Podcast

Description

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

Transcript

there we go now it’s now we’re on ladies and gentlemen

we’re sort of on time

we try to get it

right every week but

every week we fuck something

up and this week i made sure that i turned off the

sound on my computer the one over there

i haven’t even turned off the

sound on this one yet

i did it for you

i did yours you got

mine do mine he didn’t do yours you passed the

torch so it

could have easily been me that just fucked up which

that’s the reason why i fucked up it’s because

cause i’m here

cause i always fuck it up i fuck it up

every week we’ve done this goddamn

thing like 22 weeks in a row

i fuck it up

every single time

but this week it was

brian you know

i’ve been thinking

about this podcast a lot ladies and gentlemen

and one of the things i’ve been thinking about is i

appreciate the fuck out of everybody listening

and i we do try

our best to make this as interesting as possible and as

smooth and professional as possible

but i gotta

admit that i’ve been too stressed out

about this i’ve been taking it too seriously i mean

taking it seriously in a good way

whereas we improve the

sound we got a real mixer we got a

i mean we’re sitting on couches and shit and

we’re gonna get better cameras but

that like it’s not

like there’s a part of it that’s really fun

but there’s a part of it that wasn’t fun and i don’t

think that should

exist i don’t

think i should ever get too serious

about this this is

for people who are

working who are just being distracted

that just want something because they’re doing mindless

shit this is for people that are driving in their cars

and you know want

something to listen to this is for people on the train

this is for people at

the gym whatever the fuck it’s for you guys alright and

if we take it too seriously you stop being yourself

and it starts being like this

professional

thing that you’re trying real hard to do

and i think i’ve fallen prey to that a little bit i was

thinking about it today

after i took a little bit of the

head of the weed

and i was thinking

about it and i was like you know what man this

thing like i’m like i paid too much attention to it

it should just be

a weekly fun thing

like it or not

you know for anybody who’s

like minded or anybody who’s interested in some sort

of a distraction from someone who’s not like minded

one knowing you joe you do that a lot on a lot of

things everything

obsess on a lot of fucking

freak i got problems pool

yeah listen this is my number one my

number one problem in life was like i try very hard to

advance as a

human being i try to evolve

i try to fix whatever issues that i have with myself

whatever errors that i’ve made in my life i try to

never make them more than once

i try to constantly be moving

but if i have an ongoing theme with problems in my life

the number one

thing is with obsessions

i get obsessed with shit

to the point where

like especially games

but it doesn’t have to be games it

could be we talked

about this could be beating off it

could be it

could be fucking anything i just get

my head gets

super focused on things

and it’s good in some ways because it

allows you to put a lot of energy into

things and work really hard at things

and that can

allow you to become

successful i mean that’s the reason why i got

successful with martial arts

with comedy with anything

because i became obsessed with it

but it’s good

if you’re like a mindless person it’s good to

force you to

doing something you’re not even sure why you’re doing

it you’re just doing it and you’re getting good at it

you know you’re

getting this reward but you’re not really contemplating

whether or not you’re putting too much energy and

effort into one certain

thing you know you know i’m talking

about it becomes like

it doesn’t become like a conscious

thing it becomes like

this is a positive

thing i’m doing this

i’m moving in this direction it becomes an obsession

and it becomes you just

i just have this need like with

video games i had it

i had a really bad with quake

really bad i

would play eight 10

hours a day

and i would be talking to someone

and if they said a fucking single

thing that was

boring i’d be like why am i even talking to you when i

could be playing quake

that’s what i

would be thinking like

you know i’d be like hanging out with my chick i’d

be having a conversation

about something

and i would be like nodding my head

mm hmm and i’m

thinking how

much more time do i have to talk to her before i could

sneak away and go play

quake when the

first times i met you online we used to play

quake and there was one time in particular

i don’t know if we’ve talked about this

where we played

i think you killed me a hundred and

twenty times in a row

i hadn’t killed you once

and you kept on

going and i was like i i

wanna stop now

and you’re like no when let’s play come on

it was by the way i’m obsessing

about the flashlight we

should say this at the beginning oh yeah that’s

right we’re

yeah we have to

we have to thank our sponsor

we have a sponsor as we’re sponsored by the flashlight

flashlight com and if you go to joe rogan’s website and

click on his banner on the right side you get 15

off this is how we say it

if you beat off

and i know you do okay this is a product that

makes beating off way better it’s really that simple

you know there’s a lot of emotional

and psychological shit attached to buying a fake

pussy that you’re actually

gonna stick your dick in

it’s like not a very manly

thing what you

think about

money that you

spend on and you tell everybody

about like a new loofah

sponge dude i got this fucking sponge on

stick it’s the shit

fucking get in there get all

you know i mean

people like get all like you could talk

about pleasurable

things as long as it

doesn’t evolve your dick that

changes your life too like i

tried to masturbate

with my hands i was too lazy to bend over and get or

reach and get the

flashlight that was on the

thing behind me

and i tried to masturbate

with my hand like halfway through i was like this is

stupid i need to go get my

flashlight it’s

not nearly as good yeah

it’s because

first of all you can’t

enjoy it fully

because no matter

how much it feels good to be rubbing on your dick

that’s only half of your

brain the other half of your

brain is going oh my god i have a dick in my hand

there’s a certain amount of your

brain that like

knows like you are jerking off a dick even if

it’s your own dick even it feels good there’s still a

there’s some

torment there you know

yeah there’s

some conflict

i got to show you something

something happened to me the

other day when i was

using and i need to warn anybody that has a

flashlight not to do this

this is not your used

one right no

that’s the butthole all

right so like when you pull

when you pull it out that’s like

you just like pulled a fish

out of a bucket

it’s crazy so anyways when you go to clean it

the end of it

when you don’t have this little

metal thing

or the plastic

thing in here

hold up to the

camera there’s like a hole that you attach to your

faucet now i’ve been

attaching it to my faucet

the water goes through it and blows out the fuck hole

but i’ve been

holding it like a

hose at the end of it

so it fills up with

water and shoots the come out real fast kind of like

you do the host

well the problem is i was so

stoned when i did it and i held it

and i was facing myself and it splattered

all over my face

no i swear to god

now i don’t know

i don’t know

if the come had already popped out because you know i

didn’t do it

right of course it didn’t

you shot your own load

your mug so

watch out flashlight owners if you

clean it that way you

don’t aim for the face how do you

stuff it back in and you just

force it back in

there i don’t even know if i’m doing it right

cause i don’t read the directions to anything but i

think you just i don’t read the

directions to shit isn’t it

weird when was the last

time you read directions to anything honestly i have

don’t remember the last time i read it

has to be something for my kids it has to be something

where it’s not involving me

and there’s like danger and i have to make sure

everything’s set up okay

i put together a crib recently and

i looked at all

the directions it was kind of complicated it was really

tricky it took like an hour

you know maybe because i’m a

moron but it did take an hour you know

back when i was doing

construction back in the day i probably could have

got it done

about 50 minutes

about 55 right

but yeah i don’t look

at directions at shit

yeah it’s kinda

like a challenge it’s like a

rubik’s cube to me like i need to figure

everything out myself well also one of the

things that i love i mean

i hate to be

a guy who’s a windows or a mac guy you know

cause i think it’s a

stupid argument but

if you don’t have a fucking computer at all if you’ve

never had a computer

and you’re a reasonably intelligent person you can

navigate your way around a mac

you know i’m saying yeah

totally like someone goes like this see this this is

where the mouse is this

track thing

and if you go down here

see that’s called a finder and when you

click on that see

everything opens and there’s all

right there

whatever you want what do you need you need a

movie do you need your email

what do you need it’s all

right there

i don’t like

things that are too complicated that

are overly pain the ass complicated like this fucking

mp3 player that

thing’s a little complicated that’s

crazy complicated

there’s shit that we buy like this

ms mixer what the fuck is all

going on in there i’m so glad that i have a

brain though that

wants to figure

things out so to me

it’s like a challenge

so luckily i hope that

never stops though because i don’t want to be like

you know one of

those people that just

after a certain

age they give

up on the computers or they give up on the cell

phones or the vcrs

out of all the people

that i have ever met you are the number one best at

figuring out like computer type shit

and figuring out like software

shit and like

you got a weird mind for it dude

like someone can give you a cell

phone like a new cell

phone you like oh do you even know

that you can do this you can get ringtone sent to your

house and then

you can call somebody with this and it’s like

you can eat it immediately as soon

as you get up in the morning it’ll go to an internet

connection and it’ll show you what your

email is for the day like just

press this button right here

and people are like what the fuck are you talking

about i don’t even know it did that

you find weird shit on

phones that

weird things

that they can do

there’s a certain

part of your

brain man that

it just goes

right to weird

fuckin like

secret shit

the problem with that though is

everything so fucking complicated

that when something goes

wrong at my

household it’s like

fucking nuclear war i mean

it’s like okay

the movie stopped

streaming i

gotta go to the

computer in the living room that’s broadcasting into my

sling box that’s now

going over my wi fi connection

it’s like that

it’s not just like oh you know just hit the

power button on and

off and blow into it you know yeah when i was at your

place the other day just being in your office is like

dude what are you doing are you controlling

some fucking you know some hidden camera somewhere you

am operating an empire

it’s like there’s so much

electronic shit

in your office if you were like

like it’s like a

scene in the matrix

you know you go into the dude’s

dusty basement and he’s got

these fucking computers rigged up

except you’ve got like all sorts of them all

kinds of nutty shit

you’re the only one that i know that’s even thought

about getting a fucking 3d tv you have a 3d tv man

in my bedroom

that’s a weird

thing you know what’s

crazy though is that

this person i know

unfortunately

their house burned down

their alarm

clock caught on fire

and shorted out i’ve

heard of that happening more than once

right and what scares the fuck out of me that an

alarm clock did that

but then you go into my office and there was more wires

and fucking shit

everywhere and dust balls and

freaking me out you know it’s

crazy yeah it is electricity

just as itself is fucking crazy

i mean we don’t

think about it because we have it

but if electricity didn’t

exist and someone all of a

sudden came

along with an infinite source of energy

not infinite but like infinitely

powerful like it can fucking

power fucking cities

okay and you

it’s running through your

house all the time

and you just

stick something

and it’s got a little tiny

piece of plastic

that’s protecting you

from sure death

and there’s these two

metal prongs

and you’re gonna insert them into the fucking source

and this source is

plugged into a grid

that powers the

whole goddamn fucking city

it’s that powerful

and it’s all running through there

and you just

you just plug

into it and you’re constantly attached to it

you leave the

lights on all

night you fucking don’t even

think about it

you go to sleep with the tv on

and there’s just just fucking mad

about of energy surging through your house

you remember

electrosets

is that what they’re called

where they were like

i don’t know when you were a kid you

could like build like

robots you know they had like batteries and

stuff like that

it was like

lincoln logs but with like i kind of remember this i

think that’s what it was called

but there was a

i had a wire when i

think i was like four years old

i had a wire

and i had this bright idea to take the wire

what my idea

was i wanted to take electricity from the top outlet

and move it to the bottom outlet

so i put a wire in the top outlet

and a water in the bottom outlet

and it blew up like

sparks and i flew across the room

and i’m like that is amazing

that that shit

can happen so easily like dude

that shit is so

scary yeah you

have kids do you have all that shit on all your outlets

yeah yeah the little clips to go the outlets yeah

most of them

erect you know

she comes into my office when i’m not here she

could start pulling on shit

it’s scary you know

when you have little kids too it’s like they don’t know

like you can’t just tell them something to go hey

stupid why don’t you listen

like they don’t know that they have to listen

they don’t understand that there’s

consequences you know when you have a two year old

you have to like there’s

you can never be

upset at them

to always have

to just be correcting them and then giving them like

affection and positive energy

like when they do something

wrong you gotta say no you shouldn’t do that

should always be nice you

could be nice

if you’re nice then everybody’s

happy but if you’re not nice and people get sad

right so why

should we be nice

cause you know

what make everybody sad yes and you give them a hug

it’s like you develop a

human being

you can’t be

upset at them

but if they’re fucking adults

you know you like hey

stupid don’t

stick your fucking fork in the

thing you’ll die

are you sure

go ahead dickhead you want to

stick your fork in there go ahead

you know but

with babies man

you have like a little

you that you love as much if not more than yourself

and they don’t know anything

so you have

to make sure they don’t run down a flight of

stairs they

fall all the time you have to be real careful

but they have enough

energy to talk to you but they don’t

understand yet

but then why are some

babies completely like

did you see that

video of a baby smoking two packs of

cigarettes a

two year old baby

so many people

were trying to tell me that that was fake it

was so disturbing

that i put it up on twitter

and i got hundreds

of fucking people on facebook people did it

on the message

board people did it a

bunch of people were

saying that it’s fake how is it fake it’s not fake cgi

like it was not

really sucking on a carrot but dudes were

angry one guy was like you know on twitter was like

don’t fucking post up that dumb fake shit don’t support

trolls my dude that’s a baby

smoking cigarettes this shit is real

right this really is a fucking two year old it’s

funny because

on my website i had used to collect baby

videos and photos and

videos of baby smoking

cigarettes because it’s just so ridiculous

and now it’s like that’s like

common it’s really common overseas

babies love

cigarettes overseas

how crazy is that

that you can take

a little tiny little baby that you love

and you’re teaching it the

world and you let it

smoke a cigarette

and they’re so good at it too like

i was watching that

video and i’m like man that baby was better at smoking

cigarettes than i was

i mean he was just like

flipping around he was acting cool with the baby

smokes two packs a day every day

they say the baby

doesn’t have any energy to play with his friends

and if you don’t give the baby

cigarettes he goes fucking

crazy he goes

crazy and starts

screaming that’s

crazy that’s the problem with

human beings man is that there’s a

broad spectrum of us and the

broad spectrum is necessary

in order to have this sort of a complex society

until we invent

robots that are

going to do shitty jobs

we’re going to need

monkeys we’re

gonna need dumb fucking people

we’re gonna need idiots

you know that’s a terrible way to look at the

world and it

doesn’t necessarily mean that anybody born into the

idiot family has to be an idiot

it doesn’t necessarily mean that the

idiots can’t like snap out of it if somehow they

do mushrooms or take a yoga

class or try to look at

their life in a different way but

for many people the reason why they’re

idiots is not necessarily that

their brain

doesn’t work

that well so they got in a terrible pattern

like really

early in life

and they have become

a dumb fuck

and they’re

stuck and there they live with a

bunch of other dumb fucks

so they get all this negative

energy all the time

they’re constantly

dealing with conflicts at home that are meaningless but

distract them from

getting good at anything

in life or from getting your own personal shit together

because all your energy is being

diverted towards conflicts

that’s why it’s

so important to not have negative people in your life

because if you’re trying to evolve and i think

i know you are and i am

and all of our friends are

everyone’s trying

to improve as a person it’s very difficult to fucking

figure out how to be a person

