now recording to server we are now playing girl talk

all day all day bitches

all

now party people in the club it’s time to catch a rug

and load the boots up in the sky just want to shut the

buzz i’m double fisted

i’m just playing what’s up

is this the same dude

yeah this is a mashup of a

bunch of songs by girl talk

and who’s the rapper

that was you know i have no idea

damn that guy’s good

yeah that guy’s really good he’s original too like

the way he flows it’s original i tell you girl talk is

a it’s the guy that matches

songs and if you go to his website it’s been hammered

since he released

this yesterday he just released a new cd

and the best thing

about girl talk

where i find a lot of my music from

is i’ll listen to that and he’ll

match match so much

music and i like a part of a song i’m

like alright who’s song the original part of this song

find out who that is

new artists i like so

girl talks great for

finding out

about new bands

this is a weird time for

music man they can just get

famous by getting

online and having cool people find out

about it and they tell

other cool people and it

spreads through email

so much shit get

there’s just

so many bands man it’s impossible to follow them all

right now yep

it’s the fucking internet bitches

it’s taking over

flashlight that’s

brian that’s

him doing his professional duties to

alert me that we’re supposed to say that

we are sponsored by the

flashlight and

it’s a masturbation

tool implement

we’ve talked

about it a million times i don’t

think there’s

any other ways to describe it

i support the product

it’s effective

it’s quite embarrassing

if you caught using it but

whatever man you got to get over that shit i have

successfully

tricked two people into putting their finger in my used

flashlight in the last week that’s not a trick man

you ain’t lance burton

motherfucker you just an asshole i know

but i did it live

it’s a trick i did it live on video why

would you do that man because they just

touched my dick you know how everyone’s pulling out

their dicks and putting on your you

know like all the

comics like hey look at my dick oh hey

you know all that

stuff i found a way around it that’s even

worse you’re touching my dick and cum

dude what is wrong with you why would you want anyone

to do that yeah

that’s like assault we can go to jail for

years years for that yeah do you

could ruin a person’s

night and ruin

their sleep ruin

their performance at work it

could lead to them getting

fired they get

fired their wife is a lot of pressure in the

house she gets divorced their kids

grow up fucked up why

because you decided one day on a critical night

to make this guy

touch your used

flashlight and he was fucking

steaming all

night fucking piss

or they go home and finger

their girlfriends and

wives and i get them pregnant and i

start knocking up bitches left and right

wow could you imagine if that was possible

just stop and

think for a

second i mean i know that’s a

ridiculous notion

but would that be the saddest fucking way to get

did you hear

about that one

woman that got pregnant she blew a guy

and she got stabbed

okay and somehow another in the

knife wound

the fucking sperm

got into her uterus

and fertilized her egg

that is the or her

ovaries right

what kind of kids whatever

wherever the eggs are

what kind of

kid is that

gonna turn into

could you imagine that

well the crazy

thing is i think

there was something

nutty like she was born with no vagina

it was like the

whole thing was a

freak show it was in africa

i think i might be making this up

i think she was born

with no i remember this

she was born

with no vagina and she just run around i just

guess given dudes head the poor

young thing

this sounds like

the birth of a

comic book hero

he was born

in africa to a

woman with no vagina

from a gash in her

ovary at the

bottom on it is that the most like no one can talk shit

if you’re from that situation when you’re at school

you know you

could you know kids

could be like my dad’s a cop

yeah you know guys be like my dad’s fireman

yeah and he

be like i don’t

know one knows she was just sucking dicks and

some loads survived and someone

stabbed her

she didn’t even have a vagina

there was no exit for that oh

my god what a fucking shitty roll the dice

if you really believe in karma

and you really believe that you are the product of

your past lives and who you are and what you what you

learned in those lives and it’s

carrying over and that’s why

not everyone is equal

what the fuck did that guy

do well no and also like who is this vaginaless blowjob

woman in africa what is that yeah exactly

the poor girl

what a shit roll the dice man

who is you know who is that girl

what was she in another life

yeah i know it’s like

it that’s one of the big questions is

cause if you do believe in

karma then you have to like

it’s almost like people use that as a way to like

not not accept the universe

as being like a really brutal

place i get mad when people pretend that they

think they know how this

thing works

you know someone was trying to talk to me

about karma and he was talking to me

about how he

doesn’t worry

about crime ever

i go why he goes because

i just feel like if you don’t put that out there it

doesn’t come back at you i go that’s

ridiculous i go

babies and drive bys explain it

all right the baby putting that out there

is that what’s going on

the baby’s putting

that out there and the baby gets shot

listen motherfucker there’s

random shit that goes down

okay this just because you might

have control over your

you know immediate environment most of the time yeah

doesn’t mean

it’s not you know the

world’s chaos man you can’t tell me you know

that’s like why the

secret was so offensive to a lot of people

you know how that was

going on like you’re telling me that all diseases and

everything that people will

those on themselves really for

real okay someone wills having a foot growing out of

their fucking head

people will you know

twins that are

stuck together with the

brain and share one

skull you know

come on man

it’s such a weak

thing because

the end result of that is it’s like so

when i’m at the

beach and i’m walking down the

beach and i turn and look at the miserable

woman pushing her

baby who’s obviously like severely

mentally retarded and that baby’s got tubes in its

mouth and it’s like

drooling like

i’m supposed to look at that kid and think

you’re getting yours

you’re getting

what you deserve from the universe because in

a past life yeah what the fuck that’s fucked up instead

of having empathy and

compassion for that kid

you can kind of be like no he

he deserved that yes

there’s there appears to be a lot of

randomness man there’s a lot of

randomness i mean

you can’t put your finger on it either way i mean we

might be wrong

it might really be that simple it

might really be that person did something incredibly

fucked up in another life i mean we don’t really know

but it just

doesn’t seem like that’s a nice way to

think no and i

think it’s also kind of a real

you know how

people who say if you talk to someone is

like i don’t believe in god and then you ask them what

their definition of god is

then quite often

the god they don’t believe in you shouldn’t believe in

cause it’s like the guy with the beard and the

whatever and the toga but

for people who

they do the same

thing with reincarnation so it’s like

they turn it into this like

thing where you

were an animal or a person or whatever there’s so many

the thing we talked about once

about reincarnation that’s only one version of it

there could be a million different versions of how

the energy that your consciousness is

travels through the universe you know it

doesn’t have to be through reincarnation or through

through the normal

sense maybe you

come from an alternate dimension before this one some

completely different

place something

where it’s like

octopuses floating around in some ether

that can communicate telepathically

maybe that’s

what you came from why does it have to be from

earth or this planet

that’s retarded

well i’ll tell you one of the

weirdest things

about the biggest dmt experience

that i ever had was

when i did it

when it first popped over to the other side

i said i’ve been here before

it was like a very

clear feeling that i’ve been there before

so the idea is

like maybe there’s like a little waiting room

a waiting room for the universe that’s like

everything all connected and then

every now and then you just get

stuck into some sort of

a situation some

confined existence

where you’re working your way through this physical

world trying to make

sense of it

and then you’ll end this one and

pop out into the main

lobby area in the

waiting room and let’s see what happens next time boom

something totally fucking

completely alien and different beyond your imagination

the confines

of our imagination is

based on what we’ve experienced

our whole collective idea what the

world is is

based on what we’ve experienced

even photographs and

things that we

have an experience but can see

things that are in the galaxy and planets and shit

we use these and we have this

whole map of our universe but that’s just what we see

right now it’s only

limited by our ability to

think outside what we’ve already seen

the universe

could be infinitely

fucking bizarrely

complicated

to the point where

every different

dimension has its own laws and rules and

every different universe

exists in the center of

every single

black hole like that

might be all real shit

like it might be so fucking infinite and

crazy and we

maybe can’t see it

well we shouldn’t be

able to see it because it’s so big there’s no way we’re

these little

tiny little bits of

neurology down here on this ball

and we’re supposed to be able to

there’s no way we could

we could reckon with

infinity with

our limited minds but

it’s weird that it’s like it’s a

statement that

if you talk

about it people go oh yeah man space man

if you want to talk

about space man

wait shouldn’t we be thinking

about that what am i doing i’m

piloting this fucking

flesh vehicle

around this

there’s some sort of a dimension filled with other

flesh vehicles

if i didn’t know

what this was if i came from

no judgment whatsoever

just a total neutral

point and i looked at just

human behavior moving around on the planet

i wouldn’t be like

this is the most

psychedelic shit ever

like just us

we’re like the craziest character in a fucking

movie when we landed into la the

other day we flew in from germany

we got in a

metal tube we flew from one side of the fucking planet

where it was 10

hours ahead in time

we flew all the way back to la

landed on the same day to these

lights and shit and

all these other

metal tubes are flying in from

everywhere and i’m like

we are in the future

this is some

crazy fucking science fiction shit it’s

going on right now

we don’t even realize it

this whole world is

psychedelic yeah

it really is man it is yeah

it’s fucking

crazy the craziest

thing is when you like come across flowers or nature

and you look at it and you’re like alright this is a

fucking crazy if i had this

thing painted

right in my living room i

would like have a

panic attack and die yeah and

it’s like the most amazing

thing you could ever see ever yeah

or it’s also funny that

everyone on this planet or

many people on this planet

think they’re living their own

individual lives and they’re

completely free

but then when you go and look at the interstate

and you look at the way people like

move through the city you see it’s just this like

blood stream of like stop go

right left stop go

right left and they’re all

every single

person when you look at cars inside that car

they’re going to see

their girlfriend or going to

their mom just died or they’re going to

well they’re all having these

amazingly complex

experiences

and they all

think they’re the most important fucking thing

and yet even in the

midst of that

they’re all operating exactly according to this

bizarre technological pulsation

stop go left

right it’s like flying at

night it’s like flying at

night looks like a circuit

board and it looks like

just lights

going through circuits and

stuff it looks exactly

like beyond the mind’s eye too it really is i mean the

world is fractal

you know what you talked

about when you were talking

about flowers and gorgeous flowers

you know flowers and like beautiful

pine cones and shit they all follow the fibonacci

sequence you

know it’s a mathematical sequence that is like

literally the

order of the earth

right that’s the

golden mean i believe

is what they call that i don’t know what it is i don’t

understand math i’m

a math retard but this fibonacci

sequence they use to describe all

these fractals

beautiful fractals in nature

like like pine cones like certain flowers and trees and

it’s it’s like just like it’s a part of the

structure of of of

everything it’s like

literally like

i mean if you look at what it is it’s like there’s

a code like oh my god there’s a code to this world

and then what’s

the code to that what’s the code to each

individual part of you know

what’s the code to the pinecone what’s

the code to the tree what’s the code to the planet

it’s eventually

gonna come down to we’re

gonna have the code to

everything we’re

gonna stand

understand everything

and we’re gonna be able to recreate it

you know i read this

thing that ray kurzweil said

about how and

it was really fucking intense he said that

matter itself

is like code

like in the computer

your computer

right now is projecting

us or whatever and it’s coming via some sort of code

in the same way like at the atomic level

everything’s just a code

and once computers

have accelerated to a certain rate

they will be

able to send nanobots out that will deconstruct

atoms and reassemble reality in the same

way computers deconstruct and reassemble pixels and

video and that sort of thing so

matter in reality itself will become

it’s just like a

i don’t know what the word for it is

just a raw material

that you can use to

construct things

all you have to do is get like a hydrogen atom and

whatever atom and another atom

we just don’t

have well we don’t have nanobots and even if we did

we don’t have an advanced enough computer that

could run this

swarm in that way

do that sort of

thing you know what i

think the next

thing is going to be

or one of the next

things going to be

it’s going to be the ability to print

things in your

house that isn’t paper

to make things

out of nothing

i think you’re

gonna have machines at a certain

point in time that are

gonna be able to actually

create something like ipods

right like if you

order an ipod

you turn your machine on and this is

gonna be the shit like look we’re

gonna make an ipod

right now and it’s

gonna be a huge

novelty just like the vhs tape was

when the vhs tape like holy shit we

could record tv shows oh yeah

yeah but nobody ever thought you

could stop it

take a leak

come back and watch it

you remember what a pimp you were

when you first recorded your

first tv show on a vcr with the clock

you used the

clock and you

came home and there was a tape waiting for you

and you’re like i’m a fucking genius

i’m a wizard

i’m living in the fucking future

dude that was a big deal

oh i remember when my friend got an answering machine

that was a crazy deal

right what’s gonna be

crazy is that’s how they’ll

start selling

things like they’ll have bigger ones for bigger

things like oh i want a car and

stuff but then you’re

gonna get the hackers

of it they’re like what do you want you want 10 camaros

right now 10 camaros

you know can’t you imagine if we can just we have

the just unhindered ability to just

start printing shit and making

things that’s not a possibility that’s

gonna be what time

travel is somehow

well you know

maybe get printed

dimensional

travel do a

changing of what

matter is if he

could just recreate matter

i mean you have

to have something to recreate it with the

right you’d have to have raw materials well

no ink that you

would put into a printer you

would have to have i mean if you’re constructing

reality you’re just

building something it’d be dolphin

or something

they’re gonna be like fuck

so we have to use

bunny rabbits

just wrap your head around that

could you imagine you

would have to have

a certain amount

of minerals and a certain amount of carbon

and all these different

things in your house

and somehow or another you

would turn on this machine and

would just bang

print up this tv for you

unless you could

print the the fuel for it

you know like if it’s some kind of mineral

it got so good

you a real pimp you

would have like a room like a big room like a garage

where you just

printed shit all the time

yeah my print me up a jaguar

check this shit out

fuck that i’m

printing up some ecstasy

i meant a cat i meant the actual cat

i didn’t mean a car

i was saying it

while saying i was like what a poor choice of big pack

because it’s a shitty car god that

could be a bad mistake it’s not a shitty car

since i should that’s a bad mistake it looked pretty

cool now jaguars actually look pretty dope now

i like how you have grasshoppers in here that’s cool

homeboys been hit with me for

a day now that’s cool it’s like a little pet for you

i’m gonna let him out eventually but i don’t want to

freak him out when i’m get comfortable he was all

locked up for a

while now it looks like he’s moving

you should feed him what we’re

gonna feed him on a

date leaves

i think they have to eat the

leaves of the

you have to eat specific

yeah i think when bugs

start eating

leaves that’s what they eat you know if they eat

one type that’s what

they eat i think

might be just making that shit up you know

what i missed and they don’t have out here is those

furry caterpillars

you remember the ones like they

look like little mustaches

yeah those things rule i know what they

do have out here a lot though praying mantises man i

see a lot of

those bad motherfuckers

to praying mantises are like

look if they were big we’d be fucked yeah

it’s just that they’re small

that’s it and we

think it’s cute

there’s a picture online

of a praying mantis so big that it jacked a hummingbird

i saw it oh yeah i saw the

video of that dude a fucking hummingbird

could you imagine this hummingbird

is cause they

stand like super

still and they

blend in with the twigs

and this hummingbird was so big

this hummingbird got closely

jacked like a fucking

giant alien

monster from

what’s that movie star

alien was the

movie with the kids and the fucking

was it god damn it

with the big bugs and shit

science fiction movie oh

very handsome man yeah yeah

these richards

spaceship troopers or whatever starship

troopers yes

remember those

big giant ass bugs yeah

that’s that’s fucking praying mantises man they’re just

small i heard that new

movie what fallen

or something like that is the most cheesiest

next movie that you

watched as a comedy

oh skyline skyline

yeah i heard it’s so bad he even beats that

dennis quaid one

yeah i heard it’s really bad too

i want people to see it why can’t people make a good

why can’t people make a good sci fi

as long as i know it’s bad i’m good

when i get upset with a bad

movie is when i don’t know it’s bad

when i think it’s

gonna be good then i go you

motherfuckers

like paranormal

activity i got mad at paranormal activity

two what you

think at first yeah that was horrendous

but there is

a girl in it that looks like a certain ex

girlfriend of yours

right she added like

forty pounds right

who which one can’t tell you

i can’t tell you

well anyway she’ll tell me

about your dog brian

that’s what i thought it was

explain explain your dog

story here duncan had

an awesome dog party at his new house the other day

right and i want you to explain what happened so

a lot of my friends were there with

their dogs and all the dogs are having fun

and what kind of dog do you have brian pekingese

brian has this pekingese dog looks like that dragon

from the neverending story

it looks exactly like that that’s

awesome it’s foucour it

looks like foucour

it’s adorable dog

and we look over and

my friend’s dog is

humping it you know whatever that happens at a dog

party no big

deal it’s like get off stop what are you doing

that dog goes back

and like you know

it’s being really insistent so it’s turning into the

whole dog rape

thing and it’s like

digging its fucking

things and y’all that did

like just get

the hook in

it’s locked and just fucking and fucking

his dog not

freaking out at all

relax kind of looking over is your

dog a boy or girl

girl okay so she fixed

yeah but so she kind of thought was like massages or

something no she’s a whore your dog’s a fucking whore

whoa listen

every fucking dog at that party

started fucking his dog

i’ve never seen anything like it

they were fucking her face

and her they were fucking both sides of the same

dogs for fucking my dog dogs

standing in line

i’ve never seen dogs

stand in line there’s a line of dogs

humping face humping back on

two girl dogs oh my

god marty just

screaming in heart

they started taking the dogs away and my dog

