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Podcast
Description
Joe sits down with Eddie Bravo.
Transcript
smile on your face
three or their id every picture has her id
you could get fucking busted are we going right
now we are like what are you talking
about child pornography
dude we’re live
eddie bravo how dare you that shit would stand up
eddie bravo
how dare you bring up shit that we were talking
about off the air okay i’m saying
start the fucking podcast off with that
it’s my cousin anyway
ladies and gentlemen
thank you for tuning in to the podcast
we are sponsored as always by the flashlight
go to flashlight com if you go to joerogane
net and you click the link
this is a place where you can go to and you get
15 off and the what is the code you have put in rogan
rogan and this is a fat boy slim mix
yes fat boy summer mix
2010 you know what i love the song that guy i get did
that weapons of destruction
you know is that what it’s called yes
yeah the one with
uh christopher
no christopher walken did the video is dancing
yes fucking badass video
all his videos are all his musics pretty good
i’ve really
never really got into him but that one really
grabbed me all right our
guests as always my buddy mr hasty
eddie bravo
eddie bravo of tenth planet jujita
juju zoo of um
you can go to
twitter com
eddie bravo and
where else can i get your shit
you still have a myspace page up with all your music
right yeah but i
think that to eventually
eventually man i’m like behind on
every fucking
thing man i got to put out the mastering the
twister dvd
dude i’m so behind on everything so um
like musicians are still using myspace
some of them right
cause it’s convenient right yeah it’s got that
music player that you could see your
your views or your hits that’s pretty important to
music that’s super important
if you have
thousands of hits on one of your songs people are
gonna go oh shit let me
check that out
if there’s four hits
people are just
gonna bypass
right and when you embed
a video you can embed
it with the number of hits in it it can’t show
that must be something new i don’t know
about that no
no no i mean if you embed like a youtube clip
all you see is the window you don’t see how many
videos or how many people have
watched this
video no but that would be
a good feature
i think but no one goes on myspace anymore
yeah i’m always on my website
tenth planet jj com
i’m on that
motherfucker like
you know like joe on twitter and shit all day
okay so if they want to see your music though
my music they could still go to myspace com slash
the twister
those are all old videos and shit
that you know like they’re like three four years now
old so but they’re still badass
brian riker
what are you doing over there
buddy just fine
tweaking the audio
fine tweaking fine
has become quite a podcast mogul
he’s been broadcasting not just this podcast but
the the unfortunate
brodie stevens project yeah that was did you
watch any of that yeah you
watch a little bit of it
well what was
going and call it that
the unfortunate
brodie stevens
project that’s a college play
right he looks like he’s going
crazy yeah then that way he’s allowed to get
crazy i just
think i need a taser though
you know i think if we do that i need a
taser what’s
a character you
know he’s a character
i think it works great for
stand up comedy but i
think for a podcast i don’t know
yeah it was hard
cause i felt
bad for the last episode he brought his roommate on
again and he
screamed at his roommate the whole time
to the point
where his roommate i saw look
like close to him and his
cheek was twitching
because he was so
upset and then i went outside
cause i was
freaking out i went outside
and he comes running outside and goes
like in the middle of an interview he just
took off and brody was just left there on the couch
going ah ah ah
well you know i don’t know what he was doing
but the guy was like i can’t take this anymore
i don’t know what to do i can’t take this anymore and
like he just got raped
that’s what the conversation was
and that’s when i came to the conclusion
that what happened is is that
they act together
him brodie stevens and his roommate act together
like if a couple were to
break up and they had to live together for like
three months
you know like
that anger that
anger they had yeah
i don’t know man it
freaks me out in
real fucking
anger too man you’ve been around someone when they’re
breaking up but they
still haven’t
moved out yet
and then the
chick starts seeing
another dude then they have complications or the guy
starts seeing another chick
fuck that shit yeah
that would never happen i
would never
put myself to that i mean you have to be a
brokester and understand
or some kind of
i don’t know what’s
going on with the
least or something
maybe there’s like a
least problem that both some people just love
drama fuck they can
never figure it out they can
never figure out how to be cool to each other
from the moment of the relationship but just a
it’s an eventual explosion
it’s like how
how fucked up is
it have to get before it all falls the only way i could
understand a situation like that is
girl breaks up with boy
boy is begging for girl back
girl goes you know what we’re not getting
back together but i’m fucking staying here for two more
months cause i paid the rent
and boys like fuck it stay
it’s like it’s
gonna give them more time to
maybe change your mind you know what i mean
yeah yeah i
could kind of see that when i
broke up i lived with a
chick a long time ago the
first chick i ever
lived with very nice girl but we were both kids
you know i was 21 she was 20 we were both retarded
right and when i
lived with her
and we broke up
there was a period of time for like two weeks we were
still together
and she was
still like staying in my
house but we
were not together anymore we had broken up so
she had started dating
other dudes
and i’d started dating other
chicks and you know she
would be cool with it
and then like she
would tell me
about dudes and i
wouldn’t get jealous but i
would tell her about a
chick and she get mad at me
within two weeks
she’s already telling you about
20 years old man 20
years old you’re
retarded you don’t know what the fuck’s
going on were you in love with her
no i mean probably
not no no no
definitely not because i didn’t
freak out when she left
although i did
like try to get her back
and i came off like a huge faggot
i don’t know if you’ve ever done
that before like when you get devastated by a chick
and then you try to figure out a way to
bring her back it’s almost like an ego
thing really
it’s like the relationship was boring did she
break up with you yeah yeah yeah she
broke okay that hurts now
how long were you guys
living together before not that long man
it did not last very long it was a disaster six months
maybe something like that
that’s not even you can get deep in six yeah
maybe not even
i don’t even
think it was six months
she was a nice kid we were just
young and stupid
and but she
started banging
other dudes and i
started banging
other chicks
and it was real
weird cause we’re living together
and every now and then like she
would get horny and i’d fuck her anyway
it was very strange it was like retard retard
relationship shit like
the shit you do when you’re 21
usually generally
when someone
breaks up the girl
generally for most people the girl can
has so much more
power than the guy
the girl can
bang ten dudes that day they
broke up like the
guy might not be able to get laid for a couple weeks
right he hasn’t been in the game for a
while that’s the
reason why they’re
breaking up because the guy
found someone new already
that’s true that’s
track in boston
man where i
lived it was
way harder to meet people this is not the same
place man people are not nearly as friendly
it’s not nearly as easy to go
out and meet people like in a bar or club or whatever
it’s a fucking grind
it’s not easy
and everyone’s in jackets
you really don’t know what the fuck you’re getting
you don’t know
what you’re getting man you get a look at girls jeans
how how vacuum sealed are
these fucking
things even
at clubs even at clubs you really can’t tell so
some girls can
cover their
fucked up shit with the dresses
you get them
naked you’re like whoa fuck
plus they can feel
they confuse you i did not expect
that you know
like you go out to a club
they got glow
sticks they got glue they got fake fake
eyelashes you’re
drunk it’s dark
and they got so much fucking makeup on and they’re
covering their shit up
strategically they know how to
cover them rolls up how
crazy is the idea of don’t wear
nightclub how
crazy is the idea of a nightclub
you go to a
place it’s a designated meeting area
where everybody
goes that supposedly is single and wants to fuck
you know it’s like can you get it
that’s the big question can you meet
can you meet somebody are you compatible do you get it
but we’re gonna provide you with
music so you get to move around and
grind against each
other we’re
gonna give you
drinks so you make shitty decisions
we’re gonna set you up in a
place which probably
gonna be people that are selling drugs if you’re
gonna do something more fucked up
it’s all together in one
big spot and we stay open till 2 o’clock in the morning
that’s one place i
never pick up
chicks at though i
never pick up
chicks at the
dance club cause if i’m dancing
i’m acting a fool i’m not like taking it serious
like breaking it down
you know what i was totally the opposite like for me i
swear for me
when i was like 21 22
the way i would make moves on a
chick yeah is i
would find the best dancer and then
dance with her
and i always felt like i
could just i
could get them with the dancing
do i swear to god
did you like
learn how to
dance man i was
dancing before
my i could even walk my aunts
would just hold
me out because my add to aunts are a couple years
older than me
and they would just hold me
and everyone we will
be dancing like fucking fools all the time do you still
dance i went to
school dances i was always dancing
huh you still
dance one once in a
while if i’m at a club
and they’re playing some good shit you know some good
fittest scent or something some new
ludacris or something
i’ll be dancing
it’s got to be good though
oh shit shut that shit off
that’s wake the fuck up
no you know what that is that’s an alarm
call your business manager
check on your funds like
every day it goes off
keep keep that shit going every day but
i usually sounds like a wake up reminder to you
check your fucking money dude slow down
what do you spend
spending too much money
i don’t keep
track of it yeah that’s my problem now
when i get a business manager i don’t have to keep them
i like you know
i always envied you man how many years do we know each
other and you had a business manager
and i had to handle all my shit do all my taxes
you never worried
about shit since i’ve
known you you just have a credit card
and you don’t worry
about shit i remember
a couple times you told me go
man i could have
two million in the bank
all right i didn’t want to disclose that okay
so anyway do you like comic books
have you did you grew up liking
comic books
no i never read
comic books man i wasn’t into it
i hated superheroes
man i wasn’t into him i was spider man for halloween
and it’s so
weird playing the role
of a superhero at a party
i went to this huge
party and i was
dressed up as spider man
and i realized when i had to walk around the
party i was walking around the
party like i was spider man
like i wasn’t just stepping i was
like like i didn’t do it on purpose i just what
it was something’s
wrong i was really
stoned in it i don’t know but it was
weird man so you’re really
stoned you thought you were spider well i just
caught myself walking differently
this is the same dude by the way that said that he
doesn’t like certain
video games because now when he sees
buildings he wants to jump from one
building to the
other cause he’s played this in games
he actually
thinks that he
could go do that
no no no you
know what you’re getting lost in the character
which is totally cool man i was talking about
i played so much of this
particular video game in a
short amount of time
like all day long
it got to the
point where i was driving and i was just like kind of
space out and
think hey look that
building i could jump on that i
could see that you know what i mean
yeah you know
you’re thinking of retarded
shit yeah you
never usually want to talk
about but you’re thinking
about that shit
right like man
like i’m actually thinking
about the fucking
video game jumping around just because you played it
how many hours straight do you play it
at that time i played it for like all day long i
could wake up play it go to bed
you know that’s
ridiculous yeah
for like a month for a
month though
that was the only time i
became a dick people
do that my little nephew that’s his problem
right now they got to take away that fucking
and game controller
cause he plays all fucking days fucking up his
grades and all that shit
and my sister’s like oh we only let him have that
video game on weekends and they got
they take the controllers and they fucking hide them
he goes looking for any
breaks into the fucking room
so all they really need to do is have like a
video game controller like
dealer at school right
you have your little sign
plug in how easy is that i’m real
lucky that i didn’t have
video games when i was a kid
i mean we had like
stupid like
the ones on tv that you’d play like
i forget what they were
but they weren’t
you know i think mike
tyson’s punch out i
think we had that
i think that was like when i was around high
school i had
atari the old
space invaders yeah
that was all i had that wasn’t
that addictive i mean it was okay but
there’s nothing like
call of duty or
dude it was amazing back then
space invaders at your house
it was amazing
fuck yeah but i’m talking
about the sheer addiction
value of it it’s not even
close to the
video games
today i know
people are having real problems with
their kids starving
it’s like a regular basis because they’re not feeding
their kids they get lost in
these massive
multiplayer
world games
world of warcraft yeah
these world of warcraft games man this big
substitutes
these people’s lives
like the sims and
the farm dale girl just
beat her kid to
death because the
kid was crying and was interrupting her farmville game
yeah it’s fucked up
you know that new call of duty game that came out last
night modern
ops or whatever
i don’t even know what the name of it is
i just saw that it’s in 3d
it’s one of the
first video games to
release to be made
deeply played on a 3d tv
so you know that 3d we saw the
other day this bad
holy shit imagine playing call of
duty now dude i did not realize how badass 3d looks now
with a movie that’s animated for 3d
and then you get one of those 3d
glasses and you
watch on the new 3d tvs
it’s fucking incredible man
it’s just like
it’s overwhelming like you look at it you’re just
going wow isn’t it
weird that it’s
finally taking off i mean we had 3d back when i was
10 but it’s not
taken you know
it’s not it’s a huge fucking trick
it came out almost a year ago
you know how many blu ray dvd 3d
movies that they’re out
two right two or
three i think the
third one just came out the
other day but
like hd the same
thing there wasn’t that many
hd channels but you
stick around there’s no way
two d is gonna fuck with
three d three d
porn’s gonna take over all that they’re making all
movies in three d now like
everything should
porn in three d
yeah oh yeah yeah yeah they’ve been doing it for a
while that’s the only way to
bring porn back
how you gonna do three d
you can’t download
three d and then
ultimately you’ll be able to down it’s
gonna make a big
should we invest in porn
is that like a
three d market
it’s gotta be that’s actually smart
that’s actually that
doesn’t make
sense you can’t download
that the bruises pop off the tv
right the bruises are up
you can smell the
flute for sure
for sure they’re
gonna have loads coming at you you’re
gonna have to
dodge those dude
you know what i mean
will you dodge them
no they’re gonna come
right at the
screen and they’re
gonna shoot through the girl’s face and she’s gonna be
covered in loads
yeah you’re
gonna see the
loads coming from behind the camera or something
right imagine if it was so good though that if you
had a wall projection tv and the legs were just being
wrapped around you
you know it’s really
gonna be gay
point that takes off from 3d
cause what could a girl do with 3d
while she’s having sex
he’s coming at you
better it’s just
better pop it you know
the depth is way better and when it’s not just that
you know you have like tricks
that was like old 3d like remember jaws 3d
yeah there’s only one
thing that happened that the
shark went through the
glass you like ah he’s coming
absolutely but
the rest of it was bunk it was like
tricks but now it’s not tricks
it’s like they’re doing that
yeah it’s like
that what was the
monsters versus
aliens that was the animated show that we were
watching that was in 3d
yeah was insane
it was so vivid
and there was so much to it it
was like the
depth was like it was like really shocking
yeah you know
that’s what it’s
gonna be pretty soon it’s
gonna be like
where you look at your wall and it’s like you’re
looking into the next room yeah that that’s what’s
gonna be like you’re
watching seinfeld like as if seinfeld was in your
house right
right you know
that that’s what it’s gonna be
if it’s gotten this far
right i mean
what it looks like is pretty fucking incredible man
way better than the
movies because
movies a big
what would happen
my shit went
bro we lost
one of the channels for the head
there it goes
it’s back that’s what happened all i’m saying is that
you can get more creative
with gay porn
you know we lost loads
we’re losing
you got a bad
connection on the headsets
all right so anyways
it’s in there but what i was saying
is it looks way better than the
movies because movie theaters
it’s like kind of shitty resolution
it looks like grainy
know even if it’s a giants better
even if it’s a giant
screen it’s not nearly as good as like a
giant like 55 inch plasma screen
you know the
depth that you get when you look at like a real good tv
it’s like the resolutions like way crispr
did you see jackass in 3d
no that was
using old school 3d
technology it was like dildos coming towards your face
so that wasn’t
using depth that was
act they actually slowed down
like things so you could see it come at you
and they really that was the best movie
for the 3d content really awesome for 3d
all i kept thinking about is
i mean there
they’re getting
fucking some head
trauma going on they’re really jacking their heads up
for sure at least one of
those dudes one of those dudes is gonna have
