I've Had It - Brunch is a Drag

I’m getting better at it all the time.

We’re at a funeral again.

We’re both in black again.

I don’t even notice.

The producers always sniff it out.

Jen Morton’s coming to the funeral.

Yes, you’re in black too.

One of the producers has joined in.

It is the funeral of I’ve Had It podcast.

I want to air a grievance that I have with you personally.

Oh, great.


I’ve had it with you in the sense

that when we’re talking on the phone and we hang up,

you always put the burden of the hang up on me.

You never hang up the phone, ever.

Maybe I’m just waiting for something brilliant

Typically, I call you on my way to Pickleball.

And so right when I pull up in the parking lot

and put my car in park, I say, OK, I got to go.

I got to go in for Pickleball.

And then I’m putting the car in park.

I’m looking for my Pickleball bag.

And then all of a sudden, I look down like 10 seconds have passed

and the call’s still live.

And I’ve noticed it more and more and more

that you unfairly place the hang up burden on me.

Basically, I’m carrying 100% of the load.

Terminating the call.

And I’ve noticed it.

And I put it on my little list of things

to bring up with you that I’m carrying the load of this.

And I want you to know, number one, I’ve had it.

Number two, you’re welcome.

OK, I just want to say in response, I don’t give a fuck.

But thank you for bringing it to my attention.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

What have you had it with this week?

OK, I’ve had it with what I see as a new trend of everyone

wanting to be tipped all the time.

It’s true.

It used to be carhops and servers.

That’s it.

Now you go order your food.

You pay for your food while standing at the register.

And then you’re going to go pick up your food by the time

they have it made for you.

And it says, do you want a tip?

So you’re looking straight up at the person that you’re tipping.

So if you hit no tip, you’re just a total fucking twat.

That’s right.

But it just seems ridiculous if I’m ordering it,

if I’m standing up to pay for it, and I have to pick it up.

The tip question should never be asked.

I went to a bakery to get some cookies the other day.

They have the little glass display.

And I see the cookies with the icing and the sprinkles.

And I’m like, I’ll take six of those.

It’s her job to put the six cookies in a box, ring me up.

She spins the little checkout thing around.

And there’s a tip on it.

It’s outrageous.

It’s a Botox clinic.

There’s a tip place at everywhere you go.

It’s all built in, this tip.

And then you feel like this asshole,

because I’m a huge believer in tipping.

We were both servers, so we are huge tippers.

Great tip, even if the service is shitty.

I’m going to tip big.

I’m going to tip big despite bad service.

That’s what I’m going to do.

But there’s some skirting of the system.

Let me tell you what I think is going on.

I don’t think the minimum wage is high enough.



So you’ve got people living below the poverty line.

And then these corporations that make

all these billions of dollars that also skirt taxes,

because of all the laws that favor corporations and not

individuals, are putting the burden back on us,

where if they would just pay a livable wage,

we wouldn’t have to tip out the wazoo all the time.

Agree with all that.

It sounds too complicated for me

to really care about too much.

But I do think the bottom line is,

if you’re not providing a service, you don’t get tipped.

So would you say you’re a high information voter

or low information voter?

I’m a high information voter, but I’m

not going to break it down into comparing it to tipping.


You’re poo-pooing.

I’m not poo-pooing it.

I’m just like.

You’re poo-pooing.

That’s bullshit.

That is bullshit right there.

I’m not poo-pooing anyone except the boss.

Let’s say, for example, our favorite restaurant

we go to every day, pretty much.

Yes, yes, yes.

You stand there, you order, they give you your food.

On occasion, they’ll bring it to you.

You have to get your own drink.


All that.


So that corporation should pay them more and not ask for a tip.

Tipping everywhere.

It’s out of control.

I went to a concession stand at a basketball game.

It was a tip jar.

I worked at a concession stand.

Nobody tipped you.

At Brink Junior High School in Moore, Oklahoma.

And I worked at the little student store.

It was a little concession stand.

I never got a fucking tip.

Back in the day, it would have been unheard of to tip,

to even ask or expect a tip at that.

I feel like this is the last five or 10 years deal.

I think it’s like the last five.

You tip your nail lady, you tip your hair.

I don’t have a problem.

No, I’m fine with all those.

I’m just like, if the only service you’re doing

is entering what I’m getting ready to buy

in the computer that’s pre-programmed,

all you have to do is find spinach salad,

I don’t think that’s a typical action.