looked like it was like wet

and like pre come

all over the

place like it just look like it was

wet its back

oh dog party turned into this orgy this weird

gross amateur porn orgy oh

your dog has no

self esteem man

she wish she didn’t i don’t

think anyone successfully got their dick in her

denial is always

step one they were all the dogs were freaking out like

step one around dealing with a

tragedy denial it’s the

first stage but there was a lot of air humpers

that just like circled around the outside what happens

after denial

they come to grips with it

that’s stage two

i thought it was

anger then anger

anger denial anger

accept it’s

acceptance you’re

gonna get mad that your dog’s a

tramp yeah i you

gotta accept

that shit i made a twitter profile of it now so it’s

it’s like a

tramp twitter dog

listen like willie

d from the ghetto boy says you

gotta let a ho be a hoe

it can’t be out there captain save a hoe

yeah don’t do it

ain’t worth it

it was really

weird that was like your dog puffed out some pheromones

yeah it looked like she

sprayed stuff she

probably likes dick bro that’s what

it is you know you don’t give enough attention you fuck

if you were

maybe petting her a little bit more maybe she

would be out there trying to get dick all over the

place i was

proud of myself bro

i didn’t want to stop it i was like no

she deserves it she’s been a good dog you’re

proud i was like letting her have something let

her get some

rape gang rape

it did go from everyone trying to stop their dogs

to everyone being like

this is fascinating

you just let him go

who was at the

party is a bunch of

comics just a

bunch of comics

yeah it’s just so weird

could you imagine that

you were in

a bunch of squares you know they wouldn’t

oh my god get her away get

her away yeah the one

phaedom comes with his dog and he goes

my dog has never humped

anything in the road you don’t have to worry

about my dog my dog

went right to it he’s like

this is impossible

this is impossible i’ve

never seen this happen i’ve had this

dog for fifteen years he’s like i can’t believe the

bitch is this

submissive let me just

stick my dick

right in your face

right here real quick

no talking just face mounting

there’s certain girls that give you the

green light for that there’s certain girls there that

crazy twixie vixen is one of

those puppies well

now we do want to talk

about the name of this dog

no no okay let’s not talk about

pixie vixen

just it makes my heart hurt

it’s real name

hurts my heart

hurts my heart it’s just a character on twitter

but she has done

it but my puppy now has an amazon wish list

so if anyone wants to buy don’t do it don’t you do it

front line or

macbook pros

no you wonder why your dogs are whore

you’re raising a whore

an amazing little whore dog

amazon wishlist let her

have dog toy whore dog fuck it

that shit that had to have been

an unexpected

thing when amazon

invented the wish list they did not know that

would turn by the way though that made it

sound like i was not in support of girls

using the amazon wish list with his

which is absolutely not true i’m a hundred percent

in support of that shit really because in

for women you

have to say it but you also have to say it for men

you gotta let a ho be a hoe yeah

there’s some guy who wants to go out and buy

this chick tvs and new

shoes and underwear fuck yeah

go get that

money girl yeah

there’s no problem

but the problem

is some of these people on twitter are saying

things like hey

you know you

should give me something

here because i showed you this and i did this you know

a lot of them are

really pimping it out kind of

grossly dude you don’t have to give them anything

huh oh i know only

idiots would give them anything i know

it’s okay no i’m not

against it what do you mean

only idiots would

buy them shit and give them

money look dude

every now and then what i do i’ll follow

like if someone says something and like

a porn star i follow a

bunch of porn stars they say some fascinating shit and

every now and

then like a dude will say something to them and

they’ll rt it

and i go ooh

but that was

fucking creepy you

know blah blah blah is the most amazing person ever

and so beautiful my god rto

thank you lol

and i go okay who’s this

crazy asshole

so i go to this

crazy assholes page

and it’ll be like he’s having a relationship with her

he’s talking

about how ever

since she’s been in communication with him

he just feels so much better and his life is more

more meaningful and

feels like he has a reason to go on

and he feels like she’s an

angel and she sent to this

crazy shit loneliness is so this

oh it’s horrifying so

sad man lonely like when you get that lonely

where you’ve gone nuts

and you can

wake up in the morning and really feel normal

about having a relationship

with an online porn star yeah and no one wants to

hang out with you no one wants to talk to you finally

saved up enough

money and you’re like

today i’m gonna buy

i heard a bottle of obsession

what i think is

crazy is the

world of warcraft couples

where they just play together

all day and all and that’s their

whole life they’ve

never met have hung out with each

other but they’re dating and they play

video games don’t

they get married and

oh yeah they

get married inside the

video games and then

yeah i mean we’ve discussed

video games to

death but it is that is a fascinating

thing this desire to

exist in this two

dimensional online

world instead of the 3d reality

it’s a weird pull

you know it’s a

weird pull to wanna

i mean look i’m guilty of being online all the time

like a lot of

times even when i’m supposed to get work done

i’m such a douchebag

but i’ll just turn on my computer and then i’ll

check twitter real quick

how is this

crazy link somebody sent me some

crazy science

video and i look at that and i go whoa

they found a new

black hole oh shit

and then it’s two

hours later and i never even

started writing

why it’s just

you just get sucked into it man how

can’t you though i mean it’s like you try to get off

me like oh beatles on itunes yeah i mean it’s just like

i can cheat on them

for saying you know why they into the

world of warcraft why am i into my message

board why am i into

going online and reading

cool document or

watching cool documentaries and reading

weird fucking

studies that they

found it’s a fucking

to me it’s a drug i got it

i was badly addicted to

world of warcraft

yeah we talked

about that you had um he would

break the games just i can’t play them yeah yeah i

would yeah i

would fucking

well then i mean i had already gotten over my quake

thing when you were doing this

right it was

i mean the draw

the pull of that

game is so powerful

i finally um

i had like a

level 70 warlock

and i had to fucking

delete the character why didn’t you sell it

that’s what everyone says you

should have sold it but it’s like

how much is that

worth in geek world

i don’t know you get your dick sucked for that

yeah what do

you think there’s some

crazy goth bitch that

would suck your

dick to be a

level 70 warrior

what are you what is he

got what exactly was your

title again you’re a what

it’s called a warlock

a warlock level 70

level 70 that’s huge

you could just fuck people

up right well

i think the

levels are up higher now but back then

it was definitely

fun now if a

chick bought this character

after she sucked your

dick if she sucked your dick and got this character yes

what happens then

does she get to be a warlock does she

get to be a dude can anybody be whatever sex you want

i don’t know

where it is now i

think you can change the way it looks

but i don’t know if you can change the gender but maybe

so she will

be your character she’ll take over your character

you give her like the password

yes yeah and yeah you

would give her all the password and then all of a

sudden she would be infinitely

powerful without having

earned it you probably have to do

with the transfer

of ownership like go to a gamestop and both signed

papers if that’s how you do it

no you think

you do it like that

oh my god well there has to be some

kind of transfer of ownership because then that person

would just say

this is my character yeah

now let me ask you this do they

allow that shit though they

allow people to do this i don’t

think you’re supposed to

but why not

why didn’t you

get prepared before you got on this podcast

i can’t believe i’m kind of happy

that i don’t remember this

why do you think they

would prevent that

i’ve wondered that i think

it’s just another fascinating aspect of it i

guess maybe

because they

would say that they

should get the

money if somebody got the

money but i

feel like if

a character invests all that time into the game and

they can show something

for it and they can sell that something that’s just

going to make the game more popular i knew

somebody who was a

what do you call it

i can’t remember what they call them now the people who

the police of the game

that are kind of inside the game mods moderators

yeah not a much

yeah but in the game they call

something they

have characters and they can they go around

and they can appear and do

oh really yeah

and they’re

indestructible

but they’re kind of like policing the

place they are like moderators yeah they’re mods like

medicine message

board moderator

yeah it’s the same

thing and they i actually

before i played

world of warcraft god this is i guess it’s

i’m i’ll just

i’m fucking the geek

i haven’t i’m a nerd i before i got addicted to

world of warcraft i got addicted to everquest

i got busted

i got busted in that game

by like a game cop

like i cause like

at the time it was

still kind of like

the wild west and they hadn’t like really figured out

how to like regulate it as much as they have now and so

i don’t know how it is an everquest now but

then you could like try on

other people’s

stuff they could give you

stuff and you

could try it on and it was like i am

i uh there was a guy who

had a really

everyone knew in this game

about some kind of like very

powerful vest

and so i went to that guy and i’m like hey

let me try that vest on to see how i look in it

and he gives me the vest

and i just run into the woods

no yes i did

yes i did i

go racing into the woods i’ve got this little care

a little character

halfling named hair pie

his name was hairpie

and i’m racing into the woods with this

thing and like

the guys like yelling

into the zone is what it’s called like announcing

don’t trust hairpie

he stole my vest of the thunder god

he’s a thief

and i’m running

i’m running through the woods i lost him

and all of a

sudden i hear footsteps behind me

like invisible

footsteps and i’m running and i’m hearing like

and then i’m frozen

it’s a game moderator he’s like

you gotta give him his vest back

you can’t steal vests

i’m like you can’t

steal like that i’m like my character’s a

thief why not and he’s like

read rule four ninety

eight and the tos

if you’re a

thief you should be a thief

you should be able to do whatever you want

i know what i

mean that’s why i can’t

steal as a thief

that’s why that’s why

grand theft auto is so good

if you want to be a murderer you can be a murderer yeah

it’s a goddamn

game you can’t i mean you’re

you like you hear

about it from time to time i just

heard about

somebody claiming that some of

their shit got

stolen on that

i can’t remember the name of the game

second life

there’s a whole economy in

second life

where people

don’t people

pick people pay rent to have shops there and

stuff i know

but then fuck but the moment they figure out

right now it’s just such a primitive version of it like

do you remember

when you first got an

atari did you ever get an atari yeah

shittiest gaming

system of all time

but you felt like you are

on like in star trek when you were playing that fucking

thing like the kids pong

yeah pong looked

breakout remember

breakout yeah

combat adventure with the key the dragons in the key

i’ve been having so many

holy shit that was only x amount of years ago morris

lately yeah

so now just think okay

what is the next version of this

stuff gonna be if you look at what

atari has turned into

and it’s obviously

it’s got to be

neurological

implants it’s got to be

plugging in or

transmitting somehow into your

brain i think it’s

gonna be holograms man because

did you see that japanese star that they have now

the singing star that’s actually a hologram what

sells out fucking

oh my god i

tweeted it the other day

it’s amazing you have to

check it out

we have to find it brian

is there a way you can pull it up

because this is something

you guys have to see to believe it is a sold out

brian’s gonna look for it on the ipad

it’s japanese hologram rockstar look up that

dude it’s crazy

it’s an animated

fucking character that’s singing in a computer voice

and it’s a hologram that they have on stage

in front of fucking thousands of people and the

place is sold out and they’re

going insane

they’re screaming and yelling and

cheering for this hologram

i mean it’s like it’s a

super advanced

version of like the opening at a ride at disney wow

but dude it’s a beautiful hologram i mean it’s like

three dimensional

intense the way it looks it’s incredible

it’s like really vivid the

colors are vivid it doesn’t look that opaque

or that transparent rather

look at the fucking crowd

folks if you want to google this prime

would you what is the google japanese

hologram pop star

japanese hologram

graham pop star

motherfucker this is what the new gorillas uh

concerts are supposed they’re

gonna be like they’re

gonna do that too yeah

where it’s walking

through the audience though like this

that’s the new i

think gorillas are like

next week here

in los angeles really yeah holy shit that’s insane dude

we could eat some mushrooms good

oh my god i’m scared

i just got terrified like a little girl

that’s fucking

for folks if you

haven’t seen this if you just in your car you gotta

go home you gotta

check this out it’s one of the

weirdest things i’ve seen in years so

weird man it’s a

electronic voice too i mean

people were

complaining that the backstreet boys were fake

what the fuck

this isn’t even a real

voice imagine this if this

chick was naked

yeah oh she’s

gonna be sucking big

giant octopus dick

starts just fucking

throwing there’s

gonna be for sure some version of that in

japan where they have just

hentai rape and

samurai swords and shit she’s

shooting eels out of her blood

yeah it’s all

gonna happen no

doubt about it man

the japanese don’t give a fuck

that is awesome i

could look this over they

are so advanced

man it’s hot

you know they look at our computer like if we have

our cell phones rather yeah you go over

japan our cell

phones are goofy

they’re cell

phones they can buy shit with them

they go to a

store and they just run

their cell phone buy something and they

can pick it up

they like scan it

and they just buy it and walk out with it

it’s incredible

they can buy soda with it and shit and

plane tickets

yeah scan their

phones are just little scanners

it’s ridiculous

the fuck man

i’m pretty amazed at that yeah gorilla supposedly

they’re making

their next cd they just announced

that it’s gonna be they’re making

their whole cd

on the ipad could you

imagine just 30 40 years ago how

about when elvis was on stage

how about one of

these fucking appears out of nowhere

and is dancing around

right next to elvis

right people

would start

shooting it yeah

you know you know i’m saying let me just back then they

would be like what the fuck is that right

man we don’t even realize how

quick this is all happening

no i mean no i

think that nobody’s really prepared for and the

quicker it happens

the more i used to be like

bring it let it happen let the fucking singularity

pop let’s go let’s do the thing

now it’s kind of like

shit i don’t know

kinda like i’m cool right here

life is so easy

i’m a comic i’m having fun yeah we don’t need to

accelerate that much more listen let’s not get

crazy everybody i’m having a good time yeah

yeah we don’t have to

we don’t have to zap through

we don’t have to all be

one yeah we don’t have to merge

come on man but

i guess there’s just no way to stop it

so i was flying back from

germany and i had this

crazy epiphany

about civilizations

cause i was you know i was leaving germany i

was like it’s so strange when you go to another culture

you know and you don’t have any idea

what they’re saying it’s like god this is a different

world it’s totally alien

there’s songs that they had on

their tv shows

we’re all in german

they have played a lot of american

music though i gotta say

like a good percentage of it like

every now and then you’d hear something with a german

voice or a german dialogue

but for the most part the lyrics

but for the most part it was all american shit

but the people

would talk to

you they’d look at you and bulchner’s not there

and you’re like whoa

like i don’t have a fucking clue i don’t have

i just i have no idea

and they would look at you like come on come on come on

like at the

airport when they’re telling you to go over here

you know they’re saying whatever crazy

and you’re like what where

it’s a fucking strange

thing man and

i’m thinking

about how bizarre

it is that there’s so many different languages and i’m

thinking about how

weird it is

that some of

these cultures have been around forever

and then i start

thinking like

what the fuck happens

to all these different

cultures that have

existed before it pretty much is the same thing

they figure out how to create shelters

then they go from having shelters

to creating a surplus to having a

group of shelters

they all protect themselves from the animals

and then once enough to worry

about getting

eaten then they

start figuring

things out then they

start inventing

things and coming up with

things getting curious

to the point

where they make a very complicated society that hums

along they have

immense structures and all

these cool things and then

all the people that did all this

crazy hard work

have kids and the kids are born into this perfect world

where they don’t have to try to discover anything

they don’t have to

create things because the

things are already existing

they don’t have to develop a

civilization out of scratch and figure out how to be

strong in the woods because there’s all

these resources

they figured how to

write things down so they don’t have to relearn shit

and i’m like wow just people get soft

that’s probably the reason that

every single

civilization eventually fell

apart you know

he talked about like

throughout history whenever

they would talk

about the fall of the

roman empire

the whole theme to it was always the decadence

and the depravity

and the crazy

sexual shit that they were doing

and how life

had just gotten insane for them they were all

living and eating insane amounts

of food and fucking little boys and having people

fight animals and shit

yeah and it’s got to have come from a

place where

those people were weak

those people didn’t have to put it all together

well yeah i

think specifically with the

roman empire

and i’m sure people out there

will correct me on this but

wasn’t rome sacked by the visigoths who are these

brutal barbarians who just

came in and just raped and killed everybody and really

yeah and that brought in the dark ages and

the dark ages

what was bringing

civilization back out of the dark ages was

christianity religion religion was like creating at

least a little bit of order to

kind of like

bring people out of the dark but

all of a sudden the vikings

figured out

that all they had to do was go to a monastery

or a church and they

could just grab all the gold and shit and go off

basically the vikings discovered europe and

they came in and pushed it back into the dark ages

again because they were sacking everything and like

vikings are the most brutal

fucking they were the most brutal

humans ever because like

that one of the stories they told is there was a viking

who had this

funny nickname and i can’t read the nickname but the

other vikings

laughed at him

they thought he was funny

because he wouldn’t kill kids

they thought it was

funny and they had a nickname for him like you

pussy why are you killing these kids it’s fucking fun

and they were just

going in hack

kids and hack

there were these

brutal fucking warriors

and so like you said

you’re dealing

with this kind of well at that time it was

starving people but before that

it’s these lazy fat

people who’ve

never really fought before at

least like fought in that brutal

level and they just got

so they just got

hit at the wrong time yeah exactly

had gotten hit back

when rome was

strong and before

everything fell

apart they probably

would have been able to hold

those guys off

is that the idea yeah and

i think i think that is the idea

i mean i don’t know anything

about the history

other than the

that’s connected

to it in popular myths it’s always gluttony and

orgies of food and

the talk of feathers in the throat and

vomitoriums

where they would

throw up so they

could eat more yeah

yeah well that’s the

i mean that usually is what happens is people

i mean really that isn’t