lou gehrig’s disease you after watching that show on
brain trauma that
was it real sports yeah what it was yes are you more
aware of that shit oh yeah the whole time i was
watching jackass i’m like goddamn it’s
funny it’s all fun and games
right now you’re making a lot of money but
they’re really fucking themselves up
i mean i saw the saddest interview with michael
not michael um with
muhammad ali
when he was caches
clay he was talking about retiring
when he got to be
certain age
because i don’t want to be one of them
fighters is
old and been hitting the head too many times is
talking duh duh duh duh
whoa whoa yeah whoa indeed
it was like it was so creepy to listen to that like
you you’re the king of der der der
you’re the guy
when if you talk
about anybody where
anybody looks towards
anybody someone getting
damaged you
know from fighting in it being a sad case he’s the one
and there’s
a lot of people that are trying to say that he has
parkinson’s it’s not related the fuck it’s not related
that’s a bullshit
politically correct argument
yeah he’s got
parkinson’s what does that mean this means his fucking
brain is falling
apart and why do you
think he has it you don’t
think that has to do with the fact that he got
battered in the
brain for like
decades you don’t
think that has something to do with that
that’s crazy
they had this
thing on 48
hours with jerry cory
jerry cory was like this great
white hope from the 1970s
and they follow this dude around and he was
like 53 years old when he died
and they followed him around when he was 50
and he was gone
gone there was nothing there
he had no idea what was going on
didn’t know how to
write his name his brother had to help him
write his name so he had lou gehrig’s disease he had
everything he had pugilistic dementia that’s
what they call it that’s what they were calling it
you know as far as is it lou gehrig’s disease
what lou gehrig’s disease
is the same
thing that stephen
hawking’s has it’s
your body loses its ability to move itself there’s a
bunch of different
things i mean
muhammad ali has parkinson’s
this guy had
pugilistic dementia
which is just dementia
brought on by being
punched the
whole deal is
you know it’s
scary because we see it
all the time man we see guys getting jacked in the head
all the time you know it’s a big part of what we do
it’s real shit yeah so much fun to watch though
thank god there’s dudes
we’re gonna put their
brains on the line for our
entertainment well it’s just they
gotta know when to stop
that’s the thing i mean you can do it a few times you
can you can even get shut off a couple of times but you
gotta know when to stop and
everybody’s win is different and that’s when it gets
tricky you know no one
could tell you
remember alstar ovary
when he was getting
knocked out all the time
alstar ovary
was getting like
jacked over and over again
sergei carathon
off jacked him chuck
deljak them
a lot of guys stopped him
i think he’s been stopped like
seven or eight times
at least six
so i mean he had been beating up a
bunch of times both in
kickboxing and in you know and in an mma
but then all of a
sudden he makes his fucking
tremendous comeback
and now he’s one of the best
fighters in the world
so it’s like you can’t
never say that a dude’s done
cause he made
a sick comeback and then made a sick comeback in
striking and k one
you know the fact that he was able to have that kind of
success in just straight
striking i mean
that’s that’s pretty goddamn impressive
so you can’t tell you got to stop because i
would have told
alstar over him stop you know who the fuck do you
when do you draw the line is it five
chaos is it four
chaos you know
i think peter
ertz has been stopped some
crazy amount of times like 14 times
over the course of his career
just something nutty like that
damn think about that huh yeah
what if they find out
what if they find cuz jiu jitsu is fairly
new what if they find out that
you know if you get choked out like
unconscious like from a rear naked
choke or a darsh or something like
twenty twenty five times
that you’re
you’re susceptible to get
lewd gehrig’s disease just from getting
turn you know but just
getting shut off like that yeah who knows well i
would say that they know that you can be deprived of
blood to the
brain for a
certain amount of time before there’s damage set in
but how do they know that
i mean they
know that people have gotten damage because they had
blood shut off to
their brain for
x amount of
seconds or is it a
minute i mean
what is the amount of time
where you start getting
brain damage
remember we talked
about this once
were you saying
like if you really hated somebody
you’d choke him out but not to kill him just
hold on for 90
seconds and
be retarded
that’s a character i wanted to develop
man a guy who’s like
he’s like a dexter
you know he just kills people but he
doesn’t kill him he just
chokes him out
just for fifty
eight seconds
just to turn him into a vegetable
so he doesn’t he
doesn’t go down for murder no one knows how this person
became a vegetable and he just
you know make it a romantic comedy
and then like one dude
and the conflict is
after he chokes a girl
he becomes a
lover he does it for
money he’s just like the
secret assassin he’s
not killing anybody he’s just turning your enemies into
like you pay him
and then one guy he didn’t
choke long enough
and the guy can kind of talk and he’s trying
to bust them out so he has to figure out how to fucking
get near him
again to choke him out of guys like
like pointing out is like
i gotta put this
motherfucker in an
armed triangle one more time but um
but um did you
so that missile
thing a lot of
people don’t know this but there was a missile that was
fired last night
off of the coast of
california california like malibu area
yeah i heard it on carson’s
radio show this morning and he said that you know
that’s where he lives
he didn’t see anything
and he had all
these whose
radio show carson daly
carson daly
has a radio show
on k rock i
think he does yeah
in the morning
k rock is kevin and bean
i think is he on
after it maybe okay
maybe after but
he was saying that he didn’t see anything so he had all
these callers call in
and then it was like
two hours later everyone said they saw something
but not with the time that everyone else is saying so
well they have
pictures of it yeah it is
something happened
there was one
before that happened i remember i was driving
i was in hollywood
and the sky was like it was just turning dusk
you know so it was kind of like half dark half light
and they launched a rocket and you
could really see
whatever this
thing was this missile
you could really see like the contrail behind it and
everything it was pretty dramatic
you know and then they had a you
know tell people that they do
these things at night
and that this one
was from out of
edwards air
force base i guess
and they shot it at
night but it was just not dark enough
they miscalculated the time so people get to see it
so it’s like what do you mean they just
shoot shit up in the air
did they do this
all the time yeah my friend that’s in the navy says
they shoot missiles all the time
where do they go
i don’t know
i probably aim em
to the water
shoot dead missiles and yeah
imagine if you were in a fucking rowboat
and nobody knew you
were out there and you got hit in the head by a missile
just a random
i mean people
have been shot they’ve been shot by people
shooting up in the air
right the bullet goes up
in the air and then lands on people that’s happened a
bunch of times right
could you imagine
if you got hit in the head by a fucking missile
no it out fishing
jones is saying
about this missile
thing or if he even knows
about it oh
what would he say how
would he say
basically the new
world order the
elites i’m moving
i gotta move my phone
the new world
order the elites
i don’t know what the fuck
would he say he
would say something
stupid it was obama
say something
about life extension
we had a crazy
experience in
texas with alex
jones with joey diaz
what happened joe what did i miss diaz
lit the alex
jones show on fire
he went off
alice jones fucked up and this is
where he fucked up
he had joey come on and it was his idea to
bring joey into the room
he’s talking to me about what
about chemtrails what
about what’s
going on with the environment you
know what’s
going on what
about they’re
gonna kill the dollar
so he’s got all this
stuff that he’s
bringing up with me and then
joey’s outside
and we’re just talking kind of like straight
real conspiracy
theory alex
jones style
but he brings joey in
and we were at the end of the show
so he goes well we’re
gonna go into overdrive
right now and we’re
going to overdrive
super secret overdrive
it’s a lot on the internet
but you know you can
swear it’s alright it’s not fcc but don’t try not to
swear so he fucked up he gave the
green light to joey he let joey
know that joey can just go off
and so joey
starts going off
first of all he’s
going off about cuba
about how what did he
say this is a free country
well the real
when it really went awry
was when he
started talking
about smuggling drugs
he goes i got here on the
plane i had the sack
under my ball sack i put the sack of weed on i was
stinking like a
motherfucker
and he’s going
no no you know alex
jones going no you didn’t he goes
no i did it was
under my left ball my left ball is bigger than my
right ball because i’m
right handed
i thought i had cancer for a while so
he just goes deep joey
diaz as as and as alex
jones is going
whoa but no no
that didn’t happen no you’ll see
it did happen cocksucker
obama freedom of
speech so he’s
going fucking
crazy and alex
jones can’t figure out what to do and i am
laughing my balls off
so as i’m laughing you know joey
if he’s got an audience that audience
is laughing joey knows how to finish the
deal it rages
he gets red he
starts getting
sweaty he knows how to finish the deal
so he’s going off about how
stinky this weed is
under his ball
sack and that he goes through the x ray machine
they thought he was
gonna have to get arrested
and then the
more alex jones protest the crazier got
so joey finally
you know joey stands up
he always likes to
stand up when he’s
gonna end something and walk away
he’s in a fury a frenzy
he goes joe diaz
facebook twitter
he stands up and he goes
check yourself before you
wreck yourself
big dicks in your ass is bad for your health
stay black cause that’s the most important
thing stay black
and the whole time he’s
screaming into the
microphone to make it
worse you know he’s just like
take this he’s
grabbing the
microphone his big paws and
screaming into it
the best part is when he
first walked into like alex
jones studios set up
where the camera’s facing him like directly
joey just stands
right in from it and leans down on one knee
right in front of the camera so if you look at the
video if you can find the
video anywhere
like it’s just alex and then this big head
like blocking his
view and then it’s the cameraman all scrambling
for new shots and that’s all like joey deals his head
covering everyone’s faces
joe is so funny he’s a fucking national treasure man
you realize moments like this i mean i’m
giving it no justice
here describing and i’m trying to describe it right
you got to see it
we’re gonna have it up in a
video it’s available online you can see the
whole thing but
we’re gonna edit it and put together the
right parts in a
whole video of the
whole austin trip
yeah austin
was and always is the shit
every time i go there to film it seems like
magic happens
that is one of the best cities in the fucking state or
one of the best cities in the
world man really is
because it’s
well it is one of the best cities in the state
it’s also one of the best cities
in the country and if this is the best country in the
world that’s one of the best
countries or
cities in the
world i just fuck
that whole thing
dude not only is the
food amazing
everywhere you go the food is fucking amazing
everywhere you go the
women are beautiful
and awesome and nice and love to
party and hang
out there man
it’s a friendly
place there’s a few spots like that in this country man
where people are friendlier
that’s one of the best ones
austin texas is one of the best ones
fucking great
music one of the
smartest ones too
yeah you know
just so many
smart cool interesting
people there it’s just it’s a fun fucking
place to do
worst highways ever
the gps just
when it tries to find the
exit well for some reason they decided instead of make
their highways
wider they decide to
stack them on top of each
other yeah it’s like the the
logic behind
it is so strange and if you make make miss an
exit it’s so impossible get the
round about it you fucked you fucked because almost
every exit becomes a new highway
yeah another direction
like where’s this one
going yeah yeah
it’s death it’s
death if you
miss a spot you’re fucked but
other than that it’s the shit
just got was here the first
clip that we got this
classic from austin
was the clam
thing with our
clam they painted that
whole green room too yeah
they redid that whole
place that was sad
they these the
green room in the austin
cap city comedy club used to be
covered with graffiti
and now it’s just all
painted yeah
and it was like
famous comics you know
some comics are dead yeah yeah like i
think mitch hedberg was on there and stuff
and they decided to
paint this green
over it yeah i asked him
what happened
burger king buy you guys out what the fuck is this yeah
it felt like
ikea or something like this
why would they do that
i don’t know that was the biggest fail
ever somebody
should take a
picture of that
green room and just call it fail
well someone
should do is find
photos of it all
online make wallpaper of it and then glue it back on
i’ve taken most of it what you
should do is enlarge
everything up
high resolution like with some fucking gene hackman
movie type technology
where they can take a big
picture and actually make it look good
maybe we’ll wait
until like it’s lcd wallpaper and i’ll just
email them with a
nice talking
bitch yeah how
could they do that man that was
that place in the atlanta
punch line that’s another one the atlanta
punch line the
green rooms just
covered with there’s
one of my favorite ones is stop trying to be hicks
somebody had that as
their avatar
photo on the rogan
board for a
while the best one was
in the austin one was always my favorite and that’s one
thing i always think is
pee on the toilet seat
maybe it will keep
women out of comedy
no keep the toilet seat up oh
maybe we’ll keep
women out of comedy
no i was taking my own life and mixing it in
dude i’m not a person that lifts
the toilet seat and pees
i’m one of those
guys pee through it i pee through it
cause i grew up with my mom and my sister
and i just use i just wash it
every time what you piss all over the toilet seat
no no my aim
is amazing but once in a
while you get that one little
teeny drop so once in a
while someone has to sit in your piss no
cause then i
clean i always
clean it with
water and toilet paper
hmm what about soap
huh yeah was that enough
if someone pissed on your fork and then
cleaned it with
water and toilet
paper would you
you drink pee i don’t i don’t
think i have to worry
about your little butt but yeah pee on it
i don’t do it
every day and it’s not mine
it’s a big difference between if i said you know if i
drank pee for a
stunt on a radio show or
if i pissed in your mouth
these are too totally well it’s like the old
thing like we just always talk
about do you
stand wiping
up or do you sit down and go through the legs
me and joe are both
standards are you
standard fuck guys
yeah get in there
i wipe and then
i jump in the shower i don’t i just wipe once you
shower every time
every time wow what if your shower
every time you shit
unless i’m like at a public restroom but
my shits consistent at
wow in the morning
when i wake up 10 o’clock
i’m ready to go i have a bidet i
never even use that
thing you have a bidet
oh chris from
flashlight did he tell you about a
bidet he has
a bidet that has like a
laser that finds your asshole
then shoots that
water at your asshole the same temperature of your skin
and then it comes out with another
laser that shoots and finds the hair dryer and it
dries your asshole yeah
well i heard
about it in
japan they have
these they’re toilet seats it’s not a bidet
it’s actually
a whole system
maurice smith
maurice called me up and maurice
smith i call him
joseph this is a
great business opportunity okay listen to this
starts telling me
about toilet seats
i tell you what it’s not a bad idea because that’s one
technology that has not
changed since
me was i was a kid you were a kid
like that it’s the same wow you got cushion
that’s it why
aren’t we they perfected that shit yeah but no one’s
gonna no one’s
gonna buy them it’s hard to get if it was 300
i would buy it 300
bucks yes probably
a lot more than that though it probably won’t really
is man it’s good
lasers your asshole
yeah fine that shit’s got to cost like
seven thousand dollars i like
cheeks and shit probably
use that you know what i mean it blow
dries you it has a
laser it was 500
installed i
would buy it no way
500 bucks you would
yes the ones that are
500 are gonna miss your asshole
gonna get your
yeah but you’re
gonna hurt your butt
it’s gonna be
pounding in there it’s
gonna splatter
all this shit around your balls
throw some heat warmers on that i
would do 600
they have warmers too that’s the other
thing the heat
the heated seat
so you sit down it’s all warm and comfy
put bluetooth on it 700
bluetooth so
you have calls from there
yeah a call from your toilet
can you imagine had
speakers behind you like really nice
bose speakers
you’re just sitting there talking
but then someone
they hear the echo and
they get mad at you are you shitting and talking to me
i told you to
disconnect the bluetooth
on the toilet it’ll have like a jawbone i have a second
microphone that’s like outside and i’ll mix the two
you talk to somebody that gets
upset at you
when you’re talking to them when you’re taking a shit
and no i never
they never figure it out
cause i’ve told people before they get upset
i’ve told people
are you peeing i’m peeing is that okay
i can hear you
i like we pretending we don’t pee pain in it
a big deal but if you’re on the
phone and you shit
and you like your ass explodes like one of those
nuclear shits you know what i mean
well you got a wipe you got to
clean the toilet
right there’s only a few people i
could do that with a party
you don’t usually
want to do that like when someone’s on the phone
unless it’s your buddy
but if it’s like a girl
it’s not for a business meeting yeah
i have facetime what is that
sometimes i fart
when i’m on the phone
i hope they don’t they didn’t hear that one
i gotta pull a butt apart
there was one there was one time when ari
