Aware & Aggravated - 17. Why You Aren't Happy

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Hi friends, this week we’re gonna talk about why you’re a miserable fuck, okay?

I’m gonna start off the podcast like that. Oh, you know, we’re just gonna go with it. Okay, I’m not refilming this intro. Hi

I’m gonna share my three little theories I have on

happiness and why people are unhappy, you know, like people always talk about

Comparison is the thief of joy eat my ass. That’s some kindergarten shit. Okay, we’re gonna get into my like deep little theories

you know, they seem real simple, but

They’re real helpful. I promise I promise a whole bunch and I am gonna go ahead and call out before somebody tries to give me


One is its own thing two and three are a little bit contradictory

but kind of not and my third little tip theory is

Kind of like a trick for anxiety too. So

This episode is gonna be real helpful. It’s gonna be real real helpful

So get your little notebook out bitch take some notes because I’m about to rock you and I’m not gonna be mean this week

This one’s actually gonna be like a nice win. Like last week. I attacked the fuck out of you this week. I’m gonna help you

Okay, let’s kick Sunday service off. All right, my first little theory why you’re not happy

Okay, it’s because a lot of people spend time

Trying to not do shit

Let me explain that sounds real dumb they try to stop caring

About someone or something they try to stop loving somebody they try to stop doing things that they realize are damaging or bad

So basically just trying to not do shit because that is resistance as fuck

so what people don’t realize about trying to not do things is

You can’t actually stop wanting to do them. So

If you have a desire, you can’t not want it. Whatever you want you want. You can’t make yourself unwanted

So don’t even fucking try what you can do is try to figure out why you want it

If you look at if you want to stop caring about something

Why do you want to stop caring if you look at loving someone? I don’t want to love them anymore

I’m gonna stop loving them. How do I stop loving them? Stop looking at that look at why you don’t want to love them

Why are you scared to continue loving them? Also ask yourself? What feelings am I trying to avoid?

What feeling states do I not want to feel

Get clear on what you don’t want to feel and then look at what is that making you realize you do want to feel instead

What feeling states do you want to feel because most of the times?

The shit you’re doing is trying to get to that

but you need to be clear and become aware of what you’re actually trying to get to instead of just shooting in the fucking dark and

The same thing goes for if you keep doing shit that you know, you shouldn’t be doing

Just look at why do you keep doing them?

Stop going at yourself with the attitude of like judging yourself as bad or wrong the fact that I care. No, it’s bad

I want to stop doing it the fact that I keep doing these damaging behaviors or sabotaging behaviors. No, it’s bad

I have to stop doing it. Stop looking at it like it’s fucking bad because everything you do is serving you in some way

There’s a need being met even the self sabotaging shit. There’s a reason you’re doing it

So look at yourself with an attitude of trying to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

That’s the first fucking step

Stop with the judging stop with that. That will never get you anywhere like you’re just gonna keep going in a cycle of

Okay, I need to stop doing this and then putting energy in to stop doing it. You know, that’s resistance

You need to learn how to

Pull the anchor out of the fucking ocean before you try and drive your ship or you’re not gonna fucking go nowhere

Okay, so when you pull up that resistance then you can get somewhere

So when you look at why do I keep doing this damaging behavior?

You can see how this thing was benefiting you and then you can find another way to get that need met. Does that make sense?

the same thing with caring all

The awareness you need to truly make changes and to truly stop caring is in the middle of what you’re trying to run

From you have to go into it. You have to try to understand it

You have to face it before you can fucking get away from it. The only way out is through

okay, so quit trying to run from it and go the fuck into it and

I think this is a big contributor to unhappiness because people are trying to run from shit

Like you’re trying to not care you’re trying to force yourself to not do whatever it is. You want to stop doing that’s annoying

Like because you constantly are just like judging yourself and beating yourself up mentally for everything you’re doing and thinking

Feeling and you can’t control the way that you feel. So

Stop with the judgment. Stop with the fucking bullshit. It’s making you miserable a

perfect example of this is someone that

Wants to be successful, but they don’t believe that they can actually be successful

So they try to convince theirself what they want is to stop wanting success

So once you have a desire for something, you can’t get rid of it

Okay, so if you want to be successful, you can’t stop wanting to be successful. You’re fucked

There’s nothing you can do about that. If you want it you want it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting things

But if you feel the urge to want to stop wanting success look at why?

Why do you want to stop wanting success?

Do you think that’s gonna prevent you from being heartbroken when you never achieve it?