that a symptom of people confusing what’s important

with the material universe

because people

start trying to gratify

their senses

and really that’s

just a distraction from what’s really important and

so when that gets to the extreme

where everyone’s just

focused on buying shit or

well i think it’s a faulty

system that we have

and once the environment gets

super complicated it’s

eventually everyone’s

gonna want to take time off they’re

gonna want to

not have to hunt and gather

they’re gonna want

things easier and

lighter and they’re

gonna want more for

their kids i don’t want my kids to struggle like me

and so then we want a softer

easier world to develop in but the problem with that is

humans ideas and

our best inventions have

come through hard work and adversity like people who

people who have worked very very hard to

think things through and figure

things out and invent new

things well when

everything is

already there and you don’t have to do that

like what what happens then and then you have

kids and they see you then go look at this lazy fat

motherfucker why

should i do anything hard or

try to be anything special or try to

contribute or try to

figure things out or even try to be

happy nobody else is

happy what the fuck makes me

think that i

should be happy

well yeah it’s

it’s it’s you know i really

think that it’s a result

of people losing track of

the greater

truth in the universe and so

i think the moment you

start tuning into that that’s when you

start getting the ideas that lead

to the inventions and lead to the hard work because

fucking hard work like you know

everyone says if you wanna

write a book

you gotta write six

hours a day you have to

treat it like a job you have to fucking

write all the fucking time

and that’s true

but you know

to really do that you’ve got to be passionate

you’ve got to

want to do it you have to be inspired the inspiration

drives you to work that hard

and so right

now no one’s inspired most people have no inspiration

because they’re not connecting to the

thing that brings

those big ideas into your head when

maybe when there isn’t the internet and

technology and all that stuff

it’s more likely that

those ideas come to you or something like that i

think it’s also possibly

a situation

where the hardware has

evolved so quickly

that our life has

changed so radically that our

our physical

bodies just are not in tune to the reward

systems that we’re getting from this society

that’s why we’re trying to

supplement them with antidepressants and shit

our bodies are

designed for some hunting and gathering and fucking

that’s what our

bodies are designed

for and if you don’t exert a certain amount of energy

that’s why people get stressed

people who exercise are way more stress free

than people who

never exercise

because your body just accumulates all this

crazy shit that you’re supposed to be

getting out of your

system you’re supposed to be chasing down elk and shit

you’re supposed to be

moving bales of

hay and if you’re not doing all that

stuff you’re like why do you even have muscle

bitch you just sit around the

house and jerk off

why do you even have you

should have enough muscle to get to the refrigerator

and back to the couch

so you don’t need any

other muscle

it also seems

like there’s a lot more calculations in math

going on too because if you think

about even 15 years ago you’re not

thinking about twitter numbers you’re not

thinking about

facebook numbers you’re not

thinking about online

stuff and bills and news and

you have so much information pumped that your

brain’s constantly

thinking way

more than it was then back in the day was like oh it’s

windy outside

that was ooh

this lemonade it’s good i wonder if someone

could buy us beer

right but you know the

weird difference is that what you’re talking

about the numbers you’re talking

about red band

these are all illusions

people are spending all their time

calculating

these fitments

you know through

my bank account number how

much i owe how much did i am what’s the

score zeros are

where it’s not what the fuck

they’re imaginary or the

senator the congress

are the president or the government all imaginary

things that aren’t

they’re just

these ethereal

things out there when it’s like

if you go into your backyard and dig and

plant seeds and grow something

that’s real

right you can look out there and see how many seeds or

plants you have growing up and that’s fucking real

yeah what is the economy

just imaginary

quantitative easing and we’re

gonna buy stock

shares and stock

trades and send them over to brochmanboth and

bimbernaki said he’s

gonna double the quantity

it’s like what the fuck are you talking

about if land

was completely free though that

would be more of the case now

if you don’t

you know pay bills and live at some

place you get kicked

off land and there’s no free land that’s how it all

started is the native

the indians being like

you wanted you

wanna buy this land

what the fuck you talking

about yeah seven

bucks you can have manhattan

indiana you stupid

motherfucker

well you dumb

motherfucker well

the idea to them was

absolutely completely

ridiculous so now the

whole thing

is crisscrossed

all of society is crisscrossed with tiny

weird connections the deed to the

house and the land

under the house and

the certificate

of ownership of the

house and the

property tax you pay and all this it’s all imaginary

shit none of it’s real

we all believe it’s real

not only to believe

we believe it’s real but we’re so

focused on it

that we’ve forgotten

about what israel

which is the material universe

which is the

fucking water

and the ground and the environment

and we’re just pumping shit out into it because that

stuff doesn’t seem real

it’s a leisure

thing you go out for a hike in the woods on a sunday

that’s when you go into nature you

maybe on occasion take the lady for a picnic

you know but that’s how you go to nature

now you know and it’s just it’s like a

novelty well look a tree

look at that tree

dude nobody realized that more than me when i actually

moved to the woods

when i was living in colorado

for those months

almost four months

and when i was living i was

basically living on a dirt road

on the mountain

like in the middle of nowhere like

literally completely

in the middle of nowhere and you see everything man

you see all this shit that’s alive

that’s just running

around out there and i see it out here i see a deer

every now and then out here

like coyotes all the time

and every now and then some will

see a mountain lion in this area

but in colorado

was all over the place

it was like you’re in there

their area like they walked through town

there was this

place called evergreen

and every year the elk

would migrate through town

and you’re talking

about hundreds of these

giant animals they’re like deer on steroids these

big fucking brock

lesnar looking deer

and they’re walking through the middle of town

they don’t give a fuck

they walk right on the streets

hundreds of them dude it’s insane like this

giant migration of them

it’s amazing

and you know what goes with them mountain lions

right mountain

lions follow them ugh

so when they come around you

gotta worry

about mountain lions being around too fuck that

hell yeah anyways

that used to be life yeah one dude

shot one in his backyard

while i was living there

it it gotten into his chicken coop

and was jacking his chickens

you imagine that fucking terrifying moment

where you go outside and there’s a

monster eating your chickens in a cage

and it clawed its

way into this cage and it’s in there now and you gotta

shoot it before it eats you

right cause it

could eat you

it could say oh this is way better than a chicken

let me just eat this old person yeah

that’s real yeah if you don’t get good with that finger

motherfucker you better

get good with that finger

you better have an aim bitch

but like our version of that is i got a parking

ticket you know

what i mean

it’s the same

thing it’s like a negative

force impacting your life sort of but

it’s a much more humbling and beautiful

force that makes you

appreciate your real

place in the circle

you know when i was living up there what i really

loved about it is that i

would go to new york and shit and i was like

when i first started moving there

when i first moved there

i did the open anthony show

and i stayed in this

hotel in new york

at this crazy view

and i looked out the window and i was like how

weird is this that i’m like

right now i’m on the death star

and i live with fucking

grizzly adams up in the woods that’s

where i’m living right now like this is

my new place

so i’m going from the wilderness

cities and wilderness

to la a couple times the wilderness to different

places where i did stand up

and i was like this is one of the fucking strangest

ways to look at

things ever

because now i’m getting at you

i’m looking at the whole

world from the outside i live on dirt

i live on dirt

with trees that’s all that’s around you

and when you’re like that and you’re in this

really tight

little small community up there

there’s very very few people

you get a totally different view of the

whole world

it’s all going on in

saudi arabia

you know in iraq there’s issues

right now with bombs and shit’s blowing up and

they’re starting

the fucking

mecca they’re all making

their pilgrimage to mecca

and all this is all

going on the news

and i’ll just look out and i’ll

still a little chipmunks and shit

chipmunks are just

chilling yeah

chipmunks don’t give a fuck

about iraq and afghanistan

it’s nowhere near here

they’re like what are you

tripping on dude

just relax we’re chipmunks

people are trying to eat us and we’re cool yeah

that’s we’ll see

and so that’s what that’s an experience

with something called health

that’s what it feels like to be healthy

it feels like

it feels like to be we are so connected i

think with our physical hardware our bodies

that are set up for the caveman days

we’re so connected with what our

bodies need

that if we’re like

completely plugged into the system

i think our

whole shit is getting

rewired like in this

weird like super

quick way because

we have to keep up with all the bullshit that you have

to be aware of in life

and you don’t have this

peaceful time

that people used to have

like you know people were hunters and gathers and shit

when when they were fucking made

houses and they

figured out how to make fireplaces and shit

at the end of the night

after they killed an animal in the center on eating it

they were fucking relaxed

you know what i’m saying

they didn’t owe anybody shit

unless they’re stressing

about things that we didn’t stress

about well we’re on

sickness and like oh there’s a

blizzard in our

houses it’s way better to be

alive now i’m not saying that there’s a guy you’re

definitely right

about that there’s a guy there’s

an anarchist that you can look up and his name is

john zurzan

and he’s a fascinating guy is very intelligent

and he talks

about his premises

actually no

those times were terrible

but before that and the distant past before people

started using language

or symbol systems to represent reality

we were in paradise

when we were

i don’t buy that man that’s so speculative and

the problem i have with that is if we were in paradise

why did it all turn to shit

i think people have this romantic way of looking at the

past and i guarantee you if you fucking go to the zoo

and see how douchey chimps are to each

other you know

watch documentaries

about chimps

sneaking across lines and beating the fuck out of

other chimps and killing them

and then coming back to

their little

look man i’m not buying it

we evolved because of competition

that’s for the most part the only reason why

things get better they get better because

they have to because

everything else is getting better around them

so if we were in paradise

why the fuck

would we come up with language and fuck it up i

agree with you i don’t

agree with zur zan i just

throwing it out

there but things get infinitely

more complex as things go

along it’s just

gonna happen it’s

the ethic of the universe

but that doesn’t mean that at one

point in time when it wasn’t as complex it was better

the golden age yeah

they’re crazy

mckenna talks

about that a little bit though

his is psychedelically induced though

which is much more plausible theory the idea

his idea is that mckenna thought that at one

point in time

the monkeys had gone and the climate had

changed and the rainforest had receded to

grasslands so the

monkeys were

climbing out of the trees

and experimenting

with different food sources and one of them was they

would flip over cow patties to find bugs

stoned ape and they

ate mushrooms and they developed

but that one is

based on like an actual

plant that exists

you know i mean

and so like an actual time where the

rainforest did receive this is all fact it’s all

science and they know that

monkeys have

eaten mushrooms man they know

there’s a bunch of different

instances of all sorts of animals eating all sorts of

things that affect

their consciousness

like elephants will get used to like fermented

fruit and they get

drunk off of

it i’ve seen it

happens with monkeys if

they get used to booze

somebody posted on my facebook

a great video of orangutans

david attenborough

showing orangutans washing

socks in a river

one of them is trying to saw a

piece of wood

one of them’s got a hammer and it’s hitting a nail

kind of looks like in

dawn of the dead when the zombies

try to do shit you know like they’re kind of doing it

wrong but they’re

definitely like

they’re imitating

you know and

it’s like look it up

david attenborough

orangutans i’m sure it’s there

but it’s like you look at that

and you see how quickly

the orangutans are adopting

these sort of

behavior patterns from what they’re

watching and you can see how

quickly it would all fucking happen

that’s just a

trick and they’re all

trained monkeys and that

orangutans and they’re like all

right now you’re

gonna be hammering here yeah

that’s what the

first thing he said is

these are not

trained monkeys

they’re just imitating

a liar how do you know

brian i said

maybe he’s a

liar it’s good david

no he’s not a

liar the whole

thing is fascinating man

i think the idea of

evolution happening

right before our eyes is fascinating

there was a lizard that was i fucking forget the

exact story but it’s very

clear evolution and the change of its

stomach because it was on an island for 20 years

they came from one environment they had to

adapt to a new one but they

adapted like

super quick and they’re

still there

alive with like a very

clear difference between the lizards that had come

from the original origin

original source

you know i mean the congo

is another perfect example of that you know the congo

like 2 000 years ago the congo was

grasslands and

the climate

shifted very

quickly and all

these prairie

or plains animals

like gazelles

and even rhinos they’re stuck

in this rainforest it just kind of grew up around them

weird dude the congo

we’ve talked

about this before in the documentary and i don’t

know how to get this the documentary is from the bbc

and it’s not available on dvd i

tried to find it i

can’t fucking find it

is it on pirate

pay might be

isn’t that illegal we

would never do that brian

you do that i own it i own it on vhs

but it’s you

know vhs is just so goddamn clunky not only do i own it

on vhs i own it on vhs that’s an english version of vhs

you know i’m saying

like isn’t there an english version

or is that just dvds

no it’s dvds no there’s

yes right acr’s work or yeah what is it all region

yes power exactly yeah so

i only have the english version this i have a fucking

i bought a vcr specifically so i

could watch this documentary

like i wanted to make sure that i

could watch this documentary so my vcr plays

american shit and it plays

but this fucking documentary is insane man

you realize like this

whole ecosystem just

changed in two

thousand years fish

in the congo

climb out of the fucking

water and walk on the ground

until another pond

and he jumps in the

water and then he gets

eaten by this

crazy bird called the shoebill

holy fuck you

wouldn’t even believe this goddamn

thing was real if you didn’t see it

it’s six feet tall like five six feet tall

giant ass fucking bird

with a huge beak

this big fucking murdering bone

crushing beak that’s what it is

and it just

this fish that’s trying to walk from one

place to another

jumps into the

water and this bird just jacks it

just a murderous

crushing fucking jaw in

these evil eyes man

birds have some of the nastiest

most evil fucking eyes they do

dude if that fucking

meteor didn’t hit

sixty five million years ago we

would have been fucked

we would never become us

would never become us

we would never figured out how to kill all

those lizards

those lizards didn’t die brother

what they went

underground no

mckenna fucked my dog

reptilians reptilian

transformation

have you seen the reptilian

transformation

videos on the internet they’re

so funny real

proof that what’s his

who’s that crazy guy does interviews larry like

proof that larry king

is a reptilian

oh my god and it always has this dramatic

music playing kind of techno

music this like

and it’s slowed down on larry king

and for whatever dumb reason

larry king licks his lips like

and it kind of looks like a lizard but

right when he licks his lip the

music changes and is like

like this is a proof that fucking larry king

is a lizard you sure isn’t a joke no oh

people believe in the reptilian

they believe

that sound like a till or

it’s yeah or it’s just an ongoing

troll on the internet that you’re falling for no way

b brian that

could be there’s a lot of

trolls man there are so many goddamn

trolls so many people that

think it’s funny to pretend

to be somebody that they’re not oh i know a little bit

about that but i

think that the the the the

these are serious and i told you the time i talked to

eddie griffin

he explained the

whole reptilian

explain at all i gave

him my credit card number

what do you think

he just make it up

how long have

human beings been on the planet

how long were the dinosaurs on the planet

look how much we

evolved in the time we were here how much more

did the dinosaurs evolve yeah he

would hit you with some shit like this we like take a

drink of his

like a little champagne bottle yeah have one of

those little paul mooney champagne bottles

think about this dog

if people came from

monkeys and

monkeys are still here

what the fuck are

monkeys doing

why are they still here

how come they’re

still monkeys if we came from monkeys

shit’s impossible

he’s like a

black joey does

he know like

his own thing when he

talks about you follow

if you follow

joey stories

it makes sense too

he’s funny though man very

funny when i saw in the days we’ve talked

about eddie griffin on the podcast too many times

sorry folks

but just you

gotta let shit go

where it goes

when i first met

eddie griffin was in when he

first just did his hbo special

dude he was so fucking good that hbo

special i don’t know if it holds up i said this before

i haven’t seen it

since i saw it back then but when i

saw it back then i was like this is one dynamic fucking

entertainer

like this dude was little and

skinny and he was moving around

quick and i was like wow he is just a fucking star

it’s like an undeniable star i was like boom

but i’ve never met a dude so

crazy i know

so much fun

yeah he is so

crazy he’s so

much fun he’s really cool he’s so much fun

he had a cigarette in his hand

and with the backstage of the comedy

store he’s like

i did 12 rounds

today with a kickboxing champion

yeah for the

first six rounds i

admit it he got the best of me

but nigga didn’t

want no more in the last six you know what i’m saying

he didn’t want no more

and he’s like

drinking he’s got a

cigarette home

here’s a movie star

and he’s making up a

story about

fighting a kickboxing champion

right like what

i just think he

would just get

drunk and just see if he

could fuck with you

i just think he was

creating stories in his mind i don’t even

think he was really

lying to you

i think it was just for him i

might have a good time i’m just

gonna talk some

crazy shit yeah you know

it was just

i mean it wasn’t you know

he was he was

like it wasn’t committed to the theory either

you can change him yeah you can change his opinion

you know like we had

a conversation once

about the pyramids

he’s like the pyramids were created with sound

that’s what you don’t know

the pyramids were created with sound

they use harmonic resonance and magnetos

you know he’s making some shit

up and they

moved those

stones into place

and i said they don’t know how they move

those stones into

place but they think they

might have been cement that was poured

so the deal with the

stones is the incredible numbers 2 million

300 000 so i just

start fucking hitting them with all

these facts

kind of being douchey about it

but it’s just one

of my pet subjects and i hate when people talk nonsense

about the pyramids

i go and it

might even been poured limestone it