it’s very difficult to figure

out how to manage your energy and know when you’re

wrong and know when

you’re being

upset for no reason it’s a

tricky thing and

one of the most important things

about it is you need to pay attention

you need to have time

to think about

your own interactions with

other people to

think about

the way you behave to think

about the way you

think to think about

the direction that you’re moving in the world

it takes a long time

it takes a lot of energy

and if your energy is being

spent constantly dealing with bullshit

constantly dealing with fucking

stupid fights

that are over nothing with your

girlfriend or with a

buddy who’s a shithead

and always apologizes but then is a shithead

again you know if you ever

have a friend like that that does like shitty things

you know like

like fucks this guy’s ex

girlfriend or something

and does it in like a some sort of a creepy way and

doesn’t tell him or

you know fucking

steal some of your shit and

doesn’t bring it back or

you lend him

money doesn’t pay back you know just do she

shit that’s sort of piles on

like as soon as

something like that happens in a relationship

with a friend like

you automatically

start paying too much attention to it

it automatically becomes like okay now

this isn’t an enhancing relationship anymore this isn’t

i hang around with you and we have a

great time you say

funny shit i

laugh i think

about things differently because i

think about them from your

point of view you

think about

things from my

point of view because we’re totally different

human beings it’s an enhancing experience

but when you have shitheads in your life

and people that aren’t

thinking about

evolving and people that aren’t

they haven’t subscribed to

the right energy they

haven’t subscribed to the

right direction in

their life so

they’re not

they don’t have

their shit together

so you’re constantly

like dealing with conflict when you’re around them

when you do that and you put yourself in

those sort of situations

you will fuck yourself

that is an energy vampire

and there’s so many people

that get locked into relationships and friendships

and work situations

how many people

just fucking hate the people they work with

because you’re with the people

you work with even more than you’re with your spouse

know most people you get home at

night it’s six o’clock

how long are you gonna be

awake you’re

gonna be awake for another four

hours you’re

gonna go to

sleep at 10

00 probably

you’re gonna

crash you’re

gonna be at work in the morning you know

you’re fucking tired

so if you think

about it how much time you’re

spending with your spouse

you’re spousing

your kids you know between commuting and all that shit

it’s like you’re dealing with like three

hours a night

but you’re working you’re dealing with people eight

hours a day working

for the weekends you know that song was real man

that song is real

so is working nine to five yeah

i watched that

movie the other day

there’s two

songs about working that’s great

dolly parton

always seemed to me to be this kind of sexy chick

but that if you fucked her you

wouldn’t be

happy with it yeah

you know what i mean

you know i’m talking

about like even back then

when she was

undeniably hot you know in the nine to five

days with her big titties and her blonde hair in that

texas accent

dudes loved dolly parton

that’s one of the reasons why she was in all these

movies she was so

attractive you know

her whole persona

but it just seems to me that she’s one of

those chicks

you fuck her and

then the mystery is gone and you find out what’s really

going on behind the

scenes and you get all sad

couple days

later you walk in your bedroom it’s real

humidity and perfume

old perfume

smell like avon was in there and somebody had insisted

i do not like perfume dude

i hate perfume i hate perfume

and makeup i mean

i don’t mind a teeny

bit of makeup on a girl but

when girls are all dulled up to me that just

creeps me out

there’s something

weird about it for sure

especially if they need to do it when you

leave the house

you know it’s like you need to you can’t go out

until you put your face on

that’s a creepy

thing man the

worst is when

their lips are

sticky because of lip

gloss or lipstick and you kiss them and

sticks to the isn’t it a

weird thing

that we just accept the fact that

people put stuff on

their face to change the

color of their face

i mean it’s not a

bizarre fucking

thing i mean we know that

human beings are attracted to certain

things and so

they figured out how to make

someone more attractive

you know like

they figured out how to put makeup around the eyes

to make your center on the eyes you know like smoky

and lush is mysterious

her eyes are smoky

what is that supposed to represent i

never understood the smoky color

like if you’re

gonna get crazy and

pretend that the top of your eyes are blue okay

what is this

i’m down with

that i was at the improv last

night and some

mexican girl came up and she had like blue huge blue

things and was just like what

it’s like almost like you’re trying to be a

superhero or something you know

yeah it is a weird

thing man it’s a weird

thing you know

chris rock had a really funny joke

about that about

women are untruthful just by being there he’s like

that’s he is really

wearing makeup that’s not what your face looks like

why you wearing

those heels you ain’t that tall

i mean really it is

it is so true it’s a strange thing and

the biggest strange one to me is the fake tit

fake tit is the weirdest

thing ever because

it works i know it works with me it makes me excited

but meanwhile what is it it’s a fucking bag of

water it’s in a

chick’s chest

but it’s not even

boobs a real boob

is much sexier because you’re

grabbing a gland

like you feel like the

woman’s like

it’s a sexual organ like

if a girl has

big real tits you know just small

real tits and they’re sensitive

like when you grab them they get

excited like you feel it like

it’s like you’re

grabbing their pussy

and so you’re

grabbing a sexual

affectionate

part of their body

a part that’s very sensitive

but when you grab a bag of

water man that’s just

trippy right

well you know i’ve only

touched like a fake boob like once or

twice you know

luckily i’ve only

dated girls with real boobs

you’ve been very

lucky but the

thing is even if they’re fake it’s

still attractive

you know that’s the nuttiest

thing about

human beings is like we know that the eye makeup

is eye makeup we know you don’t really have

avatar eyes

you know the top of your eyes aren’t fucking blue

right but somehow or another it’s attractive

you know that bright red lipstick

that you have on somehow or another it’s attractive

the fact that i know

those aren’t even really your eyelashes

i don’t care

it’s attractive

what they should

make boobs on

their face and

instead of makeup you know like lipstick just

draw boobs make it look like your

cheeks are boobs

you silly goose

what they’re

trying to look they don’t want to look like a

freak anything it’s like

there’s like there’s a

evolutionary line

between something that

stands out and something that has like

there’s certain

things that

obviously genetically we look for we look for eyes

we look for like the

connection the energy inside someone’s eyes

and that’s why people have

a wonky eye or something like that or a trip to look at

it’s cause you know you’re always gonna

in the back of your head you’re always

gonna think

the part of the conversation is

gonna be this there’s a wonky eye

you know try not to

freak out try not to

ask questions

which one to look at and try not to

switch eyes and look at the left one and the

right one just

focus on one

right and stick with it

there’s there’s something

evolutionary about that

and when you you add shit like a

tit to a face like that’s not cool anymore

now because now you’re you have something that’s in the

wrong place and

being serious you want

everything has

to be i know i’m being serious

i’m saying that everything has to be in the right order

yeah you know you can’t have

three hot eyes

you know if a girl has really sexy smoky eyes

she can’t have one of your fucking forehead i tell you

what though that

scene from what total recall with the third boob

chick that was still hot to me

really yeah i think i’ve masturbated

about that when i was younger wow

you didn’t think that was hot no

no my instincts are like okay

when you see a cat that’s already had

babies you know how they’re in their nipples or hang

after they have the

babies that’s still hotter to me than

not having those nipples you know there’s fake

three tit porn on the internet oh

two dick porn

three tit porn yeah there is i seen

it before there’s fake dick porn too there’s tentacle

porns my favorite i found this one where there’s this

black dude who is always

he always keeps his

pants on that’s how you

know he’s got a fake dick he’s got like some sort of a

strap on thing

and he pulls his dick out of his

pants and it’s

ridiculous it’s

literally like as long as your arm oh yeah yeah it’s

ridiculous and the girls like oh my god they

start sucking on it

but rubber dicks look so good

today it’s hard to tell that it’s rubber dick

you know so he like fucks all

these girls with this

giant dick and

yeah it’s weird because when i used to

first see those videos

i never thought it was fake i just thought that

black guys had

horse sticks and i was like wow that guy has some

crazy horse stick

but then you

start noticing that they’re fucking but they’re always

holding it down by the bass to make it you know so you

know well let me ask you this then

here’s a hypothetical

say you were dating a girl and she

decided she was gonna

start doing girl on girl

porno films

okay you know

you’d be like alright that’s cool it’s just

checks it wouldn’t bother me at all

right but how

would you feel

about a dude fucking her with a fake dick

if there are dudes in the room

that’s what

would bother me

right you know what i mean she’s naked

sucking on his fake

rubber dick yeah even if there’s a guy cameraman that

doesn’t bother me but the guy

what if the guys like her buddy

and like they’re

married to other people and it’s all just for work

you don’t have to

worry about it it’s not like

fucking it was real dick he

wouldn’t do that out of respect for his wife

that’s different to

me big fact

fake black dick

yeah that’s

still different to me i don’t

understand maybe

they grew up together

now they’re like totally like brothers and

sisters man

they’re not even

they don’t even

think about each

other sexually it’s disgusting

okay but you know

they have mouths to feed

okay why are you asking me this

guy with the fake rubber

dick as a family

okay why don’t you think

about him brian

the guy with

the fake rubber dick needs to feed his children okay

why am i spring this up

yeah i don’t know man because

i’m a fascinated by fake tit porn

that you know

there’s only you know there’s a guy max hardcore

do you know that guy max

of course i do

you know that guy’s in jail right yes

he’s the only guy that i can

think of in a recent memory that

has not just been arrested for pornography but tried

for obscenity

and convicted in 2009

you know and he’s in jail

and when i first heard

about it was really disturbing because i

was like whoa okay this guy is just making pornography

like what he’s doing like extra

dirty pornography what is he doing

what the fuck

could he be doing i mean is anybody getting hurt no

so what the fuck are they

doing they’re locking this guy in jail that’s this is

crazy why isn’t everybody up in arms

until i saw one of his

movies exactly

i was gonna say don’t you know

dude i’ve actually talked to porn stars

about him like many porn stars

about him and they all say the

exact same thing

good i fucking

hate that guy that guy needs to rot in hell

every like i mean i’ve

literally talked

about it maybe to 10

porn stars dude i

watched him what he was doing to this

chick he was fucking this girl’s

mouth and pissing in her

mouth and he kept doing it and it was really disturbing

he would like

shove his dick in her

mouth and she

would be like in pain

and gagging

and then he would

start pissing in it

and he would make her talk

while he was pissing in her mouth

i mean i don’t know how he must have just

drank water all day

for this scene

and i don’t know how he’s pissing

with a hard on either but he’s doing it you know

i guess he just like

drank so much that he has to piss and he took

so much viagra that his dick won’t go down

and so he’s fucking this girl’s

mouth and it’s like so

sadistic it was so disturbing to

watch was like that someone

would do this

you know to some other

human being

and like before that he’s like teasing

her and playing around with her and then it like

you know it

escalates as he’s

doing shit to her to this

point where he’s fucking her

mouth and pissing and i’m like whoa

i was listening to the howard

stern show and they said that i don’t know if this is

this is actually a

scene but that guy

sal was saying that there was one where

this guy pried open this

chick’s butthole

max hardcore did

and then he pissed in her butthole

while he pried it open with like a you know

a medical instrument

and then he attached a

straw to her butthole and made

her drink his piss out of her butthole

oh yeah yeah that fucking dude

should probably be in jail what no

that’s good shit

right don’t you

think i mean

that’s not a healthy

human being

yeah that’s

not good it’s not good to have that guy around no

that’s scary man

you know what else is

scary that somebody likes that shit

no doubt that there’s actually a website

there’s so many fucking

weird porn websites i forget

the name of this one website i was shown the other day

where it’s just this big fat guy and he just pays

these porn stars to come over to his

house and just fucking

hit on him and shit on him and make him joy drink pee

and then they give them blow jobs and fuck them though

but i think

it’s like the gimp or something forget what the website

it’s one of the most popular websites ever

it’s just as ugly now really

it’s one of the most popular ever

i mean you know what i mean

we’ll find it

let’s find it because good

going to hit google

fuck this is all

about if my baby’s

listening please text me the name of that website

just um what your

munch is google it i don’t

you don’t you really don’t know some

weird ass name

somebody in the channel know the name of it

it’s like the

the something the gimper

or something the fuck

and he’s a fat guy and it’s a

super popular website

where girls shit all over him

right some dudes are into that and

for whatever reason that does not disturb me i don’t it

doesn’t bother me that guy wants a girl to shit on him

you know it’s like like when

jimmy norton talks about like

girls piss in and

how will tell him

he talks about on opie and anthony how

he’ll tell a girl when she’s

going to the bathroom don’t

clean yourself let me

clean you and

after she pisses

she comes over

and sits on his face and he licks her piss

the minion that’s what it’s called

the minion am i and i

dot com like main onion com oh that’s it huh

yes i am over 18 oh my god what are we getting into it

see it’s oh

jesus christ yeah and it’s just

a man in charge you’re nobody

till you’ve been fucked by him

oh my god and he’s fat and disgusting this guy’s

covered in shit he’s got shit all over his face

while you look at his ass it’s like joey

diaz times 50 pure sexual evil i guess

his giant ass he’s mouth fucking this girl

and by the way it’s sponsored by dogfart com

which i don’t even wanna

click on dog fart alright let’s

sponsored by dogfart com

oh my god open up a new tab son

what are you doing man

dog fart com

dog what enter here for interracial porn

it’s not dog farts

that’s racist

black guys fucking sad girls

there are so

i wonder what the numbers are

for porn stars now that there’s all this internet porn

and girls can like do shit out of

their house

the numbers have

to be much much higher than they were like say in the

haiti of the

eighties that’s what it all is

going towards

i heard from

a big company

that they were saying like how it’s dead dvds are dead

of course they are man

the internet

the internet killed music

right if the internet killed the

music business

not killed it but

completely changed

the whole dynamic of it artists make the most

money now off of

their live performances that’s

where they make the

majority their money

except for itunes they make

money off itunes

but if it did that for

for the fucking

music business man what is it

gonna do for the porn business it’s

gonna crush it

because nobody wants to

admit they’re buying porn

and when you

could just go to you

stream or go to

you porn or

any of those sites and instantly get

something to jerk off to

why would you go to a

store i guess the only

thing that’s popular

right now is like

things like

you know like the cosby show porn you know oh

parodies parodies and

stuff or comedy

stuff you know one of the

dudes is in that and the dude that’s also in the a team

thing is this guy

tyler knight

and i don’t want to say

his real name because i don’t know if he likes being

undercover but he’s

a buddy of mine he

trains at eddie

school really

yeah he does

jiu jitsu at legends

really nice guy like

super friendly and a really good writer he’s

he writes like

like nonfiction like

he writes like some hilarious stories

about the porn business

i forget what is uh

if you just find

tyler night blog i bet you

could find it online but

he’s a really talented writer and he’s kind of really

funny story

about doing an anal

scene with a chick and

and he’s got shit on

his dick and he’s trying to stay hard and it’s really

funny it’s like really

well written and intelligent and really funny but

he’s in both those

he’s in the a team one that comes out he plays ba

he plays the mr

t character

but oh what is this

we’re looking at the minion again look

this guy’s pretty

smart though because i mean look

he’s fucking pretty

attractive girls here

well listen

dude the bottom

line is there’s a lot of dumb whores out there

and all you have to do is give them

money there’s a lot of sad

women out there

you know there’s a lot of people that suck

and people that suck

raise kids that suck

you know or people that suck do a shitty