called me by facetime
and he was shitting so i was like you know what that
i have to poop too let’s do this facetime double shit
i haven’t used the facetime yet
you guys like it oh it’s
great now they have a beta
on your mac so you
could facetime from a computer to iphone
so if somebody’s at home you’d
be like jump on your computer you know and i’ll whoa
so now you can facetime between
those two devices
what is that really necessary it’s like your
girlfriend and she’s like on the
other side of the
world or something
well yeah you know we’re
all on road
we’re kids that’s
about it is that yeah like your buddies
dude dude get on facetime bro
who’s gonna fucking do that well we talked
about this before that eventually we’re
gonna have little cameras in
front of us on like
fishing poles
that are hanging from our
house it’s probably
gonna be just nothing
like fishing poles it’s probably
gonna be like
hovering it’ll be
floating with you right
it’d be a proximity
droid we’re
gonna miss that
best technology with the oldest
technology yeah i don’t feel like fishing poles
you don’t feel the need for it but i mean that’s what i
used to say
about text messages
remember i used to joke
about it takes you four
presses to get an
s there’s like a part in my act yeah
the whole thing about
remember when we
used the whole
thing about
nextel next tell
they don’t have walkie talkies anymore do they they
still do that
yeah yeah i
think in brazil
in brazil next
tell is like fucking burger king there do they run shit
they failed in the
states they said fuck it we
still got brazil
what brazil
dude next tell is huge in brazil really yep
they love the walkie talkie feature
it’s on verizon yeah
it’s on all of them you know there’s a
funny story
there’s this dude in
front of roscoe’s chicken and waffles and he was on a
speakerphone and he was talking
by himself just
standing there by himself on a
speakerphone talking
and talking out loud and you can hear his conversation
and so i twittered
i said what is it
about black dudes
that like to talk on the
speakerphones when
they’re by themselves like what is the deal with that
and all these fucking people got mad at me
a lot of black people got mad at me yo that’s dickish
that was dickish
what the whoa whoa whoa
i didn’t say
shit about you
okay i said what is it with all these
black people that like to talk on
speaker phones
just because you’re
black and if
you’re doing that i’m not dickish i’m just observing
what is that that’s a
weird thing
that i don’t see that many
white people doing but i see a lot of
black people doing
and it’s not a negative
thing like what
there’s a lot of fucking douchey
things that
white people do too but
i’m not being
racist here i’m observing something
are you saying that i’m not allowed to observe because
you share the same melanin
content as this person i’m observing
and even though you’re not even doing the same
thing that they’re doing that’s fucking ridiculous
we’re real close with
racism in this country man we’re real
close to being ridiculous
yeah what is
ridiculous the whole
thing is ridiculous
you know like
with especially like the whole
anger between
you know like feeling like you have to
fight somebody because of
their race you know like there’s people like beating up
different races just because of what race
yeah there’s that mean that’s
legit racism but i’m talking
about is the opposite i’m talking
about people looking to
point the finger at racism
when you’re really just
acknowledging something that’s a fact
i’m just seeing something i’m like
what the fact that i said that they happen to be black
yeah well they
don’t happen to be
black so why do
they do this
black why do
these brothers be doing that
no they just do it
i don’t know why they do
it but you didn’t get an answer no no one has an answer
no but most people
were saying they’re attention whores you know and
that’s what
you know i guess one of the reasons
why people are getting mad at me as i was saying that
black people are attention wars
which is not what i’m saying
i’m saying i see a lot of
black people that like to talk
on their speakerphone when they’re by themselves
i don’t see
white people doing it
doesn’t mean they’re not doing it
but i’m asking
it’s like something i see
and might not
allow to see
things because people are black
like that’s a
tricky fucking
road to walk down that’s nonsense you know what
maybe it’s because that i
wanna get brain cancer and they’re just
you know more concerned
about it than
white people dude
i know somebody
that does that though i know somebody that only talks
using the speaker
phone function
for some reason yeah but not in public outside no
they do it they do it at
olive garden who is it
are they white
esther does
that oh she’s
black or at
least she likes
black deck for sure
why does she do that
i have no idea
i have no idea she records
every single
phone call between her and her parents too cause it’s
that her parents are so
ridiculous but she’s just really
weird with her phone
and phone calls that’s
funny man sorry
about that i
think it’s cool
i think it’s cool
do you really
no just trying to help you out
yeah it’s a tricky
thing man there was a
white girl at the airport
who is talking her ass off
like just really fucking loud
waiting to get on a plane
and it was kind of
annoying it’s fucking
annoying as shit man
you can have
a normal conversation just put that fucking
thing up to you i usually
cover yeah i usually
cover like my
mouth with my
hand i don’t want people listening there’s a big
difference between someone sitting there
going hey yeah what’s up what’s
going on how you doing
and someone
going yo what’s up what’s
going on what you doing okay
and then what happens
and then the
other person on the other
out thinking we’re
gonna come down there
all right coo coo
like why do i have to listen to your shit man
this is loud
maybe she just does it around me
now i’m kind of paranoid that i said that
cause i’m like what
think she does it by herself
maybe i don’t know
she only does
she does it around me a lot maybe it’s
a security thing
where she once
did like hey i’m talking to this person a
guy you know what i mean
yeah i’m not hiding
it around me yeah
maybe maybe
wow she’s being
i hope you don’t fucking
start a trend i
she’s being respectful yeah i
should start doing it around her i
guess there’s a
yeah it can’t
be that though it can’t be that because it was
no way we got a tricky
thing in this world
about people being too fucking sensitive
there’s a lot
of two fucking sensitive people that can’t take a joke
or even take
a conversation how
about this there’s
michelle obama
obama’s wife is
apparently the center of controversy because she
shook a dude’s hand
she’s in indonesia and there’s a
muslim dude there
and they were saying
hello you know some
dimit and subdignitaries and she
shook his hand it’s like
all over the news i’m so retarded all over the news
oh wow who’s mad she was being nice to somebody
oh yeah the
muslims they’re losing
their fucking mind i
can’t wait oh the
muslims are losing their
ass very upset
i think i pulled it up but
anyway the fucking
story is it’s very simple here it is
michelle obama
shakes hands with indonesian information minister
well try saying this dude’s name
dharka dharta ti fatu
sember ring
as obama arrived in jakarta in indonesia apparently
conservative
muslim minister in indonesia
who is being criticized for shaking hands
michelle obama thus violating his pious claim
that he avoids contact with women not related to him
as you know as you’re supposed to do
some sex of islam what the fuck man two thousand
ten dude this is in the news
some woman shook a dude’s hand
you know what the fuck man wait he just wanted to touch
get something that’s touched obama’s dick
you think so yeah he wanted a connection
like a kevin bacon connection to obama’s dick
that is what you get if you shake her hand
right yeah you get it all step
away you get it all
get the whole package what would
what if she became president one day michelle obama
that would be fucking awesome
get a chicken there and she’s black a black beautiful
that is beautiful
if she could be running shit if she was an
exceptional person to run shit i’d be down
you know the thing
about chicks running shit is though they have to be
really good at running shit they can’t just be hot
that’s the problem with this fucking sarah palin
thing is all these faggots out there
that think that she’s good
enough to be president because they want to fuck her
i was talking
about this on
stage they think that life is like a fucking kevin
bacon movie
where you’re the last vote that counts
you know and
then she finds out that you’re the one who got her
elected presidents and
she comes to meet you in an unlikely romance blossoms
you know there’s a lot of
idiots that
are willing to vote for palin because they really do
think she’s hot
but i mean look
if you can get some
genius brilliant
woman to be running shit i’d be just as
down with that but a dumb
bench no no
she’s never
gonna become president no
palin no ever
well you know what i
wouldn’t say
never dude because i would have
never believed she
would have the following that she has
but everyone knows
everyone that has had a tv for the last year and a half
two years have seen
every single skit with her and even if you like
her you have that in the back of your mind only you do
you’re not retarded
did see dude
fifty plus percent of this country is almost retarded
there’s a giant
number of people that are so fucking dumb
that there could be some
other issue look
how about this jan
brewer chick you know
who she is she’s a
woman who was
she was made governor
of arizona because
the original governor left and went to
what is her name i forget
went to the
obama campaign anyway
the point is this jam brewer
woman is nuts
she’s nuts and old
and can’t fucking talk
and she goes on
these debates and she paused
she went on debate she’s debating with this
other guys running for governor
she paused for 10 seconds
said nothing
just stammering and not knowing what to do and
moving her hands and shit
she had out full brain lock
this bitch lied
about there being dead
bodies on the mexican border with
their heads
chopped off
and then everybody went well
where are the
bodies like
where’s the autopsy reports
where’s the police reports
and it turns out it was all just
horseshit she’d lied
about her fucking father
dying in world war ii
wow she said my father
died defending or not no she didn’t he didn’t die in
world war ii
she made it up
he died during
world war i no he didn’t even he’s
still alive
that was the guy was
alive oh he’s
still alive
oh he’s still
alive maybe his
solitol got
piece of the soul died during
world war two
hunt more likely
now she’s the she won
and you know why she won
because she supports this
crazy new immigration law
who wants to keep all the mexicans out of arizona hey
and most that’s why most
of arizona is
white people most of arizona is
crazy old white people
and they’re like you know fucked up
now arizona is a nutty
place man we
have a good time there because people like to party and
you know the shows
are always fun there people always looking for fun
stuff to do
but if you look at arizona as a
state like it’s kind of a wonky fucking state man
totally you’re allowed to just have guns there dude you
could just be
walking around with
a gun in your pocket you have to with all the mexicans
they got guns
ladies gentlemen
eddie bravo is mexican
so before you
start fucking he’s allowed to
firing up your pen and getting crazy
with your hate mail
and firing up your twitter accounts it’s totally okay
i could fucking make fun of burritos
all day do you have anybody that you following on
twitter that you’re following just because they’re dumb
that you can talk
about no not that i could oh well you know no
yeah you gotta be nice right shit no
yeah i like i like
ridiculously dumb tweets or funny
tweets are that but in between shit i’m not into like
that one dudes just tweet
motivational shit that they’ve heard like come on man
enough of that shit
i love motivational ones
i love like
dudes who are like older who give advice like
steve harvey is my current favorite check this shit out
there’s a tweet i save him i save his tweets
your relationship with a man is either off or on
it cannot be off and on
ladies you have the power
stop allowing the back and forth
damn he’s like a black dr phil
well first of all how do you know that the
chick isn’t just looking to get some dick all right
yeah it’s off and on people are
crazy man and they can always work out it’s a
trick he’s trying to get bitches that’s trying to
get him to like him pure
sensitive right so it is totally here’s another one
good morning god will perform the
unexpected time and time again
if you just let him
talk to god don’t be too proud to pray
how many followers is i prayed
right after her that how many followers does he have
i don’t know he’s got a lot steve farms a famous guy
but he’s got
a hundred thousand
probably something like that
yeah i just hit 200 000
that’s congratulations
that’s mean something to me
how many a day
do you get normally like adders few hundred
few hundred
yeah i like how it continues once you get to a certain
point you notice that you get
an average of like a certain amount per day i only have
16 000 i treated like you know i like i
treated like a like a little
like a little platform like
a little comedies
or farmville world
you know i mean there’s a lot of times
where i get on there and i just promote gigs or
a lot of times i
found like cool shit that i
found online like that
italian song
or that american guy or that
italian guy was
speaking he was singing an american accent
like what it
was like gibberish it wasn’t real american word
same talk but what he thought can you find that
here this is what yeah you just i
would love to hear
that you just someone making fun of an american accent
but not really
using words really interesting
yeah it’s really
interesting and it’s kind of a cool song
and if you see the
video but i’ll
tweet shit like that or science tweets
that was gonna
tweet something today
they fired up the
large hadron
collider and made thousands of little big bangs
they started doing that man
that’s become a reality
they’re really doing it now
nice so they have all these
photos at the cern
lab it’s fascinating fascinating fucking shit man
yeah but you know so
there’s that i do and then also like
i treat it like it’s a little audience
you know i think you
gotta give people things man
when you’re looking
to promote gigs and use the internet and shit like this
you can’t just promote
you gotta give them some shit too
like the other day i was
watching ancient
aliens i spent like a
whole hour just
tweeting talking shit on ancient aliens
that show yeah the new
season so bad well the
first season was incredible the
first seasons awesome they ran out
of like talk
about yeah they’re trying
to you know
it was it was
crazy all the shit they were saying but
if you look at it this way
if you don’t believe in ufos
then that sounds
ridiculous but if you do believe if you like
watch the disclosure project
and you listen to all the
philip corso’s testimony
the guy used to
work for the
we used to be in the pentagon and fucking
head of nuclear energy and europe and all that shit
when you hear his confessions and
like like the
death that confession of general ramey and
and just if you
if you if you believe in ufos
then fucking anything is possible then that means
they must have been here
several times at least
and if they were around during the greek time
they must have
tripped out on them that must have been a big news like
these motherfuckers
and they must have like
talked drew
about i mean
you know painted
about it talked about it
wrote some scripture
about it or something
it’s not that far
fetched but
they were coming to some like ridiculous
conclusions like
about like the
paintings in india
maybe this was an alien
well the maha bharata
that’s a fascinating text the ancient text of ancient
hinduism is riddled with stories of flying things and
things that flew through the air
but you also have to realize that
these people took a lot of drugs
these people were into
heavy psychedelic drugs
i mean mana
in the ancient hindu
text they believe
it’s some sort of a combination of psilocybin
mushrooms and a
bunch of other different
things there’s a
bunch of debate
about what mana is
but it’s very
clear that they were
referencing something that connected them to the
psychedelic world
and if it was something that connected them to the
psychedelic world
you know and i know you’re
gonna see some shit
it doesn’t mean that the shit you’re seeing is not real
you know when you see that like when people
think of hallucinations
like you think of oh you took a drug and you saw a
monkey that wasn’t really there and he you know
you know you
think of something fake
but what you see
a lot of times when you take
psychedelics drugs
is not like the rest of the
world and then all of a
sudden some new fake
thing shows up
it shows you like a
whole new world
it shows you like a whole
hallucination world
which may or may not be real
you know what what what
might be happening when you take like big doses of any
crazy drug is you
might be tuning into the next door neighbor channel
you know there
might be the
whole world
might be a fucking
radio of a million different channels
and we might be on
you know one o six point four
and there’s a one o six
point five and it’s
right next door
and when you take mushrooms you go there
you know so you know
these guys saying that they you know
saw these flying
things and talk
about all these
majestic beings with all this wisdom
that very easily
could have been drugs very easily yeah it
could be there
could it could be both
i mean just
cause you have
a psychedelic
experience doesn’t mean that um
i mean that very
i don’t know
how much i believe very skeptical about
crafts from another planet that come here that are
metal and the traditional idea of like you know
just doing a
super advanced version of what we already do
i look at that and i go i don’t
think so this just seems too silly
it seems too
mechanical a lot of
testimony dude
yeah but it
doesn’t matter it’s a lot of testimony people being
raped by demons
you can go back in time and find thousands of people
who but it’s not there’s not exercise yeah but there
these people which try
these people on organizing and getting in
front of the
washington dc and the national
press and they
don’t have credible witness like hundreds of them and
the corso and all
these guys that
like in their
deathbed like you
watch the testimonies like do you think
these guys are
lying okay well no
that’s true but it
doesn’t necessarily mean that they are telling the