might not even been cut but there’s

so i tell him all the

schedules but what how many

stones so he goes on stage

ten minutes later

the pyramids

you telling me

two million

three hundred thousand

stones all cut perfectly

he was just absorb

it you just like

you know he just would

change his opinion like

you could tell him that he was

wrong and go okay i’m gonna talk

about that now yeah

and he’s got this very

evangelical quality to him he could talk

about anything it

could happen ten minutes before

and he would go on

stage and he

would just fire off

about it you know

that was one of the fun things

about the comedy

store you know

don’t get me

wrong what i’m saying i mean

like what i’m telling that he does this i mean he does

it’s all most of his own shit

i mean i’m not saying that he’s

taking anybody’s

ideas or anything what i’m saying is that he’s just

fascinating character who would like

he was like he’d move in and out

you know he

would like be brilliant and then be

crazy yeah but when he was brilliant you’re like whoa

where’s this

it’s fucking amazing dude he

would hit some notes

man oh crazy

dude really good i’ve seen that guy destroy

in a way where i’m like wow this

guy’s like really special he’s got a special talent yep

he had some killer jokes

my favorite one is the one

about cocaine

and cocaine

being involved for the invention of the telephone

what is that

girl he goes

he goes because you got to be high like a

motherfucker

to be sitting around going

i want to talk to someone who’s not even here

that’s a great fucking joke

i saw him light that fucking comedy

store original room up with that joke

you gotta be high like a

motherfucker

with a cigarette in his hand

to be sitting around going i

wanna talk to somebody who ain’t even here

and he would just hit them with this perfect facial

expression i’d be like god it was humbling

you know it was like

my early days of news

radio in 1994

you know and i was like my act is like weak i

gotta work on my act i

gotta tighten it up

you see a guy like that

you’d see a few guys that you

would see perform

saw damon wayans

crack some out of the park

damon wayans is one of the most

underrated guys ever

dude when damon wayans did his hbo special

that is a funny fucking special that

still holds up

it’s still pretty

funny yeah his

stuff is always good his

shit talking

about me tommy her

and about meeting mike tyson

mike tyson was mad at him because he was making jokes

about him yeah it’s

funny fucking shit

man it’s good

i don’t want to fuck it up i don’t want to ruin it

but it’s like something i designed

a punch and make you live

a bleed you

think you’re

funny he goes he

started biting me

he said biting him

and i think it was before the evander

holyfield incident

i think he might have made this special before

tyson bit holyfield’s

ear i’m not sure

which is even crazier if he did

but it was a

funny fucking special man this had a

bunch of good shit in it i

watched it the

other day it was on like

is it online

i can’t remember

if i saw it online or if i saw it on the tv but

is he’s underrated man he was one of

those guys that for whatever reason got famous for

movies and got

famous for a lot of

stuff but when he was on like as a

stand up he was fucking

great man he was

great like he was really good it’s just

shocking to me how few people recognize that you know

i’ve never seen it i don’t think i’ve

ever i don’t

think i’ve seen him do

stand up really yeah dude you gotta

watch his i

think it’s called last stand

i think that’s what it’s called

like i said i just saw it the

other day for the

first time in years and it was really good man

i was like this stuff is

he’s just so likable and he’s so relaxed on

stage just he’s just a real comic man

you know it just

doesn’t really

get that credit that he deserves for that i

think i mean

i just you know

contradict myself because i always say

that people get exactly the credit that they deserve

cause you know

no one should you

know people always like you know oh he

doesn’t get

enough credit but he does you know he’s fucking

somehow another he’s not connecting to people you know

he’s not he’s not putting it out there he’s

not getting it broadcast like he’s got to figure it out

you can’t just be good

everybody has to know you’re good you have to

let everybody know there’s something out there that can

hey i like this

guy here you can see what he does on youtube

it’s got to be something out there

to connect to people if you’re not doing it you know

right did you see

ll cool j last

night on conan o’brien

something’s

weird with that guy no

why you gotta find a clip or

watch that episode

well he was just acting very

crazy and then like not

anything insane but like you were just kind of

watching him really something’s

not right like

maybe he went too far

in some kind of drug or something

but he was talking

about he was at this play recently in la like a

month ago i did not hear about this

and in the play there’s this part

where this wall falls down or something like that it

starts wobbling

and he saw this wall

starting to fall down and he runs on stage

grabs this woman

tries to get her to protect her from this wall

and the woman’s like you’re ruining my show

in the middle of a play

and he got kicked out and

everything like that but he’s telling this

story and i’m like

this can’t be true

i googled it

and sure enough there was like newspaper articles

about oh cool dude it goes

crazy and jumps on

stage of play

he must have been so hot

he’s like this fucking wall’s

gonna kill the kids oh shit

the lady’s gonna die i’m fucking hella

cool g i’m gonna jump up there and shit

and he’s just seemed very positive

on the cone he was just like i just love

everything i do i like he’s like he was

antidepressants yeah that’s what he’s saying

i gotta see it now pull that shit up son

come on how to find conan o’brien’s episode last night

google maybe

try on google

put it together brian

come on you’re a web genius

do you think it’s available online

if it’s that weird

see somebody probably did it right

oh probably not

maybe it was just me

i don’t know

i’ll find it though if i you

think it was maybe it was just you that thought it was

help wait a minute stop

how high were you when this was happening no i was not

i was not i was not high it’s just like

it was like he was acting weird and then he told that

story and then it was like wow something

really weird is going on we

paying full attention or were you semi masturbating

while you’re watching this

i was laying in

laying in bed

that’s if you

leave a man by himself alone

in a room the tv on eighty percent of his time will be

spent semi masturbating

you know i’m just some out hands

can rub my balls

cause it feels good and no one’s here

so will you

tell the truth no i was just laying in bed actually

that would be weird as fucks on

watching you got nervous watching el cooljay

there’s past

videos you just

created this fucking

dilemma you’re laying in bed with your tramp dog

so was it actually an effect

that he didn’t recognize

was that what was

going on or did he actually

right it was an

effect that he thought was really

happening like a wall was falling down and he grabbed

the actress

oh boy maybe just wanted to try to fuck her real

quick he apologized and he said you know i feel so

he’s like i’m really embarrassed

about the whole situation but i’m thinking

really you’re at a play why

would you ever think that

so in the middle of the play

l how cool j is such a bad

motherfucker and has so much

confidence that he

might have just wanted to fuck that

chick and said well i’ll just rescue her real

quick i’ll pretend to and then i’ll fuck her and then

can you imagine

being at your play and

lo cool j jumps somebody

what the fuck can you imagine doing a play okay it’s

2010 we don’t need that shit anymore stupid

very realistic collapsing walls yeah

that shit’s ridiculous

yeah i don’t

know it’s like morse code we don’t need it anymore

we don’t need that shit

we got way better shit than plays

that’s like cave

painting stupid

stop it you know man

that’s one of the bad things

about living in la

is no gay place no

you will inevitably

get invited to one of your actor friends plays

and it is death i went to

musicals i went to one with my brother

and it was so bad and it was this very serious

it was this very serious part this

super serious part

and my brother

is you know

when you’re with someone and they’re trying not to

laugh and you look over and you see

they’re trying not

to laugh and then you’re trying not to laugh at

the same time

so in the middle of this play

which is about the

witch burnings

and this woman’s doing this very dramatic monologue

about the witch burnings

i look over and my brother’s like

got his fist balled up and it looks like he’s crying

cause he’s trying not to

laugh oh my god

like he was being affected by

it oh my god the worse man

cause he was trying not to

laugh so hard he was actually crying we both were

cause if you

laughed it would be it’s a tiny little

black box and you

would just look like the biggest asshole

brian callan took me to he had this

acting teacher

and this acting

teacher was a fan of musicals

and though he claimed to be married to a woman

i had questions

so anyway that’s neither here nor there

so we go to this show that this guy puts on

and brian says

i gotta stop by my acting

coach real quick he’s got this

thing going on come with me it’ll be fun it’ll be fun

okay what is it

it’s just this thing yeah

it’s like he sings he’s got him

he likes musicals it’s

kinda it’s gonna be cool it’s gonna be cool i’m

going there real

quick i’ll say hi and then we’ll go then we’ll go

okay so i go

i have no idea

what i’m getting into okay we’re high as fucking

paula abdul on the ride home from the pharmacy

having sex with

jesus in space

okay we’re fucking

ballistically

smashed you know

this is the

early days of my pot smoking too

where i just

would go deep way too many times i

would go like in public just way too high

like i should be

at home under the

covers with the

lights out okay i

should be in my jammies

and here i am just

wandering around

seeing random things

so this guy goes on

stage and he’s wearing

those slip on shoes

i hate like

and i see men with

those slip on

dress shoes with the hard wooden heel

you know those little

you know those little

things yeah they’re almost as bad as the frog

shoes those

sandals i know you’re talking

about they’re

penny loafers and they’re

penny loafers yeah and they’re wearing them with little

skinny black

socks like that is not comfortable

that’s an uncomfortable shoe what the fuck

are you doing yeah why do you have to wear that stupid

thing for business like what are you doing

now you’re out singing and you wear these

stupid fucking

shoes this is just me that’s

weird thing

about people dressing

like you know business

he you know

i’m like this is like you’re trying to like appear

to be something to me so he’s singing he gets on

stage and he

starts singing

and this is what he sings

songs that are in musicals

i mean one of them

fuck one of the lyrics was

he was like singing a song like to

to a little girl like his

might have been a daughter or something like that

and it was like

breathe when you need to breathe

like that was one of the lines

what was brian callan doing we were biting our hands

biting our hands and my toes were curling

under themselves

it was the one of the most bizarre forms of

entertainment i’ve ever seen in my life one man

singing a bunch of show tunes to

his friends

and then his students and his students friends

was it in it was in a theater

no it was in the the the um

the roosevelt hotel

you know the

place in the roosevelt hotel sure roosevelt

hotel where we were doing comedy

remember we were doing comedy there for a while

yeah it was

jay davis’s place

oh yeah i know you remember that

that room was

a really cool room it was interesting yeah

well this is

where the guy so it was like a cabaret

yes yes and it was

one of the fucking

worst things

i’ve ever seen in my life and of course

brian didn’t want to

leave i can’t

leave i gotta just

stay stay stay

really he was too high

he didn’t wanna

we’re just panicking

about going out and facing the outside world

so we sat and

watched this

thing go down for like an hour

how did the guy

get i got the

ll cool j audio by the way oh you do yeah

is it really this interesting

well i mean it’s

you think so

well you could just listen

to a little bit of how positive and drug another

thing is is he’s not sponsored by this cologne but he

brings his favorite cologne

that he’s like i’ve been wearing this all my life

to give the conan as a present

i am so curious as to whether i’m gonna

agree with you on how he’s behaving

it’d be better if you

looked at the video i

guess okay let

me come over

duncan seat for a

second he just seems very

happy drug like

super happy

like it’s almost creepy

we’re playing

musical chairs here people while

duncan has to go and pee

fucking child

duncan’s got a weak

blend bladder

duncan we’re

gonna have to get you one of them new bladders

can everybody else hear this

really hearing it through the microphone

yes my favorite cologne this is your favorite

ah buffering really

colonial and if he is on dom and i got you some

no i just wear old spice

this is getting a little white hair it’s nice

cologne is for faggots carry on

i mean you wear your claw i’m just kidding bearded

women will flock to me now nice but i’m gonna

my steer clear your stinky ass

making out with a little cool

oh god what you say about the bearded woman

no i thought about the bearded woman

thanks so much for being here

congratulations on all your

success your show is a massive hit and we’re all very

happy for you and grateful congratulations to you

thank you we’re having a blast here

and i wanted to i wanted to say no no no no please

it is fresh it’s fresh it’s fresh

the tsa is an eleven huh smell it smell it smell it

this seems pretty normal to me brian

i read about watch the story okay give me the

story i want to see all the nonsense yeah

did he just said i read

about was he gonna lead right into it right there

who wants to try it you bought the portrait

and then you loaned it out to the smithsonian yeah

and it’s hanging in there and i’m just look at this

portrait this is amazing it looks very look at that

that is very cool is that him yeah

he looks like he had sex with biggie smalls

doesn’t it it was all a

dream i used to read word up magazine

story yeah this is wack editing son

i’m gonna get back to my seat

he looks pretty normal to me

i must have been masturbating i forgot

it’s not as cool as i remembered it last night

i just remember thinking

i just remember thinking l cool j is

cracked out and then he tells us

man he sounds totally normal you were high as fuck

son this is evidence you need to get your shit together

you got chemtrails over your

house boy kim trail

fucking with your head it’s a government man

it’s a government brian

kill it brian

hello cooljab met him once when i was on news

radio and seemed like a fine young man

you’re making him out to be a goddamn

crackhead what do you think

about totally normal no except for the

story about him jumping on in the middle of a play well

maybe he was a little high then bro

or maybe he’s just a

super nice guy who likes to do cool shit

or maybe just thought let me just fuck this

chick real quick

yeah billy’s falling coming here

come with me

he’s a handsome man he’s all yoked and shit

maybe he just takes chances

i always liked listening to oh cool j’s old songs

cause he used to

always rap about ice

cream and puppy dogs

do you remember that he’ll just

throw in like

puppy doubles and ice

cream in the middle of a song

i don’t know what you’re talking about wow

his old stuff

he always talks about ice

cream and licking lips and

don’t call woods and mama said

knock you out that’s a

great fucking

song i don’t care

as long as i don’t hear it too often

you know hear it like once

every couple of years that song is the shit man yeah

you know when someone don’t call it a comeback

you know he had like some

angry confident raps you know he had some fun shit

he was good man he’s a really good rapper

you know i enjoyed a

bunch of his fucking songs

so i don’t appreciate you talking shit

about him brian

especially when so poorly researched

you need to

study that shit whilst sober young man

you’re just terrified of anything black

it’s all my talking about

black dicks on this podcast

while staring in your eyes it’s like nom to me

i just see a

black person on the tv and i just

think of you and

black dicks

chasing me down

a hallway with some guy in prison and i’m

ripping its balls off and i can’t stop

oh you’re fucking yeah you’re anti rape technique

anti prison rape of ball

grabbing i got an

email from somebody who

asked me to not say rape rape rape rape

rape why not use rape

rape why didn’t

they want you to

say this is an unpleasant thought

it’s an unpleasant you know

what if somebody

what if one of your

loved ones had been raped

would you still use rape

who the fuck sends that email

well you know

maybe he had somebody that was raped i mean it’s a good

point guess

i mean what is

raping your

eyeballs with that email

is it is it a

point is he send

emails to everyone

who uses that word is he’s i don’t know

maybe i mean i didn’t ask is he trying to eliminate

emails to ask questions

about i didn’t psychia

i don’t know i don’t know though mean what is that a

valid i the idea that you know saying something that

could hurt someone’s feelings when you

could have an alternative word that

maybe wouldn’t be

ideal for the

expression that you’re trying to

if we were doing a show for king rapey

no man for me come on

what percentage of the guy

that sent that email

he’s the worst king

you know what you get at

least i’m like

you know his name is

king hugs and cuddles

he’s a fucking

barbarian he likes to fuck kids in the ass and chop

their heads off when he comes king

no use the word

yeah i mean better to be called that

right so you know exactly what you’re getting yeah

you know what let me go back

to what we were talking

about before when you talk about

this all this pillaging talk

you know when we’re talking

about the vikings and shit

so you think that’s what killed the

roman empire right

yeah well it seems like there’s a

bunch of different empires that did the

exact same thing

right like the

greeks same

thing they had fantastic

structures they

never repaired

them everything went to shit and then

civilizations sort of stayed in the same area

but became completely vastly different right

isn’t that amazing

they got these incredible

structures like some of the most amazing

things that people have ever

built ever right the acropolis

acropolis and the parthenon

here amazing beautiful artwork

there’s sculptures and shit

and then they just kind of stopped doing that

and let it all fall to shit

like they forgot how to repair

those buildings yeah

the same people

you know i’m saying people are

still living there

was never unpopulated

where was like a barren

wasteland a nuclear bomb blew off and people couldn’t

live there for a fucking a hundred thousand years no

people stayed in that same area

but they never figured out how to

fix all that shit they just kind of let it fall apart

and nobody owns it

i mean somebody

owns it obviously mean they have tourism and shit but

you know what i’m saying like nobody owned it to fix it

you know hey this is my shit i

gotta fix this fucking

thing what the

buildings falling

apart you know

okay let’s get some workers to work on the coliseum

no they built the coliseum and then just fucked off

you know i can remember

right when this society we’re in right now

started to kind

of go into this collapse and it was like

the root i don’t remember how

many years ago it was but i remember like sitting in

a movie theater and looking down and there’s

this rip in the seat and i looked over and there’s

a rip and then another seat and i was like you know

that’s different like that

would normally be repaired it was like

things were kind of fraying at the edges a little bit a

while ago and now what you’re talking

about is happening here

much more like

if you look around when you’re out

look at how

dirty the cars are i know that

sounds stupid

but people aren’t washing

their cars like cars are really

cost money to wash a car yeah

people don’t have a lot of

money now and

things are really getting dilapidated you

can kind of see this kind of

this paul is setting over

things that i’ve

never seen in my

whole life i’ve

never seen that ship before well we’ve

never been a part of a recession before

right now we’ve

never been a part of when the fake

system falls

apart then they have to kind of rebuild

but they don’t really rebuild they rebuilding the same

structure of what i call unfixable bullshit

you know the

stock market the economy the political

system that we have it’s all like

you’re gonna rebuild the society on this

fucking house of lies

you know we got to figure out a new way to do