Let me ask you this.

When it comes to restaurants and you’re dining out

and there’s a booth, a four-top booth,

and you see a couple, a couple meaning two,

sitting at a four-top booth on the same side,

how do you feel about that?

I immediately fucking hate their guts,

think that they’re ridiculous.

There’s no reason for a couple

to sit on the same side of the booth, ever.

And let’s break it down.

Let me ask you a percentage.

You guys go out to eat, and out of 100% of the time

that you’re seated at a four-top booth,

what is the percentage that y’all would sit

on the same side of the booth?

Is it just us?

Two people at a four-top,

what’s the percentage that y’all are gonna sit?


Maybe more?

I mean, 100% for the picture to send you guys.

But we like to sit next to each other, it’s fun.

I always think in my mind,

you’re just sitting on the same side to torture us,

but then you go back to being a normal people.

No, we stay, we stay.

You can hold hands while you eat.

You guys should try it sometime, you’d love it.


You hold hands when you eat?

No, Jen would love to though.

I probably would.

Nellie just going right at her.

So in the vein of all of this,

just gratuitous tipping nonstop,

we are gonna have a guest on today, Mara Davis.

And she has a podcast called Vote Her out of Atlanta.

And she has a lot of very strong opinions.

One in particular about the meal

that people eat on Sundays.

She weighs in on the news like weekly entertainment.

She’s a mover and shaker in hot Atlanta, Georgia.

Welcome to I’ve Had It podcast.

Hi, Mara.

Thank you so much.

So Mary, you know what Pumps and I were just talking about?

And I know a little bird has told me

that you’ve got to be up your bonnet on this.

And it is the restaurant culture of,

you got to tip everybody,

everybody going out to lunch on Sundays,

which I hear really gets up your crawl.

So why don’t you tell us a little bit about that?

Okay, Jennifer and Pumps,

I’ve had it with brunch.

Bottomless mimosa is like, who made that up?

It’s so gross.

I just think of someone without pants on

and like crotch that.

How do you feel about couples

that sit on the same side of the booth?

So you’ve got two people sitting

on the same side of a four top.

Are you for or against?

Oh, no, no, I don’t do it.

Pumps and I feel homicidal rage when we see it.

Neither one of us are romantic at all.

No, not at all.

Like if I went on a first date with someone

and he wanted to sit on the same side of the booth,

I would immediately say, peace out.

If Josh and I went to dinner

and he moved over and sat on the same side,

it was like, what the fuck are you doing over there?

Here’s what I want to talk about.

And I think you’re going to have some good feedback on this.

There’s been a lot of shit in the news

about famous Hollywood types that are shitty to waiters,

which I think is the worst.

So tell us what you know about James Corden.

And we’ve also heard that Ellen DeGeneres

is a terrible tipper.

Rachel Ray, Johnny Depp and George Clooney

are rumored to be some of the nicest.

And also, of course, Harry Styles

and the most darling man on the planet, Barack Obama,

is rumored to be the nicest customer and the best tipper,

but that’s no surprise to anyone.

But let’s talk about the misbehaving, bad James Corden.

So he got a lot of shit

because he was eating at Baltazar in New York City.

And you ladies have probably been to Baltazar, right?

It’s like, it’s downtown and it’s super chic.

The tables are very close together.

I’ve been there many times and the service

is always excellent, but he was very particular

about his omelet and kept sending it back

and kind of terrorized the staff.

And then the owner of the restaurant went public with it

and put it on Instagram and basically said,

you’ve terrorized my staff, don’t come back.

And I thought this was really great.

He has a reputation, he definitely does.

And it’s always the people who are like the nice,

known as the nice people.

And so he had a reputation.

Now he apologized, they let him back in,

but I think that’s gonna haunt him forever.

It’s kind of great.

Okay, I have two questions on that.

I love the fact that the owner came out

and shamed him publicly.

I do too.

Love that.

I do too.

But how do you send back an omelet multiple times?

I mean, even I can make an omelet.

It’s not that hard.

There’s a lot of, do you know who I am situation.

Let me tell you what a particular psycho

I’m married to in restaurants.

So, you know, y’all know Josh

and we go to a Mexican restaurant and you know,

the Tex-Mex style where they immediately bring you

chips and salsa, right?

It’s an immediate put down.

Josh was like, can I get some salsa with no onions?



This is like where I just completely glaze over immediately.