You have to look at why you don’t want to want it. What are you scared of?

You know what I mean?

You gotta face that shit

So you got to get really real with yourself and you got to be brutally honest and that’s one thing

That’s great about being honest with yourself is nobody has to fucking know you are safe in your own mind

You can think whatever you want to think no one’s there to judge it

No one’s there to nothing like if you’re safe in your own fucking mind. Okay, so you have to get really honest with yourself and

Face all this shit because if you just spend your whole life trying to stop wanting success, you’re not gonna get anywhere

You’re never gonna stop wanting success and you’re never gonna get successful

If you keep trying to not want it all your energy is gonna be spent in the wrong fucking direction and you’re gonna get nowhere

So that’s my first little theory and belief on

Why you’re not happy. Okay. Did you like it?

Okay, so number two I’m gonna get vulnerable and I’m gonna tell you all straight the fuck up what I was dealing with and I

Don’t care if you judge me. I don’t care if you get mad. This is a safe space. God damn it

Okay, this is my fucking podcast leave me alone

so my second little theory of why people aren’t happy is

They don’t have meaning like they don’t have a why for the shit that they’re doing and let me elaborate because that sounds real stupid

Right. Okay. Hang on

so what I was dealing with is I

was creating tick tocks and I was making this podcast and I was trying to just like keep consistent with it and

Then it started to get really fucking draining like I was like, there’s no point behind it

I’m not making fucking money. So I was looking at it like it’s a waste like I’m posting tick tocks for what?

I don’t give a fuck to get famous. I don’t give a fuck to get more followers. I have plenty like that’s fine my podcast

It’s doing good. I’m getting like 10,000 listeners an episode like that makes my fucking heart happy. I’m like, yeah, okay cool

But I’m like, okay what now, you know posting the podcast like for what?

Posting my fucking tick tocks on my life coach and my other account like for what posting on Instagram for what I felt like my

Time that I spent posting on social media and creating all these things was for nothing. I can’t really fathom of how

Much I’m helping people

I’m starting to realize it because a lot of y’all are messaging me and saying that like the shit that I’m saying is changing your

fucking lives and that is

Like hard for me to accept because I have my own kind of like beliefs and shit about being worthless and

Whatever, but I’m slowly starting to realize that I’m benefiting people and I’m helping people and I’m like, whoa

But that’s only fun for so long. Like I’m a selfish prick. Like what the fuck do I get out of it?

Like yeah, it’s all fun and games like help people but like I was getting drained with it

I was getting drained with the podcast. I was getting drained with the tick tocks. I’m just getting bored

Because I’m not making money at it

I don’t see myself making money from this and the near or foreseeable future and I’m tired of fucking doing shit where it’s like

The outcome is promised later. Nah, bitch. I need some fucking instant shit. I need something that’s like

Now I need something like quick cuz I’m tired of just having to have faith that shit’s gonna work out

No, I want to see some fucking results now. I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of putting it out in the future

I’m all down for

Doing what needs to be done and you can’t expect instant gratification

I get that but nothing in my life has been instant gratification like jerking off. That’s all I fucking get

Okay, that’s all I fucking get is jerking off is that’s my instant gratification

Even going to a music festival thing. I got a plan the shit months in advance. I got a drive there

I got a no no nothing

This is like a little rant, you know, but just I that’s where I was looking at it

I was like, what am I posting this shit for? Like I don’t want more followers. I don’t see myself making money from this. So

I’m bored. I’m over it

Like it was taking so much energy from me to do this shit for a couple of weeks and then I was like, okay

so there’s a realization about to come out of this shit and

It basically was that I had no meaning I felt like I was working toward nothing

So I sat down and I was like Leo look fucker. What do you want to do?

Like I needed to make a goal for myself and incorporate

Posting and shit into it so I could feel like it was worth the fuck. So I was like Leo

What do you want to do?