truth it might mean they’re wrong it
might mean that there’s some
crazy government
experiments that they’re not aware
for sure i believe in that i believe there’s definitely
a lot of this shit
maybe most of the shit
that people see and report
are our own government making shit but
if you listen to philip corso
testimony he’s saying yes
a lot of that shit
is our shit did we
universal say that he saw
things himself
personally exactly yes he did what he was
philip corso was part of roswell right
he wasn’t at roswell but he was involved in like the
shipping of
stuff he said he saw the bodies
he said that
he was in charge physically saw them or saw
them physically no no he saw that
he said he opened the coffin
saw him and said oh shit
and he knew so much
that he was in charge of taking
crashed ufo
shit and taking it to this is what he said
taking it to like hughes eric
crawford mcdonnell douglas
getting reverse engineer
the fascinating
story about roswell and everybody
thinks that roswell is a
silly stupid
story and no one knows exactly what happened it
could have been some sort of a soviet
craft that crashed
but the fascinating part is that they flew the
wreckage in two separate planes
because they wanted to make sure if one
plane crashed
they had a good chance that the
other plane
would make it
to wright patterson air
force base and
they made sure they separated the
wreckage there’s just so much evidence even like
today with like
the china the shanghai airport
airport in china
closed down
twice within a few
months because there was some shit
right over the
airport they didn’t know what it was they shut
everything down
i mean just shit like that
all over the
world i mean
there’s actually is evidence i mean people are put away
for life with no
video no pictures of the
crime just testimony
man they’re just listening to testimony
and putting people away for
multiple life sentences
when you put
all the evidence together just look up philip corso
with the sea
there’s hours and
hours of him just talking
about he wrote a book
about it before
he was the old
motherfucker he was on dateline and shit
i think it even more compelling
one is dr jay allen hynek
exactly was working on project blue book
and he was assigned to discredit
ufo stories
what his job was as he explained it was when he
would hear about something
he would come
up with a reason that it wasn’t something else
swamp gas and
swamp gas circular
ball lightning
all this different he
was hired for
that by the government like in the 50s and 60s and then
when project blue book shut down
he dedicated his entire life to
investigating ufos and enlightening people on it
totally and he talks
about it i mean there’s interviews he’s like i was
and then there’s like a new theory now the new theory
is that the government
wants everyone to believe in ufos
to keep their projects
under wrap like their
black projects
under wrap i’m like
what was this project blue book and all this stuff
where they were saying that it was
swamp gas they were trying to calm everybody down
why were they
lying i mean
they would have just said yeah
you know what
we don’t know what it is
it’s probably from
another galaxy but we don’t know but
we assure you we’re
going to do whatever it takes to protect you
if they really
wanted people to believe in the ufos they
would be saying that shit not
covering it up
i mean if you look up
look at the philip corso
testimony look at
look up the disclosure project there’s already been at
least two of them
i mean these
there’s so much credible
and like like the
top scientist of europe all got together i forget
what the committees called like international group
they came together in france
and they looked at all the ufo
testimony and all the shit
and they said
fifteen percent
it’s probably
beans from another galaxy or another
solar system
that’s what they said
all of them
could have been explained away
but the fifteen percent
they said hmm
this is probably
the conclusion though why
would they not conclude that it was something from this
earth that we
haven’t discovered yet they
especially when you look at the ocean
well this is
that’s what they concluded they concluded that
all the other ship 85
of all the ship
they look that
could be man that
could be man made that
could be this this is probably
some reflection off the sun
15 they said
it’s most likely
because based on the
pictures and the way
they got some shit from like
satellite pictures of
craft coming from the top down
that they couldn’t
explain they’re like man what the fuck is moving
you know that that’s
so much weird shit of
things moving and then
changing angles and
changing direction and moving another way the big
the big incident that happened at the
us military installation in the uk
when there’s eighty
motherfuckers that saw this aircraft
three of them came
up to it as it was park they touched it they took notes
they’re on the disclosure possibly
three of them went up to it
and eighty of them were all around going
holy shit but that’s possible that it was a drone
that’s possible that it was something from america
and they when they
said it took off and
disappeared
it was gone
well i mean i said if you have a
drone i mean
especially if we’re talking
about different alternative sources of power
we don’t know
none of those
none of those
motherfuckers and it came back
they sent the guy to look into it
and that guy’s in the disclosure project too
like two days
later they sent the guy to calm everyone down
and they came back and they saw it
and these guys are all and
when the military the uk
embassy the ministry of defense
there there when
they came up to him and
asked them what are we
going to do
about this what was that
they go this
doesn’t if it
doesn’t concern national security
we’re not getting involved
if it doesn’t secure
and we feel that it
doesn’t it doesn’t
but here’s the problem with this whole
story okay you
weren’t there i wasn’t there we’re just talking
about what we
heard people talking about
don’t know exactly what went down and
until you talk to
these people you don’t know how many of
them are full of shit how many of them are exaggerating
how many of them were traumatized that’s why i say
based on the
shit that you see if you actually look into it
and then you make the judgment
you’re making the judgment damn
you know if you
haven’t seen the testimony
then yeah you don’t we don’t know what what he said or
doesn’t mean
you’re basically
it doesn’t matter it’s all on testimony
when you’re basing on testimony you don’t know anything
about these people you
never know how much of it you’re getting square if 80
and this is what they said too
they said the response to
the british
ministry of defense saying
if it doesn’t
concern national security we’re not
going to get involved
then 80 people
fucking hallucinated then
and they got eighty
people eighty
people that are full of shit
they got eighty people
that is neither it means neither that’s not true
if it means that eighty people were not
aware of what they were looking at
that’s all it means
if military
people they’re
trained to observe
they’re in the
military it
doesn’t mean
anything if the military people that are in the know
the people that are there at the
scene of the
crime or the
scene of the landing
if they’re not
aware of the
technology that’s available to the highest
levels of government
they’re not
aware of whatever
experimental
shit they’re working on it
might as well be from another planet so what are they
going to say
if they don’t know
of course of course
nobody knows
nobody was there but
to make a judgment
based on the testimony
you can totally not believe it and go you know what
i don’t believe
these guys or you
could look at it and say i’m
gonna look it with the open mind
fuck eighty dudes that are
trained observers
three went up to it and touched it
they said they’re saying it’s out of this fucking
world definitely
they’re saying it
that’s what they’re in the military
the british ministry
of defense is fucking not even looking into it at all
mean to die the conclusion
are you yeah
but it’s still a
bunch of people’s
testament about
something they saw and then you
might not have
known what they were seeing and then you add
all all the shit around that’s just one incident then
you look at all of it
you connect all the dots
and you know
you can make
a decision and my decision
is that there’s some shit going on
that’s how i feel
based on my
decision is not that at all my decision
is there’s a lot of people with a lot of stories
and we know for a fact
that there are a fuckload of
experimental government aircrafts that they use whether
they’re manned
or whether they’re remote control
and all these people are just telling
their version of a
story something that they saw
i believe that they saw something i
do not believe that they know it was from another world
so them even saying it was from another
world people want
shit to be romantic
they want shit to be little grey men that come here in
spaceships from palladius
wherever the fuck they’re coming from the galaxy
they want that they look for that shit fall in love
that’s all true
what you’re saying but so you don’t believe that
there’s ufos
what is this believe man you either believe
you don’t believe that’s not true that’s not true
that is not true
you do not have to believe
it’s real or something’s not real
you just go i don’t know
because that’s the only rational explanation yeah but
you can’t say you believe because when you believe you
throw everything else out
the door you say
well this is i believe there are ufos i believe that
aliens have landed
here i don’t believe that
i don’t believe we know
i don’t believe
that we’re absolutely
convinced and i don’t believe so you believe
you believe that philip corso
was a crazy man and he was full of shit
what do you do
as in adding words to what i’m saying no i’m just
saying that’s like 12 year old shit based on
based on what you saw from philip
corps i believe he’s out there sucking
cock and take it in the ass and he’s doing drugs and
he didn’t even know what he was saying how
about that is that better
i’m just trying
to of course i was just a guy man i mean he’s a guy
that said he saw some bodies
and he’s a guy
that used to work for the military
is he credible that’s
interesting he was
the head of nuclear energy
in europe okay
george bush was the president he’s an idiot
does it matter
does it matter like how high he got up there
it’s very clear to me that the entire government
is riddled with fucking
idiots there’s
idiots all over the
place was he an
idiot i don’t think so
he seemed like an interesting guy
did he see some shit i don’t know
what did he see in
those bodies what were they
who the fuck knows
they might have been mutants
they might have been fucking radiation disasters they
might have been
little children that had a disease
i don’t know
i don’t know how much he saw it
i don’t know how
close he got to it
i don’t know you
know how much
information he was really
truly do you
think oj is guilty
i don’t know if oj is guilty
or assume he is there’s a lot of evidence
two dead people
knives blood in his car it’s a little different
than some dude who says he saw ufos
and doesn’t know what it is
so why did they let him free
what the fuck are we talking
about oj for man that’s well that’s we’re talking
about evidence and testimony and all that stuff
that’s what we’re
talking about the
systems fucked up that’s why because
black people thought that it was one on their side
that they were gonna release him
and if did not fit you must have quit
and they wanted to get back at the rodney king verdict
and so they released them that’s why
that’s not to do it ufos
you guys are
like a couple
that broke up and have to live
together careful you have to be careful when you
start talking
about things that you haven’t seen yourself
this is just my opinion
i went the same way with you
i don’t even if it was the most evidence ever
unless i knew for a fact i saw it with my own eyes
and there’s too much bullshit
i don’t follow anything
why stress out
about it there’s too
much bullshit there’s too many people are full of shit
too many people exaggerate too many people
twist the truth
and there’s a big business in talking
about ufos and that’s another
thing to be careful of
there’s a gigantic business in writing books
about this shit
and doing lectures and seminars
and these guys make a fucking good living
traveling the country selling books
and talking about ufos
whenever you involve commerce in a very strange
discussion like the
discussion of the potential
reality of intelligent life from
other planets
whenever you involve
money in that and money
in the stories
i mean then
it becomes like sort of a faction of show business
i mean whitley streeber
is one of the fucking
biggest proponents of the
alien abduction story and
wrote books on it communion and had
movies made about it
and that guy
is a fucking book writer he
writes books
he makes fiction
he makes fiction
and he created this
whole thing
about getting
abducted by ufos and everybody took it as fact and
man who the fuck knows if it’s fact
you got a guy who’s a professional fiction man
and you don’t know what’s going on
in his head
there’s no evidence it’s like
there may be ufos
absolutely there may be
there may be intelligent life from
other planets
absolutely there may be
but you can’t just jump on yes
because you jump on
yes who did i did i just jump on yes you jumped on yes
did i didn’t jump on yes you
said you know
how much research i fucking
i’m obsessed with ufos i do a lot
i didn’t just jump on it
i listen to
a lot of tell you said you but i didn’t just jump
but i didn’t
just jump on it like you’re making it seem like but you
weren’t like i
heard one testimony
and that’s not what i’m saying i’m saying you
look if you listen to what i said what i said was that
unless you’re experiencing it yourself
you don’t know exactly what happened
when you’re talking
about people that are talking about
crafts that they
think were from another world
you don’t know
where it really came from and that gets very very
tricky and if you choose to believe or not to believe
you’re jumping on one side or another
if you’re saying
i don’t think there’s
ufos i think everyone’s full of shit
you’re jumping on no
and if you say i do believe i believe you’re here
you’re jumping on yes
even if there’s a lot of what you
think is evidence
unless you’re seeing it yourself
unless it has been proven which it
clearly hasn’t it’s
clearly up for debate
even though there’s a
bunch of people that come forward
whether there’s a hundred
or a thousand and they say they have
crazy stories
about things that move too fast
who the fuck knows what that is
who knows okay
you don’t believe in your foes wow wow
dude are you are you kidding you kidding you’re kidding
right i’m not kidding
that’s not what i’m saying
i’m not saying that i don’t believe in ufo
okay what i you’re saying
you don’t know
we no one knows not
us no man you don’t know no that’s
what i’m saying believe when you believe something
it’s like you know for like
based on the evidence
i believe there’s some shit
going on i with other
galaxies and other
that’s what i possible
that there’s life on
other planets
it’s certainly possible
it’s also possible that life is a dream
it’s also possible
that your life is imagination and you’ve made it all up
and i’m a figment of your imagination and each player
is in your life to provide you with
some information and try to help you and move you along
in a certain
way it’s very possible that this life is not even real
it’s very possible
that i’m in your imagination and your in mind and we
self create
there’s a lot of different possibilities
man that’s possible
but whether or not there’s
ufos because some people that you don’t know who you’ve
never met saw some
things that you
never saw and said they
wrote it down and had conferences and
discussions about it
i don’t know
i don’t know about that
do you guys like sweet potato fries
it’s a tricky thing man
we attach ourselves
to what we believe in
and you obviously
are getting
attached to this idea of ufos being real because you’ve
spent so much time
and invested so much time being fascinated by it
i’m fascinated with i’m fascinated with
the testimony
and putting it all together i am too you’re making it
sound like i’m
like mystically no i’m not man i’m not making it
sound like that i am
saying exactly what you’re saying
but i am fascinated by people
and i know that people are full of shit
and i’m not
assuming that all
these people are pious
i’m not assuming that all
these people are
completely honest
and without
ulterior motive
and telling exactly that you know as they saw the
truth i’m not seeing that
i’m seeing a
bunch of believers
and that’s the problem
even if you saw something fucking
completely insane
i don’t want you telling me you know what it is
i don’t want you describing it that way
i want you saying i don’t know what it was
i want you to say i think
you know it
could have been some sort of a
craft that i’m not
aware of it
could be that’s what ufo means man an
identified flying object
you know you’re not saying
ufo you’re saying
aliens right
yes well i’m not saying
aliens i’m saying unknown
okay and when someone says they know and they
start talking
about it being from another planet
bitch do you
have like some fucking serial numbers you can
track back to this planet
like how do you know
where it came from you don’t know shit
they’re just taking a
guess they see something in the sky
i can’t build it must be from space
i mean it’s that simple
it’s not that simple man like i kept
it i could be
it’s not that simple it is that simple if you want to
claim you know
where it came from man okay
you can’t know you can’t know
no one saying they know
if you don’t know if you
haven’t seen it
you don’t know
where it came from you haven’t
watched the
video of it
fucking flying off that planet and landing here
then it’s there’s a lot of fucking guesswork
it’s a romantic idea the idea seems so cool
the idea that’s there’s fucking
aliens tricky
because you get sucked into it like it seems so awesome
so does the loch
ness monster
you know it’s like we have this
built in shit in our head that’s nothing
like the loch ness
monster man the loch
ness monster is like
a bigfoot not
noel bigfoot is a real animal
you know they have isolated an animal
called gigantopithicus
that they believe
if human beings came down the bering strait
and they came from asia
gigantopithicus
lived in asia as recently as ten thousand years ago
it was a bipedal
primate that was
eight to ten feet tall
so you believe
in bigfoot it’s an animal
whether or not believe people see it
what do you
fuck knows man there was woolly mammoths and