job of raising kids and they

raise fucked up kids

you know and then

these fucked up kids get to a situation

where they need a lot of money

and they don’t have it and someone comes

along and says hey

you want to fuck this fat guy on the internet no one’s

gonna see it

and next thing you know they’ll

doing it and they have that sad look in their face

i don’t mind porn when a girl seems like she’s into it

but there’s nothing sadder than

watching a porn

where girls like reluctantly sucking a dick

and you can tell like she really

doesn’t want to be there

she’s giving off that energy

well most of them don’t

most of it it’s all fake most girls don’t come when

they in porn

movies and stuff like that it seems like that

oh yeah of course

right what do you

think the odds are not many

like there’s a few girls

where you can go oh that girl’s

legit but for the most part from what i

understand is

a lot of them just do it and it’s almost fake

there’s like

there’s even

parts where

they’re getting

sprayed to make it look more wetter

and they’re stopping the

camera and changing the camera around and

it’s all you know it’s not what it

it’s not as

hard the thing

about the max

hardcore thing that bugs me to get back to that

it is disturbing

all the shit this guy does it’s really disturbing

because it’s like sadistic and evil it’s almost like a

snuff porn but

you’re killing

her dignity for life instead of killing her life

when someone does a porn like say if you

date a girl and she used to do porn oh you know i was

young i got hooked on coke

and next thing i’m doing porn

who cares what’s the big deal you know it’s like

what we fuck if you know you fuck on cameras that

make you any different it’s really it’s no big deal

but that’s not porn

that’s like humiliation

like sadistic type shit like somebody didn’t just

fuck your girl

he held her asshole open pissed in it and then made her

drink out of her asshole you know what i mean

yeah well you know i’m saying like that guy he took

a piece of her humanity

she will always be humiliated by that

experience that’s always

gonna fuck with her head

you know it’s like he killed a little

bit of her it’s really like what he did was like i mean

even if it’s consensual

you know to

still to put that shit on a video

if it’s one

thing if a chick likes to get pissed in her ass and

she’s crazy

but really how many girls want

that on the internet how many girls want that on a dvd

is it possible

is it even possible if that’s what you’re into

i mean could you be

me ever heard that argument that

i’ve always

heard there’s always like one or two girls they’ll

bring up that’s like comes from a healthy

household and you

know she does hardcore porn just because she’s into it

that’s what she likes and she

doesn’t have any problems at all

i’ve heard that

pitched before

and they always pretend the girls really

smart and she reads a lot of books

mm hmm mm hmm

what happened

i don’t know

what happened why is that guy fucking your asshole

and then shoving it in your mouth

until you gag and then

stuffing it

back in your asshole and slapping you in the face

and then slapping you in the face with his dick

and then making you go

why he’s fucking your mouth is

is this all fun

is this all what you

really want to do in life no i guess

what is that i

guess what it also is is that you know we’re born

thinking that we have to wear

clothes we’re born

thinking that

you’re not supposed to look at my butthole we’re born

thinking that you’re

not you know sex is supposed to be a private thing

i guess it’s just

like anything else like you know you just born into

growing up that way but sometimes you know if you think

that’s a side

effect of moving to climates

that aren’t like the jungle

i have no idea what that well

think about this

human being

started out in africa

right and even

though africa is dangerous as fuck and there’s you know

all sorts of shit that

could bite you and kill you there’s

ants that eat elephants bro

there’s these fucking

ants you know

the mass of

ants i found this on oh my god facts com i

think it is whatever it is on twitter oh my god facts

the mass of

ants in this

world like the weight of all the

ants in the world is

roughly the same as the weight of all the people in the

world what the fuck

yes yes that’s how many

ants there are dude they’re

everywhere these fucks

and they are the number one killers in the

world in africa they’re the number one killers

ants wait wait wait wait

so you’re saying if you took all the

ants in the world

and then weighed

all the people in the

world the ants

would weigh more

yes i read this on the internet

it must be true you know what that is the most untrue

thing ever let’s find out it

might be true

let’s google dude let’s google this this is we’re in

2010 we should not be having a conversation

where we’re like in 1993

okay you hit you hit fucking tab

t go ahead go in there but the problem with this google

search is that is

what insanely impossible

well how’s it insanely impossible because you

can take well come on man come on man type this shit in

you don’t know

that it’s impossible way

more people

butthole no don’t no butthole

why don’t you just

write did they

answer the road way more than all the people

in the road

okay here we go answer no

answers com

answers com

they don’t weigh more do all the

ants in the

way more than people

around that’s that’s the

wrong question because i said

roughly the same

oh roughly the same

what i said is that the weight of

ants and what is the

all the ants

in the world

though they

weigh an average of

point of zero one

jesus dude that’s the weight of an ant

that’s so stupid do

ants weigh more than people you

asked the wrong goddamn question

no that’s not what you want either

the number of the jesus christ

ants weigh more than people no does put put the

put in the google search put does the total mass

the total mass of ants of ants on earth on earth

weigh the same or roughly who

taught you how to google this is how i do it

what the fuck mom

weigh the same as the total mass of humans same

nothing the same that has an h in it

same as the total mass of humans mass

of humans holy shit

how much does the earth weigh

you know what

your google skills okay

weight of all the ants in the

world versus weight of all the humans in the world and

in world versus

humans there you go try that one

facts about ants as compared to humans

no okay listen we’re not gonna find us out that

quickly and still be entertaining on the radio

the weight of all the

ants in the roads combined is much

lighter than the weight of all animals combined

the combined weight of all the

ants in the road is approximately the same or

greater than the combined weight of all

human beings there you go answers com

so we got an affirmative

that is it i do not believe it

you don’t believe it well i believe it because you

think about how many more

ants are everywhere dude i mean they literally are

everywhere everywhere there’s dirt there’s ants

yeah but if you had a

truck like a bulldozer

i mean huge bulldozers are

filled to the top of ants just i mean

packed of ants

and all those ants fell on you

do you think you’d just be like oh

gross or do you think like i’m dead

you’d be dead what

kind of questions you’re asking really yeah dude they

would eat those

no i mean just

from the impact of them all falling yeah they would

crush you they’ll kill you really yeah

i think i think there’s

way more ants than you’re thinking

i think you’re wrong

i think they’re

everywhere dude

look we just

found that on answers com it must be

true you’re

right we don’t know if it’s true or not but

that’s the problem with the internet

look but the

point is in africa answer a huge huge fucking

problem this is getting back to the original thought

the point is in africa ants

kill everything dude they kill

elephants they

crawl up elephant’s legs

they get in

their ear and they

start eating them

alive from the fucking ear

and they have

swarms of them that do it and

the elephants can’t stop them

there’s nothing they can do you can’t

shake them off and they get

eaten alive

like the ants kill more

things in africa than any

other animal

they kill everything

they’re fucking

scary shit and

these people that live in africa are running around

naked they run around

naked with it we

would have hazard suits on

we would have armor

you know in

2010 if we lived in africa

if you had to live in a part of the

world where the ants

one ant bites

you and he sends a signal to all his buddies i

found something we can eat

and they all fucking

swarm on you and there’s no

way you can stop them because there’s trillions of them

and they’re

climbing up your legs and eating your asshole alive

how would you live in a

place like that you

would have some

sort of a mesh suit that was impenetrable and would be

sprayed with toxins on the outside

you have a fucking helmet on like you’re on mars

that’s how you’d walk around you know what’s

crazy about

insects and

stuff like that is that the

other day i was just

laying in bed and this huge fucking spider just was

crawling on my bed

and it had like a red

stripe on it and it just looked like

death spider

and i’m just like

you know if i was not

awake or if i was

sleeping and

i happened to roll over and this guy bit me

would i die

is that how there are

spiders that can’t

do that to you right

you know that

brown recluse is a

scary motherfucker have you ever seen

pictures of people that got bitten by a

brown recluse

and like burns like holes through you

especially if you don’t get it

taken care of like

right away like eats a hole through your fucking body

yeah it’s terrifying shit man

and so my point is

these people live in africa this is

where humanity supposedly was created or

evolved i mean

all our roots of all

human beings go back to africa

and in africa it’s hot as fuck and they’re all

naked so do you

think that like when

these people

branched out to climates that they couldn’t

control and they had to change

their environment

rather they couldn’t live in

without doing something without trying to control

their their temperature without

covering themselves and

building houses that are sheltered and insulated and

starting fires and

stuff all the

stuff they didn’t have to do in africa

then they started having to wear

clothes and when they

started wearing clothes

then it wasn’t like a

thing to see someone’s genitals

it was like very rare like you

gotta get this

bitch out of

these fucking

first how do i get this

bitch out of

these first it’s

zero degrees out okay you don’t even have a fucking

house to live in you living in a hole in the snow

and you’re trying to get laid

and you gotta try to get this

chick out of her fur

you know what the fuck you

gonna do man

it’s a grind you know

so that’s when people became fucked up sexually

because like

you know back then they

still probably didn’t even have a fucking language

so they you know they couldn’t say listen

how about i eat

pussy you suck my dick

let’s have a

party you know

they couldn’t even like talk

their way into it because they probably when they first

started doing that moving to

other climates

they probably didn’t even have

a language yet they’re just grunting at certain shit

you know so they just they just

got all fucked up

about sex because they couldn’t fuck anymore

like they used to in the jungle

right in the jungle they were

naked they would get

horny and they just fuck

right mm hmm

but now it’s like

it becomes a huge hassle because everyone could buy

us something

and used to hide when you live in a jungle

yeah people

watch you have sex yeah

nobody cares

that’s how monkeys are

monkeys fuck

right in front of everybody they don’t

worry about shit i saw some good

monkey sex last week when i was at the zoo

yeah monkeys you fuck

right in front of whole

crowds of people

they like it

well you know why not why

wouldn’t they

would he give a shit you do

other things that are pleasurable in

front of people

right you know

you get a massage in

front of people it

doesn’t bother

you that much

right you know

you know thinking

about if you’re

lying on your back you know you

could be in a park

and someone’s

got awesome massages that give out the park

like oh we do deep

tissue it’s only 10

bucks like damn 10

bucks i’m gonna get a massage

and you’ll lie face down on this massage

table and let people rub you in

front of people

but if you know she was given head

you know or hand jobs

just hand jobs

you know you don’t want anybody see your come come out

you couldn’t just sit there

with all those

people in the park and just let someone jerk you off

you know you wouldn’t

enjoy it do you

think we’re

gonna go back to that letting

like it seems like you

know the more that we’re getting used to sex and the

more we’re getting used to seeing girls buttholes and

stuff like that

cause the internet and

stuff you think we’re

gonna get back to the

state we’re

assuming we’re all just

gonna be having orgies all over the

place and kids are

gonna be smoking cigarettes

no the cigarette

definitely no

i don’t know it’s possible

we’d have to get past a lot of hurdles you know i

think it’s pretty obvious that if you look at

human sexuality

especially the way we

treat sex in america

you know we’re very very uptight

about it and i

think that one

of the reasons why we’re very very uptight

about it is because

we’re imbalanced

we’re imbalanced by

the fact that we grew up and

moved to new environments and invented clothes

you know inventing

clothes allowed us to live in a

bunch of different

places but it also allowed us to

it fucked up the natural

sexual cycle

the natural

way of looking at each

other and behaving

when you add suppression to anything

the reason why priests are fucked up

is not just because religion is

ridiculous and to live your

whole life by some shit

that was written thousands of years ago that makes no

sense that’s

ridiculous and

abstaining from sex is

ridiculous all that

stuff is completely

ridiculous but the

real problem with being a priest one of

the reasons why they’re so fucked up

is because there’s a massive amount of suppression

about your own natural drives

your own natural

things there’s a natural

cycle living inside of your body

or operating your body rather and it’s

existed for millions of years and it’s the reason why

human beings procreate

and it’s the reason why animals procreate

and when you put a stopper to that shit

and you label all that shit as evil and bad you’re

going to create issues and

just interrupting the natural

cycle of things it’s like

you’re putting on the brakes of

something that you can’t control you’re putting on the

brakes for something

that you’re not supposed to control

it’s supposed to be a natural part of your life

you know it’s one of the

things that makes us

you know and this is what i

found from having kids one of the

things that makes you a different person one of the

things that takes you to another

place is the development of

other new human beings

it’s like you lose a lot of your

selfishness and i

think that that’s a natural part of progression as a

human being

and so that shit doesn’t

exist for priests

and it doesn’t really

exist for us

if we wear clothes

you know if we wear

clothes and cover each

other up and are all suppressed

about sex and

worried about it

i mean eventually you’re

gonna realize at a certain

point in your life you’re

gonna be like fuck

what did i waste all this time

tweaking about sex for

you know what is it it’s just two people

touching their

bodies together and

enjoying it

you know why is it such a fucking

a big goddamn deal

to people what is it well it’s because we suppress it

because we covered up that’s why

magazine ads at showgirls and bikinis

just like the

pussy is almost there

it’s like you can almost see it

it’s so attractive to sell cars or sell fucking

water you could sell anything with

pussy you know

just a girl in a little wet bikini

coming out of the water

bending over

to pick up her sunglasses she’s on her knees

and she’s turning around looking towards the camera oh

you might just

start jacking off right now

and whatever fuck she’s selling gum

what is she selling breath wash

what is she selling

you know sunscreen i’ll buy it

i’ll think of that hot bitch

and i’ll buy

their product

yeah i just saw a sex in the city too

i was forced to go how

dare you forced to go see that you know i mean i got

i got rewarded nicely

think backwards cowgirl couple other

things it was awesome but

it was funny how they took

place in abu dhabi

and you had been there before dubai

right dubai

i think it’s dubai

oh dubai yeah i thought it was abu dhabi

i think it’s dubai

dubai is supposedly the big

attraction over the middle east that’s

where everybody goes to

abu dhabi’s

a lot like it

but dubai is the more popular one no no no i

think that’s what the

whole point of the

movie was because they talk

about how dubai

is like popular and trying to

build up abu dhabi but

they talk oh okay

am i arguing

about the plot and premise

of a fucking sex and

city movie of

course you are you’re acting like you don’t know

and so one thing one

thing off the bat it’s amazing how much that place

smelled like periods in there oh

no seriously like you know that smell that tampon

smell like that’s kind of like a flower perfume smell

that whiffed

everywhere combined with popcorn oh god

it was the most disgusting smell ever it was pretty bad

but you gotta

think how many chicks go to see sex in the city oh

that’s crazy

but how many of them are like

those girls oh dude they were all taken

the girls next to us were taking

pictures of their shoes together

while we were waiting for the previews

they were like putting

shoes together let’s take a

picture i’m gonna twitter our shoes oh my god

but you know what the

thing though is the chicks are so happy

about that shit oh you got it they love that shit yeah

what is it it’s so funny because like in it

every time like

carrie i mean i mean the main character yeah

yeah that was a test you knew who it was

well i’ve seen the show i don’t care

yet bryantown

was on it once i watched it oh yeah that was

great i think i watched it a couple times but

every time she would wear a new outfit

or she would show her

closet that was a big thing when they showed her closet

