Podcast

Description

Joe sits down with Doug Benson.

Transcript

tada it came

out twice yeah

it’s it’s very oh did it yeah this thing’s very clunky

this you stream thing

ladies and gentlemen

thank you very much for tuning in

my guest this week

the lovely and talented Mr Doug Benson

hey everybody Doug

Benson everybody hey before we get

started we have

to mention that this show is being sponsored by The

Flashlight Doug Benson have you ever fucked one of

these things

I have not I

heard you and Dane Cook talking

about it last week they’re awesome man it’s really like

takes masturbation to a

whole new level

it seems you know it’s a very embarrassing

thing to purchase

it seems has that one been used or

is that just

for I would

never do that too is that just the

jokes recently

well not that you would

you know necessarily

mess it up just by holding it or whatever no

cause you don’t have to

touch anything I mean no one’s fucked it

I wouldn’t give you one at someone’s

fault that’s good yeah yeah that’s

wrong right

have you ever fucked a non taste

flashlight one no like I just fucked one the

other day completely different

it fucks it

doesn’t feel anything like better

worse oh way

worse way worse way

worse yeah somebody else told me that I

think it was Hephron said that he fucked

a knockoff fake

flashlight you said it wasn’t very good yeah

but these are outstanding

a lot of research it

seems like it’d be awesome but

now I totally get

what you were saying last week

about how it just

doesn’t it just

doesn’t feel

right in terms of

you feel bad

about yourself

embarrassing

yeah is it that’s

what’s so heavy

yeah that’s one

thing like I

guess you’d get a little bit of a

I’ve had other

light arm workout but

I’ll take it back

right turn my volume up

I’ve had other people

talk to me about this thing and

it’s an embarrassing

thing they’re like why

would you you know want to be

represented

by this rubber vagina

like he keeps

coming up he came up with like another person that was

thinking about

sponsoring the show

they don’t want to be connected with the

flashlight really that’s so

weird to me it’s childish

it really it’s

childish but now you just get that company and

flashlight to outbid each

other until

yeah you would have

something like that

but then you would

never know I mean

then you show no loyalty

to something that you actually believe

if you don’t believe there’s anything

wrong with fucking this thing

and you want to pretend

it’s like one of

those things

where people don’t want to talk

about sexual

things because somehow or another talking

about sexual things

makes people uncomfortable

it’s creepy

but it’s a natural part of life

and like most rational people at a certain

point in time just kind of accept that

and then you can joke

about it and go hey I fuck this rubber pussy haha

is it good yeah it’s

great you should try it

and then everything’s good

but for some people it

never gets to that

place never gets

that comfortable yeah well

I think it depends on how comfortable you are with

other men like who

you kind of came up with and if you all talk to each

other that way or not you know like

I had a lot of fairly prudish friends like we’d say

dirty things but we wouldn’t

admit to any of our own personal

activities the way that I’ve seen

other groups of friends do it

you see these

packs of people that all just have a different code

about you know

whether they fucked a prostitute or not is

gonna come up in one

group but it’s not

gonna come up in another totally that’s so important

so important

hanging around the dudes are

gonna tell you everything

that’s so huge embarrassing

ridiculous retarded all of it I

wanna hear it come on

that’s you must get some good stuff from

everyone I know from

yeah but also like there’s

that’s like really kind of almost a code of

stand up these days is

just be super honest and

and it ends up

just to be original you kind of have to talk

about some stuff

that’s pretty

brutal and out there you know

yeah you can’t really do I mean it’s almost like the

Jerry Seinfeld

route has been

said so many times and gone

down so many roads it’s like I don’t see anything there

it’s like if you want to do

stand up today

it’s like you know

Jerry Seinfeld as

Jerry Seinfeld you know that

style is hilarious

at it but I don’t want to see a new one of those

well also he sort of

teach sort of turned it into another

thing like he made it popular

it’s more fun now to

watch actors on a show like The Office

recreating awkward situations that happen every day

that it is your one guy just describing it

yeah you know

the Seinfeld

show just sort of brought to life his comedy

and that made him a funnier guy to me because

prior to that he was a pack of