So I decided I wanted to get my life coach

Certification and start doing one-on-one zoom calls with people with like advice or whatever the fuck I can help you on if you need

To talk about shit if we need a new perspective

Whatever you need. I just want to start doing one-on-one

Zoom meetings with people and talking to people directly and

Seeing the impact that I have on them because making a podcast is cute and fun short

But I’m not getting to live the results. I’m not getting to like see the benefit that any of this could be having

You know, I’m just hearing about it, but it’s different to experience it

So I want to be talking to someone and see their fucking face light up with what I just helped them realize

Like I want to interact

I want to see this shit and I feel like I have so much to offer and I could offer people a lot of

One-on-one basis, you know, so I decided okay. I’m going to in

May start working toward getting my life coach certification because for the next two months

I have a lot of shit going on and it’s just not a good timing. So I

Was like, okay. So Leo if you’re gonna do the fucking life coach thing my life coach Leo tick-tock

I was like get consistent on it and grow that


Now making tick tocks you can make the content you can share what you know

It’s like free advertising like people will want to talk to me

Once they see how my brain works and once they see the knowledge that I have to offer

So with this podcast, it’s like now I feel I need to keep making it. I need to talk about more and more shit

I need to talk about wanting to be a life coach on it. So people know that’s gonna be a thing

So now when I go to make a podcast, I’m

Energized by it again. I’m excited because my new goal is

To become a life coach and to start working with people one-on-one. I’m still gonna do my tick tocks

I’m still gonna do my

Podcast and shit, but I’m just saying that’s my new goal. So now I feel energized by

doing the things

That it’s gonna help me meet that goal

So making my podcast is gonna help me reach more people and that’s gonna help my goal of becoming a life coach

Same with making tick tocks now, I’m excited to make them now

I’m excited and I’m always thinking of ideas of like new shit to talk about and I’ve been doing a lot of lives on

life coach Leo and just giving people live advice and people are fucking loving it and

Getting to interact with people like one-on-one, even though it’s just their messages like to get live feedback as I’m talking to them

It’s so fucking nice and I’m loving it. But to do that shit takes no energy. Now. I’m energized

By making tick tocks by doing my podcast because I feel like it’s gonna help me achieve my goal of

Being a life coach

So all I really did was assign meaning to what I was doing

Like I have a new outlook on what I’m doing and now I feel energized by it and happy with it

instead of drained by it because when I was looking at it from the perspective of

This is fucking pointless like for what like there’s no use in it

I was kind of drained by it like sure it was fun here and there

But to get consistent felt like a fucking drag and to like put a schedule on it

I was like you like fucking know like it’s fun when I want to do it

But I’m gonna leave it as that but as soon as I looked at it from the perspective of this could help me achieve

something I’m instantly like

Excited to do it. I’m happy to fucking do it now

I feel like I have fucking meaning in my life because I’m not just making random fucking tick tocks in a stupid little podcast

I’m like working toward

Something does that make sense?

This has helped me a ton and it just came from switching one perspective and like setting one goal

So I’m not doing anything different. It’s just in my brain the way I’m looking at it

That has completely changed the way I feel about it

So the main thing to look out with this is when something is like draining you of energy or it’s sucking your fucking energy and

Shit just seems like harder than it should

Look at why you feel drained. What are you telling yourself about what you’re doing?

Because that’s the reason you feel drained when I was looking at this shit like it was pointless

It drained me when I was looking at it like it was helping me get to where I wanted to go now

I feel energized

That’s a good thing for people to follow when you don’t feel in touch with the way that you feel

Follow what gives you energy and what makes you feel drained? Okay, look at that shit. That’s better than if I tell you

Well, how does this make you feel if you’re cut off from your emotions like I was for a long time

You have nothing to follow like your emotions are your guidance

But when you can’t feel them because you learn to cut off from them or there you’re like detached from them

You don’t have anything. So look at your energy. Look at your energy in your body. What makes you feel tired?

What makes you feel energized because one day I was so fucking tired

And I wanted to go take a nap and I thought about doing a live

So I jumped on live and I talked on live for like two hours with people and I felt so fucking energized

I didn’t need no more nap. I didn’t even think about a coffee like I didn’t need anything. So that’s one tip

I have for people that can’t really feel their emotions

If you want help doing this

I have the app positive focus and there’s an entire section of journal prompts full of questions to ask yourself on

Different topics different areas of life for shit like this to gain awareness to flip your perspective

Everything you need really to get started with this and to develop yourself and to switch your fucking mindset is in that app. So

Even if you’re like, oh this might not even work

If you’re looking at the topics a lot of the questions inside the different topics are more universal. It’s just under one thing

Does that make sense?