saber tooth
tigers here
10 000 years ago
seven foot tall
giant fucking birds
like a few hundred thousand years ago
there was animals on this planet in this continent
that don’t exist anymore that were pretty fucking
crazy saber true
tigers are crazier
than bigfoot
bigfoot’s just another big monkey
if bigfoot was gigantopithecus
it’s just another
large primate that went extinct
where is bigfoot supposed to be living
pacific northwest
which is if you follow the
traveling down the bering
strait which
is where indians came here
american indians originated
in siberia and asia and
they came down from there
america what people don’t realize is 10 000 years ago
half of america was
under a mile high
sheet of ice
this was covered in ice this was like a barren land
but something
dramatic happened to the environment of the earth
and the ice
age when it ended
the america opened up and that’s when people
started moving here
when people some of the people had already
moved here there was
they found chinese
bodies here from 10 000 years ago
but when people
started moving here
they came from there they came from the bering
strait that’s like
the number one theory of
a big percentage of the american indians
so they came down from asia
and this monkey
lived in asia
and if this
thing followed them
who the fuck
knows is there any compelling evidence for loch
ness monster
there’s pictures
there’s scans from
radar they think it
could be a big fish that
could have got landlocked that was extinct in
other places but not there
the problem with loch ness is
it’s really murky
they can’t see and it
could be a bunch of other
things it could be a
bunch of other
things that people are misconstruing
and there’s been a
bunch of hoaxes
but when enough people have seen
things you got
to wonder what the fuck is it is it an eel
is it we got to
think of all the animals that are real
you know is it a dolphin it’s probably mostly
floating wood and just people knowing the story and
going oh there it is
there’s more evidence for bigfoot
or loch ness monster
probably bigfoot
because bigfoot there’s the american indians that’s a
big part of the lore of bigfoot there’s over
250 american indian names for bigfoot
bigfoot was born
in the imagination of
an american indian that just
might have made attention
it might have been 20
what’d you say
bigfoot was born in the head
of an american indian that was just wanting attention
you imagine
one dude came up with that and
spread probably
that happened and
every all the other ones is somebody hearing that same
story and just being paranoid
walking through the woods later
it’s like other tribes
other tribes with like these fucking
costumes like
bear costumes the most compelling evidence
about bigfoot is actually the
audio tapes
there’s these
audio tapes of
these crazy primate howls
that they’ve recorded in the pacific northwest
and they’re really fucking loud
they’re really loud and interesting
and these have been done
you know and
supposedly by
legit scientists
they’ve recorded
these sounds
you know it
could be somebody let a monkey
loose they had a
crazy pet monkey
and they let that
motherfucker
loose and he’s
screaming in the woods
if we put you in the woods you
could make up some
sounds that they would
think of his bigfoot in luckness and outsourced baby
what’s the worst conspiracy
theory like the
worst one flat earth
there’s people
that are on
earth is flat to the
young earth that’s another bad one no no no no like
today people don’t believe it’s not
young earth
yeah they believe the
young earth yeah
that’s a big percentage of the christian population
there’s a guy on twitter i follow him all the time
he’s this crazy retarded
christian young earth guy
who is always talking
about the evidence
against evolution
these youtube
videos are just you can’t
watch them for more than five minutes because the
insanity radiates off the
screen and it
starts to get you
blonde hair cute lips
it’s really nice yeah he’s hot
they believe that the
earth is less than ten thousand years old
a lot of people more than
fifty percent
during a recent gallup poll in the united states
believe that the
earth is the
age that’s depicted in the bible
which is less than ten thousand years old they probably
don’t even know what that is there’s gone did the
bible say that yeah it’s the
bible probably
yeah like what
does jesus think
yeah that’s all they have to hear
there’s a lot of
dumbass conspiracy
theories bigfoot’s not the dumbest one bigfoot
there’s a real
animal that they can lock that to it’s like
if there’s one the jersey
devil some fucking
giant monster that’s
half the one
of the chippacabra yeah the
texas one well the two
chupacabra they’ve narrowed that down too they
think it’s mange
mange on coyotes
because they’ve had dead coyotes
that they’ve shot and killed that were
covered in mange
dude they don’t even look real
they look like
monsters they’re zombie coyotes they
look like ghouls they lose all their hair
it’s a common disease
and they have
photos there’s
photos of them online if you look chupacabra
they have a headless
one they chopped its head off and it’s a coyote
it’s a coyote that horrible
mange and it has
almost blue dark
bluish blackish skin
and it’s no hair
and it looks like a
monster so that’s
most likely the origin of a chupacabra
cause you’re talking
about something
that killed goats and shit and killed chickens
that’s what coyotes do
you know so they have that narrowed down
you know i was at the zoo this weekend man
and i saw a
leopard they had a
leopard there
and that it was so sad
leopards just pacing around just
doesn’t get to jack anything
just pacing look at all
these people staring out
well they’ve
started to find
leopards in america bro really
leopards have made
their way to phoenix
wow yeah there’s
leopard sightings in arizona
wow that’s awesome
yeah they’re coming up through
south america
and through
mexico and into america fucking
leopards bro
that’s pretty good
leopards are no joke
could you imagine if you were like the
first american to get jacked by a leopard
i would love it
would you they’re not
going to check
they’ll be leopard hunting
season and those
motherfuckers will be
wiped out do you
think so man is
they try to go into
texas yeah texas
they don’t even have to open up a hunting
season in texas
they’ll just
start shooting them
the kids will
shoot them yeah
who were we talking
about the other day that was jogging
and they shot
something and they had a
and you were more amazed that they had a gun
while they were jogging somebody was telling us a story
yeah who the fuck told us that what was that
shit that sucks i thought you would
never mind didn’t they do that in colorado
when you live there
don’t you jog
with you had to have a gun
right i carried a gun yeah i did yeah
they have like
jogging holsters you know
i carried a gun
every time i went hiking
fuck you you jog
with a fucking
rifle behind you yeah dude
the last thing you
wanna do is be
out there by yourself
with your family in a fucking predator attacks
and you don’t have a gun
especially when it’s somebody that wants your daughters
it’s so easy to
shoot things
you know you have a gun you put it in your pocket
i mean that’s pretty
crazy technology
you have this little
thing in your pocket that can protect you
you know what are the odds of that
you gotta use that shit i’ve been
thinking really hard
about getting
a gun lately let me and like there’s two of my
friends that were both saying like they just called me
randomly like hey you want to get a gun
i think it was
duncan or somebody better to have it and not to need it
the need it not to have it
you can’t control
these people it’s almost living out in the
wilderness like you did
we talked about this before it’s a lot like
you know no matter
where you go you got to deal with some
death either you live
in the city
you got to deal with muggers and rapists
or like gang bangers or something
or you live
way out away from that shit no gang bangers are
going out into that wilderness
but then you got to deal with mountain lions and
shit like that deal with
things and you
gotta deal with
weird people but at
least you can
shoot them and you’re cool
like you could just look at them and go bam and just
blast them you can’t do that to a mugger
until he jumps on you
gotta be careful
with bears because bears aren’t hard to kill
it’s very hard to kill a bear with a pistol
you know if you got a bear you’re better off
shooting what
about bear mace
that works yeah
you gotta get him with it though they
gotta be close enough
for you to get him with it i didn’t even know bear mace
existed until
south park would
barry’s gotta
be careful oh was he
he thought he was the bounty hunter that was
in you know the
south park is
based on evergreen that’s where
those guys grew up that’s
where i almost lived
i wanna be living in the mountains of boulder but
the mountains
above denver
there’s one town called evergreen that i really liked
and that’s where
south park is that’s what it’s based on
well they’re actually from like denver
those dudes yeah
that’s anybody want to
drink coconut
water oh dude i
love a coconut water
have you had
these coconut
waters fuck yeah we need to be sponsored by him
so they can send us
crates of them
so if you’re listening
oh was it c
two c two o
best coconut
water in the
world better than that
it tastes green box one oh totally what it
tastes like it
tastes like you just
ate a bowl of
fruit loops and it’s the milk from the
fruit loops
oh shit you know
that’s what
tastes like so good
yes it’s the shit i’m a big fan of this stuff
yeah living in
colorado is just as
tricky as cheers
cheers salute
here’s the hawaii
there’s gotta be
there’s gotta
be a coconut
water alcoholic
beverage right
there has to be
you go to a bar and say
give me coconut and
i bought my seagrams i
bought something
for my dad’s birthday i bought him a crate of
the shit that you always
drink with the mushrooms and
stuff what’s that called
kombucha yeah
i got him a
crate of that and a
crate of coconut water
he loves the kombucha but the
coconut water he
doesn’t like but he uses it for
pina coladas
he doesn’t like this stuff no
really he says
it’s weak he says like he needs to add something to it
i think when you get old you lose your taste buds
vodka and coconut
water probably the shit when you get old you lose your
taste buds yeah i
start losing
taste what if
older people are more likely to eat ask them
yes you would
think that fuck no
i i would after all the shits they had to endure
to smell you remember
that video we
watched a long time ago about rods
remember that shit
so serious fucking
video now this dude was in mexico
and he’s filming all
these people yeah
filming these people skydiving
into this cliff there’s a
cliff that’s like a mile down it’s
crazy it looks like
someone took
an apple core to the earth
and cut this gigantic hole out of the earth
and these dudes
would base jump off that bitch
and skydive and fucking pull a parachute
well as they’re filming it
you see these
things flying by the camera like insane speeds
and they looked
like tubes they look like they’re like wing tubes
this guy dedicated his
whole life to fucking
tracking these
things down and trying to find out what the fuck
these things were
there were mods
turns out it was just an artifact
it was a video camera artifact
that when something
moved too quickly too
close to the screen
it stretched the
image out so it made the image
it was a flying
snake absolutely
so this poor fuck
literally made
videos has websites roswell rods is he
still on it he had to give up
no he had to
given up let’s go to roswell rods
calm see this fucking dummy
this is the problem man and this guy’s making money
this guy’s making money
doesn’t mean ufos aren’t real dude huh
just cause that guy fucked up
no it doesn’t mean it’s not real but it
doesn’t mean they’re not real but it
doesn’t mean they are real
it’s like you put like you said it’s most likely
i’ll say that i’ll
take back i believe and i’ll say it’s most likely real
that better
is that better
why why why even have a fucking because we had this is
about opinions like what do you know you can’t just pay
you know you
just can’t just be why why why become attached
i’m just saying
based on what
i’ve seen it’s most likely with the sites down
fuck yeah we took that shit
down he was
videotaping moms
this is the official
website for the mysterious frying entities called rods
discovered by jose
eskimia over midway
he was a jogger or
something wasn’t
he just a light jogger he’s just a
dummy he’s a
dummy that got
tricked by some shit
you know i mean
these guys on
monster quest figured it out in fucking ten minutes
this guy’s been
trying to yeah
kid not find roswell
rods dot com you’re done son
this it doesn’t
exist it doesn’t
exist anymore
this guy fucking
spent his whole life dude there needs to be a
documentary on his shit
cause you know he
videotaped like
everything right
they need to get that footage
and then get the footage of
him now he’s probably
penniless and insane somewhere i wonder how many
emails he gets by mistake like i
heard you videotape a lot of
rods well he actually had another one that he was gay
rods there’s a gay rods what
there was another one that he
was chasing down another
crazy thing that didn’t seem to make any sense
let me type what he
got his name
because he had like another thing
that was like another theory
about something else and then someone on the message
board going wait a
minute isn’t that the rods guy
and that’s who he is from now on
i uh
oh lunar rising oh here he goes
he’s got some shit
about the moon
he changed yeah he
thinks there’s fucking
anomalies on the moon now okay here he goes the true
color of the moon
for over fifty years we have
been told and convinced the moon is nothing more than a
black and white desolate rock
with moon dust and
craters the thousands of
photos released to the public have always presented
a black and white moon
even with the most recent hubble
photographs
of the moon
are black and white
nasa continues to perpetuate the lie
that in quotes
that the moon is
black and white this
motherfucker’s
crazy same dude from
rocks yeah yeah
and he’s like damn he
switched over
snakegoyle over
snakegoyle over there oh he’s got a
bunch of spots that he says oh my god this is hilarious
does he believe that the moon landing was a hoax oh no
what he’s showing is craters
and he believes that these
craters are
different alien artifacts
and these craters like oh there’s such a stretch
like the photos are such a stretch
he’s like thinks that these
structures are artificial
it’s like fucking
craters man
shit got smashed by rocks from space
you know sometimes little
shapes come out of that
you fucking dummy did
you see the moon on conan’s
set last night on
his first episode no how was the
first episode did you
watch it yeah
it felt really cheap
like you know how you watch
the nbc show it felt like the
furniture was high quality it felt like
those were real
plants behind them it felt like a good backdrop
this felt like
they got everything at fucking
i don’t know sears
outlet you know
really yeah
and in like the
background was this horrible blue
painting that just looked really
cheap and generic and then there
was this moon in the middle of it that was kind of cool
and i guess it
moves it moves
but it just looked like the
whole thing look like low
budget and it was it the real moon
or a fake moon
no fake man totally fake moon
but just look really low
budget and i don’t know i was okay he had seth
rogen on last
night and listen how gay you are you looking at the set
the set was
i mean like
i was a fan of the show i was a real
it was it a real moon or a fake moon
i couldn’t comment on the furniture
i was a real fan of the show in
like a lot of the reviewers of that you know the like
newspapers and stuff that
reviewed it
you know they had made up an interesting
point it’s like why are you
focusing like on a tenth of
variation of
the tonight show you know
like you’re not being your own show you’re being
like the tonight show in a version of the tonight show
you have this new opportunity why don’t you fucking
throw that desk out a window
and fucking do something you know
yeah people like that desk
isn’t that funny
that you like having people on
isn’t it better to do it like this
where you just like this is like
if we were here
i mean we have a
table so we have our laptops and shit in
front of us but we do have kind of a desk though
yeah but just to put shit on yeah they don’t see the
desk they don’t see the desk yeah
there’s always a pencil and a
piece of paper now
huh yeah but
a couple of
our viewers don’t see that the desk
well i mean he i
guess it’s cool that he has notes and
everything but they
could put that on a teleprompter i
think there’s some security to the desk
because it’s been there forever
just in case you get boners when pamela
anderson from
ten years ago is on yeah
it doesn’t look cool
you got nervous when you’re seeing pamela pamela
look at her boobs
how about they just
sit there on
stage no desk
and they’re on a big lazy boy
why don’t they just
and they got a headset on
and they’re just like
you don’t want
to be too lazy though because that conversation
won’t be interesting why don’t conan just have a cool
house and like
invite some cool people
over you know and just hang out that’s actually good
now get some good cameras had some good quality
behind it but just have conan
with this little beard
going hey check out
check out my
garage just hang out in the garage and talk about your
movie with your
movie well the
problem is that a lot of people like to be in
the audience and they like to have an audience there it
makes the comedy
play 200 people are sad
invite the 200
people via skype
that’s cool
right that’ll work
you know john
heffron’s doing like comedy shows through skype
something like skype it’s a new
form of video comedy
technology but
he sits in a room
and there’s all these
screens around him and he’s like performing for all
these other people that are in the
room with him yeah it’s pretty cool shit it’s actually
incredible i hope that catches them
not in front of an audience no he’s doing some
corporate gigs
where he does them on a desk
and the desk there’s like there’s cameras that come
at him can you hear
laughter yes they hear
everything they’re all
connected everyone’s conference called up
and it’s like you know 50 100 how
crazy i mean he’s sitting there by himself
in front of a laptop
and then there could be
fucking the whole
world listening
and then you
could hear all their
laughter can you imagine that a shower like you have a
stereo system
well he said it’s really
crazy because you
could see when you set it up you can see all
these people in
front of you like