And I just look at the waitress and I’m like, don’t do that.

It’s not even possible.

It’s not possible.

But wherever, whenever we go anywhere

and we place an order, I’m just,

I literally have to inhale, count to three,

exhale, count to four.

It is like literally like I’m in labor

because he is such a fucking psycho.

Special order, custom order.

It’s so bad that like we’ll be in line to order something.

He’s like, okay, I want the number four,

but remove the avocado, remove the onions,

remove this, remove that.

And the guy’s like, okay, so you want a number two?

Like he, you know.

Mira, let me ask you this.

What do you think about the term Sunday fun day?

Oh my God, it’s the worst ever.

Like fuck Sunday fun day ever.

Like I hate it.

I hate the hashtag.

I hate what it means.

First of all, what is it?

That is the most basic bitch term.

That and foodie.

I don’t like foodie either.

I’m not a foodie at all.

Food for me is something that I have to do twice a day

to be able to function.

I’m like not this.

You’re never gonna see me take a photograph of food,

post pictures of food on my Instagram.

Josh and I both like to go to dinner early.

We like to eat with the blue hairs around five, 5.30

and we dine.

And dash.

And dash immediately.

We are so, we wanna get in and get out.

My oldest son, Dylan, when he went off to college,

he went to dinner with friends.

And like right after the food, he was ready to go.

He’s like getting his stuff.

So when he came home, he said,

I realized going to dinner with other people,

like they sit and stay at the table and have a conversation.

Jennifer, you have got to get pumped some snacks

in your office.

Thank you, Mira.

Thank you.

Is it unbelievable?

Like, I mean, that is like amazing to me

that you don’t have like a cracker, a peanut, a fruit bowl.


I don’t snosh.

She doesn’t snack.

She has a strict no snacking policy.

I’m not a snacker.

I don’t snack.

And I don’t want it around because I would eat it.

So I just, so if I’m gonna suffer,

every motherfucker that enters Jennifer Welch Designs

is gonna suffer.

Just as much.

Gluten-free bread.


Unless you’re having celiac disease.

So like, if you have that, that’s different.

But like for the nine times out of 10, you don’t have it.

They’re lying liars.

So eat the regular bread.

Bad tippers.

I’ve had it.


Road testers at drag brunches had it.

People want to dress in drag and go to brunch,

let them do it.

Don’t even get me started.

Why do you care?

I’m gonna pause there for a second

because this is something that really fucking pisses me off

because you, all of a sudden, Fox or somebody,

one of these nut job news organizations

does something about drag queens.

And now everybody’s going bananas

that drag queens are this huge threat to society.

And I’m not, I don’t know everything,

but I’ll tell you what I do know.

I do know that the Catholic church, the Boy Scouts,

need I go on, are far more dangerous places for children

than a fucking drag show.

Like this is in the record, the criminal record,

that these are not safe places for children.

It is infuriating because I love drag queens.

I love drag queens.

I think I would-

I love drag queens.

I love it too.

And so if you don’t want your kids

to be around drag queens, don’t.

So take them to a drag show.

It’s well within your control

whether your child goes to a drag show or not.


Here’s another one.

Smoothies, had it.

I like a smoothie.

I like smoothies.

I like a smoothie.

See, I’m kind of,

I could never have a smoothie as my meal supplement.

I could.

But like you also have an office with no snacks.

So it does not surprise me that that is your jam.


Yeah, exactly.

It’s one Mara, zero Jay Welch.

That was fantastic right there.

Let me just tell you this,

because of all the shit I’m getting about the snacks,

I will never,

never purchase snacks for this office.

And if I happen to have a soft feeling

towards my employees that are here full-time

and then Pumps is supposed to come here to do a podcast,

I will secretly remove and hide the snacks

because she will never walk into this office.

Just on principle.

Because you’ve just been,

I mean, this is like,

you’re calling me out on this nonstop.

I thought that a lot of people would support it,

but apparently I’m just alone on asshole Island.

Mother’s day brunch.

And here’s why.



I’ve given birth.


My whole innards have come out to deliver a child.

And now my reward is scrambled eggs.

Like what?

And that doesn’t even go into the fact

that you’ve got to dress the kid.

You’ve got to dress yourself.

You’ve got to go make them act appropriately

during the lunch.

They can’t scream.

They can’t yell.

Everybody wants to talk about,

oh, we’re so happy you’re the mother.