things and when i’m looking at

these other

civilizations like the

greeks and the romans

the ones that risen and fell

like look at the

egyptians same

thing you know when

they discovered

those ruins

those ruins there’s no one living in them

they were just

giant monuments that had been

taken open and they’d been you

know people had raided them and

stolen all the artifacts and

stuff and sold them but there was

there’s no one living in there

those are the most amazing

structures human beings have ever created

and their civilization devolved to the

point where people moved out

that’s a pretty incredible

that’s pretty incredible

the most amazing

civilization ever and it fell

apart so much that there was no one living there

right what the mayans too

right the mayans too yeah the mayans too

very very interesting and similar story

they don’t know exactly what happened with the mayans

they you know the mayans

weren’t like someone said oh

they were killed but no that’s not true they don’t know

they don’t know what happened to the mayans it

appears like the mayans just left that’s why all these

nutty fucking lizard

reptilian believe in people they were in a

spaceship they came and kukla

khan took them to the

on a fiery serpent yes

serpent with feathers

right the feathered serpent

yeah that’s

quacks a quote

yeah what’s a quattle

yeah there was a movie

called otto

there was a

movie called q

yeah and i liked when i was a kid which is

about a quexa

quatta attacking a city it’s really

yeah it’s called q

yeah will you

tell me that’s on itunes i don’t know it’s like an old

school movie and it’s

like i must

google that right now

you yeah somebody needs to make a

quetzalcoatl

fucking movie man

i already gave you you bitches

wolf werewolf on a

plane although i

heard that that

chuck pal on the hook and the

what’s his name

the guy who

wrote fight club the guy who

wrote he wrote

oh i know you’re talking about

famous officers

in a bunch of

great books

apparently he made a

scene and then someone actually sent me the

scene i thought

i was inventing a beautiful moment a guy a girl

i was in on a flight once and a girl had a

seizure and

and i was like what if she turned into a werewolf

holy fuck could you imagine being on a

plane that’s a

great idea yeah

and so apparently

chuck pal and a hook nook whatever

his name is fantastic writer already thought of it

damn motherfucker

that’s yeah

he made it even

creepier because it was a little girl

that motherfucker

really up to me he up to me he’s genius

that was pretty the cool description the way he

described it to

he’s got a really

harsh way of depicting

things where like

it just there’s like

no judgment to it it’s just this is what’s happening

you know it’s like here it is it’s like whoa

you read his

shit i love writers like that but kowski’s like that

fucking love that i just

started watching a documentary on bekalski which one

i’ll tell you it’s on my itunes

cause i was

watching it on the

plane and i was

enjoying it up into a

point but i was like god damn this

motherfucker was negative

at certain points i was like dude

you bring it on yourself bitch

born into this i know

born into this i

had a recording of him reading his poetry

and somebody was

heckling him for whatever reason and all of a sudden

he just stops and he’s like

i’ve got a blade in my pocket

and i will cut you man

like he he was fucking serious

he was serious

drunk he was

totally serious yeah he was like

he was he was like

ready to fight cause he

was a bar brawler yeah he

would brawl with people

and he did it on purpose

his whole idea was that

you gotta live

and you gotta fuck

gotta get drunk

yeah can’t just

fucking shit this out

this really

crazy way of looking at life that you

had he was willing

to like live a wild life for his writing

well he reminds

me of like a zen master like if you read zen poetry

and like this pure

crisp description of reality that’s just

it’s the same kind of

thing but he’s just talking about

filthy horrors

and tenements

and people are like

that’s not good

it’s not good yes it is it’s just not good for

first of all

i ate a pot cookie on the plane so

not the best time to be

watching something

like this this guy’s all negative and

goddamn he’s so

crazy but he’s not

gonna ever get scared of that though that you’re

gonna eat the wrong

strongest cookie ever at one time

it happens many times i’ve

learned some of the

greatest lessons of my life

little surprises

i get scared by

those trips but

those trips

teach me everything

yeah that’s what i learn

totally because you don’t

you listen you

wouldn’t normally invite that onto yourself

but opposite

for whatever

reason you eat too much and then you’re like

going into the fucking grid

or into the

others layers upon

layers of denial and

a good pot cookie will wipe out nearly all them bitches

yeah nearly

all and fucking

shine some lights on some shit you forgot about

yeah and he and it’s healing too it’s like you know

everyone talks about how

marijuana is

medicinal and i

never understood that

until i ate a lot of pot and was was like

laying down and and i really felt as though or like

going through my psyche

and doing a defrag

or something was like put you know it was like um

it was like

cleaning up stuff

and getting rid of the bullshit

and for weeks

after that i felt a million times happier

it really is like

medicine for the ego

it’s like ego tablets

you know your ego’s been

lying to you here take this and you can see what’s

going on oh look

you got all this happening here and now

this is why you won’t do that and you know you don’t

clean your office

cause you don’t

want to come to the consequences of being a

success and you know from

right together and

you let go what your fucking parents did they were

stupid they were

young too okay fuck yeah it’s almost

like a coach

yes it’s almost like a

coach standing

right next to you

try that yeah

in the tank

all right that’s

where it’s at dude that’s

where it’s at

we can have a way better

world if people would just

i need to make a document

it’s not a documentary

thing i need to make something

happen where more people get access to

these tanks and like document it

set these tanks up all over the place

get people involved in

them and get them to get high as fuck and go in there

and get them to reevaluate

their life you

should do it as a

it would be awesome as if you

could figure out a way to do that with prisons

see you get

prisons no no

no make the

water dirty

you gotta you know

now that’s too much work

it’s work but it’s like to me that’s the

i’ve always thought that if they need a

bunch of steps before they get

the isolation tanks you can’t just let dudes fucking

climb in a tank of

water dudes

would be jumping

in there with them and buttfucking them

you’d have to control

water would have way too much salt

in it you have to control it

yeah i’m not in

favor of rewarding prisoners

with shit like that i don’t

think it to figure out a way to

you know counsel them to

to you know

integrate them back in society and i don’t think the

system that they have

right now is the

right way to do it but

if i was a fucking

victim or the family of a

victim and there’s some dude who’s getting an isolation

tank and i can’t afford it i’ll be like fuck you

you know i don’t

think they deserve that shit

it’s just you

have to punish people and you have to set an example

for doing shitty

things as long

as it’s not like drug related non violent crimes

you know like oh he had a bag of pot

on him now he’s in jail you know that kind of nonsense

when you watch locked up raw

and you see the way

these guys are being

treated they’re

freaking out yeah it’s horrible it’s like okay i get it

vengeance and i understand

the desire for

vengeance from the family but

isn’t there like a bigger

picture here

which is that

yeah you want

vengeance but that’s

just part of the same problem is that it is part of

the same problem but the problem is this person is not

gonna get any better if you let them out and they don’t

learn anything from this they don’t suffer

guess what nothing changes

and you leave them in

guess what nothing changes either they

get beat up

i don’t think they

learn anything

from the current way

that they’re

treated but at

least the victims have the

satisfaction of knowing that this person has to pay for

their suffering

which is great

until that fucking person gets let out what if they

don’t ever four

months but a lot of them do most of them do

yeah so suddenly so now you got your fucking

pound of flesh this guy got raped for 10 years

he got addicted to

some weird prison drug

and now he’s out in the streets and he’s

gonna do it again

and then that

spreads more

that spreads more of

disease okay

we’re taking like very

very specific examples

but it’s more important than anything to protect people

from people that want to harm them

that’s the most important thing

so if anybody’s violent if anybody’s

dangerous they need to be locked up and if they don’t

learn or if you don’t

think that they’re

if they have a real

objective assessment they

think this guy’s

going to go back and get revenge

they should

never be let out well i was reading mckenna talking

about how do you

you know diagnose

that how do you correctly

you know make that call

and not improve

and someone for life because you don’t like them but

leary and back in the 60s they were doing

experiments with

i don’t know if it was lsd or psilocybin

with prisoners

and the effect was

tremendous it was

changing them and

transforming them

and so that’s what i’m saying it’s like

that’s a better option

the tank is too complicated

the tank you need too much control of yourself

you need to be able to be calm and

relax you need

to be able to let go to use it

you need to not piss and jerk off in there you fuckhead

you know what i’m saying

you know what i’m saying

you’re right

so you don’t want to

leave that we don’t want filthy prisoners in a

flotation thing i

think we all

agree on that but giving them mushrooms

would be a way

cheaper and way better solution and a really good one

i mean if you wanted to reintegrate them

you could just create an alternate society

where look you can’t ever go free but

how about we only have the mushroom taking

population segmented

off from the rest of everybody else

and we give

you guys a chance to reestablish a community

we have a giant

track of land you have gps trips on don’t try to escape

we’re gonna put the gps

trip into muscully in your body if you cut it

out it will register in a computer you go back to jail

for the rest of your term

plus parole no questions asked

so take the mushrooms

and you live in this little

place in the village like a fucking m night

shamalama ding dong movie

and everybody goes out there by themselves completely

disconnected from society and let’s do this as an

experiment let’s take all

these fucked up prisoners

and make them eat mushrooms

take the most violent the most fucked up the craziest

and let them talk to the

spirit world five

grams all the time all day son

all day son

we’re gonna

watch them evolve

right before our

ebo gain trips

every month

every month they have

scheduled ebo

gain trips these

motherfuckers are

gonna do ayahuasca

we’re gonna give them a full

psychedelic re

evaluation but how amazing

would it be

if instead of having to send them to

their plot of land

what if when people came out of prison

cause we were so advanced and we understood

psychology so well

when people came out of prison

they were like

professors they were

a million times

better and then

they’re helping society the

problem is there’s too many

there’s not enough

money there’s too many there’s too many fucking people

there’s too many people that are so far gone you’re

gonna have to do something special

to make them change

that’s where my mushroom

plantation comes in

i like i like the rogan mushroom

plantation i

think the duncan

trussell lsd egg

is much better

which is an egg

shaped thing that prisoners go in for

many many years

until their ego is

completely erased

they’re reprogrammed with only

positive teachings they learn

about buddhism all the

world religions

and that you pop them back out into society

maybe you start with six seven

but you pop

them back out into society and now instead of

putting the poison back into society

you’re putting

an antidote

well that’s a beautiful idea in theory

but that’s so far away from being able to be done

you know we’re talking science fiction there

i mean it’s

not science fiction i mean it’s not yet we’re not

yet capable of it but

mushrooms are here

right now that’s what i’m saying

that’s what i’m saying this

inducing so

you’re saying this is a mushroom

i lost your

what i’m saying is

you put prisoners in

some sort of

chamber i don’t know what else you’re saying

you inject them with it or something you just have them

it’s exactly the same

thing you said i was just i was

being a little too

weird about it

cause yeah you had created some alternate

reality where you

can erase their memory it’s so

weird cause no

i think if you gave someone enough lsd you

would erase

their memory but

in my mind it’s like

an egg like thing

where you project

this is where you lost

i was like what are you talking

about i don’t know why i see like this but i see

this egg like

thing and you project on the walls

just like morkamania

beautiful images

it’s like a mork egg he came out

it’s like a mork egg

yeah dude it’s a mork egg

just nailed it son

that’s it my man

pulled out look

the greatest all time

reference is a mork egg

i didn’t even remember that a morgue egg was a real

thing until you brought that up well the morgue egg

was i’ve always wanted one of

those morgue eggs

or the bill

cos i gotta

get some knuckles on the morgue egg reference

but you guys both need to follow the

brian redband prison idea

because it was way better than the duncan trestle

prison idea

let’s just make them

bomb sniffer dogs and

use prisoners for things like that

okay we might have a bomb in here oh yeah by the way

we were talking about the the lsd

experiments we were talking about the

mk ultra yeah we were talking

about the shit that they did the cia

that turned ted kaczynski into the unabomber

supposedly allegedly

that the documentary and we talked

about in the podcast before i

think the documentaries called the net

very very fascinating

really interesting shit

so that’s my problem with the lsd

my problem with lsd is i keep hearing

crazy stories about people losing their marbles

you know and howard stearns talked

about it how he took it once and he took too much of it

and he had this horrifying

scary fucking trip

and where he

was like losing his mind and then the drummer from pink

floyd that joey diaz always talks about

did some fucking

lsd lost his mind i don’t remember the dude’s name

sid barrett is that his name

yeah i think you know the whole

story i don’t

think he was a drummer but yeah

i know that

he was a guitar player what was he no

he was like a singer and i

think he was like one of the

founders of it or

something yeah

the story goes that he just they were all

tripping out so much but he

i think he became a

schizophrenic or a shut in

in london or something and then he died

he’s dead but he released some great

sid bear released some and that was

due or they

allegedly believed it was due to an lsd trip

like it was connected oh

yeah they say it was he went

crazy from he did the lsd and just lost

his with see

you know you hear

about that you don’t hear

about that with mushrooms

right although that’s not totally true

cause dennis mckenna

terrence mckenna’s brother apparently

lost it for a long time they had some big

crazy mushroom trip down in central america or

south america

and he was gone for like two weeks

where he was like in this

complete like fit of madness it was just a

shit happens a lot

with mushrooms yeah growing up when i used to do

mushrooms a lot a lot of my friends had the same shit

where like what happened to so and so and like oh i

haven’t seen him for like a week and then

he comes back and he’s like dude i had

a really bad

trip i just sat in my

house for a week and thought

about things

i’ve had that a few times do

you think that is

do you think that that is just an overwhelming amount

of psilocybin and they just couldn’t process it or

do you think that it was a very bad time in

their life when they took it

and then there’s

some sort of an internal struggle between

the experience a

psychedelic experience

which requires

absolute truth and honesty

and all the issues that you

might have not resolved in your

own mind they’re constantly fucking with your psyche

so then a battle takes

place between the

psychedelic truth and

all the shit that you’re trying to keep in the

closet and the dark and all the

douchey behavior and all life and stress and death and

sucking dicks and

airplanes getting hit by missiles

and it all just falls

apart and your mind

literally cannot grab anything

it’s just madness

where just like

defragging before your eyes the information is

crumbling your ability to decode

language it’s all dissolving

like you fuck your whole

brain sideways

and apparently

for like two

weeks he was gone but that’s when you need a shaman or

somebody somebody could talk

you down i’m

gonna lead you through that

cause that means you’re at the

right place

that’s when the healing

starts as they’ve pulled all the fuck they’re

scrubbing the germs of your ego way and all of a

sudden you’re in this open place

and if you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing

who really knows what they’re doing then you can

evolve at that moment and become

something so much happier and more real than you are

it’s just that’s the sad

thing about it is

no one knows how to do that and

kids are like

fucking tripping out on

psychedelics and having rotten trips because

no one knows how

to they don’t know

how to do it and also they’re coming from

you know who knows what

their view of the

world is and how far it is off from reality

and that’s one

thing about all

psychedelic trips is they

force you before we go any further

i’d like to see your ticket

and i’d like to see your ticket is

here is your real life for real

okay so before we go

and talk to any fucking flying blue

dragons it’ll take you into the center of the universe

and show you

the fabric of life that’s

under the hood

of the car of the universe

before we do that

here’s you i

think sometimes the drugs affect

different people in different ways

other than that though like

i think i’ve said this before this girl i knew

she hit one you know

bong once and she just took off running as fast as she

could into my bathroom and hit the tub and fell

against the wall and

stuff but when

she came back to it she was like i don’t remember

doing it i have no idea why i did that and i’m like

what one hit from weed made you do this don’t ever

touch weed ever again

yeah you’re

right man look stanhope

doesn’t like weed

you know he’ll

tell you i don’t like what it does to me yeah

stanhope likes everything

i mean he’s a mushroom aficionado

you know he’s probably taken

30 times more drugs than

i have he’ll help to fucking take anything i heard this

i was reading the

biography of timothy leary

and i can’t remember the name of it now there’s a

bunch of them i’m sure but the one i was reading

there was a reporter who was at the

house where they were all

tripping out and

who was like

watching them

he was like

apparently gonna do a negative

story on them or something

because you know as you know leary

was up in this

house with a

bunch of hippies like

alan ginsberg

and richard albert and like a lot of the beat

people from the 60s so

and they were all

experimenting with acid but

this reporter

apparently snuck into timothy

leary’s office

where under his office in a drawer in a

decanter he had liquid acid

the reporter

thinking it was

vodka or some kind of alcohol poured himself a

drink and drink

oh yeah wow

and oh my god

ingested this

massive amount of acid not even knowing it

and so he started having this

incredibly terrible trip and they say he took his

clothes off he was running around the grounds naked

but they got him to sit down

and fucking

alan ginsberg and i can’t remember who the

other people were they all

started singing hari

krishna to this guy

the hard christian

amaha mantra which is

hardy christian hardy christian

christian christian hardy

got it all mad sing it

bitch sing that shit

you know how to sing it no

come on you know how

to sing first

of all i have a

terrible you

know how to do all this shit look up the beatles on

how to do it

dude you know how to do it you know how to do it well

no you do it all the time you don’t know

the thing about

hearted christian is you can sing it

which is called a cretan right but

you don’t have to sing it

sounds cool you know how to do it it’s cooler

just get it let it go it’s cooler to

chant it okay go ahead

but you all have to

chant it with me okay

tell me what

it does hardy krishna hardy krishna

no don’t play that don’t play that for a