see them sitting like there’s not just one
screen there’s like a
dozen screens in
front of them and they sees all
these people in
front of them yeah
so it’s almost like an audience yeah whoa
yeah what was
these audiences
at the shower ring convention you know
yeah man i’m
not real interested in talk shows you know like when i
heard about it i was like you know i’m not
gonna really
watch it it’s like a podcast
you know but it’s not cause it’s
seven minutes and all they’re doing is talking
about their moves
they’re talking
about their i mean how
often does someone have a really interesting story
it’s not usually most of time they just pimp in
their shit you know they’ll have a little
you know so what’s been
going on we recently had our
second baby see
to me it’s good
because you lay in bed and you’re kind of like
watching the news kind of
you know like it’s like the news but you know
mixed with humor
right now so it’s kind of more just like it’s
like i wouldn’t
watch it if it was like 8 p
m you know right
i mean i like them i mean they’re okay
but i don’t go out of my way to see him i prefer
i prefer the john stewart show honestly i
think that the
daily show the way he does it
is the best
way he has a lot of shit that he fucks around with
like his his
monologues and his like making fun of
things in the
news even though it’s all political for the most part
i think he hits the mark more than anybody he makes me
laugh out loud
more than anybody
did you guys already talk about
the golfer gonakis
weed smoking incident
on the john story no
no we didn’t
you know what happened yeah yeah he smoked pot
he pulled out a joint
it was actually a bill marshall
oh it was yeah it wasn’t john stewart no
it was okay
it was a real time
but you know then the
executive said that it wasn’t real pot that it was a
prop okay they had to say it
yeah but why do they have
to say it why do they have to say it’s not real
it’s like the kids
this is the
first podcast we’ve done
since proposition 9 did not pass 19 rather did not pass
you know and so
there’s a lot of fucking yeah
there’s a lot of shit
going on right now in this country
there’s a lot of shit
going on with pot and disinformation and people
thinking that somehow or another
if you yet you have pot
and it’s more accessible that it is now that the
world’s gonna fall
apart it’s sad
i never thought
when i was a little kid that we’d be here in now
2010 and this would
still be up for debate
yeah but you
also know that it’s
never going to
it’s not gonna pass that easily
unless it’s like an iphone app one single button all
these people instead of having to register
and then go get fucking
take off work or go towards your
lunch and vote
you have to do that
otherwise would be too much
fraud yeah but you know in like ten years they’re
gonna figure it out it’s
gonna be on your fucking pagers
maybe but maybe there’s probably
some incentive
to keep it complicated because the more complicated
the less people
vote and the more
it’s political aficionados that are in the mix
instead of just the casual person i knew that was
gonna happen though
did you i wasn’t
shocked at all it was just like gay
marriage you know
you thought that was
gonna pass but then
you know what’s
shocking to me man when the polls are right
because i’m like how the
you know who the fuck answers polls
do you have
you ever answered a poll
polls like online
yeah or if anybody called you up and
you talk to them or yeah yeah all the time i do polls
do you really yeah and like if you’re on
tmz and is like does
you know mel gibson’s butt look fat yes or no
i’m going to take the
extra click to see no just to see what the
the answers are
really yeah don’t you no
first of all
those aren’t real polls
what i mean about
a poll is like
you go somewhere and it’s a multiple page
thing we’d ask
questions that much
even a few questions like
10 questions
sometimes like you know like
once in a while like if a product
that i really like that you get that spam
email would like please answer
10 questions for us do you really
if it’s a company i like
i’ll give them
i’ll take the
extra minute damn
why not you brian
why not i don’t know
you anything i
could do to help the products that i like
you know like if it’s like
whatever apple you do do that like you
you like make little
videos and shit when you like a product yeah
you know the last pull i took was like
who’s the best
submission artist in mma
yo yogi bj pen oh and mma yeah
well marcel’s not really an
mma right anymore he did mma once is he done though
probably yeah
he’s making so much money in jiu jitsu he
doesn’t need to go through all that shit he’s making a
teaching yeah dude
his website man yeah
damn he charges thirty bucks a month
to get his techniques
thirty yeah that’s a lot of fucking
extra thousands a month that dude who
set it up that chess master joe
josh i think
his last name is weightskin
i don’t remember exactly how to pronounce his name
bobby fisher yeah he’s the one from
the video searching for bobby fisher at the movie
it was all based on him
and he was a child chess prodigy
and now he’s
transferred that into becoming a jujitsu guy
he loves jujitsu and he treats it just like chess
whereas a bunch of openings and a bunch of different
counters and he has them broken down
so he has the website that really like
systematically organized the way you would
organize like
chess practice
so it’s pretty fucking interesting you know
someone who’s a chess
genius i mean
that kind of a mind that kind of a
like you know
like a retard
is the word
some retaliation
strategic that that kind of a strategic mindset
apply to jiu jitsu i bet
i mean if you were making free money
just like twenty k a
month which is probably in the area
doing nothing why would you do on my that
money just flowing the fucking
he doesn’t want to do it you know what i mean he
doesn’t need to he can just
stick to be in the
the greatest jiu jitsu player of all time well i would
love to see just professional
jiu jitsu because i’ve always said that you know
one of the best things
about jiu jitsu
watching jiu jitsu is you don’t have any guilt
even though you’re
watching dudes get jacked and even if you jack a guy
there’s no guilt
because like when you
knock somebody out or you hurt somebody or even you
watch someone get
knocked out
at least part of my
brain is like that guy just got fucked
up you know there’s like a part of that guy that’s not
gonna be the same
again and like he got hit by a car yeah
yeah i mean someone gets really fucking head kicked
when when gonzaga pro copped pro cop
when he had kicked krokov
and knocked him out
i remember i had an interview krokov
afterwards and his he was just
you know it really was a dumb idea to interview him
i should have probably protested
but we always interview the winner and the
loser and he was up and they said okay interview the
loser so i just automatically went to it
but as i was talking to him i’m like this poor guy
should not be getting interviewed
right now this guy just
you know he just got
knocked unconscious he’s not
exactly sure what happened and i’m asking him questions
you know when
you see something like that man you go wow
there’s a there’s a fucking price
but jujutsu
never feels like there’s a price
you know guys
get jacked and even if they get hurt like he’s
gonna be okay
and most of the time 99
of the time but
marcella garcia man if he
could just do professional jujutsu if they could have
like a guy like that
you could have
professional jujutsu and even put it on tv and it
would be exciting
because you’d be just
catching people all
the time there’s so many good guys now i mean marcelo
still the king
but there’s so many guys out there
still competing like
ryan hall and and jeff glover and
all those new brazilians
busting out
rafael mendes cobrina
rafael lovato
there’s so many guys that are good at no gi
it should be in the olympics right away
there’s no reason why
no gee jiu jitsu
shouldn’t be in the olympics yeah geese
a little too slow
that would bore
people that down yeah
that bores me you have that
funny story
about going to
watch with john jacques
yeah that’s one
i was always the guy in class
that asked the questions about
yanking on collars and yanking on sleeves
and asking like how is that gonna
translate an mma
i mean cause i was embarrassed i
when i first
started doing
jiu jitsu i
would tell guys
check check out this next
fight this guy’s a
jiu jitsu guy he’s gonna fuck
him up he’s
gonna jack him
and the first
fight that i got really
disappointed with was
bustamante against bolander
i love bustamante
to death he’s
still one of my all time favorite
fighters but i
couldn’t believe
that he couldn’t finish him off his back
it was just baffled me i kept saying okay he’s
gonna get him
right now he’s
gonna get him
he’s just setting him up he’s
gonna get him and then it didn’t happen
and i asked sean jacques i’m like what’s
going on with
how come we never see
sweeps and finishes
off you know rarely off
off from the bottom you never see
sweeps and finishes
at the same rate
as you do at the moondials
at the moondials are
sweeping their finishing off
their back like i mean
it’s it’s incredible how
much action there is like off your back but not an mma
was different so it’s
cause they don’t have the gi
to hold on to
yeah well if you practice setting up all your
submissions and sweeps
yanking and pulling on
someone’s outfit and that’s actually part of the sweep
you take that out and then you also add strikes
man it just it’s a
whole different game
so um you know
what was the question
how did we get this far
we were talking
about john jacques
watching in
matches with
you and you guys were both saying how boring
oh yes yes so i always
immediately i was questioning the gig
on man this
could be a problem this is making
jiu jitsu look bad like for me it was like
how does jiu
jitsu look in mma
and then when i went to
the moondials
in 2000 as a purple belt with jean jacques
and we’re watching the
black belts
and i can’t even keep my eyes open
it’s just so it just
most of the matches
weren’t boring there were some
exciting matches and there
still are some
there’s a lot of
exciting matches with the gi
but generally
i was sitting there trying to keep
my eyes open and john jacques looked over and goes man
this is so boring he wanted to leave
and right there that
struck him like damn
one of them
fucking baddest jujutsu players of all time my master
is bored with watching
black belts
play tug of war
and the gee
that’s when i thought whoa man
the gi is a problem and
for me the reason
why i started
teaching without the gi
wasn’t to separate myself from
like the brazilian
jiu jitsu community it
wasn’t me going
fuck you you know you guys with the gi
i took off the gi
for jiu jitsu
i did this shit for
jiu jitsu and
you know that’s the one thing i
want everyone to understand
especially the brazilians that hate me is
i did this for jujutsu the most important
thing for me is how jujutsu looks in mma
and i feel that the gi is a problem for mma
so i decided when i open up the
school i wanna
try to bring
jiu jitsu back
i’mma do whatever i can personally whatever i can do
to bring jiu
jitsu back in mma
well you did it also because you
think that’s the most effective way to do it in mma
yes no of course
of course i thought it was the most effective way
and i’m doing it for
jiu jitsu i feel that if everyone
lost the gi
like 10 years ago and just
focused on no gee
submissions
setting up everything in the clinch
setting everything up with overhooks
underhooks and head control as opposed to setting
everything up with
yanking and pulling collars and sleeves
if we would have
started everybody 10 years ago we just killed the gee
hellio would have said
no more gee
we need to come back we need to dominate
mma again man the
world would be a different
place we would see
we would see
hundred shenya aokis
a hundred javi
vasquez did you see what
ryan hall said recently
you know thing
about how he
doesn’t play
guard anymore
that all he’s concerned with now is
if he winds up on bottom is
sweeping getting on top to finish
that’s beautiful if you
could do it but what
about the guys you can’t sleep
yeah he’s saying that you can’t
he’s saying that you can’t rely on your
guard anymore
you can’t rely on
sweeps all the time either
but you’re gonna be on your back regardless and
if you could sweep them
most of my game is all
about sweeps i’m all
about sweeping and getting on top
but you have to
prepare for the
worst case scenario
a guy that puts on your back and you can’t sweep them
you better have a wicked
finishing game
off your back as well you got to have both
you can’t finish everybody
from your back
and you can’t
sweep everybody
but if a dude
stuffs all your
sweeps and he
stuffs all your finishes
he’s just better than you that’s it
you know but you
gotta have as much game as possible i’m
amazed if somebody hasn’t stepped up and
tried to make a professional
jiu jitsu league you know i know rico
chipperelli
did that thing for a little bit
but you know he was
he was having a hard time with it but i think i
think it’s more popular now than it was then well
the problem with the rico
chipperelli
promotion which was professional
submission league psl
great concept he just had like
eight super
fight matches man he
had marcelo in there
against jake
shields he had
marcelo in there
against cameron earl
but he was the only way he thought he
could make it work
and sell it to a network or something even like espn
or something
was to have
randy couture as the main event
and randy couture
originally he retired a few years ago
and he wasn’t
planning on doing
mma anymore but he his plan was
just to stay in the mix competitively
and do submission grappling
so rico jumped on and said hey dude you’re
gonna be the poster boy to this you’re
gonna blow this up
but then when he decided to go back to mma
he was left without a poster
child and i mean i
think i think he
could make it
successful with with the guys we have nowadays like
make marcella garcia the poster
child and then
bring in you know
you know karina
bringing rafael mendes
bringing a bra
leo esteema bringing
again jeff glover ryan hall javi
vasquez all
these guys that
you know javi’s back in the mix in
mma now but i
think you could do it now i don’t
think you need
randy couture
i don’t think so what they really need is they need to
get some sort of a network behind it someone willing to
step up and take a chance with it
it’s hard man
look at bellator
i mean bellators
on like fox
sports net you know what i’m saying
it’s like they have a hard time getting a network
where people
gonna pay attention to it if you have
jiu jitsu on fox
sports net it’s
gonna be really
tough you know it’s not a lot of people that are like
focused on that if you get it on espn
on the other hand and
made a big deal and
the difference the difference between
submission grappling and mma
the advantage it could be a small advantage
in some people’s eyes but
people will get into it because
anybody can actually
practice it and you can go to your local jiu jitsu
school and you actually can get involved so
it has the potential is there
of course it’s not it’ll never be as exciting as dudes
smashing skulls
and all that kind of stuff but
submission grappling
with the right guys
can be very very
exciting and
i think it could be successful they got dogs
catching frisbees at 1 30 in the morning
you can throw up some no giju
jitsu up there for sure they got the
i mean pool is huge
i mean pool is on tv
all the time it’s not huge
but it’s on tv though
starving to death yeah but it’s on tv
barely it’s barely on tv a lot of
those matches that you
watch are old matches the women have some on espn
there’s no money in it
no one’s making any money
you have to go
overseas to make the real
money there’s a couple tournaments like
the us open you win that you win 40 000
you gotta play for a week and that’s only the winner
you know you get down to like the
other people there’s not much money okay okay
there’s not much
money in it but it’s
still on the air
and i could see
submission grappling like
that on the air and no one’s really making that much
money except for the top guys
but then you got like poker that’s making
money right
yeah who watches fucking poker you know what the thing
about poker is man
thing about poker
yeah you watch poker
i love i’m sorry there’s a
thing about
poker is that you could
watch and you
could know what we all have
like when you
watch it at home
you can’t affect the outcome of the game so you
could see like if you had two aces you had an
ace and kang
you could see
without you seeing what he had
the people watching
could see what he had
so they know everyone is in on it
so how’s this
gonna play out and it
affects what if baseball
was like that
where you knew what the
pitcher was
gonna throw
like right before
they let you know
that’s interesting hmm
cause if they let you know a
second before you throw
how could you ever get to him how
could he get to him that
quick and if he’s looking
somewhere else he’s
keeping his eye he
would fuck him up that’s a good idea dude like
right away boom yeah
yeah if you had like the
picture had like a little
thing on his mouth
you know what it
would have to be someone who
could read the signs because the
catcher is giving
those signs
or just do it like a 20
second delay
does the catcher give
those signs or the
pitcher give
those signs
who decides what gets thrown
the catcher the
pitcher can say no yes
the pitcher
has he’s like the
executive producer and the
catcher is the producer but you can have like
bitchy arguments
you can totally you can
you see him
going no dude
no no no no
basically the
catcher is trying to get them to
agree like okay what are we
going to do it’s up to you but you want to
throw this i’m suggesting this
you could do that with football too like
right before the snap
boom it’s going
to be a run or something that is one of the hardest
things about
putting anything together is getting two people to
agree on what
should be done
you know like if you have an
executive producer
and you have the
talent and they’re together
and you’re trying to figure out how to work things out
man that’s a hard fucking
thing to come together on you’d have to put it on a 10
second delay then that
would ensure
that no one was there for the baseball team yeah
you’ve had that
with music though
right you’ve had that with
music where
dudes are trying to fuck with and
change your shit and you didn’t like it remember that
executive producer you were working with for a
while which one
the guy down san diego
oh yeah yeah yeah remember
you wanted to
do all this and do all that no that wasn’t gonna work
happens all the time
exactly happens all the time
i’ve i’ve had it happen with
everything i’ve ever done