again they were like

oh the whole

crowd together oh my god like

it was it was awesome it was isn’t it like being with a

bunch of aliens

you around a bunch of chicks

bunch of hot

aliens a bunch of aliens fuck yeah it was good

in and the more you get to know them

the more you

realize how many of them are like that and the ones

that aren’t like that are really just pretending for us

mm hmm you know

but by the way that

movie though it was it was kind of

i don’t know i

wouldn’t say racist

but it was kind of

weird how they they

they were talking

about the abu dhabi

thing where they can’t even let

that like hold hands in public or

not let the kids

in public and stuff

and it was like this tension throughout the

movie about that

then i don’t want to give it away to all the

ladies so guys go

fuck a spoiler

so spoiler so

and near the end of the movie

they just one

of the characters just went off like i like the fuck

i like throwing condoms

everywhere i like

to suck dick the

older chick yeah the

older chick

that crazy in

front of everyone

abu dhabi dude they

would lock her in a hole in the dirt so fast oh i know

i know they

would put her in jail

they put a couple in jail for kissing on the

beach there

yeah that was a part in the

movie too they were kissing on the

beach and she got locked up and was

thrown out there oh really yeah yeah that’s

based on real life

they actually did that to a

woman in or a

woman in a man

in dubai for

making out there were couple and they’re making i mean

i don’t know what they were doing they

might have been like fingering each

other or something you know

might have been

calling it making out but it got a little crazy

but apparently

it’s you know it’s

super super illegal over there yeah

it’s crazy but it is

crazy it’s not a bad movie joe

it’s not a bad you

loved it huh

it’s better than the first one

i haven’t seen

either one of them and i don’t intend to how dare you

i’m keeping my

balls intact

you got to do

things like that

no i would do it i

would do it if it was like a date

night or something

stupid like that i

would do it just because i

would think it was

ridiculous and i probably get some material out of it

all the great sex i got in response for doing that was

worth every

penny you shouldn’t have to barter for sex so

i know things go

just take that

pussy it’s yours yeah but imagine being able

to take it wherever you want to like we’re at toys r us

should be able to anyway

fuck yeah i

think you could you just gotta

force it on her

not force it on her physically just

bring up the idea with urgency

like with real

sense of focus and

urgency we’re not talking to rape here

we’re just talking like a lot of a lot of energy

you know just get

excited about i

wanna fuck you

right now right here shut up shut up

what no you can’t shut up

i mean i’m just

gonna stick it in i’m just

gonna stick it in

you’re not even hard feeling i’m hard

oh my god you are hard yeah i am

shut up shut up we pissed out

there’s cameras who cares they got a

video of me fucking you real quick

all right i’m

gonna stop right now

you do that dude

don’t look at me when you do that shit

i’m just trying to make

brian uncomfortable

it’s so creepy dude

there’s nothing more fun though than the beginning of

a relationship when you just get comfortable with each

other like you

haven’t gotten sick of fucking each other yet

and you’re just getting comfortable with each

other and you’re

starting to have fun

you know you’re

starting to talk

dirty to each

other you’re

starting to get

excited you send each

other some nasty texts and shit like that

those are the good days

there’s a different

level of excitement

and really it’s

just your body trying to ensure that you

breed with this person

really it’s just a

bunch of chemicals

flowing through your brain

that your body is trying to give you to ensure that you

breed it’s incredible man

it’s incredible that they

haven’t figured out how to pocket that too how to

pill it package it

you know put that shit in a pill form

you take something that makes you feel like when

you’re horny and in love

you know that feeling

when when you

wanna fuck her and she want to fuck you and you can’t

wait to see her and as soon as you see her you get

excited and you you

smile and you

feel good you get all this big charge of energy

we don’t even realize what we’re doing

you know we

think wow just a

minute of new relationship

things are fun when it’s new

that’s not what it is

you’re getting all these

extra chemicals

because your

brain is trying to ensure that you mate with this freak

that’s what it is your

brain is getting all this

extra juice

why haven’t they figured out how to package that

i don’t know but they need to

dude how good

would the world be

there’s your antidepressants

you know how come dudes that are in depressed always in

sucky relationships

or sucky situations

no one is depressed in an awesome relationship when

everything’s

going great

because that’s your little

juice that’s

where your antidepressants are coming from

we’re all junkies for

brain chemicals

you know i’m saying son i do know what you’re

saying did you see that fucking hole in the ground in

guatemala boy

hmm what hmm dude

my friend listen

you gotta look at the hole in the ground in guatemala

what is it the sinkhole

oh jesus google right now

guatemala sinkhole

and be prepared to

freak out and call fake

you’re gonna

freak out and call fake

i’m gonna type in guacamole

sinkhole and see if this is

that’s it see see it’s the fucking

second one look

no go guatemala

guatemala dummy

look at that look when you were

what do you a

do you a but

see that see sinkhole

right away it’s the

first search

look at that

dude look how deep that fucking

thing is it’s

crazy it’s like

hell it opened up

out of nowhere and swallowed a building

swallowed a

whole building

dude there’s so many

pictures of it online if you

haven’t seen it

ladies and gentlemen google guatemala

you don’t even just

type in google gua

gua and it’ll

guatemala sinkhole will be the first

search or the

second search

option it’s incredible

it is literally a perfect circle

and it’s huge it’s gigantic

and it’s in the middle

of this like intersection

and it ate a

whole house

the house just

fell down and disappeared and it’s

super super deep

the image that we’re looking at there’s a helicopter

shadow on the wall of the

circle but it’s

giant it’s like a half a block wide

you know what it reminds me of immediately is

something from district 9 yeah

it doesn’t even look real it’s like

how is that happening

how have we

never seen anything even remotely that

crazy before

and how often

could that happen is it possible that can happen in

los angeles

i guess it has to be running

water we don’t really have running

water here but how many cities do it says

after a devastating tropical

storm so it was it just

water dude the

water ran through and somehow another created a

giant spherical hole

it’s like a

it’s like a tube

it looks like somebody took an

apple core to the world

wow i mean it

doesn’t look natural right

it looks like something somebody created

guatemala stink

hole asshole

i just want to see if it

brings up a bit

brought porn cool

look somebody

tag their photo

guatemala sinkhole

and if you just type in asshole it comes up

yeah and it says when you

click on it it gives you some sort of a warning yeah

visiting this site may harm your computer hilarious

these guys that are doing

these hacks and shit like that kind of stuff

who is that is it chinese

russian it’s just

hackers all over the

world yes nigeria

because they always

they always name it to a country

like google

switched from

microsoft operating systems

they made an announcement that they’re

gonna merge to

using linux and using mac

because the chinese

fellas hacked them and fucked with

their whole

website and they said there’s too many security issues

and windows

well did you happen to hear any of that

steve jobs talk the

other day he did this long

talk at all

things digital

2010 no he was talking

about through everything

if you go to

gizmodo giz

that’s where i saw this whole

the sinkhole

really gizmodo too

yeah all his

videos are up there and it’s kind of interesting

hearing like a really intelligent person talk

about the future the internet

and stuff it’s really interesting

you know i agree with him on a lot of

things but a lot of things i

agree with his detractors

when it comes to open source

things and it comes to

allowing people to create more applications and have

things more open for the mac and

you know clones and

things of that

nature the ability to just buy the operating

system why do

you have to buy the hardware and the operating

system you know that’s kind of

i agree with that to a certain extent

but i also agree with like lookout

when he controls

everything look how

great everything works

you know that’s why he

does it yeah exactly i mean it’s like

it’s definitely

cheaper to go to a

store and buy

a hard drive

and buy a motherboard and

all that shit and put together your own box it’s way

cheaper i’ve done it a couple of times

it’s fun too

but you’re gonna have all sorts of issues the

sound card’s not

gonna wanna work with

a certain motherboard that you have it’s

gonna fuck up the video card

fucks up you

gotta replace

things you can’t get the

right drivers

cause you gotta do a lot of

tweaking a lot of shit

with a mac all you have to do is turn it on

that’s why people don’t like

it people are fucking fag with your fucking faggy mac

you know idiots

fucking mac

losers just

cause you don’t know how to work pc

i’ve never got a

virus okay i’ve been

using a pc for 10 years i’ve

never got a

virus yeah i

started with

windows 98 okay

and then they’ll go off on you

and they’ll let you know they’ve

never got a

virus you know why why scan i’m not

stupid i don’t

click random links

you know yeah

you know all

these people if they had a mac laptop i think and

windows laptop i

think if they have both of them they’ll end up

using the mac laptop

after a while well becomes a team

thing we’ve discussed this before it becomes a

you know a fucking

raiders versus the dolphins you know just people get

crazy about teams

and they get on team windows they

never want to

admit that they made horrible mistakes

you know i was

watching this documentary

speaking of that

on this graham

hancock interview

and i put it on my message board

you know graham hancock is

graham hancock is the guy that

he’s this dude who

wrote fingerprints of the gods and

he’s done a bunch of

underwater dives

where he’s found

all this evidence of previous

civilizations

pretty interesting shit man

but one of the

things in the

video is they talk

about the sphinx

you know there’s a

whole bunch of geologists led by this guy ron

shock at a boston university

that believe that the

sphinx is way way older

than conventional

egyptologists have

dated it and they’ve

dated it to 2500 bc

and he says it’s way

older than that because he

shows the geologist

shows all this

water erosion all over the sphinx

and he said see this what you’re looking at is

clearly water

erosion from thousands of years of rainfall

so the last time there was rainfall in that area of the

world was 7 000 bc

so you’re looking at something

that like it’s got to be a couple thousand years

older than that

because a couple thousand years of rainfall

so you’re talking

about like at

least 9 000 bc

which is you know

you’re talking

about like 7 000 years

older than they

think it is

that’s longer

between them

and the true

age of the construction of

sphinx than it is between them and us

i mean when you really put it into perspective

it’s 2 000 years longer

than the distance

between the pharaohs of like tutankhamun and us

i mean that’s pretty nutty shit when you

think about it

well he brought all this geological evidence to these

conventional

egyptologists and archeologists

and they wanted to dismiss it right away

they wanted to say well this

doesn’t make

you have no evidence of a

culture that

could build this

so where’s your evidence show me some

pottery show me something that comes from this area

and so they say well we’re showing you all that

would be left we’re showing you some construction

10 000 years from now

there’s not

going to be anything of us

you ever seen the

pictures of detroit

where you see detroit getting swallowed up by the city

like there’s abandoned

houses in detroit

where trees are growing out of the middle of the house

it’s crazy the

earth is slowly

starting to eat up all

these abandoned

buildings that’s awesome there’s a site that’s

dedicated to that in the soviet

union too where

total towns have been

evacuated and left

where trees are just like growing through

houses now nature

starts to retake things

well he brought all this

stuff to these

egyptologists and they just dug

their hand head in the sand they didn’t want to see the

truth they didn’t want to they didn’t want to

admit that they

have been doing

things or teaching

things that were not

totally correct or wasn’t

the full picture of the earth

and it’s really

crazy shit because this guy

proposes that

things like this

guatemala sink hole

like that’s

a little tiny one that’s a little nothing happened

a little thing opened up and a

house fell through

but there’s a

bunch of different

things that the

earth can do like that

there’s a bunch of different really insane

things like

super volcanoes or tsunamis

in the canary islands there’s

a volcanic rock there’s

a volcanic mountain sign that they know eventually is

going to break off

they know it’s

going to break off and

slide into the

ocean and when it does

they think that it’s

going to create a

tsunami that will

cover the entire eastern seaboard

of the united

states of america

like miles in kills everyone

everyone’s fucked

i mean there’s so much rock there

and there’s

a bunch of evidence

that this kind of shit has happened in the past

there’s gonna be some

other underwater

earthquake it’s gonna

break off and it’s

gonna head towards the united states at

500 feet high and a fucking

150 miles an hour

and just smush

everything whoa doom

probably more than 150

miles an hour i just pulled that number out of my ass

how do you like that

it is doom have you been following that fox com shit

dude you turned me on to that and for the

folks out there listening that don’t know about this

foxconn is a company well why don’t you describe it

foxconn is a huge company in

was it china

that makes like most

of the technology

like you know like they

build like nintendo’s they

build like psps they build

apple computers they

build you know

ipods and stuff

they’re just really

cheap almost like

slave labor but they’re not

and i think they get paid what was 130

a month or something like that

and there’s tons and tons of workers

but lately there’s been all

these suicides

and it’s almost daily

if you follow gizmodo com

it’s almost

daily you’ll

see you know another suicide another person jumps off a

building and i forget there’s

like been like 13 or something like that in the last

this year or something

well lately

it’s almost

every day they’ve been

freaking out like nintendo’s getting pissed and

steve jobs has said he’s

going to get to the bottom of it and figure out why all

these people are committing suicide

they had to sign

like contracts saying that you will not

commit suicide

and if you do

they’re not held responsible in any way so

their families and

stuff can’t sue

and stuff like that then

about four days ago or a week ago

they raised

their pay 20

they raised their

whole entire pay 20

because they’re trying to make everyone

happy and stuff

three days later they raised it to 30

that’s how fucking

crazy it’s getting

and then today

they’re scattered reports of a fire

and they’re

like trying foxcom is trying to keep this all

hush hush but i

guess there might be a

dozen workers that are either injured or dead

and it’s getting

out of control i’m not really sure what the fuck’s

going on here but it’s

starting to get like all

right there’s something

crazy going on in this factory that all

these people are killing themselves and that there’s

you know hasn’t there been

video release of workers getting beaten

yeah that security

guards are security

guards from the

plant there’s

a video of him them like

beating up the workers and

you know and it’s

crazy when you think

about you were saying something

about this earlier like how

we expect like you know iphones to be a certain

price and ipods to be a certain

price and the only way that they’re that

certain prices because of

these workers this

slave labor

yeah so they make

about you said

about a hundred dollars a

month 130 dollars a

month is what i

heard that they

start at pay wise

and they live there

yeah what i get it’s kind of like it’s kind of like a

community like you live there like a

like a dorm room almost or something like that or it’s

i don’t quite get it so they

sleep in like

these dorms yeah

they live on on the factory

right and they make shit

money and they probably

never get to

leave do they even get days off

i don’t know i

heard that they

pretty much work them non stop day and night

and they sign

something in the contract saying that they’re

gonna be working over time and

stuff like that

i don’t know

that’s the only way it’s the only way you’re

gonna get all these

goddamn iphones for 500 bucks

i mean that’s a

that thing should be like

probably like two thousand dollars

you know if you had like

workers that were paid correctly

yeah you know i mean how much more

money would it cost

labor is a big part of the

operations for any big business like that right yeah

you know it’s it’s

funny because like

steve jobs are saying you know

well look how many

walmart workers there are in the united

states you know

hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people and

stuff like that

and there’s people

dying suiciding all the time that worked for walmart

know yeah but that’s a poor analogy

it’s a poor analogy

because you don’t see

people jumping off the top of walmart’s buildings

that you know you

don’t see that in the news that another walmart worker

dead you know well not only that it’s voluntary you

could call walmart tomorrow and go suck my dick i quit

right and they’ll go who cares

