
chainsaws in the end of your gun
where you can cut people in half but you can’t fuck
that’s well that’s america that’s amazing
that thing or something like that you think
all right we’re back okay anyway
it’s rough being this cat we’re gonna have to
split this up this audio is
split up i’ll put it together this is the end you’re
a master you know the fuck you’re doing
this is the end dumb dumb
friend the end
the real cliffy b
on twitter thank you very much man
it was a lot of fun like i was saying before we cut off
we covered everything man we
covered the universe we
covered video game development we covered
greedy cunts
black cocks
brian’s hoard
dog what else
anything else i’m sorry
about my hoard
dog what else
angry birds
angry birds the universe
the galaxy fighting bleeding
technology with super glue
and dude come to town once more than
every once every five years it’s tough
to get to raleigh
charlotte you
charlotte it’s
tough yeah well
maybe i’ll do charlie goodnights again yeah
it was yeah but
you know what the problem is too many goddamn hecklers
that’s why i stopped
going there
there’s too many really
you can always handle
them dude it was brutal
the last time
i was there was just people talking just do matt
nade shows i
mean this is a fun club though
great owners too
anyway ladies and gentlemen that’s it
thank you very much
cliffy b flashlight
yes thank you
thank you to the
flashlight for
sponsoring the show you can go to
flashlight com
and if you go to joerogane
net there’s a link that takes you to
flashlight com and you type in
the keyword
rogan the promo code and you get 15
off and then you can beat off like a fuckin
savage like a man
alone in the ocean
trying to figure out how to get by all you got is
cans of dried fish and
some rainwater that you’ve collected
and a flashlight get enough spit
and you’re hallucinating
because your fucking
skin is getting cooked off by the sun
you ain’t got no sunscreen
stupid your dog is just walking all over me so rude
that’s the end of the show
ladies and gentlemen
thank you very much next week
um it looks like we’re probably
gonna get greg fitz
and two months ago on oh cool
um and who knows what we got
still gotta get
brian post saying
i still gotta call bobby lee
we got a lot of shit happening people
thank you very much for
tuning in and we
appreciate all
the positive energy and all the support and all the
i appreciate all the people appreciating the
podcast it’s awesome and all the people on twitter and
facebook and
all you people
out there sucking cock in the streets good for you
good for you
for you wikileaks baby
it’s all gonna get interesting