everything i’ve ever done that has to do with
creativity that involves
other people
they all wanna die i am open
i am open to hear
him i’ve always been that way and
every band that i’ve been in
the rule has always been the same
we’re five of us
i’m twenty two years old
there everyone’s like in their
early twenties like
anybody can write
but we all have to like it
like if you want to come up with something
okay we all have to like it because when you’re on
stage man what’s most important
you would rather play someone else’s good shit
than your bad shit right oh
you don’t want no one
wants to go on
stage in the
crowds going what the fuck is this
and no one’s liking and the
other guys are going
to talking behind
their back like
dude i don’t want to do this song anymore
that’s the last
thing you want you want to avoid that
it’s you know what i mean so what ends up happening
is real quick
you end up everyone gravitating
to the guy who’s putting together the best shit
right and there’s always that band
where you know that they’re just giving this
fucking drummer a bone and letting them sing right now
yeah there’s always a few songs like that right dude
the perfect example is
peter chris from kiss
he co wrote a song he
thinks he wrote beth
but really bob
ezrin wrote it
and his famous producer
and so it says
peter chris and bob
ezrin that song
that was the
biggest kiss song to date beth was huge it was like a
it was the first one that ever i was a
huge kiss fam that was the
first one that made it on the
radio yeah that was massive beth is fucking huge so
peter chris got a big head goes i want to leave kiss
you guys are let me only
write one song
i want to write more songs
he goes i’m
gonna make a solo
album and paul stanley
goes do do do do do
we’ll all make solo
albums and we’ll put them together but let’s not
break up make a solo
album that’s cool we’ll all make solo
albums so they all put out
solo albums at the same time
peter chris’s
album the guy who wanted to
leave to make the solo
album was not only the
worst of the solo
albums but it’s the
worst kiss album ever
he’s known for the
worst kiss album
no kiss fan has ever said they liked that album
really it’s that bad it’s that
bad it’s really bad dude it’s really really really bad
so he’s not
in the band anymore but there’s a fake
peter chris now
the way they did it originally when
peter and ace left
they replaced them
with new characters like eric fox came on to replace
peter chris as the fox
vinnie vincent came on to replace aesefully as the
egyptian god or something but
then they finally
took the makeup off they went like 10 15 years
without makeup
and then when they put the makeup back they got
peter and ace the original guys back
they did a couple reunion tours
and the exact same
thing happened
peter fucked up
ace fucked up so they kicked him out
but this time what happened to the fox
where that guy go he died actually
but when they did the reunion tour you got to
bring back the original guys because that was two
other guys that were
checking out this picture
it’s ace really
tattooed on this guy’s side he was a
he was a bartender
or a server at the
cap city comedy
club that’s all kidney
bobby and he rented
ace really and he was
drunk and he was talking all the shit to ace really
and he’s really
goes fuck you kid
so he gets ace
really’s picture
tattooed on him with
fuck you kid
let’s put it up here that’s amazing see
but i’ll put it on my twitter
later today but he
got this fucking
tattoo of ace
freely tattooed
his whole side
of his body
is permanently a big
picture of a shitty one too
of ace freely
where it says fuck you kid
underneath it that’s incredible
so when they decided to do the reunion
they got the original guys
ace and peter
it’s been like
15 years of course they wanted to do they realized
fuck we fucked up god damn it why do we leave kids
and get kicked out at the same times like both
they both got back in
the reunion
tours were massive they did a couple and then
peter started fucking up and a
started fucking up somehow they left
so instead of getting new guys with new characters
they got new guys to play
ace and peter wow
didn’t know and
they can introduce the guys and say as
no they never did that
they never did that
they didn’t have to go
down no they
never pretended like that was the real
ace and that was the real peter
maybe they did the
first few shows
maybe they try to do some shenanigans
not saying they did shenanigans
i said they said you know and now starring as
bang and they say the guy’s name
i don’t know they’ve
never don’t they never
said no they said the real guy’s name
because what happened is
when they did the reunion to her
eric singer
the non makeup kiss drummer
and bruce kulick the non makeup kiss guitar player
they got left in the behind go we’re
gonna do a reunion tour and blow this shit up
this non makeup band ain’t happening but
but when peter left
they got the non makeup dude eric singer to play peter
whoa so he came in and
he always said he was eric singer but
they know that most a lot of the fans
that are coming they don’t even know the difference
oh man i like kiss me when i was a kid i’m gonna go
check out kids they’re fucking cool man rock and roll
night they have no idea
they realize they
never hide it they
never deny it
but they know that
it doesn’t really matter they’re just
gonna come up we’re
gonna say that’s eric singer we’re
gonna say that’s
tommy thayer
playing ace but
most of the people aren’t even
gonna notice what was the deal with
ace freeley and
peter chris
what why couldn’t they get it together it
the exact same
thing drugs
and alcohol
and peter and they’re getting old too
peter peter
was not a very good drummer
back when he practiced a lot
oh really and when you
i mean it’s like
jiu jitsu man you don’t fucking
keep practicing you lose your chops
a drummer has to be like a fucking machine literally
on time and
peter and paul and gene
have never never stopped touring they
never stopped putting out albums
those guys are machines
sing their ass off
and they could play i mean paul is
unconscious playing and singing and gene he’s
one of the most
underrated bass players ever
he can sing
fucking harmonies like the beatles
paul and jean
are machines bro
so what they got they were decided to replace
eric singer the old
the non makeup kiss guy they brought him in they put
peter chris makeup on him
and he can and he can sing
eric singer can sing
and he can play his ass off he’s an amazing drummer
and he could sing so they go we’re gonna
bring this guy back does he sing beth now
this yes this is this is
they did a reality show you know they did the
success the gene simmons show was so successful
that they’d
ended up doing and they
would show spots of kiss
during the gene simmons reality show
but then they
kind of did a spin off why don’t we just follow kiss
so your reality shows all fucking fake
you know what i mean
so most they had to make
even the ones that are real
the camera that the
facial reactions like they have like one camera there
and how they getting how they panning to all
these facial reactions
where they like storing
these facial reactions
but you know
from two weeks ago there’s a good one a perplexed look
that’s how they do it
yeah yeah that’s how fake it is
so with the jeans
with the kiss
reality show there was like a miniseries rally
show or it might be an ongoing show
they have to create some drama
they’re following around and eric singer who’s
dressed like
peter is like jean
can i do beth
for the next show
and then jean’s all
you know promised
peter that we
wouldn’t do bath i don’t know and like
eric’s like come on dude let me do bath
so then eric singer disappears
they’re about to do a show
where’s eric singer
we started an hour
no one’s been able to find them all the
all looking for
edgar singer he’s like
fuck it let’s get the roadie
and get him in makeup we’re
gonna get we’re just
gonna do the show without him we’re
gonna get the roadie to do it
they never show the roadie
putting on makeup or anything getting
ready they were just like
oh man and all
this and eric shows up backstage he’s all
dressed up in makeup
and he goes they’re
going on stage
and he looks over to peter goes
or to paul stanley is jean
let me do bath or not
and paul goes bro just get up on
stage man i don’t think so
something like that
it’s all ridiculous dude fake
drama and then he sings it yeah
i don’t i don’t i didn’t even get that far it was
ridiculous it was
ridiculous man
having them
argue backstage
about singing beth oh
is there a way
to do a reality show and not have fake shit yeah
called no editing allowed
it’s just one camera
but it might not
be interesting
yeah you gotta have it
you gotta have
three cameras but
you know to some people i
would rather
watch an hour than i know it’s 100
real than an hour that’s like easy
i’d have just
chopped up to a
salad bowl that shit insults the fuck out of me
my watch like
keeping up with the
kardashians and i see
bruce jenner running around town trying to fucking
meet a deadline or something
stupid where i know it’s not real i’m like come on man
the fake show on my shit is done just
all out of fun man we want it fake
we do those fake
we do we’re storing uh
facial reactions and
stuff from people
and just putting them in we’re having fun with it
it’s like all fake what he’s talking about is
10th planet jujutsu com he’s got a
thing called mastering the system
and it’s like a fake jujutsu reality show
yeah but there’s real real techniques in there
real techniques but we just have fun
mixed in with yeah
shenanigans it’s hilarious have you
is the whole
an auto thing what is the deal with that
is that oh the latest episode that just went up yes he
chokes me out
we get in a
fight and he
chokes me out and he puts me out and he
leaves people
have people figured out what’s
going on yet
or do people think it’s
most people know
it’s fake but there’s a
small percentage like i just got
someone a forum
member from the day one this girl
emailed me yesterday said
you know i respect
you to death
and all that but i have to know once and for
all is the hinata thing real
because i just
gotta know it
either way if it’s real it’s real it’s cool but
if it’s fake just let me know
i just don’t know
wow you don’t know
you know there’s
so much evidence people are piecing together like
they’re taking footage of
rumors on the days of our lives
they’re putting it on the form
and i just keep deleting it
any evidence i just delete
it just delete it’s a tricky
thing man when people fake it
when people fake anything
you know that
video i just saw the
other day of
alan delchar
punking you you ever see that video
yes after you haven’t
seen it you
haven’t seen it
there’s a video of you punking him at your school
and then he punks you remember remember yes i remember
that that was
columbus philadelphia somewhere
somewhere but he got you
and i knew it
right away i
was like no fucking way i just thought he was
crazy this guy’s
i wasn’t hearing what he was saying i was just
going oh cause
i always thought like the
first time i ever met alan belcher
it was after
an awesome victory i
talked to him a little bit and invited him to my school
i thought he was like a
i thought man
this guy can snap he was seemed like a snapper
like he would just like i seen i’m like damn
i’m like a little scared of them i do really know
it just in the
first time we met
he had just beat someone’s
ass his lip was all fucked up and it was quivering
he had to cut live
it was quivering i’m like
man i’m like dude i
would love to show you some
some you know rubber
guard shit you know and come on down to the gym
and i for a
second i thought man this guy
he could snap on me
he ended up being a
super fucking
sweetheart he’s totally cool i love alan belcher
but when he
tried to punk me
what was the premise of it i don’t remember he got mad
about something i don’t remember
but i remember as soon as it
started coming
as soon as it happened he was
screaming i turned to the camera and went no
like he was trying to
fight you no no no it wasn’t me
i was on the outside
i was on the outside
you and you were trying to keep him from getting mad
about something he was i
think he was
gonna start a
fight with a
bouncer or something he was getting nuts with a
bouncer and i was
going oh no fuck we got a
crazy motherfucker on our head
he’s gonna fight a
bouncer right now
that is a problem
if you hang out with a certain number of
mma fighters
there’s a few
always one or two that’s a
loose cannon
you never know a couple of
drinks getting them shaking that
junie browning was at my
school last night
how’s he doing
oh he’s totally cool man i love junie
browning but
before i actually met him
he was the only guy ever that i saw on the
ultimate fighter
and you know we’re always backstage running into
these guys all the time
and the new
season comes on i go i got to remember
these dudes because i’m
gonna be running to him all the time i don’t want to
not know their names and feel like a
total douchebag
so i’m like
this i’m like
watching the show
studying their
fighting techniques
seeing what kind of
fighter they are
and what kind of
personality they have when they showed junie
browning on top
i thought to myself man
this guy can snap on anybody
i don’t want to get to know this guy
i made the decision in my head
don’t get close to that guy that
guy was who
in las vegas we’re eating at
nine at the
bombs yes and he was a really nice guy
what happened was
and he was a big fan of yours and that’s
i tried to avoid him i didn’t want to talk to him
i just thought from the show they made him seem like a
total lunatic right so
in sean tompkins
trained him and he just fucked somebody up on a
spike show in
vegas and we’re at nine the
place is packed i see sean tompkins walking towards me
i’m like i’d
love sean tompkins so as soon as he came up
i like you know we gave each
other a little hug and i saw that oh damn
junie brown is
right behind him and his buddy
so i hugged
sean thompkins and kind of look the
other way trying to pretend like i didn’t notice junie
browning i’m
going fuck man here he comes he’s coming
right for me shit he’s with sean thompkins
i hear him right next to me he’s like
right over my shoulder
and he almost passed me by but his buddy
from kentucky said hey there’s
eddie bravo
and i’m like
oh shit he’s
gonna come up so he
tapped me on the shoulder
and i looked over i was hey
dude what’s
going on dude
great fight
fuck and i’m
thinking oh shit
i’m actually talking to him holy shit what’s
gonna happen
and then he goes bro man
we’re always
studying your books and smoking weed and
and on the mats with your book out i do rubber
guard i got a good twister
and all of a
sudden like whoa
this guy’s this guy’s a
tenth planet fan
like all of a
sudden i got to give this guy a chance maybe
maybe i pre judged them
and he turned out to be a fucking cool guy man and
you know he’s thinking
about moving to la
and to get away from
vegas he’s not
partying anymore he just wants to
clean up his life and and
make a big comeback
still young kid
right isn’t
he he’s funny as hell dude
he’s funny that
motherfuckers funny
he doesn’t have to be
drunk after
jiu jitsu we hung out in the parking lot and
he made all of us laugh
quite a few times he’s got some witty ass shit man
he’s a cool dude
he just you know he had a bad
upbringing his dad used to beat the shit out of him and
you’re gonna come up you’re
gonna have a little
kinks you know a couple
kinks that’s all
i mean we’ve run into so many guys over the years that
started out like that and then eventually got
their shit together
you know one way or another
i mean it’s fun to
watch guys like that evolve
and become something better than what they were
like chris lieben
perfect example
of a guy who
started out
as kind of a brawler and now he’s like a fucking like
after you put
aaron simpson away
he’s like a
seasoned motherfucker now triangled
akiyama yeah
for real yeah chris
leubin’s a bad man he’s smart man
and i believe that junie
browning i really believe that he’s too smart
to throw his life away he’s not
smart he’s if he was an idiot
he might just
he might just keep fucking well he
would benefit from hanging around you man if he
you know you
understand troubled
childhoods and and and channeling that shit into
you know something positive and
being around positive people man
that’s the most important
thing to for
having a positive life being around a bunch of
other people that are on the same wavelength as you
and trying to do the same shit and
that’s one of the cool
things about 10th planet
jiu jitsu in hollywood is that everyone is
super positive there
and it all trickles down from you
thank you sir well you know that
right i mean it all
trickles down from you i mean a lot of places if
you go to there and
the instructor’s kind of douchey
and people can get douchey with each other and
there’s none of that at our
place everybody’s very cool
all i’m doing
really is acknowledging that everyone has an ego
i have an ego everybody has an ego and i just
every day i try to do
things to keep that ego in check
cause if i don’t
if i’m not consciously trying to keep it in check
sometimes it just pops up and
and fucks up you know what i mean so
you know i i and
it rubs off
on my students my students are constantly you know
like their ego
flares up you
know they can
catch themselves
they can correct themselves
it’s a lifelong process man you
know everybody has an ego and
everyone struggles this
podcast is a part of that too man i’ve talked to
a bunch of people that i’ve met
all over the
world one of the most important ones
was this kid that i met in boston who was from ireland
who was explaining that man he goes
we don’t have anybody like
this near me no one talks like this no one gives us
there’s no one around that’s like a
thinker this way that thinks
about life this way that’s open minded
and he goes and because of this podcast it’s making me
like reassess the way i
evaluate life and reassess the way i talk and think
about things
having guys like you
teaching jiu
jitsu having a podcast like this
is this like a serious
like a serious
connection we have to all
these people and they help me too man i’ve got a bunch
a bunch of cool
tweets from people
and inspirational shit and cool articles of people
tweeted me and
you know cool
things that people post on the message board and
it’s all like a big
thing together you know
it’s all a big
thing everybody helping everybody else
yeah it’s so much fun
every day i
drive to class
i remind myself on the way to
class and how
lucky i am like i’m
drive this is my job i mean i don’t even look alike
look at like a job
look it like a job
look at it like a job
sorry but i mean
every day is a day off for me man and i
appreciate so much
just going to
class and everyone