So it’ll be a lot more helpful than you realize and you can apply these questions to different areas of your life

You just got to switch a couple words around if you want

But I think they’re very fucking helpful and a lot of you guys have found them helpful

So I’m throwing that out for the resource for people that don’t know

I’ll put the link to download it in the description of this podcast

It’s on iPhones androids all the fucking shit in between

So yeah, if you want help and this is like sparking your interest, but you don’t know where to start cuz that shit’s overwhelming

I get it. That’s why I made an app for it. I got you, babe

Let go get it go discover yourself go change your life cuz like I said, it just takes

Switching one perspective to completely change the way you feel about what you’re doing and how you’re living

Again, the app is called positive focus. If you just want to search it in the App Store. It’s the blue eyeball

It’s the icon. So

Yeah, it’s also linked in the description. Love you. I had to plug that really quick just cuz it’s a helpful resource

Okay, so my last theory for this

happiness topic that everybody won’t shut the fuck up about

I’m kidding

Do y’all know when I’m kidding?

Cuz I feel like people don’t really know when I’m joking versus when I’m not

But I just want everyone to know if I’m ever dead-ass serious

You’ll know like whenever I’m actually aggravated. I’m actually talking shit

You will 100% know you will without you will have no doubt that maybe I was joking

Okay, if I say some off-the-wall shit, I’m probably kidding

Most of the time if you get me you get me, okay, whatever so back to the third thing

You got to get in the fucking moment with shit, and I’m not talking about all that mindfulness fucking meditation

Bullshit that everybody preaches online that you need to meditate. You need to practice being mindful. Shut the fuck up. I

Have a brain that does not shut up with thoughts. Okay, 24 hours a day

I don’t have one second when my brain is not thinking a fucking thought I can’t meditate doesn’t work

I either fall asleep or I think about too much shit

Like I can’t I’ve tried it like I really have but it just doesn’t work

I sit still a lot and I’ll just like pay attention of a sensation to my body

But girl to meditate no can’t do it. Fuck you

Now I’m not talking about that when I say get in the moment

But my counselor a long time ago told me a couple of things that do help, but this is not what I’m talking about

I’m about to get to my point, but I need to throw you these couple tips

So I was asking her like how do I get more in the moment?

And she said Leo feel your ass in the chair

Love you at least if you ever listen to this, but she said feel your ass in the chair when you’re in the moment

When you’re at a restaurant feel your butt in the chair get in the environment feel the weather

Feel like the sensation of your skin

What is the temperature in the room feel the cold on the glass when you pick up your cup to drink?

Like just feel how it feels to be in your body and to be doing what you’re doing in that moment

And it will bring you back to the moment

that’s something that helps people with anxiety too, but my point with the whole get in the moment shit is

Stop doing things

so that and

what I mean by so that is

For an example for me

I’m going to the gym so that I can look good so that I can be healthy so that I can X Y fucking Z

Stop with the so that I’m going to the gym

Period that’s it. I’m going to the gym if I decide okay

I want to look good, so I’m gonna start going to the gym

Okay, the reason I’m going to the gym is because I want to look good, but I don’t need to remind myself

Every fucking time I go to the gym of this expectation that comes with it remove the expectation

Remove the so that so I decided I’m gonna start going to the gym because I want to look good. Okay cool

So when I get in the car to go to the gym tomorrow, I’m going to the gym

Period so that when I’m at the gym. I’m not looking for everything

I’m doing to have an expectation it

Kind of like freeze my mind to let me be more in the moment and to enjoy the task that I’m doing

It’s just a task. So just do the task stop with the fucking so that

And I know this kind of like contradicts the last one, but not really like if you get what I mean

You fucking get what I mean. It’s like you understand why you’re going you set the goal

You’re gonna go do what it takes to reach that goal

But like with me posting a tick-tock or posting a podcast. I’m posting a podcast

I’m posting a podcast to share what I know

You could even go as far as to say I’m just posting a podcast but adding to share what I know

Helps me. So I’m making a podcast to share the awareness that I’ve gained through what I’ve experienced in life

Okay, great. That’s it. I don’t tell myself

I’m posting a podcast sharing what I know so that I can become a life coach. Uh-uh cut that part

I’m not doing this shit. So that I’m like, I’m just sharing what I know. I’m sharing what I know. That’s it

Whether it’s on a tick-tock or a podcast. I am sharing what I know

I know why I’m doing it

But I don’t need to have that in mind every time I take a step to get toward where I want to go

That will fuck you. It will make you anxious. It pulls you out of the moment and it puts expectations on everything

Because every move you make you now expect a result with it if you’re expecting results and you don’t get one

You’re gonna get pissed off like when I go to the gym and I don’t start looking good

I’m gonna be fucking pissed, you know, like you need to reevaluate you need to own up to that

But I’m talking about when you need to keep yourself going because in the gym, you’re not gonna see a result for a while