part of a pack of guys that all just did

clean cut observational humor

and I love them all I thought they were really

funny like guys like him and

Larry Miller and

and you know there’s a

bunch of them yeah I was a

big fan of the evening at the improv

yeah yeah and

those guys were on

those things all the time

I totally grew up on

watching that

stuff but then immediately embraced

stuff that’s more

you know like you can

you don’t have to just observe

things you can

yeah experience them yeah I want to hear like

I really tell me

what you did not what everybody does

I want to hear a dangerous thought to

admit I want to hear

you know I want to hear some some

truth that we can all agree with

I want to hear something fucked up to

I don’t want to hear the regular shit I get

bored with it

I’m tired of it

I wanna hear something you know

I like look forward to Joey

diaz’s sets more than anybody I like

strong joke writing though

you know I do too

that can get me through

but you’re right it’s like

as soon as he

starts to be too much

about the best is both right

yeah of course

yeah I love

anyone is a

great joke writer and

a good performer that’s that’s unbeatable that’s like

Louis CK yeah but you’re right

about Seinfeld

like he was he was

such a brilliant joke writer and deliverer like in his

style and then to have that show

and then you really see where

Kirby enthusiasm really got to see

where Larry

David had a big hands in it too

once I started

started seeing that show was like oh

okay this guy is like the king

of creating like really awkward situations that like

literally you

watch like some

of the shows you find yourself contorting

cause you like

what you fucking saying you know it’s so good

it’s he does such a good job of weaving

that web you know he’s one of my masters is he yeah

and it takes it up a notch too

that it’s like on HBO

so that the language in

those situations can be

like that’s part of it is he

often says you know he

often says some

he swears inappropriately in

front of people sometimes yeah

and subject you can’t

do that shit on Seinfeld because it had to be all TV

appropriate

you remember when there was the

water bottle in his

pants and there was a little girl

and you know there was like some implication like

people thought that he had a hard on because a little

girl was there I forget how he set it up but I was like

wow yeah if you listed

everything that he was guilty of in the

7 seasons of that show he’s done some pretty horrible

things you know

like he does

the worst thing in

every situation you know like

I forget what he did to some

Holocaust survivors but it was I’m sure it was awful oh

shows like that are so important

show you that there’s like another

level out there

know like I think that’s important for

stand up still

don’t you think like it’s good sometimes to

watch somebody else

you know somebody really good you know

watch like a Bill Cosby in his

prime or something like that just to

really get inspired

or get you know just really kick it up to another

another gear

yeah it’s always good to

I think that’s a huge part of

I hate to give advice to people

starting out but one of the

things I say to them if they insist on having some is

watch as much

stand up comedy as you can

and unfortunately we get kind of

tired of watching it as

after we’ve done it for years and years

but it’s still important to kind of

check into it

every once in a

while because it just

ups your game and you know what everybody else is doing

yeah it inspires

you know it does something to you makes you

excited about performing

and I’m most

excited about writing

after I see like you know I’ll see Chappelle perform

I go fuck I just wanna go

right you know it just makes me want to create new shit

you know well that’s the other

great thing

about being a

stand up is when you have that impulse you

could just come up with one

great joke and be satisfied

like I hate it when I see a

great movie

and I’m driving home like I’m

gonna write a goddamn screenplay

and that’s just too big of a task to really

commit to in that moment of excitement

but writing a joke

you know you’re

excited about writing jokes and you

write a good one it’s like okay

I did that it’s like

10 20 minutes work

and then you’re in

and sometimes they come in full form

they’ll just

come to you out of the air it’s like a little gift

it’s amazing you were talking

about that with Dane Cook

about when you

say something

when the crowd is so great

the next sentence

after the joke

is probably

gonna get a

laugh anyway

but when it gets a

huge laugh then you

suddenly got a new end of the joke yeah out

of nowhere I

write out of the ether

yeah that’s

how most of my I you know I do most of my writing