you know they’re not

gonna come to your

house and beat you up you know they’re not

gonna wake you out of bed and

stun you or

something you know i don’t know what they’re doing

to people i’m just making shit up now it’s

crazy because all the

photos if you

again the websites giz giz

mo dio gizmodo and just type in foxcon

or just look through it you’ll see it it’s like on that

first couple pages

but if you look at all the employees you just feel so

it’s so depress

yeah it looks very depressing

it looks like it almost like a jail

yeah it does

another foxcom employee dies

after working 34

hours straight this just happened

today i guess

oh my god yep june

second this

just 28 year old man

20 year old man

married his wife for only

three months ago

died from exhaustion oh my god

thirty four hours

okay it says that’s what his family is

claiming anyway yeah

no official

statement has been

issued well you know what i believe it

yeah well you know look it’s possible i’m

i wouldn’t be surprised

you know i mean it saddens you but it

doesn’t surprise you

you know it’s it’s a

it’s really a sick thing

you know that we have

this desire

in this country to have new

things and i mean

that’s not the sick part of it

but the sick part of it is the only way to get

these iphones for 500

bucks is someone has to suffer

someone has to do something that they don’t want to do

there’s only one reason why companies move

their factories to

guatemala or all

these impoverished

places and they say look we’re helping

these people

because they’re taking advantage of a different

situation they’re taking advantage of a different

economic situation

at different situations as far as resources

if you go to

china and there’s a fucking billion people

they got to do something

you know when there’s a billion fucking people

you’re gonna have a lot of people

that are just laying around that need something to do

they have to figure out a way to survive they have

to figure out a way to feed themselves you know what’s

weird is that when i talked

about this last week it was 12 people and i just

read here that

since last podcast

a week ago that number is now 16 whoa

and they so

suicides have

reached 15 potential 16 spotted on the roof

right now so they’re actually writing this

article and

go wait wait here’s the 16th one on the roof right now

so they’re just jumping

every day yeah

every couple days someone’s oh

they’re four in a week

two two i mean

salary increases in a week two

salary increases there’s a fire and another person died

today well what good is having any

money if you can’t use it

you can’t even

spend it you know

pumping their

salary up 30

it’s not gonna be shit yeah it

doesn’t mean anything

these people need

back rubs and

flashlights yeah what does that mean they get

150 bucks a

month i mean that’s crazy

that’s a sick sick thing

it’s just it’s fucking sad

it’s sad that

this is the only way to do it and it’s also sad that

if these people

weren’t doing this if

you talk about like

third world

countries or

countries that are all fucked up that

you know the united

states exploits or united

states corporations

rather exploit and go over there and

start businesses and

what would these people be doing if the united

states wasn’t there that’s the thing

it’s like why

are they living so badly why are they so impoverished

would it benefit us

to have them rise up to our level

would it benefit us

instead of exporting them to go over there and educate

these people

and try to get them to

start producing

their own you

know democratic society with you

know good businesses and

trade goods and services and get

everything go pump in and

introduce them to new

technology and shit

would it benefit us to have them or

would they just become competition

i mean why is it that the united

states corporations

these big corporations

just do that i mean they go over there help

these people a little bit

they give them

money and shit and they give

people jobs and

some of them

might be happy with that

but for the most part they’re

taking advantage of people that are willing to work

for pennies on the dollar compared to americans right

would it benefit them to really

build up a country

would it benefit the united

states if there was no

third world

is that possible is it possible that we’re ever

going to come to a time

where there is no

worry about

there’s no mexico

there’s no place

where you go

where it sucks

there’s no place

where you go

where everything’s you

know oh you’re fucked now no it’s just getting

worse i think it’s

just getting

there’s more

places getting that you don’t want to go to

you know what i mean

it’s getting

worse and worse

right is that possible to recover from though

but what would it be like if instead

of i mean this is all totally hypothetical but do you

think it’s possible as a

human being

to instead of doing what we’re doing

certain corporations will go to different

countries and exploit the

people instead of doing that what if they decided to

try to as much as possible like on a whole

instead of controlling the resources of the

world we try to make everything

level we try to

bring everybody up as far as like

the quality of

their society and the quality of

their culture

the quality of their

information and

the internet and all that

shit and give it to everybody and try to pump them up

would that benefit us

would that benefit

human beings as a whole

they wouldn’t yeah

but no because then how the fuck you

gonna get an iphone for 500 bucks

you know because

unless you got a

robot that knows

how to make an iphone that’s what i’m saying i

think it’s i think

these slave

labors are just gonna

die off because of

robots in factory lines are

more complex how’s it

gonna die off because the

robots do it because they’re

well i mean there’s

gonna be factories to build

robots i guess but

you know like just factory

like you know

when you look at cars

how cars are manufactured you know half of its done by

robots right

but if a person is willing

to work for a hundred dollars a week it’s probably way

cheaper than a

robot that’s

gonna do his job

so i think they’re always

gonna have robots for certain

things just

because you can get a lot of people to work fucking

cheapest shit

robots are expensive dude

unless robot

technology gets like

super mainstream of course it’s

gonna get mainstream robots are

gonna be mainstream they’re already fucking have an

alarm clock that can

watch movies on now you know is

you know it’s it’s the more to computers grow

technology grows there’s

gonna be more

robots so the

robots are definitely

coming but the world is

gonna be like your own

house then where one

thing fucks up and the

whole thing just goes

goddamn haywire totally

gonna be like that is

gonna be like that

right absolutely

that’s the big fear

right there was yeah

well there’s a

shit i don’t know

we did not talk

about this i talked

about a couple

long time ago on

these podcasts i talked

about how people

are hacking

how the idea that you

could hack into somebody’s car and

slam on the

brake stuff

actually there was a report a couple weeks ago

where people actually

started doing that to onstar

where they could hack into people’s onstars and

stop their cars and there was hackers i

think mexico mexican

gangs or something like that

were starting to do that

where they’re hacking into people’s onstar

cars and like fucking with

their shit and finding out

where they’re at finding it

yeah i guess onstar has a security

hole in it right now oh my god i’ve

never heard of

that you sure you better fucking google this on i get

sued no totally

google this

on star hack

yeah we need to find out this

onstar gps hack a day

it’s good news on star

modern automobile

super vulnerable

to hacking researchers say so it’s not mexicans i

just on mexicans all the time

no but there was something

offend all the

mexicans out there we have mexican listener sir

people from mexico okay so

won’t you be nice i

get people from mexico

so anyways yeah i guess whatever

thing i saw was something about the onstar had

a security hole in it and people were

hackers tap into ecu to kill engine brakes and more

blah blah here we go this is it

autoblog com

yeah but is that is onstar

and ecu the same thing i don’t think so

now they’re starting to move into the

age of connected vehicles the risk of

rapidly increasing onstar already has the ability to

remotely slow a

stolen car for this current

yeah i saw that in the ad for the new corvette

there’s a i was looking at this

there’s a corvette grand sport

it’s a pretty

cool looking convertible and i was looking at it online

and one of the benefits was this onstar

thing and so they showed it

where this guy

fucking calls onstar his friends driving his car

and he says the

vehicle stolen

onstar shuts the car down

while you’re driving yeah

it says research that

the universities of

california and washington will present a

paper at a security conference in oakland

california next

week outlining how they were able to hack into a

vehicle’s computer system wow

it only makes sense

especially the government man i do like i

i threw in mexicans

i don’t know why i thought that dude how

crazy is that you’re running from the cops

you and your

fucking corvette you’re like a goddamn nineteen

seventies movie

and all sudden

onstar kills your vet

yeah what kind of gay un american shit is that yeah

you know i’m not saying that you

should be allowed to have

a car chase everywhere

but i’m saying

maybe sometimes

you’re running from the cops because you’re right

okay maybe they’re

wrong and you’re right

and you got to

prove them that the one

armed man killed your wife

and you know and they don’t

understand you’re innocent

you just you just trying to

bring those who are

responsible to justice you know that the cops aren’t

gonna let you talk

they’re gonna fucking lock you in a

in a cell when you really need to

be out there doing the investigative work to find out

where that killer is

and you’re in

the middle of doing this like you’re in a goddamn movie

the fucking cops can’t keep up with your vet okay

you’re a fucking faggoty ass caprice

your shitty old 200 000 mile on caprice

with fucking shitty

suspension it smells like shit when you hit the gas

that can’t compete with a goddamn american corvette

not to mention there was a case in looks like 2002 that

scott peterson case where they got a search warrant to

check his vehicle’s gps information because he was

for a murder

and they got to know

exactly where he was on that date and

stuff like that oh

my goodness yeah

so at so it’s

tracking you and you you’re sending information

to onstar and if you ever get fucked and like

put in a weird situation well i don’t even

think that’s onstar

i think that’s just his gps

which is like what we all have

oh it is on star

yeah yeah wow

that’s crazy

yeah so you know

i always thought for some

scary shit i don’t like that yeah

but that’s what

they should

be murdering your fucking wife

either asshole

yeah that is with

every cell phone it can ping

where your your

phone is yeah

i’ve heard that it can ping when your

phone is with some

phones even if your

phone isn’t on

like they can ping it

i heard that too how’s that possible i don’t know

is there some sort of perpetual

power source inside of your phone

like a little tiny one i

think what they’re saying is if

i mean if there’s a battery in it

you know what i

mean but it’s not on if it’s not on it’s

shit’s never all the way off i don’t

think you know what i mean like really

yeah like when you turn off a

like a computer

there’s still

power in the computer

right now i’ve

heard that before but i don’t

understand it and

now how the fuck is that happening though with your

phone though

because the

phones are pretty much like computers you know

i need to know that that’s true that’s not nonsense

no i mean if you think

about it there’s

going there’s

there’s of course there’s

shit’s always

gonna be on you know

you always hear

weird creepy dudes that put like gps on

their wife’s car and follow

them around

they sell chicks cars i was at best buy the

other day and they had in the clearance

rack they had this thing

that was for kids that

anytime you want to if you put this

thing on your kids

you know kid and anytime you want to you

can go on this computer website and find out exactly

where they’re at and try to come live

and it was like 69

bucks or something like that

i’m thinking like

you could easily just buy one of

these things and

throw it in somebody’s back of their car

yeah easily

that’s so great yeah just glue it to the back of

their car somewhere

stick it under

their bumper or something yeah

for sure they

would never find it totally how the fuck

would you know

dude that’s a

scary ass thing when you

think about it

how many stalkers

especially if you’re a chick

how many fucking creepy dudes out there that

could be that’s how paparazzis

get their shit i bet

you know i bet they have

i bet if you’re a high end celebrity

i bet you get

tracked all the time do you remember that holloway

story the girl who was

she was on vacation some dudes murdered her and

remember that

they couldn’t figure out who killed her

so there’s a

bunch of people that question

one of the kids

that they had questioned

he’s on the run

right now in chile

he’s running because he killed a

woman in peru

right he killed some

chick in our

hotel room i

guess this dude just likes killing checks

yeah dexter

how scary is that man

this guy’s out there running free

if you have kids man if you have girls

especially that stuff

really trips you out

it really trips you out when you

start having little people that you care about or

wife that you care

about or your

sister that you care

about really

start thinking

about how fucked up

the idea that someone out there would

would harm someone weaker than them like that someone

would do that and pray off that and

i think about that

shit all the fucking time and

especially i

just finished watching

season two of dexter now i’m like really paranoid

about everything

well there’s real people like that out there i know

like we’re talking about the

mma guy that

cut his fucking friend’s

heart out yeah

that’s ridiculous yeah some dude in

northern california

drank some mushrooms

with his friend

he’s put two

things in a terrible light

mma and mushrooms

she drank some mushrooms with his friend and then

decided that there was some sort of a war going on

between good and evil and that he had a fucking kill

satan by cutting his friend’s

heart out and cooking it

what the fuck

son yeah i’ve never

thought to ever do that with mushrooms i guess i’ve

never had that kind of mushroom trip

where i’ve gotten violent mine’s more like

everything’s beautiful

yeah i love

life not well that’s the

worry with everything man

it’s what are you coming to the table with

the worry with

everything is

not you know what a mushrooms do to you is no

how fucked up

are you before you get the mushrooms in you

you know was

it mushrooms that fucked you up or you just fucking

crazy and it was

gonna happen anyway

you know i mean if you take a dude is

completely loony

and you give him mushrooms that’s not a good call

yeah did you

speaking of

you know the reason why

sorry you know the reason why that even

exists why it happens like that

it’s because mushrooms are illegal

if mushrooms are legal

we would find out what the dosage is

we would find out like oh this contains

x milligrams of psilocybin

don’t take more than two

do not drive

it would say some shit on the label

you know and you

could say oh hey doctor i’m on

antidepressants and i’m on bipolar

medication and some add

shit should i be taking mushrooms

and doctor go oh no no no no no if you’re

gonna take mushrooms you

gotta get off all that

other stuff

because that’ll fuck with the way your

brain chemistry you’ll

totally misinterpret the world

this guy was

probably on some antidepressants or some shit too

you know i knew some people that are

antidepressants when they would

drink they would

drink and they

would get this dude i know he gets

crazy like he’s not even there anymore

it’s like he gets like

glossy eyed and he

starts saying

stupid shit in

front of his wife he’ll say

stupid shit and like he’s like trying to be

funny but it’s not like he’s nuts normally he’s a

great guy but he has a couple of

drinks in them

and this fucking loon comes out this weirdo

loony guy who

doesn’t know what he’s doing and can’t control himself

god bless alcohol

crazy right yeah

it’s fucking amazing that in two thousand and

ten that’s the easiest shit to get a hold of you know

but you can’t change it

how you gonna change it you

gonna deny people that were

alcohol after they already have it how the fuck you

gonna do that

you’d have to get the mushrooms legal we

speaking of

drugs and legal

we should talk

about going to the weed doctor the

other day because we had an interesting

thing came up when we were there we were talking to our

doctor about

legalizing marijuana if he

was for it or

against it and he

you could see in his eyes he

was not he was kind of like

taken by the question like

ugh do i tell him the truth

or not he’s like

i’m kind of on the fence

puts him in a

tricky position if

you’re a guy who makes a living by giving people

prescriptions and he’s not cheap no

he’s got an office in hollywood it’s probably

very expensive to maintain and he charges some money

yeah and i give the guy

slack because i know that he

went to jail

he was one of the

earliest guys

who was involved with the medical marijuana community

and he’s a real nice guy so i like him

i respect his sacrifice

so you know we don’t go or doctor

shopping for someone who’s

cheaper to get a recommendation i just go to him

and but it’s

weird though if you think

about it like you want to think

these medical

marijuana guys that are trying to get you know

weed legalized and

stuff you want to

think they’re in it for the

right reasons

but then when you can really come down and

pretty much what he was saying is

he’s not really

happy about it because he’s

gonna be losing

money well he’s

gonna be out of a business he’s

gonna be out of business it’s not just losing

money he’s gonna be losing all of his

money right so he’s not really in it

well you know it’s conflicted but he was honest