second cause it really is just

serious bro

it’s not serious

it’s fucking serious it’s not serious but it’s kind of

psychedelic

internet is serious business

trying to get you guys

see cats everywhere when i say that

hit me with it

so guys howdy

krishna howdy

krishna howdy

krishna howdy

krishna krishna

krishna krishna krishna

howdy howdy

howdy howdy howdy

rama howdy dama

howdy rama how do

you rama rama rama

rama rama howdy

howdy howdy

howdy so guys

howdy krishna

krishna krishna

here’s an easier one here’s another mantra which is a

is a good one it’s just rom rom r a m so go rom

fast well however you want to do it

i think we’re too high

to be doing a podcast

the fact that we were even

considering that that might be

entertaining for all the people listening shows you a

state of consciousness

where no it’s

trippy and mantras are really it is

weird it doesn’t it gives you a weird feeling it does

because and mantras are

great because

whatever the one is you decide to do

it gives you a chance to

focus your mind

on something outside your thoughts because i do that

after yoga sometimes i do ohms

i did like a long ohm

session in like the

in a lotus position

i do that it seems so

silly and pretentious

while you’re doing it

you’re like what kind of fucking faggot

i am right now

when my friends

walked in on me from high

school like what are you doing stupid

and fucking what are you doing you

gonna suck a couple dicks

after this and eat

some berries you know

it’s not pretentious

it just seems like

of course it’s not pretentious but

there’s a certain amount of silliness

that’s attached to any yoga

spirituality

even if you say you’re a

vegan or something you’re an environmentalist

anytime there’s anything caring

in any sort of consideration

there’s like a

bunch of weakness attached to it

so if somebody catches you

sitting there in the

low disposition with

your fuck you finger

touching your

thumb going oh

like you silly

bitch what do you do

do you go what do you do do you go om

om or do long i’ll tell

you exactly

that’s what i do

that’s awesome

i do long ones i do that sometimes in the tank too

the tank gets even

weirder because it reverberates to the water

you know i do that when i need to

slow my mind down

i need to like

when i get into the tank sometimes it’s like

there’s an adjustment period of like a few minutes

i’m just trying to

relax and settle in and get

loose and just settle into the experience

and then sometimes i just can’t

this is too much on my mind i got too much fucking

going on too much

real life tm bullshit

you know invading my consciousness

so then i go oh

and i just only think

about my breathing

my breathing and making that noise

and then eventually i stop

thinking about my breathing and the breathing

just comes automatically deep and long and i just

think about hitting the right note

and then i’m like

because there’s like a certain

relaxation to it when you really hit it

when you’re faking it when you’re nervous

about it then you’re like

you know there’s like a break in the way you’re talking

you’re not relaxed enough to let that

sound come out what about the buddhist one

that’s the craziest shit

that’s the craziest shit that shit’s insane boy

yeah dude you sound like one of those instruments

what’s it called an australian thing diggery dude

you’re fucking freaking me out man

you’re fucking freaking me out man

you know what i’ve been chanting lately is uh

for a while now and i love it is

no what is that

it’s like this whole prayer whoa

but it’s from the duncans and alien

ladies and gentlemen you were right i was wrong

aliens are real we have one here with us he just

spoke to us in the code

he just sent the fucking signal to the motherships

i know an embarrassing amount of prayers and

other languages

here’s another it’s nothing embarrassing

about that at all it’s fascinating

yeah i love you that was amazing i’m obviously

fascinated if you look at this

fucking shiva over here

i have shit like this all over my

house i’m fascinated by like hindu artwork

there’s just something

about it to me

you know when i look at there’s something

about like india and india’s ancient artwork all these

women with like extra hands and shit it’s so

obviously psychedelic dude i had intensely i had

an incredible dream once where

it was like

those things whatever those things were in this

dream i was like at a restaurant though but

these things that look like

shiva that the

angelic hindu thing right

they came up to me and

they were so beautiful and so perfect and i was like

looking at them and

for some reason i was like i said

you look like me

and they were like no

you look like us

as though to say like

humans were a reflection

of what they are or like

just an expansion of like

whatever that thing is

wow you know another

this awesome

you know of course in

hinduism the universe is called maya

which means illusion

and the way they describe this universe is

it’s like the reflection

of a forest on a lake

our universe is the reflection

of the true universe like the true universe is so

powerful that we’re this kind of

shimmering weird

reflection of it and we all

think that we’re real

and permanent and constant and it lasts

forever when it’s just nothing more than just like a

i don’t know just some kind of

i don’t know an illusion maya

that’s what they call reality illusion

damn not real at all how

wack is christianity in

comparison to that right

yeah how fascinating that’s like such high level shit

yeah and that’s like

dj high tech

dj high tech

high level shit full flex

yeah that’s what

ninja would say high

level shit next

level shit next

level shit you know what man it is next

level shit right

well yeah i mean

it’s not i don’t i don’t know that i’d call it next

level shit i

would it’s like high level

it’s the next

level just it’s the

level it’s people zooming into the

level and you

know what it is

an interesting

thing about the

hindus is they

ate a lot of hash

and mushrooms yes and mushrooms soma

when yes soma they don’t even know exactly what it is

soma is referenced in many of the ancient texts

right and they think it

might have been amanita

mescaria and psilocybin

cubensis and a

bunch of other shitlift

mixing together there’s a lot of debate on what it is

but it’s very

clear that something that they

ate that made them have

experiences i mean they’re saying

we did psychedelics

we called it soma

we don’t know what soma is

but it’s very obvious from what they

wrote that it’s a

psychedelic

plant there’s

solid isn’t it

mckenna talks

about the rig

veda and the rig

veda is just

hymns to soma to the

and they have all

these ways of describing it

and that’s the oldest known

is that the oldest known

no it’s not the oldest known

written work

that no well no

i don’t i don’t know

one of the oldest well there’s the

upon a shot

right and then there’s there’s the

mahabharat which is what the bhagavad gita comes out of

and that’s the one that has all the what is it called

vimayas what is it called when something

flies to the sky oh yeah i don’t

remember the

name of it i don’t remember the name of it but

that’s a fascinating take on

you know that all the ufo believers

believe that in that book

maha bharata as i say it mahabarat

mahabharata

it means great

india barat

it’s spelled barada but barat means india

and maha means

great isn’t that

weird how we have names for countries

other than the names they use yeah

like germany is not germany

it’s doucheland

really yeah it’s not germany

and same with

like greece

greece is like hollis or something like that really

yeah yeah japan is not

japan let’s just what nippon

it’s totally different word and i ppo

n well it’s obviously in different characters

but phonetically it’s nippon

upon wow yeah

i feel dumb now wonder if russia is a different name

what is it now yeah

what was it before

naming something so

weird naming like a name for any geography a

noise you make with your

mouth that describes a spot yeah

so fucking it’s such an odd

thing the numbers

thing we’re just

keeping track of

everything i mean i

guess it helps traveling

yeah helps gps

kind of need it yeah

gotta all agree

it’s crazy that we all

agree on red being stop and

green being

go that’s everywhere in the

world nowhere that someone stubborn

is like fuck you bitch

i don’t even like red

dude to get back to the

india stuff

i felt like i wanted to tell you this story

but stop me if i already told you

did i ever tell you the

story of when richard alper

gave lsd to his guru in

india that story

i think we did talk

about that but i don’t remember

so this guy was like i don’t know if we talked

about it on the podcast but i know we talked

about it we

could just go

whatever shit overlaps on this

so richard alpert was this guy who was

a psychologist and he was hanging out timothy

leary blew his mind on acid

or i think it was mushrooms

and basically the

thing you were talking

about happened to him

where he like

cause he was really

like rich at the time and he had a nice car and i think

like things were really like

he was like a career

like he was on the up so to speak

and so he took this

psychedelic and saw his

life kind of just

vanish in front of him and he

realized that western society was obviously

a bit of a sham and

he ended up

going to india because he’d

heard these stories

over there richard albert is rom das

right that’s

right exactly he

calls himself the

rom das is his name

you can go to romdas com

he wrote be here now

but so he has this guru he goes to india

and basically finds his gurus this little man in a

blanket and

albert has lsd

with him and

according to his

story this little guy is like you have

medicine here you have

medicine here

albert gave him

you know at the time this is acid in the sixties being

carried around

by like someone who is friends with timothy

leary so this is high

powered shit

albert gives him some he eats it

eats one of them

and then he like motions for him to give him more and

basically eats

all of his acid all of it just gobbles it down

and so alper

thinks oh fuck i have

you know i’ve killed a little old indian man

right and he’s

gonna go insane

according to the

story no effect

nothing happened

no effect no

effect oh my god and and and and he said one

thing he said to him was this

reminds me of a

this reminds

me of something they had in the something valley

like some it was

just it reminded him of something he’s like it’s okay

but so albert

left went back to the united

states mind

blown by this little man because and he’s like he

tricked me right he palmed the

shit didn’t really eat it came back

the guy who albert

swears was telepathic was like

you don’t believe i

ate that stuff

because albert had brought more he took it

chewed it up in

front of him chewed it up in his

mouth opened his

mouth so he

could see that it was in his

mouth or whatever pill form and then

after some time went

under his blanket

and started making

moaning noises

and alvar was like oh fuck

he ate it this time and he went insane

and then he came out of his

blanket laughing

cause he’s fucking with him

and it didn’t affect him

again no effect

he was just playing into what albert thought

it would have done now

which was driven

but he’s so enlightened that he

still plays practical jokes yeah no he’s funny

yeah i don’t

think humor goes away that’s that’s a thing

comedians get afraid of like spirituality or

meditating or

whatever because they’re like i don’t want to not be

funny anymore yes dude i used to

think exactly that

thing yeah i don’t

think that i don’t think it

money goes away i

think it just gets better you guys better you guys

better the more at

peace you are the more

funny you are if i’m

the worst i’m

ever at is when i’m in stressful situations or i’m

upset at someone or said it myself or whatever

you know when you’re in a good

place you’re a happy

place and no stress yeah

always better yeah for sure

i don’t know man it’s

oh speaking of acid this is what i want to talk

about the wild and wonderful whites of west virginia

dude awesome

was that the craziest fucking documentary

you know i wasn’t i watched it i had to

watch it twice

the first time i was too tired when i

watched it i didn’t appreciate it that much

and then the second time i watched it and i was

like way more awake

and i was under the influence of the devil’s cabbage

i tried watching it the first time so

it was a terrible mistake

but watching it barbecued it was like whoa this is

a fucking fascinating family man this is the nuttiest

shit i’ve ever seen in my life

these fucking people

they live in west virginia

and their whole family are criminals

like everyone’s a criminal

they’re all

pill snorting

they crush pills up they get pills from somewhere

they all get prescriptions for

crazy pills too

they all got

money that they

get from the government and they sell pills

none of them have jobs this

is what they

call a mate and call him

west virginia and he

shakes his pills

this is how

you call a girl yeah dude that’s no joke either

that’s real

you know apparently my family

west virginia is another one of

those places

where it’s not so hard to get prescription medicine

right you know like florida

apparently is the easiest

you know that’s florida’s like

those pain management centers but these

west virginia

folks there

you know they’ll fucking

drive down florida to and

get bags and bags of pills

i mean these are all the

whole family are smoking weed and snorting

pills they’re snorting

pills this chick

chick just shit out a kid okay

the kid is in

the hospital she’s in the hospital better pussies all

stoned up with stitches

she’s snorting

pills on the side with her fucking friend

this is a wake up call i need to turn my life around

yeah and so the

child protective services take the baby she’s smoking

cigarettes outside

right after having

a kid you know

she smoked during the entire pregnancy if she’s

taking pills

she did everything thank

god they took the

baby’s okay

so you know

she has to turn her life around she goes into rehab

it’s gripping shit man it’s really getting is so crazy

yeah it’s amazing all of them are on

disability too remember that like the

father got them all in

disability so

they don’t have to work

it’s amazing man remember when when

she’s got pills and she’s like

i just bought

these pills for

eight dollars i’m taking them up the road and

was selling for ten dollars each that’s called hustle

bustle and rustle

what the fuck that’s how we do in

the country that’s how we do it we make sixteen dollars

fucking crazy shit man and then

hank williams the

third would just appear out of nowhere and

start playing the same

songs yeah so

weird oh it was

great he’s friends with them

wow yeah dude it’s amazing and they

asked the mom they’re like

what do you want to happen when you die

oh when you come to my funeral

won’t you blow pot

smoke in my face and

snoke snort

pills off my head

she put first on that comment on youtube

but first yeah i forget what her

exact quote is

can you imagine snorting

fucking oxycontin off of a corpse head

she had this incredible quote too

something like

i don’t know

you know at the end of it she was like oh it all

might be bullshit but at

least they know who the fuck we are

this bitch is

crazy she is committed

they do tattoos in the middle of their fucking

kitchen they’re in a trailer

and they’re tattooing each other

tattoo and not exactly sure how to

spell shit too high yeah it’s amazing with a

prison tattoo yeah

and then jesko the fucking the dancing outlaw

yeah holy shit

presley manson

is on his back is

that elvis presley and charles mann

tattooed on his back

any dances any dances

what a fucking awesome documentary

so good you haven’t seen it yet brian nope

oh my god you gotta get it netflix

yeah yeah yeah yeah it’s netflix

it’s johnny knoxville’s company made it

oh really yeah his company’s i guess it’s called oh

i remember seeing that at the beginning of

cause it all sounded familiar

it was the beginning of jack i said a preview for that

fuck dude how did i know it was amazing

it was amazing

incredible completely believable

oh fuck yeah

it’s real man they’re crying and shit and there’s

everything’s fake

yeah i don’t

think so man they follow

these people

around for a year and this is all the shit they got

dude can i please show you something a

video can i show you an internet

video totally can i get it on this phone

maybe i have a

video i don’t need to show you guys a

video but i’m

gonna talk about it

while duncan looks for this

when i was in germany there was a station

that had a 24 hour camera

that was on the

pilgrimage at mecca

oh cool and for 24

hours a day it just showed

these people

putting on these

white robes

and moving around this square

what is that square man what is the deal with that

isn’t it called the

no the hodge no that’s the

whole thing i

think is called the

hodge it’s called the hodge is like a

pilgrimage right

yeah version

of a pilgrimage yeah

well anyway this thing

is this big box

that’s in the center of this square and

it’s really beautiful like

incredible architecture i mean it’s fucking amazing

and everyone

super well behaved

you know there’s no one getting

in arguments or anything and they’re all like in

close proximity to each other

and they’re

touching each

other and they’re

walking around in a circle around this box 24

hours a day i

watched it for an hour and a half

just sitting there

with my jaw open like what the fuck

and duncan had sent me this

video once of

i sent him a

video of ants

or we both had seen it rather of ants

in a death spiral

yeah what was the reason for it like one of the

queen had died and you tweeted it

and it’s this yeah no the reason is is because like

ants follow each other’s

trail and so

basically they end up

following a

trail in the

wrong they’re

basically just end up

going in a circle following the same trail oh

how does that happen

because one ant fucks up one ant

fucks up or the

queen fucks up or something

and so they follow that so you get the entire nest of

ants all going in this circle

that looks like this beautiful spiral it’s amazing

yeah and it’s available online

it’s called

the ant death

spiral right

well you sent me this video

of them doing that at mecca it was like almost the

exact same thing

yeah it looks exactly the same

except they don’t die

but this desire to go around

in a circle they’re not just walking up that thing and

touching it

they’re walking

around it and they’re walking around it just

covered in robes i mean they’re basically

dressed like they were

dressed thousands

of years ago well there actually there was just a

video on cnn

of this guy who went there with like those with

what is it called the

things edison had

those weird silver

discs they used to record

stuff or cone

things i can’t remember what it’s

anyway it’s like this thing from

a very long time ago of mecca

with the recording

from back then showing like the city around it and

stuff and it was just much more

dilapidated

and less built up but the same fucking

thing man all the

muslims going around that

isn’t it amazing

that they’ve committed to that for so long

i mean that’s a fascinating

thing when i was

watching that i was like if this

this is thousands of years old

right islam

is over a thousand years old

right is it

1500 1500 years old something like that

you know i don’t

know anyway whatever it is it’s very old okay

if this had happened now if this was a new

thing if we were

watching a new

thing and there was a channel on

television that was

dedicated 24

hours to these new people

that wear robes and walk around in a circle

where there’s a sacred box

that they have to come to from all over the fucking

world and they just

spend hours and

hours walk around the circle

to this box

we would shut that fucking

thing down so

quick there

would be arms

fucking men outside with tanks

and jets ready to drop bombs to be like

what the fuck is in the box you freaks

what do you got a time machine there

stupid what the fuck you’re

dressing like you

dressed a thousand years ago and you’re

touching a box

is this fucking

thing gonna

take you back to a thousand years ago tell me why you

dressed like

that and they pray to it don’t forget that they bow

to it constantly

and they always

know where it is yep and they

touch it they move around they want to

touch it and people

pile through and eventually get to the center and

touch it they’re all

touching it all around it and around the people

touching it

is just layer upon

layer upon layer upon

layer of people

thousands and thousands i don’t know how many thousands

just moving

around in a circle milling around this thing it’s

really i’d like to go to it man i’d like to see

it’s just fascinating that how this is what i wanted to

bring up like how does that happen

how does a meme how does an idea become so

powerful that all of

these people like a billion of them all over the

world i mean what is the numbers of

islam is it a billion

something like that i have no idea probably at least

right yeah i don’t know

but i mean let’s say it’s not whatever it is