just sitting there and they’re waiting for me to
teach them how to strangle like
you know in an efficient way
like how fucking
lucky am i i can’t believe it
every day it’s
it’s amazing and the cool thing
about jujutsu for people don’t
know is everybody’s real friendly to each other man
i mean people
catch people all the time in in
you know and
arm bars and
chokes and shit like that
and you know you don’t want to get caught
but there’s no
fights ever
break out no bullshit ever happens it’s all just
you know damn i got caught all
right what did i do
wrong you forgot to put your arm in oh shit oh
thank you yeah you
know it’s a massive
misconception
about jujutsu that
jujutsu classes are a
bunch of meatheads they’re douchebags are dickheads and
shoot they think it’s like
we train in a cage and
it’s a bunch of
computer nerds that
that are playing the ultimate
virtual reality game
cause if you’re into
video games and like
killing someone by
pressing a button
but no one’s really
dying but you
enjoy that that feeling
jujitsu is the
ultimate virtual reality
video game it’s
where we is
gonna end up the we
feeling more like a baseball bat like a golf club
how about you can can actually kill people
you know theoretically or
you know with jujitsu you put someone in the
choke they tap out
it was like
you killed them because if you didn’t let them go you
would actually kill them and
you could learn
you can it’s anybody there’s so many jujutsu
schools all over the
world you can
learn how to
systematically and
scientifically
break limbs
and put people to
sleep there’s like
over twenty different ways you can put someone to
sleep just with the neck you know there’s
probably more i’m just
guessing at
least twenty
all these different
jokes so many different variations of guillotine darcy
and it becomes just
a really fun game to it’s an amazing game yeah it’s a
killing game
where i mean
i hurt my arm
like a couple of weeks ago
you know but like you know
for the most part
when you get
go to you know you get involved in like serious
rolling with somebody
everybody’s fine
when it’s over you know you get caught with something
you just tap and 99
of the time you’re fine
every now and
then you’ll get something something will get tweaked
or your knee will get
twisted i know
you had a knee problem that happened recently oh
i both my knees are fucked up but it’s so fun you
never think
about stopping doing it you just think
man i can’t
wait for myself to heal up exactly so i can get
back and you’re like fuck
like when you when you
tweak something you’re
like god damn it i probably out a couple weeks shit
and it’s just fun it’s so much fun i mean
think about this
you have to
work out everybody has to work out if you’re in perfect
shape you have to maintain you have to keep working on
why not work out
and learn how to take people out
put him to sleep at the same time
and it’s the
ultimate video game
it’s exercise
you learn some serious
self defense that can come up at any time in your
life it’s valuable and it gives you so much confidence
and it’s so much fun it kills
video games
it’s like there’s
and then you meet a lot of
great people that have
their ego in
check because if you don’t have
if you don’t have your ego in check
then those people don’t survive jiu jitsu
the tapping is
a douchebag filter
tapping because dudes that
are just just
it’s where their
eagle rules
them they can’t jump on the mat and get tapped out
they run from it
or they get on the edge of the mat so like no way am i
gonna let people tap me out
and they don’t really don’t know what’s
going on but subconsciously
the fear of being
dominated and tapping out by losing
looking like a weakling
that scares people away you
gotta look at it like you’re just
learning of course you’re
gonna get tapped out in the beginning
and the more the more you come the more
dedicated you are
as time passes
you start tapping dudes out occasionally but
still you’re usually tapping you’re a beginner
ultimately one or two years
man you you can minimize
those taps and your
getting your
learning if you did jujutsu for two years
the odds are in a
street fight one on one
the odds are
way on your side
way on your side
you know anybody
could anything
could happen in a
street fight but man a guy that’s
trained jujutsu two years
against a guy has zero
training on the ground
hmm another
great aspect of it is that it calms down your body
and it makes you realize how much of an
influenced stress and
just the fact that we have this ancient
chimpanzee hardware
in our system our
bodies are set up for hunting and gathering and
carrying things and our
bodies are set up to exert a certain amount of energy
and if you don’t exert
a certain amount of energy with your body your body
starts to betray you
and you start to get really stressful and you
start to snap at things
that you wouldn’t
ordinarily snap at or you shouldn’t
rationally be
upset about
it allows you to put
things into perspective it calms your body down
that’s very important man yeah i mean are you saying
jiu jitsu is better than
quake are you
gonna start that
there’s a bunch of people put a bunch of
videos of cool
video games that are out there man
fuck you know like to try to tell me that there’s all
these different
video games
man there’s some insane shit
there’s just
one i don’t know the name of it but they were
it was like looked like they were in the jungle
and they were like near some like it looks like some
mayan temples and shit
the graphics are insane russian attack
i don’t know what
it does man i don’t know what it is i don’t remember
what it was someone put just
you know a demo up
and then someone put crisis
i don’t know what it was
but the demo was insane and
then crisis was another one it was pretty interesting
a bunch of dudes running around
shooting people
but then i put a
video i went to
watch a video of
quake online and i go back to what i said
nothing can fuck a
quick it’s just
i understand that
these games are beautiful
i understand
these games have all
these cool things you can do there’s the latest
version of quake
it’s quake iv yeah okay
all i want to do is fuck people up in one on one
death matches
that’s what i like to do but yet
yours i don’t
i understand what
you’re saying man no i’m just saying that if you like
deathmatches
they’ve taken the formula of
deathmatch and just
added on to it for the last
15 20 years or whatever
how long quake
3 was quake
4 was 2 000 something
like 2005 or 2006 all
right so for the last five six
maybe i should
i might not
but they’ve
taken the formula they even used the same engine
on call of duty when it
first came out
and they’ve just improved it improved it improved it
and like a lot of
these games
last week i wasn’t talking
about like keyboard and mouse
necessarily
is better than controller argument
my point is is that
the games are better now
the games are better now they’re not geared towards
the accuracy of a keyboard and
mouse as much as they are geared for just having a fun
experience inside
a video game yeah there’s a lot of auto aim going on
people do those
driving games and
autonomous just
easier to people
still do those driving games yeah yeah
totally to me though
what’s fun to me
about video games
i understand all that
but what’s fun to me is just i got addicted straight up
to one on one matches
and even like team
death matches you know just
the fact that you have this incredibly precise
control over the environment yeah you’re more like
the pool statistic
of video games exactly i mean it’s all just a very
small majority
yeah most people like to
play football games and the control is perfect for that
with quake games
those one on one
first person
shooters it’s just so precise
so addictive man what you’re talking
about was your cousins addicted
james no my nephew nephew
man when i was a little kid if they’d hit me with some
quake i would have lost my life i would have
never got into martial arts i
would have never
got productive with my life i would have
never paid attention in
school joe there’s a game on
steam that you can play on your mac
that has nothing to do with it but i want you to
next time you’re
bored and you just want to
spend because it’s a really
short game so you can’t get addicted to it
like literally you
could beat it in like six
hours really
but it’s called portal
and i think six hours
jesus i ain’t got six
hours i got kids no
no i mean but six
hours spread up for like months but
that’s an addiction you will
that game alone
will set your mind racing to
how crazy video games are nowadays
so what is the best one
right now if i wanted to get something for
xbox and something that’s
gonna blow my fucking mind
gears of war
for you i would probably go with
more of like a borderlands or something like that but
i would actually find a game that you
could play on your mac you know
like a game like call of duty that you can play i think
call of duty 4
is on there and
there’s a couple scenes
from call of duty
4 that will blow your fucking mind you know just that
red there’s a red one red something cowboy one
i don’t get that this shit what is
that one that’s just
grand theft auto but using a
horse and cowboy was it called
it’s called red dead dawn or something
like that i gave it a chance but i was like all
right this is
grand theft auto i don’t play anymore
that was a hugely
successful game though
super you know it’s just people like that formula
and i’m sure it’s
bigger and better than
grand theft auto
but for me i just played it and i’m like
i’m done with that i don’t
wanna play that anymore i’m over that they say that
ea martial arts game is a bust
nobody’s buying it
really really
i just haven’t played the
ufc do you have
like a box of
you one yeah cool
um there’s a new one we’re working on
right now do yours
who you think this is show ideas
what the fuck pick up the
phone cocksucker that’s not what happened
go back to that alex
jones transcript
so your calls gone
it’s brian callan
brian callan must have just got into the tank
right before we’re going to do the
podcast he’s about to get the tank for the
first time that’s was brian here yeah
no not here no at the place in venice
the headquarters
float lab com
so i think what we got out
today is that eddie bravo loves ufos
i love them
and jiu jitsu i love them like
bunnies and brian loves cats
and one hit of weed instead of three
you got too high today no no i’m just saying
that i liked my high today with one hit
i think that’s all i needed no no more than
two and two if they’re
gonna be two it’s two light ones
your shit fucking fucked me up this weekend by the way
like we smoked before we went on stage
actually we smoked oh
we should talk about that
we smoked and then joey diaz told me five minutes
later going oh i
might put you up on
stage and i’m like what
i’m going up
sold out joe rogan show no
it uh so i was
completely baked out of my mind the first
couple days
but what we did this weekend it was different was
we took esther
on the road it was little
esther it was
brian’s friend who’s a
an emerging
stand up comedian in la
and she’s only
22 years old he’s only been doing comedy like two years
and we just said well it’s just fucking just for
and experiment
see what it’s like to take this kid and
throw her up in
front of a real
crowd like she did
great yeah she
killed little esther
com dude she’s
fucking good man she’s confident and smooth and
for someone has only been doing comedy for two years
she’s way better
than i was two years into it and i told her that when
i was two years into it i was a mess i was a clunky
fucking goofy mess
is it okay that she’s
she known for looking really young
yeah that’s one of
her characters yeah she looks like she’s 12 seriously
what’s her name
esther little
esther little esther
her feet seriously are
smaller than my hands
but smell like they’re
twice as big
oh just kidding the fuck bro
she thrown her
over the bus
she’s funny man she was hilarious
she did a good
job and you did a good job too man it was interesting
watching you loosen up
from the first set you did on thursday
night to the last set you did on saturday
night which was your best one
right i have
something to
admit to you joe that
second set saturday
i acted like i smoked marijuana before i went on
stage before i went on stage
the second shot you remember before we all we
didn’t really
smoke out because i was like no and you’re
like i do it do it and i’m like no i don’t want all
right so that show that you have was the one when you
weren’t high
right hmm you
weren’t high at all no i
must have been a little high well from the
first time but that was like
three hours so it
leveled off
because you were nervous
weed isn’t that
great when you’re
nervous man and he realized that that you were probably
high and got paranoid
well i was getting high
and then going on
stage like five minutes
later that’s not a good mix for me
it’s not a good mix for the podcast either
before we’ve done that many times we get high
right before we do the podcast like today
the first words out of my
mouth were like
they don’t come out that good
but like right now we’re two
hours in it’s all
smooth but once
you’re killing
once you’re killing
and you’re really confident you can’t wait to go on
stage then the weed will take it through the roof
yeah but even then you
gotta make sure you don’t get too hard i
think red bull and vodka
one or two of them before on
stage is the key
ingredient for
stand up comedy
one or two red bulls in
vodka red bull
vodka is here
i like a little bit of weed
yeah some calisthenics yeah my best
teaching always comes from
me being high when i
teach because i’m so confident with it that
it adds to it
like i’ll be pissed off like if i forget
if i forget like i forgot to i don’t have weed
right now and i didn’t
teach class
today stoned
this morning
i didn’t teach guide
i felt pretty good i mean i feel it was a good class
but i always feel like when i’m high it’s just
like i don’t want the
class to end
i wanted to keep
going i want more time when i’m
in that space and then that’s all like shit i’m running
out of time there’s so much i got to say in show
when we like
shown show we got high in the car
right before we went in there
really high
we want like three hit
alex jones show
would be cool huh
though well it’s it’s bewildering
though because when we walked in you know i walked in
joe they’re about to d
value the dollar they’re
gonna take the dollar away
it’s been proven
here in forbes they’re
x raying your home they’re driving by
and vans and they’re
and photos you irradiating your
house with deadly radiation that can give cancer
these poor people
so it’s like you go from
right out of the car everybody’s
laughing we’re talking shit
we’re breaking down country
music there was like some
ridiculous country music song
you know but lonely girls make the best lovers
remember that
we were laughing our asses off
and then you go
right in there
death destruction
new it leads
global warming
what was he saying
about the radiation and all i
should do this is a
crazy fucking real
thing they’re doing
where they’re driving through neighborhoods and they’re
blasting these cars
with these super
powerful x rays from these vans
and they’re looking inside
vehicles they have
photos of this shit it was in forbes magazine
he pulls up the
story and shows it to me and they’re doing it to
houses too they just
drive by and
point this fucking
crazy x ray gun
at cars and see
right through them they show all
these photos of
people looking at like
bricks of cocaine the back of a van
like this is nuts man
like they can
shoot x rays
it just makes me really wonder though how
people go on the radiation like what
exactly how
strong it is cause
the other day i was talking to my dentist
and he said like you know
this radiation is
about equal to
standing next to a microwave
that’s what
he said yeah something like that i forget
i don’t know what you
should wear a lead vest when you microwaves a popcorn
i don’t know i don’t know what
that’s for but that he said it’s not that big a deal
that’s why he’s not wearing a lead vest you know and
well the crazy
thing is that there’s radiation around us all the time
right right like yourself space and
microwaving your
brain every time you
put up yeah no one knows what’s happening with those
right yeah so what happens
though when you’re in your car though and you got
a hands free is that okay well not when you have your
phone between
your crotch when you’re driving cooking your dick
it was a study
release recently that said that laptops cook your balls
yeah cook your
sperm that’s i that’s i
totally makes your
sperm ineffective
if you have your laptop on your lap
yeah you cooking your balls
but not up there
no no no no it’s because i
heat the heat
yeah cooks your balls yeah i
never put my laptop on my lap
yeah i got this
thing for that
very reason so i got this little pad that
sits on the laptop it makes it more comfortable anyway
cause the bottom is like soft so it
sort of molds to your legs
and with that note
do you got that italian
song no it says
find youtube user does not
allow mobile
views or something like that yeah
so sad is this it
it would have
been the perfect ending what is this are you playing
fatboy slim again
another fatboy slim well it’s the same
thing it’s like it
sounds like you love him it’s like a two
hour if you go to his website it’s called fatboy
slim summer mix and it’s just a free download it’s like
i think you love him
like eddie loves ufos i
think i do too
not that much
alright ladies and gentlemen
thank you for
tuning to the podcast next week
we’re in ann arbor michigan it’s me and
tommy segura
at the ann arbor comedy showcase
you’re gonna have to find
where that shit is
i don’t know
where it is it’s like an hour from detroit
but we’re doing
two shows 1 8 and 10 30 it’s on my twitter
it’s on joe rogan net
thank you to the
flashlight for
sponsoring this podcast as always you can go to
joebrogan net and
enter into the code i believe is rogan right
yep rogan you get 15
off so you can
fuck that shit yo
best thing ever
eddie bravo
thank you very much for coming on as always my friend
and if people want to
reach you tenth planet jj com
that’s it and on twitter it’s
eddiebravo of course
brian redband
at redband if you want to tell little esther
that you were in austin
texas and you thought she was awesome and
you were so
proud of her
she’s little
esther listen to her on adam cola
tomorrow okay when’s that
i don’t know just
she’s blowing the fuck up the kids blowing up
she’s on adam corolla
we had her here
first bitch
yeah we took her on the road
yeah she’s talented something’s
gonna happen
joey diaz is mad flavor on twitter and
thank you every
month everybody and
that’s it we’ll
see you next week love you bitches see you later