Yuck, yuck.

I’m like, do me a favor for mother’s day.

Take these little fuckers somewhere where I’m not.


For the whole day.

And if you really want to celebrate for an overnight.

This is the best mother’s day gift

that you can give a mother.

Leave her the fuck alone.


Let her be by herself.

And leave her the fuck alone.

Let her watch Netflix.

Let her do whatever the fuck she wants to.

Get the children.

Remove them from the house and go entertain them.

Mother’s day, get the fuck away from me.

That’s the best gift you could give a mother.


So listen up to all of these men.

Why, why, why?

Like you’ll see it every single year.

When all the like marketing arrives for mother’s day,

it’s all, let’s take mom to brunch.

And it’s just like, why?

Like, what is this?

Like who decided that this is what moms want?

So this is something that we touch on

almost with every episode where you said,

who decided this about brunch?

Something we’re talking about all the time

is there is very little oversight

on all of this shit that goes down.

Somebody somewhere decided brunch was going to be a thing.

Bottomless mimosas were going to be a thing.

They were going to start trotting them out,

cramming them down everybody’s throat.

Mother’s day brunch was going to be a thing.

If you don’t take your mom to brunch,

you’re a fucking asshole.

I want, where’s the oversight?

Where did we get to vote?

All this shit is happening around us all the time.

And there’s zero oversight on any of it.

Which is craziness on Sunday fun day.

Everybody’s running around on Sunday fun day.

Let me, I want to, I want to pull,

pull everybody in this room.

Maris had it with Sunday funny pumps.

You use the word Sunday fun day?

No, not necessarily like it.

Have you had it with the phrase Sunday fun day?

Probably had it.


Jen and Nealey,

how do y’all feel about the phrase Sunday fun day?

I love Sunday fun day.

You do?

We love brunch.

We love bottomless mimosas.

We love drag brunch.

The only brunch that I can really get behind

is the drag brunch.

The drag brunch.

So you all like to do everything that everyone else.

So obviously we’re the majority three to one, three to two.

You’re the minority.

I’d say, I don’t use the term Sunday fun day,

but I enjoy a fun Sunday.

And a fun Sunday is, is having a long, long brunch.

Like we’ll do like dinners with friends

for like three or four hours.

Oh my gosh.

That’s my worst.

That’s my worst nightmare.

Mara, would you go to dinner with friends

for three to four hours?

Yes, I would.


Yeah, Mara.

I think, I have to say, I think that that’s more civilized.

I think it’s more normal.

If somebody invites me to dinner

and the start time is around 7.30 PM,

I’m an immediate no.


Last time our producers were in town,

our friend Bogie that owns all of these restaurants

in Oklahoma City, he was like,

hey, I’m here.

There’s this new Mexican restaurant opened by you all.

Let’s go there.

So we go at like, he said, you have to get there early.

You have to get there at like 5, 5.30 to get a table.

And I’m like, I’m down with the blue hair dinner.

That’s perfect.

So we go, it’s full.

There’s an hour long wait.

And if you look two doors down,

there’s a place and it says pizza bar.

So I immediately adjust.


And I say, okay, this place is an hour wait.

I’m not fucking doing that.

This place is open and has tables.

Let’s go eat there.

Josh Welch was immediately in agreement with me.


We go down, we sit down, we have menus.

Well, Jen and Neely and Brian Bogert and Tanner are like,

no, we want to go to the Mexican restaurant.

Josh Welch says, here’s the deal.

Y’all can go do that.

You can change it from a six top to a four top,

but we’re not waiting.

This place is open.

We’re eating here.

So we eat there.

They go down there.

They wait, they get their table.

And the next day I was like, Brian, was it good?

Did you like it?

And he said, yeah, I think they said like,

if you have to get a table, you need to get there by four.

And I said, perfect.

That’s when we’ll go.

Fucking perfect.

4 p.m. dinner.

One thing I love like about this daylight savings thing,

I don’t feel like such a fucking loser

putting my pajamas on at 5.30 p.m.

It’s dark.

It is not fun.

It’d be starting to get dark at 4.30.

I mean, it’s just stupid.

I’ll tell you who suffers the most on daylight savings time

are mothers of young children.

I totally agree.

I remember those, remember when our kids were little

and we would, oh, it was horrible.

As we established in episode one,

our toddlers were total fucking assholes.