giant numbers of

humans all around the world

all follow this one pattern

and they really do all want to make this

pilgrimage to mecca and they really do say it’s an

incredible spiritual awakening

it symbolizes so much to them

that even if it’s a

placebo effect

going there and being in the presence of this thing and

touching it

and being around all

these people that are like oh my god i’m at mecca

we’re at mecca

today and it

forces everyone to be holy

forces everyone

to try to follow the tenets of this religion and really

believe in the love that

this group brings everybody together

their religion has so much more

power that it full than anybody else’s

nobody else is willing to make that sort of commitment

so because of this intense bond

this intense commitment they have

this is one of the

things that

makes them the most dangerous don’t they pray

three times a day

i don’t know i don’t know

how many times i pray whatever happened to that kid

that everyone thought was like this born

again god that just like

lived next to a tree remember and they were like

he would just sit there quiet

quietly for

days and not eat and everyone no that’s awesome

he was living in a tree

that was in

india wasn’t it yeah

never having a kid

was it india yeah

i don’t know where i

think it was india yeah

i don’t know for sure but i remember that it was

crazy and then he

went off into

the woods he was getting all this attention

and he said he needed to go where it’s

quieter because he was trying to

do some intense thing

and he was even

i don’t remember the

exact words he said but he’s like

i am not buddha but i am

some sort of

incarnation of the something something it was really

weird creepy

and then he just kind of disappeared

maybe he was

a crazy kid in india

maybe he’s just over

there eating mushrooms talking shit living in the woods

and then when

people come around interview him he just touched

he’s so high he

doesn’t even know what he’s saying

right he just

starts talking about

he’s the incarnation of the buddha

in the islam and

sing me some shit i

am this awesome fucking

professor in college and he got me

he basically

taught me into

going to india i went to

india for several weeks because of him wow

because i took a course called introduction to

southeast asia but

he said in india what happens is

hundred two hundred years ago holy man

someone someone considers a guru drops a glove or

does some little

thing or eats a melon

next to some certain place and

throws it down and then his falls are like oh let’s uh

and let’s enshrine

this place where the seed from the

melon our master8

is and then a temple eventually springs up around that

and so you’ve got

india’s just

scattered with

shrines and temples and all

these bizarre

constructs that come from

very specific

events in the

cause hinduism isn’t just like one religion

one religion

it’s a fragmentation of all

these different ideas people who worship brahm and

people who worship vishnu

people who worship shiva

people who worship demigods

david it’s all kinds of shit it’s not just one thing

it’s like a fragmentation

of of something they make the coolest art dude

yeah i do they’re fucking shiva like this shiva that is

you know someone explain to

me that this is supposed to be the the god of cannabis

that this is

supposed to be the god of cannabis and see that little

thing that he’s

standing on the bottom yeah that’s supposed to be

ignorance right and that’s

why he’s got a sack that he carries that’s his weed

that’s his weed

and this all represents fire

and he’s standing over

ignorance you

would think a

dollar bill you

would think

ignorance would be way bigger

that’s a little baby

ignorance it’s very

optimistic it’s

small ignorance

speaking ignorance can i show you this yeah

yeah what is it

and so what is this

what explain what we’re

watching i’m not really sure it’s some sort of

patriotic musical

it’s called

that’s america to me look it up on youtube okay so

can you see it okay yeah

what is going on dude

is that real oh my god you gotta see this guy

the man saying this song looks like

don fry fucked the kid with down syndrome

that’s america oh my goodness that’s

i want to talk to that dude about the universe

watch this coming up

standing in defense of

oh my god they threw karate kicks this

this is the most insane thing i’ve ever seen in my life

these people for the itunes folks i’m very

sorry these people wearing stars and stripes

shirts and they’re standing in front of a big stars and

stripes thing that says america

third city amanda

this is insane

this is straight insanity it’s insane i’ve

never seen anything like it

these people probably can’t wait for

this song to end so they can just go fuck each other

i bet they just

snort meth and fuck the shit out of each

other and then

they get mad

they’re so repressed

oh jesus i can’t believe i did that jesus

why why the

devil temp it was the last time

it was the last time and then they just meeting

the same thing

look at his head did he just get

brain surgeries

get each other pregnant shit

shoot loads in each other

make no retards

that’s america

this is all what we’re talking

about man this

should happen to the greeks

we have it to the

romans and happen to everybody

eventually the fucking

tribe gets watered down

to the point where there’s so many of these

fuckheads that people want to pay attention to them

and even want to

elect one of

their own to be the king of the

world you know

people like that look at the size

of that audience man there were thousands of people

last time you

had a thousand people for your fucking show

it’s been a long time

joe exactly

this is ridiculous man you need to work that church

angle shit there’s a lot of

money in that

search son you don’t even have to

write good comedy just throw some

jesus in there and hahaha

say gosh and golly

and don’t ever

swear baldwin

that shit even with

terrence mckinnon

his lectures he

could throw lobs

some softballs and

just kill man

or deepak chope or any time you listen to any of

those guys things america

you have to be a

dummy not to see the game

and if you’re all

crazy that’s america that’s america rah rah

god’s gun and government

there’s nothing

wrong with god there’s nothing

wrong with government there’s nothing

wrong with having guns but you get all

three of them together

and it creates this

weird fucking hybrid mentality

that’s america

you don’t have to

think too much

you have to think

about the fact you’re getting fucked by gangsters

yeah it’s it’s

it’s but it’s that

it’s the sappiness of it it’s like yeah

it’s not recognizing what the fuck is really going on

when everybody’s all

god guns and government

that’s all well and good if there was a real bad guy

and if it was a real situation

where we didn’t do anything wrong

but when you run

the country’s run by

gangsters when you just assume some gangster

shit is going down

dick cheney was the fucking ceo

of haliburton before he gets into office

gets into office is

basically running shit right

and all of a

sudden halburton gets

billion dollars of no

bid contracts to fix up iraq

because we just decide to drop fucking bombs on them

and he profits off of it

he has hella burton stock and

if that’s not

gangster what the fuck is nobody does anything

i would say in my act

he shot his

friend in his face and his friend apologized

that’s as gangster as you get

that’s gangster shit

that’s some al capone shit

these fucking people

started a war and made

money off it

and everybody’s like that’s america

so think about the idea of it

we got a problem

we’re gonna just what

if haliburton

first of all there’s

something like 90 billion dollars that’s missing

there’s like some insane amount of

money that’s missing

think about if

haliburton was a one person

if it was one person and they

stole 90 billion dollars

you can’t just do that

they’d be like

where’s the fucking money

but because it’s a gigantic

corporation it’s like oh what happened there’s

paperwork and who knows

we’re gonna see

if we can find it it’s probably around here somewhere

i mean that’s

that’s some fucking straight gangster shit look at

what i like is like

cause we can talk

about it like this and nothing’s probably

gonna happen to us like no one’s

gonna get us

we’ll be okay but

i like watching when someone

in russia pushes

no here when someone pokes the dragon enough

where it tries to snap like that wikileaks guy oh

yeah you know what i mean when they’re trying

to put that rape charge on him yeah the rape charge

and you watch him

he went cause i saw this awesome

lecture with him as he was just

starting to do it and

he had all this life in him and this energy and he’s

like seemed like a hero and then you cut to

four months

later he looks like a

ghost he’s tired

beat down because they’re just

applying the cia pressure

he can’t be with a girl

if he meets a girl

in the back of his head he’s

gotta think

does this girl really like me

right or is this an operative who got sin in

that’s real

shit too that’s real well they did it a rape

charge on that guy that happened to coincide with him

releasing the biggest military leak in the united

states history how hilarious is that

they’re so transparent

that’s like the most

transparent shit ever

unless he really raped somebody

he’s like nobody believe me

yeah i’m such a good guy yeah

going on no he

come on really fuck those

i don’t know that guy but also it

would be weird if he was

like a really good guy in some ways but a douchebag in

other ways well i’m sure

it’s a possibility i don’t know him that’s the problem

i think that

there’s a better chance that they’re trying to

frame it yes much better

chance didn’t he send a pdf out that was encrypted

or something something like that and if he vanishes

or something

weird happens to him then he’s sending the password out

i don’t think it

would change much

i think people

would go wow somebody killed him

oh well what’s paul abdul doing that

crazy bitch

she’s driving

drunk again

i hope people

would find some

new distraction

we don’t do anything

we don’t do anything that’s what’s so fucking

weird about ourselves well the only

way we are gonna do

everything is if we change

and the only way we are

gonna change is if the

introduction of new ideas gets to the people at the top

if the people at the very top of the food

chain that are doing the most fucked up

things in the

world we gotta get them

to have a look at this

we gotta get them to realize

you’re creating this gigantic

volcano of shit energy

and it’s not necessary you don’t have to do it this way

everybody could figure out some way to make this

thing work a lot better take this

right sit down we’re

gonna turn the lights out

that’s right keep

about an hour and 20 minutes i’m

gonna come back in and we’re

gonna have a conversation

you sound like what’s his name from i

dream a genie

what’s his name

space captain what’s that actor’s name

i have no idea what you’re talking about

the lead in i dream a genie what’s that actor’s name

someone’s gotta know that

but there’s

such poorly thought out theory

of giving them

no there’s it no there’s

that’s what he says

there’s a joy behar interview with him

where she springs

said that they should give drugs to politics yes

yes he he’s the

i don’t know

i can’t remember the name of him now he’s like he was

jr that after

i played jr

who is that

but there’s a

jr from dallas right yeah

what the fuck is his name

i can’t fucking

remember now he’s an interesting dude he’s got one of

those green houses

he’s off the grid

he’s off the grid and so joy behar

is interviewing him and it’s a nice interview and

everything’s

going fine then she ambushes him like so

i hear that you took lsd

what was that like

for the quick

flash he looks at her like you fucking

bitch we were

doing a normal interview now you’re trying to corner me

and he’s like

he’s like well

it took away my fear of death

whoa yeah it was really cool

oh shit then he talked

about politicians should

have to take lsd

do you think that he

definitely knew that she was

gonna do that he seems

authentically surprised like really you know the

micro gesture

where for a

second i was like oh

really you think so

look it up i mean you can look it up

right now it’s on youtube

what is his name

larry hagman it’s

joy behar interviews

larry hagman lsd

joy behar is like taking over man she’s doing all this

crazy interviews

did you see her she walked off the set

because they had bill o’reilly on and bill o’reilly

was talking nonsense and so she walked off the set

i heard about that i didn’t see it but i

heard about that it’s pretty interesting was that with

whoopi goldberg yeah they both walked off

yeah they staged a protest

they said enough we have had enough

like they didn’t know what he was

gonna say they’d been

planning that

thing for days

you think they

didn’t know i mean

maybe they’re just too busy to pay attention

maybe there’s so much

shit going on they don’t have the time

you kind of know riley’s

gonna get on there and say something conservative

yeah he was

lobbing some softballs at george bush i was

watching him interview george bush

and one of the

things that he said i had barney

frank on and i called him

a liar and a coward

he’s bragging to george bush

that he called barney frank a

liar and a coward

yeah bush is like wow you really showed them

i killed a million

iraqis yeah

yeah a million bitch a

million i publicly

admitted to a war

crime and no one’s

gonna do it how about you

when they’re in the commercial

he just leans over bill bill but of course

i killed a million

motherfuckers

i don’t want to hear you faggot talk

faggot talking

about you told

a gay congressman

that he’s a coward shut the fuck up you big

giant bitch

you big seven foot tall

bitch i made

rivers run with blood

rivers run with

blood you really

think okay okay

you’re good guy you’re good guy you’re good guy

that guy gives him a grab

above the knee grab

a very sexual almost

like as long as they don’t

go too high they can get away with it

but basically this is

sexual triggers

above your knee

you know a man will grab your fucking knee

that’s like

you’re close to

pulling my dick out

right there

fella what are you doing

george bush’s a knee

grabbing motherfucker i bet

he knows how to intimidate the shit out of you i bet he

grabbed his knees like we’ll have you up at the grove

soon bill no

bohemian grove you think

holy shit do you

think it’s real man

you’ll see malik

crop circles bro

crop circles

that was so

disappointing when they

came out and showed how easy it was to make this

thing yeah but they didn’t really

they did in a lot of the designs

but there’s a lot of designs that are very questionable

i would like to see how they did it because

some of them are incredibly complex they’re fractals

they’re amazingly

precise and they’re huge and they appear so quickly

i’m not inclined

to believe that all of them are done by the same people

i think it’s

very possible that some of them are done by some new

crazy technology

that we have maybe in

satellite form i mean

think about

a lot of them

appeared in

the past but they were not intricate like there’s

a thing about them from like the 1600s i believe it

might have even been

slightly earlier than that

but there’s a drawing of a devil

with a sickle making a crop circle and a lot

of the crop circle people they look at that as evidence

but there was

never anything like they see

today like they’re far more complex like the

mandelbrot set

the fractal

that’s like this infinite beautiful fractal

when they figured it out mathematically on a computer

within like weeks

someone had

drawn it in a crop circle

so it’s like

to me it’s like

oh it’s either

alien saying oh you get it or it’s some

fucking really funny

government scientists with this

crazy ability to

transform matter or

plants on the ground with this laser beam

they can make a design in the wheat

and that’s much

more likely that it’s some sort of a weapon

or not even a weapon or

maybe it was something

that was developed as they were developing weapons

and then they realized that you

could make it was such a

powerful pulsating move

you know this beam

that you can make designs in the

grass with it i mean it’s very possible

you think of all the shit they have that we didn’t know

about for the longest time like

stealth bombers and shit and who knows

the fuck they’re working on an area 51

they could have

somebody at the top of the heap

or it’s a local college and all the art students

every year have to do like

three of them per

class and it’s like this big school

secret well

those motherfuckers deserve some

money they should be coming out and bragging

about it i mean

the circle makers is a guy

the bunch of guys called the circle makers

and they’ve made a

bunch of them

they’ve shown there they’re pretty good i mean

no doubt about it

but the ones that

the other ones that people have not

this is all shit that i’ve read on the internet and

watched in documentary so i’m

not exactly sure if it’s the same

it’s true rather

but the way they describe these

stalks being bent

it’s like they have

these growth nodes

where it explodes like

almost like it’s been microwaved

like it expands out from heat and then blows up

where it bends over

and that these

exist all throughout

these patterns and

those patterns

they don’t really

exist like that during

just stomping them down with boards so

it may very well be that there’s a

bunch of different ways that people have done

these things

the one thing i thought

when i was trying

to believe in crop circles is well if there was a

super intelligent thing

sending signals through space

then maybe they’d figured out that part of

evolution is that whatever the species was

would learn to plant

crops or something

and so they’re trying to communicate through the food

source you know

stamp the food source so that

totally makes

sense i mean

you’re guaranteeing that people are

gonna see it

especially if

they can’t really see us

what if their vision and

their need for vision is so entirely different than us

that they literally can’t see us

but they know where

plants are and

they’re like not even in this dimension

and they’re communicating through some sort of a portal

and the way they

can communicate through this portal is by implanting

these designs onto what they know is

going to be food

because they know that oh

we’ve received a certain signal from this area this

indicates that it’s

plant life and

it’s grown in

large areas that seem to be uniform

which indicates

that someone is growing it on purpose

so it must be their food

so let’s just

leave designs in this food

that’s it that’s it

it could be but it also

could be some fucking

dudes with boards

but some of them are amazing though

i believe that some of them could be

some of them are for sure it’s

things like that though like if you

look at any artist doing something and you didn’t know

an artist did that like if you go out in the middle

of a pyramid and some artists worked on you

know overnight with

making this masterpiece and you just

didn’t think it

would be like anyone had access to this pyramid

and you just saw it

you’d probably

think wow how the fuck was this made you know

to me i look at a lot of

these things

and to me it looks like okay this is something like a

bunch of people

plan this shit out and they just

fucking it’s like graffiti almost

possible and there’s towns that they’re always

found in they’re like poor towns that

their only income is people

going to see these

things that’s good

stuff like that yeah like in england

pop circles that is a good

point right

yeah if you set up like roadside signs and sell

lemonade you get a fucking mint

right you’ll

clean it up yeah

that was an

issue that i had

about the whole ufo

experience too

i’m like the problem i have with believing

ufos is that people are selling books

and people are making money

and when you

start making

money and you’re an author

i was making fun of

what’s the guy’s name

that wrote communion whitley striber

he’s like the

premier guy who’s been abducted by

aliens also happens to be a fucking

brilliant fiction writer

you know he

wrote wolfin

he wrote that werewolf

movie wolfin

which is god one of the fucking coolest werewolf

movies ever

they weren’t really werewolves they were just

super intelligent wolves

and who was the fucking main star in that movie

i haven’t seen that god

damn that movies a good

movie i’m buying that shit on itunes

today bitch

to the wolf

and they better have that i bet they don’t man

you know itunes is just getting the beatles like now

fucking man that’s so old i remember that

thing what is

the guy’s name who is the main star that came out

right around when the howling came out didn’t it

it was even a little like a werewolf wave

dude that’s my shit

that’s another

fucking subject

would beat to

death on this

you talk about the howling

on this book

no we’re obsessed by

werewolves bro

oh werewolves

asked by werewolves no they don’t have it of course not

you fucking clowns

have you been

checking amazon lately i’ve noticed

