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- Welcome to the 31st annual car Olympics.

Today’s car sports include soccer,

tag.

Boxing.

And my favorite hot dog eating.

The car has one minute to eat all these hot dogs,

let’s see if he can do it.

Go, go, go.

Wow, that’s a new world record,

under six seconds he ate all the hot dogs.

Good job.

Our next sport and the most difficult one for car is chess,

their engine struggle a little bit to process plays.

Your move.

Wow, that was very smart.

Well, I bet you didn’t see this coming.

Huh, I beat you, I’m the last man standing.

Dude, cars are such sore losers man.

At least when a speaker loses in chess,

it doesn’t throw a fit.

Our third event is cycling,

which cars have tires, bikes have tires, it’s a great combo.

• It’s basic math.

• Wow, he was so close to getting on it.

• He was almost like Lance Armstrong.

• Dude I think he forgot the steroids.

Our fourth event is car pool,

and in case you’re ignorant cars play pool with hot dogs.

Wow, I did not see that coming.

No.

Whoa, not the door shot.

• That move hasn’t been used since the ’80s,

it’s illegal because it’s so dangerous.

• I have a point.

Hmm.

Good move, good move.

I bet he didn’t see this one.

I wonder what he’s gonna do this time.

Reddy has a lot of tricks up his sleeve,

I wonder what he’s gonna pull.

Dude, why didn’t I see that coming?

Of course, dude, he just knocked out

all the balls at the same,

flawless.

And ball.

• Too bad he’s terrible and can’t aim at all.

• Probably ‘cause he doesn’t have eyes.

That’s a gutter ball.

How in the hell did you get in the car Olympics?

Next one you guys take turns.

• It’s two bowls per frame.

• The next one.

Shut up.

You only get two bowls when you’re not a loser.

And, bowl.

• A very strategic play there.

It only hit one pin.

• Well I think he forgot to calculate

with the flat earth,

he probably thought the world was round.

• Yeah.

• Because of public school education.

Go.

Oh wow, trying to take out his rage on the camera man.

You listen here Mr,

you don’t be attacking the camera man.

Just because

you got a gutter ball doesn’t mean it’s his fault.

Go back.

Go.

Cars are like monkeys, geez,

you’d think they’d be tamer.

The cars seem to have an off day,

they seem to be a little off their bolts.

• Now for it’s final attempt,

the blue car is gonna give it one last go.

Let’s see if it can pull it together here.

Nice.

Red break it up.

Hey, stop right there, stop.

Apologize.

You apologize.

• One moment.

• All right, now go to your corners.

There’s clearly some beef between these cars,

I think it’s time we move onto Olympic car boxing.

• The red car is the favorite here,

he has way more subscribers than the blue car.

• And that does equate to more muscle.

• Let’s see what’s gonna happen here.

• All right guys,

I want a clean fight between the two of you.

No cheap shots, keep it above the belt.

All right.

And box.

• Wow,

a light tap is enough to hurt the blue car, wow.

• Oh, that’s a nice shot,

he just hit the blue at the left hook.

How’s blue gonna respond?

Oh, with the righty.

• And what is gonna happen next?

• Oh wow, I did not see that hook coming either.

Oh, are they going for a double hit?

Oh, red backed down at the last moment.

All right, round one over.

That’s round one.

How are you feeling red car?

• I feel like I got a couple of good solid punches in.

• Yeah, you think you can last another round,

you got the stamina?

Blue car, how are you feeling?

You think you got enough stamina for the next round?

Wow.

Oh wow, he’s really getting hydrated

in between these rounds.

It looks like he’s preparing for an all out K-O war.

All right, begin.

• Tap out.

• Blue taps, and red is the winner.

What are you gonna do with the prize money?

Nice, nice.

All right, enjoy yourself red.

Our next sport is shuffleboard,

and look at this pretty drone shot.

• Wow.

• He’s completely missed, what a loser.

• It’s on the line, but we will count it.

• Hey, we’ll count it, 30.

Hey, good job.

• Thank you.

• I don’t wanna run you over.

• Okay, wow, shop Mr. Beast.