on stage just in the sense that

you know sometimes I have a joke that’s worked out

you know perfectly beginning

middle and end but for the most part it’s more

like this is sort of something I want to try to address

and then just see

where it goes and

have a good joke

ready to go

right after it if it ends up yeah

not ending up getting anywhere

yeah I agree with you I do I do both

how high do you get before you go on stage

well now people

think I’m high whether I’m high or I’m not

like they just accuse me of it regardless so

you know it

I can be as high as I want to be

which is just you know it just all comes down

to timing you know if you have to race from the airport

you have to race from the airport to the gig you

might not be very high

but if you’re

if you’re chilling that day

you know and you got

a show at 8 o’clock and not much to do in the afternoon

other than you know

work on your computer and interviews and

stuff like that

like I get really high for interviews now like

phoners yeah me too

I love that I love that too just being

super big cause then

when they do

throw to you you will talk

until they stop you

and sometimes

they don’t jump in so you can really get a lot of

stuff in I know

I find myself

almost like feeling bad

for what I’m subjecting to interview or to sometimes

cause it’ll

start on some

like really innocent question and I’ll just

start going on about

what is the

cause of humanity what are we here for like there’s

totally nothing to do with anything we’re talking about

but in my mind what I’m

thinking about is

the whole vision of the

world and where it’s headed and

it might have been a really simple question

yeah and they needed to wrap it up so they

could play some more kesha

yeah and I’m just

super banked going on

about the universe it’s like it’s all coming to me in

these big waves

I just need to get it out

you know it is fun to get high and then

write you know or sometimes have you ever done this

have you ever gotten high and then went oh crap now I’m

starting to have ideas and I’m not in the mood to

like I’m not

ready to write down ideas

right now I want to just get high and watch TV

but now I’ve got it

now I’ve actually got to go to work for

a little bit because the ideas are too good to ignore

I got way too high the

other day and went on

stage and went

to the I was at the John lovett’s Comedy Club

so you think this dude I think

I was on a plane with Lovitz the

other day yeah

I got in his eyeline a couple times to

see if he knew who I was and he had no idea that’s bad

but if he was like holy shit you’re Doug Benson

would that give you

am I well no I

wouldn’t want

well I did grow

up on love it’s I mean

he has been in a lot of

great things and

I’ve always thought he was a

funny guy but

he was so sad sack acting that it

would be hard to be

excited about he’s a nice guy

he’s a really nice guy but he was just kind of like

traveling by himself you know how that is just like

humping through the airport like you

know just want

to get it over with just don’t want too many people to

you know I’m sure like

he must have gone through a period of time

where there’s some

catchphrases

that people yell at him or they’d say you’re a liar

all the time

and that’s the

ticket that’s the ticket

guy yeah yeah

he must have used to got that a lot

but now I’m sure he

doesn’t get it so much but

why don’t you use

technology to help with your ideas though

cause I know that you

instead of writing it down just like talk make a

movie do audio because that’s

right there in your pocket well I’m

starting to get there

like I finally got the most recent iPhone oh you did

I made the first

video that I ever

uploaded on the Internet

where I just filmed

myself doing something and then sent it out there

and I’m definitely

gonna do more of that

you should it’s

smart way to

go fast it’s

super fast super

smart and fast and it’s you know

people love content they want you to keep doing

stuff but were you saying

about being at the Love Its Club

comedy club oh I got way too baked

this guy gave me a cookie in between the stage Joey

there were like

these little

what are those little

long banana shaped

things called

you know I’m talking about

Scotty Scotty

not really banana but that’s the closest thing that’s

what it is I

could see the banana how do you describe that shape

heart shape cookie

hard coffee hard

cookie canoe

coffee cookie

that’s the best what a cookie can do cookie canoe

this guy I didn’t even eat 1/4 of one man I didn’t eat

he goes they’re really

strong okay just I took a bite one bite

45 minutes later I was on stage and I was aboard an

alien spacecraft while I was talking to these people

I mean I was barely there