about that yeah

he was honest

about well you know puts me in a

tricky situation

and so i was like yeah what

would you do and you

know he started talking

about vitamin therapy and a couple other

things that he does

you know so yeah i mean

if you look at it from his

point of view me think

about it the guy

gets locked up in jail

so that he can

keep serving people

this natural

medicine that helps them with all

their ailments

and he’s a doctor okay so he’s working with

cancer patients and he’s working with

people with glaucoma

and all sorts of different issues that can be

assisted by cannabis

as long as these people can get a hold of good quality

stuff and he

not only fights for that believes in that

tries to enforce the letter of the law

which is or

tries to operate within the letter of the law

which is like in 1996 the law was passed in california

for medical marijuana

and they want to

block them in jail

so you know

and to have like

that kind of sacrifice for something you believe in and

ultimately have it like pulled out from under you

with progress

well he needs to

diversify his fucking business

yeah he needs to move on to something else with

wheat you know you need to

start cooking it dude

you know that’s

what you need to do okay you’re a doctor

how about you know

doctor let’s call him johnson dr johnson’s pot cookies

have your big

smile and face on them make some

super fucking

badass cookies

i heard stuff from somebody the

other day that they

heard from their guys that they’re

gonna stop edibles

in california

edibles are spooky

you know they stopped

edibles in holland

today yeah you can’t get

edibles in holland

the reason why we’ve talked

about this on the show before but for the

folks that don’t know

when you eat marijuana

it creates a totally different chemical that is

present when you

smoke marijuana

but not in psychoactive doses and what that means is

when you eat it when you eat pot

the thc as it goes through your liver

is processed

into something that’s called 11 hydroxy metabolite

and this 11 hydroxy

is four times more psychoactive than thc four times

stronger per weight of the dose but

a totally different effect

it’s not the same

effect like

you know how it is when you get high if you just

smoke some weed

you know you get

you get a certain

there’s a certain

sensation there’s a certain way you see

things there’s a certain

door that gets opened a certain

frequency that gets turned on

well when you eat it it’s not the same frequency

right don’t you feel it i mean it’s fun

but it’s a totally different

thing it’s a totally different drug yeah

totally i don’t

actually like

edibles at all it

freaks a lot of people out

we know people that have had

massive crying fits

because they smoked pot and then thought

about some shit that

they did i’ve done that

on edibles really

yeah that always happens on

edibles whenever i

waterfall it

i always find that

the edibles make me the most

introspective makes

me the most conscious

about my own personal decisions

my own personal behavior you know

and it’s like they correct me the most

you know i get the most

corrections

from being super high on

edibles not me really

i feel like i’m

tripping and

i don’t know it’s just not

not the right

frame of mine at all

it’s so overwhelming and it’s so

powerful that

this is what happens when you get

super super high

when it’s so overwhelming and so

powerful anything negative that’s in your mind

is going to be brought to the surface and highlighted

so it’s like this drug

or this chemical whatever it is

is this unstoppable force

that’s in your

brain and just wants to run free

it just wants to

spin around and create and

your imagination when you’re super high

especially on

edibles is really

shocking like sometimes i

write things and i

swear i can’t take credit for

these ideas and thoughts because

they’re just being pulled out of the ether

by this weed

i mean that’s really what it is but

it has to have a free track

to drive around on

it has to have

free range of your thought

if there’s something

that’s fucking with you in your head

you know like

a relationship that you’re trying to get out of or

you know some

argument that you had with your parents that’s like

really fucking

bothering you

something that’s really eating away at you

something you did

where you regret doing it

anything like that any

speed bumps

are gonna be highlighted

it’s just gonna put spotlights

all over this fucking area of your thought process

and it’s gonna make it very uncomfortable

so in one way that very

uncomfortable feeling that paranoia that shit is good

because it makes you come to grips with some

things that

maybe you weren’t thinking

about correctly

or some things that

maybe you weren’t giving them your full attention and

maybe you had

a distorted perception of what they really are

and you know

the high is

gonna illuminate it for you

you know so to me it’s almost like

like someone yelling at you to

clean your room

you know hey

clean your mind shithead

you got this

stuff that’s bugging you

clean your mind

but it’s not easy it’s like some

high level black belt shit

that’s what

edibles are

edibles are like that’s like some shaolin monk

fucking you know top of the temple dodging

arrows shit

you know you can’t just go

right into a pot cookie

when you know you’re not really

you’re not that person that’s been exploring

their consciousness you’re not taking yoga you’re not

you know trying to

clean yourself out you’re just a regular dude with a

bunch of fucking problems and

you know some creepy memories in your past

and you eat a pot cookie you could wind

up crying yourself to death

i don’t know

man i don’t get that feeling from pot cookies at all

dude you can get a

strong one fuck you

yeah it’s more

every now and then you get one

it’s not like i’m

learning anything

about anything it’s more of like

man i’m fucked up and my

heart is yeah but

you don’t have like an

introspective

thing where it makes you

start thinking

about yourself and

how you stand in the

world not at all wow that’s weird

maybe with me it’s just

triggering some natural responses that i already have

that are always

going on anyway yeah that’s probably what it is

so yeah people are saying that the pot edible

things in holland’s bullshit

that they still saw on there you know what i

think they’re right i think i’m thinking of mushrooms

now that i think about it i think the argument was the

edible things was america

no you know what i think somebody told me that

but you know what i didn’t do any google search

on the internet but i have heard

about the edibles thing in

california that there’s some concern

and you know it’s because it’s some really potent shit

what there’s not concern

about those this got and i hate

to say this because i don’t want to make it illegal

that salvia is available in fucking head shops

he can go get salvia and for those

folks who don’t know

there’s some shit that you can buy in head shops like

you ever get like a high times

magazine and there’s

that page when you open it up and it’s like near bud

fake bud you know and it’s

no it’s not real it

doesn’t do anything really it’s disgusting

yeah i talked to one of the dudes from high

times and he was telling me that they make a ton of

money off that

stuff really

and i was like that makes me sad

i think i remember as a kid buying shit

that was fake

just in case if it worked

i remember doing i don’t know if it was fake

weed or what but it was like i remember it was a lot of

money it was like 30

40 bucks and i

think it was one of

those things that we were

18 were like oh yeah i can feel it i can feel it yeah

when i was when i was like 12 we used to

smoke everything we

smoke bamboo

leaves bananas

we smoked bananas yeah have you ever done that banana

peels yeah you can

smoke banana peels

it’s bananas

we tried smoking all sorts of

stuff we got cigars i

tried chewing tobacco

kids are stupid they try all

sorts of stupid shit what’s snuff

snuff is that

stuff it’s like

ground up tobacco

and it’s like got all sorts of shit in

menthol and

it’s probably like

filled with chemicals

and you stuff it in between your

cheek and your gum and it gives you this mad

nicotine rush

how great is it that lindsay

lohan found a loophole to get her drugs

during this probation time did you hear about this

no i didn’t hear about that

what were we just talking

about though because i had a

point snuff

but before that

you can go to head shops and get anything oh salvia

salvia well people are trying to make

edibles illegal

dude salvia is like a major

psychedelic drug

and for people who don’t know it it’s a really intense

experience you’ve done it a

bunch of times

right how many times have you done it like

seven six that’s some out of body shit right yeah

it’s like mushrooms though

but the thing

about salvia is that

it takes you

it opens up your

brain into like a

world if you’re

especially if you’re used to

psychedelics

it’s a familiar

world like it’s

crazy it’s like doing a

whippet of mushrooms but

i had to stop doing it because

i was doing it maybe

once every couple weeks

but i started

thinking like alright this is

not good this is

opening up something that’s probably

never gonna be able to be

completely shut

and that’s what a lot of people that

dmt i don’t

think it’s a good idea

i think there’s certain

things in the

brain that once it’s opened

you’re gonna be thinking

about that shit

forever kind of like oh do you know what i mean

that’s one of the reasons why i

haven’t done dmt in years

i haven’t done dmt in

three years

at least and that’s

one of the reasons

why is because the last time i did it it made

it was like

an undeniable alteration of my

view of reality that i had to become comfortable with

it’s like you have a certain reality that you live in

you know and then you

smoke a little pot and that reality

shifts and like

whoa now i’m in the pot reality you know it’s like i’m

still in the same

place i’m still dry

but i’m in a different

frequency i’m like

tuning into a different

frequency that’s how i always describe any sort of

psychedelic

experience whether

it’s mild like you know pot or intense like dmt

but the dmt one when i came back to sobriety

you know when the pot

one comes back to sober then i’m always the same you

know i’m driving down the same

street i see the same people i wave

it all feels the same to me

whereas when i’m high and i

run into somebody or i’m out doing my

thing it feels

weird it feels weird

but then when i sober up

it’s all normal

again well with the dmt

thing once i sober

up it wasn’t normal again

it didn’t get normal

it didn’t get normal for weeks

when i came back i was

the same person

i was living in the same

house i had the same life but

i had seen something that there was no way i was ever

going to forget

and my whole

view of reality

completely shifted so i had to think

now i just have to get comfortable with this new view

so it took like two weeks before my new view of reality

before i felt

like a normal person during normal days but for two

whole weeks man i remember

the way i described it was that reality felt very

slippery so you don’t

think that happens

at least in a micro

kind of way with

smoking weed or eating weed

i think if you don’t give yourself recovery period

i think it certainly alters

the way you look at the

world and perhaps permanently

i think potheads in general have

a completely different way of looking at things

then people don’t

smoke pot i don’t

think that’s a coincidence and i

think one of the reasons

that’s one of the reasons why pots here in the

first place

i think the reason why we have

these reactions to

these plants

these plants give us

these reactions

and give us this different way of looking at

things and seeing

things i think that’s what they’re there for

i think there’s a symbiotic

relationship that we have between us and those

plants and those

plants are there to assist in our

evolution i

think they’re there to assist in

our changing of our

thinking and i

think that’s what they do they

shape our thinking they

round things out they take away a lot of the

sharp jagged retarded edges of normal

thinking you

know and i think the

introspectiveness

that they bring

is one of the big parts

about it the ability to step back

and objectively kind of assess your life and look at it

and the squashing of your ego

i mean the intimidation and

the feeling of paranoia that you get when you

smoke pot part of that is

you know the ego

gets exposed and you know

your defense mechanisms drop

and you’d lighten it all up and you

start to look at

things for what they really are

you know i mean that’s why i

think it’s there i don’t

think it’s for everybody you know

i don’t think

i don’t think it

should be done

if you don’t know what you’re doing i

think the problem with

everything being

illegal is that we don’t have any shaman anymore

you know it’s a

goofy name for it but maybe they

could be sort of a

psychedelic consultant

that you go to

and the psychedelic consultant is a professional

a guy who’s

professionally

adept at navigating

psychedelic

worlds maybe that’s what our pot doctor

should turn into

yeah that’s what he

should turn into but that shit’s illegal too

you can’t just

potheads aren’t

gonna pay so you can tell him how to get high but

pot’s too easy but like mushrooms

but what if you’re getting massaged

by an asian

chick while he’s doing it

so you should have like

combo business yeah

combo business now you’re

thinking see

if you were that doctor you

wouldn’t have to worry

about the future you’d be

all pro pot because you’ve got some backup plans that’s

right that’s pretty dope move dude

you smoke some weed and get a massage

by a really hot asian

check and they

read like inspirational

quotes to you yeah

why not man why can’t that be a real business

gotta think of it that

actually sounds pretty promising man

you could start a chain to those

what would you call em

hello titty

pretty girl rub rub to enlightenment

too many words

too many words right

is this real

how about pretty girl massage too in life

maybe is this real life

that’s it like the kid the dentist the

kid that came back

from the dentist is this real life is this real life

hey dude i went

to this real life they have this new girl you

gotta smoke the

train wreck and

have her talk

about it this is how

funny dana white is

dana white’s

his birthday

party for his 40th birthday was this awesome bash

that they threw for him

total surprise

it was in vegas

at one of the big

hotels this whole

fucking conference room and everything

they had it all set up he had no idea

he goes down there

he walks in the door everybody’s waiting surprise so

this is how

crazy this party was

fucking stone temple

pilots played oh wow the

stone temple

pilots got up and

they were the that guy

scott weiland

is that what his name is the one who’s always on heroin

eddie vedder

wannabe yeah

he’s talented as fuck dude

that guy was inspirationally talented but

crazy is all fuck

like it was taking a

while to get the

party started to get everybody seated and

everything like that

and they wanted more

money they were threatening they wanted to fucking

leave they were

gonna quit like

there was all sorts of

i mean i’m getting this all

thirdhand so it

could be total bullshit but

you know i didn’t actually talk to him but

we did like

bring them up you know i

introduced them i you know said

happy birthday to dana and then i said

ladies and gentlemen

without further ado

stone temple

pilots and everybody went fucking

crazy like you couldn’t believe the

actual stone temple

pilots were there

so anyway they play this intense concert i mean

that motherfucker is so good and

he’s so tight and so professional and nails

every fucking single movement

he just it was

really one of the best live performances i’ve ever

seen was it all the same old songs that’s why yes

that’s why it was so tight it

doesn’t matter

i don’t give a fuck

so 20 years ago that’s true but god damn it was good

i understand that but i love

those songs so goddamn

anyway and it’s over

dana goes downstairs

sage takes the

microphone and goes

that just happened

that’s cool he’s like that just happened

and you know

they want to get out of there they want to get

their check the

fuck out here and dan

is just standing

there looking at all his friends talking to the mic

that just happened

that’s you know i mean it was like

one of those moments

where you’re like wow that

motherfucker just had

stone temple

pilots play his birthday party

could you imagine

coming out to your backyard

and you know who

would be your band

wean would it be wean

you know wean

probably maybe

yeah if you had like mc chris show up at your

house and he’s playing in your backyard

you know it surprised you

is mc chris your

stone temple

pilots no no no no

i know i know mc chris that’s a problem

that’s gay that’s gay

hey dude yeah who

would be your

stone temple

pilots nine inch

nails back in the day

maybe i don’t know for me

soundgarden when they’re at their peak

blow up the outside world

those songs man

that was when i

first started smoking weed

when i first

started getting a

sound garden

and i remember

i i was at the comedy

store once and

you know we’re hanging out all

night having a good time and i was leaving

and in my car on the way home i listened to spoon man

and it was so fucking good i played it all the way home

i just kept repeating it

every time we go to the next song i go

right back to it

i listen to

spoon man i don’t know how many times it

takes me 20 minutes to drive home

i listen to

spoon man at

least five times wow

cause it’s just so good

you know you don’t even know what

music sounds like

until you start smoking pot

you don’t even know what you’re missing

there’s certain

sounds that you’re not

gonna feel or at

least i’m not

going to i don’t know how

music affects you

but for me when i smoke pot

it makes me way more connected to music

eddie says the same shit

like like when he listens to

music and when he does

music well weed just intensifies

everything as obviously that if you will see a

movie on weed it’s

gonna be more

intense and awesome than it is without it you

know everything

sex too people

don’t realize that and emotions emotions yeah

waterfalls tell us