every time i buy a cd now i just go to amazon

first because

it’s like itunes there was something

the other day

white buffalo

which is a local la guy that’s really good

i went on itunes it was like

12 99 then went on amazon

it was 8 99

albert finney

thing tooth

oh this is dvd two thousand two that’s not when the

movie came out

bitch that’s when the dvd was released

the wolf and whitley

striver paperback

wow that you

still buy a vhs

incredible i wonder when the

movie came out though

i know the dvd came out i own

nineteen eighty one bro i was a

freshman in high

school this

movie was the shit

two day one

click please

give me that shit

i need to watch that movie

dude have you seen the

mandal bulb have you seen the 3d

projections

i have that shit’s

crazy man the fractal

yeah fractals are insane the idea behind fractals is

i mean that’s really probably the fact

of the universe the fabric of

everything is that it is infinitely

small and infinitely

large and it goes at no end

to just keep going and going and going

and it never stops there’s never a

smallest point ever

i don’t think we can wrap our heads around that

we think that well there should be

you know and you know everything gets

smaller and smaller well there has to be some infinite

small point no no

no it just it’s almost like a line

of code like just goes into another line like it is

that’s how we’re connected

like dimension to dimension it just gets infinitely

small and expands out again

that’s intense yeah

you wanna hear intense there’s a big controversy

right now because

obama’s book

obama has a kids book

and in this kids book

he fucking talks about how

great sitting bull is

sitting bull is

he says a medicine man

who healed broken

hearts and broken promises

it’s a it is fine

that we are different

the book whose

royalties go to

helping the children fallen or disabled service members

also says that the lakota chief

spoke out and led his people

against many

policies of the united

states government

he is most famous for his

stunning victory in 1876

over lieutenant

colonel george armstrong cuts custer

in the battle of little bighorn

so basically he’s got a fucking

he’s the president of a nation

and he’s praising a guy taking a side

on you know

a native american

that killed a

bunch of american citizens

like what is that all

about that’s a

weird choice

because i understand that you

think that war is bad and i

understand that you

think that imperialism and

everything that got us here and created

earth or created

america rather

earth it’s your focal

the rest in

front of you

i understand that you

would think that that’s you know

that it’s a wrong

thing that happened it’s terrible that happened but

you know what a

weird choice

to you know obviously

that we won

and that’s what

happened and that’s why people are here and that’s

where the cities

so you’re a part of this that won so

i guess what you’re saying is we won in a terrible way

and we took over the indians in a terrible way

and thank goodness that they got some licks in

and let’s give them props

you know you

just kicked our ass a little

bit and like

bring them back into the fold and say like okay

well this is a man that had a lot of

value to his people

and our people

weren’t exactly

fucked up but let’s put bygones pick them

up bygones and let’s talk

about what a badass this dude was i mean they had like

bows and arrows and they were

fresh new divorces you know what i mean

like they don’t have

horses for like a hundred years or so

and they they kicked ass on custard with his guns

you know i mean they had some guns back then too but

you know they they fucking

trapped the american

citizens they fucking

suck them into a trap

well i can see out like a

black president

would be pretty cool

with somebody who but it’s an interesting choice right

well i get it though because it’s

like i mean it wasn’t that long ago that the united

states government was

enslaving his ancestors

so it totally makes

sense that you idolize it

but they don’t ever say that you know i’m saying

he never comes out

fully expresses himself he

never comes out and says this is what’s important to me

about this i

understand that this man killed american

citizens and i

understand that

if it wasn’t for

battles like this we would

still have problems with indians attacking us and we

could never have the same life that we have now

somebody had to pave the way supposedly to do this

i understand that he

would say that but

you’ve gotta in my opinion at

least you’ve

gotta kinda explain

where your head’s at with all this

you can’t just show

tweedom he’s following you

yeah but you can’t just say

that he was

most famous for his

stunning victory in 1876

what you gotta say is

we have to get past all this

stuff and recognize that even though

america was evil

or we did something that we shouldn’t have done

or you know we took over

their land and fucked them over and

let’s all let that shit go

okay it’s not me and it’s not you

it’s our ancestors

we have learned from this and we are

stronger because of this

but what people don’t like to hear is lakota

you know that name lakota

yeah that’s what they call themselves

but you know what the indians

call them sioux

cause sue means enemy

cause the lakotas

would just run around jacking folks

okay that’s what they did

indians did the same

thing that we did they just did it on a shitty smaller

scale the sun ritual you know the sun rich what’s

it called what’s

that called it’s not the sun it’s called

what the fuck is that called they put hooks in the

chest yeah from was that movie um

the fucking

what is his name

god sundance it’s called the

sun like the sundance festivals

named after it was

called is it really yeah the sundance and what it is

is when you

go think a man called horse

yeah man called

horse and it was an

initiatory phase

where they would hang themselves

from trees or from something with hooks through

their chests and just hang there with

their skin kind

of being pulled out yeah what was the reason for that

i think it was an

initiation thing i

guess i have no idea i assume it’s

i think there’s something to that i

think there’s something to

initiations i

think there’s something to

grand events like this hodge like

the pilgrimage to mecca i

think there is something to that man

and i think that

might be one of the

reasons why people are fucked up is we don’t have very

clearly defined moments

where you have

to get your shit together you are a man now this is it

move on bam you hit the next

stage let’s acknowledge the fact altogether that we are

evolving together we have reached this new plateau

father have gone to the mountain

you got to do some shit

put your hands in the

gloves with the hands in the

gloves with the bullet

ants and get fucked up

you know get past your pain figure something

i think that’s what i said

earlier man

about the greeks and the

romans i think people get soft as fuck

that’s what’s happening

you dirty dirty bitches

richard harris a man called

horse let me see

while i one

click that shit son

love amazon one

click for movies

it’s the most addictive

thing of all time

i had a professor was really into the lakota

and i asked fascinating i

asked him if he’d have you ever done a sun dance

and he was like

that is an inappropriate question oh what a

bitch fuck you i know information’s inappropriate

maybe you shouldn’t be a fucking

professor do that yeah it was

really kind of

shocking to me that you can’t tell

me if you done that or like i’m supposed to know the

etiquette of the lakota

what forgive me

that i never

learned that you’re

not supposed to ask someone if they did a sundance

what is that you’re not supposed to ask that it

no he said that’s an inappropriate that’s educational

dramas that

what’s that that’s educational

drama that’s

drama you know what it was he didn’t have the

stones for it he didn’t want to admit it

that’s what it is yes

he knows that’s

some that’s

a little extra

shit yeah well

maybe he wants you to

think that he did it

maybe he’s like one of

those dudes that

pretends he’s a

black belt and really he’s only

taken karate

a couple of times

my hands are

registered lethal weapons

you know it

might have been one of

those things

right you just didn’t want to let you know

that no of course i didn’t do that that’s for psychos

he wanted to let you

think maybe this indian kind of

psycho it made me feel like a fucking

asshole though man i was like oh why did i ask him

about it cause he’s a douchebag

he’s a douchebag period if he didn’t recognize that

if he honestly got offended

about something that you were

completely and

utterly ignorant about

that means that obviously

he’s a dummy

is it either a

dummy or a douchebag

you take your pick

you know you can’t recognize it people don’t recognize

that this is a nutty

thing to talk about

you know it’s

we don’t recognize that it’s something

sacred to you

fucking hooks

through your nipples you get suspended through the air

i can’t ask you that because it’s kind of silly

all right inappropriate

inappropriate question

why did you ask why

no i didn’t feel like shit

that guy should be fired put your

clothes back on and left didn’t you duncan there

should be someone next to him going all right dude

chill the fuck out

don’t talk like that that’s dumb

you can go back to teaching in

class but we have to let you know

this is real life rules

the idea is you

should be able to ask a professor anything sure

especially i smoked weed with one of my professors

now did you realize i’m right before

class and he even had like

the fucking

spray stuff that

so you won’t smell like weed

that’s smart

smart professor you took a chance with you son

there was a

professor at my college who was an anthropologist

that studied

psychedelic mushrooms whoa

and he was a

fulbright scholar and he said that

missionaries came to i can’t remember

where it was

maybe it was

south america but the mexico

they came to this

place in mexico with all these

bibles that were

translated into

that were translated

into their language

and no one would

touch the bibles everyone was

avoiding the

bibles and they wouldn’t

touch the bibles and

the missionaries were like why aren’t they

touching these

bibles the reason is is because they had

translated the

bible into the word of god

which translated which was

these people’s

name for mushrooms the word of god

was what they called mushrooms in

their language it

translated into

word of god and so

the reason they didn’t want to

touch the bibles

is because if they

ate mushrooms they

couldn’t have sex for like five days before and you

weren’t supposed to eat meat and there was a

purification process and they were looking at the

bible saying oh no we can’t do that

because it means

we have to like we

haven’t gone through the steps that

we do when we eat mushrooms so no sex for five days

i don’t remember at the specifics of it

but there was a purification

they had to

undergo before they tripped out

dude i think

there’s a place in this

world for ritual

there’s something that

we get some sort of comfort

from ritual

even if it’s just a ritual of

going to disneyland every year

there’s something comforting

about it when i was a kid i used to

think that you

know holidays

and shit were fucked holidays who gives a fuck

about christmas

but it was really mostly because my

childhood was

kinda disappointing

you know it wasn’t

cause there’s

something wrong with rituals like it was rebelling

against something that wasn’t fun for me

you know not a

non fun environment growing up

but i think

for most people

significations like that

where this is you are a man now and

you have reached

a point of wisdom

where especially when they would

actually have to work for it

like say what you want about

someone reaching

go into confirmation

classes to get confirmed as

a christian

or a catholic rather or

what you have to do to

be a man in the jewish religion and read the talmud and

all the shit that ari had to go through

that stuff makes them work

it makes them work toward something

and it makes them at least

believe that at the end of the goal

they have created something there’s

something different now they’ve accomplished something

they’ve passed into the next thing

there’s probably room for that that

might be why we’re all fucking lost

you know we don’t have

these like moments of

things happening so

unless you do something difficult

and then learn from it

like you don’t get any growth

you know you just get stagnant like

we’re designed shitty

well and also what

about that there’s like an odd

thing where you’re

not allowed to design new rituals if you’re gonna go

by a ritual you have to go by

the catholic ritual or

but why can’t you come up

with a new ritual why can’t you come up with some new

dangerous because

the the reason why people want to lead people always

is because they want

money and pussy

all right that’s what

it is that’s

the conqueror’s

ethic that’s

really what they’re looking for conqueror’s

ethic yeah so you see like

waco what happens

in waco dudes playing guitar fucking everyone’s wife

and he’s got guns everywhere

that’s what

happens that’s the reality of beginning religion

it’s most of the time

the people that want true enlightenment don’t

wanna lead they just wanna find

it all they

wanna be comfortable

happy they want everybody to be but they don’t

wanna be the man

yeah once you

wanna be the man and you’re fucking singing songs and

you’re sitting around the campfire talking

about how we can create our own

world shit man

you’re thinking

about pussy and

money that’s what you’re doing dude

and it just confuses the fucking message

right that’s the fucking

that’s a confusing

thing i read this essay by

fuck what’s his name

aleister crowley

and he was talking

about the grail and he’s like

the paradox of the grail

which is like

the thing that gives you

eternal life but what he was talking

about enlightenment is that

the moment you get it

you can never

enjoy it you you can’t want it you can’t right

the wanting of the

thing pushes it away

right it only and

by the time you do receive

all the material benefits that it gives you it

doesn’t matter to you anymore

anyway don’t you feel like that’s the same

thing with comedy

yeah i think that

as if you’re looking for comedy if you’re trying to

get someone to

laugh it’s a

weird paradox

where it’s not

about the trying it’s

about just a tuning in

and letting it all happen

it’s the same with everything

like that is that’s the way to do life right

that’s the way to do life outside the ego

that’s the thing man

everything as far as comedy goes

everything for me

fucks up when i

start caring

about it in the

wrong way yeah

thinking about it

under the wrong eyes like trying to impress people

trying to you know make something it’s you know

not just just

dishonest dishonest

is the best word

you have something forcing it not in tune

it’s not real

and there’s

comics there’s like certain

comic that a friend of mine just worked with recently

i don’t want to mention any names

a buddy of mine

he middleed for this guy

and the guy just

ate shit every

night and he

was saying how embarrassing it was this guy

is just his act just

wasn’t connecting it was like it felt artificial

you know and that’s what happens to some guys they lose

their connection

with whatever it is that

allows you to create creative

things in the

first place and then all of a

sudden it becomes

something fake and something that

you don’t know what it is and you’re

using it because it’s worked before

but it’s just like

you know it’s

it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore

cause you lost the fucking

trail yeah there’s a

trail of the

ants in the spot yeah yeah

you’re in that fucking spiral and you can’t get out

and you can i mean you can do that your

whole life if you don’t get slapped back in so

how do you slap someone back in you can’t

right they have to slap themselves in

no i think you

can slap somebody back in but you’ve got to be

you they have to really respect

you and they have to want us change too yeah

but it definitely can be

done and there’s different versions of it but it’s like

i mean that’s what

ideally what a friend does

it seems to me that it’s all a mathematical pattern

it seems to me that from the time the

greeks were around to the

romans and it goes through

the egyptians and the mayans and

every civilization does this

every civilization gets to a

point where people are just soft and fucking

stupid and shit hits the fan

yeah that’s it

then it starts

again and then we

leave the rotting

husks of the society

left behind us as we

start a new one somewhere else

what a great way to end the podcast

ladies and gentlemen

this is by the way folks this is all

nonsense and we are in no way scholars

duncan’s more educated than i

i yeah i only

spent three years at

umass boston

and only because i didn’t want people

thinking that i was a loser

and barely paid attention and

was getting ds in my last year when i decided to stop

going i was literally

completely bored

had no idea

what i was doing with my life all i was doing was like

doing martial

arts tournaments and i was doing this so that i

could answer to people and tell them oh i’m

going to umass

but you’ve read a lot i mean the whole

thing i mean

if you’re reading a lot that’s

the shit that i was reading when i was in

college is nothing like the shit that i’m reading now

it’s much more complex and

interesting now but that shit’s more available you know

ladies and gentlemen

thank you for

tuning in duncan

trussell t r u

s s e l l at

twitter bitch is

thank you to the podcast

to the fleshlight rather for

sponsoring the podcast

you can go to

fleshlight com

or you can go to joerogane

net which is my website and

you can get like 15

off so you can be fucking

this shit coupon

code rogan yeah there’s a coupon code it’s rogan

says it on the thing

and then also

i’m in ann arbor michigan this

friday night

two shows the 10 30 shows already sold out

8 30 shows almost sold out so if you one of

those people

right now that i was

thinking about going

you gotta dive on that shit can i slug

a show yeah

absolutely i’m in denver

this weekend at the

denver comedy works

check it out

denver comedy works one of the best fucking

clubs in the country and one of the reasons why i

moved to colorado

cause i knew that club was there

they have a real comedy community there

it’s one of the reasons why i decided to move there

but then some mountain lions and

babies got in my way oh

well all good things man

except the dog didn’t eat oh i’m

sorry i don’t mean to keep i’m sorry

i have a show at the hollywood forever

cemetery tomorrow

please go to that comedy is dead

info forever

cemetery yeah

these are amazing

these comedy

shows in a cemetery

shows in a cemetery

explain to me what the fuck that is it’s in a masonic

lodge in a cemetery

what there’s

a pentagram hanging from the ceiling there’s masonic

it’s huge you’re always on the road when you doing it

again tomorrow can i do it yeah

done tomorrow

night sun sun

tomorrow night sun

where’s it at

it’s at the hollywood forever cemetery

badass go to

comedy’s dead info it’s all the informations

right there beautiful duncan trussell

one of my favorite people on the planet

thank you very

much doing the podcast you’re a fascinating

motherfucker and you’re always interested thanks

one of my all time favorite podcast guests

holla at your boy

brian redband

on twitter redba

check out my new

iced tea video that

iced tea actually retweeted

really and it makes fun of his wife

and i can’t believe he actually retweeted it

did he really yeah

iced tea must have a good

sense of humor he does he’s like

he’s like i’ll call it

interesting

that’s hilarious

dude i hope he doesn’t

smack you he doesn’t pimp slap you when he sees you

she might she might pimp slap you it’s called baby bowl

youtube it she’s got a big ol ass huh

yes what so is this model we did for the

commercial oh yeah i saw the freddie lockhart

yeah it was within the model maya

so that’s it

folks ann arbor comedy showcase with tom segura

this friday night

and then of course is ufc

in detroit holla

i’m looking forward to seeing detroit i feel like i’m

going to rome

feel like i’m going to the fucking

apocalypse i feel like i’m going

going to the land of 33

unemployment rate

fucking houses there you know they have bear problems

right now in detroit

yeah i heard

about that bears

are moving back into the city bro that’s

that’s how abandoned shit is getting

fascinating

as our society

moves towards

2012 thank you very much for tuning in

love you bitches

and we’re probably

gonna do another one this week we go away on

thursday but i

might do one tomorrow

holla at your

boys see you later

love you bitches

cause i love my face

i ain’t trying to get it cause i broke my back

thinking like clapping with a tool

stop i’m about to get real

i’m doing it right i’m a chicken nigga breaking

i’m doing i’m doing this right

go to girltalk com to download this or just google

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