barely there enough to communicate I was so high

there’s no way I should have been talking in public

that’s a surreal

space when you’re on

stage there too because of the way they have

those balconies

3 floors like

and the balconies are rather close to you but just

up high very shallow but really high and

it’s kind of exciting but also

it’s different than what we’re used to

yeah it’s cool I mean it was a fun club you know what’s

weird about that club is how the bars open and so

halfway through the show you’re just hearing clinking

and clunking and people that happens in a lot of

places I know I

think put a curtain

right up they

could but you know what it ain’t that bad

like San Francisco

punchline doesn’t have a career

and that works out okay yeah

that’s far somehow it adds to the ambiance though

all that noise

as long as people aren’t douchey

it doesn’t matter but you are

right it does give an opportunity for

things to get annoying

anytime you have 1bar

where people can

stand and order a

drink you’re fucked or

divert attention

to from the

crowd or get

through it quick

quietly cause people

yeah people

start hitting

on people and talking the last show I did like

where it was a

standing room show

me and Joey

did the show in Memphis and was like this last

minute booking and it was

a rock club

and so we’re like oh yeah they have bands there

fuck it well you know I’m sure it’ll be set up fine

and the guys like he wants to do

standing room

I usually don’t I said okay

fine fuck it the

whole half the room was standing

half the room was seated and was really strange

it was like you’re

standing on

a stage and to your right

everyone seated

and to your left is 1bar

so literally like

everything to your left is like

there’s like 200 people just standing

and talking yeah of course it’s like you’re doing

stand up in 1bar and

they’re barely paying

attention yeah they’re acting like a band is on stage

I used to do that at the

House of Blues too but now

after we went to see Stanhope

and we had a stand

and it was horrible it was like

after an hour like your fucking back hurts your neck

starts to kink up

and so I said I’m not

going to subject anybody this anymore yeah

it is I feel bad for people when they’re

standing during the show

do you ever say no

that you won’t do

those shows and just I haven’t

I haven’t really gotten to that position where like

you know if that’s an option and that’s

gonna get more

bodies in the

venue you know

gets less bodies in the

venue you lose money

but it’s to me it’s better

oh to let him sit you mean

to let him sit yeah yeah yeah that’s the

thing is so I’m not as big a

I’m not such a draw that they’re

like coming to me begging me to let everybody stand

right you know I’ve been on comedians

of comedy tours with with Pat and Oswalt where

everybody’s

standing and it’s a

it’s amazing how much they’ll put up with like

David Cross the

standing shows all the time

and his shows go on forever and his bands come out and

that crowd is okay with it but I don’t

think my crowd I

think stoners

would rather sit down

I mean I think

they’re fine and okay with it I

mean if there was

only an opportunity to go see a

great comic you

know even if I wasn’t even doing

stand up it was

Chappelle or something like that I

would stand I’d

stand for 2

hours I mean how

often does this guy come to town

once a year

shit I can stand for 2

hours for once a year but it’s not the best feeling

the best way is to

sit down and chill

you sit down and

chill then you

could really

enjoy the jokes when you’re sitting down relaxing

everything’s more fun

what’s the worst is when they have couches in a comedy

club yeah like oh here’s the VIP seats and it’s like a

couch in the back where they

not only can get loud but they also

you know just

their lounging around it’s not the right

it’s not the

right posture to

watch comedy

unless you’re like I like

stoned or something yeah you were totally

right I like it when

the seats are

fixed fixed seats into

the so they can’t even move them like at the

Commie Works in Denver

I was just gonna say that

that place is

crazy they got

those little tiny trays that are

smaller than a square

desk or an airline tray and

they just put

their nachos and

their drinks on it and

the people are in there so tight

and it’s underground it’s really

that place is almost perfect the only

thing I’d say

that I don’t like

about it is just the

you know it gets a little rowdy sometimes it gets rowdy

the crowd noise is like

it’s a win when they’re

cheering for you and applauding

cause it’s so loud

but then when they’re talking

amongst themselves when they’re like you know losing

focus that’s really loud too

Denver is pretty

they get wild man yeah