So you just got to remind yourself. I’m going to the gym period

I’m not going to the gym so that I can look a certain way

That is gonna fuck you because if you keep saying I’m going to the gym to look good after three weeks

You’re gonna be like man. I don’t look that much better. Fuck this but after three months, you’re gonna be like damn

I’m gonna keep going to the gym, you know, but I’m just saying when you’re working towards something

Stop doing shit. So that stop reminding yourself why you’re doing everything because it sets the expectation of

You need to get something for what you’re doing right now just do the activity to do it

I’m going to the gym period go have a good ass workout while you’re at the gym be at the gym went to the gym

You know what? I mean go and fucking do it have the experience do the task when I’m making this podcast

I’m sharing my awareness

That’s what I’m doing

I don’t I’m not reminding myself so that I can become a life coach because

Whenever I go to become a life coach if it fucking flops, I’m gonna look back on everything

I just did and be so much more discontent and so much more upset because I’m gonna look at all the effort

I just put into the things leading up to it as a failure and for nothing

I’m gonna look at everything. I just did like it was fucking worthless and I shouldn’t even have like wasting my time and effort

so stop

Associating everything with a fucking so that and just start doing shit

And like I said, this helps with anxiety because it helps you not get overwhelmed

Because if you’re every move you make has a so that on it

You’re expecting so many little things from every move you make so your brain is trying to take into consideration

What you’re doing and then also what you’re expecting to get from it and also the other five things that you’re doing

So every single thing has like a stack of like a another an extra little add-on to consider

So if you just look at your life as actions

You’re good. You’ll have a lot less anxiety

You’ll feel a lot less overwhelmed all the time because I deal with that a whole lot. So

Simplicity is the key for that. It’s helped me a ton

This frees you up to find the fun and shit

This helps you have fun and what you’re doing because you’re just doing what you’re doing

To do it like with going to the gym. It’s like your goal is to lose weight. That’s a given

That’s a given with going to the gym. That’s just a bonus

So if you start going to the gym, you’re gonna lose weight. That’s a given

So put that out of your fucking head, you know, that’s coming. You ain’t got to worry about it

But now when you go to the gym, you get to have fun

You get to talk to people you get to mingle you get to learn new exercises

You get to like tap into what feels good and likes, you know

What I mean, you get to find the fun and shit you get to find the fun in what you’re doing

Same with doing my lives on tik-tok. It’s like I just get to have fucking fun

I get to just enjoy what I’m doing as I’m doing it

I’m not like holding myself accountable and reassuring myself

this is all for something because if something gets in the way of it or

One of my actions gets prevented

I’m gonna get fucking pissed off because if I’m doing this action for something and I can’t do it now

I’m gonna get even more fucking mad than before if there’s an expectation on it. I

Hope I’m making this simple enough so people are like able to keep up with it because my brain be going a mile a fucking

minute I

Really think my biggest tip with this part is simplicity like simplify everything

Make it as simple as possible and like my example with going to the gym if your goal is to lose weight

That’s a given with going to the gym. It’s just gonna happen with going to the gym

So you that doesn’t need to be your focus every time you go to the gym

That’s just gonna be the bonus of it

And I hate those fucking people that are like fall in love with the doing of things

It’s like no don’t fall in love with it. Don’t try to make yourself like like it, but look for the fun in it

Learn how to set yourself free mentally from stressing out why you’re doing so much shit

So you can actually find the ways to enjoy it

Take off so much of the expectation of what you’re doing like you still need to do things

so that but I’m saying just try on a new perspective and

Try on not adding so many so that’s

All right friends do you feel happier

This is the end of the episode. Do you feel better? Did you like it?

I hope so if you did like it you could leave me a five-star rating on Spotify and Apple podcasts

Whatever you’re on you could throw a five stars. Just just throw it on your way out. Thank you so much

Thanks for coming to Sunday service. Thanks for listening

If you guys have any topics you want to hear about

Send me a DM on Instagram

I’ll leave my social media apps to my tick tocks on my Instagram and everything in the description of this podcast

So just look for me. But yeah, I want to hear what you guys want to hear about

I was gonna do a Q&A for this one, but a lot of people asked about happiness

So I was like, let’s just do us a whole fucking

Episode on it, you know, so these are just my ideas

If you agreed cool, if you didn’t mind your business, okay, don’t be fucking rude

Don’t try and attack me for it because I am a Pisces. I am sensitive. I will attack you back

That’s all I love you guys

Also my app. I’ll put the link to that in description if you want to download that

But that’s it. So stay safe. I love you Zol and I will talk to you next Sunday