• Here comes the blue car

for the shot of redemption,

let’s see if he can pull it through here.

• Hey, 75.

• You’re dang right I got 75, you suck.

• Your flames are terrible.

• A big fat zero.

Good sportsmanship.

Hey, 30.

• Hey, ah, he touched me, that’s assault.

• I’ll touch you again,

oh, don’t sue me please.

• I’m suing.

• Car assault is a serious issue.

And finally the sport you’ve all been waiting for,

dodge ball.

• It looks like everybody’s trapping moisture boy

in a circle for literally no reason

other than to screw him, right?

I’m boxed in.

• Apparently cars are stupid

and popped all the soccer balls,

so we had no other choice but to play tag.

We’re playing tag.

The silver car, the Durango, is it first.

If the silver car touches you you’re it.

• Mr. Beast looks like a kid

in a candy store right now, quite happy.

Mr. Beast tore down the wall, who cares–

• It said take down this wall.

• He teared it down again.

• It’s almost like he hates the wall.

• Oh, oh, blue car is now it,

even though a lot of cars are blue,

we’re just gonna keep that up there.

• And other blue car is now it.

• Look at this stupid station wagon

like a duck.

• Oh, the ball just went over the car,

what an idiot.

Oh, red is on the offensive,

what are they trying to pull?

• They are pulling,

oh, what a great pass there by Mr. Beast, coming in.

Oh, hits the crossbar,

blue’s just sitting there like an idiot.

• Oh, oh, and blue assisted red on a goal.

• Blue what are you doing?

You idiot.

Right now it’s one, zero, cars coming in.

The station wagon is coming in strong here.

• That was a solid hit off the start.

• But Mr. Beast and his red truck says,

“No way, nuh uh.”

But the blue car here carrying it in.

• It’s carrying the ball,

how did the rest not notice that?

• Can he do that?

• I don’t think so.

• Cars do not have hands though,

so it was not a handball.

• Whoa, what was that?

That was a lot of force.

• What a power hit there.

Oh, here it is.

• Red is asserting his testosterone

on that ball.

• He said, “I don’t care

about your stupid sport, I’m gonna pop the ball.”

There seems to be a fight going on over the ball.

What is this?

It looks like they’re making a break with the ball,

does this still count?

Is this rules?

Oh my goodness, moisture boy ran right out of his shoes.

The red team has won.

• So we just won a million dollars, right?

• Yeah, sure,

that’s the number you wanna go with.

• Wait, what?

You don’t have a million dollars?

• No, this was just an exposition game.

• You’re not gonna give us our million dollars,

screw your little arena.

• That’s not cool man,

I worked hard on this arena.

• Your last chance, do you have a million dollars?

• No, I do not.

• Everyone screw it up.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

• Before we go any further, I need to tell you guys

about the funniest shirts on the internet.

We have life is unbearable at shopmrbeast.com

Me and Chris just think of funny shirts

and we put ’em up there.

Normal shirts sold online are unbearable,

you just want funny shirts to wear.

Watch.

Honk if this is funny.

I’m telling you guys it’s not a coincidence,

if a car thinks it’s funny it’s clearly funny.

Here you go viewers.

• Go.

Three, two, one.

• My car.

• Foul ball.

• Foul ball man.

• All right, you’re dropping your back shoulder,

keep the elbow up, come on man.

You’ve changed your whole life for this, okay?

Keep your eye on the ball and try to put it in play,

that’s all we’re asking for man.

It’s tied up, you got this.

• He can’t even hold his bat he’s so nervous.

• I know right man.

Foul ball again.

You got two strikes, you better not strike out,

or you’re getting the crappy oil

the next time you get an oil change.

Ball.

And you’re out.

• Oh man.

• What is that sound?

• Did you hit a spray paint can?

You did.

• You hit a spray paint can.

Hold on.

• He’s crying.

Dude, you struck out, you watched the pitch,

stop crying.

Home run, humans win.

And that is it for this year’s car Olympics,

I thought it was pretty great.

• I thought it was terrible,

but my opinion doesn’t matter.