Colorado people get wild yeah it’s

a lot of wild cowboy

in Colorado

and I think

the alcohol and the weed both

hit you harder because of the altitude

fuck yeah it does you’re a mile up in the air man

you ever tried working out up there

yeah I’ve tried

tried doing a lot of

things there that I you know regret

it I went to amusement park there one day oh my God and

yeah and it’s just like it was fun but

you know much more exhausting than

going to amusement park should be

yeah I can only imagine

yeah walking up hills is

tough up there I went hiking once

and it was like a full on workout like I was breathing

heavy and sweating it’s like

this is crazy

this is not

where you want the mountain line to catch you

I’ll heave in and out of breath and shit

can’t even make it up the hill

that’s the way Joe Rogan

thinks that there

might be a mountain lion well my dog got

eaten by a mountain lion oh God

when I lived in

Colorado my dog got

eaten by a mountain

lion oh crap

yeah we saw the mountain lion

I’ve hid weed in Colorado

you’ve hidden it yeah at a comedy club

and I’ve been

waiting for the day to go back to this comedy club to

see if it’s

still there

wow kind of like

me and Ari were talking

about the other day we

started hiding weed at

comedy club instead of

throwing it away and

stuff does weed ever go bad that’s

smart no it

doesn’t I mean it loses its potency

a little bit but you’re talking

about 6 months to a year it’s fine it’s

gonna be dry and it’s

gonna hit you harder you’re

gonna get stoned

really yeah

Joey likes drying his weed out he takes his weeds out

like a radiator me too

try that shit out cocksucker

I used to keep it in the freezer

really yeah I used to

it gets moisture

in it that way I like it dry I like it to burn

and make it look good

supposedly you put anything in a

freezer it lasts longer be

it like batteries

yeah I’m asking

you that but meanwhile I put my coffee in the

freezer I don’t know why I do that yeah exactly

there’s a weird parents did it

right I just

really did it

because people

suggested it or somebody said it somewhere

and then after a

while I was like why am I doing this

I’m getting

through this weed fast enough that I don’t need to

I freeze it for another generation

this edible

thing taught me a lesson

man I will not eat anybody else’s

shit and then go on

stage it was a dude that I had known

and I he’s one of

those professionals nobody can ever know though

yeah but you buy a nice

story buying

it from somebody you don’t know oh no totally

no you’re totally true

everybody to me is always like just eat

half of this and

every time I take them up on it it’s either much

stronger than that implied or weaker than that implied

like people are

never really that

that’s what I like

about smoking is

the people behind the

counter and the dispensary

can give you a little bit more specific guidance

than you can’t with

edibles it’s always just like yeah

dude so you won’t in

about an hour some of

these assholes put too much in

they need to get Amazon rates you

bet you’re right

you know they need Amazon reviews

every time you take a

you know purple

erect from this store

this is what happened this is how much it took well you

know you know and there was a job in

Colorado one of the

local newspapers to be

a marijuana critic

right and I got the job I signed up for it

and they were

like are you serious I’m like fuck yeah I want to

write it was

right before we had to move

but when I was there

I was gonna go to different weed

stores and and

grade them like

somebody else

is doing that now they

should like I think

they gave that job to somebody yeah I remember reading

about it somewhere that

that yeah that’s something they wanted to do

you know I read it on some like

Celeb Stone

or something some website

was was talking about it

I thought of

earlier when you mentioned Doug Stanhope

it was funny a couple days ago

I worked at a club and the guy

wrote me a check and I went home I didn’t

really look at it and I went home and the next morning

I looked at it and he’d written the

check out to Doug Stanhove

like it was late and he was

tired and Doug plays that club too so it was

funny that he wow

wrote down the wrong name

he’s like degenerate number 2

have you ever

gotten no you’ve

never gotten a

check that says Joe Piscopo on

no Tony dam’s a junior

I sign credit card well that’s just a flat

kit and stuff

like that like anytime I sign

a credit card or any kind of credit card slip I always

write something like

tacos let me ask

you this why such a

are you free to change the way you sign

your shift yes

you can’t say that your tea is not a B

No but it’s not

a person that’s not

what I’m saying like say if you have a signature

right your signature