So it was-

Well, and also you established that like,

I love that because you also established as mothers,

like we did, listening to that,

we didn’t feel alone counting down the minutes

to your toddler going to bed.

And it’s like, starting at five o’clock,

I remember the clock started going backwards.

You know, it was like taking so much longer

because I was like, okay, I’ve got three hours.

I can do it.

Three more hours, three more hours.

Also had it with babies in restaurants.


If you’re not prepared

and you let that kid run wild,

well, you can fuck off.

Then get that kid out of the restaurant.

A baby on a plane, you have no choice.

That baby is on that plane.

There’s nothing you can do.

It’s awful.

A restaurant, I have a really huge fucking problem with,

because I can’t tell you how many times

we’d load up, go to dinner.

One of our kids would start screaming.

Josh would immediately pick the child up,

leave the restaurant.

He’d say, get out, would convert to boxes.

And then we ate the meal at home

because we had an awareness

about how annoying it was to the other people

that were out.

Here are my two biggest pet peeves about the baby.

Obviously you’re in Georgia,

so football is a big deal for you.

We’re in Oklahoma, football’s a big deal for us.

Going to the first game of the season

that is 110 degrees in the shade

and people have these teeny tiny babies,

like less than three months.

And I’m like, you think that baby wanted to get up

and come to 110 degree heat with people screaming?

And then they’ve got the big headphones on the baby.

And it’s like, you’re making that baby miserable.

Sit your ass at home or get a babysitter.

It ain’t hard.

Like there’s no genius.

I’m in so much agreement with you, Pops.

I feel sorry.

People have gotten really weird with that.

I think like when we were babies,

like parents just didn’t give a shit.

They smoked cigarettes around you.

They didn’t like put seat belts on you.

It was just like, they just threw you down in the basement

and now people are like so hypersensitive

that they wanna bring their babies everywhere.

And it’s just, I agree.

I’ve seen these kids at sporting events and concerts.

Oh, you know what’s even grosser?

A baby at a music festival.

Agree, that’s horrible.

Okay, my other thing that I’m hugely have a problem

with people and their kids,

I’m very sensitive because I’ve had three kids

that act shitty in a Target.

If you see a mom and she’s got a baby

screaming, crying, whatever.

But it’s when they have both parents

at like the store shopping

and the two kids are out of control.

I’m like, there’s two adults.

Somebody should have stayed home with the kid.

The family grocery shop to me with toddlers

is fucking ridiculous.

We never took our kids to the grocery store, ever.

That’s a complete lie.

You and I would, that’s a total fucking lie.

We would take the whole crew?

Yeah, we would load up and we would take those kids

to the toddler gymnastics and your Petri dish,

the white suburb.

And then we went to the Mazzio’s Pizza Buffet

because it was immediate gratification.

And then we’d go to Target with the fucking kids.

I’ve done that before in a Target

where my son was little and screaming

and I pretended I didn’t know him.

I was like, who is that?

Baby, I don’t know.

Who is that?

Somebody left their kid.

Well, I want all of our listeners to know

that there is a war on brunch

that is being waged and headquartered

in Hotlanta, Georgia by Mara.

You can listen to her podcast, Vote Her

and find her on social media.

What are your socials, Mara?

So I’m at Mara Davis on Twitter

if Twitter still exists by the time this comes out.

And then on Instagram, I’m maradavis2000.

Well, ladies, when you come to Atlanta,

we will not go for brunch.

I will get a reservation for dinner at 5.30

and we will be done by seven o’clock.

Five’s a little better.

Five’s a little bit more optimal.

Mara, it was great to talk to you.

Thank you so much.

Mara, thank you.

You bring a joy, lots of joy to a lot of cranky bitches.

Thanks, Mara.

Thanks, Mara.



I love it.

Cranky bitches.

That’s what we should have named this podcast.

If you’ve listened and endured all of these podcasts

that we’ve done and we’re wearing black today

for the funeral of our podcast,

but if you don’t want it to be dead,

subscribe, what is that?

Subscribe, review, follow.

Do all the shit you’re supposed to do.

That’s right.

Yeah, do all the shit.

And what do we say now?

See you next Tuesday.

Nailed it.

You’re just getting so good at this.

I’m getting really good at this.

I hope it’s not the funeral.

I hope it’s not the last one ever.

I’ll tell you what I’ve had it with.

Let’s hear it.

I’ve had it with that.

I’ve had it.

Had it.

Had it.

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