all tell us

all waterfalls

you know what i was just

thinking who

would be my person be ben folds

dan folds five yeah

what about john mayer

don’t you think he’d be jealous what

john mayer just had to

cancel his european tour

him and carlos

no don’t be mean

to kick a man

while he’s down i know

yeah so for like

modern bands man shit i don’t know

i think house of pain would be fucking badass

i missed that dana had a concert in boston for

saint patrick’s day and he had house of pain play

everlast is the coolest

i love that dude

my drug dealer was in ohio was so addicted to

house of pain

come over be like what’s up

brandi turns on

jump around or whatever dude i like when marcus davis

fights but one of the main reasons why is just i love

marcus davis but also so i could hear that fucking song

that’s one of the best walkout songs ever yeah

that fucking song is the shit man they just

smashed that one

you know and

then they had a hard time coming up with anything that

could top that

that song was just such an out of the ballpark

smash hit you know

it wasn’t until

everlast got on his own like that what it’s like song

that’s another that’s a fucking

classic that’s an all time

classic wait everlast

i’m thinking of

are you thinking of

swim past the breakers

and let the

world die no

because that

oh my god you faggot this is a totally different band

how’s the player

is jump around

jump up jump up and get down

i’m the king of

you know no no no i thought you were talking

about something else

never mind i thought you’re talking about

everlast the band

no everlast

the lead singer

right you faggot

i know you were

thinking of

is that the

other band called everlast though no

ever clear bro

ever clear ever clear

the total polar

homosexual opposite of

house of pain

i know i was just like but by the way a badass band

still i love that song you do yeah that’s

we can live

on axis hollywood

now isn’t he or something like that

no that’s mark mcgrath

you just fucking

tile everybody together man

i heard gene

simmons just died oh no it was ronnie james dio

you’re just

fucking connecting people man

you know that was the weirdest

thing ever any show that i ever did

the the new year show

when when gene simmons

showed up for the new year show like to

watch my new year show

i freaked out i’ve

never freaked out of people come to see my show before

but i legitimately

freaked out

i was like nervous

i’ve had famous people

come to see the show and talk to me before they see it

and it doesn’t

freak me out

once i got a

little nervous when penn was in the audience

because i was

hanging out with penn from penn and teller

because i respect him and he’s a cool guy

so i got a little

weirded out and i was like holy shit

i can’t bomb

i can’t bomb

i gotta do my

rights and that’s the worst

state of mind to get into for comedy but

when gene simmons was in

the audience in the new year show i was like holy shit

that’s fucking gene simmons

like to me when i was a little kid

you know when i was a kiss fan

when i was like fucking

12 and shit i had kiss posters on my wall

and you know i get in arguments with kids at

school because they

would say kisses for fags

so i had to hide my kiss collection

i had to hide my love for kiss

when dudes would come over my

house like the

first time if i didn’t know them i hid my kiss

stuff you just like makeup joe

i do like little like make up on guys

i like high heels

i like the makeup

i just love the

whole thing

where they had you know they had like the

whole pageantry

of the fucking show you know they had the

demon the star child

fucking lover the

whole thing man

i was a fucking huge kiss fan

i still am i

still love some of

their jams i like fucking

throwing them on

while driving yeah yeah

i was made for loving you

love gun yeah here’s a good

video of you doing a karaoke version of love gun yeah

google search

kiss karaoke

joe rogan that was fun man

that was fun as shit

that was a that was a fun

radio show that show

sarah no name

yeah but they’re not together anymore they

broke up yeah

now no name’s got his own gig and she’s got her own gig

radio is a grind man it’s hard

it’s hard you know

the mrs rogan

had to get something

fixed on her car so she got a rental car

and she was telling me she was like

when you don’t listen to

satellite radio for a while

you realize how much regular radio

sucks you know what

those satellite radios

starting to suck now too because i mean

they’re now getting censored by the

i think opie and anthony were talking

about it the other day

where they aren’t allowed to puke anymore or do

sounds of puking or anything

leaving the body like

shit they talk

about shit either it’s like

their baby bird

bit they did back in the day they

wouldn’t have been able to do that anymore they

just aired it though

yeah it was on the other day i was driving home

and i was listening to

opie and anthony and i wasn’t really paying attention

but i heard

screams and cheers

and i was like what could

possibly be eliciting this kind of reaction

and then i said oh my god this is the baby bird

and i turned it up

so i just got in the car

and i turned it up and you hear it

and i heard bill burr’s

voice and then i

heard my own

voice and i was like oh wow

but that’s weird though

cause satellite

radio is now turning into regular

radio in some ways

and also a lot of

these music channels it almost seems like

i was talking

about this last

night with some dude

how he was saying like how

satellite radio to him

sounds like they just like

they’re playing like looped

cds like they have a cd

like a mixtape

and they’re just looping the same

you know like he’s like i don’t need to hear

music channels yeah like

i don’t need to hear bush

five times a day you know what

they should do for real

they should have real djs

take the opportunity to go back to real djs

where one guy no we

haven’t talked about this

where one guy

is like some fucking cool wolfman jack type character

he talks some shit in between the songs

and he plays what he likes the future is just rhapsody

or not rhapsody

fuck the pandora

and all those blips and

stuff like that

because that’s what the future is like if you like

i don’t know if you ever use pandora

if you like pandora

if you say like ben folds you type in ben

folds or ween

and then what it does is it makes a

radio station

based on what

other users who like that band like also

and so what happens is like they’ll play wean

then they’ll play another band

that’s like

other people that like wean like

and you either say yes or no you vote it up and down

and it just kind of

starts building

the perfect

radio station for you yeah that’s brilliant

that’s brilliant

but what that’s missing though

is the camaraderie

of a dj i remember when i used to do construction

and i used to listen to

charles la cordera in the morning

the morning blanket

or the morning mattress

the big mattress that’s what it was called

it was this

cool comedy

radio show that was on in boston

in like you

know this is like

the early 80s you know like 1981 or some shit like that

and you felt like you had a

connection with this dude

you know like you

would hear him like talk and then he

would play a song or you

know all the

other djs too mark parentos in the afternoon

he would talk and then he

would play a song like

that guy became a part of your afternoon

you know it’s like he

would play the shit that he wanted to play

like romero’s listening to this one station though w

c o z w c o z back in boston

was called kick ass rock and roll

and the dj said you know what

i’m gonna play you guys something

just because it’s good

and it’s not even rock

it’s a michael jackson song

i’m gonna play this just because it’s good

and he played billie jean

and i remember like look at this crazy

motherfucker he decided to not even play a rock song

he’s like playing a michael jackson song

but it was so fucking good nobody gave a shit

you know but it was like

those type that by

chances you can’t take today

you you you

gotta still now

that yeah because it’s all based on

money like advertising and all that

stuff in order for them to be able to have jobs so

they’re not allowed to play certain songs because the

music industry

or record labels won’t let them play those

songs you know

and etcetera

yeah well that’s what sucks man

the old days of a real dj i

think if satellite

radio was smart

they would concentrate

on hiring like really interesting personalities

to just be djs

just some dude that you get used to listening to

some dude who

says some interesting shit in between the songs

you know some guy has got an interesting

point of view

gives you some

trivia about the band or

something will you like the guy you like his taste in

music you know who it

should be is that guy from

opie and anthony

the guy who

did a guest host once

remember when

we listened to it last time we were on the show

ridge vos no no

the guy that works for them that’s like

their bodyguard or steve

the manager remember he did a

guest hour on

radio where he djed

and we all listened to it last time we were there

the big tall guy oh

kenny kenny

oh exactly club soda kenny

i didn’t know

where you were

going with this

i don’t know why i have club soda

getting just in the back of my head at all times

he did that disco

thing he was

as a dj on the

disco channel

and i don’t

think that they ever aired this

but he was just

swearing and saying

all kinds of crude shit and it was really hilarious

and playing like a character like a dj character

and it was awesome

it made you look forward to the end of the song so you

could hear him talk some more shit

it was like fun you know

the problem is

for every person who loves club sona

kenny there’s

gonna be another person probably

somewhere who hates them that’s the good thing

about satellite

radio it’s like

cable they could have a million

radio stations exactly

but they’re not willing to do that it’s the same reason

why they’re telling them not to make poopy sounds

it’s like they’re worried

about any negative they’re not

worried about the positive no one’s gonna pay

extra for poopy sounds

but there’s

gonna be some people that they hear them talk

about shit and diarrhea

and they just tune out it’s like that’s it i don’t know

and they’re worried

about advertisers you know

like not wanting to be associated with poopy talk

you know that they’re

gonna lose something

so that’s why you know like

a guy who’s like a real

crazy dj like a club soda

kenny that shit is not

gonna fly cause he’s

gonna offend too many people

we live in a

pussy ass world

that’s why i

think the internet is just

gonna be the radio

like this shit

right here like podcast

but the problem is that now they’re

going to fuck with this you know how’s it

gonna fuck with this

they’re gonna find a way to edit it or

sensor it you know they’re

going to well

eventually you’ll be able to do this from your own

computer you don’t have to

worry about that eventually you’re

gonna be able to do something like you stream

you won’t need a u

stream not that we don’t love u stream

they’re all very cool with us and

everything but you’re

going to be able

to do this kind of shit from your home computer you’re

going to be able to do this shit on your home network

what do you mean

you’re going to be able to

have your own u

stream set up on your own computer

you’re not gonna have to have some

crazy server

and the server handles all this video

there’s gonna

become some new

innovation that’s

gonna allow

people to do this kind of shit

right from their own computer

and already did that

yeah but not with

these kind of numbers like how many people are

tuned into this

thing right now oh i see what you’re saying so you’re

1300 you’re all here

yeah that’s kind of a bandwidth

thing so yeah

so yeah you’d be able to

serve it eventually that won’t be an issue

just like 14 for bought modems

could never even download

pictures took forever

you know you’d

never be able to do this on the old school

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

i remember the first time i clicked

on an isdn line it didn’t make that

noise i was like this is incredible

you just get online there’s no noise

mm hmm how do you know when it’s on

that’s a ringtone i want

just that sound of dialing up

i bet you can get it i bet that’s

if not somebody make it that is a cool ringtone yeah

throw that shit up on twitter homies

make a ringtone

yeah please do

yeah that sound man that

getting online the dialing up modem

sound somebody make a ringtone for iphone please

there was a time when that was the way to get online

and you couldn’t get online if you had your phone on

if you were like

someone couldn’t use the

phone while you

were online

my mom still has that internet

you know it’s

i don’t know if you ever had aol

back in the day

they used to when private messaging

first came out

like instant message yeah you know

every time you stay

get an instant message it

would say this voice

the same guy that did you got

mail would say

instant message

and then you get

a window that pops up and goes hi how are you doing

then you’d write back

and then they

write back and it goes

instant message

and i remember

that that was really cool it was like wow there’s this

voice telling they have a message

but then it got so popular

that for a good couple

months aol was

must have been

freaking out because that because it

would just go instant instant instant message

because everyone was

messaging back and forth

because it just like it became twitter overnight

so everyone was instant messaging

so it was just the most

annoying shit ever like you’re just walking to your

house and just

instant instant instant message

i remember when you got mail was cool you got mail

you’ve got mail

you’ve got mail

remember when that was cool yeah you

should have that for your text messages you’ve got mail

every time a text comes in

that should be your

sound that guy that did that

voice i think was this is the same that used

to do some disney advertisements or something like this

coming soon to disney

that should be available

that you’ve got mail

should be available as a ringtone yeah

shouldn’t it be

if i can tell

i’m serious

it better be

i’ll be very

disappointed

i used to love that

sound me too

until i had it for like a couple

months then

after a while you’re like what the

fuck is that

was there an option to shut that

noise off i don’t

remember but i remember on that instant message i don’t

think there was and that’s why it was so

annoying because

aol had to update it so

they got rid of it i remember

what was the

other there was another type of

chat like that

icq yeah icq exactly i

still have my

icq number do

you really it’s like

512 or something that’s

crazy do people

still use that shit

i don’t know

yeah they do yeah

yeah i secured

like only the

elite nerdy nerds the

super elite nerds yeah that was back in my

quake playing days

everybody in

quake had icq

and you would get online a

quake clan like my

icq name was my

quake name primate xd

and i’d get online

and all the other

quake clan members

would go on and we

would message each

other about what server you were

gonna be on

and there was a way that you could

click on the link they

would send you a link to the server

you click on it from icq

and it would fire up your quake game

and take you

right to that server dude dude

those are the days man

those are the days

i all i wanted to do was get home and fucking play

quick that’s baby

screaming in the hallway

so it happens when you live with kids they

start screaming and shit yeah

goddamn little banshees

we got seven more minutes then we’re gonna call it

this time we’re gonna do it at two two hours

see i feel like we start

petering out about ten minutes ago yeah

i agree not really

fired it back

a long podcast

we do pretty amazing but it’s

it’s you know what i

think it’s the way to

do it because then you get deep into conversations yeah

you know in an hour sometimes we just

touch on things

right when we

touch on them

yeah you know at the end

you know we run out of time

what else did i want to talk to you about oh

the fucking oil

spill thing man the latest

thing on the oil

spill was that they’re not

going to be able to stop it

until they dig into these

extra wells

to make these relief wells they’re

going to have two relief wells they wanted to make one

but the government forced them to

drill two relief wells

because the area they’re trying to hit

to intersect

these two wells

is like seven and a half inches

and they have to go like a fucking mile

underwater and

underground to hit this well

a mile and it’s

gonna take them

until august

and even that is not guaranteed

but until then

it’s just gonna keep pouring oil

and there was a

thing on rachel maddow

where they showed

the same company that

built this well also

built a well that in 1979 did the same fucking thing

in 1979 in the

gulf of mexico

it spilled out for nine

months wow really for nine months

until they figured out how to stop it nine

fucking months i

think it’s gonna be crazy

i know everyone made fun of the cnn

for doing this but i just

think it’s gonna be crazy

hurricane season

mixing in with all this

you know dude it’s

terrifying what

if it just becomes like fire tornadoes and

stuff like that it really could be

it really could be

i mean people don’t know

how dangerous that is if you get hurricanes and they

start taking that oil

which is literally the size of maryland now

there’s an oil

slick that’s the size of a state

and it takes that shit and

flies it through the fucking air

it’s gonna whip it up in like

tornadoes and shit and fly it through the fucking air

i mean it’s literally

gonna take that oil

and throw it all over

everything people’s

houses and cars and trees

and if something happens

and a fire starts

dude that is like some biblical shit yeah that’s about

2012 that’s some

biblical shit

a state on fire

wow fire tornado

yeah that’s so cool dude

i mean that

sucks that sucks it does suck

but fire i want to see a fire tornado though

i want to see it in a lab

maybe contain random

movie end of a

world movie dude i

watch someone

one documentary

where they showed this very specific geographic

feature of the

earth where they were having a hard time

figuring out how it was created and