is supposed to represent how you

write it your own

very unique way of doing it

right is it

can you just decide

I don’t like it that way now I’m

gonna do this with a star in the middle of it and well

you’re just helping them out because then you could get

every letter of

the alphabet so they know exactly what your handwriting

style looks like

you know it’s your

signature you

still writing the same word every time

what I’m saying is

could you just

totally change it up yeah that’s what I do

every time I change my

sign a credit card

I do Brad Pitt or I hate tacos so what’s the point if

you’re totally

changing it

up and if that’s cool if you’re allowed to do that

what’s the point in having a signature then

because you

have to say did you sign this is it’s your signature

go yes I did sign that

that’s it but you know

then they say

what about the one where it’s

where you’re signing that

screen thingy isn’t that kind of at

least capturing the image and

checking to see if it matches how you know no no

no no it’s just writing

it just printing it on

it so you could just on

those things you could just

yeah you could

type stars in anything well when I was a kid I

could imitate Gene Simmons signature

I could imitate

Ace Freelies because I had

copied over

their signatures

I was like a huge Kiss fan

and someone

could do that with you easy

especially in

those little

stupid things at the credit card

where you’re signing your name but it

doesn’t look like how you write your

name it’s not even

close and who cares

you know how I

learned it because

I used to date

type her name in

like cursive

letters and

it took fucking like an

extra minute

and I’m just like

that’s it you’re not doing this anymore this drives me

crazy this is an extra

minute at the cash register

so I go I just

started signing it for her

and I started saying like farts and fuck

face and talk

I usually just do tacos and

stuff off with

interesting obsessions they got the new taco shaped

Brad Pitt flashlight if you’d like to try it yep

that reminded me of

something though oh what

I do is I have a signature that I sign for stuff with

and then when people ask me to sign

stuff I just

print my name

oh but I always

try to say something nice to them so it’s at

least personalized

but they’re not really getting my

signature they’re just getting my name written out hmm

that church

how do you use

paranoid about this

whole identity

theft so you won’t sign

things because of that yeah

wow that’s weird

I mean why let someone

like a Gene Simmons

wouldn’t want somebody to be able to do a

great job with his

signature I

would imagine

yeah well you know you should

definitely be paranoid

about identity

theft when it comes to credit cards but I don’t really

think you should worry

about your signature it’s too easy to duplicate just

carry around a stamp

I mean you’d have to I don’t

think I mean

who has the kind of

technology is it

also you can’t read my

signature and I

think when you signing

something for somebody when they show it to people

right you know if it has your name on it that’s one

thing but if you’re just signing

anything then

when somebody looks at it I

think it’s nice to go oh

Doug Benson

wrote that my signature you can’t read I don’t think

that it is handwriting I don’t

think it’s that

they’re that good at that at recognizing

you know shit I don’t think

I think you

could imitate it

you could figure out how to

write so many signature

and you could probably pull it off

close enough

yeah you just

have to find it somewhere so you just have

to watch their

motion if you

watch them if you film them do it

you saw like how they do it

he could just imitate it well that’s

where my paranoia sets in is when

I’m at the ATM

the beeping

noises that the

numbers make that takes the privacy out of the number

someone was just

watching the site and recording it right

they could figure out the numbers easy and then like

you know Jack you up

around the corner and then use your card and take out

whatever the maximum is

what did you see the new

thing there’s a new app for

Chase Bank that you

could actually scan a check

front and back and

with your iPhone and send it and it deposits the

check and then you just rip up the check

wow that’s too

that’s too easy

what about the

using your iPhone to

check in on a

plane like the barcode

ticket can be on your

iPhone and I just run that yeah my fear is you know

your iphone’s dead then you don’t have a

ticket yeah

and your iPhones die man

especially if you fuck around

the new one dies so fast

you know you make a

video and it’s your powers half gone yeah

yeah you got to think

about that if you’re

using the camera for sure

but it came it’s such a

great thing to have a good camera the

other day we were in San Francisco we

ate some Chinese food

after the show

it was like

2 o’clock in

the morning we’re outside and this I saw it I

watched the

whole truck you

tweeted it I watched it

and I was like he must be so high

cause you kept saying is the craziest shit you ever saw

and I know you’re at UOC

fights every

other week so

I know you’ve seen some crazier shit than a bunch of

strippers in the back of a

some sort of

weird plastic

car I probably have seen some crazier shit

definitely but it was

crazy and I was so high yeah yeah I

was like it’s just

like you can’t believe it and now to be able to just

share it with everybody

you were like double rainbow but

with the fucking

van full of strippers

you were so excited

about it it was so

ridiculous to me it was such a sign of the time

to me it was like a

scene in a movie

right before the meteor hit

right before the

aliens landed

and somebody audio tune

that joe’s video

audio tune joe’s

video there’s this big oh yes

there’s this big

clear box that pulls up

and there’s girls dancing it’s a fish tank of skanks

and they’re dancing

I mean it was the most

ridiculous thing

I’ve ever seen in my life it’s for the Hustler Club

we had a rewind the

video to find out but the cop

pulled them

over because they

should be sitting

while it’s in motion

you can’t be dancing

while we’re driving

but they just

did like a quick

they didn’t really like

because that was what

I was waiting for is like them having to get out and

get cuffed we

thought that

might have happened we thought they

might be going to jail like

maybe it’s illegal to do that because it seems so

ridiculous but

apparently it’s not

one of the things that was

funny is when we’re filming the girl and I didn’t film

their faces I wouldn’t

I did specifically

did it say it

was already in

a plastic car I know

if I’m gonna

put it online you don’t need to see your face online

you’re only

stripping for a week

that shit’s on the Internet forever so I didn’t

use their face

but anyway while I’m filming it

the girl goes no filming

like we’re in the club like

bitch you’re in

front of a Chinese restaurant

okay you’re not at the club

if we’re at

the club and I’m filming you yeah that’s a dick move

but you just can’t come out into the real

world in your underwear

and I can’t take a

picture of that

that’s crazy

well that’s like the

the sexy top and the you know keep your eyes up here

mister it’s like well come on

Jesus Christ I know you know what you’re doing

right you know how

the game works yeah they only want you to look if they

want you to look but you know it’s there for everybody

my eyes are here

god damn it yeah let’s do this here I

wonder if you’re

a pope mobile for

strippers and

you don’t want us to look at you it’s awesome though

it was awesome it was just like such a such of

just 1/1 of all just a perfect representation of

how nutty San Francisco is I wonder

if that just

goes such a nutty day but it’s

just that yeah that like probably no one will complain

about that no one no

and I’m sure some kids saw it

oh a lot it’s just so

liberal there so open minded it’s a

weird town man

I wonder if that law with

sitting down

while you turning the corner

if it came from the back in the old days

where it was like a pickup

truck and girls

would just fly off the side

well no I think you have

to have your seatbelt on

I think if you’re in a car you have to wear a seatbelt

right I mean that’s a

lot if you get pulled over for something else I

think I don’t know

they can just

pull you over

no they can

pull you up for

seatbelt oh

I had no idea I thought it was an add on charge no

that’s illegal

I was in a cab in San Francisco and the crusty

older lady cab driver told me

she goes If you ever want to

drive around without a seat belt on because

she goes I don’t

like how seat belts feel I don’t like to have it on

especially if you got big

boobs it must be an

annoying thing

so she fastens it behind her back

so that it is

so that because because

the what the cops look for is the glint of the buckle

because you

haven’t got

it pulled down you have you don’t have the buckle

so they see that and then they

put they can pull you over for that and then get you up

for other shit pull you over

dude yeah they got

you over for that and then they go

we thought you had your seatbelt off and then they can

you know oh we

smell marijuana or whatever if you get

pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt you’re a douche

any cop just pulls you home just

gonna pull this person over for

I like wearing it to be honest with you

I’ve been pulled over for that I’ve had

a guy tell me to do it really

and he said he said you

would drive away