they chalked it off to some insane like instantaneous

super storm that like

literally destroyed like half of this mountainside

and recut through this you

know like tornados all kinds of crazy shit

cut this landscape

you start looking at shit like that

and you start

thinking of what the possibilities actually are

what could happen in any moment

some nutty shit

could happen any day any time any

minute of any day

some of the

things that have happened to this

earth like over the past make that sinkhole

in guatemala look like nothing

this is one of them man

this oil spill

thing is pretty

crazy because there’s a lot of goddamn oil

there’s a lot

of goddamn tankers out there there’s a lot of goddamn

oil rigs out there in the ocean

you know if somebody was a real

anarchist instead of trying to fuck up the world by

you know blowing up a

building they

would start blowing

those fucking

things up yep

i think they try a lot i bet

do you i bet they do they

should have warships

that are around

those things at all times

you know but then they

would probably fuck up and blow it up accidentally

some suicidal

crazy sailor type dude

accidentally sucked his first dick

can’t take it

that’s probably sure

there’s some fail saves to keep them from doing that

right yeah totally

having access to missiles maybe

fail states that this shit didn’t happen

well the crazy

thing is that they made this

not even to their own

safety specifications they got

a waver on it because it was taking too long to make

so the valve that they used or the whatever they used

to cap this oil well off

was not the

best shit they did not use the recommended and

required shit

they got some sort of a

some sort of a

break because they were

like way behind in

budget and so they

spent less money

and put this

thing up quicker and

the real hazard with

those is that

sometimes gaskets inside of them that’s what

causes explosions

and that’s exactly what fucking happened

this would happen in 1979 same goddamn

thing happened

and still from then to now

they literally

haven’t come up with any new ways of stopping the oil

they don’t have any backup plans

they just figured it happens so rarely

we’re just going to suck as much

money out as as

humanly possible

fuck everybody else

and then you

know if something happens we’ll deal with it

but hopefully nothing will happen

i guess to please the ufc fans what did you think

about the rashad rampage recap oh

there’s a lot of

ufc fans there’s a lot of people asking

about the rashad

so interesting

fight you know i

think rampage came into that fight too heavy

i think he was

aware of that yeah he was

250 pounds and the weight class is 205 so he had 45

pounds to lose not really you know

35 really is gonna cut some weight cut about 10 pounds

but that’s a lot of weight to lose in a

training camp it’s a tremendous amount of weight

so he had to think about that

i think more than he should have

and rashad was coming off of

the fight with thiago silva so he’s in excellent shape

so he came right from one fight

jumped back in training

and got in training camp for the next fight with

a good amount of down time to recover

but not too much so it was really

optimum for him for rashad

and he made the most of it

i mean if you saw the

prime time shows they’re really good

those prime time shows get you fucking fired up man

they’re really

in depth on the training and show all the preparations

everything and rashad was

throwing it down man his training was insane

he was doing all these crazy

sprints and

with a parachute on they’d

put a parachute on his back and he’s doing sprints

and he’s doing all

these things where he’s

pushing sleds and

all this explosive energy shit

and it really showed in the

fight man he

moved so fast

when he charged out

right at the opening belt and

cracked rampage in the jaw i was like

really shocked at how fast he

moved you know it was really really intense

and he executed

a perfect game plan he kept away from the danger

which is rampages

power shots

and he implemented his strategy controlling

him and taking him down and beating him up when he’s

you know when

he’s on the outside and getting away from rampages

counters but he did get clipped once

that was the most interesting part of the fight

besides the opening

seconds when he

cracked them

the most interesting part of the

fight was when rampage hit him

he hurt him bad his legs gave out he

was flat on his ass

yeah in the

third round

he got hurt bad but

he kept his composure

got a hold of rampage and even reversed the position so

it was a huge

round for him

just as far as like

being able to overcome the

worst case scenario

the worst case scenario is rampage clips you

he hurts you

and he’s on top of you and you’re on the bottom

that’s the worst position you

could ever be in with a guy like rampage

because he’s so fucking

powerful he hit so hard

and rashad kept his shit together and

kept a hold of them and

got out of the situation

i was impressed man

i thought it was

an entertaining

fight i enjoyed the fuck out of it

some people

criticized them i didn’t see that

ufc but i heard that everyone

was really upset about it

really yeah who’s everyone

every person i talk to

who you talking to a

bunch of faggots

something about it just

it was well people sometimes they say

just fucking wall install them

that’s what they’re saying a lot of people say that

just fucking

wall installed man that’s all you did wall install

no what he did was he dealt with

a very dangerous challenger in a very intelligent way

i don’t think there’s anything

wrong with what he did

i think he did

what he did is what you have to do you can’t

just go in there and bang it out with rampage he’s

gonna clip you and you’re

gonna go to

sleep that’s just fact

that’s just the way it goes

rampage has a distinct advantage with most people

if most dudes want to

stand in there and

trade with rampage

rampage is going to fuck them up

the only guy that i’ve ever seen go

after rampage and

stand and trade with them was vanderlay in the

first two fights

and that was when rampage was not that well

trained he wasn’t

nearly in as good a

shape as he is now he wasn’t nearly as technical

didn’t have nearly as good a

training partners

it was those

fights and in

those fights

vandale fucking chased

after him that was some pretty

exciting shit vandale

slugged it out with him he really went

after him and the

chuckle dale

fight that’s another one chuck

especially the

first one in

pride they really slugged it out but

it’s hard to come out on top

with quentin like that he’s just so

powerful man

dudes get in brawls with him

he just blasts them you

gotta fight that guy smart

you know van

delay got away with it but

van delay was in his

prime back then

and he caught rampage when rampage wasn’t

quite prepared he wasn’t the same rampage that is now

you know rampagious

has a lot of

power so i think what rashad

did was a very

smart thing i

think he fought real good

it was exciting i

enjoyed the shit out of it

the big the highlight to me though of the

whole night was that mike russo todd

duffy fight

did you see that

mm hmm i didn’t see any

we gotta you

gotta see that because it’s the craziest fucking

thing you’ll ever see in your life

you see a guy who’s

built like you

okay he’s built like he’s got a gut

okay i’m not i’m not being mean

he’s built worse than you how

about that you are more sexy than him how

about that feel better

anyway this guy

is getting his ass kicked by this todd

duffy character

who looks like he was made

in a lab like literally

if you just just do me a

favor and google google

mike russo todd duffy

ko you got to put a no no duffy is du ffe

that’s it there you go

i know how google works shit

yeah but you clicked on the wrong link

you just clicked on the wrong one

you want me to do a video yeah you got to go with the

video you got to see this because

anyway this that’s it right there

it’s the most ridiculous

thing ever because no that’s not it that’s the

wrong one that’s the first

fight that todd duffy ever had

no those are all todd diffey tim hag

anyway not important okay

this guy is getting his ass kicked for for

three rounds for two and a half rounds

and he’s fat and he’s

really out of shape it looks like he’s got

this belly that hangs over his gut

and this todd

duffy character looks like fucking gi joe man he looks

ridiculous he’s got this square iron looking jaw

his whole body is chiseled out of granite and he’s just

teeing off on this mike russo guy

it looks like the worst mismatch you’ve ever seen in a

fight like one guy old

school ufc old school

even worse because this guy

they’re both they both have

modern skills just one of them is so much faster

so much more athletic okay

so this todd duffy is teeing off on mike russo

just fucking him up

where you can’t believe the shots russo is taking

you’re like this is just a matter of time and

after getting his ass kicked for two fucking rounds

he goes into the third round

out of nowhere

catches mike

todduffie with one punch and flattens them out cold

so this fat guy is getting his ass kicked

for the entire fight

and lands one shot and this adonis

who looks like he

could get hit

in the head by a fucking meteor and he’d be fine

he gets clipped with one shot and goes

unconscious

arms behind his head and the

whole place goes fucking insane

people were

standing up people were pissed because they weren’t

watching because it was getting boring

because the one guy was just teeing off on the

other guy dude

the craziest shit i’ve ever seen in a thousand years of

fighting thousand

fights rather a thousand years how old am i

a thousand fights over ten years

the craziest shit i’ve seen by far was this knockout

i’ll have to find it you

gotta see it

i think you need to see

check it out with dr

steve brull

what is that

it’s a new show based

off of tim and eric’s show it just

started off

adult swim it’s

every sunday

night at midnight but

check it out

tevo that it’s only 15 minutes long but it’s so

ridiculously awesome

it’s called

check it out with dr

steve earl love it

i’m looking it up for you

so we should talk about the flashlight at the end too

if you guys go to flashlight com

or go to joe’s rogan’s website and

click on the banner on the right side they are official

sponsor of the podcast and if you

click on their banner you get 15 off your order

and i highly recommend

getting some of that

flesh light lotion or oil it’s the best stuff

even to use without a flashlight alright here it is

look at this

flashlight com one punch

this is the fight

the other guy out of nowhere

the other guy is a fucking a monster a destroyer

the owner of the fastest ko in uoc history

and this fat guy clips him with

one punch bang out of nowhere boom that’s it out cold

it was like you shut off

it was crazy

fights dude

there’s nothing more unpredictable than an mma fight

you could be watching a soccer game and a team

could be getting fucked up

for the entire you know most of the most of the game

a team can’t come back in the

final four seconds and win

you know but in an mma

fight you’re always in danger

you can always lose it a soccer match

they can get a basketball match you can get 50

points ahead and there’s no way you can lose

but in a fight

you could always lose

it doesn’t matter accumulated scoring

you could be fucking somebody out for three rounds

for four minutes and 50 seconds and in the last ten

seconds they punch you and you go to sleep and they win

that’s fucking nuts

it’s one of the reasons why it’s so exciting

it’s also one of the reasons why we’re

never going to embrace soccer

i embrace it do you embrace it yeah

my penis what’s wrong with you okay

how funny would it be if the us won the

world cup and nobody gave a fuck

who cares no one does give a fuck they do you’re

crazy in other countries is gigantic

okay you get negative we’re gonna end the podcast

i feel your blood sugar dropping i’m gonna give you

candy in the middle of the podcast now

skills you’re getting

measurably less focused towards the end son

you need a candy bar

stun gun that was a good fight to nick diaz

all right there’s a lot of catch wrestling yeah

there’s a lot of i need to

bring mrs rogan on fuck you faggot get your own wife

staring at my wife

the heard your wife’s not doing transformers three now

shut up faggot

you know i don’t

date actresses

i have no headshots posse

very strict

you should too we all should

in life everyone should have a no headshots policy

coming from the

point of view of someone with a headshot i

guess i have one out there some somewhere

but anybody who wants to be in the

entertainment

business who wants that kind of exorbitant

amount of attention

you got to be fucked up

i’m fucked up

everybody else at the

comic is fucked up

every actors fucked up

every singers fucked up

they’re fucked up you’re

managing it

you know you’re

trying to do your best with whatever fucked up energy

you have but the only reason why you’re doing it in the

first place

cause you’re fucked up

when you agree

have you ever

met a performer that’s not fucked up in some way

no it’s impossible right

that’s the balance though

my friend that is the balance of life you have to have

some sort of void in your life to be able to provide

other people with this sort of

entertainment joy

that’s the engine that’s the

motivation behind that shit

you know just like porn stars you have to have a

you know a bad

childhood if you want to let guys fuck you on camera

right there’s got to be something

wrong there

right or you just totally love money or

i guess you

gotta really love

money you know

i think there’s a

crazy balance to all life we’ve talked

about this before

but you know it’s like what we’re talking

about we’re talking

about third

world countries

like and idiots in america even

you need a certain amount

of unenlightened

fools in this world

to keep the

world operating

on the level that it’s operating now

you need a certain amount of people that live in places

where it sucks

a certain amount of people that live in

impoverished

countries and you need corporations to exploit

them in order

to keep this

thing going the way it’s

going right now

i’m not saying this is the only

model that would function

but this is the

model that we currently operate

under and in

order to keep this

model going

i think what’s happening is exactly what has to happen

it really does seem

like the more

you pay attention to life that life is a program

you know the more you look

at it all and look at the temporary nature of it all

and you realize that

this really is some sort of a program we’re following

don’t you feel that all the time

and it doesn’t feel real right

it feels orchestrated

doesn’t it i agree

oh my god you’re useless

this is what i saw this way i saw

that’s what made me

what i always talk about porn stars

i guess because i’m always beaten off

because we love porn

no because i’m fascinated by

the world of it you know i’m fascinated by

all unusual human behavior

i’m fascinated by strippers i’m fascinated by fighters

i’m fascinated by comedians

entertainers performers

all the the outskirts of normal behavior whether it’s

i don’t mean none

of its bad it’s all good i mean we all fuck who cares

fucking on camera there’s nothing

wrong with it we’ve all

watched it we all benefit from it

but to me i’m

always fascinated by extreme types of behavior

you know especially if they’re not

disturbing if it’s not negative like you know we talked

about the max hardcore thing

don’t like that but

i’m fascinated by all sorts of

weird behavior i

think it helps you

understand your own don’t you i agree

after fucking two

hours that’s all

brian says yep

yep i agree

i’m like listen you faggot

well i was thinking if i

should even get into something because i don’t want to

any longer you know what i mean and i just

it’s kind of

scary to get to a

point where you’re like okay

we need to end this but if i

bring something up we can’t

think like that

i was ready to bail

at any moment we’re looking for a good moment to bail

after two hours

we’re looking for a good moment

to bail but if you have something interesting to talk

about just talk

about is there a proper way to

win you know

where you see porns

where girls are giving blowjobs

and they’re

choking or gagging

is there a proper way to do

it and a not a proper way to do it like is there like a

secret to it like you

no i think it’s the girl

some girls like that shit dude

they’re lucky to

stuff it in

their mouth they like to

choke it’s weird

you know i don’t

think there’s a

secret way to do it i

think my mom is a

total liar then

your mom told you something about porn

what’d she say

brian nothing

okay brian now i know you’re useless

you were doing real good for about two

hours there fella

and there’s nothing else to talk

about ladies and gentlemen give us another

half an hour listen the last half an hour it will suck

okay it’ll be me

talking to brian and brian

checking his

watch and looking at his text messages

he’s right though you can’t really do more than two

hours and be

interesting

so and i think we’re not interesting

right now i

think this is the end of it

please stop doing that

got a penny

next week i’m gonna try to bring some other guests

maybe some comics see if i can gather anybody i’m

gonna be at the improv

this week so i’ll come by and see if i grab somebody

bring some guys back here

make it interesting

but saying you get fucking tired fellow

you you you not thinking

about the fact is twelve hundred people listeners

right now no

ten thousand are gonna listen to it on you stream

and honestly i’m thinking

about pissing my pants right oh really

why don’t you go get up and take a leak

you fucking freak

all right you hanging in there hanging tough

you little kid

but that’s why he’s so talented

ladies and gentlemen because he thinks like a child

we all have we’re all over the place in this world

right brian that’s right daddy all right thank you

ladies and gentlemen thank you very much for tuning in

we appreciate it as always we will come back next week

i don’t have any gigs

until a couple weeks i’m in canada

go to joebrogan

net you can see it all last

next big gig in america is july 2nd

in vegas at the house of blues

so thank you very much for

tuning in everybody love you bitches and

yeah go buy one of those things